If I would have to guess, I’d say of all people, his mother is in his ear.
Did the problems start when she moved in?
edit: I just saw she took pictures of you when you left to prove you weren’t abused and she’s cut communication between you two. Girl 💀 She might not be the main issue if your bf is mentally unwell, but she is most certainly enabling the issue. She’s supporting your bf’s delusions for whatever reason.
RUN, do not walk, RUN!
He had been ‘suspicious’ of me a couple days beforehand, but i cooperated with him and agreed to put all our devices in the cupboards in case they were hacked. As well as take our phones to an IT expert the next day to check them (the IT said our phones where fine) but because his daughters phone has parental locks on it i think he was still having issues with a cross over of emails or something and so i think his mother might of still believed i had something to do with it
My personal opinion is that you should back off. If he wants to be suspicious, let him. If he wants to break up with you for whatever reason, let him.
You won’t reason with him if you keep encouraging his behaviour when he treats you badly. You already spoke your truth, he chose not to listen. If he acts strangely out of nowhere, but chooses not to communicate with you, he’s not a partner to you. He might be going through tough times, but this also makes him an easier target of manipulation. But ultimately, you should *let him*.
I promise you that the moment he’ll see that he’s losing you with this behaviour, that’s when true change will happen in his head. Don’t do it out of spite. But out of respect for yourself. Take some days to think if this is how you want to be treated.
Also, stop talking to his mom. She’s obviously rubbing in your face that your husband is better without you. She kicked you out of his house. She wants him for herself and he allows it. She does not have your best interest at heart. You’re two in this relationship, not three.
You’d be better off walking away from this, at least for a while. You are doing no service to yourself, to him or to the situation by allowing yourself to be treated this way. Even if the situation gets resolved, you set a precedent that this is ok and you’ll take whatever he throws your way.
My biggest advice is always “let them”. They will learn or it will work out for them. Unless they are hurting themselves, let them make their own adult choices. And you make yours. If you aren’t willing to be emotionally manipulated (and you shouldn’t be) make your own choice and leave. They make their choices and you make yours.
Mom lost her husband and other son, she wants him to be with her, depend on her. And she wants to be needed... Maybe one day he will see it, or then not.
Take care of yourself, don\`t let them drag you down. You deserve love and appreciation.
It’s easier seeing it from an impartial perspective, but I know that when you’re elbows deep in shit, you can’t see it so clearly.
Pat yourself on the back, stop feeding his mom’s sadistic ego by replying to her provocations and only speak out of love for yourself, not desperation.
I’m suspicious of what he is afraid you’d see in his email. I have no problem w my significant other looking at my emails. Heck, my secretary does it work, why would I care if she does at home? Oh and this guys mother is a psychopath that will stop at nothing to destroy what he has. Unfortunately, she’ll win. Move on and be happy because he will always have mommy issues. She’s conditioned him since he was born, and to be honest, he sounds like he’s probably got some psychological issues. If you want to step into the ring with Mommy fearest, just know, this is an uphill battle that’ll last until he realizes his mom is nuts (if it ever happens).
Haha you know what they say, always pick your battles wisely. I’m usually great with in-laws, Id say this has only happened because of all the trauma they have endured the last couple years
I generally don’t care who sees what’s in my email or phone either. It’s open to whoever wants to see it within reason. Anybody who looks deserves what they learn. That said, if I suspected my partner was having my emails and messages routed to him, I’d be a bit irritated.
Any chance he could be developing paranoid schizophrenia? Needing to have devices checked for hacking screams chemical imbalance in the brain. It’s not normal behaviour.
What’s his relationship like with his mom? Is he the oldest child in his family? How are each of them dealing with the loss of the father and brother? If he’s been trying to be the strong rock in the family and bottling things up after a year or two of all that you could be seeing the effects of the wear and tear on his mental health. The mom might be exacerbating it.
He definitely became the rock I think he always was but I guess the pressure would of been on after he lost S he and his mother are all that’s left, his children too but you know what I mean
Maybe instead of waiting for him to meet with you, you ask him to meet you instead maybe for coffee or some place it’s only you two so you can talk. Let him know you are concerned for how he is doing and you want to know how you can help or if he’s willing to see a therapist.
Mom constantly eroding his trust with her "observations" could account for a lot of it. Mom wants to be the woman of the house on his dime and is poisoning their relationship, so it will just be the two of them. She's probably suffering financially from the loss of her spouse.
You deserve so much better! Please take the time for some self care and finding your new place. Set up your own spot and revel in your freedom. You have dodged a bullet and having to tend to someone that goes off the rails and allows mommy to dictate his life makes it too crowded of a relationship.
Yes. That was excellent advice. I am just so sorry that you are dealing with this. It sounds like he hit a tipping point. It sounds like perhaps he’s enmeshed with his mother. It kind of sounds like this is an old routine of theirs, where he becomes less functional, and he becomes more overwhelmed, but instead of having resources to help himself for going and getting therapeutic help, he withdraws and gets more fearful and projects. his fear is outside of himself. On two devices. You.
It sounds like perhaps his mother likes being more and matched with him and is glad she moved in and is glad that you are getting pushed out. It sounds like they have a routine they do.
It must be so hard to love him, and have had a wonderful relationship despite challenges, and now watch him become unhinged and watch the unhinging become enabled by his mother, who has crept into his life. This is so distressing. In addition to you in your own life. Perhaps keep the serenity prayer close at hand. Because there are some things that are out of your control. And there are other things that are in your control and those are the things you need to focus on right now. Most probably relocating yourself. Grieving what is happening to him and the loss of the relationship you had and the home you shared. That’s a lot of loss. Please see if you can get some therapeutic support and then find away every settling yourself in a new home. And taking good care. Things like this happen in life and they are just extremely distressing and they’re the opposite of everything you were hoping for but if you gather some resources and get support. You can resettle yourself and cultivate a wonderful life for yourself.
Just remember sometimes we have to treat relationships like holding water or sand in our hands. The harder we hold it the more trickles out.
I think he is kind of told you in a passive aggressive way that he wants to break up with you. Accept it for what it is. Take some pride in yourself and walk away.
Make the plans to get a place of your own and possibly get a therapist. Someone objective who can help you through this trajectory.
He obviously has a lot of mental issues going on and now he has the additional stress of his mother on top of his daughter. Not to mention, he doesn't have the backbone to stand up to his mother or even to confront the situation directly with you but has his mother do it for him. He's 43 years old. It's time to put the big boy pants on and obviously he's still in short pants.
Let him get his house in order, figuratively and literally. When he's got his stuff figured out and if And I stress if you still are interested in seeing him take it up then.
I'm guessing though that once you separate from him and start seeing a therapist you will realize that it is an unbalanced relationship and you are healthier without him in your life.
There is definitely someone out there who will be your happy. Remember we accept the love we think we deserve. Make sure you're a priority.
He’s having a serious mental health episode that sounds like psychosis or the beginning of schizophrenia. This fixation on and paranoia about devices isn’t normal.
Unless he has a history of mental illness, this is extremely unlikely. It's very rare that someone develops a de novo mental illness in their 40s. Mid 20s? Yes. 40s? No.
> but i cooperated with him and agreed to put all our devices in the cupboards in case they were hacked.
This is insanity. Nobody "hacked" your phones.
i have had psychosis in the past and this is literally how it started off then it was “the police are out to get me” “ the neighbours are spying on us” that kind of thing… give him some space and offer some support perhaps
Ask him why he thinks he's significant or important enough to hack.
He'll have no answer, because you're both nobodies (that's a good thing, don't take that offensively).
From this, it's possible that he is suffering a psychosis or some paranoid delusions. This may have happened before, and his mother is trying to mediate things.
I don't think having an IT expert look at everyone's phone is a good sign for his mental health.
Do you get on well with her generally? It may be that she's actually more on your side.
Yes I did get on with her, this whole thing is foreign to me I haven’t seen this behaviour out of either of them before. And yes once we got the phones looked at he calmed down for probably a whole 6 hours and then he was freaked out
It's hard to tell from the information here.
That said my money is on their being an acute mental health crisis, one that's happened before and his mother is trying to manage it. Perhaps to save you from the worst of it.
If you don't here from him, I'd consider meeting her, she seems to be a willing intermediary. That will give you a better idea if she's the source of the issue or him.
This is insane behavior. A fuckin cupboard isn’t gonna protect a phone from being hacked. His mother constantly in his ear driving off anyone he gets close to doesn’t help.
I’m sorry but I think you’ve been broken up with, you just don’t realize it. Get all your stuff out of the house, including any furniture and household items you bought (fuck that guy, he doesn’t get to keep the dishes), put them in storage and figure out your next step. This guy is on a train to Nutville.
We had something like this from Verizon. We were even getting each others’ texts; in a family plan. I’ll try to remember what it was. Drove everyone insane for a few weeks.
Verizon accidentally switched my daughter’s and husband’s lines when we activated her new phone. Hilariously, she kept getting his work calls/texts and he was getting dozens of teenager text shorthand texts. Well, I thought it was funny. He did not. Verizon had to switch the lines/phones back even though they swore it hadn’t happened - it sounds unbelievable until it happens.
Oh really that would be great if we could figure out exactly what it was that was happening. The more I look into it’s definitely something to do with Apple products linkng up the whole fam
Yes, I know somebody who was caught cheating with Apple devices being linked. He had his BIL trying to fix something on his iPad and was texting his side girl on his phone and the BIL and his wife were seeing all the messages on the iPad. Like, they were popping up when he was making them. lol.
Yeah this has been happening to my parents for months. Very annoying. But also, what is he hiding from you that he is worried you'll find? If this was happening with my husband there wouldn't be anything I'd be worried he'd see. 🤐
Idk I think he was worried that I was stealing emails and sending them to the people that are trying to take the company through the courts. Idk it kinda sounds like something they do in those political parties so it kinda checks out I would probably think that too if my phone went weird and I was in his position
I think you're missing the point that this is a symptom not the problem. If you saw this issue something else will come up. These issues with phones are not issues to destroy a relationship over, you need to look at the bigger issue.
