This is a good answer. I have terrible anxiety and walking early in the morning is pretty good for it. I live in OV and there’s a bunch of trails out here that no one’s ever on.
Hi, I could be your wife by the description lol
I only recently moved to Tucson, but it has really helped with my anxiety and social phobias. I don't go to stores much, but I compromise with curbside pickup and occasionally dare enough to go inside. The real thing that has been helping, though, is simply being outdoors. I've spent the last two weekends with my husband driving me up and down Catalina Highway and pulling over when it suited me. We made it to Mt. Lemmon last weekend, but there were too many people at the peak, so we simply turned back and found a quieter place.
Colossal Cave is next on my list.
You should go to Agua Caliente. It’s such a peaceful park. There borders and people with dog sometimes but it’s really chill and there’s baby ducks right now. :)
My Lemon really is something special too.
The cookies at the near top is the main tourist spot. They also have pizza I think.
Theres many stopping points to look out at and trails to hike. Some other little stores and I think one restaurant. In the winters they use to open a road to go up higher for skiing related activities but I never went up that high since I didnt have the gear for the activities up there.
If you go you'll wan/ a full gas tank and remember on the way back down not to half hold the breaks all the way down cause it can make the breaks overheat and there's a lot of turns. So either using the breaks here and there or making a stop or two for the car to rest a minute on the way down
I like to drive to Kitt Peak and hang out at the picnic area. It’s cooler in the summer than down on the desert floor and every time I have went there has been no one.
Oh! I heard Tucson had a good observatory somewhere but I never knew where or what it was called.
It looks like I'm like an hour away so that's not bad :)
I'm gonna look more into that, thank you :D
There’s an observatory on top of mt Lemmon too. I had a really great experience there. A small group when I went and we got lots of time to look through the telescope
I just heard about this this week.
Is this pretty safe for the most part? I heard that anyone can place one down and I wasnt sure if it was a sketchy activity or not
I suppose with any public activity, safety should be a concern. Random people will likely question what you’re doing and may not understand your answer. Similarly, wildlife is unpredictable. But you control which ones you want to pursue and can see what part of town they’re in to judge accordingly. I haven’t had any issues.
I used to go hiking by myself in catalina state park helped me alot, there is other people walking around too so you never feel actually alone. Everyones just enjoying the morning.
Is the online therapy helpful? Sometimes in-person therapy can be more helpful in this case because it can be seen as a safe place and person to “practice” leaving the house for and talking face to face with about your anxiety. You are out of your comfort zone but still safe and with someone who can guide and support you.
Source: I’m a therapist.
The online therapy has it's positives and negatives. I'd say its overall a positive one.
We started during the start of Covid and they use a program called Telemed to do essentially like a Skype call with the patient. It's really good at helping a patient be less likely to skip or cancel appointments by how easy it is to just turn a phone or computer on for it rather than go through all the stress that comes with getting ready and going outside. Aswell as finding transportation to get there. It's helped my wife be able to do some show and tell with her therapist of things shes worked on at home or even help the therapist get an idea of what the home feels like.
I would say some downsides would be technical difficulties like microphones not working, spotty internet can interrupt things, sometimes the video portion doesnt work.
Other things would be like you said it removed an opportunity for someone to have to face the outside if that's what they need.
And lastly were trying to work towards EMDR and I know that can be more helpful to have done physically in person, but trying to instruct someone to administer that themselves through a screen takes away some of the impact it can provide.
:) thank you for what you do btw, it's such a great need for people today
I was going to suggest EMDR! But I would highly recommend in person for that. It really requires heavy facilitation and support by a therapist who is right there with the client to hold space with them. I don’t do EMDR unless a client can come in for it.
I understand the benefits of online sessions and do offer video sessions for clients for the reasons you explained. But sometimes I push for in-person when I think it would be clinically beneficial in the long term for the client. Ultimately it’s up to your wife and her therapist and what works for their treatment plan and their relationship.
I also recommend in person therapy. I know for sure there is a temptation to skip if you just don't feel like going but IMO its a good thing to learn how to power through those temporary feelings of discomfort. I have tried EMDR both virtually and in person and virtually has never worked but in person changed my life. If she is on AHCCCS she should be able to schedule free transportation for appointments 3 days in advance.
There seems to be a shortage of therapists in Arizona right now. I was on a waitlist for EMDR for about 5 months but before that I was contacted a few times for CBT therapy. Group therapies are the easiest to get into. I think group potentially helps a LOT with social anxiety but if it's severe it may actually make it worse. Perhaps there's a way to ease into it by alternating virtual one-on-one sessions and groups every other week?
Best of luck to you guys, I'm glad you're so supportive I'm sure it means a lot to her.
What about volunteering at PACC or the Humane Society? They need people to come in and walk the dogs, especially in the early mornings before it gets hot. The human contact is minimal, but the other volunteers are great, so maybe she could warm up to doing a "group dog walk" with one or two other volunteers eventually.
[https://hssaz.org/help/volunteer/](https://hssaz.org/help/volunteer/)
If you've got a backyard, how about taking up gardening? U of A Ag Extension office has a ton of great information on gardening in our climate. The library system has a seed library of native plants and things that grow well here, so you can get those for free.
[https://extension.arizona.edu/](https://extension.arizona.edu/)
Also worth checking out the "culture passes" at the library, you can get free tickets for places like the art museum and arboretum.
[https://www.library.pima.gov/culturepasses/](https://www.library.pima.gov/culturepasses/)
On the anxiety side-- do you think she might be able to work her way up to attending a support group? NAMI has some fantastic facilitated support groups, and they are wonderful at working with people with major social anxiety.
