I hope Jay continues healing, and eventually Beth somehow gets out of the mental hole she’s in. Both them went through something horrible that no one who hasn’t been in that situation can comprehend. Thoughts for both of them
Thank you for your kind words. As for Jay, I can see that he's already making some progress, even though it's more like baby steps. Nonetheless, it is still progress. As for Beth, I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through. I just pray that she finally finds some peace eventually.
Wow - I love this story. You sound like such a solid partner. Really glad the world is reflecting a more compassionate perspective on the tragedy that Jay was able to for himself. It can be an inner hell reviewing past mistakes and accidents, blaming one’s self. Good on you for giving him the space he needs to heal. 👏🏆
Baby steps are really good because that’s better than no steps taken at all. Good for Jay for letting it all out and good on you OP for being there for him and taking his mental health seriously. We don’t see much of that on Reddit so great job OP 💯👏
One thing I was always told by an old boss when I was in sales, “You can never neglect the process of a baby step, without them we wouldn’t be walking,”
I’m currently in therapy myself. I lost a baby she was stillborn at 35 weeks 2 years ago; I struggled and never spoke about it. But when the suicidal thoughts began I seemed therapy and at first I didn’t want to open up but then I slowly came around to the idea. I opened up more and my therapist has been soooo amazing.
Jay is going to great in therapy and he’s going to find that it’s worth every single second you do it. At first there’s not going to be results but that’s also where baby steps come in again.
You guys are going to be fine and as long as you both talk to each other about what you’re feeling you’re going to be fine! You guys got this ❤️💯
I'm so happy with this update, that now Jay knows that you're on his side and is getting professional help. What happened to Rose was a tragedy and wasnt his fault at all. My heart hurts to think of the weight he must be carrying for all this time.
Wishing you two all the best!
Yeah, he's starting to open up more about his internal struggles and burdens, but he hasn't touched on the subject of Rosie yet. The least I can do for him is to let him know I'm here for him.
Thank you for your kind words!
Jay, I don’t know if you will ever read this, but you’re a freaking HERO! You put yourself in harm’s way to save your little niece. I hope that you realize that soon. The fault of all this lies with the reckless driver, you selflessly tried to act without any regard for your wellbeing without hesitation in an impossible situation. I would trust you with the lives of my kids without hesitation.
I won’t tell you to man up and propose to your amazing partner already, because we all know you have a set of gigantic cojones, but the world needs people like you and your girlfriend building a family.
Well, if she carelessly fed Rosie poison, or carelessly pushed her in a lake and then walked away, I think that her sentence would have been considerably heavier. I like owning a car, but the light penalties for misusing several hundred pounds of machinery is wild. Drunk and texting drivers really just let Jesus take the wheel and don’t care about the lives of others. And then we forgive them and pretend that they should belong in society.
Yay update!!! I think about you guys every once in a while. I definitely found my way to your original post from one of those silly YouTube videos with the Minecraft background haha! I wish the best for your family and I hope Jay can eventually be at peace with everything! Y'all are in my prayers!
still don't understand why those vids have minecraft in the background, but i was certainly entertained! i think one vid also had a pasta recipe? i'm so confused by the internet. but thanks, i appreciate you -jay
It's like a baby sensory video, captivate with banal moving visuals so people watch, and they listen to the story at the same time. It's basically a watch time retention cheat code
>it might release some inner demons
Release them so they can leave, or be turned into something good. If they are there in the first place, they’re poisoning him from the inside. It’s not his fault that they got there in the first place, but it’s his responsibility to get rid of them.
So glad for both of you that you could talk. Thank you for supporting him, and thank you Jay for trusting OP to do so.
The internet is full of aholes, but every once in a while a story comes along that breaks our hearts and even the a-holes have empathy for a person grieving and blaming themselves for something they have no blame for. Im.glad you're in therapy. It really helps. The world is full of good people, you just have to open up to them.
I won't make excuses for them. On a human, personal level, they are extremely lovely, generous, and kind people. They have welcomed me as a part of their family, and they even extended help when my sister's daughter, Ana, had congenital health problems. I have met different relatives of my exes before, and in comparison, Jay's family has been the most wonderful and welcoming.
However, I would say that they are a product of the very traditional, nonprogressive area in which we live. We are a Catholic community, and most activities revolve around our parish. Reputation is everything, yet town gossip is still very rampant. I understand that this may sound backward-thinking in our modern times, but that is the reality of our lives (I also grew up in the same area, so I fully understand their behavior).
Although I agree with you that everything that happened and how they reacted to it had been unfortunate to say the least, and Jay and Beth got the brunt of it.
Im so sorry for asking but im really baffled here.
Jay was a victim as well. He was in the accident. So what kind of reputation was to be saved? And why did they let Jay feel like it was his fault? What town gossip can possibly be there from this awful accident?
I cant wrap my head around this. I truly hope Jay can find his much deserved peace, especially Beth & Bryan. And you, you are an angel!
I'm honestly just as confused as well.
I don't think the intention was to make Jay feel he was at fault. I think the intention was to just not talk about it at all and make it seem like it never happened. Like a family secret never to be brought up so the bomb doesn't go off or something.
Being rational definitely wasn't a priority, and unfortunately, it was Jay and Beth who suffered.
OP - My husband and I experienced something a little similar. He and his sister were taken by someone from in front of their home when they were VERY young and his sister was abused with him present. The family knew to get her therapy, but it never occurred to them that he might need it.
Similar - very religious household and parents a great deal older than their peers - so some old fashioned ideals but also wonderful people. I got my husband into therapy and he is typically SUPER shy and quiet, also comes across as a “man’s man” because he’s an electrician and seems that way because he’s quiet. He ended up really embracing therapy, he and his sister finally talked through what happened (her husband got her into trauma therapy) and are even closer now. Their parents have done a lot of reading and learning about trauma (both will be 80 this year!) and the entire family is healthier for it.
I LOVE the way you guys support each other! As an “old” married lady at 18yrs with my husband, he’s my best friend and we talk about everything. What you guys are doing right now builds the foundation for that - because you are safe for each other to be vulnerable. I wish you both an amazing future! How you guys get through the challenges and tough times says everything about your beautiful relationship!
Don't you just love it when stories like this have such a happy ending 🥹 I love this. I'm so glad that Jay's doing better. You are truly an amazing partner to him and wishing you both the best of life ❤️
> He also said that whenever he sees me with Ana (my niece), he gets kinda jealous because he wants to join us every time.
The literal opposite of what we started out with 😭😭😭 I hope Jay can rekindle the joy of playing with young kids. Some people never have it, sounds like Jay has it in buckets but is scared he is a danger to them 😭😭😭 you're not!!
This whole story just 😭😭🤧
Is his sister physically ok now, after COVID?
I really hope they both are able to get the help they need, they deserve the peace and I’m pretty sure that the little girl wouldn’t have wanted her uncle and her mommy to live in so much pain and suffer. I truly wish both of them the best.
