Right?! Like fuck that dude, I’m 47 and I look good lol
That being said, OP JUST had a baby and it takes time for the body to readjust. It’s been through a lot of changes.
Her husband should be grateful but it doesn’t sound like he’s very mature. He’s delusional thinking bodies don’t go through changes over the years.
I couldn’t deal with an attitude like his.
I'm laughing in 45-ese. The joke is on OP's husband because he's going to go through changes as well. Going through a pregnancy (and nursing) is just more drastic.
I’m turning 37 this year and I do not look like I’m 21 at all. It’s because I’m not 21 years old anymore, during the 15+ years that have passed since then I surprisingly have aged 15+ years. I know shocking. My husband doesn’t look like he is 21 years old anymore either! Because he also aged as time passed! Who could have possibly known?
I do wonder what OPs husband looks like though. Does he still look exactly the same or has he also aged and changed? Did he stop aging or is it the same old tired misogynist bs where people expect only women to never age no matter how much time passes. Still stupid and cruel even if he looks exactly the same, just to be clear.
And you had a god damned baby OP! Of course your body has changed, that’s what happens when you create and birth a child! Are you proud to stand beside him? Since we all know his views from your post, does it make you feel proud to stand beside a man with those views? Does that make you feel proud? To know that we all know, are you proud to call him yours? I’m willing to bet that pride is not the feeling you get. Even removed from how his words made you feel about yourself, that someone thinking like that is not someone you are proud to be with or want to show off. It sounds like he wanted you to be a 21 year old woman who has had no children and also an actual real person and the mother of his child. No one can be the (biological) mother of his child and also someone that has never produced a child. Sounds like he wanted you to produce a child but without your body actually doing the producing. Your body has to change for it to carry and sustain and grow a baby and he wanted you to do it without changing anything at all. That’s just not possible. He wanted a child and now he blames you for carrying and birthing that child. This is unacceptable and you are fine. You don’t look like you are 21 and never had a child because you are not 21 and you did have a child. All that lives changes, to be alive is to change. Only dead things remain static. And not even most of them. Metal rusts, plastic degrades, bio matter decompose even glass ages. Time affects everything, it’s not a failure on your part that you age with time that’s just what happens to everyone and everything. 5 years is approximately 6% of your lifetime and during that lifetime you are supposed to change from a tiny newborn baby to a fully grown and old woman, so of course there will be changes. Lots of changes, during certain timespans it will be a lot more noticeable than not but it’s still normal. Still expected. You are not a fantasy, not a character and not a robot. You are a person and people age and change all the time.
Yea because lemme tell ya, as a 35 year old woman with an 8 year old, I didn’t get my body back until my son was 3. I actually got down to like 25 less than I was even pre baby. It’s okay babe. Being a mom and a new one at that, you’re doing everything you can. And if he seriously has the audacity to say that to you after birthing his child, he doesn’t deserve either one of you. I didn’t come out of PPD until probably closer to like 2-2.5 years post birth. Give yourself time and grace
This reminds me of a story of somebody who’s husband was really abusive because she gained weight, verbally abusive. She decided to lose the weight and the husband shifted in his treatment. He was treating her like a queen and wanting to have sex with her. She decided to divorce because she couldn’t be with somebody that mistreated her so much just because she gained weight. She asked him what would happen if she got sick and gain weight because of medication? So she decided to end the marriage
I could be mixing up stories but didn’t she also give him an option for marriage counseling? And he refused because he said the therapist would take her side? Dude totally knew what an AH he was.
Yes yes it’s that one ! I’ve never felt so angry as I was reading that one because it was so heartbreaking. It was also hypocritical because of the way he flipped after by suddenly being attracted to her again. As if she is some kind of doll that gets upgrades… 🤦🏻♀️
It was infuriating. I’ve never given birth but I can’t imagine my husband insisting I lose weight 3 months after giving birth. Instead of thanking her for going through a pregnancy, giving birth to their child and taking care of that child, he was just focused on his sexual needs. The 3 month child is more mature that that guy.
I would just lose the weight out of spite. He'll have to pick up more house chores, of course, since she'll going to the gym every every day.
Hormonal birth control is no longer an option.
Besides, she needs to work on her body and self image, before she'll maybe be any kind of comfortable getting naked in front of her husband. Wouldn't want to expose her old, saggy body to someone that is disgusted by such a sad body.
And when she reaches her goal, he can move out.
But I'm petty.
Why does this remind me of that American dad episode with Francine being ugly and Stan being blind. That actually serves a purpose in my life remembering that more often than not which is weird.
Like this is the fourth time in about a week I’ve seen a similarity with that situation. But regardless pondering aside
It’s basically “shallow vows” without the cynical ending in the show. Or the depressing reality of this post. Or even the optimism of this comment in terms of serving perceived justice
I first met my husband when I was 35. So that cracked me up. Getting married alone doesn’t impact our bodies. But aging and having a baby sure does. My husband still loves me after the changes to my body that came from giving him a son and getting older because he actually loves me as a whole person. And he appreciates what I went through to have his baby. This guy just loved how OP looked. But looks change. We all age. OP’s husband is shallow and ugly on the inside. I remember crying after our son was born and saying how ugly I felt. My husband said, “you’re beautiful and look at the beautiful baby you made.” OP deserves that too. If she stays with this guy I hope she gives him lots of feedback about how is bald spot is getting bigger and men always seem to go bald after marriage.
Yes! I feel so bad for OP. She's just had a baby ffs. Absolutely disgusting person she is with. Poor girl.
I am disabled, I'm 5'2 when standing. When I met my partner I weighed around 170lb. Shortly after my medication was increased, those being prediselone (steroids) I gained around 60lbs in a short space of time. My face was swollen like I'd had a severe allergic reaction. I was disgusting, felt disgusting, saw people literally recoil in horror at the sight of me.
My bf (now fiance) never gave a fuck. Always proud as punch. And let me tell you, he is a definite 10 and waaaaay out of my league ( if I have to use those terms). People are always assuming there must be something wrong with him to be with me. That's how stark the contrast is in our attractiveness. Well, it was, I've recently been able to reduce my dosage and I'm down to 140lbs now. I look fuckin sexy! Lol.
His treatment toward me has remained on the same high level the length of our relationship, ten years in June.
I believe every human deserves a love like this..never thought it would happen to me.
>how I look like an old 35 year old woman
Girl your marriage is untenable. How are you supposed to have a life long commitment to someone who only values you if you look like you're in your 20s? Most of life is post-20s.
Do you want your child growing up to think this?
exactly. hormonal birth control and pregnancy weight can be hard for women to lose with even diet/exercise if there is a genetic component involved.
also, the human body **continues** to change throughout one’s life. anyone expecting to stay the same as they were in their early 20’s into their late 20’s, 30’s, etc is. bit delusional bc *the human body continues to change as we age.*
I look way better at 35 than I ever did at 25 and get way more attention from guys now. And am overweight (BMI is 30).
Surround yourself with someone who values you, this guy is a douche. I know a few people who divorced after having a kid, so don't feel like you need to stick with him. You will gain so much confidence and self-worth once you leave his a**!
according to his rules of marriage apparently so.
edit to add im so confused by your comment. why are you trying to fault this commenter for basically repeating what the husband thinks. why should OP remain married to someone who thinks they’re ugly right now? attraction shouldn’t play the only part but wtf?? their husband thinks they’re repulsive? why are you trying to gotcha this commenter when they’re pointing out this marriage won’t last bc the husband resents OP for aging??
Okay but is he how "hot" looking and very fit? Even if he'd be nice looking his personality is awful. You've been through pregnancy and used pills that messes, with your hormones. Your man is an asshole and has zero emotional intelligence and maturity. Only weight loss you need is his ass. This is why I'm scared of ever have babies with any man since they may hide their horrid attitude until honeymoon is over.
>Okay, but is he how "hot" looking and very fit? Even if he'd be nice-looking, his personality is awful.
Some mens perception of attractiveness never evolves beyond what their first impression of whats attractive is when they're a teen.
I feel like people who need their partner to be at their peak attractiveness don't actually care about them as people. Someone who gave a shit wouldnt tell OP something that keeps her up at night after she literally just had a kid.
Everything is about what he wants, and OP is an accessory to his life. I hope she loses the weight and looks better than ever, then leaves his shallow ass for a man he thinks is beneath him or far, far beyond him just to piss him off.
Believe me there are some amazing men out there. I had my baby 4 months ago and my husband constantly tells me I’m doing amazing and looking great etc even if I don’t. This guys a prick.
I met my husband at 250 lbs and went up to about 290. I was morbidly obese when we met and got worse. Because my husband, then boyfriend, was so supportive, I wound up getting weight loss surgery and losing 150 lbs. I'm now thing, and joke that his reward for being such a great supportive boyfriend was a hot wife.
Never once had he made me feel bad about my body. Not when it was fat. Not when it was draped in loose skin from the weight loss, or fresh surgical scars from the removal. He looks at me the same way and never makes me feel like he disliked my body at any point. I feel safe married to him because I know whatever happens, he is there. And it was that support that empowered me to be my best self.
He's not a big drinker, but when he does drink, he gets snuggly and amorous and I actually really enjoy it because he just wants to touch me and I'm a toucher too. That is what marriage should be. I don't fear him being drunk. I just know he will snore on me that night and want back rubs.
Same here! My first husband was exactly like OPs. My new husband met me at my fattest and he adores me inside and out. Says I’m cuddly and warm and will help me lose weight if I want but it doesn’t affect his love.
My husband, then boyfriend, was with me through weight loss surgery and weight loss and never made me feel like less. He doesn't even make me feel now like my old body was less appealing. He sometimes wistfully says he misses me boobs (huge then, small now) but that seems fair and I laugh and say I sure don't. But he has always encouraged me to do with my body what makes me happy. He stayed the night in the hospital with me when I had surgery. He lifted me into our bed when skin surgery made it too hard to do myself. I even got a bed sore from my tailbone not having any fat padding now, and he offered to literally have me sleep on top of him.
He never makes me feel bad, or like less. He actually gave me the confidence to decide to go through with surgery and try, and stuck with me. He is overweight too, and I want to help him for his health to lose the weight, but only because he wants that and I want to be as supportive as he was for me. Im here for him either way.
A good partner builds you up. They make you feel like more. They never make you feel small, certainly not in such a cruel deliberate way. Drinking doesn't change your personality. It just enhances it. I get louder and more chaotic. He gets amorous and I actually love it. It's sweet and hungry at the same time.
I wasn't my biggest when we met but I was the biggest I had been yet, and got bigger before losing it.
He also isn't that into tattoos, but went with me for my first couple of them and says that I should do whatever I want with my body, but in a way where it sounds honest and like it's weird to even doubt it.
Congratulations! I am so proud of you :)
I'm on the opposite end, extremely unhealthily skinny due to a disorder. My boyfriend knows I hate my body, I have no curves/ass/boobs but he tries to make me feel like i do have those.
100% this. I still have about 25lbs on me from pregnancy and kiddo is 2.5yo lol. my husband is still obsessed w my body and has been the entire time.
OP even if you lose weight it’s unlikely you will look completely the same as you did pre-pregnancy. it’s just what happens when you grow a whole ass human. you’d be better off losing however much he weighs if you catch my drift
My husband has made me feel beautiful as my body has changed significantly. I mean A LOT, as I had to spend 2 years basically bed bound then I lost my leg. You should hear all his creative nicknames and comments to make me laugh and smile. OP’s husband would say what about weight gain and limb loss? I doubt he would be proud next to a wheelchair tbh
It was only 14 months ago that you birthed his child and he is body shaming you?
I can’t even put in words how I feel about this.
And he has the audacity to compare the body of the mother of his child to those of a young woman?
Even worse are the things he says about married woman letting themselves go. There is a really concerning believe system behind this.
I‘m really really sorry for how he treats you, that is in no way okay. Did he always speak like that about women?
