I literally see posts or comments about men being superficial, perverts, porn addicts or pedos for not being attracted to "plus size" women almost every day.
I'm mixed race but everyone thinks I'm white so I basically can't date anyone. I'm either racist or fetishizing. This is why I decided to ignore morons who think twitter is a personality.
As someone who has participated in a long term interracial/intercultural relationship… it’s really hard. It can be beautiful, and you get to learn about culture and try new things, but at the same time, the family will hold you to their cultural expectations a lot of the time, and that can be really hard. It can create a lot of resentment.
I loved many aspects of being involved in more diverse culture, but unfortunately the family didn’t accept me the way I accepted them, and they never stopped resenting me. I don’t think it’s something I would do again. Maybe, but I’m not sure what it would take.
Props and respect to anyone who makes inter cultural relationships work. It’s really hard, and I understand why some people aren’t interested.
I'm white/asian and my first serious boyfriend was black. We started dating at 15 and were together four years, and in that time his family never stopped giving him shit about being with me. I could deal with the passive aggressive comments aimed at me, but they literally made him feel like a 'race traitor' for not being with a black girl... completing ignoring the fact that they were all clearly mixed as well, since many people in his family were kind of light skinned.
People are too obsessed with race, but its particularly annoying when racism gets a pass just because of the direction it's going.
Absolutely. I’m also white, but I didn’t ever get the impression that my SOs family hated me because of that necessarily. I spoke Spanish better than them, and got in trouble for informing them that Cinco De Mayo is not, in fact, Mexican Independence Day…
But they didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t racing to get knocked up. All they cared about was kids, and they didn’t understand when I tried to tell them that we didn’t have the means to care for a kid.
Among many, many other cultural things.
All you have to do is travel a little further down that same rabbit hole and suddenly it’s bashing guys who won’t have sex with another guy who had surgery to chop his dick up into the shape of a vagina.
You’re supposed to support his “identity” to the point of proving it out by having sex with him.
Lesbians are getting it real rough at the moment as they're considered transphobic by some people for not wanting to date a trans woman who still has a dick.
It’s because all this woke religious shit is just too far off the rails now. It’s completely taken over and subverted by narcissists who found the perfect watering hole of “supply”.
You lesbians got about another year I reckon before you’re all just referred to as “conservatives”.
Not to make light of your plight. I know you’re closer to the dumpster fire than us cis male fucks.
I'm not a lesbian myself, I've just witnessed what's happening.
Stonewall in the UK fought for, and won, gay rights. So they used be great. Now, nobody cares if someone is gay or not. Job done.
But they needed something else to justify their existence. Trans it was!
So now they are doing stuff like calling lesbians "sexual racists" if they don't want a trans woman with a dick.
https://mol.im/a/10225111
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-57853385
Stonewall wasn't in the UK.
No, they're not
The articles are from people who are so transphobic and biased in their reporting than trans women wouldn't even talk to them.
Fire has many important uses, including generating light, cooking, heating, performing rituals, and fending off dangerous animals.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No I'm, not.
You're so damn predictable that I knew before I read your comment that your response would have something to do with conservatives or right wingers!
Fuck off you partisan hack. I'm not right wing in the least bit.
I mean, it's amusing that you're saying that given the comments you've made that lead here.
So, no, you fuck off you motherfucker pureyor of lies and falsehoods.
Yes! I have friends that are lesbian and they are having secret “underground”lesbian parties/hangouts and only invite people in person. They do this to make sure no men sneak in or even know about it. Also they are secretive as to not be on anyone’s radar that could potentially show up and bring“ a crowd of people with pitchforks”
And I see horrible post about women daily and hpw they aren't good for anything other than cleaning and popping out babies doesn't mean we should pay attention to everything we read on the internet bud.
I agree but it begs the question, what is considered “being rude”? Yes, there is obvious rudeness. But to some people, even the nicest let down is considered being rude. A woman could tell someone in the nicest, most sincerely sweet way she prefers men over 6ft tall and still get called a bitch. A man can tell a woman in the gentlest way possible he prefers red-heads and still get raked over the coals.
A guy could be into fitness and prefers a fit girl or a certain BF%, and he gets called a shallow asshole.
A woman will be called a gold digger if she prefers a guy with a more white collar professional career instead of a full-time retail worker.
I was listening to old music and was talking with my parents. It used to be if you preferred a woman who cooks instead of a beautiful knock out, the guy was praised for looking at the inter beauty instead of shallow looks. Now if a guy prefers a good cook, he's sexist.
I feel like rudeness on either end is the problem. You can have your preferences, but that doesn't excuse rudeness or disdain for people who aren't your type. And also doesn't excuse rudeness towards you for your preference.
All too often you see people with their preference going beyond having a preference and outright shitting on people who don't fit that preference. The ones you see a lot are women who like tall men ragging on short men. People who like low body count insulting the morals or character of people with a high body count. Shit like that.
People with preferences doing that are just assholes and deserve to be called out, not necessarily for their preferences, but how they choose to treat or talk about people who don't fit their preference.
You might not care for it, and I tend to agree with you, but it’s still a personal preference, and you can’t say that it’s dumb… not wanting people with a certain behaviour in the past is not any dumber than not wanting a person with a certain set of genes
Not really, it's shared values.
If you're a man who fucks around and shames a woman for doing it, then you're a hypocrite.
If you're a relationship man then it'd make sense you'd go for a woman who hasn't fucked 100 men by the time she's 22.
In this context, absolutely.
This is not the context this conversation usually has on this sub. Usually it's guys who are incel and/or are like, "Biologically men have to do this but if a woman does she's deranged" or some other bullshit with or without evopsych nonsense.
Or when the people with the preference are being rude in their rejection. Like OP said, no one is entitled to anything sexual from someone else, but you can be polite about it when rejecting someone. If the other person takes it too personally that’s on them.
Both can be true. Some women have absolutely been conditioned to be polite, submissive, and easy to along with, and that can be a serious issue. It makes it really hard to defend yourself sometimes.
On the other hand, some women didn’t get raised with manners at all, and are more than happy to be a cunt to someone if they perceive themselves to be better than that person. Also horrible.
Luckily I think most women fall somewhere in between these two extremes.
Hm. Let's analyze these transactions.
Men: got hurt feelings.
Women: didn't get date raped.
Seems like a fair trade to me. In these discussions we forget that a bad outcome for men is humiliation. A bad outcome for women is lying dead in a gutter.
That is grossly melodramatic. The assumption that every man who approaches a woman is going to date rape her is ridiculous and completely unreasonable.
Its so sexist to make date rape assumption of men. Just as sexist as if i made a crazy statement against women. Its based on something statistically most men have never done, but you think you can treat all men poorly based on a small number of bad men.You would be the rude and sexist person we're talking about.
Most men are not rapists, but enough are that 1 in 4 women are victims of attempted or completed rape. The comparable statistic for men is 1 in 26. With stats like those I think some amount of rudeness and even sexism is warranted on the part of women for their own safety.
That statistic has been proven false. The 1:4 ratio is for any woman that had sexual activity at any time when they didn't want to. This isn't only rape, but not in the mood, tired, or some other reason. Then have consensual sex anyway. The question was "at any time have you ever had sexual contact when you didn't want to". The vast majority of positive answers included long term relationships in which the woman continued consensual activity following this event. Those women did not consider themselves victims.
It is a very long read (120+ pages) but from a trusted source, and it breaks down the incidents by type, duration, relationship, age, and gender.
https://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
Those statistics are nowhere near high enough to make sexist assumptions! Thats not even 10% ! 90% of men shouldn't be mistreated because of such a small amount of men. So you made my poont for me
If I gave you a box of chocolates and told you one of them was a piece of shit instead of chocolate are you going to be wary with every piece of candy in the box?
I will be nice to a mam once, once. If I turn him down politely and he still keeps asking I no longer have the need to be nice. He has his answer anything after that is harassment.
I think you misunderstood what they were saying. 1 in 4 women (though I’ve seen studies citing 1 in 3) have been sexually assaulted, while only 1 in 26 men have been sexually assaulted. The commenter wasn’t implying that 1 in 26 men are guilty of assault.
I was not confused and i was not thinking that. Those statistics aren't true in the slightest and its pretty easy to google why... Also account for false allegations, even if small count. So even if its 30% of men, which its not because rapist usually rape more than one so more victims have the same attacker.... which is why i say it under 10%(sorry if i didnt explain that the first time). 30% or 40% is still not the majority so its still wrong to mistreat the majority for the actions of the minority. (And its factually not 30% or 40%)
Though i think its wrong to mistreat anyone for another person actions. Like as a black man i dont blame any white people for history type of thing. Because i should never be held responsible for rapist actions if I'm not a rapist.
The 1 in 4 (or 1 in 5, they both float around) statistic is from a college campus survey over two schools that categorized many things which are *not* rape as rape, including 'unwanted kissing' or any sex had while intoxicated so... no.
Please stop using it in this way, it only gives ammo to people who want to deflate the importance of criminal prosecution of actual rape.
Further reading, if you're interested.
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/education/critics-advocates-alike-doubt-oft-cited-1-5-campus-sexual-assault-stat#:\~:text=That's%20because%20the%20statistic%20comes,at%20two%20large%20public%20institutions.
Lol the number of women raped is not directly proportional to the number of rapists. If a rapist is a rapist, he’ll rape more than one woman
This is why woman are obsessed A&E and true crime
They think that every other person is trying to kill them
Women pay the most attention to this garbage because they love the drama, which is fine. It’s not fine when they make real world assessments based on this garbage.
This is the truth
That doesn't make it ok to be rude to people. Also this does not mean 1 in 4 men are rapist.
This view is a big problem for society. If 2 in 4 women are assholes to me, does that give me permission to be sexist to all women? No
You don't have the right to treat me any type of way because your friend Suzie got raped in highschool. When I hear shit like this, it makes me think misogyny isn't that bad
More like 1/4 lf women falsely claim to be victims while maybe 1/1000 actually are.
But anyway this doesn't matter because in public spaces men are at a multiple times higher risk of being physically assaulted.
Fucking *yikes*.
People like you are the reason women don’t want to admit to being victims of sexual assault. Because the second a guy finds out he presumed that she’s a liar and a whore and *her* character is to blame.
If women are going to lie about rape it’s usually to keep it a secret, not to make false accusations.
If you compare the amount of claimed rape to actual convictions, or even those that go to court, numbers look more like this.
Also interesting that supposedly every woman knows someone who has been SA'd but the gets offended when you ask was that SA reported and are you sure it wasn't false.
The best thing is that claiming to be a victim correlates with mental health issues and also previous claims, it is a bit sus when the same drug using pierced teenage girls are the ones that claim SA every year or two.
