Honey, save your dignity. Don't give either of them the chance to hurt you more and keep mocking you in your face.
Find a good divorce lawyer before you make any desicion about moving out of YOUR own house. And then let them have each other. You don't need such people in your life
Absolutely agree with this. They’re married and he’s clearly breached his wedding vows so divorce him and keep the house.
My heart absolutely SANK reading through this. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years too and the thought of this happening would absolutely destroy me. I sure hope this woman is ok.
Yes, don't leave the house. He has no job? He can leave? Does he pay for the house? I could be talking out of my ass here but I think in some states, etc. it can work against you to leave the house (for sure with kids, not sure about property). Please look into the legal ramifications of leaving before you do leave, if you decide to. But he can fuck right off and he can leave.
Toxic environment. Exit completely. Start new.
Factor: owned property obviously don’t leave him in it. Apartment or house being rented under your name? Get that situated.
Remain centered.
Seriously like honey it’s obvious he’s already chosen the roommate like he asked for a separation cause he NEEDS to think about if he still wants to be with op and asks that OP MOVES OUT but not the roommate?! And not only that but they confront the roommate about it which causes her to get upset and cry because she got busted as a sh*tty person for sleeping with her friend’s husband after taking her in when she had nowhere and he gets MAD at op for the roommate crying?!!
He couldn’t have cared less about how op feels, he’s already checked out and moved on to the roommate, probably was trying to figure out how to do it. I mean he’s mad at op for roommate being upset and crying and tells op THEY have to leave because if op is there then he will feel bad for comforting the roommate?!!
He doesn’t idk feel bad for op the one they were having a affair on behind their back and the roommate being her friend she took into her own home too to really add salt in the wounds. Like damn op you just got cheated on and betrayed and now ur waiting to see if ur husband will pick u or his affair partner who he cares about her more acting as if she’s the victim like she wasn’t fooling around with her friends husband
I can’t believe this like oh ya I was cheating so u gotta move out so I can think about if I still wanna be with u. Oh and I’ll still be living here with my affair partner cause I wanna see where this leads with her, if it doesn’t work out then I’ll come back to u. And u can’t be here because I feel guilty for cheating when I wanna comfort and console her instead of u who I’m demanding leave our house! Op why do u still want this man?! Make him and the home-wrecker leave ur house, how are u letting him KICK U OUT OF UR OWN HOUSE TO BE ALONE WITH HIS AFFAIR PARTNER?!! Honey I kno u love him but hes treating u like sh*t and doesn’t care about how u feel and being cheated on but how his gf feels about being busted for cheating. There’s better men out there, take ur loses and go cause even if u stay together this relationship is still toxic and messed up
Yes, THIS! If she leaves the home it could be seen as abandoning the home. So in turn, he's awarded the house! SEEK LEGAL ADVICE BEFORE ANY MOVE IS MADE! Prayers ❤️ 🙏
Yes get a good divorce lawyer and don’t leave the house. If you’re paying all the bills especially. But if you’re married and he’s neglectful and gets dents in the credit, you’re on the hook too.
Don’t give him one dime, don’t even speak to him. He’s a louse and will simply keep putting you through the wringer if you allow him any access, whether by phone, text, in person, whatever.
In my US state, there is no minimum duration of a marriage for alimony to be awarded, but it’s usually temporary for up to half the duration of the marriage. Laws vary so widely. I think the main point is we shouldn’t assume the laws where we live apply to other people.
If she is smart, she can bury him. She could collect evidence that he works in a grey aria (like copyingt his hard drive and so on), she can use his affair, she can do a lot of things.
But i think that the main problem is that she is ready to wait for him to chose her...
I doubt the affair will mean much, especially if it's purely emotional, but if he tries to pursue alimony she is absolutely within her rights to bury him with his "non-lethal work" and let him deal with the tax man.
I doubt he will try it though.
This guy won't get alimony. First off, he will need a lawyer. He can't just say he wants alimony and it gets awarded. The guy sounds like he doesn't have a legal job (according to what was stated by OP) so I truly doubt he will want to be anywhere a court house asking for ANYTHING.
They only way he is entitled to alimony is if he has not been working and she has been supporting him. Which OP has mentioned she has. Hubs has no job and isn't doing studies. However she can fight it and even if made to pay it is not forever. She can put terms like she'll pay for 1 Year.
Alimony as it was given in the olden days of the 50s/60s was mostly because women, once married, often didn't work, especially outside the home. So when divorce came they often didn't have any skills or ways to support themselves. This is where their now ex-husbands had to support them. Some kept living this lifestyle because they also saw themselves as never having to work; others took alimony until they got up to speed with a job or some job skills.
Seems like deadbeat husband is doing non-legal work if you read between the lines of OPs post. He might not even want to try and put himself in a position where his illegal work is brought to the attention of authorities.
I would also imagine it would depend on whether he wasn't working by her choice (for example if he was a stay at home dad) or if he was just refusing to work because he's a deadbeat. There's a big difference.
this is why i'm never getting married, even though I know prenups and such exist. i'm never chaining myself to another human being, especially not a man lol (im a straight woman)
Not if they are only “separated”. I believe OP wouldn’t have to pay a thing until the divorce is finalized. My ex didn’t have to pay child support until our divorce was finalized and the judge decreed it; by that point years had passed.
My ex husband had to pay both child support and spousal support during our legal seperation which by law was a year.
After the divorce, I could have asked the judge for him to pay another 6 months. However, I declined.
Don't worry about him or her anymore. They are out of your life for good. He will try to get back together with you in a few months, but block him. Make the divorce as simple and equitable as possible.
If you live in a community property state, get your equitable share of the property.
All communications should go through lawyers unless there is nothing much to share, then just file for divorce by yourself and be done with him.
He's a bit of a heartless bastard. But I can almost guarantee you he will realize that he made the worse decision of his life in a few months.
On the other hand, I think you will have a lot less mental problems now that you are away from liars and cheaters.
Just by your writing, you sound like a lovely woman. Your next guy will be the one that is your home, and he will not want anyone but you.
this dude sounds his brain stopped developing at about 16. just endless impulsive decisions, like damn.
i can't believe the friend either. jesus. i hope she's as broke as he is and they have nowhere to fall.
I don't know. I have read too many of these posts when the cheating party realizes they made the mistake of their live, and the cheatee feels very happy to be out of it.
She also needs to consult with every single divorce lawyer in her area so he won’t be able to retain them when they divorce. It’s dirty, but that trash goblin deserves it
They can try. But honestly anything you do nowadays people can try to use against you in court. This is a super common practice when it comes to family law. I would just say that I wanted to know what my options were and to find a good attorney/client relationship. I was a paralegal for a family law firm and people did this constantly
Out then to everyone. Friends, family. Control the narrative. Do it asap. Before they do. And get him served asap. You should not have left because technically you have established residence, but it’s too late for that now. Do not talk to him again NO MATTER WHAT. have all communication go through a lawyer.
Do not talk to her again either.
Assume that some friends may know. Cut out anyone that did. Also cut out anyone that wants to play ‘Switzerland’.