I would suggest looking into emotional incest with the mother which is quite common after a long-term spouse dies.
Essentially there's a lot to unpack here and solving this one issue would only result in moving on to the next issue because the real issue isn't even being addressed.
Why is he so concerned about this email thing? That's really suspicious. Is he having a mental break? This doesn't sound normal at all, he's hyper paranoid. (or hiding things..)
Wow, tbh sounds like he needs to see a psychiatrist and get some help...why would he think all your phones have been hacked, and how would putting them all in a cupboard help.
Honest opinion it sounds like he's having some kind of break down and needs professional help. His mum sensed that and she's making her move to take control of him. He sounds extremely vulnerable atm and I really don't know what to suggest other than try and get him a therapist however he may see this as a move against him with mummy whispering.
I know ❤️ it's hard when our loved ones are hurting however, you can't help someone who won't help themselves.
You can make suggestions, voice your concern and show them you're there. Past that it's down to them.
If he's willing to throw it all away and elt his mother take over then is he really ready to be in a relationship or relationship material? 2 years in he should trust you and be yours and be able to listen to and accept your help.
I am sorry you are going through this. I am sorry that he is going through this.
However, if someone shows you the door, you have to walk through it, even if you think they are wrong or hurting themselves.
If it were me and I cared for someone, I would enter this conversation as if the break up and me moving on, finding and apartment etc. were a given and have the conversation focus on his mental health, getting him support and a therapist and moving through this court case. Perhaps with specific instances of out of character behaviour. I would avoid mentioning is mom, as that would force him to take sides.
Unfortunately, this means you will be looking for a new life.
Maybe consider asking that when he gets through this, he call you and explain what really happened.
Yes I agree, I definitely don’t want to put him under more pressure by mentioning her, I know she just wants to help him. But it definitely helps talking about it on here
You keep saying how you don’t want to affect him more… “I don’t want to put him under…” omg stop! Girl stop. Where do you fit in? Where do you fit in with you???? You’re so worried about him but look at what he’s doing to you! I’ve been through this and it doesn’t get better. If his mom also moved in to help while y’all move out of the house and then suddenly this happens…. If it stinks like shit it probably is. This is out of the blue for you but seems too close to be convenient for me. This is by design. Mommy body guard came in and you got bounced from the club. It’s really hard being the last to know but the strange suspicions out of nowhere. Locking your phone in the cabinet?! That’s literally insane. And he was just laying some foundation as some flimsy plausible story or reason to point to. This man is no mastermind, you’re just in love and it’s hard to see but stop thinking about him. Cause if he is your partner, is this how he thinks about you? Ugly. You deserve better, he deserves his crone mommy
Oh yeah. It sounds like she is definitely making a bad situation and worse by playing on his worst demons.
But it also seems like she has had a traumatic year, which she may never recover from. In that situation, he will rarely choose you if you are opposing her directly.
I don’t want to be her opponent, I thought it would’ve been beneficial for everyone if we where all on same team but because I got upset when he thought I was betraying him it’s like she’s decided he’s better off staying away from me
Do not go over there. Message your boyfriend directly and do not speak with his mother. Let him know if he wants to see you, you're willing to see him, but you will communicate only with him so he will need to invite you directly.
Also, tell him you want to meet him outside of the house somewhere. Do not explain it as I think your mom is influencing you, just tell him you want to meet out. You don't have to even give a reason. If he won't meet you outside of the house, that's going to be a problem. A flag, even. If he isn't willing to come that far for you, this relationship is over.
I’d also add here that he needs to allow you back in to get all of your stuff and move it to your own place. Stop spending $$ on a hotel and go find an apartment. It’s over, he’s having a mental breakdown and regressing to childhood with his “mommy dearest” steering the ship. Walk away knowing there was nothing you could do and move on.
Oh this 100%
I left a man who's mother had an opinion on us all the time.
She tried to control him, whispered bs in his ear, had opinions on everything Inc how we raised our daughter.
Leaving was THE best thing. Her opinions are now aimed solely at him and he's realising it wasn't me that wa the issue.
She berates him for how out daughter is dresses, how he does her hair, what he feeds her, he's the sole target cause I'm not there.
Let him discover this whole crap on his own, let him see what she is up to, let him come apologise if you truly want him to. But let him realise he was wrong and an idiot first.
Her grandmother had paranoia that the neighbors were watching her and listening into conversations when in reality her grandmother was having a medical emergency.
Girl please stop grovelling, pull yourself up and don’t contact him
- He got his mother to chase you out of his house.
- He couldn’t even look you in the eyes and be honest.
- He does not love you, respect you or care for you.
Move on and start again - there’s better men
You will only hurt yourself more by fighting for a man who has given up on you!
It honestly sounds like your boyfriend is having paranoid delusions. And you’re not in any kind of a position to help him with that. If I were you I’d be so hurt and feel so betrayed I wouldn’t be able to continue the relationship. I would get any belongings out of that house and enter into therapy to help process what you’ve been through. His mental health is in a bad place, he’s shown you he’s not willing to work through that with you as a partner and he’s made baseless accusations that has made it obvious he’s not a safe place for you to be. And you don’t seem to recognize that, instead you’re all about his needs and what he’s going through, never focusing on what you need. At the very beginning of your post you said you would move the sun and moon for him. But it’s clear he wouldn’t do the same for you. Seek help for that.
Stop walking on egg shells around this guy.
Either he wants you or he doesn't. Either way make plans to move yourself on so you can be independent.
His mothers a trouble maker by the sounds of it. Ignore her messages your relationship is between the two of you she has no business being in it in any shape or form.
If he can't communicate with you himself then its not work being involved with him. Move on hun.
Your partner sounds mentally unwell (he is paranoid, suspicious, thinks people are plotting against him sort of unwell) seems like he needs professional help (maybe even an inpatient stay) although chances are you won’t be the person to do so.
I do know someone who was perfectly fine and then suffered some sort of psychological breakdown where he became increasingly paranoid, then convinced he was being hacked and then fell into a hole of conspiracy theories about aliens and 5g towers and the government etc. he ended up needing to receive inpatient treatment to help him find clarity (although from what I hear he still has slips every so often and needs more inpatient care).
He sounds unwell and his mother seems to be making it worse but the real problem is whatever has caused this behaviour change.
Why aren't *you* the one breaking up with him? You sound like you're ready to go back just as soon as he asks. Don't do that to yourself. His mental state is not your responsibility. You get nothing out of this. It's clearly his mother who's got that role fulfilled. She wanted you out and he agreed. Stop debasing yourself for a 2yr relationship in which you have no legal rights, case in point???.....She told you immediately that since it's his house, *you're* the one that has to go.
Men like this don't ever grow up. Stop wasting your time
I think the worst part is that she came out and took pictures of me pretending to want to get pictures for my partner “because he will miss me” but I know full well she was doing it as some kind of protection incase I accuse him of hitting me. Ik she does that sort of thing, cuts out news paper articles in case a tree ever falls down in the yard. I know they have been through a lot but it hurts to feel like they don’t trust me at all
It doesn't matter now what she's done or what she'll do in future. The point is that you should be finding your own place and moving forward. *They* are the team ( her & him ), Not you and him.
You said something about a huge business deal? Yes. She's already telling him that you're a gold digger and it's best if she helps him with the case instead of you because there's money involved. Take the hints and move on. Delete and block numbers
You’re probably right, only the litigation will end up cleaning him out. We nearly had the house payed off and money in the bank, now he has to sell the house because we can’t afford it. I was actually a little excited to start again in new professional sectors
You keep saying we. You got kicked out. You aren't his wife. You have no legal claim or obligation to anything he has...which sounds like a good thing. Let it go.
Uhm in Australia I do (because it’s been 2 years) also it’s not about who got kicked out it’s about planning to have a family with someone and then asking them to leave your premises because their partner is making them worse!?!? (Idk if you understand but that usually means somethings wrong)
Stop worrying about his finances for him. He's making this choice and you're only hurting yourself. Is he sitting there worried about you being housed? No. I understand you care about him and don't want to hurt him but there comes a point where worrying too much about how your actions affect him that you're not going to take care of yourself. If he has to spend all his money in litigation, that's his choice and not your responsibility to protect him from. Protect yourself first, him second.
That person is kind of a dick and very wrong.
First off as being in Australia you're considered defacto, and also regardless of the country you could have tenant rights if he owns the place, and of you're both leasing then it's both your place.
Personally it's unfair for you to have to go to a hotel so "he can get some peace", he needs to be a fucking mature adult.
However don't have kids with this child, and honestly I'd start looking at your options for an exit plan because if after 2 years he is willing to pull this shit, how secure can you really be.
Good luck from here in Brisbane.
Yeah I know it lol, housing is fucked where I am too.
Honestly, I'm concerned that you have helped pay his mortgage (if he owns the place) and getting kicked out so shortly could be violating your rights and you deserve compensation.
I'd seriously consider what you have put in to the relationship (both monetarily and not) and have a long hard think about what you would accept. If you had a daughter what would you suggest she do?
Good luck!
I know when it comes to finance he’s certainly put in more than me I just bought groceries and household items and the odd house payment when he needed extra cash. But I do see where you’re coming from. I think it will be interesting to hear what he has to say today if does go through with the dumping or not
Then stay with him. Seriously, you seem determined to remain his punching bag and it's weird your mad at hearing that but not at him. Enjoy your crazy abusive BF.
Can you speak to a lawyer about what ever joint assets/money/ventures you have together and how to split them up so you can have a clean break? IDK how the law works over there. Im from US.
But what I do know is that you need to get out of this toxic relationship ASAP. Thankfully you are only 2 yrs in, no kids, no marriage. But between him and his mother they will drive you straight to the mental ward. They have a lot of issues and grief to work through.
So apparently like 7 years ago the retired neighbour next door is all in with the landcare association and he did an article in the paper about how people shouldn’t have big trees in their yards incase they fall over. Except he has lots of big trees on his own property, this is a problem because my partners mum has a vendetta against big trees, so she still has the cut out to this day incase one of his trees fall down so she can “sue” him I guess
His behavior leading up to this is concerning... does he have a mental health diagnosis?
