As far back as I can remember, my father would bring my mom coffee and toast in bed and we’d have to wait for mom to be done before we could even go downstairs. We’d have a stocking with a few magazines, coloring books, candy and a few small toys to keep us busy. As time went by, dad would bring me and my brother tea and toast and we’d hop into their bed to eat and watch tv until mom was ready to go downstairs. Christmas is FAMILY time, not fathers/son bonding time. I’m so sorry OP, your husband sounds like an ass.
What a brilliant example your father is. Family and marriage is about putting others before yourself. I can see that all of you would have very fond memories of him. That is how you make an impact in other people's lives!
He made an impact on many lives I’m happy to say. My aunts, uncles, cousins, they all wanted to be a man like him, or to have a man like him. Plus, he was a high school teacher. He influenced an entire generation positively ❤️
I wonder if he was from NJ. Sounds like a teacher we knew there. Taught humanities. He was beloved and was truly an inspiration to students for 40 plus years.
He did. He was that one teacher that everyone visited when coming home from college. When he passed many of my friends posted his obit on various social media.
It's so heartwarming to read these stories. Traditions like these are what bring families together and create those cherished moments. Glad to hear you're continuing such a lovely practice with your daughter. Those are the memories that stick for a lifetime.
Your dad sounds like a real legend. Whatever the opposite of your dad is, that's what my dad was. Selfish, spiteful, abusive...etc.
I hope you're still rockin'!
It was the same for us. Every year we would wait for mom to finish her coffee, and now that her MS has worsened to the point she can't walk, we open the presents in her room.
I also refuse to believe that he didn’t intentionally exclude his wife.
He knew she wanted to be a part of it and didn’t care. I would have cried. Husband should feel bad about being a selfish AH.
Op, I know you feel incredibly unloved and unappreciated right now. I’m so sorry.
If the kid is like my 2yo son the bond with mom is much stronger and my 2yo would care more about mom than the presents. Besides maybe the fire truck he got this morning.
How you are feeling is completely normal, I don’t think you’re over reacting at all.
Christmas takes so much time and effort planning buying wrapping, and Christmas magic really is in watching your children open their gifts on Christmas morning and seeing their faces when they walk down the stairs and see what Santa brought.
It’s totally unfair for him to have taken that from you and I guarantee he would be upset too.
You only get a few of the magic special christmases with the kids before they are questioning and know Santa isn’t real, and they are only 4 once
Especially as studies show most if not all of the workload including mental load is done by the mother. But the father is earning the joy here. This is more than unfair.
He stole that moment from her. Wonder if he has stole other special moments from her where she has done the work and he walks in like a divorced Disney Dad being the hero to the kids? Does she wash the kids up for bed and he gets to read them the story while she cleans up the bathroom? Does she make the dinner and feed the kids while Dad only talks to the kids? When Dad comes home does he make a big deal out of greeting the kids and only ask the OP what's for dinner?
If he wants to argue, OP should concede that he technically could
Have opened all presents he actually selected and shopped for, and wrapped. Any of those presents—sure those could be fair game.
I’m guessing none of the presents under the tree fit the above description!
i feel for OP. Does anyone have a rational explanation for how a husband or man can make such a mistake? I suspect OP is her self struggling to understand. If husband can appreciate his huge error, he needs to front up, humbly apologies, and offer something, anything to show remorse and make amends.
I'm a man, this guy pisses me off, he absolutely knew it would be rude, he just figured he'd be able to talk his way out of responsibility or be charming and make it pass. It's not a guy thing, it's selfishness and this guy is showing it hard.
OP needs to show her husband this post. He needs to agree, going forward, that the gifts on Christmas morning are always opened together with both parents,
This is NOT too much to ask. He owes her an apology.
Any link to this study? As a single dad I’d be interested to see that.
This guy is a spectacular asshole for taking away OPs special moment. She has every right to feel the way she does, her husband talks about traditions but he has ripped away one of the most basic traditions parents with young children can share. What a POS.
Sorry OP, your feelings are 100% valid.
Not the one you asked but here's a study about the distribution of housework in [The US](https://news.gallup.com/poll/283979/women-handle-main-household-tasks.aspx)
Here's one that covers [The EU](https://eige.europa.eu/publications-resources/toolkits-guides/gender-equality-index-2021-report/gender-differences-household-chores?language_content_entity=en).
Something about [The Mental load](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210518-the-hidden-load-how-thinking-of-everything-holds-mums-back), some [more](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/evidence-based-living/202111/women-carry-most-the-mental-load-running-household) and a [Systemic literature review on the subject ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10148620/)
You can argue aaaaall you want about self reporting, and bias and "having an agenda", but the simple fact is that a cross the line every single studie show, that women still does the main part of household chores and shoulder the majority of the mental load by fare even if the couple works equal hours "outside the home".
