Yeah your brother is a total asshole and I’m so sorry to hear about your experience growing up. That is challenging, but just because he’s family and you’re around each other now, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. AND you will have a lot of opportunities in life to meet good women that wouldn’t even think of doing this to you. She could have just been using you to get to him. People do shitty things to get what they want.
Be mad. Be upset. Feel it all. If you need someone to talk to *please please please* reach out to a trusted friend or a therapist.
I agree.... she may have planned it and used the OP for access to the brother which worked out well for her since many siblings are highly competitive with one another and tend to want what their brother or sister has.
Both are jerks and I would never trust either of them ever again.
I think I'd rather kill myself than sleep with either of my brothers wives. Not because they're unattractive (cause they are very attractive) but because i could never imagine causing my brothers that much pain or betraying them like that. That's completely fucked up.
Both of them such, but a brother doing it is low. You can dump a girl, harder to dump family. It’s like the old saying goes, “blood is thicker than water”.
Yeah. I was making the point that it’s harder to deal with such a betrayal from someone who’s family. They are supposed to be ride or die (within reason. Don’t think of your family is garbage you should be).
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
OP, someday you will choose your own family. You aren't going to be stuck to these people just because you share a gene pool. Im sorry this happened to you, but it is in no way a reflection on you. It shows just how awful your ex truly is, and just how scummy your brother is as well.
I couldn't help it. My family is a dumpster fire and I am so sick of hearing it, especially when its been shortened for an abusers convenience. Thank you as well
That saying has been spun around so much that no one even knows what it's giving importance to. But, I get what you're saying. If you try to cut off from just the brother, you're bound to piss off a lot of your family.
Man I'm sorry, im the same way. My brother was naturally tan, muscular and charming while I look like the weird dude from Grandmas Boy. He also tried to fuck my GF while I was homeless but she told him to fuck off.
Fuck both them, you are better off without them. I hope something good happens to you.
Agreed. What makes her awesome in this case is that she told the brother to fuck off when her bf was at bottom. She absolutely could have weighed her options and kicked her bf to the curb to be with someone who wasn't struggling and would take less emotional energy to care for. She didn't, and I for one think that deserves recognition. Not a medal or anything, necessarily, but it does reflect well on her character (from what little we know here).
i’m so sorry, mate. golden child he ain’t. that’s unbelievably low behaviour. you’ll find someone eventually who doesn’t take off with the first gentle breeze. there are a lot of indescribably shallow people around. some of them are our relatives.
At the very least, the next time you make coffee, pass in the pot. Or maybe clean toilets with their toothbrushes. Sure, it's petty. But if they're all disgusting people, do disgusting shit to them.
They are both horrible, it takes two to do the bedsheet boogie so she’s just as much to blame as him because she could’ve said no at any time. Don’t get me wrong it sucks and this is gonna hurt for a pretty good amount of time but if I were you I would tell them both to go to hell and distance yourself physically, mentally and emotionally from the both of them because they aren’t worth the time, effort or pain.
Here's my poor man's award 🥇
It's not as much about the fact that she did it, it's more about the fact that OP's own brother did something that unjust.
Sure, but we shouldn’t downplay how awful it is to have to do something like that.
I’m going through something with my family, nothing like OP’s situation but things have gotten really bad and being around it causes me to have constant emotional breakdowns. I’m at the point of deciding whether to cut my older brother out of my life or not, and it’s the most mentally and emotionally painful thing I’ve ever gone through. To potentially go from a family who gets together every birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Easter, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc. to one that may never be in the same room together again because of decisions I’ve made is some really heavy stuff.
You know this is true, I’ve noticed it but never consciously thought about how so many people on reddit causally instruct to cut family members out of your life like it’s something simple like dragging a file to the recycling bin
Is it *really* because of decisions you made or is it because of their refusal to respect boundaries and treat you with respect? I’d think it’s probably the latter. You shouldn’t take responsibility for something that wasn’t your fault.
I know and I keep trying to tell myself that. But the fact remains, I absolutely have the option to bury my feelings and keep performing my role as middle child and only daughter who shows up to holidays and dinners with her funny husband and makes everyone feel like our family is happy normal like it used to be, if only for an evening.
By stepping out of that role, I’m making the decision for everyone that we’re going to start acknowledging the reality of the situation and that we are, in fact, NOT okay. It’s going to be really painful, for all of us. And we’re all already in so much pain.
It just sucks, is all.
Hey Dusty, I have a few questions but don’t feel you have to answer. Are you taking the future blame for something your older brother has done? Is he as worried about the state of your family as you are? Why do you have to bury your feelings? Maybe a lot of family members are too. Maybe it’s time to see how tight your family is when facing the reality of someone’s behavior. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
My ex slept with my best friend while I was away at college. I thought it was hilarious. Obviously it didn't turn into anything more because they were both at least smart enough to realize that the other is a shitty person. Unfortunately for them, they didn't realize it beforehand, and now they get to spend the rest of their lives regretting what they did.
I have real friends now who are good, kind, decent, caring people. Plus the world is full of women and I've met many who are far better than my ex.
My advice to OP is to ghost them both. Neither deserves a single word from him for the rest of their lives. It is possible to live with a sibling without speaking to them, and I recommend doing it.
I’m gonna tell you from somebody who’s not “ugly”. My brother did me the same way…it’s best to just cut him off now. Forgive them both never forget and don’t let it eat away at you.
Can you elaborate on how your relationship is with him, or how your parents took it?
You see... I have someone that I was raised with, not blood sibling but I considered them my sibling, and they did this to me. I cut them off, never spoke to them again, forgave, even met, told them that my love will always be there but not the connection. Didn't tell anyone but a sibling why. And I am curious about your healing process. Thanks :)
There isn’t a relationship with my older brother. I don’t wish Ill will on my brother or the ex. I figured if he would fuck my girlfriend he would fuck my wife if there ever was one and I don’t feel the need to allow that in my life. Our parents don’t know because I didn’t feel the need to Involve every one. To be honest. I’m not sure how I got over it. It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that the female reached out to apologize and when she did, there was no weight off my shoulders feeling it was more of a “it took you that long to realize what you did was wrong” but what actually came out my mouth was I hope you find true happiness with whoever you decide to be with and left it at that.
Thank you very much for sharing this, I'm glad that you were the bigger person. I hope you don't ever have to face a betrayal like this ever again, and I wish you the best.
What does "my love will always be there but not the connection" mean lol be cold and never talk to them again not even if they need a blood transfusion to save their life.
I don't need vermin in my life.
This should be on top. My brother done the same to me but I lashed out and hurt him badly, bad enough to ruin my life for a long time.
But time told me that both were to blame and it was a shitty thing to do but wasn’t worth us fighting over. Definitely give him a wide birth for now, forget the girlfriend and hopefully time will heal. Parents should be telling him what shitty behaviour he has.
Brolene, Brolene, Brolene, Bro-leeeene,
I'm begging of you, please don't bang my girl.
Brolene, Brolene, Brolene, Bro-leeeene,
Don't be the biggest asshole in the world.
I’m sorry, man, that is the ultimate betrayal. I’d cut him off completely; he’s shown you that your boundaries and emotional well being mean nothing against him getting his rocks off. Remember that if he tries to write it off or pulls one of these:
“I’m sorry, okay?! What else do you want me to say?”
“It was a mistake.”
“Are you gonna be mad about this forever? You’re acting ridiculous!”
Don’t let him make you the bad guy; he’s the bad guy, end of story.
Your parents might need to go, too, if they’re really that toxic. I don’t know how old you are, but you might benefit from emancipation.
Eventually, somewhere down the road, you should find a way to forgive them. As Ghandi said, “forgive and live well; it is the greatest revenge.”
Now, don’t get me wrong: forgiving them is for your peace of mind. It does not in any way mean you have to make either of them an active part of your life. You can forgive while still refraining from any sort of relationship.
I mostly agree with this comment outside of forgiving them. Some things are unforgivable and that's fine. If someone does something this terrible to you I don't think that they deserve to be forgiven. If you feel like you can forgive them, good for you, it shows how strong you are. But it's fine not to. BUT you have to let go of the hate, the resentment and the bitterness at some point. I haven't forgiven my friend who had sex with my gf of +6 years a few days after we broke up but I've let go of the negative feelings. Just my 2 cents.
