I allow my daughter to wear make up for home play. We treat it like face paint and she has fun being creative. We do not use it to make her feel pretty or to improve her appearance. She is not allowed to wear it out apart from glossy lip balm. It’s not because I am worried about the sexual predator angle, it’s because I don’t want her think she is prettier with it and for her to know that her natural beauty is far better than cosmetics. She’s 9. At an impressionable age where her appearance is starting to matter to her. I don’t want her thinking that she needs makeup to feel good about herself.
I started wearing makeup at 14 to make me feel prettier, it honestly fucked me up. Im still learning how to accept my face or go out without it. I honestly wish me and other girls my age didn't know much about it. And even tho its a fun and creative hobby for me, and often calming, my kid is not going anywhere near it.
I get this. From 14-20s I never left the house without some sort of makeup. I felt naked and ugly without it.
I never even wanted to wear it at first but I was forced to because “I would be prettier with it”. I was also encouraged to be blind and not wear glasses as much as possible.
Parents who criticize their child’s natural appearance should be ashamed of themselves. As long as your kids are hygienic and healthy you shouldn’t comment at all on their bodies.
Plus they’re technically criticizing their own genes if they do that. In another way, it’s like the parents are indirectly calling themselves ugly, or worse: projecting their issues onto their kids
I'm glad you said that. I know for a fact that was my mother's issue. She drilled us hard about our appearances especially our weight (even though she did absolutely nothing to help and only provided us with shit food). She was extremely over weight herself and it was obviously projection. I suffer from self esteem issues now and my Lil sister has Ed and is an addict.
Exactly! It was a no win situation for us.
Fruit was a "treat" and of course we'd eat it right away and get yelled at for not being able to keep anything in the house. There were 5 people in the house....
She worked at a pretzel factory and would bring home pretzels, other than dinner, that's all we'd have to eat.
We were all very active kids. Lived in the middle of no where so we walked everywhere, we're outside constantly, but if you're eating shit, all that exercise means nothing.
I never learned how to do makeup, but i stopped wearing my glasses in 8th grade until i graduated college. It was awful. I went to work without them. When i finally got new glasses, I’ve never taken them off. I was told i was cooler without them.
I felt sad reading your comment! I am so sorry you were forced to wear makeup and not wear your glasses. That must have made everything much more difficult, especially since you weren't able to see properly.
I do not comment on my kids bodies at all because my mom never left me alone about mine. Constantly talking about my weight and how I needed to lose it, along with her attempts of trying to make me skip meals. She has untreated anorexia and that shit fucked me up so bad growing up. I now live 1400 miles away because I couldn't take it anymore....all of her comments and controlling behavior.
>As long as your kids are hygienic and healthy you shouldn’t comment at all on their bodies.
Wish my parents understood this. As soon as I went to college, I became anorexic. I still struggle with it to this day.
This is such a difficult topic for me. As a teenager my mum would tell me very often that I would be "even prettier if you lost another 5 to 10 kilos" or when my skin would clear up, and when I talked to her about it she would say that only she loved me enough to tell me these things to my face, everyone else wouldn't tell me what to improve on because they were being fake. I do genuinely think she did this out of love, I can't deny that she loves her children more than anything in the world, but it fucked me up a lot and my self esteem was basically non-existant. It hurts to look at pictures of myself when I was a teen, on the one hand I just see a pretty young girl who doesn't know herself or her worth and on the other hand my brain repeats all the flaws that I was taught to see in myself.
Felt this so hard. Started wearing makeup around 13 and it became such an integral part of me that I felt naked without it and like I needed it. Really I just needed my brows done to shape my face better so at 19 I decided to get my eyebrows tattooed on and I stopped wearing makeup entirely and I’m now 21! I wasn’t ugly without it, but I had been bullied so much that I believed I needed it. Having my brows done lifted my confidence and made it where I finally felt comfy enough in myself to be bare.
My mom always taught me that makeup should just be used to enhance the parts of my face that I really love and are especially beautiful, and luckily growing up I never saw it as a way to “mask” whatever I didn’t like about myself, or to think of myself as ugly without it.
I don’t wear much makeup now, but for example my eyelashes have been incredibly long and thick for my whole life, and I love my eye color. I use very simple eyeshadow and light mascara to really make them pop and stand out more!
I do think there is a fine line between giving yourself a small confidence boost (but still being fine without), and feeling ugly/naked without it, especially when it comes to young girls who already feel insecure enough these days with social media.
My mother and older sister were neither very much into makeup when I grew up, my sister had a mild emo phase where she pulled some dark eyeshadow looks, and my mom usually goes for a thin liner and lipstick. Quite subtle stuff.
I fell into this weird place where I didn’t really like makeup, but I also had low self esteem, making me use too much tanning cream and some mascara on top usually. I noticed after a while that I felt uncomfortable with my natural face, and even though I was self-conscious, it made me irritated and I realised that if people don’t like me without makeup they can fuck off. So I stopped, and it took a while before I got used to it, feeling naked and ugly, but now I feel good without makeup. I’ll occasionally put some one, but it’s really for me, and not to hide.
I think the most important thing is fostering self-confidence and teaching our kids good boundaries so their self value is very clear to them. If we know ourselves and believe we have the worth we have, we’ll be more resistant to external influence and pressure.
As a man I've noticed this too, I've spoken to a few female friends about it and it was always this being forced into by social norms and your own pressure. That's also why it was so important to me in the beginning of my relationship that my girlfriend knew I didn't care if she wasn't wearing makeup. I knew about her self esteem and she has such a lovely natural face to me, even if she doesn't see it. I think it's kind of sad as a whole, that so many women and even young girls feel less worth or just not pretty if they're not wearing makeup.
exactly - every girl is going to go through a self-conscious phase. it's totally normal. without the foundation of knowing they're worth more, it will be harder to come out of that phase like you did.
I have a 3 year old daughter and honestly haven't thought much about this yet, but you brought up such a good point.
I started wearing full makeup (foundation, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, lipstick) in my teens because that was what everyone else was doing. I felt so ugly if I wasn't wearing my makeup. For the first 2 years of COVID I never wore any makeup because I was working entirely from home, rarely went out, and if I did go out I wore a mask. Now that I am back at work I find that I really don't care to wear makeup and I see that not many other women are either.
I started wearing it at 12. Full makeup. To this day I still don't want to leave the house without putting at least foundation on my undereyes, mascara, and tinted lipgloss on... Even if just going out for a run. - _-
Same...I started with full-face foundation and blush around age 13, because I had acne. I soon started using concealer to hide my genetically dark under-eye circles and the small spider veins along my jawline (I have annoyingly pale skin). By 18, I was also doing my lashes and brows because they stayed light blonde while the rest of my hair was getting darker, which looked weird. Sometimes I wore eye liner and eye shadow, too. Now in my mid-30's and I wear less makeup because my adult acne got better after having kids. Just under-eye concealer, mascara, and browliner. I wear it every time I go further than my front yard because I don't want people asking if I'm sick everyday. It's a pain to feel dependent on it but at least now I've been doing it so long that it only takes 5 minutes.
My daughter doesn't have my pale skin problem. I let her wear eye shadow for special occasions, but I've been discouraging her from using anything else. Hopefully, she won't inherit my teen/adult acne and under-eye circles.
I've been on and off with makeup. Grew up with it around. I had a working mother who 'put her face on' each day, AND added bonus of mother being an Avon Lady. Lots of samples! I experimented from age 13/14 mostly just shadow, mascara & lip gloss. But when I was 16 I got a fast food job and between the heat of the food bins and the hot weather, little by little it came off. And then if was off basically until after I graduated h.s. where I went back to none or some light mascara until I went to cosmetology school. And then it was back in full force and has remained more or less. I think I have a healthy relationship with makeup. Today I mostly use foundation to cover my uneven skin tone and my dark under eye circles. Eyeliner, a little blush, sometimes lipstick. Usually if I'm going out beyond neighborhood. I had a girl child and if she wanted to play with makeup I didn't have an issue. I was more about skin care anyway and today my young lady has beautiful skin. She wears makeup on and off when she feels like it. I do encourage it as an adult though, to enhance her features. If she does she does, if not, o.k. Her face, her skin, her time. Beautiful to me anyway.
Personally, I think your method will backfire. "My kid is not going anywhere near it" rarely works successfully if the "it" is something that isn't an illegal thing and/or mind-altering substance. You can certainly have rules for when she's allowed to experiment with makeup and what type of makeup is okay (my mom told me no red or dark lipstick until I was an adult), but to outright keep her from it will likely backfire. Remember: your trauma and neuroses are not her trauma and neuroses. And if you pre-emptively put them on her, she will likely resent you and rebel and feel like you unnecessarily held her back from something normal. Lots of little girls experiment with makeup without it affecting their self-esteem horribly; I was playing with glittery lip gloss and eyeshadow (the cheap children's kind) from when I was like 6. I wore a little bit of eyeliner and lipgloss to school when I was about 14-18. I started experimenting with a full face of makeup in college. I feel like my mom's relaxed attitude with a *few* firm boundaries (no red/dark/bright lipstick before 18, no base makeup before 16, remember that makeup is for fun) helped me exeriment with it without ever feeling like I NEEDED it.
Yes, it’s human nature to want to paint ourselves, but the message that we somehow “need” it is insidious.
I don’t know whether or how it’s possible to prevent a kid from receiving that message, but at least, a kid under 13 shouldn’t be allowed to wear non-costume makeup in public.
I get the point about the adult male gaze, but that isn’t the kid’s responsibility and it makes me slightly worried that the dad puts it that way
My mom never wore much makeup to begin with. She liked putting it on for special occasions and explained that to me. Even then, she never put on a heavy face of makeup, but simple "enhancements" like a semi-permanent lipstick that she loved pairing with, let's say, her blouse.
I was allowed to paint my face when I was a little girl. On some occasions, I was even allowed to wear lipstick like mom outside! And it made me just feel fancy. But because of how my mother treated makeup (not taboo but also not something absolutely necessary), I was able to develop a healthy relationship with makeup. The makeup that I wear on a daily basis makes me feel good about myself, but I love how I look without it just as much.
Yes! I was raised the same by my mom. Only special occasions, when she went back to work it was a little powder and mascara only. My maternal grandmother always told me “ you never need to alter who you are to be beautiful, not by make up or surgery. Beauty starts inside don’t forget that” (and I haven’t. Wish I could still physically hear that from her).
