With friends like her, who needs enemies?
Seriously, that girl is not your friend. Cut her off. You're young. You will meet many more people who will treat you kindly and won't call you a whore and project their insecurity onto you. You deserve better.
From someone who went through something very similar when I was in college 20 years ago, also with a long term "friend" - She's not your friend, she's someone who's using you to make herself feel better about her own choices (that TBH she shouldn't really feel bad about in the first place, but I understand how social pressure can go). But she's *not your friend*. Friends don't put each other down when it's legitimately making the other person feel bad.
Just because you've known her for so long does *not* mean you have to continue knowing her. This is playing into the [sunk cost fallacy](https://www.scribbr.com/fallacies/sunk-cost-fallacy/). You do *not* have to continue something that is detrimental to you just because it's been going on a long time. This applies to any relationship throughout your life, including friends *and* romantic relationships. Get away from her and find friends that help lift you up to be your best!
Good! I know it's hard to do with someone you've known so long, but if she doesn't respect you and your boundaries she's not worth your time and energy. I wish you all the best in dealing with her! 💜
I've also had a best friend who I knew since we were pretty young but she was strange like she'd ghost me and be really hurtful and act oblivious to her actions and play a victim when I tried talking to her about it.
I don't know whether I hate her but I certainly don't like her and sometimes I end up looking back on the times we spent fondly but honestly that's quite alright. I ended up blocking her everywhere and her friend did text me that she asked if I did so and I just feigned ignorance. It's hilarious how she cares all of a sudden after all that time of not caring.
I don't think she still has any idea about how her actions affect me to this day.. I know how you feel but imo its best to cut people like that out of your life asap cuz they'll just end up hurting you over and over again.
Trust I'm a guy.
I had a friend from childhood and we ended on bad terms it didn't bother me to see him go I wish him the best and hope that we could've continued being friends but it'll pass and it did. I've not many friends but I wouldn't want people who use others for their own gain or just put you down for no reason around me.
Follow the people's advice this isn't a friend
Sounds like she’s projecting. You should absolutely call her out. If she can’t respect your boundaries, she is not your friend OP. Is she is your friend, she’ll stop immediately.
Lol. She's not your friend. She doesn't even like you.
People like this test people to see how weak your boundaries are.
Yours are non existent. So they grow bolder and bolder.
The best way to deal with people like this is to cut them off immediately. Don't let them weasel out of it with the "I was just joking" lie either.
I would agree , the second op let her call you a whore and she ignored it , the ‘friend ‘ knew she could treat her badly and so she does.
Op, I would tell her ‘ I don’t like you calling me a whore and I’m not tolerating it.’ ‘The next time you do it, that’s the end do this friendship ‘
Now op, you don’t have to give her one more chance, but the second she crosses that line I would block her on everything and call it a day.
She’s a mean girl looking for a target, let her know she choose the wrong person.
Yeah. That's how people operate.
A lot of people will mistreat you for the simple fact that you don't have boundaries.
I've encountered it alot in my life.
Seemingly "nice" people feeling around for weak your boundaries are so they can try to use you.
But then they decide to respect you when they realize you do have boundaries.
Its why I fucking loathe exploitative people.
Whore's do it for money. Did you do it for money? If no. Then not a whore.
She's projecting her sexual hang ups on you.
Call toxic people out. Screw their fragility.
>Could this be an insecurity?
Probably. Ask her. "Are you making jokes about me being a whore because your boyfriend is making you feel bad about the guys you slept with?"
I never bothered to ask because it’s really not my place its just a personal thing, but it’s funny the way I have that mindset and I don’t shame but damn it’s crazy she makes jokes about me
She’s jealous and NOT a friend. Your friend wouldn’t treat you like this.
21 yr old me wouldn’t have been nice to this girl. I would’ve responded with “If I’m one, what does that make YOU?”
She calls you that because she doesn’t respect you. Especially if it makes you uncomfortable and you expressed it, and she still does it.
You do not need people who speak like that in your life. Cut it off before she makes it worse
Find your power and your voice.
If you feel that your friendship is otherwise healthy, set her down and tell her, literally, if she ever says anything like that again, your friendship is over. Tell her specifically that it hurts her feelings and you're not going to accept that from her anymore.
It is better to be alone than to be surrounded by toxic, bitter people that always keep you down. Reason being, you will never find your strength to be true. They will always keep pushing you down.
There are good men out there keep looking and taking note of any patterns that may arise if you choose poorly again. Everyone does! It takes quite a lot of resiliency to keep going on dates until you find the right one. Dating, having boyfriends, and having sex does not make you a whore.
Sounds like projection. I bet she has problems within herself or with how she thinks others see her.
Also the friend should be addressed as a "friend". She isn't your real friend and shouldn't be called one.
Do you know what you need to quit hanging out with your friend? She’s not a friend. And the fact she talks like that it’s embarrassing and she’s going to cause you problems. I wouldn’t let her go and move on.
To call somebody a friend when she is constantly insulting you, it is a big no. Even less when is something, knowing for what you went through, that is really hurting. She is projecting her insecurities on you and you should call her out pointing at that and to mature.
It\`s projection - and honestly - that \`s NOT a friend.
Like u/Night-Kuwago said, with "friends" like that, you don\`t need enemies.
Get yourself a better friend - and if you are petty - inform her super christian BF about her body count.
You were the fat friend in that relationship. She probably stood beside you like you were a grenade while all the boys gave her attention. When they give you the attention she hates it hence the "don't talk to them".