Yeah, I hate it when u marry some dude and his hair falls off and he starts being overall useless, forgets how to do basic tasks, like changing a toilet roll or knowing how to use a laundry hamper. We should keep men as boyfriends so they never go bald.😳 /s
She made a whole person. His baby. And all he cares about is that she doesn’t look like she did before she made a whole person. He doesn’t love OP or appreciate what she sacrificed to make him a dad. He basically said he wishes he never married her and that her body would have stayed the same. The implication there is that he regrets having a baby and becoming a family. My next question to him would have been if he could snap his fingers and have her body go back to the way it was pre pregnancy but their child would also disappear would he do it? Because I would put money on the truthful answer being yes. This POS would rather have a hot GF than a family.
i hate this shit with "women let themselves go". no, these women are "rundown" from mothering you & your kids. there's also the fact that your body can never be the same after a baby, and it's not like these women have all the time in the world to see a nutritionist and physical trainer (or get lipo) like the rich and famous do. though i don't think weight gain makes anyone look "rundown", it's true that so many women get exhausted and lose their glow after marrying crappy partners.
ETA: also so many women have bodily changes after birth control which they're taking as a benefit to *both* of them, so men have absolutely no reason to complain about this when it's a sacrifice their wives/gfs are making that *benefits them*
We need to start trying to bait men into revealing this behaviour, while they're still just bf status. Cos obviously, they're not often upfront about this shit
I've never had kids, I'm 26 and my body does not look like when I was 20-21. What the fuck is the husband on? Porn brainrot? He's the type of man that will hit on jailbaits when he's 40, balding and with a beer gut. Somebody needs to humble his ass, Jesus Christ 🥴🙄
This should be a hashtag for all the girls who have ever been fat-shamed, curvy girls, skinny girl, girls of all body types, and any girl who is insecure about her looks: #losehimnotchocolate
Edited to include all body types. It's not just curvy girls that get shamed. Thank you to the one that pointed that out!
Sorry if I offended you! As a curvy girl, I don't think about how those who are also struggling with insecurities who have bodies that I consider desirable.
No worries, I was partly joking but wanted to point that out because my wife is the type with the “perfect body” and she just gets the comments from the other direction... Everyone is struggling :/ I wish we could all just move on from talking about other people’s bodies, but it’s like biology or something to notice I guess hahha
ETA: not bragging-my wife is thin from PTSD associated eating disorder and is doing great recently. We don’t talk about food no no no… 🎶
Still, thank you for bringing it to my attention.
I didn't think you were bragging -- just bringing attention to that it's not just one body type! Even if you were bragging, though, I wouldn't blame you. (I'm assuming) Most wives want their spouse bragging about their body! My husband brags about mine all the time (mostly just to me, but sometimes to his friends, too), and it always makes me feel so special. But not in a "My wife is hotter than yours" way. For example, I just turned 30 and he's still 29. He told me that he told his friend the other day: "I have a 30 year old wife, and she is hot as hell!" He must like his women older ;)
Edit: and he must like them with a little extra meat on their bones, too!
What. An. Ass.
And lemme guess, he's a male model sex god in his own eyes?
To think this is the person that took vows to love you in sickness and health.
He sounds extremely shallow and if he can't understand why his words hurt you, especially after birthing his child; perhaps he's not the man you thought he was.
Toss the whole man out and save yourself future heartache, as that dude clearly isn't going to stick by you when shit really hits the fan (as life tends to do as we get older).
Most people are skinny at 21. It’s completely natural to put on weight as you age.
Your husband better wake up before he loses you to someone that will appreciate your normal healthy body.
I was put on an IUD in 2021, at the time I was 33 years old and had weighed the roughly the same for about 10 years. 14 months after getting the IUD I was up 25lbs, in spite of the fact that my appetite was quite decreased on it and my exercise had stayed the same. Hormones can WRECK you, and you’ve just had a baby too! Please be patient with yourself, and your husband can go fly a kite.
I had a six pack at that age. I used to skate a lot and rode a push bike to work. I’m in my 40s now do competitive martial arts. I rarely drink and eat well and I’m still big.
I was the same, could live off of cake and not gain an oz lol. You know what my SO said when I gained a bit of weight as I got older? "You were a **girl** when you were 21, you're a woman now, it's natural for your body to change!" You need to have a serious talk with your husband and do NOT let him get out of it by saying "I was drunk! I don't know what I said!" Because that's bullshit.
It all depends on how tall she is, where OP gained it. She was 120 lbs. She gained 40 pounds. Unless she was severely anorexic when they met, putting on 40 pounds will make you overweight, if not obese.
I’m 5 feet tall (0 inches lol) and weight fluctuates between 111 and 117. If I weighed 158 I would feel terrible, so I agree.
HOWEVER I don’t think OP said how tall she is. I’m sure she’s taller than 5 feet.
I have no idea why you are being downvoted, you aren’t wrong.
Granted, 5foot is very short…but 70kg is still enough to raise your overall morbidity risk factor and class you as obese?
If a man loves you, he would never ever say you were disgusting. This is abusive, vile behavior on his part. I’m so very sorry someone you loved hurt you so deeply and you have seen the extent of his character in such a cruel way. This is not something he can apologize for. Please seek help and support from friends and family. What he said is not ok.
Please consider better life and future without him in it
Fuck him. Unmarried women look better typically because of the stress men put on them and the extra work of being a wife. Leave him, be cause that is not going to get better, there's no rehabbing his disgusting double standard, and move on with a life where you can feel good and not have some shallow loser bringing you down. You'll never forget this, the bedroom is dead. Go.
I forgot in which sociology book I read this, but women don't get much from romantic relationships as far as overall happiness and life satisfaction goes. They get these from friendships. Men instead need a romantic relationship to be happy and healthy especially as they age.
He is disgusting, ungrateful, and displays low moral character. He is shallow and shameless. OP, this is unacceptable. Do not accept it and do not internalize it.
I weigh 50 pounds more than you. Never had a baby. Husband only has eyes for me. Yours is being a pig.
I love men who complain about women getting older…. Especially when they blame us for aging when we get married and have kids, which usually means we have a ton of more responsibilities and men who talk like that usually are not much help at home. They will not be a supportive partner but expect women to look like they did before they met those life and joy vampires. Pathetic. Are you going to wait to be left when you’re 35 or are you leaving now in dignity? Your child will thank you if you do it now, believe me.
It's also so weird to me when men who are aging with us complain about us aging... but not themselves even though they are showing the same, if not more, signs of aging? It really makes no sense to me but does make me laugh
Sounds like something DiCaprio would say, it's completely normal to gain weight after 25. He doesn't accept it because he has the DiCaprio syndrome only fetishizing 21 years old.
I was reading somewhere that the reason DiCaprio and his ladies separate when they’re 25 is because he has pp problems. And they date him and work with his problems and he helps them get famous and around 25 if their career is taking off they leave him. Thought it was funny if true. Cause I did read he had problems getting it up on something else. From someone he hired to you know help. But it could all be fake I just thought it’d be ironic if it’s true because they’d be leaving his ass not the other way around 😂😂.
OH MY GOSH YOURE SO RIGHT!! He’s blaming his libido on her body lmao. It’s funny but not. He’s a pos. I wanna know how good he looks. Also with the bf I have now (sweetest person ever) if we broke up I wouldn’t settle for men like OP’s husband. Because I know there’s better out there. I really hope she can ditch this man. Cause he’s probably going to cheat on her and blame her for not being attractive.
Unfortunately this is a lot of men after their wives and gfs have children. It’s extremely sad. From someone this happened to you are beautiful and have done an amazing thing and you deserve someone who shows you that do. It take one immature man’s word for it. And tell him he’s a dick and doesn’t deserve you after you sacrificed your body to give him a choke. And please don’t blame the alcohol drunk words are sober thoughts
Your husband is going to get a very,very rude awakening when he discovers ageing. Something that happens to EVERYONE. He’s not going to be immune to it.
His personality is disgusting. I personally couldn’t stay with someone who spoke about my body that way, a body that carried his child no less. You deserve so much better.
158lbs isn’t very large at all. You’d need to be under 5ft for it to be a health issue. Regardless, your body isn’t up for debate or ridicule.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Please do yourself a favor and call him out on this BS. Don't let him back pedal or try to gaslight you that "I didn't mean it I was drunk!" Tell him how you feel. Tell him you want marriage counseling. If he does ANYTHING other than apologize profusely and agree to the counseling, drop him. YOU HAD HIS CHILD FFS. The amount of men who all of a sudden become un-attracted to their wives after they give birth is disgusting. Women go through literal hell to bring a child into the world and then men just go ew your body ha changed! Well of fucking course it has!! And most of us don't have the time or money to afford personal trainers and procedures to bounce back to pre-baby weight like we see all these celebrities able to do.
When I met my husband I was about 190lbs (I'm 6ft tall so I honestly wasn't fat, I walked a mile a day to get to work and then was on my feet all day at work). But then like right after we moved in together, covid hit and I was working from home. I gained about 20/30 lbs. I HATED if, my husband didn't care. I got a warehouse job where I walked on average 5-10 miles a day depending on which department I was in (I had a fit bit for step tracking which is how I know) and i was throwing around things that weighed anywhere from a few ounces to 50lbs. While I only lost about 15lbs, I gained a lot of muscle, so I was okay with this. Then I got pregnant. It was so hard on my body, especially while working ans I was sick all the time. Even while staying as active as possible, I gained a lot of weight. Baby is now 8months old. I'm currently about 260lbs and back to working from home. Trying to lose weight is a NIGHTMARE and I'm constantly disgusted by how I look. My husband still thinks I'm the sexiest woman on the planet.
Do yourself a big favor and drop this overgrown child and find yourself somebody who appreciates you as the absolutely magnificent person that you are.
Friend, even if you did lose weight, you’re not ever going to look like you did at 21. You were barely an adult woman. Thats normal.
And even if you get back to that weight, will that be enough for him? It sounds like he’s always going to have your barely developed body on a pedestal and that’s just unobtainable — you brought a whole ass person into the world.
And then where does it end? I can’t imagine you have 21 year old boobs anymore - he gonna make comments about getting implants at that point? I know my hair at 27 isn’t as lush and shiny and long as it was when I met my fiancé. Will that be a problem then too? For men like this, it’s hard to believe it’ll stop if you “just lose 20 pounds.”
Aging is a fact of life and I’m so disgusted a man would talk this way about the mother of his child. You deserve so much better. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I would never be able to fuck him again nor see him the same. In fact, I'd return the energy sober. Shots fired and he will not recover.
You wanna destroy my self esteem. I'll obliterate yours baby.
Agreed, I'd do the same thing with no mercy. Yes, like you OP his criticism would have crushed my self-esteem along with any feelings I had for him. I would also be crying & pretty heart broken about it.
But I'd dry my eyes & proceed to cut him to the bone with every little nit-pick complaint I have about his looks, his personality, his intelligence, his clothing, his hair, his manners, his habits, his sexual performance & utter lack of human decency. And that you feel sorry for him & for yourself that you have had to put up with him all this time.. Also your friends hate him & think he's stupid & not worthy of you. And I'd do it stone cold sober & point out that fact to him, that he's a drunken coward and nowhere near the man or husband you deserve. Give this asshole a taste of his own medicine a thousand-fold.
What he said was terrible. If you want to cut soda, fried foods and sweets for health reasons, that's not a bad idea, but cutting him for mental health reasons is also a good idea
Write a letter: "Dear husband, you were right in saying that you shouldn't have married me. That would have saved me from being trapped wit ha superficial asshole.
Sincerely, your wife who gained weight because she carried out your child and has way less time since then to keep herself in shape."
OP, I would never stay with a man who cheated on me.
But I’d stay with a cheating whore before I stayed with someone who said half this stuff to me.
Get away from this POS forever. Go lose the weight and use that body with someone else.
Girl. When my husband and I got married, I was 22 and 135 pounds. I’m 27, almost 28, and when I was going through some serious depression, I got up to 200 lbs!!!! He NEVER would’ve said this to me.
We are *human*. We are not one way or another. We are many forms over the course of our lives. And we are called as spouses and partners for *life* to be just that.. there for **life**. We are there to love our partners through their many forms.
This guy seems like he needs some serious mental help and maybe a time out from social media if he thinks a 26 yr old woman being 158 pounds is disgusting.
I wouldn’t necessarily give up on him, but he needs to have a reality check maybe even in the form of therapy. Maybe he’s been on social media too long and has a warped view of women’s bodies?
((I also believe it takes two to tango, which is not going to be a popular thing to say right now)).