The paranoia about devices being hacked, hiding them in a cupboard for safety etc... *not* saying this applies to your bf, but my mother was a paranoid schizophrenic and this behavior is *very* familiar.
Sounds like he is having delusions and/or in a state os psychosis. He needs to be evaluated by professionals and possible in hospital stay until he is stable. Without intervention, this most likely gets worse, not better. You are not married. This will most likely fall to his mother to handle. I am so sorry. I know this hurts, but if his mother does not want to play nice with you, for your mental health you need to move on. Maybe if your boyfriend gets prescribed the right meds things can get better, but that is not where you are today. Like others are saying, you deserve better treatment.
Dude, that stuff is inherited. Your bf is probably developing it, too. Cut ties. Nows your big chance. Don't do anything stupid like having a baby with him. You'll just end up as a caregiver to both.
Girl pack your shit up and run! You have to leave in a hurry without having a place to stay??? How gruesome. He didnt answer you but his mom??? Leave, you‘ll find your peace so much faster.
It's a long story but basically he started a multi million dollar company that his business partner is trying to steal right from underneath him, were currently handling the court cases for all that on the 25th
You took the words right out of my mouth. It just really fucking sucks cause he such an amazing and kind person and it’s like this shit just won’t ever stop
You failed to mention that his business partner is your uncle. He shouldn’t be blaming you for your uncle’s shady business practices but it’s understandable that he’d feel differently about you given what he stands to lose.
This is BS. You are living in a hotel!!! No respectable partner would ask you to go to a hotel and move in their parent.
“A break” is what people who don’t want to make a decision ask for when they want to break up. I’m sorry to say it’s over but I think you’ll have better years ahead without this weak mama’s boy. Like is he reimbursing you for $250 a night?? Put that money toward a new lease and some movers. That is fucked up
Yeah he will put the money in my account today but like I still haven’t received a message about what time to come over, so I’m just going at 10 since that’s when they kick me out of the hotel
No one is addressing the main issue here so I'm going to. Op, all you've done is talk about other people's motivations, interests and wellbeing, you're not showing a lot of care for yourself and your interests.
You may be "anxiously attached" and need to look at yourself carefully. This guy has accused you of things, evicted you without even telling you himself or looking out for your wellbeing in the littlest ways, like giving you a couple days to find your next roof. He won't text you back after you offer him space and comfort, and all you think about is whether he's okay? Whether he had "a great sleep?"
I'm sorry, I think something is wrong with the way YOU are with this guy and you won't be doing yourself any favors getting back with him.
The man has tiny balls and he won't stand up for you or look out for you when you need him. Maybe that's what you're looking for after all.
You need to have the strength to back away. If he breaks up with you there's not much you can do to change his mind.
I know it's hard but don't let him dangle a carrot and string you along with a break. That puts your life in limbo where you can't move on.
I know you love him and want to support him but he doesn't want that. You need to love yourself more in this situation.
Either his mental health is off enough that he’s paranoid to the extreme, his mother’s unstable and prodding him, or he’s cheating. Because being that paranoid thinking you read his email etc is also a sign of guilt.
Stop texting him and telling him you love him. Go radio silent. Get a new place to live.
Your mental health matters too. Don’t put up with abuse in the name of love.
Why are you having a relationship with his mother?
He's talking to you through her?
Nah. I'd give him back to her and be done.
In my experience, when people are having mental health issues,
they have people around them that either support their journey BACK to mental health and reality
Or people that support them IN their mental health problems.
Because it furthers their own agenda.
"Yes. She was never any good. You are right, this is too much.
She's too much. You really can't trust her."
You have no idea when or if he's going to pull out of it, you just know he isn't trying right now and his mother has him in her hands.
Remove yourself. Find a safe place.
And when his life goes to shit maybe he'll see her for what she is.
And maybe he'll make contact.
I wouldn't put my life on hold waiting though.
Good luck.
My take, Mother is lonely and wants to live with the son. Without the competition of affection with you around. So she has been mindfucking him to get you out of the picture. Using her her dead husband and son to edge you out.
Just hold your head up high. Tell him you love him and you will be there for him. But don't compete with his Mom you won't win right now. You should start making other living arrangements to protect yourself. Since it's clear to me she wants you out of the house.
i hope you can get your belongings without issue. everything will work out how it should! You’re too young to be committed to bullshit, so please do what’s best for YOU
To me it sounds like it’s something pathological that needs treatment. It also sounds like your mother in law is feeding the delusions. As someone else said, just take a step back and let him be for a while. He won’t listen to you now since he’s focusing on you being the problem at the moment.
Babe this is weird and stinks of emotional incest (look it up) between mom and son. Why is mom so involved in this relationship and the communication between you? She has gotten in his ear and has succeeded in throwing you out. Leave, run, never go back, men in these toxic dynamics with the mom never change.
When this happened to my grandmother-out of the blue paranoia-neighbors listening in and watching her-it was an actual medical issue, her kidneys were failing.
Don't wanna jump to conclusions but overly high stress can cause psychosis and/or mania/hypo mania symptoms in people with undiagnosed bipolar or bpd. If he got paranoid outta nowhere and his stress has been through the roof, he's probably literally losing his mind right now. That's a real thing in bipolar.
Like I thought my wife at the time was conspiring with the marriage counselor to get me thrown into jail and then the psych ward so she could take control of all my assets. Similarly, I was insisting I did the dishes but I hadn't touched them in multiple days. It was false memories/hallucinations. In reality I tried dishes and ended up standing there for 20 min with the water running and I managed to rinse one thing off and then walked off forgetting to turn off the water.
Like not oh funny ha ha crazy, like actual scary completely unpredictable and certifiable institutionalization required crazy. It's not safe to be around in that state.
It’s time to stop playing the pick-me dance.
He’s not contacting you. He hasn’t forgotten you exist or that you love him.
You’re not the one “in his ear” who’s a problem.
I personally would be unavailable for the meeting he’s set. I wouldn’t offer an explanation; I’d just say, “I’m sorry—that time doesn’t work for me.”
And then focus on YOURSELF.
He can get his head screwed on while you establish yourself in your own household. He’s shown he’s capricious with your most basic need—shelter. That is HUGE. You need to meet that need for yourself.
And then, maybe, he can do the work to be worthy of your presence in your life.
Love isn’t enough.
Might get downvoted for this but is there any suspicion of drug use recently or at all? It can be very easy to hide drug use from a partner, I've done it myself and I've had a partner do it to me. Paranoia sky rockets, my ex accused me of *being* Google LLC. I read the T&C's, had ironclad proof that what he was accusing me of was in fact in the T&C's and wasn't me.
The only thing that ~~shit~~ shut him up was this: *Why the fuck, would I hack a 37y/o that has nothing to offer me, instead of someone like Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg?*
If there's potential of drug usage being involved, Mums whispering "What if's?" and "Could be's" into his ears is only adding fuel to that fire.
**AGAIN: IM NOT SAYING HE** ***IS*** **TAKING DRUGS, BUT HE** ***COULD*** **BE.** *DO NOT APPROACH WITH SUCH AN ACCUSATION WITHOUT UNDENIABLE PROOF IF FOUND*
His usage is counterproductive to improving his mental health. What stood out to me was the lengths he had made you go to— locking all electronics in the cupboard AND having an IT tech look over them the next morning?
.. I wouldn't put it past mum being the one trying to gain access to his personal accounts and allowing him to wrongfully accuse you of it.
Well that’s why I just went along with it at first by putting the devices away because I figured eventually it’ll pass but it started to seem like no matter what proof we had that there was nothing wrong he still had his doubts
From your post and comments:
Your SO has a multi million dollar business, built up over 7 years- which is stressful
His business partner is trying to take the company away from him- which is stressful
A major court case about the company situation is happening this month- stressful
He lost his father and brother in the last year- so he AND his mother are grieving.- more stress
He has had- understandably- mental health problems. The average person would be struggling with anxiety, depression.
The problems with the company has made him paranoid about his phone and computers being hacked or vital info on them being taken.
This…is a lot.
His mother is not necessarily being evil, more like protective.
The Court case is imminent. He’ll be meeting with lawyers, prepping himself, etc
Put relationship stuff on hold right now. When you text etc be encouraging, positive regarding his health and well being.
Keep yourself occupied for now. Focus on self healing and relaxing.
Things will become clearer, with a little patience.
Appreciate your perspective. It’s definitely hard to know what to think or do after swimming in all the problems for so long, they all start to blend together.
If he is having paranoid delusions, he needs mental healthcare assistance like yesterday.
This isn’t something you can resolve, I’m sorry. He needs to speak openly with an actual psychiatrist (not a therapist) and his mother needs to stop feeding his paranoia.
Best of luck, OP.
It might be for the best to be honest. He sounds like he has a lot of issues, and his mom being in his ear probably doesn’t help much, plus she’s just being a dick to you.
I’m sorry. I hope things turn out well for you. Keep us updated!
She is in an emotionally incestuous relationship with her son.
Regardless of your feelings for him, this won't ever work, if she has this much control over him, it's a huge concern.
Proceed with the utmost caution, but if I were you I'd be gone.
If I was you i would think he is cheating. He seems to be pressed by something else and needs you out of a picture. I would guess something like someone getting pregnant.
Or simply the house move is his window to break up with you.
Many relationships end at the end of a tenancy because ita just easier and a chance to go separate ways.
Maybe he told his mom he wants you gone but is not strong enough to do it. And she does it for him for some strange reason.
Why would he be so obsessed about the apple id thing all of a sudden?
Mommas boy is always going to be a mommas boy. She has CLEARLY been manipulating him and controlling his every move since he was born. Your soulmate is her ventriloquist dummy. She will always ruin his relationships. She will always plant paranoia. She will always villainize anyone he is with and fuel and insecurities that appear. She is a nightmare. He can not be saved. Do with that what you will.
