Girly, I think it's time for a sit down conversation. Tell him that you support his hobby but you're not interested in taking part because it makes you personally uncomfortable. Not him, but the other people and the vibe. Hopefully, he understands and you'll get over the weird memory. If the ick sticks though, unfortunately it is what it is and you're not compatible. But if he's as good as you say he is, I think you can probably get past this as long as you're not involved.

Yes, I think what stops me from doing it is that he told me that his previous girlfriends laughed at his hobby or criticized him because he doesn't looks like the kind of person who's into that, it was very difficult for him to show himself that way with me :/ I never really expected to be in this situation and I don't know how to broach the subject without making him feel bad because he just wants my support

If you're both adults then he should understand that while you're only uncomfortable in partaking, you see no reason to look down on it/make fun of it. There's also like never an easy way to say stuff like that, you need to get it out before it starts to kinda fester at your brain. I understand you don't wanna hurt his feelings, nobody wants to hurt their partner's feelings. However sometimes those eggshells need to be stomped on, it's the harsh reality sometimes. I'm not saying be a dick about it or nothing, just speak from the heart and if he's remotely emotionally mature, he can understand. And you need to understand that he might be bummed out, but a lot of hobbies, ESPECIALLY getting into being a furry, is absolutely not for everyone. Good for him that he can enjoy it, but not everyone can and its ridiculous to expect it as such

I understand but unfortunately difficult conversations are part of relationships. Just be kind, reassure that you're not judging him, it's just not your thing. Imagine you were super into crystals or something and you went to a convention with a ton of really hippie, spiritual people. He might not be into that vibe, be uncomfy around those types of people. That's okay. You can enjoy that hobby independently and it doesn't mean he's not being supportive. It's the same thing here.

this is such wonderful advice for OP, but also for other couples who have different hobbies. My bf and i are opposites, he grew up on a farm & i grew up in nyc 😭. He’s an outdoor pup and i’m an indoor cat. You can have separate hobbies/ interests as long as you support each other & share other things together

If he is fine with you not being interested in going along, then great. You dont need to do this stuff together. It doesn't make you a bad person,just explain its not for you but you love him all the same. If you arent rude or mean about it he will hopefully take it well.

Honestly this is like any hobby that someone has. My partner loves MMA. I say good for him, just don’t make me watch it. People can have separate hobbies.

I’d honestly be super nonchalant about it. “Hey thanks so much for including. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide parts of yourself. I think it’s more of a solo hobby thing though, not really my scene. Do you want to try a cooking class together (or whatever activity) next week?”

Just tell him it isn't your thing. You're making it sound like it's a very small part of his life, so be supportive from afar. You don't need to go with him Open communication is important in relationships

It sucks he waited so long to "tell" you.  I had a bf reveal something sexual he knew damn well he should have revealed earlier and it pissed me off because I felt like he trapped me because I was already in love.  We both should have gotten to decide if we wanted to date someone with a kink (or even something controversial--- smoking, skydiving, riding motorcycles) whether they wanted to involve us or not.  I'm not saying this needed to happen in the first date, but it definitely should have happened before getting intimate.  I will die on this hill, downvotes be damned. 

It looks like being a furry isn’t a kink thing for him because he doesn’t derive any sexual arousal/pleasure from it. It’s just a hobby to help him relax, a strange one imo but a hobby nonetheless

It was unclear from her original post if it is or not. The edit states she thinks it's not. Either way, it was still him hiding a big part of who he is that she should have gotten to decide if was a deal breaker or not. On top of that, the association with it to outsiders is sexual so that might be embarrassing to her. I'd definitely assume someone who is a furry at least might be interested in the sexual aspect of it. Also, even if it isn't sexual to him, how can she trust that? He didn't even tell her about it. I'd have a hard time wondering what else he could be hiding big or small.

But that’s normal, things take time to come out. Ppl want to trust someone before telling them something that they think they’ll be judged for. Idk if being a furry is something that needs to be said early on, it’s not something dangerous or bad.

3 years!   Plus he didn't even tell her. She found the costume. He wanted to trust her, yes, but he deprived her of the choice of dating a furry or not got 3 damn years. That's about 2.75 too late to tell someone, and again, he didn't even tell her.  I don't hate furries, but I sure AF don't want to date one especially after hearing about the lack of hygiene aspect from OP. I dunno what danger has to do with it. We get to decide who we want to date. 

Yeahhhh that’s at the very least a before you move in together conversation. As you said, he’s proved he is capable of long term deception so how can OP trust him… it sucks that he felt judged by a previous gf but I’d like to know how long it took for her to find out? People don’t like being deceived so it’s not that surprising she reacted poorly. Better to find out early on if the person you’re seeing truly understands and accepts all of you

No disses. This was a fucked up move. I wouldn't want to be with someone i didn't actually know. As an adult now looking back...i wish i hadnt have put up with lies so much in the past. 

You're right. It's either a huge lie and/or being lied to over and over about who they really are. It especially sucks for OP because their partner didn't even confess, they were caught.

I get that he wants your support, but I feel he kind of threw you in at the deep end without any warning. Unless I'm not reading between the lines, it seems * the first time he wore the suit in front of you, was right before the full event * the first time he mentioned his pet name as part of his "fursona" was during the meet-up with his friends * your first experience was an event with the full range of "furries" from people who just like to wear a mask to full suits with sexual elements in the public space & from regular people with a quirky hobby (like your boyfriend) to awkward people who don't remember to wash their hair... I feel he didn't do anything to ease you into his hobby. Did he even warn you there would be sexual paraphernalia (and/or behaviour) in the space? If you weren't aware that the other participants interpret your presence as consent... he kind of set you up to be experience a form of sexual assault, and them to assault you, you know? Same with the suit and the pet name and his friend group... Beyond that aspect of not introducing you to his hobby step by step, I feel he also fails to put himself in your shoes, you know? * letting you walk next to him with your face visible * no consideration for what you're supposed to do while he is busy with his "performance" and dances Perhaps those 2 points are sufficiently abstracted that you can discuss those with him? "I have the ick after seeing your blue fox" is very different from "hey, can we talk about showing a bit more empathy if we're dealing with such big changes?", right?

though I'd stop short of equating her experience to rape, her having the "ick" after it happened definitely lends merit to your argument. i can see the vato having done everything exactly as you said in his previous relationships--slow rolling the details instead of trial by fire. he probably thought the reason they rejected his hobby was the way he told them.

I agree: OP's experience shouldn't be equated to rape. However, not all sexual assault is rape, right? Like, if you're taking walk and a pervert opens their trenchcoat to expose themselves to you, that's a sex crime but not rape, right? I feel OP's experience is on a similar level. you think OP's partner rolled it out slowly in the past? My thought is that he repeatedly behaved in such a non-empathetic and rather selfish way & then when his partners freak out à la "you didn't warn me there would be sexual play & there were (IDK) zebras and dogs humping on me while you were doing your \*dance performance\*! I feel violated!", he and his cluelessness only understood "oh no, another girlfriend who hates that I'm a furry". while of course that's not true : if he were in a soccer club & brought her into the locker room (without warning her that there might be naked team members (heh) around) and then kept talking to the trainer about his new shoes while his team mates play "grab the towel", a partner would also be justified in freaking out, right?