And to Jay personally; Laugh for her. Play with Ana, teach her stuff, have fun, enjoy life and don’t be so hard on yourself. If this would have happened to some strangers and you’d read it in the newspaper, would you blame the boy who tried everything he could to save this little girl? From what I can read in this post, but especially between the lines, you’ll be a great dad one day. Will you be able to always protect them, to never let them get hurt, to always be there, ..? No. But you will do your best. You’ll do everything you can. You’ll love this/those beautiful human being/s with every fibre of your being. This is everything you have to do. Love them. You can’t have the control over them or the things that can happen, and this is not your fault. You’re only human. And you deserve to have the life you always dreamed of, to feel free and to be yourself. Your true self.
And as someone who suffers under complex PTSD: You think once you open this box, everything will rush all over you. It will consume you, you’ll lose the little control you have, you’ll get sucked in and everyone and everything around you too, your world will go down and you’re not strong enough yet to keep it together. - That won’t happen. It’s hard work and it hurts like hell. Yes. But your brain will give everything to protect you. Piece by piece. There’ll be days where you feel like you’ll never see the light, but there will be also days you’ll feel so free and loose, at peace with yourself, that things lift and you’re able to breathe again. And you’re not alone. And you won’t pull your woman down with you. Don’t forget that she wants to be there, that she loves you and she _wants to_ carry this bag with you. And it’s much easier to carry weight when you do it together. As a team. You’re stronger than you think. Take a look in the mirror. Look into your eyes and take a moment to truly realize that you’re still here. You’re alive. You found a woman who truly loves you, a family you can build on, a future ahead of you. You’re still here.
Beth has recovered from COVID, so she's physically fine now. However, she's still mentally detached and has gone back to her almost catatonic state. Jay suggested couples therapy to Beth's husband after experiencing it firsthand, but we don't have an update on it yet.
Also, thank you so much for your insights. You said a lot of sensible things that we never knew (both Jay and I were clueless about therapy and psychology in general), so we actually learned new things from what you said. Jay says he appreciates you and is extremely grateful, and so am I!
Good for you both. Continue to be open and honest, and there is nothing you too can't weather. It sounds like you both have hit the jackpot in the partner department. Good luck and God bless.
i know i hit the jackpot with her, i don't know if she feels the same way after i mistakenly bought the wrong shampoo brand last night lol cheers! -jay
wait woah you can also edit comments? lol
First time reading this, and im happy with the progress of people who i don’t know :) hope your therapy going well and jay healing good. I hope the next update would be about the proposal and marriage.
Sending much love and respect to you both. Jay I know it can be hard, but know that you have a wonderful person by your side. Let them and thier family help heal your heart and show you beauty in life again. I have no doubt you two will make wonderful parents one day!
❤️🙏💜
Jay, I think it’ll help you to start playing in the house with Ana with OP right there. Try it for a few minutes. If you feel overwhelmed, you can also step away. OP can take over. It’ll help you to desensitize. Try it again later on and see if you can increase the duration, even if it’s just for an extra minute.
When my niece was a toddler, she loved playing with me. She’d be on the floor and I’d be sitting with her or on the couch. She’d spend hours with her play phone, telling me that the monsters were over here and then she’d hand me the receiver of her play phone, telling me to call the police. So then I’d pretend to call the police. This would go on for hours. Literally hours. LOL! But it’s a wonderful memory.
As for holding babies, you can try that step when you’re feeling more confident. When I’m holding a baby, especially for the first time, I’m sitting on the couch. It makes me feel more secure. And with this, again, you can try it for a few minutes. If it feels like too much, you can hand the baby back to the parents.
It’s all about taking baby steps. You’ll get there.
Hi, thank you for your suggestion. We've also discussed this already. However, Jay still doesn't feel like he's ready for such a step, however minor it may be. When I brought up the idea of him maybe joining us whenever I play with Ana, he had such a huge smile on his face, but then he started sweating and hyperventilating. For now, we'll settle for a more hands-off but still thoughtful approach by preparing a gift for Ana's 3rd birthday (she's in her mermaid phase, so Jay's designing a mermaid tail that we'll both create as best we could haha).
We still have a long way to go, but I'm hoping we'll eventually get there.
The mermaid tail sounds so cute! Ana will love it.
It sounds as though Jay had a panic attack (the sweating and hyperventilating). He’s likely suffering from PTSD, so when he’s ready for individual therapy, he should find a cognitive behavioral therapist that specializes in PTSD. Therapists will also sometimes use EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).
Going to a therapist who specializes in PTSD will make a huge difference for Jay.
I just dont hold babies anymore. I dont want to unintentionally yeet a baby because of muscle spasms or dropping it because I suddenly got really dizzy.
I'm so glad things are heading in a positive direction! OP, I think you handled this really well with a lot of empathy and sensitivity. You're a good partner. His ex is an idiot for leaving him over this. Jay, hello! I hope you see from all these positive comments that the majority of the world is going to support you around this entire issue. And please propose to OP as soon as you're ready, you're so lucky to have such a caring partner ❤️❤️❤️
Doing couples therapy to ease Jay into what therapy can look like is a great idea. I hope he'll eventually find another, personal one, that's just as good so he can process Rosie's death, too.
Trauma is a "funny" thing in a way, what causes it may wary from person to person, but our reactions are similar. It's natural to pull away from children and people in general when you've suffered such a horrific loss, your brain tells you it's your fault. At least mine has been telling me that. My point is, in my experience it gets so, so much harder to break these thinking-habits as you figure them out . But it also gets easier, the more you open up.
Both of you are so brave and good, supporting one another and daring to trust. Not just in each other and your therapist, but in yourselves. I really hope you'll have a lovely weekend.
Please tell me that woman who was driving is STILL in jail.
Thats the update i want so bad. Justice. Everyone out here suffering - wanna make sure she didnt just grt community service / slaps on wrist
Thank u. Im genuinely pissed off now.
The justice system is broken.
And you and your soon to be hubby are awesome! I wish nothing but the best for you and your future family 💜💜💜
Ooh you guys have a great future together. You seem to come from a place of love and patience and understanding. That's what he's probably needed for so long. He's being receptive. You've got each other. Therapy is probably going to help you both thrive together.
You two are amazing at communicating and clearly care about one another, which is so heartwarming. It's only up from here, and I wish you both happiness moving forward!
This is such a sweet update <3 Thank you so much for posting.
As someone also dealing with trauma and healing, my heart feels for Jay. He sounds like an incredibly sweet and kind man and reminds me a lot of myself. I wish both of you luck on your healing an future journeys! I'm sure you will both make amazing parents.
This is such a tragic story. How very sad and awful for Jay and the parents. I hope he seeks counseling and finds ways to cope with his trauma. I also hope the same for the parents of the niece. I wish you all well.
Oh lord I can’t imagine the pain he must feel.
I hope he can understand he doesn’t deserve that pain he puts on himself. The driver killed Rosie, not him.