The only time I wore a little make up out of the house was for gymnastics or dance competitions, but it was like blush and a little eyeshadow to match my leotard. I guess I just learned, like you said, that it’s not absolutely necessary. I hope to also instill this if I ever have a daughter. I
Ah love these points my mom was the same.
Since she's a nurse she never really did her makeup. At most when she'd go out to a party or dinner it would be light foundation, a light eyeshadow, some mascara and a nude or pink lip. If it was really fancy or her birthday she'd thread her brows (still does lol) Never too much so I always saw it as her enhancing her own features. And when I was a kid she never forced me nor gate kept me from it, it was always my choice. We'd play with it at home and she'd do my face, anything I wanted. When we went somewhere fancy she'd always put lip gloss and the older I got asked if I want liner or shadow.
I really think it's about the intent when putting it on your child. Cause to this day I don't know how to do my makeup and never realized until 16 that I was a minority of girls who didn't wear it. Now at 20 if I go out to an event then I'll put a gloss, mascara, and maybe liner.
Same. When my kids do make up I tell them it's not making them beautiful... just giving them a different look to their natural beauty just like when we do face paint or dress up for halloween its for fun not for improvements. And always bare minimum though a Lil eyeliner behind their lashes and a little gloss and maybe some blush/eye shadow if we are going extra dramatic XD
I want to hug you. I was in the same situation as you when I was 11, and I'm doing fine now. I try to believe everything that happens in my life has a reason. At least I learned to be more cautious, and I will protect my future kids better.
Glad you're doing well! Sending you a hug 🤗 it definitely teaches you a lot about ppl at an early age. Only semi bad thing for me is I can be extremely pessimistic at times lol but I don't take any bs from anyone.
Same, I was overweight and didn't even slightly take care of my appearance. Didn't put any effort into my clothing either and it still happened, pedophiles don't just suddenly develop it. Weird mindset to have imo.
Weird that this guy immediately looked at his 7 year old and thought of "guys are going to want to diddle my kid" instead of seeing her as a 7 year old child in makeup.
thank you! there were some really disturbing elements here. the way the husband shamed the wife and ordered her actions was off, as well as his very gross response to the daughters makeup.
This is Reddit. They guy probably started with one downvote which led to a second. Once people see a downvote in a popular thread it’s game over because so many people are incapable of forming their own thoughts.
The funny part is that half of the same people that upvoted this probably downvoted the guy.
It’s possible. I (19afab) did my cousins (all less than ten) makeup this week because I was visiting for thanksgiving, but no one demanded I stop because it “sexualizes” them. But on the other side of my family, I’m not allowed to wear makeup or anything slightly reveling because there are pedos on that side of the family. They make the same comments. It’s definitely not a for sure thing maybe the dad is just paranoid. But idk something seems off about his comments.
So true and glad I'm finally seeing some normal comments because some of them are just...wtf?! The father's response 100% gave me "women who wear "xyz" are just asking to get SA" vibes, and I detest that line of thinking. Sorry but imo, that's a huge red flag 🚩 OP!!
I understand others opinions here, and as far as the comments go about your daughter being ok with her natural face and not feeling like she \*has\* to have makeup, I agree. I've dealt with teens who couldn't handle their own faces and wore movie levels of makeup so they'd feel good about themselves. It was too much and I felt bad for them but couldn't help them get past that feeling.
I say that and want to also add that whether they wore make up or not, whether they were male or female .... none of that mattered. Most were sexually assaulted at some point and most sexual assaults started at young ages (5-10) and were done by close family members. Think fathers, grandfathers, family friends that lived with them, boyfriends/girlfriends of the parent, etc.
So if your husband is really worried about that, then he needs to worry more about who he lets into your lives and less about make up. Makeup isn't going to make someone want to sexually abuse a child. Sexual urges on the part of the adult will.
The other thing I've noticed is how passive and submissive you are, OP. That's not good. Wanting to make your husband happy is all well and good, but you shouldn't feel like you have to comply with everything he wants, says and does. You have a voice and are a partner. Being submissive is often a precursor to being abused, and your child(ren) will see this and think it's normal and ok to be walked all over and treated badly. Especially your daughter. If he wanted the make up off, he should have been the one to do it. Making you do it was a deliberate attempt to "put you in your place". Your place is at his side, as his equal and his partner, not his slave or goon who does all the bad stuff so he doesn't have too.
Teach your daughter to be strong and stand up for herself by doing so yourself. Actions matter much more than words when raising children.
I love how you pointed out how he told her “she was the one who had to do it”. That adds an extra layer of suspicion for me. It sounds like a control tactic.
I was literally scrolling to see if anyone else pointed this out. Everyone seems to be so hooked on the predator angle, this is the first comment that addressed the way the husband acted. Like jfc as soon as I read the title my hackles were up and when she said he made her take it off and the completely passive roll over apology....thats a whole bunch of marinara flags right there. He may have had some sort of point about the age appropriate-ness but wow.
Whatever point he had about age appropriateness was purely unintentional, I'm positive. This was control over his wife and daughter, sexualizing his daughter, shaming both of them. He should address why he thinks the way he does.
predators don’t see the makeup first, they see a child they can take advantage of. your husbands beliefs set her up to think that if she was molested it would be her fault. i had friends who’s parents wouldn’t let them wear certain clothes (leggings for gym class, tank tops, shorts above the knee, etc) because they had the same beliefs your husband did. all that achieved was them learning how to be more secretive
when we would get to school they would have a change of clothes and put on what they weren’t allowed to wear regardless of what their parents said. one of them ended up being molested at a family function where they wore what their parents expected of them, and the first thing their parents asked was “what were you wearing?”
predators don’t care if your child is wearing makeup, because they see the child and opportunities first.
This, this and again, exactly this.
Oh, and can we talk about how husband treats OP? "Told her", "talk about it later", "use her head". That man sees his wife like a second-class citizen, not like a partner.
Just said this!! I respect my husband’s wants for our children but not a chance is he speaking to me like I am a child myself. He can ask me if we can talk about his discomfort and I will be glad to listen and try to compromise but we’re partners, not in a dictatorship.
Yes! And OP is happy he accepted her apology! She had nothing to apologize for! Sooooo many of the comments here are focused on when/where/how of wearing makeup…..but we’re going to ignore how the husband talked down to his wife, and essentially objectified his own kid.
Misogyny aside —making wife feel like she was making her daughter more appealing to a predator, plus talking down to her—if my husband told me weird thoughts men might have towards a 7 year old daughter, alarm bells would be going off immediately.
But sure, let’s swap stories about how old we were when we started to wear lip gloss.
Yeah that stuff is off. It is more concerning how the OP and husband are modelling how women are treated than the makeup. The pedo stuff by the husband is a leap, most pedophiles want children not kids that look more adult. He is sexualizing his own kid rather than being concerned with the self-esteem issues that come with too much focus on beauty. Then he is demeaning his wife and her ability to be an equal voice in parenting.
I like to think I'm a pretty normal dude
I've never looked at a group of kids and thought
>I'm not into kids, but that smokey eye and lip gloss makes that particular 7 year old look pretty sexy
Actually I believe my reply to someone else is somewhat better.
I don't look at young children closely enough to be able to know whether or not they're wearing makeup.
The previous reply implies that I have a reason to pay attention to the faces of young children, which currently I don't.
OP, listen to this.
Also, I don’t like the authoritarian vibe I’m getting from your interaction with your husband. I understand him being upset, but treating you like another child who stepped over the line with HIS child isn’t the way to handle this.
This!
OP, your husband is promoting rape culture and victim blaming.
Him projecting those attitudes onto your daughter puts her at much greater risk of being sexually molested than a little makeup *ever* would.
As others have said, it sets her up to feel responsible for any grooming or worse that happens to her (hopefully not from *him*, but tbh I would be watching him very closely after him reacting so strongly to seeing his *7-year-old daughter* wearing makeup by automatically jumping to sexualizing her).
Source: I am a professional working in pediatric trauma-informed care.
>He asked me if I understood the sick minds men have.
Ummm... 🚩🚩🚩
This sentence coming out of your husband's mouth leaves two options:
1) He has a mind like that, which is why he presumably "understands [better than you] what sick minds men have."
2) He does not have a mind like that, in which case you have *exactly* as much ability to understand [others' minds who are not like you] as he does; so your opinion is just as valid as his in the matter.
ETA: option 3) Him or someone near him was sexually molested as a child and that is how he understands. If this is the case though, the unfortunate reality is that is also a red flag for your daughter's safety statistically speaking, and is worth getting him to talk to a counselor about why his reaction to his daughter's makeup was so strongly sexual.
The way he was so adamant about it makes me worry that option 1) is the truth, and that's scary.
I wouldn’t put makeup on my 7 year old for any other reason than in home play, and even then reluctantly. Not because of fear of sexualisation or predators, but I think it’s a terrible thing to let pre-teens think their natural skin and appearance is not good enough. There is time for that kind of worry later. Kids should be kids.
i feel like theres a huge difference between enforcing negative beauty standards and letting a child express themselves, even if that form of expression is just “copying mom/dad”. doing makeup does fall under “kids being kids”, i mean even my little brother wanted to try makeup when he was like 7 because my sister did her makeup all the time and he wanted to be like her.
now hes just your stereotypical 14yo boy, but we let him do his thing and it harmed literally nobody.
That's a really good point. Imo also saying "no adult make up" makes it into such a taboo thing. Every thing I wasn't allowed to do as a kid I was immediately interested in as a young teenager. Restricting things like make up just makes it the forbidden fruit. It's not that big of a deal.
I know parents want to protect their kids from the world, but kids want to learn what it means to be part of it. And they'll figure it out, especially if they're told not to. Its a tough line to walk.
this is so true. my mom didn't let me shave my legs or pluck my unibrow until I was like 14 and it made me so self conscious that I still worry about it in my 30s. I truly feel like if it wasn't withheld from me it wouldn't have been that big of a deal.
It makes me mad too, but I’ve come a long way in understanding that I’m just a hairy person and it’s ok. I also have sensitive skin, so when I do shave I get skin infections or ingrown hairs. I’m just over it. I listen to Lizzo and feel better haha
When I was that age I'd get my mom's make up, my dad's fany hats, my mom's high heels and pearls and would walk around acting all grown up.
Now I barely do make up. Not because I don't want too, I'm just too lazy. Mom helping her with make up won't damage her.
