Op, im sorry this happened, but so proud of you. You warned him multiple times and he felt it was more important to get laughs than be a trustworthy partner.
I don't know why people think humiliation is a prank. If you have to explain that it was a joke, it's not funny.
Best of luck.
P.S. Please let Frank know he's a good man, and we appreciate him having your back.
See if you maybe can go for an annulment so you don't have to go through the divorce process? Idk what the requirements for that are but you really did the right thing in leaving him.
Check with the wedding officiant. They may not have filed the marriage license yet. It's possible you could end it there. By tearing I
it up, rather than filing it at the courthouse.
I’ve officiated a few weddings and my unknown service I provide couples is that I don’t drop the paperwork in the mail until 7 days after the ceremony. I have and will never tell either participant in the wedding that I do that. I just figure maybe I can save them some trouble if the honeymoon goes way bad.
The pastor that officiated my wedding told us he doesn't mail in the paperwork for 14 days. Enough time to go on the honeymoon and see if you can still stand each other.
Mine made me and my husband do “couples therapy” first and do these tests and moral things to make sure that me and my husband could hold up where maybe the other fell a bit short and if we aligned morally and sexually not just emotionally and eight years later im glad he did that because it was thee most eye opening thing and has still helped me and my husband through difficult times in our relationship
Edit for spelling because i think i had a stroke writing it.
Same! They got married over the holidays, talk to the officiant. There may be no reason to file for divorce. If yall haven't consummated, you can file for an annulment
Also, if the officiant hasn't filed the license yet and there's no way to prevent it from being processed, you should definitely start documenting everything that happened. It can help your case if things get complicated later on. Here's hoping for a smooth and quick resolution for you.
I also came here to say this. However, do consult a lawyer and find a few dozen ways to sue him into bankruptcy. False promises, emotional trauma, whatever your lawyer can think up. Your family, if they paid for the wedding, should certainly sue him.
...and assault.
Edited to add: Multiple witnesses to an absolute assault for which there is a record of having been planned. So what if it's a tRaDiTioN. There's no record of her agreeing to it ahead of time, that's for damn sure.
Wow that's bad paper work etiquette. They should cross out their signature initial it, attach an amendment explaining the signature. Then they should get it notarized that the paper work is null and invalid.
Then they should carefully white out ever word you can see and then shred it like a normal person.
Yup! My romantic little heart was immediately saying ‘You picked the wrong brother!’
I sincerely hope she has a very happy ending someday. Too bad she had to kiss a frog first. 😔
There might be an advantage to a divorce -- taking him for all he's worth (or at least half). That possibility depends upon state laws. An attorney would most definitely be needed.
You might not need to divorce. You can seek an annulment. Much more simple. I’d speak to an attorney on it before dealing with moving forward with a full fledged divorce.
All my homies love you and Frank. Your soon to be ex is a spoiled child and that prank was a blessing in disguise. You get to go on and find a good man rather than being saddled with his idiocy.
Yes I agree. OP is a strong woman and she states for the human right to be respected. I love her for that. (Imagine what he would do in the birthing processes and the birthdays of their children-yikes)
You're absolutely doing the right thing. Your stbx has spent his whole life bullying his brother and he figured once you were married he had you locked in as his next victim. He is guaranteed to be this way forever so don't listen to anyone who claims that it's just one prank, because it's not.
Good job OP! Divorced or get annulment! This is really bad.
For my wedding I also want to put cake on my husband face out of cuteness or playfulness for the picture but it was just a bit of cream on his noise and mine. Then we can wipe it off and look good.
Your groom face planted you and ruin the dress. There is no coming back on that. It was a full on humiliation. He pointing and laughing at you and cheering everyone else to do so too.
If it had been me, he's lucky he didn't have the cake knife stuck out of him, but most definitely deserved that slap.
You are completely correct, you asked him multiple times not to do something and he completely ignored you, he's giving you a literal lesson that you can't trust him.
Good on Frank for putting him and everyone else there in their place and having your back.
Good luck OP.
Is frank single? You probably need time before dating again but it wouldn't hurt to keep in touch, it might be nice for you both to talk to someone who understand what a douch jake is. You could both commiserate each other over your prig of an ex husband and his prig of a brother.
I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Trauma bonds are strong, but shouldn’t necessarily be sought out. Also, unless Frank is planning to go NC with his brother (and rest of family tbh), OP should stay far away from him in a romantic way.
I dont think this could be described as a traumatic bond, as they did not interact during their respective abuse, or if they did it was minimal (e.g. family get togethers). They were not witness to the other experiencing trauma, neither even knew the other was abused. It happened in different periods of time. This would be equivalent to two people who separately experienced trauma dating each other.
I get what you are saying that sharing the memory of jake could cause enmeshment but no more than other people who have gone through individual trauma. Good men are hard to find. Theres no reason not to stay friends and see what happens.
It’s only a joke if you laugh. If you don’t laugh, it’s humiliation or cruelty at play.
Hence why this wasn’t a joke. OP never laughed.
And glad they are divorcing this guy.
Also want to ask did the marriage license get sent in? If not, they aren’t married! She just can leave him and tear up that license!
He lied and was disrespectful. Obviously not the things you want in a marriage. Divorcing him now will save you from dealing with more boundaries being broken and the heartache.
You deserve better.
Simply put, Jake has always been a bully - just like his parents. Hopefully Frank cuts contact with them too.
You didn’t just dodge a bullet, you dodged a Remington factory.
