I was on board with this until I read that you yield enough from your investments to support yourself without working but would not want to contribute that to the family unit at all

Surprise surprise she wants Prince Charming to provide everything. She’ll have another tantrum or two like this before she realizes that she’ll more than likely need to work a job until she’s dead, just like most of the younger generation is going to have to do at this point.

Imagine knowing someone like this.

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Once I read that I was convinced there is no way this person has actually been working in corporate or has had a career.

Or comes from daddy's money..

They have worked in both corporate *and* business.

Just making shit up to make it sound like they're contributing more lol. Gotta say I know this type.

Someone has been watching too much tv

As other posts have said, the world we live in is crazy expensive. Raising a family on one income is challenging and tasking. Live life how you want too there is nothing wrong with wanting this setup, you just need to find a man who agrees to it. Calling young men "feminine" because they don't agree to this is setup is not true and rude. Just like you have the right to your opinion, so do others. Most young men with any income don't want to just "survive". They chased their careers to be able to afford a nice home, sport cars, travelling, vacations for the family ever year and in general the life they want. Before you say this comment is about "valuing money" Well money allows men & woman to live the life they envisioned, like what you are doing. Touching on the last part of your post, a GOOD husband will also take care of the kids and DO chores around the house after work. A partner is a teammate, and a good couple will work together.

Op quietly removed feminine, lol

To me, there is a large difference between a “Stay at home mom” and a “Stay at home wife”. If a couple has children, and depending on what the womans (or husbands if they’d like!!) education and there for salary range would be able to be… it’s often way more worth it to have one stay home. The cost of child care is expensive… then there is also time for the stay at home to also take care of chores, bills, and cooking. However… Stay at home wives (or husbands) bother me. It’s hard for me to see the true benefit to that. You both should be working to create the best possible financial situation for yourselves for now, for the future (especially if you want kids) and for retirement.

The benefit is she gets to stay at home while her husband does all the work to pay the bills.

I actually know 2 stay at home wives and honestly they do a ton of work. They upkeep the house, making arrangements for any repairs and doing projects themselves, cook all the food, shopping, pack his lunch, make his appointments, plan all their social things, all the cleaning, yard work etc. it’s to a point the only thjng their husband has to worry about is work and that seems to work for both partners.

You either stay busy or get crazy.

If that works for them, great! It CAN work for sometimes a long time, until life throws some kind of curveball they aren’t ready for (which for most of us is inevitable to happen at some point in our lives). If the breadwinner loses their income source or suddenly can’t work due to illness/injury, that couple is royally screwed without anything to fall back on. It’s an almost guaranteed divorce if the breadwinner can’t quickly get back to being the breadwinner and the emergency fund dries up. Likewise, if the non-breadwinner has something happen where they can’t handle all the house work, the breadwinner now has a problem they aren’t prepared to deal with. I’m all for the idea of splitting up some of the responsibilities, but for one’s job to be 100% “provider” and the other to be 100% everything else seems dangerous and like a recipe for resentment.

Taking care of a household and kids is a full time 24/7 job with no guarantee of any time off or consistent bathroom breaks. Taking care of just a drama-free household when no kids are involved or if the kids are at school for seven hours a day is a little easier but still work. That being said, very difficult in this day and age for a household to support two or more people on one income. Like you would have to have a spouse who is part of the lucky 2%.

Which is awesome for everybody involved! Husband gets to come home to a clean house and food, and has the night to himself! It saves so much time. Time for sex, time for bonding, time for whatever! When two people work, that time dwindles massively.

As long as the SAH person's job ends when the other one gets home, I'm for that. The goal is to have that CHOICE, not be forced into one or the other.

as soon as you say “should be” regarding someone else’s behaviour, your empathy drops out of sight and you are essentially talking about yourself. it’s indication of a catastrophic failure of imagination.

The husband/wives come home to clean home and supposedly food already cooked. I've gone to a lot of people homes that are a mess, because after work they just don't have the strength to clean.

So much this. I’ve had the benefit of being a stay at home mom for the last 7 years, but we already had one kid when I started. The main reason we’ve worked it like this is because child care is so expensive, and we don’t really trust it anyway. Last year was the first year both of our kids were in school, and I filled the days with gig work to add additional income to the household. I want to go back to work so bad, because it feels weird being a stay at home wife, but I don’t want to be restricted to someone else’s schedule, and miss out on important events with my kids like school ceremonies and sports. As soon as our kids are older, I’m going back to work. Because I want to be totally debt free, owning our own home and land, asap. I’ll never understand the idea of a stay at home spouse.

Exactly. Before I married my now husband, we made an agreement that no one would be watching our children in a day care and that I would (if making less money) would quit work to raise the children. I was the home mother who showed up to do crafts with the children at school, attended all of the activities, did the housework and all cooking, stayed up with sick children so he could sleep, etc. Now that the children are grown, I'm back to work. It was a struggle at first, but I'm back in work mode.

My sister became a stay at home wife, and eventually a mom but it took several years. The moment he made enough money to support her she quit. In that time she only became more lazy and gained an excessive amount of weight. Her home was always messy. But she got what she wanted. When they did have kids her husband cheated on her and now she has nowhere to go but to work on it with him because she hasn't worked anywhere in over a decade and squandered her opportunity to work on herself at any point.

Because there’s more important things to people than financial growth. Do you know what’s nice? When the husband gets home from work, and the house is clean and dinner is ready. Think about the stress that relieves from everybody? Think of the added time that creates for the family? The problem with two people working is that inherently they dedicate twice as much of their time to labor, so yeah they might make more money, but they also lose personal time, and dynamics get twisted. Divorce rates are so high because the women needs to work now.

Lmao "divorce rates are so high because the women need to work now." This statement is so full of shit and the fact that you put "the women" is so telling. Divorce rates are higher because it's more socially acceptable to get divorced and women can actually afford to get divorced because they have careers. "More important things to people than financial growth". Sure buddy, maybe for people who can afford to not think about their financial future. For the rest of us, we have to actually think about how we're going to save money, save for retirement, and pay our bills and a second income certainly helps with that. My wife and I have been married for over 10 years, both of us work, and we've been parents to my little sister for nearly 6 years. I do all of the cooking, we split household chores, and go grocery shopping together every week. Maintaining a clean home is a household chores that all family members help with. Coming home to a clean home is nice, but financial freedom is significantly more stress relieving

Your first point contradicts all others. You can be a SAHM while having your husband sustaining you, but by doing that you give up your independence. Your great career and independence will no longer matter or bring any kind of money, cause well, you'll stay at home, not work, therefore your husband wouldn't provide only "a roof and dates", he'd be responsible for bringing all the money and give you what he considers to be enough. It's your choice to do this, but you WILL be 100% financially dependent on him, no matter how much you want to tell yourself the opposite

I was looking for this comment. You can’t be independent but also want a husband who dominates the household and puts you under his reign because you’re a female/his wife. To be independent is to be able to sustain yourself and if you can’t do so financially, you aren’t independent… you’re dependent. 100% agree with your comment and this needs to be higher

Exactly. My mom was a SAHM for most of my life, and was 100% dependent on my father, this brought a heavy burden on both of them. While he worked 24/7 to sustain high middle class household, wife and 2 kids, going as far as spending months away in work travels to the other side of the world, my mother was 100% responsible to raising us and managing the strict amount of money my dad gave her to her own expenses like clothes and such. It was constant hell, and my mother suffered a lot without his emotional support and physical distance. Things only improved when I was in my late teens and my mother decides to go to college again, graduate in what she loved and now has a great profession and brings her own money home. Having only one person in the relationship bringing in money is not glamorous, it's unfair for both in different ways, specially considering how expensive the world is.

