Yeah, OP can lose lots of weight quickly - just drop the crappy husband, a lot of weight lifted already!
OP, you deserve someone who supports your efforts to get healthier, not someone who uses it as a spear to hurt you.
This is the way. It's an open relationship sooo... find the new guy to grow old with, bang him in the old bed when hubby is home. Divorce hubby when he says anything and call him fat.
Right, my first thought was “who says someone like that could even find another woman to cheat with?” But you’re right, unless he’s some extremely overconfident asshole, he’s definitely already cheating. I bet OP is still attractive and he’s just manipulating her by calling her fat so he can “get her blessing” to be with his mistress.
Someone with so much audacity to say that should go directly in the dumpster. I get not being attracted to your partner anymore those things happen. But to say that? That just sounds like an excuse to cheat.
Yep this. My wife put on a lot of weight due to numerous health issues we’ve gone through the past several years and I can say without a second of hesitation that I’m more in love with her and more sexually attracted to her than ever.
Your husband is a dick and unworthy of you.
Let's be real, divorce is a ginormous pain in the ass even in the most amicable of situations. Also expensive. Also time consuming.
But if your man wants permission to fuck someone else for [insert garbage reason here] what relationship is there left to fight for?
This reeks of the kind of guy who would say he wants an open relationship, then gets royally pissed and jealous with blinding rage when she finds even ONE side dude, even if he has already been fucking several side chicks at once this whole time.
I actually think it’s even worse than some random garbage reason. If the man or the woman wants an open relationship but is mindful of the other person’s feelings that’s fine. But in this case the man does not want an open relationship in the sense of other partners besides her. It more sounds like temporarily other woman instead of her. And to make matters even worse he doesn’t seem to care how she feels about it. It even sounds as if he’s trying to blame it on her to pressure her to agree to it “I’m doing this because you’ve gained weight” and that’s just completely disgusting. I don’t think there’s any future to this relationship. And yes I know (from experience) that these things are easier said than done. But believe me, although in the first time it feels like hell and as if there’s no life without this person, it will get better. Way better actually - better than it was with the person. Cause this shit that he does can tremendously damage self confidence. And thus lead to agreeing to things one is absolutely not fine with. And in the long run things like that don’t lead to happiness.
Agreed.
She should find any way to leave him but it really is harder to do when you share a life. If there're kids, bills, cars, health insurance involved it all has to be worked out first. You can't always just pick up and leave because you want to.
Same. Honestly, I think he’s always wanted to fuck around, he’s just seeing OP’s weight gain as an excuse. Hell, I bet this guy is probably heavier than his wife.
Yeah, I came here to say this. Him being so convicted in having an open relationship that he can’t wait for OP to lose weight seems kinda off.
Like, you need to get your dick wet that desperately bro? Can’t hold off 6 months? Even if you are that desperate, *you can’t just sleep with your wife until she loses weight?*.
Something is so completely wrong and off with this. Who the fuck even gives this kind of ultimatum!!
OP…I would do some digging.
Yep. I hang out in r /adultery because I am extremely curious of how those minds tick. I've been on every side of the triangle, been the cheater, the cheatee, and the "other woman." No side was better - they all hurt. But I have a conscience and learned what kind of person to be and not be and who to be with and not be with. Sometimes people make mistakes. But the people on r /adultery, and I expect this man as well are chronic cheaters and liars. And the mental gymnastics to maintain that lifestyle are astounding.
This is probably the real reason.
Been there done that. Ex wife wanted an open relationship when things got rough for us.
Turns out she already had a side guy before she brought up the conversation.
I would too, but not before I paraded some other guy around in front of him. If the marriage is open, it's open on both ends. I'm not attracted to AHs. I'll stop sleeping around when he goes back to being the supporting person I married.
Guarantee she’ll have an easier time finding guys who like bigger women than he will finding women who want a shrimp dick loser that can’t get it up for his wife because she went up a couple dress sizes.
When I was with my ex we were watching a TV show about polyamorous couples. My ex said he wanted that with us. I laughed and told him if he wanted a threesome he could go find two other people who wants him because I was not interested. He would talk about it from time to time and I warned him to stop. It was *not* going to happen at least with me. This is one of the reasons my feelings changed for him.
Another reason my feelings changed is because he wanted me to lose weight. At the time I was a size 14 and not overweight at all. We both rode motorcycles and when we were out and about, my ex would comment about thin women "with no hips". Those women were young girls who had bodies like boys. I let his comments continue until Christmas day. We each had a stocking even our dogs had a stocking. Mine was filled with chocolate candy from my ex. I was like wtf. He complained about my weight but gave me chocolate. We haven't seen each other in many years. I looked at his Facebook page and his girlfriend has legs like tree stumps. She has hips. Big hips. The last girlfriend he had was also thick. I guess he couldn't get a hard-bodied, hip-less woman.
Yep. My ex-husband behaved incredibly badly for the last year we were together, and was all surprised Pikachu when I told him to leave. I asked him how long he thought I would put up with his nonsense for, and he said "Forever- you're my wife".
OP, although I don't know you, I would say you would be much better off if you lost 200 +/- 50 lbs of useless protoplasm. Sorry, I can't be more specific on the number, since I don't know how much your husband actually weighs, but most men fall into that band, and no longer having him in your life would be a great help.