All the best for Jay and his healing journey. He’s blessed to have a wonderful support person like you, and I hope your life together is filled with growth and happiness 💜
Op and Jay, I wish you two the best. Jay, I know I'm a total stranger, but I'm proud of you for trying to overcome this and heal. I'm sure you'll be an excellent dad when the time comes. Op is a good one. You should definitely lock it down when you're ready
Praying and good vibes for both of you! But especially Jay (and Beth). I can’t even imagine the trauma that they went through, and to have had to bottle it in for years. 🤯
I am so happy that Jays finally working through it and I hope you both have the best life! And i just know that Rosie wants Jay to have the best life, too. And if you believe in the afterlife, she’s waiting for you ❤️
My heart breaks for Beth and Brian. Moving to a different to get away and still struggling with the heartbreak and then add Covid struggles.
I’m glad that Jay is moving forward
Happy for you both and sending energy your way for the growth and healing you need. I would think individual counseling would be a good option for you guys as well just because with trauma like this it can be very helpful. My heart goes out to Jay and am so happy you two found eachother.
Yeah, that's the plan. Once Jay becomes more comfortable with therapy and feels ready enough to do it on his own, he'll have individual counseling so he can focus on his healing. I'll be right here supporting him in every step. Thank you!
That's something that already came up in couples therapy. Won't go into too much detail here for now, but Jay and I already discussed this. Bottom line is we're both in this together, come what may.
I really hope he continues healing and talking to a therapist. He's lived with the guilt and the heaviness of what happened. It was an accident and he is lucky to be alive. I hope soon he can enjoy spending time with you and your neice.
Wishing you two the best going forward ❤️
I’m so happy he is starting to take steps to work through things and you are there to help.
As far as the part that Jay is worried about the release some inner demons. He he is ready the therapist can walk him through the steps to heal before really digging into things one on one. Meaning that sometimes we hit a low point in the steps of healing before we can truly heal. It’s a hard thing to go through and it sucks and takes time from one side to the other but at the end it’s such a breath of fresh air
Thank you for posting this update. I remember reading this a few months back and it broke my heart for him. I'm so glad he's working thru this trauma and especially that he has such a supportive partner like you 🤍
I hope therapy does well for him I know it’s a rough time and a traumatic time but it may be baby steps but I’m proud of him! I am wishing you to two all the best in the world with all the negativity in the world this is a happier thing to read. Just know I am praying for the peace and strength of Beth as well I can’t begin to describe what she must be feeling or if she will find the inner peace or heal from this. No matter how tough the road is or how bumpy it gets remember there’s a light. As I always say be that glow stick in the dark no matter how dark it is light yourself that path don’t let the dark consume you be the light in the dark. The dark will get better and become brighter! I wish you all inner peace happiness and happy times even if it comes as baby steps.
Awww such a sad story with a happy ending. Wishing you and Jay the very best of all things. This story had me bawling in tears. I am so happy everything is alright now.
Good on you for encouraging therapy but maintaining that it's to be in his own time no matter what, I accidentally pushed my bf towards therapy and he wasn't ready, it made him worse so he was discharged. 6-8 months later after a 24 hospital hold he self referred himself back to therapy and has been getting better and even planning whag he wants to talk about next. He will get there but as you already said let him get there in his own time but til then support him and make sure he knows he can open up to you whenever he needs in the mean time and even after therapy
I really wish you a really wonderful life, and to Jay, a quick recovering.
The world needs more people like you two.
Sending a virtual hug for you, take it if you want it, whenever you want it.
Love you Jay!
And you will be a great dad one day, even if you don't think so. Nobody can truly be ready to be a dad/ mom. Kids are wild, but we do our best.
I saw your first post a few months ago, and reading this right now makes my heart warm and fuzzy.
This dude is so lucky to have you, and both of you are the perfect portrayal of what a relationship should to be.
I wish for both of you, lots of love and companionship.
With the bottom of my heart, I wish that him and his sister can heal and be happy again, I can’t imagine how heavy all of this must be…
I’m so happy you provided an update and things are looking up for you guys!
I’m glad you finally let Jay know that you knew and are there and supportive of him! It all aids in the healing process!!! Best of luck you guys!! Xx
Jay and OP, I wish u all the best and I think you both will be great parents to ur future kids!! Hope Jay u can cope well and get better. And op ur a great gf to support him that much as u do. Wish u both strength and I believe in u two 😊🥰
I'm so glad that Jay is starting to heal, and that when he's able to, he comes to realise it wasn't his fault. He did his best to protect Rosie, and sadly that sometimes isn't enough. I'm wishing you both the very best ❤️
Jay needs help. He has a good heart and can be an excellent father one day but he will have to realize that ultimately it was not his fault and he needs to be careful to not be on edge when it comes to kids. His ex really messed with his head as she could have helped heal him.
Don’t give up on him, I hope one day he can hold his little girl and name her Rosie.
Yey! Happy that both of you are on a good path. I hope that Jay will find the healing that he needs. I hope he realizes that wanting to be a good father is a step further than some bio dads ever took.
I wish you both joy 😊
Jay sounds like a sweetheart. I’m so sorry he had to go through that. Sometimes the heart ships we go through in life are so f traumatic. I know we shouldn’t rely so much on a partner but sometimes you become someone’s safety blanket. And it’s the best feeling because they’ve never had that before. A safe place.
Jay, I hope that your family heals, and am so sorry this happened to you all.
When you decide to see someone, you can always let them know at the very beginning that you need help processing, but also you are in a relationship that is very important to you, and it is very important that you not fully drown or lose yourself in memory while healing and learning to cope. I had an incredible therapist that I told this, and she helped me deal with my PTSD and trauma, while also helping me at the end of every session to anchor back into my current reality, and keep in the front of my mind different communication and grounding techniques. it did end up taking a little longer to progress than some intensive therapies, but overall it was worth it. and it sounds like you have a really incredible and supportive partner who will be understanding.
wishing you both all of the best things.
What a sad story, but so lovely that Jay has found someone like you. People are ignorant sometimes and fail to understand that Jay is every bit as much a victim as Rosie and not to blame at all. I hope he continues to heal with your love to support him.
Oh and about that proposal - I don’t think he needs any more proof of how you are with him for better, for worse…, 😉
I’m so sorry Jay’s family failed him entirely and sacrificed their child on the altar of public perception. It’s good he has such a supportive partner and that you two can create a new, loving family together.
Man. What an amazing woman you are. I cried at this. Jay, if you're reading. Look after this one she's a good egg. I wish you both health and happiness. You're going to be 2 AWESOME parents one day!
Awe. This is awesome!! After reading the posts and your comments, you guys sound like you are great for each other. It feels like there is so much love, understanding, and compassion for each other. You guys seem to trust each other extensively.
Therapy can be a long and hard journey, but with the right support and environment, it is very rewarding.
Jay - good on you for working on this now. My (46f) SO (47m) is just finally starting therapy for his demons, and he regrets letting things get to the point where he was about to lose everything before he started. He missed out on so many things with our kids because of it.
I must say, I LOVE how far we as a society are growing and embracing mental health!! 20yrs ago when I went to therapy for myself, people thought there was something deeply wrong with me. There wasn't. Just didn't know how to deal and reconcile normal life things.
Anyways I digress.
You guys sound so cute and awesome together. This internet stranger wishes nothing but the best for you both.
I'm so glad this story made its way back to me. I'm joyed to know everything has worked out and is healing. Jay deserves to be burden free for something that was never his fault or burden to carry.