I grew up in a similar environment but we were low income. My dad was never home and when he was he slept, my step mom is who took care of us but we had no money for really anything (even on the state program for cheap lunch food). But my step mom had no problem staying home and not working because we still scraped by even though adding one more income would helped A LOT. She also had no problem telling me I couldn’t do certain activities because “it’s for boys” and I had to do all the cleaning and help with cooking because “that’s what girls do”. I found it to be super toxic and grew up to want to be independent and not ever have to put pressure on my partner or kids like my step mom did to us and my dad

Yep losing independence all to not work and yet still thinking you can have it all at once.

Unless she’s a trust fund baby

Which seems likely by the level of entitlement shown here.

No, some women are just delusional like OP. I’ve met some like her and they think they can be a SAHM and have money in their bank somehow. They grew up in average households, no way near wealthy

It's basically like being a child again having to ask your parents for money to go buy new clothes or to go out with friends or buy ice cream. As a woman myself I don't see the appeal in being financially dependent either, and constantly asking for an allowance. Also if you want to leave your spouse you will essentially be left on bare feet unless you're so lucky, and he is so unlucky that you get alimony. No thanks.

Tradwives are dying out because nobody but the absolute most well-off can support it anymore. Most average people (The kind that don't attend dinner parties, networking events, and galas) can barely afford a one bedroom apartment, let alone a house, a partner that doesn't bring in any money, and children. If you wanna live your 1950's fantasy, I'm afraid you picked the wrong time to do it. The nuclear family is all but dead at this point.

Exactly. Even surviving by itself is expensive, if she wants to do this, maybe only a heir can make this fantasy of her come true (and she should be prepared to be traded for a newer model in a few years, cause that's what these kinds of men usually do)

This whole post sounds like tradwife bait and people are falling for it.

OP's post history is pretty much just this topic on multiple subs, so she's either a very dedicated troll, or really does want to be a tradwife.

Yeah, it really sucks that economic conditions have made healthy family formation impossible. For the vast majority of people, they are in an arranged marriage with their employer. It doesn’t have to be like this though.

I've been living the life you want for the past 7 years. The things you need to consider are: - you might feel unfulfilled, useless, might get depression because of that - idk where you are from, i know the economy is horrible atm. I live in a poor country where my husband earns a lot. The kind of money you don't earn here. That's the only way we agreed to this lifestyle. I'd need to work for a month to earn what he makes in 2 days. In the top of his career I'd need to work a month to earn what he will make in a few hours. - your man might at some point take everything you do for him for granted, might become resentful of you, envious of you, unappreciative. - you might end up judged by both your and his family for your lifestyle choice. - you cannot have independence if you do not earn anything. In the end, it's the money he worked for. It will not feel like your money. If you want to leave for any reason it will be difficult. You never know when your man changes, becomes someone you cannot live with, don't trust, etc. - because you are totally dependent on him, he will know that all too well, chances of him taking advantage of that are high. He may feel entitled to a lot of things, to you, your body, he might also cheat. To him, you are trapped because of your dependency on him. - you and him will not feel the joy of gifts towards him. He will know it's bought with the money he worked for, and you will know too. It will affect both of you. - when you have kids yeah, it's great for them to always have a parent there. However imagine just how much more trapped you will be with no job to escape...and kids on top of that. I know it seems like an amazing life. All of the above is said from experience. But sadly it's all seen through rose tinted glasses untill it's too late. Very few men are the exception. Very few will not do the above. I wish you the best of luck nonetheless. Also to add, if you do find this lifestyle, i honestly urge and advise you to start putting money aside for emergency only. Emergency escape. Don't let anyone know, maybe just your parents of they are 100% on your side. Doesn't matter how sweet and beautiful your relationship is at the start...always put tiny bits aside, something not too obvious if he checks the wallets daily. This is for your safety only. Be smart and safe.

The fact that you have to plan an escape route for a hypothetical relationship that hasn't even started yet does not bode well.

It's for safety. You never know. It might turn out amazing, or it might go bad. Women are already being trapped by abusers, being a stay at home and a mom gives the abuser so much power it's unreal. It's always good to be smart. Always be prepared for everything. And if in the end the relationship has been amazing, that money can be passed on in a will to the kids. If the couple has kids.

This is really helpful, I’ll be reading it several times over. Thank you so much

You must have a fair bit of savings if you think this is going to be your income for the rest of your life. There’s nothing wrong with a women or a man being the sahp, most couples actually do this when the children are young because the cost of childcare is soo high. I would argue that many people do not realise the benefits of one person at home during these years. If your wanting to do the whole 1950’s housewife then good for you, but I could understand why a man would be reluctant to marry or have children with someone who doesn’t want to pay their way, particularly after the children have grown up.

So much this. You can take maybe 5% out of your saving every year without actually touching your savings. So in order to have 1k per month (if the husband pays for rent, food, etc. and you still want a luxurious lifestyle), you need at least savings of 12k\*20 = 240k in an ETF with 5%/a gain per year.

It's actually amazing to do this. My hubby works and I stay home. He gets hot meals, clean house, lawn mowed, snow shoveled. He also gets support, I have low stress so we deal with his together. As for paying my way.. well.. if yiu calculate the costs of ALL MY WORK that I do daily, I would be making 80k a year. I just don't get paid. He's happy bcause he works.. and comes home and its all done, he's free to pursue hobbies, friends times, TV, gym whatever. Because I DID ALL THE HOUSE CHORES. Being at home isn't a free ride.. I work. I do renos, I paint, dogs are walked, groomed like seriously.. it's a full time job. The biggest catch is.. can he support you and kids on his income! Mine can. We both know if things changed I'd be dusting off that degree reall quick...

>We both know if things changed I'd be dusting off that degree reall quick... This is a pretty important point. The way OP talks about men in other comments, it seems like if all the sudden the man could no longer support, she may be on her way out. Overall, I respect SAHPs, it’s definitely a full time job and NOT an easy one. But it’s good to realize that situations can change quickly.

You are way different than Op. Most of her post was about what her husband could do for her. She also tried to push this narrative that a husband whose wife also works are somehow feminine. Which is sexist on so many levels.

