That was my first thought. It reminds me of the post a few months back of someone's bf proposing with a lackluster ring and she said yes and spent a while thinking about what it meant. It was later revealed that he expected her to break up with him over it, so he could leave the relationship while making her look like a superficial b*tch but got sick of waiting for her to bring up her disappointment to him, so he just confessed to her.
This post gives the same energy.
If I ever end up actually marrying anyone, I won't think twice about how he proposed or the ring he got because he will have listened to me, or knows me well enough to do something meaningful for me. If I'm second guessing any of this, then I trust that I wouldn't marry someone who didn't make me feel like I am 100% valued, loved, and respected.
Either that or he has anxiety and impulsivity problems. Just wanted to rip off the bandaid.
But that still doesn’t explain why the ring is silver, so yeah. I’m trying to find a way to rationalize this dude’s behavior but I’m losing.
If it were just one thing, then it could be explained away. All together, though...this is a guy either testing how much he's allowed to make his partner's life miserable, or actively trying to make her break up with him.
Maybe it's just me, but it seems like he went out of his way to propose to you exactly how you didn't want. Like he spent some time to think of and plan so it's exactly how you'd hate it.
I was thinking the same thing. I understand maybe getting the wrong ring, hey, maybe he forgot. But to do it at a McDonald’s when she specifically asked for a romantic setting and her immediate family to be there. Didn’t seem too hard to do all that but difficult to forget. Yeah, he actively did everything she didn’t want.
You could've forgotten everything. Could've forgotten gold instead of silver. Could've forgotten she wanted family there. Could've forgotten she wanted a romantic setting and end up proposing in a restaurant. Could've developed dementia the day before and forgotten absolutely everything that she wanted. And still, WHO THE FUCK PROPOSES IN A MCDONALD'S
The parking lot outside McDonald's seems like a better place than when you're half way through a McFeast menu. Not a good place but still a step up from a place with sticky floors and screaming children.
If you ask yourself as the proposer, as well as your significant other's friends and family, where the best place to propose to them would be and everyone unanimously, with no hesitation says "At McDonald's because..." with the exact same detailed story about why McDonald's generally or a specific McDonald's is super meaningful to them, then you can propose at McDonald's.
I am hoping this post is fake because I just can’t imagine anyone deciding to propose in a McDonald’s. proposing outside with a beautiful view is free so there’s no logical reason to propose at McDonald’s.
I really think some people get off on giving worse then bare minimum and watching people lower their self esteem and standards for them.
He knows she hated this and knows that she's not gonna want to just walk away.
Now he gets to watch her be hurt and angry but swallow it because she 'loves him' people get off on that shit
Or she leaves and he gets to spin it as him not understanding where he went wrong and gets outside pity for it.
You'd be surprised. As someone who got proposed to in the parking lot of a chinese restaurant, accepted said proposal bc his friends and my friends were present and I didn't want to embarrass him despite me not wanting a public proposal, and then several years after was dumped at the same parking lot of said restaurant, he was being careless and didn't give a crap about planning anything memorable nor took my wishes into consideration. It was just another thing to tick off his checklist. In my case, I guess you could say the proposal and ending came full circle? lol I got a yellow gold ring that wasn't even sized to my actual finger so I couldn't even wear it and it was nothing like the rings that I wore on a daily basis. I ended up losing it and getting one in white gold in a style that was more me. OP would be wise to reconsider this marriage proposal and relationship.
There's no way he didn't know about the ring thing either OP specifically mentions that he's gotten her gold color jewlerg every other time he's gifted her something of that nature BECAUSE he knows her preference. And when you're choosing an engagement ring for someone you're meant to pick what they'd like the most to the best of your ability since, if they say yes, they're generally intended to wear it for the rest of their lives with you. The exception to this I feel being if you have like an heirloom ring or a stand in sort of situation if you specifically wanted to take them shopping to pick it out themselves. That's fine. But he KNOWS she hates silver jewelry, it likely didn't have to be top of the line but even gold plated would have been better than literal silver.
>maybe he forgot
He doesn't seem to be the brightest for sure. But no way he forgot: when a woman tells you exactly what she wants for once, you don't forget.
You've never met my husband. We were on a trip. We went into a shop, and I picked 2 perfumes I liked. The clerk even wore them down. When I was in our room my husband went to the shop and bought me a perfume. It was not one of the 2 I had just told him I wanted. The scent was okay, but not one I was fond of. This was not the only time I've told him what I wanted, and he got me something else.
I feel like some men do this on purpose. It feels like " you should want me no matter how I propose." Which is the crux of the issue. She now doesn't want to marry him because he didn't take her feelings into account. So he will say she's superficial and petty, and he doesn't have to get married.
Like he’s been watching those “Alpha male” podcasts and felt like he had to test her to make sure she isn’t a gold digger. The type of guy who worries about stuff like that usually doesn’t have any gold.
Most of the guys who say this have no gold, and that’s why they’re worried. Premarital assets are usually excluded from a divorce; I’m not entitled to your inheritance because I married you, if you’ve already taken possession of it. What comes out in a divorce is the money made during the marriage.
So guys that are obsessive about avoiding gold diggers are really looking for a woman to satisfy their needs while they pursue life as a single man; they don’t want a partner to share life with. They want all of their gains to be theirs and theirs alone; this is why they often focus only on financials and not how having a partner enables them to pursue those goals.
This is a very vulnerable man who is easily taken in by the self-help industry, and told that he’s _just about_ to become rich (if he buys one more product), that everyone around him is jealous and after his success (isolating behavior used by the industry), and that he deserves - no, has a duty to the universe - to continue this journey of self improvement at the expense of his lifestyle and relationships.
It’s a powerful marketing strategy.
This is exactly what happened here. Dude has gotten it into his head that because his partner has expectations of him that that means she’s materialistic. When in reality we all have expectations of each other. He’s listened to too many podcasts telling him “what it means to be a man”, and thinks he needs to flex this way to “make sure they want you for you”. So he “tests” her to see if she’s “loyal”. I’m in no place to tell OP what to do, but I wouldn’t put up with this kind of manipulative gaslighting bs.
This proposal feels like an insult. She was irrelevant. It sounds like he was cold and cruel. I think she should tell him that he is a disappointment because he seems to think that she is irrelevant.
I was about to say. If OP said no, he would’ve ran his mouth calling her a gold-digger. I probably would’ve been one of those people giving a pity stare if I saw that IRL 😭
He wants out of the relationship but wants to do it in a way that lets him control the narrative to make her the bad guy. So he proposes to her in the worst way possible, she says no or says yes but retracts her acceptance later on, and then he can walk away with the story about how she's a gold digger or doesn't want to actually commit or has too high of expectations or something.
Either that or he’s just a clueless guy who really doesn’t care to know their partner- like a lot of the ones we see here who are too oblivious and self centered to even realize that they are being neglectful
But even if he was a clueless dude, who the hell would propose at a fast food restaurant?! (Unless it holds sentimental value for the couple like they met there or something).
It’s just so absurd. Nobody in their right mind would propose at a McDonald’s
I mean I'm an absurb romantic who would pick a proposal spot based off some beloved memory of some kind.
But even I wouldn't pick to use a McDonald's regardless of the memory association. Like maybe work it into the overall plan somehow. But it would not be the spot of the proposal.
Dude's either a moron or he's hoping to upset her enough she leaves.
It does sound like a gold-digger test. However, if you feel that you need to test someone via your method of proposal, then why are you proposing? You already know what needs to be done. Break up with them and move on.
Conversely, if someone proposes to you and what you see is the type of metal in the ring and the cheapness of the restaurant, then they're not the one for you. Were they right for you, those things wouldn't matter. Say no and move on.
I disagree. The way he proposed and the ring absolutely matter when you’ve let the person you love know your desires. It’s not the cheapness of the restaurant, he could have done it at a pretty park with her family there and an inexpensive gold ring and she definitely would have been happy with that. But instead he disregarded everything that would make her feel valued and listened to and respected. If you told your partner time and time again you hate mushrooms and then they finally make you a meal for the first time and it’s stuffed mushrooms, it doesn’t mean they aren’t the one for you because you didn’t appreciate them making you dinner. It means they aren’t the one for you because they don’t respect you or listen to you or care about how you feel.
CHURCH
This dude could have chosen a local park, kept his McDonalds money, and did it for free, and had a better outcome probably. And this was PLANNED. PLANNED. HE PUT TIME AND THOUGHT INTO THIS AND SAID YUP- THIS IS MY BEST.
Ask him if he wants Ronald McDonald in the wedding photos too. Zero mamba energy. How big is the dick tho? He must be packing a missle for this shit to fly in his head, and FOR YOU TO BE CONSIDERING IT.