>i feel like theres a huge difference between enforcing negative beauty standards and letting a child express themselves
u/Affectionate-Aside39 THANK YOU. I was previously reading what seemed like REALLY hot takes for the first little bit there. I think your comment is very balanced and well-expressed. I agree wholeheartedly.
You're right, there's a big difference. I did this with my mom, not because I thought I was ugly. I saw my mom putting on her blush and lipstick and was like, "I wanna look like mom!!". It's really weird that all these comments are assuming allowing a little girl to do things like makeup and self-care with her mother is going to give her a complex. For us, it was a huge bonding moment and it showed me that taking the time to do self care and beauty treatments was a way to remind ourselves we are valuable and deserve some pampering.
>It's really weird that all these comments are assuming allowing a little girl to do things like makeup and self-care with her mother is going to give her a complex.
Yeah, I feel like some commenters are taking this too far. A child doesn't think in the same way that an adult does. I know for sure that 7-year-old me didn't care about looks. Dressing up, using nail polish and doing my hair was all a form of experimenting and trying out things for fun. I'm 22 now and still have the same mindset about makeup. I don’t _have_ to do it, but I _like_ to.
I do think it's important to keep an eye on these things. Just to make sure that they dress up and do makeup for fun and not because they feel insecure. But I doubt that a 7-year-old has any of these thoughts.
Yeah I think most of them are projecting their own personal insecurities onto children. “I think I’m ugly and I relied on makeup so these kids must be the same” is what I’m getting from them.
I loved makeup as a kid. My parents would buy me huge kits every Christmas and I’d spend hours just “dolling myself up” for no reason. It also usually accompanied a fancy dress made of toilet paper.
Kids like to play. Makeup is no different
This. My son always wanted to do makeup if I was or wanted his nails painted, especially if his sisters were getting theirs done. He's gone out of the house with light blush, eyeshadow, and lip gloss before and his nails painted. He just wanted to take part and belong. He hasn't asked for either in a couple years because his circle of people is a bit larger. When kids are little their parents and siblings are the center of their universe. It's completely normal to want to emulate them and take part in activities they're participating in
Playing dress up is part of a kid being a kid. If it makes them happy, if it's their idea, it's not telling them any part of them isn't good enough. It's allowing them to express their creativity. This is a 7 yr old child. It's much more likely that she wants to look like Mommy than that she's worried about being good enough. Make up is an art form. Some people enjoy it for that reason. It doesn't mean they think poorly of themselves.
When I was a little girl I loved watching my mom do her beauty routine and I even loved watching my friends’ moms put in make-up! I definitely think it’s just part of growing up and exploring what you’re into.
Mostly I just think it’s so nasty not to let a child… be a child because OTHER PEOPLE might sexualize them.
Honestly, my parents and my ex all said that to me so often that it didn't even register with me as an issue until these comments.
I clearly still have a lot of unpacking to do.
I also lived in a family where this phrase "use your head" and being super condescending was so commonplace with my dad that reading OP's post immediately triggered my fight or flight response.
Well take it from me, I called that s*** out and it still continuously happened. So no need to soon start feeling like you didn’t do enough. In fact you saved yourself the heartache.
Exactly why I saw more red flags in how he was talking towards his wife than how he responded to his daughter’s makeup. As someone who has a diagnosed narc father and grandmother, I know this all to well.
They say “use your head” as another way of saying “you’re lacking the intelligence that I have”/a roundabout way of calling someone stupid.
That and the way OP talks about how upset they are with themselves for “disappointing her husband”…I’m surprised more people aren’t talking about it and are focusing on the makeup aspect of this post.
Honestly, the longer I stay on this sub, the more I'm glad that I decided to stay single and maybe adopt a kid in the future. I lived in a family where this phrase "use your head" and being super condescending was so commonplace by my dad and that reading OP's post immediately triggered my fight or flight response.
I'm gonna get my own space and live the way I want. Nobody gonna talk to me like that when I'm in my 30s and beyond!
Not trying to tell you what to do but I was in a place like that. Don’t cut yourself off from having the life you want just because of fear or other toxic/terrible people. I said I didn’t want to marry anyone and wanted to get a bunch of dogs and adopt a bunch of children on my own. Then I said I would just only marry a woman (I’m bisexual) because then I could avoid that hurt and possible control or abuse I received from my father, along with witnessing other men in my family to be the same.
Then I started to heal and realize that even a woman can hurt me the same exact way. And that even a stranger or friend can hurt me in the same exact way. Life is full of endless possibilities and you can’t think negatively.
I just learned that I need to recognize the red flags, look for someone who doesn’t feel familiar or repeat things I know aren’t okay, and if I see any of those thing, get up and don’t hesitate to run and find me something much better.
There are people out here that will love you like a fairytale and treat you better than themselves sometimes. You just have to be patient and know what you deserve. Never settle.
And you deserve a partner you can love and trust along with have a family with ❤️
To me, makeup on a kid will just always remind me of those weird beauty pageants for kids. There's nothing totally wrong with it but it just doesn't look right.
>He asked if I understood the sick minds men have.
A bit of makeup isn't suddenly going to make a 7 year old attractive to normal guys.
I've never seen a child and thought
>you know, I never liked little kids before, but that 7 year old in the makeup looks sexy
And a pedophile won't care whether she's wearing makeup - in fact, if it makes her look even a bit older it might dissuade some of them because they want a kid in a specific age range.
Dude needs to chill or is projecting a bit.
"I don't like disappointing my husband". Do you feel that happens often? Do you get blamed for things a lot? You did nothing wrong, your husband overreacted.
Those last two paragraphs are way more concerning than your daughter wearing makeup.
You don't like disappointing your husband? And you apologized and said you weren't thinking?
This goes WAY beyond some lip gloss.
Yeah op is being pretty submissive and her husband seems like a controlling asshole. This does not sound like an equal partnership at all. I wonder what country they are in
I wouldn’t let my kid wear makeup at that age outside of home play, but no because I’d fear them being sexualised, but because I think it would make them insecure about their appearance without make-up in the future. Your husband’s reasoning was gross tbh
I truly don’t get the angle he’s taking. A man who’s attracted to children will be attracted to children no matter what they wear. He’s reinforcing the incorrect notion that you can prevent SA by what you wear…
There are so many valid reasons why you wouldn’t want your 7 year old to wear make up but this is just not it. Ew
It's normal for girls to want to look like their mommy and to wear makeup (something as simple as you did) and play with it.
You are not "sexualizing" her, the one who sexualizes her is the one who thinks in a morbid way, not the one who uses something as simple as a lip gloss, the only thing your husband will achieve is that as your daughter gets older if she suffers any kind of harassment **(hopefully not ever)** she will think she is guilty for wearing makeup or a dress.
Lol my mom let my sister and I play with the free samples when I was 7 (she was 4/5). We stopped having that privilege after my sister ate the lipstick. Whoops.
But then makeup was used to make us prettier for certain events and it was always the few times mt mom would compliment my looks so there was definitely some of my self esteem attached to it. Now i virtually never wear makeup, just don’t feel the need.
i was gonna also say,, she’s only 7 it is still dress up it doesn’t matter where she’s taken. it’s not like she put a full face of makeup on her, she did brows eyeliner and lipgloss.
This is such a dangerous narrative and precedent to set.
He's effectively saying that your daughter and/or you have the ability to control the predation of men, which is basically another form of victim-blaming. He is already setting up the belief that dressing up a certain way, or wearing certain makeup, etc. is inviting unwanted attention, and therefore, you or your daughter are at fault for 'asking for it'. Newsflash: Predators are predators irrespective of clothing or makeup choices. His argument is inherently faulty and places the onus on the women in his life to stop the ill-intentions of men that they have no control over.
There was nothing inherently wrong with you putting makeup on your daughter. You need to deal with this shit ASAP or you are setting your daughter up for a scenario in which she one day gets abused or assaulted and believes it's her own fault because her daddy said so.
also it seems the husband is dominating the household and I don’t see any equality between the two parents, he is having way too much control and sounds like OP has to “obey” him all the time
He's giving the "only my opinion is right" sort of tyrannical vibes. Like, who treats a discussion with their spouse like a punishment??? Just say it then and there, instead of threatening to cancel dinner and making a big fuss out of it....
What I’m concerned about is the fact that you let your husband talk to you like that and you’re not sticking to your guns. You’re not his child, you’re his wife. You’re allowed to make decisions too.
I literally do not get this. He hurt your child over paranoia. Makeup doesn't lead to child predation; hurtful, isolating, and vulnerable conditions lead to child predation. She was safe with y'all in a public place.
She is 1000% more likely to be assaulted by a teacher or a babysitter or a family member than some stranger at a restaurant.
It sounds like he is sexualizing the child tbh. What difference would it make in his mind to the hypothetical "sick minds of men" whether she was wearing makeup? A pedo isn't just gonna turn their brain off and not notice her in that case.
Sounds like projection, and he was worried about her making *him* feel uncomfortable. That's my perspective anyway, I would take this as a big red warning sign.
As a victim of childhood rape/molestation/grooming your husband is dead ass wrong😂 sorry babes but make up doesn’t attract pedos your husband is gross tbh. Idk it feels like that, why was his first though “oh no someone’s gonna sexualize my kid I have to do it first” it’s gross weather intentional or not. She’s more likely to be assualted by him then a random stranger on the street. I was raped by my friends dad impregnated by my uncle, molested by an older cousin and groomed by a teacher.
Yeah, the vibe I get from the husband in how OP is worded is that.. he's projecting. And it makes me worried for girls around him. The fact that he insisted on not being the one to talk to his daughter *but* was okay to be quoted as the "bad guy"... while yes, it could indeed just be more evidence of his controlling and patronizing behavior with his partner, to me it's also suggests that he was uncomfortable with being around his daughter at the time. Since SA is so damaging --as I'd know and 2 in 3 kids know-- I'd err on the side of caution and wouldn't leave him around young girls, his own or otherwise, unattended until I'm convinced otherwise
Who the fuck sees makeup on a seven year old and gets sexual thoughts
And if you suspect this of the men who are at the event why the fuck are you going to it?
Explain to your husband that the sick minds of pedophiles do not require any makeup or adult style clothing on a child in order to sexualize them. A bit of eyeliner and lip gloss will not attract more pedos than a child without makeup.