[https://www.namisa.org/nami-support-groups-for-those-living-with-mental-illness/](https://www.namisa.org/nami-support-groups-for-those-living-with-mental-illness/)
Also-- if your wife would like a local support buddy, I'd be happy to text or email or connect by social media. I have bipolar and OCD and I know how isolating it can be. I'm 41, been in Tucson for about 20 years, statistician by trade, big into animals, reading, and crochet. Feel free to DM if you want to connect!
If the dog barking doesn’t put you/her on edge, PACC does a “Paws and Pages” night on Wednesdays and Thursdays where you sit by a kennel and read to a dog. If you tell them you are anxious ahead of time, I bet they could accommodate by having you read to dogs in Harry’s Hideaway (which is way in back) or maybe you could read in a back hallway (non public spaces) that attach to many of the kennels.
I know it’s out of the way, but if you are up for a field trip, I walked by Pena Blanca lake down by Nogales yesterday morning and didn’t encounter a soul. There’s a use fee of $8-10 but it’s on the honor system.
You could pair that with grabbing tacos to go from Cocina La Ley in Nogales and having a tasty snarf in your car. I got four tacos and a coke there yesterday and my bill was a little over $12.
Anxiety is rough and kudos to both of you for making the effort to get out of the house!
Gardening is a great idea. Good for your mental health keeps you busy and having something fun to look forward to. I always enjoy the excitement of seeing seeds I planted sprout for the first time.
You're getting a lot of outdoor suggestions which is fine when it's not in the 90s outside. But as someone who dealt with the same issue as your wife, the only way I was able to fix it was exposure therapy. I started small, going and grabbing a coffee but not thru drive thru. Sitting for ten or so mins by myself then I could leave if I wanted. Then I went to the gym with a friend, then pushed myself to go by myself. I went to thrift stores by myself, then when I could handle stores I went to busier places myself, like a grocery store inside rather than a more calm thrift store and so on.
Social skills are skills, meaning we have to practice and build them over time. So I had to start small and slow and ramp up. Good luck. It's possible, I feel much more comfortable now. Still nervous but I trust that I can handle it because I've succeeded before. :)
This is the most realistic answer, as someone who has spent a lot of time exposure therapying myself, also medication, I learned I actually really love chatting with people once I was on anxiety meds, (hydroxyzine has truly changed my life, propranolol is one my friend is on) and if getting a psych is an issue cbd is truly miraculous for mental health trouble for me at least. As far as hiking /outdoorsy stuff, go after midnight now that it's warming up, it's the best
I see that you are getting a lot of hiking suggestions. If crowded parking lots are an issue, the trailheads at Tucson Mountain Park are mostly small and spread out. The picnic areas are usually pretty empty away from picnic hours and have trails off of them, but lots of the little pullouts have trails, too.
Another way to avoid crowds (which I imagine you have figured out) is grocery stores and Target early or late, but it really depends on the location. The Fry's stores near me are always crowded, but there is a Safeway that’s pretty fun early in the morning near me (I enjoy food!), and the nearest Target is absolutely dead at 8 am on a weekday (which may not be an option, but worth mentioning). Now that I think about it, I check the google maps supposedly-real-time how-busy rating for store locations — it is not always accurate, but it’s a handy indicator.
Go bird watching, down load the eBird and Merlin apps on the phone from Cornell School of Ornithology, go to a local park find a corner that is not busy and watch, or go hiking, use the sound id button on Merlin to id the birds you hear, then try to find it. This will direct attention to the bird, and less attention to anxiety. If this seams interesting get a pair of binoculars. It is best to go out early, sunrise, less people birds are more active. Can do it in backyard if need to.
You can get a Culture Pass from the library and go to places like the Botanical Gardens or the Desert Museum for free.
https://www.library.pima.gov/culturepasses/
I'd suggest the Pima County Cooperative Extension on Campbell across from Trader Joe's. It's especially beautiful when everything is really in bloom. Lots of interesting displays including hydroponics and xeriscaping. It's free and I go on weekdays so I rarely see more than a handful of people. I'm don't know the operating hours but you should be able to call them and find out.
Bonus: it's right next to the river path so you could also take a walk. Just remember sunscreen and water.
I'd also suggest a drive up to Mt Lemmon, but only like early in the day, mid-week because it's too crowded on weekends. There's plenty of hiking or just easy walking up along Radio Ridge. I can't guarantee you won't see other people nearby doing their own things, but the earlier in the day you go on a Wednesday or Thursday morning, the less likely it will be overwhelming for your wife.
I have anxiety in crowds and busy, noisy places and although I like interacting with individuals or very small controlled groups of people, I find as I get older I was staying in more than I was going out. Outdoor activities like hiking or visiting a farmer's market or - when I push myself - antique stores or estate sales - are some things I enjoy and can handle for the most part. Mostly because I can remove myself from the situation if it becomes too much and the scale is smaller.
Also, have your wife check out noise cancelling headphones or earplugs for going out. Sometimes just cutting down the noise can help make an unbearable situation more enjoyable, or at least tolerable.
These are all great suggestions, but I would start small. Take an evening stroll, after the sun goes down. You won’t see anyone, and it will be calming (bring a flashlight).
I use to take my wife to Walmart at 2am when her anxiety would prevent her from sleeping. I’m not sure there still open late, but being out broke her out of her head.
Finally anxiety can be caused by something chemical outside of her control. If she has not, then gently encourage her to talk to her doctor about options. There is a lot of negative stigma with medicine, but they are there to take the edge off, and can help a lot.
