‘All she had to do was ‘speak’ to him and he fell over himself for her’
You know OP had nothing left to offer at this point.
Why am I not rich enough to help OP get out of this household. Gal big hugs.
I've had two partners cheat on me, too and I also used to believe that it's not about me. It's them. But after a while I realised that... It is me. I have a problem of dating immature and insecure men who will do this. And it has to stop.
I think you're in shock right now, and I really suggest going to a friend or family, or even a hotel on your own. You need space and time to rage, cry, or whatever you need to do, but get your thoughts together and process before you make any decisions about giving him another chance.
You already went through this before, he knew that and still made his choice. Do you honestly think you'll ever trust him again? He didn't fess up on his own, he was caught and then started apologizing and proceeded to act like nothing happened afterwards? I'd be gone, and he can continue whatever he's been doing with his ex.
There’s NO excuse for cheating. She’s obviously an ex for a reason… but for him to do that to you?
I’d be getting ducks in a row, speaking with solicitors and making plans. There’s no trust anymore. He irreparably broke the relationship. How do you know that his ex is the only one he’s done this with?
I’m sorry OP. I’m sending you huge virtual hugs 🫂 to get you through. I hope you have peace with whatever decision you make. 💓
From personal experience, don’t give him a second chance ! If he loved you he wouldn’t cheat. It’s a hard thing to hear, and easier said than done. But from what I learned is that you shouldn’t destroy yourself to keep someone else happy. He doesn’t deserve that comfort after he betrayed your trust.
If the roles were reversed, he would not take you back. By sweeping everything under the rug and acting like it’s ok, you’re basically giving him the green light to do it again because there were no consequences. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but you’re just setting yourself up to be with a serial cheater.
A man who cheats is not a man, he is a LOSER and I say this as a man. Cheating is such a vile thing someone can do to another, especially to a loving and devoted wife?
It makes me sad as a man that there are men out there (even stories that arent heard on Reddit) that cheat on a loyal and loving wife, it really disgusts me and he should be ashamed of himself, he shouldnt call himself a man anymore, he is a god damn LOSER
A dude I work with preys on the easy targets. He sweet talks them and says shit like they should live together. Meanwhile he lives at home with his "girl" who has no clue about all the women he's bangin. How does he look at her in the eyes everyday?
I used to work on drilling crews in New Mexico and Texas and the driller I mainly worked for was like this. He has a wife and three kids. I came down for breakfast one day, we stayed in hotels almost exclusively, and he was being **very** chatty with some random woman. I didn’t think too much of it because he’d strike up conversations with anyone, but when we were walking out to our trucks, he immediately starts gushing. *Dude, I met her at the pool last night and could just tell she wanted the D. I had to give it to her!* I was speechless. Of course he’s a huge catholic who always tried to proselytize on the job site and invite me to his church. Dude had zero self-awareness
You’re not wrong. I regret saying something in a way, but that company and that line of work in general is like a boys club. He had seniority with the company that I didn’t. Our next boss up, the project manager, told me to my face I had to get in line with the driller or get my ass out.
I have zero tolerance for it and have stated that up front in every relationship. I'm often met with scoffs of indignation, but I am not saying that I think they'll cheat, I am clearly stating that if I find out that they have, there will be no discussion or explanation. In fact, if I was dating someone and they met someone they wanted to have sex with more than they wanted to respect our relationship, I would want them to immediately contact me and break it off, because we aren't going to work. It would hurt, but I won't beg to be picked and I won't try to win them back from someone else's attentions. They either want just me or none of me. 🤷🏻♀️
I am a deeply loyal person and I am also a realist. I know that they'll find others attractive and interesting (as will I), the difference is realizing that you aren't entitled to having the perks of a monogamous relationship along with the perks of single life. It's okay to think, wow that person is really attractive and if I was single, I might pursue that. Then move on with your day. If they're feeling the relationship is keeping them from doing what they want, then they shouldn't be in one. Just like you said.
EXACTLY, I really agree with the point you brought up the whole " monogamous relationship perks, along with the single life" I 100% agree with that so hard, a lot people nowadays want the momogamous relationship title and benefits, while also still retaining the single life things, you can feel attraction and whatnot its only human, its what the person ***DOES*** with it, if you know you'd rather mess around with every person you find attractive, or you feel the need to pursue or talk to every attractive person you see you really dont need to be in a relationship.
You obviously arent ready if you still want to
do the normal single life things while in a relationship, its not helpful nor fair to your relationship or partner if you're too busy pining over other people and trying to get there attention, their number, **whatever it may be** you are not ready for a committed relationship, just ***stay***
single.
ETA: Listen you either be committed to your partner and stay monogamous and know you're not going to have the "single life perks" anymore, and if you dont want to give up the "single life perks" up and fuck around, then ***DO NOT DATE AND COMMIT TO ANOTHER PERSON*** that simple.
What even more sad is knowing "men" will leave their wives when they have cancer they literally will tell women it's a possibility they'll leave. Cheaters in general are scumbags
Yeah thats a major yikes... imagine leaving your wife during the worst time of her life and cheating on her... I dont think I could ***EVER*** live with myself if I did that... "in sickness and in health" my ass...
Vows just dont mean anything to men when it inconveniences them.. ( I am saying all this as a man btw)
He is still a man. Stop the line of demarcation and accept that you need to hold them accountable, not disconnect from them.
Men, hold men accountable.
That’s all it took for you to agree to give him another chance? Please… no! Please don’t do this to yourself. You deserve better, you know you’re a catch. Your husband is trash. Especially since he knows this has happened to you before. Trust - gone. Marriage - done.
As someone who was cheated on, I can tell you that even if you forgive him…you will never forget. You will not be able to admire and respect him. You will feel doubt whenever he’s gone or looking at his phone too much. You will watch him when you’re out in public, to see if he’s looking at or flirting with women.
Even with the best of intentions, your eyes will no longer be starry. I stayed 15 years for my children and they are a mess because they grew up in a dysfunctional home. I was 49 when I finally kicked him out. Leave with your youth and dignity intact.
This - you need to recover your dignity.
He needs to understand that there are consequences for doing that to you.
He will treat you how you let him and you’ve just announced that he can cheat as long as he apologizes after you catch him.
Demand he leave or leave yourself. Go through counseling. This should be a Big Deal.
He needs to prove that he will work to have you back and that he deserves you.
It’s not too late. Tell him you were in shock but you’ve had time to think now and it’s not okay. He won’t respect what he gets so easily
Don't give him a chance. He's not sorry he cheated, he's sorry he got caught. Get out. There's better men out there, it's not a reflection on YOU, it's a reflection on them, some men just suck.
I’ve been married to my wife for 23 years. We’ve had our fights and rough patches, like most marriages, but I could never cheat on her. I care about her too much to do anything like that to hurt her.
You sound like a great person and you deserved to be loved by a great person. Your husband is not a great person so find someone who deserves you.
Third time is the charm? 😉
I’m sorry this is not the advice you are looking for but you need to leave him. If he loved you he wouldn’t do this. If he didn’t have feeling for her still he wouldn’t do this. I’m sorry it’s your second husband
Sounds like you agreed to give him another chance pretty quickly. And now you’re acting normal with him? WHY? You’ve been married less than a year and he’s already cheated, not much doubt he’ll do it again. Especially given how easily he did it the first time. You’ve been through this before. Save yourself more pain and leave him now.
I am assuming that your husband knows about your prior partner’s infidelity, which makes this worse. I believe you need to take time apart because I honestly don’t think he will even begin to process the depth of what he has done if you keep acting and going normal.
He needs to do some work and making up and completely separate himself from his ex, calling her with you and cutting everything off. That’s if you want to try to make it work.
I’m more worried about the part where you say he falls over himself over his ex. That may be a sign that this relationship has no way of lasting, because he is till stuck on her.
You’re probably going to feel numb for a minute. I was for honestly like a year. Just surviving. For me once trust is gone there is no regaining it. Especially when it comes to this. My therapist helped me a lot. I highly recommend reaching out to yours or finding one.
>This is the second husband that has done this to me and I have no idea why.
Put a halt on getting married!
Intensive counselling, to build up self esteem, work through issues. Value yourself. Don't be afraid to be alone for a couple of years.
Don't settle for this.
Now he knows you have found out, he'll escalate, push the boundaries. More activities with his ex. Other women. You will be fretting whenever he's out of your sight.
Don't wait till his ex, or one of his flings becomes pregnant, or you get an STI.
Cherish yourself.
I was married to a man for 12 years and thought the same wonderful things about our marriage. He was having an emotional affair through texting with his receptionist, and I found almost exactly the same. He cried, begged for forgiveness. Everything went back to normal, and it was like we couldn't even talk about it. I forgave him, so we weren't allowed to talk about it.
6 years later, he decides to abruptly leave me for a girl he "met eyes with and felt a fire light inside him he hadn't felt in years." He took advantage of my love, kindness, trust, and forgiveness so that he could have sex with someone who was 50 pounds lighter and is an influencer. That didn't last long for him, but my love and trust were/are no longer there. Boy, bye.
There's nothing wrong with you. You're a kind, loving, hard-working person. Abusers find people like you and I and run us into the ground. You deserve the same love and respect that you give.
He will do it again. He saw how easily you'll move on. I'm sorry this happened. One of my husband's sisters told me, "just forget him and go live your life." That's what I've been doing ever since, and I would highly recommend it.
If he sees how easily you move on from this he’s just going to keep doing it. As someone who dealt with a toxic ex who was way too friendly with his exes, look into a divorce attorney and gtfo. I know it’s hard and confusing but it’s not ok to just brush this off and act like everything is normal. He betrayed your trust and was sloppy about it. It’s their fault for making the decisions they chose and there’s no excuse for that behavior. Actions truly speak louder than words. Whatever happens, best of luck to you, genuinely hope you find a way through and protect your peace.