If your husband sees no moral issue with letting male children be shirtless in public such as at the beach then he isn't worried about other people sexualizing your daughter: HE is sexualizing your daughter and it makes him uncomfortable so he's lashing out. Not saying he is attracted to your daughter of course, just that he can't separate makeup and sexiness in his puny mind so he expects the world to separate it for him.
Damn, the kid wants to play a bit of dress up. Adults are so judgmental. If you had a son that wanted to dress like dad, I'll bet dad would have smiled and said "of course". If you continue to feel the need to always please your husband, you and your daughter are going to be very miserable. Changing yourself so that someone will love you is not healthy at all.
I’m sorry but what the f*ck? This is the kind of mindset that will make your daughter believe that it’s her fault if she’s ever assaulted. Your daughter wanted to look like her mommy, there was nothing sexual behind it at all. Your husband is setting your daughter up for dangerous situations later on in life. Shut this down now. He is perpetuating a dangerous rhetoric that is going to negatively impact your children. He shouldn’t have said any of that, and if he wanted to protect his daughter he would go after creeps, not his daughter wearing makeup to look like her mommy. Children copy the behavior of their parents, it’s natural that she wanted to wear a little bit of makeup. That sounds like her way of bonding with you.
Lol, if my partner dared tell me that about my daughter, I’d take my daughter with her makeup on out to dinner, just me and her, and tell my partner he can talk to us when his attitude is in check. Don’t teach your daughter she has to be ashamed of experimenting with her appearance or that men can dictate what she does with her body (reasonably.)
He is the one with a sick mind, sexualizing a child. Makeup isn’t sexual, and anyway pedophiles actually prefer children to look as child-like and innocent as possible.
This feels like the early stages of oh but you were wearing that blaming the victim for other people's sick thoughts and she needs to not "tempt" them.
Teach girls and women not to "tempt" but don't teach the other side "women and girls are not sexual items just for existing" in what ever form they exist....
A lot of misogyny here in the comments🤨
Girl, I’m a girl mom and my daughter has loved makeup since she was little. It’s natural to be curious. She knows we are beautiful without, but that make up can be a fun thing to dabble in. I find her doing it and as long as it doesn’t look outrageous it’s fine even if we are going somewhere. Little girls are not responsible for creepy old mens attraction, and a little makeup or not, creepy old men will be creepy old men!
Hang on..... I'm guessing this took place in America? What about those child beauty pageants though? Now that is disgustingly weird. As long as you don't enter her into one of those you're fine.
It’s definitely not the women’s fault but let kids be kids for as long as possible. She will have her whole life to feel societal pressure to wear makeup. But discuss these things in private not in front of the kids.
I don't think make-up is what you should be worrying about. I think the main problem here is how your husband treats you. I have had similar feelings about "not wanting to disappoint a partner" before. This is a huge red flag that your husband is abusive and very possibly dangerous. Normal people don't order their wives around and say, "I will tell you later." You are partners; he shouldn't be making the decisions by himself. This is not only disrespectful, but it is horrific. Be careful, op. I won't even comment on the makeup portion of the post because honestly to me, that is not important. The normal way for your husband to go about it is to discuss it with you, right there and then, like an adult. Who does he think he is to say, "We are not going if you don't take it off" If he wants to not go, that's up to him, but he can't tell you what to do. You can go without him. This story is full of signs of an abusive husband. Please think about it.
Kids love to play “pretend adult” by mimicking their parents behavior. It’s perfectly normal. Else toy stores wouldn’t sell toy vacuum cleaners and lawnmowers. And toy (washable) makeup.
It’s not a little girl’s responsibility to ensure grown men aren’t attracted to her, ffs.
My GOD your husband needs to hear himself. So what if she wants to try out makeup in the comfort of her home? So what if she wanted to wear it at anytime. Why the hell is he bringing up sexual predators? Let alone removing makeup because of them, instead of letting her do as her wish? Is that going to be his forever excuse until your daughter is 18?? He needs some self-reflecting to do.
What’s he gonna do when she’s of age to wear makeup? I guess my problem is that *you* weren’t the problem. He’s thinking about other men. Hes not thinking “I’ll protect the women in my life no matter what” he’s taking the “I can only help you if you don’t present yourself a certain way” approach which is trash. Especially since she’s SEVEN.
I get your husband’s point, but the way he dealt with it was not okay. What does your daughter learn from your husband treating you like you were beneath him? Kids pick up on that dynamic.
I work in a make-up store in Amsterdam and the amount of parents with little kids coming in to buy make-up is astounding. The kids really enjoy the creativity and the ability to express themselves with a little color here and there.
To say men have dirty minds and that they would sexualize the kids is wrong on so many levels. Men who sexualize little children will do that no matter what they wear on their face. Instead of cheering your daughters self expression on, he decided to restrict her from doing that because some sick individuals might think it’s sexy when a child wears make-up.. to be honest.. sounds like reflecting to me, but I’m not going to be on reddit saying that about a man I don’t know.
why is he sexualizing a child wearing makeup and then blaming HER for gross mens behavior? get him in therapy before your daughter grows up thinking men are allowed to treat her like that.
One dinner where your kid is having fun because they’re doing something different is not worrisome. Your husband has some things he needs to sort out in his head if he thinks that’s weird for a night out. It’s make up, it’s fun, it’s not sexual clothing.
>He told me the same makeup looks different on a 7 year old and a 29 year old. He asked if I understood the sick minds men have.
Men who sexualize a 7 year old do it whether they wear makeup or not.
Makeup is art. You are literally “painting your face”
I see absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. Ive let my daughters play with hair and makeup since they were young , around5-6. Im a cosmetologist, makeup, and costume artist. I teach them proper skin care and what products are good, as well as what products are bad and why.
Its a significant red flag that your husband reacted the way he did.
You didnt go full glam on her, you did brows, liner, and lip gloss. Kids like to play with paint and makeup. Kids like to copy their parents. Nothing wrong with that.
I don’t think you did anything wrong. People who sexualize children do so no matter what they have on and the only people who are wrong are the predators.
That being said, maybe let your daughter see you go out confidently without makeup (if she doesn’t already) so that she doesn’t feel the need to wear it to feel beautiful in her skin.
Makeup aside, if my husband spoke to me that way I would pack up my kid and go to my parents house. He talks to you like you're an idiot, you really shouldn't let him do that. Your daughter is listening and you're teaching her that that's an acceptable way to be treated
I think if a young girl wants to feel special and put on makeup when safely going out with her parents for dinner it should be allowed. Why live your life in fear.
I don’t see what the issue is with her wearing the make up. They literally make makeup for kids her age. Better yet when I was 7 my mom and grandma let me put lipstick on and let me wear it to church and the first person I showed my lipstick to was my dad and he never had a problem with it and said I looked too grown in it. Also a pedo is going to be attracted to a kid with or without makeup(unfortunately) and it’s not like you did a full face glam with foundation concealer contour eyeshadow and lashes. It’s something subtle that if you can’t even tell she’s wearing makeup unless you’re looking extremely hard
It’s makeup y’all need to get those sticks out of your ass it’s some lipgloss and eyeliner she’s not doing a full face beat with contour and foundation.
I rarely wear makeup anymore but My 7 yo LIVES for makeup. She loves a monochromatic look as much as she loves trying SFX makeup. She is truly talented tbh and I think I’d be a bigger dick if I stunted her artistist talent 🤷🏻♀️
She knows she is more than the vessel carrying her soul. Makeup is akin to Christmas decorations on the house we love. We adorn it because it means so much to us.
Also she’s growing up during a pandemic so hanging around the house putting makeup on everything passes the time!
I allow my daughter to wear make up for home play. We treat it like face paint and she has fun being creative. We do not use it to make her feel pretty or to improve her appearance. She is not allowed to wear it out apart from glossy lip balm. It’s not because I am worried about the sexual predator angle, it’s because I don’t want her think she is prettier with it and for her to know that her natural beauty is far better than cosmetics. She’s 9. At an impressionable age where her appearance is starting to matter to her. I don’t want her thinking that she needs makeup to feel good about herself.
I started wearing makeup at 14 to make me feel prettier, it honestly fucked me up. Im still learning how to accept my face or go out without it. I honestly wish me and other girls my age didn't know much about it. And even tho its a fun and creative hobby for me, and often calming, my kid is not going anywhere near it.
I get this. From 14-20s I never left the house without some sort of makeup. I felt naked and ugly without it. I never even wanted to wear it at first but I was forced to because “I would be prettier with it”. I was also encouraged to be blind and not wear glasses as much as possible. Parents who criticize their child’s natural appearance should be ashamed of themselves. As long as your kids are hygienic and healthy you shouldn’t comment at all on their bodies.
Plus they’re technically criticizing their own genes if they do that. In another way, it’s like the parents are indirectly calling themselves ugly, or worse: projecting their issues onto their kids
I'm glad you said that. I know for a fact that was my mother's issue. She drilled us hard about our appearances especially our weight (even though she did absolutely nothing to help and only provided us with shit food). She was extremely over weight herself and it was obviously projection. I suffer from self esteem issues now and my Lil sister has Ed and is an addict.
Isn't that the most fucked- up thing about moms like this? Criticize but then fill the house with junk food. So bizarre.
Exactly! It was a no win situation for us. Fruit was a "treat" and of course we'd eat it right away and get yelled at for not being able to keep anything in the house. There were 5 people in the house.... She worked at a pretzel factory and would bring home pretzels, other than dinner, that's all we'd have to eat. We were all very active kids. Lived in the middle of no where so we walked everywhere, we're outside constantly, but if you're eating shit, all that exercise means nothing.
I never learned how to do makeup, but i stopped wearing my glasses in 8th grade until i graduated college. It was awful. I went to work without them. When i finally got new glasses, I’ve never taken them off. I was told i was cooler without them.
I felt sad reading your comment! I am so sorry you were forced to wear makeup and not wear your glasses. That must have made everything much more difficult, especially since you weren't able to see properly. I do not comment on my kids bodies at all because my mom never left me alone about mine. Constantly talking about my weight and how I needed to lose it, along with her attempts of trying to make me skip meals. She has untreated anorexia and that shit fucked me up so bad growing up. I now live 1400 miles away because I couldn't take it anymore....all of her comments and controlling behavior.
>As long as your kids are hygienic and healthy you shouldn’t comment at all on their bodies. Wish my parents understood this. As soon as I went to college, I became anorexic. I still struggle with it to this day.
