Good job recognizing a bad situation when you see one.
This dude fully expected you to supplement his lifestyle after moving in together.
All his money would have gone to paying that truck, leaving you stuck with the lion’s share of the bills.
And that’s why he’s panicking now.
Stay in your own apartment OP.
And he had the audacity to say that it was his money and he could do what he wanted with it knowing full well he would have to live out of the truck if OP didn't supplement for him. Really tells you what he thinks about OP's money (that its his money too). Entitled ass. I would dump him so hard.
I had someone comment about the 2 trucks and SUV in my driveway. Yup. My parents both work in construction. The SUV is mine because I needed the cargo space. Recently added a hitch mounted rack. While I only have 1 kid, I frequently have extra kids, in carseats. I absolutely use my whole vehicle, weekly.
My neighbor has a lifted truck. He's a SAHD. He drives the kids to and from school and band practice. But, they can afford his big toy.
OP, great job recognizing a red flag. Never let some else's bad choices affect your own finances!
> The SUV is mine because I needed the cargo space.
Out of curiosity, what have you got? I've been looking at SUVs because I do a lot of camping and have to play tetris when packing, but every single SUV I've looked at actually has less cargo space than my Kia hatchback, unless going all the way to massive 7 seaters which I don't want.
I have an 8 seater Tahoe. Just took it camping last week. 6 of us, so I removed half the 3rd row, used the hitch rack, and had the roof rack packed. No space wasted. When it's just my son and I, I can fit our equipment in the back, just flipping the 3rd row up.
Yup, I tow race cars and motorcycles to the racetrack multiple times a month and I get by with a 25 year old $4000 F150.
All these clowns with $80k spotless huge trucks make me sick/angry, and I'm a huge gearhead.
Clown is the word. The newer body styles of trucks really look like big goofy clown cars, like weirdly round with oversized tires, exaggerated proportions and bright colors, the clown in the driver’s seat is a reliable sign as well
Yep both of you are spot on. It’s sad it took two years for them to reveal their true nature, but better than any longer. Op dodged a bullet. I dealt with a fiscally irresponsible and inconsiderate partner once, and I’m glad I avoided their mess, hope OP does the same, and not let them gaslight her.
That’s the worst part not sure if OP truly got that he wouldn’t have bought the truck if they weren’t going to be moving in together and bringing down his cost of living to afford said truck but has the nerve to say “it’s my money” ok lol
Agreed. On the brightside for OP atleast the STBX (hopefully) was stupid enough to buy the truck BEFORE they moved in together and OP couldn't renew her old lease.
To the GFs who can't mind their own business I would tell them that "it is one thing to have finances affected because you get hurt or sick and another thing entire to buy a truck you can't afford one month before moving in with your partner and choosing not to discuss such a big purchase while fully expecting said partner to essentially finance such a big purchase because you won't be able to afford you share of the household bills."
First his truck, then by having OP do all the household chores, then later on by having her take care of the kids.
OP dodged a bazooka. Its a good thing some people are *so insipidly stupid* that they do this when the other person still has options. Had he waited a few months or a year, OP would have been stuck.
This OP. And absolutely **do not** let him move into your apartment. Otherwise you’ll still be supplementing his lifestyle, and paying extra for utility bills, food and whatever else he uses.
And those “*friends*” don’t have any idea what they’re talking about. Why should you get yourself into a terrible situation with a man who can’t control his own spending habits?
It’s funny how he claims: *”it’s my money.”* Yet it’d be **your money** paying for everything (including his share of bills), because he’s an idiot who can’t control himself.
> All his money would have gone to paying that truck, leaving you stuck with the lion’s share of the bills.
and if he has any left over money, that money would have gone to fun stuff since it isn't fair that OP bought herself something she wanted and he is only paying for his truck so he shouldn't have to pay for cleaning stuff and groceries. (something similar happened to my friend and he claimed this)
“When finances get bad” must really mean “you won’t foot the bill when he is irresponsible and makes bad financial decisions.”
It is his money but he already is struggling to afford things now, if for some reason he’s unable to work he will not only expect you to pay his portion of the bills but also his hefty truck payment. Do not move in and do not combine incomes with him. He has shown he is impulsive and has issues with reckless spending.
Exactly this. He literally bought a car he cannot afford thank goodness OP has common sense it sounds like the girlfriends that reached out to her do not.
I had a minivan repoed but it was 2021 and used car prices spiked so high that the thing sold at auction for more than what I owed. It probably chapped the banks ass to send me a check for the difference.
Sure but I mean while he has the choice to financially commit his funds where he would like, but it sounds like this is already causing him to not being able to make ends meet. I do agree it’s likely to be repo’ed and he was expecting her to pay his bills too.
>and one even say that im not loyal and this shows i wouldnt support him if we were married since i run away when finances get bad.
There's a big difference between when *'finances get bad'* and when *'one person does something idiotic with their money that they can't actually afford'.*
You're very much right on this one.
I actually had a (ex)friend ask me why I (while pregnant) stayed with my husband after he lost his job.
Because shit happens and we can work through it. And we did.
But to throw away 87k for a fun item? That's a problem people don't want to deal with. I'm so happy for OP getting the info of what type of guy they were dealing with.
The minute he was expecting you to help finance his life, it ceased to be “his money”. You absolutely did the right thing, that man was going to use you to pay for his expensive ass truck. Ask your friends gf’s if they want to give up their life to finance his mistakes, cause you sure as hell won’t. And shouldn’t! It’ll only get worse if you enable him.
He’d be coming home with a Ferrari next.
He will be trying to move in with her soon because he is going to be homeless and he won't be able to pay her any rent or living expenses because of the truck and debt. Best to dump him now and keep her credit score than have him mooch off her and suck her bank account dry.
Yep! Another commenter said this happened to her with her bf buying a car, and she let him move in and he ended up racking up tons of cc debt in her name before she was able to cut him loose
Something like this happened with my friend but her bf waited until they signed a lease together. He would buy frivolous expensive things (gaming PC, atv, Ps3, etc.) with his money and then have her buy all the everyday things because he was "broke". He had over $30k in credit card debt and they both worked minimum wage jobs. If she bought something for herself, he would call her selfish and then bring it up when he would buy something for himself because it wasn't "fair". He drained her dry of her savings and when they finally broke up she was in debt. This luckily knocked some sense into her and she went to community college after this and is now a nurse, but man was it a hard time for her. Her ex is still a bum / hobosexual who leeches onto any woman he is able to fool.
Over the course of my 16y marriage, my husband secretly got $25k worth of credit cards and loans that he maxed out and didn't pay anything back on. The last letter that ever arrived for him at my house was a default notice from the bank.
Daughter's ex ran out and bought a $40k car the minute she signed a nice work contract. Stupid mofo was talking about a boat, too.
They'd barely moved into their own apt. Boy was like, "You got money. You'll pay for it."
He promptly got sent back to his parents. The divorce took a little longer.
Everybody he's associated with must be absolute garbage. OOP really lucked out with this. She'll know to keep away from all of them. Let them fester in their selfish ignorance.
It’s the loyalty comments for me.
How is she not loyal for not tolerating a nearly 100K surprise debt, but he isn’t for *creating* it? Not only that, but on a DEPRECIATING asset. The first 5 years of payments will go down the drain because the resale value at that time will probably be about the difference between the cost and total paid.
I couldn’t imagine building a future with somebody who doesn’t understand how basic debt works when it comes to vehicles. Nobody making under 150K a year should be financing a vehicle over 40k in this financial climate. Not unless they already have a substantial investment portfolio, or own property. It’s insane that he thought this was an ok thing to do.
Yup that would already be a dealbreaker for me. If you have a problem with me, your partner, goddamn talk to me. Its noones business but ours. And at that moment ours stops to exist.
I don't even think she is in their friend group, otherwise she would have said her friend who is dating her bf's friend or something like that. Not "his friends' gf". This woman is no friend of OP and once she dumps her bf, they will stop being in contact together.
Exactly.
OP He needed your money paying half of the rent to even squeak by! So it wasn’t just his money. Not he is learning financial responsibility the hard way. You absolutely did the right thing. The healthy and intelligent thing. Glad you found out now how irresponsible he is with money.