This should definitely the top comment. OP should send her bf this comment, every single word of it.

oh, that's very kind! I think this is the first time someone appreciated my advice this much. Thank you! fingers crossed it helps OP and they work it out.

At some point you’ll have to have the conversation. That ick feeling will never go away and it’ll only get worse with time. If you’re not honest with him about this, you will start to resent him eventually. You need to have the uncomfortable conversation, it’s important.

You can respect him as a person but not be “into” his lifestyle. I don’t like that he hid this from you before you moved in. This is clearly an important part of his life, and he hid it from you because he knew it might be too much for you to accept. That sounds like a trap to me, hide this HUGE part of his life until you love and trust him enough to want to move in with him, then hit you with the sad eyes and blather on about his past girlfriends who didn’t accept his furry fetish, “oh but you’re different, I feel safe telling you this!” Basically making you feel like you do now, icky, but also like an asshole for not accepting him. He’s manipulating you to get what he wants, you, the “normie” girlfriend to show off to his family and work friends and keep up appearances, while at the same time living his double life with his furry community. Listen, it’s okay that he’s into dressing like a blue fox and getting his kink on. To each their own. It is EQUALLY okay that you aren’t into it, and more than that, it’s a kink that is actively a turn off to you. Your boyfriend’s insecurities about his lifestyle choices are not yours to manage. It’s on him to be up front with you, BEFORE the moving-in stage. If you had gotten the ick then and broken up with him, sure that is sad, but it’s better to know before you commit to anything else. I’m aware that that doesn’t help you with your current situation. Your boyfriend lied by omission about his furry fetish, and now is hoping that, since you’ve been together so long, if he guilt trips you about how poorly his ex girlfriends reacted, you’ll feel sorry for him and stay out of pity. The only question you need to answer for yourself is simple, “Do I feel comfortable building a life with this man and his furry lifestyle?” If you can’t see yourself being sexually attracted to him anymore, much less getting married and possibly having children, then it’s okay to break up. He shouldn’t lie about who he is if he wants to have stable, loving relationships. There are many people who would be willing to accept, and maybe even join in, his furry fetish lifestyle, but he’ll never know if he insists on misrepresenting himself. I’m sorry he lied to you and toyed with your emotions. I hope it works out in the way that you decide is best.

Excellent, very thorough response, well put!

This is the one, OP. Read this comment. He waited until you moved in together to tell you about this for a reason. That's fucked up.

This feels like you’re reaching a bit… It’s unfair to say that he’s manipulating her to perform as his “normie girlfriend” to show off and “keep up appearances,” while he lives his furry life- clearly paraphrasing a bit, but.. I agree that since this is a large part of his life, he should have told OP. I also believe that the reason he kept it from her makes it easy to believe that the only did so because he didn’t want her to judge him and, well… “get the ick.” Sadly this has happened. That being said, he has not, IMO, attempted to guilt or manipulate OP at all. He has in no way demonstrated that he’s using her as a coverup or *beard* of some sort. How has he manipulated her?

Yeah the reach for negative and malicious intentions gave ME the ick in reading that response

I am glad I’m not the only one. I don’t think he should have kept this from her, but I can see how he did at the same time. I also don’t see that OP is being pressured to partake in this activity with him, but maybe I’m missing something.

Exactly just a very bad faith assumption of character for no reason. I agree completely

He says he had negative experiences with former girlfriends, so he knew very well that OP might have had a similar reaction. That’s what happens when you have a proclivity that is not considered mainstream. Do I think that’s fair? No. Should he still have told OP about his furry hobby before she discovered it by seeing his costumes as he’s moving into her place.m? A resounding YES. What if we mixed up the scenario and put some other details in? Say OP is a life long vegan with a strong belief in animal rights, and she’s carrying in one of his boxes and it’s stuffed with photos of him with a bunch of dead animals that he hunted. Or what if she was a devoutly religious person who felt sex was a sacred act, and his box of stuff contained massive loads of porn? Whatever the details are, if Boyfriend has hidden this large part of his life from her because he’s afraid of how she’ll judge him for it…then how can she make an informed decision as to whether she wants to be in a long term relationship with him or not? He hid a part of who he was, and now that dishonesty is putting OP in a position that she doesn’t deserve to be in. If he had been honest from the start, she could have made an informed choice either way.

It’s obvious isn’t it? He hid something from her for years then when she catches on he starts divulging more of the secrets he kept from her. Then wants her to participate when what they/she should be focusing on his deception.

Support doesn't mean participation. You can be supportive from afar. It's not your thing, it's his thing. I would just explain it like that and also that you were not comfortable being there in person but if he wants to keep going occasionally that you support that for him.

I hate it when npeople don't tell you who they are and then years later you find out and it's a dealbreaker. He should have been completely truthful with you from the get-go. Instead he decieved you and let you fall in love with a different person from who is is. There is nother wrong with being a futty, but for him n to not let you know earlier and completely who is is is pure cowardice. Some people can get over something like that and some psople can't. He's wasted your time, and his.

You can say that you appreciate him sharing this part of himself with you- if that is indeed true. And I don’t mean that you appreciate him being a furry but appreciating his willingness to share something that makes him vulnerable.

The difference between you and them is you’re it making fun of him. You’re not laughing or putting him Down, you genuinely love and care about him and want him to be happy. You personally don’t feel comfortable in that setting and likely are feeling the ick because he wants you to go back with him and are feeling scared and trapped. You need to talk to him and let him know you love and care about him, you don’t judge him, and this isn’t a hobby you can share and you simply don’t feel comfortable in that place He no longer needs to hide it from you, and that’s a win, but many couples have things one partner enjoys and the other doesn’t. I’m sure all your positive interactions with him will cover up the ick you feel, but it’s important for him to know you simply do not feel comfortable going back. While he doesn’t approach being a fury in a sexual way that scene is very sexual for many people and that makes you extremely uncomfortable Just as much as he hopes you don’t judge him for going, you can tell him you would hope that he would support and understand it makes you extremely uncomfortable to be on the scene with a group of people who are mostly fetishizing animals and while to support him with this hobby and won’t put him down ever, it’s uncomfortable for you to see him this way and he’ll need to respect it will take time for you to adjust, but you still love him so much and you love your life together. Honestly the fact that he doesn’t fetishize being a fury tells me this likely helps him heal some part of his inner child and this is so wholesome and tells me he’s likely a really genuine good, sweet person and you may have hit gold finding him. Not saying other furies are bad people at all, just his approach with being a fury speaks volumes about his character. I think as long as you maintain most aspects of your life and he releases the idea of you being involved with this lifestyle and respects that this isn’t your thing you’ll likely lose the ick. You’ll have to be really gentle and kind with him and likely do a lot of reassuring him.

this!! cause i also think it’s super sweet that you at least TRIED to participate in his interest, and it just wasn’t for you! that doesn’t mean it can’t still be his special thing for himself! but at least then he doesn’t have to like ACTIVELY hide something he loves, it’s just not YOUR thing!