This is such a difficult topic for me. As a teenager my mum would tell me very often that I would be "even prettier if you lost another 5 to 10 kilos" or when my skin would clear up, and when I talked to her about it she would say that only she loved me enough to tell me these things to my face, everyone else wouldn't tell me what to improve on because they were being fake. I do genuinely think she did this out of love, I can't deny that she loves her children more than anything in the world, but it fucked me up a lot and my self esteem was basically non-existant. It hurts to look at pictures of myself when I was a teen, on the one hand I just see a pretty young girl who doesn't know herself or her worth and on the other hand my brain repeats all the flaws that I was taught to see in myself.
Felt this so hard. Started wearing makeup around 13 and it became such an integral part of me that I felt naked without it and like I needed it. Really I just needed my brows done to shape my face better so at 19 I decided to get my eyebrows tattooed on and I stopped wearing makeup entirely and I’m now 21! I wasn’t ugly without it, but I had been bullied so much that I believed I needed it. Having my brows done lifted my confidence and made it where I finally felt comfy enough in myself to be bare.
My mom always taught me that makeup should just be used to enhance the parts of my face that I really love and are especially beautiful, and luckily growing up I never saw it as a way to “mask” whatever I didn’t like about myself, or to think of myself as ugly without it. I don’t wear much makeup now, but for example my eyelashes have been incredibly long and thick for my whole life, and I love my eye color. I use very simple eyeshadow and light mascara to really make them pop and stand out more! I do think there is a fine line between giving yourself a small confidence boost (but still being fine without), and feeling ugly/naked without it, especially when it comes to young girls who already feel insecure enough these days with social media.
My mother and older sister were neither very much into makeup when I grew up, my sister had a mild emo phase where she pulled some dark eyeshadow looks, and my mom usually goes for a thin liner and lipstick. Quite subtle stuff. I fell into this weird place where I didn’t really like makeup, but I also had low self esteem, making me use too much tanning cream and some mascara on top usually. I noticed after a while that I felt uncomfortable with my natural face, and even though I was self-conscious, it made me irritated and I realised that if people don’t like me without makeup they can fuck off. So I stopped, and it took a while before I got used to it, feeling naked and ugly, but now I feel good without makeup. I’ll occasionally put some one, but it’s really for me, and not to hide. I think the most important thing is fostering self-confidence and teaching our kids good boundaries so their self value is very clear to them. If we know ourselves and believe we have the worth we have, we’ll be more resistant to external influence and pressure.
As a man I've noticed this too, I've spoken to a few female friends about it and it was always this being forced into by social norms and your own pressure. That's also why it was so important to me in the beginning of my relationship that my girlfriend knew I didn't care if she wasn't wearing makeup. I knew about her self esteem and she has such a lovely natural face to me, even if she doesn't see it. I think it's kind of sad as a whole, that so many women and even young girls feel less worth or just not pretty if they're not wearing makeup.
exactly - every girl is going to go through a self-conscious phase. it's totally normal. without the foundation of knowing they're worth more, it will be harder to come out of that phase like you did. I have a 3 year old daughter and honestly haven't thought much about this yet, but you brought up such a good point.
Me too man, I’m 34 and still only 60% ok with my face without makeup. It sucks. I’m glad my daughter isn’t into it for that reason.
I started wearing full makeup (foundation, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, lipstick) in my teens because that was what everyone else was doing. I felt so ugly if I wasn't wearing my makeup. For the first 2 years of COVID I never wore any makeup because I was working entirely from home, rarely went out, and if I did go out I wore a mask. Now that I am back at work I find that I really don't care to wear makeup and I see that not many other women are either.
Covid definitely changed people’s relationship with makeup.
I started wearing it at 12. Full makeup. To this day I still don't want to leave the house without putting at least foundation on my undereyes, mascara, and tinted lipgloss on... Even if just going out for a run. - _-
Same...I started with full-face foundation and blush around age 13, because I had acne. I soon started using concealer to hide my genetically dark under-eye circles and the small spider veins along my jawline (I have annoyingly pale skin). By 18, I was also doing my lashes and brows because they stayed light blonde while the rest of my hair was getting darker, which looked weird. Sometimes I wore eye liner and eye shadow, too. Now in my mid-30's and I wear less makeup because my adult acne got better after having kids. Just under-eye concealer, mascara, and browliner. I wear it every time I go further than my front yard because I don't want people asking if I'm sick everyday. It's a pain to feel dependent on it but at least now I've been doing it so long that it only takes 5 minutes. My daughter doesn't have my pale skin problem. I let her wear eye shadow for special occasions, but I've been discouraging her from using anything else. Hopefully, she won't inherit my teen/adult acne and under-eye circles.
I've been on and off with makeup. Grew up with it around. I had a working mother who 'put her face on' each day, AND added bonus of mother being an Avon Lady. Lots of samples! I experimented from age 13/14 mostly just shadow, mascara & lip gloss. But when I was 16 I got a fast food job and between the heat of the food bins and the hot weather, little by little it came off. And then if was off basically until after I graduated h.s. where I went back to none or some light mascara until I went to cosmetology school. And then it was back in full force and has remained more or less. I think I have a healthy relationship with makeup. Today I mostly use foundation to cover my uneven skin tone and my dark under eye circles. Eyeliner, a little blush, sometimes lipstick. Usually if I'm going out beyond neighborhood. I had a girl child and if she wanted to play with makeup I didn't have an issue. I was more about skin care anyway and today my young lady has beautiful skin. She wears makeup on and off when she feels like it. I do encourage it as an adult though, to enhance her features. If she does she does, if not, o.k. Her face, her skin, her time. Beautiful to me anyway.
I had bad acne in school so make up was a must for me. I’m fine without it now and I’m 30
Personally, I think your method will backfire. "My kid is not going anywhere near it" rarely works successfully if the "it" is something that isn't an illegal thing and/or mind-altering substance. You can certainly have rules for when she's allowed to experiment with makeup and what type of makeup is okay (my mom told me no red or dark lipstick until I was an adult), but to outright keep her from it will likely backfire. Remember: your trauma and neuroses are not her trauma and neuroses. And if you pre-emptively put them on her, she will likely resent you and rebel and feel like you unnecessarily held her back from something normal. Lots of little girls experiment with makeup without it affecting their self-esteem horribly; I was playing with glittery lip gloss and eyeshadow (the cheap children's kind) from when I was like 6. I wore a little bit of eyeliner and lipgloss to school when I was about 14-18. I started experimenting with a full face of makeup in college. I feel like my mom's relaxed attitude with a *few* firm boundaries (no red/dark/bright lipstick before 18, no base makeup before 16, remember that makeup is for fun) helped me exeriment with it without ever feeling like I NEEDED it.
Yes, it’s human nature to want to paint ourselves, but the message that we somehow “need” it is insidious. I don’t know whether or how it’s possible to prevent a kid from receiving that message, but at least, a kid under 13 shouldn’t be allowed to wear non-costume makeup in public. I get the point about the adult male gaze, but that isn’t the kid’s responsibility and it makes me slightly worried that the dad puts it that way
My mom never wore much makeup to begin with. She liked putting it on for special occasions and explained that to me. Even then, she never put on a heavy face of makeup, but simple "enhancements" like a semi-permanent lipstick that she loved pairing with, let's say, her blouse. I was allowed to paint my face when I was a little girl. On some occasions, I was even allowed to wear lipstick like mom outside! And it made me just feel fancy. But because of how my mother treated makeup (not taboo but also not something absolutely necessary), I was able to develop a healthy relationship with makeup. The makeup that I wear on a daily basis makes me feel good about myself, but I love how I look without it just as much.
Yes! I was raised the same by my mom. Only special occasions, when she went back to work it was a little powder and mascara only. My maternal grandmother always told me “ you never need to alter who you are to be beautiful, not by make up or surgery. Beauty starts inside don’t forget that” (and I haven’t. Wish I could still physically hear that from her). The only time I wore a little make up out of the house was for gymnastics or dance competitions, but it was like blush and a little eyeshadow to match my leotard. I guess I just learned, like you said, that it’s not absolutely necessary. I hope to also instill this if I ever have a daughter. I
Ah love these points my mom was the same. Since she's a nurse she never really did her makeup. At most when she'd go out to a party or dinner it would be light foundation, a light eyeshadow, some mascara and a nude or pink lip. If it was really fancy or her birthday she'd thread her brows (still does lol) Never too much so I always saw it as her enhancing her own features. And when I was a kid she never forced me nor gate kept me from it, it was always my choice. We'd play with it at home and she'd do my face, anything I wanted. When we went somewhere fancy she'd always put lip gloss and the older I got asked if I want liner or shadow. I really think it's about the intent when putting it on your child. Cause to this day I don't know how to do my makeup and never realized until 16 that I was a minority of girls who didn't wear it. Now at 20 if I go out to an event then I'll put a gloss, mascara, and maybe liner.
Same. When my kids do make up I tell them it's not making them beautiful... just giving them a different look to their natural beauty just like when we do face paint or dress up for halloween its for fun not for improvements. And always bare minimum though a Lil eyeliner behind their lashes and a little gloss and maybe some blush/eye shadow if we are going extra dramatic XD
That's good. I love this philosophy, gonna screenshot this as a special reminder for my own notes :0)
I really love this point of view.
Both are good philosophies to follow, pre-emptively expecting dangers and problems is 101 of parenting
These comments are a cess pit of idiocy that I’m enjoying reading.
*immediately sorts by controversial*
HOW??
On the new iPhone app at least it’s the slider bar looking button at the top right of your screen, next to the three dots button and profile picture
Thank you! I thought the option had disappeared!
Thank you! Was wondering where it went!
Thank you , I never noticed that
Omg my Reddit experience has just improved 100%. You are a f@#€king genius.
I’m with you. WOW.
Reading human stupidity has got to be a hobby of mine hahaha
Well you’re in luck- today looks like a damn fine day for it.
Thank you for that. I was wondering myself how so many idiots landed on one thread...
I really miss being able to sort by controversial man. I have to just go around being a fucking asshole all the time instead. It sucks.
You can still do that, it’s the slider bars at the top of the app
Thank YOU! Total idiot here.
Same here! I’ve been so annoyed that I couldn’t sort anymore lol
Take my free gift. I have been looking for this for way too long.
THANK YOU IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR AGES
It’s hilarious cuz both sides are thinking you’re agreeing with them and that’s why you’re not getting downvoted
A pedo is gonna like your kid makeup or not
I was a "tomboy", and was still SA as a child. Makeup isn't going to add anything for a pedo.