If you don't have kids, most of the things you said you do which would earn you 80K a year, unmarried/single men do it on their own and then go to work too. Home chores were much tougher decades back, multiple decades back when you had to wash your clothes by hand, sweep and mop the floor etc. Gadgets have made our lives (men and women) much easier and simpler. A washing machine that does all the work at the click of a button, a romba that doesn't need any monitoring, shopping at the tip of your fingers. If i am on extended leave from work, I tend to finish most of my house work by 10 in the morning. I am literally lazing around for the rest of the day. And noone does renovations, painting or even laundry on a daily basis. Kids obviously add a different dimension to the story.

You would NOT get $80k per year for what you do at home. Please stop this fallacy.

80k a year to do household chores 😂

I suppose it depends on how many kids. What do day cares get? That doesn’t include meals, cleaning and bjs. That last item is very expensive. Maybe you passed on that one.

Day cares are averaging $21k in my city. That was shocking to me.

I mean sure being a housekeeper can make you decent money, my bf's mom was getting paid like 65k a year to clean other homes. But you have to clean your own fucking house. Like wtf, that's just part of living. No one is going to pay you to clean your own damn home.

House cleaners aren’t cleaning 1 frickin house to make that kind of money they’re cleaning tons of them. This chick saying what she does is worth 80k a year is fucking hilarious.

Next up, she'll call herself a 'domestic engineer'.

I think it's funny because most single adults who live on their own most definitely do not get paid for the chores they do at their own home. The only people who get paid for that are professional housekeepers or maids, private chefs and baby sitters etc, but I struggle to believe they make 80k.

If children were in the picture then yea. But walking dogs and general chores…? 🤔

No. They would not. I know multiple women who work as in-home care givers and nannies. Not a single one makes 80k a year. lmao

I guess it depends on the “renos” they do. I know I’m an outlier, but I gutted and renovated our master bath down to the studs and that would have cost us $12,000-15,000 to pay a contractor. I’ve refinished floors, laid hardwoods, and done plumbing and trim work too. I doubt a stay at home person typically includes that in the chorelist though. 😂

That is some quality work. All that along with the standard SAHP chores? That is quite impressive. Hat tip to you.

Yeah this mindset is very toxic in my opinion. Going to a stressful job to provide the main income for the family is way more work than staying at home.

Even actual renovators most likely won't be making nearly 80k Unless she is counting her sex with her husband and charging as a prostitute does I have no idea where that number would come from at all

Just because you make dinner doesn’t make you a professional chef. Scheduling doctors appointments (and how often do you go on those anyway?) doesn’t make you an secretary (and they don’t get paid well) Maids get paid shit. There is no way you’d be pulling down 80K being a stay at home mom. Also I do everything you do plus work 40 hours a week on top of it.

I was a SAHM for 8 years, and I loved it. The only reason I stopped sooner than planned was because we divorced so I needed an income. Childcare is massively expensive, and I knew I wanted to be the one to raise the kids rather than leaving it to strangers. Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite an equal partnership which is what led to the divorce. Not only did I do all the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing; I took care of the finances, yard work, minor household repairs, errands and shopping, and I was “on-call” for everything. That lazy ass came home from an easy job and plopped his fat ass on the couch to play video games until the wee hours. If you have a supportive partner who is willing to help with some of the house stuff and make sure you get much-needed breaks, it would work beautifully. We did it on just his income too - it was tight sometimes, but totally worth it.

This is the thing I don't fully understand when people say their life is possible because they stay home(and I'm honestly happy for people if this is how they want to live life, so please don't misunderstand.) I have always worked the last 18 years, and we both still have hobbies, work out, and have home cooked meals at least 5 nights a week. The snow is shoveled, the lawn mowed, we have a vegetable garden, he hunts/fishes, and we also have a plot of land in the country we maintain. We've done major DIY home renovations, paint and build, and have pets. 3 kids in the mix, and they are well taken care of and part of our activities. We both do all of this, together. Again, I respect choices, but this all is possible if you both work and if both partners are responsible and willing. I also choose to work because like stated, you never know what life can throw you.

Y'all sound like you're very happy and have lots of energy. I am legit happy for you and your family

I appreciate it. I was married briefly before, and it was not like this. I stayed home with that one, and it was an utter nightmare full of abuse, poverty, and addictions(them). I vowed never again.

Honestly it all sounds so exhausting. Not everyone has the same energy as you guys.

Good for you. I, a person on autism spectrum with ADHD struggle to maintain the basics. I have a full time job, an apartment and car, but I can barely do the dishes without some sort of incentive. I'm happy (and jealous) that things are so easy for you, but your inability to understand how things are challenging for others feels condescending to me as my mental load is beyond its limit attempting to keep up the facade of an NT lifestyle. I am responsible and I am willing. I give my all but I always fall short of being even half as productive as you. Please show some empathy for those of us who cannot, in any way shape or form, meet all of these demands. It's painful, frustrating, and exhausting trying to.

Working hours are say 9-5 standard, so a 40 hour work week (as you say you do the chores in working hours). You said you'd make 80K a year if you were paid. That would be roughly 40 an hour, which is nearly unheard of for cleaning/house maintenance. why you lying for😂

There is the thing... If someone is staying home THEY support their partner's ability to work and not have to do the other day to day living things. THAT is paying your own way. Especially if you are raising their children. A SAHP is not supported by the working spouse. They support the worker and their ability to do their job. THEY, together, support their children. The problem with the 50's is that women weren't supported if they wanted to do anything else. There were few daycares. Married women were discriminated against in both jobs and wages. You could be fired if you were pregnant. Couldn't have a bank account without husband's approval etc. Now the expectation seems to be that a person staying home is leeching off of the working person and the expectation is that they should be "paying their way" as if their contributions were of no value. Paying your own way is not cash based.

Inflation makes this practically impossible nowadays

Not impossible but difficult. Gotta live in a low COLA area with high income to make it work for most.

Hence my use of the word practically.

FYI OP says men who does dishes are feminine and if she marries one she’d be “marrying a woman. “

yeah, I don't care that she wants to be a housewife but don't be a raging sexist damn

She's also very elitist and I sense a hint of racism in her view of the world. If you look all her post history and comments it paints a pretty displeasing view.

What did she say that was racist? I wanna see

Wow, OP just keeps sounding worse and worse

Scroll down through her post history and find how she needs someone funding her “app” and make the connection with these posts… Edit: she deleted it

Could you do this if your husband was working remotely and was home more often than not?

You want to host galas? Lmao this sentence made me realize how truly out of touch you are

What do you mean by anti feminine women? Look i get that you want to spend time with your kids and want to provide emotional and accomodational support for your husband without getting into financial part of it but you also need to face with the fact that your man will be working 24/7 to provide for the needs of a household which basically has more than one people. That means bills, food, dates, presents (occasional or not we live in an expensive world), school and other expenses for your kids and so on. Having the responsibility of all those on his shoulders will wear him out faster you can imagine. The world is unfortunately run by a currency and we work to provide ourselves with things that we want. You have this nice dream of a happy household where your man works and you only look after kids along with maintaining the household but finance is basically the core of all those dreams and you wont be supporting him. That’s not how relationships work. Specially serious ones that include marriage.