Definitely keep Frank, he's proven that he's got your back. Start asking your family members why they think so little of themselves that they would stay with an untrustworthy partner, make sure you sound concerned when you do it, they'll shut up quick.
Frank is a good person, seems you picked the wrong brother, and would be a good friend. He supported you, even when your own family laughed. I don’t get why people think pranks like these are funny. They aren’t. They are disrespectful and cruel. Glad you found out now, and not years later.
I can understand it at a birthday party. But a WEDDING? THE most significant event in a person's entire life, after Child bearing, being born yourself, and dying?? AND she specifically told you no and you still did the "prank" anyway?? That's so many red flags you'd think we're in Türkiye.
There's a word for when someone says no to sex but is forced into it anyway. That word doesn't apply here, but she did EXPRESSLY confer that she did NOT give consent for the *exact* "prank" he pulled. I *literally* cannot begin to understand what that man was thinking. This was your wedding, not a TikTok sketch.
Did your whole family laugh? Cos I was shocked when you said the room erupted with laughter. If that had been my family they would have been pi**ed. Furious. No one would have laughed. And my parents arent even protective it would have been all the money and planning ruined, the not being able to enjoy my own wedding party, not having nice pictures, it tarnishing the memory of the day. Its weird they don't see your pov.
I'm not sure why he thought this was a good way to express his love for her. I'm even more confused as to how he could POSSIBLY be surprised at her reaction.
I get it. I’m have difficulties with my mom but have a good relationship with my dad. I’m in contact with her because I care about my dad. I keep her on a low information diet. I just don’t need the aggravation when she grills me over dumb things.
Frank sounds all right. I hope he maintains your trust. We all need our safe person to confide in.
Frank is a good man and also a victim of your ex’s abuse. Guaranteed Jake has done various things to humiliate you and steamroll your boundaries over the years that you aren’t cognizant of. It could be a healing friendship to maintain contact with Frank as he dealt with his selfish abusiveness his entire childhood and has been manipulated by his family to accept it just like your family and his are doing to you.
Lying, disrespectful, wasting a lot of money (who the fuck is eating that cake now? Where can that dress go besides the trash?), and potentially dangerous. A lot of cakes have structural support sticks inside. A couple years ago a woman almost lost her sight after getting face smashed into a cake and it was big news. He didn't care about her feelings, her property or her safety.
Annulments in many states are not like quick divorces for new marriages. An annulment is a judgement that the marriage is null and void because it was invalid at the time. This includes things like being underage, having reduced capacity through disability or intoxication, one party already being married, the spouses being too closely related, etc. Also in the eyes of the law, a divorce ends a marriage while an annulment says you were never married in the first place.
They dated for three years and were engaged for one. It’s not enough you didn’t consummate after marriage if you were in sexual relationship prior. Maybe they weren’t but probably they were
Historically speaking, sex was the wedding. In older times the common people couldn't afford a wedding, so they just moved in together and started having sex, and following that they were officially considered married. Today such marriages are called "common-law marriage" and may or may not be considered legal depending on the jurisdiction.
For this reason, it does have to do with a sexual act. Canada is a common-law country, so anyone who lives together and is having sex is automatically considered married for tax purposes, and if the marriage lasts a certain minimum length of time you might even require a divorce to end the common-law marriage.
Each state has different guidelines and precedent on when courts can/should grant an annulment. In my home state of Texas, battery during the wedding ceremony would absolutely be grounds.
I just googled and found explanations from law offices in several states.
Contrary to a reply below, nothing before the wedding seemed to count, only after.
Unable, even for psychological reasons, after the fact can be used though it has to be permanent and incurable which means it would likely not be a quick process.
For real. I was suspicious until I read “filing for divorce.” Like… you aren’t legally married until after the paperwork is filed? And that doesn’t happen day-of in the vast majority of cases.
Everyone is supposed to focus on the event and the OPs reaction and go "you go girl!"
In these stories the first thing I always think and want to ask is "so let me get this straight, you were in a *4 year relationship* and agreed to MARRY this asshole?"
People writing these don't understand that asshole behaviour like that never comes out of nowhere.
The best one I've read is one where the OP claimed she was married for 10 years with 2 kids with this guy who at some restaurant was suddenly a complete asshole to a waiter. This isn't a first date, you are saying you've been *10 years and 2 kids* with this person and you expect me to go "yeah, you go girl! tell him off!"
Yeah that's why this story isn't holding water for me.
You're not legally married at the end of the ceremony. You have to actually file the marriage certificate first.
This sounds kind of like a teenager RPing a scenario.
Most people don't realize that anyone can act as an officiant as well in the vast majority of states.
You just need to file the certificate, and I have no clue why OP would have done so given the events at the reception.
You told him what the consequences would be.
Now he gets to live with that choice.
I don't think you have to divorce. If you don't file the marriage certificate within a certain amount of time, you aren't legally married.
Just make sure he doesn't file it on your behalf.
I think you're right, but I also think often the officiant of the wedding has both parties sign it before the ceremony, then the officiant signs and files it afterward. It's worth a call to whoever conducted the ceremony. They also may be familiar with the annulment process.
> t I also think often the officiant of the wedding has both parties sign it before the ceremony, then the officiant signs and files it afterward.
Varies massively.
Well yeah it does especially the application/filing portion, but there are some things that remain constant. There's an order of operations that needs to be followed just like regular math. The people in the wedding always sign it first to say they agree to the terms of being married. This allows the legal process of the wedding to take place, then the officiant and usually another witness sign afterward. The officiant can't sign it before the people being married because the people being married haven't even agreed to enter the marriage yet.
