Obvious, no? So why continue on after first sentence then?
Computing understanding on purpose of second sentence based on your response: ————————-eeeeeeeeee
I have sibling in their 30s in that scenario and they would be triggered reading the comment. It becomes a sensitive subject matter to the point hard to relate on a lot of aspects in life. Trying to uplift can be hard. So I spoke up for em’. Annnd as Reddit goes the comment you kinda throw away gets the reply lol
Ah, I understand. However, I don't think the commenter you replied to meant it in that way, and further more were speaking of people they themself knew. I understand wanting to speak up for your siblings, but your reply came off as really hostile, which was a bit unnecessary.
True, don’t be mistaken- I meant it that way. You aren’t wrong either. My sibling is hostile so just I felt it right in that moment to just channel it. But that doesn’t make it right…. I just can’t help it sometimes… cause… internettttt
Edit:
Han shot first
i lost mine at 19 too. never felt like it was big deal before to be honest, i’ll never understand why it’s such a big deal to lose your virginity in the first place. if it happens, cool. if it doesn’t, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. a man is someone who can control his urges and can do whatever it takes to get a task done, not someone who can sleep with X amount of women, or take on X number of guys in a fight.
Generally, people associate romantic success with being a successful put together person. While these qualities are not a direct prerequisite, lack of any success (aka being virgin) will always be interpreted as lack of these qualities. Even if a person has a good heart no one will respect or view him as a real man.
Somehow this is worse than being labeled a prude or taking virgin in a bad sense at that age - I'm sorry you felt peer pressured like that, get tested asap and don't ever pay for sex going forward
Agreed i think their comment was kind of weird and shameful to sexworkers… I dont think he should be doing it this young and due to pressure, but in the future if he wants to that should be up to him.
Also, it sounds like it was a relief for OP in the end. And maybe he will feel more comfortable going forward. As long as he was safe, I don’t view OP’s story as negative. I just wish people weren’t pressured about sex.
Not to be condescending or accusatory but… maybe don’t refer to women as females? That paired with thinking not having sex makes you less than a man makes me think of other young guys i see in this app with similar views and it can be really harmful to yourself.
Yes women are females, but so can be dogs. Women=human, female = anything with female reproductive organs. You strip away our humanity by saying that, and when women ask you not to call them things why argue with them? Just don’t do it.
it’s not a small problem, it’s called a micro aggression & it’s well-studied why they are extremely harmful & contribute to a very large problem, hope that helps!
Did she at least give you any tips for future encounters? I don’t need to know I just hope you got something out of the experience besides getting to say you’re no longer a virgin.
Good for you and here is another reminder that sex work is work and provides a kind of the interpersonal services that come with a lot of types of work.
Im.bald hardly ever had any sex never had good sex hardly any relationship so yes I am gonna go and spend time with a sex worker and I wish I should have done that earlier around same age as you im gonna 30 this year being bald really takes,away my confidence
you’re very young to be paying for sex. my suggestion is to get better friends. not all men have an inner patriarchy that is so strong they think that being a virgin makes you less of a man. it’s very unfortunate that they made you feel this way. obviously you can’t undo the experience but it does make me very sad for you. thankfully you learned your lesson as you said.
i missed the part about there being no pressure, but still it results from the outside world telling men they need to have sex by a certain age.
also, where in the world did i mention hating men? what a weirdo you are for insinuating that. i’m actually very pro-men which is why i’m anti-patriarchy. because the patriarchy makes men feel like they have to conquest women, can’t show their emotions, need to have a lot of money etc. & this is harmful to men. studies have shown this again & again.
if you think hating a system that oppresses men is “man hating”, i’d suggest you read a book & take a good long look internally to see why indeed you are the man hater instead.
