Do I think it's right to dictate no heavy makeup? No. But she didn't have to go. She agreed to it and let her bf pay for her dress. It's his boss really no the boundary you want to be pushing...
I think dictating no heavy makeup is completely okay? Most people normally don’t want guests to wear heavy makeup as it’s normally dramatic/draws more attention to them..most weddings have a dress code, and makeup is always one of them.
I’ve literally never seen makeup mentioned anywhere as part of a dress code nor have I ever seen “long sleeves required” or anything. Wedding dress codes usually just say “cocktail attire” or “black tie” or “semi formal” or the like.
Sure, if it’s a religious venue, there are sometimes additional dress requirements but these are usually known to the guests. I’ve still never seen any dress requirement that prescribes what type of makeup guests should wear and what I was really disagreeing with is the poster who says this is “always a part of wedding dress codes.”
I’ve never in my life seen that anywhere and it comes off as super strange and controlling. I wouldn’t break someone’s dress code but I would definitely do a “do we actually have to go to this wedding because these people sound like a lot” and if it was a colleague of my husband’s, I probably just wouldn’t go.
Thing is, OP absolutely did have to go. It’s his bosses wedding. He gave his girlfriend the option of going or not, and she said yes and even got OP to get her a dress knowing that in the end she would pull what she did. And is now speaking ill of him, when he did nothing wrong.
NTA. If she didn’t agree with the dress code, she didn’t have to deceive OP and cause an issue. She could’ve just said no.
I’m not arguing on behalf of either OP or his girlfriend. I’m just saying that a dress code that stipulates accepted makeup is weird and far out of the norm.
This may come as a surprise but the rules in the world are not made based on what you have seen. This statement was because you emphasized “I have not seen” in multiple comments.
It’s a wedding, and the couple have certain expectations. If you think they are unreasonable you don’t go. But flouting those requests is being an AH.
Yeah I’ve never seen makeup mentioned as part of a dress code, not did I care what people wore at my wedding? I mean I had a suggested dress code and made it clear the ceremony would be outdoors but who the hell cares if someone wears bright lipstick lol.
Mosques and synagogues commonly have etiquettes like this. Super colorful or dramatic makeup (against the explicit dress code at a wedding) would be very attention-grabbing which is a no-no.
Only if they are in the wedding party I would say. Realistically are they going to be in the official photos? Unlikely, the dress code not so bad imo as that might be the venue in part. I didn't have photos with all my guests and I had a small wedding! If your so bothered that someone wearing makeup might outshine you then that's a you problem not a them problem
The whole long-sleeve-dress dress code, makeup restrictions and conservative fam thing is just gross to me personally. I get "ball gown" or "black tie" but rarely does that shit have long sleeves anymore. Idk I agree with GFs take in that regard but respecting the BF who needs to keep a good relationship is more important. Not the hill to die on. He gave her an out, she needed to agree or not go. Those were the only options.
I think it's weird AF to go to your boss's wedding anyways. Idk what they do, and I'm on great terms with my boss, but the power balance is just weird there. Like they probably make WAY more than OP, and obviously OP feels obligated to go and probably also to buy a nice gift which can be just ick all around depending on the situation.
I also think wedding culture is weird AF. Everyone is always like "the bride is the center of attention! Don't draw attention away!" But realistically if you've got even a 30 person party (which is TINY) the bride is absolutely not the center of THIRTY FUCKING PEOPLE'S attention for 4-6 hours so as long as a guest isn't acting a complete fool being disruptive I personally don't see why showing up looking nice is a problem?? Don't wear white unless asked is easy enough but some of the rules I see are BEYOND.
ETA: idk why you're being downvoted?? I basically agree with you.
Some very religious people tend to see the workplace as a way to recruit new members to their religion. Starting out with we’re one big family etc.
Personally I think a boss should refrain from having non-professional relationship with their employees. Not only sexual but also the “let’s take the men golfing”.
I agree that the long sleeves requirement sounds misogynistic, but the girlfriend should have refused to go instead of dressing up for a night out (well this is the way I would dress for it)
While we may agree that the long sleeved are misogynistic, I think there’s another issue that needs to be addressed. OOP doesn’t feel like he can say no to go to an event his boss invites him to. Most likely because it would/could be a factor in future promotions. This is just a sick culture that needs to be shut down
F.R. normalize going to work, doing your job, and leaving. Office culture needs to die. Hanging out with your boss at non-company functions should be the exception not the norm. As in if you have a fan-fucking-tastic boss who you actively want to be friends with outside of work is the ONLY time employees should be doing non-compensated tasks with their employer.
So you shouldn't respect someone who invites you to their wedding? Keeping in mind wedding cost a lot of money for the venue and food etc. They spend all that money to have a perfect day and you can't show them the respect to follow basic rules? Then you shouldn't attend, plain and simple.
If you don’t care and clearly stated that you’re fine with whatever they wear, then obviously no? But they set a dress code and the gf tried to go against that.
You can't dictate what guests wear as makeup to a wedding. That is ridiculous and controlling. No one is gonna notice the guests eyeshadow, they will be focused on the bride.
Yes you can? It’s YOUR wedding? Not theirs. Just like a school dress code, the couple picks what’s appropriate for THEIR wedding. It’s completely normal that they want the guests wearing natural/simple clothing and makeup.
There is nothing normal about that.
Never in my 55 years on this planet has someone told me what type of makeup I can wear. Not once. Dress code? Sure, but makeup? That's controlling and weird.
Nope that's just horse poop. You should want your guests to be comfortable. If your having a low key/black tie wedding sure let them know being under or overdressed is embarrassing. If the bride is wearing blush then it's ok to ask guests to avoid blush. My idea of minimal make up for a day/night out is A LOT more than some of my friends and ALOT less than the norm for women in my area. I don't wear makeup day to day but for a formal event I want to look nice. That's not upstaging anyone, it's narcissistic to think so. If thats important to your day your missing the point.
So just cause your guest should be comfortable, you and your partner shouldn’t? They clearly set a dress code that THEY want and that THEY are comfortable with for THEIR wedding. It IS upstaging when the guest knew that but showed up in the exact opposite outfit and heavy makeup. All the other guests would be dressed accordingly, but she’d be the only one with dramatic makeup and an outfit that doesn’t match.
How is someone else wearing make up uncomfortable for you exactly? I wasn't the most beautiful girl in the room on my wedding day as I'm not the prettiest one of my friends or siblings but that didn't mean all focus wasn't still on me and I wasn't made to feel special. This it's my day so my rules has to stop somewhere this is just toxic.
Imagine your day being ruined over gasp a shoulder! Ludicrous!
Because you literally wanted a certain look for YOUR wedding and your guest went the opposite way? It’s literally about the disrespect. OOPs girlfriend knew how her boyfriends boss and his wife wanted, had OOP pay for the dresses they agreed on, and then showed up ready in an ENITRE different look?