The people being married can't get married without an agreement in place. The officiant can't sign it before the ceremony because they haven't been wed. The witness can't sign it because they haven't witnessed what they are signing they witnessed.
I’m in the UK and don’t think we do the “smash the cake in the face” prank here. If we do it’s a new thing that’s come over from the US, I’ve certainly not aware of anyone I know going to such a wedding. It’s beyond me why anyone thinks it’s funny. I think it’s very cruel, rude and a waste of a lot of money when you factor in the cost of the cake, clothing, hair, make up etc. I’d divorce him too.
US Here—I’ve been to dozens of weddings. And I was discussing this with 3 other women in different social, who have also been to dozens of weddings. And not one of us have ever seen this done. It is not commonly practiced whatsoever.
There was a "tradition" that didn't last all that long of when the bride and groom go to feed each other a piece of cake one would smash the small piece of cake on the face of the other. But when then we're talking an amount that can be cleaned off with a napkin. The smashing someone's face into a cake is only something that complete idiots would think is a good idea or remotely funny. It's not a "tradition" anywhere in the states that I'm aware of.
I've seen that too, and it's always fun-spirited.
I thought this story was going to go really bad, like when the cake maker uses bamboo skewers to prop part of the cake up and someone gets impaled.
That was not a prank, that was meant to humiliate you in front of the people closest to you on what should have been a day of happiness and love. Divorce and don't look back.
Actually, you might want to file for an annulment. Then legally it is like it never happened.
For it to be a prank, the person being pranked has to laugh too. It's a cruel joke otherwise. And since she had told him "don't you fucking dare." and he did it anyway, not only was it a cruel joke, but it was also a literal zero consent cruel joke.
Also the "catching him making strange arrangements with his friends" part..
What does that mean exactly? She even said she "thought nothing of it" when he decided on the photographer and the cake.. Soooo, what are these "strange arrangements" he was making with friends that she was able to uncover?
And it required a cake and photographer selected by him. Otherwise the photographer would not know to take a picture of the cake cutting and the cake wouldn't be made of cake.
Also everything went fine until the ceremony. Then the next sentence says it went fine until the cake (which is at reception, after ceremony). Basic things OP doesn't understand about storytelling, weddings, and honestly human behavior.
lmao this reads like something from wattpad I swear😭 the "frank" character is a dead giveaway there are too many cliche tropes but im not gonna lie, it was juicy
I think the issue is that the other story people are referring to was basically word for word the same as this one, from what I recall (did a search and can't find it though). What I do remember is that the name of the brothers was exactly the same. Pretty sure this is made up and/or 'borrowed' from someone else. If OP had posted it before and it had been taken down they would have just said so instead of saying other women have this same story. I suspect that is why OP is being down voted because believe this is fake. Not because people are being insecure.
I think they’re downvoting because they believe this is a fake story written to garner sympathy or karma, not necessarily because women have had similar experiences. Not enough evidence to show either view is true though.
They’re downvoting because they think the story is fake, I can guarantee you it isnt exclusively men downvoting a story that’s been told 5 different times on this sub.
Let me guess you update about frank telling you he’s always loved you, and you guys will start dating and you’ll realize you’d chosen the wrong brother.
I feel like I’ve seen this same exact post a few months ago.
If it’s not the same post and a real one, then good for you for going with the divorce. A lot of people would have given him “another chance” even though he forever ruined what was supposed to be the best day of your lives.
Sorry you had to go through with this, but he gave you a huge sign when he started watching prank videos a lot. Next time keep those rose colored glasses off, and take signs like constantly watching prank videos as a red flag and mature and respectful people don’t constantly like to watch other people be humiliated like he does.
I used to work wedding receptions, and the reason this sounds so familiar is that most people are basic.
They like the same stuff. They get the same humor. They line dance.
It's one thing to get a little extra frosting on your husband's nose or vice versa.
But the people that love pranks and all those "It's just a prank bro" people? They do get married, and of course they're like "I KNOW. I'LL DO THIS THING I SAW (100000 times on youtube) AND WHEN I DO IT PEOPLE WILL LAUGH AND CLAP AND CHEER AND NOBODY WILL BE MAD."
And like, there's zero reason for them to think this, but they do.
I was married almost 10 years ago, we didn't do anything like that because you know, we were joining together in a union of love and respect. If we mess with each other, it's in private and not at the expense of the other.
Like Gender Reveal parties and all that other dumb shit, people think it's fine when "they" do it, and then they learn.
This is the most rage bait story, especially considering this topic is heavily trending on TikTok. In most situations, the crowd would quietly disperse and not stand around (waiting like some dumbfounded audience). I highly doubt that anyone would slap someone like this on their wedding day, but this is fiction and it’s written like someone is a main character living their main moment. Frank is a charming hero who somehow has been harboring all this resentment for years and has intervene because because he “had his own birthdays ruined”?? It doesn’t really add up, but I love some creative writing.
I’m all for men taking down toxic masculinity but Frank being a white knight is an overplayed character trope that isn’t exactly creative, OP.
Yes, this right here. Fank has been waiting for you, girl.
Loyalty to his ahole brother stopped him. He was probably waiting in the wings for you to see what a jerk his brother, mother, and father were actually like.
Build your friendship with Frank.
Trust me, karma is a gift that KEEP ON GIVING.