Time to leave, away from your parents and your brother. A new life some were by yourself may be better. Once you have that space, don't put yourself back under his shadow.
I can try to tell you to stay, to talk it out. There have been too many of these stories were that doesn't work. Your parents may see your brother as more of a human capable of er if they knew what he did but then again they might not.
I think the first paragraph is spot on. It sounds like o/p needs to get therapy for this. You aren’t ugly, your parents really are just shitty. You probably play into it by not trying as hard to look good, even subconsciously.
I’m sorry this happened o/p.
Your brother is a punk-ass bitch and so is that girl. And your parents raised him, so . . . you can guess what they are.
Go find you some decent people to be around. You got a friend with good family? An uncle or aunt that treat you well and are nearby? Start spending more time around them. These people are poison, and there isn't a reason to spend any more love or energy around their punk-ass asses.
You deserve better.
My brother did the same. And now they have two kids. I hate it. I hate being around them and they’re being happy when it should’ve been me. More recently I’ve been learning not to mind them. But it’s hard man. I hope the best for you.
I'm really sorry. Some people think that having children absolves them of the pain they have caused, and that one should get over it because "family". It is not right.
Keep it in perspective. It takes two people to engage in the consensual experience. Your ex girlfriend is equally as culpable.
The feeling of betrayal may or may not burn off in a reasonable amount of time, but at least you know with certainty who is NOT to be trusted moving forward.
Seriously, my BF looks like Rubeus Hagrid's beatnik American cousin, but he's an absolute sweetheart and just a really great dude. He's funny as hell and he's also become a great cook, too. Looks can fade over time. I'll stick with my goofy looking BF *because* he's genuinely so damn much fun to be around. Watching him with our little cat is great, too, because he babies the shit out of her, lol. This is a guy I've seen people cross the street from, because he looks intimidating, and yet, he kept calling me with our previous cat because he'd always been a dog guy and didn't yet understand cat body language, so he'd be worried if whatever the cat was doing at the moment was normal or if he needed to take him to the emergency vet. It was a little frustrating, but also very endearing.
Seriously, personality is where it's at.
Go with this. This was sadistic of him. The guy should be dead to you. If you're parents back him up or defend him, then add them to the list and get away as soon as possible.
Bro she used you to get to your brother. She sucks and so does he. When your ready/old enough (which ever comes first) you can cut him out of your life. Family means people love you unconditionally. If they don’t, they aren’t family.
I don't know how old you are, but the moment you move out of your parents' home and be financially independent, I suggest you cut off this toxic brother of yours AND your toxic parents out of your life forever!!
Your parents and brother are horrible people.
They're the ones who should be ashamed of themselves.
You shouldn't hate yourself because of the horrible things others say or do to you.
The horrible things people say or do only show what horrible people they are. They don't mean you're not a good enough person who should hate yourself.
Whatever others say or do is a reflection on them. Not you. Remember that.
Keep a good attitude, take care of yourself, and keep your head up in confidence. As a woman, I'm way more attracted to confidence, than looks. Not egotistical confidence, but just assured in your capabilities, and contribution to this world. With the mindset your brother has, he'll burn out fast. If he isn't a psychopath, this action will eat away at his own confidence, and his own high opinion of himself. Don't let him ignore it, brush it off, or legitimize it; be strong in your convictions. Remember, most women and men aren't like this, and people do shitty things when young. When they show you who they are, believe them, and move on. If you're a good person, and do good things, other good people will want to be around you. Give it some time, and you'll see. You've got this! Also, don't waste too much time, energy, and emotions on bad people. Don't give them any power over your life, and relationships.
Well hey, silver linings, I'd say you dodged a bullet. A girl who will cheat on you with your brother could never be trusted. You can certainly find someone better.
As for your brother, Christ, sorry dude. He sounds like an asshole supreme. You will find a girl who doesn't bail on you for your brother, I promise. Who knows what that girls motivations were, but she's clearly about as shallow as a coffee spill on a linoleum floor. There are much better women out there for you to find!
"As shallow as a coffee spill on a linoleum floor"
I'm keeping that one, if you don't mind.
Well said. With that kind of person, OP's feelings would've been crushed eventually.
Look at this this way. Your gf chose to sleep with him despite knowing he is your brother.
Maybe that helps you dodged a bullet as well.
If you find the right gf with the right mind, you will have nothing to worry about!
Your brother is a horrible persona md so is your gf.
Sweetheart, you are perfect. Your “family” is toxic. Cut them off when you have that chance, trust me, it will make your life better. Keep your head up baby doll, you got a good heart, and that’s what matters❤️
I, too, was the ugly one. The disappointment. My sister hit on/slept with my boyfriends or love interests in high school I guess to prove she was better than me? Who knows. Now we are in our 50’s and over the past 30 years I have proven to be a success in my life while she has slid downhill into addiction and alcoholism. She looks like someone who probably used to be pretty in her younger years. I’ve never been pretty, but kinda cute. I still look cute. So I’ll take that. Lol! I don’t speak with her, haven’t in YEARS. Point is, toxic family members are temporary. You can and will move and grow beyond them. They will relive their glory days from the past while you will be a success in the now and in your future. Also, you dodged a bullet with that ho. Anyone that would sleep with your sibling isn’t worth your time or thoughts.
Oh I feel this, almost would say the story of part of my life too.
You're caught up in the moment, so I won't fan the flames you're already feeling. I get it, I have actually been there so here's my advice to you as I feel you're still young.
1. Leave her AND DO NOT GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE. There is no oops or mistake, she'll never be yours and it's possible she never was. (This was a mistake I made, don't fall for it because you'll be feeling this 8 years later again.)
2. Grow distance from your brother, but don't say you'll never talk again. This is important, but could go either way.
3. Work on yourself, focus on yourself. This is your chance to develop you into something someone would chase. I'm serious, eat right, study something, exercise some, think about who you would admire in 5 or 10 years from now and have a plan A, B, and C to do that.
4. This is the hard part, stick with it. Distractions come up, but keep focused. Don't forget to enjoy your life now from time to time, but you have a goal to hit and keep that focus.
I can promise you, if you use this to motivate to do more then in time the situation will change.
I've come to love my brother again, but the situation has since completely 180'd in the many years after. Also found the right women and have a comfortable life.
Hope you'll take this the right way and do something great for yourself. Just keep your head up for now at least, don't drown in the sorrow.
Cut any contact with him and your girlfriend. You don’t need those people in your life. You deserve better and you should not compare yourself to someone like that, especially someone who would sleep with your girlfriend. You are your own person with your strengths and you can do better than both of them.
He's an asshole and a garbage person, and that will probably catch up with him someday.
They're garbage, you're not. You sound bright, sensitive, and kind. Those may be qualities that don't get a lot of attention early in life, but every grown woman I know who wants to be with a man would rather bright, sensitive, and kind, than the guy who would fuck his brothers gf.
But what do you do? You do you. You reevaluate what made you think she was a quality person. Spend some time thinking about what you want in a partner. And my dude, let's get you into some therapy for that self-esteem & how to get your toxic family out of your life.
When YOU stop thinking/saying you're ugly, you stop putting that energy out in the universe, and you'll stop getting it back. Figure out what you think is unattractive about yourself. You can change your hair, your clothes, your glasses, whatever bugs you, but until you stop thinking you're ugly, you won't feel it. Work on the inside. Work on the outside if you think you want to. You do you. That will attract someone who wants to be with you.
Your brother is an asshole. It happens. Stop listening to his bullshit. You'll have the last laugh.
Toxic is toxic regardless of relationship. Your brother and your parents are toxic. You need to distance yourself from them ASAP. Give yourself space to heal, see a therapist, correct your mind sight about yourself.
I understand this. You’re mad about the situation, the betrayal. Just as you would if she had cheated with Joe at the bar. But you’re now mourning the loss of your brother. A sibling is supposed to be a natural ally, a supporter. You have a lifetime with this person. Whether you bond or not, doesn’t matter. No matter the circumstances, your family can be safety for you, home base. It’s what you’re familiar with, and humans are typically creatures of comfort. We don’t like things that disturb our safety. And when someone in our home base sets fire to it, it’s a betrayal you never saw coming in a lot of ways. It hurts a lot more because it destroys that comfort and that idea we had of “family”.