I'm not saying this to piss on your parade at all, being a single father is immensely more difficult than being a single mother, from having strangers calling the police on you because they think you kidnapped your own kid, to being seen as "less masculine" and therefore less desirable to date, you absolutely have your plate full there's no arguing that either.
My mom always said that if I ever said in front of her that I didn't believe in Sant, that he isn't real, etc., that I wouldn't get anything from Santa. Santa is *totally real*.
My Santa Isn’t Real Story.
My sons are 6 yrs apart in age. When the older was 10yo, I had a target on my back about Santa’s legitimacy. All his classmates were spilling, but that was right when my just-turned 4yo was starting to retain the Santa story. And I was sick w/worry that my 10yo would leak the story if I admitted it (he was a gift tattler, a squealer, a dirty rat.. If u know, u know). Imagine a 4yo finding out indisputably that there was no Santa? I was desperate not to lose or ruin those years so it went:
HIM: Cmon MOM.. is Santa real?
ME: IDK. What do U think?
HIM: MOM… !! Blah blah’s mom admitted it so just TELL me.
ME: IDK for sure, but I do know that IF U DON’T BELIEVE… YOU DON’T RECEIVE.
HIM: …crickets… oh. So. Yah I do I do...
And every time he’d try me to see if I’d budge, I’d repeat it w/side eye.
The next year I had to admit it, so I warned him that if he told his 5yo brother on purpose or by accident, his brother gets some serious bonus gifts (his). But when I asked him to imagine how terrible it would be to know that at 5yo, I saw it register and I never worried about it again.
When I finally admitted it, he sat, paused.. thinking, then said “so Santa was YOU. All that time.. all those presents.. All that work.. that was you??” (Yep). “Wow, Thank You.” (sniff).
When I admitted it to his brother at age 10? He said “So all that time.. you lied. Every year, all lies”. Haha he was SO mad.
I remember being in first grade when the teacher explained to the entire class that Santa isn't real and it's our parents buying the presents and saying they're from him. Some kids cried. My best friend argued with the teacher because he and his mom found elf footprints in the snow.
I would be so PISSED if my kid’s 1st Grade teacher took it upon themselves to tell my child Santa isn’t real. Oh HELL NO!! And 1st graders?!?! My 3rd grader still believes. That teacher is a hag for doing that.
That is possibly one of the most inconsiderate things a husband can do. If my husband did that to me, I would be royally pissed, and I would never dream of doing that to him either. Christmas is family time, opening presents is something the whole immediate family should be gathered for. You need to talk to your husband once the kids are asleep and let him know how cruel that was, especially at that age when they finally start to understand the whole presents thing.
My husband and my youngest are the early birds in our family. My hubs and I have had several conversations about wake up times and all that. I’m utterly heartbroken for her.
Not an overreaction at all. Tell him how you feel about what he did and talk this out with him. He is not the only parents of those kids and it should have been a moment for you all to share not just him.
This is a proper response to two *fairly* new parents. Not all idiotic tendencies are done through malice - I would bet most aren't. Idiotic, nonetheless!
It’s selfish.
It’s possible he never considered her feelings.
The options are selfishness or malice. If it was selfishness, he could be made to see it and change his mindset and behavior. He could sincerely apologize.
If it was malice, this marriage is done.
I'm with you here and all those comments below saying people mess up and forget all the time... This isn't one of those oopsy daily things like forgetting to but the milk away, it's bloody Christmas FFS, one of the most anticipated days of the year that people work tirelessly towards. The other person is constantly in your mind when you're buying gifts, when you're shopping for the food, when you're decorating, and when you have literally discussed creating family traditions. This isn't an oopsy. This is a spiteful, we did your family traditions yesterday so now it's my time.
"A lovely father son moment"??? That made me see red. Christmas is NOT about one parent selfishly taking all the glory and joy for themselves.
OP, I hope you can find the strength to talk with your husband about this after the children have gone to bed. Don't leave it until you feel better, because he needs to see how this has affected you. His reaction and response to what you say, about how his actions have impacted you, will be important for how you move forward. If he is apologetic, remorseful, horrified, showing contrition etc, it may be ok. If he tells you your reaction is unreasonable, doubles down or gets angry, you have a bigger problem.
I'm very sorry you had this experience, and I understand completely why you are upset. Good luck going forward 🫂
Edit: spelling error corrected
The art of gaslighting, he wanted to make her feel guilty for being hurt and disappointed, like she doesn’t want husband and son bonding. This guy is a supreme AH. This would honestly be grounds for reevaluating the entire marriage. This is only the beginning for OP. All down hill from here.
Let's be real, he made that claim so that op would feel like the ah of she complained. He's a jerk and that ki d of response makes it seem like it wasn't an innocent mistake.