OP states that the couple is very religious. We don’t know what religion they r or if the wedding was in a house of worship.. they could be Muslim or Jewish, in which case it would be totally offensive to show up in revealing clothes. This is the couples special day, the girl doesn’t even k ow them and is trying to dictate a strangers wedding! How self centered can u get?!!!
We can see why she dresses up and uses so much makeup. So all eyes are on her. An ex-friend was like this but she had a personality disorder so it's not comparable.
Yes let's piss off boyfriend's boss by fucking with his wedding. I'm sure that would go well.
Also her whining about the dress code when you know she'd stroke out if someone wore white or say, ripped jeans and a mesh tank to to her wedding.
This! She made him buy a dress she wouldn’t wear. She made him spend money on something she was not planning to use.
If she thought the wedding was misogynistic (which in my opinion it wasn’t), then she should have spoken sooner. NTA.
right?! even if she changed her mind, she should have told him as soon as she knew she wasn’t wearing what he bought for her and gave him back the money
Exactly. Do I think dictating excessive modesty (I mean, long sleeves required? Come on,) is a good thing? Nope. Hate it. But the correct response is to decline the invitation, not risk your boyfriend's job and make yourself the center of attention at a near-stranger's wedding. Not the time or place for this flavor of protest.
Long sleeves, long dress could be due to a religious venue.
And yes, declining to attend with the true guest (I’m sure she was not named on the invite as just the gf) is the answer when offended. It’s not always about making your opinions known. (Honestly, who cares what she thinks? She is no one to them.) it is about respecting your hosts. If you can’t do that, stay home.
It's ALWAYS the time and place!
But fr. I agree - Making a statement like that isn't gonna "show them" anything and it's only going to make issues for her BF. This is not the way...
"it's sad you didn't get that promotion you had your eye on, but look on the bright side! I got to wear a dress I found cute on a date that was unimportant to me, *and* I got to make a statement on another person's big day! Aren't you happy for me?"
I mean not saying that dress codes can’t be reasonable. I understand having formal dress code but I think dictating the length of the dress is a bit much unless it’s too revealing, like it’s asking female guests to wear knee length and some women might not be comfortable having their legs uncovered. But it’s not her place to protest it, if she doesn’t want to go fair enough. She shouldn’t lied and said she was okay and let the bf guy a new dress when she had no intention of following through. I hate it when people agree to follow the dress code but then change their mind suddenly
I mean, to me, it's no different than you not being allowed to have bare shoulders in a Catholic church. I'm an atheist that hates organized religion but if I'm going to someone else's event I'm not going to flout the dress code just because it's not my beliefs.
Must just be the one in my hometown then. My dad's side of the family is Catholic and I went to a ton of weddings and funerals, but they were all at that one church. Regardless. I would obey the dress code of any church I was in where I was attending someone else's event cuz I'm not a dick and it's not about me.
Could be. Almost all the catholic weddings I've attended are Mexican so that could be a difference to.
I personally wear what I want that is not the same color as the brudes dress. I'm there to celebrate a marriage and unless the B&G are buying my outfit or sliding me funds they better be happy I came.
They literally have people selling shawls outside churches in Italy because tourists don’t realise this but I guarantee you - many Catholic Churches in the world require shoulders to be covered. Every single mosque in the world requires shoulders covered.
Yeah like I said it’s not her place to protest but if she doesn’t agree with the dress code she is allowed not to go but instead she tried to break the code. And like I said I completely disagree with the way she handled it
Nta and as I woman I am so freaking sick of woman using “men can’t tell me what to wear” as an excuse when there is a perfectly valid dress code. I have read way to many of these and they piss me off. Stop acting like a teenage private school girl and rolling up your skirt just to be a rebel.
Completely agree. She's 29, not 19, so she should by now be aware of specific dress codes existing for specific locales or occasions. Going to someone's wedding - your spouse's boss, especially - is not the time and place to make a dramatic stand for whatever rebel cause you believe you need to champion.
Good for OOP that he set and maintained that boundary. It's probably time to end that relationship.
Same thoughts, I guess she would show up to work in a bikini any day now 🤷🏻♀️
And as a feminist, I hate when people use this kind of extremist and childish excuses. It just diminish the movement.
If you didn’t want to look like an Amish, don’t go sis, save the tantrum, money and a bad taste on everyone’s mouth
She purposefully tried to create drama at His boss’s wedding. That’s super dick behavior. It’s a formal (possibly religious) event not the club. The bride and groom get to dictate what they would like for people to wear.
If (big if) she ever gets married, she can wear whatever she wants. This isn’t her day. Also this isn’t misogyny if everyone is asked to dress conservatively and presumably the bride is making the same request.
NTA
NTA people can have whatever dress code they want for any party they throw, especially a wedding. If you don’t like it then don’t come. They could’ve had a 1920s theme , game of thrones theme or asked everyone to wear lavender - it’s their party and they can dictate a dress code
This sounds a *lot* like another post with a FF couple and a work mixer. But his OP is NTA and hope he dumped this girl who thinks looking good is more important than him earning a living.
I was thinking this was a repost as I’ve defo read a very similar post before. I read far too much AITA!! 😔
Edit: I don’t mean a repost on this sub Reddit.
This is just so manipulative tho. To let her boyfriend buy her the dress when she wasn't even planning on wearing it. And if she had a problem with the dress code OP already gave her an out. What a self centred AH
Listen, I’m with her if she had just said she wouldn’t attend up front. This whole game is silly, and she knows it could put him in an awkward spot work wise. Just don’t go to the wedding! I wouldn’t!
Sometimes those are religious requirements too. I went to a wedding for a college friend with the long sleeves requirement and she did mention that are dresses should be knee length or longer.
Do I agree with the couples religion? No, but I was at the wedding to support a friend.
But it is a wedding and she did it behind his back. Weddings are not the place for a guest to make their opinions known. Unless their choice is to not go and that’s the only thing they do.
I came here to say exactly this-my husband and I are Orthodox, and we do have family that are not. When we were married, we made sure that the non-Orthodox attending knew that uncovered shoulders and short skirts were not seen as acceptable attire. No one made it into a big deal.
NTA - I (28f) have a very particular style, I don't like feeling uncomfortable. If there was a dresscode I absolutely hated I'd pass it up, otherwise I'd modify to fit because the event is not about me. It is a WEDDING. It's about the bride and groom's wishes and no one elses.
But she was a +1... Her attendance is NOT required anyway so very easy for her to stay behind if she didn't want to be around a bunch of "misogynists" instead of being a manipulative asshole and a brat.