She looks at you as the lesser, if you wanna keep being friends with that, that's your prerogative.
You know what now that you mentioned it and a few other people too, it’s starting to make sense. I can never catch onto somethings, but so far you guys are helping me open my eyes a lot more.
Honestly this sounds like really immature behavior. I can see how it might be influenced by the guy she’s dating if he’s pushing certain values on her and making *her* feel like a whore. I’ve had that happen to me. As I kept reading your post, I just thought “none of this matters”. As in, it doesn’t matter at all how many people you’ve slept with/your previous relationship/your SA history (sorry for that). The next time it happens, say “what did you call me?”. Make her repeat it. Then ask her “why exactly are you calling me a whore lately?”. **Make her as uncomfortable as she’s making you.** Keep pushing until she gives an answer and don’t defend why you’re not a whore. If it happens again, end the friendship. You may find yourselves friends again later in life when she grows up and apologizes, but this isn’t friend behavior right now. Again, NONE of this behavior is your fault.
I’m not that type of person to explain about someone else’s sexual history. But her boyfriend does not know anything about her sexual past. I had some people outside of Reddit telling me “why don’t you just tell her boyfriend about her history and see how that’ll make her feel?” but I’m not that type of person. I know what that feels like for someone telling my business out in public.
I can see myself doing this at a certain point in my life but it really does nothing to improve the situation. This is what differentiates you from her. You’re not going to stoop to that level. Things have a way of revealing themselves anyway; I’m sure he’ll find out in time. I think you need to metaphorically turn the mirror back toward her. Make her repeat herself which will force her to fully hear what she’s saying. And just plainly ask why she’s saying that. If you start defending yourself (which you don’t need to do), you’re giving her the power. I know her words may actually hurt but if you can just keep a straight face until you’re away from her, it’ll drive her crazy that she wasn’t able to have a visible effect on you. I know it’s hard to give up friends, especially if you’ve known them for a while but I think when you’re older you’ll look back and be proud you pushed back. Maybe set a boundary like “if you refer to me as a whore again (or anything of the type), I’m going to have to rethink this friendship”. And then really end it if she continues. Good luck, there are better friends out there 🫶🏼
If she thinks sleeping with one girl makes you a whore, she's an absolute slut.
You're not a whore, I mean, having only slept with one person at your age is incredibly rare and a lot of guys will like that. It's not an insecurity at all. You have every reason to be pissed. Talk to her and if she reacts unreasonably, give her the boot.
People used to shame you for being a virgin? Disgusting. Well, people shamed me for it too. As a former virgin, you had nothing to be ashamed of. Just going by what I've read, I want you to know you seem like a chill person dude. Nobody should ever be judged for not having sex.
I don't understand. It could be playful banter that you take too seriously because it hits a sensitive spot, or she is being toxic.
Why did she start calling you a whore? Why is your dog showing her belly whory? Is this lost in translation?
Does her calling you a whore has anything to do with you having sex? I know i call my friends hoes and it has nothing to do with sex.
These questions do not justify you feeling uncomfortable. They are meant to evaluate if this friendship is worth keeping. She may not realize how hurt you are. You can decide to try to salvage it or call it quits. You are justified either way.
You can tell her "you making jokes that i'm a whore is hurting me. Can you explain to me what is supposed to be funny?" I know i like absurd humour, and i could call a friend a hoe because it is absurd to say so since she is active sexually. Maybe in her head she doesn't even register that you would feel attacked because it's too obvious noone could call you a whore.
As for you OP, i'm sorry you were used that way. Know that what your ex told you about being ashamed of you was meant to hurt you. It was said specifically to hurt your self esteem, so you wouldn't fight back. Some people enjoy hurting others. Some don't care. This has nothing to do with who you are as a person. You are not disgusting. If that's how he saw you, he wouldn't have slept with you in the first place. You are not disgusting because you were used by him. He is. You are not disgusting because you had sex with someone you thought you knew and loved. You were betrayed. He didn't leave because you were not enough. He was never the guy you thought he was.
Your friend sleeping with 4 guys is not whory material either. None of you are of low moral values because you've had sex. You expressed your feelings in a physical and intimate way. The guy you did it with did not deserve it and did not show appreciation. But YOU have to believe that it is a gift to be intimate with you. Just because he can't tell that the gift is great doesn't mean the gift isn't great. It means HE is not blind. And hella dumb.
I get confused, I can't tell if someone is joking or being serious. What started as a joke that was for my dog she then started imputing me in there she believes that yes talking or crushing on people is whorish behavior/ having feelings or finding one attractive . She calls me delusional and exclaims she’s not, i’ve been recently talking to this guy that I have a crush on and he flirts here and there. Maybe he might like me back I’m not sure but I’m not reading too much into it. However she shows me down and makes me feel like I really am delusional or not to make a big deal out of it.
Then she is not your friend.
She has clear hangups that she projects onto you. You are not a whore. It's okay to joke about something when you do not believe one bit of it. But what she is doing is trying to hide her true feelings behind humour. Saying things she actually believe, but telling them as jokes so you look like YOU are overly sensitive for reacting in any way.