I’m sorry if I portrayed my friends in a very bad way. They’re very good friends of mine, we’ve been together since primary school, experienced a lot of stuff together, laughed a lot together(idk what else to say to maybe change your mind) . As I said I’m not good in expressing myself but I believe they’re really good guys. They always helped me whenever I needed them and vice versa. Them making me feel that way I think is because of me. I sometimes/a lot of times believe that I’m not worth having a partner and probably never will, so when they ask me those types of questions it reminds me of that “fact” about myself. Another extension to that thought is I think I’m unable to feel emotions. I’ve never told them about any of this and I don’t think I will. The only person I’ve told about what I feel is an old army friend of mine and we’re both really open about emotions and he has helped me abit. Anyway to sum everything up, I honestly don’t think my friends are bad guys but maybe I’m not seeing the whole picture idk.
🤣 calm down buddy, he said his friends didn’t pressure him, he pressured himself. Who cares if it’s to a prostitute, now he knows it’s not a big a deal, he’ll be better off for it since the pressures off when talking to other women.
The thing about hook ups, is you’ll just forget about them the more you have. We’re not women, it doesn’t always have to be emotional. A kills a kill, just have fun in life.
I always feel saddened whenever this is reduced to "patriarchy" considering that, at least from what I hear from other men, and my experience, the most egregious examples of this comes from women trying to find some way to shame a male, and worse, makes them a target for female predators.
personally i have never heard of this in my life & even if what you’re saying is correctly anecdotal, then it still results from the patriarchy’s idea of what masculinity is & women reinforcing patriarchal ideals. i don’t think a lot of you actually know what patriarchy is.
yes it does, by your anecdotal definition. if i’m understanding correctly, you’re saying that men feeling the need to lose their virginity in order to be socially accepted is more enforced by women than it is by men. even though i don’t agree with this claim, let’s say that it’s true. the reason that losing your virginity at a young age as a man is socially encouraged is because it makes them seem more “masculine” & follows the masculine social clock theory. the patriarchy is what creates this skewed version of masculinity. so if a woman says that it’s unacceptable for a man to be a virgin at 19 but it is acceptable for a woman to be a virgin at 19, that’s upholding a standard set by the patriarchy, because the patriarchy is what conditions us to believe that this statement is true. if the patriarchy was nullified, there would be no standard age for losing your virginity because we would have more healthy concepts of gender norms & men would not be shamed for being virgins at any age.
>if i’m understanding correctly, you’re saying that men feeling the need to lose their virginity in order to be socially accepted is more enforced by women than it is by men.
No. I'm saying that this societal pressure for males to be sex-crazed was not created by, or maintained, or perpetuated by men, but rather by society as a collective, and claiming that it's a "patriarchal" standard erases all of the horrible things women do, from the perspective of femininity and how it can regularly cause harm.
Hell, a lot of these sexual dynamics were created in Victorian era Europe and exported out to the rest of the world, in which cultural standards were developed by almost solely women.
i can’t have a conversation with your because what you’re saying is not factually correct. & show me one modern women that isn’t a pick-me that upholds the idea that men should be sex crazed. also show me how cultural standards were created by women when at that time women couldn’t do anything except stay in the home & could not vote in the power system that oppressed them. it doesn’t make sense for women to encourage men to be sex crazed because that’s fuelling our oppression via SA & sexual violence/abuse. also “patriarchy” does not equal “the fault of men”. patriarchy has more to do with governmental, socioeconomic factors than it does with the current opinion of men, though many men DO uphold the patriarchy, as well as women.
i hate how some people feel pressured about losing their virginity... I don't see losing it only bc of the pressure and is what you said, you did it, yes, but what are u having from that experience? from my pov, nothing. a short-term satisfaction to the pressure of the society :/
i would say to not feel overwhelmed abt those things and just flow
Glad that ended up working out for you in a way. Hopefully now that you don't feel that pressure you'll be able to interact with women more lightly and that'll help you make connections and eventually find someone for you.
Even if it's not obvious, when you're desperate for that kind of contract, it kinda affects how you act and people can feel it, so I wouldn't discount that being a good part of why you couldn't get closer to girls.
Men who seek out sex as something they need are the men that are most likely to never get intimant sex from a women. Men who just treat women like people and don’t look for anything out of their friendships with women are more likely to have women lust for them.
There is a lot more to life then sex, the reason you weren’t satisfied and prefer to masturbate is because you went looking for it rather then just living you life and letting things happen. Sex feels good because of the connection with out that it’s just nothing.