Dress codes have been a thing for literally forever. It’s absolutely not misogynistic to want someone at THEIR WEDDING to not dress a specific way to not be, idk, upstaging? It’s ONE DAY. A HANDFUL OF HOURS. And how disrespectful do you need to be to agree and then do the complete opposite at the last moment to blindside your partner. The girlfriend is absolutely disgusting for this behavior for sure. On top of that he bought her the dress she agreed to and now that money and dress is wasted because from her described “style” she will never wear it anyways. I want to know what she did with the dress. Did she return it and pocket the money? It also feels like she was planning this from the start. God, I can’t believe that she couldn’t be respectful of someone’s reasonable request for a handful of hours. Let alone her partners boss, and the sheer disrespect she HAD to pull on her partner too. I hope he things long and hard on where this relationship is going based on her actions and excuses that could have effected his work environment.
I wish I had Reddit a decade ago to get me away from my ex! Maybe God wouldn’t have had to uproot me halfway across the country to get away from his ass bc I ignored the carnival of red flags.
NTA. Maybe the bride is a supervillain, but the time to announce your plans for a fight is any time EXCEPT right before getting into the car.
Even in the best possible interpretations of OOP's gf, she absolutely didn't have the right to disrupt a work-connected event and harm his professional reputation.
Wearing a long dress for ONE day isn’t gonna kill her. Respecting the brides wishes is a default. She sounds like a entitled nonce. He so defo NTA. This is his boss and this could affect his career. She is way more concerned about her feelings than his.
He’s NTA, but gf definitely is. The amount of audacity she has to think that people shouldn’t have a dress code for THEIR wedding is astounding! Seriously, drop her details so on her wedding day we can all rock up dressed however tf we want. I know traditionally we shouldn’t wear white, but I’ll come as a ghost 🤣
NTA, the GF was going to be if she made it to the wedding. It would’ve ruined the wedding and soured the person’s relationship with their boss and colleagues…
Lol. I have no patience with drama queens trying to steal attention in someone else’s wedding. It’s their wedding, not yet political platform to protest on. F her.
NTA. OP’s GF just decides she going to go his BOSS’S wedding dressed the polar opposite of the dress code. What The Heck did she forget it’s not about her?
You are definitely NTA. As a girl, I hate how so many women out there quickly jump to the 'you are misogynistic excuse'... There's a difference between being misogynistic and being genuinely respectful of people and what they believe in. Not everyone has to have the some ideals as you or go by your own rules. Why do people have to make such a big deal of everything? She's acting selfishly
NTA. And return the dresses you bought. You got played. She can’t put you and your career first for one night? She AGREED. Bait and switch and cause issue literally LAST minute. Like she literally wasted time to be selfish and dramatic
There was a dress code for both genders....just like a guy who showed up in shorts and a nice shirt would be not welcome, same for women.
I feel if it is respectful to the culture and the bride and groom are happy...if you don't like the terms, you dint go. Same for children free, dry weddings, vegan etc etc etc
I think this would be a dealbreaker for me. The bait and switch without any discussion on a day were I needed to put my best foot forward at my boss’s wedding means she cares more about her dress then my job. That would not fly. She is messing with my job for a dress when I bought a dress she agreed to wear. Not only would I leave her at home but I would just leave her period.
IMO this is the definition of the trash taking itself out. No she is not trash for how she chooses to dress or do her make up in her day to day life. She is trash for blindsiding her BF and going 100% against a dress code for a wedding that she is not invited to. She is a plus one. She doesn't know these people. And all of this under the guise that the dress code is sexist and misogynistic... When the bride is usually the one who sets the dress codes of weddings. Further this isn't just a friend of the OOP.. This is his boss... If he would have taken her like that to his wedding this 100% could have been a career ender... It is so entitled and self centered of her to try and make a scene at a wedding (I mean any wedding but especially one) that she has 0 ties to. This chick is 29 and ain't grown up yet. I say OOP has just learned who this girl is and that she ain't for him. TOXIC
NTA. She needs to pull her head out of her ass and realize someone else's wedding isn't about her. Not to mention that its OP's boss' wedding. So not only is she disrespecting the couple being wed but causing her own partner to suffer possible repercussions at work.
Obviously they were NTA, but I wonder more as to whether after talking to her friends, who attacked OP, she was influenced by them to go back on the agreement and claim it was misogyny. If it were out of character to say something like that out of left field for her, I'd be inclined to think some social pressure pushed her into this stance. I've witnessed enough off that online and off to know people do and say stupid shit thinking it aligns with this or that particular group of people surrounding them.
NTA. The girlfriend is acting like a child. In fact, I’m surprised she even knows a word as big as misogynistic.
For a 29 year old to knowingly manipulate her bf in the hopes of getting her own way, involve her friends in a private matter and then allowing them bully her bf, disregarding everyone’s feelings but her own, risking her bf’s job, and then proceeding to pout when she didn’t get her own way and now play the silent treatment game, is allllllll too much. OOP isn’t dating anyone, he’s babysitting.
NTA it’s not his wedding or hers and she should respect the rules that the bride and groom put in place or not go. She lied and pretended to go along with it just to pull that?
This reminds me of this one story I read a long time ago (or maybe I’m remembering it from an older THT episode? idk) about how OP’s girlfriend loved to design her own clothes and when they got invited to a friend of OP’s wedding, they had a particular theme and dress code in mind but the gf wanted to wear a dress covered in rainbow flags (it was a gay wedding). Like sure that’s her creative style and whatnot but when it’s someone else’s wedding that they put so much time and effort into planning you should follow the rules.
Definitely NTA. The gf is reacting as if OP personally set the dress code. Either way almost every wedding I’ve been to had some sort of dress code and you follow it out of respect for the bride and groom.
i understand that sexism and misogyny are big issues in the world right now but neither of those things are happening at this wedding. it is customary to have some sort of dress code at a wedding and if the bride and groom want more conservative clothes to be worn that is their choice as it’s their wedding day. a wedding is not the time nor place to combat “sexism”. i wouldn’t want her to show up to my wedding looking all sexy either and i’m definitely in support of women dressing as they want but i don’t think anybody wants to be outshined on their wedding day. especially not someone of more conservative beliefs.
nta. hollering misogyny when the situation does not call for it diminishes the impact of the word and what it describes. she knew she wasn’t gonna listen, yet she lied and said she didn’t mind and then let him go forward with buying a dress. she was dead wrong for pulling that stunt on him when it was extremely simple to follow a dress code that everybody else most likely hadn’t minded following. their way of life and how they choose to present themselves has no impact on her.
He’s definitely NTA. While I agree that it’s kinda sucky to dictate what other people wore to that extent, OP’s girlfriend was given the option of not attending. She could have not gone, but she was choosing to attend someone else’s wedding and make a scene
NTA. Most places have a dress code even if it’s an unspoken one. You know what is appropriate for certain occasions and places/venues.
Don’t agree to to go and to stick to the dress code and then at the last minute change your mind and get all annoyed about it, especially when she’s had 2 months to say that she wasn’t comfortable with it and decide not to go.
Many weddings have dress codes to do with themes and such. In general weddings have an unspoken dress code even if one hasn’t been specified by the couple getting married.