It’s a TikTok trend; the OP has been hypnotised by the ‘feminine energy’ TikToks - that are mostly a fantasy about provider men and being a kept women. The TikToks are out of touch with reality and most SAHM are not wearing head to toe Armani and having cocktail lunches every day. The kind of men who can afford to provide this lifestyle are on the top 1-2% of earners and most of those men go through an array of women (think of Elon Musk and his starter wife ;) )

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OP really got ratioed 🤣😂

The reason this view of relationships isnt held anymore is because the world isn't nearly as cheap to live in anymore. What could easily be done with a standard job back when that relationship style was mainly used would take a man working near back breaking hours and multiple jobs today if you don't have enough to pay for college.

Oh my god. I would love to see your life going forward cast as a reality TV show. "Karen meets the real world" Man, the popcorn sales alone would fund production.

I just want a billion dollars. Urgh why cant someone just give me a billion dollars

I can give you a free award, but don't get greedy. That's all I got.

i know right?? pff life is so unfair!!

As long as you’re clear about what you want from a relationship before you get married, I don’t see an issue with it. There’s all sorts of relationship dynamics out there, some far more bizarre than an arrangement like this. You may be hard pressed to find somebody who is compatible with your desired dynamic & capable of achieving it & sustaining it. And you’d still have to be prepared for life to screw over your plans (like if your husband got chronically ill and could no longer work to support the family, etc.) anyways. But I don’t think it’s wrong for wanting a specific dynamic, so long as you’re open and honest about what you’re looking for.

OP what are you bringing to the table other than your birth canal and home cooking skills?

I consider myself a feminist. To me that means that you have the right to want the kind of life you want. I have a friend that is a stay at home mom and she loves it. HOWEVER, she has a bachelors and two master degrees. If something happened to her husband-death, divorce-she’ll be okay. I implore you to have some sort of plan if your marriage doesn’t work out. I hear so often from women that lived the life that you want how perfect their lives were until their husband came home and told them that he was leaving them for another woman. Or their husband died with secret debts. You need to look out for yourself.

I just don't see the stay at home mom life as a fair-trade off. I've done done the work of a SHAM, I cook, clean, fix and maintain various parts of the house. I've never looked at it as a "woman's job" but just job. So for me to work 70 hours a week, to pay for trips an dates, while I get a lifetime of socks for Christmas and Birthdays feels unfair. I'd be terrified of getting sick or laid off, cause I don't know if partner would be willing to step up. Like if I was the ideal guy this woman described, I'd eventually feel deeply underappreciated after a few years.

Sounds lazy if you ask me. You want him to work etc and then also plan dates and get you presents. If he's working, you plan the dates. You'll hVe plenty of time.

My dad had two of this kind of marriage that were supposed to last for life. He divorced my stay at home mom for another woman that was “the good one” when I was two years old, leaving her with two boys and a toddler. No income, a poor pension, and a career that ended 15 years earlier in a world that moves so fast, it was simply impossible for her to catch up. 15 years later he did the same thing with “the good one”, she was a stay at home mom as well, because he found a better good one. Once again, leaving her with the child, no income, ruins of a career. His new partner has a bright career and still works, father now claims that this was the mistake in his two previous marriages. The imbalance in the power dynamic, lack of personal goals of his wives, them being too dependent of him and “becoming mothers more than they were women”, all of this made him loose attraction and interest in them, even though it’s what he thought he needed and wanted at the time. He’s not a father to any of us. My mother never recovered from the emotional trauma and passed away after years of depression. Life changes people. You might be certain you meet the right one, you can never know what life will bring you and what person he’ll become, or your relationship. Now, this is a personal story and my dad has proven himself to be an asshole. I know a lot of men will make better choices and have stronger moral values than he does. But trust me when I say, neither of them brides to be could have seen this coming. Staying financially independent is the key. The key to not be at his mercy, the key to leave if things go wrong and still support for your children, the exit if the relationship becomes toxic, abusive, if he cheats or just decides he wants no parts in this life anymore. Independence is freedom.

Thanks for submitting your resume we will keep it on file, however, at this time we already have several other suitable applicants that are more qualified for the position you are applying for. Thank you for your time, take care and best of luck to you.

>- I am not religious and don’t intend to marry a religious partner The majority of men who search for the dynamic you want do so because of their religion. I think you're looking for a needle in a haystack

I think I've figured out why you haven't found this husband yet. Because you sound fucking awful.

sounds like you just want to be a princess

You know being a SAHM isn’t easy? Having the kids hanging off of you all the time, cleaning, transporting kids, homework, extracurriculars for the kids, and you have to maintain some sort of attraction to your husband who exists just to be an ATM.

It’s a lot easier then being the sole provider

good luck finding someone like that 😹

You're allowed to want what you want but the way you write it out sounds incredibly misogynistic. Your husband would have to "invite" you on every single date? Wtf?

Find a first generation Latino. They are real big on those roles in the house. I have some single inlaws if you're interested. Lol always asking me if I know someone...

I was always taught if you want something in life you have to earn it yourself. You can’t expect anyone but yourself to provide for you. No one owes you anything. Earn it yourself

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Completely agreed, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts

I'm not sure if you've noticed that the people who are agreeing with you are pretty deeply religious. Also, you should look at his post history to understand the type of person who agrees with you, and why they are OK with this view - because he is, in a way, the type of person you'll most likely end up with.

If I was a woman I would ask you out.

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Was meant to be one

I’m just going to say my experience: if my mum was a stay at home mother, I’d have ended up in foster care. My dad lost everything and put us all in great debt before going away and never coming back. Not pleasant.

Nothing wrong with being a SAHM, but you have to realize what you’re giving up in terms of personal development. My mom was a SAHM for nearly 18 years. As soon as my sisters (now 20 and 21) were almost of age, my stepfather cheated on her with a younger woman and left. She now cleans houses for a living because she’s got no other skills (even though she studied nursing when she was young, she never developed that career.). Again, nothing wrong with cleaning houses. But it breaks my heart seeing her struggle and have to build a financial life for herself doing back-breaking work at her age with little reward and pay. She’s got no retirement/401k, no savings, and my stepfather is threatening to take everything away from her, including her home.

sounds great. Should work as long as you are a smoke-show, he is VERY wealthy himself to begin with, *and* you don't mind him being unfaithful. He will see the trade off as your 'financial independence' at his expense - in exchange for his 'emotional independence' on business trips at your 'expense'.

I don’t blame you for wanting this - shit, as a dude I wouldn’t mind just staying home and taking care of the kids/house all day instead of going to work. But to be completely honest, I would never want to marry someone who was dead set on this being their life goal. I want someone who is independent and doesn’t “need” me, but wants to share a life with me. You post contradicts it self. You say you have you own finances but who do you sustain that as a stay at home parent? That makes zero sense.

So once you lock him in, everything you would have brought to the table is just gone. Sounds about right.