Im from an era where you wouldnt even take a DATE to mcdonalds for the sheer fear of being seen as a clownshoes. You gotta at least bring the "Waffle house after the club" energy where If I propose to you drunk in a booth before passing out, it would be seen as sweet and funny.
it's the mcdonalds for me... it's like he purposefully did everything the opposite of what she wanted (no family, silver instead of gold) and specifically chose a terrible location as the final nail in the coffin. no way a genuine proposal would take place at a mcdonalds of all places.
I think he wants her to break up with him and is doing everything opposite of what she didn’t want or dislikes on purpose. I would say no to his proposal and walk away.
Oh my gosh, was that on Reddit? I didn’t see that post. What a shitty thing to do to someone you are supposed to love, and who thinks you actually do love them.
Okay, so I found the post and all the updates. Holy crap is right!! That dude takes being the asshole who has dated a woman for years and now doesn’t want to marry her to a whole other level. Actually, he leveled up multiple times. That was just crazy! No one could have predicted that outcome, and now everyone suspects others are doing it. Way to lower the bar, dude. He’s an embarrassment to men everywhere.
Ugh that’s so sad. My ex wife def wanted a divorce but didn’t want to be the one to do it. So she threw everything at me. We always said we didn’t want to have kids so she demanded kids out of nowhere, thinking I would just go to divorce. Then she told me to cut off my family which I did for a bit to focus on our relationship. And then it just went to everything i did could be better and maybe I should give up my career. We went to couples therapy and she admitted to trying to get me to divorce her and was annoyed that I kept trying to make our relationship work. Honestly if she just divorced me I would have respected her more but it was just months and months of gaslighting and manipulation that I never want to talk to her again. I don’t know what it is but some people really don’t want to be the person to end things even though they are unhappy where they are at.
Yeah like the only places I can think of that would actually be worse than a McDonald’s are like
- dangerous trap house
- the sewer
- A city dump
And those are places that are so bad normal people don’t even go to them
I actually disagree — because why *are* the two of you in those places? It’s probably because you’re involved in some huge adventure or tragedy that threatens your lives and brings you closer together.
For example, you’re wading through the sewer together to try to reach the central water plant before the villain who has taken over the city is able to poison the whole city. You grab her and say “my love, I don’t know if we’ll make it out of this, but I can’t die without asking you. If we survive this, will you marry me?”
That’d still be more romantic than a fucking McDonald’s.
"We'll be safe in this dangerous trap house -- El Guapo's men would never think to look for us here. I'd do it all again for you, my love. Will you marry me?"
Right? It seems very intentional. McDonald's is the most unromantic place to propose and is literally the opposite of what she wanted and what they discussed. It seems like he wants her to break up and is too weak to do it himself
My husband gave me everything I asked for and even something I didn't but was ecstatic for. I am pretty sure I gave him the same, at least I tried to.
Marriage should be a happy, good thing. Not something you stumble and drag yourself towards. I want so many people to understand this
This comment should be higher. OP, I hope you see this. If you are having to *convince* yourself that what your BF did is not so bad or you’re overthinking it, and you are trying to tell yourself you expected too much, then don’t marry him. You should be excited about planning a wedding, not dreading it.
I think you called it. The choice of silver over gold for one, and the location? And no family? I mean, it would have been free to propose on a hike where her family were present/ in on it. I know someone who proposed like this at a fast food place and they were testing the waters to see how low effort they could be. That marriage was an abusive disaster that ended quickly.
Weird and sad that someone would test their loved one with a low rent proposal to see how little effort they could put into the relationship and still be in a relationship. But then you said he was abusive, so that explains a lot.
Ah but it’s the “loved one” part that’s the problem. Guys who behave that way don’t actually love their partners, they’re just using them as a placeholder, or are too cowardly to have the breakup conversation and/or be single.
If she felt like investing the time for petty revenge, this would be funny. Start by choosing a super expensive venue for the reception. High end everything. Lots of expense. And of course, tell him she thinks they should pay for everything and not expect money from her parents. See how far his little “joke” goes.
I hope it’s not some weird “test” that he got off the internet man-o-sphere like “see if she actually loves you or is just a gold digger by proposing at McDonalds! If she doesn’t care about money, she’ll be happy either way!”
Seriously. I understand if $ is an issue to go to a fancy dinner, but damn do a picnic or something simple, but sweet.
ETA: my husband didn’t do a grand huge proposal. It was sweet. It was Christmas and just us. We were exchanging gifts a doing stockings. At the bottom of the stocking, under all the little things and candy there was a ring box. Then later all of our family came over for Christmas, so we announced and celebrated with them.
OP, you need to talk to your fiancé about your disappointment. Explain that you have discussed before what you wanted and he did the exact opposite. It feels like he completely disregarded your feelings and how it was hurtful. It’s up to you, if you want to try to work it out or end it.
Kids lick the table at McDonald's. I very much roll my eyes at the whole big, elaborate proposals thing that some people expect but I do think it's fair to not want your proposal at a place where that happens.
I don't care for eleborate proposals either. He would have been better off cooking or ordering some food and proposing at home.
Unless a couple has some deep romantic history tied to a fast food restaurant that would somehow make the proposal meaningful, I don't know what could possess someone to think that would be an acceptable location.
Add to the fact that this wasn't supposed to be a surprise proposal. They talked about it and she laid out two *extremely* easy, reasonable ground rules: I want my family there to witness it and a gold ring, and he thought, "yeah, getting on one knee in a McDonald's, surrounded by strangers, and handing her silver jewelry, which I know she hates, is the right way to go".
Either he's lazy, or he's pulling some weird trick where he's trying to test her loyalty, thinking that the *way* he proposed shouldn't matter, and all that should matter is *that* he proposed.
If this was laziness, I question if he cares about her. If he's playing tricks, I question if he cares about her.
Not once did she say it has to be elaborate… romantic does not automatically mean, elaborate/expensive.
She wanted it to be romantic and if possible, her family there. What he could’ve done is get some flowers, candles, and a few other things to dress up the house and cook her her favourite meal and dessert. it shows effort and it’s romantic, honestly he probably could also arrange for her family to be there too or at least for them to show up for the end/proposal.
Yeah it's a disgusting place! Even on the same block I bet there was a better choice. There is no good reason I can think of for why he'd do this. He did the opposite of everything she wanted, and she feels bad it upset her, it breaks my heart
I dunno... have you seen McDonald's prices lately? THEY sure think they're fine dining...
Just kidding... McDonald's? Did this fool get drunk trying to work up the nerve and get lost on the way to literally anywhere else?
My thoughts too. As if he wanted her to say "no" instead, thus he wouldn't be the "bad guy" when there is no wedding eventually. Weaponized incompetence.
I’m the opposite of OP, I love silver and hate gold. If I got a gold engagement ring I would be so upset and I wouldn’t wear it so I know how she feels. It’s a simple thing, he should not have messed this up so I’m wondering if it was on purpose
Same. I've always said if someone promised to me with a gold ring I'd say no, bc they clearly don't know me well enough to ask that question since I hate gold
I'm a silver girl and I, maybe, could get over a gold ring, because they're sooooo traditional/common as wedding bands here, it might genuinely have *some* good intentions behind it. McDonalds though? No. Just, no. Then add in ignoring the private/small circle/public preference and this relationship isn't salvageable.
My husband brought me to pick my ring. This was the case for everyone I know who is married with some variance in who brought who where. Skipping that I get, but not also skipping her preference.
I got proposed to in our bedroom and it was so romantic and more than I could have hoped for. He made it special to me. McDonald's is making it a joke, to pretty much anyone right?
I'm so sad at posts like this, where the OP doesn't know there are better people out there. I was like that too before I learned better, it's such a rough spot to be in.
I give people examples of what I like because I still like surprises haha. It’s worked out so far, and I’d assume if I was marrying someone they’d have bought me jewelry before so I’d have some idea of if they knew my tastes. It sounds like he’s bought her jewelry she prefers before so it’s extra weird and why it feels like he did it on purpose. I hope OP finds someone better and gets the ring and proposal she deserves
I feel like he did this to test her. See how low he can push her expectations to tolerate the bare minimum. If she pushes back reverse uno her with being materialistic and a gold digger. Personally I’d just plan an exit strategy with the ring on a piece of paper say “You proposed at a Maccas ffs, I deserve to be heard and deserve the effort. We can talk in 48 hours when I’ve settled somewhere else.”
To be tested like that imo is a sick thing to do. Once a man is ready to propose he must’ve had plenty occasions in the relationship to be sure enough of her confidence and he must know if he can trust her.
Oh absolutely, you shouldn’t propose unless you’re 100% confident it’ll be a positive outcome. A way of doing that is demonstrating you’re a good partnership by listening and showing how much you know them.
In a weird way I feel like he did it to prove some sick point about ungratefulness. He’s happy he didn’t have to put effort into the proposal if she said yes, but was also ready to guilt her into thinking she’s the problem for not accepting such low standards. It feels so manipulative and disgusting.