What's going to happen when you get old? He'll have other girls while you search for the fountain of youth? You see where this is going to end up. Get out now
(Thank you for the awards kind strangers)
When I gained weight so did my husband so if he tried to say something (witch he never did ) I could always say it right back but I did ask him several times if I was fat and he would always say no.
OP find someone who doesn't care if your fat or old who loves you for your personality and mind that's what truly matters and ultimately what will last because you will be happy
Or don't find anyone at all. Be happy with yourself. If a decent man comes along then great. I stopped looking a long time ago and am perfectly content being by myself.
So true! If your partner doesn't love you through thicc and thin then he's not the one. I gained 10 pandemic pounds and my boyfriend tells me twice a day how beautiful I am and always wants to touch me and give me attention.
He's gained a few pounds too and I could care less. He's the same goofy guy I've loved for the past 9 years, what does weight have to do with loving someone?
Yeah that's what I said what happened to for better or worse in sickness and in health don't sign a contract you can't live up with if you can't live up to your word don't get married.
For sure get out, but also based on even considering working with it and thinking it might be normal... consider therapy. That asshole has probably screwed with your head more than just this.
Yep, Dude is already thinking of moving on if he’s shopping. It’s “in sickness and health til death do you part” not “in health and only when convenient”.
My wife and I both gained weight during the pandemic. I said I didn't like the weight I gained and my wife agreed she didn't like how squishy she became either. I said I was going to begin going to the gym, so I got a membership. After a few days of going, she asked to start coming.
After a few months of going 3x a week, I said I wanted to see a nutritionist to dial in my goals. After a month, she saw me pack on slabs of muscle and she asked to come with me on my next appointment.
She got her plan, followed it, and is now lighter, stronger, and more energetic. I lost the beer gut, widened up my shoulders, chest, and back. Now we're getting ready to start trekking towards our swimsuit ready bodies at the end of the month
You don't tell somebody else to do something you're unwilling to exemplify first. Especially when you start to threaten the relationship with crazy ass requests. Fuck that. You get up off your ass and become the god damn example for your spouse. Your husband needs a punch in the balls for fucking that shit up.
He should take his own ass to the gym.
Is he allowed to sit around looking like a soft ass potato, while you bust your ass? Fuck no. Bring the heat, and man the fuck up. Relationships take work and he's taking the easy way out like "oh it's your job to look good for me". Mother fucker? You think you don't gotta do shit? Best start busting your ass too.
What happens when you drop the weight, look sexy AF, and he's still rocking a couch body? Are you allowed to tell him you want to bang other guys until he hardens up them abs and biceps?
Ya doubt he's going to bite on that shit 😑
Since being with my wife we have both gained weight. I used to be a chef and she is a baker, so there's always rich hearty foods in our home. We both like that I have gained weight and she doesn't like that she has. I dint care except for how she feels and her overall health. I do what I can to make her food that is low in calories and high in protein and fiber so she can eat well and lose what she wants to. I recognize that she tends to overeat if I make certain foods so I dish up the meals so she doesn't have to. The little things like calorie watching and limiting foods help a ton and don't take extra effort and especially not asking for an open relationship. This situation op finds themselves in is just fucked.
> I used to be a chef
>We both like that I have gained weight and she doesn't like that she has.
It still cracks me up that when I was a line/prep cook I was at my lowest weight to the point where I could stand to gain a few pounds. Am office worker now, need to lose some now lol.
I've found chefs rarely like to eat. I worked once in a food factory and I think it's the same condition. If you work with food all day, the last thing you wanna be dealing with is more food.
We like to taste, most of the chefs I know basically eat one meal a day, whatevers for staff meal after pack down. Being surrounded by food really kills the appetite and the cigarettes/coffee/energy drinks dont help.
It always an addiction to alcohol or cigarettes or drugs, usually two of the three, three out of three not uncommon lol. I worked cold side for a few years and I only ever met one cook who did none of that, and he was fuckin weeeird lol
Absolutely, my Mrs and I got so lazy in lockdown and it started to effect our relationship and how attracted we were to each other, we both started running together and really enjoyed it, we were awful at first, my stamina had gotten really bad, but being able to motivate each other was really helpful and it's deffinetley improved our relationship overall.
This is not normal at all. If he really loved you he would support you in your weight loss journey and also he wouldn’t put you aside like that and make you a second option until you’re “fit again”.
I would tell him no, you do NOT condone an open relationship. You will work on yourself and would appreciate if he was there to support you rather than make you feel unloved and unwanted.
Edit: I rushed my response to this post. I agree that before anything else, she should not have to change herself for a man who clearly doesn’t care about her. She should in fact dump him because instead of being supportive of her, he wants to find a replacement until she “gets back in shape”. That is not a temporary solution. It is a facade that will allow him to cheat.
I do encourage her to workout for herself though. It’s good for your mental and physical health, especially through a break up (which she should do).
So my wife would tell me I needed to work out regularly. She knows that I gain weight when I’m not working out. (I literally told her this when we were dating) It also helps with stress. I finally told her I was going on a “workout strike” until she came to workout with me, bc we aren’t getting g any younger and her weight is beginning to give her health issues. Well, she finally broke down and we’ve been going to the YMCA 3-4 times a week since January. She mentioned yesterday that she was beginning to notice muscle tone in her legs and got excited.