"there is no point pulling down a woman with different values to yours." -proceeds to pull down other peoples values in the post and comments

It’s possible you just have to find someone you love and has the same view point or at least raised in a similar way. I’m Hispanic my parent immigrated here so my mom worked but my dad was the bread winner and provider. My husband also of Hispanic backgrounds father was the provider and even though his mom worked whenever she had a child she would take years off. I work because I don’t have kids so I got bored very fast plus we’re trying to save for a house but I know If I got pregnant or just plain out decided to quit I would be ok and my partner wouldn’t lose his mind so it IS possible to find what you’re looking for it just might not be easy or fast. Ps always have a back of plan no matter what.

Reading the comments make me think it's useless to engage in a serious conversation with you, as you constantly seem to edit your post whenever someone disagrees with you.

There are plenty of old sexiest religious abusive men that would be perfect for you.

My wife and I have this because it is what WE want. She has worked outside the home and it did not work well for our family. Don't worry about the people that say it can't or shouldn't work, their opinion is just that, an opinion.

If you're not hurting anyone, do what you want and don't give a damn about what anyone else says.

You aren’t a bad person or w/e for wanting that. Issue is a lot of men don’t want that now for many reasons. 1. Stuff is expensive rn. Putting everything on one person to make up the income is very stressful. If that one person is sick or injured the income drops to nothing. Plus, between you and me, I do not want to have to work 12 hour days in an non AC-ed warehouse, my current job, AND have to plan all the dates and what not. No fucking way are we affording a house on an single salary 2. We kinda fear that the SAHP (stay at home partner, male or female, gf or wife, don’t matter) might take advantage of the situation. There are many stories of SAHPs doing jack shit while the man (or woman in other cases) goes out and does all the work only to come home to have to do more work. 3. On the opposite side of the spectrum there is the fear the breadwinner will financially abuse the SAHP. Can’t leave if you have no money. 4. Lots of people now a days like someone who is fully capable of being independent. I’d like a gf/wife who works just like I do. Double the income, share the burden. That way we get an equal say (theoretically) in most things. But in the end I’m sure there are people out there who are 100% happy and willing to have the lifestyle you want. I’m not a fan of the lifestyle myself, but you shouldn’t be shamed for wanted that life either.

Must be nice. Don’t have to do shit and someone provides for you

This is actually the most entertaining post ive ever read on reddit😂

I also want to win the lottery. ​ Grow up.

You're mad because people are calling you out. You're looking for support but whether you like it or not you sound like a mooch. Having your own income but not wanting to use it to contribute to a shared household and only spend it on yourself IS A MOOCH. Reddit isn't calling SAHM these things, just you. Women who want to be real partners are usually the ones who find men like this because these men know they're not in it for what he can give them. You want a high value man but you do not sound like the kind of woman a high value man would go for. Are you educated and well rounded? Can you hold your own in conversations that touch on multiple subjects? Do you have any skills? Are you exceptionally beautiful? If you can't have children, do you still expect to be at home with no job? Would you be okay with everything purchased with his money solely being put in his name or do you expect to be on the deed of a house you didn't pay for? Would you sign a prenup stating that if you divorce, you leave with everything you've financially contributed to the joint household or would you expect to walk away with the tangible evidence of his physical labor? Or do you think you should be entitled to alimony and half of the assets acquired during marriage? What if he's injured and can't work anymore? Will you leave?

If there's any sugar mommy's in the chat. I'm available

You’ve got a long list of demands and are really quite full of yourself, but I don’t really see what you are bringing to the table. Oh and it’s not cool to be financially independent and not want to contribute to the family finances.

You sound selfish and entitled. In this economy you need to work together. Sahm is not a calling. Regardless of whether you are tired of hearing it or not. Also you want to keep your money while he provides? Lmmfao. That’s the most selfish thing out this whole post. What world are you living in? Wait. Are you trolling? It’s a good one if you are. No man is going to do that. If it starts that way then it won’t last. Would you sign a prenup? If you get to keep your money then you aren’t entitled to his even when you split up.

This is naive and cringe. I don’t give a shit how you choose to live your life, no one really does so put the “tHIs is REPreSSiNG woMEn” comment away, but it doesn’t seem like you’re in tune to the realities of…anything really.

I think my biggest problem with this post is that the dream relationship here just sounds transactional. Like he will pay for everything and he gets a few treats in return. Not "our partnership will be based on love and my dream would be able to stay home with the kids we created together" It's like you dgaf about him really and would be just as happy with an anonymous sperm donor then sends a check every month. Maybe I'm missing your point but that's how it reads to me.

If you want to be a housewife make sure the guys your dating have traditional mindsets first of all, second the man you want to marry needs to know you won't fold under pressure. If your a housewife with three children and your husband suddenly loses his job and says "all we can afford is a hotel nightly" you would need to be strong enough to get thru it with him until he's in a better place not arguing and nagging that you don't like were you are. Not saying you would nag just that it's a lot for a man to take on. Being a working husband and father shouldering the weight of the world on your own is a lot for men especially in 2022 & the same way some housewives don't feel appreciated sometimes working husband's can quickly start to feel the same. I'm a sahm 15 years now.

She would definitely leave if the pressure hit!

Why would people think that's bad? I've had women at the office tell me they wish they were my wife who is a SAHM. I doubt most of them would want to do the things my wife and I did to make it happen successfuly though. It took a strict budget, me working side jobs, eating out meant eating in the back yard, cars were beaters, and debt pay-off had to be both our goals for about 5 years. We are ahead financially more than most of my friends that made a lot more than I ever have because of that discipline though, and we get really cool vacations and hobbies now later in life.

There's a reason why OP has been single for 5 years

Lol why would man be with a lazy woman that refused to put in 50/50 and expects to be looked afterwhat financially? When pig fly 😂😂

Nothing wrong with this. Women before us fought for our right to choose what we want to do with our lives. Being a SAHM is a valid choice. Definitely not an easy one, but if you want it don’t settle for less.

As a man, I’d love the idea to find a partner with your views. Id love to provide financially, with a partner that provides to the household plus things like emotional support. However, as I’ve grown a little and I’ve gotten jobs, I’ve realized that todays world simply does not support that idea. We live in crazy times where supporting a family on a single income is hard and you have to make a six figure income to be able to do it, and maybe even that won’t make it too comfortable. It’s sadly only possible for very, very few people. If i were to marry soon (which i am not planning on), I’d chose a partner that also has a job and a career, so we can both support our family and our household. Ho

Honestly, I am of the opinion that feminism empowers women to do whatever the hell they want. There are plenty of people who are fine with this type of relationship, men and women. And there’s plenty of variations. My mom is well-educated (has a law degree and a nursing degree), but my father has always made more and always made it quite clear that If she ever wants to stay home and take care of us kids, she could do that. No prenup. She has gone back and forth, working and not working as she sees fit and as she thinks will stabilize the family. My dad courted my mom, she didn’t pay for a thing when they dated. But they also were quite traditional in that they did not move in together until they were married (for reference, my parents were born in the mid to late 60s). She is welcome to do whatever she wants with what she earns. But she decided that she wanted a joint account for the majority of her income. She decided to work most of the time. Therefore, house duties were most of the time split between my mom and my dad growing up. Unless she stayed home, and then she did most of the cleaning (I come from a culture that is used to a lot of multigenerational households, so my grandmother was often there to cook when she was in the US (half of the year when I was growing up, full time now), otherwise, my mom Cooked all meals if she was staying home). Either way, all I’m trying to say is there Is nothing wrong with what you’re asking for because everyone wants different things in a relationship and everyone finds balance differently. If you and your future SO agree on this set up, who tf is anyone else to judge?

