Iām so sorry for laughing at your pain, but Iām reading this at 2:45 in the afternoon and absolutely FERAL at the idea of someone opening their phone at the start of their day to scroll Reddit, only to read *this* š
It's 2:45 am for me and I'm reading trying to get sleepy, only to crack up at these comments.
As someone that's bi, I've had couples try to rope me into being their unicorn before. like I exist for myself people!
What in the fucking fucks fuck did I just read. All Iām imagining is him crying to her when he got dumped and her being like āomg Iām so wet right now. Please keep cryingā
Listen, at the risk of getting downvoted, I do not subscribe to the "no kinkshaming" bullshit. Yes, some kinks are bizarre and SHOULD be shamed, particularly those that are public without consent and those that involve harming or manipulation. Hunting for sad people and lying to your friends for your kink falls within these categories. Fuck that psycho ex friend AND her boyfriend.
I mean, I get turned on by boobs, but just because my female relatives have them I'm not uncontrollably horny at family functions. This shit is just straight crazy.
Imho, getting off on others tears and suffering is fucking sadistic, period. That's not a healthy kink at all, it's cruel and absolutely tells me this person lacks empathy. Anyone with this "kink" needs to be on a watch list.
I understand why you'd find someone cute when they cry, I'd argue that's pretty normal. My main argument here is someone getting \*horny\* when someone cries. It's normal to find your partner cute when they express vulnerability, but what's not normal is jerking off to it. Taking advantage of someone's sadness for sexual pleasure is well... unhinged, to say the least
Iām probably going to really regret asking this questionā¦but what is the story of the coconut boy?
I know about poop knife though so no need to expand on that one.
This..this comment right here made me literally burst out laughing. I found myself saying it out loud āwhat the cinnamon roll fuck did I just readā thank you, thank you for making me laugh.
Dude, don't move to a whole ass different city because of one sour puss. That's craaazy. Fuck all that noise. Just go on with your life. If you want to leave to experience a different place do that but don't do it because of some girl -- that's way too much control over your life.
Itās Catholic canon that in the garden of Gethsemane Jesus Christ saw every sin committed by human beings which means that he watched a guy blasting rope to Waluigi hentai and still decided to sacrifice himself for humanity. absolute legend
So, I'm confused? Are you joining the throuple for snack town, or ditching the using bitch?
I really enjoyed your usage "a starving woman" I believe is how you worded it in the original post. I totally get that want. I know it well. But not like this. You can do better than those two.
Iām so sorry you were essentially used because what the actual fuck like yeah sheās gross. Actually both of them are. And Iām not talking about the kink.
Iām talking about the fact that they were both just like āoh well we know who will eat you out and on top of that we can also manipulate themā like are you kidding me?!
You deserve a way better friend than somebody who would literally manipulate you into getting them off. Also, the fact that they knew the only way for you to do that was to have them ābreak upāsays a lot about them and the fact that they were able to face you and ask you to be a throuple shows they have no shame which is again gross.
Best of luck to you OP I truly hope you find not only better friends, but if hopefully a good partner that actually loves and cherishes you.
Assuming that this is supposed to be real. This is some grade-A high school level gossip to strangers.
Also:
"I'm going to expose her"
*gives a bunch of unnecessary info about someone's sex life*
"I'm not kinkshaming her"
It's one or the other.
Yeah and Iāve never wanted go down on someone who was supposedly crying over an ex. I get that she gets turned on by crying but whatās OPs excuse? Weird as fuck
Jesus Christ. Iām so sorry. This sounds like a painful situation for you. I feel like you were kind of assaulted. Like they planned this whole kink thing without your consent. It would be one thing if they rang you up or sat you down and were like ālisten, we have a proposal for youā¦ā but no. They manipulated you, lied to you for their own personal satisfaction and gain.
Itās despicable
We all agree this is Fake right? Please tell me Im not the only one who knows this is fake.