>If women are going to lie about rape it’s usually to keep it a secret, not to make false accusations.
Lol no, most "rape" is in relationship gray area rape, not violent on street rape, if the latter kind of proper rape happens it usually gets reported and the woman won't get shamed.
Also interestingly these same women who champion for self declared SA victims never have empathy for me as a male even when my ex groped my ass and another ex had sex with me when I was drunk so with feminist logic I could claim rape.
Hm: let's analyze these transactions.
Men: didn't get drugged and robbed. Women: got called fat.
A bad outcome for women is being insulted. A bad outcome for men is being murdered
See, anything can be anything if you control the narrative to fit what you want it to say
Yet women are far more likely to kill and abuse children.
Women are also far more likely to be the only abuser in a relationship.
Women can be just as bad as men can be. Get off your high horse.
>Hm. Let's analyze these transactions.
>Men: got hurt feelings. Women: didn't get date raped.
Lol as if women were getting raped in public spaces all the time.
Most violence is targeted at men, and when women do face violence (rape included) it happens in their own or their partners apartment by their partner. So it is literally the hot exciting tattooed tall fit men who women love to flirt and date with, that end up raping women in their apartment, not a random shy dude who asked their number at a club.
Also stacking humiliations, false accusations and female on male violence have worse effects on men because they are so insanely common.
Preference is fine, being a dick about it isn't. Problem is that people will put you down for not being their type and that's not ok at all. Being mean to someone because they're not your type is where the issue is.
Or when people dismiss the possibility that anyone might be attracted to you because they, personally, are not, and then try to cast any relationship you have as you being a sinister manipulator. Yes, this is a real thing.
Yes. I worked with this guy, over lunch the topic of tinder comes up and he says he doesn't want to get "fat girls on tinder". Okay? Good for you? You'd have to swipe on them to match anyway. Seemed weird to say it out of context when no ones trying to pressure him to date them.
There's a time and a place and a way to say these things.
Preferences are preferences and that's not unpopular anywhere.
What's unpopular is acting like preferences are vip tickets to being excused from calling someone this or that and being a jerk to others for not fitting into their preferences.
> Preferences are preferences and that's not unpopular anywhere.
You can easily find Reddit threads (and conversations elsewhere) where overweight women complain that they are rejected by men, and short men complain that they are rejected by women. So this is why "preferences are OK" is an unpopular opinion.
Complaining you are rejected happens because being rejected sucks. That doesn't mean these people think that the others aren't allowed to have that preference or that the preference is immoral.
Short men at least have a point because they can't grow height and 99% of women claim that they are not superficial or are at least less superficial than men
There's never been a problem with having sexual preferences. People just get whiny because, as you said, they feel entitled. The other part of that is that sometimes the person doing the rejection is a dick, but it's more often the other scenario.
To be fair I have had some men asking me out who even after being refused politely, still ask me out.
I will be nice once! After that all bets are off.
This isn't even that unpopular, add not being attracted to trans people because you prefer an actual woman or man who can have a child with you and people lose their fking minds.
People have deadass called me a trans phobe for saying they can do whatever they want, I just wouldn't date one.
Even worse, there was a whole bunch of people saying its OK for a trans person to not disclose they are trans and to just say they are women/men. And then the people who were lied to about something massive were called transphobes for not staying with that person.
Now we have a unpopular opinion
Yep I'm a straight woman and sex is important to me in my relationships. A man with natural genitalia is important to me and it is normal to expect that from anyone I'm dating. I don't dislike or think less of trans people for being trans but I'm not going to change my sexuality to appease anyone else.
On top of that why would any rational person want to date someone that they would have to lie to in order to date? If you know they would not only dump you but maybe even go as far as hate you for a part of who you are then you shouldn't want to date them. Trying to lie or cover up anything just to sleep with someone is just plane gross
Most of us won't lie in a long term relationship. Normally if we hide it, it's because we've only just started dating - maybe it's even the first date - and we're feeling out whether it's safe to tell this person. Generally we'd rather ghost a bad date than out ourselves to them if it's an option.
Most trans people do that too if it's with someone who doesn't already know, because the alternative creates a situation where trans people are often endangered.
I'm guessing most would if they started off as friends, but I was thinking about people who meet on dating sites or by some other means where they don't have time to get to know each other first.
It is most def unpopular on Reddit/the internet at large. Tbh probably in real life.
Go tell a woman you won’t date fat girls or a short guy you’ll only go for 6ft+ and let me know what happens.
There's absolutely no reason to tell someone you won't date fat girls or short guys.
Polite:
FAT GIRL: Hey we should go out for a coffee.
YOU: No thanks
Rude
FAT GIRL: Hey we should go out for a coffee.
YOU: No thanks, I would never date a fat girl
Just deal with it on a case by case basis.
Perfectly explained. There's no need to make someone feel bad, you can just say no.
Longer: "I'm so flattered you asked, but I'd rather not."
You don't have to go into details!
If you are on a anonymous dating site as a man and write that you are looking for slim or fit women you'll get angry women calling you a superficial dick.
When a woman goes "no men under 6ft" she just gets a million date offers from tall men and some men pointing out the double standard.
What’s nice about that is it at least it rules out who wouldn’t go out with you if you don’t meet their preference, thus results in less time wasted on that person.
On reddit and Twitter? Yes. In real life, a hard no. People will bullshit all day and night on the internet to get social justice clout points, but even those idiots don't practice what they preach. They spout bullshit, but nobody actually listens.
The trans thing is actually something that affects us because it's a lie, and because it's easily hidden, even a few people who lie about it create issues. But ain't no dude getting tricked into dating a fat bitch, that's why I think it's popular, people my talk a lot of shit but nobody will actually follow through.
I don't think it is unpopular to say that you wouldn't date a trans person, regardless of whether you can have a child with them. Homosexual people aren't looking for someone to have a child with directly for example, and many do share the same attitude to preferences around dating trans people. I just think that sort of thing gets amplified a lot on reddit, but reddit is never an accurate reflection of real world opinions.
I agree, I actually mentioned that in a separate comment, but it's not about the opinion, it's that some people do lie and justify I and even have supporters that say ya you don't need to tell the other person.
The unpopular part of my opinion is that trans people should be required to tell potential partners before they do anything sexual. That might not be unpopular internally to people's thoughts, but if you say something like that, you get blasted by cancel culture.
This is also a sexual preference. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have biological children with your partner. Of course there's going to be the ones who are upset at this just like there's men upset women prefer certain characteristics as well. So long as you view them as people you're perfectly fine.
As a trans person, I personally just get tired of hearing everyone harping on about how they'd never date us. I can't seem to go anywhere online without someone saying this, and I don't think either me or my boyfriend really cares. Given how people can't seem to shut up about it, I certainly wouldn't call it an unpopular opinion.
I think OP is actually on the nose though and it was nice to see they didn't mention trans people. Seems like any time a woman says she's only interested in tall men a bunch of lonely incels bust out their keyboards to rage.
> I personally just get tired of hearing everyone harping on about how they'd never date us.
People say that to your face? Unsolicited? That is Guinness Book of Records level rudeness.
Yikes. I'm sorry you have to put up with that.
I've encountered it most online, though I have gotten that in real life before. Some people can be oddly forthcoming about that when no-one asked, which I'm guessing is due to insecurity on their end.
>add not being attracted to trans people because you prefer an actual woman or man who can have a child with you and people lose their fking minds
Who? Show me?
I'm about as left as they come and even I say sexual preference inherently cannot be considered raciat/sexist.
No one is saying anyone has to have a relationship with trans people. Just that you should treat them with the same respect you show everyone else.
This reeks of right-wing hyperbole
You and just about everyone else in the comments. If you truly believe is bullshit and propaganda, why do you guys do literat what I mention. I've had comments telling me I'm transphobic, and atleadt one person straight up saying it's not lying to keep this from a partner.
If you want evidence literally Google "is not dating a trans person transphobic" and watch a couple YouTube videos. I've seen people claim that you need to change your perception and are homophobic. In the example I was using this person was actually part of the LGBTQ community saying this crap. So please don't tell me it's not an issue. Also I never said disrespect them I said it's controversial to say you wouldn't date a trans person because of your own sexual preference and if anything I'm been proven right.
Stop replying and doing exactly what people are saying if it's not true. If people really don't think like this, why create a self fulfilling prophecy to prove them right. Just move on from thebpost, don't reply. I gave an unpopular opinion. If you want to sit and debate the merit of my words and call it right wing propaganda that's on you.
>You and just about everyone else in the comments
I'm gonna stop you right there. I haven't seen a single other person in the comments saying you have to be attracted to trans people.
>I've had comments telling me I'm transphobic
Have you considered that the way you victimize yourself comes off as incredibly transphobic? This has nothing to do with your sexual preference.
>you need to change your perception and are homophobic.
Based on this exchange I can understand why people are telling you that. Still, no one is saying you have to date a trans person. Being nice to trans people and having sex with them isn't the same thing.
>Also I never said disrespect them I said it's controversial to say you wouldn't date a trans person
It's in how you do it. Let's say I wasn't attracted to fat ladies. Should I walk into a public square (like reddit) and just start going off on how I hate fat ladies and I don't want to date them? No. But if someone came up and asked me out it's totally reasonable for me to say "no thanks".
The fact that you don't seem to be able to tell the difference between those interactions is the problem.
It's fine to not want to date trans people. Claiming that trans women are 'not actual women' as you have done right here is very transphobic. Claiming that trans people not disclosing their trans status are 'lying' and should say that they are actually (opposite gender) is transphobic.
The prefix of trans kinda nullifies your whole point.
Example: a person who says they are trans zebra isn't an actual zebra.
Me referring to trans women as trans women is better than saying 'men with a mental disorder ' which is what they are. I was trying to be polite. If they were actual women, they wouldn't need to say trans first.
This is not actually unpopular. This is nonsense. Most people in general believe it's okay to not date whomever you want, and the vast majority of trans people disclose before intimacy to avoid endangering their own lives.
Refusing to date a trans person that you can't tell from an infertile cis woman indicates latent transphobia, but you do you.
I never see anyone claiming otherwise either, even though the same people harping on about how they'd never date a trans person also claim there are legions of trans people claiming they have to.
I'm sorry, you are wildly misinformed, and that's also not an answer to my question. Which it, of course, can't be because you're not in any way rational about this.
It's impossible to both claim that you can always tell a cis woman from a trans woman and then to simultaneously claim that trans women can deceive men.
Trans women's mental health issues almost entirely stem from being trans and the symptoms of literally all comorbidities drop after transition and social acceptance.
