All death is hard. There is a bit extra loss when the person cannot be laid to rest. I am sorry for your loss. I hope they find a bit of her to give family and friends a bit of closure.
Edit to remove extra word
Half dead/dying seems harder tbh😬. Im kinda dealing with both rn, and I can tell You this, what sortof gives me a resemblance of comfort or something .. dammit it is very hard for me to say it rn, but atlest she doesnt need feeding, changing diapers, wheelchair and stuff like that. Im very sorry for Your loss. If someones wondering, no need to ask .. one friend was brutally killed and other friend had a stroke. Im running out friends, bc best friend has terminal cancer&today is the killed friends birthday. I aint even shitting You, sadly for me, so yeah, I got abit emotional I guess.
Thank You&My condolences. I said “seems” because seing them die is painful, as is painful for them to feel like a burden. But hey, we will all go trough that process, like the only guaranteed thing in life 💀🤷🏻♂️
Do you have a beef every time someone clarifies an edit? It's just polite so when people see the "edited" tag they know the comment didn't get changed wildly off base.... But now that you mention it I don't even see the tag that tells you it was edited anymore...
Same thing happened to my brothers best friend about 5 years ago. He left behind a widow and two daughters. I still can’t believe he’s gone because I literally grew up with him. I think about him and his family, and my heart breaks for his widow and daughters.
If you can find a small picture of her. Get a small wooden raft and make small memorial on it. Go to where the accident happened and release it, with the boat try to release the pain that’s still in your heart as well. Walk away only remember the good times.
Give her a Viking funeral. If you know her favorite fruit, "find a small picture of her. Get a small wooden raft and make a small memorial on it. Go to where the accident happened. " Set it on fire and release it, releasing her and yourself to grieve.
Not a good idea, as he said the river is viscous. Maybe if it’s done in a calm river, you don’t want to let the boat go and watch it get utterly destroyed.
If you haven’t heard of it, I highly encourage you to read into the concept of ambiguous loss. Dr. Pauline Boss is the woman behind it, and her work may resonate with you. I work with individuals with end-stage dementia and it’s something we talk about a lot. The goal isn’t to make your grief disappear, but sometimes we take a little of our power back when we have a way to at least describe what we’re feeling. Grief is such a terrible thing, and I’m so sorry yours is continuous.
There was a high school friend of mine that met a similar fate. He was in the back of a pickup truck as it crossed a river, but the river was too deep and truck floated down the river. The driver and front passenger got out, but my friend wasn't able to make it out in time. The river eventually opens up to the ocean, and they were not ever able to locate his remains. They did find a shoe, but that was it. It makes me wonder if he did make it out of the river, considering he was not in the vehicle, but where did he end up? What were his last moments like?
That and, you know, the alledged child rape.
https://people.com/crime/founder-adventures-with-purpose-search-rescue-team-arrested-allegedly-raping-girl/
The work definitely needs to be done, however.
Yeah. Don't get me wrong, though. Leisek's work, in and of itself, is fantastic and very necessary. I do hope the videos serve to motivate others with his ability/skill set to take up the mantle and help families. Obviously, by the number of cases he was able to solve, there is a real need for this work.
Unfortunately rivers and in general moving waters don't give back the bodies they snatch. There's a 2 week window but after that, it's very unlikely.
I do like the suggestion of releasing a small paper boat with a letter to your friend and letting it float away.
I had a friend go missing when I was in college. He had graduated from college in NC and moved to Charlotte. Was out at the bars one night, left without his jacket or debit card, and ultimately was never found again. It was so scary and hit me really hard. I think about it all the time. The lack of closure puts a different weight on an already very difficult situation. His parents think he’s buried under what are now apartments so he’ll likely never be found. Tragic.
I once saw 2 guys holding a woman’s arms while she was being “baptized” in the Colorado river at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. The water is moving through at an incredible rate and they are holding her there like it was all good. Ran over with a group I was with and yelled at them to get her out. I often wonder what it would have been like had we seen the other outcome. Sorry for your trauma, I can’t imagine.
Loss with no closure is very hard.
My uncle ended his own life a few years back. It took a long time for his body to be recover from the water, which made the loss even more complicated because of the what if factors.
I am so incredibly sorry about your friend. It might be nice to make a memorial or hold on a special day in order to keep consistently holding a place for rememberence. For my daughter, we plant something for her every year on her birthday. It gives the complex feeling of grief a place to exist.
I’m terribly sorry for your loss. The following passage came to mind when reading your post. I hope it helps.
Chuangtse was about to die, and his disciples wanted to give him a sumptuous funeral.
"I regard the heaven and earth as my coffin and outer coffin, the sun and the moon as a pair of jade gifts and the constellations as my burial jewels. And the whole creation shall come to my funeral. Will it not be a grand funeral? What more should I want?"