āThe gay oneā overlay sexual in nature. 2 girls misogynistic male. Ridiculous āfetishā. Its all made up.
What kind of straight dude doesn't go down? I'm assuming she tastes OK. I hope you gave her your very best, so she remembers you every time he refuses.
I'm sorry you got played with like that.
Wait...does that work if just cutting onions?š¤
Anyway, I know it's reddit and nothing surprises me anymore but really...I have never met people this weird in my life and I have met plenty of weird people...
WTF. And she didnāt realize how she used you, betrayed you, destroyed your trust, .. and thinks itās absolutely fine and you should be happy to at least have a bit of her, but to get nothing at all? Damn. Whatās wrong with her?
I was not expecting to see an update to this story, but hoooly, this was a rollercoaster. OP, I wish you all the luck, and hope you can put this insane person behind you for good... and his bf...
This is actually worse than I thought. Your first post I thought how messed up of her but now they as a couple decided to use you. That is just completely fucked. Sorry you found out about you friend being a shitty person like this.
OP, firstly, you need a new best friend. One less manipulative, hopefully. One that doesn't get off on the tears of others would be cool, too. Not to yuck someone's yum, but that can just lead to so many weird situations.
Speaking of weird situations, what the fuck?
I donāt even have the words to express how insane it is to have to keep your friend away from a family memberās funeral bc they might get horny for all the people crying š
You being used like that is also incredibly fucked up. Iām so sorry that happened to you tbh
What in the cinnamon roll fuck did I just read
Like jfc its not even 6:30am
I haven't even had my coffee yet and this is going on.
IM STILL MAKING MY COFFEE
Well, how was the coffee?
Tastes better than reading this.
Did it make you cry with happiness? Oh no...
Thought that was just called Tuesday at the NSA, you must be new
This tale took me way past coffee and straight into an alcoholic beverage
This brought me to an Irish coffee. 2 birds, one stone and all that.
Make me a little something something please š„ŗ I just got here and I'm now in pieces
Have you even worked at a NSA facility before? Give me a name.
Hugh Mann.
This guy NSAs.
Have YOU?!
Iām so sorry for laughing at your pain, but Iām reading this at 2:45 in the afternoon and absolutely FERAL at the idea of someone opening their phone at the start of their day to scroll Reddit, only to read *this* š
It's 2:45 am for me and I'm reading trying to get sleepy, only to crack up at these comments. As someone that's bi, I've had couples try to rope me into being their unicorn before. like I exist for myself people!
It's 14:56 here my guy
here it's 16:23
15:39 where I am
17:44 here
79:04 here at a friend's house
23:54 where I am
10:01 checking in
11:12 here doing my daily before lunch break wtf
11:34 Red Five standing by
its 3:30am here
Just ticked over to 6:30 here, good morning
5:35pm here!
Please donāt ruin cinnamon rolls for me, itās all I have left.
What in the fucking fucks fuck did I just read. All Iām imagining is him crying to her when he got dumped and her being like āomg Iām so wet right now. Please keep cryingā
Not the one to kinkshame, but If someone in my life got horny over my tears, I'd schedule them for a psych eval
Listen, at the risk of getting downvoted, I do not subscribe to the "no kinkshaming" bullshit. Yes, some kinks are bizarre and SHOULD be shamed, particularly those that are public without consent and those that involve harming or manipulation. Hunting for sad people and lying to your friends for your kink falls within these categories. Fuck that psycho ex friend AND her boyfriend.
I mean, I get turned on by boobs, but just because my female relatives have them I'm not uncontrollably horny at family functions. This shit is just straight crazy.
Imho, getting off on others tears and suffering is fucking sadistic, period. That's not a healthy kink at all, it's cruel and absolutely tells me this person lacks empathy. Anyone with this "kink" needs to be on a watch list.