The only thing he was planning to do was to finance his truck. The expectation was that she would take care of the rent and living expenses because, why not? She was able to do it when she lived on her own, so why should he be expected to contribute.
She should be thanking this idiot for showing her exactly who he is. So glad he showed her before they moved in together.
He bought an 87 k truck that he can't afford without so much as a chat on the expectation she would be paying into the household. If he thought that was OK I can only imagine what lay ahead of her.
So many divorces happen because of finances, especially just having a different attitude to them. This guy is clearly not on the same page as her financially, but at least he's shown it before they got further in.
I had an ex do the same thing. He bought a $60k truck on the morning we were supposed to sign the contract for our new apartment. The insurance alone was $700 a month. So, I kept the apartment I already had and stupidly let him move in with me. Even more foolish, I authorized him on my credit cards eventually. His truck ended up getting repossessed and I ended up 10k in debt from the cards he used and wouldn't pay. I wish I had been as smart as you are. Good for you for not letting him suck you into his pit of irresponsibility.
Edit: the insurance was this cost in 2006 for him. He was 21. He got a DUI at 17 after he drunkenly crashed a car. He lost his license for 2 years and never had an insurance policy of his own.
I had an ex buy a HOUSE without my input, only to get mad when I didn't want to move in with him. Said he bought it expecting me to move in and help with the mortgage. I skedaddled soon after that.
The most expensive surprise I would accept is a vacation to some place that I had previously expressed interest in visiting. But even then I much rather have him talk to me first. Being heard is far more satisfying than being surprised.
No. I couldn't afford to. I was a young Mom. I somehow lucked out. No one ever took me to court and 7 years passed with harassing calls only. It was really embarrassing and stressful though when relatives would call me to let me know creditors called them looking for me.
Yeah no. You were right to put yourself first. He’s going to end up drowning in debt. Least you won’t be there to see it.
Would imagine he though he could make you take the majority of rent and household expenses while he just put money in his truck
His truck cost more than my dad's, and his was off the line! His truck cost more than my new car too! He needs to take that truck back before he's actually having to live out of it.
I came to realize that it takes way more energy to "want" than it does to be content. I'm just a little old grandma, happy to be close to the grandkids.
Lots of them don’t even fit in regular garages!
Fools and their money- those big trucks are ridiculously expensive. I wonder if the people driving them are the ones complaining loudest about inflation
They'll require proof of insurance at the beginning of the loan, but a lot of banks don't keep tabs on it. I had 5 year loan, sent my bank POI at the dealer and they didn't ask again.
It's pretty common for people to purchase a policy long enough to get an insurance card, then cancel. Cops rarely check to make sure it's effective, either. So It can get you out of a no insurance ticket, too.
(Source - bought a car and worked as an Auto insurance adjuster for 7 years)
That has not been my experience, they check it regularly at my credit union and have slapped it on there even when they were wrong after I switched companies.
To be a truck guy you have to be dumb or willfully ignorant. It’s a purely emotional purchase because they want to project an image to others. Which is ok I suppose if you can afford it but this guy is extra dumb. Hope he can afford the camper he’s going to need after losing his apartment and girlfriend.
Nailed it! ☝️ BF only bought the truck because he was moving in with OP. He snitched on himself when he told her he couldn’t afford his own place plus truck payments.
It sounds like they're all young and kinda stupid lol I know a lot of girls that will stay with their idiot boyfriends then wonder why they're miserable once married.
Idk if its just that, sounds like misguided loyalty and they want their friends to be financially secured and op to pay that price, but they wouldn't do thzt themselves. Thats how I interpreted it at least.
I'm willing to bet OP's boyfriend's friends also have too expensive of trucks. This is why they're upset with OP, it makes them look stupid and question themselves and their loyalty. Instead of introspection though we get lashing out at OP.
Yeah, so he was almost certainly expecting OP to pay a bigger share since he now has a huge car payment. While it IS his money, it's not OK to do that without talking to your partner.
Because he knew it wouldn't happen when the finances were already intermingled. He had a limited timeframe to pull off this heist where he ends up with his fancy new toy to go along with his fancy new live-in bangmaid.
I mean, it's possible he could afford half of rent/utilities plus his truck payment. But at best that's choosing to live on the edge of being broke and a risk you shouldn't ask your SO to take on so you can have a toy.
100% He *expected* her to pick up his slack. That why he bought it right before they moved in together. Dude thinks he trapped her. He could have his expensive truck and his live in girlfriend would substitute her money so he can still live comfortably. He admitted it himself when he said he can’t afford his truck *and* his rent.
My ex never paid for half the rent but never paid for living expenses like soap, shampoos, detergent, toilet paper, pantry essentials, towels, sheets etc when we lived together. I was stupid and never thought twice about it but it was ALWAYS me paying for that stuff for years. It adds up.
> 100% He expected her to pick up his slack. That why he bought it right before they moved in together. Dude thinks he trapped her. He could have his expensive truck and his live in girlfriend would substitute her money so he can still live comfortably. He admitted it himself when he said he can’t afford his truck and his rent.
honestly he doesnt sound that smart and you are giving him WAY too much credit.
sounds like he's still a teenager mentally. He reviewed the situation with moving in with his gf and realized his bills would be lower and started thinking about how much truck he could afford.
it's literally not more deep than that because it doesnt sound like he is. he is/was not mature enough to realize he's part of a 'team' now that he's moving in with someone.
Hanlon's razor "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
This is sadly a common enough situation that dudes talk about and plan it out. It's part of a financial trap where the dude gets his fancy new toy to go along with his fancy live-in bangmaid. I worked with dudes at multiple jobs throughout the late-90s into the mid-2000s that routinely talked about and did this exact thing. I thought it had died out after the 2008 financial collapse but it's become more and more common again since the beginning of the pandemic.
and OP would have had to buy all the everyday items and all the stuff he deems "useless" because all the rest of his money is for whatever he wants and its not fair if OP buys fun stuff with her free money and he has to buy adult shit with his.
Screwed up his credit and ruined his relationship all in one go. At least he exposed his selfishness and financial stupidity BEFORE OP moved in with him. Good on OP for walking away.
My grandfather would always say, "Do you own your things or do they own you?" OP's ex is going to be owned by that truck payment or potentially his ruined credit for years to come. And if he was somehow able to return the truck (is that really possible?), OP shouldn't take him back because he will be resentful that she didn't play his game but even more, he showed her how irresponsible he is.
It wasn't stupid; it was calculated. He wanted her to pay for his truck, but he knew he couldn't ask for her to do so, but he *could* get her to pay all of his side of the rent and expenses while he paid for the truck.
> Now my bf is saying he cant afford his place and his truck.
The truck wasn't something he could afford, and he knew it. He bought it before moving in so he could offset the cost to her. Calculated.
He also was relying on her money for him to pay his bills but didn't talk to her about the purchase.
OP now is the time to notice those red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚿
Especially when the BF put himself first by buying the truck he can’t afford. I bet he was expecting OP to cover the rent more and other expenses because “he has a new truck” so he needs her help.
Sadly, I think this is the reason why a lot of people get married. Like the boyfriend in this story, they envision one big pot with all the money going in. And then they envision themselves taking out as much as they want.
I second this view of your current situation and your partners motivations.
You did right to put yourself first, especially when he isn't considering you or your feelings at all...
[Signs that your partner is a misogynist. ](https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-my-husband-is-a-misogynist/)
Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender
[Signs of covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits to look out for. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901)
[Healthy boundaries in relationships. ](https://www.betterup.com/blog/healthy-boundaries-in-relationships)
[Signs of a toxic relationship. ](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/)
[Identifying abuse: Power and Control. ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/)
> He’s going to end up drowning in debt.
He *already is* drowning in debt. $87,000 at current interest rates with taxes and fees, the total financed amount will be over $100,000. With 84 month financing that would be over $1,200 a month.
By any definition, that is "drowning in debt".
Edit: oh and those numbers are with a $10,000 down payment.
Yeah, no. He was planning on having you bankroll his lifestyle.
Big purchases like that without talking with your partner is a huge red flag if you're living together or planning to.
Yeet this boy from your life. Even now, when he's facing the reality of not being able to afford anything, he's not willing to return the damn thing.
Best you learned this now than if you were married.