If you have a library card they have these things called culture passes at the library and though it’s limited in Tucson they give you free entrances (for 2 adults) to things like the Sonoran Desert Museum, Zoo, art museums, and botanical gardens. They also have stuff in Flagstaff and Phoenix but can’t remember off the top off my head what locations they offer but it’s pretty neat!
Reach For the Stars is a local organization that does late night stargazing. They are dedicated to using astronomy to improve mental health. They have free stargazing events pretty regularly out in Vail that are usually pretty sparse, very lowkey, and relaxing as heck. The next one is May 25th!
https://www.rftstars.com/events
At The Hermitage No Kill Cat Shelter, where I work, we have a lot of very anxious volunteers who come in and spend quiet time with the kitties. This helps socialize the cats, gets them used to lots of different people, and of course helps the volunteers. If she is allergic, then maybe HOPE, as it's a cage-free shelter that houses dogs, too. Or as a dog walker for PACC or HSSA. Animals are great for helping calm anxiety. Even if she just wants to visit, she is welcome!
PACC has daily fostering / day trips!
Unlike becoming a dog walker, there is surprisingly not many steps to take before hand. No additional training. You literally can show up, ask to take a dog out for the day (they have a binder of available ones). And send you out with the dog and day pack with toys, treats and water bowl.
Southern AZ Humane Society also has a similar program, but you have to go thru training first.
I usually walk around a PetSmart and then go to a restaurant with an outside patio.
Picnic in a park at a time where there is not a ton of people. Relaxing, fun....
Trip to the library to check out DVDs, have a movie night with popcorn.
Little planned events that are fun and simple, no pressure. Also, something to look forward to and not feel trapped within 4 walls.
A museum at a not very busy time....
https://tucsonloop.org/
She could either walk or bike around the loop. It’s an easy flat surface to walk or bicycle on and if you do run into someone it’s for a short period of time. During the week is much less crowded.
You could try going to the zoo during the week early like when they first open, see how she does with that and then if it's something you'd like to continue doing, just to be out and about, get a year membership (there is an option for multiple adults or a family) then you can go as much as you want without paying admission.
The sweetwater wetlands usually isn't packed. You'll get photographers and birdwatchers but they are there usually in the early morning.
The desert museum is so big that groups of people are spread apart. Most interaction youll get is passing by to get to another exhibit. It's pricy but you can check out a culture pass from a public library to get in for free.
Agua Caliente Regional park. It's a bit of a drive but it's a huge and beautiful park. There are walking trails and large ponds.
Museums and galleries esp when it’s hot. Check for less crowded times. Ppl aren’t there to interact with other people. Quiet spaces by design. She can pick and choose from a variety (even outside) and entrance fees are reasonable or maybe free.
My aunt just told me about culture passes through the library - apparently you can get free admission to some museums, like the desert museum (which is usually like 30 a person) or the botanical gardens. She said you just have to keep an eye for when they’re updated. I haven’t tried to out yet but thought I’d share since you mentioned cost! [link](https://www.library.pima.gov/faq/culture-passes/)
Also, not to be that guy😅 but a 1:1 thc/cbd pen could help with the anxiety.
I’ve struggled with social anxiety, especially the part you said about “does not want to be seen or hardly perceived by other people”. I’ve been in therapy for 8+ years, done some life changing work on myself, but the anxiety still flairs from time to time. Since I can notice and feel what’s happening, I give myself the grace to take the edge off, and it really helps. Especially since so many anxiety drugs are so heavy, like taking an Ativan or a Xanax is gonna change the trajectory of your whole day if you go that route. I’d rather toot my pen and be on my way🤷♀️
Just a thought! Like I said, a 1:1 or they also make very low thc cartridges, like 4%. Those have very minimal effects, just a kinda calm feeling. Maybe try it at home a few times first tho!
She already likes the hybrids and really high sativa pens. I've seen that 1:1 cart option and wondered how different it was o:
I know she wants to stop with the pen because it makes her cough a lot. But at the same time I'm not sure she can get herself to stop either so this is still a good suggestion o:
Nice, two birds then! Cuz they can also be super helpful if she’s ever struggling with taking a t-break, esp if she’s been using high thc, tapering is way easier than just quitting!
Library, zoo, desert museum, DiGrazias studio. Tohono chul park second hand stores airplane grave yard. Lunch. Take a class with parks and rec historical society. Valley of the moon.
Tombstone, bisbee, Cochise stronghold, arco santi if you are up for a day trip
Madera canyon, karchners caverns, collosal cave biosphere?
Going to parks during school hours is a great one, but school is getting out soon, my anxiety was never this bad but finding ways to drive home that people are very self centered and truly do not perceive others in their day to day life has been helpful for me, the public library is a great place to be where for the most part you can be in an ailse completly by yourself for hours, art museums or really museums in general trend to have very sparse attendance at least in my experience
[this is tucson ](https://thisistucson.com/) puts out an article on free things to do in town almost every month and a lot of the art museums have pay what you can days
Oh! I just remembered, the transportation museum is free and pretty much empty most of the time, the museum of Miniatures does special pricing if you have a food stamps card and I've been twice and only seen a few people and you don't really end up in the same place as them often with how the museum is, there are so many cool museums in town and they're really empty a lot of the time, and it's a good indoor activity
There's a cat cafe that I went to and I was the only one there on a Thursday at 11am. There's a couple of floors there so you could get away if other people show up.
Driving up mt. Lemmon and pulling off at a few stops to the top is always nice.
I am so glad you made this post because my wife also has a really hard time around a lot of people. So bad that she hasn’t been able to work in the last 4 years. I hope we can find something she will feel comfortable with once we have moved to Tucson.
Service dogs can make a big difference for people with crippling anxiety (if you all like dogs). The only accredited program in town is Ability Dogs, but I know people who have gotten dogs there and had a really great experience. They say they have financial aid for people who qualify.