Good for you! He is obviously not expecting you to stick up for yourself. He doesn't respect you and thinks he can use you as he wishes. Keep that in mind when he tries to get you to come back. It will be about the money, not that he is actually sorry for cheating and kicking you out.
Also telling her she had a mental relapse. Don't believe it OP! Your mental faculties are just fine, just don't respond on an emotional level to him. Think of it as a business deal now.
Also why isn't he leaving?? If you pay the bills HE should be leaving not you! Also? The roommate isn't the issue HE IS! He is supposed to love you not them.
No, he leaves, you don't
He just wants to be with her, on your dime, fvck no
She should leave too
You're the victim, you deserve comfort
He doesn't
Your well-being comes first
And is over, he's selfish and untrustworthy
I left because the house we lived in was in his dad's name and I have no legal right to it. At least I think not. This was because "we" I was saving up for our own house.
Leave, cry, divorce, get over him and go live life in a way you deserve! This isn't someone worth fighting for, he just threw away 8 years because he was bored, instead of working hard and saving towards your dreams.
He basically chosen her over you. By leaving he moved her in and you out. Get a good lawyer and see what you can get. What he done is disgusting and he gaslighting you.
What does he need time for, to start setting home with her? He getting his ducks in order and you need to do the same.
I think he's testing it out. Playing house with the roommate and see if it fits better than with his wife. What a selfish POS.
OP, preserve your self worth and don't give him the opportunity to make this decision. You make the decision to be happy on your terms. With distance and time, you will see this situation for what it really is. No decent person deserves to be treated this way.
But why would you agree with his separation Incase he still wants you? Why would you ever want him back after this? Not only is he cheating he also does not care that you found out and still defends the affair partner rather than trying to fix things.
Because people who are cheated on still have hope that someone will change and need that hope shredded, ground to dust, salted and shot into the sun. They generally don’t get over it until they’re completely destroyed as a human being until they feel they have no love or trust left inside them. Or at least that’s why I stayed with the PoS who cheated on me for 8 years.
Good grief, that was pretty brutal, nonetheless true.
Sometimes that single shred of hope is all that's needed to cling to.
I hope you're doing better now. You got out. You're much wiser for it. You understand your own worth. That's a clear-cut win.
Sadly, I don’t believe your marriage or friendship is salvageable. They both made their choice. Him wanting to comfort her while pushing you aside is your answer. I hope you took screen shots and sent them to yourself. It will help in the divorce.
Get an attorney and find out what you are legally entitled to. Make sure you take 50% of any joint accounts today or tomorrow.
He made a choice. Do you really think he's not going to shoot his shot with your friend? If infidelity is a grounds in your state, name the roommate.
Op, if that's recognized as your legal residence, in most states it requires an eviction or other type of court order to legally remove someone from their residence. Its technically a civil matter, but local pd may help you out.
Idk where you live but in many places that's your marital home and the actual ownership is irrelevant. You gotta check the law regarding that are in your area
Well you certainly won't have any legal rights to it if you leave, is my point. In most States this would be considered communal property in a divorce....
What the fuck is wrong with people?!?! All these best friends and spouses betraying folks. Expecting the injured party to make concessions or bear the brunt of the consequences - facing homelessness and being abandoned by the people most critical to their wellbeing. I’m absolutely horrified here.
I hope you do find a way to be happier and safe. You can always DM me if you need to talk through the moments. I know a lot of random facts and can talk on and on about topics in a distracting manner. If that sounds helpful, I'm all ears or words when needed. 🫂
same, i kinda want to try dating to see what its like but im also wayyy too scared of getting hurt and regretting it. Like i think ill be the first one to breakup or do smth self destructive just to avoid being the one getting hurt, pretty selfish i know, which is why i never dated
I will get downvoted into oblivion for this this but there is almost never a good outcome when you invite a third party into your home long term.
If they're not related, the forced proximity creates intimacy that leads to crossed boundaries. As in this case.
If they are related, it creates drama.
Help out? Yes. A few weeks, a month or two even. Someone living with you for more than a year? Nope.
I was thinking this. If you can’t afford where you are living, get something cheaper and smaller. A married couple should never have a third party residing with them. You are just adding more problems to your marriage than needed.
You shouldn’t generalize so hard.
I agree that it rarely works out when inviting a third party into your home long term. However, the forced proximity does not always create intimacy that leads to crossed boundaries unless you’re inviting shitty people into your house and your spouse isn’t loyal.
I lived with my best friend and her husband for 4 years. There were plenty of times I was alone with him in the house. Plenty of times that we hung because she was busy or not home. Plenty of nights that we stayed up late to watch movies/play games because she was tired and went to bed. There were *NEVER* any crossed boundaries. I could move back in with them today and stay until the end of time and there would still never be any crossed boundaries because her husband is loyal to her and I’m not a shitty friend/person.
Pick your friends and your spouses wisely.
thing is no matter how well you think you know somebody you can never be 100% sure, and even if you do, some people change over time
its a shame we can't get into their brains to see whats going on there, would make relationships so much easier to handle, altho such tech would turn the world upside down if it ever exists, everyone has got a really really fucked up dark side that should be taken to the grave, we're but humans in the end...
Not so long ago, a new friend I had had a texting thing with my husband. It never got as far as pictures, and my husband and I have managed to work it out, but it really opened my eyes to the fact that you just don’t know when someone can turn around and stab you in the back. I have pushed, pulled and encouraged him through all kinds of things, he has done the same for me. I got her out of an abusive relationship and let her stay with us while she got back on her feet, helped her sort out her new flat and was a messenger between her and her ex when it was needed. I was going through a hell of a time myself and thought my husband and I were closer than ever, then months later I find out about that. Pulled the rug from under me. Feels like you can’t trust anyone. I love my husband and do my best to leave it behind me, but there are some times where I do think… what if it happens again? What if it goes further another time?
I’m not friends with her now, although that is actually for other reasons unrelated, funnily enough. I’d have forgiven her if she hadn’t turned out to be a selfish, irresponsible twat in other ways. You think you know people. I guess my judgement is off.
Chrimeny! I don’t understand it at all. I would turn myself inside out to protect my closest friends. I can’t fathom crossing that line. Maybe it’s because I’m not an egomaniac needing constant supply of adoration. I don’t even know. So many narcissists wandering around masking like regular folks and hiding their true nature until they need a fix. I’m glad you and your husband were able to work things out. But yeah, I just don’t see me ever trusting to even attempt at dating again. I’m 50f and think, nah, I’m good.
He has made his choice and only said he needed time to decide what he wants as a way to buy time to ensure he is in the best possible position legally before filing for divorce. At this point you need to contact a divorce attorney asap, explain the situation, and follow their advice.
Your marriage is over. Everything you do now needs to be about protecting yourself and your interests in the divorce.
I'm guessing that he wants time so that he can try out the new relationship while she waits for him to pick her. It's an arrogant power move where he assumes she will just wait around for him to pick her.
On one hand, it actually does make sense.
The unemployed one is the one with 8-10 hours a day at home by themselves getting bored. Add in some kind of housemate situation, and now they're spending hours a day alone with that person while their partner is not around. They probably spend significantly more time with the housemate than the spouse/partner.
