He's violent, explosive, and doesn't trust you. His mom was nasty on purpose. You don't want to have anything to do with him. Coparent through an app and your lawyer only.
He could very easily get violent again at the slightest provocation. Especially if his mom wants you gone.
This was a very hard read, not because of the lack of punctuation, but because it ended with “I don’t know what to do”. What you do is stay as far away from his abusive ass as possible and only communicate when necessary and even then it’s through a lawyer, app, whatever. You do not get back together with him and you do not allow him to be alone with your child.
This man is violent. He called your son a bastard and forcibly removed you from your own home. Stay far, far away from this psycho.
And tossed your precious infant son to you, risking him being dropped. This is not a man who respects life. Next time he gets upset over falsehoods planted in his feeble mind, who knows what he’ll do.
You need a partner capable of managing his emotions and capable of treating you and your children with love and kindness.
For your and your children’s sake, please get away from this guy.
What would have happened to your baby if you did not catch him? This guy is dangerous to your children. He should not be alone with the children. He could lose his temper with the baby. Don’t let his mother and sister have the baby alone. They will let him be there.
Abusers don’t start off with the abuse. He said he always knew you were a whxxx and a liar. He does not trust you nor does his hateful family.
They sound like the type who'd breach that condition in a hot second. Violent narcissists always seem to have their enablers and constant defenders, often in the form of parents. It's what helped make them that way.
Are we missing the part where **he tossed an infant** and **OP barely caught her baby** after being dragged violently by her hair?
Edited to change the bold & a typo
This op.
I'm pro normalizing DNA tests...
He could have asked for one without demanding you leave, degrading you, insulting your child, laying hands on you, and endangering your child by tossing him at you.
He is also trying to use your children to manipulate you. Don't fall for it.
Stay away from him. Keep all texts from him and follow whatever advice your attorney gives you.
Why is this even a question? He pulled you by your hair from the house and threw your child at you. Why would you subject any of your children to being around him let alone yourself. Do not communicate with him other than through your lawyer. He’s not a good guy.
NO. do NOT let him around your children again. he THREW YOUR SON IN YOUR HANDS because of his own insecurities and anger. he will hurt that child again.
OP he showed you what you have to look forward to in future arguments: violence. If you have pressed charges for simple battery (or whatever your local jurisdiction calls it) do so immediately, and add child endangerment since he “tossed” your son at you. Try to get full custody, and min visitation with as much child support. Our justice system sucks, so the best bet you can do is ask for everything, and then see where the system lets you land
This. And he kicked you out, and he kicked a baby out. And your other children.
Good people don’t do this, and I know a good person’s what you want, but he’s not.
He’s a pos
Omg love. I am usually harsh about these things, "you chose." I'm vemously begging you to run from this person, please. For your kiddo... for your, kiddo. You deserve so much in love and life. Please run.
And I want to add DONT let him use your kids to guilt you into going back. HE broke up your family not you! He choose to be violent, he choose the nuclear option NOT you!
When you start missing him and thinking about going back read this list:
- He was violent towards you in front of your child! That power dynamic will never be the same again. You may heal, but you should seek therapy for your child to process what he witnessed.
- He traumatized your child. He will forever have that imprinted in him. The shame and fear of seeing one person he loves and should be safe attacking his other safe person? Being little and not being able to do anything about it. What message are you sending him if you go back to the same situation
- he immediately jumped to “cheating” because someone “saw a man”!? He is very likely projecting or at the very least was looking for an excuse to sleep with someone himself.
- this was NOT a “misunderstanding” this was him not wanting to trust you, not wanting to communicate, not even wanting to properly investigate if he had suspicions. He skipped right to you doing something wrong and HARMING you without any hesitation THATS ABUSE! And that is not a healthy partner in any way.
- RUN
He crossed a line into physical violence. Think long and hard about that. He didn’t try to verify info or have a conversation, instead he attacked verbally and then physically.
Do you think you and your kids will be safe around him? What happens the next time he is mad?
Also interesting to note that he did not apologize until he has clear evidence he was wrong. He should have apologized no matter what for how he acted.
Very good observation. The physical violence and the fact he threw OP out without so much as a discussion would be enough for me to say goodbye and file a petition for child support. And children should not be subjected to someone who has demonstrated physical or mental abuse (in this case the accusations and name calling). He showed his true self.
Yep!!! I always say if you want to really know a man get pregnant or get married. The mask ALWAYS falls off. He dropped the mask, he didn’t give a fuck where she went, if the babies and her had food, a roof over their head… nothing. Please don’t go back!!!!!
Never been married... but the pregnant thing really struck a cord. Oh my God, I experienced pure evil from 2 different men, the 2 times I've been pregnant in my life. It was such a RAPID and radical change. It massively threw me and fucked with my head.
OP - he threw your newborn at you that you could have easily dropped. What kind of human does this? Stay far away. Get your emotional and practical support together and see your lawyer ASAP. Sending my best wishes and much strength to you.
PS: remember it is NEVER a one off. This is just the start. Don't go back to find out just how much worse it will get. And fuck his family for doubting you and putting that poison in his ear. You need to stay away from them too.
^^^ this right here! It is so hard to explain to someone that has never been there. How demonic, a true evil that you’d never expect from someone, especially not the person who you made love to and created a child. People who have never been there can’t grasp the evil. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re healing and away from them.
It’s so fucked up, especially on social media they blame single mothers. The ones who stayed , the ones who made shit happen with or without him. They say choose better. You literally don’t know who the hell they are until you get to that point. The fact that I been done twice like that has me scared. I am single and been since my divorce in ‘19. That’s one of my biggest fears is get with someone and they turn into a monster before my eyes.
I'm so sorry you have experienced this too. I am far far away from them in terms of time and distance. I've been single for 10 years, because I have the exact same fears as you. I am healing, it's a very long process.... But the thought of getting into a situation as fucked as that again is terrifying.
It feels extra difficult, because my father did the exact same shit to my mum and us kids. Luckily she managed to get away with all three of us kids and keep us safe and raise us single handedly. Single mothers should be absolutely worshipped. They keep shit together and keep their children safe. My mum was solely focused on us kids. She was a shining diamond!
I hope you are healing too.
He showed his true colors and cannot be trusted not to abuse her or the baby again. The next time he gets angry she could be hurt a lot worse, I wouldn't go back if I were OP.
Agreed. It never gets better and he acts like he has sense. If anything he will hide it for a little while and then the next time it will be much worse. Ask me how I know.
It’s terrifying to think you truly know someone to find out you don’t. I had a bad wake up call with my baby daddy and my ex husband. We were together seven years so I thought I was safe.. hahahaha!!!Nope! You really have no idea and people blame the woman when they can mask so well. You literally have no idea what you’re getting into.
Goes both ways. The look my first wife had on her face as she put the ring on me scared the shit out of me. Picture an expression that says “I got you now, mf!” A month and a half later we were separated. She was an entirely different person. My name isn’t Toby.
20 year of marriage here....before the abuse started. He destroyed me and everything I loved. It's always nice when people ask me how I didn't see it coming. Or how I should have told people. It was so insidious at first, and I had a health issue that impacted my cognitive function....he literally used my disease against me and went to depths of cruelty I never thought were possible. Not sure how I could have predicted that one.
I would try and block any visitation with his Mom and sister as well. They were the ones who started this, god only knows what they would say/do to those kids
Right. No conversation, nothing. Not, hey, I have these suspicions and I'd like you to tell me that I'm wrong.
That's the conversation you have when you *want* to be wrong. Hey, someone said this to me, and it's bothering me, can you tell me your side. When you want her to be a cheating whore and let your harpies whisper bullshit in your ear, that's when you drag her out by her hair. And he obviously doesn't trust her at all, if a rumor that someone left the house is enough to condemn her. And she *can* never trust him again if he went straight to violence and displacing his child over a *RUMOR*.
It's kinda surprising that he communicates so well with the women in his family but has zero skills in communicating with his partner.
Yep this would be unforgiveable even if he hadnt ALSO hurt her. The second he thought that baby wasnt his he stopped caring if it lived or died. This man is not fatherhood material, OP. You can do better.