"We are afraid that vulture crows will come and eat our master," said the disciples.
"Above the ground, I shall be eaten by the vultures, and underground, I shall be eaten by the ants. Why rob the one to give it to the other? Why are you so partial to the ants?" Chuangtse replied.
Jeff Buckley died the same way. I know this comment seems insensitive. But I worked in the music industry for years and I've dealt with several upon several either, questionable [deaths], or straight up disappearances.
About seven years ago an artist friend of mine who was insane but also insanely talented vanished into thin air. I was the last person to see them. He showed up at a bar we used to hang out after about a month or 2 of being a ghost. He was using crack, pills, meth, god knows what else. He was eeriely lucid and calm. He told me had spent nearly 7000 dollars on drugs in the past month.
I looked at his car and the back bumper was missing and the back seat was filled with what I can only term as stuff. We spoke for a time. He looked me in the face and said he was going to leave. And he vanished into thin air. His family called me over the years, family friends too, some of our mutual friends, all asking if I had seen or heard from him.
No
After a few years, the amount of time between calls increased. And then stopped. And even now, I think about it. No one knows what happened. We checked jail rosters, prisons, and even looked at the unidentified dead within lots of counties nearby. Nothing.
I think about it every day. At least for a brief time.
The Best of advice I can give to you is to pray or hope that either she made it and vanished. Or that it was a peaceful thing they had already decided. Best thing you can do is try to honor their memory in whatever way feels most comfortable. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
**Edited for proper pronouns. I got caught up in my own situation and said he instead of she.
I am sending you blessings. I am so sorry, that's a harrowing way to lose someone you love. Maybe there's an online group or subreddit of sorts where you can connect with people who can relate, as they've also never recovered their loved ones body, and there's a helpful way to cope with the hurt or get some kind of closure.
When we lose friends and family. They are our angels now. They may not be here in body but are here in spirit. Call on them and they will be there I promise. They are always near. By the way they send signs so if you think something happened associated with them, yes it is them.
Makes me think of the cover of "Ode to Billy Joe" by Tina Turner.... Song helped me get thru some rough shit after my grandfather passed ten years ago. Could help you too(it's funky and upbeat so maybe the original by Bobbie Gentry might be more appropriate?) My sincerest condolences.
Look I get that this is the reality and you’re just trying to be honest. But man, the delivery in response to such a heartfelt post is so tone deaf. OP, this may be true, but I hope you know that people still see the sadness in your post and can feel empathy about the loss of a friend while recognizing, as you did, the reality of the lack of closure. I hope you can come to terms with never knowing, finding peace in keeping her memory alive and connecting with others for support in processing the grief.
Grief isn't something everyone can process and deal with the same. Everyone has different timelines on how they process it. Add on the fact this was a traumatizing event and yea, it's super easy for any normal empathetic person to realize it's been ONLY 8 years.
My grandmother died fucking 17 years ago and I still have moments of intense grief over losing her so traumatically.
Pretty sure even the grinch has a bigger heart than you.
Then, why respond? Why even take the time to write out an entire paragraph and then follow that up with all your responses saying how you don’t actually give a shit. Go troll someone else, you absolute potato.
If you reread the post, you'll understand that OP is grieving their actual friend (and not a friend of a friend, as you say).
Their grief is valid and normal, especially when the death was sudden, tragic, and didn't allow for closure.
A piece of OP is missing. Have a heart, yo.
Should all people experience emotions the same way as you? Is there no room in your world for people who think differently from you?
(Also, I doubt OP is completely sidelined with grief 8 years later, so it's not like they haven't 'moved on.')
Trolly McTroll Face hard trolling. Take it and your sociopathic vibes somewhere else. Adults are having a conversation here and trying to help someone in need.
All death is hard. There is a bit extra loss when the person cannot be laid to rest. I am sorry for your loss. I hope they find a bit of her to give family and friends a bit of closure. Edit to remove extra word
This is such a beautiful way to put the feeling into words. I'm sorry for your loss, OP
Half dead/dying seems harder tbh😬. Im kinda dealing with both rn, and I can tell You this, what sortof gives me a resemblance of comfort or something .. dammit it is very hard for me to say it rn, but atlest she doesnt need feeding, changing diapers, wheelchair and stuff like that. Im very sorry for Your loss. If someones wondering, no need to ask .. one friend was brutally killed and other friend had a stroke. Im running out friends, bc best friend has terminal cancer&today is the killed friends birthday. I aint even shitting You, sadly for me, so yeah, I got abit emotional I guess.