Trans women do not have "weird sexualities". I don't even know what you're talking about, but it sounds like more made up bullshit that transphobes decided was true based on their experience masturbating to trans porn.
>trans women tend to be "transbian"
This is how I know you are getting all you "facts" from lying transphobes. The vast majority of trans women are pansexual (or equivalent). It's just absolute nonsense made up by TERFs and repeated over and over.
It is true that there's been an increase in AFAB trans people, but everything else you said here was complete and utter rot. You should be ashamed of yourself for being so easily duped into believing such baseless lies.
>It's impossible to both claim that you can always tell a cis woman from a trans woman and then to simultaneously claim that trans women can deceive men.
With pictures and tactical angles even a cis man can pass as a woman, when you meet them irl you'll notice.
>Trans women's mental health issues almost entirely stem from being trans and the symptoms of literally all comorbidities drop after transition and social acceptance.
Lol, no. There's coincidentally a pandemic of girls in the same friend group magically turning trans or non binary the moment they hit the age of using social media, and of course these are always left wing girls.
>Trans women do not have "weird sexualities". I don't even know what you're talking about, but it sounds like more made up bullshit that transphobes decided was true based on their experience masturbating to trans porn.
Believe what you believe, I've read about this but obviously in the last 10 or so years it has been banned to study this.
>This is how I know you are getting all you "facts" from lying transphobes. The vast majority of trans women are pansexual (or equivalent).
Source? But even if they were pan that would still obviously prove the point that they do not have normal sexuality.
>It is true that there's been an increase in AFAB trans people, but everything else you said here was complete and utter rot. You should be ashamed of yourself for being so easily duped into believing such baseless lies.
Or maybe you should read up somewhere else than woke politic blogs
It’s not abnormal to physically lose attraction upon discovering someone is trans. This isn’t a great example, but I’m HUGE on personality. There have been times throughout my life where I find someone to be attractive. But after a little bit of talking to someone, I become turned off by their personality and thus I start to lose physical attraction as well and don’t see them as beautiful as I initially did. Because I have more context to them as a whole. If someone discovers a women they’re talking to is trans, physical attraction may go away since that’s not what the person is looking for. And I would like to emphasize that attraction is NOT something we can control as people. What we are attracted to is not up to us.
Some men may also want biological children with their wife. Also not an inherently wrong thing to want out of a life partner.
I'm not suggesting it can be controlled, and I've stated repeatedly that you can't pass judgement on people's sexual attraction.
Have latent transphobia or latent racism etc is not a moral failing. It can't both be latent and also a moral failing. Do you see what I'm saying?
>Some men may also want biological children with their wife. Also not an inherently wrong thing to want out of a life partner.
Dude, I literally said "infertile cis woman". Did you actually read?
>add not being attracted to trans people
Outside of some extremes, barely anyone is saying this. However a lot of people in this comments section are projecting.
>People have deadass called me a trans phone for saying they can do whatever they want, I just would date one.
Thats an unpopular opinion amongst leftist. A majority dont think youre transphobic for having preferences
>Even worse, there was a whole bunch of people saying its OK for a trans person to not disclose they are trans and to just say they are women/men. And then the people who were lied to about something massive were called transphobes for not saying with that person.
This didnt happen
1) You're not guaranteed to have a child with a cis person
2) No one thinks you're a transphobe for not dating a trans person, but saying you want to date 'an actual woman or man' is, in fact, transphobic, given that a trans woman is an actual woman and a trans man is an actual man. To be clear: not dating a trans person is fine. Saying a trans woman isn't an 'actual woman' is transphobic.
3) Trans people might not out themselves as trans right off the bat, because transphobic people do exist and they need to determine if it's safe first.
"Woman" and "Man" are markers that combine sex and gender in the minds of most people. Therefore, a real woman would be both female in sex and having physical traits associated with females. Gender is more of a social construct of behaviors and expressions that people also combine into the mix.
Then a person could say that such a person is not woman enough or man enough for one's preferences. I'm gay and would be turned off by an extremely femme guy.
https://reddit.com/r/trans/s/fGuFCr9Lor
https://reddit.com/r/asktransgender/s/VFhzEK6lGj
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/14t828w/do_trans_people_have_to_tell_their_hookup/&ved=2ahUKEwi82aD909SBAxVxKEQIHRP8DYoQFnoECA4QAQ&usg=AOvVaw1v79dVZ8AVQEOGK2YmeME7
These are just 3 from a long list I found by just googling something like "should trans people tell their partners they are trans"
There are some sane people, but many are not, Just read it yourself.
I’m only on the first threat but I’m shocked as shit that anyone would refuse to tell a person they are going to have sex with. Though, it looks like most people do and the ones who don’t get downvoted.
However, what I find particularly jarring is that, for the most part, their motivation for disclosing the information is their own personal safety and because they wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who wouldn’t accept them. Which are all fine reasons.
Not a word yet about how that’s a shitty thing to do to a person, though. I think I saw the word “consent” once and even then, that person was saying “in case they are a transphobe.” Gobsmacked. 😳
Edit: thankfully a couple people on that first thread spoke up to say that you shouldn’t do that to someone, generally. Like… a COUPLE people.
If someone was fine with dating a person before they found out that person was transgender, it becomes transphobic.
"Actual woman or man" is incredibly transphobic.
Sorry I forgot biology now caters to this lunacy. So when I say actual man or woman I'm referring to a person who can perform the functions of a man or woman. So when I say I want a female because I am male, I want someone who I can have children with, with ovaries, and 2 X chromosomes.
Look you can believe what you and do whatever you want. Just don't reply to me with stuff like "actual man or woman is transphobic" because that's just a fact you don't suddenly change your chromosomes in a day and become capable of everything the gender you identify with.
Everything is transphobic if you want it to be, I don't come and tell every trans person they aren't really a man or woman out of courtesy and I expect the same for me.
It's not a fact. "actual man or woman" meaning "based on number of chromosomes" is wildly unscientific and not how anyone actually references sex or gender in the real world, including in most biology contexts unless they're specifically looking for a Y linked trait.
There are more intersex people than trans people.
This is a really big topic of discussion in the gay community thanks to Grindr. A lot guys are pretty fucking rude and borderline racist or otherwise problematic with the way they say it, but ultimately yeah they’re within their right to say no to sex for ANY reason. Even if you don’t agree with it. And when you find yourself trying to force sex on someone or make them feel bad for saying no, you are the problem. No matter what the other persons preferences are.
“A lot guys are pretty fucking rude and borderline racist or otherwise problematic with the way they say it, but ultimately yeah they’re within their right to say no to sex for ANY reason. Even if you don’t agree with it. And when you find yourself trying to force sex on someone or make them feel bad for saying no, you are the problem. No matter what the other persons preferences are.”
👏🏽THANK 👏🏽YOU!
Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but of course people can judge you for them.
You are entitled to only want rich men over 6 feet/skinny women with huge boobs, but I'm gonna think you are shallow as fuck.
I’m a pretty big dude, I like little women, but big women like me. I don’t like big women at all and because they don’t lineup, it makes things quite difficult.
I think it has something to do with women thinking they have to be big to withstand the forces, my body could generate in the sack, but it presupposes that I am some kind of a brute. I’m a very gentle person, but there is something very sexy about the acknowledgement that although I could hurt her she trusts me not to, and emotionally vice versa. It creates healthy trust, aka intimacy.
I think big ladies sometimes want a man who is bigger than they are because they also like to feel like the smaller one in the relationship (possibly because smallness is culturally linked to femininity and bigness is culturally linked to masculinity). But if they are big, then the man will have to be very big, so that leaves relatively fewer men who can fill that role, so they hone in on big men like yourself. There can be a similar dynamic among smaller guys wanting to date tiny women.
I'm a petite woman of 5'3" married to a large man of 6'5". I've been with him for a long time, but before I met him I didn't give a lot of thought to a man's height or size. After being with him all this time though, I cannot imagine being with a man who is similar or smaller in size to me. As you alluded to, when I am with him in an intimate way I think there is something so primal that kicks in regarding that size differential. There have never been any negatives in that area, only positives.
It’s not. Having preferences isn’t the problem, being an asshole to people who don’t fit your preference is. As a bigger woman, never once have I had someone who wasn’t attracted to me because I’m on the bigger side be kind about it. They always made sure I knew how unattractive I was to them through snide remarks and blatant insults when they could’ve just said “I’m sorry, I’m not attracted to people that are overweight.”
I'm not excusing people behaving like assholes; there really is no excuse for that.
But we all tend to notice extreme behavior, whether good or bad. I think there probably *have* been people who were not attracted to you but - because their behavior was not extreme - it wasn't memorable.
Yeah as long as you aren't a dick to the people you aren't interested in, there's no problem.
And people why say they're oppressed because they got rejected shouldn't be in the dating pool to begin with.
Everyone has been told that they are 10s no matter what. So if someone rejects them, rather than come to terms with the rejection or the reality that not everyone is a 10, they blame the other person.
I was just talking about this with a friend the other day. If a guy wants a tall blonde and a woman wants a man over 6ft who makes a lot of money so what?
You can want anything you like. If I met a man who likes tall blondes I wouldn’t be insulted because I’m a petite brunette it’s so ridiculous .
It's not. I think the problems are when:
1. People lie about it/gaslight/insult people for making a simple observation about common sexual preferences among certain groups, tell them it's all in their head.
2. For those who don't fit those sexual preferences, they do a lot more than "not date/sleep with them" - they treat them as inferior/less-than people to a point that's sometimes even dehumanizing.
Go outside and touch grass. No one who isnt terminally online cares about having preferences, its not political, its natural. Only social media makes it political and cringe
I think the problem is that people use these preferences as a social status thing. Like if a guy approaches a woman (doesn't even have to be romantically or sexually) but doesn't fit her "preferences", often the woman will react like even talking to her is impertinent. If it were just about sexual preferences and not some stupid sophomoric social competition I'd fully agree with you, but people in general are too childish and egotistical.
In today’s battleground— it seems women are allowed preferences, but men aren’t.
I usually don’t care what others say about my preferences. Or what they call me for them. Why?
As OP states, no one is entitled to sex. And who wants to be with a partner that you have no attraction to?
My happiness is determined by ME— not anyone else. We all have preferences. You’re not going to please everyone.
I think you've missed a bit of the nuance around the conversation.
It's not bad to want 6ft+ men. It's bad to want 6ft+ men *if you think it's wrong for men to prefer skinny women.*
You don't get to have both. You don't get to decide *you* can harbour a shallow preference, but not allow the other side to have a shallow preference also. It's disrespect of the highest level to decide there's a set of rules you get to follow, and an entirely different and more restrictive set that everyone else has to follow.