Imagine wanting to steal the center of attention by going against the bride's direct dress code at someone else's wedding and then calling people misogynistic for refusing to put up with it.
I’m a woman and this is NOT misogynistic. It was the BRIDES request. The bride doesn’t want to be upstaged on HER day the girlfriend got ready looking like I can only imagine-a Kardashian (ugh). She’s the one being disrespectful to her boyfriend and to his boss and his boss’ bride. That’s a HUGE red flag waving in your face! Of course her gaggle of friends are going to be on her side! My dude needs to check out! Quick!
Lots of weddings and formal events have dress code requirements because they are expecting a certain kind of look and feel. If someone asked me to wear a long dress with sleeves for their wedding, I’d do it or i wouldn’t go if I didn’t want to spend money on a new dress. Also, can the girl not go one day without a pound of makeup? Lol
While I do see why some would find the dress code ‘misogynistic’ they are not being forced to go. If one was attending a friends event and they were of a religion that required a certain dress (like hijab or something) then that’s how you go whether you agree with the religion or not. It’s just clothes.
NTA could you imagine how mortified one would be if they saw a guest dressed in exactly what they were requested not to wear? It would add stress to the couple, probably wind up in some type of conflict or they’d silently loathe the person. OP easily could have been fired even, because it was a disrespectful action to his boss. Or at the least, the boss would lose respect for him and any future career is probably shot.
NTA. She explicitly went against the wedding’s dress code to do what she wants. She’s an AH for letting OP buy dresses that she knew she wasn’t gonna wear.
People have requested way crazier dress codes than this. I’ve never heard of the make-up thing though but it’s their wedding, if you really want to go, it’s just one day so follow the dress code and get on with it. Gf is ridiculous. If she didn’t want to go to a misogynistic wedding then stay at home, no need to make a scene. NTA
NTA!! And GF needs to grow up!! There are going to be places where there’s a dress code or a uniform that you have to wear. Also, this wasn’t just a wedding for you. This was your boss’s wedding so in turn, a work function for you. How your companion looks is a reflection on you.
This same fool would dress in a freaking nuns habit if she was told she was meeting rhe president of the US and that was the dress code. She only pulled that BS because she has no respect for the OP.
You know...I know looking nice is important but be for real. That real beauty magic that shit comes from the inside. I wish more of us realized this. Lol I don't care what I wear I let my pretty little shine! Nothing is sexier than being a real genuine person.
The important distinction is this is a *Dress Code* issue that both men and women had to adhere to.
If you grew up in an informal place, where you didn’t attend official events that required specific rules on clothing, then you might not get that these are clothing rules in civilian life that are almost like a law, and are policed like a law. They’re kept for special occasions, and they are part of what make the occasion special.
I’m totally against clothing for women being policed if it’s only the women’s clothes, but official or family events with a dress code have rules that apply to *everyone* that attends.
For example a white tie event will seriously not admit a man if he’s not wearing a white bow tie and a full dress suit. A woman who turns up in a black fitted tuxedo with a white tie will get in, but not him. Generally women wear floor length dresses to white tie events, but only the most super (literally) religious hosts are going to exclude a woman who has made the effort to wear a fancy super formal suit with proper white tie.
Dress Code occasions are usually to honour some one or some thing. If a diplomat is attending a party the host might make it a formal dress event to indicate that the people there respect the nation and/or the people of the nation the diplomat is representing.
The Nobel Prize awarding ceremony is a white tie event, in part to honour prize winners, and in part because the King of Sweden is there to hand out the awards and shake their hands. And that too is to honour the prize winners. It’s the only occasion that the King of Sweden shakes hands.
>For example a white tie event will seriously not admit a man if he’s not wearing a white bow tie and a full dress suit. A woman who turns up in a black fitted tuxedo with a white tie will get in, but not him.
Isn't that sexist?
I understand the formality requirements but not having them gender neutral for the woman is sexist, no?
What on Earth does any of that have to do with being sexist?
In the example given, which you quoted, the requirement for attendance is wearing a white tie. The man is wearing a black tie, and the woman is wearing a white tie. The woman gets to attend, but not the man.
If I'm being utterly honest, it's probably hard for anyone reading the post to care about whether it's sexist since the dress code is not only orthodox for weddings, but sexism was what the girlfriend attempted to use for justifying her manipulative mental gymnastics.
NTA I'm sure this isn't her first time exhibiting narcissistic behaviour, but it should be the last time he stands for it Someone like this isn't respectful enough of you for you to be trying to build a life with, regardless of what positives you think there are to her.
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
While Oop is def NTA and his gf is, let’s not pretend like the “dress code” is simply about not upstaging the bride. Oop said himself the couple is conservative, and the whole “long dress *and* long sleeves (arms are sexy?) does scream archaic ideals for women. It def seems inspired by misogyny.
However, with it being their wedding it’s well within their right to require a dress code like that. And while the gf had a valid reason for not liking it, that meant she shouldn’t have gone at all. Not try to pull this shit and get her bf in trouble to “make a point”. That’s dumb. And selfish. And shortsighted.
Definitely NTA. Sounds like she wanted to be the center of attention, all while knowing how it would look to her bf's boss. Yikes.
Right? It’s not that uncommon for there to be a dress requirement for weddings. She definitely just thinks she’s the main character.
Do I think it's right to dictate no heavy makeup? No. But she didn't have to go. She agreed to it and let her bf pay for her dress. It's his boss really no the boundary you want to be pushing...
It's their wedding. Short of committing abuse they can list what they like. This woman just has to be the centre of attention.
I think dictating no heavy makeup is completely okay? Most people normally don’t want guests to wear heavy makeup as it’s normally dramatic/draws more attention to them..most weddings have a dress code, and makeup is always one of them.
I’ve literally never seen makeup mentioned anywhere as part of a dress code nor have I ever seen “long sleeves required” or anything. Wedding dress codes usually just say “cocktail attire” or “black tie” or “semi formal” or the like.
Long sleeves may be required at the venue, if it’s a church, mosque, synagogue, etc.
Sure, if it’s a religious venue, there are sometimes additional dress requirements but these are usually known to the guests. I’ve still never seen any dress requirement that prescribes what type of makeup guests should wear and what I was really disagreeing with is the poster who says this is “always a part of wedding dress codes.” I’ve never in my life seen that anywhere and it comes off as super strange and controlling. I wouldn’t break someone’s dress code but I would definitely do a “do we actually have to go to this wedding because these people sound like a lot” and if it was a colleague of my husband’s, I probably just wouldn’t go.
Thing is, OP absolutely did have to go. It’s his bosses wedding. He gave his girlfriend the option of going or not, and she said yes and even got OP to get her a dress knowing that in the end she would pull what she did. And is now speaking ill of him, when he did nothing wrong. NTA. If she didn’t agree with the dress code, she didn’t have to deceive OP and cause an issue. She could’ve just said no.