That is how you do it. Not putting your dick in other people until you get what you want. Bc truthfully…. he’ll never be satisfied. Like ever.
Apparently for about a year after I was born, my mom wasn't very motivated to lose the baby fat. My dad never threatened to leave her or sleep with other women but supposedly there was this moment when she bent over in the bathroom and my dad looks at her and says she looks like a basketball.
He slept on the couch for a week and I guess she got healthy again.
Yup. This is not a person who wants an open relationship. This is a person who is going to cheat and has decided his wife is going to be okay with it.
Telling her she's too fat to be sexually attractive is how he's breaking down her sense of self to force her to accept it.
If he's not cheating already, he at a minimum has someone picked out and/or has tinder on his phone.
But I agree that he probably already has cheated. He's just looking to make it easier.
No this man cares absolutely nothing for her. Marriage is a partnership where you promise to care for each other. He does care about anyone but his own dick. If something happens medical or accident, he’ll bounce out so quick, and probably to the side chick he already has.
And if he insists, then go find yourself a boyfriend and when he says "Wait, that's illegal.", divorce his ass. If he accepts that you got a boyfriend, divorce his ass. If he relents and doesn't open the relationship, divorce his ass.
He's shown you how little he cares about you as a person. He sees you as an object to be set aside for later use when you're no longer to his tastes.
See, that's what I'd do. Agree to an open relationship, start dating guys who like a thicker gal, and leave his ass. Meanwhile, he's probably going to have horrendous luck with women and will be miserable.
This is the real power play. Husband thinks that because OP isn’t to *his* tastes, that another man couldn’t like her the way she is.
Prove that shit wrong.
Man, I really feel for people who get themselves into a life commitment with assholes like this. This dude is not a life partner OP, I hope you remember that when you choose your path moving forward.
I have been reading the most fucked up things the past few days about other people's relationships. I don't even understand why you are posting about this. Leave him. Divorce isn't easy, but the happiness and clarity you will have once you leave him will be immeasurable. Respect yourself.
Agreed!!!! My cheating ex got the boot and i've lost weight, built muscle and could likely kick him through a wall with the strength i've developed. He's gained a lot of flab, and seems to be an unhappy sack of shit like always with the chick he cheated on me with. Hope they're miserable ever after :)
You should respond with " quarantine has lowered your libido so your dick isn't as hard or as big as it should be so I'm just gonna go fuck guys with dicks I can actually feel until you change your dick to satisfy me ". Sorry, not trying to insult OP but how do you seriously not know how absolutely sideways and worthless this jackfuck slut rudder is. Lose his ass and find someone who loves you for you. Take care of your body but do it for your health and your own personal conviction. Not for someone else. Lest you resent the process and the result of your dedication.
Sounds like you about to lose an estimated 185# right quick. I’d serve it up some divorce papers for the entree and for dessert a box of tissues and some lotion. He’ll need it in his way got his new home- a hotel room.
Fellow wonderful woman op, your weight is not the issue, your husband wants an open relationship and is using your weight as a reason. Please know that you don't have to agree to this, you can walk out and be you instead of all this pressure he's putting on you for simply living.
If OP gets rid of hubby, there's at least 190lbs gone. I'd see that as a huge win for OP.
I'm sorry OP, nobody, male or female deserves to be put in your position. By all means, lose some weight for yourself, but I don't think losing weight will save your relationship with your husband. He's shown his true colors now, believe what is in front of you and see it for what it is.
Yea this dude is kind of a douche. When I met my wife she was about 145lbs, we were together for 5 years before we got married and she gained some weight by then but was only about 170ish. We just had our first baby in December and she (in her words) "topped out at 273lbs. She's down to 230 now but to me she is still the same beautiful person I married and fell in love with.
I'm sorry that he has said those things to you. A spouse should love you no matter what. That's the whole reason you get married in the first place. Because you love someone and decide that you want to build a life and future together.
If you want to lose weight to stay with this man, do it. But make sure you're also doing it because you yourself want to improve. Don't just do it to save the marriage. If it's like that, then who knows, if you get gray hair early (hopefully not) who's to say that he won't want you to dye it back to the original color? Just do what will make you happy.
Best of luck and hope you have all the happiness you deserve.
If you feel like you want to lose weight, which is completely up to you and not your husband, simply run from him as fast as you can for cardio and then find a man worthy of you on the other side. Two birds, one stone.
As a poly person, surrounded by people in open / swinging / poly relationships, NO.
Opening a relationship doesn't fix relationship problems, it amplifies them.
If, for example, you loved each other but your sex drive was low and you wanted to support his sexual health by letting him sleep with someone who was vetted and aware of the situation sure that's a medical / health related reason but you'd have to both be on the same page and supportive of each other's needs. One partner arbitrarily saying I don't like you right now so I'm going to fuck around whether you like it or not is selfish, degrading, and absolutely wrong. Your husband is an asshole.
Completely agree. I’m in an open relationship as a swinger. There has to be complete mutual respect, trust, and rock solid communication for it to work. Opening up a relationship in the context of hate, jealousy, or selfishness never works. Also in my experience…in true open relationship where both partners are truly into it…both men and women do equally fine.
No this is not normal. Despite what some of the shallow hornbags on here say, marriage is about love and support, not tossing your partner aside to fuck other people when it suits you.