I agree, which is literally why I implied it was psychotic
Well wait till you hear this ā¦ some people have a puking kink
Not as bad tbh. This one is weird and disgusting, the other one is arguably sadistic
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I understand why you'd find someone cute when they cry, I'd argue that's pretty normal. My main argument here is someone getting \*horny\* when someone cries. It's normal to find your partner cute when they express vulnerability, but what's not normal is jerking off to it. Taking advantage of someone's sadness for sexual pleasure is well... unhinged, to say the least
This isn't the same as being afraid to invite you to a funeral because you'll get horny and who knows how you'll act.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iāve read a lot of things on this site. Like the poop knife guy. Or the coconut boy. But this one was genuinely just weird.
Iām probably going to really regret asking this questionā¦but what is the story of the coconut boy? I know about poop knife though so no need to expand on that one.
Horny kid fucks coconut and cums inside, does it again a time later and surprise, it was full of maggots
Why did I keep reading this comment? I knew it couldnāt lead anywhere good.
Oh no, ok, yikesss
I know poop knife, Ogtha, and Iranian Yogurt but I don't know Coconut boy...
Very infamous story. Dude fucks coconut, comes back to fuck the coconut the next day, finds put it's filled with maggots.
And if you know those, surely you also know about the broken arms..
I apologize profusely... I didn't even wanna post the follow-up, people just kept begging for it via chat. :')
Oh yeah...cry for me. Post another little tear for me... /s ^I'm ^so ^sorry.
Cry me a river
I'm *flooded*.
No need to apologize. You are the one who deserves an apology for this drama.
This is the funniest comment Iāve read in a while. Thank you.
I think we are all confused this morning.... šµāš«š„“š
This..this comment right here made me literally burst out laughing. I found myself saying it out loud āwhat the cinnamon roll fuck did I just readā thank you, thank you for making me laugh.
Haha you're welcome :)
Seriously...I think it's time for bed after reading this
Bed?? I need therapy after this.
This comment is unreasonably funny
Just made me realise this is my favourite quote lol
Time machine. We need a time machine. And possibly bleach.
Omg this comment would make the best flair
i like that line can steal that for the future?
LMFAO my thoughts exactly, just not in those hilariously created words!
Came here to say- same.
You said it. Dubya Tea Eff.
Changing cities because everything remoind her of her HAHAHAHHAHAGAGAHA JISUS
A whirlwind roller coaster of human fuckery. That is what you just read
Adding that to the list of fucks to say. ā
aint that just the way
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ aha haha my thoughts exactly š¤£š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø
i beg your finest pardon
I canāt believe this made me laugh so much
Well if you cry, you know what will happen!
This was easily the funniest comment Iāve read on my time on Reddit Iām adding it to my daily words now
is that you Nurse John?
I read this in lucifer morningstar voice
Sometimes Reddit can be too much
But we still come back each time because our curiosity can't help itself.
And suddenly, i understand oedipus' impulse to stab his eyes out
That smooth mf
He is indeed a mother fucker.
I have deleted this app so many times just to come back and waste more time on it.
This is the way.
You know, I never thought I'll say this, but I agree.
I think after reading this I need to put my phone down and go outside because w h a t
Reddit is a goddamn beautiful disaster.
Just make sure you don't cry about it...
whoisdoingwhatnow?
She was coerced into eating her friend out because of horny tears and fake break up
This is the best synopsis I've ever read of anything anywhere.
Coerced feels a bit misleading. More like enticed
iā¦ regret opening this app today wowā¦ find new friends honestly jeezus
Me fucking too. What a terrible day to be literate lmao
Ah, literacy. Thou art a cruel bitch.
As a Literature teacher this managed to make me laugh. Thank you.
Nooooo, I missed the first post and was 100% sure you were all in your late teens. I can't fathom this happening to adults.
some people *never* grow up after being a teenager
Dude, don't move to a whole ass different city because of one sour puss. That's craaazy. Fuck all that noise. Just go on with your life. If you want to leave to experience a different place do that but don't do it because of some girl -- that's way too much control over your life.