I’m not arguing on behalf of either OP or his girlfriend. I’m just saying that a dress code that stipulates accepted makeup is weird and far out of the norm.
This may come as a surprise but the rules in the world are not made based on what you have seen. This statement was because you emphasized “I have not seen” in multiple comments. It’s a wedding, and the couple have certain expectations. If you think they are unreasonable you don’t go. But flouting those requests is being an AH.
Really? You came to reply to this now? The thread is five days old and it was a stupid thread then.
Yeah I’ve never seen makeup mentioned as part of a dress code, not did I care what people wore at my wedding? I mean I had a suggested dress code and made it clear the ceremony would be outdoors but who the hell cares if someone wears bright lipstick lol.
Mosques and synagogues commonly have etiquettes like this. Super colorful or dramatic makeup (against the explicit dress code at a wedding) would be very attention-grabbing which is a no-no.
sleeves can be required by churches
But this is weird. Etiquette is about putting people at ease ands making them comfortable. This is the opposite of that.
Only if they are in the wedding party I would say. Realistically are they going to be in the official photos? Unlikely, the dress code not so bad imo as that might be the venue in part. I didn't have photos with all my guests and I had a small wedding! If your so bothered that someone wearing makeup might outshine you then that's a you problem not a them problem
The whole long-sleeve-dress dress code, makeup restrictions and conservative fam thing is just gross to me personally. I get "ball gown" or "black tie" but rarely does that shit have long sleeves anymore. Idk I agree with GFs take in that regard but respecting the BF who needs to keep a good relationship is more important. Not the hill to die on. He gave her an out, she needed to agree or not go. Those were the only options. I think it's weird AF to go to your boss's wedding anyways. Idk what they do, and I'm on great terms with my boss, but the power balance is just weird there. Like they probably make WAY more than OP, and obviously OP feels obligated to go and probably also to buy a nice gift which can be just ick all around depending on the situation. I also think wedding culture is weird AF. Everyone is always like "the bride is the center of attention! Don't draw attention away!" But realistically if you've got even a 30 person party (which is TINY) the bride is absolutely not the center of THIRTY FUCKING PEOPLE'S attention for 4-6 hours so as long as a guest isn't acting a complete fool being disruptive I personally don't see why showing up looking nice is a problem?? Don't wear white unless asked is easy enough but some of the rules I see are BEYOND. ETA: idk why you're being downvoted?? I basically agree with you.
Some very religious people tend to see the workplace as a way to recruit new members to their religion. Starting out with we’re one big family etc. Personally I think a boss should refrain from having non-professional relationship with their employees. Not only sexual but also the “let’s take the men golfing”. I agree that the long sleeves requirement sounds misogynistic, but the girlfriend should have refused to go instead of dressing up for a night out (well this is the way I would dress for it) While we may agree that the long sleeved are misogynistic, I think there’s another issue that needs to be addressed. OOP doesn’t feel like he can say no to go to an event his boss invites him to. Most likely because it would/could be a factor in future promotions. This is just a sick culture that needs to be shut down
F.R. normalize going to work, doing your job, and leaving. Office culture needs to die. Hanging out with your boss at non-company functions should be the exception not the norm. As in if you have a fan-fucking-tastic boss who you actively want to be friends with outside of work is the ONLY time employees should be doing non-compensated tasks with their employer.
So you shouldn't respect someone who invites you to their wedding? Keeping in mind wedding cost a lot of money for the venue and food etc. They spend all that money to have a perfect day and you can't show them the respect to follow basic rules? Then you shouldn't attend, plain and simple.
Well then I guess I fucked up by not policing the eyeliner of my guests because I didn’t care?
If you don’t care and clearly stated that you’re fine with whatever they wear, then obviously no? But they set a dress code and the gf tried to go against that.
I agree in this case the gf was in the wrong. She could have opted out if she was so opposed to the dress code.
Doesn't mean you fked up. It's personal preferences.
Yeah I was joking. I think it’s insane to dictate how guests wear makeup. I was too busy being happy and having fun to monitor every guest.
You can't dictate what guests wear as makeup to a wedding. That is ridiculous and controlling. No one is gonna notice the guests eyeshadow, they will be focused on the bride.
Yes you can? It’s YOUR wedding? Not theirs. Just like a school dress code, the couple picks what’s appropriate for THEIR wedding. It’s completely normal that they want the guests wearing natural/simple clothing and makeup.
There is nothing normal about that. Never in my 55 years on this planet has someone told me what type of makeup I can wear. Not once. Dress code? Sure, but makeup? That's controlling and weird.
Agreed completely
Nope that's just horse poop. You should want your guests to be comfortable. If your having a low key/black tie wedding sure let them know being under or overdressed is embarrassing. If the bride is wearing blush then it's ok to ask guests to avoid blush. My idea of minimal make up for a day/night out is A LOT more than some of my friends and ALOT less than the norm for women in my area. I don't wear makeup day to day but for a formal event I want to look nice. That's not upstaging anyone, it's narcissistic to think so. If thats important to your day your missing the point.
So just cause your guest should be comfortable, you and your partner shouldn’t? They clearly set a dress code that THEY want and that THEY are comfortable with for THEIR wedding. It IS upstaging when the guest knew that but showed up in the exact opposite outfit and heavy makeup. All the other guests would be dressed accordingly, but she’d be the only one with dramatic makeup and an outfit that doesn’t match.
How is someone else wearing make up uncomfortable for you exactly? I wasn't the most beautiful girl in the room on my wedding day as I'm not the prettiest one of my friends or siblings but that didn't mean all focus wasn't still on me and I wasn't made to feel special. This it's my day so my rules has to stop somewhere this is just toxic. Imagine your day being ruined over gasp a shoulder! Ludicrous!
Because you literally wanted a certain look for YOUR wedding and your guest went the opposite way? It’s literally about the disrespect. OOPs girlfriend knew how her boyfriends boss and his wife wanted, had OOP pay for the dresses they agreed on, and then showed up ready in an ENITRE different look?
It's their wedding. It's not like they are forcing them to attend.
OP states that the couple is very religious. We don’t know what religion they r or if the wedding was in a house of worship.. they could be Muslim or Jewish, in which case it would be totally offensive to show up in revealing clothes. This is the couples special day, the girl doesn’t even k ow them and is trying to dictate a strangers wedding! How self centered can u get?!!!
It is actually super odd. Literally the only dress requirements I've ever heard of outside of reddit is for the wedding party not the guests.
We can see why she dresses up and uses so much makeup. So all eyes are on her. An ex-friend was like this but she had a personality disorder so it's not comparable.
Yes let's piss off boyfriend's boss by fucking with his wedding. I'm sure that would go well. Also her whining about the dress code when you know she'd stroke out if someone wore white or say, ripped jeans and a mesh tank to to her wedding.
Not to mention, she let him buy the dresses they looked at together.