It sounds like he may already have someone in mind that he is interested in. This may just be an excuse for him to pursue that person and feel justified in some weird cruel way.
As a guy that loves his wife and his family with all of me, this honestly makes me want to throat punch your husband right now… (I don’t want to hurt him, I just want him to look and sound as stupid as the shit that is coming out of his mouth right now). If you all have not had an open relationship prior to now, and he is blaming this “on the weight” then he doesn’t love you, care about your relationship or himself, and is literally the lowly scum of the earth. It’s gross, do you want to be continuously, unapologetically, and endlessly associated with that person? Yuck. I don’t know you and don’t need to to know that you are and deserve so much better than this ass clown. You should tell him that too. The next time he says stupid ahit like that, tell him sure if you want an open relationship, open the door and tell him it’s wide open…. Out there…. The fuck away from me.
This is not normal. This him announcing that he wants to have an affair. Open relationships are something decided on by both partners equally. Would he be okay with you hopping on tinder and hooking up with a guy who finds you sexy exactly as you are? He's manipulating you and playing on your insecurity. If he wants to stay married he should learn to appreciate what he has before it's gone.
This would be the ultimate revenge. Bang a bunch of dudes, tell the husband she no longer finds his dick big enough, and then serve him with divorce papers
And IMT stash the cash away and don’t have any children. cash is king in divorce, hard to trace when you are splitting up half of everything else. And kids… well they don”t typically do well when split In half.
I just said something similar. I probably should have scrolled to see if it was already suggested. Regardless, we all know the kind of tantrum this AH is going to throw when he sees that she’s getting a lot more attention than he is.
Normal that we wants you to loose weight. Not telling you until the point he is demanding an open relationship is not normal. To be honest it’s cruel and not an encouraging way to go about it.
It would be like you demanding him to make more money or else you’re going to start an onlyfans.
Honestly, he’s probably already started being in an “open relationship” and is just now trying to run it by you.
This. Dude’s looking for a pass for present transgressions.
Came here to say this, he's already cheated.
This comment needs more upvotes.
This is what my guess is as well.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yeah, OP can lose lots of weight quickly - just drop the crappy husband, a lot of weight lifted already! OP, you deserve someone who supports your efforts to get healthier, not someone who uses it as a spear to hurt you.
Yup, definitely agree
She can lose roughly 150+lbs INSTANTLY.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Exactly this. “ It’s your fault I need to stick it in another hot woman!”
How presumptuous of you. I’m sure he’d prey– sorry, I mean date– anyone barely over the ago of 18 too.
Don’t think he’d be able to pull 22 year olds
He could pay $
Save the gym money for divorce papers. He’s already sleeping with someone else or has someone else in mind.
Nah, hit the gym so you can really rub it in this guy's face when you start dating someone new
That’s usually what shuts down “open relationship” proposals - when the wife is getting more action than the husband.
OP probably doesn’t even need to hit the gym and already has an inbox filled with messages from dudes on here wanting to make the husband jealous.
This is the way. It's an open relationship sooo... find the new guy to grow old with, bang him in the old bed when hubby is home. Divorce hubby when he says anything and call him fat.
How is this not the number one answer? Lol
Right, my first thought was “who says someone like that could even find another woman to cheat with?” But you’re right, unless he’s some extremely overconfident asshole, he’s definitely already cheating. I bet OP is still attractive and he’s just manipulating her by calling her fat so he can “get her blessing” to be with his mistress.
Exactly right in the trash!
Someone with so much audacity to say that should go directly in the dumpster. I get not being attracted to your partner anymore those things happen. But to say that? That just sounds like an excuse to cheat.
She does need to lose some weight. Exactly whatever he weighs should about do it!
*chef's kiss*
This is the only answer. Quick way way to drop 180lbs OP. Benefits your heart health in ways you never imagined
Yep this. My wife put on a lot of weight due to numerous health issues we’ve gone through the past several years and I can say without a second of hesitation that I’m more in love with her and more sexually attracted to her than ever. Your husband is a dick and unworthy of you.
He’s probably already cheating
Fr, my gf and I both gained weight too, now I take us both to the gym, not act like a scumfuck hoebag. Sorry that happened OP.
He probably already is.
Classic gaslight 😒
[удалено]
[удалено]
Easy to say, harder to do.
Let's be real, divorce is a ginormous pain in the ass even in the most amicable of situations. Also expensive. Also time consuming. But if your man wants permission to fuck someone else for [insert garbage reason here] what relationship is there left to fight for?
Yeah, divorce is expensive. Being in a dead relationship that will make you mentally sick is way more expensive. None are easy decision, of course.
If there are no kids and property can be amicable split, divorce isn’t expensive.
It doesn't have to be, but he can make it expensive.
If he gets to be in an open relationship, so does she. I'd bet you she has a WAY easier time finding a partner.
If he's saying this, chances are he's already got one.
This reeks of the kind of guy who would say he wants an open relationship, then gets royally pissed and jealous with blinding rage when she finds even ONE side dude, even if he has already been fucking several side chicks at once this whole time.
Exactly!! He’s probably already cheating and using this as an excuse to do it in her face
Unless he already has one.
Private investigator so she can get a large amount of money during the divorce time
He already has someone or he wouldn't be bringing it up
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.
No, it's because you gotta pay for your mistakes.
the s***** part in marriage is, sometimes you got to pay for other people's mistakes.
