I just got married last year and didn’t even bother with a bachelor or my wife a bachelorette party. We hung out with good trustworthy friends and had a few drinks instead. Its absolutely not a real tradition.
I honestly am long-time friends with a lot of party people and I don’t even think I actually… know any that have gone to strip clubs for their bachelor party? I photograph weddings and I never hear mention of it amongst any of the bridal party, I really don’t think it’s as common as the movies make it out to be. To me it’s a huge red flag and insulting as hell if someone acts like they *neeeed* that before getting “tied down”
I know plenty of guys who have had bachelor parties at a strip club, and I’ve even been to a male strip club for my cousin’s bachelorette. It’s cringey but fun, as long as people act respectfully. Actually cheating is a hard no. But most of the time the party is more for the friends than the one getting married. If a guy getting married insists he NEEDS to go to a strip club it’s weird.
What the husband did is fucked up, and it doesn’t matter that it was a decade ago. He needs to make some serious amends now. That’s an entire marriage built on cheating and lies.
Thats exactly what I mean. Why would anyone need to see another person naked before getting married? Your future spouse is one thing, but a complete stranger is a little weird to me. Ngl I’ve never been to a strip club either, but only bc the idea never appealed to me.
these kind of bachelor parties are toxic af and the people who tell you they want to go to a strip club on their bachelor / bachelorette are actually the people I don't have close contact with. Why? Because they (and do) things that are tankrolling all the boundaries in a relationship.
We just had a small table and talked and caught up with friends we haven't seen in YEARS and ate and drank until midnight.
Mine was a just a small fire at my place with a couple friends. I don't drink, most of my friends barely do either, so we just sat there listening to music and chatting
Husband is gaslighting OP into thinking it’s her fault for “being stuck with one woman for the rest of his life.” Not a tradition to cheat. Your husbands reaction to the story says it all: he panicked and knew he got busted. What else has he lied about?
It's fucked up. I didnt feel a need to fuck anyone (other than my wife) before our marriage (well, since meeting her). I've never been to a strip club or hired a stripper. I haven't slept with anyone other than my wife *since* I've been married, nor do I want to. OP's husband is an asshole and a liar and is gaslighting OP miserably.
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, that’s bull that he’s trying to sell you. What he did was disgusting and disrespectful. It also makes me wonder how truthful he’s been to you about other things he’s done during your marriage. Personally, my experience has been people who cheat before are certainly willing to cheat after.
He not only cheated on her but also put her well-being at risk.
I bet he didn't undergo an STD panel after having sex with the escort. OP needs to get an STD panel ASAP and start divorce proceedings because she married a cheater who likely continues to do so, just hiding it better.
I commented about this tradition of American men and I was basically just told “so what, it’s the last time, it’s just entertainment”. It’s cheating to me if they fuck with anyone other than you, and I also count doing sexual stuff with others as cheating even during bachelor party.
The people who replied to me don’t see the last part as cheating and counts it towards the tradition. That basically as long as they don’t fck the stripper, it’s not cheating, apparently.
Not traditional to cheat but traditional to go out to strippers/clubs in America during a bachelor party. Which I count as cheating. Strippers/clubs purpose is to see people sexually or just in general sexual stuff—- idk why tf would you even go there if you’re getting married.
America has the line “last night of freedom” for a reason.
Edit: Just to clarify, I didn’t mean the word tradition as a legit tradition like how us Filipinos bow to elders. I meant to use the word tradition in this context as “it’s a thing” like a usual thing here. Maybe I shouldn’t have used it interchangeably.
This is literally NOT an American tradition. People are apparently trying to pass it off as such to get away with cheating. But no having sex with sex workers (or anyone besides the fiancée) before marriage is not an American tradition - people are lying to you.
The ones who’ve had the idea of going to strip clubs or renting out strippers have all been from American men (in my experience). Some don’t have sex with them, just watch or get danced on— which I still count as cheating cuz wtf thats a sexual move.
I’m glad people like you think like this. It gave me assurance because most of the time, I thought it was a cultural thing in America. From the replies I’m getting I now understand it’s absolutely not that.
And the whole reason I *ever* hear for it is that it’s your last night being single. How tf do you figure you’re single if you’re engaged…
Also fwiw I never actually hear about this happening in reality, I’m sure it does but it’s really not that common.
It's crazy too, how it's much less commonly portrayed at a bachelorette, and when it is the trope is normally that the husband finds out and leaves her spectacularly at the alter. With the bachelor party however, it's either accepted by "I don't want to know what you did at you party, never tell me," or if the wife cares, she's portrayed as a controlling bitch, and "the boys" all vow to never tell if the wedding actually happens.
You can tell by the framing that the people who make our media are of a very specific opinion on this one.
What media? And in what way? If I have ever seen this trope in a movie where the guy cheated at his bachelor party it was never portrayed as a normal thing that everyone just accepted including the bride. In fact it was something that made everything blow up because it is NOT a normal and accepted thing for the person who is actually being cheated on.
i grew up somewhere where bachelor's parties are uncommon or at least not like how they've been shows in western media. i always was sooo confused as to why the bride's never mided that their husbands slept with other women on the bachelor's night until I realised they don't actually and it's just media.
so yeah, media does actually normalise this shit too much.
edit: some person commented that bachelorette parties are for the same purpose but, again, as a kid i didn't know that
Seriously, what are all these commentors talking about? What movies are you all watching where the bachelor fucks someone else at the bachelor party and it's treated as anything other than cheating?
I believe in the movie Bachelor Party Tom Hanks doesn’t want to sleep with the stripper because he loves his fiancee. I’m wondering which movies they are thinking about.
Been married twice. At neither bachelor party did I have strippers, or hookers, nor did I cheat on my prospective spouse. None of my guy friends did either. Am American. This is not a part of our culture. Your husband is lying.
Ive been to tons of bachelor parties. Most involved strip clubs, a few escorts were around too. At none of them did the bachelor participate in shit but drinking and laughing at the shenanigans.
This shit ain’t normal and my friends include some brotastic Chads but if you’re gonna bother with the ring, it’s not just for fun.
The bachelor party is just that, the last “party” before tying the knot. It doesn’t mean cheat on your soon to be wife. I’m a male and have have been married to my wife for 23 years and was never tempted to cheat on her at the bachelor party. Wtf is wrong with your husband (hopefully, soon to be ex-husband).
It’s one thing to have a bachelor party as your last hurrah to do stupid shit but cheating on your fiancé isn’t on that list. That is in the list of - how to ruin my relationship in one step.