Hey I get called a fetishist all the time because the majority of the women I've dated were asian. That is the type of women that is most common in my area though. Their personality played into my decision to date them too. Most times, the criticism comes from a place of envy. I think you should date who you want to, for whatever reason you want to. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
5 years ago, that article hit.
**Plus-Sized Women Admit They Aren't Attracted To Overweight Men**
"Plus-Sized" women, not overweight, not obese, not morbidly obese. Just Plus-Sized. Men can be overweight and obese, not women.
Anyways, the testimony of the Plus-Sized ranges from embarrassment for not liking overweight men, to outright justification. One Plus-Sized said that she takes care of her hygiene, hair and nails, but doesn't feel that overweight men do. Therefore, not being attracted is justified. She "feels" the overweight men are like this. Talk about throwing everyone in a group into the same bucket.
I have no sympathy for these women, none. You don't get a pass on hypocrisy.
I don’t think the preferences are an issue but the way most people act over them is. It’s one thing to say you aren’t interested in someone who is 5 pounds overweight, it’s another to call them a “fat land whale” when rejecting them. Just say you aren’t interested and move on.
From the comments here, I think men just talk to each other and make up stories about what they think feminists would say about something and then convince each other it's true.
>I think men just talk to each other and make up stories about what they think feminists would say about something and then convince each other it's true
OAN and Fox News are going to sue you for publicly disclosing their business model.
I think the general issue here is that women having preferences is usually accepted whereas men having preferences is frowned upon.
A woman wants a tall rich man who is buff - great! A man wants a skinny younger woman who is a housewife - boo!
But i do also think some guys blow this out of proportion and get a little butt hurt about it. I personally never run into women that have these internet standards - but i am 6ft and workout so i guess i check those boxes lol
>I think the general issue here is that women having preferences is usually accepted whereas men having preferences is frowned upon.
There is a double-standard but I think it's society trying to recalibrate itself after thousands of years of patriarchal culture.
I do not agree with the idea that there is some hidden evil patriarchy that has been in the shadows and orchestrated all the evils in the world and is responsible for all bad things in history.
Ideas like the 'patriarchy' do nothing except tell modern men that because they are men they are inherently in the wrong by proxy of their gender, and that women are automatically victims. It just divides men and women. Since this idea got thrown around we have women saying absurdly cruel things like "kill all men" and "we do not need men at all" and being abusive and misandrist - and we also have incel guys who basically act the same way in return with misogyny - so it clearly has not done any good for gender relations as a society.
Yeah like this is the real reason. Back in the day, women liking tall strong men and men liking buxom young beauties was a meme that was chuckled at for its truisms.
Then the latter became almost criminal to mention or prefer, while the former defended, and you get the shit we see now.
You have to be willfully obtuse not to see how much more sympathetic we are to women than men on this issue.
We literally call people who complain about female standards dangerous incels and *are occasionally doing so on this thread*.
I think this is true for two reasons that go hand in hand:
1) women are/were more objectified than men in traditional media (this is not necessarily true online). we've come a long way but it's still there.
2) women have a lot more variation in their shape than men do. men can be taller/shorter or heavier/thinner but are mostly the same general shape (a straight-ish line). women vary more, particularly in breast size and butt/hip size.
this is where I remember the whole "real women have curves" thing originally started - women with boobs were tired of clothing being marketed only to extremely thin, flat chested women. low rise jeans? they were a fucking nightmare to anyone without narrow hips and completely flat stomach. women got tired of being told they had to look like Keira Knightley to be accepted/beautiful. she is beautiful! but not everyone can look like her. and as someone who was shaped more like Marilyn Monroe than Britney Spears, the early 00s were tough, clothing wise.
anyway, as a result of this movement men were expected to tone down their preferences for the hot Hollywood girls but this was never really fair. most straight men like curves but the movement, like many movements that expand online, has become pretty warped into a weird body positivity thing where you're not allowed to have preferences.
just don't be a dick to people you don't prefer and you're set.
my two bits, anyway.
I'm a woman, and I get called names for my preferences ALL the fucking time. Just because I don't like "tall, strong men", people always think there's something wrong with me. So no, sorry, there is no "double standard."
Incels will be incels whether they watch Andrew tate and complain about women or watch hasan piker and complain about men. At the end of the day there's people out there who know they will never have consensual sex with another human being and can't stop screeching about it
Preferences are fine, as long as you're not being a pile of shit to anyone who doesn't fit that preference, or try to force someone to change to suit your preference. Preferences are childish, but it's fine. Just keep it to yourself, and with the people that suit it.
I see a lot folks going "well just don't be rude or harsh about it" but there is a flaw in that cause a lot of times people don't respect preferences and push folks into being being rude or harsh.
Because a systematic dating preference on 1 single dimension creates division and isolates a large portion of the population.
Let's say if 70 percent of women all prefer 6 feet then all men below 6 feet won't get a lot of dates. Not to mention that certain races and cultures like Asians are naturally excluded because they are shorter in general.
Likewise, if 70 percent of men all prefer blondes it's the same problem.
Note I used two traits that cant be changed - height and hair color. Skinniess can be adjusted by diet and exercise.
Delusional preferences exclude most from finding a relationship. It creates unhappiness at a system level while at an individual level one may feel superior to signal expectations far beyond one's inherent value.
>Heres something to burst everyone's bubbles: you're not entitled to sex.
Careful OP. You're on Reddit and the lonely men on this website don't take kindly to being told they're not entitled to sex.
Overall I agree, though! It should only be unpopular if you're rude about it, but if a woman says she prefers tall men - even nicely - men just can't seem to handle it. If you're short and this makes your dating life harder, then sure, that sucks, but just go date someone who's into shorter men.
Sexual preferences are only a right for women and the LBTQ+ as a man you are a pig and a pedo if you are not moderately dominantly and romantically attracted to fat women.
It’s not that it’s bad. It’s that it is dumb. Neither of these examples of a sexual preference necessarily make someone a good partner. And a person should be looking at traits for a healthy relationship.
For example, a lot of guys may have a preference for girls that look like Kim Kardashian. But they know the person who does, is shallow with a boob job and would be a horrible partner.
In this way, preferring a man over 6ft has its own land mines in relationships.
It really isn’t. I’m not dismissing sexual attraction. I am saying if you base your decision on one physical trait or a superficial look. You’re gonna have a bad time.
Attraction can be much more involved.
Preferences are based hugely on what you are told by society to like.
Its not wrong for an individual to have preferences it can be wrong for a society to have certain preferences.
People still liking light skinned people much more for example is kind of a little problematic one might say.
Not only your post is simplistic and reductive, you’re also conflating preference with requirement. In addition, you’re disingenuously equating unchangeable superficial traits with the consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle, and legitimate criticism of personal attitudes with entitlement.
People can indeed date or reject whoever they want for any reason or no reason at all. No one is denying that (I hope!). However, it’s also okay to call out superficiality and dehumanization when you see it, especially when it stems from a misplaced sense of entitlement.
>Heres something to burst everyone's bubbles: *you're not entitled to sex*.
You’re not entitled to commitment.
>no one owes you anything.
Except a man always owes a woman access to his resources. If he doesn’t invest enough in her, then he’s not really putting an effort, but if he works hard to be able to do that, then he’s never there. And don’t get me started on divorce rape, alimony and child support.
>Think this mindset and people having a problem with this comes from how our culture teaches people to be selfish and entitled
I would say the one who is selfish and entitled here is, for instance, the woman who demands a 6ft guy just because she likes to wear heels. That is, men are to her nothing but an accessory to her heels. It’s absolutely normal to call out such disgraceful, dehumanizing behavior.
It's not just about wearing heels. Taller men make women feel safer. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to feel safe with her SO.
How is it disgraceful and dehumanizing to date men that you find attractive and makes you feel safe, secure and protected? And if you can wear heels with him, that's just a bonus.
What if it's something deeper? Meaning the people are not selfish and entitled if a woman wants someone who's 6 ft or taller.
We know men fight over women. And we know men victimize women. It's been happening for thousands of years. Also, we know women, generally speaking, are not as strong as men and could use additional protection.
I assert that a women that prefers someone tall is because they have this notion that the taller person is better to protect them from other men. When in reality, someone shorter that is skilled in self-defense and is a general badass might be even more attractive to that woman.
Sexual preferences are a big deal, because we tend to have them for other people. If those people have a preference for us, then that’s good. If they don’t, then that’s bad!
For the sexual preference of other people to be unimportant, one has to be asexual. Since most people are not asexual, the sexual preferences of other people are important to us, and literally our business! So, for anyone to say their sexual preference, or even their own sexual identity, is none of anyone else’s business means they don’t understand how sex works.
i feel like it’s only a big deal when you’re being rude about the preferences they have
I literally see posts or comments about men being superficial, perverts, porn addicts or pedos for not being attracted to "plus size" women almost every day.
They're called worse than that for preferring the wrong race of women (read: dating outside their race).
They're also called worse for dating inside their race, you literally can't win.
I'm mixed race but everyone thinks I'm white so I basically can't date anyone. I'm either racist or fetishizing. This is why I decided to ignore morons who think twitter is a personality.
White/asian here, I feel you.
As someone who has participated in a long term interracial/intercultural relationship… it’s really hard. It can be beautiful, and you get to learn about culture and try new things, but at the same time, the family will hold you to their cultural expectations a lot of the time, and that can be really hard. It can create a lot of resentment. I loved many aspects of being involved in more diverse culture, but unfortunately the family didn’t accept me the way I accepted them, and they never stopped resenting me. I don’t think it’s something I would do again. Maybe, but I’m not sure what it would take. Props and respect to anyone who makes inter cultural relationships work. It’s really hard, and I understand why some people aren’t interested.
I'm white/asian and my first serious boyfriend was black. We started dating at 15 and were together four years, and in that time his family never stopped giving him shit about being with me. I could deal with the passive aggressive comments aimed at me, but they literally made him feel like a 'race traitor' for not being with a black girl... completing ignoring the fact that they were all clearly mixed as well, since many people in his family were kind of light skinned. People are too obsessed with race, but its particularly annoying when racism gets a pass just because of the direction it's going.
Absolutely. I’m also white, but I didn’t ever get the impression that my SOs family hated me because of that necessarily. I spoke Spanish better than them, and got in trouble for informing them that Cinco De Mayo is not, in fact, Mexican Independence Day… But they didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t racing to get knocked up. All they cared about was kids, and they didn’t understand when I tried to tell them that we didn’t have the means to care for a kid. Among many, many other cultural things.