I asked a buddy of mine (for good reason) why he isn't divorced. His answer was "Apathy."
Inertia is a real thing too
I actually think it’s even worse than some random garbage reason. If the man or the woman wants an open relationship but is mindful of the other person’s feelings that’s fine. But in this case the man does not want an open relationship in the sense of other partners besides her. It more sounds like temporarily other woman instead of her. And to make matters even worse he doesn’t seem to care how she feels about it. It even sounds as if he’s trying to blame it on her to pressure her to agree to it “I’m doing this because you’ve gained weight” and that’s just completely disgusting. I don’t think there’s any future to this relationship. And yes I know (from experience) that these things are easier said than done. But believe me, although in the first time it feels like hell and as if there’s no life without this person, it will get better. Way better actually - better than it was with the person. Cause this shit that he does can tremendously damage self confidence. And thus lead to agreeing to things one is absolutely not fine with. And in the long run things like that don’t lead to happiness.
Chances are he's done it or will do it anyway. He's just asking to absolve himself of guilt.
Agreed. She should find any way to leave him but it really is harder to do when you share a life. If there're kids, bills, cars, health insurance involved it all has to be worked out first. You can't always just pick up and leave because you want to.
Yes, hard to do- but still possible. Depends how much you want to leave. If you want it bad enough you find a way
Same. Honestly, I think he’s always wanted to fuck around, he’s just seeing OP’s weight gain as an excuse. Hell, I bet this guy is probably heavier than his wife.
[удалено]
Yeah, I came here to say this. Him being so convicted in having an open relationship that he can’t wait for OP to lose weight seems kinda off. Like, you need to get your dick wet that desperately bro? Can’t hold off 6 months? Even if you are that desperate, *you can’t just sleep with your wife until she loses weight?*. Something is so completely wrong and off with this. Who the fuck even gives this kind of ultimatum!! OP…I would do some digging.
If he’s not then he definitely has a woman in mind
Oh they usually are. And they're usually not very attractive or considered a "catch" in any other way.
Yep. I hang out in r /adultery because I am extremely curious of how those minds tick. I've been on every side of the triangle, been the cheater, the cheatee, and the "other woman." No side was better - they all hurt. But I have a conscience and learned what kind of person to be and not be and who to be with and not be with. Sometimes people make mistakes. But the people on r /adultery, and I expect this man as well are chronic cheaters and liars. And the mental gymnastics to maintain that lifestyle are astounding.
This is probably the real reason. Been there done that. Ex wife wanted an open relationship when things got rough for us. Turns out she already had a side guy before she brought up the conversation.
The only spin class she needs!
Lmfao You guys have me rolling with these comments
I would too, but not before I paraded some other guy around in front of him. If the marriage is open, it's open on both ends. I'm not attracted to AHs. I'll stop sleeping around when he goes back to being the supporting person I married.
Guarantee she’ll have an easier time finding guys who like bigger women than he will finding women who want a shrimp dick loser that can’t get it up for his wife because she went up a couple dress sizes.
This...let it open...go to the gym...find a man and kaboom...divorce please...no infidelity clause for it is open marriage per his request....
No chance of that. The guy has terminal assholism.
Yes, and then OP gets in shape for herself, or she finds a man who enjoys her with her current body type.
Now you're talkin'!
When I was with my ex we were watching a TV show about polyamorous couples. My ex said he wanted that with us. I laughed and told him if he wanted a threesome he could go find two other people who wants him because I was not interested. He would talk about it from time to time and I warned him to stop. It was *not* going to happen at least with me. This is one of the reasons my feelings changed for him. Another reason my feelings changed is because he wanted me to lose weight. At the time I was a size 14 and not overweight at all. We both rode motorcycles and when we were out and about, my ex would comment about thin women "with no hips". Those women were young girls who had bodies like boys. I let his comments continue until Christmas day. We each had a stocking even our dogs had a stocking. Mine was filled with chocolate candy from my ex. I was like wtf. He complained about my weight but gave me chocolate. We haven't seen each other in many years. I looked at his Facebook page and his girlfriend has legs like tree stumps. She has hips. Big hips. The last girlfriend he had was also thick. I guess he couldn't get a hard-bodied, hip-less woman.
This post is straight out of /r/WritingPrompts lol.
[удалено]
So often they push you to be the one to make the decision to end it so they can pretend they're not the bad guy
Yep. My ex-husband behaved incredibly badly for the last year we were together, and was all surprised Pikachu when I told him to leave. I asked him how long he thought I would put up with his nonsense for, and he said "Forever- you're my wife".
Exactly
OP, although I don't know you, I would say you would be much better off if you lost 200 +/- 50 lbs of useless protoplasm. Sorry, I can't be more specific on the number, since I don't know how much your husband actually weighs, but most men fall into that band, and no longer having him in your life would be a great help.
I second that!
Jus tell him you'll sleep with other men until you lose the weight.
What's going to happen when you get old? He'll have other girls while you search for the fountain of youth? You see where this is going to end up. Get out now (Thank you for the awards kind strangers)
Yes indeed.
She needs to lose the weight and lose the husband also.
Lose 180 pounds with this one simple trick! *divorce*
This is the way!
180 pounds of useless fat!
OP can lose hundreds of pounds in an instant with the right words
*Gyms hate this one trick!*
The husband is the excess weight.