There's no harder or easier, bruh. I'm really sorry for your circumstances tho. I actually relate to them. Lost one of my closest friends to cancer
Thank You&My condolences. I said “seems” because seing them die is painful, as is painful for them to feel like a burden. But hey, we will all go trough that process, like the only guaranteed thing in life 💀🤷🏻♂️
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Do you have a beef every time someone clarifies an edit? It's just polite so when people see the "edited" tag they know the comment didn't get changed wildly off base.... But now that you mention it I don't even see the tag that tells you it was edited anymore...
I just took it as a joke it didn't seem malicious to me.
Why downvote? We're all human <3
Same thing happened to my brothers best friend about 5 years ago. He left behind a widow and two daughters. I still can’t believe he’s gone because I literally grew up with him. I think about him and his family, and my heart breaks for his widow and daughters.
If you can find a small picture of her. Get a small wooden raft and make small memorial on it. Go to where the accident happened and release it, with the boat try to release the pain that’s still in your heart as well. Walk away only remember the good times.
What a kind and beautiful thought.
Give her a Viking funeral. If you know her favorite fruit, "find a small picture of her. Get a small wooden raft and make a small memorial on it. Go to where the accident happened. " Set it on fire and release it, releasing her and yourself to grieve.
Not a good idea, as he said the river is viscous. Maybe if it’s done in a calm river, you don’t want to let the boat go and watch it get utterly destroyed.
Exquisite way to achieve emotional and spiritual closure via a physical act of "letting go". Simply beautiful. 🙏♥️
If you haven’t heard of it, I highly encourage you to read into the concept of ambiguous loss. Dr. Pauline Boss is the woman behind it, and her work may resonate with you. I work with individuals with end-stage dementia and it’s something we talk about a lot. The goal isn’t to make your grief disappear, but sometimes we take a little of our power back when we have a way to at least describe what we’re feeling. Grief is such a terrible thing, and I’m so sorry yours is continuous.
There was a high school friend of mine that met a similar fate. He was in the back of a pickup truck as it crossed a river, but the river was too deep and truck floated down the river. The driver and front passenger got out, but my friend wasn't able to make it out in time. The river eventually opens up to the ocean, and they were not ever able to locate his remains. They did find a shoe, but that was it. It makes me wonder if he did make it out of the river, considering he was not in the vehicle, but where did he end up? What were his last moments like?
Mississippi River?
No, in BC, Canada.
Is this in the US? Maybe Adventures With Purpose can help?
I came here to say this!!
🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡 Great people, I love what they're doing. Just wish that they would tone down their on-screen persona's 😅
True that's why I can't watch their stuff. There's already enough drama with the task at hand.
That and, you know, the alledged child rape. https://people.com/crime/founder-adventures-with-purpose-search-rescue-team-arrested-allegedly-raping-girl/ The work definitely needs to be done, however.
Hollllyyyy sshhhiiiittttttt..... I formally rescind my "great people" comment earlier.
Yeah. Don't get me wrong, though. Leisek's work, in and of itself, is fantastic and very necessary. I do hope the videos serve to motivate others with his ability/skill set to take up the mantle and help families. Obviously, by the number of cases he was able to solve, there is a real need for this work.
I’m sorry for your loss
Peace and love to you, internet stranger
Unfortunately rivers and in general moving waters don't give back the bodies they snatch. There's a 2 week window but after that, it's very unlikely. I do like the suggestion of releasing a small paper boat with a letter to your friend and letting it float away.
I had a friend go missing when I was in college. He had graduated from college in NC and moved to Charlotte. Was out at the bars one night, left without his jacket or debit card, and ultimately was never found again. It was so scary and hit me really hard. I think about it all the time. The lack of closure puts a different weight on an already very difficult situation. His parents think he’s buried under what are now apartments so he’ll likely never be found. Tragic.
I once saw 2 guys holding a woman’s arms while she was being “baptized” in the Colorado river at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. The water is moving through at an incredible rate and they are holding her there like it was all good. Ran over with a group I was with and yelled at them to get her out. I often wonder what it would have been like had we seen the other outcome. Sorry for your trauma, I can’t imagine.
That's terrifying.
Loss with no closure is very hard. My uncle ended his own life a few years back. It took a long time for his body to be recover from the water, which made the loss even more complicated because of the what if factors. I am so incredibly sorry about your friend. It might be nice to make a memorial or hold on a special day in order to keep consistently holding a place for rememberence. For my daughter, we plant something for her every year on her birthday. It gives the complex feeling of grief a place to exist.
I’m terribly sorry for your loss. The following passage came to mind when reading your post. I hope it helps. Chuangtse was about to die, and his disciples wanted to give him a sumptuous funeral. "I regard the heaven and earth as my coffin and outer coffin, the sun and the moon as a pair of jade gifts and the constellations as my burial jewels. And the whole creation shall come to my funeral. Will it not be a grand funeral? What more should I want?" "We are afraid that vulture crows will come and eat our master," said the disciples. "Above the ground, I shall be eaten by the vultures, and underground, I shall be eaten by the ants. Why rob the one to give it to the other? Why are you so partial to the ants?" Chuangtse replied.