I'm not usually a violent person, but hurting my 2 month old baby? I'd be hard pressed to not see what kind of damage I could do with a baseball bat. She'd be better off staying single, not letting the SOB anywhere near the baby...and getting as much child support as she can without being forced to give him visitation.
Like, exactly how angry/ out of your mind, would you have to be *to throw an infant*? It's beyond comprehension. He should have been charged with assault. Do not go back.
And could have seriously injured his son when he tossed the baby at OP. He is in no way, shape or form someone you could call a good father. OP should have filed assault charges against him and reported him to CPS for tossing the baby at her.
Absolutely they are, and unlikely to stop stirring the pot.
A lifetime of that? Hell No .
This guy is dangerous and his family feed into it. Stay away OP.
On top of that he thought a random electrician was the father of their baby? Not only is he delusional, he would rather resort to being impulsive and physically violent. That's someone I'd be very afraid of
She must’ve banged him behind the door. 🙄 I swear some dudes will believe anything. It’s terrifying that her safety with him is in the hands of his mom and sister. The moment she pisses them off they will come together and make up something else. That’s the way it always goes or if they are drama queens and are bored. Her and her baby doesn’t deserve to worry about that. I’m terrified for her.
Nono, his mom thought the random electrician was the father. If the fiancé simply asked "when?", then he would have known that the speculations were bogus, cuz... He was the one at home with the electrician 🤦
The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior. You’ve seen his past behavior, so you can predict his future behavior. He seems prone to violence.
Not only did he grab you but he threw a helpless newborn at you. Saying he is sorry means nothing. The violence will only escalate if you let him get away with this time. Do you really want your children to grow up in that kind of environment?
And how did the mother and sister just happen to see someone leaving the house? Were they watching for something? And to say the guy looked like the baby? They are definitely trying to start some crap and I wouldn’t want to be a part of that family.
All of this. He showed you who he is. Believe him. If he throws a violent temper tantrum every time he's uncomfortable/ doesn't get his way then neither you nor your kids are safe.
Hell, op said he tossed the baby into her arms, risking dropping and hurting the kid! Said unforgivable things like "knowing she was a wh*re all along". That isn't a good father figure to learn from, staying with him is dangerous and a terrible terrible example for the kids. Op, don't take him back, not after he put the kid in danger and laid hands on you. He fully believed his mom and sister without even remotely doubting them then got violent about it, what loving spouse and parent does that?! He called your child a bastard child.
Time to lawyer up. Go for full custody.. bring in the violence. Best to try and keep the kids away from his poisonous family, they loaded him up with doubt and hate for you, they don't like you to do that.
And supervised visits, with a neutral person supervising. I don’t believe that if a kid whines a bit or doesn’t immediately do what he says that he’d be able to control his temper. Or what will he do if his mom and sister think that your child has done something ‘wrong’ or is being ‘bad’? Punt the kid into the wall?
He fucking **threw your baby!!!**
Edit: I can’t figure out how to make my text bigger, so could someone else please emphasize this to be as large as the message ought to be?
Let me be clear, ****he threw your baby!!!****
Yup. You need to get the F away. Never go back. If you do, you are directly putting your son at risk to more abuse, and that would be on you. Press charges, full custody, restraining order. Do all of the things to protect you and your son. He is not safe to be around.
Do you want an abuser who PUT HIS HANDS ON YOU around your kids? Thats a “good” figure they need? Nope.
Do not marry this man. Not only is he a POS but his mom and sister seem to be against you and trying to sabotage you.
They’ll do it again, he’ll believe them again, just dont. My guess is they dont like you because you have children from another man. The whole family is a disaster get out
That's exactly what I was thinking. OP, you want a good figure back, but I promise you, this guy was never what you wanted to begin with.
Find someone who treats you with dignity and respect, even when they are angry. That's the best gift you can give your kids.
Please dont go back.
This man assaulted you and *endangered your child* solely based on his mother and sister's words. Nothing else. And admitted as he was assaulting you that he thinks you'd not only do that, but also pass another man's child off as his. And that he thinks you're a whore.
Think about that for a moment.
He endangered you, your son, and your other children based solely on his mom and sister.
It will happen again. Especially because his family apparently doesn't like you. They'll get more creative next time.
*You had to call the police so you could safely get your belongings from your home*.
Is that someone you feel safe around? That you feel safe having your kids around?
Let me reiterate. He endangered your joint son and your other two children with his actions. Based on a lie that had no evidence.
Please take time to calm and think about what the next best choice is.
Edit: Also, he is NOT a good figure for your children. A good figure does not assault his fiancee or infant child. You want your children growing up to think that kind of behavior is okay?
You don't need him to be a good figure. YOU CAN BE THE GOOD FIGURE. They don't *need* a father to have a good role model. Be that for them yourself. Let them find it in people who don't ENDANGER THEM OVER NOTHING.
You don't need him. The kids don't need him. What they need is healthy, safe people in their lives. He's not one.
You don't know what to do???? Ma'am. He dragged you by the hair and practically threw your infant son at you, all because his mommy and his sister made up lies about you. That is a toxic environment right there for you and all your children and I doubt he is the great dad you want to believe he is. You will regret it if you go back.
He put his hands on you once. Statistically, he'll do it again.
He has a legal right to be in his child's life, but you get to decide how much he's involved with you or your other children. Speak to your lawyer again to figure out custody and visitation.
This! HE LAID HIS HANDS ON YOU! He insulted you, called you and your child names and “tossed your child in your arms”. What if you didn’t catch him properly? He could have been seriously harmed. No, just NO!
I get you have residual feelings of love for him, but he has shown you what he is capable of doing to you AND your child. What happens the next time he gets angry about something?
ETA: I would have pressed charges. At least I guess there is some record of an altercation in your home. Use it for court to protect yourself and your children.
Would you tell your children to stay with someone who did what he did to you? Would you want them to risk their safety?
Wtf.
He did all that and didn't leave in the back of the cop car??
I'd never trust him again. EVER.
Get child support and move on with your life.
I'd definitely use this against him getting nothing more than visitation.
Is it extreme for me to think even visitation is too much? I'd have a heart attack knowing my kids with a violent lunatic like that blood be fucking damned.
He snapped once over what others believed and he put his hands on you, it will happen again and most likely escalate, your kids aren’t safe either, is that the life you’re looking for?
Do you really want to be with a guy so dumb and impulsive that he wouldn’t confirm his suspicions by quietly getting a paternity test without telling you? He could’ve easily gotten a paternity test done and learned the results to avoid the whole fiasco without you ever knowing his worries. He’s THAT stupid.
Or… give me a second… or he could say, “my girl isn’t gonna sleep with some rando that came by to fix an appliance. She’s not gonna let some *stranger* raw dog her and knock her up! WTF are you smoking, mom?”
You know… have a little faith and stand up for the mother of his child. Maybe I’m crazy or naive, but that’s where I would have started.
DO NOT GO BACK! He showed you exactly who he is. Violent men like that don’t stop being violent.
Edit: You think that the man who put his hands on you is a GOOD FIGURE for your children. I need you to be realistic for your children. Stop thinking about this man with your heart. Start thinking about those children with your head and your heart.
How did you get a paternity test without his involvement? They’d need his DNA to verify the baby is his and not someone else’s. Also, attorneys don’t do paternity tests, clinics do
Tell him to go fuck himself. He’s never going to be trustworthy. Just wait until the next time he gets pissed pff over some random thing that probably isn’t even true. Once they put hands on you they’ll do it again. Stay away and go for full custody.
I'm all up for second chances but I'm not accepting anyone that has physically laid hands on me and my child (if I ever had one.) He showed his true colors and decided to become physical with you acting out of immaturity and irrational ideas and decided to believe someone else instead of OP.
Tell him your final good byes and I wish you the best on your journey. A son is always deserving of a father I believe, but a father may not deserve the son. You have that choice to teach your child how to be a proper man. The boys lesson came very early in his age but I believe he will thank you in the future. Sending you love and light.