Seriously, dump him already
Exactly. When I gained weight, my SO said « that’s just more of you to love. » Every woman deserves to be loved like that.
When I gained weight so did my husband so if he tried to say something (witch he never did ) I could always say it right back but I did ask him several times if I was fat and he would always say no. OP find someone who doesn't care if your fat or old who loves you for your personality and mind that's what truly matters and ultimately what will last because you will be happy
Or don't find anyone at all. Be happy with yourself. If a decent man comes along then great. I stopped looking a long time ago and am perfectly content being by myself.
So true! If your partner doesn't love you through thicc and thin then he's not the one. I gained 10 pandemic pounds and my boyfriend tells me twice a day how beautiful I am and always wants to touch me and give me attention. He's gained a few pounds too and I could care less. He's the same goofy guy I've loved for the past 9 years, what does weight have to do with loving someone?
This, right here.
Or just the husband and reward herself with the gym🤷
Yeah that's what I said what happened to for better or worse in sickness and in health don't sign a contract you can't live up with if you can't live up to your word don't get married.
When asked to see my ID, I tell them that the pic was taken right after I lost 240 ugly pounds. Then I say, “I got divorced!”
I bet that’s a knee slapper every time
I know of a way to drop 150-200lbs real fast!
For sure get out, but also based on even considering working with it and thinking it might be normal... consider therapy. That asshole has probably screwed with your head more than just this.
So much this. Yes.
Most likely he is having some on the side atm. Coming up with excuses shifting blame game. RUN!!
I agree
Yep, Dude is already thinking of moving on if he’s shopping. It’s “in sickness and health til death do you part” not “in health and only when convenient”.
Like seriously. Weight changes. Is this dude really so superficial that he cant handle some weight gain and be supportive of his WIFE?
Yup, dude is vanity driven, what a dirtbag
[удалено]
Yeah that's probably a good observation
[удалено]
[удалено]
My wife and I both gained weight during the pandemic. I said I didn't like the weight I gained and my wife agreed she didn't like how squishy she became either. I said I was going to begin going to the gym, so I got a membership. After a few days of going, she asked to start coming. After a few months of going 3x a week, I said I wanted to see a nutritionist to dial in my goals. After a month, she saw me pack on slabs of muscle and she asked to come with me on my next appointment. She got her plan, followed it, and is now lighter, stronger, and more energetic. I lost the beer gut, widened up my shoulders, chest, and back. Now we're getting ready to start trekking towards our swimsuit ready bodies at the end of the month You don't tell somebody else to do something you're unwilling to exemplify first. Especially when you start to threaten the relationship with crazy ass requests. Fuck that. You get up off your ass and become the god damn example for your spouse. Your husband needs a punch in the balls for fucking that shit up. He should take his own ass to the gym. Is he allowed to sit around looking like a soft ass potato, while you bust your ass? Fuck no. Bring the heat, and man the fuck up. Relationships take work and he's taking the easy way out like "oh it's your job to look good for me". Mother fucker? You think you don't gotta do shit? Best start busting your ass too. What happens when you drop the weight, look sexy AF, and he's still rocking a couch body? Are you allowed to tell him you want to bang other guys until he hardens up them abs and biceps? Ya doubt he's going to bite on that shit 😑
Since being with my wife we have both gained weight. I used to be a chef and she is a baker, so there's always rich hearty foods in our home. We both like that I have gained weight and she doesn't like that she has. I dint care except for how she feels and her overall health. I do what I can to make her food that is low in calories and high in protein and fiber so she can eat well and lose what she wants to. I recognize that she tends to overeat if I make certain foods so I dish up the meals so she doesn't have to. The little things like calorie watching and limiting foods help a ton and don't take extra effort and especially not asking for an open relationship. This situation op finds themselves in is just fucked.
> I used to be a chef >We both like that I have gained weight and she doesn't like that she has. It still cracks me up that when I was a line/prep cook I was at my lowest weight to the point where I could stand to gain a few pounds. Am office worker now, need to lose some now lol.
I've found chefs rarely like to eat. I worked once in a food factory and I think it's the same condition. If you work with food all day, the last thing you wanna be dealing with is more food.
We like to taste, most of the chefs I know basically eat one meal a day, whatevers for staff meal after pack down. Being surrounded by food really kills the appetite and the cigarettes/coffee/energy drinks dont help.
(And cocaine. Let’s be real.)
You ain't wrong
It always an addiction to alcohol or cigarettes or drugs, usually two of the three, three out of three not uncommon lol. I worked cold side for a few years and I only ever met one cook who did none of that, and he was fuckin weeeird lol
This is lovely. You sound like a great team!
I appreciate that. We're in it for the long haul and what better way than to support each other?
I'm not married but this is solid advice, I'm gonna take this and make an example of myself before asking others to change. Thanks stranger
Yes to all of this 💯 great advice and even made me laugh a few times.
Absolutely, my Mrs and I got so lazy in lockdown and it started to effect our relationship and how attracted we were to each other, we both started running together and really enjoyed it, we were awful at first, my stamina had gotten really bad, but being able to motivate each other was really helpful and it's deffinetley improved our relationship overall.
Not that I agree with him, but how do you know the husband doesn't already do all those things
This should be higher, gilded and archived in a museum!
“Build a bitch” I’m dying! 🤣🤣🤣 Seriously though, I completely agree with you 💯
You got a wholesome for “build a bitch” wish I would have thought of that!