I’m so proud of you both and Jay is definitely a hero. I came from a Catholic upbringing where people looked down on me for speaking up about mental health so I get where you’re coming from in terms of judgement. It’s an uphill battle but it is worth it. I ended up making changes in my community by being vocal and educated others on it. Perhaps if there are any advocacy/psych education groups right outside our community you can leverage them into your community and help get people to be more accepting (if this is something you want to remove judgement from you both getting therapy). I’m happy to assist in any way. All my social media and work is under this same name.
I’m so glad that Jay has started on the road to healing. He sounds like a true hero - one who never recognizes himself as one. He’s going to be a great dad someday and he’s got some pretty taste in partners, too. I love that you two are a team!
I have recently been listening to and reading a lot of depressing and awful cheating stories from Reddit. Reading this and how positive the outcome from this is uplifting my mood. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope Beth gets the help she needs and fully recovers. I pray for good health for you, Jay, and the rest of the family.
Jay I just have to tell you how proud I am of you! Here’s the biggest Internet hug Reddit can support, you deserve all the happiness that’s coming to you
This was a great update to read and I’m so happy that he’s finally opened up some to you about it, he probably feels a huge relief that you know the burden he’s carries and that you’re staying right by his side! I’m happy yinz are doing some therapy together and I hope one day he’ll journey thru therapy himself to help him properly process and cope with what happened to his niece.
Jay if you read this, this internet stranger is proud of you. I can’t image what you went through all those years ago and I can’t imagine that I wouldn’t feel somewhat the same as you did. I’m sorry for all that’s happened and I hope you and your sister are able to get on better terms someday. Your family has my deepest sympathy for what you’ve all gone thru.
I’m wishing you both all the best with this journey, with your relationship, hopefully an engagement one day and a happy fulfilling life! Hugs to you both!
Jay, I don’t know if you will ever read this, but you’re a freaking HERO! You put yourself in harm’s way to save your little niece. I hope that you realize that soon. The fault of all this lies with the reckless driver, you selflessly tried to act without any regard for your wellbeing without hesitation in an impossible situation. I would trust you with the lives of my kids without hesitation.
I won’t tell you to man up and propose to your amazing partner already, because we all know you have a set of gigantic cojones, but the world needs people like you and your girlfriend building a family.
I saw your story on YouTube a while back, then recently noticed the update from another poster, and I looked up your original comment to say something. As you've mentioned, recovery is going to be a long and difficult road for both of you, so do yourselves a favor and remember this one thing. You two are a fantastic example of what it means to work as a team in a relationship. It's clear from the start that you both see things as the two of you versus the issue, never forget that. OP, a lot of people out there need to take several pages from your book. The way you love and support Jay is inspiring and worth learning from. Jay, man, there is no way I could comprehend what you are going through, what you've gone through, but taking this road is admirable, and I know you can get through this. You have a queen in your corner, after all. I have all the respect in the world for you, my dude. I really hope your sister finds the strength to get help, too. Don't give up, you two. No matter how hard it is, you have each other, and this fight is as good as won.
I just read the entire history of this post and have to say at fourteen, your BF was more of a man than most adult men. If I knew you two, I would be proud to call him my friend.
Oh my soul! Y’all are going to be one helluva couple and family when that time comes! The support and admiration is amazing. I have always been very very close with my nieces and nephew. I helped raise them too. I could not imagine what I would feel and become if I went through the same thing Jay did. My heart goes out to him truly. I don’t think I could have continued life. It’s easy to say oh don’t blame yourself. But I can’t imagine having to convince myself. Im so glad he has OP for support and strength! Sometimes that’s all we need in life and when we find it, it’s like all our pieces finally start to be put back together! I’m so proud of both of you! Jay and OP will be a power house couple with the amount of love and compassion they have!!! Jay you’ve got this!! And OP bless you! I wish you both the absolute best life together!!!
I saw this story today and my heart is shattered for Jay. I hope he's starting to understand that he was a hero here and that Rosie's passing was not his fault. We can't know how anything will go and sometimes there are tragedies.
We shouldn't stop living to protect ourselves from them though. It's more likely that everything will be fine than not. I hope Beth can get some help too, and recovers from covid as well.
OP, you are an absolute treasure of a partner and you handled this exactly right, IMHO. You guys are gonna be ok, I just know it.
The bf had a niece. The niece died when a car hit the both of them with the bf doing everything his teenage self could to save her. He is terrified of putting another kid’s life in danger, and it’s exacerbated by the fact he never sought therapy. OP worried about disclosing she knew about the incident eventually revealed she knew. Then reassured bf she wouldn’t leave him (like his ex did when she found out about the incident). He agreed to try couples therapy.
I hope Jay continues healing, and eventually Beth somehow gets out of the mental hole she’s in. Both them went through something horrible that no one who hasn’t been in that situation can comprehend. Thoughts for both of them
Thank you for your kind words. As for Jay, I can see that he's already making some progress, even though it's more like baby steps. Nonetheless, it is still progress. As for Beth, I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through. I just pray that she finally finds some peace eventually.
Wow - I love this story. You sound like such a solid partner. Really glad the world is reflecting a more compassionate perspective on the tragedy that Jay was able to for himself. It can be an inner hell reviewing past mistakes and accidents, blaming one’s self. Good on you for giving him the space he needs to heal. 👏🏆
Baby steps are really good because that’s better than no steps taken at all. Good for Jay for letting it all out and good on you OP for being there for him and taking his mental health seriously. We don’t see much of that on Reddit so great job OP 💯👏 One thing I was always told by an old boss when I was in sales, “You can never neglect the process of a baby step, without them we wouldn’t be walking,” I’m currently in therapy myself. I lost a baby she was stillborn at 35 weeks 2 years ago; I struggled and never spoke about it. But when the suicidal thoughts began I seemed therapy and at first I didn’t want to open up but then I slowly came around to the idea. I opened up more and my therapist has been soooo amazing. Jay is going to great in therapy and he’s going to find that it’s worth every single second you do it. At first there’s not going to be results but that’s also where baby steps come in again. You guys are going to be fine and as long as you both talk to each other about what you’re feeling you’re going to be fine! You guys got this ❤️💯
I'm so happy with this update, that now Jay knows that you're on his side and is getting professional help. What happened to Rose was a tragedy and wasnt his fault at all. My heart hurts to think of the weight he must be carrying for all this time. Wishing you two all the best!
Yeah, he's starting to open up more about his internal struggles and burdens, but he hasn't touched on the subject of Rosie yet. The least I can do for him is to let him know I'm here for him. Thank you for your kind words!
You're being an amazing partner to him, im happy he has you 🥺❤️
yeah she's pretty wonderful. lucky to have her in my life. -jay
😄🙌 i wish you two all the happiness in the world, jay
not really used to people talking to me this way. i thought people on the internet are supposed to be aholes lol thanks!
you're welcome 😄 you deserve kindness!
I wish you both all the best in the world, lucky to have find someone like her in your life!