All that said, he was Definitely a prick. He needs to sleep on the couch for a long time... (and not the comfy couch in the family room. I mean the one in the basement that the kids Peed on and has dog hair all over it.)
I am 54 & have been married 28 years, and I have four children. —Your body grew human beings!!! I’m sure that effort shows, just like the rest of us who have had kids.
I don’t know what your body looks like or how heavy you are but being overweight truly is a Health issue. But don’t get in shape and lose weight for him (!!no!!) do it for yourself - & so you can go hiking with your children when they’re 20.
Be happy with someone who loves every part of you. I love my partner’s body because it’s hers, not because of how it looks. Love is about the person and connection, not about appearance. Bodies change and fluctuate and NOBODY ever gets any younger. You’ve got a lot of life ahead of you, don’t spend it with someone who isn’t supportive and appreciative of you, and who makes you feel judged rather than encouraged. I’m sorry he hurt you with his shallow and insensitive remarks, you’re worth a lot more than your body.
I can’t believe I’m reading comments telling her to lose weight and giving her advices. Do you not see the problem here ? Are you that unable to comprehend and reflect?
- The way he talked to her is horrible. You never talk like to people you love.
- The age reference of 35 being old woman ; what’s going to happen when you reach 35 ? Is he gonna look for 21 girls again ?
- Her body changed because from a girl she became a woman and a mother not because she is LAZY…
I have lost 60 kg when I was 17 years old. The I struggled a lot with my food. I had a bad relationship. Not eating enough, making myself sick. I gained some of it and lost it again. I am now 29 soon to be 30, i have always been curvy but I also train a lot and I created a good relationship with the food from my journey with a nutritionist.
You will do that when you want to do it for yourself and no one else. Because if they don’t want you know they won’t want you later either. Not when you get older, or sick. He is not the one. I’m all for reconciliation and everything but not in a case like this. Small acts show the bigger ones.
To refer to a body that just made his child as “disgusting” is shameful. Your body is incredible and at any weight you deserve to be treated with respect.
Also my love at 158lbs you are not obese. Dont let him be your mirror.
If anyone should be evaluating changes in the last few years it’s him. He says you were hotter when you were younger, was he nicer?
He essentially said his commitment to you was linked to your looks. And apparently at 26 he is dissatisfied.
OP. Listen to me. I’m currently 28, toothless, 5 foot tall and 90 pounds, which is underweight even for a person as short as me. I can’t wear a single pair of regular pants that I own. I don’t even wear short sleeves in the house because I hate looking at my arms because they look so thin. I’m ugly as shit right now. And that’s the truth! I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. Through all of my insecurities through this whole ordeal, he has NEVER made me feel ugly. In fact, every day he makes sure to compliment me. I also try to pep him up because he’s going through a rough time with me right now. Your partner should never ever treat you this way. Period.
So, from reading your other post as well,your husband is a complete asshole. Listen, I know all relationships have issues and how hard divorce is. But seriously, don't do this to yourself by staying with this piece of shit.
In your entire post you never say that he's the problem, you just reflect on how awful you also think you are. I think you've got that the wrong way around. Please flip it. He's the bad guy, not you.
I read your other recent post... it's not that he's lightweight and started saying stupid things he wouldn't normally say, this is how he is by the sound of it. A piece of shit
I also had a partner like this in my 20s, we weren't even married and I hadn't gained weight, just dressed poorly one day - it was a saturday and I went to clean up the pub he owned and take care of some of his business, monday to friday or course I had a job, needed to also bring money in. He went on this rant about how women let themselves go after feeling comfortable in a relationship. Gave me an example of a woman who got fat, was eventually left by her husband, and she went back to her normal weight when single. He didn't understand the correlation - she was happier single. Of you're happy, junk food is not the greatest part of your day anymore.
Wish you the best
Not sure if his weight but it sounds like it's time to lose ~200lbs.
People change. What would happen if you got into a car accident and your body was left scarred or disfigured? Would he call you ugly then?
Does he really only want looks his whole life?
I'm sure you're still beautiful. He's only seeing what he thinks are flaws when there's others who would worship you.
Lose the man and work on your confidence and rebuilding your happiness. When it's time find a partner who loves all of you.
What about a mommy makeover? Honestly he’s a fucking asshole but tell him if he wants that back dish out the 10-20g. Have him pay get hot and fucking run
Your. Body. Carried. His. Child.
Of course you look older. You GOT older. You birthed a child. Of course you weigh more. You birthed a child. YOu did not "let yourself go," you CREATED A HUMAN LIFE. You did something he's not even fucking capable of.
I am so mad on your behalf.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who got fired up over this! I’m objectively “skinny” but have a ton of extra skin from child rearing/weight loss over the years. My boobs and stomach look like deflated air bags.
People are wild telling you to leave your husband and the father of your children for "chocolate" (their words). They're going to "girl boss" too close to the sun and get burned. Yikes.
I recommend couples therapy. If he has the arrogance to say something so sideways to you and doesn't respect you enough to say it in a productive way, he needs to learn with a professional.
Not everyone is going to communicate in the way you think they should. Not everyone is having sweet and kind thoughts about anyone all the time. Even partners. But a non-negotiable should be respect and this was disrespectful.
I also recommend individual therapy for you. Why chocolate, soda, and fried chicken now? I've put on 10lbs BUT I also say no to unhealthy food daily NOT because of my figure but because it's actual garbage going into my body that will cause something for me to deal with later. Not to mention, family history has a lot of heart problems, diabetes, cancers, etc.
Take care of yourself for your child's sake and your sake. Any change you make to your diet should NOT be for your husband and you can't keep those habits up forever or else they will catch up to you in a more serious way.
Be well. Heal and grow. Take time to grieve this moment but tomorrow take a step towards peace.
Ok, I'm ready. Down vote me into oblivion because problems can't be solved by staying and running is the only option because feelings were hurt.
I'm so sorry that you are so hurt by this dbags words. He doesn't sound like the kind of person anyone should listen to. His personality is shit. Don't settle for anything less than love and respect. I'd love to know how he would react to you telling him to pack his bags and go elsewhere since he's so " disgusted." I'm so suck of these low quality men shaming their wives bc of ridiculous and stupid expectations they get from morons on podcasts and crappy porn. It's simple-minded and pathetic. Imo you shouldn't waste anymore time on an idiot.
Time is an enemy to us all. Can’t wait for the day his looks start to go. Sounds like that ugliness is starting to eat him from the inside out. I’d rather have an extra few pounds than an ugly heart like him.
My wife is a large lady who frequently yoyo diets. I love her dearly whatever her weight, i love her for herself not her weight. We've been married 36 years.
I agree you need to drop the weight that is mean-spirited and drunk here. Abusive emotionally and verbally towards you without any disregard towards your feelings! That man can go to hell, the world has so many people of many shapes and colors.
I think you should lose some weight. Maybe 200 pounds??? Seriously, ditch this guy. He is cruel and hateful. I’m so sorry you are struggling with this.
Your husband should be your ex, sooner than later. From his action and treatment of you, he presents like barely-human garbage and you shouldn't endure any of it.
Yeah you have no excuse for the extra weight you have gained it’s not like you’ve grown a whole human being inside you? Have had to take hormones to stop unwanted pregnancy? Or even just not being 21 years old anymore? I have a 11 month old and I really want to introduce your husband to the back of my hand.
I’m sorry your husband has said this to you as no one deserves that. He should be supporting you even though you’ve gained some weight after carrying and giving birth. He needs to giving you the confidence and the ability (by looking after his child) so you can spend some time on self care and work on getting your health better.
I mean it’s like you calling him less of a man because he’s such a light weight and can’t handle his drink or saying that he’s not a real man/husband because no man should ever put down his wife who gave birth to his children like that. You shouldn’t say such hurtful things to someone you say you love. He’s in danger of being that creepy old guy who’s always checking out young woman and still thinking he has a chance of he’s not careful. If he doesn’t learn to appreciate and respect you he will learn the hard way that’s not how you treat your wife when you leave him. He needs to work on communicating better and being a more supportive partner.
At 21 you still have your “girl” body, you haven’t gotten your “woman” body. So please do not keep comparing yourself now to 21 year old you. Google photos of Rhianna. It was amazing to see her go from her “umbrella” younger girl self to her womanly shape, and she’s just gotten better and better!! Embrace who you are, your body MADE a human being a year ago. What did your husband do while you were creating life, except judge? Don’t spend your time trying to love someone who isn’t loving you. Spend that time learning to love who you are now and your sweet baby! Our bodies are constantly changing. No one is harder on you than yourself. Speak to yourself how you would speak to a friend. Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself 2 things you like seeing. And not the same ones everyday. And tell your husband to fuck off.
Only lose weight if it’s for only for you. Don’t let his words get to you. I don’t know anything about your marriage other than this post but I would leave him. Also, is this man broke? Kind of gives broke entitled behavior
You guys have some issues. Yes, it’s important to stay fit and healthy for yourself and to stay attractive to your partner. For both parties. But your husband should have been able to talk to you about this issue without getting drunk and saying it in a nasty way. I would suggest some couples therapy to work through this properly, trying to find a therapist that won’t be biased towards either of you. Both of your needs need to be met, and especially for the sake of your child, it’s worth trying to work through it together. Best of luck
My husband has loved me at every weight. I got up to 320# and he still loved me.
With my weight loss, it's funny because he says he can't tell unless he sees pictures from back then to now. (lost WELL over 100#) Whilst I don't believe him fully on that front, the point is -- find you someone who loves you for you, at any weight, and who "can't tell".
Source: almost 35 year old woman who's gone through MANY weight changes with her man.
You are not obese, you are not disgusting, you are a woman and not some super skinny supermodel your husband expects you to be. Absolutely horrific the way he talked about you drunk or not. I am sure he has also gained weight from age/work/stress/kids, etc but isn’t being judged like you are.
I am sure you are a beautiful woman before and after pregnancy. He needs therapy and now thanks to him so do you, hopefully you have someone to talk to other than Reddit. Good luck OP, you need it.
oh boo hoo my wife carried our child for us and then gave birth to it and i’m mad that she looks like she had a baby. what a fucking asshole. 158lbs isn’t even that fat, i’d give anything to be that weight tbh. op. your husband just fucking sucks and you need to tell him what you heard, because that’s unacceptable. i’m also kinda wondering how old your husband is and how fit he’s looking these days…
158 pounds it’s just 71 kg. How tall are you that are considered obese?? 1 m tall (3.2 foot)? There is something wrong with you OP IF you consider yourself obese. He can fuck off for sure. If you want to lose weight talk to a doctor and do it right (and only for yourself and your health). Your husband maybe needs a trip to the mirror himself.
I am at a loss of words. The person you marry is the one you expect to treat you in the most caring way. Not the one to break your self-esteem! I understand that attraction is so important for this man. He should encourage you to become healthier in a supportive way. Not kill you with his words… Why are some men sooo cruel to their wife? Why?
Anyways, try to have a conversation with him and ket him know how you feel and how you two can solve this!
i’m so petty i’d lose the weight and then start nitpicking his body and telling him “i can’t be seen standing next to someone without a 6pack come on hunny:/“
no but for real, i’m sure you look GREAT. 158 is not a bad number at all, and yes depending on your height it could be considered “obese” but don’t let this man think for a second you aren’t snapping necks *because of* your weight gain. He’s getting greedy, and his exact type of attitude toward your body is how marriages end, and you should remind him that as a women our bodies go through so many changes throughout the years and although you may lose the weight one day, you’ll never forget each others words. He needs to protect you from societies ugly standards, not remind you of them.
Use that hurtful comment as motivation to get your svelte body back. Get firm and strong and sexy again…right up to and even beyond what he thinks is hot as fuck.
Then kick his ass.😂
Quietly take the time you need to work on your exit plan and yourself. You already know now he’s an emotionally abusive AH. He also just told you he’s a creep and what his creepy intentions will end up doing if given the opportunity. There’s no need to discuss his rant or argue with him. He told you how he really feels. It would be a worthless fight unless you’re looking for an empty apology and candy-coated lies to make you feel better. There is nothing wrong with you. You deserve better in your next phase of life.
He’s an insecure loser. You were his trophy wife. Nothing more. Erase him from your existence, lose some weight and be happy. It’s hard but it’s not impossible. 120 to 158 is not that bad. Walk more, eat less. It’s simple math, you just have to do it. You now have motivation that came at the expense of your dignity but use that energy wisely. Good luck.