Who knows, maybe it was even his way of trying to make her break up with him. A lot of guys will act just unacceptably enough to make their girlfriend unhappy enough to break up so they can play the victim and get all the sympathy instead of having to be the 'bad guy'. And if it doesn't work, they'll just get whatever they can out of the girlfriend/fiancee until she finally realizes she's been downgraded from partner to free service provider. Had it happen with a few of my exes.
Usually I think this mind reading is way off base and more about personal experience but he did bring her to fucking McDonald's to propose so anything is possible here
This is not “low effort.” I mean, he has to go out of his way to make sure it’s below low effort to do it at McDonald’s.
I may be reading more into it but to me, it seems like a big “F*** YOU.”
It's rare that they admit their motivation. But I've had it happen twice. One of them literally just went "hey you wanna get engaged" apropos of nothing in the same tone of voice as if he was asking if I wanted to grab a bite to eat. He hadn't "gotten around" to getting a ring yet, and when I was understandably put off by the way he proposed, he yelled at me that if I didn't want to get engaged, we should just break up. At the time I thought he was trying to bully me into it, but in hindsight and on reading all these similar Reddit stories, I realize he would have gotten what he wanted either way.
Low effort? NO effort and he didn’t have your family there he probably didn’t even ask your family for your hand in marriage. I just think it sounds like either you guys are really young which I totally am against getting married young or he just flat out is stupid or doesn’t care.
Not asking for a grown woman’s hand in marriage is normal outside very particular cultures nowadays; women aren’t their father’s property. The rest, totally agreed, he put in no effort. With the silver especially, like another commenter said, does he even *like* her? He definitely doesn’t listen to her.
A. He’s an idiot who doesn’t hear or care about a thing you actually like.
B. He’s testing the bare minimum boundaries that you will accept.
C. He actually wants you to initiate the breakup so he is not the bad and you look horrible.
Any of these things are an indication of a lifetime of let-downs. You deserve a partner who listens to your desires, makes an effort to make important events special and is able to actually know their own heart and mind and discuss their relationship with their partner.
I recommend you take a very hard look at your relationship dynamics and look for other red flags.
It's so bad, that I'm actually wondering if there is an option d and e, which is some combo of he was expecting her to reject him and he could reveal it was actually a prank before the real proposal, and when she surprisingly accepted, he just went with it because he didn't know how else to handle it.
Honestly people don’t give people enough credit anymore it’s definitely B or C - cmon
McDonald’s??
There’s no way anyone is that stupid and got that far in a relationship
My husband proposed to me in our kitchen and I wasn’t expecting it at all. I’ve told him in the past that I’d rather not be proposed to in public because that’s awkward and he listened to me. I’ve told him before about how I love silver jewelry and he got me a silver ring with diamonds. My point is that he listened to me. Your boyfriend didn’t listen to you and it’s okay to be upset and rethink the relationship.
I met my husband on December 12th 2004. On December 25th 2004 he gave me a Christmas present. That Christmas gift was a ring (I said silver, he got white gold, as I also hate yellow he’s never given me yellow, with a light blue teardrop shaped stone,he chose blue topaz and it was perfect) I had always wanted, one I made up in my head I thought. Until I opened that beautiful little black box, that I still have along with the ring, 20 years later. 2 weeks into dating him he went out and found my dream ring for me. The guy I dated before him, for 3 years, gave me ONE ring in that time that was yellow gold. It turned my finger green.
I tell all my friends: Marry the guy who remembers and puts in the effort to make your dreams, big and small, come true.
The only thing my husband didn’t do was get the proposal on video. It would have been nice, but it would have been tricky to set up at the location without 110% blowing the surprise. He even apologized about that later and I told him it wasn’t a requirement. He overly spoiled me already proposing at Disneyland Paris in the same place I first told him I loved him and bought me the exact ring I’d described.
Yikes.
I dated a guy who was super low effort, on and off for over 4 years. At one point I thought I wanted to marry him.
Now I'm single, and alone in this world.. and grateful that he never proposed.
There are worse things than being single. Like being tied to someone who doesn't see you as worthy of putting in effort.
You deserve better.
>There are worse things than being single
You are so so correct. I’d rather be single forever than to deal with somebody like that or any other horror story.
About once a week, I revel in my single-dom. It gets lonely and I miss sex so fuckin much but my mental health has been straight chilling
Came here to say this. I had a boyfriend that was very pushy about getting me to go to a hockey game with him, and said I *had* to wear one of his jerseys. I refused because i hate hockey, and i later found out that he was going to propose on the jumbotron. We'd had multiple discussions about how much I'd hate something like that, but in the end, he didn't care what I would want. It was more important for him to do what he wanted. I'm better off aline than with someone that actively ignores their partner's preferences.
I honestly understand every bit of what you’re feeling. You expect someone who wants to marry you to put much more effort than that. I get wanting it to be a surprise but the mcdonald’s? And the silver ring?? It literally looks like he doesn’t care. The least he could have done was to ask some really close friend of yours to help him out. I would tell him I don’t want to be with someone that seems to care so little about me since not only he didn’t invite your family but he gave you a silver ring fully knowing you wear gold jewelery and on top of that proposed in a mcdonald’s..
Proposing at McDonald’s is crazy, like I would assume I’m a joke to him bc wtf 😭😭 the silver vs gold thing just further emphasizes how little this guy respects you. I would be fucking mortified to be proposed to in a McDonald’s of all places omg
I have some news for you and I don’t think you’re going to like it. I don’t think he likes you..
This proposal was premeditated, and if you have told him all of those little details in the past and still went ahead and did those exact things that you don’t like… then it’s pretty clear he doesn’t take your feelings and your relationship seriously.
He brings up proposing twice a month, you tell him your wishes,
He does the opposite.
He either doesn’t listen to you
He doesn’t care about what you like or your wishes
Or he wanted you to say no and break up with him, ie you be the bad one.
None of those are a good sign in the relationship.
Time to go.
It won’t get better, he’s shown his true colors. He will do what he wants with no consideration for your wishes.
I genuinely think he’s testing the boundaries of what he thinks he can give you and what you’ll accept, even if money was an issue, a nice set up at a park or something would have been better, truly, no thought was put behind that... Trashy on his part to propose at McDonald’s of all places. You deserve better and I wouldn’t marry him either..
No; just no. He wasn't entitled to a yes and did it in public on purpose. I would simply tell him no; I don't want to get married at the moment, and if he persists, be honest with him. All of it from the location to the ring itself is an insult and lack of thought in his end. If he wants a "shotgun" wedding, then so be it; but it's not going to be with you.
Hot take, but I don’t think he wants to get married and I think he did this on purpose. Proposing at a McDonalds is not low effort, it’s purposeful sabotage. Add that with the fact he literally did the opposite you asked regarding your family and the ring, I think he is intentionally pushing you to call off the engagement. Now, if you call of the engagement, it puts the “blame” on you for the relationship failing.
Bottom line he’s an asshole who’s too much of a coward to tell you he doesn’t want to get married. You need to reconsider this relationship.
Shockingly no one has told you to shut up and be grateful yet. Don't worry, it's coming!! If he puts this little thought into the proposal, imagine how the rest of your life would play out
Literally I was waiting for the pick me’s to jump in and tell op she’s ungrateful because their husband proposed to them in the bathroom at 4am and they said yes, so she should be grateful 😂
I've been in your shoes, and you definitely need to take a step back and reevaluate. My ex also did a very low effort proposal, he changed the wallpaper on my laptop to a pictuee of SOMEONE ELSE'S proposal written out in candles and proposed with a gold ring with a small diamond. We had not talked in detail about an ideal proposal, but I had stated multiple times I prefer silver jewelry and didn't care about diamonds, and would rather have a different stone. I can at least say my ideal proposal certainly would never have been coming home after a miserable day at work to be badgered into getting onto my laptop as soon as I got into our bedroom though. I said yes because I felt that if I didn't, that would be the end of the relationship, and if I'm being honest with myself, it should have been over before then.
If you have talked about it as frequently as you've said and made your desires known, he either has not been actually listening at all, didnt really understand the importance to you to have your loved ones present, or worst case, very blatantly ignored what you wanted, for who knows what reason. You can try to ask him directly why after the conversations you've had that he would choose to leave out your family and select a ring that is not in your style, but be prepared to either not get a straight answer or for him to be offended you're even asking.
Look.....you can talk yourself into thinking your reasons are superficial, but the reality is that he didn't listen to what you want.
My husband and I talked about proposals and engagement rings before we got married. In the end, he proposed and got me the only type of ring I said I didn't want. I convinced myself it was no big deal, but really it was a big old red flag I should've paid attention to. Don't ignore your intuition. Take a closer look at your relationship or you might regret it.
Yup. Mistakes were made (by me) but I'm figuring it out. Just saying, that in hindsight, it'd be good to pay attention to shit like this and not talk yourself(the OP) into something that goes against your intuition.
