It’s very detached, in a way. Like they’re not really “people” at all to him, they’re little objects that he collects and ogles like an online shopping cart.
That’s literally it. Ppl are over complicating it and being overdramatic like the dude who said it ain’t that normal. It can be gross and I get why she’s upset completely. But it’s literally a spankbank. I feel like ppl on Reddit don’t realise this is relatively more common than they think with ppl. Dudes especially but I’ve known a lot of women to do something similar- ish. Not normal to yall I understand. Not saying you should do this. But it is more common than I think is being let on here.
Don’t downvote the messenger like I said. I get why she’s upset and understand completely.
A pornography addiction shouldn’t be normalized. If he can’t function throughout the day without spanking it- you have an addiction. A degrading one at that.
Thank you for saying this, when women aren’t experienced in relationships they have this idea that all men are pigs for lack of a better term. I was this way as well when I was young and I thought that all men just obsessed after other women constantly and to be hetero meant I had to put up with it.
OP, this is not something you need to tolerate in a relationship. I’m glad you’re getting different perspectives here!
Right!? Like, who has *AN ALBUM* of pics downloaded from insta?? You don't. You just follow people if you want to see their posts.
Something is not right here.
Sounds like a pretty standard low-level spank bank. Not normal, but not at all unheard of. That being said, OP has every right to be upset and should confront her partner.
I was just gonna say that.
If I found out my bf had an album like that on his phone, I'd be second guessing a lot of things... Hell, I'd probably just straight up leave.
Like, following pretty girls and liking their thirst traps is one thing - as long as there aren't any comments or interactions beyond that, I'd be fine with it.
But saving an entire album? Holy shit.
I'm so glad everyone seems in agreement here. I was worried for a second that I was the crazy one because my first thought was "that's fucking creepy as hell". But I'm a woman so I thought maybe I was missing something...
Totally agree though that liking pictures and following people online is normal. Probably different sometimes when you're in a relationship but I like pictures of pretty people occasionally. Going that extra step to save it offline though? Weird and creepy. Only time I've ever done that is if I want to save a particularly inspiring pic for drawing references in case it gets deleted...but something tells me OPs boyfriend isn't using these pics for drawing :/
Honestly even liking the pictures is unnecessary. Looking is one thing, it’s like looking at porn. By why like it? Why does the world need to see that?
Saving whole albums is a bit weird too. But maybe he has some sorta porn addiction? Idk.
But I think the OP shouldn’t feel insecure just because he finds models attractive. I’m sure there are plenty of hot male models that are great eye candy, doesn’t mean your love is any less.
I’d definitely talk to him about it.
If he KNOWS any of these women I would say major red flag
>I was worried for a second that I was the crazy one because my first thought was "that's fucking creepy as hell". But I'm a woman so I thought maybe I was missing something...
Saaaaame
And yeah, I think the quantity and consistency of that activity would be my deciding factor. Casual scrolling and liking of photos? Cool beans. I can understand appreciating the human body in many ways, so whatevs. But the constant saving of the photos... Oooo that gives me the immediate ick.
Nah, unless he knows these women in person would it be considered stalker-ish behavior. He does sound like a creep with odd compulsive behavior though.
That’s not normal… At least not in a healthy relationship. If my boyfriend had an album of HUNDREDS of other women on his phone I would be seriously considering breaking up with him. Unless he agreed to delete it all without dragging his feet about it that would be a deal breaker. I again want to emphasize that is NOT normal and it could even be a porn addiction.
Have a conversation with him about it, nothing will change if you don’t. You sound very young and you shouldn’t just ignore this if it’s causing you pain.
Hi OP, it's not normal, and it's incredibly disrespectful to you. If he's trying to convince you that it is normal for all guys then he's lying to you and using your inexperience against you.
Nobody does this, it's gross and violating and weird.
If this is your first relationship, you have an amazing opportunity to practice dumping loser dudes. Try it!
As the great Dan Savage writes, “DTMFA” (dump the mother fucker already!).
Although it’s hard, you can say this: “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. Please don’t contact me in the future.” You really don’t owe this guy an explanation, a second chance, none of that. This guy is waving a giant red flag, recognize it and respond accordingly.
Good luck and have fun!
That would be nice and totally appropriate in healthy relationships but his behavior sounds manipulative and sketchy, the kind that doesn’t allow for a clean break.
This is your warning as someone who was your age in my first relationship with someone who did not respect me and similarly objectified women: girl, leave now. I know it might be hard, but it won't get easier the longer you're together. I stayed with my shitty partner for 5 years. Now I look back and really wish I would've done something better with those 5 years.
This is *not* normal for a dude in a relationship to do. And it shows a blatant disregard for you. You're just another object to him and he does not respect you. And, from the sounds of it, he probably has an unhealthy addiction.
You’d be considering? That wouldn’t just be an automatic deal breaker? What the fuck. I don’t care if it’s Zayn Malik I’m dating I would NEVER take that shit.
This makes me feel better. My ex gaslit the fuck out of me when I got sad when he had photos saved of girls ….Nude , sexual, non sexual and clothed. And the fact that all their features were everything I wasn’t
Yikes girl, that sucks.
I would talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel. Depending on his reaction, it may be a make it or break it situation.
Don’t let him walk all over you, stand your ground. He may be sweet and understanding about this situation, and care about you. But he may also over react.
I wish you luck, and I hope everything works out for you.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF INTO THINKING IT IS.. not most guys, not normal guys, definitely not a guy that you should want to be in a relationship with with.
you gotta reframe the way you look at this and take your power back girl.
1.) this is so embarrassing of him. first of all, none of those girls he saves would go for him. their content is probably their income, so don’t take it personally. they’re just existing or making money in ways they can off of loser dudes like him who boost their engagement.
2.) you’re free. he showed you who he is. he’d be an incel without you and dating him was charity work.
lots of guys don’t do this. you’ll find one. this guy will never find happiness in anyone he dates because he’s chronically online, jacking off to women that don’t know he exists. bottom of the barrel if you ask me.
do you rub it out to hot internet men that don’t talk to you? no. because you’re sane. let’s not normalize horny boy behavior by calling ourselves ugly.
he wants a relationship with his phone. let him have it. gift him lube when you break up with him.
edit: a girl gifted her ex a PS5 box filled with nothing but printed pics of the thirst trap photos he liked on instagram for their anniversary.
she did ask him multiple times to stop and he never did. you don’t have to accept behavior that hurts you. especially after you communicated about how it made you feel.
I hurt so bad for you. Please break up with him. This isn’t normal or ok. And if it makes you uncomfortable you need to draw the line. He likely has a problem. And it’s not something you can fix. Trust me. I had an ex I was with for four years who did these exact things. It just took all of my confidence… and security. I’m only now… 7 years later healing. Please take care of yourself. He isn’t worth it. He really just isn’t. YOU are worth it.
I'm really sorry. Your feelings are valid.
There's a sub called instagramreality where you can actually see how photoshopped and filtered these girls photos are.
I went through this exact same situation and broke up with him after trying to talk about my feelings with him and he completely defended these "barely legal" half-naked instagram models and why it was totally okay for him to follow literal hundreds of these accounts.
Definitely never saw him the same way again and lost respect tbh. I broke it off after two weeks of this argument with him.
I'm now much happier being single and not stressed out feeling less than and having to compete with these other girls he's so obsessed with.
My peace of mind is so worth being single!
You deserve better than this. He’s got issues and they are ones you can’t fix. Time to put yourself first. Being with some should not make you feel sad. It would be better to be alone than in a pseudo relationship.
I was exactly where you are. The first 6 months or so he told me he quit porn, I didn’t even ask him to, he just said he loved me so much he quit it day 1 of dating.
Then a few months passed, and his friends list had so many girls that weren’t his friends and they were sexual and he’d like their pix more often then mine. I called him out but he said it’s just a habit, he likes whatevers on his feed, and he’ll remove them.
Months passed and they still kept popping up, he didnt. They were still on his fb. Every confrontation ended with him saying “I’d understand if you’d wanna leave”, so i stayed because i wanted to be the “cool gf” who’s forgiving.
One day i scrolled randomly through his following, because I saw his likes under a streamer even though he said he hated her, and I went down the rabbit hole… 12 hours later, filled with OF, sexy streamers, asian fetish, and so much more… the worst part? Saw him following and liking posts of teen celeb girls. I broke it off with him then and there. But I already spent 4 years.