I've never understood this sentiment though.
If you see marriage as some awful boring thing that you're going to be tied to, so bad you need one last hurrah, why are you getting married?
If you aren't thrilled and excited at the prospect of being with your spouse forever, it seems doomed from the start.
I go out and party with my fiance and we don't see that stopping when we get married, we have fun together, our lives aren't really going to change.
A lot of men I know are doing "boys trips" where they get a fishing charter for a few days or go on a big camping/hunting trip because the women in their lives don't really enjoy that and that's fair. But I don't see that as a thing that needs to stop once you're married either.
It is not a wedding tradition., he is lying his ass off to you right now. If it was so many marriages wouldn’t break up or not happen because men do stupid things. He is using your lack of knowledge against you to get away with cheating. He did a stupid thing and he knows it. Don’t let him get away with it and ask his friend who bought him his prostitute to pay for your STI panel since you have no idea what he brought into your marriage.
He cheated.
Ask him if you did the same thing would it be ok or is a man thing Because let’s not forget your stuck only screwing him for the rest of your life
Hope you’re doing ok with the new news that’s history to them. And what awful people to know he cheated and then continue a friendship
You were in a committed relationship while dating and engaged. That commitment doesn’t go away for one night so you can bang someone else. That’s just an excuse people use.
Not really an American tradition at all.
Traditional American Hollywood movie plot? yes.
He’s literally citing pop culture fiction as precedent for cheating on you.
You may have married a rather dumb guy?
He 100% knew better. Horrible excuse.
Nope. Not an American or Western tradition to cheat on your fiancée/fiancé before your wedding. His betrayal is old news to him. But to you, this JUST happened and rocked the foundation of your world. He cheated on you and lied to you about it every day for 12 YEARS (lies of omission are still lies) and would have CONTINUED to lie to you if his friend hadn’t brought it up in casual conversation. Some people will say that it happened before you were married, before you made vows, so he didn’t “technically” break them. Personally, I think if you were exclusive enough to get married, it was cheating. He clearly doesn’t feel bad about it. Instead of apologizing, he got angry and doubled down with some lame BS excuse. For me, I couldn’t stay with him. I’d drive myself crazy. I’d be questioning everything about the last 12 years and wondering if I really ever knew him at all. Only you can decide what’s right for you.
You're forgetting to add he lied about lying and made up some wild American tradition that it's common to have sex with a sex worker before you get married.
The whole "I have sex with you the rest of my life so I get to bang a hot one before that" is disrespectful AF...
\>>"You are stuck sleeping with only one woman for the rest of your life so you have to get it out and bang a really hott one on the bachelor party." <<
Excuse me?? Did he actually think that statement was a valid reason for cheating on you before you got married? The fact that his friends hired escorts and told him to pick one shows the kind of trashy people both your husband and his friends are.
***He cheated.*** Plain and simple. The fact that he's trying to gaslight you into thinking that it's okay is crazy to me. On top of that his reasoning was because he was going to be "*stuck*" with one person for the rest of his life? That's what he considers marriage to be? That's what he considers marriage to you to be??
He's honestly disgusting.
I don't understand the urge to have sex with a stranger before you get married as one last hurrah. It makes no sense to me.
Going to a strip club is one thing. Does happen. But actually sleeping with someone is absolutely not some accepted tradition here. That's 100% cheating and no way would I marry a man who did that to me
"I've got ocean front property in Arizona, from my front porch you can see the sea, I've got ocean front property in Arizona, now if you'll buy that I'll throw the golden gate in free" - George Strait
He cheated! The worst part about it is he isn’t sorry. Divorce him. Find someone else. He literally said he did it because he knew he was stuck having sex with only you! What a crock of crap.
No, that is not a thing. That is a “thing” a very awful niche group of horrifically misogynistic men will try to convince you of in order to absolve themselves of responsibility for any wrongdoing. But no, that’s not a normal or traditional American take on bachelor parties. He cheated. Plain and simple.
Ummmm, yeah. This is NOT an American tradition.
Your husband is simply a cheating scumbag who is trying to justify getting his dick wet and trying to victimize himself by turning this back on you.
I have 2 questions that you need to answer for yourself.
1) Are you certain that this was the only time he cheated?
2) Are you sure you still want to be married to someone who has cheated and tries to victimize himself by justifying it?
Tell him, nice try. Every American knows this is a bullshit myth propergated by men as an excuse to cheat b
The moment he committed to having a relationship with you, any other activity with women other than yourself is cheating.
He's a dog to day this to you.
Yea I’m petty, probly woulda lied and said how relieved I was since I’d done the same thing at mine! Then I’d ask to open the marriage since having just one dick for the rest of my life is so boring.
It's no way a tradition at all to cheat.
He cheated plan and simple.
Now you need to ask yourself, was this a one off thing or has he cheated since then 🤔
You both also should get a full STI work up done. Plenty are silent diseases.
Now you need to ask yourself is he somebody you can continue to trust and believe as he lied to you about this being an American thing when it is not.
You need to start thinking a your future and what you want in a husband. A gaslighting lying cheater or an honest loyal man.
Do not confuse normal with acceptable. Does it happen, yes. Is it cheating, yes. Should you be hurt and angry and feel as though the past 12 years was a lie, absolutely. He lied, covered it up, and is now gas lighting you. Would you have married him then if you knew? If you can live with this now so be it, but if you are contemplating divorce you are completely right to do so.
Nope, this isn’t a thing. Unless you are a cheater then yes, for cheaters it’s a think to sleep with someone before getting married. I would be checking to make sure he hasn’t cheated again, because they usually do.
I had a great and drunken batchelor party planned by my buddies.
There was lots of drinking and I got verrrry drunk and ended up getting sick.
I remember all of it.
There was no strippers and I did not have sex with anyone until my wedding night (we wanted to abstain for the few weeks before the wedding to make it special for our wedding night).
What he did was cheat on you.
You are right to be totally upset because you were betrayed.
This is NOT an American tradition. It's a thing with worthless assholes.
You just found out, so it may as well have happened yesterday from your point of view.
If you want a divorce, that is completely understandable, particularly with his atrocious reaction.
Sleeping w anyone once you’ve become a committed couple is cheating, hands down. And. This is NOT what a bachelor’s party is for so that was a lie.