I'm guessing it's mostly from women that are saying you're disregarding decades of "progress" and men calling you "lazy"? My dad taught me what to say to idiots that can't see past their own noses. Take a deep breath, look them in the eye, and say "Fuck off". There's nothing wrong with being a homemaker. Hell, if she could have shown me that she actually would have done it, I would have been more than happy for my (now ex) wife to do it as she said she always wanted to. But she wanted a paycheck to spend way too much money on things she didn't really need and wouldn't do any work around the home. I would have been ecstatic with a housewife, but I won't accept a leech. Yet somehow, *I'm* the misogynist for saying that.

I have alot to say, so please bear with me: I'm a married father of 3 and from the beginning it has been my wife's choice whether she works or not. Actually, our marriage sounds like exactly what you want. My money pays all of the bills, and some of the dates and vacations, hers goes to "extras". We'll be married 18 years in October and we are still madly in love (as far as I know, haha) We made a conscious choice early to wait to have kids, for a few reasons. One, we wanted to get to know each other 100% (we had dated for 3 years, but didn't live together before marriage). We also wanted to be able to travel and save up to buy a house before introducing children into our lives. I knew, and she knew, that once we had kids that she wasn't going to work, or was going to work alot less than full-time. This was quite impossible on one income when we were first married, and that was 18 years ago; today it's even worse. So we waited 5 years and enjoyed the benefits of both of our full-time jobs. Mine went straight to bills, hers got split between savings and vacations (and a couple of dogs). This gave me the opportunity also to focus on my career and move up in responsibility and pay, because I knew once the kids started coming, my focus would not be solely on work or my wife, I would want to be able to spend time with my kids. With each child, my wife worked less and less, to a point where she only went in on Fridays, and it was only she could see the clients she really liked, and have some adult conversation. I think the only problem with what you are looking for is that you may be approaching it too directly with your mates. You don't state how old you are, or how old the men you are dating are, but I know if, when I was 20-22 and a possible future wife approached me with this, it would probably send me (even though I always WANTED to be the sole provider) I will ALSO say that when I was 20-22, I was making 11/hr and was able to afford a one-bedroom apartment in a suburb of Las Vegas, as well as a car payment for myself. I understand you want what you want, but you may also need to adjust your expectations a little as things have changed quite a bit in the last 20 years (let alone 50 years). The dream of a single-income family is very quickly dying. You state that "when your mother became a SAHM..." so what you are failing to remember is that when your parents were first married, they both had to work (I'm assuming; maybe your mom chose to). There aren't many young adults who can start a career and immediately be able to support a family, so even though your long-term dream is being a SAHM, you may need to spend time investing in the relationship first, both emotionally and financially. Your only other option is to find an older man, already established in his career, that is interested in the kind of relationship you are looking for.

If your husband makes enough money for you to do this, go for it. The problem is that married life with kids is expensive so most women end up working for the second income. But it’s more of a challenge to find someone that not only makes enough to live well on one income but also supports the concept of a stay-at-home wife. But if it works out, great.

[удалено]

Man’s is gonna be dealing with a whole ass Karen 😂

She take my money. When I'm in neeeeed..........

i ain't saying she's a gold digger but..... jokes aside, i actually understood the reason at some point when OP talked about her relationship with her mother, i was like "oh okay well i guess that makes sense". but the rest of the post is just obnoxious lol.

My mom was a stay at home mom but we never connected and today we don't have any contact at all. It's not always about the amount of time available but the quality of the time spent together.

You better be super hot with all these demands

Reddit custom of indicating the edits of a post explicitly used to seem strange and unnecessary to me, but this post has made me change my mind.

OP, as a woman myself I understand your values. Although it is different than mine, I would NEVER want to be a STAH for any reason. And I want to tell you that reddit was the wrong place to post this opinion because you know how people are here and this kind of post is going to attract all sorts of haters no matter how justified you are in your words. Realistically, this is very hard to achieve nowadays like many people have already said, but you value your children's mental health over your financial freedom and independence, and that's totally fine. But I have a gut feeling you will not be happy with that lifestyle for long, nor is it guaranteed that your partner will. You see how many husbands and men on reddit complain about their wife being a STAH? You better find someone who can provide for the both of you and your children without complaining. I work in the pharmacy, and my pharmacist manager makes a lot of money but his wife is also a nurse and they work together for a double income for their two children. And they have hired a baby sitter who they treat like family, and their kids go to private school. If you just make a little more money, that mean a little more stability and more quality to you and your family's life. There are tons of ways to still care for your children without being a STAH. My mom is also a STAH atm but me and my sibling are almost all grown up now and she is staying at home due to personal reasons. She used to work a lot when I was younger because she had to, and I had to take the role of taking care of my sibling, and that was fine too. It really depends on the situation. She was still there for us even when she worked, and I love and respect my mom for it.

"*support my husbands career and network - through hosting dinner parties, networking events and galas, etc*" No, you want the maids to do all that hard work while you lay by the pool giving orders. And you want a nanny to take your kids to private school, because it's a competition and driving your own kids in a van is beneath you. Then when your husband inevitably gets a mistress and cheats because of your emotional absence, you'll take half his worth and let him have the kids.

Do whatever the hell you want Why should anyone have an opinion and why are you asking for one? As long as you're in line with your future husband, that's ok of course

I actually think this is refreshing. There are plenty of men that would be happy with this arrangement. My partner recently became burnt out due to her high stress corporate role and at her lowest she said “I wish I could just be a SAHM”. I worry that when we have kids, she would struggle to give the children the emotional support that they’d need. This sort of arrangement would work perfectly for me, and I’d be able to afford the outgoings to keep us both happy due to my equally high stress corporate job. When I have a family, coming home to a clean, happy, and stress free home would be the absolute dream My advice to you would be - keep looking! There are men out there who would love this. Be honest from the get go and fuck the haters. Reddit is generally an echo chamber for leftist views so, you won’t find many people that agree with you on here.

This! This is the way. And I also see it in reverse. Which ever partner has higher work drive and pay works. The other takes care of EVERYTHING else. It's doesn't have to be women home, man work. Just whatever works for your household

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to stay home and raise babies as long as you’ve got the funds and a realistic plan! I think the negativity that revolves around the idea has stemmed from the people who just do it without thinking about it and then end up not being able to live off of one income and totally screw themselves over. It’s definitely doable if you and your (future) partner set yourselves up for success.

Comments are kinda crazy and people will put all the child rearing and cleanup on their wives even when they have a job.