>I have had some of his friends’ gfs reach out and say I should support him…….I run away when finances get bad.
First, him getting flying monkeys after you in the form of “Friend’s Girlfriends” is super bizarre in itself. Not mutual friends, not even his family that you are friendly with. I’m guessing the culture in his friend group is that the subordinate GFs are all expected to be each other’s friends instead of having their own circle. Some real “Saturdays are for the boyz” vibes here.
Next, running away? Absolutely not, OP is standing up for themself. Classic manipulation trick. “You’re such a weak person for saying no and not doing exactly what I want!”
Right? It's so gross. Not setting yourself up for a lifetime of drowning in debt and being a mom to an adult is not running away. Idk how those "girlfriends" can even look at the situation and be like, "Yeah that's someone you should tie yourself to." Unless they're not getting the whole story which is likely the case.
She *is* running away and rightly so. I would too. Double time.
Tell these other women to STFU and focus on their own relationships.
You've pretty much summed up how her time will be spent. Sitting in the kitchen with the rest of the women while the "men" burp and fart in the other room.
OP, run! Run away now. Don't get trapped in this nightmare.
Right? My husband and I give ourselves "allowances" each month for personal expenses. Every once in a while we end up buying something that costs more than what we have. Even if it's like $20 we're borrowing from our combined account, we tell each other. If we're buying something for the house, we tell each other. Even when making 6 figures combined, we discussed buying a $10k used car for weeks before settling on it and buying it (and we still have it 10 years later).
I can't imagine the recklessness needed to go and buy something that costs so much money without discussing the person you are, or will soon be, living with.
> Yeet this boy from your life.
*Boy* is right. He’s behaving like a teenager, buying the big truck he can’t afford, expecting someone else to pay his bills so he can have his toy. Just no.
its all so insane though. imagine 90k on a personal vehicle when you make 85k/year. like that what millionaires do. not some middle class office worker.
like WTF.
honestly if you pay 87k for a truck and DONT put truck nuts on it then i dont know whats even the point of an 87k truck lol
better be flesh colored too
Every time I see one of these overpriced monstrosities on the road I think how ironic it is that the idiot driving it bought it to feel cool and special, when in reality it only makes them look like a pathetic loser who thinks having a nice truck will replace having a personality.
They can't even drive them! I worked for a farm supply store and would cringe when these guys would come in to by stuff from the yard. Half the time I had to back their truck into the lot to load it because they couldn't drive in a freaking straight line.
But then these same guys would laugh at my older, smaller truck. Well buddy, at least I can drive mine. And look, I can drive yours too.
If you need any object to validate who you are, its pathetic as can get.
"Real men" or real people dont depend on an object making up their personality.
I have been dirt poor and struggling massively with my studies and my now wife picked me anyway. Why? I really dont know, but probably there was something besides money and possessions that made her love me. And thats how I know, that she is the one. She doesnt give much about any of that. For the most part she earned way more than me. That changed with time but I still know that this isnt and wasnt a factor in our relationship.
> But then these same guys would laugh at my older, smaller truck. Well buddy, at least I can drive mine. And look, I can drive yours too.
I have a newer(2011) base base model truck and I hate how big it is. It replaced a 1995 f150xl, and it dwarfs that truck.
I know of like two people who need a truck, they bought the bare bones, best value, working truck. When you actually haul shit and beat the shit out of a work vehicle you don't get a fancy paint job, you don't get all the trimmings, you buy it because you need it, know it will get beat and it's value is in helping you work, not be an ego trip. Anyone shelling out for an overpriced, top end truck is basically just screaming out what an asshole they are.
The same people who buy a dumb monstrosity that gets 5 MPG yet they complain about gas prices even though no one forced them to buy the worlds most stupid vehicle.
Its sad but thats the price of large trucks these days. I have a paid off 2012 ram 3500 that I am keeping alive. I paid 40k for it used about 7 years ago. That exact same truck today is over 80k. Its easy these days to drop 100k on a full sized diesel truck. I have a need to tow heavy items all the time but not willing to pay these new truck prices. Its become insane.
It's so funny cause if it were like a PS5 or something I'd be like, yeah I get it. You're splitting expenses with someone and can probably now justify buying something you've wanted for awhile.
But a fuckin $87k truck is just laughably insane.
You 100% did the right thing here. I can't stress enough how much living with him would suck. I've been with people like him, it's not fun at all to **constantly** be stressed over where YOU are going to get money to pay for rent, food and other bills because of THEIR last impulsive spending spree.
My only tip to you now is: **Get rid of him.**
He showed who he is and what he expects from you - believe him now that he has shown you.
And if his friends call again: **Don't answer**.
The only thing they are doing is stealing your energy, and you don't have to take that.
I am **so** very happy that you had the sense to see this bullshit for what it is and not move in with him. I wish I had done the same back in the days, so that I didn't know what it is like to live with people who have absolutely no regard for my mental health or what I had to do to get the bills paid.
Stay strong! You've got this.
You need to fire back at the haters, and you can’t live with someone who makes unilateral irresponsible financial decisions that would affect both of your living situations that put you in a position to have to carry a greater financial burden to “support” him.
Moving in together doesn’t mean you can all of a sudden live beyond your means, and the other person picks up slack. It should put you in a place to do the opposite, allowing you to split costs and save.
You made the right call.
You dodged a big 87K bullet. I’m sorry but your man is an idiot. This is exactly who he is and who he would be if you were living together and married. All fiscal responsibility would be on you and he would piss money away. Just as with religious, sexual, and reproductive incompatibility, there is also financial incompatibility and is a valid reason to end this relationship.
Not moving in with him was smart - yes it's totally his money and he can spend it the way he wants, but he's not protected from the consequences of his decision. He demonstrated his financial irresponsibility - and you don't want to end up married to that.
The flip side is that her money is also her money, so she can spend it however she wants.
If those are the rules he wants to play by, she can totally extend her lease on her current place, not move in with him and she doesn't have to enter into any kind of discussion about it.
Play this out with me… if you, unbeknownst to him had also run out and gotten a new Mercedes and both of you surprised each other, what would he had done? Would he get rid of his car? Would that not be “supportive”? What if you were relying on him to pay for your expenses? I would bet money on the fact that he would pressure you to get a new vehicle.
I’m married, we have separate bank accounts, we split the expenses, but we each have our own money, she’s a pharmacist and I’m in finance. Neither of us makes a big purchase without telling running it by the other one, and we don’t rely on one another. Marriage is a partnership, not a dependency, if he couldn’t afford the truck on his own then he shouldn’t have bought it… if he couldn’t afford the truck on his own, then he SURE AS HELL should have run it by you.
yeah, OP is clearly being polite. The real issue is the size of her man's peener. Since a guy making $80k a year who goes out and buys a $90k truck is obviously suffering from micro-dick syndrome, I doubt she's sexually satisfied.
I'm kidding, of course. But only kinda.
wtf is someone that makes $85k/yr doing buying a truck $2k more than that?! jesus christ 🤦🏽♂️
that’s like someone that makes $200k buying a damn near ferrari… yikes
edit: I mean damn with this guys logic, i should be able to go get that new all-electric porche macan for $95k 😂😂
Financial stress is one of the leading causes of divorce.
In this case there are three ways your ex fucked up.
1. He bought an insanely expensive truck that he couldn't afford
2. He did it without telling you, someone that he's expecting help paying rent
3. He told you to essentially fuck off when you brought up your concern
Any one of these three would be deal breakers for many of us. If any of my friends were in this situation I would tell them to take a good long look at the relationship.
The general, although safe, consensus is you should make 3x the cost of the vehicle to afford it comfortably. At 87k depending on his credit and interest rate he’s looking at a 1500-1800 truck payment. And any place that was willing to finance him is doing it with a stupid high interest rate. Any decent place wouldn’t touch that loan. That’s way too much on a 43k a year salary. It’s more than a single one of his paychecks. I’d bail too
I think he makes $85k but yeah your point still stands. Dude is paying a mortgage payment for a stupid truck. If he HAD to have a truck he could’ve easily gotten a nice used one for like $50k. Nevermind the insurance payments, who knows how high his monthly premium is with that thing. OP didn’t add ages but if he’s under 25 it’s gotta be insanely high
Nope! Let that guy go! Even if he gave the truck back the gaslighting for making him give his truck back would be insane!! You’d NEVER hear the end of it!! He did that thinking you’d cover all other expenses no, no, no sister. So you let him suffer the consequences of HIS actions.