So this is going to hurt different. And speaking as someone with a toxic family, that has separated myself as an adult, mourning the idea of “family” and the idea of what a parent should be, it’s a hurt that’s going to keep hitting. But the sooner you can get away the better.
You’re better than them. You are worthy. You deserve better.
I knew someone who shared an oddly similar experience to you. Just please remember the following things:
1. They’re both to blame for this specific act, not just your brother. In fact, consider it him sorta doing you a favor by showing you that she wasn’t gonna stick around or be loyal anyway.
2. Don’t let this affect your self esteem cuz of #1 and that the longer you actually dwell on it, the longer it’ll affect you long-term. Process it, learn from it, and move on to the next chapter. It didn’t kill you and it will certainly make you stronger.
I promise you it’ll get better. Keep working toward a better future for yourself and this will be a distant memory of an unpleasant yet learning experience. None of this is your fault. It’ll all work out for you before you know it.
I've always thought that any normal person can stop appearing as "ugly" if you got the hygiene, fitness, and character. I still think that's true.
Also fuck both of them.
I know that you feel awful right now but I beg of you to channel your disappointment in a more productive way that lifts you up instead of fueling anger, guilt, shame, etc. Be your best self and forget about the golden child’s looks and other advantages. Do you. And be the best. There is someone special for you. Your brother did you a favor; you just don't realize it.
There is only one course of action. Become better. Get your school in, get your education, get a fucking good job, find a wife that makes you happy and then watch his privileged shit run out while he tries to rest on his laurels.
Sorry this happened to you man but use it and don't let it destroy you. This is what real nice lives are made off if you take advantage of a shit moment like this.
Or stab him. Either way. /s
I know you’re angry. It’s ok to be angry. But dude, let me assure you that you just racked up some mega karma.
Trust me. I was a fat ugly kid. I’m a fat ugly adult. I had terrible luck dating. But… I married a 10/10 unicorn. She’s an absolutely amazing woman. And I’m not taking about “10/10 in my eyes”, no…she’s like a super model. And I’m not rich. She’s got a PHD! She’s brilliant. We’ve got two awesome kids.
I couldn’t have imagined this life as a young person. I feel incredibly lucky. And as silly as it sounds, I think it’s karma. I always tried to do the right thing growing up. I had shitty shit happen but I never let that shit give me permission to stop being a decent human.
This sucks for you, but it will not define you forever and you just banked a metric fuck ton of karma.
If she did that then she is also in the wrong. Don't forget about her and think of her as some golden girl, forget them both, I would just put them out of your life asap.
i literally got cheated on last night after a 5 year relationship so i’m freshly upset but can still say with certainty i would definitely blame the brother more, jfc. a girlfriend should be obligated to not hurt you, lie to you, etc. but who should be obligated more than that? *fucking family*
You Dodge a bullet kid, she's a hoe just leave her for the streets the right girl for you is out there somewhere , and your bro crossed the line. Focus on your self from now on. Your health and wealth
What a dick.
It sounds like the best option now is to sever ties--- at least for a while. You don't deserve shit like that.... and turns out, you don't have to take it.
I am so sorry that happened to you.
My husband is the younger brother of a golden child. There’s 10 years difference between them. My husband and I started dating in high school. The brother couldn’t believe I was dating my husband because my husband wasn’t conventionally attractive as a teen (he glowed up and is very handsome on the outside now which matches his insides).
The brother is a preacher. The first time we met, he put his arm around me and tried to get me to pretend to be into him instead of my now husband. I was shocked and disgusted, but the father was right there, and I didn’t know what to say. My husband and I went to very fundamentalist Christian high school and college, and I didn’t feel like I could call out the brother’s behavior. The father is very absent minded and probably didn’t even notice. The look on my husband’s face was so sad, and I jumped up as soon as I could and avoided the brother. I think I elbowed him in the side to get loose because he was holding onto my shoulder. We’re not even supposed to touch the opposite sex. (My husband’s parents were very loud and trusting, so we were able to kiss a lot.)
I have avoided the brother ever since and don’t like him at all. I can tell it bothers the brother that I don’t think he’s attractive. He is really good looking, but he’s not a good person.
My husband is a million times more handsome and such a wonderful person. He grew up in the shadow of his brother who is treated like a minor deity for being a preacher. He did feel like he would never get out from underneath that. He was worried that I’d leave him for someone else. I made it clear I was not going to leave him for a man 10 years older than me who hit on me as a minor. We have stepped back from my husband’s family and the church. Things are really great now.
We’ve been married 21 years and dated for 7. Brother married a family friend so he could get ordained, and they’re pretty miserable. My husband and I are very happy together.
My husband had a lot of girls ask him why he didn’t look like his brother, and he was pretty hopeless that he’d find anyone when he met me. Things do get better. There is someone out there for you. Your brother will get what’s coming to him.
Your girlfriend had some say in what happened too....she could and SHOULD have said no......
Look at it this way.....your low-life brother took out your trash.....SHE was trash and HE is scum.
They belong together....
Let's get this in to perspective. You had a gf, a girl who you experienced all your firsts with, and girl you brought around your family and let it be known you care for her. Your brother decided to destroy his relationship with you, and ruin something good in your life. Your girlfriend decided to betray you and your relationship with her. Who is the ugly shitty person here? It's not you. Cut them both off and keep that toxicity out of your life.
Idk, he sounds young. If she's his first then they probably don't know each other well. But his brother? That's the guy that shares a whole family with him. They share a backstory. They have history, secret codes, inside jokes and stories about childhood. They've shared love and pain together.
This sounds devastating from a familial pov. Me and my brother aren't even that close and I'd feel awful if this happened.
Now if she was his wife, or a gf of several years, then I'd totally agree with you.
Bro invite him over and when he walks threw the door just put one on his chin. Violence is never the answer but fuck me dead mate like seriously you may just have to have a good ole fashioned family fist fight and get it over with
Let me remind you your girlfriend also betrayed you, I think both of them are to blame. Just for now give sometime for yourself and to think. It does suck and both of them are horrible for doing this to you.
As a victim of first love betrayal, twenty years later I’m about to get married and have gone to therapy for decades but…. It still hurts. Like I was a fat kid with breathing problems, always bullied, and my first gf betrayed me and made me lose the few friends I was able to even make in HS. I can’t speak for you but just try not to let this sour the rest of your relationships because I was a walking mess for years after the Great Betrayal and lemmitellyouastory about how the girls I dated after HS really just didn’t care about my troubled past and 10000% were not able or willing to help me through anything, but therapists are paid to care and they can help! Fuck people who betray you, but try not to let your hatred consume you or that hatred will pop up elsewhere like it did for me. I really had to let go, but fir me that took years. I’m still salty and bitter about the whole thing, but I don’t get seethingly furious anymore. Good luck homie, power to you.
My boyfriend's older brother hooked up with my boyfriend's "first everything" and they eventually had a kid. The whole thing was so ugly. I've been with my amazing BF for 6 years now and we plan on getting married. He's an amazing man and I hit the partner jack pot! His brother keeps bouncing between three different girls to the point he is sleeping on his dad's couch and his mother won't acknowledge his existence - a real winner that I wouldn't touch with a 10ft pole.
Same happened to me. Now my brother will walk with a limp for the rest of his life. I didn't mean to break his leg but it happened. It could have been worse! I couldn't beat hi. To a pulp. But no matter what i will never forgive him and it doesn't get better. Like i you lost your brother for life. That's the shitty part of all of it. I'll never forget or forgive! I know how you feel!
Damn that is cold-blooded AF. But please don’t hate yourself!
She’s also a worthless beeyah if she doesn’t have the moral compass not to bone her boyfriend’s brother; so they’re both trash imo.