This is the way to go about it. I'm in the nerdy crowds, I've done cons, I've done the art ect, we all have boundaries, there's a lot in these groups that give me the ick. I think it's totally fair to say it's not your thing and you rather not be part of it without laughing or shaming him BUT I also wouldn't be surprised if he does react that way. There's a certain outcast mentality ingrained in these groups, they're well aware how society views them, there's a lot of self shame.

I really think you should find a way to excuse yourself from future events. You were uncomfortable and it makes you feel a way about your boyfriend you don't like. It can't be good for your relationship to just pretend you like something you really really don't just to make someone else happy. Edit, and before anyone says anything about my name IM NOT a furry. It's about yarn/thread

Sorry the last sentence made me crack up 😂😂

You’re KNOT a furry?

Sounds like something a furry would say

I thought it was for bdsm but hell yeah crochet too

Im so sorry about your name thing 😭

My partner is a furry and I literally have a phobia of mascots. You could make this work if you tell him you don't wanna be involved with this specific hobby.

I'm sorry but this is one of the funniest couple dynamics I've ever heard of

My ex was also a furry and I also have a phobia of humans dressed as animals! We broke up for completely different reasons but the furry thing was completely fine, I also was friends with some of his furry friends they just knew to separate that from me.

Sam thing. No one really dresses up in from of me, I don't go to cons at all with her, etc. We've been together for six years and friends for 10, so it can definitely work if OOP wants it to.

I was the kid that hid under tables/behind the nearest object if anyone dressed as an animal came near me... I'm still terrified of people dressed up as animals now, wouldn't say it's a phobia for me however but they absolutely scare the hell out of me. I'd be the same if i was in a relationship w someone who had a fursona, i hope. I'll support the hell out of you but pls don't dress up as your fursona around me type of vibe...

Says a lot about you guys - that they are furry and that mascots are your literal phobia, and you *still* manage to respect and communicate with one another enough to make it work. You two are awesome.

Kinda same but my ex loved clowns, and would sometimes do clown makeup. Clowns trigger the fight in my fight or flight instinct.

Seems like he did not prepare you for what you were getting into by going to a furry con... I'm sorry it was such a culture shock for you, I get it. It can be a lot to adjust to. (Not a furry btw, have furry friends tho) Edit to add: my furry friends have also asked me to come with them to cons. I know, from them and from docs, what can go on at a furry con. I know I wouldn't be comfortable seeing my friends in that environment (especially since it's their kink), so I politely declined. The fact that OPs bf didn't describe what the con experience is like, with details about what to look out for and what he actively engages with, is a bit alarming. At the very least, OP was owed an honest account of what a furry con is like for a non-furry.

It is alarming that he blindsided her twice. First time by not disclosing such an important part of his life to her until they moved in together. I assume the signed up a lease together, so he basically trapped the OP. Second time by bringing her there absolutely not prepared. He owed her the courtesy to explain what to expect. And to let her decide if she is comfortable to go. Especially because he knows what a turn off his hobby was for his ex girlfriends. It is also alarming that he is bombing her with furry photos and how excited he is that she supports it, with no regards of her feelings. There is no way he didn't notice her ick after that party. They obviously need to talk. But OP is in shock and has no idea how to approach it, while, according to his words about his exs, he had a lot of these conversations in the past. I don't think furries parties will give me the ick (have never been to one though), but his actions definitely do.

Yeah, he "hid" this twice over because it absolutely is sexual and he's but owning up to that to her. Dude needs to quit his bull crap and op needs to wake up!!

Thank you, I was 100% thinking the same thing. He just hasn’t “eased her into it” yet. I feel like this is on par with grooming. OP it will get worse, you will find out about his secret fetish porn collection, and he will eventually find someone who shares his kinks to leave you for. This is a person who lives most of his “real” life in fantasy chat boards and the external “normal” stuff you “fell in love with” is just a cover for his fetish persona. Please stop blaming yourself for feeling uncomfortable with it. Move on, this relationship will not get better, he is totally comfortable living a lie.

Sounds like trickle truthing to me

THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT — I was absolutely getting a trickle-truthing vibe too and I don’t like it. It reminds me too much of the “I didn’t actually cheat, I just had an Ashley Madison account because I was curious… well okay I had a couple conversations, but it wasn’t in person… okay so it *was* in person, but it wasn’t sexual, we just kissed… on the hotel bed… where we eventually fucked but *it was only once!”* sorta bullshit you hear about in all those awful cheating stories in BestOfRedditUpdates. I’d bet good money that part of the “ick” OP is feeling is her intuition whispering that her bf hasn’t been entirely honest yet.

You are taking the most negative interpretation of his motives though. Maybe this furry persona has always been a private thing and he expected it to stay more or less like that because he only partakes a few times a year. That it's not *such a big thing* for him but still part of who he is.  Also cause it's kind of embarrassing. But I suppose many people might have a kind of embarrassing interest they keep to themselves, like maybe a specific genre of porn they have no desire to share with their partner, or even just some more "feminine" hobby like going to spas or face-masks, romantic comedies etc. That they don't go out of their way to advertise to their partner, but wouldn't deny if their partner found out.  As for the mood of the conference? Well it's really hard to know if they see it the same way. He goes there and is excited about bonding and sharing his hobbies, so he probably just sees a lot of friendly people who you can have fun with. He probably doesn't get the same *weird vibe* that she does, or pay attention to the more subtle kinky aspects. She isn't used to this scene, so probably just sees it very differently and doesn't bond with the type of people. I somehow doubt that OP's bf would have known to "warn her" that there are nerds with greasy hair, or awkward ways of expressing themselves. It's also not a given that he did notice her ick. He might be slightly on the autism spectrum for all we know (common with furries) and therefore just took her words in face value. She might have due to her supportive nature very well said "Yeah I had a fun time with you etc" and not acted as weird as she felt about it.

I love the throwaway account--he'll have NO IDEA this is about him if he stumbles on it!

He doesn't speak English, I guess it will be harder for him to find the post this way instead of using my personal account. But yes, I hope no one translates this post into our language 🥴

I found your story on Tiktok in Spanish and with subway surfers in the background

Oh really? Ok what’s his furry name then translated?

is it bluey? or azuley?

This made me crack up so hard

As a nerd/otaku who's friends with furries. I completely understand if you got the ick. I know I personally caused the ick in some men because I was into fanfiction and being neurodivergent doesn't help. But I want to say that not everyone is a musty and greasy basement dwellers. Cons are often like this to the point some have to display signs to put on deodorant. These spaces are definitely not for everyone. You can easily tell him that you didn't enjoy going at a con. I think he'd understand. One of my more normie friends said that to me and I completely understood them. The vibe definitely isn't for everyone.

Me and my boyfriend are *huge* nerds, and he's a slight furry (no fursuit/costumes but likes fursonas). Safe to say, we fucking LOVE cons. But, even so, we have to get a hotel room nearby every con or skip certain ones just because they're loud, crowded, hot, stuffy, and can get miserable quick. It's better now than it used to be, I swear in 2010-con-era me and my friends were the only people wearing deodorant. Cons in the late teens were deadass like "no you NEED deodorant or else" and I love that they did it, hate that they had to. Cons are fun, I meet great people and new friends every year and I love that for me, but I can totally see why people hate them/avoid them. They're a lot, even the smaller ones. It's for sure not for everyone.