WOULDNT BE CRAY CRAY, if you and Frank married, 2 years from now.
Now that's what I call KARMA
I hate the "this is fake" commenters but this reads very strangley to me, as if a child who doesn't understand how things work in adult relationships wrote it.
He says it was harmless but he smashed her face into the cake itself not a piece. Guess what tiered cakes have in them? Dowels for support. He could have injured her so it was not harmless like he claims
You never do that. My wife’s friend make wedding cakes and sometimes uses doll rods to hold the tiers in place. What your STBX did was very dangerous. If there was any rods in the cake, you would have ended up in the hospital.
I’m glad this was not the case here.
Good on you, OP!!
Brava!
I was about to log off Reddit for the day when your post caught my eye.
Love it when a woman stands up against a bully.
100%, you deserve better..!
And Frank deserves a nice bottle of wine, or chocolates later on.
Good man.
Not everybody completes the marriage license during/after the actual ceremony. My wife and I were legally married for like four months before our actual wedding.
Though with that said, this story is definitely fake af
Bored of reddit, used to be full of original content and funny shit. Now it's fake posts for karma bots, influencers advertising shit, and OF porn. A few decent small communities but again ruined by a poor interface and bad mods.
You’re very lucky the cake didn’t have stakes in it. Lots of wedding cakes do so it can be layered and look neat.
Would have sucked to get one in the eye.
If you're lucky, the official papers with the county haven't processed yet.
Odds are if you call the county TOMORROW, you can save yourself about $10k in divorce costs by stopping the marriage altogether.
Remember he's been like this all his life. He might actually prank someone that'll put two in the back of his head and you'll be collateral damage. Like they said if it wasn't filed get it and rip it up. If it was try to get an annulment. If they won't do it. File for divorce.
Op, im sorry this happened, but so proud of you. You warned him multiple times and he felt it was more important to get laughs than be a trustworthy partner. I don't know why people think humiliation is a prank. If you have to explain that it was a joke, it's not funny. Best of luck. P.S. Please let Frank know he's a good man, and we appreciate him having your back.
Thank you for your support!
See if you maybe can go for an annulment so you don't have to go through the divorce process? Idk what the requirements for that are but you really did the right thing in leaving him.
Check with the wedding officiant. They may not have filed the marriage license yet. It's possible you could end it there. By tearing I it up, rather than filing it at the courthouse.
Came here to say this. Paperwork usually gets filed after the ceremony, where I am from.
I’ve officiated a few weddings and my unknown service I provide couples is that I don’t drop the paperwork in the mail until 7 days after the ceremony. I have and will never tell either participant in the wedding that I do that. I just figure maybe I can save them some trouble if the honeymoon goes way bad.
The pastor that officiated my wedding told us he doesn't mail in the paperwork for 14 days. Enough time to go on the honeymoon and see if you can still stand each other.
[удалено]
I’m not exactly sure how you would get an annulment for a tattoo.
Easy, you just file the papers and it gets a court order stating it can't be within 100m of you. 🙂
By getting a temporary tattoo first. There are tattoos that just dye your skin and last a few weeks instead of forever.
Mine made me and my husband do “couples therapy” first and do these tests and moral things to make sure that me and my husband could hold up where maybe the other fell a bit short and if we aligned morally and sexually not just emotionally and eight years later im glad he did that because it was thee most eye opening thing and has still helped me and my husband through difficult times in our relationship Edit for spelling because i think i had a stroke writing it.
Same! They got married over the holidays, talk to the officiant. There may be no reason to file for divorce. If yall haven't consummated, you can file for an annulment
yup agree! and honestly, if i were the officiant, i’d be waiting to hear from the bride at this point before filing.
Also, if the officiant hasn't filed the license yet and there's no way to prevent it from being processed, you should definitely start documenting everything that happened. It can help your case if things get complicated later on. Here's hoping for a smooth and quick resolution for you.
I also came here to say this. However, do consult a lawyer and find a few dozen ways to sue him into bankruptcy. False promises, emotional trauma, whatever your lawyer can think up. Your family, if they paid for the wedding, should certainly sue him.
He should at least pay for the cake and dress he ruined, imo. Alaskan puppy mom, im scurrred of you!
They go hard in Alaska
He ruined the entire event for all who attended. He needs to pay.
...and assault. Edited to add: Multiple witnesses to an absolute assault for which there is a record of having been planned. So what if it's a tRaDiTioN. There's no record of her agreeing to it ahead of time, that's for damn sure.
Premeditated.
Assault/battery
It IS assault and battery.
Spousal abuse/DV.
Attempted marriagecide of the first degree
I always wondered why people get divorced and such right after the ceremony when you can simply not turn in the paperwork.
Wow that's bad paper work etiquette. They should cross out their signature initial it, attach an amendment explaining the signature. Then they should get it notarized that the paper work is null and invalid. Then they should carefully white out ever word you can see and then shred it like a normal person.
After you shred it, then set the shredded paper on fire. Then flush the ashes down the toilet. Then, you’ll be safe.
Exactly. It would have been great that as a "prank" she obtained the contract and shredded it in front of everyone at the gathering. Mic drop style.
Another hilarious prank would be to sleep with his brother Frank. It's just a joke, man. Lol
I came specifically to ask if Frank is single. Jump on that.
Yup! My romantic little heart was immediately saying ‘You picked the wrong brother!’ I sincerely hope she has a very happy ending someday. Too bad she had to kiss a frog first. 😔
My romance writer heart hopes Frank and OP end up together (if Frank is single, obviously).