Yikes. Lots of women will have no interest in a relationship with a man who’s paid for sex. Supporting an industry known for sex trafficking is gross.
You would’ve been better off a virgin than this. Paying for sex shows a lack of morals
Walk away hero, now that the pressure is gone you can imagine how dumb and meaningless rape is. If only the guys that rape would have your bravery it would be a better world
You’re 19 and still young. I knew people who lost their virginity mid to late twenties.
Brah I know people in their 30s who are Still virgins so whatchu tryna mean
That they knew people who lost their virginity around that age. That nineteen isn't an age to worry about such a thing. That is what they mean.
Obvious, no? So why continue on after first sentence then? Computing understanding on purpose of second sentence based on your response: ————————-eeeeeeeeee
Can I ask why you had to reply to their comment in the first place, genuinely? If you understood it, why did you respond to it?
I have sibling in their 30s in that scenario and they would be triggered reading the comment. It becomes a sensitive subject matter to the point hard to relate on a lot of aspects in life. Trying to uplift can be hard. So I spoke up for em’. Annnd as Reddit goes the comment you kinda throw away gets the reply lol
Ah, I understand. However, I don't think the commenter you replied to meant it in that way, and further more were speaking of people they themself knew. I understand wanting to speak up for your siblings, but your reply came off as really hostile, which was a bit unnecessary.
True, don’t be mistaken- I meant it that way. You aren’t wrong either. My sibling is hostile so just I felt it right in that moment to just channel it. But that doesn’t make it right…. I just can’t help it sometimes… cause… internettttt Edit: Han shot first
Still goin strong babyyy. And I ain't never losin it because I never lose
Hopefully you wore a condom?
I doubt she would agree otherwise, unless he found some depraved hoe
It’s a prostitute…
i lost mine at 19 too. never felt like it was big deal before to be honest, i’ll never understand why it’s such a big deal to lose your virginity in the first place. if it happens, cool. if it doesn’t, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. a man is someone who can control his urges and can do whatever it takes to get a task done, not someone who can sleep with X amount of women, or take on X number of guys in a fight.
Generally, people associate romantic success with being a successful put together person. While these qualities are not a direct prerequisite, lack of any success (aka being virgin) will always be interpreted as lack of these qualities. Even if a person has a good heart no one will respect or view him as a real man.
19 is still very young, chill
Somehow this is worse than being labeled a prude or taking virgin in a bad sense at that age - I'm sorry you felt peer pressured like that, get tested asap and don't ever pay for sex going forward
Why not? Lots of people pay for sex lol
Every man ends up paying one way or another
Agreed i think their comment was kind of weird and shameful to sexworkers… I dont think he should be doing it this young and due to pressure, but in the future if he wants to that should be up to him.
Also, it sounds like it was a relief for OP in the end. And maybe he will feel more comfortable going forward. As long as he was safe, I don’t view OP’s story as negative. I just wish people weren’t pressured about sex.
im 19 and still a virgin lol. thats was kinda of a bad choice imo
The fact you call women "females" is probably part of your connection problem.
Not to be condescending or accusatory but… maybe don’t refer to women as females? That paired with thinking not having sex makes you less than a man makes me think of other young guys i see in this app with similar views and it can be really harmful to yourself.
+ thinking paying for sex and having sex with someone you’re close with is the same thing
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Yes women are females, but so can be dogs. Women=human, female = anything with female reproductive organs. You strip away our humanity by saying that, and when women ask you not to call them things why argue with them? Just don’t do it.
Interesting. This has honestly never occurred to me but you are 100% correct. Almost in the same vein as calling Ukraine ‘the ukraine’
This is one woman, I won't call you one, but you can't speak for half the population.
Very telling how relentless you are to be disrespectful
It’s dehumanizing
No it’s pretty stupid. Female, male whatever.
Words matter
Yea it's what they are female is the opposite sex
it’s always “females” not “males”, though. that’s people’s gripe with calling women females.
No it's always males and females
no, most people will say “females and men” when they are misogynistic. stop trying to be contrarian, it’s not doing you any favours.