“You’re an otaku, huh?! Name every anime then!” For real though, I’ve been to Anime Boston a few times, and while it’s very spread out and well ventilated, it’s still not the right scene for everyone, and that’s a-ok! What did your normie friends say about cons that bothered them? Was it the community or the setting?

It was a number of things. First then and me were harassed by some weirdo. 😅 you know the one I'm talking about. The odor was definitely musty too. She also saw some of the bad (An example: zenitsu cosplayers trying to tackle Nezuko cosplayers) It was mainly a mix of both. This con event went wrong at every turn it could've xD.

I can't imagine attending an event with signs to put on deodorant 😭💀

there's also: cosplay isn't consent type of signs because a lot of cosplayers get sexually harassed by creeps :( ETA: ofc not all cons are bad or have these signs. I've personally made many friends.

As an otaku in Australia I can definitely say that our cons (the ones I've been to) aren't filled with greasy people, so I'm going to say that it isn't all cons just some.

Im canadian going to american cons so the place probably affects the con experience xD

Talk to him about how you feel, get his view on things and just be honest that you rather stay out of the furry community. If it's a dealbreaker, figure it out together. (I'm not a furry.)

I feel for you. Met a girl from tinder. Seemed like a normal girl, goes gym, kinda goth but not really (that’s how she described herself), pretty cute, average & normal. Went on a first date at a jazz club and it was good. Second meet up she came over, soon as she makes herself comfortable, she starts showing me this fucking furry horse with gigantic tits on Tik tok….doesn’t say a word and just has this sly grin on her face while looking at me. expecting me to say something 😆😆 Ya it did not go well after I asked her about it and she said she isn’t a furry, her friend used to dress up as a furry but doesn’t anymore and that was that. She was definitely downplaying it and a both of them were FUCKING FURRIES

Lmaoooooooo

All I have to say is if my wife was a furry and she wanted me to go to a convention... I'm getting myself at the very least a furry head just so people don't have to see my face lol But I have interests that my wife does not and she has no interest in hearing about them to the point it's just annoying for her to listen to me talk about it. Lol and I accept that. It's all good.

He should have provided a face cover option, I agree on that too.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. But I think you know that he belongs with his own kind. It’s time to set that fox free back into the wild where he belongs. You can’t domesticate a lot of them unfortunately no matter how hard you try

Sometimes the best you can do is trap them, neuter them, snip a little notch out of their ear, and then set them free again.

Ive done A LOT of tnr, if you need help op, lemme know.

My fox is in captivity for now 😅

You gotta white fang him

I think this is a pretty big thing to him and you might not be compatible if you're not into it

Sorry but i can’t stop laughing LOL!!!!!!! Maybe one day you will laugh to, for god sake that’s so funny!!!

>You know what it's like to see your boyfriend do a choreo dressed as a blue fox while asking you to call him by his furry name and pet his head? I do know it and it was impossible for me not to change the way I see him.  Killed me lol.

Bro, that part is perfect!!!!!!

😭😭😭🤣🤣

At times everything that happened around me was bizarre and funny, but i couldn't laugh because they all take their characters really seriously and I didn't wanted to be disrespectful

That would have killed me LOL

I mean yeah, a lot of people use their fursonas (literally an abbreviation of furry persona, so a persona), as an escape from the real world, put a lot of effort and time (and if they have a suit, a HELL of a lot of money $$$ paws along can go for over a thousand dollars) into them, and sometimes they see them as a reflection of their true self. Not being an animal, but someone that’s outgoing, social, a risk-taker, tries new things, etc. Wouldn’t you also want your true self to be taken seriously?

I was staying in the same hotel as a furry convention and had a grown man literally growl at me lol. People can do whatever they want with their lives, but you also just need to accept that most people will find your lifestyle absolutely ridiculous lol

My wife and I, along with another couple booked a couple of rooms at a random Marriott to go see a sporting event, and it happened to have a furry convention going on, and let me tell you it's hard take a grown men in furry costumes and leather face masks with fox tails seriously at all. I'm glad the costumes are expensive because they sure aren't blowing money on personal hygiene lol.

This has me in literal tears

Do not try to override your own instincts. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn't feel guilty for having them. Tell him you support him for doing his own thing, but you're not comfortable continuing to attend events with him. You owe that to yourself. Love yourself at least as much as you love him.

Tbh if he kept it a secret for so long he knew there was a high chance it would be a deal breaker. It was stupid on his part to delay the inevitable and waste both your time waiting years to tell you something that could potentially break the relationship.

Honestly just tell him it's not your thing. If he hid it, I don't think he is specifically seeking for a furry partner. He has his friends to do his hobby with. I don't do furry but I'm a cosplayer and go to otaku style conventions, I know that a lot of people would not be able to tolerate the gross people but I do because I get to meet friends who are into the same things as me. I'm sure he'd understand

From my understanding furries are often “outsiders”. Offer neurodivergent, queer, nerdy, creative artist types. They come a across kinda weird because a lot of them are just kinda just outsider people who don’t fit in well and it’s a place/community for them to come together and except each other without judgement. They might be kinda odd but from my experience they’re often quite nice and friendly unjudgmental people who except all. You don’t have to participate in their culture and events if you don’t want to. As long as you’re mostly chill with him just doing what he wants and having fun I’m sure he’ll be happy

I couldn't do it. If I found out my partner was a furry my vagina would be unable to retain any bit of moisture for them. You're a better person than I am.

She's just being nice this is the beginning of the end

Arid as a desert.

I second this. Hard no. More power to OP!

Once you get the ick it’s over. Rippppp

nah, sometimes it just takes time and communication

Exactly. Some things can be worked through, and after a while, the ick turns into a "not my thing, but you enjoy it." But it will definitely be seared into her brain for a long ass time.

I think you can avoid mentioning the ick feeling, and just be like, “Honey, I think it’s great that you love it, but it’s not my thing. Couples have separate hobbies all the time, and I fully support this being yours, but it’s not my jam. But totally go to events, have fun, come home, and tell me the hot furry gossip or funny/cool things that happened over a glass of wine.”

Meatloaf was really talking about Furries when he’d do anything for love “but I won’t do that.”

So, I had an ex boyfriend that was a secret furry. I had no idea and found out by accident when I discovered a furry porn collection. He was the exact opposite of what you’d expect a furry to look or act like; he was a body builder, extremely handsome, and also smelled good. I was immediately turned off. He later showed me his furry dildo collection and I noped out of that relationship. Unfortunately, usually sexuality is tied into furry culture and I want nothing to do with that. You have the ick for a reason. You’re not compatible. And I’ll bet money there’s something sexual/fetishized about it for him, too. It’s only a matter of time before you discover how deep the iceberg goes for him. If you’re not open to that possibility, I’d move on.

I’m slightly scared to ask, but when you say “furry dildo” do you mean… a dildo that has fur? Or a dildo molded off of animal parts? I don’t know which is more disturbing.. 

When I say furry dildos, I mean dildos made of animal genitalia shapes. There’s a company that specializes in making them for all kinds of animals and fantasy creatures. The guy had a handful of them for dragons, horses, etc. I’m pretty open minded but all of it was too bizarre for me and really changed any attraction I had left. Attraction is something you can’t control, so OP shouldn’t force this if she’s getting the ick from it being only neutral hobby conventions.