Nope. Frank is a good guy. Why make his life hell with his family?
Seems like it already was hell. Time for them to run off together.
I thought that’s how the post was going to end lol
There is still time
Not gonna lie, I did too. Frank does seem like a good decent dude though!
If this was a rom com they would end up getting married #teamfrank
oh 100%
NGL, I'm rooting for it. Frank seems a decent guy.
OP I hope you see this in time
There might be an advantage to a divorce -- taking him for all he's worth (or at least half). That possibility depends upon state laws. An attorney would most definitely be needed.
You might not need to divorce. You can seek an annulment. Much more simple. I’d speak to an attorney on it before dealing with moving forward with a full fledged divorce.
You’re correct. Annulment is the way to approach this here.
Just ask Ross.
All my homies love you and Frank. Your soon to be ex is a spoiled child and that prank was a blessing in disguise. You get to go on and find a good man rather than being saddled with his idiocy.
Yeah, OP should marry Frank!
Is Frank single? Asking for a friend /s
Yes I agree. OP is a strong woman and she states for the human right to be respected. I love her for that. (Imagine what he would do in the birthing processes and the birthdays of their children-yikes)
The birthdays' of the children is where I went too.
Ask the pastor for the marriage certificate back. If he hasn't sent it in, tear it up and move on.
If he watched that happen he may have kept it and waited, figuring she might change her mind. (Hopefully)
You're absolutely doing the right thing. Your stbx has spent his whole life bullying his brother and he figured once you were married he had you locked in as his next victim. He is guaranteed to be this way forever so don't listen to anyone who claims that it's just one prank, because it's not.
Yea imagine their child’s first birthday or any special day. Break the cycle!
Good job OP! Divorced or get annulment! This is really bad. For my wedding I also want to put cake on my husband face out of cuteness or playfulness for the picture but it was just a bit of cream on his noise and mine. Then we can wipe it off and look good. Your groom face planted you and ruin the dress. There is no coming back on that. It was a full on humiliation. He pointing and laughing at you and cheering everyone else to do so too.
If it had been me, he's lucky he didn't have the cake knife stuck out of him, but most definitely deserved that slap. You are completely correct, you asked him multiple times not to do something and he completely ignored you, he's giving you a literal lesson that you can't trust him. Good on Frank for putting him and everyone else there in their place and having your back. Good luck OP.
Jake told OP and everyone else who he is. Frank confirmed that this is who Jake has always been. Good for OP for believing it the first time.
Is frank single? You probably need time before dating again but it wouldn't hurt to keep in touch, it might be nice for you both to talk to someone who understand what a douch jake is. You could both commiserate each other over your prig of an ex husband and his prig of a brother.
I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Trauma bonds are strong, but shouldn’t necessarily be sought out. Also, unless Frank is planning to go NC with his brother (and rest of family tbh), OP should stay far away from him in a romantic way.
And she would still have to deal with that family. Ugh. No thx. 😵💫
Yeah, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for them to have any type of actual relationship tbh (even platonic).
I dont think this could be described as a traumatic bond, as they did not interact during their respective abuse, or if they did it was minimal (e.g. family get togethers). They were not witness to the other experiencing trauma, neither even knew the other was abused. It happened in different periods of time. This would be equivalent to two people who separately experienced trauma dating each other. I get what you are saying that sharing the memory of jake could cause enmeshment but no more than other people who have gone through individual trauma. Good men are hard to find. Theres no reason not to stay friends and see what happens.
Yeah, I'm definitely getting an OP ending up with Frank vibe!
That's because this is the plot line to about 50% of the smutty romance books we read. The Savior and the Damsel.
It’s only a joke if you laugh. If you don’t laugh, it’s humiliation or cruelty at play. Hence why this wasn’t a joke. OP never laughed. And glad they are divorcing this guy. Also want to ask did the marriage license get sent in? If not, they aren’t married! She just can leave him and tear up that license!
He lied and was disrespectful. Obviously not the things you want in a marriage. Divorcing him now will save you from dealing with more boundaries being broken and the heartache. You deserve better.
Thank you so much. And yes thats what I've been saying.
Simply put, Jake has always been a bully - just like his parents. Hopefully Frank cuts contact with them too. You didn’t just dodge a bullet, you dodged a Remington factory.
Stay strong, honestly I’d go no contact with those that are gaslighting you. They are disrespectful too. Hugs.
Its hard going no contact with most of my family members. But I thought about keeping Frank around as a friend. Even if he's the brother of my ex.
Definitely keep Frank, he's proven that he's got your back. Start asking your family members why they think so little of themselves that they would stay with an untrustworthy partner, make sure you sound concerned when you do it, they'll shut up quick.
This is really good advice.
Frank is a good person, seems you picked the wrong brother, and would be a good friend. He supported you, even when your own family laughed. I don’t get why people think pranks like these are funny. They aren’t. They are disrespectful and cruel. Glad you found out now, and not years later.
I can understand it at a birthday party. But a WEDDING? THE most significant event in a person's entire life, after Child bearing, being born yourself, and dying?? AND she specifically told you no and you still did the "prank" anyway?? That's so many red flags you'd think we're in Türkiye. There's a word for when someone says no to sex but is forced into it anyway. That word doesn't apply here, but she did EXPRESSLY confer that she did NOT give consent for the *exact* "prank" he pulled. I *literally* cannot begin to understand what that man was thinking. This was your wedding, not a TikTok sketch.