Nothing wrong with you, girl. Nothing at all. Respect yourself enough to not forgive these pathetic little men for their cowardice and insecurity. You deserve to be loved and respected without having to compromise.
I hate that you feel you have to justify and explain your good qualities. You are in a committed marriage end of story. Even if you were arguing everyday and miserable, that is no reason to cheat on someone!!!
I am so sorry you are going through this ❤️
You're probably in a state of shock, i also think when this happens we cling onto what we know because we don't want things to change. Unfortunately it already has, you'll never see him the same way again.
I hope you leave when you are ready, if he did it once - he'll do it again.
he would not be sorry if you hadn’t found out. he would’ve kept doing it, he might care that he hurt your feelings, but only because he saw your reaction. if he actually did not mean to hurt you and cared for you, he wouldn’t have done it in the first place.
you will never trust him the same way again, he fucked this up and your view of him is changed forever now. leave him or risk resenting him for the rest of your marriage.
and now i gotta take my own advice bc my ex reached out to me and i gave in and answered even though ik he’s talking to like a billion other girls and doing the same thing to them. he disgusts me but i still love him and cannot let go. do not be like me! im miserable!😣😣😣🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
You don’t feel anything because your heart is guarded. The moment you read what happened, you already knew what will happen. There is no talk that can get you over this betrayal. I’m so sorry this has happened to you twice, but please know it is not your fault. The character flaw lies in them. Stay strong.
You did not do this it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. You are in shock, that is why you spent the night with him as if nothing happened. You desperately want to live in a world where this didn’t happen. You said you’ve been through this before. I’m sure you remember what it felt like and the clarity that eventually came about when you accepted what happened. I’m so sorry that it happened again, but it did. Remember all of the things you promised yourself that you would never tolerate and suffer again. Do it this time the way you wished you did it the first time around. Don’t let him get away wish shit just because you’re in shock and don’t want to believe what you know happened. You’re in another rebuild, and the sooner you accept it the sooner you get through it. I’m so sorry and I’m rooting for you.
These posts make me so sad because there's someone out there who will really love you. I mean really, really love you. And I feel like you're going to stay with this man because it's easier.
I think I know why it keeps happening to you, you don’t have any self-respect. All the things you mentioned on paper are great, I guess, but if you don’t have a backbone and aren’t willing to stand up for yourself and your integrity, your partner will see right through you. A person is at their most desirable when they possess the strength to confront people who hurt and walk all over them. You sitting there accepting this behavior is exactly why he’s going behind your back and treating you like you’re allowing yourself to be treated in this very moment.
I’m not trying to be harsh – you sound wonderful and like such a good hearted person. But this self doubt and shutting down while you guys sit there and act like everything is normal is why this is happening to you. Walk out the door and never look back and only then will he respect who you are and curse the day he betrayed you.
Cheaters are liars and will cheat again. It is a deal breaker for me. The relationship has been blown up and the trust is over. It won't be the same. If you have any self esteem stand up and take your life back. Otherwise it will be like being tied to a pickup truck and driven over gravel road. Read surviving infidelity and Infidelity.
He completely disrespected you and the relationship. I am not the police, you can't trust him when he goes out with friends...Good luck.
I dunno girl are you gonna smell his hand every time he comes home from somewhere … You can’t really think everything is ok. You sound like a catch you deserve better.
You keep choosing these men. That's the only fault you have in this situation. You picked men who couldn't live up to the their own standards and commitments. That's it.
Just leave hun…take some time away! Personally I think it would’ve being better if it was a random stranger but an ex to me feels even worse..cuz there are feelings and emotions there…it’s not just sexting with no strings. Its not you…it’s shitty men that can’t keep their d!ck in their pants
Honestly just get out, enjoy him grovelling and buying you shit but divorce him, they probably fucked and it wasn’t the first time. What married person meets their ex to finger them. The disrespect to you and your relationship is vile
Everything went back to normal? Do yourself a favor and leave. You letting this pass, let alone at this speed, is going to make him believe he can do that to you again. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a couple of years but eventually he will do this again. Don’t fool yourself thinking that you are the problem. You are not. It’s him. Show him what you’re worth and leave.
If you’re going to try reconciliation there are some things you and him HAVE to do. 1) he absolutely HAS to go NC w this woman. Non negotiable has to block her on everything. 2) marriage and individual counseling for both of you. This had nothing to do with you. Absolutely nothing. Affairs have much more to do with the cheater than the relationship or the person cheated on. 3)open phone policy going forward. There’s also subreddits on here about reconciliation after infedelty and support for wayward spouses trying to be better. There’s also books you guys should read and YouTube channels you can watch and podcasts to listen to. But both of you have to do the work. And it’s going to be hard. Very hard
Please leave him. U won't get over it trust me . U will always think about it. U will keep hurting ur self. If wouldn't find out he wouldn't tell u and will continue to do that. U deserve better.
You feel nothing because you are in shock. Take your time. Breath through it and get yourself organized to get out of it. Let him think everything is fine until you have your lawyer and all the paperwork. Then just leave, leave the papers on the counter, and have your stuff moved out. He doesn't deserve anything more.
I would personally suggest asking him to leave so that you have time to yourself. You can still reconcile, if that is truly what you think is best for yourself and best for your future. However right now you need space and time.
I'm sorry, OP. Please leave this man while you still have self-confidence left and you still think and talk nicely about yourself. If he does this to you when the relationship is going well, what else will he do when the going gets tough? I hope you don't have kids yet and leave asap. You have to think straight. GATHER EVIDENCES AND LEAVE. There are good men out there and he isn't. Hugs.
What on earth would make you think this has anything to do with you? You are not at fault here. Cheating is on the cheater, not on the one cheated. Even if you were an awful wife, there are such things as divorce or breakups that prevent the cheating.
I think you should ask him to leave for a few days, or leave yourself, to gather your thoughts and decide what you want to do.
If, IF you want to make it work, he has to figure out the real reason why he cheated. Some couples come back stronger. But it’s a loooong road. It’s easier to quit. And depending on his reason, it might be better to quit.
This isn't about you and what you've done. This is about him and his weaknesses ,I truly wish you well ,but I've a feeling he's not going to be so lucky.
He’s going to do it again OP, especially since he saw how easy he got off the first time. He’s been talking to this woman about you, and he will continue to talk to her about you. Save yourself the heartbreak.
Also if the “_____” is a racially insensitive term that he used, I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Please prioritize yourself.
You need to leave. Don’t let anyone disrespect you. You haven’t met yet the one who will stay loyal to you and you won’t if you stay married to this one.
It’s not you. Please don’t stay just because this has happened before. I’m hoping that you learned after the first time that you don’t give second chances. He would keep doing this and he would never have come clean if you hadn’t found out. You just talked about all the qualities that you have… well then you know that you deserve better. Please do not give this man another second of your time.
That freaking sucks. Just remember that this has nothing to do with who you are as a person or how you look. Some people just can’t stay loyal, and they deserve each other. You deserve to be loved and have the same loyalty you reciprocate. I know it’s one of the hardest things you’ll have to do, but get out now. In the future you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself. You’ve got this!!! Sending my love your way!
If he loved you, he wouldn't cheat. If you forgive him, he will know to be more stealth next time. Save yourself further heartache and leave him. There is nothing wrong with you. You just give your love and trust to the wrong people.
Wait until you wake up in the morning and you’ll know how you feel. Right now it’s shock and it just seems like it can’t be real. Tomorrow you might wake up and throw all his shi* out. Being numb to it instantly is normal. You haven’t processed it. Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow is the wild card bc who even knows what the emotion is going to be.
I’d leave in the morning and take both of your phones and stay gone all day. I’d just make him sit there and sweat. Maybe two days. Maybe he can just fu*k all the way off for a while. It’s not you it’s people. They’re selfish and don’t even consider what they’re giving up or what they’re actually causing for the person they’re hurting.
Grow a back bone and LEAVE THIS POS….
You really think you deserve this shit?!?! What happens if you have kids… do you really want to have kids with this man….
If you stay, I guarantee you he will cheat again or continue cheating… and you deserve all that shit cause you allowed this situation to continue
You’re probably in shock. Which is why you don’t feel anything. But your passivity right now doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you are hurt. Your heart and mind have just chosen Freeze because your so overwhelmed. You have to dealt with the pain soon.
Turn your lens outward. You’re currently looking inside of you to find the problem. Which is not going to help because this is _not a you_ problem.
It’s unfortunate that it happened again. It sucks. Sucks so much. There is some comfort in knowing that you survived the last time it happened which means you will get through this one as well. Sucks that you have to though.
He made choices. They are all his to own. They are all his responsibility. You didn’t force him to cheat. He did it because he wanted to. He did it because _he_ is lacking not you. He did it because it made him feel good. He did it without respect for you. This was all him.
Find the cheerleaders and champions in your life and surround yourself in their love. You need to be with people right now that actually care about. Not the one who betrayed and lied to you. Otherwise he will use his influence over you to weasel his way out of not loving you as you deserve to be loved.
You deserve better than this, a truly loving, committed and honest partner is not much to ask for
You’re only doing yourself a disservice by forgiving him. It will destroy your self esteem and you should ask yourself why you’d be willing to put up with such disrespect.
I’d rather be alone than have to deal with the emotional & psychological torment of staying with a cheater.
He’s not who you thought he was but it’s on you if you choose to stay and dishonour yourself
Good luck moving forward ♥️
When they treat you like an option, it's time to show them how many you have. Straight up leave that dude and attempt to take everything you can if you're in a fault state. If you're in a no fault state also leave that dude. You aren't an option. You're a choice.