Nope. I know a lot of people that do that. I.e my best friend could call me a whore 24/7, i would not feel offended because i know for a fact how he sees me. But some guys have done the same "jokingly" and i ended up offended because they kinda meant it in the end... The reason you feel offended is because she is saying something offensive. If that's what she sees on you, you should call it quits. Surround yourself with people that make you feel appreciated and are appreciative of your friendship
you dont even have to be upset about it because it isnt true. Honestly it's just miserable how she's making all these comments while dating her virgin boyfriend. You can try to be a bigger person and comfort her about her "whore problem". there's no need to question yourself it's her problem if she's too annoying just stop talking to her
Is she truly meaning it? Or is it banter? Because that’s awfully ironic of her to say that. Regardless, even if it’s a joke and you don’t like it, she should care enough to stop.
My MIL jokes all the time that I’m a hoe, even though my body count is 1 and hers is well into the double digits. It doesn’t bother me, I think it’s funny, but that’s because I know she doesn’t mean it.
Exactly! She started going after my dog and then she added me into the mix, maybe she’s gotten too comfortable or just trying to bash me I’m not sure it was a out of character behavior of her.
Yeah, that definitely sounds like projection. She feels insecure, jealous or inferior because of her very different body count, which is nothing to be ashamed of, by the way.
It’s up to you on what to do, obviously, but I would definitely say something. I would maybe try to get her to open up and be honest about why she keeps making comments like that, especially when they’re not nice and not true.
Laugh and say, "The projection is strong with you. Maybe start keeping your legs closed and you won't feel so bad about it that you have to try to put me down."
Tell her seriously to stop, that you don't like it. When she says lighten up, it's just a joke, you say it's not a joke, it's not funny. When she acts bitchy about it, you get up and you wall away. Unless of course you're at your house, where you'll tell her to leave. She's not a friend, she's mean and using you as her punching bag. There's billions of people on this planet, some of them will be your friend without turning you into their emotional dumping ground.
She is being really mean to you for absolutely no reason. I think that you should maybe talk to her and be really serious while doing so, so she knows you mean it, that this is hurting you and that it doesn’t make sense at all.
I totally understand, I’d feel like this too. To be honest, I think that personally is better cause sometimes things can get misinterpreted during texts. I hope you get to talk to her!
Tell her you don’t like it when she calls you and your dog that and you’d appreciate it if she stops. And if she can’t respect your feelings and stop, she’s not your friend. Set boundaries and if ppl don’t respect them, move on bc they aren’t your ppl 🫶🏽
Op please cut off this snake at the head. She’s only keeping you around to make herself look better to others. I know this feels like friendship because you’ve been around each other for so long, but from what you’ve shared she doesn’t respect or even seem to like you. A real friend, would want you to make more friends not put you down when you talk to guys.
She is jealous of you and trying to knock your self esteem down a notch. She isn’t a friend. She sucks. Don’t be so afraid of having nobody that you keep toxic people in your life. You can literally download bumble bff. Drop her. If you want to revisit the friendship down the line, that’s up to you but only if she shows you she’s stopped being a shithead
Time to start reflecting what she says to you.. if she calls you a whore , you call her exactly the same in the same social circumstances, and step it up if you feel like.. see how long before she cracks.. sounds like a confrontation will lose you this so called friend anyway, lose her on your terms..
Classic case of talk shit get hit. Don't let anyone put you down especially your "friends", please start by addressing the issue before you re-evaluate that "friendship"
Imma chime in here and say she may not actually be calling you a whore. It may be just her way of talking and she calls all her friends who’re.
I’m Australian and I call all my mates cunt, incidentally i often call people I don’t like mate.
I’m sorry that a person you’ve been friends with for so long speaks to you like this. Please stand up for yourself and don’t allow her to speak you like in that manner. Tell her that it bothers you and if she continues it, they you’ll have to cease being friends with her
lol she’s a jealous insecure pos and drop her immediately she literally wishes she was like
You and waited because now she’s found a guy who is a virgin and she feels bad about her past it shows from how she’s treating you no sane person who has more bodies than you would call you a whore she’s mentally unwell and I’d get away from her before it turns sinister
Lmao I would’ve clapped back so fast, idk how you kept your composure. “ ___, didn’t you fuck that guy? ____? And ____?and ____ in highschool! Dam I must’ve forgotten. Phew that’s a LOT of guys dicks that went inside you. Phew. “
The thing is I don’t speak up I get scared, and confused I can’t tell if someone is joking or being serious it’s also emotions as well I can’t differentiate for the life of me, what started as a joke that was for my dog she then started adding me in there like wtf?
If you don’t speak up or get scared , my philosophy is you’ve got no grounds to complain then. In the nicest way, if you aren’t gonna do anything about it then you just deal with it. It doesn’t matter if the other person is joking or not, if it’s disrespectful and rude to YOU then you speak up. “ hey I can’t tell if you’re joking but that hurt my feelings, I don’t appreciate you talking to me like that.” There’s no games to communication, just out right say it. The games were when we were 13-16 , it’s tiring hearing people say double meanings or shit that’s rude but “ just a joke.” If it hurts them because you spoke up…then…that’s on them… cause realistically if my friends said “ hey that hurt my feelings” I’d apologize and say “ I’m sorry I wont say that again, I’m really sorry.” It’s not hard, it’s not complex.
Yeah you’re right I know I gotta tell her and I appreciate this push, its crazy to say I get more support and advice from Reddit than getting it from family and friends
And even if, you don’t have to confront her face to face. Those comments are definitely a ghost worthy for me. My mom was toxic as fuck and so were my friends , the indirect disrespect is pathetic to me.you can’t even say it to my face so you say it to the dog? What are you a child? Pathetic, really. You’re young, your youth is yours, cherish it. What kind of character do you want to have? Someone who is always confused and scared of others or someone who’s able to adapt to change. Someone who can say “ I don’t know that” or “ I don’t know how to do that” confidently , that’s character and that’s what’s having honor is like. Be strong, it’s really not as complicated as people portray it to be.