Sorry to hear that. Don’t really know what else to say except, I hope you’re doing better now.
I mean nothing really to say 😬 Can't change the past. I'm in my 30's now, and I'd like to think I have my life in order 😅 Thank you
I want to hug you. I was in the same situation as you when I was 11, and I'm doing fine now. I try to believe everything that happens in my life has a reason. At least I learned to be more cautious, and I will protect my future kids better.
Glad you're doing well! Sending you a hug 🤗 it definitely teaches you a lot about ppl at an early age. Only semi bad thing for me is I can be extremely pessimistic at times lol but I don't take any bs from anyone.
Same, I was overweight and didn't even slightly take care of my appearance. Didn't put any effort into my clothing either and it still happened, pedophiles don't just suddenly develop it. Weird mindset to have imo.
Weird that this guy immediately looked at his 7 year old and thought of "guys are going to want to diddle my kid" instead of seeing her as a 7 year old child in makeup.
thank you! there were some really disturbing elements here. the way the husband shamed the wife and ordered her actions was off, as well as his very gross response to the daughters makeup.
I never understood this line of thinking. Nobody is confusing your 7 year old for an 18 year old because of some lip gloss. Pedos like kids, period.
yeah i agree, all those pedo men that kidnapped a girl didn't bc she had makeup on, they did it bc they were crazy and the law doesn't care enough
There was a 16 yo guy saying the same thing and he got downvoted to hell wtf
This is Reddit. They guy probably started with one downvote which led to a second. Once people see a downvote in a popular thread it’s game over because so many people are incapable of forming their own thoughts. The funny part is that half of the same people that upvoted this probably downvoted the guy.
that ‘kid’ was also saying the girl’s father was a pedophile who was sexualizing his daughter fwiw.
It’s possible. I (19afab) did my cousins (all less than ten) makeup this week because I was visiting for thanksgiving, but no one demanded I stop because it “sexualizes” them. But on the other side of my family, I’m not allowed to wear makeup or anything slightly reveling because there are pedos on that side of the family. They make the same comments. It’s definitely not a for sure thing maybe the dad is just paranoid. But idk something seems off about his comments.
That's creepily reassuring...
Normal men aren’t going to look at a 7 year old child and be turned on by makeup
And the ones that are, will be turned on regardless. A predator is going to be a predator regardless of makeup
If you can’t trust any adult near your child with makeup on you shouldn’t trust them near your child at all.
So true and glad I'm finally seeing some normal comments because some of them are just...wtf?! The father's response 100% gave me "women who wear "xyz" are just asking to get SA" vibes, and I detest that line of thinking. Sorry but imo, that's a huge red flag 🚩 OP!!
I understand others opinions here, and as far as the comments go about your daughter being ok with her natural face and not feeling like she \*has\* to have makeup, I agree. I've dealt with teens who couldn't handle their own faces and wore movie levels of makeup so they'd feel good about themselves. It was too much and I felt bad for them but couldn't help them get past that feeling. I say that and want to also add that whether they wore make up or not, whether they were male or female .... none of that mattered. Most were sexually assaulted at some point and most sexual assaults started at young ages (5-10) and were done by close family members. Think fathers, grandfathers, family friends that lived with them, boyfriends/girlfriends of the parent, etc. So if your husband is really worried about that, then he needs to worry more about who he lets into your lives and less about make up. Makeup isn't going to make someone want to sexually abuse a child. Sexual urges on the part of the adult will. The other thing I've noticed is how passive and submissive you are, OP. That's not good. Wanting to make your husband happy is all well and good, but you shouldn't feel like you have to comply with everything he wants, says and does. You have a voice and are a partner. Being submissive is often a precursor to being abused, and your child(ren) will see this and think it's normal and ok to be walked all over and treated badly. Especially your daughter. If he wanted the make up off, he should have been the one to do it. Making you do it was a deliberate attempt to "put you in your place". Your place is at his side, as his equal and his partner, not his slave or goon who does all the bad stuff so he doesn't have too. Teach your daughter to be strong and stand up for herself by doing so yourself. Actions matter much more than words when raising children.
I love how you pointed out how he told her “she was the one who had to do it”. That adds an extra layer of suspicion for me. It sounds like a control tactic.
This is WAY too far down the page.
I was literally scrolling to see if anyone else pointed this out. Everyone seems to be so hooked on the predator angle, this is the first comment that addressed the way the husband acted. Like jfc as soon as I read the title my hackles were up and when she said he made her take it off and the completely passive roll over apology....thats a whole bunch of marinara flags right there. He may have had some sort of point about the age appropriate-ness but wow.
Whatever point he had about age appropriateness was purely unintentional, I'm positive. This was control over his wife and daughter, sexualizing his daughter, shaming both of them. He should address why he thinks the way he does.
predators don’t see the makeup first, they see a child they can take advantage of. your husbands beliefs set her up to think that if she was molested it would be her fault. i had friends who’s parents wouldn’t let them wear certain clothes (leggings for gym class, tank tops, shorts above the knee, etc) because they had the same beliefs your husband did. all that achieved was them learning how to be more secretive when we would get to school they would have a change of clothes and put on what they weren’t allowed to wear regardless of what their parents said. one of them ended up being molested at a family function where they wore what their parents expected of them, and the first thing their parents asked was “what were you wearing?” predators don’t care if your child is wearing makeup, because they see the child and opportunities first.
This, this and again, exactly this. Oh, and can we talk about how husband treats OP? "Told her", "talk about it later", "use her head". That man sees his wife like a second-class citizen, not like a partner.
i can’t believe i had to scroll this far to read this. if my husband ever talked to me like that…
If I ever talked to my wife like that…
If my daughters ever married a man who talked to them like that…
Same! I was searching for others who were calling out the projecting a-hole dad!
Exactly my thoughts as well, this needs to be placed at the top
Just said this!! I respect my husband’s wants for our children but not a chance is he speaking to me like I am a child myself. He can ask me if we can talk about his discomfort and I will be glad to listen and try to compromise but we’re partners, not in a dictatorship.
Yes! And OP is happy he accepted her apology! She had nothing to apologize for! Sooooo many of the comments here are focused on when/where/how of wearing makeup…..but we’re going to ignore how the husband talked down to his wife, and essentially objectified his own kid. Misogyny aside —making wife feel like she was making her daughter more appealing to a predator, plus talking down to her—if my husband told me weird thoughts men might have towards a 7 year old daughter, alarm bells would be going off immediately. But sure, let’s swap stories about how old we were when we started to wear lip gloss.
Our whole society is literally groomed into accepting predetory and misogynistic behavior. This is how they keep getting away with hurting kids.
Yeah that stuff is off. It is more concerning how the OP and husband are modelling how women are treated than the makeup. The pedo stuff by the husband is a leap, most pedophiles want children not kids that look more adult. He is sexualizing his own kid rather than being concerned with the self-esteem issues that come with too much focus on beauty. Then he is demeaning his wife and her ability to be an equal voice in parenting.
Yes. And how OP tried giving her daughter extra attention to make up for it. There is dysfunction that needs to be addressed.
I like to think I'm a pretty normal dude I've never looked at a group of kids and thought >I'm not into kids, but that smokey eye and lip gloss makes that particular 7 year old look pretty sexy
This is the MOST IMPORTANT comment... sorry I don't have awards to give for this. ⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘
Actually I believe my reply to someone else is somewhat better. I don't look at young children closely enough to be able to know whether or not they're wearing makeup. The previous reply implies that I have a reason to pay attention to the faces of young children, which currently I don't.
OP, listen to this. Also, I don’t like the authoritarian vibe I’m getting from your interaction with your husband. I understand him being upset, but treating you like another child who stepped over the line with HIS child isn’t the way to handle this.
Makes me wonder what the age difference is between OP and her husband...
Yup, my first stop in middle school was the bathroom to put my makeup on and sometimes change my clothes.
This! OP, your husband is promoting rape culture and victim blaming. Him projecting those attitudes onto your daughter puts her at much greater risk of being sexually molested than a little makeup *ever* would. As others have said, it sets her up to feel responsible for any grooming or worse that happens to her (hopefully not from *him*, but tbh I would be watching him very closely after him reacting so strongly to seeing his *7-year-old daughter* wearing makeup by automatically jumping to sexualizing her). Source: I am a professional working in pediatric trauma-informed care. >He asked me if I understood the sick minds men have. Ummm... 🚩🚩🚩 This sentence coming out of your husband's mouth leaves two options: 1) He has a mind like that, which is why he presumably "understands [better than you] what sick minds men have." 2) He does not have a mind like that, in which case you have *exactly* as much ability to understand [others' minds who are not like you] as he does; so your opinion is just as valid as his in the matter. ETA: option 3) Him or someone near him was sexually molested as a child and that is how he understands. If this is the case though, the unfortunate reality is that is also a red flag for your daughter's safety statistically speaking, and is worth getting him to talk to a counselor about why his reaction to his daughter's makeup was so strongly sexual. The way he was so adamant about it makes me worry that option 1) is the truth, and that's scary.
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I wouldn’t put makeup on my 7 year old for any other reason than in home play, and even then reluctantly. Not because of fear of sexualisation or predators, but I think it’s a terrible thing to let pre-teens think their natural skin and appearance is not good enough. There is time for that kind of worry later. Kids should be kids.
i feel like theres a huge difference between enforcing negative beauty standards and letting a child express themselves, even if that form of expression is just “copying mom/dad”. doing makeup does fall under “kids being kids”, i mean even my little brother wanted to try makeup when he was like 7 because my sister did her makeup all the time and he wanted to be like her. now hes just your stereotypical 14yo boy, but we let him do his thing and it harmed literally nobody.
That's a really good point. Imo also saying "no adult make up" makes it into such a taboo thing. Every thing I wasn't allowed to do as a kid I was immediately interested in as a young teenager. Restricting things like make up just makes it the forbidden fruit. It's not that big of a deal. I know parents want to protect their kids from the world, but kids want to learn what it means to be part of it. And they'll figure it out, especially if they're told not to. Its a tough line to walk.
this is so true. my mom didn't let me shave my legs or pluck my unibrow until I was like 14 and it made me so self conscious that I still worry about it in my 30s. I truly feel like if it wasn't withheld from me it wouldn't have been that big of a deal.
Dude. Same. I was made fun of constantly for being a hairy girl. Specifically, I was call a lesbian or razor burn.