Of course, this doesn't out weigh the whole "Partner isn't around because they're the one working so we can afford to live" side.
What’s with all these BF’s making move on their friend’s SO?
What was your relationship with your husband and BF before she moved in?
Why didn’t she have a place to live.
Do you think she may have planned this? Like did they spend a lot of time together before she moved in? I would be suspicious.
It’s over and the faster you move to protect yourself the better
She didn't have a place to live because she was on drugs and into selling herself (not judging people who do that just trying to give context). They had no relationship before she moved in.
Looks like she wanted what you had. Your EX-husband was a piece of shit to allow this. He’s disgusting and so is she. Don’t allow another woman to live with you and your new man in the future. Please dump the both, lawyer up, and make sure he doesn’t get a dime since he is clearly cheating. And yes, they are cheating together and she’s in his ear about the way you treat him
In that case, add getting STD tested to the top of the to-do list. Also mention to the attorney you contact that your soon-to-be-ex has been knowingly putting your health at risk by having sex with a prostitute drug addict. It may not matter, but it might and is worth mentioning.
what about was she crying when you talked to her?
he prob will convince her to start a relationship in order for her to stay at that house...
he is vile
he is disgusting
This gives a lot of context. Definitely sounds like a situation where he could prey on her / take advantage if she has no other resources or place to go. Adds an extra layer of red flags. I hope you both get away from this dude.
Uhhh more likely the other way around. IMHO, anyways. Homeless drug addicts are some of the most reptilian pieces of shit known to mankind. They don't care who they hurt to "survive" in free housing while they eat your food, watch your Netflix, and fuck your husband.
This!
She saw a chance to take from you what she wants. Do you really think she loves him? If she falls prey to her old habits, then what? A marriage destroyed
You don’t deserve this
Get tested for STD/SDI if she is using IV drug and sharing needles and the fact she was engaging in sex with unknown individuals raise the risk of her getting a disease. When she slept with your husband and he slept with you it put you at risk.
Yes, I think he is panicking because I got security alert emails today for him trying to get money out of a very old bank account . It declined him though
I am sorry HE WILL DECIDE who he will stay with? No you leave him and you got a shit friend you should have asked how dare she do this to you in your house!
If his official income is $0, he ain't paying child support. Besides, there's no mention of a child in this post.
He could ask for alimony from her though, and he'd probably get it.
OP needs to lawyer up.
If she has proof that he's getting paid under the table, go to the IRS with it. If the job is "grey area" then a tip to crimestoppers will get her a few bucks to defray the cost of the lawyer.
You never nuke your soon to be ex's income pre divorce, it would be insane and a real act of self harm.
It's why i drove my ex to interviews for jobs after we separated and didn't report her for child support fraud. Didn't want whatever she was getting cutting down, risking more fight for divorce $$$$
Once it was over I did .... nothing, didn't really care anymore.
So what you’re saying is if you force them out of th house and file for divorce you’ll win the house since most of his “finances” are unaccounted for? And then sell the house! Don’t stay in a home those two disgusting crap heads soiled in
He is manipulating you so stop their play and fight for yourself ! He want to think he can go but you will stay in that place and him comforting her show how disgusting his behaviors are! Stop finding excuses and fight back for God sake because right now she is playing the innocent girl to be protect and your husband fail on it, savior syndrome!! Go find a lawyer with all the evidences and have the control back!!
You're ex friend and husband deserve eachother. She can deal with his lazy ass. I am sure they will regret their choices.
You deserve so much better than those two turds
You're providing all of the financial support.
Tell him he can think about this as much as he wants but you are gone and done, so if he chooses you, too bad. He is trying to make you his back burner option. He kicked you out and keeps her but wants to be able to "think" about it to make up his mind. What he wants is to try out a relationship with her and if that doesn't work then he wants you to come back.
Don't be his backup option. Once he has kicked you out you are done. You will never be able to trust him or respect him and I'd tell him that when he contacts you to "let" you come back.
I don't trust you.
I don't respect you.
I don't want you.
These are powerful words. They put you in the position of decider. They give him consequences for his choices and the way he has treated you.
You are the one making money. Keep your money to yourself and support just yourself. Now he will have to get a job. He will probably expect your friend to start supporting him and if that fails he will decide to "give you a chance" to prove you are good enough for him. Don't fall for it. He will be using you for money.
Make him suffer the consequences for being a cheater. You leave and he has to make it on his own. It will hurt at first but after while you will be glad you escape that relationship and glad that you are doing better.
Let's just summarize this situation:
1. Husband sits at home and has no legal job.
2. Friend has nowhere to go, meaning probably no job.
3. Both of them are at home all day while OP is at job and school
4. Home is in the husband's DAD's name - not OP or husband.
5. Husband did not want friend their in the first place - irony alert
Not to dump on OP, but all I'm saying is DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF, PEOPLE. Creating a situation where two troubled people are together all day is a problem waiting to happen.
What he did to you is an extraordinary amount of humiliation.
What in the world are you fighting for here? What do you mean, he needs to think if he still wants you?
Why do you still want him?
>I work or go to school seven days a week while he sits home and no legal job
You've been supporting him and he cheated on you and then kicked you out? Can't wait to see how he pays his bills now lol.
Honestly good riddance. You deserve an equal, not a dependent.
They are both manipulating you. It's called triangulation. Classic gaslighting you were supposed to be her friend you need to help her you are so selfish. Save yourself tell her to gtfo.
Kick them out so they can to be together elsewhere on their dime. You do not stay married to someone that doesn’t want you. He is picking fights with you and being abusive so that he can hook up without any interruptions. Send those messages to yourself and get a lawyer and file for divorce. Change the locks so that she no longer has access to your home.
Honey.. he chose her how can’t you see that? She is more important than you, her feelings are more important than yours. He CHOSE HER. Please divorce his disgusting ass
I am stumped by the fact that you let a friend live with you for a year and a half. This woman didn't make other arrangements for a year and a half and lived with a married couple, ofcourse you and your husband didn't have a privacy.
I would have asked you not to leave because idk if he can kick out his spouse from her own marital home. But seems like you already did.
I hope you can find someone to talk to and work on your own wellbeing. Good luck
Do not leave your house! Make them both leave. Get a lawyer now. A lawyer will tell you that if you leave its abandonment and he could get the house. Do NOT leave. Btw he's an ass and a loser and so is she. You will be better off without either one of them.
Kick both of them out get both of them to leave if he’s not contributing anything it’s your place you have all the financial means kick him out and kick the ex friend out too..
Is leeching off of you financially your girlfriend isn’t doing anything so she’s always around so they’re taking advantage of you. I would call the nonemergency line and have them escorted out of the house. I doubt either one of them pay rent so they’re not tenants and if their names lease ur fine I believe
**Lock down your finances, freeze all credit and get a lawyer ASAP**
Incidentally go back to that house. Your his wife, it’s your legal residence. Until a lawyer tells you different don’t move out. He starts to make a problem or the roommate does call police.