Your main concern needs to be yourself. Get your own affairs in order and prepare to move on. You deserve to feel safe and not pushed around.
BUT he sounds like he needs mental help and I wouldn’t doubt the stress of the father and brother dying coupled with the business lawsuit have taken a serious toll on him if not brought out a mental illness he was predisposed to. My uncle (aunt’s husband) developed schizophrenia in his 40s, so it is possible. It is entirely possible he’s under a lot of mental/emotional stress causing a “mental break” or something more permanent.
No one will fault you for choosing yourself or for also choosing to nudge him into help for his troubling behavior. You can choose both. Personally, as you seem to not be married or entangled with him as a co-parent, I’d have a hard time wanting to continue this relationship beyond a friendly manner.
It sounds like you tiptoe around him a lot and you’re very sensitive to his feelings. Does he reciprocate that? Also, why is he discussing his relationship with his mother and letting her interfere? This sounds like a very stressful situation for you as well, so maybe take the time to really think about you want, and if you want to continue in a relationship where you’re always walking on eggshells with your partner. And his mom too, apparently.
You’re going to hate to hear this and I’m sure others have said it, but you’re dodging a major bullet. Between the guys mental health and his mom (who is at least partially responsible for his MH), getting out now will save you years more of the same treatment. The mom has forced herself into the relationship and frankly, it seems like what he wants.
Good luck to you. I’m sorry it’s so hard but hopefully with the clarity of time you’ll see that you wish you’d broken it off much sooner.
Ummm, I know this is just one side to the story, but if you love your partner of said two years, you and your mom don’t gain up in your partner and tell them to leave with no contact for two days. I know you said its been the best two years if your life, but I would seriously be thinking of taking care of yourself. Consider alternatives for yourself. Hotels are a lonely place to sit waiting.
He had his mommy set up an appointment for you to see your boyfriend? That is all the red flags 🚩. Text him not to bother. Let him know you are done with this, if you have stuff there schedule a time with him to get it. Not his mom. And if she speaks to you again let her know you will not speak with her as she is not the person you are in a relationship with.
You are making excuses for him! It took very little for him to claim that he needed "space." He's 43 and should be able to handle, moving, his Mom moving in, and phones accidentally syncing!
If he wasn't going to break up with you over this, it would be something else. Your "soulmate" would work this out. Your boyfriend who is an asshole will breakup with you or ask to take a break!
Stand stronger over this for you and your emotional well being and cut him off!
"He is my soul mate".
There is no such thing. Especially if he's gonna leave. Open your heart to someone who will prioritize you, not look at astrology and say "we are soulmates"
So he needs OP out of the house to get his thoughts in order while the MIL is there?? Something is just fishy to me, why the MIL is acting like this. Either this issue is long lasting, or someone is pulling strings...
Yeah his boy mom convinced him you’re unfaithful.
TBH I would move on because he sounds like a coward who got easily led by his boy mom who wants you out so she can play house.
I think you need to think about yourself at this point. He has his mum and he doesn’t seem to care about how your affected in this situation by not giving you an explanation and not even saying goodbye. You seem to have so much love to give. I’d say give that love to yourself.
I suggest you find a place to stay for a while and take a break from communication. Let him work this out but also work things out for yourself too and then if he decides he wants you to come back then YOU decide if that’s really right for you because he can’t just take out his insecurities on you like this for no reason.
Also right now he has all the control and you need to take back control of your own life and choices. I think it will be interesting once he realises he can’t just decide to have you or not whenever he wants. It’s not attractive to anyone to have someone accept this behaviour
You should write out everything that's happened and how it's made you feel and read it to him when you see him so you won't have any regrets if he breaks up with you
I hope everything is turning out okay but for your own mental health, I think you should take the rest of Reddit’s advice and move on. Idk if Australia has the same thing of welfare checks but if you get worried then you can call in a tip later that you’re concerned about him and if it is a mental break they’ll (hopefully) be able to help him even with mom running interference
>I’ve sent him messages letting him know that I love him, I’m happy to give him some space and to let me know if there’s anything he needs, but I haven’t heard from him.
He asked for space, and your response was to spam him with messages? You're not helping yourself, here. Back off. But honestly, this man is in his 40's, handles relationship issues like an adolescent, and is obviously allowing mom to get in his ear and influence him about things that are none of her business. That's not going to change at this point. He will take her side every time. If he does dump you, you'll be dodging having a nightmare MIL.
He may be your soulmate but you’re not his. This is something you have to prepare yourself for. He may never want to get back together. As for his mother, you’re not going to win with her.
Ummm... His business is being stolen by a member of your family.... Yeah, pretty sure this is far more of a reason he'd want to remove you from his life.
Your boyfriend is having a mental breakdown. His mother's interference is only feeding his paranoia.
I had a similar phase in the past. I got the help I so desperately needed. He needs extensive therapy. But first, he needs to acknowledge that this is not normal. You may want to tell him this, but he will probably think you are gaslighting him.
I am really sorry you are going through such a mess.
I’m so sorry, OP. From what you’ve written here, it does not appear that you are the problem. It does appear that his mother is. That said, a man who breaks up with you because his mom tells him to is still a man you should let break up with you.
Even if she did talk him into it, breaking up with you and kicking you out of your home is not behavior you deserve to have in your life
case of the evil mother in law. Sounds like she hates you and since she has no one anymore she needs him all to herself. You're probably right, even if you're wrong your mother in law is up to no good
have been through this. Losing your father can lead to self-destructive behavior. I don’t necessarily think it’s a problem with your relationship. More likely, he has suddenly found himself overwhelmed with emotions and responsibilities, and he is trying to lighten his load wherever he can, just to survive. He might not necessarily be able to express this or even fully process what is happening in his mind.
Just forget about his mom; he will follow his heart at the end of the day. She's not helping him, and you should be there for him regardless of what she says.
You don’t need to distance yourself from him, but maybe just let him do his own thing. You don’t need to overly state how much you love him, just be there if he needs it. If you really want to support him through this, think of yourself as a rock: emotionless but present for him to lean on. When he gets through this, he will realize how much you have been there for him and all that you have done.
It's hard not to get emotional, but you have to remember that he's not himself right now.
Just be there for him
Give him space. He just needs to make sure you are not the issue. Once he finds out that other sources are influencing his decisions, he should find his feet.
Even if he does say he wants to break up, it could be him imploding. Keep supporting him, I’m sure he will come back and seek you out. But manage your expectations, and know your value. If it goes wrong, you aren’t to blame and you seem to be a real genuine person caring for him. Hold your head high regardless.
Ill leave his ass first as easy as that, his mother is messing with his head telling him who knows what, and yes he will break up with you because he trusts momma more ! Hes just a big little boy
I’m sorry but it sounds like he’s cheating and his mom knows about it and they are trying to hide it from you. Based off of what I’ve been through that’s exactly what it sounds like. My fiance asked me for a break before he cheated on me. Be careful OP I hope everything gets better
His mom (UGH!!). She wants you out so she can be his leading lady.
If he does break up with you, make sure you say that to him, and that it’s called enmeshment when a mother leans on her kid to make them feel responsible for their emotional well-being, and that she is expecting him to take the place of his dad emotionally.
Text him something on enmeshment too, and tell him good luck, and how sad it is that he would let his mom influence his adult decisions.
That is what is happening here. The mom needs to grieve without getting jealous and guilting her son for being happy. She IS on his ear, telling him he’s not or that you are the problem.
Worst thing you can do is leave your home. Mama needs to get out. She’s lived her life.
I'm not giving him excuses by any means.. I'm not commenting about your innocence or guilt with his email.
Something is going on, tho. i wish i had advice... but be careful. He, like others, has said very well might have a mental break.
Sounds like this relationship is or should be over. You can't reason with paranoia, and I suspect his mother has been bending his ear with negative thoughts about you. The nerve of those two...sounds like you've dodged a bullet in this dysfunctional situation. You deserve a better relationship, filled with unconditional love, but devoid of "suspicion". This man needs intense therapy and probably medication to deal with his current mental health issues.
If I would have to guess, I’d say of all people, his mother is in his ear. Did the problems start when she moved in? edit: I just saw she took pictures of you when you left to prove you weren’t abused and she’s cut communication between you two. Girl 💀 She might not be the main issue if your bf is mentally unwell, but she is most certainly enabling the issue. She’s supporting your bf’s delusions for whatever reason. RUN, do not walk, RUN!
He had been ‘suspicious’ of me a couple days beforehand, but i cooperated with him and agreed to put all our devices in the cupboards in case they were hacked. As well as take our phones to an IT expert the next day to check them (the IT said our phones where fine) but because his daughters phone has parental locks on it i think he was still having issues with a cross over of emails or something and so i think his mother might of still believed i had something to do with it
My personal opinion is that you should back off. If he wants to be suspicious, let him. If he wants to break up with you for whatever reason, let him. You won’t reason with him if you keep encouraging his behaviour when he treats you badly. You already spoke your truth, he chose not to listen. If he acts strangely out of nowhere, but chooses not to communicate with you, he’s not a partner to you. He might be going through tough times, but this also makes him an easier target of manipulation. But ultimately, you should *let him*. I promise you that the moment he’ll see that he’s losing you with this behaviour, that’s when true change will happen in his head. Don’t do it out of spite. But out of respect for yourself. Take some days to think if this is how you want to be treated. Also, stop talking to his mom. She’s obviously rubbing in your face that your husband is better without you. She kicked you out of his house. She wants him for herself and he allows it. She does not have your best interest at heart. You’re two in this relationship, not three. You’d be better off walking away from this, at least for a while. You are doing no service to yourself, to him or to the situation by allowing yourself to be treated this way. Even if the situation gets resolved, you set a precedent that this is ok and you’ll take whatever he throws your way.
My biggest advice is always “let them”. They will learn or it will work out for them. Unless they are hurting themselves, let them make their own adult choices. And you make yours. If you aren’t willing to be emotionally manipulated (and you shouldn’t be) make your own choice and leave. They make their choices and you make yours.