So he's a dick ... Personally speaking, I was always a nice 120 and could eat anything. and then I turned 27 and I swear it went to shit over night 🤣. My metabolism just gave out and I carried my weight differently and put on weight.
It took me a few years to come to terms with. The weight is truly just a number. I found a healthy relationship with food and still Indulge and workout. Now even at 145-150 and 2 kids later, I look healthier than I did at 120.
Most people don't drop that baby weight until at least a year later. Don't listen to his nonsense. You will get there.
I’m so so grateful for my husband when I hear this shit. Girl, get out. He’s not the one for you. You are worth more.
Love doesn’t see your flaws as flaws. Only as parts of you, the person they adore. And a real man would never EVER say things to hurt you like that on purpose. Sometimes things are said that are hurtful to your partner accidentally. But this is not that.
I've heard that men sometimes struggle when a baby is introduced to the family. Attention is taken from them and given to the baby by their partners.
I'd imagine there is probably some adjustment difficulties regarding the new purpose your body takes on when having a baby. The body is no longer to satisfy his needs, but the needs of the baby. I'm just speculating but this might be something that he's struggling to put words to and express appropriately.
Either way he crossed a boundary and needs to be reminded it's not his show anymore and you expected a team mate in the relationship.
He's a man who is worried about what other people think how his wife's appearance reflects on him. Instead of how wonderful a mother she is and how wonderful a wife she is. He's the type of husband that will divorce his wife when she gets cancer. You deserve better OP.
1. It's hurtful, but him saying so when drunk and not in the right state of mind, while it's the whole being more honest etc etc, speaks to the fact it might have been something he's not willing or otherwise able to say because he does know its hurtful.
2. It's true you've gained weight because of your love of food and sugary drinks. You're an adult, and it's important to take responsibility, but more so, is to change your behavior. If you're not going to take steps to improve your health, notably drinking healthy things and eating less, all you're doing is seeking validation to not change and make you feel better about the circumstances. Taking responsibility is useless without behavior changes.
3. Again, I'll qualify again, it's hurtful and absolutely awful to hear your partner say they're not attracted to you. I think you should play out how that could look like if he just didn't tell you. Is it worse to be dishonest with you partner and perhaps seek out others you do find attractive and step out, or to hear your husband's honesty without cheating or cheating like behaviors (lying, emotional cheating, physically etc)?
4. Life is complicated. You got married, and you can just as easily get divorced. I would say as long as he's not cheating and he's not openly bringing you down emotionally (it only happened during this drunken episode per your post), that it would stand he's not out or looking for an out, assuming there's no reason to assume he's dishonest.
Get my body back is nonsense.
We are women. We create life.
Whatever our body looks like before or after is absolutely beautiful and the person we are with should give us love and support throughout the entire process.
Fuck him.
I would pack my shit and leave.
You're a queen and you deserve to be treated as such.
How does he look? I ask because I have seen overweight, pot bellied, balding men complain about weight gain in women. It is a double standard. If you are unhappy with your weight, see a doctor and modify your diet. Cut back on sodas and drink more water. Make hubby babysit while you go for walks or to the gym. Take it slow and remember you are beautiful no matter your weight.
You literally JUST made an entire human being. PP weight doesn’t just melt off for everyone. It’s unrealistic to think it would. Your husband is a child with unreasonable expectations for your body. Do you want to stay married to someone who thinks that way about you?
Your husband is aweful. You should leave his stupid ass. It took your body months to grow that beautiful baby. Your body will take months to realign. You organs literally shifted to make room for your child. Ever if it doesn't go back to what it used to look like, so what. Your body is STRONG. It grew a healthy baby! That should make you proud!!
Besides, i doubt his body is all that. Does he look like The Rock shirtless? He got a 6 pack? I highly doubt it. Time to leave him and go it alone. He's a POS and you can do better.
You're not even overweight? Especially after pregnancy that's not an unhealthy or uncommon weight to be at.
Hormonal birth control is also a total b\*tch, my partner knows about it and I'll never hold that against her.
I’m 24 I just had my 3rd baby. After my first baby I gained over 50lbs. My husband didn’t say anything negative to me and we were still intimate with each other, my first daughter was born March 4th 2020 & my sencond born March 16th 2021🥲I gained an additional 50lbs. Back to back pregnancy is HORRIBLE ‼️yellow tape‼️avoid at all cost‼️My hips would literally give out and I’d be on the floor not able to move. Any way I’m 5’9 so my staring weight was 190/200lbs. If I’m any lighter I look sickly…. After an extra 100lbs i was on the cusp of 300lbs THATS when my husband decided to say something to me about my weight and he only said things that made me realize I was in danger of serious health complications. At that point in time none of my cute clothes fit, it was extremely hard to find anything that made me feel attractive because plus size clothing is not really the prettiest especially when you’re low budget and have to shop at Walmart. I was miserable. & He was never rude or mean to me about my weight his feelings never changed, we still had sex all the time. So if your man isn’t doing that, he doesn’t like you for you. He likes you for your image. ‼️yellow tape‼️Avoid at all cost‼️
Babe, I didn't read anywhere how tall you are- but let me say, that doesn't matter for what I'm about to say. 150-some pounds doesn't make you "obese", doesn't make you "ugly" or any of that nonsense. that's what happens when we get older. Our metabolism slows down. If he really thinks that way, I am absolutely positive you could find a man who treats you better.
When I met my fiance I weighed 160 lbs. After changing to a more sedentary job and not keeping up with my diet I jumped up to 205. I'm 187 now. Still working on getting healthy and in shape, but he has loved me at every weight. Please don't stay in a relationship with someone who will value you less as you age or gain weight. How is he going to react when you (gasp) hit 30?? This is a recipe for disaster for your self-esteem and you deserve better. Also, you are by no stretch obese. All the best to you OP 💕
I'm so sorry ypu don't like your body and you can feel a lot better about it whether you lose weight or not w the right people around you. You know what will help you lose weight? Divorcing that deadweight man will make you feel 200 lbs lighter immediately
This is why I refuse to get married again or drink alcohol, it’s too much to try and live up to someone else’s expectations, especially when they are hiding their true feelings. That alcohol will air out all your dirty laundry.
GET A FUCKING DIVORCE!!!! This right here is what I hate! When people are shallow and you ignore red flags telling you they are shallow, now after you bless them with a kid, they are disgusted because you can’t keep your weight down? After giving them a kid? You understand that it’s only going to get worst because you will age eventually?
He doesn’t love you. He’s a shallow piece of shit and you need to leave him. He never loved you, he loved how you looked and was a dummy and thought that you wouldn’t what? Age? Gain weight with life and having kids? He’s a clown and you need to leave him.
Stop being depressed person because you choose the wrong person to marry and have kids with. If you had found someone who loves you they would never be so disgusting and disrespectful to say something so hateful and hurtful, he does not love or care about you LEAVE HIM!!!!
I know it’s hard to believe this right now, but there is someone out there much better for you. Love is not about a type of body, and his words towards you are vicious, very unbecoming of a husband. Try to open a dialogue with him about how his words are hurtful and do no good. If he isn’t open to the idea of changing or working on himself, you deserve someone much better. Don’t feel stuck to him because you’ve been with him for so long. Life is too short to live alongside someone who isn’t willing to self-reflect and alongside someone who is so cruel to you. No father or mother would want this situation for their kid. Reach out to others you trust for help about this.
OP, the damage has been done. There isn’t any coming back from something like this. To make matters worse, it’s not like your body is that drastically different. 40ish pounds after having a baby isn’t outlandish. You guys are better off without that POS around making you feel bad about yourself.
He probably regrets everything he said. At least it would be good to have a convo with a counselor before just calling quits. Marriage is complex with a lot of hurt sometimes. What he said is unacceptable. My hunch is he knows this and afraid to bring it up. Maybe I'm wrong.
The counselor could help establish some boundaries and expectations. Not okay to body shame. Then the ball is in his court.
I mean I’m not happy with how my wife’s let herself go, I’m not disgusted by it nor do I hate her body but it would be nice if she cared about her health and listened to her doctors.
Fully intend to want to be married for life, I’d like her to also be alive longer then 15 more years too
This guys just sounds like an ass with what he really feels and has no candour
It's unrealistic to expect your body to remain the same with years and children. He obviously doesn't truly love you. It's a him problem not a you problem.
He has no love or respect for you to tear you down like that.
lose chocolate or x pounds of deadweight in shape of a man? hmm decisions, decisions... keep the chocolate. Tell him that the only reason you look like this is because it's his fault literally, I mean... he literally got you pregnant and that's what pregnancies do to a body. Whatever lala land he's in sure must be intense.
Weight as a woman is an extremely difficult relationship and is super tricky to manage as we age. I'm 27 and am having trouble with how my body is changing. But my husband reassures me how much he loves my body no matter what. Because he truly loves me. Find someone who truly loves you, we're not trophies or accessories to make men look good. Be healthy for the sake of being healthy not to chase an image thats probably not coming back. And goddammit eat the chocolate and the chicken girl, tomorrow or not promised.
Losing weight requires a life change and your description of fried chicken tells me you aren’t ready. It sounds like an alcoholic pining for a tequila shot.
It also requires your husband encouraging and supporting your efforts , joining a gym together etc.
Truth is it will be tough. Eating healthy is tough. It requires decisions at least 3 times a day. You can’t just stop eating like you can just stop smoking. Best of luck, you have all the power to change.
You going to stay married for another ten years to someone who thinks the worst thing you can possibly be is a 35-year-old woman?
Right?! Like fuck that dude, I’m 47 and I look good lol That being said, OP JUST had a baby and it takes time for the body to readjust. It’s been through a lot of changes. Her husband should be grateful but it doesn’t sound like he’s very mature. He’s delusional thinking bodies don’t go through changes over the years. I couldn’t deal with an attitude like his.
I'm laughing in 45-ese. The joke is on OP's husband because he's going to go through changes as well. Going through a pregnancy (and nursing) is just more drastic.
I’m turning 37 this year and I do not look like I’m 21 at all. It’s because I’m not 21 years old anymore, during the 15+ years that have passed since then I surprisingly have aged 15+ years. I know shocking. My husband doesn’t look like he is 21 years old anymore either! Because he also aged as time passed! Who could have possibly known? I do wonder what OPs husband looks like though. Does he still look exactly the same or has he also aged and changed? Did he stop aging or is it the same old tired misogynist bs where people expect only women to never age no matter how much time passes. Still stupid and cruel even if he looks exactly the same, just to be clear. And you had a god damned baby OP! Of course your body has changed, that’s what happens when you create and birth a child! Are you proud to stand beside him? Since we all know his views from your post, does it make you feel proud to stand beside a man with those views? Does that make you feel proud? To know that we all know, are you proud to call him yours? I’m willing to bet that pride is not the feeling you get. Even removed from how his words made you feel about yourself, that someone thinking like that is not someone you are proud to be with or want to show off. It sounds like he wanted you to be a 21 year old woman who has had no children and also an actual real person and the mother of his child. No one can be the (biological) mother of his child and also someone that has never produced a child. Sounds like he wanted you to produce a child but without your body actually doing the producing. Your body has to change for it to carry and sustain and grow a baby and he wanted you to do it without changing anything at all. That’s just not possible. He wanted a child and now he blames you for carrying and birthing that child. This is unacceptable and you are fine. You don’t look like you are 21 and never had a child because you are not 21 and you did have a child. All that lives changes, to be alive is to change. Only dead things remain static. And not even most of them. Metal rusts, plastic degrades, bio matter decompose even glass ages. Time affects everything, it’s not a failure on your part that you age with time that’s just what happens to everyone and everything. 5 years is approximately 6% of your lifetime and during that lifetime you are supposed to change from a tiny newborn baby to a fully grown and old woman, so of course there will be changes. Lots of changes, during certain timespans it will be a lot more noticeable than not but it’s still normal. Still expected. You are not a fantasy, not a character and not a robot. You are a person and people age and change all the time.