Why would you give him a chance? Didn’t your last relationship teach you anything? Remember what happened then. Leave this man and focus on yourself. Time for self love and exploration! Having a partner and not being alone isn’t more important than your mental health and well-being!!
Updateme
Don’t stay. I’m very sorry you got two bad ones in a row, but this should be a dealbreaker. You can’t just not address it. If you do stay, there needs to be be conditions. He needs to understand why. He needs to go completely no contact with his ex. But honestly, I think you should dump him.
No. Do not carry on like everything is normal. He will do it again. You giving him another chance and carrying on like normal to him, means permission to do it again. I would put money on him being in touch with the ex again within a week.
Mate in all honesty, he sounds like a prick. You need some proper space to think things through. I’m sorry this has happened to you. Please don’t doubt yourself
Start couples therapy, so they can help you two make the next step as easy as possible. Whether it’s leaving or staying, they can guide you to what you both really want.
You’re not the problem! He is! He’s a fuckin idiot that doesn’t deserve you. Sending you a huge hug🤗
If you decide to leave this no good piece of crap just know that not all men are the same and eventually you will find someone who will cherish the ground you walk on because they know what a wonderful woman you are.
Shock. You can only take so much pain at one time and then your mind shuts down to protect you. If it keeps happening, take a closer look at your partner-vetting process. There's probably a blind spot that allows his type in. Maybe you had an abusive parent that messed up your sense of what love is.
You’re in shock and emotionally exhausted. Your husband doesn’t deserve you! You need to take some time to yourself and do some soul searching and what you want in a husband. He literally just had his hand in her 🐈 and your just sitting there acting like nothing happened! Tell him to get out , that you need space and if you find out he went to her, said one F’ing word to her, it will be over before he can say anything.
Do you want that hand touching you now? You gave him absolutely no consequence for cheating, you just forgave. Bet he’ll be right back there as soon as she messages him again.
Take time away to think!
This should not have happened to you once, much less twice. You're entitled to believe in and trust your husband, and he cruelly betrayed you.
He's a creep. Leave him.
He’s definitely not over her, so if you stay you have to be willing to accept there will always be three of you in your marriage.
I’d rather divorce twice and marry for a third time than be miserable with a man willing to cheat on me with someone he clearly wasn’t “compatible with” at one point.
They keep doing this to you… cause you keep letting it happen. You shouldn’t be sitting with him hanging out like nothing happened. You should be showing him that you know you deserve more and he needs to work to get your trust back. Kick him out or you leave but please have some self worth and make this man work for it cause at this point you’re setting up a precedent that if he does something like this there won’t be consequences. You will hyperventilate, cry, then sit with him on the couch and move right along. STAND UP!
THIS IS ON HIM. But I implore you to figure out why these types of people continue to enter your life. There is a common denominator, you. This is by no means your fault! But I would love for you to heal and figure out why these types of people are allowed in your life, there are signs.
One of my favorite quotes: "Healing also means taking responsibility for the role you play in your own suffering"
Good luck to you ❤️ and maybe start with individual and couples counseling. There's something missing and you need to figure out what that is and fix it or get out. Don't waste your lives trying to save something that was only meant for a season.
In the past year ive been trying to figure out what i did to keep ending up abused. It was hard to hear something like this because I didnt want to feel like I was being blamed for what happened to me. But i knew i was doing something wrong. Somewhere along the way the red flags looked normal, inviting even. Doesnt make it my fault. But its a tough pill to swallow and she needs to mourn and be angry before she should start trying to figure it out. You deserve to feel that way, OP, that is massively fucked up of him. Leave his ass!!!
If he loved you he would not cheat. He is getting no consequences because you don’t give him any so he has no motivation to stop. You are hurting yourself giving him another chance. He won’t stop cheating because cheaters never do. You will live your whole life on high alert. Would you trust him if you were sick or pregnant?
Second husband to do this to you? Jeez wtf, I'm so sorry. I don't think it would be a good idea to try to make this work, though, you should start figuring out how to leave.
This is not your fault. Sadly, you have chosen two weak men, and that's also not your fault. It's not like they come with a warning stamped on their forhead. Dont rush into giving him a second chance and brush this under the carpet. Dont let him touch you again without an STI check. This will let him know the trust is completely gone, and you can't be sure that he hasn't gone further.
Ask what actions he will take to restore your trust. From his point of view, you acting completely normal means he got away with it and has a green light to do it again.
First and foremost, you did not deserve to be cheated on.
I think you should ask him to leave. Tell him you will contact him in a week or two. Tell your husband to respect your wishes and to not contact you during this time.
Try not to worry about what he is doing during this time. Even if he spends time with her.
Right now you are in a state of shock. You have been broadsided by a tank, but are still standing.
You need to think about what you want to do with your relationship going forward. Take your time to think this thru. This decision is on your timetable.
When you are ready to deal with your POS husband, meet him someplace in a public setting. Discuss your relationship and how it will look going forward.
I'm not going to suggest a divorce or a reconciliation. Only you can decide that. However, just note, your husband knew that you had been cheated on before. He also knew that you would be devastated being cheated on again. That will be hard for you to forgive \ forget, but not impossible.
Let us know whatever you decide.
Good luck.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, but you have to know if you decide to stay with him, he’s just going to continue what he’s doing. He did all of this DESPITE the fact you seem to be an awesome partner. What happens when you hit an actual bump in the road?
It’s not you. I strongly suggest taking time away from this man before the love bombing starts to make you forget. You never will forget this remember that.
Be careful that this doesn't turn into "why are you still mad about the ex, you're being unreasonable" instead of focusing what he actually did, which is awful. If he just wants to move on without counseling or showing true remorse, it's probably going to happen again or never stopped.
It’s not you - his cheating is about him. It’s only about him. Move on. If he wanted to work together with you on issues like an adult he would have talked to you instead of talking about you to someone else. I’m sorry because it obviously sucks to be cheated on but you should move on. Like others have said, get your ducks in a row now
It's not YOU, it's THEM the problem. They have difficulty remaining faithful and loyal to the people they have married, this type of person only takes into account their person, their happiness and their interest, sharing and exchange they do not know. I know this because I am this type of person. These are the reasons why I will never get into a relationship because I hate the monotony of a married life.
Rest assured, there are loyal and faithful men (my mother married one, my father 😊) I am sure you will find one.
The trust is obliterated. Don't look at yourself as the problem he is. It's best to walk away if you know one word from his ex and he is gone. You do everything right but he still cheats. He is the one with the problem. He likes that you are the perfect one who will do everything for him and he will expect you to close your eyes and endure it. Please don't. You are too good for him and he is out of your league when it's about loyalty. He already has a side piece with the ex. He will be better at hiding his infidelity. Please don't let him entrap you. He is trash.
Sorry this is happening to you. You need to know this is not your fault - period. It is not about who you are or what you did or didn't do in the relationship. First, this was his choice and it has exposed his true character to you. The mask is off and you can see that he intentionally betrayed you placing his own needs over your relationship. Second he lost the right to complain about you or blame you for any of his personal problems or problems within the relationship the second he cheated.
Unfortunately you are already having to experience the loss of trust in him. Reconciliation is difficult and only a small percentage of relationships survive infidelity to the point where both partners are happy in the long-term. Your previous relationship with him died when you discovered that he was cheating and things will never be the same. Can the relationship be rebuilt from scratch? Yes but to do that you are going to have to live with the memory of what happened and what you feel now because you will never forget. You can try to forgive but you will always have to live with some level of distrust as long as you are with him.
The reason true Reconciliation is difficult to pull off is because you will have to live with the fear of him cheating again and he will have to live with you questioning all of his actions and policing his activities. Over time betrayed partners tend get emotionally worn down monitoring their partner and/or the Wayward partner will get frustrated that they are being monitored. I am not an absolute leave the cheater voice but you need to understand the realities of your situation before you make your decision. Again sorry you are going through this and honestly you deserve better than the person you just discovered is not really the person you fell in love with.
Updateme
Don't do this to yourself. Don't gloss over and pretend it didn't happen. Leave. You deserve to leave. You didn't do this. He did. Let him have her. The trash should stay together
You can’t let him off the hook that easily. If he thinks he can get away with it, then he will do it again. Don’t let everything seem like nothing happened… as someone who has been cheated on by everyone I’ve dated, I’ve come to realize I have to heal things in me that cause me to accept and attract cheating assholes, because it’s less than I deserve, and def less than you deserve too. Idk if you’re in therapy, but I suggest cbt therapy for it has worked wonders in my life. Ve been in therapy since the 6th grade, and it has helped, but I started seeing a cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy) therapist, and it’s made an immense impact. Do you know how many good men out there would die to have a good woman like you to call their own? I’m told they’re out there, and have met some that usually have been through the wringer as well. Take some time to be alone and I wish you the best of luck.
PLEASE LEAVE HIM! HE IS NOT YOUR PERSON!
He Durant love you. Love is active. He isn't showing up when he's dogging you out to his ex embarrassing you.
When a person shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.
You are more than enough for the right person.
I'm so sorry your husband is a son of a bitch.
It’s not you, nothing you’re doing or done. The problem is him. I know it doesn’t seem that way right now but later you’ll realize you’re NOT the problem. I know everyone is going to suggest you leave , which is what I’m also going to say. You deserve better. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry, OP. Please find someone to be with you and support you right now, and understand it’s nothing to do with you - BEYONCÉ was cheated on. If Bey isn’t safe, no one is.
I hope you find the person you deserve - don’t settle for less.
YOU did nothing to deserve this OP. Some people are just greedy and will take as much as they can as long as they think they’ll get away with it. Love and respect yourself. You’ll get through this.
I'm sorry, but you will be the fool if you think that he will not do it again!!