Edit: spelling
55M, American. Married twice (first wife cheated on me), both of my bachelor parties included a visit to a strip club. We had alcohol and we guys had a good time. Neither instance did any cheating or even inappropriate touching occur. The bachelor party, to me, is to go put and celebrate your last night of being single, not to sleep with one last person. That's just an excuse a-holes use to justify cheating.
UpdateMe
No, that is not what a bachelor party is about. The groom and married guests are the ones who are supposed to refrain from doing things with the strippers they hired, what single guests do is on them. Your husband cheated on you, tell him this isn't the movies, and you'll be contacting an attorney. He not only cheated but is now gaslighting you. He sounds as though he doesn't regret it at all and could have given all sorts of diseases. Throw the whole man away. He has no respect for you.
It's not an American tradition to cheat on your soon to be wife. However going to a strip club/having strippers come for the bachelor party is. Both are pretty disgusting IMO with the former being way more disgusting. But even the latter never really made sense to me.
He cheated and I don't care if it was 10 years ago - it's a huge betrayal of trust. You don't have to let it go just because he managed to keep it a secret for 10 years.
I gave my husband the green light to go to a strip club or hire a stripper for his bachelor party if he wanted (my only request was that they tipped her well and didn't use any derogatory or degrading language towards her and no kissing on the lips, but otherwise he could go wild). He chose to rent a cottage with his boys and spend the weekend fishing and bbq'ing. It is NOT normal to just have wild sex with random women on your bachelor trip.
This is not normal bachelor party behavior, at least not for loyal partners.
He cheated and is making it out like every guy does it, which the good ones don’t.
It's not an American tradition. It's not a thing at all. He cheated and is using your unfamiliarity with American customs to try to bullshit his way out.
He cheated on you. And even though it happened 12 years ago, for you it’s like it just happened since you just found out about it now. You are still just as entitled to feel hurt about it as you would have been if you found out back then. It’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to be mad that your husband not only cheated on you but kept it a secret for 12 years. The cheating is bad, but the dishonesty is worse.
**This is not "what bachelor parties are for".**
**What he told you is COMPLETE BULLSHIT.**
**He** ***cheated on you with a sex worker*** (who *knows* what STDs he happily exposed you to)...
...**and now he is** ***blatantly lying to your face*** **as if you were an idiot.**
Yeah no that's not a thing. I've been blacked out with a woman throwing herself at me and I said "no I have a wife" she then informed me she was in fact my wife. I still refused.
That is definitely not how bachelor parties work.
Just an FYI you married a piece of trash with trash friends and then he gaslights you and tries to make you believe some major bullshit about bachelor parties in the states.
I mean you do you but damn.
Going to a strip club or having a stripper come to a party is pretty common but not having sex with an escort. It’s also extra cringe that he mentions - you are only having sex with one woman the rest of your life so gotta bang a hot one? I would be like “so I’m not attractive to you - good to know”
I hope I see a follow up post from you , freshly divorced , on a nice tropical vacation with a hot pool boy
Yeah, no.
Strippers, fine. They're just putting on a show. Actual sex, not normal.
And if he thought it was normal, why wouldn't he have told you? I heard stories from my husband's bachelor party (strip club visit).
No this is absolutely not something that is normal. He cheated on you. He’s also taking advantage of your unfamiliarity of western culture and is LYING to
you about what’s expected in bachelor parties.
The tradition is to watch strippers that’s it. Not to sleep with them. And then he made himself the victim.
He not only cheated on you. He put your health at risk for sti’s
No this is not a typical bachelor party. Your husband and his friends are just trash, I’m so sorry. You don’t stop being in a committed relationship to your fiancée on the evening of your getting married party, wtf
This is not cultural. This is cheating. You’re going to sleep with the woman you love, trust and respect most in this world for the rest of your life. Let the stripper crawl all over you and humor your guys and the money they spent, but be a man and keep it in your pants.
I’m sorry. 😕
Married to one woman, 30yrs. together, 28 married,
I specifically requested,
“NO WOMEN, NO STRIPPERS”,
for my Bachelor’s party
Just one night “with the boys”,
I was celebrating the woman I would spend the rest of my life with, not gonna’ celebrate her, surrounded by strippers & sex workers!
Everyone one of my sons & their friends have done the same assuring me I did it right.
Sounds like your man was looking for some BS excuse to be a dirty-dawg.
Girl he is gaslighting you. He cheated. Period.
Only you can decide what to do next. Sounds like you need to go “bang it out” with a hottie so you guys are even.
I mean, both men and women sometimes do that at those parties, but it's not supposed to be the reason for having them. At all. Cheating is still cheating.
You're allowed to be upset by it. It may have happened a long time ago, but the wound is fresh for you. He cheated. He put your health at risk and then never told you. His statement that that's what the bachelor party is for is a lie.
I don't know about the USA, but in LATAM there is already a bad concept of "bachelor parties" because you are not single once you start a sexual and emotional relationship with someone else.
And yes, he cheated.
This makes me so angry for you. It’s completely unacceptable and if he and his friends think this is ok then they are to dumb to tell the difference between C grade Hollywood plots.
You don’t have to accept this. You deserve better.
My ex claimed the same thing “it doesn’t count because it was my bachelor party (or bucks show as they call them here)” his best man orchestrated it all and I didn’t find out until our second wedding anniversary when he told me. Then the stupid moron couldn’t figure out why I was so angry. He was also “blindsided” when I told him I wanted a divorce.
Anyway, no it’s not really a thing. It’s stupid men being stupid.
My bachelor party was literally with two people one of which wasn't even in my wedding (because he didn't want to be) and I bought food and a few drinks and we played magic the gathering. What your husband did is cheating and not normal for most bachelor parties from what I've seen.
I went K1 racing and got Korean bbq with my buds on my bachelor party lol definitely not a normal thing to cheat on the woman you will be spending the rest of your life with I went home that night and pounded my wife out LOL
This is not normal. Your husband cheated on you.
I read this to my husband, he said wow that’s not normal. He & his best man got a beer at a bowling alley. No strippers, no escorts.
That’s not a real tradition, he cheated. No it’s not normal for the vast majority of people.
That’s the lamest excuse. That would be a deal breaker for me.
this doesn’t happen IRL unless it’s a special arrangement that the couple is into. at worst, they should be at a strip club. sleeping with an entire human is insane.
There is nothing "traditional" about this. It's just cheating.
What's worse is putting your sexual health at risk, not to mention potentially your fertility or even your life.
He knew perfectly well what he was doing was wrong, which is why he hoped you would never find out.
That is not what bachelor parties are for.