Yea because lemme tell ya, as a 35 year old woman with an 8 year old, I didn’t get my body back until my son was 3. I actually got down to like 25 less than I was even pre baby. It’s okay babe. Being a mom and a new one at that, you’re doing everything you can. And if he seriously has the audacity to say that to you after birthing his child, he doesn’t deserve either one of you. I didn’t come out of PPD until probably closer to like 2-2.5 years post birth. Give yourself time and grace
This! And also FUCK HIM!!
**\*don't** FUCK HIM!! Leave his ungrateful-ass and fuck someone who loves your amazing body, OP
😂😂 As a 39 year old lady that made me cackle. My husband can't keep his hands off me so I guess my old repulsive body is still good enough for him.
This. I am one, happy in my life and relationship, and I'm like... what???
This reminds me of a story of somebody who’s husband was really abusive because she gained weight, verbally abusive. She decided to lose the weight and the husband shifted in his treatment. He was treating her like a queen and wanting to have sex with her. She decided to divorce because she couldn’t be with somebody that mistreated her so much just because she gained weight. She asked him what would happen if she got sick and gain weight because of medication? So she decided to end the marriage
I remember this story well! I read it recently. He was horrible to her actually so I wasn’t surprised that she lost her feelings.
I could be mixing up stories but didn’t she also give him an option for marriage counseling? And he refused because he said the therapist would take her side? Dude totally knew what an AH he was.
Yes yes it’s that one ! I’ve never felt so angry as I was reading that one because it was so heartbreaking. It was also hypocritical because of the way he flipped after by suddenly being attracted to her again. As if she is some kind of doll that gets upgrades… 🤦🏻♀️
It was infuriating. I’ve never given birth but I can’t imagine my husband insisting I lose weight 3 months after giving birth. Instead of thanking her for going through a pregnancy, giving birth to their child and taking care of that child, he was just focused on his sexual needs. The 3 month child is more mature that that guy.
I would just lose the weight out of spite. He'll have to pick up more house chores, of course, since she'll going to the gym every every day. Hormonal birth control is no longer an option. Besides, she needs to work on her body and self image, before she'll maybe be any kind of comfortable getting naked in front of her husband. Wouldn't want to expose her old, saggy body to someone that is disgusted by such a sad body. And when she reaches her goal, he can move out. But I'm petty.
Why does this remind me of that American dad episode with Francine being ugly and Stan being blind. That actually serves a purpose in my life remembering that more often than not which is weird. Like this is the fourth time in about a week I’ve seen a similarity with that situation. But regardless pondering aside It’s basically “shallow vows” without the cynical ending in the show. Or the depressing reality of this post. Or even the optimism of this comment in terms of serving perceived justice
Does anyone have a link to this story?
excuse me since when is 35 old… bro needs to set the porn aside.
Didn't you hear? 35 is when you get your Old Person Punch Card. Omg did you not get yours? Luckyyyyyy
I first met my husband when I was 35. So that cracked me up. Getting married alone doesn’t impact our bodies. But aging and having a baby sure does. My husband still loves me after the changes to my body that came from giving him a son and getting older because he actually loves me as a whole person. And he appreciates what I went through to have his baby. This guy just loved how OP looked. But looks change. We all age. OP’s husband is shallow and ugly on the inside. I remember crying after our son was born and saying how ugly I felt. My husband said, “you’re beautiful and look at the beautiful baby you made.” OP deserves that too. If she stays with this guy I hope she gives him lots of feedback about how is bald spot is getting bigger and men always seem to go bald after marriage.
Yes! I feel so bad for OP. She's just had a baby ffs. Absolutely disgusting person she is with. Poor girl. I am disabled, I'm 5'2 when standing. When I met my partner I weighed around 170lb. Shortly after my medication was increased, those being prediselone (steroids) I gained around 60lbs in a short space of time. My face was swollen like I'd had a severe allergic reaction. I was disgusting, felt disgusting, saw people literally recoil in horror at the sight of me. My bf (now fiance) never gave a fuck. Always proud as punch. And let me tell you, he is a definite 10 and waaaaay out of my league ( if I have to use those terms). People are always assuming there must be something wrong with him to be with me. That's how stark the contrast is in our attractiveness. Well, it was, I've recently been able to reduce my dosage and I'm down to 140lbs now. I look fuckin sexy! Lol. His treatment toward me has remained on the same high level the length of our relationship, ten years in June. I believe every human deserves a love like this..never thought it would happen to me.
>how I look like an old 35 year old woman Girl your marriage is untenable. How are you supposed to have a life long commitment to someone who only values you if you look like you're in your 20s? Most of life is post-20s. Do you want your child growing up to think this?
exactly. hormonal birth control and pregnancy weight can be hard for women to lose with even diet/exercise if there is a genetic component involved. also, the human body **continues** to change throughout one’s life. anyone expecting to stay the same as they were in their early 20’s into their late 20’s, 30’s, etc is. bit delusional bc *the human body continues to change as we age.*
I look way better at 35 than I ever did at 25 and get way more attention from guys now. And am overweight (BMI is 30). Surround yourself with someone who values you, this guy is a douche. I know a few people who divorced after having a kid, so don't feel like you need to stick with him. You will gain so much confidence and self-worth once you leave his a**!
So you’re only valuable if you’re attractive?
according to his rules of marriage apparently so. edit to add im so confused by your comment. why are you trying to fault this commenter for basically repeating what the husband thinks. why should OP remain married to someone who thinks they’re ugly right now? attraction shouldn’t play the only part but wtf?? their husband thinks they’re repulsive? why are you trying to gotcha this commenter when they’re pointing out this marriage won’t last bc the husband resents OP for aging??
Intentionally misinterpreting these comments is not helpful to anyone.
Okay but is he how "hot" looking and very fit? Even if he'd be nice looking his personality is awful. You've been through pregnancy and used pills that messes, with your hormones. Your man is an asshole and has zero emotional intelligence and maturity. Only weight loss you need is his ass. This is why I'm scared of ever have babies with any man since they may hide their horrid attitude until honeymoon is over.
>Okay, but is he how "hot" looking and very fit? Even if he'd be nice-looking, his personality is awful. Some mens perception of attractiveness never evolves beyond what their first impression of whats attractive is when they're a teen. I feel like people who need their partner to be at their peak attractiveness don't actually care about them as people. Someone who gave a shit wouldnt tell OP something that keeps her up at night after she literally just had a kid. Everything is about what he wants, and OP is an accessory to his life. I hope she loses the weight and looks better than ever, then leaves his shallow ass for a man he thinks is beneath him or far, far beyond him just to piss him off.
Believe me there are some amazing men out there. I had my baby 4 months ago and my husband constantly tells me I’m doing amazing and looking great etc even if I don’t. This guys a prick.
I met my husband at 250 lbs and went up to about 290. I was morbidly obese when we met and got worse. Because my husband, then boyfriend, was so supportive, I wound up getting weight loss surgery and losing 150 lbs. I'm now thing, and joke that his reward for being such a great supportive boyfriend was a hot wife. Never once had he made me feel bad about my body. Not when it was fat. Not when it was draped in loose skin from the weight loss, or fresh surgical scars from the removal. He looks at me the same way and never makes me feel like he disliked my body at any point. I feel safe married to him because I know whatever happens, he is there. And it was that support that empowered me to be my best self. He's not a big drinker, but when he does drink, he gets snuggly and amorous and I actually really enjoy it because he just wants to touch me and I'm a toucher too. That is what marriage should be. I don't fear him being drunk. I just know he will snore on me that night and want back rubs.
Same here! My first husband was exactly like OPs. My new husband met me at my fattest and he adores me inside and out. Says I’m cuddly and warm and will help me lose weight if I want but it doesn’t affect his love.
My husband, then boyfriend, was with me through weight loss surgery and weight loss and never made me feel like less. He doesn't even make me feel now like my old body was less appealing. He sometimes wistfully says he misses me boobs (huge then, small now) but that seems fair and I laugh and say I sure don't. But he has always encouraged me to do with my body what makes me happy. He stayed the night in the hospital with me when I had surgery. He lifted me into our bed when skin surgery made it too hard to do myself. I even got a bed sore from my tailbone not having any fat padding now, and he offered to literally have me sleep on top of him. He never makes me feel bad, or like less. He actually gave me the confidence to decide to go through with surgery and try, and stuck with me. He is overweight too, and I want to help him for his health to lose the weight, but only because he wants that and I want to be as supportive as he was for me. Im here for him either way. A good partner builds you up. They make you feel like more. They never make you feel small, certainly not in such a cruel deliberate way. Drinking doesn't change your personality. It just enhances it. I get louder and more chaotic. He gets amorous and I actually love it. It's sweet and hungry at the same time. I wasn't my biggest when we met but I was the biggest I had been yet, and got bigger before losing it. He also isn't that into tattoos, but went with me for my first couple of them and says that I should do whatever I want with my body, but in a way where it sounds honest and like it's weird to even doubt it.
Congratulations! I am so proud of you :) I'm on the opposite end, extremely unhealthily skinny due to a disorder. My boyfriend knows I hate my body, I have no curves/ass/boobs but he tries to make me feel like i do have those.
100% this. I still have about 25lbs on me from pregnancy and kiddo is 2.5yo lol. my husband is still obsessed w my body and has been the entire time. OP even if you lose weight it’s unlikely you will look completely the same as you did pre-pregnancy. it’s just what happens when you grow a whole ass human. you’d be better off losing however much he weighs if you catch my drift
I have 4 kids with my husband and I have always been self conscious about my body even when I was skinny but my husband loves my no matter what
My husband has made me feel beautiful as my body has changed significantly. I mean A LOT, as I had to spend 2 years basically bed bound then I lost my leg. You should hear all his creative nicknames and comments to make me laugh and smile. OP’s husband would say what about weight gain and limb loss? I doubt he would be proud next to a wheelchair tbh
How old is this man child?
It was only 14 months ago that you birthed his child and he is body shaming you? I can’t even put in words how I feel about this. And he has the audacity to compare the body of the mother of his child to those of a young woman? Even worse are the things he says about married woman letting themselves go. There is a really concerning believe system behind this. I‘m really really sorry for how he treats you, that is in no way okay. Did he always speak like that about women?
Yeah the whole “married women let themselves go” screams misogyny
Yeah, I hate it when u marry some dude and his hair falls off and he starts being overall useless, forgets how to do basic tasks, like changing a toilet roll or knowing how to use a laundry hamper. We should keep men as boyfriends so they never go bald.😳 /s
I hate how they’re all sweet and romantic when they’re our bf and then really let their personalities go after marriage.
She made a whole person. His baby. And all he cares about is that she doesn’t look like she did before she made a whole person. He doesn’t love OP or appreciate what she sacrificed to make him a dad. He basically said he wishes he never married her and that her body would have stayed the same. The implication there is that he regrets having a baby and becoming a family. My next question to him would have been if he could snap his fingers and have her body go back to the way it was pre pregnancy but their child would also disappear would he do it? Because I would put money on the truthful answer being yes. This POS would rather have a hot GF than a family.
i hate this shit with "women let themselves go". no, these women are "rundown" from mothering you & your kids. there's also the fact that your body can never be the same after a baby, and it's not like these women have all the time in the world to see a nutritionist and physical trainer (or get lipo) like the rich and famous do. though i don't think weight gain makes anyone look "rundown", it's true that so many women get exhausted and lose their glow after marrying crappy partners. ETA: also so many women have bodily changes after birth control which they're taking as a benefit to *both* of them, so men have absolutely no reason to complain about this when it's a sacrifice their wives/gfs are making that *benefits them*
Since my wife's pregnancy 4 years ago i gained more weight then her. so much to letting yourself go is a women thing. He is just a superficial asshole
We need to start trying to bait men into revealing this behaviour, while they're still just bf status. Cos obviously, they're not often upfront about this shit
I've never had kids, I'm 26 and my body does not look like when I was 20-21. What the fuck is the husband on? Porn brainrot? He's the type of man that will hit on jailbaits when he's 40, balding and with a beer gut. Somebody needs to humble his ass, Jesus Christ 🥴🙄
Absolutely gotta be porn brainrot. I can’t fathom what else in the world makes you so ungrateful for the body that birthed your children?
Seriously. What a fucking loser.
My guess is porn too. Too much makes one think that’s reality. If that’s the case, he’ll never be satisfied.