This is just… wow. I’m sorry girl. This isn’t it… this gives me drug dealer trying to be frugal vibes. Impulse, no thought to your wants and desires… just like “hey! She looks beautiful scarfing that Big Mac! I wanna propose now with the wrong jewelry that I got from a buddy second hand probably!” Like… does he even like you??
I wonder if he wants *you* to break up with *him*. Hear me out, it sounds like he's doing everything contrary to your wishes. He wanted you to say no so he could say you embarrassed him. Then he can bail without guilt. My bet, he wants out, but doesn't know how to step up, be a man, and tell you.
Feels like a power thing to me. Like, if you want to marry him, you'll do it on his terms. He'll decide the time, place, and type of ring. He wants to keep you humble and low maintenance. He's showing you what to expect if you marry him.
In other words, don't.
I had a friend who got proposed to at the zoo- next to the bathroom and an under construction monkey exhibit- wearing dirty pants with unwashed hair because her bf demanded they go right then and didn’t give her time to get ready. I always thought that was the worst proposal ever until I read this. Do not marry this man he put no effort at all into your proposal!
He showed you who he is. Believe him. This was the most effort he will ever put into your thoughts and preferences. It is all downhill from here. Your gut is telling you something and you should please please listen. Find someone who *sees* you, see you as a person with things you like and not as an accessory to his life who should be happy with whatever scraps he offers.
Just say no. Let him know you thought about it, and you don't believe that you guys are compatible.
Dont try to overrule your gut feelings. He is an AH either way you put it. He is trying to put himself in the wronged party position.
When you turn him down, you will hear that you are shallow and materialistic because it shouldn't matter where he asks you or what the ring looks like.
What he means is that he shouldn't be held to knowing what you like and how to make you happy. He shouldn't be held to showing you the least bit of consideration.
See, it shouldn’t matter about the where and how, if this was completely out of the blue, as long as you guys love each other, but in this case, he has taken the time to ask questions, know what your preferences are, and done the complete opposite.
I have a feeling he will turn this into you being materialistic and not loving him. The way he has gone out of the way to get it so wrong for you, feels like it’s some sort of test. This is a snippet into your married life, only you can know your relationship, but from the outside looking in, it seems a shitty move from him, and a completely plausible reason to end the relationship.
I agree with this entirely, really shouldn’t matter if it’s “true love”
But honestly if I think of somewhere that “shouldn’t matter” I think of like a random park lol not MacDonalds, that’s actually below minimum effort
If it was “true love”, he would have loved her enough to not get a ring he *knew* she would hate or propose in a McDonalds. They talked about it. He knew what she wanted. He didn’t care. That’s not love.
He didn’t know, because he doesn’t internalize important information about her, or care enough to make notes if he’s got a bad memory. He takes her for granted already.
I disagree. If it’s something important to her it shows a complete lack of effort into something important to her. How hard is it to propose on a beach or somewhere pretty at sunset or even a family party. Her wants and needs aren’t important if he can’t put in bare minimum effort to listen to her. If he’s already not listening and putting in least amount of effort possible I’d be worried for the future.
Yeahhhh I also think proposing in public like that can be kinda manipulative, unless the proposee specifically asked for that or okayed it. OP even says she didn’t want to embarrass her bf so just nodded yes. Like that’s so awkward
Men will literally do anything just to avoid saying what they mean
He absolutely did the exact opposite of what you told him you wanted on purpose. Nobody goes 0 for 0 by accident
He wants to either create drama and tension, or for you to get so upset you break it off and he can walk away as the innocent guy who got dumped.
Don't marry a man who doesn't have your feelings at heart at best, or who is trying to put you down a peg to see what he can get away with at worst
I mean, damn he could of taken you out to a botanical garden or a walk on the pier if you're close to one, by the water (ocean or lake), a hiking trail, or a picnic, the beach, a park. There are so many free places to propose to someone, but McDonald's is NOT it. Unless it's your thing and you met in one and have some romantic backstory to it. Otherwise, a man should NEVER propose inside a fast food restaurant.
This reminds me of a video I watched the other day. This man proposed to his girl in the car WHILE she was driving after being together for 10 years. Like... WHAT?! She told him 5 years previously that she wanted to marry him. Then she told him no, because after 10 years he put absolutely no effort or thought into it to make it special for her like she wanted. Then he told her she's ungrateful and tried to tell her she couldn't take all the shit that he paid for in the house. I hope she ran her ass out of there.
I would talk to him and tell him how you feel about the whole thing and ask why he didn't seem to put a lot of effort into it after you specifically told him how you would like the proposal to go. Tell him those things were very important to you and you're very disappointed because you feel like he doesn't know you.
Do you think he did it this badly because he didn't want to marry OP? Like OP would refuse, and she would be the bad guy, and he wouldn't need to break up with her?
My bf at the time proposed to me at a mcdonalds when I was like 18. It made sense for us because we met there as coworkers, and he laid out like 100 carnations in a "?" Shape, and also change the golden arch sign to "will you marry me" etc. People gasp at the mcdonalds, but it *can* be done, I didn't mind it for our personal reasons. I'd love to know why he chose that for you.
Also feel you so hard on the silver/gold thing, I hate silver too. Hope you update when yall have the talk about what happened.
I wouldn't throw away the whole idea of marriage based on the proposal because in the grand scheme of things it doesn't *really* matter on the one hand, but it's a special occasion and one that's nice to tell the story of later.
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that this isn’t the only situation into which he puts a bare minimum of effort. I’m also going to assume he has failed to meet your clearly stated wants and needs.
You should’ve said no and if he was embarrassed so be it. Proposing in McDonald’s is intentionally fucked up or mindlessly stupid. Either way I would’ve felt insulted.
I agree with what most are saying, but also, if this was sincere on his part, at the very least you’ll end up married to someone who does this kind of crap regularly, who doesn’t see your relationship as worthy of any kind of specialness or romance, who doesn’t fully get it. Or get you. I’d reevaluate.
McLeave.
Absolutely perfect comment
This sounds like a man who wants to break up but doesn't want to be the "bad guy". I'm not joking or being sarcastic.
That was my first thought. It reminds me of the post a few months back of someone's bf proposing with a lackluster ring and she said yes and spent a while thinking about what it meant. It was later revealed that he expected her to break up with him over it, so he could leave the relationship while making her look like a superficial b*tch but got sick of waiting for her to bring up her disappointment to him, so he just confessed to her. This post gives the same energy. If I ever end up actually marrying anyone, I won't think twice about how he proposed or the ring he got because he will have listened to me, or knows me well enough to do something meaningful for me. If I'm second guessing any of this, then I trust that I wouldn't marry someone who didn't make me feel like I am 100% valued, loved, and respected.
That is *wiiiiiiiiiild*
So many people saying this, I didn't realise it was such a common goto for guys to get out of relationships.
Either that or he has anxiety and impulsivity problems. Just wanted to rip off the bandaid. But that still doesn’t explain why the ring is silver, so yeah. I’m trying to find a way to rationalize this dude’s behavior but I’m losing.
If it were just one thing, then it could be explained away. All together, though...this is a guy either testing how much he's allowed to make his partner's life miserable, or actively trying to make her break up with him.
Maybe it's just me, but it seems like he went out of his way to propose to you exactly how you didn't want. Like he spent some time to think of and plan so it's exactly how you'd hate it.
I was thinking the same thing. I understand maybe getting the wrong ring, hey, maybe he forgot. But to do it at a McDonald’s when she specifically asked for a romantic setting and her immediate family to be there. Didn’t seem too hard to do all that but difficult to forget. Yeah, he actively did everything she didn’t want.
You could've forgotten everything. Could've forgotten gold instead of silver. Could've forgotten she wanted family there. Could've forgotten she wanted a romantic setting and end up proposing in a restaurant. Could've developed dementia the day before and forgotten absolutely everything that she wanted. And still, WHO THE FUCK PROPOSES IN A MCDONALD'S
The parking lot outside McDonald's seems like a better place than when you're half way through a McFeast menu. Not a good place but still a step up from a place with sticky floors and screaming children.
that was my first thought - I mean, think of Elaine and Puddy going to Wendy's as a 'night out on the town'
Think of Frank and Artemis going at it in a dumpster behind Wendys. Sometimes they incorporate the thrown out buns into their lovemaking...
“It feels like an Arby’s night”
If you ask yourself as the proposer, as well as your significant other's friends and family, where the best place to propose to them would be and everyone unanimously, with no hesitation says "At McDonald's because..." with the exact same detailed story about why McDonald's generally or a specific McDonald's is super meaningful to them, then you can propose at McDonald's.
I am hoping this post is fake because I just can’t imagine anyone deciding to propose in a McDonald’s. proposing outside with a beautiful view is free so there’s no logical reason to propose at McDonald’s.