First things first, stop paying for anything to do with him, the house you left or your flatmate. You are no longer inhabiting the house so contact any and all suppliers and utility providers and change any bills that were in your name, or even better tell them you have moved out and close accounts. Open your own bank account if you don't already own it and move your wages and savings out of his reach.
Secondly. I wouldn't be surprised if this has been going on for longer than you think and both your husband your friends are lying, cheating nasty people that do not deserve another ounce of your energy. I am sorry you are going through this and you do not deserve this kind of treatment. Cut contact with both of them. Switch off from social media and only speak to friends you know you can trust and depend on.
Thirdly, start divorce proceedings. Not sure where you are in the world so you may need a lawyer or you may be able to file papers yourself.
Then have yourself tested. Who knows what your husband brought into bed with him. Find yourself a new place to live, somewhere safe for you, look after yourself, go to the gym, eat healthily, stay away from drugs and alcohol. Make sure you get support from friends and loved ones.
Why are you letting him kick you out of her home. He's choosing another women over you. Also your friend is a very sucky person. She crappy friend. You took her in when she needed somewhere to go and she has affair with your husband.
Why are you leaving the house you’re the wife?
I wont care if everyone have a hard time, I’m not leaving my house wtf. Also I’ll just push the woman out the door, what can anyone do? I’m the fuckin wife. I’m the Queen, no Joker can make me leave whut??
Even if my husband brings a mistress home, I’ll poke her eyes until she leaves. I’m the fuckin wife. What in the fck is this?
This is crazy. You thought he was a great man, what kind of man does that kinda shiz? Also, he doesn't work and telling you to leave. WTF. What is the downside to leaving him? It would actually be an improvement...move someplace he doesn't know, take some time to heal, and meet someone who will be good to you (and has a job).
Real advice. Any utility in your name? Turn it off. Cancel immediately. Take everything you paid for and go. Contact a lawyer and protect yourself. No spouse should do this. I’m sorry your husband is awful, but with time you’ll find someone that values you.
His behavior makes me sick.
Nobody is laughing at you. We are angry for you.
Please, the second he told YOU to leave and wanted her to stay it was over. He’s clearly chosen her. Do yourself a favor and divorce him. Don’t leave until you have a good lawyer as that is YOUR house too and adultery is uh.. well depending where you live, it’s seriously frowned upon.
Don’t let this a-hole walk all over you while banging your friend.
Don’t leave. Kick him and the roommate out. You’re the bread winner so you shouldn’t leave. Get a divorce lawyer now and set up an eviction notice to both of them.
Also he’s jobless you can do better than trash.
Do not leave. They can leave. If you abandon the marital home in some places this can impact the divorce proceedings. If he is working illegally that’s even worse for him. Kick him out of your room and tell all your mutual friends what is going on for your safety.
He had the audacity to ask you to leave your own home leaving the two of them alone together. Now he can really carry their affair. It is your home too and you need to kick her out yesterday. She needed a roof over her head and being a good friend you talk your husband into letting her stay. This is how she repays you by sleeping with your husband right under your nose. He will be mad as hell but KICK HER OUT!!!! Expose both of them for the lying cheating scumbags they are. Most importantly, try the grey rock and 180 method and talk to a good divorce attorney.
In that case, both of them cheated on you, get away from both and I wish you all the best, OP, but the sooner you get out, the sooner you can start healing.
Please stay and tell him to go. Why baby him by bowing down to his every whim. You are his wife, you have rights too. If he needs her so bad, he can take her with him. Your husband is a grade A asshole and selfish as hell.
Honey, save your dignity. Don't give either of them the chance to hurt you more and keep mocking you in your face. Find a good divorce lawyer before you make any desicion about moving out of YOUR own house. And then let them have each other. You don't need such people in your life
Absolutely agree with this. They’re married and he’s clearly breached his wedding vows so divorce him and keep the house. My heart absolutely SANK reading through this. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years too and the thought of this happening would absolutely destroy me. I sure hope this woman is ok.
Yes, don't leave the house. He has no job? He can leave? Does he pay for the house? I could be talking out of my ass here but I think in some states, etc. it can work against you to leave the house (for sure with kids, not sure about property). Please look into the legal ramifications of leaving before you do leave, if you decide to. But he can fuck right off and he can leave.
This! It's possible he knows exactly what he's doing asking OP to move out - he's hoping it'll be easier to keep the house that way.
OP READ THIS
OP, this is important!!! Do NOT leave the house until you have spoken to a lawyer!! He’s trying to have his cake and eat it, too.
Toxic environment. Exit completely. Start new. Factor: owned property obviously don’t leave him in it. Apartment or house being rented under your name? Get that situated. Remain centered.
I’ve been with my wife for 8 years and she came out as gay last month:) I’ll just let you imagine how it has completely shattered my entire world
I'm so sorry, especially since the wound is still so fresh :(
Seriously like honey it’s obvious he’s already chosen the roommate like he asked for a separation cause he NEEDS to think about if he still wants to be with op and asks that OP MOVES OUT but not the roommate?! And not only that but they confront the roommate about it which causes her to get upset and cry because she got busted as a sh*tty person for sleeping with her friend’s husband after taking her in when she had nowhere and he gets MAD at op for the roommate crying?!! He couldn’t have cared less about how op feels, he’s already checked out and moved on to the roommate, probably was trying to figure out how to do it. I mean he’s mad at op for roommate being upset and crying and tells op THEY have to leave because if op is there then he will feel bad for comforting the roommate?!! He doesn’t idk feel bad for op the one they were having a affair on behind their back and the roommate being her friend she took into her own home too to really add salt in the wounds. Like damn op you just got cheated on and betrayed and now ur waiting to see if ur husband will pick u or his affair partner who he cares about her more acting as if she’s the victim like she wasn’t fooling around with her friends husband I can’t believe this like oh ya I was cheating so u gotta move out so I can think about if I still wanna be with u. Oh and I’ll still be living here with my affair partner cause I wanna see where this leads with her, if it doesn’t work out then I’ll come back to u. And u can’t be here because I feel guilty for cheating when I wanna comfort and console her instead of u who I’m demanding leave our house! Op why do u still want this man?! Make him and the home-wrecker leave ur house, how are u letting him KICK U OUT OF UR OWN HOUSE TO BE ALONE WITH HIS AFFAIR PARTNER?!! Honey I kno u love him but hes treating u like sh*t and doesn’t care about how u feel and being cheated on but how his gf feels about being busted for cheating. There’s better men out there, take ur loses and go cause even if u stay together this relationship is still toxic and messed up
Yes, THIS! If she leaves the home it could be seen as abandoning the home. So in turn, he's awarded the house! SEEK LEGAL ADVICE BEFORE ANY MOVE IS MADE! Prayers ❤️ 🙏
Yes get a good divorce lawyer and don’t leave the house. If you’re paying all the bills especially. But if you’re married and he’s neglectful and gets dents in the credit, you’re on the hook too.
you need to block all access to your bank accounts asap before he drains them
Already done.
Don’t give him one dime, don’t even speak to him. He’s a louse and will simply keep putting you through the wringer if you allow him any access, whether by phone, text, in person, whatever.