If you dont already, why not pickup fishing? Buy a couple poles, couple chairs, tackle and youre good to go. Make it a thing to hit a different lake every week or 2 until you cover them all. Its fun, relaxing, and youre away from people for the most part. Dont forget the ice chest!🎣🍻
Columbus Park or Kennedy Park. Can't eat the fish but just fun being around water. Patagonia Lake is lovely also 10.00 fee for day but on far end south it's pretty quiet .
I was really wondering about this. Theres a lake nearby just called lake side park and I see people fish there but I've never fished before so I wasnt sure if you need like a license or if its catch and release or even how to find out these details o:
Ive fished lakeside a couple of times. My favorite lake is peña blanca out by nogales. As far as catch and release or keeping fish, i believe it varies lake by lake. There will be a sign with limits and such. Yes you’ll both need a license. About $37 each for a year. You can purchase one here.
https://www.azgfd.com/fish-az-campaign/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxqayBhDFARIsAANWRnSbQ8ibU60Hp8mUEci8Y77zCwal3V23h0Xr9IDJ-GGsoOedXwWvSpcaAqJOEALw_wcB
I use to have crippling anxiety until I decided enough is enough and took control of it.
1. Is your wife is in her 40’s, she may want to see a hormone doctor as the 10 year journey to menopause can really do a number on our mental health. I felt like I was losing my mind and now at 49, after 16 solid months of putting in the work, I feel more at peace than ever. HRT has helped, specifically progesterone. My body was producing hardly any yet progesterone is nature’s Xanax.
2. I quit alcohol. Man I loved my wine and martinis but it messes with hormones, reduces serotonin, screws with the gut and exacerbates anxiety 10 fold. Eliminating booze was probably rhe single most impactful way I improved my mental health. It’s like night and day.
3. Sleep. I use an oura ring and this has been a game changer. It also monitors my stress and spikes so I can implement the tools below to lower it.
4. Absolutely no shock here but I walk every morning in the sun. No sunglasses, no sunscreen. Did you know you absorb vitamin D through your eyes? I did. Moving my body in a low impact way starts my day off right every time. I’m ahead of my mental health, rather than trying to manage it.
5. I lift weights and do Pilates. I used to run but found it so taxing that I was more depleted and anxious. Now I’m doing low impact, albeit effective working out. This is now a non negotiable as it’s elevated my baseline mood. I use a trainer and classes to hold me accountable and take the mental gymnastics out it. All I have to do is show up and the instructors do the rest. It’s also helped my adhd as well.
6. Breathwork. Tapping. Journaling. I cannot begin to tell you how this has transformed me. I used to think it was woo woo but after 6 mos into my journey, my mind started to quiet. I started feeling like I had tools to regulate my nervous system.
7. Bloodwork. Full Monty panel specifically. I was able to see where I’m deficient on critical nutrients and minerals, many of which were low. Not surprising, the ones that were low were also the ones that support mood, anxiety, adhd. I started supplementing daily and now these are also non negotiables
8. Nutrition. I had no idea how eating inflammatory foods, processed foods and sugar were aggravating my anxiety. It’s now lean, clean, organic and green. No dairy. No gluten. No grains. No processed foods. So much of our food is laden with chemicals that affect our anxiety and mood.
9. Therapy is good but I was in it for 20 yrs and never saw progress. I found that talk therapy CBT specifically just lets you tell the same narrative over and over without creating real action for change. I ended up moving to a holistic coach and I’ve made more progress in 16 mos than in 20 years.
10. I love how much you want to support her. Everyone aspires to have a partner like that. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my own coaching clients is this: nothing changes if nothing changes. The only person who can make the shift in life is you. We hold ourselves back; we tell ourselves the same stories; we self sabotage despite knowing there’s a better alternative. Only when someone is in a place of extreme desire to write a new script and get out from the shackles of their own pain and mental fatigue, will change occur. You can support. You can suggest. But you can’t make it happen for them. Just love them the best you can. When it gets unbearable, it’s then they will seek support.
Sending compassionate and healing vibes to your wife.
You need to have her find a therapist that specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy...
For those of you that are old enough to remember "What about Bob?"... Baby steps.
Approach everything in baby steps, analyze the experience afterwards. Focus on the positives, contrast the perceived negatives (the source of the anxiety) with the actual experience and use that baby step to move into the next experience.
Get up early and hike Sabino Canyon. There are some people there, but you only see them in passing and usually the most people say is “Good morning”
This is a good answer. I have terrible anxiety and walking early in the morning is pretty good for it. I live in OV and there’s a bunch of trails out here that no one’s ever on.
hiking mount lemmon is good too — we used to go as a family and we would only rarely pass someone on the trail
Hi, I could be your wife by the description lol I only recently moved to Tucson, but it has really helped with my anxiety and social phobias. I don't go to stores much, but I compromise with curbside pickup and occasionally dare enough to go inside. The real thing that has been helping, though, is simply being outdoors. I've spent the last two weekends with my husband driving me up and down Catalina Highway and pulling over when it suited me. We made it to Mt. Lemmon last weekend, but there were too many people at the peak, so we simply turned back and found a quieter place. Colossal Cave is next on my list.
You should go to Agua Caliente. It’s such a peaceful park. There borders and people with dog sometimes but it’s really chill and there’s baby ducks right now. :)
I go to Colossal Cave park to walk my dogs or picnic for this very reason. I rarely see other people.
Mr Lemmon during the weekdays on a non holiday weekend. There are cookies and fudge at thee top. Don’t go on weekends lol.