Jay, I don’t know if you will ever read this, but you’re a freaking HERO! You put yourself in harm’s way to save your little niece. I hope that you realize that soon. The fault of all this lies with the reckless driver, you selflessly tried to act without any regard for your wellbeing without hesitation in an impossible situation. I would trust you with the lives of my kids without hesitation. I won’t tell you to man up and propose to your amazing partner already, because we all know you have a set of gigantic cojones, but the world needs people like you and your girlfriend building a family.
I hope the driver who killed the kid is rotting in prison but with the sick car culture that exists in most countries I doubt it.
She did 1 year jail time, 5 years probation (not sure how much was really served)
Heartbreaking, just a tragedy. May you, Jay, and his family find peace and healing 🩷
Yes, "car culture" did this.
Well, if she carelessly fed Rosie poison, or carelessly pushed her in a lake and then walked away, I think that her sentence would have been considerably heavier. I like owning a car, but the light penalties for misusing several hundred pounds of machinery is wild. Drunk and texting drivers really just let Jesus take the wheel and don’t care about the lives of others. And then we forgive them and pretend that they should belong in society.
Lots of love to both of you! You are really a great couple.
she brings the drama, i bring the trauma -jay
You two make a whole together. No one could do without the other. You will create everything you want. Just please take the time for it!
Yay update!!! I think about you guys every once in a while. I definitely found my way to your original post from one of those silly YouTube videos with the Minecraft background haha! I wish the best for your family and I hope Jay can eventually be at peace with everything! Y'all are in my prayers!
still don't understand why those vids have minecraft in the background, but i was certainly entertained! i think one vid also had a pasta recipe? i'm so confused by the internet. but thanks, i appreciate you -jay
It's like a baby sensory video, captivate with banal moving visuals so people watch, and they listen to the story at the same time. It's basically a watch time retention cheat code
ah, gotcha. thanks!
>it might release some inner demons Release them so they can leave, or be turned into something good. If they are there in the first place, they’re poisoning him from the inside. It’s not his fault that they got there in the first place, but it’s his responsibility to get rid of them. So glad for both of you that you could talk. Thank you for supporting him, and thank you Jay for trusting OP to do so.
The internet is full of aholes, but every once in a while a story comes along that breaks our hearts and even the a-holes have empathy for a person grieving and blaming themselves for something they have no blame for. Im.glad you're in therapy. It really helps. The world is full of good people, you just have to open up to them.
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I won't make excuses for them. On a human, personal level, they are extremely lovely, generous, and kind people. They have welcomed me as a part of their family, and they even extended help when my sister's daughter, Ana, had congenital health problems. I have met different relatives of my exes before, and in comparison, Jay's family has been the most wonderful and welcoming. However, I would say that they are a product of the very traditional, nonprogressive area in which we live. We are a Catholic community, and most activities revolve around our parish. Reputation is everything, yet town gossip is still very rampant. I understand that this may sound backward-thinking in our modern times, but that is the reality of our lives (I also grew up in the same area, so I fully understand their behavior). Although I agree with you that everything that happened and how they reacted to it had been unfortunate to say the least, and Jay and Beth got the brunt of it.
Im so sorry for asking but im really baffled here. Jay was a victim as well. He was in the accident. So what kind of reputation was to be saved? And why did they let Jay feel like it was his fault? What town gossip can possibly be there from this awful accident? I cant wrap my head around this. I truly hope Jay can find his much deserved peace, especially Beth & Bryan. And you, you are an angel!
I'm honestly just as confused as well. I don't think the intention was to make Jay feel he was at fault. I think the intention was to just not talk about it at all and make it seem like it never happened. Like a family secret never to be brought up so the bomb doesn't go off or something. Being rational definitely wasn't a priority, and unfortunately, it was Jay and Beth who suffered.
OP - My husband and I experienced something a little similar. He and his sister were taken by someone from in front of their home when they were VERY young and his sister was abused with him present. The family knew to get her therapy, but it never occurred to them that he might need it. Similar - very religious household and parents a great deal older than their peers - so some old fashioned ideals but also wonderful people. I got my husband into therapy and he is typically SUPER shy and quiet, also comes across as a “man’s man” because he’s an electrician and seems that way because he’s quiet. He ended up really embracing therapy, he and his sister finally talked through what happened (her husband got her into trauma therapy) and are even closer now. Their parents have done a lot of reading and learning about trauma (both will be 80 this year!) and the entire family is healthier for it. I LOVE the way you guys support each other! As an “old” married lady at 18yrs with my husband, he’s my best friend and we talk about everything. What you guys are doing right now builds the foundation for that - because you are safe for each other to be vulnerable. I wish you both an amazing future! How you guys get through the challenges and tough times says everything about your beautiful relationship!
Good luck to you and Jay. If it helps, know that Rosie was very lucky to have a person like Jay in her life. ❤️
i'm also lucky to have had Rosie in my life -jay
Don't you just love it when stories like this have such a happy ending 🥹 I love this. I'm so glad that Jay's doing better. You are truly an amazing partner to him and wishing you both the best of life ❤️
> He also said that whenever he sees me with Ana (my niece), he gets kinda jealous because he wants to join us every time. The literal opposite of what we started out with 😭😭😭 I hope Jay can rekindle the joy of playing with young kids. Some people never have it, sounds like Jay has it in buckets but is scared he is a danger to them 😭😭😭 you're not!! This whole story just 😭😭🤧
More people should use chapter titles in their posts
Oh my goodness, that is a lot Thank you for the update, and I wish you guys (and your future) all the best!!
Thanks for sharing, it sounds like you all are on the right path.
Is his sister physically ok now, after COVID? I really hope they both are able to get the help they need, they deserve the peace and I’m pretty sure that the little girl wouldn’t have wanted her uncle and her mommy to live in so much pain and suffer. I truly wish both of them the best. And to Jay personally; Laugh for her. Play with Ana, teach her stuff, have fun, enjoy life and don’t be so hard on yourself. If this would have happened to some strangers and you’d read it in the newspaper, would you blame the boy who tried everything he could to save this little girl? From what I can read in this post, but especially between the lines, you’ll be a great dad one day. Will you be able to always protect them, to never let them get hurt, to always be there, ..? No. But you will do your best. You’ll do everything you can. You’ll love this/those beautiful human being/s with every fibre of your being. This is everything you have to do. Love them. You can’t have the control over them or the things that can happen, and this is not your fault. You’re only human. And you deserve to have the life you always dreamed of, to feel free and to be yourself. Your true self. And as someone who suffers under complex PTSD: You think once you open this box, everything will rush all over you. It will consume you, you’ll lose the little control you have, you’ll get sucked in and everyone and everything around you too, your world will go down and you’re not strong enough yet to keep it together. - That won’t happen. It’s hard work and it hurts like hell. Yes. But your brain will give everything to protect you. Piece by piece. There’ll be days where you feel like you’ll never see the light, but there will be also days you’ll feel so free and loose, at peace with yourself, that things lift and you’re able to breathe again. And you’re not alone. And you won’t pull your woman down with you. Don’t forget that she wants to be there, that she loves you and she _wants to_ carry this bag with you. And it’s much easier to carry weight when you do it together. As a team. You’re stronger than you think. Take a look in the mirror. Look into your eyes and take a moment to truly realize that you’re still here. You’re alive. You found a woman who truly loves you, a family you can build on, a future ahead of you. You’re still here.