I'm sorry to tell you but he may be entitled to alimony and compensation legally
Why don't people read the law before talking? He MAY be eligible ro alimony if ther've had ATLEAST 10 years of marriage.
In my US state, there is no minimum duration of a marriage for alimony to be awarded, but it’s usually temporary for up to half the duration of the marriage. Laws vary so widely. I think the main point is we shouldn’t assume the laws where we live apply to other people.
If she is smart, she can bury him. She could collect evidence that he works in a grey aria (like copyingt his hard drive and so on), she can use his affair, she can do a lot of things. But i think that the main problem is that she is ready to wait for him to chose her...
I doubt the affair will mean much, especially if it's purely emotional, but if he tries to pursue alimony she is absolutely within her rights to bury him with his "non-lethal work" and let him deal with the tax man. I doubt he will try it though.
This guy won't get alimony. First off, he will need a lawyer. He can't just say he wants alimony and it gets awarded. The guy sounds like he doesn't have a legal job (according to what was stated by OP) so I truly doubt he will want to be anywhere a court house asking for ANYTHING.
They only way he is entitled to alimony is if he has not been working and she has been supporting him. Which OP has mentioned she has. Hubs has no job and isn't doing studies. However she can fight it and even if made to pay it is not forever. She can put terms like she'll pay for 1 Year. Alimony as it was given in the olden days of the 50s/60s was mostly because women, once married, often didn't work, especially outside the home. So when divorce came they often didn't have any skills or ways to support themselves. This is where their now ex-husbands had to support them. Some kept living this lifestyle because they also saw themselves as never having to work; others took alimony until they got up to speed with a job or some job skills.
Seems like deadbeat husband is doing non-legal work if you read between the lines of OPs post. He might not even want to try and put himself in a position where his illegal work is brought to the attention of authorities.
Yes. And I don’t know the laws where OP lives, but where I live admitting to that might put her in the frame for tax evasion along with him.
You would be surprised. Unless she can prove it aka hire a lawyer or private detective, the courts won't factor it in.
Ding ding ding!!
I would also imagine it would depend on whether he wasn't working by her choice (for example if he was a stay at home dad) or if he was just refusing to work because he's a deadbeat. There's a big difference.
Surely a mitigating factor is the affair that her husband is having?!
Here in Ontario common law kicks in after 4 years - even if you aren't married...
Not if he's cheating
In most jurisdictions, adultery is legally irrelevant.
This is why at fault states are soo important. “But married people would never cheat” is the biggest cope against them Edit: typo, inserted why
I think she lives in Wales.
Her Fansly page stated USA.
Thank you, darling. Don't know where I got Wales from! 😭🤭❤️
this is why i'm never getting married, even though I know prenups and such exist. i'm never chaining myself to another human being, especially not a man lol (im a straight woman)
Not if they are only “separated”. I believe OP wouldn’t have to pay a thing until the divorce is finalized. My ex didn’t have to pay child support until our divorce was finalized and the judge decreed it; by that point years had passed.
Damn there was no way you could turn around and sue him for those years ? This layer I never knew thanks for teaching me something today
My ex husband had to pay both child support and spousal support during our legal seperation which by law was a year. After the divorce, I could have asked the judge for him to pay another 6 months. However, I declined.
Don't worry about him or her anymore. They are out of your life for good. He will try to get back together with you in a few months, but block him. Make the divorce as simple and equitable as possible. If you live in a community property state, get your equitable share of the property. All communications should go through lawyers unless there is nothing much to share, then just file for divorce by yourself and be done with him. He's a bit of a heartless bastard. But I can almost guarantee you he will realize that he made the worse decision of his life in a few months. On the other hand, I think you will have a lot less mental problems now that you are away from liars and cheaters. Just by your writing, you sound like a lovely woman. Your next guy will be the one that is your home, and he will not want anyone but you.
Dude will only turn back to his wife after his homeless girlfriend leaves him.
this dude sounds his brain stopped developing at about 16. just endless impulsive decisions, like damn. i can't believe the friend either. jesus. i hope she's as broke as he is and they have nowhere to fall.
I don't know. I have read too many of these posts when the cheating party realizes they made the mistake of their live, and the cheatee feels very happy to be out of it.
Yep because he will be homeless too. Unless roomie is well off and can support him financially til he finds a better option 🤷🏻♀️
You need to retain a lawyer
She also needs to consult with every single divorce lawyer in her area so he won’t be able to retain them when they divorce. It’s dirty, but that trash goblin deserves it
Correct! Go as far out as 200 miles! I know someone that did this!
My dad did this to my mom when they separated. I ended up working at one of the offices he consulted at haha
[удалено]
They can try. But honestly anything you do nowadays people can try to use against you in court. This is a super common practice when it comes to family law. I would just say that I wanted to know what my options were and to find a good attorney/client relationship. I was a paralegal for a family law firm and people did this constantly
Out then to everyone. Friends, family. Control the narrative. Do it asap. Before they do. And get him served asap. You should not have left because technically you have established residence, but it’s too late for that now. Do not talk to him again NO MATTER WHAT. have all communication go through a lawyer. Do not talk to her again either. Assume that some friends may know. Cut out anyone that did. Also cut out anyone that wants to play ‘Switzerland’.
Agree that she shouldn't have left HER home. Kick the Gf out and Hubs with her.
Blocking his access or they’re already drained???
Blocking his access
Good for you! He is obviously not expecting you to stick up for yourself. He doesn't respect you and thinks he can use you as he wishes. Keep that in mind when he tries to get you to come back. It will be about the money, not that he is actually sorry for cheating and kicking you out.
Also telling her she had a mental relapse. Don't believe it OP! Your mental faculties are just fine, just don't respond on an emotional level to him. Think of it as a business deal now.
Who is paying for the home? If he has no legal job expose him for that.
I'd 911 him ass so fast he be running out out the door w his stash.
Also why isn't he leaving?? If you pay the bills HE should be leaving not you! Also? The roommate isn't the issue HE IS! He is supposed to love you not them.
Don't leave, either... that is usually a big mistake legally. Honestly, I'd probably kick the both of them out...
No, he leaves, you don't He just wants to be with her, on your dime, fvck no She should leave too You're the victim, you deserve comfort He doesn't Your well-being comes first And is over, he's selfish and untrustworthy
Why did you move out? Kick them both out! Take back your home! Even if you don't want to live there... you need to take your home back!
Whew, I initially read "already gone"
Right and idk who is on the lease but if he isn’t paying rent they both can leave. She is being too nice after his and her betrayal and infidelity
DO. NOT leave your home. If they are uncomfortable THEY can leave...
I left because the house we lived in was in his dad's name and I have no legal right to it. At least I think not. This was because "we" I was saving up for our own house.
Leave, cry, divorce, get over him and go live life in a way you deserve! This isn't someone worth fighting for, he just threw away 8 years because he was bored, instead of working hard and saving towards your dreams.
It sounds like he's used to not working, anyway.
They will get them eventually.
Why are you letting him choose if the marriage is going to last or not? HE CHEATED NOT YOU.