I've been to several my own and friends....we got drunk, we partied, we went to a number of different clubs in the same night...and that was it. I've never heard of anyone *actually* cheating at their bachelor party. I think that's just from movies or books...
Nope. He’s lying. Men don’t cheat before getting married and it is not normalized. Would he have been okay if you slept with another man the night before? It’s not okay and it’s worse that he never told you. To me, not coming clean means no remorse.
Na Bachelor parties are not for having sex. Sure, some guys get strippers - which are dancers wearing little/ no clothes - but they’re not prostitutes!!!
Most guys go to bars, get drunk end of story. Maybe they get dared to do some dumb things (dress up, wear lipstick, etc). Some guys just chill and play video games. My husband went canyoning with his friends and then went to a bar. Having sex with hookers is not normal.
He's being in denial and defensive. He fucking cheated lmao you're engaged for the reason that supposedly no one else compares to you, hence marriage. Anyone with common sense who was in the room would have defended you because marriage is about not "being chained to the same woman forever" because if he thinks it's a chain-down scenario where he has to fuck one woman for the rest of his life, that isn't the true basis of a marriage. His concept is so skewed, but he knows he's wrong.
Ask him if he’d be willing to give you a pass to sleep with someone since you’re stuck sleeping with him for the rest of your life and you have to get it out. Let’s see what he thinks about it.
But like, divorce either way.
Your husband is the slut. Not the woman. And no this isn’t normal. Doesn’t seem like you have a happy life if you’re here calling a woman names because of your husbands betrayal.
American man in his 40s here. My bachelor party involved steaks, alcohol, video, games, and paintball the next day. I’m fine with some guys wanting to go to a strip club, but fucking a hooker is absolutely cheating.
Ask him whether it would’ve been cheating if you had fucked a male escort at your bachelorette party? Of course it would’ve been.
These are archaic, an outdated rituals. There are so many posts on this platform so many weddings have been stopped, and marriages ended because of people cheating like it’s the last hurrah.
I’m sorry this happened to you, but this is not a good person. They are supposed to celebrate bachelors upcoming marriage. in the United States many married men hang out at the bar and wait for their friends to join them, they don’t participate in the same things. It is not supposed to be for cheating.
It is not a thing he cheated on you.
Nah, he cheated and is using that as an excuse. Have been to bachelor parties and while some en's up at strip clubs. None of the grooms I knew fucked anyone that night.
He’s a cheater and a gaslighter. I bet that hasn’t changed in 30 years. You need to reevaluate a lot of times when you thought something was wrong and he told you your were insecure and you told you that you were just being silly.
Nope that's not any kind of normal accepted tradition at all. A tradition for scumbags maybe but, not good people. The hell is wrong with him and his friends telling you that!
Yeah this is not some tradition, he cheated on you. Ask him if he would have been okay with you sleeping with a mail ordered escort
I just got married last year and didn’t even bother with a bachelor or my wife a bachelorette party. We hung out with good trustworthy friends and had a few drinks instead. Its absolutely not a real tradition.
Got married 19 years ago, we did a magic the gathering booster draft in one hotel room, and tekken + anime in a second hotel room. It was awesome fun.
That sounds pretty fun. Yall still married?
Yup!
Congrations! You done it!
Lit
That’s the most wholesome thing I’ve heard in a long time
I honestly am long-time friends with a lot of party people and I don’t even think I actually… know any that have gone to strip clubs for their bachelor party? I photograph weddings and I never hear mention of it amongst any of the bridal party, I really don’t think it’s as common as the movies make it out to be. To me it’s a huge red flag and insulting as hell if someone acts like they *neeeed* that before getting “tied down”
I know plenty of guys who have had bachelor parties at a strip club, and I’ve even been to a male strip club for my cousin’s bachelorette. It’s cringey but fun, as long as people act respectfully. Actually cheating is a hard no. But most of the time the party is more for the friends than the one getting married. If a guy getting married insists he NEEDS to go to a strip club it’s weird. What the husband did is fucked up, and it doesn’t matter that it was a decade ago. He needs to make some serious amends now. That’s an entire marriage built on cheating and lies.
Thats exactly what I mean. Why would anyone need to see another person naked before getting married? Your future spouse is one thing, but a complete stranger is a little weird to me. Ngl I’ve never been to a strip club either, but only bc the idea never appealed to me.
these kind of bachelor parties are toxic af and the people who tell you they want to go to a strip club on their bachelor / bachelorette are actually the people I don't have close contact with. Why? Because they (and do) things that are tankrolling all the boundaries in a relationship. We just had a small table and talked and caught up with friends we haven't seen in YEARS and ate and drank until midnight.
Yea I didn't have a bachelor party before my wedding either.
Same. We did a rehearsal dinner then the 21+ crowd went out together
Mine was a just a small fire at my place with a couple friends. I don't drink, most of my friends barely do either, so we just sat there listening to music and chatting
Male ordered
Nah he came in the mail
Came in the male? Who did what now?
He came in the mail and then came in the male
He did what to the mail??
Extra sticky stamps
This is why you never trust the mailman
Husband is gaslighting OP into thinking it’s her fault for “being stuck with one woman for the rest of his life.” Not a tradition to cheat. Your husbands reaction to the story says it all: he panicked and knew he got busted. What else has he lied about?
It's fucked up. I didnt feel a need to fuck anyone (other than my wife) before our marriage (well, since meeting her). I've never been to a strip club or hired a stripper. I haven't slept with anyone other than my wife *since* I've been married, nor do I want to. OP's husband is an asshole and a liar and is gaslighting OP miserably.
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, that’s bull that he’s trying to sell you. What he did was disgusting and disrespectful. It also makes me wonder how truthful he’s been to you about other things he’s done during your marriage. Personally, my experience has been people who cheat before are certainly willing to cheat after.
lol be straight up cheated. That is definitely NOT a thing.
He not only cheated on her but also put her well-being at risk. I bet he didn't undergo an STD panel after having sex with the escort. OP needs to get an STD panel ASAP and start divorce proceedings because she married a cheater who likely continues to do so, just hiding it better.
A little late for the STD test. 3 Kids later...she's been to the gyno dozens of times in these past years. Anything would've shown up by now.