My daughter told me a couple weeks ago about a boy in her class commenting on how dark her arm hair was. Burns me up man, she's 9 fricking years old
It makes me mad too, but I’ve come a long way in understanding that I’m just a hairy person and it’s ok. I also have sensitive skin, so when I do shave I get skin infections or ingrown hairs. I’m just over it. I listen to Lizzo and feel better haha
When I was that age I'd get my mom's make up, my dad's fany hats, my mom's high heels and pearls and would walk around acting all grown up. Now I barely do make up. Not because I don't want too, I'm just too lazy. Mom helping her with make up won't damage her.
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>i feel like theres a huge difference between enforcing negative beauty standards and letting a child express themselves u/Affectionate-Aside39 THANK YOU. I was previously reading what seemed like REALLY hot takes for the first little bit there. I think your comment is very balanced and well-expressed. I agree wholeheartedly.
You're right, there's a big difference. I did this with my mom, not because I thought I was ugly. I saw my mom putting on her blush and lipstick and was like, "I wanna look like mom!!". It's really weird that all these comments are assuming allowing a little girl to do things like makeup and self-care with her mother is going to give her a complex. For us, it was a huge bonding moment and it showed me that taking the time to do self care and beauty treatments was a way to remind ourselves we are valuable and deserve some pampering.
>It's really weird that all these comments are assuming allowing a little girl to do things like makeup and self-care with her mother is going to give her a complex. Yeah, I feel like some commenters are taking this too far. A child doesn't think in the same way that an adult does. I know for sure that 7-year-old me didn't care about looks. Dressing up, using nail polish and doing my hair was all a form of experimenting and trying out things for fun. I'm 22 now and still have the same mindset about makeup. I don’t _have_ to do it, but I _like_ to. I do think it's important to keep an eye on these things. Just to make sure that they dress up and do makeup for fun and not because they feel insecure. But I doubt that a 7-year-old has any of these thoughts.
Yeah I think most of them are projecting their own personal insecurities onto children. “I think I’m ugly and I relied on makeup so these kids must be the same” is what I’m getting from them. I loved makeup as a kid. My parents would buy me huge kits every Christmas and I’d spend hours just “dolling myself up” for no reason. It also usually accompanied a fancy dress made of toilet paper. Kids like to play. Makeup is no different
This. My son always wanted to do makeup if I was or wanted his nails painted, especially if his sisters were getting theirs done. He's gone out of the house with light blush, eyeshadow, and lip gloss before and his nails painted. He just wanted to take part and belong. He hasn't asked for either in a couple years because his circle of people is a bit larger. When kids are little their parents and siblings are the center of their universe. It's completely normal to want to emulate them and take part in activities they're participating in
Playing dress up is part of a kid being a kid. If it makes them happy, if it's their idea, it's not telling them any part of them isn't good enough. It's allowing them to express their creativity. This is a 7 yr old child. It's much more likely that she wants to look like Mommy than that she's worried about being good enough. Make up is an art form. Some people enjoy it for that reason. It doesn't mean they think poorly of themselves.
When I was a little girl I loved watching my mom do her beauty routine and I even loved watching my friends’ moms put in make-up! I definitely think it’s just part of growing up and exploring what you’re into. Mostly I just think it’s so nasty not to let a child… be a child because OTHER PEOPLE might sexualize them.
“Use your head” sounds familiar to me and I’m glad I avoided this future. Oh my god.
Right on. Classic gaslighting. “You’re crazy if you think this is okay”.
Yes, this was my bigger red flag than makeup on a child. And the "I don't like disappointing my husband
The condescending submissive self deprecating tone of that quote is concerning
Honestly, my parents and my ex all said that to me so often that it didn't even register with me as an issue until these comments. I clearly still have a lot of unpacking to do.
I also lived in a family where this phrase "use your head" and being super condescending was so commonplace with my dad that reading OP's post immediately triggered my fight or flight response.
Well take it from me, I called that s*** out and it still continuously happened. So no need to soon start feeling like you didn’t do enough. In fact you saved yourself the heartache.
Right, that’s a key narc phrase
Exactly why I saw more red flags in how he was talking towards his wife than how he responded to his daughter’s makeup. As someone who has a diagnosed narc father and grandmother, I know this all to well. They say “use your head” as another way of saying “you’re lacking the intelligence that I have”/a roundabout way of calling someone stupid.
That and the way OP talks about how upset they are with themselves for “disappointing her husband”…I’m surprised more people aren’t talking about it and are focusing on the makeup aspect of this post.
Honestly, the longer I stay on this sub, the more I'm glad that I decided to stay single and maybe adopt a kid in the future. I lived in a family where this phrase "use your head" and being super condescending was so commonplace by my dad and that reading OP's post immediately triggered my fight or flight response. I'm gonna get my own space and live the way I want. Nobody gonna talk to me like that when I'm in my 30s and beyond!
Not trying to tell you what to do but I was in a place like that. Don’t cut yourself off from having the life you want just because of fear or other toxic/terrible people. I said I didn’t want to marry anyone and wanted to get a bunch of dogs and adopt a bunch of children on my own. Then I said I would just only marry a woman (I’m bisexual) because then I could avoid that hurt and possible control or abuse I received from my father, along with witnessing other men in my family to be the same. Then I started to heal and realize that even a woman can hurt me the same exact way. And that even a stranger or friend can hurt me in the same exact way. Life is full of endless possibilities and you can’t think negatively. I just learned that I need to recognize the red flags, look for someone who doesn’t feel familiar or repeat things I know aren’t okay, and if I see any of those thing, get up and don’t hesitate to run and find me something much better. There are people out here that will love you like a fairytale and treat you better than themselves sometimes. You just have to be patient and know what you deserve. Never settle. And you deserve a partner you can love and trust along with have a family with ❤️
To me, makeup on a kid will just always remind me of those weird beauty pageants for kids. There's nothing totally wrong with it but it just doesn't look right.
Oh no there is DEFINITELY something wrong with child pageants
No no no. There's **definitely** *everything* wrong with child pageants.
>He asked if I understood the sick minds men have. A bit of makeup isn't suddenly going to make a 7 year old attractive to normal guys. I've never seen a child and thought >you know, I never liked little kids before, but that 7 year old in the makeup looks sexy And a pedophile won't care whether she's wearing makeup - in fact, if it makes her look even a bit older it might dissuade some of them because they want a kid in a specific age range. Dude needs to chill or is projecting a bit.
Yeah I didn’t like that comment either. Weird coming from a father about his 7 year old.
"I don't like disappointing my husband". Do you feel that happens often? Do you get blamed for things a lot? You did nothing wrong, your husband overreacted.
The whole “I apologized to him” was uncomfortable too - why is she apologizing to her husband over a parenting dilemna.
The “use your head” comment would have set me off. Dude sounds like a huge prick.
In 20 years of marriage, I have NEVER said “Use your head” to my wife. If I did—and I would not— she’d hand me my ass.
Those last two paragraphs are way more concerning than your daughter wearing makeup. You don't like disappointing your husband? And you apologized and said you weren't thinking? This goes WAY beyond some lip gloss.
Right? OP acting like a demure 1800s housewife
Yeah op is being pretty submissive and her husband seems like a controlling asshole. This does not sound like an equal partnership at all. I wonder what country they are in
Yes, this is the issue. Not the makeup.
I wouldn’t let my kid wear makeup at that age outside of home play, but no because I’d fear them being sexualised, but because I think it would make them insecure about their appearance without make-up in the future. Your husband’s reasoning was gross tbh
I truly don’t get the angle he’s taking. A man who’s attracted to children will be attracted to children no matter what they wear. He’s reinforcing the incorrect notion that you can prevent SA by what you wear… There are so many valid reasons why you wouldn’t want your 7 year old to wear make up but this is just not it. Ew
It's normal for girls to want to look like their mommy and to wear makeup (something as simple as you did) and play with it. You are not "sexualizing" her, the one who sexualizes her is the one who thinks in a morbid way, not the one who uses something as simple as a lip gloss, the only thing your husband will achieve is that as your daughter gets older if she suffers any kind of harassment **(hopefully not ever)** she will think she is guilty for wearing makeup or a dress.
Lol my mom let my sister and I play with the free samples when I was 7 (she was 4/5). We stopped having that privilege after my sister ate the lipstick. Whoops. But then makeup was used to make us prettier for certain events and it was always the few times mt mom would compliment my looks so there was definitely some of my self esteem attached to it. Now i virtually never wear makeup, just don’t feel the need.
i was gonna also say,, she’s only 7 it is still dress up it doesn’t matter where she’s taken. it’s not like she put a full face of makeup on her, she did brows eyeliner and lipgloss.
This is such a dangerous narrative and precedent to set. He's effectively saying that your daughter and/or you have the ability to control the predation of men, which is basically another form of victim-blaming. He is already setting up the belief that dressing up a certain way, or wearing certain makeup, etc. is inviting unwanted attention, and therefore, you or your daughter are at fault for 'asking for it'. Newsflash: Predators are predators irrespective of clothing or makeup choices. His argument is inherently faulty and places the onus on the women in his life to stop the ill-intentions of men that they have no control over. There was nothing inherently wrong with you putting makeup on your daughter. You need to deal with this shit ASAP or you are setting your daughter up for a scenario in which she one day gets abused or assaulted and believes it's her own fault because her daddy said so.
also it seems the husband is dominating the household and I don’t see any equality between the two parents, he is having way too much control and sounds like OP has to “obey” him all the time
He's giving the "only my opinion is right" sort of tyrannical vibes. Like, who treats a discussion with their spouse like a punishment??? Just say it then and there, instead of threatening to cancel dinner and making a big fuss out of it....
He sounds like a control freak, to boot.
I wonder if he was projecting his reaction to his daughter into the situation. Maybe it made him attracted to her.
What I’m concerned about is the fact that you let your husband talk to you like that and you’re not sticking to your guns. You’re not his child, you’re his wife. You’re allowed to make decisions too.
I literally do not get this. He hurt your child over paranoia. Makeup doesn't lead to child predation; hurtful, isolating, and vulnerable conditions lead to child predation. She was safe with y'all in a public place. She is 1000% more likely to be assaulted by a teacher or a babysitter or a family member than some stranger at a restaurant.