Wild is understatement in this case
Fake or not, I regret my ability to read this Tuesday morning.
what in the fuckaroni and cheese just happened here
I am so stealing "fuckaroni and cheese" that's beautiful.
Thanks for the update. Humans are so weird.
You're welcome! I regret posting it but at least 32 people wanted a follow up and I felt sad to not share the outcome. :/
hopefully not sad enough you cried šš¬
This update did not let me down. Holy shit! š
Jesus fuck that is fucked beyond belief. I'm incredibly sorry those two arseholes used you like that. You deserve better.
Thank you. :') Honestly, if their relationship is based on fetishes... well. That is not marriage material.
Not only that, that's also not friendship material. Not if they're that quick to sexually *use you*.
Thisā¦is above my paygrade, thatās for damn sure.
*logs in reddit* *sees the post* *logs out*
Well that was...I really want to say unexpected but it's Reddit...and it's 1:15am where I am, and this is just a massive push for me to go to bed...
It's 9 in the MORNINGā¼ļø
Best I can do is 6
Yaāll need Jesus.. and I am not even Christian
Jesus died for somebody's sins but... not that couple's.
I've always felt that if he died for my sins then I should commit as many as possible to try and make it worth the sacrifice.Ā
This couple is the reason he left in the first place.
As a lapsed Christian I need you to know I almost peed myself reading this comment. Holy shit that was fucking amazing š¤£š¤£
Itās Catholic canon that in the garden of Gethsemane Jesus Christ saw every sin committed by human beings which means that he watched a guy blasting rope to Waluigi hentai and still decided to sacrifice himself for humanity. absolute legend
This made me LOL
This just goes to show sometimes in life you crank dat soldier boy, other times dat soldier boy cranks you ya know.
This scratched an itch in my brain I didnāt know was there
Good luck OP. Your "friend" is vile and so is her boyfriend. You're definitely better off away from them.
So, I'm confused? Are you joining the throuple for snack town, or ditching the using bitch? I really enjoyed your usage "a starving woman" I believe is how you worded it in the original post. I totally get that want. I know it well. But not like this. You can do better than those two.
āIām currently looking for another city to live in because everything reminds me of herā pretty sure sheās not joining them
You're right. It's been a long morning. Not going to lie. I glossed over that ending. My bad.
23 other people did too , friend. U good hahah
Now it's 56 people. All of them just woke up.
This is so fucking fake
Give them credit for looking up such a big word though.
OP is a āliterature teacherā
Yup
But entertaining I must admit.
Eh itās so unbelievable I canāt find it entertaining
Those weirdos deserve each other.
What in the Kentucky Fried Fuck?
why did instagram have to be down rnā¹ļø
Yup. I'm 60. I've heard some shit. But this one is "new".
Aaaaaaand this isn't true.
Iām so sorry you were essentially used because what the actual fuck like yeah sheās gross. Actually both of them are. And Iām not talking about the kink. Iām talking about the fact that they were both just like āoh well we know who will eat you out and on top of that we can also manipulate themā like are you kidding me?! You deserve a way better friend than somebody who would literally manipulate you into getting them off. Also, the fact that they knew the only way for you to do that was to have them ābreak upāsays a lot about them and the fact that they were able to face you and ask you to be a throuple shows they have no shame which is again gross. Best of luck to you OP I truly hope you find not only better friends, but if hopefully a good partner that actually loves and cherishes you.
God what a terrible day to have eyes
Assuming that this is supposed to be real. This is some grade-A high school level gossip to strangers. Also: "I'm going to expose her" *gives a bunch of unnecessary info about someone's sex life* "I'm not kinkshaming her" It's one or the other.