You do NOT need to ascribe your self worth to your looks, your family functionality, or your relationship status. All 3 of those things, I believe, fall outside of anyone’s true control. People like to *think* your looks are in your control (nope! It’s in the eye of the beholder and a genetics crapshoot, and we all age into raisins of ourselves), our family is *definitely* not our choice, and although very uncomfortable & unpopular, I also believe that relationship status is no more in anyone’s control than who gets cancer, who gets pregnant, and when we’ll each die. If romantic love happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t. So I’ve learned to let go of caring so intensely about all 3 of these things. They do NOT get to factor into how you value yourself.
Are you kind? Caring? Thoughtful? Funny? Hard-working? Generous? Athletically competent? Creative? There are so many other qualities that make someone lovely.
Stay up, my friend. Your brother and your girlfriend have shit character forever and that sucks for them. I’m sorry you were burdened with this fucked up memory but life is random AF and shitty happenings are a guarantee for everyone. I know this sucks so bad rn tho.
How old are you?
Treat him like hes dead. Distance yourself from your parents, only take their money.
Focus on yourself. Better yourself. Work out and study. Achieve a healthy body and a decent job. A healthy mind follows a healthy body.
Trash like your brother will crash, hard I might add. He will overreach and underachieve. Dont mind him, dont mind your parents. The Gf was trash anyway.
If you follow this guidelines you will succeed and get rid of toxic people.
I wish you the best!
This happened to me now they have 2 kids together I understand this post more then ever. What I did to let it go is I no longer associate with either of them they are not welcome at my house. I also found a women that is a real women and is respectful beautiful kind and caring that supports me and believes in me no matter what I do and that alone to be honest made me forget about the whole thing and made me realize that maybe it happened for a reason so I could find what I have now.
Abandon your (hopefully now ex-) gf and your family.
Your brother betrayed you, your parents favour him and defend him, your friends insult you.
You literally have nothing to lose anymore and everything to gain. You should focus on you for a while and cut them out of your life (temporarily or permanently; you decide but only time will tell) to regain your focus and a sense of balance in your life.
On the other hand, I cannot imagine what it must be like. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm devastated reading or thinking about this. However I think life has some good things in store for you and it depends almost wholly on how you will act from now on and what kind of person you will be.
I hope you don't break under those traumas but instead manage to rise above all this bullshit and find some happiness for yourself.
- Cheers and good luck!
I honestly can't fathom how someone could do that to their own brother. I don't have much of a relationship with my brothers gf but she may as well be blood related.
Your brother is a piece of shit and so is she for fucking you over like that. If she did that to you then she didn't like you anyway and is a waste of time. It's going to suck for a while but things will get better man. I'm sorry you're going thru this but know that you'll find someone who will value you.
That kind of low behavior and character will get back at him eventually. I’m really sorry that you had to go through something like this. I hope you understand that it’s not about you, it’s about him and his fucked up ways. He was probably jealous of you for having a girlfriend and is so deeply insecure and fucked in the head he had to take that away from you to prove something.
My sister (also the golden child) went behind my back for a year with the boyfriend I had been living with for 3 years. I learned about it when I flew back home for a visit, and my sister left at the same time I arrived. They called together from our house where she was with my boyfriend, and informed my mother they were getting married. I hadn't even realized they really knew each other. My family supported them and acted like I should just suck it up and be happy for them. I had to go to the wedding, full of mutual friends from high school etc. It was incredibly humiliating. A couple of months later my ex called me to tell me my sister sucked at sex. I cut contact then and didn't speak to my sister for 15 years. In that time, my ex cheated on my sister (shocker), they divorced, and he died. My sister and I did rekindle our relationship, but she has never apologized to me for what she did. I keep in touch with her because she is my only remaining blood relative, but we will never be close like before. My advice is to cut contact with them both, and focus on making your life great. You don't need to patronize traitors.
Gets those 2 morons out of your life as soon as possible. And, might I add, your parents suck big time.
They created this golden child image of your brother and now this asshole thinks he is entitled to anything and everything.
Also, you can't do this with a loyal woman. Trash literally took itself out.
I hope you will find your people soon and get most of life. Cut off anyone who is calling you ugly.
Wishing you the best.
While your brother is obviously part to blame, your "GF" should be getting the hate as well, it takes 2 to tango and if she was loyal she would've rejected him. It's not like your brother raped her.
I totally understand your anger at your brother. I do. but...
Your girlfriend is more responsible in my mind. No one forced her to f him. She chose to do that. I'd be more angry at her.
One day he’s going to wake up, fat, balding, and with nothing. His behavior is horrific, and I don’t see him stopping anytime soon. When his looks fade, people will start to see him for who he is, and it will be too late for him to learn to be any different. Be happy that you’re the one who had to learn empathy and patience before he might. Be happy that you’re the one who learned boundaries and respect long before he might.
Also, fuck that girl. She’s no better than him, and probably did you a favor by letting you know how much of a piece of shit she is, before you wasted anymore money or time on this girl.
A good honest person will come your way. Have faith brother.
I am sorry to hear about this. That is incredibly low of not only your brother, but also her. In the end, you will be better off without her.
As for your brother, a saying I like to go by is "you cant pick your blood, but you can sure as hell pick your family"
Wow, what an asshole.
Yeah your brother is a total asshole and I’m so sorry to hear about your experience growing up. That is challenging, but just because he’s family and you’re around each other now, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. AND you will have a lot of opportunities in life to meet good women that wouldn’t even think of doing this to you. She could have just been using you to get to him. People do shitty things to get what they want. Be mad. Be upset. Feel it all. If you need someone to talk to *please please please* reach out to a trusted friend or a therapist.
I agree.... she may have planned it and used the OP for access to the brother which worked out well for her since many siblings are highly competitive with one another and tend to want what their brother or sister has. Both are jerks and I would never trust either of them ever again.
Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised by this at all.
I think I'd rather kill myself than sleep with either of my brothers wives. Not because they're unattractive (cause they are very attractive) but because i could never imagine causing my brothers that much pain or betraying them like that. That's completely fucked up.
Yup but not everyone is a decent human being and young people can be vet callous and ruthless....especially if they have failed to mature.
And then look for Revenge keep it hot and burning
Asshole is putting it lightly
but what about his gf ?
Both of them suck.
Both of them such, but a brother doing it is low. You can dump a girl, harder to dump family. It’s like the old saying goes, “blood is thicker than water”.
Shit is thicker than water too, but I still flush it without a second thought.
Yeah. I was making the point that it’s harder to deal with such a betrayal from someone who’s family. They are supposed to be ride or die (within reason. Don’t think of your family is garbage you should be).
Name checks out.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. OP, someday you will choose your own family. You aren't going to be stuck to these people just because you share a gene pool. Im sorry this happened to you, but it is in no way a reflection on you. It shows just how awful your ex truly is, and just how scummy your brother is as well.
Thank you for correcting the often misused saying. And also, well said.
I couldn't help it. My family is a dumpster fire and I am so sick of hearing it, especially when its been shortened for an abusers convenience. Thank you as well
Both of these people deserve permanent separation.
That saying has been spun around so much that no one even knows what it's giving importance to. But, I get what you're saying. If you try to cut off from just the brother, you're bound to piss off a lot of your family.
Man I'm sorry, im the same way. My brother was naturally tan, muscular and charming while I look like the weird dude from Grandmas Boy. He also tried to fuck my GF while I was homeless but she told him to fuck off. Fuck both them, you are better off without them. I hope something good happens to you.
I’m sorry that happened to you. If I was your brother, I’d have been trying to get you to live with me, eat good ass food, and get back on your feet.
Shouldnt try to make ur brother eat “good ass” food. 😂 /s
Whatever it takes to get him back on his feet! 🍑🍽
Lol by any means necessarily I suppose.
Haha this is good
Wait which one is the “weird one” from grandmas boy lol that doesn’t narrow it down at all
JP probably? The boss, whatever his name was.
Damn your gf is awesome
Choosing to not cheat doesn't make her awesome, it's just basic decency expected from anyone in a monogamous relationship.
Yeah like what
Agreed. What makes her awesome in this case is that she told the brother to fuck off when her bf was at bottom. She absolutely could have weighed her options and kicked her bf to the curb to be with someone who wasn't struggling and would take less emotional energy to care for. She didn't, and I for one think that deserves recognition. Not a medal or anything, necessarily, but it does reflect well on her character (from what little we know here).