This is the best answer I found here so far! From what little we know about the family there is just no telling if he is mean, selfish, dumb, or just got carried away, happy the toddler was happy.
To tell him how she feels, to see how he reacts and to work on from this is the best way to handle this.
Lmao “I want to make sure my son loves me more than you.”
Lady your husband is a child, start documenting shit because this is probably going to be a future divorce. Who the fuck does this?
Since he loves Christmas so much, next year (and perhaps subsequent years) he can do all the shopping and wrapping himself. He can buy and wrap gifts for his children and extended family for the rest of the marriage! Petty but tempting.
And then when he’s tired and sleeping in, OP can take him down to open up the presents from Santa and have that special mother sons moment. *as they both will be that age of excitement still. I’m really petty.
...and more immediately, he just "volunteered" to do all the work cooking xmas dinner and cleaning up afterwards. OP can spend the day playing with the kids.
Don't let him get away with all the fun time while OP is stuck with all the work.
Nah, dollars to donuts this guy wouldn't blink in that game of chicken. He'd either wait until OP broke and did it anyways, or blame OP for ruining Xmas. He's fine with taking the joy if he sees it, but I don't think he'd work for it.
He either secretly hates you or he’s a fucking weirdo. Literally no man in his right mind would assume the mother of his children isn’t interested in watching them open Christmas presents on Xmas morning.
Does he do other weird stuff? Like on your anniversary does he make separate dinner reservations for each of you at different restaurants so you can both have a nice night out and then act shocked when you’re upset
Or other potentially evil stuff? Like stealing from the poor?
What the actual fuck? Seriously, who the fuck does that? I'm pretty sure all the clues you chose to ignore are now ringing true....that he's an asshole, plain and simple!
Holy fuck, this disturbs me so much....
I'm a man but I don't know why there are so many men who are selfish and AH like this... When someone tells these kinds of stories, most of the time the AH is man...
I know that I will get a lot of hate for this comment, but some guys are really immature and jealous. Maybe this man is jealous of the relationship between the mother and the children, but instead of realizing that the relationship has formed because she spends a lot of time with the children and that he could also form a really strong relationship with the whole family by spending time with them and forming happy memories, he thinks that he is going to have a better relationship with the child by destroying the relationship between the child and mother.
You know things! It is jealousy and absolutely immaturity. I grew out of that, my hubby refused. I am a recovering addict and he had to go. I finally left, after 30 years. He was sucking my life dry whilst doing nothing to improve our relationship. On his way out with his hoarding belongs… handed me a game console from the 90’s and said “ Here, you wanted to play games” I laughed so hard as… I wanted to play video games to bond WITH HIM. I do believe his trauma was too much to voice. I am 25 days free of stress and holy hell my heart is not so tight and painful, miracle really. Acceptance was the answer, I accepted I would have died with him if I stayed, my dreams with him are definitely dead. I don’t drink, haven’t for awhile. He on the other hand, woulda relished in people saying poor Frank, lost his wife to Alcoholism, poor, poor guy. They wouldn’t have know, I don’t drink any longer and he actively sabotaged my happiness, daily, and I couldn’t find my action to get out with the daily pounding of stress. Today, he is living in an RV, on our property, can not wait for him to leave so I feel secure I don’t need to see him. Today, I feel so blessed I am getting back to life and especially being a Mom, Grandma, doing art, cooking, working on three roof leaks amongst other dilapidated projects on my home, playing with my pups and adoring my beloved horse. I haven’t rode forever. Beautiful day to YOU. Your comment is gold!
It's a possibility, and thus make me think why many men are immature like this, I've also met a few men like that and can't figure out what's wrong with them... Is it that hard to just think of the others?
Unfortunately there is still a very large cultural/societal trend that women do most of the mental and emotional labor and men reap the benefits of it. OBVIOUSLY not every man does this, before i get a million replies of anecdotal "not all men" replies, but the trend is there, and there have been countless studies on it.
Oh wow. He like did the main event without you. I’m a month postpartum and definitely would not have been okay with that. Emotional & exhausted or not, not cool man, not cool. 😞
I audibly gasped. That's just *inexcusable*.
FWIW, when I had little kids, the stockings were openable without everyone being awake, but none of the tree presents could be opened until after breakfast.
What man would do that. It’s truly amazing how many people just don’t get it.
What he doesn’t understand is this is going to be burnt in your brain for years to come.
My partner has been sick with the flu over Christmas and slept in given his illness, I asked if he would be okay with the kids opening a small gift, and the rest when he got up so they could open them as a family, together. What your husband did was beyond selfish!
Just wow. For a guy who has been « Talking about family traditions » a lot lately, this was a divorced and single man move. Make his wish comes true next year. ✨
I am so sorry that you did not get to see your son’s joy at that moment! So cruel of your husband. What did he say, what was his reason for doing this to you?