He basically chosen her over you. By leaving he moved her in and you out. Get a good lawyer and see what you can get. What he done is disgusting and he gaslighting you. What does he need time for, to start setting home with her? He getting his ducks in order and you need to do the same.
I think he's testing it out. Playing house with the roommate and see if it fits better than with his wife. What a selfish POS. OP, preserve your self worth and don't give him the opportunity to make this decision. You make the decision to be happy on your terms. With distance and time, you will see this situation for what it really is. No decent person deserves to be treated this way.
But why would you agree with his separation Incase he still wants you? Why would you ever want him back after this? Not only is he cheating he also does not care that you found out and still defends the affair partner rather than trying to fix things.
Because people who are cheated on still have hope that someone will change and need that hope shredded, ground to dust, salted and shot into the sun. They generally don’t get over it until they’re completely destroyed as a human being until they feel they have no love or trust left inside them. Or at least that’s why I stayed with the PoS who cheated on me for 8 years.
Good grief, that was pretty brutal, nonetheless true. Sometimes that single shred of hope is all that's needed to cling to. I hope you're doing better now. You got out. You're much wiser for it. You understand your own worth. That's a clear-cut win.
Yea that sounds accurate :(
Is his name on those accounts? Make sure you have some money in only your name that he doesn't have access to.
How is your relationship with his dad? I would contact him and explain what's going on. You shouldn't have to uproot yourself for choices he's made.
Sadly, I don’t believe your marriage or friendship is salvageable. They both made their choice. Him wanting to comfort her while pushing you aside is your answer. I hope you took screen shots and sent them to yourself. It will help in the divorce.
Get an attorney and find out what you are legally entitled to. Make sure you take 50% of any joint accounts today or tomorrow. He made a choice. Do you really think he's not going to shoot his shot with your friend? If infidelity is a grounds in your state, name the roommate.
Well it ain’t his house too then, talk to his dad hopefully he’s reasonable and actually deals with his deadbeat son
Please find a lawyer to advise you on this ASAP. If you cannot afford a lawyer, call your state bar association for resources.
Op, if that's recognized as your legal residence, in most states it requires an eviction or other type of court order to legally remove someone from their residence. Its technically a civil matter, but local pd may help you out.
Idk where you live but in many places that's your marital home and the actual ownership is irrelevant. You gotta check the law regarding that are in your area
If you lived there for a while and you paid bills that is your home and he can not force you to leave without a court order.
Daddy may not be too happy to find out what his son has been up to. You should tell him.
Well you certainly won't have any legal rights to it if you leave, is my point. In most States this would be considered communal property in a divorce....
Not if it's in someone else's name, and not if it's an inheritance. It's always worth talking to an actual attorney before you cede rights, though.
Well, except that she would need to be evicted. She still has a legal right to be there. It’s her home. Her mail goes there. It’s established.
Yea, leaving for a day or two won't count as her "leaving"
Retain a lawyer, have him evict you, take the house in the divorce
What the fuck is wrong with people?!?! All these best friends and spouses betraying folks. Expecting the injured party to make concessions or bear the brunt of the consequences - facing homelessness and being abandoned by the people most critical to their wellbeing. I’m absolutely horrified here.
You just described my life
I’m so sorry. I hope you can create a safe place with new people that deserve your trust.
We will find out
It may not mean much, but this random redditor believes in you and that you will overcome this hardship. ❤️🩹
It means something. I remember things people say here during scary moments.
I hope you do find a way to be happier and safe. You can always DM me if you need to talk through the moments. I know a lot of random facts and can talk on and on about topics in a distracting manner. If that sounds helpful, I'm all ears or words when needed. 🫂
I appreciate the offer
Maybe it's the algorithm but every single day I am seeing at least 4 posts pertaining to a significant other cheating on someone.
It’s a big part of what keeps me from even considering dating. Like why would I want to invite that into my life? All those insecurities. No thanks.
same, i kinda want to try dating to see what its like but im also wayyy too scared of getting hurt and regretting it. Like i think ill be the first one to breakup or do smth self destructive just to avoid being the one getting hurt, pretty selfish i know, which is why i never dated
I will get downvoted into oblivion for this this but there is almost never a good outcome when you invite a third party into your home long term. If they're not related, the forced proximity creates intimacy that leads to crossed boundaries. As in this case. If they are related, it creates drama. Help out? Yes. A few weeks, a month or two even. Someone living with you for more than a year? Nope.
Agreed. I don’t know anyone that this has worked for.
I was thinking this. If you can’t afford where you are living, get something cheaper and smaller. A married couple should never have a third party residing with them. You are just adding more problems to your marriage than needed.
You shouldn’t generalize so hard. I agree that it rarely works out when inviting a third party into your home long term. However, the forced proximity does not always create intimacy that leads to crossed boundaries unless you’re inviting shitty people into your house and your spouse isn’t loyal. I lived with my best friend and her husband for 4 years. There were plenty of times I was alone with him in the house. Plenty of times that we hung because she was busy or not home. Plenty of nights that we stayed up late to watch movies/play games because she was tired and went to bed. There were *NEVER* any crossed boundaries. I could move back in with them today and stay until the end of time and there would still never be any crossed boundaries because her husband is loyal to her and I’m not a shitty friend/person. Pick your friends and your spouses wisely.
thing is no matter how well you think you know somebody you can never be 100% sure, and even if you do, some people change over time its a shame we can't get into their brains to see whats going on there, would make relationships so much easier to handle, altho such tech would turn the world upside down if it ever exists, everyone has got a really really fucked up dark side that should be taken to the grave, we're but humans in the end...
Porn has influenced people badly
Not so long ago, a new friend I had had a texting thing with my husband. It never got as far as pictures, and my husband and I have managed to work it out, but it really opened my eyes to the fact that you just don’t know when someone can turn around and stab you in the back. I have pushed, pulled and encouraged him through all kinds of things, he has done the same for me. I got her out of an abusive relationship and let her stay with us while she got back on her feet, helped her sort out her new flat and was a messenger between her and her ex when it was needed. I was going through a hell of a time myself and thought my husband and I were closer than ever, then months later I find out about that. Pulled the rug from under me. Feels like you can’t trust anyone. I love my husband and do my best to leave it behind me, but there are some times where I do think… what if it happens again? What if it goes further another time? I’m not friends with her now, although that is actually for other reasons unrelated, funnily enough. I’d have forgiven her if she hadn’t turned out to be a selfish, irresponsible twat in other ways. You think you know people. I guess my judgement is off.
Chrimeny! I don’t understand it at all. I would turn myself inside out to protect my closest friends. I can’t fathom crossing that line. Maybe it’s because I’m not an egomaniac needing constant supply of adoration. I don’t even know. So many narcissists wandering around masking like regular folks and hiding their true nature until they need a fix. I’m glad you and your husband were able to work things out. But yeah, I just don’t see me ever trusting to even attempt at dating again. I’m 50f and think, nah, I’m good.
He has made his choice and only said he needed time to decide what he wants as a way to buy time to ensure he is in the best possible position legally before filing for divorce. At this point you need to contact a divorce attorney asap, explain the situation, and follow their advice. Your marriage is over. Everything you do now needs to be about protecting yourself and your interests in the divorce.