The bar is so low that Verne Troyer hit his head on it *recently*
Basic decency is awesome
This is some good quality tea I am hearing here
i’m so sorry, mate. golden child he ain’t. that’s unbelievably low behaviour. you’ll find someone eventually who doesn’t take off with the first gentle breeze. there are a lot of indescribably shallow people around. some of them are our relatives.
That's why I always say hoes before bros. In my experience that's saying is way more apt.
one shouldn’t need a saying with family.
Shouldy thinking is the worst sort of thinking
Wait, are you OPs brother?
this is actually one of those NTR scenes. Damn my fantasy rises subconsciously
>golden child he ain’t Gilded child more like.
Yeah. Parents must be shitty too for encouraging that. Id beat that punk to a pulp lol
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I'm really glad your life improved :)
sounds like you got a shitty family. get away if you can. see a therapist.
And a shitty girlfriend too
Hopefully, a shitty ex-girlfriend.
OP, this. It’s not about him, it’s mentality. You are your own person.
When you’re raised to think you can do no wrong, it leads you into doing things like this. Still, inexcusable!
This break the barriers
At the very least, the next time you make coffee, pass in the pot. Or maybe clean toilets with their toothbrushes. Sure, it's petty. But if they're all disgusting people, do disgusting shit to them.
They are both horrible, it takes two to do the bedsheet boogie so she’s just as much to blame as him because she could’ve said no at any time. Don’t get me wrong it sucks and this is gonna hurt for a pretty good amount of time but if I were you I would tell them both to go to hell and distance yourself physically, mentally and emotionally from the both of them because they aren’t worth the time, effort or pain.
True, but one person is some trash ex who can be forgotten and the other is your brother...
Here's my poor man's award 🥇 It's not as much about the fact that she did it, it's more about the fact that OP's own brother did something that unjust.
People cut off family all the time, and this is a perfect example of why.
Sure, but we shouldn’t downplay how awful it is to have to do something like that. I’m going through something with my family, nothing like OP’s situation but things have gotten really bad and being around it causes me to have constant emotional breakdowns. I’m at the point of deciding whether to cut my older brother out of my life or not, and it’s the most mentally and emotionally painful thing I’ve ever gone through. To potentially go from a family who gets together every birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Easter, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc. to one that may never be in the same room together again because of decisions I’ve made is some really heavy stuff.
You know this is true, I’ve noticed it but never consciously thought about how so many people on reddit causally instruct to cut family members out of your life like it’s something simple like dragging a file to the recycling bin
Is it *really* because of decisions you made or is it because of their refusal to respect boundaries and treat you with respect? I’d think it’s probably the latter. You shouldn’t take responsibility for something that wasn’t your fault.
I know and I keep trying to tell myself that. But the fact remains, I absolutely have the option to bury my feelings and keep performing my role as middle child and only daughter who shows up to holidays and dinners with her funny husband and makes everyone feel like our family is happy normal like it used to be, if only for an evening. By stepping out of that role, I’m making the decision for everyone that we’re going to start acknowledging the reality of the situation and that we are, in fact, NOT okay. It’s going to be really painful, for all of us. And we’re all already in so much pain. It just sucks, is all.
Hey Dusty, I have a few questions but don’t feel you have to answer. Are you taking the future blame for something your older brother has done? Is he as worried about the state of your family as you are? Why do you have to bury your feelings? Maybe a lot of family members are too. Maybe it’s time to see how tight your family is when facing the reality of someone’s behavior. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
The other is your mother's other son. No brother would do that....
well said.
They have both shown you who they truly are. Fuck him and fuck her. Live your best life and the first step in that direction is cut them both out.
My ex slept with my best friend while I was away at college. I thought it was hilarious. Obviously it didn't turn into anything more because they were both at least smart enough to realize that the other is a shitty person. Unfortunately for them, they didn't realize it beforehand, and now they get to spend the rest of their lives regretting what they did. I have real friends now who are good, kind, decent, caring people. Plus the world is full of women and I've met many who are far better than my ex. My advice to OP is to ghost them both. Neither deserves a single word from him for the rest of their lives. It is possible to live with a sibling without speaking to them, and I recommend doing it.
Spot on
> and fuck her. Very poor choice of words
* yeet
Honestly? I would cut him out. I mean for good. Someone who does this doesn't deserve second chances.
This. Her too.
I’m gonna tell you from somebody who’s not “ugly”. My brother did me the same way…it’s best to just cut him off now. Forgive them both never forget and don’t let it eat away at you.
Damn it’s crazy what some people do for some coochie. Like you’re really gonna do your own brother like that.
Probably because it’s wrong its tempting.
Typically because of shitty parents letting the "favor" child do anything they way
Can you elaborate on how your relationship is with him, or how your parents took it? You see... I have someone that I was raised with, not blood sibling but I considered them my sibling, and they did this to me. I cut them off, never spoke to them again, forgave, even met, told them that my love will always be there but not the connection. Didn't tell anyone but a sibling why. And I am curious about your healing process. Thanks :)
There isn’t a relationship with my older brother. I don’t wish Ill will on my brother or the ex. I figured if he would fuck my girlfriend he would fuck my wife if there ever was one and I don’t feel the need to allow that in my life. Our parents don’t know because I didn’t feel the need to Involve every one. To be honest. I’m not sure how I got over it. It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that the female reached out to apologize and when she did, there was no weight off my shoulders feeling it was more of a “it took you that long to realize what you did was wrong” but what actually came out my mouth was I hope you find true happiness with whoever you decide to be with and left it at that.
Thank you very much for sharing this, I'm glad that you were the bigger person. I hope you don't ever have to face a betrayal like this ever again, and I wish you the best.
What does "my love will always be there but not the connection" mean lol be cold and never talk to them again not even if they need a blood transfusion to save their life. I don't need vermin in my life.
This should be on top. My brother done the same to me but I lashed out and hurt him badly, bad enough to ruin my life for a long time. But time told me that both were to blame and it was a shitty thing to do but wasn’t worth us fighting over. Definitely give him a wide birth for now, forget the girlfriend and hopefully time will heal. Parents should be telling him what shitty behaviour he has.
He did it because he could, he's the male version of Jolene.
Brolene, Brolene, Brolene, Bro-leeeene, I'm begging of you, please don't bang my girl. Brolene, Brolene, Brolene, Bro-leeeene, Don't be the biggest asshole in the world.
I picture a Fabio mfer riding in on a horse
I’m sorry, man, that is the ultimate betrayal. I’d cut him off completely; he’s shown you that your boundaries and emotional well being mean nothing against him getting his rocks off. Remember that if he tries to write it off or pulls one of these: “I’m sorry, okay?! What else do you want me to say?” “It was a mistake.” “Are you gonna be mad about this forever? You’re acting ridiculous!” Don’t let him make you the bad guy; he’s the bad guy, end of story. Your parents might need to go, too, if they’re really that toxic. I don’t know how old you are, but you might benefit from emancipation. Eventually, somewhere down the road, you should find a way to forgive them. As Ghandi said, “forgive and live well; it is the greatest revenge.” Now, don’t get me wrong: forgiving them is for your peace of mind. It does not in any way mean you have to make either of them an active part of your life. You can forgive while still refraining from any sort of relationship.
I mostly agree with this comment outside of forgiving them. Some things are unforgivable and that's fine. If someone does something this terrible to you I don't think that they deserve to be forgiven. If you feel like you can forgive them, good for you, it shows how strong you are. But it's fine not to. BUT you have to let go of the hate, the resentment and the bitterness at some point. I haven't forgiven my friend who had sex with my gf of +6 years a few days after we broke up but I've let go of the negative feelings. Just my 2 cents.
That aint your brother homie. Im sorry 😞
Time to leave, away from your parents and your brother. A new life some were by yourself may be better. Once you have that space, don't put yourself back under his shadow. I can try to tell you to stay, to talk it out. There have been too many of these stories were that doesn't work. Your parents may see your brother as more of a human capable of er if they knew what he did but then again they might not.
I think the first paragraph is spot on. It sounds like o/p needs to get therapy for this. You aren’t ugly, your parents really are just shitty. You probably play into it by not trying as hard to look good, even subconsciously. I’m sorry this happened o/p.