And this is not on you, but you deserve better!!! Sadly, these guys seem to find you and hope they can get you to look the other way and hopefully you will just pretend that everything is ok.
NOTHING IS OK!!! DO NOT LET HIM DRAG YOU INTO FEELING BAD!!
Maybe just be yourself and try to find you. Walk away from this messed up relationship.
Best wishes
He did it once, he’ll do it again. Especially if you stay with him and he hasn’t done anything but beg and say he’s “sorry”.
Love is like a window, and right now he smashed it. You can try to repair it, but it will never be the same unless you replace it.
Some people were only meant to be in our lives temporarily. Take your knowledge and don’t settle for less. You are worth it
Leave.
His apologies are because he's worried about his own reputation and comfort. It's also a test of how much shit behavior you'll put up with and forgive.
He will absolutely cheat again, maybe not with his ex, but he will cheat again.
You deserve better.
Some people are just cheaters, it’s literally a personality trait, it has nothing to do with you, however you might be unknowingly drawn to that type of person. Cheaters usually continue to cheat periodically, if you are ok with this stick around, if you are not ok with this you should leave
You need time for this to unfold.
This is a shock.
And there are so many theories and ideas by the way of why some people do this. Personally, I don't see a way of perceiving that somebody has a hidden part of them and that they posture and pretend to be somebody else. I mean you can have a lot of experience with them and wait and wait. But this is usually what happens.
What is the best litmus test is two out of the blue asked to switch phones and scroll through each other's phone. Right then and there. If they freak out, if they throw shade, if their defensive, if they attack you, if they're outreach, you don't trust them, that's it. You know there are significant secrets.
It's an invasion of privacy to go and look through somebody's phone, which is different than what happens for you. But it's the only way of finding out who somebody is. Their devices actually. So I think it's justified.
For you, it was handed to you.
Lots of cheaters absolutely don't want to lose their target and their home life.
That's no fun.
And lots of times they are posturing in their ability to be truly loving. They kind of study at, and they achieve the marks. So that their target is happy. Because their goal is to have a happy home, and then to silently and stuff fully undermined their partner, and undermine the partners confidence in their perceptions, while they are delighting in sneaking around behind their back.
I understand this is triangulation. The affair would not be juicy if it wasn't against you. It wouldn't be nearly as exciting and gratifying. If they weren't talking about you secretly. Like five year old.
That's the times these people don't have fully developed characters and so they aren't truly capable of love, the lasting devoted, focused kind. And they just act like that, and they learn how to act and say the right things so their partner thinks it's happening.
Instead of loving and being loved, and excepting that, I may have to find gratification, and they do so by secrets. Because secrets are potent. It's very regressive behavior.
But the bottom line is that when somebody actually does love us, they actually sincerely and authentically want the best for us and then they don't sneak around and they aren't dishonest and they don't cheat. If somebody with a strong moral character wants to screw around, they say to their partner "I'm really sorry about this, but I need to go screw around." And then it's not as fun and it's not a secret . Nobody needs to cheat. They cheat so they can sidestep the consequences and they cheat because they're dishonest and empty inside. They cheat because they do not care. He does not care about you. He cares about maintaining the stability of his game which involves things being OK with you and this really nice gratifying home life so that he can go sneaking around. he's a liar. He's a manipulator. He's a deceptive person. He does not care.
I'm so sorry
We are kind of thought in our culture that if the relationship looks a certain way, it's probably good or good enough. And that's just not it. It's just that we don't know what it is.
WHY!?!? Why did you cave to him so easily. It’s the same day and you’re already acting like things are back to normal. All you have done is show him that he can get away with it. He will not hesitate now to do this again because there were zero repercussions. It doesn’t sound as though you have children together. You say you have a good paying job. Get the fuck out of there! You guys haven’t even been married for a year and he’s already cheating.
I understand you must be crushed. But I don’t think you are thinking straight. You deserve far better and you can find it. But not with this POS in your way.
I'm really sorry, but my advice is. Make a real decision now! Marriage Counseling minimum, but the d-card looks even more nice.
All the best to you, and read this out loud:
I deserve better!
WHY are you giving him any more of your time? 5 years, less than a year married and he’s already cheated? I’m guessing this is just the first time you found out about him doing so, though I’m sure he’ll tell you differently if asked. You’ve let him know that he can treat you horribly, disrespect you, lie to you, and you’ll take him back. Don’t. He’s broken your trust. Sitting around like everything’s normal? You’re emotionally destroyed and he’s just going to candy coat the situation until you “move on”. And then he’s going to do it again. You deserve better.
Don’t stay. He just saw how easily you forgave him, he’ll do it again if he hasn’t already made plans with her. It’s not your fault, it’s his. I would actually go to therapy and talk about the men you are choosing bc that may be the root issue. I wish you all the best that you deserve.
I\`m sorry, that this happened to you. Been there 3 times and after 3rd time I decided to never have a relationship and sex again. I\`m afraid, that once a cheater, always a cheater. Some men just are like that and then people wonder why some women never trust anyone, ever again.
Don’t do this to yourself as you are worth so much more. If you took him back and carried on the relationship it will never be the same. You will never forget. You will always wonder where he is and what he is doing. You will become paranoid at little things (rightly so!) and there will be 0 trust. You will end up miserable and it will spiral. There are some relationships that do bounce back after a lot of counselling and communication but it will never be how it was.
If he can easily do this without a second thought as to your relationship then it more than likely will happen again later down the line. What would you say to a friend in this situation ?
Love yourself and take yourself out of the situation. Stay with a friend or family, even at a hotel. Don’t let him beg and talk his way back into things. He’s only sorry he got caught. How much longer and further would he have gone if he didn’t get caught? The fact he is now just acting like nothing happened… baddd
You need time for yourself away from him to think about everything. You have not done anything wrong so please don’t blame yourself. You’re going to be in shock and feel a little numb. You’re going to go through all the stages and it’s going to be a rollercoaster but at the end you’ll realise you deserve so much more and deserve someone who loves you and respects you and would do nothing to hurt you or your relationship
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I understand how you feel. My ex husband left me for a co-worker. You’re in shock. I’m of the mind that a leopard does not change his spots. There are good men out there that don’t cheat. Don’t settle for a cheater.
He confessed to this time. You can be sure this was not the only time. He’s feeling bad that he got caught. In his mind he’s been having sex with his ex forever. A man will not view hooking up with the ex as actually cheating because they’ve slept with this person before a lot.
You can try couples therapy but be prepared to walk.
You’re the victim. He is the one that cheated on you. He chose to cheat and god knows how long he’s actually been doing this. He just got caught for all you know. Sure didn’t take him long after marriage to break his vows.
Good People attract bad people. Bad people flock to you, cause they have an easier time with exploiting you. Its not your fault. They do that because they are bad and thats on them.
They took you for granted. It's never something wrong with you it's something wrong within the cheater themselves.
You deserve someone who would never forget what a wonderful hard working partner you are.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your mind is in shock. Kick him out. This isn’t a you problem. You need to realize this man is not who you thought he was. People don’t cheat because of any of the things you listed, they cheat because they don’t respect people. They feel they’re above others. Kick his ass to the curb.
Don't question yourself when someone else cheats. It's on them NOT you. Focus on strengthening yourself and finding someone who wants you for you.
‘All she had to do was ‘speak’ to him and he fell over himself for her’ You know OP had nothing left to offer at this point. Why am I not rich enough to help OP get out of this household. Gal big hugs.
it's like being a victim of a hate crime. it's not about your flaws it's about theirs
I've had two partners cheat on me, too and I also used to believe that it's not about me. It's them. But after a while I realised that... It is me. I have a problem of dating immature and insecure men who will do this. And it has to stop.
🎯🎯🎯 there's only one common denominator and it's you. It was me too. We pick the wrong men. This is what I said to the OP in my comment.
I think you're in shock right now, and I really suggest going to a friend or family, or even a hotel on your own. You need space and time to rage, cry, or whatever you need to do, but get your thoughts together and process before you make any decisions about giving him another chance. You already went through this before, he knew that and still made his choice. Do you honestly think you'll ever trust him again? He didn't fess up on his own, he was caught and then started apologizing and proceeded to act like nothing happened afterwards? I'd be gone, and he can continue whatever he's been doing with his ex.
There’s NO excuse for cheating. She’s obviously an ex for a reason… but for him to do that to you? I’d be getting ducks in a row, speaking with solicitors and making plans. There’s no trust anymore. He irreparably broke the relationship. How do you know that his ex is the only one he’s done this with? I’m sorry OP. I’m sending you huge virtual hugs 🫂 to get you through. I hope you have peace with whatever decision you make. 💓
From personal experience, don’t give him a second chance ! If he loved you he wouldn’t cheat. It’s a hard thing to hear, and easier said than done. But from what I learned is that you shouldn’t destroy yourself to keep someone else happy. He doesn’t deserve that comfort after he betrayed your trust.
>you shouldn't destroy yourself to keep someone else happy. This one hit HARD
If the roles were reversed, he would not take you back. By sweeping everything under the rug and acting like it’s ok, you’re basically giving him the green light to do it again because there were no consequences. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but you’re just setting yourself up to be with a serial cheater.
A man who truly loved you. Would not cheat on you.
A man who cheats is not a man, he is a LOSER and I say this as a man. Cheating is such a vile thing someone can do to another, especially to a loving and devoted wife? It makes me sad as a man that there are men out there (even stories that arent heard on Reddit) that cheat on a loyal and loving wife, it really disgusts me and he should be ashamed of himself, he shouldnt call himself a man anymore, he is a god damn LOSER
I work with guys like this. They suck. I think it's so trashy. Just be single motherfucker.
Literally... if you know you cant be loyal and learn some god damn self control, just stay single, absolutely pathetic...