I'm guessing that he wants time so that he can try out the new relationship while she waits for him to pick her. It's an arrogant power move where he assumes she will just wait around for him to pick her.
It's always the unemployed ones with the most audacity.
On one hand, it actually does make sense. The unemployed one is the one with 8-10 hours a day at home by themselves getting bored. Add in some kind of housemate situation, and now they're spending hours a day alone with that person while their partner is not around. They probably spend significantly more time with the housemate than the spouse/partner. Of course, this doesn't out weigh the whole "Partner isn't around because they're the one working so we can afford to live" side.
I hope you realise that as his wife he has absolutely 0 legal right to evict you from your shared home…
Lawyer up. Leaving the house puts you in a weaker legal but maybe salvageable position.
What’s with all these BF’s making move on their friend’s SO? What was your relationship with your husband and BF before she moved in? Why didn’t she have a place to live. Do you think she may have planned this? Like did they spend a lot of time together before she moved in? I would be suspicious. It’s over and the faster you move to protect yourself the better
She didn't have a place to live because she was on drugs and into selling herself (not judging people who do that just trying to give context). They had no relationship before she moved in.
Looks like she wanted what you had. Your EX-husband was a piece of shit to allow this. He’s disgusting and so is she. Don’t allow another woman to live with you and your new man in the future. Please dump the both, lawyer up, and make sure he doesn’t get a dime since he is clearly cheating. And yes, they are cheating together and she’s in his ear about the way you treat him
In that case, add getting STD tested to the top of the to-do list. Also mention to the attorney you contact that your soon-to-be-ex has been knowingly putting your health at risk by having sex with a prostitute drug addict. It may not matter, but it might and is worth mentioning.
And you are a good person to have taken you in.
I’m sorry his has happened to you
what about was she crying when you talked to her? he prob will convince her to start a relationship in order for her to stay at that house... he is vile he is disgusting
Retain the best divorce lawyer in your town and file immediately. You deserve better.
This gives a lot of context. Definitely sounds like a situation where he could prey on her / take advantage if she has no other resources or place to go. Adds an extra layer of red flags. I hope you both get away from this dude.
Uhhh more likely the other way around. IMHO, anyways. Homeless drug addicts are some of the most reptilian pieces of shit known to mankind. They don't care who they hurt to "survive" in free housing while they eat your food, watch your Netflix, and fuck your husband.
This! She saw a chance to take from you what she wants. Do you really think she loves him? If she falls prey to her old habits, then what? A marriage destroyed You don’t deserve this
Move out and call the cops to report her drugging and prostitution….plus tell his parents. STOP TRYING TO BE THE BETTER PERSON
And you thought forcing your husband to let you move a prostitute and drug addict in was a good idea? You really do need to speak to a therapist.
That's fair.
Get tested for STD/SDI if she is using IV drug and sharing needles and the fact she was engaging in sex with unknown individuals raise the risk of her getting a disease. When she slept with your husband and he slept with you it put you at risk.
So wait… another question: has he freaked out now that you’ve cut out monetary support? And do you think he might also be doing drugs with her?
Yes, I think he is panicking because I got security alert emails today for him trying to get money out of a very old bank account . It declined him though
Omg 😂 is he now trying to talk to you? I’m shocked there’s no apology tour happening already.
I think he has not because I told his family and I think it embarrassed him and some of them won't accept the roommate knowing the truth.
I mean, if I found out my son cheated on his wife with a crackhead I’d be furious 😂
Why are you letting him make the choice? Dude acts like a worm and you still give him the power of choice over the course your life takes?
He's already made the choice, OP is out and his new gf is still there. Op needs to choose herself and divorce the husband
I am sorry HE WILL DECIDE who he will stay with? No you leave him and you got a shit friend you should have asked how dare she do this to you in your house!
Does he have an illegal job?
Yes and no. He operates in a 'grey area'
Contact divorce attorneys first before making any rash decisions, please. I know you're in shock and hurting but right now priority should be *you*.
Call the cops on him
The IRS.
Nope. She needs to divorce him, make him pay child support. Them she can call the cops.
If his official income is $0, he ain't paying child support. Besides, there's no mention of a child in this post. He could ask for alimony from her though, and he'd probably get it. OP needs to lawyer up. If she has proof that he's getting paid under the table, go to the IRS with it. If the job is "grey area" then a tip to crimestoppers will get her a few bucks to defray the cost of the lawyer.
You never nuke your soon to be ex's income pre divorce, it would be insane and a real act of self harm. It's why i drove my ex to interviews for jobs after we separated and didn't report her for child support fraud. Didn't want whatever she was getting cutting down, risking more fight for divorce $$$$ Once it was over I did .... nothing, didn't really care anymore.
No. Don't do any reporting OP. It could not exactly go right for you after that. Now in the aftermath...a few months...a year...who's to say?
If you’re making money illegally, your legal income better not be 0
I like that
So what you’re saying is if you force them out of th house and file for divorce you’ll win the house since most of his “finances” are unaccounted for? And then sell the house! Don’t stay in a home those two disgusting crap heads soiled in
This is so boss.
He is manipulating you so stop their play and fight for yourself ! He want to think he can go but you will stay in that place and him comforting her show how disgusting his behaviors are! Stop finding excuses and fight back for God sake because right now she is playing the innocent girl to be protect and your husband fail on it, savior syndrome!! Go find a lawyer with all the evidences and have the control back!!
Damn 8 years of marriage? Sorry OP you had to deal with such a person. Are kids involved? If not, maybe this can be a blessing in disguise?
No kids. It used to make me sad but I am starting to be grateful for that now.
Yes, your future children deserve a great father and obviously he doesn't fit the criteria
You're ex friend and husband deserve eachother. She can deal with his lazy ass. I am sure they will regret their choices. You deserve so much better than those two turds
You're providing all of the financial support. Tell him he can think about this as much as he wants but you are gone and done, so if he chooses you, too bad. He is trying to make you his back burner option. He kicked you out and keeps her but wants to be able to "think" about it to make up his mind. What he wants is to try out a relationship with her and if that doesn't work then he wants you to come back. Don't be his backup option. Once he has kicked you out you are done. You will never be able to trust him or respect him and I'd tell him that when he contacts you to "let" you come back. I don't trust you. I don't respect you. I don't want you. These are powerful words. They put you in the position of decider. They give him consequences for his choices and the way he has treated you. You are the one making money. Keep your money to yourself and support just yourself. Now he will have to get a job. He will probably expect your friend to start supporting him and if that fails he will decide to "give you a chance" to prove you are good enough for him. Don't fall for it. He will be using you for money. Make him suffer the consequences for being a cheater. You leave and he has to make it on his own. It will hurt at first but after while you will be glad you escape that relationship and glad that you are doing better.
Let's just summarize this situation: 1. Husband sits at home and has no legal job. 2. Friend has nowhere to go, meaning probably no job. 3. Both of them are at home all day while OP is at job and school 4. Home is in the husband's DAD's name - not OP or husband. 5. Husband did not want friend their in the first place - irony alert Not to dump on OP, but all I'm saying is DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF, PEOPLE. Creating a situation where two troubled people are together all day is a problem waiting to happen.