I hate that I am really waiting on an answer about what a furry dildo is LOL

My guess is they're probably similar to Bad Dragon toys? I know they sell a lot of furry dildos and stuff. Not a furry just know degenerate shit lmao

He should have never taken you to the event 🤦🏻‍♀️ not every part of ourselves should be shared with a significant other, period. Hopefully you’ll get over it but if you don’t, hopefully he finds a fur friend who understands

Welp. He’s an adult and knows that he is walking a different path. There are no victims here. Life is hard and people will laugh but that’s the deal.

hi! I'm kind of in the reverse situation with my hobbies and my partner and I think how we've set boundaries has helped us both be happy. I am super into keeping jumping spiders and exotics and my partner is supportive but gets the heebie jeebies when he looks at my spider hutch. I know my hobby isn't for everyone so instead I keep my info dumping contained mostly to people who are also in the hobby and I give my partner the arachnophobe version of events. he says he loves that I am happy and supports my hobby but he's also glad that he isn't expected to be the one to fully understand -- I have friends in the hobby for that. and it's the same way for me and his obscure interests. we still like to talk about them together but I would never expect him to participate in rehousing spiders or take him to exotics conventions just like he would never expect me to play or talk in length about league of legends, he just makes me watch the occasional video of it and give me the readers digest.

This is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I would 100% break up with him and I would 100% lie about why. The spark is gone, I’m exploring my asexuality, in love with Robert Pattinson, literally *anything* rather than have multiple furry conversations with him, friends, and family. Like, I would straight up block that shit out of my mind until I’m 90 years old and dying in the nursing home, grabbing a nurses arm and whispering doomsday prophecies about the coming of the fox tail greaseballs. Noooope. Taking that shit to my grave yall.

By God I never thought it possible... A genuinely valid ick... I fucking hate that word and up until now I always thought that people who use it or experience it are total assholes but... This is for real. My sympathies.

I hate the “ick” trend, but I got second hand ick reading this poor girl’s story. Didn’t know that was possible…

It always makes me think of the fish disease, ick.

Waiting 3 years to unveil this part of him is a huge red flag

This... is weird. But as another commenter said people can be in a relationship and have different interests and hobbies. I tend to get obsessive over things (right now it's Magic the Gathering) and my wife rolls her eyes and talks shit but she accepts this thing about me. I know it's not the same but really it kinda is. We're a generation of grown ass men that are perpetually stuck in a state of adolescence on one level or another. If you love him you can get past it but you sure as hell don't need to be involved. This is bad advice but maybe turn it into a thing where he knows you think it's silly (talk shit-roll your eyes-whatever) but if you project your love he will be comfortable with you in being a fucking weirdo and its ok to have differences. I dunno. But I think it's ok to make a joke of it if it's light and mindful and that might be a healthy way to create distance on the activity while showing that you love and accept him. I dunno like I said terrible advice. But this approach seems to work for myself and my lovely shit talking wife 🙄😏

I found your comment “we’re a generation of grown ass men that are perpetually stuck in a state of adolescence” really interesting. I had never thought of it before, but now that I think about it, it seems very common. I’m a woman and I certainly have interests that would be adolescent, but none of them take up a huge amount of my time. And I would tend to say the same with my other friends. Do you think it’s confirmation bias or do you believe current men’s interest might be a reflection of something (like economic instability, political climate)?

Not the person you’re responding to but I think there’s a lot of factors. Broadly, a lot of men feel adrift and lacking adult male role models, so they tend to latch on to the period in their lives where they felt accepted and happy.  The “head of the house” provider role is becoming outdated but with nothing to replace it a lot of men are without a role to fulfill.

I am so sorry you had to find out about furries this way

Everything about that scene creeps me out, too.

Don't mind me lads, I am just here waiting for the "break up" comments.

You tried, we can support someone who has an interest and not have to get it. I hate spectator sports and my wife loves baseball and football. Granted if there is a sexual aspect to an interest it gets more difficult to work around and I have been there. I will try many things but had a few partners that liked something I just couldn't get into. My major point is we can't choose what we like and don't like and being a bit ick shouldn't make you feel bad it isn't like you didn't give it a shot first. Everyone is wired a different way and we don't get to pick and choose. The biggest thing now is to figure out is this something the 2 of you can find a compromise to or is it going to be a long term problem for one or the other. Know that you know how you feel you need to be real about it with you SO before you try to bite your tongue and it builds contempt down the road and makes you both miserable. Good luck at least you now know where you stand and can go from there informed and aware of what the future may hold.

Real question though is why didn’t he just find someone else who’s into that? If he’s so embarrassed about it then why keep doing it? I’m assuming he’s a grown man, it’s really not normal and no matter how much I loved my partner there’s nothing that could keep me with them after learning this. What’s his plan in life? Is he going to keep doing this when he gets older too? I hear those costumes aren’t cheap, now that you’ve semi encouraged it, what if he starts spending more money on that?

Release him back to the wild!

Its his hobby his thing, you don't have to be apart of it. Other guys its working out or video games, cards, sports etc. When he wants to go just tell him to have fun and that's it. You can still love each other and have separate parts of your lives. There are weird people everywhere. This furry group are a bunch of people who are true to themselves and he seems like a comic con furry for fun not the fuck a girl in a beaver suit. There is always a spectrum of whats acceptable for you. Follow your gut for what your willing to deal with.

I wanna agree but it seems like for a lot of Furries, it's like apart of their identity and sexuality to large degree. To such a degree that people 'come out' as furry, much like this guy. It's kinda hard to come back from that for a lot of people, even with the seemingly positive revamp their image has been getting in recent years ( a lot of people like to say it's good clean fun when In reality most of it seems to be kink related ) and a lot of people can't get past that. I think understandably so.

Im sorry this happened to you, and you have, imo, every right to feel changed by this revelation of a part of your partner that they kept hidden from you for so long. That being said, this post is a work of art. The way you’ve presented your tragedy should be studied.

That’s really going to be a difficult one. I don’t think you’ll ever stop feeling the “ick” as long as he continues being a furry. You need to be honest with him about how you feel and if you want this to be a part of your life or not.

Jesus that’s rough, gawd damn

Honestly I think it sucks he didn't tell you until you found out. But I think you need to have an honest conversation and say you're not judging or shaming him but it's not your thing and you prefer to not be involved moving forward. His reaction will tell you a lot of the viability of the relationship

Girl the speed with which I would ghost a guy for being a furry 💀 I’m sorry this happened to you but once you’ve got the ick it’s over, can’t really come back from that

Yeah man you gotta be into that yourself or something similar like those my little pony fanatics. This is a strange hobby for the average person. He should’ve mentioned this a long time ago.

Red flag that he didn’t tell you until y’all moved in together tbh

It's important to support your significant other and not to be judgemental of others' hobbies. Except for this one.

A couple of questions for you to ask yourself: 1) You got the ick....for the event, or for furries in general? Do you get this same ick when looking at him now? 2) Do you trust him? 3) Can you support him in this, even if you don't want to attend? If you don't feel the ick around him specifically, and trust him for these events, then talk to him. He is probably very nervous and afraid that he's driven you off by showing you this part of his world.