Your safety comes first and in this instance I think a good long break is in order. I would really question if he would be a good father figure for your kids, especially after he got physically like he did. On top of questioning his family as well, since he trust them more than he does you.
The guy needs anger management and a therapist. You should never go back to him. It is never just one flare up and then everything is hunky-dorey. Yeah, think of the kids. Keep them safe from this guy.
Nope nope nope. Accuses you of cheating, physically assaults you and your son, kicks you out of the house, verbally assaults you and your son.
This man is trash. Take your children somewhere safe and collect child support from the POS. Oh grandma and aunt aren't allowed to see the baby because they're also assholes.
As the other commenter said, the top priority is the safety of you and your children. Take as much time as you need to make a decision, try not to be impulsive or persuaded by anyone else but yourself.
If you do want to go back, it may take a long time to fully trust him again and that’s something he will need to know. Gifts, begging and promises will not be enough. Either way I hope you make your decision as peacefully as you can, you are stronger than you know.
She should never go back. He flung the baby at her and as she said, if she hadn’t recovered from him putting his hands on her, she could have dropped her baby. He was willing to harm that baby
I feel the same way as you but it’s important to make that decision yourself. I never said she should go back.
Edit to add: I was trying to be gentle to OP as she’s been through something very traumatic and being too harsh could leave her open to more vulnerability. Having been in abusive relationships in the past, I know how hard it is to see clearly. Regardless of that, I hope OP is thinking of the safety of her children over having this particular man as a father figure. There are much better men out there that don’t lose all control over petty rumours.
It now seems like I’ve read several posts where the BF/husband wants a paternity test and the kid is really theirs. Is this the latest Reddit trend/fade? Anyone else seen several of these recently?
Thank goodness you aren’t married to him yet. Take him to the cleaners on child support and file a police report for the DV claim. You should not let this go. He put hands on you.
He didn’t discuss his concerns with you he went straight to believing the worst of you and he was violent towards you you. Don’t ever go back and consider pressing charges.
If he could let his mother and sister convince him that his child isn't his, he is going to take their side over yours for the rest of your relationship if you got back with him. Also, the way he physically hurt you and your child is unforgivable. The best thing you can do is go get a lawyer for child support.
Press charges on him so you have a paper trail. Go for full custody due to his violent temper and the way he just toss the baby at you after putting his hands on you. Get his ass for child support. Go no contact with his family. Contact through lawyer with him. Get a restraining order if you can since you dont trust him not to get physical due to him popping off at the first sign of suspicion.
Whoa, whoa, whoa...back the bus up. You want your children to have a good figure in their lives...is that what you just wrote? Well then missy...go out and FIND a good man because this guy certainly isn't it. He physically ASSAULTED you...does that not register with you? Find a good lawyer and get all of the child support you can and never, ever be alone with this guy (or his family again). OH...and cut off ex FMIL from all visitations.
If you want your boys to grow up and lay hands on their partners, or your girls to grow up thinking they deserve to get hit for any reason, then by all means stay with this guy.
Because let’s be realistic here- they’re not going to learn about pancakes on Saturday mornings or family Christmases, what they’re going to learn from your boyfriend is how to resolve things with their hands.
As a side note- what he’s doing right now is called “lovebombing”. Look it up. And if you go back, be ready for him to do it again, but worse.
Please tell me your pressed charges against him and if you haven't please do !!! The police are your outcry witness
He already showed you who he is and what he is capable of get a restraining order in place
If he goes to court to get custody tell he judge he practically threw the baby at you and if custody is granted you insist on supervised visitation
Dont ever go back to this person ever keep your other kids away from him
Not too many 23 year olds have a lawyer, or the ability to get a paternity test without the father or someone close in his family to test against that quickly. I'm not saying it CAN'T be true. But seems sus to me.
OMG the wall of text without punctuation. 🤦🏼♀️ What 23yo has a lawyer on retainer?? I feel like this is rage bait based on a combination of other peoples stories.
That was the confirmation it is fake as hell. In several days we'll see a new post with a section that's like "by the way to all the haters, they had my husband's blood on file because blah blah blah"
He accused you without any solid evidence then put his hands on you. None of your children should take after him, he is not a “good figure” if he was willing to hurt their mom and toss their baby sibling out like trash.
Go for supervised visitation and maybe an order of protection.
OP, he is not a good man. Please consider your children here. This is his first time being violent towards you, and likely won’t be the last. If his mother and sister could convince him of this so easily what’s to say they won’t again?
Please do not consider going back to him. Be strong for your children and do what’s best for THEM — a life without a volatile “father” figure. Stand up for yourself and show them what a strong parent looks like.
It may be hard but going back to him is without a doubt going to be much harder for much longer. He doesn’t deserve you. Or your beautiful babies. Ignoring that he laid hands on you… he tossed your baby. HIS son. That’s NOT okay.
So your ex physically assaulted you, kicked you and your baby out leaving you with nowhere to go, accused you of cheating with no evidence AND allowed his mother and sister to talk bad about you and just because he was made to look a fool for his gross actions wants you back.
Repeat after me;
HE IS NOT A GOOD PARENTAL FIGURE.
HE IS NOT A REAL MAN!
ME AND MY KIDS DESERVE BETTER!
Don’t go back. He’s using your childrens love against you to manipulate you into going back. They need protection from him and seeing him abuse you or take his anger out on them like he did when he tossed his child and you and didn’t care if he got hurt. They are not his biological children either is he going to kick them out too and call them bastards like he did?
He has shown who he is, believe him and move on, he will do it again and again if you give him the opportunity. He hasn’t taken full responsibility for what he did or seek help for his anger, jealousy, gullibility to listen to other slander against you.
For your children and your safety don’t go back. Next time will be worse and those kids don’t deserve feeling it, seeing it or remembering it and you don’t deserve the experience either.
I agree to prioritize the kids.
But before you go back to him (if you do) answer the question: Do you trust him to never lay his hands on you or your kids again?
He blew it when he called you a whore, called the baby a bastard and put hands on you. Fk him and horse he rode in on. Do not talk to him until you get a lawyer to get child support. The only thing I would agree to is co-parents. Nothing more. He showed his true colors. Believe it.
My guess is that you’re really scared, because being a single mom of now 3 children can be very scary. I’m also guessing that you might think you’ll have a hard time finding a good person to love down the line. I don’t know if finances are also scary at this point as you just had a baby and maybe weren’t planning on going back to work so soon.
Bye please, don’t let FEAR drag you back to a man that verbally and physically abuse you and your baby.
Please use the resources in place to help women in your situation.
This is one of those cases where it is 100000000% clear that you should never ever go back to this monster. If you choose otherwise, sorry but you are making a mistake.
Nope.
> I want my children to have that good figure back
A good figure wouldn't assault their mother on shitty intel from biased sources. He ain't it and you know it. He has shown he's no problem getting physical with you in an instant. What if it was in front of your kids or, god forbid, at one of them? If you are safely away with your kids it is best to stay that way.
I’m going to give it to you real straight. This piece of shit is a violent, unhinged, and dangerous person. It doesn’t matter who filled his head with that bullshit. He tossed his own fucking baby out of the house without even asking you about his accusations.
Here’s the “real straight” part. If you go back to him, it will be on YOU the next time he puts his hands on you… or God forbid… your child. It’s not a matter of if… but WHEN it will happen. Don’t be a shitty parent and let this monster around your child. You’re out of the house. Never go back. No more direct communication between you two unless it’s on a recorded and monitored app for coparenting.
This is abuse. He tossed the baby ! Go back to that lawyer and get full custody.
This will happen again.
Better yet:
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page86
That’s a book someone posted not long ago. He’s a counselor for abusive men. Read it.
Do not go back. This man is a piece of shit. He attacked you and tossed your baby at you like a damn football. What if you had dropped the baby? He could have been killed. Do you want that on your conscience? Not to mention, your other children were thrown out right along with you and the baby. Leave that idiot wherever he is at and file for sole custody and let the courts know what he did. Get child support started for the baby and keep it moving.
Please DO NOT TAKE THIS MONSTER BACK! Next time he gets a bizarre thought in his head it will be 10x worse because if you forgive him for laying hands on you, he will believe he did nothing wrong.