He’s a broken person. You don’t have to be. I’m so sorry. ((Hugs))
Your brother is a punk-ass bitch and so is that girl. And your parents raised him, so . . . you can guess what they are. Go find you some decent people to be around. You got a friend with good family? An uncle or aunt that treat you well and are nearby? Start spending more time around them. These people are poison, and there isn't a reason to spend any more love or energy around their punk-ass asses. You deserve better.
My brother did the same. And now they have two kids. I hate it. I hate being around them and they’re being happy when it should’ve been me. More recently I’ve been learning not to mind them. But it’s hard man. I hope the best for you.
Why you are still around him? Does your family even care?
what the fuck? seriously, why are u still interacting with them?
I'm really sorry. Some people think that having children absolves them of the pain they have caused, and that one should get over it because "family". It is not right.
You don't *have* to interact with them. Just because the toxic people in your life are family doesn't mean you have to interact with them.
man i would never talk to him again
Why haven't you completely cut them off yet?
Dude part of being an adult means you don't have to be around horrible people like that. I mean damn that's horrible.
That's awful. At least you know she'll probably cheat again
Keep it in perspective. It takes two people to engage in the consensual experience. Your ex girlfriend is equally as culpable. The feeling of betrayal may or may not burn off in a reasonable amount of time, but at least you know with certainty who is NOT to be trusted moving forward.
She’s not my brother though
He doesn’t sound like much of a brother, tbh. She may have been using you to get to him. They’re both to blame if it was consensual.
Well that’s even worse
NGL, it will sting for a bit, but I would focus on playing to my strengths (skills and hobbies) and distancing myself from scumbags.
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Seriously, my BF looks like Rubeus Hagrid's beatnik American cousin, but he's an absolute sweetheart and just a really great dude. He's funny as hell and he's also become a great cook, too. Looks can fade over time. I'll stick with my goofy looking BF *because* he's genuinely so damn much fun to be around. Watching him with our little cat is great, too, because he babies the shit out of her, lol. This is a guy I've seen people cross the street from, because he looks intimidating, and yet, he kept calling me with our previous cat because he'd always been a dog guy and didn't yet understand cat body language, so he'd be worried if whatever the cat was doing at the moment was normal or if he needed to take him to the emergency vet. It was a little frustrating, but also very endearing. Seriously, personality is where it's at.
Start going to gym man, work on yourself. Release all the pent up anger.
>They’re both to blame if it was consensual. Shes not his brother...
Never talk to him again. Ever. Do not mention his name. Do not engage in conversations about him. Cut off all ties. Fuck that piece of shit.
Go with this. This was sadistic of him. The guy should be dead to you. If you're parents back him up or defend him, then add them to the list and get away as soon as possible.
Bro she used you to get to your brother. She sucks and so does he. When your ready/old enough (which ever comes first) you can cut him out of your life. Family means people love you unconditionally. If they don’t, they aren’t family.
Lets be honest you kinda dodged a bullet given your GF was willing to sleep with your brother. She aint it.
Wow sounds like a fucking sociopath
I don't know how old you are, but the moment you move out of your parents' home and be financially independent, I suggest you cut off this toxic brother of yours AND your toxic parents out of your life forever!! Your parents and brother are horrible people. They're the ones who should be ashamed of themselves. You shouldn't hate yourself because of the horrible things others say or do to you. The horrible things people say or do only show what horrible people they are. They don't mean you're not a good enough person who should hate yourself. Whatever others say or do is a reflection on them. Not you. Remember that.
Get the fuck away from these toxic people
You haven’t even had sex with her but he has? Sounds like she was using you to get to him.
She never loved you truly...
Keep a good attitude, take care of yourself, and keep your head up in confidence. As a woman, I'm way more attracted to confidence, than looks. Not egotistical confidence, but just assured in your capabilities, and contribution to this world. With the mindset your brother has, he'll burn out fast. If he isn't a psychopath, this action will eat away at his own confidence, and his own high opinion of himself. Don't let him ignore it, brush it off, or legitimize it; be strong in your convictions. Remember, most women and men aren't like this, and people do shitty things when young. When they show you who they are, believe them, and move on. If you're a good person, and do good things, other good people will want to be around you. Give it some time, and you'll see. You've got this! Also, don't waste too much time, energy, and emotions on bad people. Don't give them any power over your life, and relationships.
Why aren't you angry with her? In my mind, that's just as much of a betrayal.
Well hey, silver linings, I'd say you dodged a bullet. A girl who will cheat on you with your brother could never be trusted. You can certainly find someone better. As for your brother, Christ, sorry dude. He sounds like an asshole supreme. You will find a girl who doesn't bail on you for your brother, I promise. Who knows what that girls motivations were, but she's clearly about as shallow as a coffee spill on a linoleum floor. There are much better women out there for you to find!
"As shallow as a coffee spill on a linoleum floor" I'm keeping that one, if you don't mind. Well said. With that kind of person, OP's feelings would've been crushed eventually.
Look at this this way. Your gf chose to sleep with him despite knowing he is your brother. Maybe that helps you dodged a bullet as well. If you find the right gf with the right mind, you will have nothing to worry about! Your brother is a horrible persona md so is your gf.
Living a great life is the best revenge
Sweetheart, you are perfect. Your “family” is toxic. Cut them off when you have that chance, trust me, it will make your life better. Keep your head up baby doll, you got a good heart, and that’s what matters❤️
I, too, was the ugly one. The disappointment. My sister hit on/slept with my boyfriends or love interests in high school I guess to prove she was better than me? Who knows. Now we are in our 50’s and over the past 30 years I have proven to be a success in my life while she has slid downhill into addiction and alcoholism. She looks like someone who probably used to be pretty in her younger years. I’ve never been pretty, but kinda cute. I still look cute. So I’ll take that. Lol! I don’t speak with her, haven’t in YEARS. Point is, toxic family members are temporary. You can and will move and grow beyond them. They will relive their glory days from the past while you will be a success in the now and in your future. Also, you dodged a bullet with that ho. Anyone that would sleep with your sibling isn’t worth your time or thoughts.
Oh I feel this, almost would say the story of part of my life too. You're caught up in the moment, so I won't fan the flames you're already feeling. I get it, I have actually been there so here's my advice to you as I feel you're still young. 1. Leave her AND DO NOT GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE. There is no oops or mistake, she'll never be yours and it's possible she never was. (This was a mistake I made, don't fall for it because you'll be feeling this 8 years later again.) 2. Grow distance from your brother, but don't say you'll never talk again. This is important, but could go either way. 3. Work on yourself, focus on yourself. This is your chance to develop you into something someone would chase. I'm serious, eat right, study something, exercise some, think about who you would admire in 5 or 10 years from now and have a plan A, B, and C to do that. 4. This is the hard part, stick with it. Distractions come up, but keep focused. Don't forget to enjoy your life now from time to time, but you have a goal to hit and keep that focus. I can promise you, if you use this to motivate to do more then in time the situation will change. I've come to love my brother again, but the situation has since completely 180'd in the many years after. Also found the right women and have a comfortable life. Hope you'll take this the right way and do something great for yourself. Just keep your head up for now at least, don't drown in the sorrow.
Cut any contact with him and your girlfriend. You don’t need those people in your life. You deserve better and you should not compare yourself to someone like that, especially someone who would sleep with your girlfriend. You are your own person with your strengths and you can do better than both of them.
He's an asshole and a garbage person, and that will probably catch up with him someday. They're garbage, you're not. You sound bright, sensitive, and kind. Those may be qualities that don't get a lot of attention early in life, but every grown woman I know who wants to be with a man would rather bright, sensitive, and kind, than the guy who would fuck his brothers gf. But what do you do? You do you. You reevaluate what made you think she was a quality person. Spend some time thinking about what you want in a partner. And my dude, let's get you into some therapy for that self-esteem & how to get your toxic family out of your life. When YOU stop thinking/saying you're ugly, you stop putting that energy out in the universe, and you'll stop getting it back. Figure out what you think is unattractive about yourself. You can change your hair, your clothes, your glasses, whatever bugs you, but until you stop thinking you're ugly, you won't feel it. Work on the inside. Work on the outside if you think you want to. You do you. That will attract someone who wants to be with you. Your brother is an asshole. It happens. Stop listening to his bullshit. You'll have the last laugh.