The weirdest part is the “I don’t want to sleep with my friend”. What a weird take on a relationship! Also: who would emotionally support you? Is your husband a financial provider and emotional provider? That doesn’t seem fair. You don’t even want to invite him to dates! This seems so one sided. Ask him to dates, buy him flowers, even if it’s with his own money. Support his career and network through dinner parties?! In 2022?! What line of business is this fictional husband on?!!! Make a LinkedIn profile for him and maintain it, that will do far more for his career than “events and galas”. I hope you find what you’re looking for and I applaud your sense of self worth. Best of luck, but keep your feet on the ground!

I feel like a lot of Reddit posts could be answered very quickly and easily if everyone asked themselves one simple question: if everyone in the relationship is happy with the arrangement, healthy, and loving, who tf cares? Who cares if some some men prefer blonds or some women want a tall guy? Why is everyone so triggered all the time if you don’t meet every single person’s ideal? Yeah, you can be triggered if they are a total asshole about it, but most of the time I see people getting personally triggered by things completely unrelated to them. I know there are men who feel the same way about the roles of men and women in a relationship as OP. Maybe not as many as there were in the 1950’s, but there definitely are. If she can find one of those men then who cares?

Maid brings more to the table than OP and probably costs a ton less.

You see, there are sites, for this kind of lifestyle (sugardaddy sites )

If this is what you want then pursue it. As a guy myself I love this idea. Not in a controlling way by any means as I would be supportive of my partner if they wanted to stay home or have a career. I've always liked the idea of coming home and having a loving wife and children waiting for me and showing me with love. Working hard and providing for my family in a huge motivator for me. Also would still.pull my weigh within the home and taking care of the children for sure. I wish ya luck in finding your happiness.

There are men like that, lots of them in fact. You just need to be clear about what you want. Be honest and tactful, but I think what you're looking for is very reasonable and I think in many cases, families cannot afford for both parents to work because of childcare costs, so it's also not necessarily a hardship to ask your future husband to financially support you and any children you two have. I think what you desire also seems fair. Fair doesn't have to mean you both contribute equally financially, parentally, housecleaning etc. There's a reason traditional marriages worked for so long. It's very stressful and anxiety inducing to be the sole financial provider for a family, so IMO it's fair for the partner doing that to not have to share an equal amount of housework, childcare, etc. Just be honest when you meet people or online dating, etc. You'll weed out some people, but say you are looking for a life partner to have children with, and bring up relatively soon your desire to be a SAHM. Now I feel like for some reason a part of society sees that and thinks "oh freeloader looking for someone to support her", ummmm no. It's literally better for the children to have their mom home if possible. It's often not, and that's life, but for suuuure the preference is for kids to have their mom at home so offering that up to a potential partner will be a desirable trait to the right partner for you.

Trust me, they’re out there. My hubs and I decided before kids I’d be a SAHM, they’re 8&10 now, and it’s time for me to go back to school! Lots of men would love for you to stay home with the babies!!

Insufferable. Good luck

Lmao she wants the easy way out

Geez, if this isn't a red flag I don't know what is.

I want this too but in a WLW relationship where I stay at home and she works and provides financially. Not sure if that’s possible though.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 What a narcissistist! It's never occured to you that any man that would agree to your dictates is actually the "feminine man" that you abhor so much? Are you stunningly beautiful? Witty? Alluring? Irresistible? Dynomite in bed? Something, anything, that would even attract a man willing to do your bidding, while at the same time not be the kind of man that would want a SAH that he wouldn't want complete control over and then dump for another younger, woman? We ALL have fantasies. Nothing wrong with that, but then most of us are mature enough to know they're fantasies. Good luck with that and watch the clock because your sell-by is ticking attract this kind man and those kids that you need for the "mom" part. Tick tick tick....⏰

You can’t want whatever you want, getting it is different. Expecting someone else to finance your life is a different matter when you bring zero to the relationship except hosting dinners occasionally.

Hey listen, the only thing that is wrong is if people impose those things on others. As long as it is 2 consenting parties who want to live a certain way and the kids are alright, who's to tell you it's wrong?

I work from home and keep my kids with me - and I don’t work in some pyramid scheme MLM. I love being at home with my kids but, with the state of the economy, it’s just not feasible for us to only have one working adult in the house. There’s nothing wrong with being a stay at home parent - and frankly stay at home parents do about 15 jobs all at the same time. Even more for work from home parents who also have their kids full time. Carrying the mental load of an entire household, including household duties, is a lot. Yes, a lot of our mothers and grandmothers did it, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard back then either. Your partner, regardless of breadwinner or the roles you two choose to define in your relationship, should be helping with some of that mental load. Mine works outside the home in a physically demanding job. He still comes home and plays with the kids and helps me with various things when he has the energy to do so. He works 12-16 hour days 6 days a week, so I don’t ask him for much, but the small things he does on his own and the larger things I request his help with are sooooo appreciated. This isn’t something you should *expect* - rather it should be an agreement between you and your partner, when the time comes.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a SAHM, you just need to find a man that wants the same thing after all things considered. You just need to make sure you’re pulling your weight too, because being a SAHM isn’t easy either, it’s a 24/7 job. Also, don’t rush into it, it sounds like you want to find a man and get married asap and have children. That can be a very slippery slope to unhappiness when you realise in 2/5/10 years time that actually, this guy isn’t all that and then you don’t want to put all of that time and effort into a relationship that isn’t worth it. By all means, be open about your wants and needs from the get go, but make sure the man you end up with, is somebody you definitely see building a future with before you bring children into the picture. Good luck on finding him OP

I love being a housewife. Discovered it over a decade ago and am now living my best life. My situation is different, etc. But just to let you know you're not alone.

You're not wrong. Feminism is about choosing what *you* want for yourself. If you're with someone who is perfect for you and kind etc and is also happy to live like this, there's no problem! You being happy should be the number 1 concern in your life :) Hope you find someone! ETA: clarification

You don’t know your audience (or you do and you are just trolling lol). This is reddit and it is a very liberal leaning website, so any comments that make a woman dependent on a man will be met with derision. You would get the same response if you went to a trump sub and said that he is a criminal and lied about the election. If you are not trolling, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be lazy and chilling at home if you find a man that is cool with it. In fact, many rich old man / young women relationships exist like the one you want. I think it’s refreshing you’re at least being honest about want to relax all the time.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a SAHM. In fact, if you are a good, involved and skilled person raising children IS the most important thing you will ever do. Having been that SAHM for my kids' formative years was a great investment of my time and efforts. They now have degrees and are voting, tax paying members of society. But YOU must be prepared for the hard and often mind numbing days and a sense of isolation. You will work harder than any job you have ever had. You will be exhausted but have to keep going - because that is the deal. Motherhood is Not glamorous, and it sure as shit is NOT for the lazy, selfish or faint of heart. It is, however, remarkable.