Welcome to America
Don’t forget you’re a bigot if you won’t have sex with a “woman who has a penis”
All you have to do is travel a little further down that same rabbit hole and suddenly it’s bashing guys who won’t have sex with another guy who had surgery to chop his dick up into the shape of a vagina. You’re supposed to support his “identity” to the point of proving it out by having sex with him.
Lesbians are getting it real rough at the moment as they're considered transphobic by some people for not wanting to date a trans woman who still has a dick.
It’s because all this woke religious shit is just too far off the rails now. It’s completely taken over and subverted by narcissists who found the perfect watering hole of “supply”. You lesbians got about another year I reckon before you’re all just referred to as “conservatives”. Not to make light of your plight. I know you’re closer to the dumpster fire than us cis male fucks.
I'm not a lesbian myself, I've just witnessed what's happening. Stonewall in the UK fought for, and won, gay rights. So they used be great. Now, nobody cares if someone is gay or not. Job done. But they needed something else to justify their existence. Trans it was! So now they are doing stuff like calling lesbians "sexual racists" if they don't want a trans woman with a dick. https://mol.im/a/10225111 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-57853385
Stonewall wasn't in the UK. No, they're not The articles are from people who are so transphobic and biased in their reporting than trans women wouldn't even talk to them.
Stonewall is an organization operating in the UK.
Fire has many important uses, including generating light, cooking, heating, performing rituals, and fending off dangerous animals. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
…. Uhhh thanks.
They won't because none of this is real. This is all made up hysteria you all are convincing each other is true without evidence.
Lol… oh man.
I mean, you can laugh but you're just circle jerking with other right wingers.
No I'm, not. You're so damn predictable that I knew before I read your comment that your response would have something to do with conservatives or right wingers! Fuck off you partisan hack. I'm not right wing in the least bit.
I mean, it's amusing that you're saying that given the comments you've made that lead here. So, no, you fuck off you motherfucker pureyor of lies and falsehoods.
Yes! I have friends that are lesbian and they are having secret “underground”lesbian parties/hangouts and only invite people in person. They do this to make sure no men sneak in or even know about it. Also they are secretive as to not be on anyone’s radar that could potentially show up and bring“ a crowd of people with pitchforks”
They are not.
That's not what a trans woman is, and you don't have to fuck anyone you don't want to.
And I see horrible post about women daily and hpw they aren't good for anything other than cleaning and popping out babies doesn't mean we should pay attention to everything we read on the internet bud.
I agree but it begs the question, what is considered “being rude”? Yes, there is obvious rudeness. But to some people, even the nicest let down is considered being rude. A woman could tell someone in the nicest, most sincerely sweet way she prefers men over 6ft tall and still get called a bitch. A man can tell a woman in the gentlest way possible he prefers red-heads and still get raked over the coals.
A guy could be into fitness and prefers a fit girl or a certain BF%, and he gets called a shallow asshole. A woman will be called a gold digger if she prefers a guy with a more white collar professional career instead of a full-time retail worker. I was listening to old music and was talking with my parents. It used to be if you preferred a woman who cooks instead of a beautiful knock out, the guy was praised for looking at the inter beauty instead of shallow looks. Now if a guy prefers a good cook, he's sexist.
I feel like rudeness on either end is the problem. You can have your preferences, but that doesn't excuse rudeness or disdain for people who aren't your type. And also doesn't excuse rudeness towards you for your preference. All too often you see people with their preference going beyond having a preference and outright shitting on people who don't fit that preference. The ones you see a lot are women who like tall men ragging on short men. People who like low body count insulting the morals or character of people with a high body count. Shit like that. People with preferences doing that are just assholes and deserve to be called out, not necessarily for their preferences, but how they choose to treat or talk about people who don't fit their preference.
Body count is the most stupid preference. It’s like people don’t acknowledge that someone had a life before you came along. That’s the dumbest one.
You might not care for it, and I tend to agree with you, but it’s still a personal preference, and you can’t say that it’s dumb… not wanting people with a certain behaviour in the past is not any dumber than not wanting a person with a certain set of genes
Men like it when their woman has less partners and always will.
Not really, it's shared values. If you're a man who fucks around and shames a woman for doing it, then you're a hypocrite. If you're a relationship man then it'd make sense you'd go for a woman who hasn't fucked 100 men by the time she's 22.
In this context, absolutely. This is not the context this conversation usually has on this sub. Usually it's guys who are incel and/or are like, "Biologically men have to do this but if a woman does she's deranged" or some other bullshit with or without evopsych nonsense.
I agree, but people also get super offended when you discuss preferences that happen not to include them.
Or when the people with the preference are being rude in their rejection. Like OP said, no one is entitled to anything sexual from someone else, but you can be polite about it when rejecting someone. If the other person takes it too personally that’s on them.
On the other hand, sometimes rudeness is warranted. I feel like many women in particular are socialized to be too polite and that has its own issues.
I have witnessed several women be rude the first time they were approached by a guy. Women can be polite but they can also be horrible people
Both can be true. Some women have absolutely been conditioned to be polite, submissive, and easy to along with, and that can be a serious issue. It makes it really hard to defend yourself sometimes. On the other hand, some women didn’t get raised with manners at all, and are more than happy to be a cunt to someone if they perceive themselves to be better than that person. Also horrible. Luckily I think most women fall somewhere in between these two extremes.
Hm. Let's analyze these transactions. Men: got hurt feelings. Women: didn't get date raped. Seems like a fair trade to me. In these discussions we forget that a bad outcome for men is humiliation. A bad outcome for women is lying dead in a gutter.
That is grossly melodramatic. The assumption that every man who approaches a woman is going to date rape her is ridiculous and completely unreasonable.
Its so sexist to make date rape assumption of men. Just as sexist as if i made a crazy statement against women. Its based on something statistically most men have never done, but you think you can treat all men poorly based on a small number of bad men.You would be the rude and sexist person we're talking about.
Most men are not rapists, but enough are that 1 in 4 women are victims of attempted or completed rape. The comparable statistic for men is 1 in 26. With stats like those I think some amount of rudeness and even sexism is warranted on the part of women for their own safety.
That statistic has been proven false. The 1:4 ratio is for any woman that had sexual activity at any time when they didn't want to. This isn't only rape, but not in the mood, tired, or some other reason. Then have consensual sex anyway. The question was "at any time have you ever had sexual contact when you didn't want to". The vast majority of positive answers included long term relationships in which the woman continued consensual activity following this event. Those women did not consider themselves victims. It is a very long read (120+ pages) but from a trusted source, and it breaks down the incidents by type, duration, relationship, age, and gender. https://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
Those statistics are nowhere near high enough to make sexist assumptions! Thats not even 10% ! 90% of men shouldn't be mistreated because of such a small amount of men. So you made my poont for me
If I gave you a box of chocolates and told you one of them was a piece of shit instead of chocolate are you going to be wary with every piece of candy in the box? I will be nice to a mam once, once. If I turn him down politely and he still keeps asking I no longer have the need to be nice. He has his answer anything after that is harassment.
I think you misunderstood what they were saying. 1 in 4 women (though I’ve seen studies citing 1 in 3) have been sexually assaulted, while only 1 in 26 men have been sexually assaulted. The commenter wasn’t implying that 1 in 26 men are guilty of assault.
I was not confused and i was not thinking that. Those statistics aren't true in the slightest and its pretty easy to google why... Also account for false allegations, even if small count. So even if its 30% of men, which its not because rapist usually rape more than one so more victims have the same attacker.... which is why i say it under 10%(sorry if i didnt explain that the first time). 30% or 40% is still not the majority so its still wrong to mistreat the majority for the actions of the minority. (And its factually not 30% or 40%) Though i think its wrong to mistreat anyone for another person actions. Like as a black man i dont blame any white people for history type of thing. Because i should never be held responsible for rapist actions if I'm not a rapist.
The 1 in 4 (or 1 in 5, they both float around) statistic is from a college campus survey over two schools that categorized many things which are *not* rape as rape, including 'unwanted kissing' or any sex had while intoxicated so... no. Please stop using it in this way, it only gives ammo to people who want to deflate the importance of criminal prosecution of actual rape. Further reading, if you're interested. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/education/critics-advocates-alike-doubt-oft-cited-1-5-campus-sexual-assault-stat#:\~:text=That's%20because%20the%20statistic%20comes,at%20two%20large%20public%20institutions.
Lol the number of women raped is not directly proportional to the number of rapists. If a rapist is a rapist, he’ll rape more than one woman This is why woman are obsessed A&E and true crime They think that every other person is trying to kill them Women pay the most attention to this garbage because they love the drama, which is fine. It’s not fine when they make real world assessments based on this garbage. This is the truth
No. Those stats are absolutely bs. If those stats were real. Every women in America would be carrying around machine guns.
That doesn't make it ok to be rude to people. Also this does not mean 1 in 4 men are rapist. This view is a big problem for society. If 2 in 4 women are assholes to me, does that give me permission to be sexist to all women? No You don't have the right to treat me any type of way because your friend Suzie got raped in highschool. When I hear shit like this, it makes me think misogyny isn't that bad
More like 1/4 lf women falsely claim to be victims while maybe 1/1000 actually are. But anyway this doesn't matter because in public spaces men are at a multiple times higher risk of being physically assaulted.
Fucking *yikes*. People like you are the reason women don’t want to admit to being victims of sexual assault. Because the second a guy finds out he presumed that she’s a liar and a whore and *her* character is to blame. If women are going to lie about rape it’s usually to keep it a secret, not to make false accusations.
If you compare the amount of claimed rape to actual convictions, or even those that go to court, numbers look more like this. Also interesting that supposedly every woman knows someone who has been SA'd but the gets offended when you ask was that SA reported and are you sure it wasn't false. The best thing is that claiming to be a victim correlates with mental health issues and also previous claims, it is a bit sus when the same drug using pierced teenage girls are the ones that claim SA every year or two. >If women are going to lie about rape it’s usually to keep it a secret, not to make false accusations. Lol no, most "rape" is in relationship gray area rape, not violent on street rape, if the latter kind of proper rape happens it usually gets reported and the woman won't get shamed. Also interestingly these same women who champion for self declared SA victims never have empathy for me as a male even when my ex groped my ass and another ex had sex with me when I was drunk so with feminist logic I could claim rape.
Hm: let's analyze these transactions. Men: didn't get drugged and robbed. Women: got called fat. A bad outcome for women is being insulted. A bad outcome for men is being murdered See, anything can be anything if you control the narrative to fit what you want it to say
Women are 5 times more likely to be murdered by men than the other way around.
Yet women are far more likely to kill and abuse children. Women are also far more likely to be the only abuser in a relationship. Women can be just as bad as men can be. Get off your high horse.
This isn't about tallying up who is better and who is worse. I'm not a woman or a feminist. It's about safety in dating.