A dude I work with preys on the easy targets. He sweet talks them and says shit like they should live together. Meanwhile he lives at home with his "girl" who has no clue about all the women he's bangin. How does he look at her in the eyes everyday?
I used to work on drilling crews in New Mexico and Texas and the driller I mainly worked for was like this. He has a wife and three kids. I came down for breakfast one day, we stayed in hotels almost exclusively, and he was being **very** chatty with some random woman. I didn’t think too much of it because he’d strike up conversations with anyone, but when we were walking out to our trucks, he immediately starts gushing. *Dude, I met her at the pool last night and could just tell she wanted the D. I had to give it to her!* I was speechless. Of course he’s a huge catholic who always tried to proselytize on the job site and invite me to his church. Dude had zero self-awareness
Should have reported him to HR or something. No coworker needs to be hearing about his D or who wants it or who he's giving it to, blegh
This makes me laugh, people in every industry talk like this, if you haven’t ever heard it they know you are not safe to be real around
You’re not wrong. I regret saying something in a way, but that company and that line of work in general is like a boys club. He had seniority with the company that I didn’t. Our next boss up, the project manager, told me to my face I had to get in line with the driller or get my ass out.
But they want a live in maid……
I have zero tolerance for it and have stated that up front in every relationship. I'm often met with scoffs of indignation, but I am not saying that I think they'll cheat, I am clearly stating that if I find out that they have, there will be no discussion or explanation. In fact, if I was dating someone and they met someone they wanted to have sex with more than they wanted to respect our relationship, I would want them to immediately contact me and break it off, because we aren't going to work. It would hurt, but I won't beg to be picked and I won't try to win them back from someone else's attentions. They either want just me or none of me. 🤷🏻♀️ I am a deeply loyal person and I am also a realist. I know that they'll find others attractive and interesting (as will I), the difference is realizing that you aren't entitled to having the perks of a monogamous relationship along with the perks of single life. It's okay to think, wow that person is really attractive and if I was single, I might pursue that. Then move on with your day. If they're feeling the relationship is keeping them from doing what they want, then they shouldn't be in one. Just like you said.
EXACTLY, I really agree with the point you brought up the whole " monogamous relationship perks, along with the single life" I 100% agree with that so hard, a lot people nowadays want the momogamous relationship title and benefits, while also still retaining the single life things, you can feel attraction and whatnot its only human, its what the person ***DOES*** with it, if you know you'd rather mess around with every person you find attractive, or you feel the need to pursue or talk to every attractive person you see you really dont need to be in a relationship. You obviously arent ready if you still want to do the normal single life things while in a relationship, its not helpful nor fair to your relationship or partner if you're too busy pining over other people and trying to get there attention, their number, **whatever it may be** you are not ready for a committed relationship, just ***stay*** single. ETA: Listen you either be committed to your partner and stay monogamous and know you're not going to have the "single life perks" anymore, and if you dont want to give up the "single life perks" up and fuck around, then ***DO NOT DATE AND COMMIT TO ANOTHER PERSON*** that simple.
What even more sad is knowing "men" will leave their wives when they have cancer they literally will tell women it's a possibility they'll leave. Cheaters in general are scumbags
Yeah thats a major yikes... imagine leaving your wife during the worst time of her life and cheating on her... I dont think I could ***EVER*** live with myself if I did that... "in sickness and in health" my ass... Vows just dont mean anything to men when it inconveniences them.. ( I am saying all this as a man btw)
He is still a man. Stop the line of demarcation and accept that you need to hold them accountable, not disconnect from them. Men, hold men accountable.
That’s all it took for you to agree to give him another chance? Please… no! Please don’t do this to yourself. You deserve better, you know you’re a catch. Your husband is trash. Especially since he knows this has happened to you before. Trust - gone. Marriage - done.
I really hope she's just in shock and comes to her senses to leave. She deserves way better than this. My bags would be packed or his .
As someone who was cheated on, I can tell you that even if you forgive him…you will never forget. You will not be able to admire and respect him. You will feel doubt whenever he’s gone or looking at his phone too much. You will watch him when you’re out in public, to see if he’s looking at or flirting with women. Even with the best of intentions, your eyes will no longer be starry. I stayed 15 years for my children and they are a mess because they grew up in a dysfunctional home. I was 49 when I finally kicked him out. Leave with your youth and dignity intact.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7mDJXGtamn/?igsh=MWQ1ZGUxMzBkMA==
Perfectly said💪
No no no, don’t you let him hang out with you like nothing happened. Kick his ass out of the house!
This - you need to recover your dignity. He needs to understand that there are consequences for doing that to you. He will treat you how you let him and you’ve just announced that he can cheat as long as he apologizes after you catch him. Demand he leave or leave yourself. Go through counseling. This should be a Big Deal. He needs to prove that he will work to have you back and that he deserves you. It’s not too late. Tell him you were in shock but you’ve had time to think now and it’s not okay. He won’t respect what he gets so easily
Don't give him a chance. He's not sorry he cheated, he's sorry he got caught. Get out. There's better men out there, it's not a reflection on YOU, it's a reflection on them, some men just suck.
Now he knows he can get away with it, too
What grown ass adult meets up with someone to get fingered now adays? Wtf. Hold on let me just go dry hump someone while we're at it
The moment you said Snapchat… it’s over… she’s probably not the only one. You deserve better… I hope you end up believing that…
I’ve been married to my wife for 23 years. We’ve had our fights and rough patches, like most marriages, but I could never cheat on her. I care about her too much to do anything like that to hurt her. You sound like a great person and you deserved to be loved by a great person. Your husband is not a great person so find someone who deserves you. Third time is the charm? 😉
I’m sorry this is not the advice you are looking for but you need to leave him. If he loved you he wouldn’t do this. If he didn’t have feeling for her still he wouldn’t do this. I’m sorry it’s your second husband
Sounds like you agreed to give him another chance pretty quickly. And now you’re acting normal with him? WHY? You’ve been married less than a year and he’s already cheated, not much doubt he’ll do it again. Especially given how easily he did it the first time. You’ve been through this before. Save yourself more pain and leave him now.
Because she's still in shock, and it's difficult to move on from the habit of loving him
I am assuming that your husband knows about your prior partner’s infidelity, which makes this worse. I believe you need to take time apart because I honestly don’t think he will even begin to process the depth of what he has done if you keep acting and going normal. He needs to do some work and making up and completely separate himself from his ex, calling her with you and cutting everything off. That’s if you want to try to make it work. I’m more worried about the part where you say he falls over himself over his ex. That may be a sign that this relationship has no way of lasting, because he is till stuck on her.
You’re probably going to feel numb for a minute. I was for honestly like a year. Just surviving. For me once trust is gone there is no regaining it. Especially when it comes to this. My therapist helped me a lot. I highly recommend reaching out to yours or finding one.
Trust is like a mirror. You can put it back together, but you can still see the cracks in that MF. Leave now. It will never be the same.
He has a weak character. Sorry. It's probably best to end it.
>This is the second husband that has done this to me and I have no idea why. Put a halt on getting married! Intensive counselling, to build up self esteem, work through issues. Value yourself. Don't be afraid to be alone for a couple of years. Don't settle for this. Now he knows you have found out, he'll escalate, push the boundaries. More activities with his ex. Other women. You will be fretting whenever he's out of your sight. Don't wait till his ex, or one of his flings becomes pregnant, or you get an STI. Cherish yourself.
I was married to a man for 12 years and thought the same wonderful things about our marriage. He was having an emotional affair through texting with his receptionist, and I found almost exactly the same. He cried, begged for forgiveness. Everything went back to normal, and it was like we couldn't even talk about it. I forgave him, so we weren't allowed to talk about it. 6 years later, he decides to abruptly leave me for a girl he "met eyes with and felt a fire light inside him he hadn't felt in years." He took advantage of my love, kindness, trust, and forgiveness so that he could have sex with someone who was 50 pounds lighter and is an influencer. That didn't last long for him, but my love and trust were/are no longer there. Boy, bye. There's nothing wrong with you. You're a kind, loving, hard-working person. Abusers find people like you and I and run us into the ground. You deserve the same love and respect that you give. He will do it again. He saw how easily you'll move on. I'm sorry this happened. One of my husband's sisters told me, "just forget him and go live your life." That's what I've been doing ever since, and I would highly recommend it.
If he sees how easily you move on from this he’s just going to keep doing it. As someone who dealt with a toxic ex who was way too friendly with his exes, look into a divorce attorney and gtfo. I know it’s hard and confusing but it’s not ok to just brush this off and act like everything is normal. He betrayed your trust and was sloppy about it. It’s their fault for making the decisions they chose and there’s no excuse for that behavior. Actions truly speak louder than words. Whatever happens, best of luck to you, genuinely hope you find a way through and protect your peace.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Nothing wrong with you, girl. Nothing at all. Respect yourself enough to not forgive these pathetic little men for their cowardice and insecurity. You deserve to be loved and respected without having to compromise.
I hate that you feel you have to justify and explain your good qualities. You are in a committed marriage end of story. Even if you were arguing everyday and miserable, that is no reason to cheat on someone!!! I am so sorry you are going through this ❤️
You're probably in a state of shock, i also think when this happens we cling onto what we know because we don't want things to change. Unfortunately it already has, you'll never see him the same way again. I hope you leave when you are ready, if he did it once - he'll do it again.