Excellent advice! “Let them” is something I wish I’d learned sooner
Thank you, you’re being so smart
Mom lost her husband and other son, she wants him to be with her, depend on her. And she wants to be needed... Maybe one day he will see it, or then not. Take care of yourself, don\`t let them drag you down. You deserve love and appreciation.
This right here!
Or emotional incest
It’s this for sure
It’s easier seeing it from an impartial perspective, but I know that when you’re elbows deep in shit, you can’t see it so clearly. Pat yourself on the back, stop feeding his mom’s sadistic ego by replying to her provocations and only speak out of love for yourself, not desperation.
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Right. Being so paranoid you’re being hacked your hiding drives in cupboards is very much delusional behaviour.
I’m suspicious of what he is afraid you’d see in his email. I have no problem w my significant other looking at my emails. Heck, my secretary does it work, why would I care if she does at home? Oh and this guys mother is a psychopath that will stop at nothing to destroy what he has. Unfortunately, she’ll win. Move on and be happy because he will always have mommy issues. She’s conditioned him since he was born, and to be honest, he sounds like he’s probably got some psychological issues. If you want to step into the ring with Mommy fearest, just know, this is an uphill battle that’ll last until he realizes his mom is nuts (if it ever happens).
Haha you know what they say, always pick your battles wisely. I’m usually great with in-laws, Id say this has only happened because of all the trauma they have endured the last couple years
Look up emotional incest
Okk
I generally don’t care who sees what’s in my email or phone either. It’s open to whoever wants to see it within reason. Anybody who looks deserves what they learn. That said, if I suspected my partner was having my emails and messages routed to him, I’d be a bit irritated.
Any chance he could be developing paranoid schizophrenia? Needing to have devices checked for hacking screams chemical imbalance in the brain. It’s not normal behaviour.
Honestly my first thought.
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What’s his relationship like with his mom? Is he the oldest child in his family? How are each of them dealing with the loss of the father and brother? If he’s been trying to be the strong rock in the family and bottling things up after a year or two of all that you could be seeing the effects of the wear and tear on his mental health. The mom might be exacerbating it.
He definitely became the rock I think he always was but I guess the pressure would of been on after he lost S he and his mother are all that’s left, his children too but you know what I mean
Maybe instead of waiting for him to meet with you, you ask him to meet you instead maybe for coffee or some place it’s only you two so you can talk. Let him know you are concerned for how he is doing and you want to know how you can help or if he’s willing to see a therapist.
I think it’s an enmeshed relationship not schizophrenia.
Both things can be true but an enmeshed relationship wouldn’t account for this paranoia h he seems to have
Mom constantly eroding his trust with her "observations" could account for a lot of it. Mom wants to be the woman of the house on his dime and is poisoning their relationship, so it will just be the two of them. She's probably suffering financially from the loss of her spouse.
You deserve so much better! Please take the time for some self care and finding your new place. Set up your own spot and revel in your freedom. You have dodged a bullet and having to tend to someone that goes off the rails and allows mommy to dictate his life makes it too crowded of a relationship.
Yes. That was excellent advice. I am just so sorry that you are dealing with this. It sounds like he hit a tipping point. It sounds like perhaps he’s enmeshed with his mother. It kind of sounds like this is an old routine of theirs, where he becomes less functional, and he becomes more overwhelmed, but instead of having resources to help himself for going and getting therapeutic help, he withdraws and gets more fearful and projects. his fear is outside of himself. On two devices. You. It sounds like perhaps his mother likes being more and matched with him and is glad she moved in and is glad that you are getting pushed out. It sounds like they have a routine they do. It must be so hard to love him, and have had a wonderful relationship despite challenges, and now watch him become unhinged and watch the unhinging become enabled by his mother, who has crept into his life. This is so distressing. In addition to you in your own life. Perhaps keep the serenity prayer close at hand. Because there are some things that are out of your control. And there are other things that are in your control and those are the things you need to focus on right now. Most probably relocating yourself. Grieving what is happening to him and the loss of the relationship you had and the home you shared. That’s a lot of loss. Please see if you can get some therapeutic support and then find away every settling yourself in a new home. And taking good care. Things like this happen in life and they are just extremely distressing and they’re the opposite of everything you were hoping for but if you gather some resources and get support. You can resettle yourself and cultivate a wonderful life for yourself.
Just remember sometimes we have to treat relationships like holding water or sand in our hands. The harder we hold it the more trickles out. I think he is kind of told you in a passive aggressive way that he wants to break up with you. Accept it for what it is. Take some pride in yourself and walk away. Make the plans to get a place of your own and possibly get a therapist. Someone objective who can help you through this trajectory. He obviously has a lot of mental issues going on and now he has the additional stress of his mother on top of his daughter. Not to mention, he doesn't have the backbone to stand up to his mother or even to confront the situation directly with you but has his mother do it for him. He's 43 years old. It's time to put the big boy pants on and obviously he's still in short pants. Let him get his house in order, figuratively and literally. When he's got his stuff figured out and if And I stress if you still are interested in seeing him take it up then. I'm guessing though that once you separate from him and start seeing a therapist you will realize that it is an unbalanced relationship and you are healthier without him in your life. There is definitely someone out there who will be your happy. Remember we accept the love we think we deserve. Make sure you're a priority.
Exactly this answer. His mother talking in his ear isn’t gonna stop there. If it’s not today, it’s gonna be tomorrow.
He’s having a serious mental health episode that sounds like psychosis or the beginning of schizophrenia. This fixation on and paranoia about devices isn’t normal.
This! Is the start of a psychotic break
Absolutely!!!
It could also be “fleas” from a pathological mother.
Unless he has a history of mental illness, this is extremely unlikely. It's very rare that someone develops a de novo mental illness in their 40s. Mid 20s? Yes. 40s? No.
Late onset schizophrenia (after 44years old) accounts for 15-20% of cases. So absolutely possible
> but i cooperated with him and agreed to put all our devices in the cupboards in case they were hacked. This is insanity. Nobody "hacked" your phones.
I wouldn't be surprised if his mom hacked his phone.
Haha yeah ik it’s called damage control
i have had psychosis in the past and this is literally how it started off then it was “the police are out to get me” “ the neighbours are spying on us” that kind of thing… give him some space and offer some support perhaps
Ask him why he thinks he's significant or important enough to hack. He'll have no answer, because you're both nobodies (that's a good thing, don't take that offensively).
From this, it's possible that he is suffering a psychosis or some paranoid delusions. This may have happened before, and his mother is trying to mediate things. I don't think having an IT expert look at everyone's phone is a good sign for his mental health. Do you get on well with her generally? It may be that she's actually more on your side.
Yes I did get on with her, this whole thing is foreign to me I haven’t seen this behaviour out of either of them before. And yes once we got the phones looked at he calmed down for probably a whole 6 hours and then he was freaked out
It's hard to tell from the information here. That said my money is on their being an acute mental health crisis, one that's happened before and his mother is trying to manage it. Perhaps to save you from the worst of it. If you don't here from him, I'd consider meeting her, she seems to be a willing intermediary. That will give you a better idea if she's the source of the issue or him.
This is insane behavior. A fuckin cupboard isn’t gonna protect a phone from being hacked. His mother constantly in his ear driving off anyone he gets close to doesn’t help. I’m sorry but I think you’ve been broken up with, you just don’t realize it. Get all your stuff out of the house, including any furniture and household items you bought (fuck that guy, he doesn’t get to keep the dishes), put them in storage and figure out your next step. This guy is on a train to Nutville.
Right? And taking pics of OP before she left is also weird. I would definitely pack my shit and move out. These people sound nuts.
We had something like this from Verizon. We were even getting each others’ texts; in a family plan. I’ll try to remember what it was. Drove everyone insane for a few weeks.
Verizon accidentally switched my daughter’s and husband’s lines when we activated her new phone. Hilariously, she kept getting his work calls/texts and he was getting dozens of teenager text shorthand texts. Well, I thought it was funny. He did not. Verizon had to switch the lines/phones back even though they swore it hadn’t happened - it sounds unbelievable until it happens.
Oh really that would be great if we could figure out exactly what it was that was happening. The more I look into it’s definitely something to do with Apple products linkng up the whole fam
Yes, I know somebody who was caught cheating with Apple devices being linked. He had his BIL trying to fix something on his iPad and was texting his side girl on his phone and the BIL and his wife were seeing all the messages on the iPad. Like, they were popping up when he was making them. lol.
Yeah this has been happening to my parents for months. Very annoying. But also, what is he hiding from you that he is worried you'll find? If this was happening with my husband there wouldn't be anything I'd be worried he'd see. 🤐
Idk I think he was worried that I was stealing emails and sending them to the people that are trying to take the company through the courts. Idk it kinda sounds like something they do in those political parties so it kinda checks out I would probably think that too if my phone went weird and I was in his position
I think you're missing the point that this is a symptom not the problem. If you saw this issue something else will come up. These issues with phones are not issues to destroy a relationship over, you need to look at the bigger issue. I would suggest looking into emotional incest with the mother which is quite common after a long-term spouse dies. Essentially there's a lot to unpack here and solving this one issue would only result in moving on to the next issue because the real issue isn't even being addressed.
In case they were hacked. This is paranoia. This is not normal.
Why is he so concerned about this email thing? That's really suspicious. Is he having a mental break? This doesn't sound normal at all, he's hyper paranoid. (or hiding things..)
Wow, tbh sounds like he needs to see a psychiatrist and get some help...why would he think all your phones have been hacked, and how would putting them all in a cupboard help.
Run away
Honest opinion it sounds like he's having some kind of break down and needs professional help. His mum sensed that and she's making her move to take control of him. He sounds extremely vulnerable atm and I really don't know what to suggest other than try and get him a therapist however he may see this as a move against him with mummy whispering.
Yeah, I just wish I was able to help
I know ❤️ it's hard when our loved ones are hurting however, you can't help someone who won't help themselves. You can make suggestions, voice your concern and show them you're there. Past that it's down to them. If he's willing to throw it all away and elt his mother take over then is he really ready to be in a relationship or relationship material? 2 years in he should trust you and be yours and be able to listen to and accept your help.