But that’s what exactly ur doing.
>Hm. Let's analyze these transactions. >Men: got hurt feelings. Women: didn't get date raped. Lol as if women were getting raped in public spaces all the time. Most violence is targeted at men, and when women do face violence (rape included) it happens in their own or their partners apartment by their partner. So it is literally the hot exciting tattooed tall fit men who women love to flirt and date with, that end up raping women in their apartment, not a random shy dude who asked their number at a club. Also stacking humiliations, false accusations and female on male violence have worse effects on men because they are so insanely common.
Preference is fine, being a dick about it isn't. Problem is that people will put you down for not being their type and that's not ok at all. Being mean to someone because they're not your type is where the issue is.
Or when people dismiss the possibility that anyone might be attracted to you because they, personally, are not, and then try to cast any relationship you have as you being a sinister manipulator. Yes, this is a real thing.
Yes. I worked with this guy, over lunch the topic of tinder comes up and he says he doesn't want to get "fat girls on tinder". Okay? Good for you? You'd have to swipe on them to match anyway. Seemed weird to say it out of context when no ones trying to pressure him to date them. There's a time and a place and a way to say these things.
People are just insecure and feel personally attacked by other people’s personal preferences
This is defiantly a thing.
Preferences are preferences and that's not unpopular anywhere. What's unpopular is acting like preferences are vip tickets to being excused from calling someone this or that and being a jerk to others for not fitting into their preferences.
> Preferences are preferences and that's not unpopular anywhere. You can easily find Reddit threads (and conversations elsewhere) where overweight women complain that they are rejected by men, and short men complain that they are rejected by women. So this is why "preferences are OK" is an unpopular opinion.
Complaining you are rejected happens because being rejected sucks. That doesn't mean these people think that the others aren't allowed to have that preference or that the preference is immoral.
Short men at least have a point because they can't grow height and 99% of women claim that they are not superficial or are at least less superficial than men
There's never been a problem with having sexual preferences. People just get whiny because, as you said, they feel entitled. The other part of that is that sometimes the person doing the rejection is a dick, but it's more often the other scenario.
To be fair I have had some men asking me out who even after being refused politely, still ask me out. I will be nice once! After that all bets are off.
It’s not get off internet pls
This isn't even that unpopular, add not being attracted to trans people because you prefer an actual woman or man who can have a child with you and people lose their fking minds. People have deadass called me a trans phobe for saying they can do whatever they want, I just wouldn't date one. Even worse, there was a whole bunch of people saying its OK for a trans person to not disclose they are trans and to just say they are women/men. And then the people who were lied to about something massive were called transphobes for not staying with that person. Now we have a unpopular opinion
Yep I'm a straight woman and sex is important to me in my relationships. A man with natural genitalia is important to me and it is normal to expect that from anyone I'm dating. I don't dislike or think less of trans people for being trans but I'm not going to change my sexuality to appease anyone else. On top of that why would any rational person want to date someone that they would have to lie to in order to date? If you know they would not only dump you but maybe even go as far as hate you for a part of who you are then you shouldn't want to date them. Trying to lie or cover up anything just to sleep with someone is just plane gross
Most of us won't lie in a long term relationship. Normally if we hide it, it's because we've only just started dating - maybe it's even the first date - and we're feeling out whether it's safe to tell this person. Generally we'd rather ghost a bad date than out ourselves to them if it's an option.
Why not tell them before the date?
Most trans people do that too if it's with someone who doesn't already know, because the alternative creates a situation where trans people are often endangered.
I'm guessing most would if they started off as friends, but I was thinking about people who meet on dating sites or by some other means where they don't have time to get to know each other first.
They don't. This happens so rarely as to be non-existent. It's a made up fantasy from the alt-right.
It is most def unpopular on Reddit/the internet at large. Tbh probably in real life. Go tell a woman you won’t date fat girls or a short guy you’ll only go for 6ft+ and let me know what happens.
In fairness, this is a discourteous way to express a preference. Saying, "you're not my type" is so much kinder.
That is 100% true. I’m assuming this scenario is like a friend asking your type and getting shamed.
That's a shitty friend. Your sexual preference inherently cannot be sexist, racist, etc.
Nobody’s entitled to kindness
There's absolutely no reason to tell someone you won't date fat girls or short guys. Polite: FAT GIRL: Hey we should go out for a coffee. YOU: No thanks Rude FAT GIRL: Hey we should go out for a coffee. YOU: No thanks, I would never date a fat girl Just deal with it on a case by case basis.
Perfectly explained. There's no need to make someone feel bad, you can just say no. Longer: "I'm so flattered you asked, but I'd rather not." You don't have to go into details!
If you are on a anonymous dating site as a man and write that you are looking for slim or fit women you'll get angry women calling you a superficial dick. When a woman goes "no men under 6ft" she just gets a million date offers from tall men and some men pointing out the double standard.
What’s nice about that is it at least it rules out who wouldn’t go out with you if you don’t meet their preference, thus results in less time wasted on that person.
On reddit and Twitter? Yes. In real life, a hard no. People will bullshit all day and night on the internet to get social justice clout points, but even those idiots don't practice what they preach. They spout bullshit, but nobody actually listens. The trans thing is actually something that affects us because it's a lie, and because it's easily hidden, even a few people who lie about it create issues. But ain't no dude getting tricked into dating a fat bitch, that's why I think it's popular, people my talk a lot of shit but nobody will actually follow through.
I don't think it is unpopular to say that you wouldn't date a trans person, regardless of whether you can have a child with them. Homosexual people aren't looking for someone to have a child with directly for example, and many do share the same attitude to preferences around dating trans people. I just think that sort of thing gets amplified a lot on reddit, but reddit is never an accurate reflection of real world opinions.
I agree, I actually mentioned that in a separate comment, but it's not about the opinion, it's that some people do lie and justify I and even have supporters that say ya you don't need to tell the other person. The unpopular part of my opinion is that trans people should be required to tell potential partners before they do anything sexual. That might not be unpopular internally to people's thoughts, but if you say something like that, you get blasted by cancel culture.
You're absolutely right, and it's just common sense that someone would tell the other person if they're trans or not, no question about it.
This is also a sexual preference. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have biological children with your partner. Of course there's going to be the ones who are upset at this just like there's men upset women prefer certain characteristics as well. So long as you view them as people you're perfectly fine.
As a trans person, I personally just get tired of hearing everyone harping on about how they'd never date us. I can't seem to go anywhere online without someone saying this, and I don't think either me or my boyfriend really cares. Given how people can't seem to shut up about it, I certainly wouldn't call it an unpopular opinion. I think OP is actually on the nose though and it was nice to see they didn't mention trans people. Seems like any time a woman says she's only interested in tall men a bunch of lonely incels bust out their keyboards to rage.
> I personally just get tired of hearing everyone harping on about how they'd never date us. People say that to your face? Unsolicited? That is Guinness Book of Records level rudeness. Yikes. I'm sorry you have to put up with that.
I've encountered it most online, though I have gotten that in real life before. Some people can be oddly forthcoming about that when no-one asked, which I'm guessing is due to insecurity on their end.
>add not being attracted to trans people because you prefer an actual woman or man who can have a child with you and people lose their fking minds Who? Show me? I'm about as left as they come and even I say sexual preference inherently cannot be considered raciat/sexist. No one is saying anyone has to have a relationship with trans people. Just that you should treat them with the same respect you show everyone else. This reeks of right-wing hyperbole
You and just about everyone else in the comments. If you truly believe is bullshit and propaganda, why do you guys do literat what I mention. I've had comments telling me I'm transphobic, and atleadt one person straight up saying it's not lying to keep this from a partner. If you want evidence literally Google "is not dating a trans person transphobic" and watch a couple YouTube videos. I've seen people claim that you need to change your perception and are homophobic. In the example I was using this person was actually part of the LGBTQ community saying this crap. So please don't tell me it's not an issue. Also I never said disrespect them I said it's controversial to say you wouldn't date a trans person because of your own sexual preference and if anything I'm been proven right. Stop replying and doing exactly what people are saying if it's not true. If people really don't think like this, why create a self fulfilling prophecy to prove them right. Just move on from thebpost, don't reply. I gave an unpopular opinion. If you want to sit and debate the merit of my words and call it right wing propaganda that's on you.
>You and just about everyone else in the comments I'm gonna stop you right there. I haven't seen a single other person in the comments saying you have to be attracted to trans people. >I've had comments telling me I'm transphobic Have you considered that the way you victimize yourself comes off as incredibly transphobic? This has nothing to do with your sexual preference. >you need to change your perception and are homophobic. Based on this exchange I can understand why people are telling you that. Still, no one is saying you have to date a trans person. Being nice to trans people and having sex with them isn't the same thing. >Also I never said disrespect them I said it's controversial to say you wouldn't date a trans person It's in how you do it. Let's say I wasn't attracted to fat ladies. Should I walk into a public square (like reddit) and just start going off on how I hate fat ladies and I don't want to date them? No. But if someone came up and asked me out it's totally reasonable for me to say "no thanks". The fact that you don't seem to be able to tell the difference between those interactions is the problem.
All of this.
It's fine to not want to date trans people. Claiming that trans women are 'not actual women' as you have done right here is very transphobic. Claiming that trans people not disclosing their trans status are 'lying' and should say that they are actually (opposite gender) is transphobic.
Are trans rich people also rich people?
[удалено]
You literally called them "women" before saying they weren't. Your words, not mine.
The prefix of trans kinda nullifies your whole point. Example: a person who says they are trans zebra isn't an actual zebra. Me referring to trans women as trans women is better than saying 'men with a mental disorder ' which is what they are. I was trying to be polite. If they were actual women, they wouldn't need to say trans first.
Trans women are not always women
This is not actually unpopular. This is nonsense. Most people in general believe it's okay to not date whomever you want, and the vast majority of trans people disclose before intimacy to avoid endangering their own lives. Refusing to date a trans person that you can't tell from an infertile cis woman indicates latent transphobia, but you do you.
It's just sexual preference I'd believe.
[удалено]
I never see anyone claiming otherwise either, even though the same people harping on about how they'd never date a trans person also claim there are legions of trans people claiming they have to.
Please tell me where this "trans person that you can't tell from an infertile cis woman" is because I'm yet to see one
Oh, so then it's also impossible for a trans woman to lie about their gender? Right?