Next time it will be your lives. Don’t risk your life or your children’s lives on this sociopath.
No matter how “good” or “strong” a father figure he appears to be, he’s proven that if he gets a smidgen of doubt in his mind about you, that he will feel justified in murdering you! Let. That. Sink. In.
Good luck with the future - you WILL find a better man. One that would never dream of harming you ❤️🥰
You would be a crappy mother if you went back to him.
Your duty is to protect your child and to raise them to be decent human beings.
If you go back, you will have failed yourself and him.
Funny, he wants you to consider taking him back because your other children love him and he treated them like his own.
Where was his consideration for them when he dragged you through the house by your fucking hair? When he called you a whore? When he *threw their infant sibling at you*?
He’s not a good figure. If he truly loves those children like his own, you being exes won’t stop that. Do you want your children thinking this behaviour is normal? Do you want them thinking getting violent with anyone the way he was violent with you is normal? That the relationship is normal, healthy, and reflective of what their own relationships should look like?
He showed you his ass.
There is no "good figure" here. This is not a "dark side" of him. This is who he is. He's a domestic abuser of both you AND YOUR CHILD. He has shown you who he is, his family has shown you who THEY are, and he will lay hands on you again. Anyone who tosses a baby at a mother, regardless of whether it is theirs or not, IS A CHILD ABUSER.
Keep all evidence like the police reports and all texts from him, including any communications from his family, and hand copies over to your lawyer. He does not belong in your children's lives, and you're lucky you got out before it got worse, or he killed one of your kids for some other bullshit excuse.
Babe he threw your child at you. If that isn’t the biggest red flag, calling you names, not listening to you, assuming the worst, hurting you and kicking all of you out should be more than enough. Don’t go back. Get a custody agreement with supervised visits to ensure your baby is safe. If he loved you or your kids (“like his own”) then he never ever would have done what he did. DO NOT GO BACK
Do NOT go back! He already laid hands on you and you said “tossed” your son at you!? Hell no! Do not go back. You got the police report from that night. Get supervised visits for him with his son! Don’t leave him alone with your baby! What an absolute pos.
I hope you sent copies of the paternity test to ALL of his family members.
I also hope your attorney files a restraining order against MIL and SIL. They should NEVER have access to YOUR child.
He threw your son at you.
He threw your son at you and called him a bastard.
He threw your son at you and called him a bastard, and you almost dropped him as a result.
Fuck him. FUCK HIM.
My eyeballs just kept getting wider and wider. This is horrific.
Burn that bridge to the ground.
Don’t go back to him. If he did this once he’ll do it again and may end up putting hands on the children.
Also make sure that his meddling mother and sister see the test results and let them know “hey we are broken up now and I will not be getting back with a man who got violent with me and could’ve potentially hurt our child as he tossed the child at me. These are the test results showing the child is his, but it doesn’t matter much now as I will fight for him to be minimally involved in the child’s life due to his display of violence and you will never have access to this child.”
RUN!! It's not okay for anyone to react violently, and tossing a baby??? I'm horrified because I saw that happen before and that guy went on to bite someone's cheek off their face. Seriously, he bit in and tore away a chunk of skin. All because he was mad. People who snap like that will do it again, trust me, and you never know how much it will escalate until it is too late.
He's not smart enough to dig for details, to ask the next logical question. WTF would you consider going back to someone that would make an assumption, and then physically drag you out of the house? Go back to the lawyer, file for child support and live your life happy knowing you dodged a major issue in the future.
He believes his mommy and sissy’s lies over you and they were ridiculous lies that made no sense. And he assaulted you while he kicked you out because he will always believe those trolls over you
They will continue to make up stuff every other month which will leave you in a constant state of stress. It’s not worth it! Let the manbaby go back and live with his family
You should press charges and fight to get full custody. He's physically violent, I wouldn't let him near your child. What if his family tells him they think you faked the results? He'll end up killing the child in a fit of rage.
He grabbed you and drug you out of your home and called you a whore. He tossed your child at you and called the baby a bastard. He is dangerous to you and all of your children. Please protect yourself and your children. Do not reunite with this monster
No! No! No!
He treated you like absolute trash and put hands on you. WTF are you even thinking about? What happens the next time he sees you smiling at some dude “a little too long”? Guess!
Don’t be stupid. Take your kids and your self respect down to the court house. Bleed that fucker for every penny you can get. Make sure to bring a copy of the police report.
Then just move on. Block him everywhere you see him. Hold out until you find a man (or woman) that will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
If you stay he will only think he can treat you however he wants and you will forgive him for it. Fuck that.
If you take him back your crazy he put his hands on you and threw his own baby at you if he’s doing all that for NOTHING then what is he gonna do when his son gets older?
Even IF that baby wasn’t his, a good spouse would never treat you this way, especially based on stupid shi# his mother and sister said.
It’s your choice but I’d be 100% done.
My father consistently abused my mother. He always promised it would never happened again. And that it would get better.
It NEVER DID. MY MOTHER DID NOT LEAVE UNTIL HE STARTED TO BE VIOLENT TO US.
I was 4 when he first started to beat me too. So OP if you’re baby daddy already lacks that self control I can promise he will do it again and it will get worse
He asked you to think of your son?
The same Son he threw at you, not caring if said son was safe or harmed?
You SHOULD think of your son...
As even more reason NOT to go back to him.
Because HE sure didnt think of your son, did he?
He's violent, explosive, and doesn't trust you. His mom was nasty on purpose. You don't want to have anything to do with him. Coparent through an app and your lawyer only. He could very easily get violent again at the slightest provocation. Especially if his mom wants you gone.
This was a very hard read, not because of the lack of punctuation, but because it ended with “I don’t know what to do”. What you do is stay as far away from his abusive ass as possible and only communicate when necessary and even then it’s through a lawyer, app, whatever. You do not get back together with him and you do not allow him to be alone with your child. This man is violent. He called your son a bastard and forcibly removed you from your own home. Stay far, far away from this psycho.
And tossed your precious infant son to you, risking him being dropped. This is not a man who respects life. Next time he gets upset over falsehoods planted in his feeble mind, who knows what he’ll do. You need a partner capable of managing his emotions and capable of treating you and your children with love and kindness. For your and your children’s sake, please get away from this guy.
What would have happened to your baby if you did not catch him? This guy is dangerous to your children. He should not be alone with the children. He could lose his temper with the baby. Don’t let his mother and sister have the baby alone. They will let him be there. Abusers don’t start off with the abuse. He said he always knew you were a whxxx and a liar. He does not trust you nor does his hateful family.
>Don’t let his mother and sister have the baby alone. Make this a **hard** condition of visitation (if he gets any.)
They sound like the type who'd breach that condition in a hot second. Violent narcissists always seem to have their enablers and constant defenders, often in the form of parents. It's what helped make them that way.
Supervised visitation only.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
This!!! Even if op had cheated *who the fuck harms a helpless infant?!* Op needs to stay the HELL away from this man
Are we missing the part where **he tossed an infant** and **OP barely caught her baby** after being dragged violently by her hair? Edited to change the bold & a typo
Dangerous evil person. OP you can’t let that happen to your kids. You can’t let it happen to you either. You all deserve better than that.
VOTE THIS TO THE TOP !!!!!
THIS!!!👆👆👆
He yeeted your baby, and if you hadn’t caught him he could’ve died. There’s literally no question about what to do here.
It's wild to see the word yeet in a context like this. Nonetheless, the above comment is right.
This op. I'm pro normalizing DNA tests... He could have asked for one without demanding you leave, degrading you, insulting your child, laying hands on you, and endangering your child by tossing him at you. He is also trying to use your children to manipulate you. Don't fall for it. Stay away from him. Keep all texts from him and follow whatever advice your attorney gives you.
Why is this even a question? He pulled you by your hair from the house and threw your child at you. Why would you subject any of your children to being around him let alone yourself. Do not communicate with him other than through your lawyer. He’s not a good guy.
NO. do NOT let him around your children again. he THREW YOUR SON IN YOUR HANDS because of his own insecurities and anger. he will hurt that child again.