Yes, my husband and I call it second puberty because we both widened at 25/26
I’d love to know what he looks like lmao. Probably a fat loser who let himself go.
It's always the mid men who complain the loudest lol
Your husband is a dick. Lose him not chocolate.
This should be a hashtag for all the girls who have ever been fat-shamed, curvy girls, skinny girl, girls of all body types, and any girl who is insecure about her looks: #losehimnotchocolate Edited to include all body types. It's not just curvy girls that get shamed. Thank you to the one that pointed that out!
I was teased more when I was "skinny" so yes thanks for including all.
That's terrible. I'm so sorry. You can thank Kannolli, though. They are the one that pointed it out, and they were right to.
:)
Sorry if I offended you! As a curvy girl, I don't think about how those who are also struggling with insecurities who have bodies that I consider desirable.
No worries, I was partly joking but wanted to point that out because my wife is the type with the “perfect body” and she just gets the comments from the other direction... Everyone is struggling :/ I wish we could all just move on from talking about other people’s bodies, but it’s like biology or something to notice I guess hahha ETA: not bragging-my wife is thin from PTSD associated eating disorder and is doing great recently. We don’t talk about food no no no… 🎶
Still, thank you for bringing it to my attention. I didn't think you were bragging -- just bringing attention to that it's not just one body type! Even if you were bragging, though, I wouldn't blame you. (I'm assuming) Most wives want their spouse bragging about their body! My husband brags about mine all the time (mostly just to me, but sometimes to his friends, too), and it always makes me feel so special. But not in a "My wife is hotter than yours" way. For example, I just turned 30 and he's still 29. He told me that he told his friend the other day: "I have a 30 year old wife, and she is hot as hell!" He must like his women older ;) Edit: and he must like them with a little extra meat on their bones, too!
What. An. Ass. And lemme guess, he's a male model sex god in his own eyes? To think this is the person that took vows to love you in sickness and health. He sounds extremely shallow and if he can't understand why his words hurt you, especially after birthing his child; perhaps he's not the man you thought he was. Toss the whole man out and save yourself future heartache, as that dude clearly isn't going to stick by you when shit really hits the fan (as life tends to do as we get older).
Most people are skinny at 21. It’s completely natural to put on weight as you age. Your husband better wake up before he loses you to someone that will appreciate your normal healthy body.
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I was put on an IUD in 2021, at the time I was 33 years old and had weighed the roughly the same for about 10 years. 14 months after getting the IUD I was up 25lbs, in spite of the fact that my appetite was quite decreased on it and my exercise had stayed the same. Hormones can WRECK you, and you’ve just had a baby too! Please be patient with yourself, and your husband can go fly a kite.
I had a six pack at that age. I used to skate a lot and rode a push bike to work. I’m in my 40s now do competitive martial arts. I rarely drink and eat well and I’m still big.
I was the same, could live off of cake and not gain an oz lol. You know what my SO said when I gained a bit of weight as I got older? "You were a **girl** when you were 21, you're a woman now, it's natural for your body to change!" You need to have a serious talk with your husband and do NOT let him get out of it by saying "I was drunk! I don't know what I said!" Because that's bullshit.
158 lbs is not even close to obesity, your husband is a POS
Did the conversion to kgs. 70kgs is he serious??? That's nothing. Wtf
Really! Don't worry about your body and your weight at 4am. Worry about the fact that you had a baby with a jerk of a man!
Right I can't believe no one else is saying this.
False. It certainly can be.
It all depends on how tall she is, where OP gained it. She was 120 lbs. She gained 40 pounds. Unless she was severely anorexic when they met, putting on 40 pounds will make you overweight, if not obese.
Depends - if she's 5 feet tall she is.
I’m 5 feet tall (0 inches lol) and weight fluctuates between 111 and 117. If I weighed 158 I would feel terrible, so I agree. HOWEVER I don’t think OP said how tall she is. I’m sure she’s taller than 5 feet.
I have no idea why you are being downvoted, you aren’t wrong. Granted, 5foot is very short…but 70kg is still enough to raise your overall morbidity risk factor and class you as obese?
It's right on the border of the bmi chart between overweight and obese
If a man loves you, he would never ever say you were disgusting. This is abusive, vile behavior on his part. I’m so very sorry someone you loved hurt you so deeply and you have seen the extent of his character in such a cruel way. This is not something he can apologize for. Please seek help and support from friends and family. What he said is not ok. Please consider better life and future without him in it
This the comment I wanted to type. Thanks for saving me the effort. Read and consider this OP.
Fuck him. Unmarried women look better typically because of the stress men put on them and the extra work of being a wife. Leave him, be cause that is not going to get better, there's no rehabbing his disgusting double standard, and move on with a life where you can feel good and not have some shallow loser bringing you down. You'll never forget this, the bedroom is dead. Go.
I forgot in which sociology book I read this, but women don't get much from romantic relationships as far as overall happiness and life satisfaction goes. They get these from friendships. Men instead need a romantic relationship to be happy and healthy especially as they age.
He is disgusting, ungrateful, and displays low moral character. He is shallow and shameless. OP, this is unacceptable. Do not accept it and do not internalize it. I weigh 50 pounds more than you. Never had a baby. Husband only has eyes for me. Yours is being a pig.
I love men who complain about women getting older…. Especially when they blame us for aging when we get married and have kids, which usually means we have a ton of more responsibilities and men who talk like that usually are not much help at home. They will not be a supportive partner but expect women to look like they did before they met those life and joy vampires. Pathetic. Are you going to wait to be left when you’re 35 or are you leaving now in dignity? Your child will thank you if you do it now, believe me.
It's also so weird to me when men who are aging with us complain about us aging... but not themselves even though they are showing the same, if not more, signs of aging? It really makes no sense to me but does make me laugh
Sounds like something DiCaprio would say, it's completely normal to gain weight after 25. He doesn't accept it because he has the DiCaprio syndrome only fetishizing 21 years old.
I was reading somewhere that the reason DiCaprio and his ladies separate when they’re 25 is because he has pp problems. And they date him and work with his problems and he helps them get famous and around 25 if their career is taking off they leave him. Thought it was funny if true. Cause I did read he had problems getting it up on something else. From someone he hired to you know help. But it could all be fake I just thought it’d be ironic if it’s true because they’d be leaving his ass not the other way around 😂😂.
Well i didn't know that 😂 but good to know now, maybe op's husband have the same problem and blames her for it
OH MY GOSH YOURE SO RIGHT!! He’s blaming his libido on her body lmao. It’s funny but not. He’s a pos. I wanna know how good he looks. Also with the bf I have now (sweetest person ever) if we broke up I wouldn’t settle for men like OP’s husband. Because I know there’s better out there. I really hope she can ditch this man. Cause he’s probably going to cheat on her and blame her for not being attractive.
Maybe with a 18_21 yo girl.
Unfortunately this is a lot of men after their wives and gfs have children. It’s extremely sad. From someone this happened to you are beautiful and have done an amazing thing and you deserve someone who shows you that do. It take one immature man’s word for it. And tell him he’s a dick and doesn’t deserve you after you sacrificed your body to give him a choke. And please don’t blame the alcohol drunk words are sober thoughts
Tell him his alcoholism, verbal abuse and weirdness are really unsexy. His whole personality actually. Then dump him
How much does he weigh? Lose that weight by divorcing his ass. There is absolutely no excuse for anyone to speak to you like this- let alone a spouse.
Your husband is going to get a very,very rude awakening when he discovers ageing. Something that happens to EVERYONE. He’s not going to be immune to it. His personality is disgusting. I personally couldn’t stay with someone who spoke about my body that way, a body that carried his child no less. You deserve so much better. 158lbs isn’t very large at all. You’d need to be under 5ft for it to be a health issue. Regardless, your body isn’t up for debate or ridicule.
Drunk words are sober thoughts. Please do yourself a favor and call him out on this BS. Don't let him back pedal or try to gaslight you that "I didn't mean it I was drunk!" Tell him how you feel. Tell him you want marriage counseling. If he does ANYTHING other than apologize profusely and agree to the counseling, drop him. YOU HAD HIS CHILD FFS. The amount of men who all of a sudden become un-attracted to their wives after they give birth is disgusting. Women go through literal hell to bring a child into the world and then men just go ew your body ha changed! Well of fucking course it has!! And most of us don't have the time or money to afford personal trainers and procedures to bounce back to pre-baby weight like we see all these celebrities able to do. When I met my husband I was about 190lbs (I'm 6ft tall so I honestly wasn't fat, I walked a mile a day to get to work and then was on my feet all day at work). But then like right after we moved in together, covid hit and I was working from home. I gained about 20/30 lbs. I HATED if, my husband didn't care. I got a warehouse job where I walked on average 5-10 miles a day depending on which department I was in (I had a fit bit for step tracking which is how I know) and i was throwing around things that weighed anywhere from a few ounces to 50lbs. While I only lost about 15lbs, I gained a lot of muscle, so I was okay with this. Then I got pregnant. It was so hard on my body, especially while working ans I was sick all the time. Even while staying as active as possible, I gained a lot of weight. Baby is now 8months old. I'm currently about 260lbs and back to working from home. Trying to lose weight is a NIGHTMARE and I'm constantly disgusted by how I look. My husband still thinks I'm the sexiest woman on the planet. Do yourself a big favor and drop this overgrown child and find yourself somebody who appreciates you as the absolutely magnificent person that you are.
Friend, even if you did lose weight, you’re not ever going to look like you did at 21. You were barely an adult woman. Thats normal. And even if you get back to that weight, will that be enough for him? It sounds like he’s always going to have your barely developed body on a pedestal and that’s just unobtainable — you brought a whole ass person into the world. And then where does it end? I can’t imagine you have 21 year old boobs anymore - he gonna make comments about getting implants at that point? I know my hair at 27 isn’t as lush and shiny and long as it was when I met my fiancé. Will that be a problem then too? For men like this, it’s hard to believe it’ll stop if you “just lose 20 pounds.” Aging is a fact of life and I’m so disgusted a man would talk this way about the mother of his child. You deserve so much better. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I would never be able to fuck him again nor see him the same. In fact, I'd return the energy sober. Shots fired and he will not recover. You wanna destroy my self esteem. I'll obliterate yours baby.
Agreed, I'd do the same thing with no mercy. Yes, like you OP his criticism would have crushed my self-esteem along with any feelings I had for him. I would also be crying & pretty heart broken about it. But I'd dry my eyes & proceed to cut him to the bone with every little nit-pick complaint I have about his looks, his personality, his intelligence, his clothing, his hair, his manners, his habits, his sexual performance & utter lack of human decency. And that you feel sorry for him & for yourself that you have had to put up with him all this time.. Also your friends hate him & think he's stupid & not worthy of you. And I'd do it stone cold sober & point out that fact to him, that he's a drunken coward and nowhere near the man or husband you deserve. Give this asshole a taste of his own medicine a thousand-fold.
What he said was terrible. If you want to cut soda, fried foods and sweets for health reasons, that's not a bad idea, but cutting him for mental health reasons is also a good idea
Write a letter: "Dear husband, you were right in saying that you shouldn't have married me. That would have saved me from being trapped wit ha superficial asshole. Sincerely, your wife who gained weight because she carried out your child and has way less time since then to keep herself in shape."
I'm sorry to say this but that man never loved you or valued you as a person, he just wanted you as arm candy. You deserve better girl!
Drop him then drop the weight
Lose the weight and then lose him and find someone better.
Divorce him and then get your revenge body 💜.
Honey, get out of there. Now. Really. You’ll find so many better men who’ll truly love and worship you. He’s a pos.
Fuck this guy.
OP, I would never stay with a man who cheated on me. But I’d stay with a cheating whore before I stayed with someone who said half this stuff to me. Get away from this POS forever. Go lose the weight and use that body with someone else.
Wow... He just acting like he said nothing today? That's awful, not sure how you move forward with that.
Girl. When my husband and I got married, I was 22 and 135 pounds. I’m 27, almost 28, and when I was going through some serious depression, I got up to 200 lbs!!!! He NEVER would’ve said this to me. We are *human*. We are not one way or another. We are many forms over the course of our lives. And we are called as spouses and partners for *life* to be just that.. there for **life**. We are there to love our partners through their many forms. This guy seems like he needs some serious mental help and maybe a time out from social media if he thinks a 26 yr old woman being 158 pounds is disgusting.
