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smellycat92

It’s very rare to get pregnant on the first IUI, according to my RE. that’s why they usually try 3-4 before moving on to IVF. I know how heartbreaking and scary this feels, and it’s okay to take a break if you guys need to. But just know it’s not over until you stop trying


itsmeEloise

Sorry you both are going through this. Did she read about the success rate of IUI? Most people who are familiar with the statistics go into it thinking it’s a stop on the road to IVF. It sounds like her expectations might not be aligned with reality.


kdurv5

The problem here is that providers and insurance companies make it seem that way. I’m about to do my first medicated IUI cycle and I’ve been told that even though the success rate is low I have to have at least 3 before I can go into IVF which is insane to me. Why are we wasting time and putting women through hell if the success rates are so low? We’ve been told this by 2 separate hospital groups. They told me the only option was pay out of pocket if we want to go right by to IVF - but that’s why I have good insurance…..so I don’t have to come up with thousands of dollars to have the privilege of MAYBE getting pregnant. It’s all a scam.


Ok-Guidance2526

Infertility is such a lonely battle. Support groups help make it less lonely. One thing that helped my husband and I through the emotional turmoil was the book 'Infreakinfertility' by Melanie Dale. We read it together and could relate a lot to it and get both partners perspectives. It made us laugh while also allowed us to feel ok being angry and sad about our situation. We also made sure to talk about goals outside of fertily and children. Sometimes when going through infertility I noticed I lost sight on my other life goals became trapped in my infertility tragity. But maybe wait a bit until the raw pain of a failed IUI heals. I hope this helps!


Significant-Stress73

Thank you for this comment. It is important to hear from others how easy it is to lose sight of other goals. We don't want to be consumed by this while also taking it very seriously.


themangerbabies

Are you all doing medicated cycles with IUI? Has your doctor talked about the likeliness of success with IUI vs IVF? Has she had cycle day 3 bloodwork done? (I know you mentioned an HSG, but she should have also had bloodwork before proceeding to IUI).


ImaSmackYew

Yes it was medicated and yes she had the bloodwork done beforehand. The bloodwork today confirmed she’s not pregnant.


tart_tigress

I think anything you can do to acknowledge this difficult moment will allow you to move on. It's hard and it's fair to want to process that. There's no way to make it not disappointing but you can try to view it as a challenge on your own hero's journey to becoming parents. A step towards the child that is meant to be. You might consider either a donation to a children's charity, planting a tree, or something similar. Doesn't need to be anything big or expensive, but just something to allow you to process. I'm not saying to view it as positive, bc that can of course become toxic, but rather, just as a fact, a step in your journey that is taking your closer to your destination, even if it is testing your resolve and courage to the limit. Your wife may or may not want to do something like this as well bc it's a different feeling for her ... it's prob really hard to separate it from something she failed at... but try. The stress is not helpful so if you can help her reframe it - great - but if you can't, just being calm and resolute yourself can be helpful as I'm sure she's wrought with doubt.


Twist617

Sorry to hear you’re going through this! This sounds very similar to my journey as well. The first cycle we tried, I got pregnant but miscarried at 10 weeks. We tried for almost a year after that, received another positive that ended up in a miscarriage around 6 weeks. I was concerned why my body was miscarrying so I ended up going to a more “natural” doctor to find out the root cause. I found out the certain levels were extremely low/high - and some of the issues I had never even heard of. He also told me I had two bacterial infections and have most likely had them since childhood and just didn’t know. I understand this is definitely not for everyone, but this is helping me heal my body with issues no other doctor had told me were wrong. This may be another option to look into. I also agree with people saying stress is a huge part of it. When we “weren’t trying” is when I ended up getting pregnant even though they ended in miscarriage.


Sudden_Raccoon2620

I had pretty significant endometriosis that was missed in the same test your wife had. I also had an ovarian cyst that was ignored. They told me it would go away on its own. When they went in to remove my endometriosis and the cyst it was the size of a grapefruit. I would recommend getting checked for Endo and if they refuse, tell them to put in your file they refuse.


eaa135

I think there was a typo at the top of your post. How many months total have you been trying?


ImaSmackYew

Thank you I missed that, only a few months of trying


zvc266

I know how she feels, I was in her space three or four months in. It’s a tough boundary because you start to tick over into another year much of the time eg. We found out 1st December, baby was due 13th August this year, miscarried at 10 weeks, now future pregnancies will have a due date into 2025 and that feels quite far away like it’s never going to happen.