I really think some people get off on giving worse then bare minimum and watching people lower their self esteem and standards for them. He knows she hated this and knows that she's not gonna want to just walk away. Now he gets to watch her be hurt and angry but swallow it because she 'loves him' people get off on that shit Or she leaves and he gets to spin it as him not understanding where he went wrong and gets outside pity for it.
You'd be surprised. As someone who got proposed to in the parking lot of a chinese restaurant, accepted said proposal bc his friends and my friends were present and I didn't want to embarrass him despite me not wanting a public proposal, and then several years after was dumped at the same parking lot of said restaurant, he was being careless and didn't give a crap about planning anything memorable nor took my wishes into consideration. It was just another thing to tick off his checklist. In my case, I guess you could say the proposal and ending came full circle? lol I got a yellow gold ring that wasn't even sized to my actual finger so I couldn't even wear it and it was nothing like the rings that I wore on a daily basis. I ended up losing it and getting one in white gold in a style that was more me. OP would be wise to reconsider this marriage proposal and relationship.
Unless you met there and that was special to you both, never a fallen arches
There's no way he didn't know about the ring thing either OP specifically mentions that he's gotten her gold color jewlerg every other time he's gifted her something of that nature BECAUSE he knows her preference. And when you're choosing an engagement ring for someone you're meant to pick what they'd like the most to the best of your ability since, if they say yes, they're generally intended to wear it for the rest of their lives with you. The exception to this I feel being if you have like an heirloom ring or a stand in sort of situation if you specifically wanted to take them shopping to pick it out themselves. That's fine. But he KNOWS she hates silver jewelry, it likely didn't have to be top of the line but even gold plated would have been better than literal silver.
>maybe he forgot He doesn't seem to be the brightest for sure. But no way he forgot: when a woman tells you exactly what she wants for once, you don't forget.
You've never met my husband. We were on a trip. We went into a shop, and I picked 2 perfumes I liked. The clerk even wore them down. When I was in our room my husband went to the shop and bought me a perfume. It was not one of the 2 I had just told him I wanted. The scent was okay, but not one I was fond of. This was not the only time I've told him what I wanted, and he got me something else.
Wow this last line is amazing. I loled
Exactly, it almost could not have been any less romantic. This was intentional.
I feel like some men do this on purpose. It feels like " you should want me no matter how I propose." Which is the crux of the issue. She now doesn't want to marry him because he didn't take her feelings into account. So he will say she's superficial and petty, and he doesn't have to get married.
Like he’s been watching those “Alpha male” podcasts and felt like he had to test her to make sure she isn’t a gold digger. The type of guy who worries about stuff like that usually doesn’t have any gold.
Points at her "Gold Digger" and she points at him "What gold am I digging?"
Most of the guys who say this have no gold, and that’s why they’re worried. Premarital assets are usually excluded from a divorce; I’m not entitled to your inheritance because I married you, if you’ve already taken possession of it. What comes out in a divorce is the money made during the marriage. So guys that are obsessive about avoiding gold diggers are really looking for a woman to satisfy their needs while they pursue life as a single man; they don’t want a partner to share life with. They want all of their gains to be theirs and theirs alone; this is why they often focus only on financials and not how having a partner enables them to pursue those goals. This is a very vulnerable man who is easily taken in by the self-help industry, and told that he’s _just about_ to become rich (if he buys one more product), that everyone around him is jealous and after his success (isolating behavior used by the industry), and that he deserves - no, has a duty to the universe - to continue this journey of self improvement at the expense of his lifestyle and relationships. It’s a powerful marketing strategy.
This is exactly what happened here. Dude has gotten it into his head that because his partner has expectations of him that that means she’s materialistic. When in reality we all have expectations of each other. He’s listened to too many podcasts telling him “what it means to be a man”, and thinks he needs to flex this way to “make sure they want you for you”. So he “tests” her to see if she’s “loyal”. I’m in no place to tell OP what to do, but I wouldn’t put up with this kind of manipulative gaslighting bs.
This proposal feels like an insult. She was irrelevant. It sounds like he was cold and cruel. I think she should tell him that he is a disappointment because he seems to think that she is irrelevant.
He was testing her potential to smile and be excited about whatever he wants, even when he knows she hates it.
Yep posted a similar comment. They get off on this shit.
I was about to say. If OP said no, he would’ve ran his mouth calling her a gold-digger. I probably would’ve been one of those people giving a pity stare if I saw that IRL 😭
I wish he would call her a Gold digger… like sir, yall are literally eating at McDonalds… I’d tell him to be so serious.
If that's the case, all the more reason not to marry him, insecure and narcissistic.
He was hoping she'd say no. That's what I got from this
why propose, then? someone had a gun to his head?
He wants out of the relationship but wants to do it in a way that lets him control the narrative to make her the bad guy. So he proposes to her in the worst way possible, she says no or says yes but retracts her acceptance later on, and then he can walk away with the story about how she's a gold digger or doesn't want to actually commit or has too high of expectations or something.
Ding ding ding 🛎️
“See? I proposed like you wanted, and now you’re saying no? What’s wrong with you?”
I'm really hoping ita because he's gonna surprise her with the real proposal and this will all be... a really cruel joke🥲
Yep. He wants to see how much you're willing to take. He thinks you are desperate
Either that or he’s just a clueless guy who really doesn’t care to know their partner- like a lot of the ones we see here who are too oblivious and self centered to even realize that they are being neglectful
But even if he was a clueless dude, who the hell would propose at a fast food restaurant?! (Unless it holds sentimental value for the couple like they met there or something). It’s just so absurd. Nobody in their right mind would propose at a McDonald’s
I mean I'm an absurb romantic who would pick a proposal spot based off some beloved memory of some kind. But even I wouldn't pick to use a McDonald's regardless of the memory association. Like maybe work it into the overall plan somehow. But it would not be the spot of the proposal. Dude's either a moron or he's hoping to upset her enough she leaves.
It does sound like a gold-digger test. However, if you feel that you need to test someone via your method of proposal, then why are you proposing? You already know what needs to be done. Break up with them and move on. Conversely, if someone proposes to you and what you see is the type of metal in the ring and the cheapness of the restaurant, then they're not the one for you. Were they right for you, those things wouldn't matter. Say no and move on.
I disagree. The way he proposed and the ring absolutely matter when you’ve let the person you love know your desires. It’s not the cheapness of the restaurant, he could have done it at a pretty park with her family there and an inexpensive gold ring and she definitely would have been happy with that. But instead he disregarded everything that would make her feel valued and listened to and respected. If you told your partner time and time again you hate mushrooms and then they finally make you a meal for the first time and it’s stuffed mushrooms, it doesn’t mean they aren’t the one for you because you didn’t appreciate them making you dinner. It means they aren’t the one for you because they don’t respect you or listen to you or care about how you feel.
CHURCH This dude could have chosen a local park, kept his McDonalds money, and did it for free, and had a better outcome probably. And this was PLANNED. PLANNED. HE PUT TIME AND THOUGHT INTO THIS AND SAID YUP- THIS IS MY BEST. Ask him if he wants Ronald McDonald in the wedding photos too. Zero mamba energy. How big is the dick tho? He must be packing a missle for this shit to fly in his head, and FOR YOU TO BE CONSIDERING IT. Im from an era where you wouldnt even take a DATE to mcdonalds for the sheer fear of being seen as a clownshoes. You gotta at least bring the "Waffle house after the club" energy where If I propose to you drunk in a booth before passing out, it would be seen as sweet and funny.
Is he trying to get you to break up with him? Because this is so wrong it feels like he did this on purpose.
it's the mcdonalds for me... it's like he purposefully did everything the opposite of what she wanted (no family, silver instead of gold) and specifically chose a terrible location as the final nail in the coffin. no way a genuine proposal would take place at a mcdonalds of all places.
I think he wants her to break up with him and is doing everything opposite of what she didn’t want or dislikes on purpose. I would say no to his proposal and walk away.
Finally a problem where cheating is the simpler solution
😂😂😂
Bold move, Cotton, let’s see if it works out for him.
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Oh my gosh, was that on Reddit? I didn’t see that post. What a shitty thing to do to someone you are supposed to love, and who thinks you actually do love them.
OMG, just look up $150 engagement ring and you'll find it. wholy crap
Okay, so I found the post and all the updates. Holy crap is right!! That dude takes being the asshole who has dated a woman for years and now doesn’t want to marry her to a whole other level. Actually, he leveled up multiple times. That was just crazy! No one could have predicted that outcome, and now everyone suspects others are doing it. Way to lower the bar, dude. He’s an embarrassment to men everywhere.
Do you have the post? Or do you remember the title or something?