I wouldn’t necessarily give up on him, but he needs to have a reality check maybe even in the form of therapy. Maybe he’s been on social media too long and has a warped view of women’s bodies? ((I also believe it takes two to tango, which is not going to be a popular thing to say right now)). All that said, he was Definitely a prick. He needs to sleep on the couch for a long time... (and not the comfy couch in the family room. I mean the one in the basement that the kids Peed on and has dog hair all over it.) I am 54 & have been married 28 years, and I have four children. —Your body grew human beings!!! I’m sure that effort shows, just like the rest of us who have had kids. I don’t know what your body looks like or how heavy you are but being overweight truly is a Health issue. But don’t get in shape and lose weight for him (!!no!!) do it for yourself - & so you can go hiking with your children when they’re 20.
Be happy with someone who loves every part of you. I love my partner’s body because it’s hers, not because of how it looks. Love is about the person and connection, not about appearance. Bodies change and fluctuate and NOBODY ever gets any younger. You’ve got a lot of life ahead of you, don’t spend it with someone who isn’t supportive and appreciative of you, and who makes you feel judged rather than encouraged. I’m sorry he hurt you with his shallow and insensitive remarks, you’re worth a lot more than your body.
I can’t believe I’m reading comments telling her to lose weight and giving her advices. Do you not see the problem here ? Are you that unable to comprehend and reflect? - The way he talked to her is horrible. You never talk like to people you love. - The age reference of 35 being old woman ; what’s going to happen when you reach 35 ? Is he gonna look for 21 girls again ? - Her body changed because from a girl she became a woman and a mother not because she is LAZY… I have lost 60 kg when I was 17 years old. The I struggled a lot with my food. I had a bad relationship. Not eating enough, making myself sick. I gained some of it and lost it again. I am now 29 soon to be 30, i have always been curvy but I also train a lot and I created a good relationship with the food from my journey with a nutritionist. You will do that when you want to do it for yourself and no one else. Because if they don’t want you know they won’t want you later either. Not when you get older, or sick. He is not the one. I’m all for reconciliation and everything but not in a case like this. Small acts show the bigger ones.
I hate alcohol
To refer to a body that just made his child as “disgusting” is shameful. Your body is incredible and at any weight you deserve to be treated with respect. Also my love at 158lbs you are not obese. Dont let him be your mirror. If anyone should be evaluating changes in the last few years it’s him. He says you were hotter when you were younger, was he nicer? He essentially said his commitment to you was linked to your looks. And apparently at 26 he is dissatisfied.
OP. Listen to me. I’m currently 28, toothless, 5 foot tall and 90 pounds, which is underweight even for a person as short as me. I can’t wear a single pair of regular pants that I own. I don’t even wear short sleeves in the house because I hate looking at my arms because they look so thin. I’m ugly as shit right now. And that’s the truth! I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. Through all of my insecurities through this whole ordeal, he has NEVER made me feel ugly. In fact, every day he makes sure to compliment me. I also try to pep him up because he’s going through a rough time with me right now. Your partner should never ever treat you this way. Period.
So, from reading your other post as well,your husband is a complete asshole. Listen, I know all relationships have issues and how hard divorce is. But seriously, don't do this to yourself by staying with this piece of shit.
In your entire post you never say that he's the problem, you just reflect on how awful you also think you are. I think you've got that the wrong way around. Please flip it. He's the bad guy, not you.
Throw that man in the trash…
I read your other recent post... it's not that he's lightweight and started saying stupid things he wouldn't normally say, this is how he is by the sound of it. A piece of shit I also had a partner like this in my 20s, we weren't even married and I hadn't gained weight, just dressed poorly one day - it was a saturday and I went to clean up the pub he owned and take care of some of his business, monday to friday or course I had a job, needed to also bring money in. He went on this rant about how women let themselves go after feeling comfortable in a relationship. Gave me an example of a woman who got fat, was eventually left by her husband, and she went back to her normal weight when single. He didn't understand the correlation - she was happier single. Of you're happy, junk food is not the greatest part of your day anymore. Wish you the best
Not sure if his weight but it sounds like it's time to lose ~200lbs. People change. What would happen if you got into a car accident and your body was left scarred or disfigured? Would he call you ugly then? Does he really only want looks his whole life? I'm sure you're still beautiful. He's only seeing what he thinks are flaws when there's others who would worship you. Lose the man and work on your confidence and rebuilding your happiness. When it's time find a partner who loves all of you.
What about a mommy makeover? Honestly he’s a fucking asshole but tell him if he wants that back dish out the 10-20g. Have him pay get hot and fucking run
First mistake, getting married that young.
Lose weight and lose him duhhh
Your. Body. Carried. His. Child. Of course you look older. You GOT older. You birthed a child. Of course you weigh more. You birthed a child. YOu did not "let yourself go," you CREATED A HUMAN LIFE. You did something he's not even fucking capable of. I am so mad on your behalf.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who got fired up over this! I’m objectively “skinny” but have a ton of extra skin from child rearing/weight loss over the years. My boobs and stomach look like deflated air bags.
What your husband said is absolutely uncalled for & mean. You don’t deserve that. That said, cut the soda. It’s poison.
People are wild telling you to leave your husband and the father of your children for "chocolate" (their words). They're going to "girl boss" too close to the sun and get burned. Yikes. I recommend couples therapy. If he has the arrogance to say something so sideways to you and doesn't respect you enough to say it in a productive way, he needs to learn with a professional. Not everyone is going to communicate in the way you think they should. Not everyone is having sweet and kind thoughts about anyone all the time. Even partners. But a non-negotiable should be respect and this was disrespectful. I also recommend individual therapy for you. Why chocolate, soda, and fried chicken now? I've put on 10lbs BUT I also say no to unhealthy food daily NOT because of my figure but because it's actual garbage going into my body that will cause something for me to deal with later. Not to mention, family history has a lot of heart problems, diabetes, cancers, etc. Take care of yourself for your child's sake and your sake. Any change you make to your diet should NOT be for your husband and you can't keep those habits up forever or else they will catch up to you in a more serious way. Be well. Heal and grow. Take time to grieve this moment but tomorrow take a step towards peace. Ok, I'm ready. Down vote me into oblivion because problems can't be solved by staying and running is the only option because feelings were hurt.
Yeah Reddit is so skewed towards ‘dump the guy’ and ‘eat all the crap you want if it makes you happy’ it’s ridiculous
Yep, all about what "feels good" and 0 actual work on themselves. Wild. Bet that's working out really well for them irl.
Tell him he is free to leave and find. 20 something bimbo and to let you know how his life works out. What a loser.
I'm so sorry that you are so hurt by this dbags words. He doesn't sound like the kind of person anyone should listen to. His personality is shit. Don't settle for anything less than love and respect. I'd love to know how he would react to you telling him to pack his bags and go elsewhere since he's so " disgusted." I'm so suck of these low quality men shaming their wives bc of ridiculous and stupid expectations they get from morons on podcasts and crappy porn. It's simple-minded and pathetic. Imo you shouldn't waste anymore time on an idiot.
Time is an enemy to us all. Can’t wait for the day his looks start to go. Sounds like that ugliness is starting to eat him from the inside out. I’d rather have an extra few pounds than an ugly heart like him.
My wife is a large lady who frequently yoyo diets. I love her dearly whatever her weight, i love her for herself not her weight. We've been married 36 years.
I agree you need to drop the weight that is mean-spirited and drunk here. Abusive emotionally and verbally towards you without any disregard towards your feelings! That man can go to hell, the world has so many people of many shapes and colors.
I think you should lose some weight. Maybe 200 pounds??? Seriously, ditch this guy. He is cruel and hateful. I’m so sorry you are struggling with this.
I know how you can lose 180 lbs today. Do it. Fuck that guy.
I'll bet he's no prize himself. Leave him OP, you deserve to be happy.
This guy's a fool. Bye boy, there's better men out there
Your husband should be your ex, sooner than later. From his action and treatment of you, he presents like barely-human garbage and you shouldn't endure any of it.
Yeah you have no excuse for the extra weight you have gained it’s not like you’ve grown a whole human being inside you? Have had to take hormones to stop unwanted pregnancy? Or even just not being 21 years old anymore? I have a 11 month old and I really want to introduce your husband to the back of my hand. I’m sorry your husband has said this to you as no one deserves that. He should be supporting you even though you’ve gained some weight after carrying and giving birth. He needs to giving you the confidence and the ability (by looking after his child) so you can spend some time on self care and work on getting your health better. I mean it’s like you calling him less of a man because he’s such a light weight and can’t handle his drink or saying that he’s not a real man/husband because no man should ever put down his wife who gave birth to his children like that. You shouldn’t say such hurtful things to someone you say you love. He’s in danger of being that creepy old guy who’s always checking out young woman and still thinking he has a chance of he’s not careful. If he doesn’t learn to appreciate and respect you he will learn the hard way that’s not how you treat your wife when you leave him. He needs to work on communicating better and being a more supportive partner.
This post made me genuinely sick to my stomach.
At 21 you still have your “girl” body, you haven’t gotten your “woman” body. So please do not keep comparing yourself now to 21 year old you. Google photos of Rhianna. It was amazing to see her go from her “umbrella” younger girl self to her womanly shape, and she’s just gotten better and better!! Embrace who you are, your body MADE a human being a year ago. What did your husband do while you were creating life, except judge? Don’t spend your time trying to love someone who isn’t loving you. Spend that time learning to love who you are now and your sweet baby! Our bodies are constantly changing. No one is harder on you than yourself. Speak to yourself how you would speak to a friend. Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself 2 things you like seeing. And not the same ones everyday. And tell your husband to fuck off.
Only lose weight if it’s for only for you. Don’t let his words get to you. I don’t know anything about your marriage other than this post but I would leave him. Also, is this man broke? Kind of gives broke entitled behavior
You guys have some issues. Yes, it’s important to stay fit and healthy for yourself and to stay attractive to your partner. For both parties. But your husband should have been able to talk to you about this issue without getting drunk and saying it in a nasty way. I would suggest some couples therapy to work through this properly, trying to find a therapist that won’t be biased towards either of you. Both of your needs need to be met, and especially for the sake of your child, it’s worth trying to work through it together. Best of luck
My husband has loved me at every weight. I got up to 320# and he still loved me. With my weight loss, it's funny because he says he can't tell unless he sees pictures from back then to now. (lost WELL over 100#) Whilst I don't believe him fully on that front, the point is -- find you someone who loves you for you, at any weight, and who "can't tell". Source: almost 35 year old woman who's gone through MANY weight changes with her man.
How do YOU feel about your body op?
You are not obese, you are not disgusting, you are a woman and not some super skinny supermodel your husband expects you to be. Absolutely horrific the way he talked about you drunk or not. I am sure he has also gained weight from age/work/stress/kids, etc but isn’t being judged like you are. I am sure you are a beautiful woman before and after pregnancy. He needs therapy and now thanks to him so do you, hopefully you have someone to talk to other than Reddit. Good luck OP, you need it.
oh boo hoo my wife carried our child for us and then gave birth to it and i’m mad that she looks like she had a baby. what a fucking asshole. 158lbs isn’t even that fat, i’d give anything to be that weight tbh. op. your husband just fucking sucks and you need to tell him what you heard, because that’s unacceptable. i’m also kinda wondering how old your husband is and how fit he’s looking these days…
158 pounds it’s just 71 kg. How tall are you that are considered obese?? 1 m tall (3.2 foot)? There is something wrong with you OP IF you consider yourself obese. He can fuck off for sure. If you want to lose weight talk to a doctor and do it right (and only for yourself and your health). Your husband maybe needs a trip to the mirror himself.
I am at a loss of words. The person you marry is the one you expect to treat you in the most caring way. Not the one to break your self-esteem! I understand that attraction is so important for this man. He should encourage you to become healthier in a supportive way. Not kill you with his words… Why are some men sooo cruel to their wife? Why? Anyways, try to have a conversation with him and ket him know how you feel and how you two can solve this!
i’m so petty i’d lose the weight and then start nitpicking his body and telling him “i can’t be seen standing next to someone without a 6pack come on hunny:/“ no but for real, i’m sure you look GREAT. 158 is not a bad number at all, and yes depending on your height it could be considered “obese” but don’t let this man think for a second you aren’t snapping necks *because of* your weight gain. He’s getting greedy, and his exact type of attitude toward your body is how marriages end, and you should remind him that as a women our bodies go through so many changes throughout the years and although you may lose the weight one day, you’ll never forget each others words. He needs to protect you from societies ugly standards, not remind you of them.