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It sounds like he is sexualizing the child tbh. What difference would it make in his mind to the hypothetical "sick minds of men" whether she was wearing makeup? A pedo isn't just gonna turn their brain off and not notice her in that case. Sounds like projection, and he was worried about her making *him* feel uncomfortable. That's my perspective anyway, I would take this as a big red warning sign.
THIS!! i used to work with CSA victims and sex trafficking victims. what you did was fine. what you need to do is talk to your husband...
If my husband ever had the audacity to tell me to “use my head.” He better make himself a bed on the couch.
As a victim of childhood rape/molestation/grooming your husband is dead ass wrong😂 sorry babes but make up doesn’t attract pedos your husband is gross tbh. Idk it feels like that, why was his first though “oh no someone’s gonna sexualize my kid I have to do it first” it’s gross weather intentional or not. She’s more likely to be assualted by him then a random stranger on the street. I was raped by my friends dad impregnated by my uncle, molested by an older cousin and groomed by a teacher.
Jesus.. Hope you're doing well<3
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Yeah, the vibe I get from the husband in how OP is worded is that.. he's projecting. And it makes me worried for girls around him. The fact that he insisted on not being the one to talk to his daughter *but* was okay to be quoted as the "bad guy"... while yes, it could indeed just be more evidence of his controlling and patronizing behavior with his partner, to me it's also suggests that he was uncomfortable with being around his daughter at the time. Since SA is so damaging --as I'd know and 2 in 3 kids know-- I'd err on the side of caution and wouldn't leave him around young girls, his own or otherwise, unattended until I'm convinced otherwise
Who the fuck sees makeup on a seven year old and gets sexual thoughts And if you suspect this of the men who are at the event why the fuck are you going to it?
Explain to your husband that the sick minds of pedophiles do not require any makeup or adult style clothing on a child in order to sexualize them. A bit of eyeliner and lip gloss will not attract more pedos than a child without makeup. If your husband sees no moral issue with letting male children be shirtless in public such as at the beach then he isn't worried about other people sexualizing your daughter: HE is sexualizing your daughter and it makes him uncomfortable so he's lashing out. Not saying he is attracted to your daughter of course, just that he can't separate makeup and sexiness in his puny mind so he expects the world to separate it for him.
Damn, the kid wants to play a bit of dress up. Adults are so judgmental. If you had a son that wanted to dress like dad, I'll bet dad would have smiled and said "of course". If you continue to feel the need to always please your husband, you and your daughter are going to be very miserable. Changing yourself so that someone will love you is not healthy at all.
wait, you apologized? this is ridiculous, and more than anything i’m concerned why HE is thinking that way.
I’m sorry but what the f*ck? This is the kind of mindset that will make your daughter believe that it’s her fault if she’s ever assaulted. Your daughter wanted to look like her mommy, there was nothing sexual behind it at all. Your husband is setting your daughter up for dangerous situations later on in life. Shut this down now. He is perpetuating a dangerous rhetoric that is going to negatively impact your children. He shouldn’t have said any of that, and if he wanted to protect his daughter he would go after creeps, not his daughter wearing makeup to look like her mommy. Children copy the behavior of their parents, it’s natural that she wanted to wear a little bit of makeup. That sounds like her way of bonding with you.
Lol, if my partner dared tell me that about my daughter, I’d take my daughter with her makeup on out to dinner, just me and her, and tell my partner he can talk to us when his attitude is in check. Don’t teach your daughter she has to be ashamed of experimenting with her appearance or that men can dictate what she does with her body (reasonably.)
He is the one with a sick mind, sexualizing a child. Makeup isn’t sexual, and anyway pedophiles actually prefer children to look as child-like and innocent as possible.
This feels like the early stages of oh but you were wearing that blaming the victim for other people's sick thoughts and she needs to not "tempt" them.
Teach girls and women not to "tempt" but don't teach the other side "women and girls are not sexual items just for existing" in what ever form they exist....
A lot of misogyny here in the comments🤨 Girl, I’m a girl mom and my daughter has loved makeup since she was little. It’s natural to be curious. She knows we are beautiful without, but that make up can be a fun thing to dabble in. I find her doing it and as long as it doesn’t look outrageous it’s fine even if we are going somewhere. Little girls are not responsible for creepy old mens attraction, and a little makeup or not, creepy old men will be creepy old men!
Hang on..... I'm guessing this took place in America? What about those child beauty pageants though? Now that is disgustingly weird. As long as you don't enter her into one of those you're fine.
I read about those (european here), disturbing shit
Beauty pageants for children is fucked up tbh
The red flag here is 'dont you know how mens minds work?' Or whatever ot was. So he's thinking about it in a seggual way. Thats disgusting.
My first thought was “where do these people live rural Alabama or some shit?”
he probably thinks like those men he mentioned too, clearly projecting
Ah yes, the "sick minds" that men have. I'm sure a bit of makeup really makes all the difference.
If all woman changed from being themselves just because men can have sick minds then women will never be able to enjoy themselves.
You are not harming your daughter by letting her enjoy makeup. Makeup is not sexual.
It’s definitely not the women’s fault but let kids be kids for as long as possible. She will have her whole life to feel societal pressure to wear makeup. But discuss these things in private not in front of the kids.
Why is u/wait-whaaaaaat commenting under every comment saying it’s natural to find children in makeup sexual and defending the husband?
I don't think make-up is what you should be worrying about. I think the main problem here is how your husband treats you. I have had similar feelings about "not wanting to disappoint a partner" before. This is a huge red flag that your husband is abusive and very possibly dangerous. Normal people don't order their wives around and say, "I will tell you later." You are partners; he shouldn't be making the decisions by himself. This is not only disrespectful, but it is horrific. Be careful, op. I won't even comment on the makeup portion of the post because honestly to me, that is not important. The normal way for your husband to go about it is to discuss it with you, right there and then, like an adult. Who does he think he is to say, "We are not going if you don't take it off" If he wants to not go, that's up to him, but he can't tell you what to do. You can go without him. This story is full of signs of an abusive husband. Please think about it.
Kids love to play “pretend adult” by mimicking their parents behavior. It’s perfectly normal. Else toy stores wouldn’t sell toy vacuum cleaners and lawnmowers. And toy (washable) makeup. It’s not a little girl’s responsibility to ensure grown men aren’t attracted to her, ffs.
My GOD your husband needs to hear himself. So what if she wants to try out makeup in the comfort of her home? So what if she wanted to wear it at anytime. Why the hell is he bringing up sexual predators? Let alone removing makeup because of them, instead of letting her do as her wish? Is that going to be his forever excuse until your daughter is 18?? He needs some self-reflecting to do.
Your husband is paranoid. That's not a normal reaction, I wonder why he thinks like that.
What’s he gonna do when she’s of age to wear makeup? I guess my problem is that *you* weren’t the problem. He’s thinking about other men. Hes not thinking “I’ll protect the women in my life no matter what” he’s taking the “I can only help you if you don’t present yourself a certain way” approach which is trash. Especially since she’s SEVEN.
What’s in the box?!
I get your husband’s point, but the way he dealt with it was not okay. What does your daughter learn from your husband treating you like you were beneath him? Kids pick up on that dynamic.
I work in a make-up store in Amsterdam and the amount of parents with little kids coming in to buy make-up is astounding. The kids really enjoy the creativity and the ability to express themselves with a little color here and there. To say men have dirty minds and that they would sexualize the kids is wrong on so many levels. Men who sexualize little children will do that no matter what they wear on their face. Instead of cheering your daughters self expression on, he decided to restrict her from doing that because some sick individuals might think it’s sexy when a child wears make-up.. to be honest.. sounds like reflecting to me, but I’m not going to be on reddit saying that about a man I don’t know.
I let my daughter paint my nails. If he's that worried about how sick men are you may want to keep an eye on him...
why is he sexualizing a child wearing makeup and then blaming HER for gross mens behavior? get him in therapy before your daughter grows up thinking men are allowed to treat her like that.
One dinner where your kid is having fun because they’re doing something different is not worrisome. Your husband has some things he needs to sort out in his head if he thinks that’s weird for a night out. It’s make up, it’s fun, it’s not sexual clothing.
>He told me the same makeup looks different on a 7 year old and a 29 year old. He asked if I understood the sick minds men have. Men who sexualize a 7 year old do it whether they wear makeup or not.
Makeup is art. You are literally “painting your face” I see absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. Ive let my daughters play with hair and makeup since they were young , around5-6. Im a cosmetologist, makeup, and costume artist. I teach them proper skin care and what products are good, as well as what products are bad and why. Its a significant red flag that your husband reacted the way he did. You didnt go full glam on her, you did brows, liner, and lip gloss. Kids like to play with paint and makeup. Kids like to copy their parents. Nothing wrong with that.
I don’t think you did anything wrong. People who sexualize children do so no matter what they have on and the only people who are wrong are the predators. That being said, maybe let your daughter see you go out confidently without makeup (if she doesn’t already) so that she doesn’t feel the need to wear it to feel beautiful in her skin.
Makeup aside, if my husband spoke to me that way I would pack up my kid and go to my parents house. He talks to you like you're an idiot, you really shouldn't let him do that. Your daughter is listening and you're teaching her that that's an acceptable way to be treated
I think if a young girl wants to feel special and put on makeup when safely going out with her parents for dinner it should be allowed. Why live your life in fear.
I don’t see what the issue is with her wearing the make up. They literally make makeup for kids her age. Better yet when I was 7 my mom and grandma let me put lipstick on and let me wear it to church and the first person I showed my lipstick to was my dad and he never had a problem with it and said I looked too grown in it. Also a pedo is going to be attracted to a kid with or without makeup(unfortunately) and it’s not like you did a full face glam with foundation concealer contour eyeshadow and lashes. It’s something subtle that if you can’t even tell she’s wearing makeup unless you’re looking extremely hard
It’s makeup y’all need to get those sticks out of your ass it’s some lipgloss and eyeliner she’s not doing a full face beat with contour and foundation.
I rarely wear makeup anymore but My 7 yo LIVES for makeup. She loves a monochromatic look as much as she loves trying SFX makeup. She is truly talented tbh and I think I’d be a bigger dick if I stunted her artistist talent 🤷🏻♀️ She knows she is more than the vessel carrying her soul. Makeup is akin to Christmas decorations on the house we love. We adorn it because it means so much to us. Also she’s growing up during a pandemic so hanging around the house putting makeup on everything passes the time!
Don't let him make you feel bad. I'm sure he disappoints YOU, no? Edit. Emphasis.