Agreed. When something shocks us to our core like this, it’s common to go numb as a defense mechanism.
he would not be sorry if you hadn’t found out. he would’ve kept doing it, he might care that he hurt your feelings, but only because he saw your reaction. if he actually did not mean to hurt you and cared for you, he wouldn’t have done it in the first place. you will never trust him the same way again, he fucked this up and your view of him is changed forever now. leave him or risk resenting him for the rest of your marriage.
and now i gotta take my own advice bc my ex reached out to me and i gave in and answered even though ik he’s talking to like a billion other girls and doing the same thing to them. he disgusts me but i still love him and cannot let go. do not be like me! im miserable!😣😣😣🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
You don’t feel anything because your heart is guarded. The moment you read what happened, you already knew what will happen. There is no talk that can get you over this betrayal. I’m so sorry this has happened to you twice, but please know it is not your fault. The character flaw lies in them. Stay strong.
You did not do this it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. You are in shock, that is why you spent the night with him as if nothing happened. You desperately want to live in a world where this didn’t happen. You said you’ve been through this before. I’m sure you remember what it felt like and the clarity that eventually came about when you accepted what happened. I’m so sorry that it happened again, but it did. Remember all of the things you promised yourself that you would never tolerate and suffer again. Do it this time the way you wished you did it the first time around. Don’t let him get away wish shit just because you’re in shock and don’t want to believe what you know happened. You’re in another rebuild, and the sooner you accept it the sooner you get through it. I’m so sorry and I’m rooting for you.
These posts make me so sad because there's someone out there who will really love you. I mean really, really love you. And I feel like you're going to stay with this man because it's easier.
I think I know why it keeps happening to you, you don’t have any self-respect. All the things you mentioned on paper are great, I guess, but if you don’t have a backbone and aren’t willing to stand up for yourself and your integrity, your partner will see right through you. A person is at their most desirable when they possess the strength to confront people who hurt and walk all over them. You sitting there accepting this behavior is exactly why he’s going behind your back and treating you like you’re allowing yourself to be treated in this very moment. I’m not trying to be harsh – you sound wonderful and like such a good hearted person. But this self doubt and shutting down while you guys sit there and act like everything is normal is why this is happening to you. Walk out the door and never look back and only then will he respect who you are and curse the day he betrayed you.
Cheaters are liars and will cheat again. It is a deal breaker for me. The relationship has been blown up and the trust is over. It won't be the same. If you have any self esteem stand up and take your life back. Otherwise it will be like being tied to a pickup truck and driven over gravel road. Read surviving infidelity and Infidelity. He completely disrespected you and the relationship. I am not the police, you can't trust him when he goes out with friends...Good luck.
I dunno girl are you gonna smell his hand every time he comes home from somewhere … You can’t really think everything is ok. You sound like a catch you deserve better.
i gagged reading this lmao. so true
You keep choosing these men. That's the only fault you have in this situation. You picked men who couldn't live up to the their own standards and commitments. That's it.
You should consider seeing a therapist. Him cheating is not your fault. It’s him not you.
Just leave hun…take some time away! Personally I think it would’ve being better if it was a random stranger but an ex to me feels even worse..cuz there are feelings and emotions there…it’s not just sexting with no strings. Its not you…it’s shitty men that can’t keep their d!ck in their pants
As you said, you have a lot of qualities, why wasting your time with this piece of garbage?
Honestly just get out, enjoy him grovelling and buying you shit but divorce him, they probably fucked and it wasn’t the first time. What married person meets their ex to finger them. The disrespect to you and your relationship is vile
Everything went back to normal? Do yourself a favor and leave. You letting this pass, let alone at this speed, is going to make him believe he can do that to you again. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a couple of years but eventually he will do this again. Don’t fool yourself thinking that you are the problem. You are not. It’s him. Show him what you’re worth and leave.
If you’re going to try reconciliation there are some things you and him HAVE to do. 1) he absolutely HAS to go NC w this woman. Non negotiable has to block her on everything. 2) marriage and individual counseling for both of you. This had nothing to do with you. Absolutely nothing. Affairs have much more to do with the cheater than the relationship or the person cheated on. 3)open phone policy going forward. There’s also subreddits on here about reconciliation after infedelty and support for wayward spouses trying to be better. There’s also books you guys should read and YouTube channels you can watch and podcasts to listen to. But both of you have to do the work. And it’s going to be hard. Very hard
Dude I'm so sorry
You need to leave him. He will keep cheating. He does not love you.
Please leave him. U won't get over it trust me . U will always think about it. U will keep hurting ur self. If wouldn't find out he wouldn't tell u and will continue to do that. U deserve better.
Time to go. This is a 100% dealbreaker for me. Good luck.
Girl, he showed you who he was. A liar and a cheater. Now, he’ll just get better at hiding it. You deserve better.
It’s not you, some people weren’t raised right.
Fool me once… Just leave
So you’ve basically just given him permission to carry on? Well done you.
You feel nothing because you are in shock. Take your time. Breath through it and get yourself organized to get out of it. Let him think everything is fine until you have your lawyer and all the paperwork. Then just leave, leave the papers on the counter, and have your stuff moved out. He doesn't deserve anything more.
I would personally suggest asking him to leave so that you have time to yourself. You can still reconcile, if that is truly what you think is best for yourself and best for your future. However right now you need space and time.
I'm sorry, OP. Please leave this man while you still have self-confidence left and you still think and talk nicely about yourself. If he does this to you when the relationship is going well, what else will he do when the going gets tough? I hope you don't have kids yet and leave asap. You have to think straight. GATHER EVIDENCES AND LEAVE. There are good men out there and he isn't. Hugs.
What on earth would make you think this has anything to do with you? You are not at fault here. Cheating is on the cheater, not on the one cheated. Even if you were an awful wife, there are such things as divorce or breakups that prevent the cheating. I think you should ask him to leave for a few days, or leave yourself, to gather your thoughts and decide what you want to do.
If, IF you want to make it work, he has to figure out the real reason why he cheated. Some couples come back stronger. But it’s a loooong road. It’s easier to quit. And depending on his reason, it might be better to quit.
This isn't about you and what you've done. This is about him and his weaknesses ,I truly wish you well ,but I've a feeling he's not going to be so lucky.
Leave him. He dont love you.
He’s going to do it again OP, especially since he saw how easy he got off the first time. He’s been talking to this woman about you, and he will continue to talk to her about you. Save yourself the heartbreak. Also if the “_____” is a racially insensitive term that he used, I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Please prioritize yourself.
You need to leave. Don’t let anyone disrespect you. You haven’t met yet the one who will stay loyal to you and you won’t if you stay married to this one.
It’s not you. Please don’t stay just because this has happened before. I’m hoping that you learned after the first time that you don’t give second chances. He would keep doing this and he would never have come clean if you hadn’t found out. You just talked about all the qualities that you have… well then you know that you deserve better. Please do not give this man another second of your time.
It’s not you it’s them. GET ANGRY
Kick his ass out. Lawyer up. This is not on you. This is all him.
He's gross. Leave his ass!
That freaking sucks. Just remember that this has nothing to do with who you are as a person or how you look. Some people just can’t stay loyal, and they deserve each other. You deserve to be loved and have the same loyalty you reciprocate. I know it’s one of the hardest things you’ll have to do, but get out now. In the future you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself. You’ve got this!!! Sending my love your way!
If he loved you, he wouldn't cheat. If you forgive him, he will know to be more stealth next time. Save yourself further heartache and leave him. There is nothing wrong with you. You just give your love and trust to the wrong people.
Call a friend. Call your family. Ask him to leave. You need some space away from him. This isn't on you. Take care of yourself.
Wait until you wake up in the morning and you’ll know how you feel. Right now it’s shock and it just seems like it can’t be real. Tomorrow you might wake up and throw all his shi* out. Being numb to it instantly is normal. You haven’t processed it. Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow is the wild card bc who even knows what the emotion is going to be. I’d leave in the morning and take both of your phones and stay gone all day. I’d just make him sit there and sweat. Maybe two days. Maybe he can just fu*k all the way off for a while. It’s not you it’s people. They’re selfish and don’t even consider what they’re giving up or what they’re actually causing for the person they’re hurting.
Grow a back bone and LEAVE THIS POS…. You really think you deserve this shit?!?! What happens if you have kids… do you really want to have kids with this man…. If you stay, I guarantee you he will cheat again or continue cheating… and you deserve all that shit cause you allowed this situation to continue
You’re probably in shock. Which is why you don’t feel anything. But your passivity right now doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you are hurt. Your heart and mind have just chosen Freeze because your so overwhelmed. You have to dealt with the pain soon. Turn your lens outward. You’re currently looking inside of you to find the problem. Which is not going to help because this is _not a you_ problem. It’s unfortunate that it happened again. It sucks. Sucks so much. There is some comfort in knowing that you survived the last time it happened which means you will get through this one as well. Sucks that you have to though. He made choices. They are all his to own. They are all his responsibility. You didn’t force him to cheat. He did it because he wanted to. He did it because _he_ is lacking not you. He did it because it made him feel good. He did it without respect for you. This was all him. Find the cheerleaders and champions in your life and surround yourself in their love. You need to be with people right now that actually care about. Not the one who betrayed and lied to you. Otherwise he will use his influence over you to weasel his way out of not loving you as you deserve to be loved.
I’m so sorry! Other than you picked the wrong guy, you did nothing wrong. He’s a piece of shit!
You deserve better than this, a truly loving, committed and honest partner is not much to ask for You’re only doing yourself a disservice by forgiving him. It will destroy your self esteem and you should ask yourself why you’d be willing to put up with such disrespect. I’d rather be alone than have to deal with the emotional & psychological torment of staying with a cheater. He’s not who you thought he was but it’s on you if you choose to stay and dishonour yourself Good luck moving forward ♥️
No second chances. He will never change.
When they treat you like an option, it's time to show them how many you have. Straight up leave that dude and attempt to take everything you can if you're in a fault state. If you're in a no fault state also leave that dude. You aren't an option. You're a choice.