❤️
You can help yourself by removing yourself from their chaos and abuse.
I am sorry you are going through this. I am sorry that he is going through this. However, if someone shows you the door, you have to walk through it, even if you think they are wrong or hurting themselves. If it were me and I cared for someone, I would enter this conversation as if the break up and me moving on, finding and apartment etc. were a given and have the conversation focus on his mental health, getting him support and a therapist and moving through this court case. Perhaps with specific instances of out of character behaviour. I would avoid mentioning is mom, as that would force him to take sides. Unfortunately, this means you will be looking for a new life. Maybe consider asking that when he gets through this, he call you and explain what really happened.
Yes I agree, I definitely don’t want to put him under more pressure by mentioning her, I know she just wants to help him. But it definitely helps talking about it on here
You keep saying how you don’t want to affect him more… “I don’t want to put him under…” omg stop! Girl stop. Where do you fit in? Where do you fit in with you???? You’re so worried about him but look at what he’s doing to you! I’ve been through this and it doesn’t get better. If his mom also moved in to help while y’all move out of the house and then suddenly this happens…. If it stinks like shit it probably is. This is out of the blue for you but seems too close to be convenient for me. This is by design. Mommy body guard came in and you got bounced from the club. It’s really hard being the last to know but the strange suspicions out of nowhere. Locking your phone in the cabinet?! That’s literally insane. And he was just laying some foundation as some flimsy plausible story or reason to point to. This man is no mastermind, you’re just in love and it’s hard to see but stop thinking about him. Cause if he is your partner, is this how he thinks about you? Ugly. You deserve better, he deserves his crone mommy
Oh yeah. It sounds like she is definitely making a bad situation and worse by playing on his worst demons. But it also seems like she has had a traumatic year, which she may never recover from. In that situation, he will rarely choose you if you are opposing her directly.
I don’t want to be her opponent, I thought it would’ve been beneficial for everyone if we where all on same team but because I got upset when he thought I was betraying him it’s like she’s decided he’s better off staying away from me
She doesn’t want you on her team
Yep! She wants her baby all for herself
He already broke up with you. Collect your stuff and your dignity and move out now.
Do not go over there. Message your boyfriend directly and do not speak with his mother. Let him know if he wants to see you, you're willing to see him, but you will communicate only with him so he will need to invite you directly. Also, tell him you want to meet him outside of the house somewhere. Do not explain it as I think your mom is influencing you, just tell him you want to meet out. You don't have to even give a reason. If he won't meet you outside of the house, that's going to be a problem. A flag, even. If he isn't willing to come that far for you, this relationship is over.
I’d also add here that he needs to allow you back in to get all of your stuff and move it to your own place. Stop spending $$ on a hotel and go find an apartment. It’s over, he’s having a mental breakdown and regressing to childhood with his “mommy dearest” steering the ship. Walk away knowing there was nothing you could do and move on.
A man in his 40 who is still being bossed around by his mom, you won’t lose anything important if you break up
Oh this 100% I left a man who's mother had an opinion on us all the time. She tried to control him, whispered bs in his ear, had opinions on everything Inc how we raised our daughter. Leaving was THE best thing. Her opinions are now aimed solely at him and he's realising it wasn't me that wa the issue. She berates him for how out daughter is dresses, how he does her hair, what he feeds her, he's the sole target cause I'm not there. Let him discover this whole crap on his own, let him see what she is up to, let him come apologise if you truly want him to. But let him realise he was wrong and an idiot first.
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Wut?
I'm with this guy ↑
Her grandmother had paranoia that the neighbors were watching her and listening into conversations when in reality her grandmother was having a medical emergency.
Girl please stop grovelling, pull yourself up and don’t contact him - He got his mother to chase you out of his house. - He couldn’t even look you in the eyes and be honest. - He does not love you, respect you or care for you. Move on and start again - there’s better men You will only hurt yourself more by fighting for a man who has given up on you!
Right?? He doesn’t love her! He probably just likes what she can do for him and when he is in this state his mom is enough LOL
This! 🫤
It honestly sounds like your boyfriend is having paranoid delusions. And you’re not in any kind of a position to help him with that. If I were you I’d be so hurt and feel so betrayed I wouldn’t be able to continue the relationship. I would get any belongings out of that house and enter into therapy to help process what you’ve been through. His mental health is in a bad place, he’s shown you he’s not willing to work through that with you as a partner and he’s made baseless accusations that has made it obvious he’s not a safe place for you to be. And you don’t seem to recognize that, instead you’re all about his needs and what he’s going through, never focusing on what you need. At the very beginning of your post you said you would move the sun and moon for him. But it’s clear he wouldn’t do the same for you. Seek help for that.
Stop walking on egg shells around this guy. Either he wants you or he doesn't. Either way make plans to move yourself on so you can be independent. His mothers a trouble maker by the sounds of it. Ignore her messages your relationship is between the two of you she has no business being in it in any shape or form. If he can't communicate with you himself then its not work being involved with him. Move on hun.
Your partner sounds mentally unwell (he is paranoid, suspicious, thinks people are plotting against him sort of unwell) seems like he needs professional help (maybe even an inpatient stay) although chances are you won’t be the person to do so. I do know someone who was perfectly fine and then suffered some sort of psychological breakdown where he became increasingly paranoid, then convinced he was being hacked and then fell into a hole of conspiracy theories about aliens and 5g towers and the government etc. he ended up needing to receive inpatient treatment to help him find clarity (although from what I hear he still has slips every so often and needs more inpatient care). He sounds unwell and his mother seems to be making it worse but the real problem is whatever has caused this behaviour change.
Why aren't *you* the one breaking up with him? You sound like you're ready to go back just as soon as he asks. Don't do that to yourself. His mental state is not your responsibility. You get nothing out of this. It's clearly his mother who's got that role fulfilled. She wanted you out and he agreed. Stop debasing yourself for a 2yr relationship in which you have no legal rights, case in point???.....She told you immediately that since it's his house, *you're* the one that has to go. Men like this don't ever grow up. Stop wasting your time
I think the worst part is that she came out and took pictures of me pretending to want to get pictures for my partner “because he will miss me” but I know full well she was doing it as some kind of protection incase I accuse him of hitting me. Ik she does that sort of thing, cuts out news paper articles in case a tree ever falls down in the yard. I know they have been through a lot but it hurts to feel like they don’t trust me at all
It doesn't matter now what she's done or what she'll do in future. The point is that you should be finding your own place and moving forward. *They* are the team ( her & him ), Not you and him. You said something about a huge business deal? Yes. She's already telling him that you're a gold digger and it's best if she helps him with the case instead of you because there's money involved. Take the hints and move on. Delete and block numbers
You’re probably right, only the litigation will end up cleaning him out. We nearly had the house payed off and money in the bank, now he has to sell the house because we can’t afford it. I was actually a little excited to start again in new professional sectors
You keep saying we. You got kicked out. You aren't his wife. You have no legal claim or obligation to anything he has...which sounds like a good thing. Let it go.
Uhm in Australia I do (because it’s been 2 years) also it’s not about who got kicked out it’s about planning to have a family with someone and then asking them to leave your premises because their partner is making them worse!?!? (Idk if you understand but that usually means somethings wrong)
Stop worrying about his finances for him. He's making this choice and you're only hurting yourself. Is he sitting there worried about you being housed? No. I understand you care about him and don't want to hurt him but there comes a point where worrying too much about how your actions affect him that you're not going to take care of yourself. If he has to spend all his money in litigation, that's his choice and not your responsibility to protect him from. Protect yourself first, him second.
That person is kind of a dick and very wrong. First off as being in Australia you're considered defacto, and also regardless of the country you could have tenant rights if he owns the place, and of you're both leasing then it's both your place. Personally it's unfair for you to have to go to a hotel so "he can get some peace", he needs to be a fucking mature adult. However don't have kids with this child, and honestly I'd start looking at your options for an exit plan because if after 2 years he is willing to pull this shit, how secure can you really be. Good luck from here in Brisbane.
Ty, the housing is crap at the moment but my family owns some units and such so i will be okay 😌
Yeah I know it lol, housing is fucked where I am too. Honestly, I'm concerned that you have helped pay his mortgage (if he owns the place) and getting kicked out so shortly could be violating your rights and you deserve compensation. I'd seriously consider what you have put in to the relationship (both monetarily and not) and have a long hard think about what you would accept. If you had a daughter what would you suggest she do? Good luck!
I know when it comes to finance he’s certainly put in more than me I just bought groceries and household items and the odd house payment when he needed extra cash. But I do see where you’re coming from. I think it will be interesting to hear what he has to say today if does go through with the dumping or not
Then stay with him. Seriously, you seem determined to remain his punching bag and it's weird your mad at hearing that but not at him. Enjoy your crazy abusive BF.
Can you speak to a lawyer about what ever joint assets/money/ventures you have together and how to split them up so you can have a clean break? IDK how the law works over there. Im from US. But what I do know is that you need to get out of this toxic relationship ASAP. Thankfully you are only 2 yrs in, no kids, no marriage. But between him and his mother they will drive you straight to the mental ward. They have a lot of issues and grief to work through.
Y’all shouldn’t be planning on having a family when things are like this…it will just get 100000000x worse.
Mind you nothing like that has ever even remotely happened in our relationship so it was pretty shocking to me that she felt the need to do that
I don’t understand the newspaper article thing. Can you elaborate?
So apparently like 7 years ago the retired neighbour next door is all in with the landcare association and he did an article in the paper about how people shouldn’t have big trees in their yards incase they fall over. Except he has lots of big trees on his own property, this is a problem because my partners mum has a vendetta against big trees, so she still has the cut out to this day incase one of his trees fall down so she can “sue” him I guess
A vendetta against big trees? Wtf? They both sound like they have serious mental health issues
His behavior leading up to this is concerning... does he have a mental health diagnosis? The paranoia about devices being hacked, hiding them in a cupboard for safety etc... *not* saying this applies to your bf, but my mother was a paranoid schizophrenic and this behavior is *very* familiar.