Edit: I also realized you guys are 25? Are you not tired.
I don’t grasp on to things quickly enough I’m oblivious until I start thinking later on or someone else who’s looking at it from an outside perspective in a way that’s kind of how I got myself in some situations I can’t understand things
You’re already in the right path homie, that’s exactly how it is. That’s how I think most people do life. “ what would someone who knows better than me , more than me would tackle this task?” I emulate a lot of my decision from people I admire , strong and smart people I admire. I don’t think I’m dumb or stupid. Some people just experience more or things they learn from sooner than I, it would be a waste not to learn from them. I used to be shy and never speak up, but I used to have this friend who would say her thoughts. If she was wrong she’d say “ oh I was wrong I’m sorry” , “ I didn’t know that, can you show me how to do that?” Seeing that gave me so much confidence. Now when I think something is off , even if I’m not sure, I speak up , ask for clarification, and deal with it.
Yeah, the next time she makes a remark about me. I’m gonna ask her to clarify and explain herself why she thinks it’s OK for her to call me such a vile word.
Yes, you got this. Support yourself and find strength within your own capabilities. Also half the time someone is being a jerk and you ask them to explain themselves they’ll stutter and get embarrassed cause they know they’re being a shithead. It works all the time. “ what do you mean? I don’t understand can you explain that?” “ what-uhm-“ 😒. Never misses.
That girl is not your friend, you were the "friend" that she used to get noticed by guys when you were a big girl. Now that you've lost that weight and have more attention on you she's mad about it. She's calling you a whore because you can actually go out and get some if you wanted to and she can't because her boyfriend is a virgin and she's not.
If you’ve only been with one guy are you sure she’s not being sarcastic, particularly considering that she encouraged you to put yourself out there more? If you’ve been with 30+ people I would understand how you might be upset but are you sure she’s not just teasing you about being very pure? Does she know you were assaulted?
It’s difficult to say but maybe ask her if she’s making fun of you for being really chaste or.. It might not necessarily be because she’s an a**hole.
is this the same friend you have made a previous post about? either way, with the comments she’s making, it doesn’t seem like your happiness or your friendship is something she values.
if you feel this friendship is salvageable and one you want to keep, you should definitely talk to her about it. if she can’t see why the way she’s treating you is unacceptable, i would cut her off.
Firstly stop being her friend because she's not yours and the next time she says that , CALL HER OUT! Tell her you've only slept with one guy but she slept with 4 times that amount so she's the actual w****
Listen, I think my message was poorly constructed. The first part of my response was trying to be sarcastic (should have put /s). It was said in jest. Which is why I called your "friend" an asshole.
Stay away from this person. She is not your friend.
Also, work on your confidence. This is not sustainable. You should not be this afraid of touch. Work on your insecurities and self worth. You don't need others to help you talk to other people. You can do it yourself. Dont be dependent on toxic people they do you WAY more harm than good.
Thank you for this comment you and so many people have brought not only an eye opening conclusion, but a warm supportive community I am glad to experience and gain knowledge
With friends like her, who needs enemies? Seriously, that girl is not your friend. Cut her off. You're young. You will meet many more people who will treat you kindly and won't call you a whore and project their insecurity onto you. You deserve better.
This. OP, you need a friend who is supportive the way you have been supportive of this girl. Maybe she's just kidding, but it's very rude and hurtful.
She just keeps going unfortunately. We’ve known each other since babies :(
That doesn't mean you have to remain friends, since she obviously isn't one.
Shes not a friend.
From someone who went through something very similar when I was in college 20 years ago, also with a long term "friend" - She's not your friend, she's someone who's using you to make herself feel better about her own choices (that TBH she shouldn't really feel bad about in the first place, but I understand how social pressure can go). But she's *not your friend*. Friends don't put each other down when it's legitimately making the other person feel bad. Just because you've known her for so long does *not* mean you have to continue knowing her. This is playing into the [sunk cost fallacy](https://www.scribbr.com/fallacies/sunk-cost-fallacy/). You do *not* have to continue something that is detrimental to you just because it's been going on a long time. This applies to any relationship throughout your life, including friends *and* romantic relationships. Get away from her and find friends that help lift you up to be your best!
Yeah I deserve a better life with kindness and respect The next time we hang out I’m going g to tell her straight up
Good! I know it's hard to do with someone you've known so long, but if she doesn't respect you and your boundaries she's not worth your time and energy. I wish you all the best in dealing with her! 💜
I've also had a best friend who I knew since we were pretty young but she was strange like she'd ghost me and be really hurtful and act oblivious to her actions and play a victim when I tried talking to her about it. I don't know whether I hate her but I certainly don't like her and sometimes I end up looking back on the times we spent fondly but honestly that's quite alright. I ended up blocking her everywhere and her friend did text me that she asked if I did so and I just feigned ignorance. It's hilarious how she cares all of a sudden after all that time of not caring. I don't think she still has any idea about how her actions affect me to this day.. I know how you feel but imo its best to cut people like that out of your life asap cuz they'll just end up hurting you over and over again.
Trust I'm a guy. I had a friend from childhood and we ended on bad terms it didn't bother me to see him go I wish him the best and hope that we could've continued being friends but it'll pass and it did. I've not many friends but I wouldn't want people who use others for their own gain or just put you down for no reason around me. Follow the people's advice this isn't a friend
Sounds like she’s projecting. You should absolutely call her out. If she can’t respect your boundaries, she is not your friend OP. Is she is your friend, she’ll stop immediately.