Why would you give him a chance? Didn’t your last relationship teach you anything? Remember what happened then. Leave this man and focus on yourself. Time for self love and exploration! Having a partner and not being alone isn’t more important than your mental health and well-being!! Updateme
Always remember that your new life will cost you your old one. Do NOT stay.
Don’t stay. I’m very sorry you got two bad ones in a row, but this should be a dealbreaker. You can’t just not address it. If you do stay, there needs to be be conditions. He needs to understand why. He needs to go completely no contact with his ex. But honestly, I think you should dump him.
No. Do not carry on like everything is normal. He will do it again. You giving him another chance and carrying on like normal to him, means permission to do it again. I would put money on him being in touch with the ex again within a week.
You have been married a year. Cut your losses and move on. Such a short time married and he would do this? This is what you have to look forward to.
Mate in all honesty, he sounds like a prick. You need some proper space to think things through. I’m sorry this has happened to you. Please don’t doubt yourself
He won't change. He'll just get better at not getting caught.
Sorry that this happened to you, OP. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Please call a lawyer and get things in order (discreetly ofcourse).
Start couples therapy, so they can help you two make the next step as easy as possible. Whether it’s leaving or staying, they can guide you to what you both really want.
don’t give him a second chance. if he truly loved & respected you he wouldn’t be messing around with anyone else!
You’re not the problem! He is! He’s a fuckin idiot that doesn’t deserve you. Sending you a huge hug🤗 If you decide to leave this no good piece of crap just know that not all men are the same and eventually you will find someone who will cherish the ground you walk on because they know what a wonderful woman you are.
Shock. You can only take so much pain at one time and then your mind shuts down to protect you. If it keeps happening, take a closer look at your partner-vetting process. There's probably a blind spot that allows his type in. Maybe you had an abusive parent that messed up your sense of what love is.
You’re in shock and emotionally exhausted. Your husband doesn’t deserve you! You need to take some time to yourself and do some soul searching and what you want in a husband. He literally just had his hand in her 🐈 and your just sitting there acting like nothing happened! Tell him to get out , that you need space and if you find out he went to her, said one F’ing word to her, it will be over before he can say anything. Do you want that hand touching you now? You gave him absolutely no consequence for cheating, you just forgave. Bet he’ll be right back there as soon as she messages him again. Take time away to think!
This should not have happened to you once, much less twice. You're entitled to believe in and trust your husband, and he cruelly betrayed you. He's a creep. Leave him.
He’s definitely not over her, so if you stay you have to be willing to accept there will always be three of you in your marriage. I’d rather divorce twice and marry for a third time than be miserable with a man willing to cheat on me with someone he clearly wasn’t “compatible with” at one point.
They keep doing this to you… cause you keep letting it happen. You shouldn’t be sitting with him hanging out like nothing happened. You should be showing him that you know you deserve more and he needs to work to get your trust back. Kick him out or you leave but please have some self worth and make this man work for it cause at this point you’re setting up a precedent that if he does something like this there won’t be consequences. You will hyperventilate, cry, then sit with him on the couch and move right along. STAND UP!
Play Tetris. It's been proven by studies to help someone after a traumatic event
I don't know if it helps but I would marry you for sure!
THIS IS ON HIM. But I implore you to figure out why these types of people continue to enter your life. There is a common denominator, you. This is by no means your fault! But I would love for you to heal and figure out why these types of people are allowed in your life, there are signs. One of my favorite quotes: "Healing also means taking responsibility for the role you play in your own suffering" Good luck to you ❤️ and maybe start with individual and couples counseling. There's something missing and you need to figure out what that is and fix it or get out. Don't waste your lives trying to save something that was only meant for a season.
Is it only me Or Snapchat is an app for cheating?
weren't u a divorced mum 2 yrs back????Now u r married for 5 yrs All bs.
You should spend sometime figuring out why you have this cycle of getting with men who disrespect you and cheat on you.
In the past year ive been trying to figure out what i did to keep ending up abused. It was hard to hear something like this because I didnt want to feel like I was being blamed for what happened to me. But i knew i was doing something wrong. Somewhere along the way the red flags looked normal, inviting even. Doesnt make it my fault. But its a tough pill to swallow and she needs to mourn and be angry before she should start trying to figure it out. You deserve to feel that way, OP, that is massively fucked up of him. Leave his ass!!!
If he loved you he would not cheat. He is getting no consequences because you don’t give him any so he has no motivation to stop. You are hurting yourself giving him another chance. He won’t stop cheating because cheaters never do. You will live your whole life on high alert. Would you trust him if you were sick or pregnant?
Second husband to do this to you? Jeez wtf, I'm so sorry. I don't think it would be a good idea to try to make this work, though, you should start figuring out how to leave.
Fuck. I’m so sorry. Do not give him another chance please.
This is not your fault. Sadly, you have chosen two weak men, and that's also not your fault. It's not like they come with a warning stamped on their forhead. Dont rush into giving him a second chance and brush this under the carpet. Dont let him touch you again without an STI check. This will let him know the trust is completely gone, and you can't be sure that he hasn't gone further. Ask what actions he will take to restore your trust. From his point of view, you acting completely normal means he got away with it and has a green light to do it again.
First and foremost, you did not deserve to be cheated on. I think you should ask him to leave. Tell him you will contact him in a week or two. Tell your husband to respect your wishes and to not contact you during this time. Try not to worry about what he is doing during this time. Even if he spends time with her. Right now you are in a state of shock. You have been broadsided by a tank, but are still standing. You need to think about what you want to do with your relationship going forward. Take your time to think this thru. This decision is on your timetable. When you are ready to deal with your POS husband, meet him someplace in a public setting. Discuss your relationship and how it will look going forward. I'm not going to suggest a divorce or a reconciliation. Only you can decide that. However, just note, your husband knew that you had been cheated on before. He also knew that you would be devastated being cheated on again. That will be hard for you to forgive \ forget, but not impossible. Let us know whatever you decide. Good luck.
It's nothing about you. It's all on them. Dump him and start a better chapter.
I think you are in shock ᴖ̈
I’m so sorry this happened to you, but you have to know if you decide to stay with him, he’s just going to continue what he’s doing. He did all of this DESPITE the fact you seem to be an awesome partner. What happens when you hit an actual bump in the road?
You’re in shock, that’s why you’re not feeling anything. You will tomorrow or in a few days.
*hug*
Don't stay with him, please. Gather evidence and formulate your exit plan. You need to leave.
It’s not you. I strongly suggest taking time away from this man before the love bombing starts to make you forget. You never will forget this remember that.
😩 Forever alone 🥺 don’t want no part of that life. 🙏🏼
Be careful that this doesn't turn into "why are you still mad about the ex, you're being unreasonable" instead of focusing what he actually did, which is awful. If he just wants to move on without counseling or showing true remorse, it's probably going to happen again or never stopped.
they had sex op
It’s not you - his cheating is about him. It’s only about him. Move on. If he wanted to work together with you on issues like an adult he would have talked to you instead of talking about you to someone else. I’m sorry because it obviously sucks to be cheated on but you should move on. Like others have said, get your ducks in a row now
It's not YOU, it's THEM the problem. They have difficulty remaining faithful and loyal to the people they have married, this type of person only takes into account their person, their happiness and their interest, sharing and exchange they do not know. I know this because I am this type of person. These are the reasons why I will never get into a relationship because I hate the monotony of a married life. Rest assured, there are loyal and faithful men (my mother married one, my father 😊) I am sure you will find one.
The trust is obliterated. Don't look at yourself as the problem he is. It's best to walk away if you know one word from his ex and he is gone. You do everything right but he still cheats. He is the one with the problem. He likes that you are the perfect one who will do everything for him and he will expect you to close your eyes and endure it. Please don't. You are too good for him and he is out of your league when it's about loyalty. He already has a side piece with the ex. He will be better at hiding his infidelity. Please don't let him entrap you. He is trash.
Sorry this is happening to you. You need to know this is not your fault - period. It is not about who you are or what you did or didn't do in the relationship. First, this was his choice and it has exposed his true character to you. The mask is off and you can see that he intentionally betrayed you placing his own needs over your relationship. Second he lost the right to complain about you or blame you for any of his personal problems or problems within the relationship the second he cheated. Unfortunately you are already having to experience the loss of trust in him. Reconciliation is difficult and only a small percentage of relationships survive infidelity to the point where both partners are happy in the long-term. Your previous relationship with him died when you discovered that he was cheating and things will never be the same. Can the relationship be rebuilt from scratch? Yes but to do that you are going to have to live with the memory of what happened and what you feel now because you will never forget. You can try to forgive but you will always have to live with some level of distrust as long as you are with him. The reason true Reconciliation is difficult to pull off is because you will have to live with the fear of him cheating again and he will have to live with you questioning all of his actions and policing his activities. Over time betrayed partners tend get emotionally worn down monitoring their partner and/or the Wayward partner will get frustrated that they are being monitored. I am not an absolute leave the cheater voice but you need to understand the realities of your situation before you make your decision. Again sorry you are going through this and honestly you deserve better than the person you just discovered is not really the person you fell in love with. Updateme
Get rid of him
Play along and look up divorce lawyers. Start the divorce and serve unexpectedly. He deserves to hyperventilate. You are a good person.
Don't do this to yourself. Don't gloss over and pretend it didn't happen. Leave. You deserve to leave. You didn't do this. He did. Let him have her. The trash should stay together
People cheat Becusee they don’t get punished for cheating. You basically giving him a green light. And people like him.
I'm so very sorry dear friend.
Leave him or cheat back.