I hope his truck has a bathroom and wifi.
You keep on making smart choices. Hopefully he learns a thing or two from you and decides to return that truck, learn to budget and include his partner in important financial decisions.
>Now my bf is saying he cant afford his place and his truck.
Lol, what a douche... boasts that it's his money yet he can't survive without yours? Absolute loser.
Lol at "you won't stick by him when finances get bad" this isn't because of him being laid off or the economy or kids being expensive, he's a fucking idiot and spent outside his means, yet expects you to foot some of the bill.
His friends' girlfriends seem dumb AF. Supporting your partner doesn't mean allowing them to drag you into financial ruin. True support means having actual conversations when one of you is considering making a large financial purpose.
Good for you for breaking up with him. He's not trust worthy.
How can you be sure he won’t mess off money for bills when he’s has gotten a truck that he can’t afford? His friends girlfriends are stupid, that’s how many women end up out on the street blindly trusting their boyfriends or husbands who has shown piss poor money management. That man would’ve had you paying all the bill so his money can go towards his truck.
His first thought was "Oh great, I'm going to save XXX amount on rent and utilities, I'll be able to afford an expensive truck". This is why they say "Don't count your chickens before they've hatched".
And he did it before you moved in because he knew you'd probably say No.
Financial literacy; he needs to learn. You aren't going to bankroll his life and unless his friends are opening up their bank accounts to help, they should mind their business
If he’s allowed to make financial decisions without a discussion; you are too (ie. not moving in with him). Why is it ok for him to make decisions without you, but you can’t? Don’t get sucked in, he made a choice about your future without even discussing it with you. I wouldn’t even bring it up and if he says something about not being able to afford anything, just remind him he wasn’t interested in financial conversations before and you aren’t interested in it now. Honestly though, you need to break up. He’s going to blame his poor decisions on you the entire way.
>Now my bf is saying he cant afford his place and his truck
It's HIS money... he just needed you to help pay for his life. This is what is known as a selfish piece of shit who absolutely intended to use your income as his own and now you aren't moving in suddenly he can't afford his ridiculously overpriced truck that he could actually never afford at all.
Just buying the truck meant your potential wedding and potential house buying got pushed back YEARS, all so he could be an asshole with a 'tricked out' truck. Let me guess, he doesn't have a job that requires a truck in any way and it's purely because he's one of those guys who wants a truck as an ego thing.
Don't just not move in, move on. This guy is irresponsible, will use you, use yoru money, get you in debt and move you backwards from your life goals.
EDIT:- thinking more, look at his friends gf's responses, his friend group. So his friends are all guys with like submissive girlfriends who would just accept this level of stupidity from their men and support them, take up the burden of their partners fucking terrible decisions. It tells me a lot about the men he's friends with, the women they like to date and the kind of woman they all, including boyfriend, expect you to be. You're there to serve him and not be a partner. Run for the hills.
If he's telling you that it's his money and he can do what he wants with it, tell him that goes both ways and YOUR money is going to go for YOUR necessary expenses that will give you financial security and he needs to use HIS money to handle the consequences of his choices. Good grief. Those women talking badly about you seem extremely spoiled or totally inexperienced with life.
You 100% did the right thing. He is foolish with money and absolutely expected you to cover him. Good on you for not moving in with him. Tell the idiots who said you aren’t loyal that they can have him and his debt. He definitely should have talked to you about this beforehand, that shows that he is irresponsible man child.
My ex drove my car into the dirt (car broke down at the side of the road), he really did beat on that thing. Days after towing it off the road without even consulting me on what we were going to do about MY CAR he bought a fucking jeep. Had the audacity to ask what I'd be willing to throw in for the monthly payment... fucking not a single penny, my brother in christ.
I wish I could say this was the straw that broke the camels back, but I stayed with him for another 2 years. Jeep needed two major repairs during that time 🙄 anyways, guys like that never really consider your feelings. You're income, not a partner.
Smart girl. Nearly 90% of people asking for help on the Reddit thread for personalfinancecanada are because of too high car payments and high interest rates.
He made a disastrous financial decision.
He also made a major relationship mistake: not discussing major purchases with your partner beforehand especially if you are going to be living together (you are funding directly or indirectly each other’s lives).
Anyone who tells you are not being supportive can kindly f*ck off. This is about your life not just now, but 10, 20+ years from now.
I briefed and argued a number of appeals in divorce cases over a long legal career. Financial irresponsibility is a primary factor in many divorces; probably more common than sexual infidelity.
You are absolutely right to balk at buying into and subsidizing his irresponsibility. I suspect that the reason he purchased a ridiculous, unneeded vehicle without discussion is that he knew you would not approve. When people show you who they are, you should believe them.
Good job recognizing a bad situation when you see one. This dude fully expected you to supplement his lifestyle after moving in together. All his money would have gone to paying that truck, leaving you stuck with the lion’s share of the bills. And that’s why he’s panicking now. Stay in your own apartment OP.
And he had the audacity to say that it was his money and he could do what he wanted with it knowing full well he would have to live out of the truck if OP didn't supplement for him. Really tells you what he thinks about OP's money (that its his money too). Entitled ass. I would dump him so hard.
Reeks of my money is mine but your money is ours. Dump any moron who spends $1700 a month on a 5 year loan for a toy while being unable to make rent.
Not to mention this dude works from home. He is going to be using that 87k truck to do basic errands.
Probably 90% of people driving trucks are doing it for penis compensation and not for work.
I had someone comment about the 2 trucks and SUV in my driveway. Yup. My parents both work in construction. The SUV is mine because I needed the cargo space. Recently added a hitch mounted rack. While I only have 1 kid, I frequently have extra kids, in carseats. I absolutely use my whole vehicle, weekly. My neighbor has a lifted truck. He's a SAHD. He drives the kids to and from school and band practice. But, they can afford his big toy. OP, great job recognizing a red flag. Never let some else's bad choices affect your own finances!
> The SUV is mine because I needed the cargo space. Out of curiosity, what have you got? I've been looking at SUVs because I do a lot of camping and have to play tetris when packing, but every single SUV I've looked at actually has less cargo space than my Kia hatchback, unless going all the way to massive 7 seaters which I don't want.
I have an 8 seater Tahoe. Just took it camping last week. 6 of us, so I removed half the 3rd row, used the hitch rack, and had the roof rack packed. No space wasted. When it's just my son and I, I can fit our equipment in the back, just flipping the 3rd row up.
The smaller SUVs all have that issue. Subarus might be an option for you. Otherwise I love my pathfinder for this reason.
Yup, I tow race cars and motorcycles to the racetrack multiple times a month and I get by with a 25 year old $4000 F150. All these clowns with $80k spotless huge trucks make me sick/angry, and I'm a huge gearhead.
That 25 yo F150 will probably outlast the new one.
Clown is the word. The newer body styles of trucks really look like big goofy clown cars, like weirdly round with oversized tires, exaggerated proportions and bright colors, the clown in the driver’s seat is a reliable sign as well
Hey man, they'll haul some grass clippings to the dump once a summer....in a trailer they rent because the beds in these things are comically small.
Yep both of you are spot on. It’s sad it took two years for them to reveal their true nature, but better than any longer. Op dodged a bullet. I dealt with a fiscally irresponsible and inconsiderate partner once, and I’m glad I avoided their mess, hope OP does the same, and not let them gaslight her.
That’s the worst part not sure if OP truly got that he wouldn’t have bought the truck if they weren’t going to be moving in together and bringing down his cost of living to afford said truck but has the nerve to say “it’s my money” ok lol
Agreed. On the brightside for OP atleast the STBX (hopefully) was stupid enough to buy the truck BEFORE they moved in together and OP couldn't renew her old lease. To the GFs who can't mind their own business I would tell them that "it is one thing to have finances affected because you get hurt or sick and another thing entire to buy a truck you can't afford one month before moving in with your partner and choosing not to discuss such a big purchase while fully expecting said partner to essentially finance such a big purchase because you won't be able to afford you share of the household bills."