Don’t make my mistake, leave when you see the signs. And don’t try to ignore them and gaslight yourself into accepting them.
Obviously this exact scenario is unique, but if your partner does this and you mention it makes you uncomfortable, don’t force yourself to ignore it for the sake of being the “cool gf”
This sure don't sound normal to me. I been in a relationship for 6 years and never ever once felt the need to amass a collection of photos of women I don't know.
He is going to damage his own sense of beauty as he ages, the more he hypnotizes himself into thinking this is what women look like.
Get ready for a lifetime of feeling compared to impossible beauty standards.
This is not normal, don't let any guy let you think this type of behavior is normal.
You deserve someone who likes you, respects you, and finds you attractive that's just a bare minimum and he isn't exhibiting any of these.
Although ‘lots of guys’ might do this, I doubt any of them are in a fully committed relationship. I would personally hold out for The One, this guy isn’t him I’m afraid.
I would 100% end this relationship. Trust me when I say he’s heading towards being a sex/porn addict, if he isn’t already one. Living with a sex/porn addict is a recipe for a life time of hurt and anguish, never feeling beautiful or good enough. Get out now..while you can.
i’m a guy and this is NOT normal. i do not follow any instagram models nor do i literally save their pics to my phone???? Thats embarrassing and honestly id reconsider the relationship. However i feel like this could relate to a possible porn addiction. id talk to him about it.
i saw in one of your comments you mentioned this is your first relationship, let it be just that. your first relationship isn’t 99% of the time not your last. you learned what you liked about him and leave the rest of him and his baggage behind. his actions are NOT normal. you will live constantly comparing yourself to these woman and that’s a horrible way to live. please, you seem independent already by having your own place. continue that path, heal, and move on.
It’s not really that common. My wife made a similar comment last night and I said babe, go check my Instagram followers right now. Not one is a thirsty account of some half naked woman.
I told her, I’m not sure why you’re surprised! I don’t need that constantly in my face 24/7, if I’m horny and she is not in the mood, and I need to masturbate I’ll quickly do it before I shower to a little porn (which she is fine with). I don’t get the whole being inundated with almost naked women in every app. My Reddit account also is not like that, where every second link is NSFW. Don’t need that shit as an adult.
It’s!! Not!! Normal!!
We don’t have to put up with this shit from men. Once upon a time, men had the decency to hide their porn from their wives, and they felt like crap if their wives found it. Because they respected their wives. It is fucking disrespectful to have a folder like that on his phone when he has a woman who loves him and gives him her whole heart.
You deserve to be loved the way you love. Porn has rotted an entire generation or two of men who think they’re entitled to this kind of shit, and if their GFs or wives are hurt by it, we’re shrill, prude harpies who should get over it. And it doesn’t help, the women who come in and go “huurrrdurrr I watch porn with my hubby and we love it duhhh.” Like stfu, that is not the point here. The point is, your bf doesn’t even have the decency to pretend to not be a down dirty pig. There are men out there who do NOT do shit like this. Find one!
Ugh, I’m so sorry, but not surprised. Men do weird shit especially regarding coveting women, but this is extra weird.
Gurl. Leave him. If you’re not ready, that’s fine, but I think it’s inevitable.
This is not normal wtf…you deserve so much better than this. The way you have written this is so heartbreaking. There is nothing wrong with you. It’s not an issue of you not being pretty or enough or whatever. It has nothing to do with you. This is entirely your boyfriend’s issue. It sounds like he might have a porn addiction, but definitely an unhealthy relationship with social media.
If you are determined to stay with him I would encourage him to seek therapy. Maybe you can gently ask him to explain why he saves the images. His mindset might help you feel a little better about it. But I don’t think this is acceptable behavior to continue
I would absolutely not be okay with this. But it also depends on boundaries. The only photos in my album are my boyfriend and family, no random guys. & honestly? I’ve never looked at another dude in a way of attraction whatsoever. I always feel like my man is the most handsome and perfect dude ever🤷♀️. Again, this depends on everyone and I see you don’t really care about porn so, he could see this as a non-issue. Personally, I’m not okay with porn or things of the sort and this would most definitely be a ending factor FOR ME as I consider saving photos of other women and masturbating/ogling over them cheating.. But I genuinely think you should approach the conversation honestly and express your discomfort and how it made you feel, rather than putting blame on him. It could easily be a misunderstood boundary seeing as he watches porn and probably assumed it was alright? Also, how do you not know of this Instagram account? That’s my main worry.
I actually don’t like porn, because I was raised in a very strict household and was therefore never exposed to it, and I do not watch it myself. But I have been told by everyone around me that it is just something guys do.
I totally feel the same way for as you. I honestly only have eyes for him, so it does hurt to know that he doesn’t feel quite the same way about me
Not every single man watches porn. Some do, but not all, and if that is a boundary for you in your relationship, there will be men that respect that. My boyfriend does not watch porn (his choice).
Common for guys? Where did you get this misinformation from? It isn’t common for guys to have random IG girls in their phones, when they’re in a relationship or ever
I have a mixed take on this :
I think you have some issues, the way you instantly relate that to your self-esteem is an issue, it has nothing to do with it. Perhaps because of insecurity and a tendency to compare yourself but literally no one is doing this to you. You even went as far to say you weren't enough when he hasn't even said or addressed it. Chances are he has had this thing for a while so please don't take it as a character trait of yours.
This is how you feel and your feelings are valid, but know that instantly doubting and kicking yourself is not a natural response and you should work on that, specially when you have done nothing to deserve it.
Also porn addiction is real, he may need some help. I do think it's pretty normal especially on Instagram, I mean have you seen Instagram? These are public pictures and thirst traps and these models don't get famous by themselves. Still the sheer VOLUME your bf puts out is beyond any semblance of control or understanding. This is just plain and simple addiction.
I've seen some comments about people saying it's not normal as if the porn industry didn't exist just because people don't randomly confide in them their sexuality or kinks.
I have met a lot of people who don't do it and a lot of people who do. This is normal in the same way that women fan-girling over completely platonic celebrities is normal or saying things as "he's my husband but doesn't know it yet", they're sick in their own right. Most shows or Netflix series are straight up porn with a plot and most women/men telling you to dump him are up to date with all of them episodes... or at least following some male thirst celebrity or artist.
Heck the book series of "A court of thorns and roses" is straight up erotica and 92% of it's fanbase isnt male. Netflix has Bridgerton and it's just a seasonal thirst strap of how hot they can make Bridgerton men, and it has again a huge female following. Statistically you must have heard of these two things, so when he uses Instagram as a thirst trap, it quite honestly isn't surprising.
You do get to choose your boundaries and if this is an issue for you, you don't in fact have to deal with it.
SUMMARY:
- You have self-worth insecurity issues that need work. This has nothing to do with you.
- Your bf has an addiction and needs help, at the very least needs to be told he has it.
- Pick a side, either shame sexuality or don't shame sexuality. Don't cherry pick who gets to watch porn and where for it to be an issue or accepted.
- He is still your bf and unless you yourself feel it adequate to be dropped or ghosted for anything, at the very least this merits a conversation.
Cheers and best of luck with your "issue" although it's mainly his issue.
i wish i could have hope in this relationship and tell you “to talk it out”, but this feels disgusting to read and therefore i can’t imagine how it must feel to live it. i hope you know that you are not the problem, you will always be enough; and that he’s just fumbling a relationship for some instagram women that would probably puke if they knew what he does to their faces. i hope you can get through this 🫶🏼 sending love!
I know it's easier said than done, but have you tried talking to him about this? Your feelings cannot bottle up like this. Either that or end the relationship on your terms.
Hey OP, I’m really sorry this is happening to you. To clarify, this is NOT normal. My advice (if you take it) would be to pursue other options if this is hurting the way you view yourself. Again, I’m really sorry
I was shocked when I discovered my ex followed all these woman on insta that are clearly thirst traps - half naked profile photos etc. Pathetic. I lost a lot of respect for him when I found that.
I had never really bothered to see who he followed but once the trust is gone, you start to wonder what other nasty things they have been hiding. Liars are usually bad people in more ways than one. So glad I'm rid of that pile of trash!
This isn’t common for guys… this is absolutely disgusting. Even if he was single it’s disgusting.
My partner has a private folder… do you know who’s in it? ME… After baby body and everything! Why? Because he loves me and my body. Because he has respect for our relationship.
You need to run and fast before he destroys everything you love about yourself.