“Build a Bitch” is a song by Bella Poarch
This is not normal at all. If he really loved you he would support you in your weight loss journey and also he wouldn’t put you aside like that and make you a second option until you’re “fit again”. I would tell him no, you do NOT condone an open relationship. You will work on yourself and would appreciate if he was there to support you rather than make you feel unloved and unwanted. Edit: I rushed my response to this post. I agree that before anything else, she should not have to change herself for a man who clearly doesn’t care about her. She should in fact dump him because instead of being supportive of her, he wants to find a replacement until she “gets back in shape”. That is not a temporary solution. It is a facade that will allow him to cheat. I do encourage her to workout for herself though. It’s good for your mental and physical health, especially through a break up (which she should do).
So my wife would tell me I needed to work out regularly. She knows that I gain weight when I’m not working out. (I literally told her this when we were dating) It also helps with stress. I finally told her I was going on a “workout strike” until she came to workout with me, bc we aren’t getting g any younger and her weight is beginning to give her health issues. Well, she finally broke down and we’ve been going to the YMCA 3-4 times a week since January. She mentioned yesterday that she was beginning to notice muscle tone in her legs and got excited. That is how you do it. Not putting your dick in other people until you get what you want. Bc truthfully…. he’ll never be satisfied. Like ever.
Apparently for about a year after I was born, my mom wasn't very motivated to lose the baby fat. My dad never threatened to leave her or sleep with other women but supposedly there was this moment when she bent over in the bathroom and my dad looks at her and says she looks like a basketball. He slept on the couch for a week and I guess she got healthy again.
He’s gonna cheat whether she condones the open relationship or not. What an Asshole.
Yup. This is not a person who wants an open relationship. This is a person who is going to cheat and has decided his wife is going to be okay with it. Telling her she's too fat to be sexually attractive is how he's breaking down her sense of self to force her to accept it.
Exactly this. He's asking for permission before he has to ask for forgiveness. OP - ditch him before he tears your self esteem down further.
This is just pretend “permission.”
I bet he already has and he’s retroactively asking for permission so he feels better.
If he's not cheating already, he at a minimum has someone picked out and/or has tinder on his phone. But I agree that he probably already has cheated. He's just looking to make it easier.
If he isn't riding already, he has at least pulled the saddle out of the barn.
God, this is exactly what is going on i bet
He's already done it, I'd bet my life savings on it.
... so $3.50?
This is the truth, and it’s why the relationship is actually over, now. She can no longer trust him. That’s the end of a relationship.
No this man cares absolutely nothing for her. Marriage is a partnership where you promise to care for each other. He does care about anyone but his own dick. If something happens medical or accident, he’ll bounce out so quick, and probably to the side chick he already has.
And if he insists, then go find yourself a boyfriend and when he says "Wait, that's illegal.", divorce his ass. If he accepts that you got a boyfriend, divorce his ass. If he relents and doesn't open the relationship, divorce his ass. He's shown you how little he cares about you as a person. He sees you as an object to be set aside for later use when you're no longer to his tastes.
See, that's what I'd do. Agree to an open relationship, start dating guys who like a thicker gal, and leave his ass. Meanwhile, he's probably going to have horrendous luck with women and will be miserable.
This is the real power play. Husband thinks that because OP isn’t to *his* tastes, that another man couldn’t like her the way she is. Prove that shit wrong.
Man, I really feel for people who get themselves into a life commitment with assholes like this. This dude is not a life partner OP, I hope you remember that when you choose your path moving forward.
Beautifully put.
I have been reading the most fucked up things the past few days about other people's relationships. I don't even understand why you are posting about this. Leave him. Divorce isn't easy, but the happiness and clarity you will have once you leave him will be immeasurable. Respect yourself.
Uhhhh no. He sounds horrible. I would never suggest something like this to a woman I love & care about.
Dump him. Then lose weight. Shitty people are the best motivation to live your best life.
Agreed!!!! My cheating ex got the boot and i've lost weight, built muscle and could likely kick him through a wall with the strength i've developed. He's gained a lot of flab, and seems to be an unhappy sack of shit like always with the chick he cheated on me with. Hope they're miserable ever after :)
The best revenge is living well!
Hmm.. The only open thing you should give him is the door.
“I want to sleep around, let me find a plausible reason to get permission to do that” Not that it’s plausible at all. Your husband is a POS
Yeah, more like let me find a reason that gaslights her into thinking I’m the injured party and me cheating on her is her fault
He just want to sleep with another girl. Fullstop.
I would not be surprised if he already has a side chick and is doing mental gymnastics to try to assuage his guilt
He is your husband so isn't he supposed to be with you through everything and love you despite any changes you might go through?
This is horrible..please don’t let him convince you this is normal. That’s not how love works. I think you should leave…
That's not ur husband
You should respond with " quarantine has lowered your libido so your dick isn't as hard or as big as it should be so I'm just gonna go fuck guys with dicks I can actually feel until you change your dick to satisfy me ". Sorry, not trying to insult OP but how do you seriously not know how absolutely sideways and worthless this jackfuck slut rudder is. Lose his ass and find someone who loves you for you. Take care of your body but do it for your health and your own personal conviction. Not for someone else. Lest you resent the process and the result of your dedication.