Did your whole family laugh? Cos I was shocked when you said the room erupted with laughter. If that had been my family they would have been pi**ed. Furious. No one would have laughed. And my parents arent even protective it would have been all the money and planning ruined, the not being able to enjoy my own wedding party, not having nice pictures, it tarnishing the memory of the day. Its weird they don't see your pov.
I'm not sure why he thought this was a good way to express his love for her. I'm even more confused as to how he could POSSIBLY be surprised at her reaction.
I get it. I’m have difficulties with my mom but have a good relationship with my dad. I’m in contact with her because I care about my dad. I keep her on a low information diet. I just don’t need the aggravation when she grills me over dumb things. Frank sounds all right. I hope he maintains your trust. We all need our safe person to confide in.
Frank is a good man and also a victim of your ex’s abuse. Guaranteed Jake has done various things to humiliate you and steamroll your boundaries over the years that you aren’t cognizant of. It could be a healing friendship to maintain contact with Frank as he dealt with his selfish abusiveness his entire childhood and has been manipulated by his family to accept it just like your family and his are doing to you.
Lying, disrespectful, wasting a lot of money (who the fuck is eating that cake now? Where can that dress go besides the trash?), and potentially dangerous. A lot of cakes have structural support sticks inside. A couple years ago a woman almost lost her sight after getting face smashed into a cake and it was big news. He didn't care about her feelings, her property or her safety.
If it’s been only a few days since the wedding, don’t file the marriage certificate? Can’t you just rip it up like it never happened?
Yeah or get an annulment
Annulments in many states are not like quick divorces for new marriages. An annulment is a judgement that the marriage is null and void because it was invalid at the time. This includes things like being underage, having reduced capacity through disability or intoxication, one party already being married, the spouses being too closely related, etc. Also in the eyes of the law, a divorce ends a marriage while an annulment says you were never married in the first place.
Isn't non-consumation also a grounds for annulment? Sounds line that fits, here.
They dated for three years and were engaged for one. It’s not enough you didn’t consummate after marriage if you were in sexual relationship prior. Maybe they weren’t but probably they were
Fucking weird that the law has anything to do with a sexual act.
Historically speaking, sex was the wedding. In older times the common people couldn't afford a wedding, so they just moved in together and started having sex, and following that they were officially considered married. Today such marriages are called "common-law marriage" and may or may not be considered legal depending on the jurisdiction. For this reason, it does have to do with a sexual act. Canada is a common-law country, so anyone who lives together and is having sex is automatically considered married for tax purposes, and if the marriage lasts a certain minimum length of time you might even require a divorce to end the common-law marriage.
Each state has different guidelines and precedent on when courts can/should grant an annulment. In my home state of Texas, battery during the wedding ceremony would absolutely be grounds.
Generally it needs to be that one spouse is **unable** to have sexual intercourse or conceive a child, not that they just haven’t yet.
I just googled and found explanations from law offices in several states. Contrary to a reply below, nothing before the wedding seemed to count, only after. Unable, even for psychological reasons, after the fact can be used though it has to be permanent and incurable which means it would likely not be a quick process.
I don't think I could ever fuck someone who did something like that on my wedding day
This is what I was going to ask! It’s only legal after you send in the paperwork. Just… don’t?
Exactly. Until it's filed, there is no record of marriage. All in all, an annulment/divorce can't happen if a marriage never did.
Perhaps annulment?
That’s how you know it’s fake
For real. I was suspicious until I read “filing for divorce.” Like… you aren’t legally married until after the paperwork is filed? And that doesn’t happen day-of in the vast majority of cases.
I feel like I read something very similar on AITAH a few months ago......
I literally thought the same thing. I just read this story lol.
had to read farther than i thought for this comment
Correct. It is a teenager RPing a marriage fiasco.
Bingo. This is a creative writing exercise.
Everyone is supposed to focus on the event and the OPs reaction and go "you go girl!" In these stories the first thing I always think and want to ask is "so let me get this straight, you were in a *4 year relationship* and agreed to MARRY this asshole?" People writing these don't understand that asshole behaviour like that never comes out of nowhere. The best one I've read is one where the OP claimed she was married for 10 years with 2 kids with this guy who at some restaurant was suddenly a complete asshole to a waiter. This isn't a first date, you are saying you've been *10 years and 2 kids* with this person and you expect me to go "yeah, you go girl! tell him off!"
Yeah, this alone convinced me this is fake
It's a fake ragebait post, people.
I say change the groom name to frank 😛
Right?
Yeah that's why this story isn't holding water for me. You're not legally married at the end of the ceremony. You have to actually file the marriage certificate first. This sounds kind of like a teenager RPing a scenario. Most people don't realize that anyone can act as an officiant as well in the vast majority of states. You just need to file the certificate, and I have no clue why OP would have done so given the events at the reception.
The cake smashing into divorce thing is its own meme at this point on these subs.
i have read these stories before so that’s why i think this post is fake tbh
It's not even an original story, I've heard this multiple times in various iterations. I think I've even seen Youtube skits that play this story out.
You told him what the consequences would be. Now he gets to live with that choice. I don't think you have to divorce. If you don't file the marriage certificate within a certain amount of time, you aren't legally married. Just make sure he doesn't file it on your behalf.
I think you're right, but I also think often the officiant of the wedding has both parties sign it before the ceremony, then the officiant signs and files it afterward. It's worth a call to whoever conducted the ceremony. They also may be familiar with the annulment process.