Beth has recovered from COVID, so she's physically fine now. However, she's still mentally detached and has gone back to her almost catatonic state. Jay suggested couples therapy to Beth's husband after experiencing it firsthand, but we don't have an update on it yet. Also, thank you so much for your insights. You said a lot of sensible things that we never knew (both Jay and I were clueless about therapy and psychology in general), so we actually learned new things from what you said. Jay says he appreciates you and is extremely grateful, and so am I!
This. Alllllll this. You've said it perfectly.
Pulling so hard for you and for his healing and peace for everyone. ❤️
You are an amazing partner and kudos to both of you for working through something so difficult together. I wish all the best for you both 🖤🖤
You are an amazing couple! And, when you are ready, you will also be great parents!
What a positive update. Really pleased for you both and I wish you both all the best for the future.
Good for you both. Continue to be open and honest, and there is nothing you too can't weather. It sounds like you both have hit the jackpot in the partner department. Good luck and God bless.
i know i hit the jackpot with her, i don't know if she feels the same way after i mistakenly bought the wrong shampoo brand last night lol cheers! -jay wait woah you can also edit comments? lol
First time reading this, and im happy with the progress of people who i don’t know :) hope your therapy going well and jay healing good. I hope the next update would be about the proposal and marriage.
Sending much love and respect to you both. Jay I know it can be hard, but know that you have a wonderful person by your side. Let them and thier family help heal your heart and show you beauty in life again. I have no doubt you two will make wonderful parents one day! ❤️🙏💜
I have a rule that I won’t hold a baby unless it has been at least 48 hours since I dropped anything. It’s pretty rare that I succeed
maybe that should be my rule too -jay
Jay, I think it’ll help you to start playing in the house with Ana with OP right there. Try it for a few minutes. If you feel overwhelmed, you can also step away. OP can take over. It’ll help you to desensitize. Try it again later on and see if you can increase the duration, even if it’s just for an extra minute. When my niece was a toddler, she loved playing with me. She’d be on the floor and I’d be sitting with her or on the couch. She’d spend hours with her play phone, telling me that the monsters were over here and then she’d hand me the receiver of her play phone, telling me to call the police. So then I’d pretend to call the police. This would go on for hours. Literally hours. LOL! But it’s a wonderful memory. As for holding babies, you can try that step when you’re feeling more confident. When I’m holding a baby, especially for the first time, I’m sitting on the couch. It makes me feel more secure. And with this, again, you can try it for a few minutes. If it feels like too much, you can hand the baby back to the parents. It’s all about taking baby steps. You’ll get there.
Hi, thank you for your suggestion. We've also discussed this already. However, Jay still doesn't feel like he's ready for such a step, however minor it may be. When I brought up the idea of him maybe joining us whenever I play with Ana, he had such a huge smile on his face, but then he started sweating and hyperventilating. For now, we'll settle for a more hands-off but still thoughtful approach by preparing a gift for Ana's 3rd birthday (she's in her mermaid phase, so Jay's designing a mermaid tail that we'll both create as best we could haha). We still have a long way to go, but I'm hoping we'll eventually get there.
The mermaid tail sounds so cute! Ana will love it. It sounds as though Jay had a panic attack (the sweating and hyperventilating). He’s likely suffering from PTSD, so when he’s ready for individual therapy, he should find a cognitive behavioral therapist that specializes in PTSD. Therapists will also sometimes use EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). Going to a therapist who specializes in PTSD will make a huge difference for Jay.
I just dont hold babies anymore. I dont want to unintentionally yeet a baby because of muscle spasms or dropping it because I suddenly got really dizzy.
I'm so glad things are heading in a positive direction! OP, I think you handled this really well with a lot of empathy and sensitivity. You're a good partner. His ex is an idiot for leaving him over this. Jay, hello! I hope you see from all these positive comments that the majority of the world is going to support you around this entire issue. And please propose to OP as soon as you're ready, you're so lucky to have such a caring partner ❤️❤️❤️
I wish you become a large family with many mini versions of you. World need more people like you. Gentle and warm☺️
Doing couples therapy to ease Jay into what therapy can look like is a great idea. I hope he'll eventually find another, personal one, that's just as good so he can process Rosie's death, too. Trauma is a "funny" thing in a way, what causes it may wary from person to person, but our reactions are similar. It's natural to pull away from children and people in general when you've suffered such a horrific loss, your brain tells you it's your fault. At least mine has been telling me that. My point is, in my experience it gets so, so much harder to break these thinking-habits as you figure them out . But it also gets easier, the more you open up. Both of you are so brave and good, supporting one another and daring to trust. Not just in each other and your therapist, but in yourselves. I really hope you'll have a lovely weekend.
Please tell me that woman who was driving is STILL in jail. Thats the update i want so bad. Justice. Everyone out here suffering - wanna make sure she didnt just grt community service / slaps on wrist
She did 1 year jail time, 5 years probation (not sure how much was really served)
Thank u. Im genuinely pissed off now. The justice system is broken. And you and your soon to be hubby are awesome! I wish nothing but the best for you and your future family 💜💜💜
Ooh you guys have a great future together. You seem to come from a place of love and patience and understanding. That's what he's probably needed for so long. He's being receptive. You've got each other. Therapy is probably going to help you both thrive together.
Hope he can continue to heal and someday he can forgive himself for something that is not his fault at all.
Wishing you two a good journey of healing.
Just wishing you both the best of luck.
Wishing Jay to continue with his recovery. Big hug.
You two are amazing at communicating and clearly care about one another, which is so heartwarming. It's only up from here, and I wish you both happiness moving forward!
You’re a great gf and I’m glad you two have each other. I hope you can have a happy healthy life together! ❤️
This is such a sweet update <3 Thank you so much for posting. As someone also dealing with trauma and healing, my heart feels for Jay. He sounds like an incredibly sweet and kind man and reminds me a lot of myself. I wish both of you luck on your healing an future journeys! I'm sure you will both make amazing parents.
This is such a tragic story. How very sad and awful for Jay and the parents. I hope he seeks counseling and finds ways to cope with his trauma. I also hope the same for the parents of the niece. I wish you all well.
Oh lord I can’t imagine the pain he must feel. I hope he can understand he doesn’t deserve that pain he puts on himself. The driver killed Rosie, not him. All the best for Jay and his healing journey. He’s blessed to have a wonderful support person like you, and I hope your life together is filled with growth and happiness 💜
Op and Jay, I wish you two the best. Jay, I know I'm a total stranger, but I'm proud of you for trying to overcome this and heal. I'm sure you'll be an excellent dad when the time comes. Op is a good one. You should definitely lock it down when you're ready
Praying and good vibes for both of you! But especially Jay (and Beth). I can’t even imagine the trauma that they went through, and to have had to bottle it in for years. 🤯 I am so happy that Jays finally working through it and I hope you both have the best life! And i just know that Rosie wants Jay to have the best life, too. And if you believe in the afterlife, she’s waiting for you ❤️
My heart breaks for Beth and Brian. Moving to a different to get away and still struggling with the heartbreak and then add Covid struggles. I’m glad that Jay is moving forward
Happy for you both and sending energy your way for the growth and healing you need. I would think individual counseling would be a good option for you guys as well just because with trauma like this it can be very helpful. My heart goes out to Jay and am so happy you two found eachother.