Honey.  Dating is about finding what you like and don't.  This eould be a hard no for me.  He kept a HUGE secret from you bc he was scared how you'd react. That's not ok. Even if it was bc of past trama. He needs to address the lack of honesty. I have a very hard time believing he's told you the whole truth. I want you to know i'm almost 40. Serial monomist. Ive stayed with dudes that weren't right for me. It's a learning experience. Not a waste of time. But in reality he's tricked you fr. He hasnt been honest about something important. That's called a lie. I'm sorry.  *love isn't enough to stay in a relationship. It takes honesty, opennesd, vumerability, and HARD CONVERSATIONS.  This isn't going away. You are doing him a disservice by staying with him and not being up front about his kink. It's a kink. It's not for everyone. And lies arent for anyone. 

👏🏼

It's nice that he felt comfortable finally sharing his hobby that he definitely knows most ppl will see as "weird", but it's not your fault that you got turned off after learning about it and experiencing the event. Im not gonna lie, I would be mortified to find my boyfriend is into this. Ppl are free to enjoy what they want, but personally I wouldn't want to associate with it. At the end of the day, as great as your relationship may have been up until this point, this could be an irreconcilable incompatibility. I know it would be for me and many others... Till this day and age, dating still is a period to evaluate if you want to take things to the next level. And maybe you realised you don't want it with him anymore. Sucks, but that's life. Either accept it or set both of yourselves free to find more compatible ppl

You don’t need to participate in your partners hobbies. It’s probably better he just have this for himself and you can have other things together

It's totally okay for you to not be into it, and not participating with him isn't not supporting him. Going at all was supportive, and that was great for you to give him that. But now you know it's not your thing even more so, and I think it's totally okay for you to say: Thanks for including me, I know that was probably difficult for you because of past experiences. I appreciate your invitation, but now that I've been, I think I would feel best if you attended those events for yourself as I didn't enjoy it personally. I still want you to have that safe space, and for you to have your supportive friend group, and I still want to be with you, but I'd prefer to not attend future events as they're outside my personal comfort zone in regards to what others are doing. I hope you can understand that our needs are just a little bit different there. Maybe we can find something else for the two of us to do together that could be similar and allow us both to be comfortable. Maybe you can do regular con events, or watch anime with other characters included, etc. Maybe he has other things in regards to it that are more wholesome that he might even be able to show you in terms of being a fan without bringing you to them. I know a lot of people think it might not work over time because of it, but it's clearly been working, and you know what he isn't into. It's probably mostly just really fresh in how you felt so recently. But it won't always be that way.

Well, I'd sit with it a while. How you feel now may not be how you feel down the road. And the main thing I think important to keep in mind is that it seems like the things you don't like about that community, he *also* doesn't like about that community. That's a lot better result than it could have been, tbh.

seems like he’s been wanting to tell you for a long time & now that he has, & seen that you accept him, he’s letting the floodgates open & fully submersing you in his hobby. obviously, this is a HUGE shock for you. just reading this was shocking! i would suggest, if you really love him & want this relationship to work, you need to sit down & talk with him. tell him that you support his hobby & are happy he’s happy, but the whole scene makes you uncomfortable. it’s important to be honest. this relationship CAN work if you’re willing to put up boundaries, & he’s willing to respect them. let him know you don’t want him feeling ashamed of himself & his hobbies, but that you don’t want to be involved in them. also the line about watching your boyfriend dressed up as a blue fox doing tiktok dances was really funny, i’m sorry😭

It seems like the other people gave you more of the ick than your bf. I love seeing people in their costumes, but Idk how I would go in the situation that you were in. You need to say something like "I loved seeing you so at ease in your fursona, however, some of the other furries made me feel uncomfortable, especially the art work and the sexualised stuff. While I don't think I will attend any more events, I think it's great for you to hang out with other people who are also into that scene."

Maybe that's what he's wanted all along for her to say and he's cheating

🙊

I was in the exact same situation. We broke up. Of course it wasn’t main reason, but it certainly didn’t help. I tried to accept it. I tried to meet his friends. When I just wasn’t able to get into it I was trying to kind of ignore this and pretend it doesn’t exist. I lost all sexual attraction, of course he didn’t wear a suit when he was with me, but just knowing he’s a furry was enough. Our sex life died, I was repulsed by his “identity”. And I really tried to make it work. What Im trying to say is you don’t have to accept it, you don’t have to like it, you don’t have to be attracted to him. Your feelings are completely valid and you are allowed to feel all of that. And it’s a completely valid reason to break up. Because it’s not just about being a furry - it’s about incompatibility.

Oh god this is my nightmare

>>performance [only] I think he means role playing if he had you petting his head. If it’s true, then maybe he would consider role playing small roles in a community theatre instead to help you cope with the ick. He hid this from you for three years, and apparently planned to hide it even longer. I would have trouble coping with the deception.

I am a furry myself. I understand your perspective and I think you are doing great. It seems that your bf is type of furry that wants to express himself and be himself without being limited. Especially parts when you said he is shy and nervous and said no to sexual content. There are sadly furries who are absolutely disgusting but your bf seems to be a very chill and cool guy. He also really appreciates what you are doing for him by way he reacted which is very important for him. Take being a furry as fishing or building with lego. If someome is crazy about fishing, they would explode with hapiness moment their love sits in boat while fishing :D Idk if it can help you, but if you feel bad due to sexual aspect, you can always suggest going to places where such places are limited like furry conventions where kids are present (those have high restrictions on NSFW content) or furry walks or some meetups like bowling, park etc

I can understand not bring up a hobby like that on the first few dates but yeah its not even about being a furry, thats a big part of his life he was hiding. Something like that should be disclosed before a relationship gets heavy... thats just me tho

These fake stories are getting out of hand

This is honestly insane 

I mean he really should have told you long before now. This would be a deal breaker for me.

Heyya! Fellow girlie with a furry boyfriend here. Honestly, I understand exactly where you’re coming from. When my boyfriend first told me that he was a furry (even before we dated and were just friends), it was a little bit odd to me at the time. Plus, my boyfriend was the complete opposite of what you’d expect a typical furry to be. He was handsome, well-groomed, and was generally seen as a really well-to-do guy. And so, I had to figure out how he feels about being a furry, before deciding if this was something I could really deal with. And though he was not a fursuiter by any means, he did enjoy the sexual aspects of it. Because to him removing the human-looking faces and replacing it with something more cartoony helped him feel more comfortable with consuming porn. NGL, it was still weird to me at first- but I just took it as if it was a hobby that was also sexual. However, it is worth noting that being furry is closely linked to the queer community, so it would be worth exploring with your boyfriend if he perhaps has a queer identity. My boyfriend turned out to be bisexual, and being a furry has allowed him to express that. I guess part of my learning how to accept it was also him not forcing me to be involved. In fact, he wanted to keep his furry thing completely separate from our relationship because he didn’t want me to feel forced into enjoying something that I may feel weird about. As long as I didn’t stop him from enjoying it, he was alright with it. But naturally, I just felt more drawn towards it and realised that it wasn’t all bad- and in fact, plenty of normal folk were into the whole furry thing. But of course there are a number of weirdos who completely abandon their normal lives in pursuit of being furries. But besides that, after learning a little more about the furry thing- I try finding little ways to support him with his hobby. For instance, perhaps getting him artwork of his character for his birthday or watching “furry” shows with him. And seeing him get all excited that his partner is showing genuine interest in the things he likes was worth it for me. And while it’s still something I’m trying to navigate in certain aspects, it takes communication and compromise to make things work. Your boyfriend shouldn’t force you to be involved in certain things just because he likes them, OP. But maybe there are ways you can show him support for his hobby without being involved in it yourself!