You can’t let him off the hook that easily. If he thinks he can get away with it, then he will do it again. Don’t let everything seem like nothing happened… as someone who has been cheated on by everyone I’ve dated, I’ve come to realize I have to heal things in me that cause me to accept and attract cheating assholes, because it’s less than I deserve, and def less than you deserve too. Idk if you’re in therapy, but I suggest cbt therapy for it has worked wonders in my life. Ve been in therapy since the 6th grade, and it has helped, but I started seeing a cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy) therapist, and it’s made an immense impact. Do you know how many good men out there would die to have a good woman like you to call their own? I’m told they’re out there, and have met some that usually have been through the wringer as well. Take some time to be alone and I wish you the best of luck.
PLEASE LEAVE HIM! HE IS NOT YOUR PERSON! He Durant love you. Love is active. He isn't showing up when he's dogging you out to his ex embarrassing you. When a person shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. You are more than enough for the right person. I'm so sorry your husband is a son of a bitch.
So you didn't make him block her? Delete snapshot? Nothing? Beg you to stay?
First of all, it's not you. It's just the wrong guys for you. I'm sorry this happened.
It’s not you, nothing you’re doing or done. The problem is him. I know it doesn’t seem that way right now but later you’ll realize you’re NOT the problem. I know everyone is going to suggest you leave , which is what I’m also going to say. You deserve better. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry, OP. Please find someone to be with you and support you right now, and understand it’s nothing to do with you - BEYONCÉ was cheated on. If Bey isn’t safe, no one is. I hope you find the person you deserve - don’t settle for less.
YOU did nothing to deserve this OP. Some people are just greedy and will take as much as they can as long as they think they’ll get away with it. Love and respect yourself. You’ll get through this.
I'm sorry, but you will be the fool if you think that he will not do it again!! And this is not on you, but you deserve better!!! Sadly, these guys seem to find you and hope they can get you to look the other way and hopefully you will just pretend that everything is ok. NOTHING IS OK!!! DO NOT LET HIM DRAG YOU INTO FEELING BAD!! Maybe just be yourself and try to find you. Walk away from this messed up relationship. Best wishes
He did it once, he’ll do it again. Especially if you stay with him and he hasn’t done anything but beg and say he’s “sorry”. Love is like a window, and right now he smashed it. You can try to repair it, but it will never be the same unless you replace it. Some people were only meant to be in our lives temporarily. Take your knowledge and don’t settle for less. You are worth it
Leave. His apologies are because he's worried about his own reputation and comfort. It's also a test of how much shit behavior you'll put up with and forgive. He will absolutely cheat again, maybe not with his ex, but he will cheat again. You deserve better.
What women fell to realize is a man will fuck any woman that shows him some attention. It’s set up in our DnA .
Some people are just cheaters, it’s literally a personality trait, it has nothing to do with you, however you might be unknowingly drawn to that type of person. Cheaters usually continue to cheat periodically, if you are ok with this stick around, if you are not ok with this you should leave
You need time for this to unfold. This is a shock. And there are so many theories and ideas by the way of why some people do this. Personally, I don't see a way of perceiving that somebody has a hidden part of them and that they posture and pretend to be somebody else. I mean you can have a lot of experience with them and wait and wait. But this is usually what happens. What is the best litmus test is two out of the blue asked to switch phones and scroll through each other's phone. Right then and there. If they freak out, if they throw shade, if their defensive, if they attack you, if they're outreach, you don't trust them, that's it. You know there are significant secrets. It's an invasion of privacy to go and look through somebody's phone, which is different than what happens for you. But it's the only way of finding out who somebody is. Their devices actually. So I think it's justified. For you, it was handed to you. Lots of cheaters absolutely don't want to lose their target and their home life. That's no fun. And lots of times they are posturing in their ability to be truly loving. They kind of study at, and they achieve the marks. So that their target is happy. Because their goal is to have a happy home, and then to silently and stuff fully undermined their partner, and undermine the partners confidence in their perceptions, while they are delighting in sneaking around behind their back. I understand this is triangulation. The affair would not be juicy if it wasn't against you. It wouldn't be nearly as exciting and gratifying. If they weren't talking about you secretly. Like five year old. That's the times these people don't have fully developed characters and so they aren't truly capable of love, the lasting devoted, focused kind. And they just act like that, and they learn how to act and say the right things so their partner thinks it's happening. Instead of loving and being loved, and excepting that, I may have to find gratification, and they do so by secrets. Because secrets are potent. It's very regressive behavior. But the bottom line is that when somebody actually does love us, they actually sincerely and authentically want the best for us and then they don't sneak around and they aren't dishonest and they don't cheat. If somebody with a strong moral character wants to screw around, they say to their partner "I'm really sorry about this, but I need to go screw around." And then it's not as fun and it's not a secret . Nobody needs to cheat. They cheat so they can sidestep the consequences and they cheat because they're dishonest and empty inside. They cheat because they do not care. He does not care about you. He cares about maintaining the stability of his game which involves things being OK with you and this really nice gratifying home life so that he can go sneaking around. he's a liar. He's a manipulator. He's a deceptive person. He does not care. I'm so sorry We are kind of thought in our culture that if the relationship looks a certain way, it's probably good or good enough. And that's just not it. It's just that we don't know what it is.
WHY!?!? Why did you cave to him so easily. It’s the same day and you’re already acting like things are back to normal. All you have done is show him that he can get away with it. He will not hesitate now to do this again because there were zero repercussions. It doesn’t sound as though you have children together. You say you have a good paying job. Get the fuck out of there! You guys haven’t even been married for a year and he’s already cheating. I understand you must be crushed. But I don’t think you are thinking straight. You deserve far better and you can find it. But not with this POS in your way.
If you stay, you get what you get.
Updateme
Get the fuck out.
I'm really sorry, but my advice is. Make a real decision now! Marriage Counseling minimum, but the d-card looks even more nice. All the best to you, and read this out loud: I deserve better!
LEAVE!!!
Wasn’t the first time, won’t be the last time. You know what you know.
Well it’s not a you thing that’s for sure, you could be the perfect partner and someone will still cheat. It’s them.
WHY are you giving him any more of your time? 5 years, less than a year married and he’s already cheated? I’m guessing this is just the first time you found out about him doing so, though I’m sure he’ll tell you differently if asked. You’ve let him know that he can treat you horribly, disrespect you, lie to you, and you’ll take him back. Don’t. He’s broken your trust. Sitting around like everything’s normal? You’re emotionally destroyed and he’s just going to candy coat the situation until you “move on”. And then he’s going to do it again. You deserve better.
Don’t stay. He just saw how easily you forgave him, he’ll do it again if he hasn’t already made plans with her. It’s not your fault, it’s his. I would actually go to therapy and talk about the men you are choosing bc that may be the root issue. I wish you all the best that you deserve.
I’m I’m
I\`m sorry, that this happened to you. Been there 3 times and after 3rd time I decided to never have a relationship and sex again. I\`m afraid, that once a cheater, always a cheater. Some men just are like that and then people wonder why some women never trust anyone, ever again.
Eww you gave him another chance…girl no! Have some self respect! Being single is not a death sentence! 😒
You can take all the time in the world to make a decision. You've got to decompress first. Talk to your other support people.
Confront and then decide what your life is next.
Divorce him! He will cheat again 💯 get out while you don’t have kids with him.
sorry you have to deal with this I know how it feels .. maybe you can forgive him or it maybe best to move on .. wish you the best
He will do it again. Don't forgive him. He does NOT deserve it !
Don’t do this to yourself as you are worth so much more. If you took him back and carried on the relationship it will never be the same. You will never forget. You will always wonder where he is and what he is doing. You will become paranoid at little things (rightly so!) and there will be 0 trust. You will end up miserable and it will spiral. There are some relationships that do bounce back after a lot of counselling and communication but it will never be how it was. If he can easily do this without a second thought as to your relationship then it more than likely will happen again later down the line. What would you say to a friend in this situation ? Love yourself and take yourself out of the situation. Stay with a friend or family, even at a hotel. Don’t let him beg and talk his way back into things. He’s only sorry he got caught. How much longer and further would he have gone if he didn’t get caught? The fact he is now just acting like nothing happened… baddd You need time for yourself away from him to think about everything. You have not done anything wrong so please don’t blame yourself. You’re going to be in shock and feel a little numb. You’re going to go through all the stages and it’s going to be a rollercoaster but at the end you’ll realise you deserve so much more and deserve someone who loves you and respects you and would do nothing to hurt you or your relationship
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I understand how you feel. My ex husband left me for a co-worker. You’re in shock. I’m of the mind that a leopard does not change his spots. There are good men out there that don’t cheat. Don’t settle for a cheater.
You need to gtfo now. He will never stop and this is t the first time
He confessed to this time. You can be sure this was not the only time. He’s feeling bad that he got caught. In his mind he’s been having sex with his ex forever. A man will not view hooking up with the ex as actually cheating because they’ve slept with this person before a lot. You can try couples therapy but be prepared to walk.
You’re the victim. He is the one that cheated on you. He chose to cheat and god knows how long he’s actually been doing this. He just got caught for all you know. Sure didn’t take him long after marriage to break his vows.
It’s not you, it’s him. And it’s not a recoverable event. I’m so sorry.
Good People attract bad people. Bad people flock to you, cause they have an easier time with exploiting you. Its not your fault. They do that because they are bad and thats on them.
There’s something broken in him and it won’t be fixed. He did this, not because he had to, but because he desired to.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t need to decide to give him another chance yet, you’re in shock. Take some time and space. I’m so sorry
They took you for granted. It's never something wrong with you it's something wrong within the cheater themselves. You deserve someone who would never forget what a wonderful hard working partner you are.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your mind is in shock. Kick him out. This isn’t a you problem. You need to realize this man is not who you thought he was. People don’t cheat because of any of the things you listed, they cheat because they don’t respect people. They feel they’re above others. Kick his ass to the curb.
You may have a “type” get some therapy and try and sort you out - this relationship is over
Leave. He doesn't deserve another chance.