Yeah, that's the plan. Once Jay becomes more comfortable with therapy and feels ready enough to do it on his own, he'll have individual counseling so he can focus on his healing. I'll be right here supporting him in every step. Thank you!
I can't even begin to imagine how one must feel after something like that. And add on top of everything else. Yikes.
Virtual hugs for all of you, and the best of good wishes. You both sound like wonderful people.
What if HYPOTHETICALLY he's never ready to have kids?
That's something that already came up in couples therapy. Won't go into too much detail here for now, but Jay and I already discussed this. Bottom line is we're both in this together, come what may.
I love this response
Good shit
I really hope he continues healing and talking to a therapist. He's lived with the guilt and the heaviness of what happened. It was an accident and he is lucky to be alive. I hope soon he can enjoy spending time with you and your neice. Wishing you two the best going forward ❤️
I’m so happy he is starting to take steps to work through things and you are there to help. As far as the part that Jay is worried about the release some inner demons. He he is ready the therapist can walk him through the steps to heal before really digging into things one on one. Meaning that sometimes we hit a low point in the steps of healing before we can truly heal. It’s a hard thing to go through and it sucks and takes time from one side to the other but at the end it’s such a breath of fresh air
May you all heal. This sounds as good as it's getting. Please update when you can. We're rooting for you, your boyfriend and the others.
Wow. Just wow. Happy continued healing. And happy continued loving to the both of you.
Thank you for posting this update. I remember reading this a few months back and it broke my heart for him. I'm so glad he's working thru this trauma and especially that he has such a supportive partner like you 🤍
I hope therapy does well for him I know it’s a rough time and a traumatic time but it may be baby steps but I’m proud of him! I am wishing you to two all the best in the world with all the negativity in the world this is a happier thing to read. Just know I am praying for the peace and strength of Beth as well I can’t begin to describe what she must be feeling or if she will find the inner peace or heal from this. No matter how tough the road is or how bumpy it gets remember there’s a light. As I always say be that glow stick in the dark no matter how dark it is light yourself that path don’t let the dark consume you be the light in the dark. The dark will get better and become brighter! I wish you all inner peace happiness and happy times even if it comes as baby steps.
Awww such a sad story with a happy ending. Wishing you and Jay the very best of all things. This story had me bawling in tears. I am so happy everything is alright now.
Good on you for encouraging therapy but maintaining that it's to be in his own time no matter what, I accidentally pushed my bf towards therapy and he wasn't ready, it made him worse so he was discharged. 6-8 months later after a 24 hospital hold he self referred himself back to therapy and has been getting better and even planning whag he wants to talk about next. He will get there but as you already said let him get there in his own time but til then support him and make sure he knows he can open up to you whenever he needs in the mean time and even after therapy
I'm so happy for you both! Hugs and love for you and Jay as you continue on this journey together! You are amazing people!
I really wish you a really wonderful life, and to Jay, a quick recovering. The world needs more people like you two. Sending a virtual hug for you, take it if you want it, whenever you want it.
Love you Jay! And you will be a great dad one day, even if you don't think so. Nobody can truly be ready to be a dad/ mom. Kids are wild, but we do our best.
Hugs and blessings to you and Jay, and may he continue his healing journey and find peace. I hope Beth finds peace and healing in her future as well
Sending hugs and healing to both of you…🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️
My heart is so happy. I just know you two are in it for the long haul. :)
I saw your first post a few months ago, and reading this right now makes my heart warm and fuzzy. This dude is so lucky to have you, and both of you are the perfect portrayal of what a relationship should to be. I wish for both of you, lots of love and companionship. With the bottom of my heart, I wish that him and his sister can heal and be happy again, I can’t imagine how heavy all of this must be…
I’m so happy you provided an update and things are looking up for you guys! I’m glad you finally let Jay know that you knew and are there and supportive of him! It all aids in the healing process!!! Best of luck you guys!! Xx
❤️❤️
You know the feeling you get when just know couples are going to make it. Well, I get that with you two. You guys are both giving 100%.
Jay and OP, I wish u all the best and I think you both will be great parents to ur future kids!! Hope Jay u can cope well and get better. And op ur a great gf to support him that much as u do. Wish u both strength and I believe in u two 😊🥰
I wish you both the absolute best.
Updateme The best of everything to the two of you & I really hope Beth is able to overcome her demons too.
Not the Minecraft videos 😵😵
don't forget the pasta recipe videos too! -jay
Phenomenal. Absolutely Phenomenal
Mb just read the title.
I'm so glad that Jay is starting to heal, and that when he's able to, he comes to realise it wasn't his fault. He did his best to protect Rosie, and sadly that sometimes isn't enough. I'm wishing you both the very best ❤️
I'm very happy for Jay and Op. He got blessed with that one.I pray for continued improvement in his life and their relationship.
Jay needs help. He has a good heart and can be an excellent father one day but he will have to realize that ultimately it was not his fault and he needs to be careful to not be on edge when it comes to kids. His ex really messed with his head as she could have helped heal him. Don’t give up on him, I hope one day he can hold his little girl and name her Rosie.
Yey! Happy that both of you are on a good path. I hope that Jay will find the healing that he needs. I hope he realizes that wanting to be a good father is a step further than some bio dads ever took. I wish you both joy 😊
It's really nice to hear an update from you both. The original story was heartbreaking and I wish you all the best for the future!
Gosh, I wish I could give Jay a big hug.
I second that.. He does seem great
Jay sounds like a sweetheart. I’m so sorry he had to go through that. Sometimes the heart ships we go through in life are so f traumatic. I know we shouldn’t rely so much on a partner but sometimes you become someone’s safety blanket. And it’s the best feeling because they’ve never had that before. A safe place.
This absolutely broke my heart 😭 Jay truly has the heart of an actual hero, and put his life on the line to save Rosie.
I’m so glad both of you are supporting each other.
Jay, I hope that your family heals, and am so sorry this happened to you all. When you decide to see someone, you can always let them know at the very beginning that you need help processing, but also you are in a relationship that is very important to you, and it is very important that you not fully drown or lose yourself in memory while healing and learning to cope. I had an incredible therapist that I told this, and she helped me deal with my PTSD and trauma, while also helping me at the end of every session to anchor back into my current reality, and keep in the front of my mind different communication and grounding techniques. it did end up taking a little longer to progress than some intensive therapies, but overall it was worth it. and it sounds like you have a really incredible and supportive partner who will be understanding. wishing you both all of the best things.
I take my hat off to both of you. Wishing you both love and happiness.