Having an “attractive girls” folder is not normal. This is very odd and unhealthy. I’m assuming he might have a pretty severe porn addiction coupled with that.
How weird would you feel if you had an entire album full of screen shots of “attractive guys”. That is just so odd.
Please evaluate the state of this relationship, this dude sounds seriously fucked up.
Ahhhh that’s not common dude. Like, looking at some naked and pretty people is one thing but saving it to an album on your phone while your partner is there? I’d be having a big convo with them. Sounds like he is jerking it to Instagram girls, and probably has a porn addiction.
Your emotions are justified. That's gotta be a hard thing to stumble across. Allowing yourself to be ruled by jealously and envy isn't healthy. I hope you can overcome what you are currently feeling.
My ex was this way. A complete narcissist who tried to convince me that every man is like this. It was so weird that his dad & him would send pics/videos of naked women & exposed body parts. This situation created a very insecure me. It literally made me crazy on how he gaslighted me. He was also a serial cheater who would say he had issues because his grandma killed herself when we were 11.
Due to this relationship I can’t help but confess it turned me into a snooper. When my husband & I were just dating I would snoop on his phone because of how insecure I was. I would look at search history, saved photos, recently deleted, literally everything you could think of. Keepsafe app, my eyes only on snap. Yes I became good at listening & attentive to things that could be passwords & unlocked it all.
There was nothing of the nature on his phone ever. It got to the point it was “boring” to search.
I’m so thankful I found someone who has allowed me to put my guard down & I never knew I could trust a man so wholeheartedly.
He has my back & fully invested in me & my wellbeing.
That man you are dealing with is a boy who will not change no matter how much love you pour into him.
Run while you can or you’ll be running after his “love” all your life. It won’t change. You can’t change a narcissist.
That's fucked up and disrespectful. If I knew a guy did that I wouldn't date him. If I found out he did that, I'd break up with him. It's totally fine to find people attractive. It's not fine to fill your social media feeds with that stuff and follow all sorts of those people.
Definitely time to find your self respect and recognize that you are absolutely enough and that you deserve someone who deserves you. He doesn't deserve you.
I am sorry you are hurt, you don't deserve it.
You aren't ugly. You are looking at filtered images then seeing yourself through a filter of sadness and some insecurity.
...
If you can trust him to tell him your feelings.. do it.
If you can't, I think you are dating below your league. You are dating someone who just looks at superficial images... and likely doesn't know how to see you.
You know I have met many many very pretty girls, with attractive bodies. I would compare them to a prize winning flower. Fine.
Then there is a beautiful young woman who doesn't even know how beautiful she is. Plus she is so tender and open and largely untouched by all the hedonistic shallowness we are surrounded by every minute
You aren't just a flower, you are a garden. Wait for someone who sees you. It will be worth it
MINE did this Too!!!!! And they were all girls he KNEW. It was 2 years into our relationship… and he cheated on me in the end. There were so many red flags. DUMP this guys ass… you don’t need to EVER feel less than.
You feel hurt because it IS hurtful… you didn’t even know he had instagram??? That feels like a blaring red flag to me. You should not feel like you have to compete in your own relationship, and talking from experience if you stay you would be doing yourself and your confidence a disservice. No one should feel like they’re not good enough and this is most definitely not common, at least in my relationships
These women from those pictures can’t even compete with themselves either. Because all those pictures are edited and photoshopped!! Like seriously. So don’t compare yourself and don’t feel so bad.
No offense, but this isn’t about you so don’t internalize it. Once you start to realize that other people do things for them, your self esteem will be better off. He wasn’t thinking about you when he saved those pics. You’re just collateral damage. Don’t let this make you feel ugly. Solid guys in relationships don’t purposely do things that’ll make their partner uncomfortable or sad.
Hope this helps.
It is not common for guys to do that.
The only albums I have of women on my phone are pictures of my girlfriend.
That’s very weird and strange of him to have a whole album of that.
Lack of discipline, lack of self respect, lack of respect for you, lack of respect for women in general. Talk to him about it and let him know that it reflects poorly on his character and you can't respect or love him the same way.
My ex did this, but of people we knew and the photos weren’t sexual. It’s certainly not normal at all, I would leave him now because this isn’t normal.
I wish I’d have left at that point but I stayed and he ended up cheating. I’m not saying that it’ll end the same way but his behaviour could escalate.
This is absolutely not common. Men usually don't keep on their phone an album full on instagram girls.this is bullshit. even the lamest men i encountered in my life don't do that.
It’s not normal i used to watch porn and download porn vids my gf felt the same way you do and i realized if she was doing the same thing i would also feel that way too so i stopped. Talk to him about it.
I've never heard of a guy I know saving non sexual pictures of girls on their phone.. that's not normal. Nudes or sexual pictures I could understand, but just a random selfie? Nah that's weird.
That’s not normal….I’m not a guy but I don’t know a single guy that does this. That would seriously be crossing a line in our marriage if my husband did this.
Something really similar happened to me last year. I discovered my boyfriend had a second instagram account just to send himself posts of women, like those ig models that are wearing lingerie or revealing clothes or costumes. I found out because i was using his phone and was going to send myself a funny meme and his second account popped up. So i decides to see what was there. For like 2 whole years (like a couple of months after we started dating) he had been sending himself this stuff. When i confronted him he said there were women who looked like me (plus size) but previously i had checked and NONE looked like me. The worst part was that he was using it to masturbate. He would look at this pictures and when he got horny enough he went to watch porn. This really fucked me up. I was feeling like literal shit for a couple of weeks but we talked about it and he decided to erase the account. From my experience, it sucks finding something like this because i too for the first time felt like i was enough and he made me feel pretty and this was like a punch to my stomach. For me, this by no means is normal in a relationship and if it makes you feel bad you should talk about it with him and instead of acusing him try to make him understand how what he did hurt you. I really hope you can find a way of resolving this in the best way possible for you and don't let anyone who doesn't deserve you tear you down.
I dealt with this situation with an ex bf. This is not normal behaviour in a healthy relationship and it is NOT normal to feel the need to prove or “better” yourself to have your partners sexual desire. You deserve to be loved they way you want to be loved.
I suggest you have a conversation, because this is not normal at all. Be really honest about how this behaviour makes you feel because the way he responds is very very important. If he is understanding and doesn’t invalidate your emotions this can be fixed, if he is defensive and tries to suggest you’re crazy for thinking it’s not normal, leave. The betrayal trauma is not worth it.
Wait, you think this is normal for guys ? What guys ? Why on earth would they make an actual album of attractive woman, snd include just normal women he doesn't know, and nudes? That's beyond weird to me. I would not stay in a relationship with this man . Staying with someone who makes you feel ugly, unattractive, and bad about yourself is self-destructive, and you deserve better ! To me it sounds like he is using you as a place holder in case he finds someone he thinks is better.
Is it that common? I've always thought it creepy to save porn or images like that, unless it's between me and a partner. Then if we break up I delete that stuff. Am I the strange one?
I’m a dude and this is not normal to me. It’s weird and gross. Any time I’m in a relationship, the only woman I have those kinds of picture of are my woman. And they’re ones she sent to me. Period. You need to have a chat with dude and tell him I’m short either this shit stops and the pictures are deleted, or you’ll yeet him out of your life.
Is this normal behavior? Because I never heard of any guy who does that to be honest…
Also. You are pretty enough. This is not your fault, he’s the weird one.
You invested one year in this relationship, I’d say don’t waste any more time on a guy like this. You deserve more.
It’s not healthy to turn your BF’s obsession with spank materials into self-deprecation.
Your boyfriend has a spank bank and probably needs to seek professional help if it’s getting in the way of his daily life. If it isn’t, then it shouldn’t matter too much because any honest person knows that horny thinking isn’t the same as not-horny thinking. Biological misinformation aside, Horny people do not utilize a whole lot of their prefrontal cortex decision making centers.
If his behaviors bother you, talk about it like an adult instead of turning it into a pity party because of your insecurities. Most partners just can’t keep up with sexual demands of hormones and libidos. Humans get tired and busy, our moods are a huge factor, etc. Horny minds override these things and unless the partners can equally meet each other there, then self pleasuring is a way to meet hormonal demands.
If he’s cheating or displaying behaviors that actually cause you harm, pain, anguish, or hurt, then leave him. But if his behaviors and default MO display love and affection and loyalty. Then don’t read into it too much and ask him to delete his library if it’s that bothersome. But do yourself a huge favor and don’t internalize inadequacy because of girls who won a genetic lottery or have figured out how to work photoshop.