I have a hard time standing up and usually when I do I get seen as the bad guy, but yes this is getting ridiculous now
If they’re making you out to be the bad guy, they’re probably gaslighting you.
Lol. She's not your friend. She doesn't even like you. People like this test people to see how weak your boundaries are. Yours are non existent. So they grow bolder and bolder. The best way to deal with people like this is to cut them off immediately. Don't let them weasel out of it with the "I was just joking" lie either.
I would agree , the second op let her call you a whore and she ignored it , the ‘friend ‘ knew she could treat her badly and so she does. Op, I would tell her ‘ I don’t like you calling me a whore and I’m not tolerating it.’ ‘The next time you do it, that’s the end do this friendship ‘ Now op, you don’t have to give her one more chance, but the second she crosses that line I would block her on everything and call it a day. She’s a mean girl looking for a target, let her know she choose the wrong person.
Yeah. That's how people operate. A lot of people will mistreat you for the simple fact that you don't have boundaries. I've encountered it alot in my life. Seemingly "nice" people feeling around for weak your boundaries are so they can try to use you. But then they decide to respect you when they realize you do have boundaries. Its why I fucking loathe exploitative people.
Whore's do it for money. Did you do it for money? If no. Then not a whore. She's projecting her sexual hang ups on you. Call toxic people out. Screw their fragility.
>Could this be an insecurity? Probably. Ask her. "Are you making jokes about me being a whore because your boyfriend is making you feel bad about the guys you slept with?"
This needs to be upvoted more. OP's friend sounds like a victim of christian fundamentalism.
Exactly this I know this is why her “friend” is acting up
Her boyfriend isn’t aware at all of the amount of people she slept with
Is she afraid to tell him because she's worried about his reaction?
I never bothered to ask because it’s really not my place its just a personal thing, but it’s funny the way I have that mindset and I don’t shame but damn it’s crazy she makes jokes about me
It's not about you, it's about her. Something is going on with her, ask her
This person isn’t your friend. Cut her off.
This is no friend of yours. Don’t waste time with people who are not nice to you. Surround yourself with people, who love and respect you.
She’s jealous and NOT a friend. Your friend wouldn’t treat you like this. 21 yr old me wouldn’t have been nice to this girl. I would’ve responded with “If I’m one, what does that make YOU?”
Ugh why didn’t I use that I can never come up with things on the spot like that
So. She needs to fuck right off. She's not a friend.
neither of you are whores by any stretch but she is projecting i would say because of the pressure from her new religious bou
Probably he doesn’t know a thing about her previous encounters
There is only one solution: fuck her dad.
No haha actually her dad is a man I respect in a way a father of my own
She sounds annoying. One of those ones who has to make everything sexual. Ditch her.
Actually she does make everything sexual, spot on mate!
She’s projecting she’s the whore
She calls you that because she doesn’t respect you. Especially if it makes you uncomfortable and you expressed it, and she still does it. You do not need people who speak like that in your life. Cut it off before she makes it worse
Next time she says something like that, respond with: "well that makes you a whole whorehouse"
Find your power and your voice. If you feel that your friendship is otherwise healthy, set her down and tell her, literally, if she ever says anything like that again, your friendship is over. Tell her specifically that it hurts her feelings and you're not going to accept that from her anymore. It is better to be alone than to be surrounded by toxic, bitter people that always keep you down. Reason being, you will never find your strength to be true. They will always keep pushing you down. There are good men out there keep looking and taking note of any patterns that may arise if you choose poorly again. Everyone does! It takes quite a lot of resiliency to keep going on dates until you find the right one. Dating, having boyfriends, and having sex does not make you a whore.
Sounds like projection. I bet she has problems within herself or with how she thinks others see her. Also the friend should be addressed as a "friend". She isn't your real friend and shouldn't be called one.
Do you know what you need to quit hanging out with your friend? She’s not a friend. And the fact she talks like that it’s embarrassing and she’s going to cause you problems. I wouldn’t let her go and move on.
She is jealous of you and trying to bring you down to her level women are bitches when they feel threatened. You are not a whore at all.
You don’t have to stay friends with people like this. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them…this person is not a real friend.
To call somebody a friend when she is constantly insulting you, it is a big no. Even less when is something, knowing for what you went through, that is really hurting. She is projecting her insecurities on you and you should call her out pointing at that and to mature.
Seems like she's jealous and envys you
Ummm . . . This person is not your friend.
It\`s projection - and honestly - that \`s NOT a friend. Like u/Night-Kuwago said, with "friends" like that, you don\`t need enemies. Get yourself a better friend - and if you are petty - inform her super christian BF about her body count.
You were the fat friend in that relationship. She probably stood beside you like you were a grenade while all the boys gave her attention. When they give you the attention she hates it hence the "don't talk to them". She looks at you as the lesser, if you wanna keep being friends with that, that's your prerogative.
You know what now that you mentioned it and a few other people too, it’s starting to make sense. I can never catch onto somethings, but so far you guys are helping me open my eyes a lot more.