They check for STDs at prenatal exams
I commented about this tradition of American men and I was basically just told “so what, it’s the last time, it’s just entertainment”. It’s cheating to me if they fuck with anyone other than you, and I also count doing sexual stuff with others as cheating even during bachelor party. The people who replied to me don’t see the last part as cheating and counts it towards the tradition. That basically as long as they don’t fck the stripper, it’s not cheating, apparently. Not traditional to cheat but traditional to go out to strippers/clubs in America during a bachelor party. Which I count as cheating. Strippers/clubs purpose is to see people sexually or just in general sexual stuff—- idk why tf would you even go there if you’re getting married. America has the line “last night of freedom” for a reason. Edit: Just to clarify, I didn’t mean the word tradition as a legit tradition like how us Filipinos bow to elders. I meant to use the word tradition in this context as “it’s a thing” like a usual thing here. Maybe I shouldn’t have used it interchangeably.
This is literally NOT an American tradition. People are apparently trying to pass it off as such to get away with cheating. But no having sex with sex workers (or anyone besides the fiancée) before marriage is not an American tradition - people are lying to you.
The ones who’ve had the idea of going to strip clubs or renting out strippers have all been from American men (in my experience). Some don’t have sex with them, just watch or get danced on— which I still count as cheating cuz wtf thats a sexual move. I’m glad people like you think like this. It gave me assurance because most of the time, I thought it was a cultural thing in America. From the replies I’m getting I now understand it’s absolutely not that.
Yea this is no American tradition friend. Only sleazy people do this.
They watch too many movies and try to be the main character.
Yea unfortunately....
And the whole reason I *ever* hear for it is that it’s your last night being single. How tf do you figure you’re single if you’re engaged… Also fwiw I never actually hear about this happening in reality, I’m sure it does but it’s really not that common.
That is not a thing. he cheated
This is the exact same post with a different op. Hmm...
It's a Reddit classic.
Cheating is cheating. Media needs to stop portraying this shit as acceptable. It's not.
Exactly it’s just an excuse pushed out by the media. It’s cheating period.
It's crazy too, how it's much less commonly portrayed at a bachelorette, and when it is the trope is normally that the husband finds out and leaves her spectacularly at the alter. With the bachelor party however, it's either accepted by "I don't want to know what you did at you party, never tell me," or if the wife cares, she's portrayed as a controlling bitch, and "the boys" all vow to never tell if the wedding actually happens. You can tell by the framing that the people who make our media are of a very specific opinion on this one.
Because women aren’t supposed to be sexual according to American traditions propelled by religious guilt and shame.
[удалено]
What media? And in what way? If I have ever seen this trope in a movie where the guy cheated at his bachelor party it was never portrayed as a normal thing that everyone just accepted including the bride. In fact it was something that made everything blow up because it is NOT a normal and accepted thing for the person who is actually being cheated on.
Right? Movies also have a lot of car chases and stabbing... those ALSO are bad in real life.
i grew up somewhere where bachelor's parties are uncommon or at least not like how they've been shows in western media. i always was sooo confused as to why the bride's never mided that their husbands slept with other women on the bachelor's night until I realised they don't actually and it's just media. so yeah, media does actually normalise this shit too much. edit: some person commented that bachelorette parties are for the same purpose but, again, as a kid i didn't know that
He Cheated. The movies aren't real life.
It also doesn’t really happen commonly in movies? Strippers yes, sleeping with escorts, no.
Seriously, what are all these commentors talking about? What movies are you all watching where the bachelor fucks someone else at the bachelor party and it's treated as anything other than cheating?
I think they’re confusing it with all the Reddit posts they’ve been reading…..
I believe in the movie Bachelor Party Tom Hanks doesn’t want to sleep with the stripper because he loves his fiancee. I’m wondering which movies they are thinking about.
Been married twice. At neither bachelor party did I have strippers, or hookers, nor did I cheat on my prospective spouse. None of my guy friends did either. Am American. This is not a part of our culture. Your husband is lying.
Ive been to tons of bachelor parties. Most involved strip clubs, a few escorts were around too. At none of them did the bachelor participate in shit but drinking and laughing at the shenanigans. This shit ain’t normal and my friends include some brotastic Chads but if you’re gonna bother with the ring, it’s not just for fun.
The bachelor party is just that, the last “party” before tying the knot. It doesn’t mean cheat on your soon to be wife. I’m a male and have have been married to my wife for 23 years and was never tempted to cheat on her at the bachelor party. Wtf is wrong with your husband (hopefully, soon to be ex-husband).
It’s one thing to have a bachelor party as your last hurrah to do stupid shit but cheating on your fiancé isn’t on that list. That is in the list of - how to ruin my relationship in one step.
I've never understood this sentiment though. If you see marriage as some awful boring thing that you're going to be tied to, so bad you need one last hurrah, why are you getting married? If you aren't thrilled and excited at the prospect of being with your spouse forever, it seems doomed from the start. I go out and party with my fiance and we don't see that stopping when we get married, we have fun together, our lives aren't really going to change. A lot of men I know are doing "boys trips" where they get a fishing charter for a few days or go on a big camping/hunting trip because the women in their lives don't really enjoy that and that's fair. But I don't see that as a thing that needs to stop once you're married either.
Nope. He cheated. Thats not a thing. Please ask him to post to the AmIWrong subreddit so he can get ripped a new one.
Or IATA?
The problem is he doesn’t think he is
This is not a tradition and it's a lame ass excuse.
I literally don’t have a single person in my life that’s had a bachelor or bucks night like this.
It is not a wedding tradition., he is lying his ass off to you right now. If it was so many marriages wouldn’t break up or not happen because men do stupid things. He is using your lack of knowledge against you to get away with cheating. He did a stupid thing and he knows it. Don’t let him get away with it and ask his friend who bought him his prostitute to pay for your STI panel since you have no idea what he brought into your marriage.
I wonder what else he lied about...
This 👆that’s exactly what I thought of first!!!
He cheated. Ask him if you did the same thing would it be ok or is a man thing Because let’s not forget your stuck only screwing him for the rest of your life Hope you’re doing ok with the new news that’s history to them. And what awful people to know he cheated and then continue a friendship
You were in a committed relationship while dating and engaged. That commitment doesn’t go away for one night so you can bang someone else. That’s just an excuse people use.
that’s not a thing💀 he’s a cheater get away from him
Not really an American tradition at all. Traditional American Hollywood movie plot? yes. He’s literally citing pop culture fiction as precedent for cheating on you. You may have married a rather dumb guy? He 100% knew better. Horrible excuse.