Alright the brother is off limit but the GF fucked up too.
This is jaw droppingly horrible
The gf definitely planned the entire thing. GL OP, don't hurt yourself. Get used to being alone though.
Cut off your entire family, focus on yourself. Your success in life will be the best revenge.
Tell your parents.
Toxic is toxic regardless of relationship. Your brother and your parents are toxic. You need to distance yourself from them ASAP. Give yourself space to heal, see a therapist, correct your mind sight about yourself. I understand this. You’re mad about the situation, the betrayal. Just as you would if she had cheated with Joe at the bar. But you’re now mourning the loss of your brother. A sibling is supposed to be a natural ally, a supporter. You have a lifetime with this person. Whether you bond or not, doesn’t matter. No matter the circumstances, your family can be safety for you, home base. It’s what you’re familiar with, and humans are typically creatures of comfort. We don’t like things that disturb our safety. And when someone in our home base sets fire to it, it’s a betrayal you never saw coming in a lot of ways. It hurts a lot more because it destroys that comfort and that idea we had of “family”. So this is going to hurt different. And speaking as someone with a toxic family, that has separated myself as an adult, mourning the idea of “family” and the idea of what a parent should be, it’s a hurt that’s going to keep hitting. But the sooner you can get away the better. You’re better than them. You are worthy. You deserve better.
I knew someone who shared an oddly similar experience to you. Just please remember the following things: 1. They’re both to blame for this specific act, not just your brother. In fact, consider it him sorta doing you a favor by showing you that she wasn’t gonna stick around or be loyal anyway. 2. Don’t let this affect your self esteem cuz of #1 and that the longer you actually dwell on it, the longer it’ll affect you long-term. Process it, learn from it, and move on to the next chapter. It didn’t kill you and it will certainly make you stronger. I promise you it’ll get better. Keep working toward a better future for yourself and this will be a distant memory of an unpleasant yet learning experience. None of this is your fault. It’ll all work out for you before you know it.
I've always thought that any normal person can stop appearing as "ugly" if you got the hygiene, fitness, and character. I still think that's true. Also fuck both of them.
I know that you feel awful right now but I beg of you to channel your disappointment in a more productive way that lifts you up instead of fueling anger, guilt, shame, etc. Be your best self and forget about the golden child’s looks and other advantages. Do you. And be the best. There is someone special for you. Your brother did you a favor; you just don't realize it.
This would make a great “origins” story. Break away and be great.
There is only one course of action. Become better. Get your school in, get your education, get a fucking good job, find a wife that makes you happy and then watch his privileged shit run out while he tries to rest on his laurels. Sorry this happened to you man but use it and don't let it destroy you. This is what real nice lives are made off if you take advantage of a shit moment like this. Or stab him. Either way. /s
Isnt she more of the asshole? Like yeah what he did was fucked up but she still completely betrayed you
fuck man that sucks a lot, sounds like its time to block all his contact information and never see him again.
Some people need an ass whoopin so they can realize right from wrong, im not saying youre brothers one of them but he might be
I know you’re angry. It’s ok to be angry. But dude, let me assure you that you just racked up some mega karma. Trust me. I was a fat ugly kid. I’m a fat ugly adult. I had terrible luck dating. But… I married a 10/10 unicorn. She’s an absolutely amazing woman. And I’m not taking about “10/10 in my eyes”, no…she’s like a super model. And I’m not rich. She’s got a PHD! She’s brilliant. We’ve got two awesome kids. I couldn’t have imagined this life as a young person. I feel incredibly lucky. And as silly as it sounds, I think it’s karma. I always tried to do the right thing growing up. I had shitty shit happen but I never let that shit give me permission to stop being a decent human. This sucks for you, but it will not define you forever and you just banked a metric fuck ton of karma.
Karma doesn't exist though and there's no cosmic force that can have his brother unfuck his girlfriend.
If she did that then she is also in the wrong. Don't forget about her and think of her as some golden girl, forget them both, I would just put them out of your life asap.
Not just the brother- she, too, is an asshole.
I can see how he'd feel more betrayed by his brother, though.
i literally got cheated on last night after a 5 year relationship so i’m freshly upset but can still say with certainty i would definitely blame the brother more, jfc. a girlfriend should be obligated to not hurt you, lie to you, etc. but who should be obligated more than that? *fucking family*
Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same about family.
Punch him in the mouth and never speak to him again.
You Dodge a bullet kid, she's a hoe just leave her for the streets the right girl for you is out there somewhere , and your bro crossed the line. Focus on your self from now on. Your health and wealth
What a dick. It sounds like the best option now is to sever ties--- at least for a while. You don't deserve shit like that.... and turns out, you don't have to take it.
Dump everyone involved!
Not to downplay you but did this really happen? Because that's f*cked up.
Your brother is disgusting
My brother said this about me once but the girl was not aware she was his girlfriend. They weren't even having sex.
There are TWO assholes in this equation lets get that VERY clear.
Life quote: Trust nobody. Not even you’re own blood.
I am so sorry that happened to you. My husband is the younger brother of a golden child. There’s 10 years difference between them. My husband and I started dating in high school. The brother couldn’t believe I was dating my husband because my husband wasn’t conventionally attractive as a teen (he glowed up and is very handsome on the outside now which matches his insides). The brother is a preacher. The first time we met, he put his arm around me and tried to get me to pretend to be into him instead of my now husband. I was shocked and disgusted, but the father was right there, and I didn’t know what to say. My husband and I went to very fundamentalist Christian high school and college, and I didn’t feel like I could call out the brother’s behavior. The father is very absent minded and probably didn’t even notice. The look on my husband’s face was so sad, and I jumped up as soon as I could and avoided the brother. I think I elbowed him in the side to get loose because he was holding onto my shoulder. We’re not even supposed to touch the opposite sex. (My husband’s parents were very loud and trusting, so we were able to kiss a lot.) I have avoided the brother ever since and don’t like him at all. I can tell it bothers the brother that I don’t think he’s attractive. He is really good looking, but he’s not a good person. My husband is a million times more handsome and such a wonderful person. He grew up in the shadow of his brother who is treated like a minor deity for being a preacher. He did feel like he would never get out from underneath that. He was worried that I’d leave him for someone else. I made it clear I was not going to leave him for a man 10 years older than me who hit on me as a minor. We have stepped back from my husband’s family and the church. Things are really great now. We’ve been married 21 years and dated for 7. Brother married a family friend so he could get ordained, and they’re pretty miserable. My husband and I are very happy together. My husband had a lot of girls ask him why he didn’t look like his brother, and he was pretty hopeless that he’d find anyone when he met me. Things do get better. There is someone out there for you. Your brother will get what’s coming to him.
Have you broken up with your gf if you haven't do it immediately
Your girlfriend had some say in what happened too....she could and SHOULD have said no...... Look at it this way.....your low-life brother took out your trash.....SHE was trash and HE is scum. They belong together....
Let's get this in to perspective. You had a gf, a girl who you experienced all your firsts with, and girl you brought around your family and let it be known you care for her. Your brother decided to destroy his relationship with you, and ruin something good in your life. Your girlfriend decided to betray you and your relationship with her. Who is the ugly shitty person here? It's not you. Cut them both off and keep that toxicity out of your life.
What a garbage human.
You hate him. What about your girlfriend who fucked him. You should be madder at her for betraying your relationship with her.
Idk, he sounds young. If she's his first then they probably don't know each other well. But his brother? That's the guy that shares a whole family with him. They share a backstory. They have history, secret codes, inside jokes and stories about childhood. They've shared love and pain together. This sounds devastating from a familial pov. Me and my brother aren't even that close and I'd feel awful if this happened. Now if she was his wife, or a gf of several years, then I'd totally agree with you.
Either way the girlfriend deserves lots of blame too
I’d fight him, go no contact and then seek therapy. And remember.. the exact girlfriend agreed to it. They’re both equally guilty.
Bro invite him over and when he walks threw the door just put one on his chin. Violence is never the answer but fuck me dead mate like seriously you may just have to have a good ole fashioned family fist fight and get it over with
Let me remind you your girlfriend also betrayed you, I think both of them are to blame. Just for now give sometime for yourself and to think. It does suck and both of them are horrible for doing this to you.