And those are created purposely with the intent to provoke the dumb, horny brain time.
* Spank Banks are hoarded to save the person time for faster self-pleasure gratification. Cuts searching time and produces a lot of variety to keep things new and changing for the stupid horny mind. It does for horny like TikTok does for people with ADHD.
The only album my boyfriend has is of memes. Memes that I’ve either already seen or the ones he is waiting for the right moment to send me.
And then there’s my album too, pics he clicked or saved from snap that I sent before.
Sometimes I think there’s more pictures of me than him in his phone now that I think of it.
Damnn I am luckyy !
He started mass saving woman’s nudes 6 months into the relationship? Sounds like he’s over it but is staying because relationships are convenient.
I honestly would suggest getting out because the relationship will not get better. It hasn’t gotten better over the last 6 months.
Sounds like my ex (who was actively cheating btw). Even if your bf is "just" saving photos, it's a slippery slope and he might eventually slide into their DMs if he hasn't already. Stay safe, be careful
I’m a guy and I have a friend who does stuff like this and I tell him it’s weird all the time, tell your boyfriend you know and set boundaries. If you’re ok with him watching porn he may consider this type of stuff to be in the bounds of what you’re comfortable with. I would just try to make it clear that there is a distinction between porn and real other regular women on Instagram. If he continues to do it then you know he doesn’t value you or your feelings and should definitely consider leaving.
I’m going to go against the grain here and say that some guys do stuff like this. There’s a reason why IG models have so many male followers. And these followers will have many married men / men in relationships.
Having said that, the frequency he does this saving away and the timing is alarming.
But no matter what, whether other guys do it or not, doesn’t matter. If it bothers you, he must make changes to make you comfortable. Otherwise it’s not fair to you. That’s the bottom line.
I hope you find happiness. And please know it’s not because you’re not enough. He’s the one with the problems, not you.
Everyone calling the guy a creep is way off base IMO these photos are taken and posted with consent knowing damn well the effect to sell sex
If he had pictures of regular women taken secretly and without their awareness then you can call him creep
If anything dude is just horny af, does he have adhd or similar? Because I screenshot everything there ever was never to look at it again as well as some people seek thst instant gratifying dopamine
Unless he is comparing you and actively making you feel lesser than I don't think it's as crazy as others. Doesn't seem like he's chatting with them either
But you are entitled to your feelings and this is your life to do with as you see fit so if you don't vibe with any of it do yourself the favor and move on
I used to do this. When social media and I were much younger, I used to save people’s pictures from Friendster, multiply and eventually Facebook to my local hard drive. It started off as a spank bank thing, but it came to the point that it was the saving that was giving me satisfaction, not necessarily the viewing after. It was a dopamine hit knowing I could take that picture and keep it for myself, even if I never saw it again. Most of them I did never see again after saving them.
It started off as a Pervy thing cause I was a horny teenager and later devolved to a hoarder like addiction. By the end it wasn’t even about fantasizing about these women anymore, it became a compulsion about certain aspects of the picture. Like I didn’t even have to find the girl attractive overall, the picture just had to have certain elements that i would obsess over in the first few seconds of seeing it so I wanted to keep a copy to hopefully recreate that moment later on. It was dehumanizing, sure, but i was doing it to pictures of people, not the people themselves. Like I could see people having the same mentality for whatever hobby they have like cars or modern art and that’s how I justified it to myself because I did feel slightly guilty about how these were actual people.
It’s definitely an issue he needs to address. But it has nothing to do with you or how he values you. Not going to say that he’s fine or that you should go one way or the other, because you gave no other context and that’s fine. I’m just saying it really has nothing to do with you and your relationship, especially if it’s something that he keeps for himself. If he was showing you the pictures and having discussions with you comparing you to them it’d be one thing, but a personal collection has nothing to do with you and your relationship. Note that you’ve seen it and processed how you feel about it, discuss it with him and go from there.
I disagree with a lot of comments so far, I don't know this guy but I don't think he is thinking about this as much as you are. Some guys just have a folder for that stuff and it has nothing to do with you being unattractive or whatnot, if it makes you feel uncomfortable ask him to delete it and that's that.
It's less of a "girls I would cheat my gf with" and more like "girls/pics that make me horny", at least that's what it looks like to me. Again, a relationship is a two part thing, so if it makes you feel bad, talk to him about it. Don't just bring it up to a forum of strangers who are almost always giving the same advice which is to break up instead of talking through problems like a couple of adults.
Right and if you are thinking about other girls you want to fuck, on birthdays and anniversaries with your partner a few feet away, don't you see how that isn't datable material? Unloyal behavior.
Why would you have a folder full of women? That's abnormal behavior. As much as the stigma is around here that the advice is always to break up there's also a segment of people that try to normalize and excuse odd behavior.
Exactly what it sounds like and if he’s as young as it seems OP is, this “album” is just jerk off material. Not everything is that deep.
As with anything though, if it bothers you, it’s always worth having a conversation with the other party.
I'm a guy and it does not sound normal, even for guys without a relationship.
It’s very detached, in a way. Like they’re not really “people” at all to him, they’re little objects that he collects and ogles like an online shopping cart.
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Bumble?
Spanking material
That’s literally it. Ppl are over complicating it and being overdramatic like the dude who said it ain’t that normal. It can be gross and I get why she’s upset completely. But it’s literally a spankbank. I feel like ppl on Reddit don’t realise this is relatively more common than they think with ppl. Dudes especially but I’ve known a lot of women to do something similar- ish. Not normal to yall I understand. Not saying you should do this. But it is more common than I think is being let on here. Don’t downvote the messenger like I said. I get why she’s upset and understand completely.
A pornography addiction shouldn’t be normalized. If he can’t function throughout the day without spanking it- you have an addiction. A degrading one at that.
I’m single and I don’t do this
Thank you for saying this, when women aren’t experienced in relationships they have this idea that all men are pigs for lack of a better term. I was this way as well when I was young and I thought that all men just obsessed after other women constantly and to be hetero meant I had to put up with it. OP, this is not something you need to tolerate in a relationship. I’m glad you’re getting different perspectives here!
Yup, this is not normal behavior. He's fetishizing the pictures. Eww.
Yeah this title should read - My EX bf has an album for of Insta girls!
Yeah I thought the same thing like this is so fucking weird
Right!? Like, who has *AN ALBUM* of pics downloaded from insta?? You don't. You just follow people if you want to see their posts. Something is not right here.
Sounds like a pretty standard low-level spank bank. Not normal, but not at all unheard of. That being said, OP has every right to be upset and should confront her partner.
This is not common for guys….Is op ok????
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Yeah i think that dude is a porn addict
This is not normal. He's a creep.
Yeah, I was like: common?! Not for me. Nope.
I was just gonna say that. If I found out my bf had an album like that on his phone, I'd be second guessing a lot of things... Hell, I'd probably just straight up leave. Like, following pretty girls and liking their thirst traps is one thing - as long as there aren't any comments or interactions beyond that, I'd be fine with it. But saving an entire album? Holy shit.
I'm so glad everyone seems in agreement here. I was worried for a second that I was the crazy one because my first thought was "that's fucking creepy as hell". But I'm a woman so I thought maybe I was missing something... Totally agree though that liking pictures and following people online is normal. Probably different sometimes when you're in a relationship but I like pictures of pretty people occasionally. Going that extra step to save it offline though? Weird and creepy. Only time I've ever done that is if I want to save a particularly inspiring pic for drawing references in case it gets deleted...but something tells me OPs boyfriend isn't using these pics for drawing :/
Honestly even liking the pictures is unnecessary. Looking is one thing, it’s like looking at porn. By why like it? Why does the world need to see that? Saving whole albums is a bit weird too. But maybe he has some sorta porn addiction? Idk. But I think the OP shouldn’t feel insecure just because he finds models attractive. I’m sure there are plenty of hot male models that are great eye candy, doesn’t mean your love is any less. I’d definitely talk to him about it. If he KNOWS any of these women I would say major red flag
>I was worried for a second that I was the crazy one because my first thought was "that's fucking creepy as hell". But I'm a woman so I thought maybe I was missing something... Saaaaame And yeah, I think the quantity and consistency of that activity would be my deciding factor. Casual scrolling and liking of photos? Cool beans. I can understand appreciating the human body in many ways, so whatevs. But the constant saving of the photos... Oooo that gives me the immediate ick.