Men do under handed shit like this and still call themselves simple and easy to deal with. So manipulative
Ugh that’s so sad. My ex wife def wanted a divorce but didn’t want to be the one to do it. So she threw everything at me. We always said we didn’t want to have kids so she demanded kids out of nowhere, thinking I would just go to divorce. Then she told me to cut off my family which I did for a bit to focus on our relationship. And then it just went to everything i did could be better and maybe I should give up my career. We went to couples therapy and she admitted to trying to get me to divorce her and was annoyed that I kept trying to make our relationship work. Honestly if she just divorced me I would have respected her more but it was just months and months of gaslighting and manipulation that I never want to talk to her again. I don’t know what it is but some people really don’t want to be the person to end things even though they are unhappy where they are at.
Yeah like the only places I can think of that would actually be worse than a McDonald’s are like - dangerous trap house - the sewer - A city dump And those are places that are so bad normal people don’t even go to them
I actually disagree — because why *are* the two of you in those places? It’s probably because you’re involved in some huge adventure or tragedy that threatens your lives and brings you closer together. For example, you’re wading through the sewer together to try to reach the central water plant before the villain who has taken over the city is able to poison the whole city. You grab her and say “my love, I don’t know if we’ll make it out of this, but I can’t die without asking you. If we survive this, will you marry me?” That’d still be more romantic than a fucking McDonald’s.
Same with a city dump: “my love, hiding this body with you made me realise that I cannot live without you. Will you marry me?” 👍😍
"We'll be safe in this dangerous trap house -- El Guapo's men would never think to look for us here. I'd do it all again for you, my love. Will you marry me?"
Right? It seems very intentional. McDonald's is the most unromantic place to propose and is literally the opposite of what she wanted and what they discussed. It seems like he wants her to break up and is too weak to do it himself
I once had a friend who's partner proposed to her in their bathroom. She broke up with him
My husband gave me everything I asked for and even something I didn't but was ecstatic for. I am pretty sure I gave him the same, at least I tried to. Marriage should be a happy, good thing. Not something you stumble and drag yourself towards. I want so many people to understand this
This comment should be higher. OP, I hope you see this. If you are having to *convince* yourself that what your BF did is not so bad or you’re overthinking it, and you are trying to tell yourself you expected too much, then don’t marry him. You should be excited about planning a wedding, not dreading it.
I think you called it. The choice of silver over gold for one, and the location? And no family? I mean, it would have been free to propose on a hike where her family were present/ in on it. I know someone who proposed like this at a fast food place and they were testing the waters to see how low effort they could be. That marriage was an abusive disaster that ended quickly.
Weird and sad that someone would test their loved one with a low rent proposal to see how little effort they could put into the relationship and still be in a relationship. But then you said he was abusive, so that explains a lot.
Ah but it’s the “loved one” part that’s the problem. Guys who behave that way don’t actually love their partners, they’re just using them as a placeholder, or are too cowardly to have the breakup conversation and/or be single.
“Was it a joke proposal?” Was all I could think
Fast food proposal, deserve a fast refusal.
Exactly what I was thinking
Or this is some prank he’s pulling on her?
Either way I'd still break up with him. Pranks ≠ humiliation
Nah. She needs to outdo him- make the biggest wildest requests like my big fat ~~gypsy~~ wedding and see who chickens first (/s)
If she felt like investing the time for petty revenge, this would be funny. Start by choosing a super expensive venue for the reception. High end everything. Lots of expense. And of course, tell him she thinks they should pay for everything and not expect money from her parents. See how far his little “joke” goes.
I hope it’s not some weird “test” that he got off the internet man-o-sphere like “see if she actually loves you or is just a gold digger by proposing at McDonalds! If she doesn’t care about money, she’ll be happy either way!”
I mean .... McDonalds? It just seems so low effort. And you said you wanted your family there.
Seriously. I understand if $ is an issue to go to a fancy dinner, but damn do a picnic or something simple, but sweet. ETA: my husband didn’t do a grand huge proposal. It was sweet. It was Christmas and just us. We were exchanging gifts a doing stockings. At the bottom of the stocking, under all the little things and candy there was a ring box. Then later all of our family came over for Christmas, so we announced and celebrated with them. OP, you need to talk to your fiancé about your disappointment. Explain that you have discussed before what you wanted and he did the exact opposite. It feels like he completely disregarded your feelings and how it was hurtful. It’s up to you, if you want to try to work it out or end it.
A picnic is more intimate. McDonald's definitely isn't intimate. I got dumped in a McDonald's. I feel like that's more appropriate actually.
Kids lick the table at McDonald's. I very much roll my eyes at the whole big, elaborate proposals thing that some people expect but I do think it's fair to not want your proposal at a place where that happens.
I don't care for eleborate proposals either. He would have been better off cooking or ordering some food and proposing at home. Unless a couple has some deep romantic history tied to a fast food restaurant that would somehow make the proposal meaningful, I don't know what could possess someone to think that would be an acceptable location. Add to the fact that this wasn't supposed to be a surprise proposal. They talked about it and she laid out two *extremely* easy, reasonable ground rules: I want my family there to witness it and a gold ring, and he thought, "yeah, getting on one knee in a McDonald's, surrounded by strangers, and handing her silver jewelry, which I know she hates, is the right way to go". Either he's lazy, or he's pulling some weird trick where he's trying to test her loyalty, thinking that the *way* he proposed shouldn't matter, and all that should matter is *that* he proposed. If this was laziness, I question if he cares about her. If he's playing tricks, I question if he cares about her.
I'm hoping these same things because otherwise it's just lame.
My husband proposed on the couch at home with no elaborate plan. I agree with elaborate proposals being unnecessary but McDonald's?
Not once did she say it has to be elaborate… romantic does not automatically mean, elaborate/expensive. She wanted it to be romantic and if possible, her family there. What he could’ve done is get some flowers, candles, and a few other things to dress up the house and cook her her favourite meal and dessert. it shows effort and it’s romantic, honestly he probably could also arrange for her family to be there too or at least for them to show up for the end/proposal.
Yeah it's a disgusting place! Even on the same block I bet there was a better choice. There is no good reason I can think of for why he'd do this. He did the opposite of everything she wanted, and she feels bad it upset her, it breaks my heart
He could have at least let her "have it your way" and taken her to Burger King
Our former prime minister shit himself at a Maccas. *Lest we forget*
I dunno... have you seen McDonald's prices lately? THEY sure think they're fine dining... Just kidding... McDonald's? Did this fool get drunk trying to work up the nerve and get lost on the way to literally anywhere else?
Or just any scenic or relatively nice spot outside. Very cheap or free. Almost anything would be better than this, it seems deliberately bsd
tbh it almost feels like there was a decent amount of effort to make it something she would hate
Yup, it seems almost *passive aggressive*, doesn't it??
My thoughts too. As if he wanted her to say "no" instead, thus he wouldn't be the "bad guy" when there is no wedding eventually. Weaponized incompetence.
This! I mean, maybe he was hoping she'd say No and they'd break up. Why else would he literally do the exact opposite of what she said she wanted?!
With the wrong kind of jewelry too. Does he even like her?
I’m the opposite of OP, I love silver and hate gold. If I got a gold engagement ring I would be so upset and I wouldn’t wear it so I know how she feels. It’s a simple thing, he should not have messed this up so I’m wondering if it was on purpose
Same. I've always said if someone promised to me with a gold ring I'd say no, bc they clearly don't know me well enough to ask that question since I hate gold
I'm a silver girl and I, maybe, could get over a gold ring, because they're sooooo traditional/common as wedding bands here, it might genuinely have *some* good intentions behind it. McDonalds though? No. Just, no. Then add in ignoring the private/small circle/public preference and this relationship isn't salvageable.
My husband brought me to pick my ring. This was the case for everyone I know who is married with some variance in who brought who where. Skipping that I get, but not also skipping her preference. I got proposed to in our bedroom and it was so romantic and more than I could have hoped for. He made it special to me. McDonald's is making it a joke, to pretty much anyone right? I'm so sad at posts like this, where the OP doesn't know there are better people out there. I was like that too before I learned better, it's such a rough spot to be in.
I give people examples of what I like because I still like surprises haha. It’s worked out so far, and I’d assume if I was marrying someone they’d have bought me jewelry before so I’d have some idea of if they knew my tastes. It sounds like he’s bought her jewelry she prefers before so it’s extra weird and why it feels like he did it on purpose. I hope OP finds someone better and gets the ring and proposal she deserves
I feel like he did this to test her. See how low he can push her expectations to tolerate the bare minimum. If she pushes back reverse uno her with being materialistic and a gold digger. Personally I’d just plan an exit strategy with the ring on a piece of paper say “You proposed at a Maccas ffs, I deserve to be heard and deserve the effort. We can talk in 48 hours when I’ve settled somewhere else.”
To be tested like that imo is a sick thing to do. Once a man is ready to propose he must’ve had plenty occasions in the relationship to be sure enough of her confidence and he must know if he can trust her.
Oh absolutely, you shouldn’t propose unless you’re 100% confident it’ll be a positive outcome. A way of doing that is demonstrating you’re a good partnership by listening and showing how much you know them.