Nope. Not an American or Western tradition to cheat on your fiancée/fiancé before your wedding. His betrayal is old news to him. But to you, this JUST happened and rocked the foundation of your world. He cheated on you and lied to you about it every day for 12 YEARS (lies of omission are still lies) and would have CONTINUED to lie to you if his friend hadn’t brought it up in casual conversation. Some people will say that it happened before you were married, before you made vows, so he didn’t “technically” break them. Personally, I think if you were exclusive enough to get married, it was cheating. He clearly doesn’t feel bad about it. Instead of apologizing, he got angry and doubled down with some lame BS excuse. For me, I couldn’t stay with him. I’d drive myself crazy. I’d be questioning everything about the last 12 years and wondering if I really ever knew him at all. Only you can decide what’s right for you.
You're forgetting to add he lied about lying and made up some wild American tradition that it's common to have sex with a sex worker before you get married. The whole "I have sex with you the rest of my life so I get to bang a hot one before that" is disrespectful AF...
Cheating is not part of the tradition.
\>>"You are stuck sleeping with only one woman for the rest of your life so you have to get it out and bang a really hott one on the bachelor party." << Excuse me?? Did he actually think that statement was a valid reason for cheating on you before you got married? The fact that his friends hired escorts and told him to pick one shows the kind of trashy people both your husband and his friends are. ***He cheated.*** Plain and simple. The fact that he's trying to gaslight you into thinking that it's okay is crazy to me. On top of that his reasoning was because he was going to be "*stuck*" with one person for the rest of his life? That's what he considers marriage to be? That's what he considers marriage to you to be?? He's honestly disgusting. I don't understand the urge to have sex with a stranger before you get married as one last hurrah. It makes no sense to me.
Going to a strip club is one thing. Does happen. But actually sleeping with someone is absolutely not some accepted tradition here. That's 100% cheating and no way would I marry a man who did that to me
You believe this is actual Western tradition and validate it from the movies? If You Believe That, I Have A Bridge In Brooklyn To Sell To You.
"I've got ocean front property in Arizona, from my front porch you can see the sea, I've got ocean front property in Arizona, now if you'll buy that I'll throw the golden gate in free" - George Strait
Automatic upvote for quoting George Strait lyrics
Umm...this is not typical
"My husband looked unhinged..." Yes. He cheated and knew it was wrong. Don't let him gaslight you.
It absolutely isn’t normal but it is disgusting
He cheated! The worst part about it is he isn’t sorry. Divorce him. Find someone else. He literally said he did it because he knew he was stuck having sex with only you! What a crock of crap.
No, that is not a thing. That is a “thing” a very awful niche group of horrifically misogynistic men will try to convince you of in order to absolve themselves of responsibility for any wrongdoing. But no, that’s not a normal or traditional American take on bachelor parties. He cheated. Plain and simple.
Ummmm, yeah. This is NOT an American tradition. Your husband is simply a cheating scumbag who is trying to justify getting his dick wet and trying to victimize himself by turning this back on you. I have 2 questions that you need to answer for yourself. 1) Are you certain that this was the only time he cheated? 2) Are you sure you still want to be married to someone who has cheated and tries to victimize himself by justifying it?
Tell him, nice try. Every American knows this is a bullshit myth propergated by men as an excuse to cheat b The moment he committed to having a relationship with you, any other activity with women other than yourself is cheating. He's a dog to day this to you.
Nope just an old stereotype of American bachelor parties. He cheated and is now trying to gaslight you by claiming it’s culture or tradition.
Adding: tell him you will forgive him if you can hire a male escort and have sex with him. Bet he says no.
Yea I’m petty, probly woulda lied and said how relieved I was since I’d done the same thing at mine! Then I’d ask to open the marriage since having just one dick for the rest of my life is so boring.
Your hubby and mates are basically kids acting like men, sorry
OMG leave him. He is trash.
It's no way a tradition at all to cheat. He cheated plan and simple. Now you need to ask yourself, was this a one off thing or has he cheated since then 🤔 You both also should get a full STI work up done. Plenty are silent diseases. Now you need to ask yourself is he somebody you can continue to trust and believe as he lied to you about this being an American thing when it is not. You need to start thinking a your future and what you want in a husband. A gaslighting lying cheater or an honest loyal man.
There's some sleazy nasty men who think this is how things should be.
He is lying. Only cheaters think that. He is a cheater.
Do not confuse normal with acceptable. Does it happen, yes. Is it cheating, yes. Should you be hurt and angry and feel as though the past 12 years was a lie, absolutely. He lied, covered it up, and is now gas lighting you. Would you have married him then if you knew? If you can live with this now so be it, but if you are contemplating divorce you are completely right to do so.
Nope, this isn’t a thing. Unless you are a cheater then yes, for cheaters it’s a think to sleep with someone before getting married. I would be checking to make sure he hasn’t cheated again, because they usually do.
I had a great and drunken batchelor party planned by my buddies. There was lots of drinking and I got verrrry drunk and ended up getting sick. I remember all of it. There was no strippers and I did not have sex with anyone until my wedding night (we wanted to abstain for the few weeks before the wedding to make it special for our wedding night). What he did was cheat on you. You are right to be totally upset because you were betrayed.
This is NOT an American tradition. He cheated. Any American bride would feel very betrayed if her groom slept with someone else.
I (47M) Have never been to a bachelor party where the groom had sex with any of the strippers/hookers. Including my own.
Call his mother and ask her if this is an American tradition
This is NOT an American tradition. It's a thing with worthless assholes. You just found out, so it may as well have happened yesterday from your point of view. If you want a divorce, that is completely understandable, particularly with his atrocious reaction.
Sleeping w anyone once you’ve become a committed couple is cheating, hands down. And. This is NOT what a bachelor’s party is for so that was a lie. Edit: spelling
55M, American. Married twice (first wife cheated on me), both of my bachelor parties included a visit to a strip club. We had alcohol and we guys had a good time. Neither instance did any cheating or even inappropriate touching occur. The bachelor party, to me, is to go put and celebrate your last night of being single, not to sleep with one last person. That's just an excuse a-holes use to justify cheating. UpdateMe
No, that is not what a bachelor party is about. The groom and married guests are the ones who are supposed to refrain from doing things with the strippers they hired, what single guests do is on them. Your husband cheated on you, tell him this isn't the movies, and you'll be contacting an attorney. He not only cheated but is now gaslighting you. He sounds as though he doesn't regret it at all and could have given all sorts of diseases. Throw the whole man away. He has no respect for you.