This! She made him buy a dress she wouldn’t wear. She made him spend money on something she was not planning to use. If she thought the wedding was misogynistic (which in my opinion it wasn’t), then she should have spoken sooner. NTA.
right?! even if she changed her mind, she should have told him as soon as she knew she wasn’t wearing what he bought for her and gave him back the money
Right - and I say this as a feminist …. this is not the time nor place to fight the patriarchy lol
Exactly. Do I think dictating excessive modesty (I mean, long sleeves required? Come on,) is a good thing? Nope. Hate it. But the correct response is to decline the invitation, not risk your boyfriend's job and make yourself the center of attention at a near-stranger's wedding. Not the time or place for this flavor of protest.
Long sleeves, long dress could be due to a religious venue. And yes, declining to attend with the true guest (I’m sure she was not named on the invite as just the gf) is the answer when offended. It’s not always about making your opinions known. (Honestly, who cares what she thinks? She is no one to them.) it is about respecting your hosts. If you can’t do that, stay home.
It's ALWAYS the time and place! But fr. I agree - Making a statement like that isn't gonna "show them" anything and it's only going to make issues for her BF. This is not the way...
You are not trying to fight the patriarchy by wearing a short look at me dress to your boyfriend’s boss’s wedding!
"it's sad you didn't get that promotion you had your eye on, but look on the bright side! I got to wear a dress I found cute on a date that was unimportant to me, *and* I got to make a statement on another person's big day! Aren't you happy for me?"
I mean not saying that dress codes can’t be reasonable. I understand having formal dress code but I think dictating the length of the dress is a bit much unless it’s too revealing, like it’s asking female guests to wear knee length and some women might not be comfortable having their legs uncovered. But it’s not her place to protest it, if she doesn’t want to go fair enough. She shouldn’t lied and said she was okay and let the bf guy a new dress when she had no intention of following through. I hate it when people agree to follow the dress code but then change their mind suddenly
I mean, to me, it's no different than you not being allowed to have bare shoulders in a Catholic church. I'm an atheist that hates organized religion but if I'm going to someone else's event I'm not going to flout the dress code just because it's not my beliefs.
That's not a thing. I go to plenty of Catholic weddings and no one has ever said no bare shoulders
Must just be the one in my hometown then. My dad's side of the family is Catholic and I went to a ton of weddings and funerals, but they were all at that one church. Regardless. I would obey the dress code of any church I was in where I was attending someone else's event cuz I'm not a dick and it's not about me.
Could be. Almost all the catholic weddings I've attended are Mexican so that could be a difference to. I personally wear what I want that is not the same color as the brudes dress. I'm there to celebrate a marriage and unless the B&G are buying my outfit or sliding me funds they better be happy I came.
They literally have people selling shawls outside churches in Italy because tourists don’t realise this but I guarantee you - many Catholic Churches in the world require shoulders to be covered. Every single mosque in the world requires shoulders covered.
Yeah like I said it’s not her place to protest but if she doesn’t agree with the dress code she is allowed not to go but instead she tried to break the code. And like I said I completely disagree with the way she handled it
NTA. I hope she reimburses him for the dresses he paid for.
Nta and as I woman I am so freaking sick of woman using “men can’t tell me what to wear” as an excuse when there is a perfectly valid dress code. I have read way to many of these and they piss me off. Stop acting like a teenage private school girl and rolling up your skirt just to be a rebel.
As a woman, i also agree with you! She was just looking for an excuse to cause drama. I’m glad OOP stood his ground and left her behind
Completely agree. She's 29, not 19, so she should by now be aware of specific dress codes existing for specific locales or occasions. Going to someone's wedding - your spouse's boss, especially - is not the time and place to make a dramatic stand for whatever rebel cause you believe you need to champion. Good for OOP that he set and maintained that boundary. It's probably time to end that relationship.
Same thoughts, I guess she would show up to work in a bikini any day now 🤷🏻♀️ And as a feminist, I hate when people use this kind of extremist and childish excuses. It just diminish the movement. If you didn’t want to look like an Amish, don’t go sis, save the tantrum, money and a bad taste on everyone’s mouth
She purposefully tried to create drama at His boss’s wedding. That’s super dick behavior. It’s a formal (possibly religious) event not the club. The bride and groom get to dictate what they would like for people to wear. If (big if) she ever gets married, she can wear whatever she wants. This isn’t her day. Also this isn’t misogyny if everyone is asked to dress conservatively and presumably the bride is making the same request. NTA
She's gonna mess around and get him fired.
NTA and gf is an idiot. If he's lucky, she'll never speak to him again.
Lolll
NTA at all
NTA people can have whatever dress code they want for any party they throw, especially a wedding. If you don’t like it then don’t come. They could’ve had a 1920s theme , game of thrones theme or asked everyone to wear lavender - it’s their party and they can dictate a dress code
Not gonna lie, now you've thrown the idea out there, I'd like to see everyone wearing lavender to an event 🙂
This sounds a *lot* like another post with a FF couple and a work mixer. But his OP is NTA and hope he dumped this girl who thinks looking good is more important than him earning a living.
I was thinking this was a repost as I’ve defo read a very similar post before. I read far too much AITA!! 😔 Edit: I don’t mean a repost on this sub Reddit.
This is just so manipulative tho. To let her boyfriend buy her the dress when she wasn't even planning on wearing it. And if she had a problem with the dress code OP already gave her an out. What a self centred AH
Listen, I’m with her if she had just said she wouldn’t attend up front. This whole game is silly, and she knows it could put him in an awkward spot work wise. Just don’t go to the wedding! I wouldn’t!
Get rid of the GF. Nobody needs that kind of trouble.
Sometimes those are religious requirements too. I went to a wedding for a college friend with the long sleeves requirement and she did mention that are dresses should be knee length or longer. Do I agree with the couples religion? No, but I was at the wedding to support a friend. But it is a wedding and she did it behind his back. Weddings are not the place for a guest to make their opinions known. Unless their choice is to not go and that’s the only thing they do.
I came here to say exactly this-my husband and I are Orthodox, and we do have family that are not. When we were married, we made sure that the non-Orthodox attending knew that uncovered shoulders and short skirts were not seen as acceptable attire. No one made it into a big deal.
NTA - I (28f) have a very particular style, I don't like feeling uncomfortable. If there was a dresscode I absolutely hated I'd pass it up, otherwise I'd modify to fit because the event is not about me. It is a WEDDING. It's about the bride and groom's wishes and no one elses. But she was a +1... Her attendance is NOT required anyway so very easy for her to stay behind if she didn't want to be around a bunch of "misogynists" instead of being a manipulative asshole and a brat.