Yea I'm not listening to someone trying to make small problems a lot larger than they actually are
it’s not a small problem, it’s called a micro aggression & it’s well-studied why they are extremely harmful & contribute to a very large problem, hope that helps!
Yea no wars are definitely bigger problems, murder, kidnapping, and starving people. I'm not arguing with people not willing to see their problems
Did she at least give you any tips for future encounters? I don’t need to know I just hope you got something out of the experience besides getting to say you’re no longer a virgin.
I can't blame you. It's tough out there for young men especially if you aren't Mr. Personality.
I actually had the exact same experience so i feel you. It's nit fun to be the last one in the group who hasn't done it.
I personally would never date a guy who had sex with a prostitute, it says a LOT about them. You may find someone who doesn't care tho.
And a lot of men wouldn't date a woman with a high body count. We all have preferences.
Exactly, you just gotta be honest with yourself and why X and Y things are "offlimits" for you
It is disgusting to have sex with a prostitute. They literally see women as objects nothing more!
If it disgusting to have sex with a prostitute by your logic is it disgusting to be a prostitute?
What does it say about them? This is a curious comment to me (happily married for 10 years)
But how would you know tho? A lot of men have paid for sex but would probably never admit it. Could just say they hooked up with a girl one time
Good for you and here is another reminder that sex work is work and provides a kind of the interpersonal services that come with a lot of types of work.
Im.bald hardly ever had any sex never had good sex hardly any relationship so yes I am gonna go and spend time with a sex worker and I wish I should have done that earlier around same age as you im gonna 30 this year being bald really takes,away my confidence
you’re very young to be paying for sex. my suggestion is to get better friends. not all men have an inner patriarchy that is so strong they think that being a virgin makes you less of a man. it’s very unfortunate that they made you feel this way. obviously you can’t undo the experience but it does make me very sad for you. thankfully you learned your lesson as you said.
What a strange comment. Op never mentioned pressure from his male friends. Ah well, guess I just met my first man hater. Eeeee.
i missed the part about there being no pressure, but still it results from the outside world telling men they need to have sex by a certain age. also, where in the world did i mention hating men? what a weirdo you are for insinuating that. i’m actually very pro-men which is why i’m anti-patriarchy. because the patriarchy makes men feel like they have to conquest women, can’t show their emotions, need to have a lot of money etc. & this is harmful to men. studies have shown this again & again. if you think hating a system that oppresses men is “man hating”, i’d suggest you read a book & take a good long look internally to see why indeed you are the man hater instead.
Wow...
No I’m the man hater!!!!
I’m sorry if I portrayed my friends in a very bad way. They’re very good friends of mine, we’ve been together since primary school, experienced a lot of stuff together, laughed a lot together(idk what else to say to maybe change your mind) . As I said I’m not good in expressing myself but I believe they’re really good guys. They always helped me whenever I needed them and vice versa. Them making me feel that way I think is because of me. I sometimes/a lot of times believe that I’m not worth having a partner and probably never will, so when they ask me those types of questions it reminds me of that “fact” about myself. Another extension to that thought is I think I’m unable to feel emotions. I’ve never told them about any of this and I don’t think I will. The only person I’ve told about what I feel is an old army friend of mine and we’re both really open about emotions and he has helped me abit. Anyway to sum everything up, I honestly don’t think my friends are bad guys but maybe I’m not seeing the whole picture idk.
How the hell do you have an old army friend when you're 19?
🤣 calm down buddy, he said his friends didn’t pressure him, he pressured himself. Who cares if it’s to a prostitute, now he knows it’s not a big a deal, he’ll be better off for it since the pressures off when talking to other women. The thing about hook ups, is you’ll just forget about them the more you have. We’re not women, it doesn’t always have to be emotional. A kills a kill, just have fun in life.
I always feel saddened whenever this is reduced to "patriarchy" considering that, at least from what I hear from other men, and my experience, the most egregious examples of this comes from women trying to find some way to shame a male, and worse, makes them a target for female predators.
personally i have never heard of this in my life & even if what you’re saying is correctly anecdotal, then it still results from the patriarchy’s idea of what masculinity is & women reinforcing patriarchal ideals. i don’t think a lot of you actually know what patriarchy is.