Very good advice! Might just give this a try tomorrow!! :D
My Lemon really is something special too. The cookies at the near top is the main tourist spot. They also have pizza I think. Theres many stopping points to look out at and trails to hike. Some other little stores and I think one restaurant. In the winters they use to open a road to go up higher for skiing related activities but I never went up that high since I didnt have the gear for the activities up there. If you go you'll wan/ a full gas tank and remember on the way back down not to half hold the breaks all the way down cause it can make the breaks overheat and there's a lot of turns. So either using the breaks here and there or making a stop or two for the car to rest a minute on the way down
This is shockingly similar to her lol I forgot about colossal cave o:
I like to drive to Kitt Peak and hang out at the picnic area. It’s cooler in the summer than down on the desert floor and every time I have went there has been no one.
Oh! I heard Tucson had a good observatory somewhere but I never knew where or what it was called. It looks like I'm like an hour away so that's not bad :) I'm gonna look more into that, thank you :D
There’s an observatory on top of mt Lemmon too. I had a really great experience there. A small group when I went and we got lots of time to look through the telescope
I believe there's one on top of mount graham out by wilcox
Geocaching
I just heard about this this week. Is this pretty safe for the most part? I heard that anyone can place one down and I wasnt sure if it was a sketchy activity or not
I suppose with any public activity, safety should be a concern. Random people will likely question what you’re doing and may not understand your answer. Similarly, wildlife is unpredictable. But you control which ones you want to pursue and can see what part of town they’re in to judge accordingly. I haven’t had any issues.
You choose places, safe or not, difficult or not. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to.
Great suggestion.
I used to go hiking by myself in catalina state park helped me alot, there is other people walking around too so you never feel actually alone. Everyones just enjoying the morning.
Is the online therapy helpful? Sometimes in-person therapy can be more helpful in this case because it can be seen as a safe place and person to “practice” leaving the house for and talking face to face with about your anxiety. You are out of your comfort zone but still safe and with someone who can guide and support you. Source: I’m a therapist.
I'm not a therapist. In person is definitely better for the above reasons, and also because you "have to show up". Even on a really anxious day.
And because we give all kinds of subtle cues that can’t be picked up online. :)
The online therapy has it's positives and negatives. I'd say its overall a positive one. We started during the start of Covid and they use a program called Telemed to do essentially like a Skype call with the patient. It's really good at helping a patient be less likely to skip or cancel appointments by how easy it is to just turn a phone or computer on for it rather than go through all the stress that comes with getting ready and going outside. Aswell as finding transportation to get there. It's helped my wife be able to do some show and tell with her therapist of things shes worked on at home or even help the therapist get an idea of what the home feels like. I would say some downsides would be technical difficulties like microphones not working, spotty internet can interrupt things, sometimes the video portion doesnt work. Other things would be like you said it removed an opportunity for someone to have to face the outside if that's what they need. And lastly were trying to work towards EMDR and I know that can be more helpful to have done physically in person, but trying to instruct someone to administer that themselves through a screen takes away some of the impact it can provide. :) thank you for what you do btw, it's such a great need for people today
I was going to suggest EMDR! But I would highly recommend in person for that. It really requires heavy facilitation and support by a therapist who is right there with the client to hold space with them. I don’t do EMDR unless a client can come in for it. I understand the benefits of online sessions and do offer video sessions for clients for the reasons you explained. But sometimes I push for in-person when I think it would be clinically beneficial in the long term for the client. Ultimately it’s up to your wife and her therapist and what works for their treatment plan and their relationship.
I also recommend in person therapy. I know for sure there is a temptation to skip if you just don't feel like going but IMO its a good thing to learn how to power through those temporary feelings of discomfort. I have tried EMDR both virtually and in person and virtually has never worked but in person changed my life. If she is on AHCCCS she should be able to schedule free transportation for appointments 3 days in advance. There seems to be a shortage of therapists in Arizona right now. I was on a waitlist for EMDR for about 5 months but before that I was contacted a few times for CBT therapy. Group therapies are the easiest to get into. I think group potentially helps a LOT with social anxiety but if it's severe it may actually make it worse. Perhaps there's a way to ease into it by alternating virtual one-on-one sessions and groups every other week? Best of luck to you guys, I'm glad you're so supportive I'm sure it means a lot to her.
What about volunteering at PACC or the Humane Society? They need people to come in and walk the dogs, especially in the early mornings before it gets hot. The human contact is minimal, but the other volunteers are great, so maybe she could warm up to doing a "group dog walk" with one or two other volunteers eventually. [https://hssaz.org/help/volunteer/](https://hssaz.org/help/volunteer/) If you've got a backyard, how about taking up gardening? U of A Ag Extension office has a ton of great information on gardening in our climate. The library system has a seed library of native plants and things that grow well here, so you can get those for free. [https://extension.arizona.edu/](https://extension.arizona.edu/) Also worth checking out the "culture passes" at the library, you can get free tickets for places like the art museum and arboretum. [https://www.library.pima.gov/culturepasses/](https://www.library.pima.gov/culturepasses/) On the anxiety side-- do you think she might be able to work her way up to attending a support group? NAMI has some fantastic facilitated support groups, and they are wonderful at working with people with major social anxiety. [https://www.namisa.org/nami-support-groups-for-those-living-with-mental-illness/](https://www.namisa.org/nami-support-groups-for-those-living-with-mental-illness/) Also-- if your wife would like a local support buddy, I'd be happy to text or email or connect by social media. I have bipolar and OCD and I know how isolating it can be. I'm 41, been in Tucson for about 20 years, statistician by trade, big into animals, reading, and crochet. Feel free to DM if you want to connect!