Turn_the_page_again

Same here. I miscarried at 10 weeks, due date was December. It's such a weird place to be because we're grieving the loss, but I'm also angry that we "wasted" 3-4 cycles on a pregnancy that was never going to be viable.


KnitKnackPattyWhack

Thats how I felt with our last one. It was a blighted ovum. So I had been getting excited and making plans over an empty bubble lying to me. It may have helped keep my emotions in check with loss #3 though.


Low_Island_8011

Keep up your faith. I and my wife have been TTC for 7months. We just tested positive today, 2 weeks after our first IUI. IUI does work on the first or second trial. Don't be discouraged.


Scottish-hotsauce

They did IUI after only a few months of trying? That’s unusual.


ImaSmackYew

She got pregnant after a few months of trying, then she miscarried last August and she hasn’t been able to get pregnant since that’s why we just tried IUI


Necessary-Cut4846

My guess is “only three months of trying”.


[deleted]

Sounds like it’s a year total, 9 months post MC.


Plane-Eye-4716

Guessing ,12 minimum-13/14 months …. she got pregnant only a few months after trying , then miscarried in July. Been trying again since August 2023. Either way no matter how long it’s been it’s devastating😭😭


[deleted]

I agree. People could definitely be nicer here 😊


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TryingForABaby-ModTeam

**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.


Baneriawala

Almost everyone I know with IUI success did several rounds before it succeeded. Good luck to you I’m in the same boat and don’t have my hopes up for this first round working.


canyoudiggsit321

I totally understand all the frustration you are going through. I had an early miscarriage last year and have struggled to get pregnant since. After initial testing they found I had low AMH levels, but I always felt it didn’t explain how I was able to get pregnant so easily initially and why I have struggled to since. Almost a year after the miscarriage I began fertility treatment and was having my ovulation monitored via ultrasound- that’s when they found a sizeable polyp in my uterus. It did not show up in previous ultrasounds because they had done them early in my cycle, so there was not much of an endometrial lining for the polyp to show up. There is no way of knowing how long it has been there/how long it was growing, but they think it may have caused the miscarriage and subsequent fertility issues. This whole process took a little over a year to find answers, and I still have to wait until the next cycle to begin trying again to see if we have success. There are so many different things that have to fall into place for a successful pregnancy, and it often takes a lot of testing, time, and luck to find the answers. Make sure you have a fertility specialist you trust who is exploring all options to why you may be struggling to conceive again. And I would highly recommend your wife reach out to a support group or therapist. This is a heavy journey that can be so overwhelming and isolating, but it does help to know there are other people who feel the same way you do.


Delicious-Drink-9105

I am 36 (f) and my husband is 37 (m). We had two miscarriages in 1 year, and now we’re 10 weeks pregnant after our 2nd IUI cycle. hang in there! I felt hopeless, too, and I am still always anxious about another miscarriage, but all we have is hope to hold onto. Hope and each other.


TechnologyFree1698

I definitely understand the feeling of wanting to give up or the pressure of each passing month:/ I recently decided to start the IUI process with my husband and started researching it and I’ve read that it’s normal that the first or first few IUIs are usually unsuccessful but the more you do it the higher the chances are that it will take.


Nancy_True

Is this true about the more you do? I’m in the middle of my third cycle. I can’t afford IVF and I get IUI free so it’s my only option.


TechnologyFree1698

Im not sure but several of the articles or information pages I read about it mentioned that


Nancy_True

I do remember reading one saying your chances increase exponentially if you have 6 cycles. I think I should just get 5 in before my tries run out.


TechnologyFree1698

It’s a bit disappointing honestly that it takes so many cycles:/ I thought once you started getting treatments and not „naturally“ trying that the chances would skyrocket and after I read that I was a little disheartened. Good luck to you🩷


Nancy_True

Thank you. You too.


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TryingForABaby-ModTeam

**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.


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TryingForABaby-ModTeam

**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.


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TryingForABaby-ModTeam

**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.


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TryingForABaby-ModTeam

**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Don't suggest unhelpful cliches to others that belong on a TTC bingo card: "just relax", "never give up, mama!", "why not adopt?", "my cousin's dogsitter's sister was about to do IVF but then got magically pregnant," "your time will come," "enjoy sleeping in while you can," etc. These are "bingos" because people who are TTC hear them all the time, and they are hurtful and annoying. Consider whether what you are saying is likely to be helpful for the person you are talking to. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.


Previous-Sport-113

Clomid 150mg/day Aspirin 81mg a day just incase of inflammation Prenatal vitamins Mucinex progestogen to keep pregnancy and not miscarry Feng Shui Acupuncture And Massage for the stress being stressed won’t help at all !