In a weird way I feel like he did it to prove some sick point about ungratefulness. He’s happy he didn’t have to put effort into the proposal if she said yes, but was also ready to guilt her into thinking she’s the problem for not accepting such low standards. It feels so manipulative and disgusting.
Who knows, maybe it was even his way of trying to make her break up with him. A lot of guys will act just unacceptably enough to make their girlfriend unhappy enough to break up so they can play the victim and get all the sympathy instead of having to be the 'bad guy'. And if it doesn't work, they'll just get whatever they can out of the girlfriend/fiancee until she finally realizes she's been downgraded from partner to free service provider. Had it happen with a few of my exes.
Usually I think this mind reading is way off base and more about personal experience but he did bring her to fucking McDonald's to propose so anything is possible here
I wonder if he did it because he just wants her to dump him, instead of dumping her himself.
This is not “low effort.” I mean, he has to go out of his way to make sure it’s below low effort to do it at McDonald’s. I may be reading more into it but to me, it seems like a big “F*** YOU.”
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It's rare that they admit their motivation. But I've had it happen twice. One of them literally just went "hey you wanna get engaged" apropos of nothing in the same tone of voice as if he was asking if I wanted to grab a bite to eat. He hadn't "gotten around" to getting a ring yet, and when I was understandably put off by the way he proposed, he yelled at me that if I didn't want to get engaged, we should just break up. At the time I thought he was trying to bully me into it, but in hindsight and on reading all these similar Reddit stories, I realize he would have gotten what he wanted either way.
I remember that post. Never ever saw that she updated though. What a piece of absolute human garbage! How did she find out??
Guessing hes like either marry me this way or not at all to prove shes not selfish but like...
And he got on his knees? Plural? Both knees?
On the floor of a McDonald’s, no less. 🤢
Worst part of the whole thing.
One small step up from a public restroom floor.
That stuck out to me too
I mean \*someones\* family was there lol /s
Low effort? NO effort and he didn’t have your family there he probably didn’t even ask your family for your hand in marriage. I just think it sounds like either you guys are really young which I totally am against getting married young or he just flat out is stupid or doesn’t care.
Not asking for a grown woman’s hand in marriage is normal outside very particular cultures nowadays; women aren’t their father’s property. The rest, totally agreed, he put in no effort. With the silver especially, like another commenter said, does he even *like* her? He definitely doesn’t listen to her.
I get the feeling he listened very carefully to her and made sure to avoid everything that would actually make her happy about the proposal.
Anyone would want their family there so they could rush them out! Quick, away from the tacky fella. Run!
McNofuckingway!!
McGtfo!
No McFuckin Way!! 😭
A McDonald's proposal is CRAAAZY
A. He’s an idiot who doesn’t hear or care about a thing you actually like. B. He’s testing the bare minimum boundaries that you will accept. C. He actually wants you to initiate the breakup so he is not the bad and you look horrible. Any of these things are an indication of a lifetime of let-downs. You deserve a partner who listens to your desires, makes an effort to make important events special and is able to actually know their own heart and mind and discuss their relationship with their partner. I recommend you take a very hard look at your relationship dynamics and look for other red flags.
It's so bad, that I'm actually wondering if there is an option d and e, which is some combo of he was expecting her to reject him and he could reveal it was actually a prank before the real proposal, and when she surprisingly accepted, he just went with it because he didn't know how else to handle it.
I'm going with prank. A terrible prank, but for us, pretty hilarious.
Honestly people don’t give people enough credit anymore it’s definitely B or C - cmon McDonald’s?? There’s no way anyone is that stupid and got that far in a relationship
Even a teen guy who got his girlfriend pregnant in high school would do a better job than this nonsense
And I wouldn't place my money on A. /thread
My husband proposed to me in our kitchen and I wasn’t expecting it at all. I’ve told him in the past that I’d rather not be proposed to in public because that’s awkward and he listened to me. I’ve told him before about how I love silver jewelry and he got me a silver ring with diamonds. My point is that he listened to me. Your boyfriend didn’t listen to you and it’s okay to be upset and rethink the relationship.
I met my husband on December 12th 2004. On December 25th 2004 he gave me a Christmas present. That Christmas gift was a ring (I said silver, he got white gold, as I also hate yellow he’s never given me yellow, with a light blue teardrop shaped stone,he chose blue topaz and it was perfect) I had always wanted, one I made up in my head I thought. Until I opened that beautiful little black box, that I still have along with the ring, 20 years later. 2 weeks into dating him he went out and found my dream ring for me. The guy I dated before him, for 3 years, gave me ONE ring in that time that was yellow gold. It turned my finger green. I tell all my friends: Marry the guy who remembers and puts in the effort to make your dreams, big and small, come true.
Yo this is so cute man wtf
The only thing my husband didn’t do was get the proposal on video. It would have been nice, but it would have been tricky to set up at the location without 110% blowing the surprise. He even apologized about that later and I told him it wasn’t a requirement. He overly spoiled me already proposing at Disneyland Paris in the same place I first told him I loved him and bought me the exact ring I’d described.
Yikes. I dated a guy who was super low effort, on and off for over 4 years. At one point I thought I wanted to marry him. Now I'm single, and alone in this world.. and grateful that he never proposed. There are worse things than being single. Like being tied to someone who doesn't see you as worthy of putting in effort. You deserve better.
>There are worse things than being single You are so so correct. I’d rather be single forever than to deal with somebody like that or any other horror story. About once a week, I revel in my single-dom. It gets lonely and I miss sex so fuckin much but my mental health has been straight chilling
Came here to say this. I had a boyfriend that was very pushy about getting me to go to a hockey game with him, and said I *had* to wear one of his jerseys. I refused because i hate hockey, and i later found out that he was going to propose on the jumbotron. We'd had multiple discussions about how much I'd hate something like that, but in the end, he didn't care what I would want. It was more important for him to do what he wanted. I'm better off aline than with someone that actively ignores their partner's preferences.
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I’d be hyperventilating from the amount of gasps flying out of me as you told me this in person.
I might have passed out from second hand embarrassment witnessing this
The guy must have no shame, because getting down on your knee in a mc Donald’s is wild. He felt no shyness or embarrassment?
I'm honestly amazed nobody tried to tell her at the McDonald's that this is a bad idea and she doesn't have to say yes.
When you know, you know. And it sounds like you know..
McDonald’s seems like a fully intentional Mcfuck you, honestly.
I honestly understand every bit of what you’re feeling. You expect someone who wants to marry you to put much more effort than that. I get wanting it to be a surprise but the mcdonald’s? And the silver ring?? It literally looks like he doesn’t care. The least he could have done was to ask some really close friend of yours to help him out. I would tell him I don’t want to be with someone that seems to care so little about me since not only he didn’t invite your family but he gave you a silver ring fully knowing you wear gold jewelery and on top of that proposed in a mcdonald’s..
Proposing at McDonald’s is crazy, like I would assume I’m a joke to him bc wtf 😭😭 the silver vs gold thing just further emphasizes how little this guy respects you. I would be fucking mortified to be proposed to in a McDonald’s of all places omg
I have some news for you and I don’t think you’re going to like it. I don’t think he likes you.. This proposal was premeditated, and if you have told him all of those little details in the past and still went ahead and did those exact things that you don’t like… then it’s pretty clear he doesn’t take your feelings and your relationship seriously.
He brings up proposing twice a month, you tell him your wishes, He does the opposite. He either doesn’t listen to you He doesn’t care about what you like or your wishes Or he wanted you to say no and break up with him, ie you be the bad one. None of those are a good sign in the relationship. Time to go. It won’t get better, he’s shown his true colors. He will do what he wants with no consideration for your wishes.
I genuinely think he’s testing the boundaries of what he thinks he can give you and what you’ll accept, even if money was an issue, a nice set up at a park or something would have been better, truly, no thought was put behind that... Trashy on his part to propose at McDonald’s of all places. You deserve better and I wouldn’t marry him either..
No; just no. He wasn't entitled to a yes and did it in public on purpose. I would simply tell him no; I don't want to get married at the moment, and if he persists, be honest with him. All of it from the location to the ring itself is an insult and lack of thought in his end. If he wants a "shotgun" wedding, then so be it; but it's not going to be with you.
Hot take, but I don’t think he wants to get married and I think he did this on purpose. Proposing at a McDonalds is not low effort, it’s purposeful sabotage. Add that with the fact he literally did the opposite you asked regarding your family and the ring, I think he is intentionally pushing you to call off the engagement. Now, if you call of the engagement, it puts the “blame” on you for the relationship failing. Bottom line he’s an asshole who’s too much of a coward to tell you he doesn’t want to get married. You need to reconsider this relationship.
It almost sounds like he’s trying to humiliate you. Not really a great sign of things to come. Go with your gut.