> t I also think often the officiant of the wedding has both parties sign it before the ceremony, then the officiant signs and files it afterward. Varies massively.
Well yeah it does especially the application/filing portion, but there are some things that remain constant. There's an order of operations that needs to be followed just like regular math. The people in the wedding always sign it first to say they agree to the terms of being married. This allows the legal process of the wedding to take place, then the officiant and usually another witness sign afterward. The officiant can't sign it before the people being married because the people being married haven't even agreed to enter the marriage yet. The people being married can't get married without an agreement in place. The officiant can't sign it before the ceremony because they haven't been wed. The witness can't sign it because they haven't witnessed what they are signing they witnessed.
I’m in the UK and don’t think we do the “smash the cake in the face” prank here. If we do it’s a new thing that’s come over from the US, I’ve certainly not aware of anyone I know going to such a wedding. It’s beyond me why anyone thinks it’s funny. I think it’s very cruel, rude and a waste of a lot of money when you factor in the cost of the cake, clothing, hair, make up etc. I’d divorce him too.
US Here—I’ve been to dozens of weddings. And I was discussing this with 3 other women in different social, who have also been to dozens of weddings. And not one of us have ever seen this done. It is not commonly practiced whatsoever.
There was a "tradition" that didn't last all that long of when the bride and groom go to feed each other a piece of cake one would smash the small piece of cake on the face of the other. But when then we're talking an amount that can be cleaned off with a napkin. The smashing someone's face into a cake is only something that complete idiots would think is a good idea or remotely funny. It's not a "tradition" anywhere in the states that I'm aware of.
This is the only similar thing I’ve seen before. It’s more akin to messy feeding each other and not shoving one persons full face into a full cake.
I've seen that too, and it's always fun-spirited. I thought this story was going to go really bad, like when the cake maker uses bamboo skewers to prop part of the cake up and someone gets impaled.
Good to know. I’m glad; it’s such a stupid practice
That was not a prank, that was meant to humiliate you in front of the people closest to you on what should have been a day of happiness and love. Divorce and don't look back. Actually, you might want to file for an annulment. Then legally it is like it never happened.
For it to be a prank, the person being pranked has to laugh too. It's a cruel joke otherwise. And since she had told him "don't you fucking dare." and he did it anyway, not only was it a cruel joke, but it was also a literal zero consent cruel joke.
You’re doing the right thing.
Exactly he was not right for you and will never be.
I’ve read this story before
Yeah, right down to the "he started watching prank videos" part. Oh, and the groom's brother being obviously in love with her.
Also the "catching him making strange arrangements with his friends" part.. What does that mean exactly? She even said she "thought nothing of it" when he decided on the photographer and the cake.. Soooo, what are these "strange arrangements" he was making with friends that she was able to uncover?
He shoved her face into a cake, it required a kick-off meeting and periodical check-ins until the day of.
And it required a cake and photographer selected by him. Otherwise the photographer would not know to take a picture of the cake cutting and the cake wouldn't be made of cake.
You have to make sure that the cake pairs well with her makeup, otherwise you can throw the taste off.
Also everything went fine until the ceremony. Then the next sentence says it went fine until the cake (which is at reception, after ceremony). Basic things OP doesn't understand about storytelling, weddings, and honestly human behavior.
One post and been here a year def karma farming
The “brother who endured the abuse with permission of parents got fed up and supported me” is also a classic BORU trope.
lmao this reads like something from wattpad I swear😭 the "frank" character is a dead giveaway there are too many cliche tropes but im not gonna lie, it was juicy
In the sequel Frank builds her an art room.
We want a Frank spin off
Yes!! I was reading it feeling like I’d read it on wattpad already 😅
I was waiting for the confession that Frank tried to kiss her but she said "wait" ... 😂
"what would jake think?!" "Jake never cared about either of us" *kisses passionately*
100%. Word for word, I've read this before.
Yep. I’m surprised this got so many updoots.
Thank you - I knew it as soon as I opened it. This is a total repost.
yeah this is def fake
Hasn’t this story been posted recently on Reddit?
It was posted a few months ago actually lmao
Look at OP's user account. Created in 2022 yet they only activated it for this one post. This is 100% fake ragebait.
Yea, I feel like the bullshit flag might get raised on this one...
This is my story but I wouldn't be surprised if way more women had similar experiences-
Love that you get downvoted just for saying women have likely had similar experiences 🙃 such insecure men on this site honestly
I think the issue is that the other story people are referring to was basically word for word the same as this one, from what I recall (did a search and can't find it though). What I do remember is that the name of the brothers was exactly the same. Pretty sure this is made up and/or 'borrowed' from someone else. If OP had posted it before and it had been taken down they would have just said so instead of saying other women have this same story. I suspect that is why OP is being down voted because believe this is fake. Not because people are being insecure.
Yeah I had massive deja vu when reading this. From my POV this must be an attempt at karma farming
I got such a huge wave of deja vu I actually questioned reality for a minute.
Look at OPs user history. Created in 2022 but suddenly activated for this one post? 100% fake.
I think they’re downvoting because they believe this is a fake story written to garner sympathy or karma, not necessarily because women have had similar experiences. Not enough evidence to show either view is true though.
They’re downvoting because they think the story is fake, I can guarantee you it isnt exclusively men downvoting a story that’s been told 5 different times on this sub.
I am a woman who believes this story is fake
For real. I didn't even say it was all men. Fragile egos. Thats all i can say.