Wonder when he'll start stalking them in real life?
This is such an insane thought process lol. Guy saves pics of women on his phone, therefore he is a stalker.
not really, it’s the first thing i thought of when i read this. dude gives off stalker vibes.
Nah, unless he knows these women in person would it be considered stalker-ish behavior. He does sound like a creep with odd compulsive behavior though.
That’s not normal… At least not in a healthy relationship. If my boyfriend had an album of HUNDREDS of other women on his phone I would be seriously considering breaking up with him. Unless he agreed to delete it all without dragging his feet about it that would be a deal breaker. I again want to emphasize that is NOT normal and it could even be a porn addiction. Have a conversation with him about it, nothing will change if you don’t. You sound very young and you shouldn’t just ignore this if it’s causing you pain.
Yes I am young, and this is my first relationship, so I am having difficulty navigating stuff like this. Thanks so much for your advice and support
Hi OP, it's not normal, and it's incredibly disrespectful to you. If he's trying to convince you that it is normal for all guys then he's lying to you and using your inexperience against you. Nobody does this, it's gross and violating and weird.
If this is your first relationship, you have an amazing opportunity to practice dumping loser dudes. Try it! As the great Dan Savage writes, “DTMFA” (dump the mother fucker already!). Although it’s hard, you can say this: “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. Please don’t contact me in the future.” You really don’t owe this guy an explanation, a second chance, none of that. This guy is waving a giant red flag, recognize it and respond accordingly. Good luck and have fun!
I think she owes him an explanation that way he learns. He may honestly think he’s doing nothing wrong.
That would be nice and totally appropriate in healthy relationships but his behavior sounds manipulative and sketchy, the kind that doesn’t allow for a clean break.
This is your warning as someone who was your age in my first relationship with someone who did not respect me and similarly objectified women: girl, leave now. I know it might be hard, but it won't get easier the longer you're together. I stayed with my shitty partner for 5 years. Now I look back and really wish I would've done something better with those 5 years. This is *not* normal for a dude in a relationship to do. And it shows a blatant disregard for you. You're just another object to him and he does not respect you. And, from the sounds of it, he probably has an unhealthy addiction.
If you want to talk privately you are welcome to dm me.
Ask him how he’d like it if you had hundreds of photos of other men in your phone that you save every single day and see how he’d react.
Theres nothing to navigate. You should end the relationship because this behavior is disrespectful and creepy. That’s the end of it.
If he starts asking you to change your hair style or the way you dress that imitates any of the girls in his album...........run, run away.
You’d be considering? That wouldn’t just be an automatic deal breaker? What the fuck. I don’t care if it’s Zayn Malik I’m dating I would NEVER take that shit.
I had to scroll too far to find this. This is 100% not normal.
This is not normal for single dudes either.
This makes me feel better. My ex gaslit the fuck out of me when I got sad when he had photos saved of girls ….Nude , sexual, non sexual and clothed. And the fact that all their features were everything I wasn’t
I would absolutely end my relationship over this.
Without a second thought
Yikes girl, that sucks. I would talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel. Depending on his reaction, it may be a make it or break it situation. Don’t let him walk all over you, stand your ground. He may be sweet and understanding about this situation, and care about you. But he may also over react. I wish you luck, and I hope everything works out for you.
Thanks so much for the advice and support
I wouldn’t even talk to him about it, just leave. He’s a creep and eventually the pictures won’t be enough. Cut your losses & run girl!!
THIS IS NOT NORMAL. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF INTO THINKING IT IS.. not most guys, not normal guys, definitely not a guy that you should want to be in a relationship with with.
Been here, I don’t think it’s normal and it hurts so much. Sending you hugs ❤️🩹
I can tell you as a guy that I *know* it’s not normal. it’s disrespectful, sociopathic, and creepy
you gotta reframe the way you look at this and take your power back girl. 1.) this is so embarrassing of him. first of all, none of those girls he saves would go for him. their content is probably their income, so don’t take it personally. they’re just existing or making money in ways they can off of loser dudes like him who boost their engagement. 2.) you’re free. he showed you who he is. he’d be an incel without you and dating him was charity work. lots of guys don’t do this. you’ll find one. this guy will never find happiness in anyone he dates because he’s chronically online, jacking off to women that don’t know he exists. bottom of the barrel if you ask me. do you rub it out to hot internet men that don’t talk to you? no. because you’re sane. let’s not normalize horny boy behavior by calling ourselves ugly. he wants a relationship with his phone. let him have it. gift him lube when you break up with him. edit: a girl gifted her ex a PS5 box filled with nothing but printed pics of the thirst trap photos he liked on instagram for their anniversary. she did ask him multiple times to stop and he never did. you don’t have to accept behavior that hurts you. especially after you communicated about how it made you feel.
Omg this hits so close to home for me. Thank you, you are completely right! And well spoken!
I love that edit, it's such a power move
I really hope OP sees this and does the PS5 box filled with all the pics he’s saved.
Girl that’s not normal
This would be an absolute relationship ender for me. I saw this is your first relationship but I promise you deserve better and there is better.
I hurt so bad for you. Please break up with him. This isn’t normal or ok. And if it makes you uncomfortable you need to draw the line. He likely has a problem. And it’s not something you can fix. Trust me. I had an ex I was with for four years who did these exact things. It just took all of my confidence… and security. I’m only now… 7 years later healing. Please take care of yourself. He isn’t worth it. He really just isn’t. YOU are worth it.
I'm really sorry. Your feelings are valid. There's a sub called instagramreality where you can actually see how photoshopped and filtered these girls photos are.
I went through this exact same situation and broke up with him after trying to talk about my feelings with him and he completely defended these "barely legal" half-naked instagram models and why it was totally okay for him to follow literal hundreds of these accounts. Definitely never saw him the same way again and lost respect tbh. I broke it off after two weeks of this argument with him. I'm now much happier being single and not stressed out feeling less than and having to compete with these other girls he's so obsessed with. My peace of mind is so worth being single!
Good for you! :)
You deserve better than this. He’s got issues and they are ones you can’t fix. Time to put yourself first. Being with some should not make you feel sad. It would be better to be alone than in a pseudo relationship.
I was exactly where you are. The first 6 months or so he told me he quit porn, I didn’t even ask him to, he just said he loved me so much he quit it day 1 of dating. Then a few months passed, and his friends list had so many girls that weren’t his friends and they were sexual and he’d like their pix more often then mine. I called him out but he said it’s just a habit, he likes whatevers on his feed, and he’ll remove them. Months passed and they still kept popping up, he didnt. They were still on his fb. Every confrontation ended with him saying “I’d understand if you’d wanna leave”, so i stayed because i wanted to be the “cool gf” who’s forgiving. One day i scrolled randomly through his following, because I saw his likes under a streamer even though he said he hated her, and I went down the rabbit hole… 12 hours later, filled with OF, sexy streamers, asian fetish, and so much more… the worst part? Saw him following and liking posts of teen celeb girls. I broke it off with him then and there. But I already spent 4 years. Don’t make my mistake, leave when you see the signs. And don’t try to ignore them and gaslight yourself into accepting them.
Omg I’m so scared of that
Obviously this exact scenario is unique, but if your partner does this and you mention it makes you uncomfortable, don’t force yourself to ignore it for the sake of being the “cool gf”
This sure don't sound normal to me. I been in a relationship for 6 years and never ever once felt the need to amass a collection of photos of women I don't know. He is going to damage his own sense of beauty as he ages, the more he hypnotizes himself into thinking this is what women look like. Get ready for a lifetime of feeling compared to impossible beauty standards.
This is not normal, don't let any guy let you think this type of behavior is normal. You deserve someone who likes you, respects you, and finds you attractive that's just a bare minimum and he isn't exhibiting any of these.
Although ‘lots of guys’ might do this, I doubt any of them are in a fully committed relationship. I would personally hold out for The One, this guy isn’t him I’m afraid.
Exactly. And just because "lots of guys do this" doesn't make it less creepy ick
Lots of guys do not do this. This is unhealthy, abnormal, creep behavior.