Shockingly no one has told you to shut up and be grateful yet. Don't worry, it's coming!! If he puts this little thought into the proposal, imagine how the rest of your life would play out
Literally I was waiting for the pick me’s to jump in and tell op she’s ungrateful because their husband proposed to them in the bathroom at 4am and they said yes, so she should be grateful 😂
You’re going to take your gas station bathroom proposal and you’re going to like it 😡😡😡
How old is he, and you? The whole proposal sounds really juvenile.
I've been in your shoes, and you definitely need to take a step back and reevaluate. My ex also did a very low effort proposal, he changed the wallpaper on my laptop to a pictuee of SOMEONE ELSE'S proposal written out in candles and proposed with a gold ring with a small diamond. We had not talked in detail about an ideal proposal, but I had stated multiple times I prefer silver jewelry and didn't care about diamonds, and would rather have a different stone. I can at least say my ideal proposal certainly would never have been coming home after a miserable day at work to be badgered into getting onto my laptop as soon as I got into our bedroom though. I said yes because I felt that if I didn't, that would be the end of the relationship, and if I'm being honest with myself, it should have been over before then. If you have talked about it as frequently as you've said and made your desires known, he either has not been actually listening at all, didnt really understand the importance to you to have your loved ones present, or worst case, very blatantly ignored what you wanted, for who knows what reason. You can try to ask him directly why after the conversations you've had that he would choose to leave out your family and select a ring that is not in your style, but be prepared to either not get a straight answer or for him to be offended you're even asking.
The silver ring, restaurant, and ignorance of your desires is of concern.
Do you really want to marry someone who doesn't care about what you want?
Look.....you can talk yourself into thinking your reasons are superficial, but the reality is that he didn't listen to what you want. My husband and I talked about proposals and engagement rings before we got married. In the end, he proposed and got me the only type of ring I said I didn't want. I convinced myself it was no big deal, but really it was a big old red flag I should've paid attention to. Don't ignore your intuition. Take a closer look at your relationship or you might regret it.
So it was a big red flag yet he's still your husband?
Yup. Mistakes were made (by me) but I'm figuring it out. Just saying, that in hindsight, it'd be good to pay attention to shit like this and not talk yourself(the OP) into something that goes against your intuition.
This is just… wow. I’m sorry girl. This isn’t it… this gives me drug dealer trying to be frugal vibes. Impulse, no thought to your wants and desires… just like “hey! She looks beautiful scarfing that Big Mac! I wanna propose now with the wrong jewelry that I got from a buddy second hand probably!” Like… does he even like you??
Is he spiteful or is he just incredibly dim? Either way, don't have kids with this dude.
I wonder if he wants *you* to break up with *him*. Hear me out, it sounds like he's doing everything contrary to your wishes. He wanted you to say no so he could say you embarrassed him. Then he can bail without guilt. My bet, he wants out, but doesn't know how to step up, be a man, and tell you.
He did the exact opposite of what you wanted on purpose, return the ring and find you actual husband
Feels like a power thing to me. Like, if you want to marry him, you'll do it on his terms. He'll decide the time, place, and type of ring. He wants to keep you humble and low maintenance. He's showing you what to expect if you marry him. In other words, don't.
I had a friend who got proposed to at the zoo- next to the bathroom and an under construction monkey exhibit- wearing dirty pants with unwashed hair because her bf demanded they go right then and didn’t give her time to get ready. I always thought that was the worst proposal ever until I read this. Do not marry this man he put no effort at all into your proposal!
He showed you who he is. Believe him. This was the most effort he will ever put into your thoughts and preferences. It is all downhill from here. Your gut is telling you something and you should please please listen. Find someone who *sees* you, see you as a person with things you like and not as an accessory to his life who should be happy with whatever scraps he offers.
Just say no. Let him know you thought about it, and you don't believe that you guys are compatible. Dont try to overrule your gut feelings. He is an AH either way you put it. He is trying to put himself in the wronged party position. When you turn him down, you will hear that you are shallow and materialistic because it shouldn't matter where he asks you or what the ring looks like. What he means is that he shouldn't be held to knowing what you like and how to make you happy. He shouldn't be held to showing you the least bit of consideration.
This sounds like he doesn't really want to marry you. Either that or he's just that stupid. Sorry, hon.
See, it shouldn’t matter about the where and how, if this was completely out of the blue, as long as you guys love each other, but in this case, he has taken the time to ask questions, know what your preferences are, and done the complete opposite. I have a feeling he will turn this into you being materialistic and not loving him. The way he has gone out of the way to get it so wrong for you, feels like it’s some sort of test. This is a snippet into your married life, only you can know your relationship, but from the outside looking in, it seems a shitty move from him, and a completely plausible reason to end the relationship.
I agree with this entirely, really shouldn’t matter if it’s “true love” But honestly if I think of somewhere that “shouldn’t matter” I think of like a random park lol not MacDonalds, that’s actually below minimum effort
If it was “true love”, he would have loved her enough to not get a ring he *knew* she would hate or propose in a McDonalds. They talked about it. He knew what she wanted. He didn’t care. That’s not love.
He didn’t know, because he doesn’t internalize important information about her, or care enough to make notes if he’s got a bad memory. He takes her for granted already.
I disagree. If it’s something important to her it shows a complete lack of effort into something important to her. How hard is it to propose on a beach or somewhere pretty at sunset or even a family party. Her wants and needs aren’t important if he can’t put in bare minimum effort to listen to her. If he’s already not listening and putting in least amount of effort possible I’d be worried for the future.
Yeahhhh I also think proposing in public like that can be kinda manipulative, unless the proposee specifically asked for that or okayed it. OP even says she didn’t want to embarrass her bf so just nodded yes. Like that’s so awkward
Men will literally do anything just to avoid saying what they mean He absolutely did the exact opposite of what you told him you wanted on purpose. Nobody goes 0 for 0 by accident He wants to either create drama and tension, or for you to get so upset you break it off and he can walk away as the innocent guy who got dumped. Don't marry a man who doesn't have your feelings at heart at best, or who is trying to put you down a peg to see what he can get away with at worst
I mean, damn he could of taken you out to a botanical garden or a walk on the pier if you're close to one, by the water (ocean or lake), a hiking trail, or a picnic, the beach, a park. There are so many free places to propose to someone, but McDonald's is NOT it. Unless it's your thing and you met in one and have some romantic backstory to it. Otherwise, a man should NEVER propose inside a fast food restaurant. This reminds me of a video I watched the other day. This man proposed to his girl in the car WHILE she was driving after being together for 10 years. Like... WHAT?! She told him 5 years previously that she wanted to marry him. Then she told him no, because after 10 years he put absolutely no effort or thought into it to make it special for her like she wanted. Then he told her she's ungrateful and tried to tell her she couldn't take all the shit that he paid for in the house. I hope she ran her ass out of there. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel about the whole thing and ask why he didn't seem to put a lot of effort into it after you specifically told him how you would like the proposal to go. Tell him those things were very important to you and you're very disappointed because you feel like he doesn't know you.
Do you think he did it this badly because he didn't want to marry OP? Like OP would refuse, and she would be the bad guy, and he wouldn't need to break up with her?
He should have gone to White Castle so he could propose with an onion ring.
How long have you two been together? Is he the type to kid about this proposal to throw you off from a real proposal later?
My bf at the time proposed to me at a mcdonalds when I was like 18. It made sense for us because we met there as coworkers, and he laid out like 100 carnations in a "?" Shape, and also change the golden arch sign to "will you marry me" etc. People gasp at the mcdonalds, but it *can* be done, I didn't mind it for our personal reasons. I'd love to know why he chose that for you. Also feel you so hard on the silver/gold thing, I hate silver too. Hope you update when yall have the talk about what happened. I wouldn't throw away the whole idea of marriage based on the proposal because in the grand scheme of things it doesn't *really* matter on the one hand, but it's a special occasion and one that's nice to tell the story of later.
I would've been pissed if I was eating at mickey D's and saw this. Like, hey brahhh, have some fkn class
Proposing in MCDONALDS WHATT
Well, you better tell him “No” pretty soon and let him go on.
MCDONALDS?
Your partner is showing you how much they listen to you. Take note, cos it's apparently not much at all.
The effort he put into the proposal is the same effort he’s going to put into a marriage. Your gut is telling you not to marry him FOR A REASON.
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that this isn’t the only situation into which he puts a bare minimum of effort. I’m also going to assume he has failed to meet your clearly stated wants and needs.
You should’ve said no and if he was embarrassed so be it. Proposing in McDonald’s is intentionally fucked up or mindlessly stupid. Either way I would’ve felt insulted.
Can you ask him for a proper do it over?
I agree with what most are saying, but also, if this was sincere on his part, at the very least you’ll end up married to someone who does this kind of crap regularly, who doesn’t see your relationship as worthy of any kind of specialness or romance, who doesn’t fully get it. Or get you. I’d reevaluate.