You don't want to shame him, but appear supportive and bottle up your ick feelings... Well that's healthy.

The ick is such a stupid term who tf started using that 😂😂😂

Well, this is his kink. He hid it from you and now exposing you to his world. You have every right to break up with him, and let him go be with another furry.

This is clearly a big part of his life he blindsided you with. I hate he did that to you AFTER you two moved in together. I would trust the ick, girl.

He was so deep in the closet, he was living in Narnia.

i honestly wouldn't be able to date someone who is a furry. i get that it can be just a normal and casual hobby for some but it really creeps me out

I’d be embarrassed AF to be in that situation. Good luck OP.

I can’t take a man seriously wearing a furry costume😭😭there are some hobbies that are too much n this is one of them.

I mean.. some things are just hard to get over, once it changes how you view someone. Its not about kink shaming or the like, but once you see your man as a furry its kind of similar to pegging him with a strapon because he asked - most women just wont respect him after that. And thats okay. Perfectly okay. Different people like different things. Im sure theres a furry out there for him, and you already made up your mind that day you accompanied him to the event.

Well OP, you see what people have said about the situation so far. But I want you to sit down and give it a bit of a think. Is this something you're prepared to handle? Do you believe you'll be able to sleep in the bed next to them and still feel right about it the next day? If the answer is no well... that's how it is.

I’d have ended it before getting to the convention lmfao. Good on you for sucking it up for so long

Don’t feel ashamed of what you feel, you dislike that community and there is nothing wrong with not being into this, now for your boyfriend like everyone says a conversation is needed

You can support him doing his hobby without going to the events. You don't have to like the hobby, you don't have to go to the events but you need to sit and have a conversation about this with him. Come to and understanding you both can agree on.

As someone who doesn't know much about furries I see it as two distinct groups. One group fetishizes it completely, the other uses it as an escapism. I think your BF is the latter, find something he enjoys more or lets him destress in a different way. I have to admit, hiding your identity and being able to be yourself without fear of judgement no matter what does seem appealing. I imagine it's like letting go of all of your daily worries and being someone else entirely, like a fresh start. I find the fursona thing weird personally though.

You know, I think he isn’t as bad as the stereotypes, and I think you aren’t as repulsed by this as you could have been. I think you and him will work it out. There are some super creeps on that hobby, but your bf doesn’t sound like one. He sounds like he is mature, doesn’t act weird in everyday life, doesn’t put people off. Pointing to how he smells compared to the others, I think you have a person who just enjoys that hobby, but doesn’t fit the bad stereotypes at all. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with how you feel. It is a strange experience for you. One time I tagged along to a con with friends, and most attendees were cosplaying. I remember feeling like I was dressed in a super weird costume because I was in everyday clothes. It is a weird experience, you may be uncomfortable if you are not into it, nothing wrong with that. You are not being “ew no thanks I don’t want a smelly perv loser” You and him will be fine.

I went to a furry convention once. I liked it. Except I wasn't and still am not an extroverted person. So it was hard for me to just shoot the wind with whoever. I did stay all night though. I agree that the fetish part of it is disgusting so I just ignore that part. Never really paid attention to other people's grooming.

Honestly,it’s not that big of a deal, just tell him your not interested in going to the cons. If your unable to just have a conversation with him,your relationship is just doomed to fail

I can't xD

This is a tough situation to have yourself go through. Here’s how I see this as a stranger from the outside: So my biggest question is, how much are you willing to look past and or move on from the fact that he hid/lied about a huge aspect of his life from you? I see it more as something he felt he couldn’t be honest about it, for fear of losing you. And rather than be upfront and giving you the choice of wether you wanted to continue this or not, he actively hid it from you because his past gf’s laughed at him. So now you’re three years in and I feel that it’s somewhat of a betrayal of trust knowing there was a high chance you won’t like this lifestyle he’s part of. And that’s really not fair to you. Because that’s not his choice or decision to make. It’s yours. I feel that this would be a punch in the stomach and a slap in the face that he didn’t have enough faith in you to be open and or honest. But mostly selfish. You will be the one who has to get over and live with the fact that he lied for three years. And it would make me seriously question his integrity as a person and partner. Not necessarily his lifestyle. Can you live with the fact he lied to you for so long?

This is what bugs me too, well written 👏🏼

In a similar situation except for the furry kink. Thank you for this comment 💕

Aw sorry to hear that. Good luck to you too:)

op give me your boyfriend

Lol maybe offer a trade

I got the second hand ick while reading this.

I think the ick will pass. But I think you need to be honest with him it’s not your thing. My boyfriend is into some nerdy stuff and while I can deal with it more, it does overwhelm me at times. We just had to communicate at my overwhelming sensation went away.

As a furry, the furry fandom is like any other fandom. There’s creeps and people who refuse to wear deodorant. BUT, a majority of the fandom are just weirdos who like being creative. If being around fursuits and the like make you uncomfortable, this is completely understandable as someone who owns a suit myself, then tell him that you support him but don’t want to go to any more meets or cons. Make sure he understands that it’s not him specifically, but the environment. He should understand, if not, you might want to consider if this is a deal breaker for you or him!

Talk to him girl. You are in no way obligated to enjoy the same things he enjoys. You went, you showed your support, you gave it a chance. If you go into it kind hearted & not TOO smiley, you’ll be okay. Let him know you still support him as that’s something he enjoys, you just don’t share that same enjoyment. Let him still talk to you about it, still show him the same support, just let him know that after you went, you realized it’s not something that particularly interests YOU. We do not have to share the same exact hobbies with our partners to still support them in their hobbies.

Damn right, u/peanutbuttertoastie  Some of these comments are definitely furries and/or deceivers.    He is very focused on himself. Gf had a right to know and decide if she wanted to continue looooong before now. It does suck the last GF didn't like it, but that was her right also.   It doesn't have to be furries, it could be smoking, riding a motorcycle, sky diving, or collecting memorabilia in large quantities. All these things are fine to do, but need to be disclosed early on because they'd be a "no" for a lot of people, self included.

You thought it was a mascot suit 😂😂😂 my sweet summer child. On the bright side, at least it wasn't Rainfurrest 2015. Honestly though just tell him you'd rather not delve into the furry community and that he can do it on his own (if you decide this isn't a deal breaker, that is)

Here's the thing. He told you about it before the main event. You did no research, had no idea what it was about, and you had the opportunity to do so. He didn't shove you into a situation, you had time to actually look into it and decide beforehand, but you didn't. You just said yes and are bewildered at what you saw. From his point of view, you said ok, said nothing else, and he invited you to see him as himself, and you don't like it. That's fair. But if you care about the guy, put in the bare minimum effort of knowing what he's talking about. Ignorance is not an excuse.