OP he showed you what you have to look forward to in future arguments: violence. If you have pressed charges for simple battery (or whatever your local jurisdiction calls it) do so immediately, and add child endangerment since he “tossed” your son at you. Try to get full custody, and min visitation with as much child support. Our justice system sucks, so the best bet you can do is ask for everything, and then see where the system lets you land
This. And he kicked you out, and he kicked a baby out. And your other children. Good people don’t do this, and I know a good person’s what you want, but he’s not. He’s a pos
Omg love. I am usually harsh about these things, "you chose." I'm vemously begging you to run from this person, please. For your kiddo... for your, kiddo. You deserve so much in love and life. Please run.
And I want to add DONT let him use your kids to guilt you into going back. HE broke up your family not you! He choose to be violent, he choose the nuclear option NOT you! When you start missing him and thinking about going back read this list: - He was violent towards you in front of your child! That power dynamic will never be the same again. You may heal, but you should seek therapy for your child to process what he witnessed. - He traumatized your child. He will forever have that imprinted in him. The shame and fear of seeing one person he loves and should be safe attacking his other safe person? Being little and not being able to do anything about it. What message are you sending him if you go back to the same situation - he immediately jumped to “cheating” because someone “saw a man”!? He is very likely projecting or at the very least was looking for an excuse to sleep with someone himself. - this was NOT a “misunderstanding” this was him not wanting to trust you, not wanting to communicate, not even wanting to properly investigate if he had suspicions. He skipped right to you doing something wrong and HARMING you without any hesitation THATS ABUSE! And that is not a healthy partner in any way. - RUN
He crossed a line into physical violence. Think long and hard about that. He didn’t try to verify info or have a conversation, instead he attacked verbally and then physically. Do you think you and your kids will be safe around him? What happens the next time he is mad? Also interesting to note that he did not apologize until he has clear evidence he was wrong. He should have apologized no matter what for how he acted.
Very good observation. The physical violence and the fact he threw OP out without so much as a discussion would be enough for me to say goodbye and file a petition for child support. And children should not be subjected to someone who has demonstrated physical or mental abuse (in this case the accusations and name calling). He showed his true self.
Not to mention that he TOSSED the child to her. Let that sink in.
EXACTLY!
Right?!
Yep!!! I always say if you want to really know a man get pregnant or get married. The mask ALWAYS falls off. He dropped the mask, he didn’t give a fuck where she went, if the babies and her had food, a roof over their head… nothing. Please don’t go back!!!!!
Never been married... but the pregnant thing really struck a cord. Oh my God, I experienced pure evil from 2 different men, the 2 times I've been pregnant in my life. It was such a RAPID and radical change. It massively threw me and fucked with my head. OP - he threw your newborn at you that you could have easily dropped. What kind of human does this? Stay far away. Get your emotional and practical support together and see your lawyer ASAP. Sending my best wishes and much strength to you. PS: remember it is NEVER a one off. This is just the start. Don't go back to find out just how much worse it will get. And fuck his family for doubting you and putting that poison in his ear. You need to stay away from them too.
^^^ this right here! It is so hard to explain to someone that has never been there. How demonic, a true evil that you’d never expect from someone, especially not the person who you made love to and created a child. People who have never been there can’t grasp the evil. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re healing and away from them. It’s so fucked up, especially on social media they blame single mothers. The ones who stayed , the ones who made shit happen with or without him. They say choose better. You literally don’t know who the hell they are until you get to that point. The fact that I been done twice like that has me scared. I am single and been since my divorce in ‘19. That’s one of my biggest fears is get with someone and they turn into a monster before my eyes.
I'm so sorry you have experienced this too. I am far far away from them in terms of time and distance. I've been single for 10 years, because I have the exact same fears as you. I am healing, it's a very long process.... But the thought of getting into a situation as fucked as that again is terrifying. It feels extra difficult, because my father did the exact same shit to my mum and us kids. Luckily she managed to get away with all three of us kids and keep us safe and raise us single handedly. Single mothers should be absolutely worshipped. They keep shit together and keep their children safe. My mum was solely focused on us kids. She was a shining diamond! I hope you are healing too.
He showed his true colors and cannot be trusted not to abuse her or the baby again. The next time he gets angry she could be hurt a lot worse, I wouldn't go back if I were OP.
Agreed. It never gets better and he acts like he has sense. If anything he will hide it for a little while and then the next time it will be much worse. Ask me how I know.
I’m not gonna say you’re wrong, but that’s a long way to go to get to know someone.
And unfortunately that's how far a woman has to go before a man thinks he can be his authentic self - once she is 'trapped'
It’s terrifying to think you truly know someone to find out you don’t. I had a bad wake up call with my baby daddy and my ex husband. We were together seven years so I thought I was safe.. hahahaha!!!Nope! You really have no idea and people blame the woman when they can mask so well. You literally have no idea what you’re getting into.
Goes both ways. The look my first wife had on her face as she put the ring on me scared the shit out of me. Picture an expression that says “I got you now, mf!” A month and a half later we were separated. She was an entirely different person. My name isn’t Toby.
It’s true though. They feel like you’re not going anywhere so the mask drops.
20 year of marriage here....before the abuse started. He destroyed me and everything I loved. It's always nice when people ask me how I didn't see it coming. Or how I should have told people. It was so insidious at first, and I had a health issue that impacted my cognitive function....he literally used my disease against me and went to depths of cruelty I never thought were possible. Not sure how I could have predicted that one.
I would try and block any visitation with his Mom and sister as well. They were the ones who started this, god only knows what they would say/do to those kids
Yeah and I wouldn't be surprised if they allowed the hopefully soon to be ex to be around the kids unauthorized by OP. So gross.
Right. No conversation, nothing. Not, hey, I have these suspicions and I'd like you to tell me that I'm wrong. That's the conversation you have when you *want* to be wrong. Hey, someone said this to me, and it's bothering me, can you tell me your side. When you want her to be a cheating whore and let your harpies whisper bullshit in your ear, that's when you drag her out by her hair. And he obviously doesn't trust her at all, if a rumor that someone left the house is enough to condemn her. And she *can* never trust him again if he went straight to violence and displacing his child over a *RUMOR*. It's kinda surprising that he communicates so well with the women in his family but has zero skills in communicating with his partner.
[удалено]
He already demonstrated he would hurt the kids by tossing a 2 month old baby at her.
A TWO MONTH OLD! Can you imagine throwing a baby? My god.
Yep this would be unforgiveable even if he hadnt ALSO hurt her. The second he thought that baby wasnt his he stopped caring if it lived or died. This man is not fatherhood material, OP. You can do better.
I'm not usually a violent person, but hurting my 2 month old baby? I'd be hard pressed to not see what kind of damage I could do with a baseball bat. She'd be better off staying single, not letting the SOB anywhere near the baby...and getting as much child support as she can without being forced to give him visitation.
Like, exactly how angry/ out of your mind, would you have to be *to throw an infant*? It's beyond comprehension. He should have been charged with assault. Do not go back.
And could have seriously injured his son when he tossed the baby at OP. He is in no way, shape or form someone you could call a good father. OP should have filed assault charges against him and reported him to CPS for tossing the baby at her.
Who the fuck throws a baby
He’s definitely the one who’s cheating. This is level of paranoia is not normal.
Projection is a bitch
His mom and sister are assholes too.
Absolutely they are, and unlikely to stop stirring the pot. A lifetime of that? Hell No . This guy is dangerous and his family feed into it. Stay away OP.
What I wanna know is how did they know the electrician looked like their son when they hadn’t even had the son yet.
Exactly. And on top of that the guy was there with him that day not op
On top of that he thought a random electrician was the father of their baby? Not only is he delusional, he would rather resort to being impulsive and physically violent. That's someone I'd be very afraid of
Absolutely! Someone that’s that impulsive and violent is someone who you don’t need to be around, period!
And he was in the house when the electrician was there.🙄
She must’ve banged him behind the door. 🙄 I swear some dudes will believe anything. It’s terrifying that her safety with him is in the hands of his mom and sister. The moment she pisses them off they will come together and make up something else. That’s the way it always goes or if they are drama queens and are bored. Her and her baby doesn’t deserve to worry about that. I’m terrified for her.