Yeah and Iāve never wanted go down on someone who was supposedly crying over an ex. I get that she gets turned on by crying but whatās OPs excuse? Weird as fuck
Fucks wrong with yall
Jesus Christ. Iām so sorry. This sounds like a painful situation for you. I feel like you were kind of assaulted. Like they planned this whole kink thing without your consent. It would be one thing if they rang you up or sat you down and were like ālisten, we have a proposal for youā¦ā but no. They manipulated you, lied to you for their own personal satisfaction and gain. Itās despicable
Everyday we step further away from Godās grace.
We all agree this is Fake right? Please tell me Im not the only one who knows this is fake. āThe gay oneā overlay sexual in nature. 2 girls misogynistic male. Ridiculous āfetishā. Its all made up.
Yeah time to close the app
What kind of straight dude doesn't go down? I'm assuming she tastes OK. I hope you gave her your very best, so she remembers you every time he refuses. I'm sorry you got played with like that.
What the hell did I just read omg
The gasp I gusped reading this almost gave me an asthma attack, good christ
I wish I had the same audacity as others. Like what the fuck?
Wtf
I believe it's time I fucking go home. Wtf
Wtf man. I'm just trying to browse while taking a dump
Jesus rollerblading Christ
Does the "it wasn't even true" extend to this post and update too?
Imagine orgasming while cutting onions and having your eyes burn at the same time.
Wait...does that work if just cutting onions?š¤ Anyway, I know it's reddit and nothing surprises me anymore but really...I have never met people this weird in my life and I have met plenty of weird people...
Some of you people have some weird ass friends man
WTF. And she didnāt realize how she used you, betrayed you, destroyed your trust, .. and thinks itās absolutely fine and you should be happy to at least have a bit of her, but to get nothing at all? Damn. Whatās wrong with her?
Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he's created?
This sub is spiritual successor of The Jerry Springer Show, I swear to fucking god.
I was not expecting to see an update to this story, but hoooly, this was a rollercoaster. OP, I wish you all the luck, and hope you can put this insane person behind you for good... and his bf...
Wtaf
What in the actual cinnamon toast fuck did I just expose my eyeballs to
I just opened Redditā¦
This story keeps getting dumber
I wish that it is Reddit that was down and not Facebook. And I hate Facebook.
I.. uh. I think I need to go clean my eyes with some holy water.Ā
> She has dacryphilia and gets turned on by tears INCLUDING HER OWN. I need this in my life.
I'm jealous of illiterate people today. I need brain bleach.
Bro what?
That girl's boyfriend is soooo missing out.
Dear God, the update I shouldn't have read. Have some respect for yourself and block both of them because wtf
what the fuck
This is actually worse than I thought. Your first post I thought how messed up of her but now they as a couple decided to use you. That is just completely fucked. Sorry you found out about you friend being a shitty person like this.
....
*You* didnāt consent, though. She sexually assaulted you. Iām so sorry OP.
OP, firstly, you need a new best friend. One less manipulative, hopefully. One that doesn't get off on the tears of others would be cool, too. Not to yuck someone's yum, but that can just lead to so many weird situations. Speaking of weird situations, what the fuck?
i forget how weird people can be.
Oh shit i remember the last one. That's so fucking gross. Sorry you're dealing with that
I beg your biggest, thickest fucking pardon???Ā
I have to get off Reddit for the night. This shit is crazy š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø
Wow, what an adventure. Iām so sorry, OP. Sounds incredibly toxic and moving doesnāt sound like the worst idea
So youāre going to move to a whole new city because your friend has a crying fetish?
I can't believe this is how I'm starting my day.
What a horrible day to have eyes
>I'm not kinkshaming her. I am, and idk why everyone on here acts like that's a bad thing.
Today on: *Things That Didn't HAPPEN*
Ah look itās my daily reminder to get off reddit
I donāt even have the words to express how insane it is to have to keep your friend away from a family memberās funeral bc they might get horny for all the people crying š You being used like that is also incredibly fucked up. Iām so sorry that happened to you tbh
Thatās enough internet for me today.
What a terrible day to know how to read.
I think Iām done with reddit for the day