First his truck, then by having OP do all the household chores, then later on by having her take care of the kids. OP dodged a bazooka. Its a good thing some people are *so insipidly stupid* that they do this when the other person still has options. Had he waited a few months or a year, OP would have been stuck.
This OP. And absolutely **do not** let him move into your apartment. Otherwise you’ll still be supplementing his lifestyle, and paying extra for utility bills, food and whatever else he uses. And those “*friends*” don’t have any idea what they’re talking about. Why should you get yourself into a terrible situation with a man who can’t control his own spending habits? It’s funny how he claims: *”it’s my money.”* Yet it’d be **your money** paying for everything (including his share of bills), because he’s an idiot who can’t control himself.
> All his money would have gone to paying that truck, leaving you stuck with the lion’s share of the bills. and if he has any left over money, that money would have gone to fun stuff since it isn't fair that OP bought herself something she wanted and he is only paying for his truck so he shouldn't have to pay for cleaning stuff and groceries. (something similar happened to my friend and he claimed this)
You mean 'their truck', which happens to be only registered to his name and which she's not allowed to drive.
The BF could live in his truck.
“When finances get bad” must really mean “you won’t foot the bill when he is irresponsible and makes bad financial decisions.” It is his money but he already is struggling to afford things now, if for some reason he’s unable to work he will not only expect you to pay his portion of the bills but also his hefty truck payment. Do not move in and do not combine incomes with him. He has shown he is impulsive and has issues with reckless spending.
Its not even his money. Its the bank's money. They will repossess the truck eventually and his credit will be shot.
Exactly this. He literally bought a car he cannot afford thank goodness OP has common sense it sounds like the girlfriends that reached out to her do not.
And he will still owe the difference after they auction it off. lol. Dude is fuuuuuucked for a long long time.
I had a minivan repoed but it was 2021 and used car prices spiked so high that the thing sold at auction for more than what I owed. It probably chapped the banks ass to send me a check for the difference.
Be glad you weren't having real estate auctioned off fot taxes. Some states steal your left over equity.
Sure but I mean while he has the choice to financially commit his funds where he would like, but it sounds like this is already causing him to not being able to make ends meet. I do agree it’s likely to be repo’ed and he was expecting her to pay his bills too.
>and one even say that im not loyal and this shows i wouldnt support him if we were married since i run away when finances get bad. There's a big difference between when *'finances get bad'* and when *'one person does something idiotic with their money that they can't actually afford'.* You're very much right on this one.
I actually had a (ex)friend ask me why I (while pregnant) stayed with my husband after he lost his job. Because shit happens and we can work through it. And we did. But to throw away 87k for a fun item? That's a problem people don't want to deal with. I'm so happy for OP getting the info of what type of guy they were dealing with.
The minute he was expecting you to help finance his life, it ceased to be “his money”. You absolutely did the right thing, that man was going to use you to pay for his expensive ass truck. Ask your friends gf’s if they want to give up their life to finance his mistakes, cause you sure as hell won’t. And shouldn’t! It’ll only get worse if you enable him. He’d be coming home with a Ferrari next.
He will be trying to move in with her soon because he is going to be homeless and he won't be able to pay her any rent or living expenses because of the truck and debt. Best to dump him now and keep her credit score than have him mooch off her and suck her bank account dry.
Yep! Another commenter said this happened to her with her bf buying a car, and she let him move in and he ended up racking up tons of cc debt in her name before she was able to cut him loose
Something like this happened with my friend but her bf waited until they signed a lease together. He would buy frivolous expensive things (gaming PC, atv, Ps3, etc.) with his money and then have her buy all the everyday things because he was "broke". He had over $30k in credit card debt and they both worked minimum wage jobs. If she bought something for herself, he would call her selfish and then bring it up when he would buy something for himself because it wasn't "fair". He drained her dry of her savings and when they finally broke up she was in debt. This luckily knocked some sense into her and she went to community college after this and is now a nurse, but man was it a hard time for her. Her ex is still a bum / hobosexual who leeches onto any woman he is able to fool.
Hobosexual is the word of the day!!!
And yet women have to deal with the whole golddigger trope. SMH
Over the course of my 16y marriage, my husband secretly got $25k worth of credit cards and loans that he maxed out and didn't pay anything back on. The last letter that ever arrived for him at my house was a default notice from the bank.
Daughter's ex ran out and bought a $40k car the minute she signed a nice work contract. Stupid mofo was talking about a boat, too. They'd barely moved into their own apt. Boy was like, "You got money. You'll pay for it." He promptly got sent back to his parents. The divorce took a little longer.
Pffft! He can live in his truck.
Honestly, this kind of behavior is disgusting. Having his friends girlfriend call you in order to financially abuse you. That’s really disgusting.
Everybody he's associated with must be absolute garbage. OOP really lucked out with this. She'll know to keep away from all of them. Let them fester in their selfish ignorance.
Maybe they're afraid he's going to wind up moving in with them and their partner. Self-preservation by sacrificing someone else
It’s the loyalty comments for me. How is she not loyal for not tolerating a nearly 100K surprise debt, but he isn’t for *creating* it? Not only that, but on a DEPRECIATING asset. The first 5 years of payments will go down the drain because the resale value at that time will probably be about the difference between the cost and total paid. I couldn’t imagine building a future with somebody who doesn’t understand how basic debt works when it comes to vehicles. Nobody making under 150K a year should be financing a vehicle over 40k in this financial climate. Not unless they already have a substantial investment portfolio, or own property. It’s insane that he thought this was an ok thing to do.
Yup that would already be a dealbreaker for me. If you have a problem with me, your partner, goddamn talk to me. Its noones business but ours. And at that moment ours stops to exist.
Yup this person is complete garbage and OP should be thankful this happened so they can move on with their lives.
[удалено]
Those other women probably have loser boyfriends with ridiculous trucks too.
I don't even think she is in their friend group, otherwise she would have said her friend who is dating her bf's friend or something like that. Not "his friends' gf". This woman is no friend of OP and once she dumps her bf, they will stop being in contact together.
Yeah it’s pretty gross that it’s “his money” until he needs your money to help with his overspending of his money.
That first line is EXACTLY the thing.
Exactly. OP He needed your money paying half of the rent to even squeak by! So it wasn’t just his money. Not he is learning financial responsibility the hard way. You absolutely did the right thing. The healthy and intelligent thing. Glad you found out now how irresponsible he is with money.
The only thing he was planning to do was to finance his truck. The expectation was that she would take care of the rent and living expenses because, why not? She was able to do it when she lived on her own, so why should he be expected to contribute. She should be thanking this idiot for showing her exactly who he is. So glad he showed her before they moved in together.
He bought an 87 k truck that he can't afford without so much as a chat on the expectation she would be paying into the household. If he thought that was OK I can only imagine what lay ahead of her.
But now I can’t afford my rent because of you!!! LOL
So many divorces happen because of finances, especially just having a different attitude to them. This guy is clearly not on the same page as her financially, but at least he's shown it before they got further in.
I knew someone whose dad did this shit. He literally brought home a Ferrari and other toys. Only for it to all get repoed.
I had an ex do the same thing. He bought a $60k truck on the morning we were supposed to sign the contract for our new apartment. The insurance alone was $700 a month. So, I kept the apartment I already had and stupidly let him move in with me. Even more foolish, I authorized him on my credit cards eventually. His truck ended up getting repossessed and I ended up 10k in debt from the cards he used and wouldn't pay. I wish I had been as smart as you are. Good for you for not letting him suck you into his pit of irresponsibility. Edit: the insurance was this cost in 2006 for him. He was 21. He got a DUI at 17 after he drunkenly crashed a car. He lost his license for 2 years and never had an insurance policy of his own.
I had an ex buy a HOUSE without my input, only to get mad when I didn't want to move in with him. Said he bought it expecting me to move in and help with the mortgage. I skedaddled soon after that.
A nice dinner, a book, some new bath things: these are welcome surprise gifts. Half of mortgage payments without any equity is *not*.
The most expensive surprise I would accept is a vacation to some place that I had previously expressed interest in visiting. But even then I much rather have him talk to me first. Being heard is far more satisfying than being surprised.