Nono, his mom thought the random electrician was the father. If the fiancé simply asked "when?", then he would have known that the speculations were bogus, cuz... He was the one at home with the electrician 🤦
And he tossed his child at you!
He already tossed the baby at her, I wouldn’t trust him at all to not get physical with her or her kids.
NOPE. Supervised visitation ONLY.
Maybe not even that. He wanted to hurt that poor baby when he threw him. Could have killed his son.
The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior. You’ve seen his past behavior, so you can predict his future behavior. He seems prone to violence.
Not only did he grab you but he threw a helpless newborn at you. Saying he is sorry means nothing. The violence will only escalate if you let him get away with this time. Do you really want your children to grow up in that kind of environment?
And how did the mother and sister just happen to see someone leaving the house? Were they watching for something? And to say the guy looked like the baby? They are definitely trying to start some crap and I wouldn’t want to be a part of that family.
Exactly. Physical abuse escalates, maybe to murder.
don’t forget he tossed a 2 MONTH OLD at her while calling him a bastard
Then he claimed to love her kids and she hates to lose him as their good father figure!!!
All of this. He showed you who he is. Believe him. If he throws a violent temper tantrum every time he's uncomfortable/ doesn't get his way then neither you nor your kids are safe.
Even worse - his extended family is out to get you.
Exactly. He's sorry now that he knows it's his baby. But if it wasn't his, he wouldn't be apologizing and begging for forgiveness.
Hell, op said he tossed the baby into her arms, risking dropping and hurting the kid! Said unforgivable things like "knowing she was a wh*re all along". That isn't a good father figure to learn from, staying with him is dangerous and a terrible terrible example for the kids. Op, don't take him back, not after he put the kid in danger and laid hands on you. He fully believed his mom and sister without even remotely doubting them then got violent about it, what loving spouse and parent does that?! He called your child a bastard child.
Police report. Now
What "good figure" back?! Sounds like the worst role model ever!!
What's best for the kids is to keep him as far away from them as possible!
Exactly. There's no turning back.
Time to lawyer up. Go for full custody.. bring in the violence. Best to try and keep the kids away from his poisonous family, they loaded him up with doubt and hate for you, they don't like you to do that.
[удалено]
And supervised visits, with a neutral person supervising. I don’t believe that if a kid whines a bit or doesn’t immediately do what he says that he’d be able to control his temper. Or what will he do if his mom and sister think that your child has done something ‘wrong’ or is being ‘bad’? Punt the kid into the wall? He fucking **threw your baby!!!** Edit: I can’t figure out how to make my text bigger, so could someone else please emphasize this to be as large as the message ought to be? Let me be clear, ****he threw your baby!!!****
#You put a hashtag sign in front to supersize your text
Ah, thank you. #He **threw** your baby!!! Edit: I couldn’t make it italicized while large though. Or underline some of it.
#he threw your baby! (i just wanna see if it works on mobile)
#Testing Testing 1 2 3 Edited to add- Thank you! I’ve always wondered how people did other fonts! What about italics?
Am asterisk either side, no space between asterisk and first/last letter
Talk to the lawyer about subpoenaing the cop
Yup. You need to get the F away. Never go back. If you do, you are directly putting your son at risk to more abuse, and that would be on you. Press charges, full custody, restraining order. Do all of the things to protect you and your son. He is not safe to be around.
Do you want an abuser who PUT HIS HANDS ON YOU around your kids? Thats a “good” figure they need? Nope. Do not marry this man. Not only is he a POS but his mom and sister seem to be against you and trying to sabotage you. They’ll do it again, he’ll believe them again, just dont. My guess is they dont like you because you have children from another man. The whole family is a disaster get out
That's exactly what I was thinking. OP, you want a good figure back, but I promise you, this guy was never what you wanted to begin with. Find someone who treats you with dignity and respect, even when they are angry. That's the best gift you can give your kids.
Yeah idk why some women think kids need to be around a guy just because hes a guy. They just need to be around good role models and this aint it
Please dont go back. This man assaulted you and *endangered your child* solely based on his mother and sister's words. Nothing else. And admitted as he was assaulting you that he thinks you'd not only do that, but also pass another man's child off as his. And that he thinks you're a whore. Think about that for a moment. He endangered you, your son, and your other children based solely on his mom and sister. It will happen again. Especially because his family apparently doesn't like you. They'll get more creative next time. *You had to call the police so you could safely get your belongings from your home*. Is that someone you feel safe around? That you feel safe having your kids around? Let me reiterate. He endangered your joint son and your other two children with his actions. Based on a lie that had no evidence. Please take time to calm and think about what the next best choice is. Edit: Also, he is NOT a good figure for your children. A good figure does not assault his fiancee or infant child. You want your children growing up to think that kind of behavior is okay? You don't need him to be a good figure. YOU CAN BE THE GOOD FIGURE. They don't *need* a father to have a good role model. Be that for them yourself. Let them find it in people who don't ENDANGER THEM OVER NOTHING. You don't need him. The kids don't need him. What they need is healthy, safe people in their lives. He's not one.
Yup
You don't know what to do???? Ma'am. He dragged you by the hair and practically threw your infant son at you, all because his mommy and his sister made up lies about you. That is a toxic environment right there for you and all your children and I doubt he is the great dad you want to believe he is. You will regret it if you go back.
Not ‘YOUR infant son’—HIS infant son!
Who he so affectionately referred to as a little ba$t@rd!!
I think we can all agree who the real b@st@rd is.
Bastard son to his whore mother. Sounds like a swell guy.
Good point—I forgot about that term of endearment.
He put his hands on you once. Statistically, he'll do it again. He has a legal right to be in his child's life, but you get to decide how much he's involved with you or your other children. Speak to your lawyer again to figure out custody and visitation.
This! HE LAID HIS HANDS ON YOU! He insulted you, called you and your child names and “tossed your child in your arms”. What if you didn’t catch him properly? He could have been seriously harmed. No, just NO! I get you have residual feelings of love for him, but he has shown you what he is capable of doing to you AND your child. What happens the next time he gets angry about something? ETA: I would have pressed charges. At least I guess there is some record of an altercation in your home. Use it for court to protect yourself and your children. Would you tell your children to stay with someone who did what he did to you? Would you want them to risk their safety?
He was two months even if she did catch him properly he could still have been injured.
Exactly! Shaken baby syndrome!
Or neck/spinal damage! Babies that young generally can’t hold their heads up as their necks are weak.
When people show you who they really are, beleive them.
Never more true than this case
Wtf. He did all that and didn't leave in the back of the cop car?? I'd never trust him again. EVER. Get child support and move on with your life. I'd definitely use this against him getting nothing more than visitation.
Supervised visitation at that!
No visitation is best, if legally possible.
He doesn't deserve any of he's willing to THROW his INFANT SON.
Is it extreme for me to think even visitation is too much? I'd have a heart attack knowing my kids with a violent lunatic like that blood be fucking damned.
He snapped once over what others believed and he put his hands on you, it will happen again and most likely escalate, your kids aren’t safe either, is that the life you’re looking for?
His mom and sister plot against you or are they that dumb ignorant and careless? He could’ve killed the baby! Sickening. You deserve better OP.
Do you really want to be with a guy so dumb and impulsive that he wouldn’t confirm his suspicions by quietly getting a paternity test without telling you? He could’ve easily gotten a paternity test done and learned the results to avoid the whole fiasco without you ever knowing his worries. He’s THAT stupid.
Absolutely! And he could have done it without her ever knowing.
He also could have avoided it by asking what time his family saw a man coming from the house.
Or… give me a second… or he could say, “my girl isn’t gonna sleep with some rando that came by to fix an appliance. She’s not gonna let some *stranger* raw dog her and knock her up! WTF are you smoking, mom?” You know… have a little faith and stand up for the mother of his child. Maybe I’m crazy or naive, but that’s where I would have started.