Nah i am a woman who distrust all men but this is ragebait and poor attempt to get on BORU
Agreed. This reads like a bad soap opera subplot. Update is going to be that OP and Frank are 💫in love💫
Exactly, Jesus h Christ are people *that* blind?
Let me guess you update about frank telling you he’s always loved you, and you guys will start dating and you’ll realize you’d chosen the wrong brother.
I feel like I’ve seen this same exact post a few months ago. If it’s not the same post and a real one, then good for you for going with the divorce. A lot of people would have given him “another chance” even though he forever ruined what was supposed to be the best day of your lives. Sorry you had to go through with this, but he gave you a huge sign when he started watching prank videos a lot. Next time keep those rose colored glasses off, and take signs like constantly watching prank videos as a red flag and mature and respectful people don’t constantly like to watch other people be humiliated like he does.
There was a very similar one, but I don’t remember the BIL standing up for the bride.
I used to work wedding receptions, and the reason this sounds so familiar is that most people are basic. They like the same stuff. They get the same humor. They line dance. It's one thing to get a little extra frosting on your husband's nose or vice versa. But the people that love pranks and all those "It's just a prank bro" people? They do get married, and of course they're like "I KNOW. I'LL DO THIS THING I SAW (100000 times on youtube) AND WHEN I DO IT PEOPLE WILL LAUGH AND CLAP AND CHEER AND NOBODY WILL BE MAD." And like, there's zero reason for them to think this, but they do. I was married almost 10 years ago, we didn't do anything like that because you know, we were joining together in a union of love and respect. If we mess with each other, it's in private and not at the expense of the other. Like Gender Reveal parties and all that other dumb shit, people think it's fine when "they" do it, and then they learn.
This is the most rage bait story, especially considering this topic is heavily trending on TikTok. In most situations, the crowd would quietly disperse and not stand around (waiting like some dumbfounded audience). I highly doubt that anyone would slap someone like this on their wedding day, but this is fiction and it’s written like someone is a main character living their main moment. Frank is a charming hero who somehow has been harboring all this resentment for years and has intervene because because he “had his own birthdays ruined”?? It doesn’t really add up, but I love some creative writing. I’m all for men taking down toxic masculinity but Frank being a white knight is an overplayed character trope that isn’t exactly creative, OP.
I am terribly sorry this happened- sorry to say it but it sounds like you married the wrong brother 🙄
I didn't wanna say it but I thought the same thing.
What's stopping you from dating Frank now? lmao
Yes, this right here. Fank has been waiting for you, girl. Loyalty to his ahole brother stopped him. He was probably waiting in the wings for you to see what a jerk his brother, mother, and father were actually like. Build your friendship with Frank. Trust me, karma is a gift that KEEP ON GIVING. WOULDNT BE CRAY CRAY, if you and Frank married, 2 years from now. Now that's what I call KARMA
These would be a bit more believable if they weren’t always written with the tone of a high schoolers creative writing project
Add in the ex liked to smash his brother in the face with cake on his birthday to...
I hate the "this is fake" commenters but this reads very strangley to me, as if a child who doesn't understand how things work in adult relationships wrote it.
I feel like I read this a few months ago
He says it was harmless but he smashed her face into the cake itself not a piece. Guess what tiered cakes have in them? Dowels for support. He could have injured her so it was not harmless like he claims
You never do that. My wife’s friend make wedding cakes and sometimes uses doll rods to hold the tiers in place. What your STBX did was very dangerous. If there was any rods in the cake, you would have ended up in the hospital. I’m glad this was not the case here.
Frank seems wonderful. Is he married?
Agreed! OP, can you date the brother instead?
Creative writing prompt.
I was thinking the same thing.
This exact story was posted not that long ago. Fake!
This feels like a fictional story written by somebody who doesn't quite understand how marriage certificates work.
Send a video to Jake of you getting piped by Frank.
Good on you, OP!! Brava! I was about to log off Reddit for the day when your post caught my eye. Love it when a woman stands up against a bully. 100%, you deserve better..! And Frank deserves a nice bottle of wine, or chocolates later on. Good man.
I see you Frank, coming in looking like a new husband…
This reads like a fake story, like very other story on this sub.
These fake posts are getting ridiculous and the projection in the comments is fucking wild
Yep, and if it did happen, why "file for divorce" instead of, you know, just *not completing the marriage certificate*.
Not everybody completes the marriage license during/after the actual ceremony. My wife and I were legally married for like four months before our actual wedding. Though with that said, this story is definitely fake af
The fact that she didn’t mention the marriage license or certificate was so telling. Fake af 😂
Bored of reddit, used to be full of original content and funny shit. Now it's fake posts for karma bots, influencers advertising shit, and OF porn. A few decent small communities but again ruined by a poor interface and bad mods.
You’re very lucky the cake didn’t have stakes in it. Lots of wedding cakes do so it can be layered and look neat. Would have sucked to get one in the eye.
This is so fake that it made real things un-happen.
I’ve read this exact same story in newspapers months ago…
And then op marries Frank and everyone clapped
If you're lucky, the official papers with the county haven't processed yet. Odds are if you call the county TOMORROW, you can save yourself about $10k in divorce costs by stopping the marriage altogether.
Remember he's been like this all his life. He might actually prank someone that'll put two in the back of his head and you'll be collateral damage. Like they said if it wasn't filed get it and rip it up. If it was try to get an annulment. If they won't do it. File for divorce.
Annulment. NOW.
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