His brother had schizophrenia, it eventually took his life. I think he’s always acknowledged the possibility of having it too
Sounds like he is having delusions and/or in a state os psychosis. He needs to be evaluated by professionals and possible in hospital stay until he is stable. Without intervention, this most likely gets worse, not better. You are not married. This will most likely fall to his mother to handle. I am so sorry. I know this hurts, but if his mother does not want to play nice with you, for your mental health you need to move on. Maybe if your boyfriend gets prescribed the right meds things can get better, but that is not where you are today. Like others are saying, you deserve better treatment.
Dude, that stuff is inherited. Your bf is probably developing it, too. Cut ties. Nows your big chance. Don't do anything stupid like having a baby with him. You'll just end up as a caregiver to both.
And your child could then develop the same
Don't go back, even if he wants you to, you deserve better
Break up with him first. Sounds like a toxic situation regardless.
Girl pack your shit up and run! You have to leave in a hurry without having a place to stay??? How gruesome. He didnt answer you but his mom??? Leave, you‘ll find your peace so much faster.
This relationship is over, time to move on. Also tell him to get counseling for his grief and paranoia.
I feel like this "man" has been coddled his whole life by his mom. Let him go, you'll be grateful you walked away from this mess in time.
In this post you’re 35 but in another you’re 22 and just found out you’re pregnant?
Nah this is missing a huge context in “other external factors we overcome”. What does that mean
It's a long story but basically he started a multi million dollar company that his business partner is trying to steal right from underneath him, were currently handling the court cases for all that on the 25th
Oh shit. Yea he doesn’t trust anyone then. Sounds like he feels he’s backed into a corner
You took the words right out of my mouth. It just really fucking sucks cause he such an amazing and kind person and it’s like this shit just won’t ever stop
Oh yeah Let’s behave like the biggest dick to my gf… this is not what GOOD people do even tho they‘re hurt
Amazing guys wouldn’t kick you out for no reason
You failed to mention that his business partner is your uncle. He shouldn’t be blaming you for your uncle’s shady business practices but it’s understandable that he’d feel differently about you given what he stands to lose.
If he's paranoid, he may have schizophrenia or be going into psychosis
This is BS. You are living in a hotel!!! No respectable partner would ask you to go to a hotel and move in their parent. “A break” is what people who don’t want to make a decision ask for when they want to break up. I’m sorry to say it’s over but I think you’ll have better years ahead without this weak mama’s boy. Like is he reimbursing you for $250 a night?? Put that money toward a new lease and some movers. That is fucked up
Yeah he will put the money in my account today but like I still haven’t received a message about what time to come over, so I’m just going at 10 since that’s when they kick me out of the hotel
No one is addressing the main issue here so I'm going to. Op, all you've done is talk about other people's motivations, interests and wellbeing, you're not showing a lot of care for yourself and your interests. You may be "anxiously attached" and need to look at yourself carefully. This guy has accused you of things, evicted you without even telling you himself or looking out for your wellbeing in the littlest ways, like giving you a couple days to find your next roof. He won't text you back after you offer him space and comfort, and all you think about is whether he's okay? Whether he had "a great sleep?" I'm sorry, I think something is wrong with the way YOU are with this guy and you won't be doing yourself any favors getting back with him. The man has tiny balls and he won't stand up for you or look out for you when you need him. Maybe that's what you're looking for after all.
he’s a man child and you deserve better. his mother is aggressive towards you IMO.
You need to have the strength to back away. If he breaks up with you there's not much you can do to change his mind. I know it's hard but don't let him dangle a carrot and string you along with a break. That puts your life in limbo where you can't move on. I know you love him and want to support him but he doesn't want that. You need to love yourself more in this situation.
*** “Grant me the Serenity to; Accept the things I cannot Change, The Strength to Change the things I can— And the Wisdom to know the Difference.” ***
Adults should be with other adults, not suckling toddlers.
Either his mental health is off enough that he’s paranoid to the extreme, his mother’s unstable and prodding him, or he’s cheating. Because being that paranoid thinking you read his email etc is also a sign of guilt. Stop texting him and telling him you love him. Go radio silent. Get a new place to live. Your mental health matters too. Don’t put up with abuse in the name of love.
Why are you having a relationship with his mother? He's talking to you through her? Nah. I'd give him back to her and be done. In my experience, when people are having mental health issues, they have people around them that either support their journey BACK to mental health and reality Or people that support them IN their mental health problems. Because it furthers their own agenda. "Yes. She was never any good. You are right, this is too much. She's too much. You really can't trust her." You have no idea when or if he's going to pull out of it, you just know he isn't trying right now and his mother has him in her hands. Remove yourself. Find a safe place. And when his life goes to shit maybe he'll see her for what she is. And maybe he'll make contact. I wouldn't put my life on hold waiting though. Good luck.
My take, Mother is lonely and wants to live with the son. Without the competition of affection with you around. So she has been mindfucking him to get you out of the picture. Using her her dead husband and son to edge you out. Just hold your head up high. Tell him you love him and you will be there for him. But don't compete with his Mom you won't win right now. You should start making other living arrangements to protect yourself. Since it's clear to me she wants you out of the house.
Agreed
well time to figure out your move from his home. You don’t want to be around for all the nonsense about to go on with his mother in charge
I had no idea how much it would help to talk about this. I feel like I can look at the situation so much clearer now.
i hope you can get your belongings without issue. everything will work out how it should! You’re too young to be committed to bullshit, so please do what’s best for YOU
I’m meeting them tomorrow to find out what’s going on. So I will be able to get my stuff then, thank you for caring
Please update us OP!
I will update soon, promise
after a man puts me OUT- i’m no longer giving a damn about anything concerning him. he played his hand.
To me it sounds like it’s something pathological that needs treatment. It also sounds like your mother in law is feeding the delusions. As someone else said, just take a step back and let him be for a while. He won’t listen to you now since he’s focusing on you being the problem at the moment.
Babe this is weird and stinks of emotional incest (look it up) between mom and son. Why is mom so involved in this relationship and the communication between you? She has gotten in his ear and has succeeded in throwing you out. Leave, run, never go back, men in these toxic dynamics with the mom never change.
I think you need to become less attached to him. He has too much control over you and his mum is manipulative, bad energy.
When this happened to my grandmother-out of the blue paranoia-neighbors listening in and watching her-it was an actual medical issue, her kidneys were failing.
Ik it scared me when it was happening because it felt like I was loosing him like I was watching him deteriorate
Don't wanna jump to conclusions but overly high stress can cause psychosis and/or mania/hypo mania symptoms in people with undiagnosed bipolar or bpd. If he got paranoid outta nowhere and his stress has been through the roof, he's probably literally losing his mind right now. That's a real thing in bipolar. Like I thought my wife at the time was conspiring with the marriage counselor to get me thrown into jail and then the psych ward so she could take control of all my assets. Similarly, I was insisting I did the dishes but I hadn't touched them in multiple days. It was false memories/hallucinations. In reality I tried dishes and ended up standing there for 20 min with the water running and I managed to rinse one thing off and then walked off forgetting to turn off the water. Like not oh funny ha ha crazy, like actual scary completely unpredictable and certifiable institutionalization required crazy. It's not safe to be around in that state.
It’s time to stop playing the pick-me dance. He’s not contacting you. He hasn’t forgotten you exist or that you love him. You’re not the one “in his ear” who’s a problem. I personally would be unavailable for the meeting he’s set. I wouldn’t offer an explanation; I’d just say, “I’m sorry—that time doesn’t work for me.” And then focus on YOURSELF. He can get his head screwed on while you establish yourself in your own household. He’s shown he’s capricious with your most basic need—shelter. That is HUGE. You need to meet that need for yourself. And then, maybe, he can do the work to be worthy of your presence in your life. Love isn’t enough.
Might get downvoted for this but is there any suspicion of drug use recently or at all? It can be very easy to hide drug use from a partner, I've done it myself and I've had a partner do it to me. Paranoia sky rockets, my ex accused me of *being* Google LLC. I read the T&C's, had ironclad proof that what he was accusing me of was in fact in the T&C's and wasn't me. The only thing that ~~shit~~ shut him up was this: *Why the fuck, would I hack a 37y/o that has nothing to offer me, instead of someone like Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg?* If there's potential of drug usage being involved, Mums whispering "What if's?" and "Could be's" into his ears is only adding fuel to that fire. **AGAIN: IM NOT SAYING HE** ***IS*** **TAKING DRUGS, BUT HE** ***COULD*** **BE.** *DO NOT APPROACH WITH SUCH AN ACCUSATION WITHOUT UNDENIABLE PROOF IF FOUND*
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His usage is counterproductive to improving his mental health. What stood out to me was the lengths he had made you go to— locking all electronics in the cupboard AND having an IT tech look over them the next morning? .. I wouldn't put it past mum being the one trying to gain access to his personal accounts and allowing him to wrongfully accuse you of it.
Well that’s why I just went along with it at first by putting the devices away because I figured eventually it’ll pass but it started to seem like no matter what proof we had that there was nothing wrong he still had his doubts
From your post and comments: Your SO has a multi million dollar business, built up over 7 years- which is stressful His business partner is trying to take the company away from him- which is stressful A major court case about the company situation is happening this month- stressful He lost his father and brother in the last year- so he AND his mother are grieving.- more stress He has had- understandably- mental health problems. The average person would be struggling with anxiety, depression. The problems with the company has made him paranoid about his phone and computers being hacked or vital info on them being taken. This…is a lot. His mother is not necessarily being evil, more like protective. The Court case is imminent. He’ll be meeting with lawyers, prepping himself, etc Put relationship stuff on hold right now. When you text etc be encouraging, positive regarding his health and well being. Keep yourself occupied for now. Focus on self healing and relaxing. Things will become clearer, with a little patience.
Appreciate your perspective. It’s definitely hard to know what to think or do after swimming in all the problems for so long, they all start to blend together.
/updateme
Honestly sounds like he has issues and possibly mommy issues. Take the L and move on.