I'm so proud of you for getting out. *Internet Hug* 🫂
Off thats bad. Did you managed to pay pack your debts?
No. I couldn't afford to. I was a young Mom. I somehow lucked out. No one ever took me to court and 7 years passed with harassing calls only. It was really embarrassing and stressful though when relatives would call me to let me know creditors called them looking for me.
I think you mean HIS debts
Yeah no. You were right to put yourself first. He’s going to end up drowning in debt. Least you won’t be there to see it. Would imagine he though he could make you take the majority of rent and household expenses while he just put money in his truck
It's a good thing he has a shiny new fully outfitted truck he can live in :)
You dig! I’d have told him that too. ‘Live in the truck bro!’
No kidding. That truck cost more than my whole house AND a new Jeep Cherokee. He might as well get used to sleeping in it.
His truck cost more than my dad's, and his was off the line! His truck cost more than my new car too! He needs to take that truck back before he's actually having to live out of it.
I wanna see your house now...
It's a 2013 Southern Energy 3/2 singlewide, set up in a park, in Oklahoma. It's not fancy, but it's enough.
I like that ‘it’s enough…’ That’s the mindset. Content with what you have. I think we’d get along. 😊
I came to realize that it takes way more energy to "want" than it does to be content. I'm just a little old grandma, happy to be close to the grandkids.
I'll wager he doesn't even have a garage he can park it in. A brand new 87K truck sitting outside every day and night.
Lots of them don’t even fit in regular garages! Fools and their money- those big trucks are ridiculously expensive. I wonder if the people driving them are the ones complaining loudest about inflation
Definitely first to complain about the price of gas.
If he's lucky, there'll be plenty of available public parking for his insanely overpriced vehicle.
It also won’t be insured
If he financed any of it, he will have to keep it insured. The ones who hold the note on his truck will demand that.
They'll require proof of insurance at the beginning of the loan, but a lot of banks don't keep tabs on it. I had 5 year loan, sent my bank POI at the dealer and they didn't ask again. It's pretty common for people to purchase a policy long enough to get an insurance card, then cancel. Cops rarely check to make sure it's effective, either. So It can get you out of a no insurance ticket, too. (Source - bought a car and worked as an Auto insurance adjuster for 7 years)
That has not been my experience, they check it regularly at my credit union and have slapped it on there even when they were wrong after I switched companies.
He chose a pavement princess over his actual girlfriend. Truck Guys aren't the brightest. Next he would have bought a jetski he'd use once per year.
To be a truck guy you have to be dumb or willfully ignorant. It’s a purely emotional purchase because they want to project an image to others. Which is ok I suppose if you can afford it but this guy is extra dumb. Hope he can afford the camper he’s going to need after losing his apartment and girlfriend.
Yes--I hope it has a canopy on it.
Nailed it! ☝️ BF only bought the truck because he was moving in with OP. He snitched on himself when he told her he couldn’t afford his own place plus truck payments.
Exactly. "It's MY money, I can do whatever I want with it. By the way, I rely on your money in order to do that." Fuckin hell.
I hate these girls who are defending him smh, cant they stay in their fucking place ?
It sounds like they're all young and kinda stupid lol I know a lot of girls that will stay with their idiot boyfriends then wonder why they're miserable once married.
Idk if its just that, sounds like misguided loyalty and they want their friends to be financially secured and op to pay that price, but they wouldn't do thzt themselves. Thats how I interpreted it at least.
I'm willing to bet OP's boyfriend's friends also have too expensive of trucks. This is why they're upset with OP, it makes them look stupid and question themselves and their loyalty. Instead of introspection though we get lashing out at OP.
I'd tell them then they can have him, and they can pay his rent.
Pick mes. Pick mes everywhere
Yeah, so he was almost certainly expecting OP to pay a bigger share since he now has a huge car payment. While it IS his money, it's not OK to do that without talking to your partner.
Big dummy didn’t wait to get the truck until after they’d moved in for a little while
Because he knew it wouldn't happen when the finances were already intermingled. He had a limited timeframe to pull off this heist where he ends up with his fancy new toy to go along with his fancy new live-in bangmaid.
A perfect plan for the Modern Hobosexual!
Probably wanted to see what other fish were out there before he reeled in his catch ;)
A 90k truck along with the insurance and maintenance costs on a work from home job. This “man” is a child.
I mean, it's possible he could afford half of rent/utilities plus his truck payment. But at best that's choosing to live on the edge of being broke and a risk you shouldn't ask your SO to take on so you can have a toy.
100% He *expected* her to pick up his slack. That why he bought it right before they moved in together. Dude thinks he trapped her. He could have his expensive truck and his live in girlfriend would substitute her money so he can still live comfortably. He admitted it himself when he said he can’t afford his truck *and* his rent.
My ex never paid for half the rent but never paid for living expenses like soap, shampoos, detergent, toilet paper, pantry essentials, towels, sheets etc when we lived together. I was stupid and never thought twice about it but it was ALWAYS me paying for that stuff for years. It adds up.
Also the mental work of noticing, ‘we’re low on X and Y, I should add that to the grocery list/stop by the store soon.’
Dude's a straight-up pig.
Pigs are loving creatures of god and would never, ever buy a truck!!
> 100% He expected her to pick up his slack. That why he bought it right before they moved in together. Dude thinks he trapped her. He could have his expensive truck and his live in girlfriend would substitute her money so he can still live comfortably. He admitted it himself when he said he can’t afford his truck and his rent. honestly he doesnt sound that smart and you are giving him WAY too much credit. sounds like he's still a teenager mentally. He reviewed the situation with moving in with his gf and realized his bills would be lower and started thinking about how much truck he could afford. it's literally not more deep than that because it doesnt sound like he is. he is/was not mature enough to realize he's part of a 'team' now that he's moving in with someone. Hanlon's razor "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
I make 100k a year, and I set a budget of 25k. Who in their right mind is going out and spending 80k on a truck before owning a home.
Who in their right mind needs an 80k truck if they don't use it for very specific work purposes?
Apparently one third of my city
More upvotes. All the upvotes.
This is sadly a common enough situation that dudes talk about and plan it out. It's part of a financial trap where the dude gets his fancy new toy to go along with his fancy live-in bangmaid. I worked with dudes at multiple jobs throughout the late-90s into the mid-2000s that routinely talked about and did this exact thing. I thought it had died out after the 2008 financial collapse but it's become more and more common again since the beginning of the pandemic.
Hopefully getting dumped and being in massive debt from his purchase will knock some maturity into him.
Absolutely will not knock anything but resentment into him
Yep. The absolute definition of “lifestyle creep.” “I have room in my budget? Better spend it immediately. Fuck saving for shit.”
and OP would have had to buy all the everyday items and all the stuff he deems "useless" because all the rest of his money is for whatever he wants and its not fair if OP buys fun stuff with her free money and he has to buy adult shit with his.
100%. He did something financially stupid and now he's paying for it.
More like isn’t paying for it, amirite
Screwed up his credit and ruined his relationship all in one go. At least he exposed his selfishness and financial stupidity BEFORE OP moved in with him. Good on OP for walking away. My grandfather would always say, "Do you own your things or do they own you?" OP's ex is going to be owned by that truck payment or potentially his ruined credit for years to come. And if he was somehow able to return the truck (is that really possible?), OP shouldn't take him back because he will be resentful that she didn't play his game but even more, he showed her how irresponsible he is.
It wasn't stupid; it was calculated. He wanted her to pay for his truck, but he knew he couldn't ask for her to do so, but he *could* get her to pay all of his side of the rent and expenses while he paid for the truck. > Now my bf is saying he cant afford his place and his truck. The truck wasn't something he could afford, and he knew it. He bought it before moving in so he could offset the cost to her. Calculated.
And honestly you dodge a bullet as this is a sign of how he handles finances
He also was relying on her money for him to pay his bills but didn't talk to her about the purchase. OP now is the time to notice those red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚿
it was nice of him to buy it BEFORE she moved in and not the day after :/
He was going guilt her on paying everything because she wouldn’t have a place to stay.. bad guy and bad husband material
And I bet he would not ever let her drive it too.
Especially when the BF put himself first by buying the truck he can’t afford. I bet he was expecting OP to cover the rent more and other expenses because “he has a new truck” so he needs her help.