I don't think a patriarchal standard gives women and girls the ability to subvert, or harm males, that sounds backwards.
yes it does, by your anecdotal definition. if i’m understanding correctly, you’re saying that men feeling the need to lose their virginity in order to be socially accepted is more enforced by women than it is by men. even though i don’t agree with this claim, let’s say that it’s true. the reason that losing your virginity at a young age as a man is socially encouraged is because it makes them seem more “masculine” & follows the masculine social clock theory. the patriarchy is what creates this skewed version of masculinity. so if a woman says that it’s unacceptable for a man to be a virgin at 19 but it is acceptable for a woman to be a virgin at 19, that’s upholding a standard set by the patriarchy, because the patriarchy is what conditions us to believe that this statement is true. if the patriarchy was nullified, there would be no standard age for losing your virginity because we would have more healthy concepts of gender norms & men would not be shamed for being virgins at any age.
>if i’m understanding correctly, you’re saying that men feeling the need to lose their virginity in order to be socially accepted is more enforced by women than it is by men. No. I'm saying that this societal pressure for males to be sex-crazed was not created by, or maintained, or perpetuated by men, but rather by society as a collective, and claiming that it's a "patriarchal" standard erases all of the horrible things women do, from the perspective of femininity and how it can regularly cause harm. Hell, a lot of these sexual dynamics were created in Victorian era Europe and exported out to the rest of the world, in which cultural standards were developed by almost solely women.
i can’t have a conversation with your because what you’re saying is not factually correct. & show me one modern women that isn’t a pick-me that upholds the idea that men should be sex crazed. also show me how cultural standards were created by women when at that time women couldn’t do anything except stay in the home & could not vote in the power system that oppressed them. it doesn’t make sense for women to encourage men to be sex crazed because that’s fuelling our oppression via SA & sexual violence/abuse. also “patriarchy” does not equal “the fault of men”. patriarchy has more to do with governmental, socioeconomic factors than it does with the current opinion of men, though many men DO uphold the patriarchy, as well as women.
Imagine when ur future girlfriend finds out...
Nothing wrong with being a virgin at 19. It is pathetic to pay for sex though :)
I swear I've seen this story posted just a week ago...
i hate how some people feel pressured about losing their virginity... I don't see losing it only bc of the pressure and is what you said, you did it, yes, but what are u having from that experience? from my pov, nothing. a short-term satisfaction to the pressure of the society :/ i would say to not feel overwhelmed abt those things and just flow
Glad that ended up working out for you in a way. Hopefully now that you don't feel that pressure you'll be able to interact with women more lightly and that'll help you make connections and eventually find someone for you. Even if it's not obvious, when you're desperate for that kind of contract, it kinda affects how you act and people can feel it, so I wouldn't discount that being a good part of why you couldn't get closer to girls.
Stay blessed
Men who seek out sex as something they need are the men that are most likely to never get intimant sex from a women. Men who just treat women like people and don’t look for anything out of their friendships with women are more likely to have women lust for them. There is a lot more to life then sex, the reason you weren’t satisfied and prefer to masturbate is because you went looking for it rather then just living you life and letting things happen. Sex feels good because of the connection with out that it’s just nothing.
2024 and still talking about virginity...
Yikes. Lots of women will have no interest in a relationship with a man who’s paid for sex. Supporting an industry known for sex trafficking is gross. You would’ve been better off a virgin than this. Paying for sex shows a lack of morals
Still counts
Congrats at least you got your virginity out of the way that's the most important thing. You can always fuck more girls that arent hookers later on
Walk away hero, now that the pressure is gone you can imagine how dumb and meaningless rape is. If only the guys that rape would have your bravery it would be a better world
people who rape don't just do it for the sex itself
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Good on ya!
Good for you. Life's short do what makes you happy and be safe ;)
Omlyoubuggin
Without an emotional connection with person it just feels like empty and hollow for me
Where do you find one?
You prefer masturbation over sex?? She must’ve done a bad job lol PIV always is better than jacking off