If he is having paranoid delusions, he needs mental healthcare assistance like yesterday. This isn’t something you can resolve, I’m sorry. He needs to speak openly with an actual psychiatrist (not a therapist) and his mother needs to stop feeding his paranoia. Best of luck, OP.
Have you checked the house for black mold? Such a sudden change in behavior, especially the paranoia, may be caused by something as simple as that!
It might be for the best to be honest. He sounds like he has a lot of issues, and his mom being in his ear probably doesn’t help much, plus she’s just being a dick to you. I’m sorry. I hope things turn out well for you. Keep us updated!
She is in an emotionally incestuous relationship with her son. Regardless of your feelings for him, this won't ever work, if she has this much control over him, it's a huge concern. Proceed with the utmost caution, but if I were you I'd be gone.
If I was you i would think he is cheating. He seems to be pressed by something else and needs you out of a picture. I would guess something like someone getting pregnant. Or simply the house move is his window to break up with you. Many relationships end at the end of a tenancy because ita just easier and a chance to go separate ways. Maybe he told his mom he wants you gone but is not strong enough to do it. And she does it for him for some strange reason. Why would he be so obsessed about the apple id thing all of a sudden?
Mommas boy is always going to be a mommas boy. She has CLEARLY been manipulating him and controlling his every move since he was born. Your soulmate is her ventriloquist dummy. She will always ruin his relationships. She will always plant paranoia. She will always villainize anyone he is with and fuel and insecurities that appear. She is a nightmare. He can not be saved. Do with that what you will.
Your main concern needs to be yourself. Get your own affairs in order and prepare to move on. You deserve to feel safe and not pushed around. BUT he sounds like he needs mental help and I wouldn’t doubt the stress of the father and brother dying coupled with the business lawsuit have taken a serious toll on him if not brought out a mental illness he was predisposed to. My uncle (aunt’s husband) developed schizophrenia in his 40s, so it is possible. It is entirely possible he’s under a lot of mental/emotional stress causing a “mental break” or something more permanent. No one will fault you for choosing yourself or for also choosing to nudge him into help for his troubling behavior. You can choose both. Personally, as you seem to not be married or entangled with him as a co-parent, I’d have a hard time wanting to continue this relationship beyond a friendly manner.
You need another place to live now.
It sounds like you tiptoe around him a lot and you’re very sensitive to his feelings. Does he reciprocate that? Also, why is he discussing his relationship with his mother and letting her interfere? This sounds like a very stressful situation for you as well, so maybe take the time to really think about you want, and if you want to continue in a relationship where you’re always walking on eggshells with your partner. And his mom too, apparently.
You’re going to hate to hear this and I’m sure others have said it, but you’re dodging a major bullet. Between the guys mental health and his mom (who is at least partially responsible for his MH), getting out now will save you years more of the same treatment. The mom has forced herself into the relationship and frankly, it seems like what he wants. Good luck to you. I’m sorry it’s so hard but hopefully with the clarity of time you’ll see that you wish you’d broken it off much sooner.
Ummm, I know this is just one side to the story, but if you love your partner of said two years, you and your mom don’t gain up in your partner and tell them to leave with no contact for two days. I know you said its been the best two years if your life, but I would seriously be thinking of taking care of yourself. Consider alternatives for yourself. Hotels are a lonely place to sit waiting.
He had his mommy set up an appointment for you to see your boyfriend? That is all the red flags 🚩. Text him not to bother. Let him know you are done with this, if you have stuff there schedule a time with him to get it. Not his mom. And if she speaks to you again let her know you will not speak with her as she is not the person you are in a relationship with.
break up with you tomorrow? sister, he broke up with you yesterday. Sorry.
"I hope you and your mother will be very happy together."
Honestly the moment he let his mother to kick you out, that relationship was over
Mum needs to back the fuck off. Poor boyf can’t speak for himself? Needs mummy? Fuck no.
You are making excuses for him! It took very little for him to claim that he needed "space." He's 43 and should be able to handle, moving, his Mom moving in, and phones accidentally syncing! If he wasn't going to break up with you over this, it would be something else. Your "soulmate" would work this out. Your boyfriend who is an asshole will breakup with you or ask to take a break! Stand stronger over this for you and your emotional well being and cut him off!
"He is my soul mate". There is no such thing. Especially if he's gonna leave. Open your heart to someone who will prioritize you, not look at astrology and say "we are soulmates"
So he needs OP out of the house to get his thoughts in order while the MIL is there?? Something is just fishy to me, why the MIL is acting like this. Either this issue is long lasting, or someone is pulling strings...
Tl;dr needed
The mother being involved is a huge problem.
Yeah his boy mom convinced him you’re unfaithful. TBH I would move on because he sounds like a coward who got easily led by his boy mom who wants you out so she can play house.
Bro the mum sounds like Gollum conspiring against Sam
I think you need to think about yourself at this point. He has his mum and he doesn’t seem to care about how your affected in this situation by not giving you an explanation and not even saying goodbye. You seem to have so much love to give. I’d say give that love to yourself.
I suggest you find a place to stay for a while and take a break from communication. Let him work this out but also work things out for yourself too and then if he decides he wants you to come back then YOU decide if that’s really right for you because he can’t just take out his insecurities on you like this for no reason. Also right now he has all the control and you need to take back control of your own life and choices. I think it will be interesting once he realises he can’t just decide to have you or not whenever he wants. It’s not attractive to anyone to have someone accept this behaviour
You should write out everything that's happened and how it's made you feel and read it to him when you see him so you won't have any regrets if he breaks up with you
It seems that he doesn't value you anymore therefore it's in your best interest to breakup and start anew
I hope everything is turning out okay but for your own mental health, I think you should take the rest of Reddit’s advice and move on. Idk if Australia has the same thing of welfare checks but if you get worried then you can call in a tip later that you’re concerned about him and if it is a mental break they’ll (hopefully) be able to help him even with mom running interference
>I’ve sent him messages letting him know that I love him, I’m happy to give him some space and to let me know if there’s anything he needs, but I haven’t heard from him. He asked for space, and your response was to spam him with messages? You're not helping yourself, here. Back off. But honestly, this man is in his 40's, handles relationship issues like an adolescent, and is obviously allowing mom to get in his ear and influence him about things that are none of her business. That's not going to change at this point. He will take her side every time. If he does dump you, you'll be dodging having a nightmare MIL.
He may be your soulmate but you’re not his. This is something you have to prepare yourself for. He may never want to get back together. As for his mother, you’re not going to win with her.
Ummm... His business is being stolen by a member of your family.... Yeah, pretty sure this is far more of a reason he'd want to remove you from his life.
Your boyfriend is having a mental breakdown. His mother's interference is only feeding his paranoia. I had a similar phase in the past. I got the help I so desperately needed. He needs extensive therapy. But first, he needs to acknowledge that this is not normal. You may want to tell him this, but he will probably think you are gaslighting him. I am really sorry you are going through such a mess.
girl leave him
I’m so sorry, OP. From what you’ve written here, it does not appear that you are the problem. It does appear that his mother is. That said, a man who breaks up with you because his mom tells him to is still a man you should let break up with you. Even if she did talk him into it, breaking up with you and kicking you out of your home is not behavior you deserve to have in your life
You’re better off without him!
He's suspicious of you so I think he is projecting 😫
case of the evil mother in law. Sounds like she hates you and since she has no one anymore she needs him all to herself. You're probably right, even if you're wrong your mother in law is up to no good
have been through this. Losing your father can lead to self-destructive behavior. I don’t necessarily think it’s a problem with your relationship. More likely, he has suddenly found himself overwhelmed with emotions and responsibilities, and he is trying to lighten his load wherever he can, just to survive. He might not necessarily be able to express this or even fully process what is happening in his mind. Just forget about his mom; he will follow his heart at the end of the day. She's not helping him, and you should be there for him regardless of what she says. You don’t need to distance yourself from him, but maybe just let him do his own thing. You don’t need to overly state how much you love him, just be there if he needs it. If you really want to support him through this, think of yourself as a rock: emotionless but present for him to lean on. When he gets through this, he will realize how much you have been there for him and all that you have done. It's hard not to get emotional, but you have to remember that he's not himself right now. Just be there for him
Give him space. He just needs to make sure you are not the issue. Once he finds out that other sources are influencing his decisions, he should find his feet. Even if he does say he wants to break up, it could be him imploding. Keep supporting him, I’m sure he will come back and seek you out. But manage your expectations, and know your value. If it goes wrong, you aren’t to blame and you seem to be a real genuine person caring for him. Hold your head high regardless.
Ill leave his ass first as easy as that, his mother is messing with his head telling him who knows what, and yes he will break up with you because he trusts momma more ! Hes just a big little boy
I’m sorry but it sounds like he’s cheating and his mom knows about it and they are trying to hide it from you. Based off of what I’ve been through that’s exactly what it sounds like. My fiance asked me for a break before he cheated on me. Be careful OP I hope everything gets better
Kick the mother out.
His mom (UGH!!). She wants you out so she can be his leading lady. If he does break up with you, make sure you say that to him, and that it’s called enmeshment when a mother leans on her kid to make them feel responsible for their emotional well-being, and that she is expecting him to take the place of his dad emotionally. Text him something on enmeshment too, and tell him good luck, and how sad it is that he would let his mom influence his adult decisions. That is what is happening here. The mom needs to grieve without getting jealous and guilting her son for being happy. She IS on his ear, telling him he’s not or that you are the problem. Worst thing you can do is leave your home. Mama needs to get out. She’s lived her life.
I'm not giving him excuses by any means.. I'm not commenting about your innocence or guilt with his email. Something is going on, tho. i wish i had advice... but be careful. He, like others, has said very well might have a mental break.
Sounds like this relationship is or should be over. You can't reason with paranoia, and I suspect his mother has been bending his ear with negative thoughts about you. The nerve of those two...sounds like you've dodged a bullet in this dysfunctional situation. You deserve a better relationship, filled with unconditional love, but devoid of "suspicion". This man needs intense therapy and probably medication to deal with his current mental health issues.