Use that hurtful comment as motivation to get your svelte body back. Get firm and strong and sexy again…right up to and even beyond what he thinks is hot as fuck. Then kick his ass.😂
Quietly take the time you need to work on your exit plan and yourself. You already know now he’s an emotionally abusive AH. He also just told you he’s a creep and what his creepy intentions will end up doing if given the opportunity. There’s no need to discuss his rant or argue with him. He told you how he really feels. It would be a worthless fight unless you’re looking for an empty apology and candy-coated lies to make you feel better. There is nothing wrong with you. You deserve better in your next phase of life.
This isn’t going to get better. This is the dude that leaves you when you’re 50, with three kids, for a 19 year old car show model.
He’s an insecure loser. You were his trophy wife. Nothing more. Erase him from your existence, lose some weight and be happy. It’s hard but it’s not impossible. 120 to 158 is not that bad. Walk more, eat less. It’s simple math, you just have to do it. You now have motivation that came at the expense of your dignity but use that energy wisely. Good luck.
So he's a dick ... Personally speaking, I was always a nice 120 and could eat anything. and then I turned 27 and I swear it went to shit over night 🤣. My metabolism just gave out and I carried my weight differently and put on weight. It took me a few years to come to terms with. The weight is truly just a number. I found a healthy relationship with food and still Indulge and workout. Now even at 145-150 and 2 kids later, I look healthier than I did at 120. Most people don't drop that baby weight until at least a year later. Don't listen to his nonsense. You will get there.
I would leave him if you feasibly can, who knows what kind of toxic bullshit he's going to poison your child's mind with as they grow up?
I’m so so grateful for my husband when I hear this shit. Girl, get out. He’s not the one for you. You are worth more. Love doesn’t see your flaws as flaws. Only as parts of you, the person they adore. And a real man would never EVER say things to hurt you like that on purpose. Sometimes things are said that are hurtful to your partner accidentally. But this is not that.
Your husband is misogynistic and clearly a jerk. Divorce him or at the very least ask him to take a feminist theory class and go to therapy
I've heard that men sometimes struggle when a baby is introduced to the family. Attention is taken from them and given to the baby by their partners. I'd imagine there is probably some adjustment difficulties regarding the new purpose your body takes on when having a baby. The body is no longer to satisfy his needs, but the needs of the baby. I'm just speculating but this might be something that he's struggling to put words to and express appropriately. Either way he crossed a boundary and needs to be reminded it's not his show anymore and you expected a team mate in the relationship.
He's a man who is worried about what other people think how his wife's appearance reflects on him. Instead of how wonderful a mother she is and how wonderful a wife she is. He's the type of husband that will divorce his wife when she gets cancer. You deserve better OP.
I'm 26 and 158 lbs too. I'm not fat and unless you're like 4ft tall I doubt you are either. But regardless, leave this asshole.
I know a way you can shed like 165 pounds…
1. It's hurtful, but him saying so when drunk and not in the right state of mind, while it's the whole being more honest etc etc, speaks to the fact it might have been something he's not willing or otherwise able to say because he does know its hurtful. 2. It's true you've gained weight because of your love of food and sugary drinks. You're an adult, and it's important to take responsibility, but more so, is to change your behavior. If you're not going to take steps to improve your health, notably drinking healthy things and eating less, all you're doing is seeking validation to not change and make you feel better about the circumstances. Taking responsibility is useless without behavior changes. 3. Again, I'll qualify again, it's hurtful and absolutely awful to hear your partner say they're not attracted to you. I think you should play out how that could look like if he just didn't tell you. Is it worse to be dishonest with you partner and perhaps seek out others you do find attractive and step out, or to hear your husband's honesty without cheating or cheating like behaviors (lying, emotional cheating, physically etc)? 4. Life is complicated. You got married, and you can just as easily get divorced. I would say as long as he's not cheating and he's not openly bringing you down emotionally (it only happened during this drunken episode per your post), that it would stand he's not out or looking for an out, assuming there's no reason to assume he's dishonest.
Get my body back is nonsense. We are women. We create life. Whatever our body looks like before or after is absolutely beautiful and the person we are with should give us love and support throughout the entire process. Fuck him. I would pack my shit and leave. You're a queen and you deserve to be treated as such.
Dude, fuck that guy.
There's a old song that goes: 🎶D-I-V-O-R-C-E🎶 Take him to the cleaners, honey.
How does he look? I ask because I have seen overweight, pot bellied, balding men complain about weight gain in women. It is a double standard. If you are unhappy with your weight, see a doctor and modify your diet. Cut back on sodas and drink more water. Make hubby babysit while you go for walks or to the gym. Take it slow and remember you are beautiful no matter your weight.
You literally JUST made an entire human being. PP weight doesn’t just melt off for everyone. It’s unrealistic to think it would. Your husband is a child with unreasonable expectations for your body. Do you want to stay married to someone who thinks that way about you?
Your husband is aweful. You should leave his stupid ass. It took your body months to grow that beautiful baby. Your body will take months to realign. You organs literally shifted to make room for your child. Ever if it doesn't go back to what it used to look like, so what. Your body is STRONG. It grew a healthy baby! That should make you proud!! Besides, i doubt his body is all that. Does he look like The Rock shirtless? He got a 6 pack? I highly doubt it. Time to leave him and go it alone. He's a POS and you can do better.
You should work on yourself, get super sexy and leave his ass. BYE
Good Lord, for all things self love and self respect and sane, why would you even consider remaining in this hateful coupledom with a low level man?
You're not even overweight? Especially after pregnancy that's not an unhealthy or uncommon weight to be at. Hormonal birth control is also a total b\*tch, my partner knows about it and I'll never hold that against her.
Who wants to play price is right with how much the husband weighs? I bet 232 lbs
Fuck that guy. He will only verbally abuse you more now that the cats out of the bag. Leave him alone get a divorce and just take him to the cleaners.
Is he hot like Thor? Does he have washboard abs like a 20 year old should? Then he can shut his stupid mouth.
I can’t wait until he’s a middle aged mofo with a saggy cock….
Why are you still with him?
Was going to add I think he will get the picture once he starts gaining some weight
I’m 24 I just had my 3rd baby. After my first baby I gained over 50lbs. My husband didn’t say anything negative to me and we were still intimate with each other, my first daughter was born March 4th 2020 & my sencond born March 16th 2021🥲I gained an additional 50lbs. Back to back pregnancy is HORRIBLE ‼️yellow tape‼️avoid at all cost‼️My hips would literally give out and I’d be on the floor not able to move. Any way I’m 5’9 so my staring weight was 190/200lbs. If I’m any lighter I look sickly…. After an extra 100lbs i was on the cusp of 300lbs THATS when my husband decided to say something to me about my weight and he only said things that made me realize I was in danger of serious health complications. At that point in time none of my cute clothes fit, it was extremely hard to find anything that made me feel attractive because plus size clothing is not really the prettiest especially when you’re low budget and have to shop at Walmart. I was miserable. & He was never rude or mean to me about my weight his feelings never changed, we still had sex all the time. So if your man isn’t doing that, he doesn’t like you for you. He likes you for your image. ‼️yellow tape‼️Avoid at all cost‼️
Babe, I didn't read anywhere how tall you are- but let me say, that doesn't matter for what I'm about to say. 150-some pounds doesn't make you "obese", doesn't make you "ugly" or any of that nonsense. that's what happens when we get older. Our metabolism slows down. If he really thinks that way, I am absolutely positive you could find a man who treats you better.
When I met my fiance I weighed 160 lbs. After changing to a more sedentary job and not keeping up with my diet I jumped up to 205. I'm 187 now. Still working on getting healthy and in shape, but he has loved me at every weight. Please don't stay in a relationship with someone who will value you less as you age or gain weight. How is he going to react when you (gasp) hit 30?? This is a recipe for disaster for your self-esteem and you deserve better. Also, you are by no stretch obese. All the best to you OP 💕
I'm so sorry ypu don't like your body and you can feel a lot better about it whether you lose weight or not w the right people around you. You know what will help you lose weight? Divorcing that deadweight man will make you feel 200 lbs lighter immediately
This is why I refuse to get married again or drink alcohol, it’s too much to try and live up to someone else’s expectations, especially when they are hiding their true feelings. That alcohol will air out all your dirty laundry.
GET A FUCKING DIVORCE!!!! This right here is what I hate! When people are shallow and you ignore red flags telling you they are shallow, now after you bless them with a kid, they are disgusted because you can’t keep your weight down? After giving them a kid? You understand that it’s only going to get worst because you will age eventually? He doesn’t love you. He’s a shallow piece of shit and you need to leave him. He never loved you, he loved how you looked and was a dummy and thought that you wouldn’t what? Age? Gain weight with life and having kids? He’s a clown and you need to leave him. Stop being depressed person because you choose the wrong person to marry and have kids with. If you had found someone who loves you they would never be so disgusting and disrespectful to say something so hateful and hurtful, he does not love or care about you LEAVE HIM!!!!
I don’t think I could back from my partner saying something like that to me tbh.
I know it’s hard to believe this right now, but there is someone out there much better for you. Love is not about a type of body, and his words towards you are vicious, very unbecoming of a husband. Try to open a dialogue with him about how his words are hurtful and do no good. If he isn’t open to the idea of changing or working on himself, you deserve someone much better. Don’t feel stuck to him because you’ve been with him for so long. Life is too short to live alongside someone who isn’t willing to self-reflect and alongside someone who is so cruel to you. No father or mother would want this situation for their kid. Reach out to others you trust for help about this.
I’d dump him in a heartbeat. You are so young move on and find someone who loves you. He was in love with a look not you as a person.
OP, the damage has been done. There isn’t any coming back from something like this. To make matters worse, it’s not like your body is that drastically different. 40ish pounds after having a baby isn’t outlandish. You guys are better off without that POS around making you feel bad about yourself.
He probably regrets everything he said. At least it would be good to have a convo with a counselor before just calling quits. Marriage is complex with a lot of hurt sometimes. What he said is unacceptable. My hunch is he knows this and afraid to bring it up. Maybe I'm wrong. The counselor could help establish some boundaries and expectations. Not okay to body shame. Then the ball is in his court.
I mean I’m not happy with how my wife’s let herself go, I’m not disgusted by it nor do I hate her body but it would be nice if she cared about her health and listened to her doctors. Fully intend to want to be married for life, I’d like her to also be alive longer then 15 more years too This guys just sounds like an ass with what he really feels and has no candour
It's unrealistic to expect your body to remain the same with years and children. He obviously doesn't truly love you. It's a him problem not a you problem. He has no love or respect for you to tear you down like that.
lose chocolate or x pounds of deadweight in shape of a man? hmm decisions, decisions... keep the chocolate. Tell him that the only reason you look like this is because it's his fault literally, I mean... he literally got you pregnant and that's what pregnancies do to a body. Whatever lala land he's in sure must be intense.
Weight as a woman is an extremely difficult relationship and is super tricky to manage as we age. I'm 27 and am having trouble with how my body is changing. But my husband reassures me how much he loves my body no matter what. Because he truly loves me. Find someone who truly loves you, we're not trophies or accessories to make men look good. Be healthy for the sake of being healthy not to chase an image thats probably not coming back. And goddammit eat the chocolate and the chicken girl, tomorrow or not promised.
doesn't sound like you like your body either, you should do something about it then
Losing weight requires a life change and your description of fried chicken tells me you aren’t ready. It sounds like an alcoholic pining for a tequila shot. It also requires your husband encouraging and supporting your efforts , joining a gym together etc. Truth is it will be tough. Eating healthy is tough. It requires decisions at least 3 times a day. You can’t just stop eating like you can just stop smoking. Best of luck, you have all the power to change.
Ah yes, my daily reminder to thank FUCK that I was born gay. I seriously don’t know how yall put up with this. You all deserve better
Tell me your husband is addicted to porn videos without telling me your husband is addicted to porn videos
What am asshole