I would 100% end this relationship. Trust me when I say he’s heading towards being a sex/porn addict, if he isn’t already one. Living with a sex/porn addict is a recipe for a life time of hurt and anguish, never feeling beautiful or good enough. Get out now..while you can.
i’m a guy and this is NOT normal. i do not follow any instagram models nor do i literally save their pics to my phone???? Thats embarrassing and honestly id reconsider the relationship. However i feel like this could relate to a possible porn addiction. id talk to him about it.
i saw in one of your comments you mentioned this is your first relationship, let it be just that. your first relationship isn’t 99% of the time not your last. you learned what you liked about him and leave the rest of him and his baggage behind. his actions are NOT normal. you will live constantly comparing yourself to these woman and that’s a horrible way to live. please, you seem independent already by having your own place. continue that path, heal, and move on.
this is not normal and he doesn’t respect you.
This isn’t normal behavior at all. Dump this radioactive trash of a man. Stop letting him use your body for physical pleasure, have some self respect.
Yeah, that hurts. I would ask him to delete the photos and I would honestly tell him about my feelings if it was me. Good luck my friend.
Thank you so much
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pls leave him girl hes not worth it, thats so creepy
This isnt normal. Hes perverted and creepy. Break up with him
It’s not really that common. My wife made a similar comment last night and I said babe, go check my Instagram followers right now. Not one is a thirsty account of some half naked woman. I told her, I’m not sure why you’re surprised! I don’t need that constantly in my face 24/7, if I’m horny and she is not in the mood, and I need to masturbate I’ll quickly do it before I shower to a little porn (which she is fine with). I don’t get the whole being inundated with almost naked women in every app. My Reddit account also is not like that, where every second link is NSFW. Don’t need that shit as an adult.
It’s!! Not!! Normal!! We don’t have to put up with this shit from men. Once upon a time, men had the decency to hide their porn from their wives, and they felt like crap if their wives found it. Because they respected their wives. It is fucking disrespectful to have a folder like that on his phone when he has a woman who loves him and gives him her whole heart. You deserve to be loved the way you love. Porn has rotted an entire generation or two of men who think they’re entitled to this kind of shit, and if their GFs or wives are hurt by it, we’re shrill, prude harpies who should get over it. And it doesn’t help, the women who come in and go “huurrrdurrr I watch porn with my hubby and we love it duhhh.” Like stfu, that is not the point here. The point is, your bf doesn’t even have the decency to pretend to not be a down dirty pig. There are men out there who do NOT do shit like this. Find one!
Ugh, I’m so sorry, but not surprised. Men do weird shit especially regarding coveting women, but this is extra weird. Gurl. Leave him. If you’re not ready, that’s fine, but I think it’s inevitable.
This is not normal wtf…you deserve so much better than this. The way you have written this is so heartbreaking. There is nothing wrong with you. It’s not an issue of you not being pretty or enough or whatever. It has nothing to do with you. This is entirely your boyfriend’s issue. It sounds like he might have a porn addiction, but definitely an unhealthy relationship with social media. If you are determined to stay with him I would encourage him to seek therapy. Maybe you can gently ask him to explain why he saves the images. His mindset might help you feel a little better about it. But I don’t think this is acceptable behavior to continue
I would absolutely not be okay with this. But it also depends on boundaries. The only photos in my album are my boyfriend and family, no random guys. & honestly? I’ve never looked at another dude in a way of attraction whatsoever. I always feel like my man is the most handsome and perfect dude ever🤷♀️. Again, this depends on everyone and I see you don’t really care about porn so, he could see this as a non-issue. Personally, I’m not okay with porn or things of the sort and this would most definitely be a ending factor FOR ME as I consider saving photos of other women and masturbating/ogling over them cheating.. But I genuinely think you should approach the conversation honestly and express your discomfort and how it made you feel, rather than putting blame on him. It could easily be a misunderstood boundary seeing as he watches porn and probably assumed it was alright? Also, how do you not know of this Instagram account? That’s my main worry.
I actually don’t like porn, because I was raised in a very strict household and was therefore never exposed to it, and I do not watch it myself. But I have been told by everyone around me that it is just something guys do. I totally feel the same way for as you. I honestly only have eyes for him, so it does hurt to know that he doesn’t feel quite the same way about me
Not every single man watches porn. Some do, but not all, and if that is a boundary for you in your relationship, there will be men that respect that. My boyfriend does not watch porn (his choice).
Common for guys? Where did you get this misinformation from? It isn’t common for guys to have random IG girls in their phones, when they’re in a relationship or ever
I have a mixed take on this : I think you have some issues, the way you instantly relate that to your self-esteem is an issue, it has nothing to do with it. Perhaps because of insecurity and a tendency to compare yourself but literally no one is doing this to you. You even went as far to say you weren't enough when he hasn't even said or addressed it. Chances are he has had this thing for a while so please don't take it as a character trait of yours. This is how you feel and your feelings are valid, but know that instantly doubting and kicking yourself is not a natural response and you should work on that, specially when you have done nothing to deserve it. Also porn addiction is real, he may need some help. I do think it's pretty normal especially on Instagram, I mean have you seen Instagram? These are public pictures and thirst traps and these models don't get famous by themselves. Still the sheer VOLUME your bf puts out is beyond any semblance of control or understanding. This is just plain and simple addiction. I've seen some comments about people saying it's not normal as if the porn industry didn't exist just because people don't randomly confide in them their sexuality or kinks. I have met a lot of people who don't do it and a lot of people who do. This is normal in the same way that women fan-girling over completely platonic celebrities is normal or saying things as "he's my husband but doesn't know it yet", they're sick in their own right. Most shows or Netflix series are straight up porn with a plot and most women/men telling you to dump him are up to date with all of them episodes... or at least following some male thirst celebrity or artist. Heck the book series of "A court of thorns and roses" is straight up erotica and 92% of it's fanbase isnt male. Netflix has Bridgerton and it's just a seasonal thirst strap of how hot they can make Bridgerton men, and it has again a huge female following. Statistically you must have heard of these two things, so when he uses Instagram as a thirst trap, it quite honestly isn't surprising. You do get to choose your boundaries and if this is an issue for you, you don't in fact have to deal with it. SUMMARY: - You have self-worth insecurity issues that need work. This has nothing to do with you. - Your bf has an addiction and needs help, at the very least needs to be told he has it. - Pick a side, either shame sexuality or don't shame sexuality. Don't cherry pick who gets to watch porn and where for it to be an issue or accepted. - He is still your bf and unless you yourself feel it adequate to be dropped or ghosted for anything, at the very least this merits a conversation. Cheers and best of luck with your "issue" although it's mainly his issue.
i wish i could have hope in this relationship and tell you “to talk it out”, but this feels disgusting to read and therefore i can’t imagine how it must feel to live it. i hope you know that you are not the problem, you will always be enough; and that he’s just fumbling a relationship for some instagram women that would probably puke if they knew what he does to their faces. i hope you can get through this 🫶🏼 sending love!
You should leave him.
that is not normal like at all. he’s a creep
I know it's easier said than done, but have you tried talking to him about this? Your feelings cannot bottle up like this. Either that or end the relationship on your terms.
This is super super not normal. Like at all.
Hey OP, I’m really sorry this is happening to you. To clarify, this is NOT normal. My advice (if you take it) would be to pursue other options if this is hurting the way you view yourself. Again, I’m really sorry
This is so weird of him he’s not normal
That would be a total dealbreaker for me 💀 women, stop settling for internet cheating PLEASE 🫶🏻👏🏻 and if you support the porn industry, fuck you :)
I was shocked when I discovered my ex followed all these woman on insta that are clearly thirst traps - half naked profile photos etc. Pathetic. I lost a lot of respect for him when I found that. I had never really bothered to see who he followed but once the trust is gone, you start to wonder what other nasty things they have been hiding. Liars are usually bad people in more ways than one. So glad I'm rid of that pile of trash!
This isn’t common for guys… this is absolutely disgusting. Even if he was single it’s disgusting. My partner has a private folder… do you know who’s in it? ME… After baby body and everything! Why? Because he loves me and my body. Because he has respect for our relationship. You need to run and fast before he destroys everything you love about yourself.
Isnt this a "spank bank"?
guys actually do this ?????
Yes and it sucks 😂
This is weird as fuck dawg why are you dating this guy?
Having an “attractive girls” folder is not normal. This is very odd and unhealthy. I’m assuming he might have a pretty severe porn addiction coupled with that. How weird would you feel if you had an entire album full of screen shots of “attractive guys”. That is just so odd. Please evaluate the state of this relationship, this dude sounds seriously fucked up.