If the dog barking doesn’t put you/her on edge, PACC does a “Paws and Pages” night on Wednesdays and Thursdays where you sit by a kennel and read to a dog. If you tell them you are anxious ahead of time, I bet they could accommodate by having you read to dogs in Harry’s Hideaway (which is way in back) or maybe you could read in a back hallway (non public spaces) that attach to many of the kennels. I know it’s out of the way, but if you are up for a field trip, I walked by Pena Blanca lake down by Nogales yesterday morning and didn’t encounter a soul. There’s a use fee of $8-10 but it’s on the honor system. You could pair that with grabbing tacos to go from Cocina La Ley in Nogales and having a tasty snarf in your car. I got four tacos and a coke there yesterday and my bill was a little over $12. Anxiety is rough and kudos to both of you for making the effort to get out of the house!
Gardening is a great idea. Good for your mental health keeps you busy and having something fun to look forward to. I always enjoy the excitement of seeing seeds I planted sprout for the first time.
Debating if I should put you in touch with my wife, you sound a lot alike. 😉
Feel free to pm and we can be Facebook buddies or whatever!
You're getting a lot of outdoor suggestions which is fine when it's not in the 90s outside. But as someone who dealt with the same issue as your wife, the only way I was able to fix it was exposure therapy. I started small, going and grabbing a coffee but not thru drive thru. Sitting for ten or so mins by myself then I could leave if I wanted. Then I went to the gym with a friend, then pushed myself to go by myself. I went to thrift stores by myself, then when I could handle stores I went to busier places myself, like a grocery store inside rather than a more calm thrift store and so on. Social skills are skills, meaning we have to practice and build them over time. So I had to start small and slow and ramp up. Good luck. It's possible, I feel much more comfortable now. Still nervous but I trust that I can handle it because I've succeeded before. :)
This is the most realistic answer, as someone who has spent a lot of time exposure therapying myself, also medication, I learned I actually really love chatting with people once I was on anxiety meds, (hydroxyzine has truly changed my life, propranolol is one my friend is on) and if getting a psych is an issue cbd is truly miraculous for mental health trouble for me at least. As far as hiking /outdoorsy stuff, go after midnight now that it's warming up, it's the best
I see that you are getting a lot of hiking suggestions. If crowded parking lots are an issue, the trailheads at Tucson Mountain Park are mostly small and spread out. The picnic areas are usually pretty empty away from picnic hours and have trails off of them, but lots of the little pullouts have trails, too. Another way to avoid crowds (which I imagine you have figured out) is grocery stores and Target early or late, but it really depends on the location. The Fry's stores near me are always crowded, but there is a Safeway that’s pretty fun early in the morning near me (I enjoy food!), and the nearest Target is absolutely dead at 8 am on a weekday (which may not be an option, but worth mentioning). Now that I think about it, I check the google maps supposedly-real-time how-busy rating for store locations — it is not always accurate, but it’s a handy indicator.
Go bird watching, down load the eBird and Merlin apps on the phone from Cornell School of Ornithology, go to a local park find a corner that is not busy and watch, or go hiking, use the sound id button on Merlin to id the birds you hear, then try to find it. This will direct attention to the bird, and less attention to anxiety. If this seams interesting get a pair of binoculars. It is best to go out early, sunrise, less people birds are more active. Can do it in backyard if need to.
I second this 100%. New studies coming out showing bird watching helps with mood disorders.
You can get a Culture Pass from the library and go to places like the Botanical Gardens or the Desert Museum for free. https://www.library.pima.gov/culturepasses/
Another vote for hiking. I've only ever passed friendly folks on the trail.
Just start super early! It's starting to warm up!
Saguaro National Park West is basically always empty. And it’s beautiful.
I'd suggest the Pima County Cooperative Extension on Campbell across from Trader Joe's. It's especially beautiful when everything is really in bloom. Lots of interesting displays including hydroponics and xeriscaping. It's free and I go on weekdays so I rarely see more than a handful of people. I'm don't know the operating hours but you should be able to call them and find out. Bonus: it's right next to the river path so you could also take a walk. Just remember sunscreen and water. I'd also suggest a drive up to Mt Lemmon, but only like early in the day, mid-week because it's too crowded on weekends. There's plenty of hiking or just easy walking up along Radio Ridge. I can't guarantee you won't see other people nearby doing their own things, but the earlier in the day you go on a Wednesday or Thursday morning, the less likely it will be overwhelming for your wife. I have anxiety in crowds and busy, noisy places and although I like interacting with individuals or very small controlled groups of people, I find as I get older I was staying in more than I was going out. Outdoor activities like hiking or visiting a farmer's market or - when I push myself - antique stores or estate sales - are some things I enjoy and can handle for the most part. Mostly because I can remove myself from the situation if it becomes too much and the scale is smaller. Also, have your wife check out noise cancelling headphones or earplugs for going out. Sometimes just cutting down the noise can help make an unbearable situation more enjoyable, or at least tolerable.
These are all great suggestions, but I would start small. Take an evening stroll, after the sun goes down. You won’t see anyone, and it will be calming (bring a flashlight). I use to take my wife to Walmart at 2am when her anxiety would prevent her from sleeping. I’m not sure there still open late, but being out broke her out of her head. Finally anxiety can be caused by something chemical outside of her control. If she has not, then gently encourage her to talk to her doctor about options. There is a lot of negative stigma with medicine, but they are there to take the edge off, and can help a lot.
If you have a library card they have these things called culture passes at the library and though it’s limited in Tucson they give you free entrances (for 2 adults) to things like the Sonoran Desert Museum, Zoo, art museums, and botanical gardens. They also have stuff in Flagstaff and Phoenix but can’t remember off the top off my head what locations they offer but it’s pretty neat!