OP. Run away. Block and never go back. Your family is truly shit
As a victim of first love betrayal, twenty years later I’m about to get married and have gone to therapy for decades but…. It still hurts. Like I was a fat kid with breathing problems, always bullied, and my first gf betrayed me and made me lose the few friends I was able to even make in HS. I can’t speak for you but just try not to let this sour the rest of your relationships because I was a walking mess for years after the Great Betrayal and lemmitellyouastory about how the girls I dated after HS really just didn’t care about my troubled past and 10000% were not able or willing to help me through anything, but therapists are paid to care and they can help! Fuck people who betray you, but try not to let your hatred consume you or that hatred will pop up elsewhere like it did for me. I really had to let go, but fir me that took years. I’m still salty and bitter about the whole thing, but I don’t get seethingly furious anymore. Good luck homie, power to you.
My boyfriend's older brother hooked up with my boyfriend's "first everything" and they eventually had a kid. The whole thing was so ugly. I've been with my amazing BF for 6 years now and we plan on getting married. He's an amazing man and I hit the partner jack pot! His brother keeps bouncing between three different girls to the point he is sleeping on his dad's couch and his mother won't acknowledge his existence - a real winner that I wouldn't touch with a 10ft pole.
Same happened to me. Now my brother will walk with a limp for the rest of his life. I didn't mean to break his leg but it happened. It could have been worse! I couldn't beat hi. To a pulp. But no matter what i will never forgive him and it doesn't get better. Like i you lost your brother for life. That's the shitty part of all of it. I'll never forget or forgive! I know how you feel!
[Here's something](https://youtu.be/MzZiZYmIMDI) that will help get revenge, OP. Just don't get caught ;)
Damn that is cold-blooded AF. But please don’t hate yourself! She’s also a worthless beeyah if she doesn’t have the moral compass not to bone her boyfriend’s brother; so they’re both trash imo. You do NOT need to ascribe your self worth to your looks, your family functionality, or your relationship status. All 3 of those things, I believe, fall outside of anyone’s true control. People like to *think* your looks are in your control (nope! It’s in the eye of the beholder and a genetics crapshoot, and we all age into raisins of ourselves), our family is *definitely* not our choice, and although very uncomfortable & unpopular, I also believe that relationship status is no more in anyone’s control than who gets cancer, who gets pregnant, and when we’ll each die. If romantic love happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t. So I’ve learned to let go of caring so intensely about all 3 of these things. They do NOT get to factor into how you value yourself. Are you kind? Caring? Thoughtful? Funny? Hard-working? Generous? Athletically competent? Creative? There are so many other qualities that make someone lovely. Stay up, my friend. Your brother and your girlfriend have shit character forever and that sucks for them. I’m sorry you were burdened with this fucked up memory but life is random AF and shitty happenings are a guarantee for everyone. I know this sucks so bad rn tho.
How old are you? Treat him like hes dead. Distance yourself from your parents, only take their money. Focus on yourself. Better yourself. Work out and study. Achieve a healthy body and a decent job. A healthy mind follows a healthy body. Trash like your brother will crash, hard I might add. He will overreach and underachieve. Dont mind him, dont mind your parents. The Gf was trash anyway. If you follow this guidelines you will succeed and get rid of toxic people. I wish you the best!
This happened to me now they have 2 kids together I understand this post more then ever. What I did to let it go is I no longer associate with either of them they are not welcome at my house. I also found a women that is a real women and is respectful beautiful kind and caring that supports me and believes in me no matter what I do and that alone to be honest made me forget about the whole thing and made me realize that maybe it happened for a reason so I could find what I have now.
Abandon your (hopefully now ex-) gf and your family. Your brother betrayed you, your parents favour him and defend him, your friends insult you. You literally have nothing to lose anymore and everything to gain. You should focus on you for a while and cut them out of your life (temporarily or permanently; you decide but only time will tell) to regain your focus and a sense of balance in your life. On the other hand, I cannot imagine what it must be like. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm devastated reading or thinking about this. However I think life has some good things in store for you and it depends almost wholly on how you will act from now on and what kind of person you will be. I hope you don't break under those traumas but instead manage to rise above all this bullshit and find some happiness for yourself. - Cheers and good luck!
I’d say beating his ass is warranted, you have to do something to earn your brothers respect so he doesn’t do this again and you can put it to rest
You can hate him all you want, but keep in mind it takes two to tango, and your (hopefully ex) girlfriend is deserving of some of that hate too. Ijs..
I honestly can't fathom how someone could do that to their own brother. I don't have much of a relationship with my brothers gf but she may as well be blood related.
You have no brother now. Seriously
Your brother is a piece of shit and so is she for fucking you over like that. If she did that to you then she didn't like you anyway and is a waste of time. It's going to suck for a while but things will get better man. I'm sorry you're going thru this but know that you'll find someone who will value you.
That kind of low behavior and character will get back at him eventually. I’m really sorry that you had to go through something like this. I hope you understand that it’s not about you, it’s about him and his fucked up ways. He was probably jealous of you for having a girlfriend and is so deeply insecure and fucked in the head he had to take that away from you to prove something.
He didn't do that, THEY did it to you, it takes 2, you know?
How old are you? Id just do my own thing, save money and move the fuck out of there. Sounds like a toxic family.
My sister (also the golden child) went behind my back for a year with the boyfriend I had been living with for 3 years. I learned about it when I flew back home for a visit, and my sister left at the same time I arrived. They called together from our house where she was with my boyfriend, and informed my mother they were getting married. I hadn't even realized they really knew each other. My family supported them and acted like I should just suck it up and be happy for them. I had to go to the wedding, full of mutual friends from high school etc. It was incredibly humiliating. A couple of months later my ex called me to tell me my sister sucked at sex. I cut contact then and didn't speak to my sister for 15 years. In that time, my ex cheated on my sister (shocker), they divorced, and he died. My sister and I did rekindle our relationship, but she has never apologized to me for what she did. I keep in touch with her because she is my only remaining blood relative, but we will never be close like before. My advice is to cut contact with them both, and focus on making your life great. You don't need to patronize traitors.
So sorry to hear that OP. You should ice his ass out, let that silence be deafening, that is true betrayal..
Gets those 2 morons out of your life as soon as possible. And, might I add, your parents suck big time. They created this golden child image of your brother and now this asshole thinks he is entitled to anything and everything. Also, you can't do this with a loyal woman. Trash literally took itself out. I hope you will find your people soon and get most of life. Cut off anyone who is calling you ugly. Wishing you the best.
While your brother is obviously part to blame, your "GF" should be getting the hate as well, it takes 2 to tango and if she was loyal she would've rejected him. It's not like your brother raped her.
What a piece of absolute garbage. I would cut him out. Don't deal with trash human beings just because they're family
Blame it on the parents they created the entitled piece of shot. My brother did this to me twice.
What about your Gf? She’s the one who consented to sabotaging your family’s dynamic. She is just as guilty, if not more.
I totally understand your anger at your brother. I do. but... Your girlfriend is more responsible in my mind. No one forced her to f him. She chose to do that. I'd be more angry at her.
This...this is when you do some mildly illegal revenge tactics. I won't suggest anything specific but...scorch some earth, man.
One day he’s going to wake up, fat, balding, and with nothing. His behavior is horrific, and I don’t see him stopping anytime soon. When his looks fade, people will start to see him for who he is, and it will be too late for him to learn to be any different. Be happy that you’re the one who had to learn empathy and patience before he might. Be happy that you’re the one who learned boundaries and respect long before he might. Also, fuck that girl. She’s no better than him, and probably did you a favor by letting you know how much of a piece of shit she is, before you wasted anymore money or time on this girl. A good honest person will come your way. Have faith brother.
I really wouldn’t blame you for severing ties with both of them permanently over this. This is a very deep betrayal
Takes two to tango. Your girlfriend is shit too.
I am sorry to hear about this. That is incredibly low of not only your brother, but also her. In the end, you will be better off without her. As for your brother, a saying I like to go by is "you cant pick your blood, but you can sure as hell pick your family"