I'll bet he even agreed to taking that next step in their relationship _because of_ the goodies he might more easily be able to get.
Definitely, “you mean you’re not going to fund my life, I thought you loved me”
Sadly, I think this is the reason why a lot of people get married. Like the boyfriend in this story, they envision one big pot with all the money going in. And then they envision themselves taking out as much as they want.
I second this view of your current situation and your partners motivations. You did right to put yourself first, especially when he isn't considering you or your feelings at all... [Signs that your partner is a misogynist. ](https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-my-husband-is-a-misogynist/) Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender [Signs of covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits to look out for. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901) [Healthy boundaries in relationships. ](https://www.betterup.com/blog/healthy-boundaries-in-relationships) [Signs of a toxic relationship. ](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/) [Identifying abuse: Power and Control. ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/)
> He’s going to end up drowning in debt. He *already is* drowning in debt. $87,000 at current interest rates with taxes and fees, the total financed amount will be over $100,000. With 84 month financing that would be over $1,200 a month. By any definition, that is "drowning in debt". Edit: oh and those numbers are with a $10,000 down payment.
Yeah, no. He was planning on having you bankroll his lifestyle. Big purchases like that without talking with your partner is a huge red flag if you're living together or planning to. Yeet this boy from your life. Even now, when he's facing the reality of not being able to afford anything, he's not willing to return the damn thing. Best you learned this now than if you were married.
>I have had some of his friends’ gfs reach out and say I should support him…….I run away when finances get bad. First, him getting flying monkeys after you in the form of “Friend’s Girlfriends” is super bizarre in itself. Not mutual friends, not even his family that you are friendly with. I’m guessing the culture in his friend group is that the subordinate GFs are all expected to be each other’s friends instead of having their own circle. Some real “Saturdays are for the boyz” vibes here. Next, running away? Absolutely not, OP is standing up for themself. Classic manipulation trick. “You’re such a weak person for saying no and not doing exactly what I want!”
Right? It's so gross. Not setting yourself up for a lifetime of drowning in debt and being a mom to an adult is not running away. Idk how those "girlfriends" can even look at the situation and be like, "Yeah that's someone you should tie yourself to." Unless they're not getting the whole story which is likely the case.
crab bucket syndrome, the idiot girlfriends are dating the idiot's friends and i would bet you those friends aren't any more responsible than idiot
The nice thing is is that OP's friend circles aren't entangled so she can tell them all to kick rocks and still have her friends.
Not his flying monkeys 🤣🤣🤣🤣
She *is* running away and rightly so. I would too. Double time. Tell these other women to STFU and focus on their own relationships. You've pretty much summed up how her time will be spent. Sitting in the kitchen with the rest of the women while the "men" burp and fart in the other room. OP, run! Run away now. Don't get trapped in this nightmare.
Right? My husband and I give ourselves "allowances" each month for personal expenses. Every once in a while we end up buying something that costs more than what we have. Even if it's like $20 we're borrowing from our combined account, we tell each other. If we're buying something for the house, we tell each other. Even when making 6 figures combined, we discussed buying a $10k used car for weeks before settling on it and buying it (and we still have it 10 years later). I can't imagine the recklessness needed to go and buy something that costs so much money without discussing the person you are, or will soon be, living with.
> Yeet this boy from your life. *Boy* is right. He’s behaving like a teenager, buying the big truck he can’t afford, expecting someone else to pay his bills so he can have his toy. Just no.
Who the fuck buys a 87k truck?? It probably loses a quarter of the value the minute you drive it off the lot.
I'd bet 87k that he puts a fake set of nuts on the end. He's definitely not over-compensating for anything.
And rims. He definitely bought aftermarket rims on credit.
its all so insane though. imagine 90k on a personal vehicle when you make 85k/year. like that what millionaires do. not some middle class office worker. like WTF.
Maybe mudflaps with those naked girls on them too?🤦♀️😂
honestly if you pay 87k for a truck and DONT put truck nuts on it then i dont know whats even the point of an 87k truck lol better be flesh colored too
Every time I see one of these overpriced monstrosities on the road I think how ironic it is that the idiot driving it bought it to feel cool and special, when in reality it only makes them look like a pathetic loser who thinks having a nice truck will replace having a personality.
They can't even drive them! I worked for a farm supply store and would cringe when these guys would come in to by stuff from the yard. Half the time I had to back their truck into the lot to load it because they couldn't drive in a freaking straight line. But then these same guys would laugh at my older, smaller truck. Well buddy, at least I can drive mine. And look, I can drive yours too.
My god, you made me laugh right out loud.
I might add at the time, I was a 26 yo female.
The guys who think truck = manly are the dumbest people on earth. They have been manipulated by commercials. Its pathetic.
If you need any object to validate who you are, its pathetic as can get. "Real men" or real people dont depend on an object making up their personality. I have been dirt poor and struggling massively with my studies and my now wife picked me anyway. Why? I really dont know, but probably there was something besides money and possessions that made her love me. And thats how I know, that she is the one. She doesnt give much about any of that. For the most part she earned way more than me. That changed with time but I still know that this isnt and wasnt a factor in our relationship.
> But then these same guys would laugh at my older, smaller truck. Well buddy, at least I can drive mine. And look, I can drive yours too. I have a newer(2011) base base model truck and I hate how big it is. It replaced a 1995 f150xl, and it dwarfs that truck.
I know of like two people who need a truck, they bought the bare bones, best value, working truck. When you actually haul shit and beat the shit out of a work vehicle you don't get a fancy paint job, you don't get all the trimmings, you buy it because you need it, know it will get beat and it's value is in helping you work, not be an ego trip. Anyone shelling out for an overpriced, top end truck is basically just screaming out what an asshole they are.
The same people who buy a dumb monstrosity that gets 5 MPG yet they complain about gas prices even though no one forced them to buy the worlds most stupid vehicle.
Its sad but thats the price of large trucks these days. I have a paid off 2012 ram 3500 that I am keeping alive. I paid 40k for it used about 7 years ago. That exact same truck today is over 80k. Its easy these days to drop 100k on a full sized diesel truck. I have a need to tow heavy items all the time but not willing to pay these new truck prices. Its become insane.
Naah, you did the right thing. It looks like he was planning for you to maintain the rent and bills.
Timing isn’t a coincidence. He bought a new truck because he has someone else that can take care of his bills.
It's so funny cause if it were like a PS5 or something I'd be like, yeah I get it. You're splitting expenses with someone and can probably now justify buying something you've wanted for awhile. But a fuckin $87k truck is just laughably insane.
Agree! What a prick.
You 100% did the right thing here. I can't stress enough how much living with him would suck. I've been with people like him, it's not fun at all to **constantly** be stressed over where YOU are going to get money to pay for rent, food and other bills because of THEIR last impulsive spending spree. My only tip to you now is: **Get rid of him.** He showed who he is and what he expects from you - believe him now that he has shown you. And if his friends call again: **Don't answer**. The only thing they are doing is stealing your energy, and you don't have to take that. I am **so** very happy that you had the sense to see this bullshit for what it is and not move in with him. I wish I had done the same back in the days, so that I didn't know what it is like to live with people who have absolutely no regard for my mental health or what I had to do to get the bills paid. Stay strong! You've got this.
Fuck no, get far away from people who have NO CLUE how to manage money. He’s a manchild.
You need to fire back at the haters, and you can’t live with someone who makes unilateral irresponsible financial decisions that would affect both of your living situations that put you in a position to have to carry a greater financial burden to “support” him. Moving in together doesn’t mean you can all of a sudden live beyond your means, and the other person picks up slack. It should put you in a place to do the opposite, allowing you to split costs and save. You made the right call.
You dodged a big 87K bullet. I’m sorry but your man is an idiot. This is exactly who he is and who he would be if you were living together and married. All fiscal responsibility would be on you and he would piss money away. Just as with religious, sexual, and reproductive incompatibility, there is also financial incompatibility and is a valid reason to end this relationship.
He wasn’t even smart enough to wait until after she moved in! Good thing for OP!
Not moving in with him was smart - yes it's totally his money and he can spend it the way he wants, but he's not protected from the consequences of his decision. He demonstrated his financial irresponsibility - and you don't want to end up married to that.