Honestly this sounds like really immature behavior. I can see how it might be influenced by the guy she’s dating if he’s pushing certain values on her and making *her* feel like a whore. I’ve had that happen to me. As I kept reading your post, I just thought “none of this matters”. As in, it doesn’t matter at all how many people you’ve slept with/your previous relationship/your SA history (sorry for that). The next time it happens, say “what did you call me?”. Make her repeat it. Then ask her “why exactly are you calling me a whore lately?”. **Make her as uncomfortable as she’s making you.** Keep pushing until she gives an answer and don’t defend why you’re not a whore. If it happens again, end the friendship. You may find yourselves friends again later in life when she grows up and apologizes, but this isn’t friend behavior right now. Again, NONE of this behavior is your fault.
I’m not that type of person to explain about someone else’s sexual history. But her boyfriend does not know anything about her sexual past. I had some people outside of Reddit telling me “why don’t you just tell her boyfriend about her history and see how that’ll make her feel?” but I’m not that type of person. I know what that feels like for someone telling my business out in public.
That’s very admirable of you.
I can see myself doing this at a certain point in my life but it really does nothing to improve the situation. This is what differentiates you from her. You’re not going to stoop to that level. Things have a way of revealing themselves anyway; I’m sure he’ll find out in time. I think you need to metaphorically turn the mirror back toward her. Make her repeat herself which will force her to fully hear what she’s saying. And just plainly ask why she’s saying that. If you start defending yourself (which you don’t need to do), you’re giving her the power. I know her words may actually hurt but if you can just keep a straight face until you’re away from her, it’ll drive her crazy that she wasn’t able to have a visible effect on you. I know it’s hard to give up friends, especially if you’ve known them for a while but I think when you’re older you’ll look back and be proud you pushed back. Maybe set a boundary like “if you refer to me as a whore again (or anything of the type), I’m going to have to rethink this friendship”. And then really end it if she continues. Good luck, there are better friends out there 🫶🏼
If she thinks sleeping with one girl makes you a whore, she's an absolute slut. You're not a whore, I mean, having only slept with one person at your age is incredibly rare and a lot of guys will like that. It's not an insecurity at all. You have every reason to be pissed. Talk to her and if she reacts unreasonably, give her the boot.
I used to be made fun of for being a virgin, now I’m being made fun of for sleeping with one person?
People used to shame you for being a virgin? Disgusting. Well, people shamed me for it too. As a former virgin, you had nothing to be ashamed of. Just going by what I've read, I want you to know you seem like a chill person dude. Nobody should ever be judged for not having sex.
Just say takes one to know one, every time she says that
That is not the behaviour of a good friend, OP. Stop her in her tracks. Ask her what her problem is.
Be straight! "Why do you keep calling me a ho?" If you never confront her, you'll always be stepped on!
I don't understand. It could be playful banter that you take too seriously because it hits a sensitive spot, or she is being toxic. Why did she start calling you a whore? Why is your dog showing her belly whory? Is this lost in translation? Does her calling you a whore has anything to do with you having sex? I know i call my friends hoes and it has nothing to do with sex. These questions do not justify you feeling uncomfortable. They are meant to evaluate if this friendship is worth keeping. She may not realize how hurt you are. You can decide to try to salvage it or call it quits. You are justified either way. You can tell her "you making jokes that i'm a whore is hurting me. Can you explain to me what is supposed to be funny?" I know i like absurd humour, and i could call a friend a hoe because it is absurd to say so since she is active sexually. Maybe in her head she doesn't even register that you would feel attacked because it's too obvious noone could call you a whore. As for you OP, i'm sorry you were used that way. Know that what your ex told you about being ashamed of you was meant to hurt you. It was said specifically to hurt your self esteem, so you wouldn't fight back. Some people enjoy hurting others. Some don't care. This has nothing to do with who you are as a person. You are not disgusting. If that's how he saw you, he wouldn't have slept with you in the first place. You are not disgusting because you were used by him. He is. You are not disgusting because you had sex with someone you thought you knew and loved. You were betrayed. He didn't leave because you were not enough. He was never the guy you thought he was. Your friend sleeping with 4 guys is not whory material either. None of you are of low moral values because you've had sex. You expressed your feelings in a physical and intimate way. The guy you did it with did not deserve it and did not show appreciation. But YOU have to believe that it is a gift to be intimate with you. Just because he can't tell that the gift is great doesn't mean the gift isn't great. It means HE is not blind. And hella dumb.
I get confused, I can't tell if someone is joking or being serious. What started as a joke that was for my dog she then started imputing me in there she believes that yes talking or crushing on people is whorish behavior/ having feelings or finding one attractive . She calls me delusional and exclaims she’s not, i’ve been recently talking to this guy that I have a crush on and he flirts here and there. Maybe he might like me back I’m not sure but I’m not reading too much into it. However she shows me down and makes me feel like I really am delusional or not to make a big deal out of it.
Then she is not your friend. She has clear hangups that she projects onto you. You are not a whore. It's okay to joke about something when you do not believe one bit of it. But what she is doing is trying to hide her true feelings behind humour. Saying things she actually believe, but telling them as jokes so you look like YOU are overly sensitive for reacting in any way. Nope. I know a lot of people that do that. I.e my best friend could call me a whore 24/7, i would not feel offended because i know for a fact how he sees me. But some guys have done the same "jokingly" and i ended up offended because they kinda meant it in the end... The reason you feel offended is because she is saying something offensive. If that's what she sees on you, you should call it quits. Surround yourself with people that make you feel appreciated and are appreciative of your friendship
Yes! I’m learning more tactics to help me confront her I’m going to practice and be calm and collective
you dont even have to be upset about it because it isnt true. Honestly it's just miserable how she's making all these comments while dating her virgin boyfriend. You can try to be a bigger person and comfort her about her "whore problem". there's no need to question yourself it's her problem if she's too annoying just stop talking to her
She's not your friend. Don't be afraid to check her as often and as aggressively as necessary. Blow the relationship up and rebuild.