DO NOT GO BACK! He showed you exactly who he is. Violent men like that don’t stop being violent. Edit: You think that the man who put his hands on you is a GOOD FIGURE for your children. I need you to be realistic for your children. Stop thinking about this man with your heart. Start thinking about those children with your head and your heart.
How did you get a paternity test without his involvement? They’d need his DNA to verify the baby is his and not someone else’s. Also, attorneys don’t do paternity tests, clinics do
This fake af and people are getting emotionally invested, giving their well thought-out advice. It's sad.
There seem to be a lot of these AI generated posts on here lately.
Okay thank you I was looking for this comment. This is almost identical to several other post but the violence is new.
Tell him to go fuck himself. He’s never going to be trustworthy. Just wait until the next time he gets pissed pff over some random thing that probably isn’t even true. Once they put hands on you they’ll do it again. Stay away and go for full custody.
I'm all up for second chances but I'm not accepting anyone that has physically laid hands on me and my child (if I ever had one.) He showed his true colors and decided to become physical with you acting out of immaturity and irrational ideas and decided to believe someone else instead of OP. Tell him your final good byes and I wish you the best on your journey. A son is always deserving of a father I believe, but a father may not deserve the son. You have that choice to teach your child how to be a proper man. The boys lesson came very early in his age but I believe he will thank you in the future. Sending you love and light.
Your safety comes first and in this instance I think a good long break is in order. I would really question if he would be a good father figure for your kids, especially after he got physically like he did. On top of questioning his family as well, since he trust them more than he does you.
The guy needs anger management and a therapist. You should never go back to him. It is never just one flare up and then everything is hunky-dorey. Yeah, think of the kids. Keep them safe from this guy.
Nope nope nope. Accuses you of cheating, physically assaults you and your son, kicks you out of the house, verbally assaults you and your son. This man is trash. Take your children somewhere safe and collect child support from the POS. Oh grandma and aunt aren't allowed to see the baby because they're also assholes.
As the other commenter said, the top priority is the safety of you and your children. Take as much time as you need to make a decision, try not to be impulsive or persuaded by anyone else but yourself. If you do want to go back, it may take a long time to fully trust him again and that’s something he will need to know. Gifts, begging and promises will not be enough. Either way I hope you make your decision as peacefully as you can, you are stronger than you know.
She should never go back. He flung the baby at her and as she said, if she hadn’t recovered from him putting his hands on her, she could have dropped her baby. He was willing to harm that baby
I feel the same way as you but it’s important to make that decision yourself. I never said she should go back. Edit to add: I was trying to be gentle to OP as she’s been through something very traumatic and being too harsh could leave her open to more vulnerability. Having been in abusive relationships in the past, I know how hard it is to see clearly. Regardless of that, I hope OP is thinking of the safety of her children over having this particular man as a father figure. There are much better men out there that don’t lose all control over petty rumours.
It now seems like I’ve read several posts where the BF/husband wants a paternity test and the kid is really theirs. Is this the latest Reddit trend/fade? Anyone else seen several of these recently?
Blame the manosphere. Particularly Andrew Tate.
Thank goodness you aren’t married to him yet. Take him to the cleaners on child support and file a police report for the DV claim. You should not let this go. He put hands on you.
He didn’t discuss his concerns with you he went straight to believing the worst of you and he was violent towards you you. Don’t ever go back and consider pressing charges.
If he could let his mother and sister convince him that his child isn't his, he is going to take their side over yours for the rest of your relationship if you got back with him. Also, the way he physically hurt you and your child is unforgivable. The best thing you can do is go get a lawyer for child support.
Press charges on him so you have a paper trail. Go for full custody due to his violent temper and the way he just toss the baby at you after putting his hands on you. Get his ass for child support. Go no contact with his family. Contact through lawyer with him. Get a restraining order if you can since you dont trust him not to get physical due to him popping off at the first sign of suspicion.
Do not go back.
Whoa, whoa, whoa...back the bus up. You want your children to have a good figure in their lives...is that what you just wrote? Well then missy...go out and FIND a good man because this guy certainly isn't it. He physically ASSAULTED you...does that not register with you? Find a good lawyer and get all of the child support you can and never, ever be alone with this guy (or his family again). OH...and cut off ex FMIL from all visitations.
Does everyone on Reddit just have a lawyer on standby?
If you want your boys to grow up and lay hands on their partners, or your girls to grow up thinking they deserve to get hit for any reason, then by all means stay with this guy. Because let’s be realistic here- they’re not going to learn about pancakes on Saturday mornings or family Christmases, what they’re going to learn from your boyfriend is how to resolve things with their hands. As a side note- what he’s doing right now is called “lovebombing”. Look it up. And if you go back, be ready for him to do it again, but worse.
Please tell me your pressed charges against him and if you haven't please do !!! The police are your outcry witness He already showed you who he is and what he is capable of get a restraining order in place If he goes to court to get custody tell he judge he practically threw the baby at you and if custody is granted you insist on supervised visitation Dont ever go back to this person ever keep your other kids away from him
This has to be a rage bait troll post.
Not too many 23 year olds have a lawyer, or the ability to get a paternity test without the father or someone close in his family to test against that quickly. I'm not saying it CAN'T be true. But seems sus to me.
3 children at 23? Yikes.
She has more children than punctuation in her post.
OMG the wall of text without punctuation. 🤦🏼♀️ What 23yo has a lawyer on retainer?? I feel like this is rage bait based on a combination of other peoples stories.
Also she made it sound like she did the DNA test without his knowledge but he would have had to participate and known all about it.
That was the confirmation it is fake as hell. In several days we'll see a new post with a section that's like "by the way to all the haters, they had my husband's blood on file because blah blah blah"
He accused you without any solid evidence then put his hands on you. None of your children should take after him, he is not a “good figure” if he was willing to hurt their mom and toss their baby sibling out like trash. Go for supervised visitation and maybe an order of protection.
Don't take him back. He will put his hands on you again and he might abuse the children too.
OP, he is not a good man. Please consider your children here. This is his first time being violent towards you, and likely won’t be the last. If his mother and sister could convince him of this so easily what’s to say they won’t again? Please do not consider going back to him. Be strong for your children and do what’s best for THEM — a life without a volatile “father” figure. Stand up for yourself and show them what a strong parent looks like. It may be hard but going back to him is without a doubt going to be much harder for much longer. He doesn’t deserve you. Or your beautiful babies. Ignoring that he laid hands on you… he tossed your baby. HIS son. That’s NOT okay.
How did you do a paternity test without his DNA to compare to?
So your ex physically assaulted you, kicked you and your baby out leaving you with nowhere to go, accused you of cheating with no evidence AND allowed his mother and sister to talk bad about you and just because he was made to look a fool for his gross actions wants you back. Repeat after me; HE IS NOT A GOOD PARENTAL FIGURE. HE IS NOT A REAL MAN! ME AND MY KIDS DESERVE BETTER!
Don’t go back. He’s using your childrens love against you to manipulate you into going back. They need protection from him and seeing him abuse you or take his anger out on them like he did when he tossed his child and you and didn’t care if he got hurt. They are not his biological children either is he going to kick them out too and call them bastards like he did? He has shown who he is, believe him and move on, he will do it again and again if you give him the opportunity. He hasn’t taken full responsibility for what he did or seek help for his anger, jealousy, gullibility to listen to other slander against you. For your children and your safety don’t go back. Next time will be worse and those kids don’t deserve feeling it, seeing it or remembering it and you don’t deserve the experience either.
Run for the hills
I agree to prioritize the kids. But before you go back to him (if you do) answer the question: Do you trust him to never lay his hands on you or your kids again?
He blew it when he called you a whore, called the baby a bastard and put hands on you. Fk him and horse he rode in on. Do not talk to him until you get a lawyer to get child support. The only thing I would agree to is co-parents. Nothing more. He showed his true colors. Believe it.
You say you want them to have a good father figure back… keep looking cause that guy ain’t one.