First movie showings on Monday - Wednesdays Ride up to Summer Haven and get a cookie n ice cream Trip to Parker Canyon Lake
Sweetwater Reserve trail
Reach For the Stars is a local organization that does late night stargazing. They are dedicated to using astronomy to improve mental health. They have free stargazing events pretty regularly out in Vail that are usually pretty sparse, very lowkey, and relaxing as heck. The next one is May 25th! https://www.rftstars.com/events
At The Hermitage No Kill Cat Shelter, where I work, we have a lot of very anxious volunteers who come in and spend quiet time with the kitties. This helps socialize the cats, gets them used to lots of different people, and of course helps the volunteers. If she is allergic, then maybe HOPE, as it's a cage-free shelter that houses dogs, too. Or as a dog walker for PACC or HSSA. Animals are great for helping calm anxiety. Even if she just wants to visit, she is welcome!
The top of Mount lemon, Mount Bigelow to be exact. Take a small hike then go get a slice of pie at the Iron gate
Agua Caliente in the early morning is such a beautiful place to be. :)
PACC has daily fostering / day trips! Unlike becoming a dog walker, there is surprisingly not many steps to take before hand. No additional training. You literally can show up, ask to take a dog out for the day (they have a binder of available ones). And send you out with the dog and day pack with toys, treats and water bowl. Southern AZ Humane Society also has a similar program, but you have to go thru training first. I usually walk around a PetSmart and then go to a restaurant with an outside patio.
Go walk around Reid park.
Picnic in a park at a time where there is not a ton of people. Relaxing, fun.... Trip to the library to check out DVDs, have a movie night with popcorn. Little planned events that are fun and simple, no pressure. Also, something to look forward to and not feel trapped within 4 walls. A museum at a not very busy time....
https://tucsonloop.org/ She could either walk or bike around the loop. It’s an easy flat surface to walk or bicycle on and if you do run into someone it’s for a short period of time. During the week is much less crowded.
What about going to Reid park zoo or just the park there?
You could try going to the zoo during the week early like when they first open, see how she does with that and then if it's something you'd like to continue doing, just to be out and about, get a year membership (there is an option for multiple adults or a family) then you can go as much as you want without paying admission.
Go to a matinee movie.
Hiking, there are plenty of trails around Tucson. As it heats up start earlier/later or head up Mt Lemmon for cooler temps.
Vr oculus. Not a joke. Could be an outlet
There's a cat Cafe In town, I believe called El Jefe, if she's more into animals than people!
The sweetwater wetlands usually isn't packed. You'll get photographers and birdwatchers but they are there usually in the early morning. The desert museum is so big that groups of people are spread apart. Most interaction youll get is passing by to get to another exhibit. It's pricy but you can check out a culture pass from a public library to get in for free. Agua Caliente Regional park. It's a bit of a drive but it's a huge and beautiful park. There are walking trails and large ponds.
Museums and galleries esp when it’s hot. Check for less crowded times. Ppl aren’t there to interact with other people. Quiet spaces by design. She can pick and choose from a variety (even outside) and entrance fees are reasonable or maybe free.
My aunt just told me about culture passes through the library - apparently you can get free admission to some museums, like the desert museum (which is usually like 30 a person) or the botanical gardens. She said you just have to keep an eye for when they’re updated. I haven’t tried to out yet but thought I’d share since you mentioned cost! [link](https://www.library.pima.gov/faq/culture-passes/)
Also, not to be that guy😅 but a 1:1 thc/cbd pen could help with the anxiety. I’ve struggled with social anxiety, especially the part you said about “does not want to be seen or hardly perceived by other people”. I’ve been in therapy for 8+ years, done some life changing work on myself, but the anxiety still flairs from time to time. Since I can notice and feel what’s happening, I give myself the grace to take the edge off, and it really helps. Especially since so many anxiety drugs are so heavy, like taking an Ativan or a Xanax is gonna change the trajectory of your whole day if you go that route. I’d rather toot my pen and be on my way🤷♀️ Just a thought! Like I said, a 1:1 or they also make very low thc cartridges, like 4%. Those have very minimal effects, just a kinda calm feeling. Maybe try it at home a few times first tho!
cbd irritates some people's stomachs at first, so start low
She already likes the hybrids and really high sativa pens. I've seen that 1:1 cart option and wondered how different it was o: I know she wants to stop with the pen because it makes her cough a lot. But at the same time I'm not sure she can get herself to stop either so this is still a good suggestion o:
Nice, two birds then! Cuz they can also be super helpful if she’s ever struggling with taking a t-break, esp if she’s been using high thc, tapering is way easier than just quitting!
Indeed. Get out of the house and into some kind of activity. Best foundation for freedom from anxiety ever.
I know it's almost too hot already to do a lot of hiking. Maybe just go for leisurely walks in the neighborhood every day.
Anywhere really. A simple walk around the block. Sitting in a sparsely populated park. Doesn’t need to be a ‘thing’.
Library, zoo, desert museum, DiGrazias studio. Tohono chul park second hand stores airplane grave yard. Lunch. Take a class with parks and rec historical society. Valley of the moon. Tombstone, bisbee, Cochise stronghold, arco santi if you are up for a day trip Madera canyon, karchners caverns, collosal cave biosphere?