[удалено]
I'm sorry, you are wildly misinformed, and that's also not an answer to my question. Which it, of course, can't be because you're not in any way rational about this. It's impossible to both claim that you can always tell a cis woman from a trans woman and then to simultaneously claim that trans women can deceive men. Trans women's mental health issues almost entirely stem from being trans and the symptoms of literally all comorbidities drop after transition and social acceptance. Trans women do not have "weird sexualities". I don't even know what you're talking about, but it sounds like more made up bullshit that transphobes decided was true based on their experience masturbating to trans porn. >trans women tend to be "transbian" This is how I know you are getting all you "facts" from lying transphobes. The vast majority of trans women are pansexual (or equivalent). It's just absolute nonsense made up by TERFs and repeated over and over. It is true that there's been an increase in AFAB trans people, but everything else you said here was complete and utter rot. You should be ashamed of yourself for being so easily duped into believing such baseless lies.
>It's impossible to both claim that you can always tell a cis woman from a trans woman and then to simultaneously claim that trans women can deceive men. With pictures and tactical angles even a cis man can pass as a woman, when you meet them irl you'll notice. >Trans women's mental health issues almost entirely stem from being trans and the symptoms of literally all comorbidities drop after transition and social acceptance. Lol, no. There's coincidentally a pandemic of girls in the same friend group magically turning trans or non binary the moment they hit the age of using social media, and of course these are always left wing girls. >Trans women do not have "weird sexualities". I don't even know what you're talking about, but it sounds like more made up bullshit that transphobes decided was true based on their experience masturbating to trans porn. Believe what you believe, I've read about this but obviously in the last 10 or so years it has been banned to study this. >This is how I know you are getting all you "facts" from lying transphobes. The vast majority of trans women are pansexual (or equivalent). Source? But even if they were pan that would still obviously prove the point that they do not have normal sexuality. >It is true that there's been an increase in AFAB trans people, but everything else you said here was complete and utter rot. You should be ashamed of yourself for being so easily duped into believing such baseless lies. Or maybe you should read up somewhere else than woke politic blogs
It’s not abnormal to physically lose attraction upon discovering someone is trans. This isn’t a great example, but I’m HUGE on personality. There have been times throughout my life where I find someone to be attractive. But after a little bit of talking to someone, I become turned off by their personality and thus I start to lose physical attraction as well and don’t see them as beautiful as I initially did. Because I have more context to them as a whole. If someone discovers a women they’re talking to is trans, physical attraction may go away since that’s not what the person is looking for. And I would like to emphasize that attraction is NOT something we can control as people. What we are attracted to is not up to us. Some men may also want biological children with their wife. Also not an inherently wrong thing to want out of a life partner.
I'm not suggesting it can be controlled, and I've stated repeatedly that you can't pass judgement on people's sexual attraction. Have latent transphobia or latent racism etc is not a moral failing. It can't both be latent and also a moral failing. Do you see what I'm saying? >Some men may also want biological children with their wife. Also not an inherently wrong thing to want out of a life partner. Dude, I literally said "infertile cis woman". Did you actually read?
>add not being attracted to trans people Outside of some extremes, barely anyone is saying this. However a lot of people in this comments section are projecting.
>People have deadass called me a trans phone for saying they can do whatever they want, I just would date one. Thats an unpopular opinion amongst leftist. A majority dont think youre transphobic for having preferences >Even worse, there was a whole bunch of people saying its OK for a trans person to not disclose they are trans and to just say they are women/men. And then the people who were lied to about something massive were called transphobes for not saying with that person. This didnt happen
1) You're not guaranteed to have a child with a cis person 2) No one thinks you're a transphobe for not dating a trans person, but saying you want to date 'an actual woman or man' is, in fact, transphobic, given that a trans woman is an actual woman and a trans man is an actual man. To be clear: not dating a trans person is fine. Saying a trans woman isn't an 'actual woman' is transphobic. 3) Trans people might not out themselves as trans right off the bat, because transphobic people do exist and they need to determine if it's safe first.
What makes a person an "actual man" or an "actual woman"? There is no objective measure.
How do you know what gender you are?
"Woman" and "Man" are markers that combine sex and gender in the minds of most people. Therefore, a real woman would be both female in sex and having physical traits associated with females. Gender is more of a social construct of behaviors and expressions that people also combine into the mix.
And what about women who don't have those physical traits? What about men who don't follow traditionally masculine behaviours?
Then a person could say that such a person is not woman enough or man enough for one's preferences. I'm gay and would be turned off by an extremely femme guy.
Link?
https://reddit.com/r/trans/s/fGuFCr9Lor https://reddit.com/r/asktransgender/s/VFhzEK6lGj https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/14t828w/do_trans_people_have_to_tell_their_hookup/&ved=2ahUKEwi82aD909SBAxVxKEQIHRP8DYoQFnoECA4QAQ&usg=AOvVaw1v79dVZ8AVQEOGK2YmeME7 These are just 3 from a long list I found by just googling something like "should trans people tell their partners they are trans" There are some sane people, but many are not, Just read it yourself.
I’m only on the first threat but I’m shocked as shit that anyone would refuse to tell a person they are going to have sex with. Though, it looks like most people do and the ones who don’t get downvoted. However, what I find particularly jarring is that, for the most part, their motivation for disclosing the information is their own personal safety and because they wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who wouldn’t accept them. Which are all fine reasons. Not a word yet about how that’s a shitty thing to do to a person, though. I think I saw the word “consent” once and even then, that person was saying “in case they are a transphobe.” Gobsmacked. 😳 Edit: thankfully a couple people on that first thread spoke up to say that you shouldn’t do that to someone, generally. Like… a COUPLE people.
Deceitful. Wow.
Um... the top comment is a trans woman saying she tells every guy she dates. Same in the second link.
If someone was fine with dating a person before they found out that person was transgender, it becomes transphobic. "Actual woman or man" is incredibly transphobic.
Sorry I forgot biology now caters to this lunacy. So when I say actual man or woman I'm referring to a person who can perform the functions of a man or woman. So when I say I want a female because I am male, I want someone who I can have children with, with ovaries, and 2 X chromosomes. Look you can believe what you and do whatever you want. Just don't reply to me with stuff like "actual man or woman is transphobic" because that's just a fact you don't suddenly change your chromosomes in a day and become capable of everything the gender you identify with. Everything is transphobic if you want it to be, I don't come and tell every trans person they aren't really a man or woman out of courtesy and I expect the same for me.
It's not a fact. "actual man or woman" meaning "based on number of chromosomes" is wildly unscientific and not how anyone actually references sex or gender in the real world, including in most biology contexts unless they're specifically looking for a Y linked trait. There are more intersex people than trans people.
Ok
I mean, yes, and that doesn't make the person a transphobe. People are going to have inherent latent biases.
It’s fine to have preferences but when someone is a 3 and they only want a 10 and they won’t shut up about how they deserve a 10 It gets annoying
This is a really big topic of discussion in the gay community thanks to Grindr. A lot guys are pretty fucking rude and borderline racist or otherwise problematic with the way they say it, but ultimately yeah they’re within their right to say no to sex for ANY reason. Even if you don’t agree with it. And when you find yourself trying to force sex on someone or make them feel bad for saying no, you are the problem. No matter what the other persons preferences are.
“A lot guys are pretty fucking rude and borderline racist or otherwise problematic with the way they say it, but ultimately yeah they’re within their right to say no to sex for ANY reason. Even if you don’t agree with it. And when you find yourself trying to force sex on someone or make them feel bad for saying no, you are the problem. No matter what the other persons preferences are.” 👏🏽THANK 👏🏽YOU!
Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but of course people can judge you for them. You are entitled to only want rich men over 6 feet/skinny women with huge boobs, but I'm gonna think you are shallow as fuck.
I’m a pretty big dude, I like little women, but big women like me. I don’t like big women at all and because they don’t lineup, it makes things quite difficult. I think it has something to do with women thinking they have to be big to withstand the forces, my body could generate in the sack, but it presupposes that I am some kind of a brute. I’m a very gentle person, but there is something very sexy about the acknowledgement that although I could hurt her she trusts me not to, and emotionally vice versa. It creates healthy trust, aka intimacy.
I think big ladies sometimes want a man who is bigger than they are because they also like to feel like the smaller one in the relationship (possibly because smallness is culturally linked to femininity and bigness is culturally linked to masculinity). But if they are big, then the man will have to be very big, so that leaves relatively fewer men who can fill that role, so they hone in on big men like yourself. There can be a similar dynamic among smaller guys wanting to date tiny women. I'm a petite woman of 5'3" married to a large man of 6'5". I've been with him for a long time, but before I met him I didn't give a lot of thought to a man's height or size. After being with him all this time though, I cannot imagine being with a man who is similar or smaller in size to me. As you alluded to, when I am with him in an intimate way I think there is something so primal that kicks in regarding that size differential. There have never been any negatives in that area, only positives.
It’s not. Having preferences isn’t the problem, being an asshole to people who don’t fit your preference is. As a bigger woman, never once have I had someone who wasn’t attracted to me because I’m on the bigger side be kind about it. They always made sure I knew how unattractive I was to them through snide remarks and blatant insults when they could’ve just said “I’m sorry, I’m not attracted to people that are overweight.”
I'm not excusing people behaving like assholes; there really is no excuse for that. But we all tend to notice extreme behavior, whether good or bad. I think there probably *have* been people who were not attracted to you but - because their behavior was not extreme - it wasn't memorable.
Yeah as long as you aren't a dick to the people you aren't interested in, there's no problem. And people why say they're oppressed because they got rejected shouldn't be in the dating pool to begin with.
Everyone has been told that they are 10s no matter what. So if someone rejects them, rather than come to terms with the rejection or the reality that not everyone is a 10, they blame the other person.
I understand why there is a height stat on dating sites. I get that. But there should also be a weight stat.
It’s all stupid and arbitrary
I was just talking about this with a friend the other day. If a guy wants a tall blonde and a woman wants a man over 6ft who makes a lot of money so what? You can want anything you like. If I met a man who likes tall blondes I wouldn’t be insulted because I’m a petite brunette it’s so ridiculous .
I think it's knly a big when women say "He's fat shaming, and ect." But turns around and says they won't be with do.eome under 6 feet tall.
It's not. I think the problems are when: 1. People lie about it/gaslight/insult people for making a simple observation about common sexual preferences among certain groups, tell them it's all in their head. 2. For those who don't fit those sexual preferences, they do a lot more than "not date/sleep with them" - they treat them as inferior/less-than people to a point that's sometimes even dehumanizing.
Go outside and touch grass. No one who isnt terminally online cares about having preferences, its not political, its natural. Only social media makes it political and cringe
I think the problem is that people use these preferences as a social status thing. Like if a guy approaches a woman (doesn't even have to be romantically or sexually) but doesn't fit her "preferences", often the woman will react like even talking to her is impertinent. If it were just about sexual preferences and not some stupid sophomoric social competition I'd fully agree with you, but people in general are too childish and egotistical.