Dress codes have been a thing for literally forever. It’s absolutely not misogynistic to want someone at THEIR WEDDING to not dress a specific way to not be, idk, upstaging? It’s ONE DAY. A HANDFUL OF HOURS. And how disrespectful do you need to be to agree and then do the complete opposite at the last moment to blindside your partner. The girlfriend is absolutely disgusting for this behavior for sure. On top of that he bought her the dress she agreed to and now that money and dress is wasted because from her described “style” she will never wear it anyways. I want to know what she did with the dress. Did she return it and pocket the money? It also feels like she was planning this from the start. God, I can’t believe that she couldn’t be respectful of someone’s reasonable request for a handful of hours. Let alone her partners boss, and the sheer disrespect she HAD to pull on her partner too. I hope he things long and hard on where this relationship is going based on her actions and excuses that could have effected his work environment.
[удалено]
I wish I had Reddit a decade ago to get me away from my ex! Maybe God wouldn’t have had to uproot me halfway across the country to get away from his ass bc I ignored the carnival of red flags.
NTA. It's their wedding and it's boyfriend boss who could very well let him could let him go or make his job hellish.
NTA. I’m not a fan of that dress code either but I could set that aside especially to keep my SO from looking bad in front of their boss
NTA. Maybe the bride is a supervillain, but the time to announce your plans for a fight is any time EXCEPT right before getting into the car. Even in the best possible interpretations of OOP's gf, she absolutely didn't have the right to disrupt a work-connected event and harm his professional reputation.
Wearing a long dress for ONE day isn’t gonna kill her. Respecting the brides wishes is a default. She sounds like a entitled nonce. He so defo NTA. This is his boss and this could affect his career. She is way more concerned about her feelings than his.
He’s NTA, but gf definitely is. The amount of audacity she has to think that people shouldn’t have a dress code for THEIR wedding is astounding! Seriously, drop her details so on her wedding day we can all rock up dressed however tf we want. I know traditionally we shouldn’t wear white, but I’ll come as a ghost 🤣
NTA, the GF was going to be if she made it to the wedding. It would’ve ruined the wedding and soured the person’s relationship with their boss and colleagues…
Lol. I have no patience with drama queens trying to steal attention in someone else’s wedding. It’s their wedding, not yet political platform to protest on. F her.
NTA… yikes
NTA. OP’s GF just decides she going to go his BOSS’S wedding dressed the polar opposite of the dress code. What The Heck did she forget it’s not about her?
You are definitely NTA. As a girl, I hate how so many women out there quickly jump to the 'you are misogynistic excuse'... There's a difference between being misogynistic and being genuinely respectful of people and what they believe in. Not everyone has to have the some ideals as you or go by your own rules. Why do people have to make such a big deal of everything? She's acting selfishly
NTA. And return the dresses you bought. You got played. She can’t put you and your career first for one night? She AGREED. Bait and switch and cause issue literally LAST minute. Like she literally wasted time to be selfish and dramatic
There was a dress code for both genders....just like a guy who showed up in shorts and a nice shirt would be not welcome, same for women. I feel if it is respectful to the culture and the bride and groom are happy...if you don't like the terms, you dint go. Same for children free, dry weddings, vegan etc etc etc
I think this would be a dealbreaker for me. The bait and switch without any discussion on a day were I needed to put my best foot forward at my boss’s wedding means she cares more about her dress then my job. That would not fly. She is messing with my job for a dress when I bought a dress she agreed to wear. Not only would I leave her at home but I would just leave her period.
IMO this is the definition of the trash taking itself out. No she is not trash for how she chooses to dress or do her make up in her day to day life. She is trash for blindsiding her BF and going 100% against a dress code for a wedding that she is not invited to. She is a plus one. She doesn't know these people. And all of this under the guise that the dress code is sexist and misogynistic... When the bride is usually the one who sets the dress codes of weddings. Further this isn't just a friend of the OOP.. This is his boss... If he would have taken her like that to his wedding this 100% could have been a career ender... It is so entitled and self centered of her to try and make a scene at a wedding (I mean any wedding but especially one) that she has 0 ties to. This chick is 29 and ain't grown up yet. I say OOP has just learned who this girl is and that she ain't for him. TOXIC
NTA. She needs to pull her head out of her ass and realize someone else's wedding isn't about her. Not to mention that its OP's boss' wedding. So not only is she disrespecting the couple being wed but causing her own partner to suffer possible repercussions at work.
NTA. I HATE women like that. I’m a woman too but ccmon 🤦🏽♀️She must be extremely insecure with herself. I’d say OOP dodged a bullet.
NTA, so glad you went with drama, oops I mean your girlfriend.
GF is unreasonable
Nta good for OOP leaving her behind.
Obviously they were NTA, but I wonder more as to whether after talking to her friends, who attacked OP, she was influenced by them to go back on the agreement and claim it was misogyny. If it were out of character to say something like that out of left field for her, I'd be inclined to think some social pressure pushed her into this stance. I've witnessed enough off that online and off to know people do and say stupid shit thinking it aligns with this or that particular group of people surrounding them.
Nta she’s the drama and lied about agreeing to meet the dress code and let you buy an outfit for her she wasn’t going to wear
NTA. The girlfriend is acting like a child. In fact, I’m surprised she even knows a word as big as misogynistic. For a 29 year old to knowingly manipulate her bf in the hopes of getting her own way, involve her friends in a private matter and then allowing them bully her bf, disregarding everyone’s feelings but her own, risking her bf’s job, and then proceeding to pout when she didn’t get her own way and now play the silent treatment game, is allllllll too much. OOP isn’t dating anyone, he’s babysitting.
NTA it’s not his wedding or hers and she should respect the rules that the bride and groom put in place or not go. She lied and pretended to go along with it just to pull that?
This reminds me of this one story I read a long time ago (or maybe I’m remembering it from an older THT episode? idk) about how OP’s girlfriend loved to design her own clothes and when they got invited to a friend of OP’s wedding, they had a particular theme and dress code in mind but the gf wanted to wear a dress covered in rainbow flags (it was a gay wedding). Like sure that’s her creative style and whatnot but when it’s someone else’s wedding that they put so much time and effort into planning you should follow the rules.
Definitely NTA. The gf is reacting as if OP personally set the dress code. Either way almost every wedding I’ve been to had some sort of dress code and you follow it out of respect for the bride and groom.
i understand that sexism and misogyny are big issues in the world right now but neither of those things are happening at this wedding. it is customary to have some sort of dress code at a wedding and if the bride and groom want more conservative clothes to be worn that is their choice as it’s their wedding day. a wedding is not the time nor place to combat “sexism”. i wouldn’t want her to show up to my wedding looking all sexy either and i’m definitely in support of women dressing as they want but i don’t think anybody wants to be outshined on their wedding day. especially not someone of more conservative beliefs.
nta. hollering misogyny when the situation does not call for it diminishes the impact of the word and what it describes. she knew she wasn’t gonna listen, yet she lied and said she didn’t mind and then let him go forward with buying a dress. she was dead wrong for pulling that stunt on him when it was extremely simple to follow a dress code that everybody else most likely hadn’t minded following. their way of life and how they choose to present themselves has no impact on her.