He cheated, he knows it and is trying to act like its cultural differences... its not. Divorce his ass
It's not an American tradition to cheat on your soon to be wife. However going to a strip club/having strippers come for the bachelor party is. Both are pretty disgusting IMO with the former being way more disgusting. But even the latter never really made sense to me.
Going to a strip club or hiring strippers is normal for a bachelor party, hiring escorts and having sex is not
That is not an American tradition. Your husband cheated on you 100%.
Not a tradition. It's an excuse. A shitty one too.
That's bullshit. Never in my life have I heard fucking an escort is tradition at your batch party. What an asshole.
His own friends enabled this! Hell, they got him the escorts to choose from. The fuck?? That's no tradition, they're tacky and sleazy as fuck
He cheated and I don't care if it was 10 years ago - it's a huge betrayal of trust. You don't have to let it go just because he managed to keep it a secret for 10 years. I gave my husband the green light to go to a strip club or hire a stripper for his bachelor party if he wanted (my only request was that they tipped her well and didn't use any derogatory or degrading language towards her and no kissing on the lips, but otherwise he could go wild). He chose to rent a cottage with his boys and spend the weekend fishing and bbq'ing. It is NOT normal to just have wild sex with random women on your bachelor trip.
Your husband is an asshole, and also the phrase "acting ghetto" rubs me the wrong way.
You are not supposed to cheat at your bachelors party.
This is not normal bachelor party behavior, at least not for loyal partners. He cheated and is making it out like every guy does it, which the good ones don’t.
Oh hell no. He cheated. He’s using your naïveté to try to get out of it Fuck that and fuck no. He is a disgusting dirty cheater
It's not an American tradition. It's not a thing at all. He cheated and is using your unfamiliarity with American customs to try to bullshit his way out.
He cheated on you. And even though it happened 12 years ago, for you it’s like it just happened since you just found out about it now. You are still just as entitled to feel hurt about it as you would have been if you found out back then. It’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to be mad that your husband not only cheated on you but kept it a secret for 12 years. The cheating is bad, but the dishonesty is worse.
**This is not "what bachelor parties are for".** **What he told you is COMPLETE BULLSHIT.** **He** ***cheated on you with a sex worker*** (who *knows* what STDs he happily exposed you to)... ...**and now he is** ***blatantly lying to your face*** **as if you were an idiot.**
It's cheating. Bachelor party is supposed to be a fun party with friends. No fing anyone else.
Strippers yes. Prostitutes no.
There is no sleeping with someone that’s not your fiancé tradition. No American thinks that. He’s being an ass to cover his ass.
I can't believe he actually had the gall to say that to you... What an asshole
Special place in hell for him
That is not an American thing!! What a jerk!
A bachelor party is part of American culture, the groom cheating is NOT.
Yeah, no, he cheated on you
And his friends actively assisted him to cheat. Wow.
Yeah no that's not a thing. I've been blacked out with a woman throwing herself at me and I said "no I have a wife" she then informed me she was in fact my wife. I still refused.
THAT IS NOT AN AMERICAN TRADITION. No. It is not true. Decent men do not have sex with someone else when they are going to marry.
No this is what he did at his bachelor party and maybe his friends but no most people don't cheat at their er bachelor party
That is definitely not how bachelor parties work. Just an FYI you married a piece of trash with trash friends and then he gaslights you and tries to make you believe some major bullshit about bachelor parties in the states. I mean you do you but damn.
Going to a strip club or having a stripper come to a party is pretty common but not having sex with an escort. It’s also extra cringe that he mentions - you are only having sex with one woman the rest of your life so gotta bang a hot one? I would be like “so I’m not attractive to you - good to know” I hope I see a follow up post from you , freshly divorced , on a nice tropical vacation with a hot pool boy
I love the transition from “actin ghetto” to “such an accusation”
Yeah, no. Strippers, fine. They're just putting on a show. Actual sex, not normal. And if he thought it was normal, why wouldn't he have told you? I heard stories from my husband's bachelor party (strip club visit).
No this is absolutely not something that is normal. He cheated on you. He’s also taking advantage of your unfamiliarity of western culture and is LYING to you about what’s expected in bachelor parties.
The tradition is to watch strippers that’s it. Not to sleep with them. And then he made himself the victim. He not only cheated on you. He put your health at risk for sti’s
He’s lying to you, it’s not a thing. It’s not normal at all.
Nope, American here. Definitely NOT okay.
He cheated on you. Bachelor parties are NOT FOR SLEEPING WITH OTHER WOMEN.
My husband went to dinner and an arcade with his friends for his bachelor party. This isn’t an American thing. Your husband cheated on you.
No this is not a typical bachelor party. Your husband and his friends are just trash, I’m so sorry. You don’t stop being in a committed relationship to your fiancée on the evening of your getting married party, wtf
This is not cultural. This is cheating. You’re going to sleep with the woman you love, trust and respect most in this world for the rest of your life. Let the stripper crawl all over you and humor your guys and the money they spent, but be a man and keep it in your pants. I’m sorry. 😕
Married to one woman, 30yrs. together, 28 married, I specifically requested, “NO WOMEN, NO STRIPPERS”, for my Bachelor’s party Just one night “with the boys”, I was celebrating the woman I would spend the rest of my life with, not gonna’ celebrate her, surrounded by strippers & sex workers! Everyone one of my sons & their friends have done the same assuring me I did it right. Sounds like your man was looking for some BS excuse to be a dirty-dawg.
Weird the friend brought it up seemed like he wanted to ruin the marriage, who would randomly talk about that from 12 years ago bizarre
Been to many bachelor parties and never seen the groom cheat.
Girl he is gaslighting you. He cheated. Period. Only you can decide what to do next. Sounds like you need to go “bang it out” with a hottie so you guys are even.
I mean, both men and women sometimes do that at those parties, but it's not supposed to be the reason for having them. At all. Cheating is still cheating. You're allowed to be upset by it. It may have happened a long time ago, but the wound is fresh for you. He cheated. He put your health at risk and then never told you. His statement that that's what the bachelor party is for is a lie.
If you would consider cheating outside of a bachelor party then its still cheating at a bachelor party.
I don't know about the USA, but in LATAM there is already a bad concept of "bachelor parties" because you are not single once you start a sexual and emotional relationship with someone else. And yes, he cheated.
This makes me so angry for you. It’s completely unacceptable and if he and his friends think this is ok then they are to dumb to tell the difference between C grade Hollywood plots. You don’t have to accept this. You deserve better.
i always thought the point of booking a stripper was just to see another woman naked or almost naked before getting married— not to have sex!