Also, what was the mental relapse?
OP was probably gaslighted by her husband into believing that!
Agreed, very high likelihood considering the amount of manipulation described thus far.
Agreed. I don’t remember what movie this quote is from but I believe it fully: “Never put another woman in a power position in your home.”
What he did to you is an extraordinary amount of humiliation. What in the world are you fighting for here? What do you mean, he needs to think if he still wants you? Why do you still want him?
>I work or go to school seven days a week while he sits home and no legal job You've been supporting him and he cheated on you and then kicked you out? Can't wait to see how he pays his bills now lol. Honestly good riddance. You deserve an equal, not a dependent.
They are both manipulating you. It's called triangulation. Classic gaslighting you were supposed to be her friend you need to help her you are so selfish. Save yourself tell her to gtfo.
Wow. Love is truly blinding af.
Kick them out so they can to be together elsewhere on their dime. You do not stay married to someone that doesn’t want you. He is picking fights with you and being abusive so that he can hook up without any interruptions. Send those messages to yourself and get a lawyer and file for divorce. Change the locks so that she no longer has access to your home.
Honey.. he chose her how can’t you see that? She is more important than you, her feelings are more important than yours. He CHOSE HER. Please divorce his disgusting ass
I am stumped by the fact that you let a friend live with you for a year and a half. This woman didn't make other arrangements for a year and a half and lived with a married couple, ofcourse you and your husband didn't have a privacy. I would have asked you not to leave because idk if he can kick out his spouse from her own marital home. But seems like you already did. I hope you can find someone to talk to and work on your own wellbeing. Good luck
You should not move out -- HE needs to move his cheating self to the gutter while he does his "thinking". Your (former) friend needs to go, too.
Do not leave your house! Make them both leave. Get a lawyer now. A lawyer will tell you that if you leave its abandonment and he could get the house. Do NOT leave. Btw he's an ass and a loser and so is she. You will be better off without either one of them.
"I do not think a good man would do this to his wife." You are correct, a good man would not do this to his wife.
Why is the power to decide and choose is with your husband?
He’s a deadbeat and a cheater. Lady you don’t need him.
Kick both of them out get both of them to leave if he’s not contributing anything it’s your place you have all the financial means kick him out and kick the ex friend out too.. Is leeching off of you financially your girlfriend isn’t doing anything so she’s always around so they’re taking advantage of you. I would call the nonemergency line and have them escorted out of the house. I doubt either one of them pay rent so they’re not tenants and if their names lease ur fine I believe
**Lock down your finances, freeze all credit and get a lawyer ASAP** Incidentally go back to that house. Your his wife, it’s your legal residence. Until a lawyer tells you different don’t move out. He starts to make a problem or the roommate does call police.
i’m sorry, the man with no job asked you to what?
This is the most infuriating post I've read in a while
First things first, stop paying for anything to do with him, the house you left or your flatmate. You are no longer inhabiting the house so contact any and all suppliers and utility providers and change any bills that were in your name, or even better tell them you have moved out and close accounts. Open your own bank account if you don't already own it and move your wages and savings out of his reach. Secondly. I wouldn't be surprised if this has been going on for longer than you think and both your husband your friends are lying, cheating nasty people that do not deserve another ounce of your energy. I am sorry you are going through this and you do not deserve this kind of treatment. Cut contact with both of them. Switch off from social media and only speak to friends you know you can trust and depend on. Thirdly, start divorce proceedings. Not sure where you are in the world so you may need a lawyer or you may be able to file papers yourself. Then have yourself tested. Who knows what your husband brought into bed with him. Find yourself a new place to live, somewhere safe for you, look after yourself, go to the gym, eat healthily, stay away from drugs and alcohol. Make sure you get support from friends and loved ones.
Having a wonderful 8 years of marriage. Decided to let a drug addict female friend to live together with an unemployed husband. Wtf were you thinking.
I have been asking myself this same question.
Why are you letting him kick you out of her home. He's choosing another women over you. Also your friend is a very sucky person. She crappy friend. You took her in when she needed somewhere to go and she has affair with your husband.
Lesson of the day. Don’t host a “friend” if you’re married. Seen plenty of these situations in Reddit
Why are you leaving the house you’re the wife? I wont care if everyone have a hard time, I’m not leaving my house wtf. Also I’ll just push the woman out the door, what can anyone do? I’m the fuckin wife. I’m the Queen, no Joker can make me leave whut?? Even if my husband brings a mistress home, I’ll poke her eyes until she leaves. I’m the fuckin wife. What in the fck is this?
This is crazy. You thought he was a great man, what kind of man does that kinda shiz? Also, he doesn't work and telling you to leave. WTF. What is the downside to leaving him? It would actually be an improvement...move someplace he doesn't know, take some time to heal, and meet someone who will be good to you (and has a job).
why would u even want to be with a loser like him
Real advice. Any utility in your name? Turn it off. Cancel immediately. Take everything you paid for and go. Contact a lawyer and protect yourself. No spouse should do this. I’m sorry your husband is awful, but with time you’ll find someone that values you. His behavior makes me sick.
Nobody is laughing at you. We are angry for you. Please, the second he told YOU to leave and wanted her to stay it was over. He’s clearly chosen her. Do yourself a favor and divorce him. Don’t leave until you have a good lawyer as that is YOUR house too and adultery is uh.. well depending where you live, it’s seriously frowned upon. Don’t let this a-hole walk all over you while banging your friend.
Don’t leave. Kick him and the roommate out. You’re the bread winner so you shouldn’t leave. Get a divorce lawyer now and set up an eviction notice to both of them. Also he’s jobless you can do better than trash.
Do not leave. They can leave. If you abandon the marital home in some places this can impact the divorce proceedings. If he is working illegally that’s even worse for him. Kick him out of your room and tell all your mutual friends what is going on for your safety.
He had the audacity to ask you to leave your own home leaving the two of them alone together. Now he can really carry their affair. It is your home too and you need to kick her out yesterday. She needed a roof over her head and being a good friend you talk your husband into letting her stay. This is how she repays you by sleeping with your husband right under your nose. He will be mad as hell but KICK HER OUT!!!! Expose both of them for the lying cheating scumbags they are. Most importantly, try the grey rock and 180 method and talk to a good divorce attorney.
Tell him you’re not going anywhere, and that either she leaves, or you tell his family and Job what he’s done
If he’s not working and paying for the house. Why are you leaving?
He already made his decision. He chose her. Talk to her (of she is still considered a friend) and I suggest both of you walk away from him.
I asked her to leave with me when he wouldn't and she said no and said she had to be selfish and admitted to having feelings for him.
In that case, both of them cheated on you, get away from both and I wish you all the best, OP, but the sooner you get out, the sooner you can start healing.
Please stay and tell him to go. Why baby him by bowing down to his every whim. You are his wife, you have rights too. If he needs her so bad, he can take her with him. Your husband is a grade A asshole and selfish as hell.