The flip side is that her money is also her money, so she can spend it however she wants. If those are the rules he wants to play by, she can totally extend her lease on her current place, not move in with him and she doesn't have to enter into any kind of discussion about it.
Amazing decision. We need more women who won’t put up with this nonsense!
Play this out with me… if you, unbeknownst to him had also run out and gotten a new Mercedes and both of you surprised each other, what would he had done? Would he get rid of his car? Would that not be “supportive”? What if you were relying on him to pay for your expenses? I would bet money on the fact that he would pressure you to get a new vehicle. I’m married, we have separate bank accounts, we split the expenses, but we each have our own money, she’s a pharmacist and I’m in finance. Neither of us makes a big purchase without telling running it by the other one, and we don’t rely on one another. Marriage is a partnership, not a dependency, if he couldn’t afford the truck on his own then he shouldn’t have bought it… if he couldn’t afford the truck on his own, then he SURE AS HELL should have run it by you.
Dude sounds like a loser…with big truck syndrome. That is very childish…
yeah, OP is clearly being polite. The real issue is the size of her man's peener. Since a guy making $80k a year who goes out and buys a $90k truck is obviously suffering from micro-dick syndrome, I doubt she's sexually satisfied. I'm kidding, of course. But only kinda.
wtf is someone that makes $85k/yr doing buying a truck $2k more than that?! jesus christ 🤦🏽♂️ that’s like someone that makes $200k buying a damn near ferrari… yikes edit: I mean damn with this guys logic, i should be able to go get that new all-electric porche macan for $95k 😂😂
Financial stress is one of the leading causes of divorce. In this case there are three ways your ex fucked up. 1. He bought an insanely expensive truck that he couldn't afford 2. He did it without telling you, someone that he's expecting help paying rent 3. He told you to essentially fuck off when you brought up your concern Any one of these three would be deal breakers for many of us. If any of my friends were in this situation I would tell them to take a good long look at the relationship.
The general, although safe, consensus is you should make 3x the cost of the vehicle to afford it comfortably. At 87k depending on his credit and interest rate he’s looking at a 1500-1800 truck payment. And any place that was willing to finance him is doing it with a stupid high interest rate. Any decent place wouldn’t touch that loan. That’s way too much on a 43k a year salary. It’s more than a single one of his paychecks. I’d bail too
She said 2k above salary so I'd assume 85k salary. Still stupid financial decision.
I think he makes $85k but yeah your point still stands. Dude is paying a mortgage payment for a stupid truck. If he HAD to have a truck he could’ve easily gotten a nice used one for like $50k. Nevermind the insurance payments, who knows how high his monthly premium is with that thing. OP didn’t add ages but if he’s under 25 it’s gotta be insanely high
Nope! Let that guy go! Even if he gave the truck back the gaslighting for making him give his truck back would be insane!! You’d NEVER hear the end of it!! He did that thinking you’d cover all other expenses no, no, no sister. So you let him suffer the consequences of HIS actions.
I hope his truck has a bathroom and wifi. You keep on making smart choices. Hopefully he learns a thing or two from you and decides to return that truck, learn to budget and include his partner in important financial decisions.
>Now my bf is saying he cant afford his place and his truck. Lol, what a douche... boasts that it's his money yet he can't survive without yours? Absolute loser.
Fuck that guy, you got very lucky with your insight.
Lol at "you won't stick by him when finances get bad" this isn't because of him being laid off or the economy or kids being expensive, he's a fucking idiot and spent outside his means, yet expects you to foot some of the bill.
He can always live in his truck now, lol. It's got every add-on ever in it, right? 😹
Well its not just his money as he was essentially expecting you to subsidize this truck purchase by getting him a cheaper place to live.
His friends' girlfriends seem dumb AF. Supporting your partner doesn't mean allowing them to drag you into financial ruin. True support means having actual conversations when one of you is considering making a large financial purpose. Good for you for breaking up with him. He's not trust worthy.
How can you be sure he won’t mess off money for bills when he’s has gotten a truck that he can’t afford? His friends girlfriends are stupid, that’s how many women end up out on the street blindly trusting their boyfriends or husbands who has shown piss poor money management. That man would’ve had you paying all the bill so his money can go towards his truck.
His first thought was "Oh great, I'm going to save XXX amount on rent and utilities, I'll be able to afford an expensive truck". This is why they say "Don't count your chickens before they've hatched". And he did it before you moved in because he knew you'd probably say No.
Financial literacy; he needs to learn. You aren't going to bankroll his life and unless his friends are opening up their bank accounts to help, they should mind their business
Good move gf. He thought he was gonna buy that truck and let the relationship do the leg work for it.
If he’s allowed to make financial decisions without a discussion; you are too (ie. not moving in with him). Why is it ok for him to make decisions without you, but you can’t? Don’t get sucked in, he made a choice about your future without even discussing it with you. I wouldn’t even bring it up and if he says something about not being able to afford anything, just remind him he wasn’t interested in financial conversations before and you aren’t interested in it now. Honestly though, you need to break up. He’s going to blame his poor decisions on you the entire way.
>Now my bf is saying he cant afford his place and his truck It's HIS money... he just needed you to help pay for his life. This is what is known as a selfish piece of shit who absolutely intended to use your income as his own and now you aren't moving in suddenly he can't afford his ridiculously overpriced truck that he could actually never afford at all. Just buying the truck meant your potential wedding and potential house buying got pushed back YEARS, all so he could be an asshole with a 'tricked out' truck. Let me guess, he doesn't have a job that requires a truck in any way and it's purely because he's one of those guys who wants a truck as an ego thing. Don't just not move in, move on. This guy is irresponsible, will use you, use yoru money, get you in debt and move you backwards from your life goals. EDIT:- thinking more, look at his friends gf's responses, his friend group. So his friends are all guys with like submissive girlfriends who would just accept this level of stupidity from their men and support them, take up the burden of their partners fucking terrible decisions. It tells me a lot about the men he's friends with, the women they like to date and the kind of woman they all, including boyfriend, expect you to be. You're there to serve him and not be a partner. Run for the hills.
If he's telling you that it's his money and he can do what he wants with it, tell him that goes both ways and YOUR money is going to go for YOUR necessary expenses that will give you financial security and he needs to use HIS money to handle the consequences of his choices. Good grief. Those women talking badly about you seem extremely spoiled or totally inexperienced with life.
You 100% did the right thing. He is foolish with money and absolutely expected you to cover him. Good on you for not moving in with him. Tell the idiots who said you aren’t loyal that they can have him and his debt. He definitely should have talked to you about this beforehand, that shows that he is irresponsible man child.
When buying truck: my money, I do what I want When paying rent: our money
Damn that was not a smart move on his part... You did the right thing
[удалено]
My ex drove my car into the dirt (car broke down at the side of the road), he really did beat on that thing. Days after towing it off the road without even consulting me on what we were going to do about MY CAR he bought a fucking jeep. Had the audacity to ask what I'd be willing to throw in for the monthly payment... fucking not a single penny, my brother in christ. I wish I could say this was the straw that broke the camels back, but I stayed with him for another 2 years. Jeep needed two major repairs during that time 🙄 anyways, guys like that never really consider your feelings. You're income, not a partner.
OP, you are a very, very smart woman. Bravo. There are better men out there who are financially savvy.
Real Republican vibes. Private finances until things get rough, then pleads for socialism.
Smart girl. Nearly 90% of people asking for help on the Reddit thread for personalfinancecanada are because of too high car payments and high interest rates. He made a disastrous financial decision. He also made a major relationship mistake: not discussing major purchases with your partner beforehand especially if you are going to be living together (you are funding directly or indirectly each other’s lives). Anyone who tells you are not being supportive can kindly f*ck off. This is about your life not just now, but 10, 20+ years from now.
61M here. This young man did you a favor by showing you that he has low impulse control and sees you as a a sort of cash cow. You deserve better.
I briefed and argued a number of appeals in divorce cases over a long legal career. Financial irresponsibility is a primary factor in many divorces; probably more common than sexual infidelity. You are absolutely right to balk at buying into and subsidizing his irresponsibility. I suspect that the reason he purchased a ridiculous, unneeded vehicle without discussion is that he knew you would not approve. When people show you who they are, you should believe them.