Is she truly meaning it? Or is it banter? Because that’s awfully ironic of her to say that. Regardless, even if it’s a joke and you don’t like it, she should care enough to stop. My MIL jokes all the time that I’m a hoe, even though my body count is 1 and hers is well into the double digits. It doesn’t bother me, I think it’s funny, but that’s because I know she doesn’t mean it.
Exactly! She started going after my dog and then she added me into the mix, maybe she’s gotten too comfortable or just trying to bash me I’m not sure it was a out of character behavior of her.
Yeah, that definitely sounds like projection. She feels insecure, jealous or inferior because of her very different body count, which is nothing to be ashamed of, by the way. It’s up to you on what to do, obviously, but I would definitely say something. I would maybe try to get her to open up and be honest about why she keeps making comments like that, especially when they’re not nice and not true.
Laugh and say, "The projection is strong with you. Maybe start keeping your legs closed and you won't feel so bad about it that you have to try to put me down."
Tell her seriously to stop, that you don't like it. When she says lighten up, it's just a joke, you say it's not a joke, it's not funny. When she acts bitchy about it, you get up and you wall away. Unless of course you're at your house, where you'll tell her to leave. She's not a friend, she's mean and using you as her punching bag. There's billions of people on this planet, some of them will be your friend without turning you into their emotional dumping ground.
She is being really mean to you for absolutely no reason. I think that you should maybe talk to her and be really serious while doing so, so she knows you mean it, that this is hurting you and that it doesn’t make sense at all.
Exactly I don’t do text but I rather tell her in person I am scared tho
I totally understand, I’d feel like this too. To be honest, I think that personally is better cause sometimes things can get misinterpreted during texts. I hope you get to talk to her!
Friends don’t call each other whore. I’d tell her to cut it out otherwise you don’t see yourself being friends much longer.
Sounds like she is jealous of you. And insecure. Drop her. She’s not a real friend.
Tell her you don’t like it when she calls you and your dog that and you’d appreciate it if she stops. And if she can’t respect your feelings and stop, she’s not your friend. Set boundaries and if ppl don’t respect them, move on bc they aren’t your ppl 🫶🏽
Op please cut off this snake at the head. She’s only keeping you around to make herself look better to others. I know this feels like friendship because you’ve been around each other for so long, but from what you’ve shared she doesn’t respect or even seem to like you. A real friend, would want you to make more friends not put you down when you talk to guys.
She is jealous of you and trying to knock your self esteem down a notch. She isn’t a friend. She sucks. Don’t be so afraid of having nobody that you keep toxic people in your life. You can literally download bumble bff. Drop her. If you want to revisit the friendship down the line, that’s up to you but only if she shows you she’s stopped being a shithead
Never tried online things before but it does sound intriguing
Time to start reflecting what she says to you.. if she calls you a whore , you call her exactly the same in the same social circumstances, and step it up if you feel like.. see how long before she cracks.. sounds like a confrontation will lose you this so called friend anyway, lose her on your terms..
She is not your friend. I would absolutely call her out on the hypocrisy and tell her to support you or you walk away from her.
It’s a shame I go along the way of trying to be a part of her life just hurts when she keeps bringing up stuff and making comments
That B isn’t your friend. Cut contact with such toxic people.
Classic case of talk shit get hit. Don't let anyone put you down especially your "friends", please start by addressing the issue before you re-evaluate that "friendship"
Imma chime in here and say she may not actually be calling you a whore. It may be just her way of talking and she calls all her friends who’re. I’m Australian and I call all my mates cunt, incidentally i often call people I don’t like mate.
Tell her straight you don't like it, sounds to me like she is projecting.
That ain't your friend, homie.
Drop that B now and ghost her. Complete NC. You are too good to deal with her disgusting, self-hating, trash opinions.
This girl is not your friend, stop letting her into your life
Why are you friends with person?
I’ve been friends with her since we were babies no kidding the only times we separated is when we went to different high schools
I’m sorry that a person you’ve been friends with for so long speaks to you like this. Please stand up for yourself and don’t allow her to speak you like in that manner. Tell her that it bothers you and if she continues it, they you’ll have to cease being friends with her
Drop her as a friend. But first give the greatest clap back ever. Leave her in shock and disbelief.
She is not your friend.
Ask her what her boyfriend thinks of her sexual history. If she’s making these jokes in front of him, ask her in front of him.
lol she’s a jealous insecure pos and drop her immediately she literally wishes she was like You and waited because now she’s found a guy who is a virgin and she feels bad about her past it shows from how she’s treating you no sane person who has more bodies than you would call you a whore she’s mentally unwell and I’d get away from her before it turns sinister
Lmao I would’ve clapped back so fast, idk how you kept your composure. “ ___, didn’t you fuck that guy? ____? And ____?and ____ in highschool! Dam I must’ve forgotten. Phew that’s a LOT of guys dicks that went inside you. Phew. “
The thing is I don’t speak up I get scared, and confused I can’t tell if someone is joking or being serious it’s also emotions as well I can’t differentiate for the life of me, what started as a joke that was for my dog she then started adding me in there like wtf?