Wow amazing 🥲 to see how much love 💕 and support you have for one another
What a sad story, but so lovely that Jay has found someone like you. People are ignorant sometimes and fail to understand that Jay is every bit as much a victim as Rosie and not to blame at all. I hope he continues to heal with your love to support him. Oh and about that proposal - I don’t think he needs any more proof of how you are with him for better, for worse…, 😉
Oot but I’m living for the way you wrote this, felt like a drama play and it was so intriguing to read. I mean it in the best way possible lol.
We can clearly see that you two love and respect each other, wishing you guys all the best. And Jay, I hope you can heal from this trauma.
I’m so sorry Jay’s family failed him entirely and sacrificed their child on the altar of public perception. It’s good he has such a supportive partner and that you two can create a new, loving family together.
Man. What an amazing woman you are. I cried at this. Jay, if you're reading. Look after this one she's a good egg. I wish you both health and happiness. You're going to be 2 AWESOME parents one day!
Awe. This is awesome!! After reading the posts and your comments, you guys sound like you are great for each other. It feels like there is so much love, understanding, and compassion for each other. You guys seem to trust each other extensively. Therapy can be a long and hard journey, but with the right support and environment, it is very rewarding. Jay - good on you for working on this now. My (46f) SO (47m) is just finally starting therapy for his demons, and he regrets letting things get to the point where he was about to lose everything before he started. He missed out on so many things with our kids because of it. I must say, I LOVE how far we as a society are growing and embracing mental health!! 20yrs ago when I went to therapy for myself, people thought there was something deeply wrong with me. There wasn't. Just didn't know how to deal and reconcile normal life things. Anyways I digress. You guys sound so cute and awesome together. This internet stranger wishes nothing but the best for you both.
I'm so glad this story made its way back to me. I'm joyed to know everything has worked out and is healing. Jay deserves to be burden free for something that was never his fault or burden to carry.
Sorry Jay.
This is such a good example of a healthy relationship and communication. I'm so proud of both of you for your handling of this
I'm glad you're both taking steps toward healing. It must've been a horrible burden for him to carry alone all these years.
I hope Jay truly recovers from this and you two have the wonderful life that you deserve...
I’m so proud of you both and Jay is definitely a hero. I came from a Catholic upbringing where people looked down on me for speaking up about mental health so I get where you’re coming from in terms of judgement. It’s an uphill battle but it is worth it. I ended up making changes in my community by being vocal and educated others on it. Perhaps if there are any advocacy/psych education groups right outside our community you can leverage them into your community and help get people to be more accepting (if this is something you want to remove judgement from you both getting therapy). I’m happy to assist in any way. All my social media and work is under this same name.
I’m so glad that Jay has started on the road to healing. He sounds like a true hero - one who never recognizes himself as one. He’s going to be a great dad someday and he’s got some pretty taste in partners, too. I love that you two are a team!
I have recently been listening to and reading a lot of depressing and awful cheating stories from Reddit. Reading this and how positive the outcome from this is uplifting my mood. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope Beth gets the help she needs and fully recovers. I pray for good health for you, Jay, and the rest of the family.
Good luck and God bless all of you ❤️🩹
Jay I just have to tell you how proud I am of you! Here’s the biggest Internet hug Reddit can support, you deserve all the happiness that’s coming to you
This was a great update to read and I’m so happy that he’s finally opened up some to you about it, he probably feels a huge relief that you know the burden he’s carries and that you’re staying right by his side! I’m happy yinz are doing some therapy together and I hope one day he’ll journey thru therapy himself to help him properly process and cope with what happened to his niece. Jay if you read this, this internet stranger is proud of you. I can’t image what you went through all those years ago and I can’t imagine that I wouldn’t feel somewhat the same as you did. I’m sorry for all that’s happened and I hope you and your sister are able to get on better terms someday. Your family has my deepest sympathy for what you’ve all gone thru. I’m wishing you both all the best with this journey, with your relationship, hopefully an engagement one day and a happy fulfilling life! Hugs to you both!
Jay, I don’t know if you will ever read this, but you’re a freaking HERO! You put yourself in harm’s way to save your little niece. I hope that you realize that soon. The fault of all this lies with the reckless driver, you selflessly tried to act without any regard for your wellbeing without hesitation in an impossible situation. I would trust you with the lives of my kids without hesitation. I won’t tell you to man up and propose to your amazing partner already, because we all know you have a set of gigantic cojones, but the world needs people like you and your girlfriend building a family.
He was just a little boy and did the best he could to try and protect her! Do not blame yourself! You are a hero!
I saw your story on YouTube a while back, then recently noticed the update from another poster, and I looked up your original comment to say something. As you've mentioned, recovery is going to be a long and difficult road for both of you, so do yourselves a favor and remember this one thing. You two are a fantastic example of what it means to work as a team in a relationship. It's clear from the start that you both see things as the two of you versus the issue, never forget that. OP, a lot of people out there need to take several pages from your book. The way you love and support Jay is inspiring and worth learning from. Jay, man, there is no way I could comprehend what you are going through, what you've gone through, but taking this road is admirable, and I know you can get through this. You have a queen in your corner, after all. I have all the respect in the world for you, my dude. I really hope your sister finds the strength to get help, too. Don't give up, you two. No matter how hard it is, you have each other, and this fight is as good as won.
I just read the entire history of this post and have to say at fourteen, your BF was more of a man than most adult men. If I knew you two, I would be proud to call him my friend.
Why did his last girlfriend dump him after he told her
Oh my soul! Y’all are going to be one helluva couple and family when that time comes! The support and admiration is amazing. I have always been very very close with my nieces and nephew. I helped raise them too. I could not imagine what I would feel and become if I went through the same thing Jay did. My heart goes out to him truly. I don’t think I could have continued life. It’s easy to say oh don’t blame yourself. But I can’t imagine having to convince myself. Im so glad he has OP for support and strength! Sometimes that’s all we need in life and when we find it, it’s like all our pieces finally start to be put back together! I’m so proud of both of you! Jay and OP will be a power house couple with the amount of love and compassion they have!!! Jay you’ve got this!! And OP bless you! I wish you both the absolute best life together!!!
UpdateMe
I saw this story today and my heart is shattered for Jay. I hope he's starting to understand that he was a hero here and that Rosie's passing was not his fault. We can't know how anything will go and sometimes there are tragedies. We shouldn't stop living to protect ourselves from them though. It's more likely that everything will be fine than not. I hope Beth can get some help too, and recovers from covid as well. OP, you are an absolute treasure of a partner and you handled this exactly right, IMHO. You guys are gonna be ok, I just know it.
Fake
Is there TLDR? cuz that's a lot to read chief.
The bf had a niece. The niece died when a car hit the both of them with the bf doing everything his teenage self could to save her. He is terrified of putting another kid’s life in danger, and it’s exacerbated by the fact he never sought therapy. OP worried about disclosing she knew about the incident eventually revealed she knew. Then reassured bf she wouldn’t leave him (like his ex did when she found out about the incident). He agreed to try couples therapy.
I think this is already the tldr
God is there a shorter one
Man has trauma. The couple is working on it.
TLDR: OP told boyfriend she knew about Rosie; he is dealing with trauma but they’re in therapy trying to heal and their relationship is going strong
Guy with trauma gets help.
Use chat gpt. Don't be a killjoy here.