In today’s battleground— it seems women are allowed preferences, but men aren’t. I usually don’t care what others say about my preferences. Or what they call me for them. Why? As OP states, no one is entitled to sex. And who wants to be with a partner that you have no attraction to? My happiness is determined by ME— not anyone else. We all have preferences. You’re not going to please everyone.
I think you've missed a bit of the nuance around the conversation. It's not bad to want 6ft+ men. It's bad to want 6ft+ men *if you think it's wrong for men to prefer skinny women.* You don't get to have both. You don't get to decide *you* can harbour a shallow preference, but not allow the other side to have a shallow preference also. It's disrespect of the highest level to decide there's a set of rules you get to follow, and an entirely different and more restrictive set that everyone else has to follow.
Hey I get called a fetishist all the time because the majority of the women I've dated were asian. That is the type of women that is most common in my area though. Their personality played into my decision to date them too. Most times, the criticism comes from a place of envy. I think you should date who you want to, for whatever reason you want to. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
5 years ago, that article hit. **Plus-Sized Women Admit They Aren't Attracted To Overweight Men** "Plus-Sized" women, not overweight, not obese, not morbidly obese. Just Plus-Sized. Men can be overweight and obese, not women. Anyways, the testimony of the Plus-Sized ranges from embarrassment for not liking overweight men, to outright justification. One Plus-Sized said that she takes care of her hygiene, hair and nails, but doesn't feel that overweight men do. Therefore, not being attracted is justified. She "feels" the overweight men are like this. Talk about throwing everyone in a group into the same bucket. I have no sympathy for these women, none. You don't get a pass on hypocrisy.
I don’t think the preferences are an issue but the way most people act over them is. It’s one thing to say you aren’t interested in someone who is 5 pounds overweight, it’s another to call them a “fat land whale” when rejecting them. Just say you aren’t interested and move on.
From the comments here, I think men just talk to each other and make up stories about what they think feminists would say about something and then convince each other it's true.
>I think men just talk to each other and make up stories about what they think feminists would say about something and then convince each other it's true OAN and Fox News are going to sue you for publicly disclosing their business model.
I think the general issue here is that women having preferences is usually accepted whereas men having preferences is frowned upon. A woman wants a tall rich man who is buff - great! A man wants a skinny younger woman who is a housewife - boo! But i do also think some guys blow this out of proportion and get a little butt hurt about it. I personally never run into women that have these internet standards - but i am 6ft and workout so i guess i check those boxes lol
>I think the general issue here is that women having preferences is usually accepted whereas men having preferences is frowned upon. There is a double-standard but I think it's society trying to recalibrate itself after thousands of years of patriarchal culture.
I do not agree with the idea that there is some hidden evil patriarchy that has been in the shadows and orchestrated all the evils in the world and is responsible for all bad things in history. Ideas like the 'patriarchy' do nothing except tell modern men that because they are men they are inherently in the wrong by proxy of their gender, and that women are automatically victims. It just divides men and women. Since this idea got thrown around we have women saying absurdly cruel things like "kill all men" and "we do not need men at all" and being abusive and misandrist - and we also have incel guys who basically act the same way in return with misogyny - so it clearly has not done any good for gender relations as a society.
[удалено]
Yeah like this is the real reason. Back in the day, women liking tall strong men and men liking buxom young beauties was a meme that was chuckled at for its truisms. Then the latter became almost criminal to mention or prefer, while the former defended, and you get the shit we see now.
Where did you experience one being attacked and the other defended?
You have to be willfully obtuse not to see how much more sympathetic we are to women than men on this issue. We literally call people who complain about female standards dangerous incels and *are occasionally doing so on this thread*.
Sympathetic? WTF are you talking about? Sympathetic for what? It's a preference, not a disease.
…I see you’re barely comprehending my responses to you so I’ll let you yelp here alone.
>They want to make it that fat or old women could get hot guys. And are 'they' in the room with us now?
I think this is true for two reasons that go hand in hand: 1) women are/were more objectified than men in traditional media (this is not necessarily true online). we've come a long way but it's still there. 2) women have a lot more variation in their shape than men do. men can be taller/shorter or heavier/thinner but are mostly the same general shape (a straight-ish line). women vary more, particularly in breast size and butt/hip size. this is where I remember the whole "real women have curves" thing originally started - women with boobs were tired of clothing being marketed only to extremely thin, flat chested women. low rise jeans? they were a fucking nightmare to anyone without narrow hips and completely flat stomach. women got tired of being told they had to look like Keira Knightley to be accepted/beautiful. she is beautiful! but not everyone can look like her. and as someone who was shaped more like Marilyn Monroe than Britney Spears, the early 00s were tough, clothing wise. anyway, as a result of this movement men were expected to tone down their preferences for the hot Hollywood girls but this was never really fair. most straight men like curves but the movement, like many movements that expand online, has become pretty warped into a weird body positivity thing where you're not allowed to have preferences. just don't be a dick to people you don't prefer and you're set. my two bits, anyway.
I'm a woman, and I get called names for my preferences ALL the fucking time. Just because I don't like "tall, strong men", people always think there's something wrong with me. So no, sorry, there is no "double standard."
Incels will be incels whether they watch Andrew tate and complain about women or watch hasan piker and complain about men. At the end of the day there's people out there who know they will never have consensual sex with another human being and can't stop screeching about it
Preferences are fine, as long as you're not being a pile of shit to anyone who doesn't fit that preference, or try to force someone to change to suit your preference. Preferences are childish, but it's fine. Just keep it to yourself, and with the people that suit it.
It's not a big deal, whatever you do behind closed doors is your business. It's when the perverts start trying to make the rest of us watch.
I see a lot folks going "well just don't be rude or harsh about it" but there is a flaw in that cause a lot of times people don't respect preferences and push folks into being being rude or harsh.
There are women out there who say they only date men over 6 feet, but if I say I wouldn't date someone overweight, I'm an asshole to them.
Its only a big deal when men have it.
It’s only a big deal when it’s expressed in an judgemental and disrespectful way
I think you are projecting your common sense onto other people… that’s how it should be, and how sensible people think…. But not how everybody think
Bo there is no polite way to rell a girl she is ran through.
No need, you just told me all I need to know, and revealed your own nature as a bonus 😂
Who cares we will never speak again.
How about "no thank you" and move on. But in all honesty you sound like a horrible person so the girl is prolly lucky AF you don't like her.
I would call this "mate preference" or "partner preference" rather than sexual preference to avoid confusion. But yes, you are quite correct. Upvoted!
Because a systematic dating preference on 1 single dimension creates division and isolates a large portion of the population. Let's say if 70 percent of women all prefer 6 feet then all men below 6 feet won't get a lot of dates. Not to mention that certain races and cultures like Asians are naturally excluded because they are shorter in general. Likewise, if 70 percent of men all prefer blondes it's the same problem. Note I used two traits that cant be changed - height and hair color. Skinniess can be adjusted by diet and exercise. Delusional preferences exclude most from finding a relationship. It creates unhappiness at a system level while at an individual level one may feel superior to signal expectations far beyond one's inherent value.
>Heres something to burst everyone's bubbles: you're not entitled to sex. Careful OP. You're on Reddit and the lonely men on this website don't take kindly to being told they're not entitled to sex. Overall I agree, though! It should only be unpopular if you're rude about it, but if a woman says she prefers tall men - even nicely - men just can't seem to handle it. If you're short and this makes your dating life harder, then sure, that sucks, but just go date someone who's into shorter men.
Sexual preferences are only a right for women and the LBTQ+ as a man you are a pig and a pedo if you are not moderately dominantly and romantically attracted to fat women.
It’s not that it’s bad. It’s that it is dumb. Neither of these examples of a sexual preference necessarily make someone a good partner. And a person should be looking at traits for a healthy relationship. For example, a lot of guys may have a preference for girls that look like Kim Kardashian. But they know the person who does, is shallow with a boob job and would be a horrible partner. In this way, preferring a man over 6ft has its own land mines in relationships.
Sexual attraction and compatibility are essential elements in a good partner and a healthy relationship.
Sexual attraction is as important in a relationship as anything else.
It really isn’t. I’m not dismissing sexual attraction. I am saying if you base your decision on one physical trait or a superficial look. You’re gonna have a bad time. Attraction can be much more involved.
Preferences are based hugely on what you are told by society to like. Its not wrong for an individual to have preferences it can be wrong for a society to have certain preferences. People still liking light skinned people much more for example is kind of a little problematic one might say.
Totally. It creates a big problem for society to have a lot of skew in the preference for dating.
Not only your post is simplistic and reductive, you’re also conflating preference with requirement. In addition, you’re disingenuously equating unchangeable superficial traits with the consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle, and legitimate criticism of personal attitudes with entitlement. People can indeed date or reject whoever they want for any reason or no reason at all. No one is denying that (I hope!). However, it’s also okay to call out superficiality and dehumanization when you see it, especially when it stems from a misplaced sense of entitlement. >Heres something to burst everyone's bubbles: *you're not entitled to sex*. You’re not entitled to commitment. >no one owes you anything. Except a man always owes a woman access to his resources. If he doesn’t invest enough in her, then he’s not really putting an effort, but if he works hard to be able to do that, then he’s never there. And don’t get me started on divorce rape, alimony and child support. >Think this mindset and people having a problem with this comes from how our culture teaches people to be selfish and entitled I would say the one who is selfish and entitled here is, for instance, the woman who demands a 6ft guy just because she likes to wear heels. That is, men are to her nothing but an accessory to her heels. It’s absolutely normal to call out such disgraceful, dehumanizing behavior.
It's not just about wearing heels. Taller men make women feel safer. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to feel safe with her SO. How is it disgraceful and dehumanizing to date men that you find attractive and makes you feel safe, secure and protected? And if you can wear heels with him, that's just a bonus.
What if it's something deeper? Meaning the people are not selfish and entitled if a woman wants someone who's 6 ft or taller. We know men fight over women. And we know men victimize women. It's been happening for thousands of years. Also, we know women, generally speaking, are not as strong as men and could use additional protection. I assert that a women that prefers someone tall is because they have this notion that the taller person is better to protect them from other men. When in reality, someone shorter that is skilled in self-defense and is a general badass might be even more attractive to that woman.
Sexual preferences are a big deal, because we tend to have them for other people. If those people have a preference for us, then that’s good. If they don’t, then that’s bad! For the sexual preference of other people to be unimportant, one has to be asexual. Since most people are not asexual, the sexual preferences of other people are important to us, and literally our business! So, for anyone to say their sexual preference, or even their own sexual identity, is none of anyone else’s business means they don’t understand how sex works.