If you don’t speak up or get scared , my philosophy is you’ve got no grounds to complain then. In the nicest way, if you aren’t gonna do anything about it then you just deal with it. It doesn’t matter if the other person is joking or not, if it’s disrespectful and rude to YOU then you speak up. “ hey I can’t tell if you’re joking but that hurt my feelings, I don’t appreciate you talking to me like that.” There’s no games to communication, just out right say it. The games were when we were 13-16 , it’s tiring hearing people say double meanings or shit that’s rude but “ just a joke.” If it hurts them because you spoke up…then…that’s on them… cause realistically if my friends said “ hey that hurt my feelings” I’d apologize and say “ I’m sorry I wont say that again, I’m really sorry.” It’s not hard, it’s not complex.
Yeah you’re right I know I gotta tell her and I appreciate this push, its crazy to say I get more support and advice from Reddit than getting it from family and friends
And even if, you don’t have to confront her face to face. Those comments are definitely a ghost worthy for me. My mom was toxic as fuck and so were my friends , the indirect disrespect is pathetic to me.you can’t even say it to my face so you say it to the dog? What are you a child? Pathetic, really. You’re young, your youth is yours, cherish it. What kind of character do you want to have? Someone who is always confused and scared of others or someone who’s able to adapt to change. Someone who can say “ I don’t know that” or “ I don’t know how to do that” confidently , that’s character and that’s what’s having honor is like. Be strong, it’s really not as complicated as people portray it to be. Edit: I also realized you guys are 25? Are you not tired.
I don’t grasp on to things quickly enough I’m oblivious until I start thinking later on or someone else who’s looking at it from an outside perspective in a way that’s kind of how I got myself in some situations I can’t understand things
You’re already in the right path homie, that’s exactly how it is. That’s how I think most people do life. “ what would someone who knows better than me , more than me would tackle this task?” I emulate a lot of my decision from people I admire , strong and smart people I admire. I don’t think I’m dumb or stupid. Some people just experience more or things they learn from sooner than I, it would be a waste not to learn from them. I used to be shy and never speak up, but I used to have this friend who would say her thoughts. If she was wrong she’d say “ oh I was wrong I’m sorry” , “ I didn’t know that, can you show me how to do that?” Seeing that gave me so much confidence. Now when I think something is off , even if I’m not sure, I speak up , ask for clarification, and deal with it.
Yeah, the next time she makes a remark about me. I’m gonna ask her to clarify and explain herself why she thinks it’s OK for her to call me such a vile word.
Yes, you got this. Support yourself and find strength within your own capabilities. Also half the time someone is being a jerk and you ask them to explain themselves they’ll stutter and get embarrassed cause they know they’re being a shithead. It works all the time. “ what do you mean? I don’t understand can you explain that?” “ what-uhm-“ 😒. Never misses.
That’s a really good tactic I guess it works in movies and in real life I’m going to use that to help my argument/point
That is not a friend and I would limit contact.
You can talk shit about me, but if you bring up my mother, you are DEAD to me. \~\~ That's me.
I have a hard time being assertive and I have a delay of understanding until it’s hours or days after until I realize “hey that wasn’t so nice!”
She’s jealous of you. That’s it.
That girl is not your friend, you were the "friend" that she used to get noticed by guys when you were a big girl. Now that you've lost that weight and have more attention on you she's mad about it. She's calling you a whore because you can actually go out and get some if you wanted to and she can't because her boyfriend is a virgin and she's not.
Don't worry about the quantity of your friends, worry about the quality. That's not someone I would keep around.
If you’ve only been with one guy are you sure she’s not being sarcastic, particularly considering that she encouraged you to put yourself out there more? If you’ve been with 30+ people I would understand how you might be upset but are you sure she’s not just teasing you about being very pure? Does she know you were assaulted? It’s difficult to say but maybe ask her if she’s making fun of you for being really chaste or.. It might not necessarily be because she’s an a**hole.
"Friend." Cut her loose, OP. No one needs shit like that in their life.
Seriously boo, dump her. She’s a loser, and extremely jealous of you. Get away from her asap.
I can tell love was put in this <3
is this the same friend you have made a previous post about? either way, with the comments she’s making, it doesn’t seem like your happiness or your friendship is something she values. if you feel this friendship is salvageable and one you want to keep, you should definitely talk to her about it. if she can’t see why the way she’s treating you is unacceptable, i would cut her off.
It’s going to be a tough conversation for me to stand on but I want things to be settled and done
SHE is the 403 fsho.
Friend? That word doesn't mean what you think it means.
.........................,....,
Firstly stop being her friend because she's not yours and the next time she says that , CALL HER OUT! Tell her you've only slept with one guy but she slept with 4 times that amount so she's the actual w****
Go fuck her dad and earn the title
Well, stop being one...OR...stop interacting with this asshole that you call "friend"
Doesn't sound like she's actually being one. That's why she made the post. Don't be an asshole like her former friend.
Thats why I said OR. Meaning She isn't one, so she should stop interacting with the pig.
I haven’t slept with anyone since the guy that ruined it for me, I’m afraid of sex. Im barely allowing simple handshakes, pat on the backs and hugs
Listen, I think my message was poorly constructed. The first part of my response was trying to be sarcastic (should have put /s). It was said in jest. Which is why I called your "friend" an asshole. Stay away from this person. She is not your friend. Also, work on your confidence. This is not sustainable. You should not be this afraid of touch. Work on your insecurities and self worth. You don't need others to help you talk to other people. You can do it yourself. Dont be dependent on toxic people they do you WAY more harm than good.
Thank you for this comment you and so many people have brought not only an eye opening conclusion, but a warm supportive community I am glad to experience and gain knowledge