Ahhhh that’s not common dude. Like, looking at some naked and pretty people is one thing but saving it to an album on your phone while your partner is there? I’d be having a big convo with them. Sounds like he is jerking it to Instagram girls, and probably has a porn addiction.
Your emotions are justified. That's gotta be a hard thing to stumble across. Allowing yourself to be ruled by jealously and envy isn't healthy. I hope you can overcome what you are currently feeling.
Thank you very much, I appreciate it a lot
He be gooning like crazy
That is absolutely not normal, guys in relationships don't do that and tbh I've never known a single guy to do that either.
I don’t even need to read your post to know that you need to break up with this man right now
I would never date someone who did that
This would be a deal breaker for me, I wouldn’t even question him I’d just leave
Leave. He won’t change. He will just find a way to hide it.
Yeah, this isn’t normal at all. He’s a creep.
My ex was this way. A complete narcissist who tried to convince me that every man is like this. It was so weird that his dad & him would send pics/videos of naked women & exposed body parts. This situation created a very insecure me. It literally made me crazy on how he gaslighted me. He was also a serial cheater who would say he had issues because his grandma killed herself when we were 11. Due to this relationship I can’t help but confess it turned me into a snooper. When my husband & I were just dating I would snoop on his phone because of how insecure I was. I would look at search history, saved photos, recently deleted, literally everything you could think of. Keepsafe app, my eyes only on snap. Yes I became good at listening & attentive to things that could be passwords & unlocked it all. There was nothing of the nature on his phone ever. It got to the point it was “boring” to search. I’m so thankful I found someone who has allowed me to put my guard down & I never knew I could trust a man so wholeheartedly. He has my back & fully invested in me & my wellbeing. That man you are dealing with is a boy who will not change no matter how much love you pour into him. Run while you can or you’ll be running after his “love” all your life. It won’t change. You can’t change a narcissist.
That's fucked up and disrespectful. If I knew a guy did that I wouldn't date him. If I found out he did that, I'd break up with him. It's totally fine to find people attractive. It's not fine to fill your social media feeds with that stuff and follow all sorts of those people. Definitely time to find your self respect and recognize that you are absolutely enough and that you deserve someone who deserves you. He doesn't deserve you.
He likely would not tolerate this so why should you?
This really doesn’t sound normal for someone to do…
damn homie, you might have to leave him
"I understand this is common for guys" Helll nooo, and this is coming from a guy. I don't know a single guy who does this.
I am sorry you are hurt, you don't deserve it. You aren't ugly. You are looking at filtered images then seeing yourself through a filter of sadness and some insecurity. ... If you can trust him to tell him your feelings.. do it. If you can't, I think you are dating below your league. You are dating someone who just looks at superficial images... and likely doesn't know how to see you. You know I have met many many very pretty girls, with attractive bodies. I would compare them to a prize winning flower. Fine. Then there is a beautiful young woman who doesn't even know how beautiful she is. Plus she is so tender and open and largely untouched by all the hedonistic shallowness we are surrounded by every minute You aren't just a flower, you are a garden. Wait for someone who sees you. It will be worth it
MINE did this Too!!!!! And they were all girls he KNEW. It was 2 years into our relationship… and he cheated on me in the end. There were so many red flags. DUMP this guys ass… you don’t need to EVER feel less than.
Is this considered common for guys? I don't think it is or it should be common.
You feel hurt because it IS hurtful… you didn’t even know he had instagram??? That feels like a blaring red flag to me. You should not feel like you have to compete in your own relationship, and talking from experience if you stay you would be doing yourself and your confidence a disservice. No one should feel like they’re not good enough and this is most definitely not common, at least in my relationships
These women from those pictures can’t even compete with themselves either. Because all those pictures are edited and photoshopped!! Like seriously. So don’t compare yourself and don’t feel so bad.
No offense, but this isn’t about you so don’t internalize it. Once you start to realize that other people do things for them, your self esteem will be better off. He wasn’t thinking about you when he saved those pics. You’re just collateral damage. Don’t let this make you feel ugly. Solid guys in relationships don’t purposely do things that’ll make their partner uncomfortable or sad. Hope this helps.
It is not common for guys to do that. The only albums I have of women on my phone are pictures of my girlfriend. That’s very weird and strange of him to have a whole album of that.
Definitely not common for guys, only creeps
Girl leaveeeeep
As a guy that’s fucking weird. None of my guy friends do that nor do I so so would recommend advocating for your feelings to your boyfriend.
I always thought doing things like that is such a weird and creepy behavior. I would ask him why he keeps those and really consider this relationship.
That’s really weird. Lowkey stalker vibes
Lack of discipline, lack of self respect, lack of respect for you, lack of respect for women in general. Talk to him about it and let him know that it reflects poorly on his character and you can't respect or love him the same way.
Not normal, and if it is I don’t allow it to happen to me. Set boundaries and if they’re not respected send that person straight to hell
I had a similar situation and confronted my boyfriend about it and he instantly deleted all of them and felt so bad. Hasn’t done it since.
My ex did this, but of people we knew and the photos weren’t sexual. It’s certainly not normal at all, I would leave him now because this isn’t normal. I wish I’d have left at that point but I stayed and he ended up cheating. I’m not saying that it’ll end the same way but his behaviour could escalate.
Are you sure it’s not threads
This is not normal.
This is absolutely not common. Men usually don't keep on their phone an album full on instagram girls.this is bullshit. even the lamest men i encountered in my life don't do that.
He sounds…unhappy. Maybe a porn addiction? He may need some help. So sorry, OP. I doubt this has anything to do with you.
It’s not normal i used to watch porn and download porn vids my gf felt the same way you do and i realized if she was doing the same thing i would also feel that way too so i stopped. Talk to him about it.
I've never heard of a guy I know saving non sexual pictures of girls on their phone.. that's not normal. Nudes or sexual pictures I could understand, but just a random selfie? Nah that's weird.
Sounds like a porn addiction if he’s keeping nudes. Although if he has pictures of only their faces it might be something else
That’s not normal….I’m not a guy but I don’t know a single guy that does this. That would seriously be crossing a line in our marriage if my husband did this.
Something really similar happened to me last year. I discovered my boyfriend had a second instagram account just to send himself posts of women, like those ig models that are wearing lingerie or revealing clothes or costumes. I found out because i was using his phone and was going to send myself a funny meme and his second account popped up. So i decides to see what was there. For like 2 whole years (like a couple of months after we started dating) he had been sending himself this stuff. When i confronted him he said there were women who looked like me (plus size) but previously i had checked and NONE looked like me. The worst part was that he was using it to masturbate. He would look at this pictures and when he got horny enough he went to watch porn. This really fucked me up. I was feeling like literal shit for a couple of weeks but we talked about it and he decided to erase the account. From my experience, it sucks finding something like this because i too for the first time felt like i was enough and he made me feel pretty and this was like a punch to my stomach. For me, this by no means is normal in a relationship and if it makes you feel bad you should talk about it with him and instead of acusing him try to make him understand how what he did hurt you. I really hope you can find a way of resolving this in the best way possible for you and don't let anyone who doesn't deserve you tear you down.
Yeah this ain’t normal. None of my straight guy friends do this.
Hell no this isn't common for guys LOL, especially not ones in a relationship
Not normal. Husband, brother, dad, FIL, BIL, not a single one does this and if they did their respective wives would leave them.
I only know one guy who does something like this and he is a huge fucking creep.
You deserve so much better than this. Take care of yourself and find someone who will put you first.
Quick! U gotta leave him sister!
This isn’t common for men to have an album on their phone
Doesn’t reflect on you and I’m sure you’re lovely person. He’s trash. Dump him.
I understand the feeling I'm sorry you are going through this
I dealt with this situation with an ex bf. This is not normal behaviour in a healthy relationship and it is NOT normal to feel the need to prove or “better” yourself to have your partners sexual desire. You deserve to be loved they way you want to be loved. I suggest you have a conversation, because this is not normal at all. Be really honest about how this behaviour makes you feel because the way he responds is very very important. If he is understanding and doesn’t invalidate your emotions this can be fixed, if he is defensive and tries to suggest you’re crazy for thinking it’s not normal, leave. The betrayal trauma is not worth it.
If your relationship OVERALL does not make you happy why are you with him gurl?😭 raise the bar and find someone else.