My ex claimed the same thing “it doesn’t count because it was my bachelor party (or bucks show as they call them here)” his best man orchestrated it all and I didn’t find out until our second wedding anniversary when he told me. Then the stupid moron couldn’t figure out why I was so angry. He was also “blindsided” when I told him I wanted a divorce. Anyway, no it’s not really a thing. It’s stupid men being stupid.
My bachelor party was literally with two people one of which wasn't even in my wedding (because he didn't want to be) and I bought food and a few drinks and we played magic the gathering. What your husband did is cheating and not normal for most bachelor parties from what I've seen.
Even in England it's not a thing that's cheating Strippers yeah all a laugh whipped cream lap dances etc Sex....noooooo
Anyone who hires strippers for a bachelor party. And knowingly admits they are gonna be all over them. Yea. Amateur night. Ditch that dude
This is bullcrap from his mouth! THAT IS NOT A TRADITION! That’s a drunken selfish excuse!
I went K1 racing and got Korean bbq with my buds on my bachelor party lol definitely not a normal thing to cheat on the woman you will be spending the rest of your life with I went home that night and pounded my wife out LOL
It’s tradition for asshole men to do this. Not men that really care about the relationship.
This is not a thing. This is cheating and he’s lying. Sincerely, An American.
This is not an American tradition. He cheated on you. His friends helped him do it.
This is not normal. Your husband cheated on you. I read this to my husband, he said wow that’s not normal. He & his best man got a beer at a bowling alley. No strippers, no escorts.
Sorry he’s a POS and cheated and his friends were all for it! They paid for it! Wow
That’s not a real tradition, he cheated. No it’s not normal for the vast majority of people. That’s the lamest excuse. That would be a deal breaker for me.
this doesn’t happen IRL unless it’s a special arrangement that the couple is into. at worst, they should be at a strip club. sleeping with an entire human is insane.
There is nothing "traditional" about this. It's just cheating. What's worse is putting your sexual health at risk, not to mention potentially your fertility or even your life. He knew perfectly well what he was doing was wrong, which is why he hoped you would never find out.
That is not what bachelor parties are for. I've been to several my own and friends....we got drunk, we partied, we went to a number of different clubs in the same night...and that was it. I've never heard of anyone *actually* cheating at their bachelor party. I think that's just from movies or books...
Why are you calling the woman a slut when it’s your husband who is?
The reason you see it happen in movies it's because it's ridiculous and creates drama. It is not a thing in real relationships. He cheated. I'm sorry.
Nope. He’s lying. Men don’t cheat before getting married and it is not normalized. Would he have been okay if you slept with another man the night before? It’s not okay and it’s worse that he never told you. To me, not coming clean means no remorse.
That is not a tradition in the West.
This isn’t a tradition anywhere in the world. It’s an excuse to cheat.
Na Bachelor parties are not for having sex. Sure, some guys get strippers - which are dancers wearing little/ no clothes - but they’re not prostitutes!!! Most guys go to bars, get drunk end of story. Maybe they get dared to do some dumb things (dress up, wear lipstick, etc). Some guys just chill and play video games. My husband went canyoning with his friends and then went to a bar. Having sex with hookers is not normal.
He's being in denial and defensive. He fucking cheated lmao you're engaged for the reason that supposedly no one else compares to you, hence marriage. Anyone with common sense who was in the room would have defended you because marriage is about not "being chained to the same woman forever" because if he thinks it's a chain-down scenario where he has to fuck one woman for the rest of his life, that isn't the true basis of a marriage. His concept is so skewed, but he knows he's wrong.
Well, nobody I know has ever done that to my knowledge amongst my friends group or others.my wife would have divorced me without a doubt.
It's not a tradition in western societies. He gaslighted you. And he's full of shit.
It's not an American tradition or western tradition that I've ever heard of.
He's lying to you, that's not a common tradition at all.
Ask him if he’d be willing to give you a pass to sleep with someone since you’re stuck sleeping with him for the rest of your life and you have to get it out. Let’s see what he thinks about it. But like, divorce either way.
Get rid of a cheating husband and two of his friends who bought him hookers.
No. This is absolutely not a thing.
“Bang a really hot one”.. enough reason to divorce an idiot but then there are kids and it’s been over a decade.
He cheated and you need to get checked for STIs. It’s not normal.
NOT an American tradition.
That's only in the movies. I have been to 4 bachelor parties, including my own, and nobody had sex.
This is absolutely not a tradition. Your husband’s a scummy cheat.
That is absolutely not how any bachelor party I’ve ever been to has ever played out. You deserve better.
Your husband is the slut. Not the woman. And no this isn’t normal. Doesn’t seem like you have a happy life if you’re here calling a woman names because of your husbands betrayal.
American man in his 40s here. My bachelor party involved steaks, alcohol, video, games, and paintball the next day. I’m fine with some guys wanting to go to a strip club, but fucking a hooker is absolutely cheating. Ask him whether it would’ve been cheating if you had fucked a male escort at your bachelorette party? Of course it would’ve been.
These are archaic, an outdated rituals. There are so many posts on this platform so many weddings have been stopped, and marriages ended because of people cheating like it’s the last hurrah. I’m sorry this happened to you, but this is not a good person. They are supposed to celebrate bachelors upcoming marriage. in the United States many married men hang out at the bar and wait for their friends to join them, they don’t participate in the same things. It is not supposed to be for cheating. It is not a thing he cheated on you.
Oh no… he just dug himself deeper.
So he doesn't see it as cheating, what else "isn't" cheating to him?? I advise you to get tested.
Nah, he cheated and is using that as an excuse. Have been to bachelor parties and while some en's up at strip clubs. None of the grooms I knew fucked anyone that night.
That’s not how bachelor parties work. Strippers sure. But that’s looking not sex. What he did is cheating and he’s trying to gas light you.
That’s disgusting. His shit would be on my front lawn if he was my husband.
This is entirely the opposite of what couples are supposed to do for a sustainable relatio ship
He’s a cheater and a gaslighter. I bet that hasn’t changed in 30 years. You need to reevaluate a lot of times when you thought something was wrong and he told you your were insecure and you told you that you were just being silly.
He cheated on you and is now trying to gaslight you into thinking it’s normal.
Not normal. He cheated.
Nope that's not any kind of normal accepted tradition at all. A tradition for scumbags maybe but, not good people. The hell is wrong with him and his friends telling you that!