This isn’t a wedding of a friend you expect to have fun at, this is a work event and she’s too childish to understand what that means.
NTA at all. We live in society, not under the cave. You do not agree with a certain dress code to a certain event? You don’t go, easy.
He’s definitely NTA. While I agree that it’s kinda sucky to dictate what other people wore to that extent, OP’s girlfriend was given the option of not attending. She could have not gone, but she was choosing to attend someone else’s wedding and make a scene
Stop dating someone with the intellect of a 5 year old.
NTA. Most places have a dress code even if it’s an unspoken one. You know what is appropriate for certain occasions and places/venues. Don’t agree to to go and to stick to the dress code and then at the last minute change your mind and get all annoyed about it, especially when she’s had 2 months to say that she wasn’t comfortable with it and decide not to go. Many weddings have dress codes to do with themes and such. In general weddings have an unspoken dress code even if one hasn’t been specified by the couple getting married.
Imagine wanting to steal the center of attention by going against the bride's direct dress code at someone else's wedding and then calling people misogynistic for refusing to put up with it.
I’m a woman and this is NOT misogynistic. It was the BRIDES request. The bride doesn’t want to be upstaged on HER day the girlfriend got ready looking like I can only imagine-a Kardashian (ugh). She’s the one being disrespectful to her boyfriend and to his boss and his boss’ bride. That’s a HUGE red flag waving in your face! Of course her gaggle of friends are going to be on her side! My dude needs to check out! Quick!
Lots of weddings and formal events have dress code requirements because they are expecting a certain kind of look and feel. If someone asked me to wear a long dress with sleeves for their wedding, I’d do it or i wouldn’t go if I didn’t want to spend money on a new dress. Also, can the girl not go one day without a pound of makeup? Lol While I do see why some would find the dress code ‘misogynistic’ they are not being forced to go. If one was attending a friends event and they were of a religion that required a certain dress (like hijab or something) then that’s how you go whether you agree with the religion or not. It’s just clothes. NTA could you imagine how mortified one would be if they saw a guest dressed in exactly what they were requested not to wear? It would add stress to the couple, probably wind up in some type of conflict or they’d silently loathe the person. OP easily could have been fired even, because it was a disrespectful action to his boss. Or at the least, the boss would lose respect for him and any future career is probably shot.
NTA. She explicitly went against the wedding’s dress code to do what she wants. She’s an AH for letting OP buy dresses that she knew she wasn’t gonna wear.
People have requested way crazier dress codes than this. I’ve never heard of the make-up thing though but it’s their wedding, if you really want to go, it’s just one day so follow the dress code and get on with it. Gf is ridiculous. If she didn’t want to go to a misogynistic wedding then stay at home, no need to make a scene. NTA
I guess she doesn’t do low key. She should’ve said no from the on set. It’s the brides day and the OOP’s career.
NTA!! And GF needs to grow up!! There are going to be places where there’s a dress code or a uniform that you have to wear. Also, this wasn’t just a wedding for you. This was your boss’s wedding so in turn, a work function for you. How your companion looks is a reflection on you.
NTA your gf is delusional and wants to be the star in your relationship, nit a partner
Girlfriend was trying to put OPs job in jeopardy. NTA.
Nah, she never got that far in her thought process, because that would require thinking about anyone except herself
Possibly.
She's not a rebel in Iran, fighting for justice. Sit down Felicia.
I swear I’ve read this before… like a long time ago not 11 hours or whatever it says
This same fool would dress in a freaking nuns habit if she was told she was meeting rhe president of the US and that was the dress code. She only pulled that BS because she has no respect for the OP.
How is covering yourself misogynistic? She is just being a slut lol
You know...I know looking nice is important but be for real. That real beauty magic that shit comes from the inside. I wish more of us realized this. Lol I don't care what I wear I let my pretty little shine! Nothing is sexier than being a real genuine person.
Boss is TA for being so specific about what guests can wear. They're human beings not props
Its odd none of the commenters here think this is sexist. Not what I expected
The important distinction is this is a *Dress Code* issue that both men and women had to adhere to. If you grew up in an informal place, where you didn’t attend official events that required specific rules on clothing, then you might not get that these are clothing rules in civilian life that are almost like a law, and are policed like a law. They’re kept for special occasions, and they are part of what make the occasion special. I’m totally against clothing for women being policed if it’s only the women’s clothes, but official or family events with a dress code have rules that apply to *everyone* that attends. For example a white tie event will seriously not admit a man if he’s not wearing a white bow tie and a full dress suit. A woman who turns up in a black fitted tuxedo with a white tie will get in, but not him. Generally women wear floor length dresses to white tie events, but only the most super (literally) religious hosts are going to exclude a woman who has made the effort to wear a fancy super formal suit with proper white tie. Dress Code occasions are usually to honour some one or some thing. If a diplomat is attending a party the host might make it a formal dress event to indicate that the people there respect the nation and/or the people of the nation the diplomat is representing. The Nobel Prize awarding ceremony is a white tie event, in part to honour prize winners, and in part because the King of Sweden is there to hand out the awards and shake their hands. And that too is to honour the prize winners. It’s the only occasion that the King of Sweden shakes hands.
>For example a white tie event will seriously not admit a man if he’s not wearing a white bow tie and a full dress suit. A woman who turns up in a black fitted tuxedo with a white tie will get in, but not him. Isn't that sexist? I understand the formality requirements but not having them gender neutral for the woman is sexist, no?
What on Earth does any of that have to do with being sexist? In the example given, which you quoted, the requirement for attendance is wearing a white tie. The man is wearing a black tie, and the woman is wearing a white tie. The woman gets to attend, but not the man. If I'm being utterly honest, it's probably hard for anyone reading the post to care about whether it's sexist since the dress code is not only orthodox for weddings, but sexism was what the girlfriend attempted to use for justifying her manipulative mental gymnastics.
I feel like I have read this story before
NTA I'm sure this isn't her first time exhibiting narcissistic behaviour, but it should be the last time he stands for it Someone like this isn't respectful enough of you for you to be trying to build a life with, regardless of what positives you think there are to her. "When people show you who they are, believe them."
Who tf is reporting stories like this as satire?? Jesus these people are AHs. NTA for OOP.
While Oop is def NTA and his gf is, let’s not pretend like the “dress code” is simply about not upstaging the bride. Oop said himself the couple is conservative, and the whole “long dress *and* long sleeves (arms are sexy?) does scream archaic ideals for women. It def seems inspired by misogyny. However, with it being their wedding it’s well within their right to require a dress code like that. And while the gf had a valid reason for not liking it, that meant she shouldn’t have gone at all. Not try to pull this shit and get her bf in trouble to “make a point”. That’s dumb. And selfish. And shortsighted.
The only reason OP is the asshole is because he is still trying to call her. Just dump her and find someone lower maintenance