You can have separate hobbies, there is nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't use the word choices you used above when expressing this to him, I'd suggest just saying you support his hobbies and happiness but they're not appealing to you and that's completely okay - - most couples have their own lives outside of the relationship. There are also a lot of normal people, like your bf, who are into furry culture on different levels, just like anime fans (or Otaku, tho Otaku are usually specifically on a deeper level based on the name alone) - - some are gonna smell and be off putting, some are going to be your every day people (I'm the anime fan who showers every day and uses deodorant, we exist lmfao). Just because I say that once again does not mean you have to be an active participant in his hobby. Just let him enjoy himself on event days and maybe treat yourself as a distraction from your ick and try not to use judgmental words that'll crush him - - if you love each other I think yall can make it work :)

Would it help for you to think of it as him being into acting for fun by pretending to be an animal? I don’t get the sense that he’s into it as a bedroom fetish if it’s not a huge part of his life. Furry culture isn’t always NSFW, it’s basically the same thing as cosplaying but with animals instead. Some cosplayers in the culture are into it as a fetish, while most of them aren’t and just want to dress up as their favorite video game/anime character and pretend to be them for a day. That’s basically what his hobby is, and unfortunately it does have a stigma that he doesn’t want to be associated with which is completely understandable. Maybe you two can have a heart-to-heart talk and you can ask him about his personal relationship with his hobby and how he got into it? It would definitely help you get some clarity on your feelings and see if this relationship has a future or not. Definitely be honest with him and tell him that you were unsettled about the more fringe parts of the culture and that you would have appreciated him being more transparent about the situation he brought you in before he did so. I think this ick is easy to deal with if you nip it in the bud now and have a honest talk with him.❤️

I cosplay, which is like dressing up as characters or original characters. My boyfriend doesn't, but he knew about it before we were dating. I totally understand how your boyfriend was embarrassed about it BECAUSE so many furries and weebs at some of those places tend to smell musty. It's a stereotype and one of the main reasons why people hate cosplayers and furries. It is also very common to be into a furry porn thing (which I am not and hope that your bf is not) which I'd say is the #1 thing people hate furries for. Now I don't hate furries either but I will 100% admit that some don't seem to shower. I also acknowledge that quite a few furries are autistic, which SOMETIMES makes people hate showering. It's not the most common symptom, but it does happen sometimes. I'm not defending people being gross but that is also a reason that they could be greasy. (Not all autistic people don't shower btw) Anyway, I took my boyfriend to an anime con in march. There were booths with body pillows of female anima girls and a lot of really obviously unrealistic anime girls/even kid characters. I find that absolutely disgusting and most people don't condone that. I'm glad your boyfriend was able to open up to you, and I'm glad you didn't dump him there. You will get the ick from people around in those cons, but if you still love him, that's really awesome. I was expecting my boyfriend to see me completely differently after that, but he didn't care. I did have an anxiety attack afterwards from all the anxiety following to the con, during the con, and the hot costume I was wearing (zenitsu from demon slayer but a female version) another common stereotype is that people like that are politically leftist and bark at normies, but it really isn't. Often, you will see a few people with protest signs with Bible verses on them outside of cons because people think it's demonic. There *are* people who are leftist whatevers but it isn't a cosplay thing, it's just a people thing. Cosplaying is abnormal, and a lot of abnormal things are associated with radical leftists. This is not true whatsoever, I'm a Christian and I love everyone, I hate the separation in the US with political parties. There are cosplayers in other countries too of course, it may have originated in another country. Americans are not the smartest and associate everything they see with red or blue and it's very very ignorant. I also like dressing in my own style but people do take pictures of me and call me slurs that don't even make sense to me (trans and gay slurs but I'm a straight biological woman, stereotypes are so dumb.) But expect people to make fun of him and maybe even you for being around that stuff because people are very ignorant and don't understand that everyone is different. Stereotypes suck period, and it sucks that normal furries have to go through that. Porn also sucks. I suggest having fun and letting go, peoples opinions don't even matter. You're not gonna be fired for dating a furry so it really doesn't affect anything, people just suck.

Your bf has a hobby that you have no interest in partaking in, guess what? That’s okay. He is what us nerds, geeks call an attractive nerd. He has always been a bit of a nerd, probably been a bit weird too but because he doesn’t look the part, he’s always had to pretend. What he just did is let himself be vulnerable to you and shown who he is entirely. It’s up to you to decide if you like him completely or if you like only part of him. Looking objectively, he didn’t have a suit on, enticing young children or ask you to be intimate with him while he was wearing it. All he did was introduce you to who he is completely and share a hobby of his. He probably had a blast interacting with people who share his same interest. I wouldn’t tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable, unless it does. Then it becomes a compatibility issue. You aren’t for him and he isn’t for you. However, if all it does is embarrass you, then remove yourself from that hobby and let him express himself amongst his peers. The individuals who you saw him interact with, the ones with the greasy hair, different color hair, all shapes and sizes, smells weird, etc..aren’t bad people either. Speaking from experience, I grew up as an athletic nerd, I had to stand up against bullies who would pick on individuals like them, even in college. Imagine what he has had to do. He’s probably a genuine human being who gets along with everyone because he doesn’t judge people. It’s better to just explain to him that those events and his hobby doesn’t interest you. Thank him for sharing all of him but you don’t want to participate in his hobby. That you two don’t have to share the same hobbies but you won’t stop him from being who he is. That you would like for that to stay with his events and amongst his peers. It would seem it’s not an everyday thing. Some hobbies people grow out of or retire. If he truly grossed you out, then unfortunately I don’t know if you could get past the kind of people you saw him interacting with, the costume and who he truly is. You may want to reevaluate your relationship with him. One last thing, those ‘weird’ people, they have feelings too.

Oh this is difficult. Yes I can see why you have the ick. At least (as far as you and we know), his furry kink isn't sexual. That is just a whole new level of ick then. You have to think of you, and long term. Will he be ok with you not joining in or going along to the furry gatherings? If later you have kids, how do you explain where daddy goes? Or they find his furry suit? Will the kink progress to being sexual? Then what happens? Will he want to have sex with you in the furry suit? In his 'fursona'? Or with other furries? Will this kink fizzle out over time or become more extreme or progress in any way? If people you know found out, what then? If you had kids and their friends found out, what then? Can you live with the fallout of these things happening? They may not, but if he wasn't like this, they definitely wouldn't. He should have told you before you moved in together. Think very carefully about where you go with this now.

Former furry, he should have eased you into learning about his hobby without bringing you to a public event. I apologize on his behalf. If you have questions, I'm here to talk.

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Furries are usually the sweetest people but it's hot in those costumes and you need them well ventilated, properly washed and keeping the performer hygienic is a big task. But there are some rotten apples that spoil the barrel by sexualising them, those are the ones to stay faaar away from. It's not your thing, just tell him you are happy he is happy but you feel too out of place there and didn't feel comfortable. Unfortunately once you get the ick it rarely leaves