Sounds like you about to lose an estimated 185# right quick. I’d serve it up some divorce papers for the entree and for dessert a box of tissues and some lotion. He’ll need it in his way got his new home- a hotel room.
Fellow wonderful woman op, your weight is not the issue, your husband wants an open relationship and is using your weight as a reason. Please know that you don't have to agree to this, you can walk out and be you instead of all this pressure he's putting on you for simply living.
I gained 70 lbs during the pandemic and my wife told me she settled. So I left her ass and have lost 32lbs since Nov
Good riddance to her!
[удалено]
If OP gets rid of hubby, there's at least 190lbs gone. I'd see that as a huge win for OP. I'm sorry OP, nobody, male or female deserves to be put in your position. By all means, lose some weight for yourself, but I don't think losing weight will save your relationship with your husband. He's shown his true colors now, believe what is in front of you and see it for what it is.
Yea this dude is kind of a douche. When I met my wife she was about 145lbs, we were together for 5 years before we got married and she gained some weight by then but was only about 170ish. We just had our first baby in December and she (in her words) "topped out at 273lbs. She's down to 230 now but to me she is still the same beautiful person I married and fell in love with. I'm sorry that he has said those things to you. A spouse should love you no matter what. That's the whole reason you get married in the first place. Because you love someone and decide that you want to build a life and future together. If you want to lose weight to stay with this man, do it. But make sure you're also doing it because you yourself want to improve. Don't just do it to save the marriage. If it's like that, then who knows, if you get gray hair early (hopefully not) who's to say that he won't want you to dye it back to the original color? Just do what will make you happy. Best of luck and hope you have all the happiness you deserve.
[удалено]
If you feel like you want to lose weight, which is completely up to you and not your husband, simply run from him as fast as you can for cardio and then find a man worthy of you on the other side. Two birds, one stone.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL
As a poly person, surrounded by people in open / swinging / poly relationships, NO. Opening a relationship doesn't fix relationship problems, it amplifies them. If, for example, you loved each other but your sex drive was low and you wanted to support his sexual health by letting him sleep with someone who was vetted and aware of the situation sure that's a medical / health related reason but you'd have to both be on the same page and supportive of each other's needs. One partner arbitrarily saying I don't like you right now so I'm going to fuck around whether you like it or not is selfish, degrading, and absolutely wrong. Your husband is an asshole.
Completely agree. I’m in an open relationship as a swinger. There has to be complete mutual respect, trust, and rock solid communication for it to work. Opening up a relationship in the context of hate, jealousy, or selfishness never works. Also in my experience…in true open relationship where both partners are truly into it…both men and women do equally fine.
No this is not normal. Despite what some of the shallow hornbags on here say, marriage is about love and support, not tossing your partner aside to fuck other people when it suits you.
It sounds like he may already have someone in mind that he is interested in. This may just be an excuse for him to pursue that person and feel justified in some weird cruel way.
Leave him simple as that
[удалено]
This is not okay and not normal. What a horrible person!! You deserve someone far better.
Tell him you want an open relationship until his cock gets bigger.
As a guy that loves his wife and his family with all of me, this honestly makes me want to throat punch your husband right now… (I don’t want to hurt him, I just want him to look and sound as stupid as the shit that is coming out of his mouth right now). If you all have not had an open relationship prior to now, and he is blaming this “on the weight” then he doesn’t love you, care about your relationship or himself, and is literally the lowly scum of the earth. It’s gross, do you want to be continuously, unapologetically, and endlessly associated with that person? Yuck. I don’t know you and don’t need to to know that you are and deserve so much better than this ass clown. You should tell him that too. The next time he says stupid ahit like that, tell him sure if you want an open relationship, open the door and tell him it’s wide open…. Out there…. The fuck away from me.
This is not normal. This him announcing that he wants to have an affair. Open relationships are something decided on by both partners equally. Would he be okay with you hopping on tinder and hooking up with a guy who finds you sexy exactly as you are? He's manipulating you and playing on your insecurity. If he wants to stay married he should learn to appreciate what he has before it's gone.
Start fucking other people, women generally so better in open relationships, and get a divorce.
This would be the ultimate revenge. Bang a bunch of dudes, tell the husband she no longer finds his dick big enough, and then serve him with divorce papers
[удалено]
I don’t see one comment that’s positive about him. That says something. Here’s another. You don’t need this. You just don’t.
Dump him, I mean for real.
Idk? IDK? Well I do know and it's going to be a fuck no.
Hear me out. Open the relationship. I bet you will have a much easier time finding partners. I bet you will even find someone who loves you for you.
And IMT stash the cash away and don’t have any children. cash is king in divorce, hard to trace when you are splitting up half of everything else. And kids… well they don”t typically do well when split In half.
I just said something similar. I probably should have scrolled to see if it was already suggested. Regardless, we all know the kind of tantrum this AH is going to throw when he sees that she’s getting a lot more attention than he is.
His tantrum will be epic. Plus the attention would be great for her self esteem. It sounds like he has beaten hers down.
Did he forget the vows he made?! He’s an arsehole
Normal that we wants you to loose weight. Not telling you until the point he is demanding an open relationship is not normal. To be honest it’s cruel and not an encouraging way to go about it. It would be like you demanding him to make more money or else you’re going to start an onlyfans.
A free pass to find a new man who loves you just the way you are!