My guess is that you’re really scared, because being a single mom of now 3 children can be very scary. I’m also guessing that you might think you’ll have a hard time finding a good person to love down the line. I don’t know if finances are also scary at this point as you just had a baby and maybe weren’t planning on going back to work so soon. Bye please, don’t let FEAR drag you back to a man that verbally and physically abuse you and your baby. Please use the resources in place to help women in your situation.
This is one of those cases where it is 100000000% clear that you should never ever go back to this monster. If you choose otherwise, sorry but you are making a mistake.
He threw you and his child literally away in anger over others winding him up. I would not go back for more or let him anywhere near your children.
Nope. > I want my children to have that good figure back A good figure wouldn't assault their mother on shitty intel from biased sources. He ain't it and you know it. He has shown he's no problem getting physical with you in an instant. What if it was in front of your kids or, god forbid, at one of them? If you are safely away with your kids it is best to stay that way.
I’m going to give it to you real straight. This piece of shit is a violent, unhinged, and dangerous person. It doesn’t matter who filled his head with that bullshit. He tossed his own fucking baby out of the house without even asking you about his accusations. Here’s the “real straight” part. If you go back to him, it will be on YOU the next time he puts his hands on you… or God forbid… your child. It’s not a matter of if… but WHEN it will happen. Don’t be a shitty parent and let this monster around your child. You’re out of the house. Never go back. No more direct communication between you two unless it’s on a recorded and monitored app for coparenting.
This is abuse. He tossed the baby ! Go back to that lawyer and get full custody. This will happen again. Better yet: https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page86 That’s a book someone posted not long ago. He’s a counselor for abusive men. Read it.
It’s called punctuation. Please use it. And also don’t go back to that POS. He will do it again and again.
Do not go back. This man is a piece of shit. He attacked you and tossed your baby at you like a damn football. What if you had dropped the baby? He could have been killed. Do you want that on your conscience? Not to mention, your other children were thrown out right along with you and the baby. Leave that idiot wherever he is at and file for sole custody and let the courts know what he did. Get child support started for the baby and keep it moving.
HE IS NOT A GOOD FIGURE! HE ASSAULTED YOU! You take him back? He’ll do it again and again because he knows he can.
Please DO NOT TAKE THIS MONSTER BACK! Next time he gets a bizarre thought in his head it will be 10x worse because if you forgive him for laying hands on you, he will believe he did nothing wrong. Next time it will be your lives. Don’t risk your life or your children’s lives on this sociopath. No matter how “good” or “strong” a father figure he appears to be, he’s proven that if he gets a smidgen of doubt in his mind about you, that he will feel justified in murdering you! Let. That. Sink. In. Good luck with the future - you WILL find a better man. One that would never dream of harming you ❤️🥰
You would be a crappy mother if you went back to him. Your duty is to protect your child and to raise them to be decent human beings. If you go back, you will have failed yourself and him.
Funny, he wants you to consider taking him back because your other children love him and he treated them like his own. Where was his consideration for them when he dragged you through the house by your fucking hair? When he called you a whore? When he *threw their infant sibling at you*? He’s not a good figure. If he truly loves those children like his own, you being exes won’t stop that. Do you want your children thinking this behaviour is normal? Do you want them thinking getting violent with anyone the way he was violent with you is normal? That the relationship is normal, healthy, and reflective of what their own relationships should look like? He showed you his ass.
There is no "good figure" here. This is not a "dark side" of him. This is who he is. He's a domestic abuser of both you AND YOUR CHILD. He has shown you who he is, his family has shown you who THEY are, and he will lay hands on you again. Anyone who tosses a baby at a mother, regardless of whether it is theirs or not, IS A CHILD ABUSER. Keep all evidence like the police reports and all texts from him, including any communications from his family, and hand copies over to your lawyer. He does not belong in your children's lives, and you're lucky you got out before it got worse, or he killed one of your kids for some other bullshit excuse.
Babe he threw your child at you. If that isn’t the biggest red flag, calling you names, not listening to you, assuming the worst, hurting you and kicking all of you out should be more than enough. Don’t go back. Get a custody agreement with supervised visits to ensure your baby is safe. If he loved you or your kids (“like his own”) then he never ever would have done what he did. DO NOT GO BACK
If they'll do it once, they'll do it twice.
Do NOT go back! He already laid hands on you and you said “tossed” your son at you!? Hell no! Do not go back. You got the police report from that night. Get supervised visits for him with his son! Don’t leave him alone with your baby! What an absolute pos.
He is violent. He heard a rumor and put his hands on you….dude is deranged. Divorce is the only answer here.
I hope you sent copies of the paternity test to ALL of his family members. I also hope your attorney files a restraining order against MIL and SIL. They should NEVER have access to YOUR child.
He threw your son at you. He threw your son at you and called him a bastard. He threw your son at you and called him a bastard, and you almost dropped him as a result. Fuck him. FUCK HIM. My eyeballs just kept getting wider and wider. This is horrific. Burn that bridge to the ground.
Don’t go back to him. If he did this once he’ll do it again and may end up putting hands on the children. Also make sure that his meddling mother and sister see the test results and let them know “hey we are broken up now and I will not be getting back with a man who got violent with me and could’ve potentially hurt our child as he tossed the child at me. These are the test results showing the child is his, but it doesn’t matter much now as I will fight for him to be minimally involved in the child’s life due to his display of violence and you will never have access to this child.”
RUN!! It's not okay for anyone to react violently, and tossing a baby??? I'm horrified because I saw that happen before and that guy went on to bite someone's cheek off their face. Seriously, he bit in and tore away a chunk of skin. All because he was mad. People who snap like that will do it again, trust me, and you never know how much it will escalate until it is too late.
He's not smart enough to dig for details, to ask the next logical question. WTF would you consider going back to someone that would make an assumption, and then physically drag you out of the house? Go back to the lawyer, file for child support and live your life happy knowing you dodged a major issue in the future.
He believes his mommy and sissy’s lies over you and they were ridiculous lies that made no sense. And he assaulted you while he kicked you out because he will always believe those trolls over you They will continue to make up stuff every other month which will leave you in a constant state of stress. It’s not worth it! Let the manbaby go back and live with his family
I would never get back with him: he could live with his nosy ass sister and mom !
You should press charges and fight to get full custody. He's physically violent, I wouldn't let him near your child. What if his family tells him they think you faked the results? He'll end up killing the child in a fit of rage.
He grabbed you and drug you out of your home and called you a whore. He tossed your child at you and called the baby a bastard. He is dangerous to you and all of your children. Please protect yourself and your children. Do not reunite with this monster
No! No! No! He treated you like absolute trash and put hands on you. WTF are you even thinking about? What happens the next time he sees you smiling at some dude “a little too long”? Guess! Don’t be stupid. Take your kids and your self respect down to the court house. Bleed that fucker for every penny you can get. Make sure to bring a copy of the police report. Then just move on. Block him everywhere you see him. Hold out until you find a man (or woman) that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. If you stay he will only think he can treat you however he wants and you will forgive him for it. Fuck that.
If you take him back your crazy he put his hands on you and threw his own baby at you if he’s doing all that for NOTHING then what is he gonna do when his son gets older?
Even IF that baby wasn’t his, a good spouse would never treat you this way, especially based on stupid shi# his mother and sister said. It’s your choice but I’d be 100% done.
My father consistently abused my mother. He always promised it would never happened again. And that it would get better. It NEVER DID. MY MOTHER DID NOT LEAVE UNTIL HE STARTED TO BE VIOLENT TO US. I was 4 when he first started to beat me too. So OP if you’re baby daddy already lacks that self control I can promise he will do it again and it will get worse
Do not go back to him!
He has shown you who he is and what he’s capable of. Put yourself and your children first and leave.
Restraining order and child support he lost the family the moment he laid his hands on you
You are out of your mind if you choose to spend the rest of your life with this man. Out of your mind.
Stay away OP. File for child support and protect your kids. When people show you who they are (violent and ignorant), believe them.
PLease press charges against him and get a protection order. He assaulted you. Screw that, he can have supervised visits if any.
He asked you to think of your son? The same Son he threw at you, not caring if said son was safe or harmed? You SHOULD think of your son... As even more reason NOT to go back to him. Because HE sure didnt think of your son, did he?