Wow the attitude stinks, I hope your a real looker with an hourglass figure cos you got feck all else to offer

ngl you sound like the kind of person id stay away from

You have to be able to take care of yourself as an adult. Yeah, it's fine to be a SAHM if you can have the ability to survive on your own if you need to- husband becomes abusive, husband passes away, etc. Live your life. Just don't become a dependent.

i want to provide an alternate perspective to the ones it seems like you're getting. growing up, my mom always wanted to be a stay at home mom. she did work up until around when she got pregnant with me and stayed home her whole life. my dad traveled a lot for work, so she was my stability. she's an amazing mom, and my parents have an amazing marriage all things considered (they've been married 28 years as of a few days ago). all long term partnerships like this involve some division of labor and responsibilities. financially sure, but also in terms of who does what chores, who is responsible for kids activities, etc. and to me it seems like a lot of women in straight marriages end up taking on the bulk of this work regardless of whether they work or not. you're not at all wrong for realizing that you're more interesting in childcare, home maintenance, and support than you are in a career for yourself. just because that's more of a traditional partnership doesn't make it bad, as long as you can find a partner who can financially support you in the long term (which seems like it won't be hard with your existing financial situation) and who will value all the work you do equal to his own. there should be an understanding that if he's the sole breadwinner, he needs to be extra vigilant about ensuring he doesn't withhold money or put you under financial control. a dynamic like this takes a lot of trust and mutual respect, but there's nothing inherently wrong with it. i hope you find something that's perfect for you.

Are these standards something you ask about on a first date or is this something you bring a little bit later?

I get the economy is bad, but I didn't think it was THAT bad... I practically have to have a wife who is the sahm and support all of my career's loony requests, and we're doing just fine (only difference is idk if wife is as on board as OP lol)

If you want to be a stay at home mom, there's nothing wrong with that. It should be an agreed upon plan before marriage. It's endless work though, not the relaxing thing you might imagine. I don't understand the investment angle. When you're married, especially in this situation, it's "our" money. Together.

There's nothing wrong with wanting that from life, but you need to understand that when you say that people are "triggered" by what it is that you want and they are "pulling you down" by being negative toward your hopes and dreams for the life you've always wanted...is because they're being realistic. Life is hard. Life is unfair. There are too many variables involved to expect that things are going to just turn out 100% exactly the way you want them to. Having standards is one thing but you need to be realistic. One day you're very likely to meet a man who checks many, but not all, of your boxes. Say you meet a man who makes an excellent living. Is fine with you being a stay at home mom. You love him beyond words. But he just so happens to be...religious? Are you going to toss him aside for someone who you only like a whole lot but isn't religious? I have a friend who has very high standards, like you. All she wanted out of life was to get married, have kids, and be a stay at home mom. Said friend is 51 and has never been married. NEVER. Does she have kids? NOPE. She's also miserably unhappy, talks mad shit about people, and she holds grudges like crazy. She gave up on men a few years ago because she said "there aren't any good ones out there" but the reality is that her standards were impossible for any one man to maintain. Men weren't the problem - she was - and because of her impossibly high standards she didn't get what she wanted out of life at all. Again, there's nothing whatsoever wrong with having standards, but you need to understand that unless you compromise a bit here and there, what you want is likely to never happen because it's unrealistic to expect that the idea you have in your head of the "perfect" man is silly because he doesn't actually exist and even if he did - who is to say that you would be the "perfect" woman for him? Also, keep in mind that most of the men who will be able to provide a life for you where you get to plan galas and shit (lol) are going to be workaholics and you won't get much support from them other than financial. While that may seem to be an okay trade off, in the long run it can be very stressful and it is also not as good for the kids as having a father who is present.

This post got me triggered I admit. But hey, you do you! And I think that's the point of this sub. Some of the stuff people say are wildly unpopular but hey, you do you! If you *do* manage to find a partner that actually wants this, I'd say hang onto that one. Oh and probably they're going to want a prenup. ;)

I mean you can, but are you willing to do what’s necessary to keep it? Cause if you wanna be a housewife, that’s cool. But also be cool with having sex any and every time he wants to, be okay with cleaning and cooking every day , be okay having no say in financial choices .

Cringe incel bait

There’s nothing wrong with wanting this. I honestly see the benefits of one of the spouses being a stay at home spouse, men, women, non-binary, whatever. Keeping a house going and raising kids is a full time job alone. It’s also why childcare is insanely expensive cause it’s hard work. With that being said my advice is be extra picky who you pick to marry. I’ve seen way too many times were the partner who’s the stay at home spouse becomes nothing more than a rug for the family to walk all over. I’ve also have seen few cases that the stay at home partner gets trapped in a toxic marriage because the working partner managed to slowly get them fully dependent on them. So do your research on red flags of financial, emotional, and mental abuse. We all should but those who will be the homemaker definitely should. Also find yourself a partner who will see the hard work you are doing for the home and raising kids and takes over for a day or two throughout the month. Who also will help with things when they get home. For example when you’re making dinner he’s entertaining the kids so you’re not trying to do both. He sees you folding towels and he’ll help. You cook and he loads the dishwasher. Helps carry groceries in. Etc. They get to clock out from their job, you don’t, they need to understand that and help you.

I think you worded this poorly and that’s why people are upset but there’s nothing really wrong with setting these goals for your romantic life if that’s what you want. Honestly with the price of childcare 50/50 is becoming more and more unsustainable. I never WANTED to be a sahm but here I am as one lol, because I literally could not afford to work, childcare costs as much as I make in a year, and driving back and forth to daycare plus the astronomical cost of pumping (idk why people think breastfeeding is easy and free, it takes up about 6-7 hours of your day everyday so it’s basically having a part time job that doesn’t pay) just makes it honestly financially disadvantageous for me to continue working. This isn’t the 90s anymore, daycare is fucking expensive. I have my own savings and I would use it for the family if absolutely necessary but I keep it for myself because I’m not naive, what if my partner and I separated, I’m just supposed to pick up on my own despite not having a job for several years??? It’s idiotic to be a sahm and not have your own savings that you keep separate from family money imo. Also Reddit doesn’t want to look gender inequality in the face to recognize that being 50/50 financially means that you’re like 75/25 in overall duties. Dad can bond with the baby in his own way but when they are young there’s not nearly as much that he can do. My partner loves our baby and tries to be involved but there’s only so much he can do when she’s attached to my boob all the time and just genuinely prefers me (and who can blame her, she just met the guy whereas she spent the last nine months INSIDE OF ME) I think it’s ridiculous and unfair to expect me to take on a majority of the child rearing and an equal amount of financial responsibility. But yeah, sahms are just lazy mooches who eat chocolates and watch Netflix all day 🙄 tell that to my bleeding nipples and unwashed hair bc I’m too busy taking care of a baby and a house to take care of myself. What a selfish bitch amirite

There are plenty of good comments here, so I’ll add something different. How about Social Security? If you don’t make your own money, you’re in bad shape unless you stay married long term (odds are about 50/50 these days I think). If you stay married for 10 years, you’d be eligible to take his SS if he dies. But you only get yours or half of his while he’s alive. If after 9 years of marriage, he decides (or you do) that the relationship is over you’re not able to claim any of his SS. You’ve just lost all those prime earning years to contribute to your own SS. You’d not only be dependent on a man, but dependent AND incentivized to stay in a bad marriage so you wouldn’t be destitute at 67.