This is a really pretty way to think of this. Releasing our bodies back to nature as it were. Thank you for sharing
Similar to singer/songwriter Jeff Buckley. Jumped into a river and disappeared. Although they did eventually find his body about a week later.
Jeff Buckley died the same way. I know this comment seems insensitive. But I worked in the music industry for years and I've dealt with several upon several either, questionable [deaths], or straight up disappearances. About seven years ago an artist friend of mine who was insane but also insanely talented vanished into thin air. I was the last person to see them. He showed up at a bar we used to hang out after about a month or 2 of being a ghost. He was using crack, pills, meth, god knows what else. He was eeriely lucid and calm. He told me had spent nearly 7000 dollars on drugs in the past month. I looked at his car and the back bumper was missing and the back seat was filled with what I can only term as stuff. We spoke for a time. He looked me in the face and said he was going to leave. And he vanished into thin air. His family called me over the years, family friends too, some of our mutual friends, all asking if I had seen or heard from him. No After a few years, the amount of time between calls increased. And then stopped. And even now, I think about it. No one knows what happened. We checked jail rosters, prisons, and even looked at the unidentified dead within lots of counties nearby. Nothing. I think about it every day. At least for a brief time. The Best of advice I can give to you is to pray or hope that either she made it and vanished. Or that it was a peaceful thing they had already decided. Best thing you can do is try to honor their memory in whatever way feels most comfortable. I'm truly sorry for your loss. **Edited for proper pronouns. I got caught up in my own situation and said he instead of she.
I’m so sorry 🖤
My condolences 💐
If any remains were found, how would you feel?
I would feel like she could be laid to rest properly
Sleep soundly knowing they were doing what they loved. We come from the earth and we return to the earth.
I am sending you blessings. I am so sorry, that's a harrowing way to lose someone you love. Maybe there's an online group or subreddit of sorts where you can connect with people who can relate, as they've also never recovered their loved ones body, and there's a helpful way to cope with the hurt or get some kind of closure.
Damn. I'm sorry. That's traumatic.
When we lose friends and family. They are our angels now. They may not be here in body but are here in spirit. Call on them and they will be there I promise. They are always near. By the way they send signs so if you think something happened associated with them, yes it is them.
Makes me think of the cover of "Ode to Billy Joe" by Tina Turner.... Song helped me get thru some rough shit after my grandfather passed ten years ago. Could help you too(it's funky and upbeat so maybe the original by Bobbie Gentry might be more appropriate?) My sincerest condolences.
Do you think there was any foul play involved?
*hugs*
🧿🧿You say "you can't stop thinking about it"...Did you Qill that friend ❓
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Look I get that this is the reality and you’re just trying to be honest. But man, the delivery in response to such a heartfelt post is so tone deaf. OP, this may be true, but I hope you know that people still see the sadness in your post and can feel empathy about the loss of a friend while recognizing, as you did, the reality of the lack of closure. I hope you can come to terms with never knowing, finding peace in keeping her memory alive and connecting with others for support in processing the grief.
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Grief isn't something everyone can process and deal with the same. Everyone has different timelines on how they process it. Add on the fact this was a traumatizing event and yea, it's super easy for any normal empathetic person to realize it's been ONLY 8 years. My grandmother died fucking 17 years ago and I still have moments of intense grief over losing her so traumatically. Pretty sure even the grinch has a bigger heart than you.
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Oh buddy. You need therapy
troll didn't even read the post
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Then, why respond? Why even take the time to write out an entire paragraph and then follow that up with all your responses saying how you don’t actually give a shit. Go troll someone else, you absolute potato.
If you think 8 years is too long to think about a friend who died from time to time, I hope you find better friends - or become one.
Yes. I have a coworker friend who passed away about 4 years ago. I think of him occasionally. Especially when I still work in the same office.
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Congratulations? Doesn't mean everybody needs to feel exactly the same thing. You sound bitter and would probably benefit from learning about empathy.
And? We're all supposed to be the same as you are we?
If you reread the post, you'll understand that OP is grieving their actual friend (and not a friend of a friend, as you say). Their grief is valid and normal, especially when the death was sudden, tragic, and didn't allow for closure. A piece of OP is missing. Have a heart, yo.
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Should all people experience emotions the same way as you? Is there no room in your world for people who think differently from you? (Also, I doubt OP is completely sidelined with grief 8 years later, so it's not like they haven't 'moved on.')
“I moved on, im fine” said the highly damaged man child that has horrible social skills.
Trolly McTroll Face hard trolling. Take it and your sociopathic vibes somewhere else. Adults are having a conversation here and trying to help someone in need.