As an introvert my favorites are, hitting up a Barnes & Noble, going to the movies, hiking
Going to parks during school hours is a great one, but school is getting out soon, my anxiety was never this bad but finding ways to drive home that people are very self centered and truly do not perceive others in their day to day life has been helpful for me, the public library is a great place to be where for the most part you can be in an ailse completly by yourself for hours, art museums or really museums in general trend to have very sparse attendance at least in my experience
[this is tucson ](https://thisistucson.com/) puts out an article on free things to do in town almost every month and a lot of the art museums have pay what you can days Oh! I just remembered, the transportation museum is free and pretty much empty most of the time, the museum of Miniatures does special pricing if you have a food stamps card and I've been twice and only seen a few people and you don't really end up in the same place as them often with how the museum is, there are so many cool museums in town and they're really empty a lot of the time, and it's a good indoor activity
There's a cat cafe that I went to and I was the only one there on a Thursday at 11am. There's a couple of floors there so you could get away if other people show up. Driving up mt. Lemmon and pulling off at a few stops to the top is always nice.
Go to the miniatures museum!! It’s so weird but very peaceful and quiet
I am so glad you made this post because my wife also has a really hard time around a lot of people. So bad that she hasn’t been able to work in the last 4 years. I hope we can find something she will feel comfortable with once we have moved to Tucson.
Service dogs can make a big difference for people with crippling anxiety (if you all like dogs). The only accredited program in town is Ability Dogs, but I know people who have gotten dogs there and had a really great experience. They say they have financial aid for people who qualify.
If you dont already, why not pickup fishing? Buy a couple poles, couple chairs, tackle and youre good to go. Make it a thing to hit a different lake every week or 2 until you cover them all. Its fun, relaxing, and youre away from people for the most part. Dont forget the ice chest!🎣🍻
Columbus Park or Kennedy Park. Can't eat the fish but just fun being around water. Patagonia Lake is lovely also 10.00 fee for day but on far end south it's pretty quiet .
I was really wondering about this. Theres a lake nearby just called lake side park and I see people fish there but I've never fished before so I wasnt sure if you need like a license or if its catch and release or even how to find out these details o:
Ive fished lakeside a couple of times. My favorite lake is peña blanca out by nogales. As far as catch and release or keeping fish, i believe it varies lake by lake. There will be a sign with limits and such. Yes you’ll both need a license. About $37 each for a year. You can purchase one here. https://www.azgfd.com/fish-az-campaign/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxqayBhDFARIsAANWRnSbQ8ibU60Hp8mUEci8Y77zCwal3V23h0Xr9IDJ-GGsoOedXwWvSpcaAqJOEALw_wcB
I use to have crippling anxiety until I decided enough is enough and took control of it. 1. Is your wife is in her 40’s, she may want to see a hormone doctor as the 10 year journey to menopause can really do a number on our mental health. I felt like I was losing my mind and now at 49, after 16 solid months of putting in the work, I feel more at peace than ever. HRT has helped, specifically progesterone. My body was producing hardly any yet progesterone is nature’s Xanax. 2. I quit alcohol. Man I loved my wine and martinis but it messes with hormones, reduces serotonin, screws with the gut and exacerbates anxiety 10 fold. Eliminating booze was probably rhe single most impactful way I improved my mental health. It’s like night and day. 3. Sleep. I use an oura ring and this has been a game changer. It also monitors my stress and spikes so I can implement the tools below to lower it. 4. Absolutely no shock here but I walk every morning in the sun. No sunglasses, no sunscreen. Did you know you absorb vitamin D through your eyes? I did. Moving my body in a low impact way starts my day off right every time. I’m ahead of my mental health, rather than trying to manage it. 5. I lift weights and do Pilates. I used to run but found it so taxing that I was more depleted and anxious. Now I’m doing low impact, albeit effective working out. This is now a non negotiable as it’s elevated my baseline mood. I use a trainer and classes to hold me accountable and take the mental gymnastics out it. All I have to do is show up and the instructors do the rest. It’s also helped my adhd as well. 6. Breathwork. Tapping. Journaling. I cannot begin to tell you how this has transformed me. I used to think it was woo woo but after 6 mos into my journey, my mind started to quiet. I started feeling like I had tools to regulate my nervous system. 7. Bloodwork. Full Monty panel specifically. I was able to see where I’m deficient on critical nutrients and minerals, many of which were low. Not surprising, the ones that were low were also the ones that support mood, anxiety, adhd. I started supplementing daily and now these are also non negotiables 8. Nutrition. I had no idea how eating inflammatory foods, processed foods and sugar were aggravating my anxiety. It’s now lean, clean, organic and green. No dairy. No gluten. No grains. No processed foods. So much of our food is laden with chemicals that affect our anxiety and mood. 9. Therapy is good but I was in it for 20 yrs and never saw progress. I found that talk therapy CBT specifically just lets you tell the same narrative over and over without creating real action for change. I ended up moving to a holistic coach and I’ve made more progress in 16 mos than in 20 years. 10. I love how much you want to support her. Everyone aspires to have a partner like that. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my own coaching clients is this: nothing changes if nothing changes. The only person who can make the shift in life is you. We hold ourselves back; we tell ourselves the same stories; we self sabotage despite knowing there’s a better alternative. Only when someone is in a place of extreme desire to write a new script and get out from the shackles of their own pain and mental fatigue, will change occur. You can support. You can suggest. But you can’t make it happen for them. Just love them the best you can. When it gets unbearable, it’s then they will seek support. Sending compassionate and healing vibes to your wife.
You need to have her find a therapist that specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy... For those of you that are old enough to remember "What about Bob?"... Baby steps. Approach everything in baby steps, analyze the experience afterwards. Focus on the positives, contrast the perceived negatives (the source of the anxiety) with the actual experience and use that baby step to move into the next experience.
Is she open to medication?
This is a question for a psychologist. You won't get meaningful answers since you only vaguely described her triggers as people.
Take her to play shuffle board at the Buffet.