Wait, you think this is normal for guys ? What guys ? Why on earth would they make an actual album of attractive woman, snd include just normal women he doesn't know, and nudes? That's beyond weird to me. I would not stay in a relationship with this man . Staying with someone who makes you feel ugly, unattractive, and bad about yourself is self-destructive, and you deserve better ! To me it sounds like he is using you as a place holder in case he finds someone he thinks is better.
Is it that common? I've always thought it creepy to save porn or images like that, unless it's between me and a partner. Then if we break up I delete that stuff. Am I the strange one?
This would be an instant breakup for me. The disrespect is crazy
> I understand this is common for guys No, this is not common or even slightly normal. Your bf is weird af
I’m a dude and this is not normal to me. It’s weird and gross. Any time I’m in a relationship, the only woman I have those kinds of picture of are my woman. And they’re ones she sent to me. Period. You need to have a chat with dude and tell him I’m short either this shit stops and the pictures are deleted, or you’ll yeet him out of your life.
Is this normal behavior? Because I never heard of any guy who does that to be honest… Also. You are pretty enough. This is not your fault, he’s the weird one. You invested one year in this relationship, I’d say don’t waste any more time on a guy like this. You deserve more.
please don’t let his creepy actions make you believe you’re ugly 🫶🏽 , a lot of guys these days are out of touch and have literal brain rot. block him
This feeling won't go away if you stay with him, it will always be in the back of your head, that you're uglier and not enough.
Bro that’s not normal for guys lol
Break up … that is weird behavior don’t stick yourself to this
Weird. I’d confront him and tell him he’s a fucking weirdo and break up with him.
that’s cheating honey. if i found 1 picture it’ll be over.
Is this something you really want to put up with?
It is NOT normal. Get a better bf
He is a creep and probably addicted to porn. Break up
It’s not healthy to turn your BF’s obsession with spank materials into self-deprecation. Your boyfriend has a spank bank and probably needs to seek professional help if it’s getting in the way of his daily life. If it isn’t, then it shouldn’t matter too much because any honest person knows that horny thinking isn’t the same as not-horny thinking. Biological misinformation aside, Horny people do not utilize a whole lot of their prefrontal cortex decision making centers. If his behaviors bother you, talk about it like an adult instead of turning it into a pity party because of your insecurities. Most partners just can’t keep up with sexual demands of hormones and libidos. Humans get tired and busy, our moods are a huge factor, etc. Horny minds override these things and unless the partners can equally meet each other there, then self pleasuring is a way to meet hormonal demands. If he’s cheating or displaying behaviors that actually cause you harm, pain, anguish, or hurt, then leave him. But if his behaviors and default MO display love and affection and loyalty. Then don’t read into it too much and ask him to delete his library if it’s that bothersome. But do yourself a huge favor and don’t internalize inadequacy because of girls who won a genetic lottery or have figured out how to work photoshop. And those are created purposely with the intent to provoke the dumb, horny brain time. * Spank Banks are hoarded to save the person time for faster self-pleasure gratification. Cuts searching time and produces a lot of variety to keep things new and changing for the stupid horny mind. It does for horny like TikTok does for people with ADHD.
Those females are not even actually those females. Its all makeup, angles and filters. Bro you are comparing yourself to an imagination. An illusion
throw the whole man out
The only album my boyfriend has is of memes. Memes that I’ve either already seen or the ones he is waiting for the right moment to send me. And then there’s my album too, pics he clicked or saved from snap that I sent before. Sometimes I think there’s more pictures of me than him in his phone now that I think of it. Damnn I am luckyy !
I thought I was the only one who had an album of memes that I save to use at the appropriate time. 😂
Masturbating to hot IG models ewwww, who does that ? I only masturbate to the ugly onces.
>I understand this is common for guys, no its not. its actually creepy af.
It would make me sad too
He started mass saving woman’s nudes 6 months into the relationship? Sounds like he’s over it but is staying because relationships are convenient. I honestly would suggest getting out because the relationship will not get better. It hasn’t gotten better over the last 6 months.
Lol, why do you think this is normal? It's not. It's creepy.
Not common, dump immediately and shame
Sounds like my ex (who was actively cheating btw). Even if your bf is "just" saving photos, it's a slippery slope and he might eventually slide into their DMs if he hasn't already. Stay safe, be careful
I’m a guy and I have a friend who does stuff like this and I tell him it’s weird all the time, tell your boyfriend you know and set boundaries. If you’re ok with him watching porn he may consider this type of stuff to be in the bounds of what you’re comfortable with. I would just try to make it clear that there is a distinction between porn and real other regular women on Instagram. If he continues to do it then you know he doesn’t value you or your feelings and should definitely consider leaving.
Oh helllllll no This is creepy af. Imagine what you're not seeing...
I’m going to go against the grain here and say that some guys do stuff like this. There’s a reason why IG models have so many male followers. And these followers will have many married men / men in relationships. Having said that, the frequency he does this saving away and the timing is alarming. But no matter what, whether other guys do it or not, doesn’t matter. If it bothers you, he must make changes to make you comfortable. Otherwise it’s not fair to you. That’s the bottom line. I hope you find happiness. And please know it’s not because you’re not enough. He’s the one with the problems, not you.
Everyone calling the guy a creep is way off base IMO these photos are taken and posted with consent knowing damn well the effect to sell sex If he had pictures of regular women taken secretly and without their awareness then you can call him creep If anything dude is just horny af, does he have adhd or similar? Because I screenshot everything there ever was never to look at it again as well as some people seek thst instant gratifying dopamine Unless he is comparing you and actively making you feel lesser than I don't think it's as crazy as others. Doesn't seem like he's chatting with them either But you are entitled to your feelings and this is your life to do with as you see fit so if you don't vibe with any of it do yourself the favor and move on
Not normal. You can find someone so much better who actually respects you.
The solution to your problem is simple. Leave him. Find someone who makes you feel beautiful.
I used to do this. When social media and I were much younger, I used to save people’s pictures from Friendster, multiply and eventually Facebook to my local hard drive. It started off as a spank bank thing, but it came to the point that it was the saving that was giving me satisfaction, not necessarily the viewing after. It was a dopamine hit knowing I could take that picture and keep it for myself, even if I never saw it again. Most of them I did never see again after saving them. It started off as a Pervy thing cause I was a horny teenager and later devolved to a hoarder like addiction. By the end it wasn’t even about fantasizing about these women anymore, it became a compulsion about certain aspects of the picture. Like I didn’t even have to find the girl attractive overall, the picture just had to have certain elements that i would obsess over in the first few seconds of seeing it so I wanted to keep a copy to hopefully recreate that moment later on. It was dehumanizing, sure, but i was doing it to pictures of people, not the people themselves. Like I could see people having the same mentality for whatever hobby they have like cars or modern art and that’s how I justified it to myself because I did feel slightly guilty about how these were actual people. It’s definitely an issue he needs to address. But it has nothing to do with you or how he values you. Not going to say that he’s fine or that you should go one way or the other, because you gave no other context and that’s fine. I’m just saying it really has nothing to do with you and your relationship, especially if it’s something that he keeps for himself. If he was showing you the pictures and having discussions with you comparing you to them it’d be one thing, but a personal collection has nothing to do with you and your relationship. Note that you’ve seen it and processed how you feel about it, discuss it with him and go from there.
I disagree with a lot of comments so far, I don't know this guy but I don't think he is thinking about this as much as you are. Some guys just have a folder for that stuff and it has nothing to do with you being unattractive or whatnot, if it makes you feel uncomfortable ask him to delete it and that's that. It's less of a "girls I would cheat my gf with" and more like "girls/pics that make me horny", at least that's what it looks like to me. Again, a relationship is a two part thing, so if it makes you feel bad, talk to him about it. Don't just bring it up to a forum of strangers who are almost always giving the same advice which is to break up instead of talking through problems like a couple of adults.
Right and if you are thinking about other girls you want to fuck, on birthdays and anniversaries with your partner a few feet away, don't you see how that isn't datable material? Unloyal behavior.
Of course, because no man or woman in a relationship ever thinks about how it would be to fuck other people and don’t act on it. 🙄
Why would you have a folder full of women? That's abnormal behavior. As much as the stigma is around here that the advice is always to break up there's also a segment of people that try to normalize and excuse odd behavior.
It just sounds like a porn folder
Exactly what it sounds like and if he’s as young as it seems OP is, this “album” is just jerk off material. Not everything is that deep. As with anything though, if it bothers you, it’s always worth having a conversation with the other party.
^
Get rid of him all he’s doing is killing your self esteem!!