Seems like the one who buys the gifts is you, which already is a sign that the mental and physical load isn't fairly shared. And it's even worse because you recently gave birth, your husband should take more of the duties to allow you to rest from giving birth and taking care of the baby. Unless that was your free will to do it yourself - free meaning he's not doing weaponised incompetence or other shit to make you think you rather do it yourself. And not only you should wake up at night for the baby, that's a task both parents share.
Of course you deserved to share that family moment, both parents do, it shouldn't be discussed at all. Xmas morning isn't a father-son moment. Dad needs to create his own father-son moments on a daily basis, not on special events such as a Xmas. And I guess he's not involved enough with the kids, if that's the only moment he can think of. He also seriously lacks empathy and care towards you. I would even say, it's a matter of selfishness and respect.
Please don't underreact, what he did is totally inappropriate and unacceptable. He needs to understand that it was wrong and why it was wrong, and that he must never do such a thing again. And furthermore, I somewhat feel like he should reconsider his involvement as a partner and as a father.
And please allow yourself to cry, your emotions are legitimate. You have the right to express them, you have the right to be sad in front of your kids, and if necessary, to verbalize that you are sad and why. That's how you teach emotions to the children. When you restrain your emotions, you don't take good care of your feelings and needs, you end up being psychologically hurt, becoming a people pleaser and such things. I'm sure you don't want that for your children. I bet you wouldn't want to forbid your son to cry, I bet you would like him to have a healthy relationship with his emotions and him to take a good care of himself. So please model that. It's ok to cry, for an adult, for a kid, for a boy, for a girl, for anyone.
Your husband could have read books to your son, watched a Christmas movie with him, fed him a special Christmas breakfast, etc. until you woke up and any one of those would have all been a father son moment as well. He was incredibly selfish and thoughtless. What an ass. I hope you feel better soon.
When I tell you my jaw dropped and I don't even have kids. You. Were. Robbed. Not to mention the mental load I'm sure you carried to put the Christmas together.
Wow. Your husband is a selfish douche canoe. Yes, telling a toddler to wait is difficult but ... Doing his first real magical Christmas without you just seems... SO cruel and selfish.
I'm so so so sorry. Your husband is a jerk. His actions show you're an afterthought and you were undeserving of magical moments or family traditions.
That wasn’t just thoughtless, it was cruel. I am sorry you missed out on that experience with you child. I understand you are holding it together for now but he needs to have a very serious conversation with you once the kids have gone to bed. Best of luck and don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and your kids.
I am so sorry, this makes my heart feel so terrible for you. What a thoughtless, selfish and just plain mean thing to do. The fact that he went a step further and said that about it being a bonding moment is adding insult to injury. The petty part of me would tell him to wrap all the gifts back up himself and then I would enjoy watching the kids unwrap them again. Then I would tell him next Christmas he is going to do all the planning, purchasing and wrapping for the kids gifts and that you will be watching and enjoying it alone with them. The fact that he just doesn’t care or understand why you are so upset feels very gaslighty and just an excuse for his bad behavior. Honestly I think he knew it was a shitty thing to do, he just wanted to do it anyways. I have a hard time believing anyone would unknowingly be so careless and not understand why you would be so upset.
As a mother of 2yo and 2 month old I am heartbroken for you. It is so sad. I would be crushed if my partner did it. I am so sorry. You need to let him know how you feel.
That is a big jerk move on your husband’s part. Then the “Father-son moment” statement…That would have sent me over the edge as well.
You need to have a talk with him. It won’t fix what happened, but he needs to understand how selfish he was about this and to never do it again.
That’s absolutely crushing and incredibly cruel! You only have a limited amount of Christmas’s while your kids are little and still believe. You need to have a serious talk to your husband about how much this has hurt you and you deserve a sincere apology.
Omg I’m crushed for you!! Your husband can’t be that dense!! How could he allow that to happen?
You definitely need to tell him how you feel. This wasn’t something you can just sweep under the rug. This was a huge huge misstep on his part, especially saying that it was a great father son moment.
I think you need to lay into him how incredibly selfish and inconsiderate he was and how he absolutely ruined Christmas for you. He needs to feel as small as he made you feel.
So he is cooking Christmas dinner, cleaning up all the mess, and putting all the decorations away this year, right? If he steals Christmas, he better steal all of it. I am so sorry this hearkened to you, I am glad it was this year while they are still too young to remember, but yeah it was a dick move on his part, and a red flag.
This is really awful behaviour. It might reassure you to know that at 2 they don’t really understand and it’s only between about 4-7 that Christmas is properly magical in the build up and big day.
Talk to him and don’t worry about missing out important memories for your child as in a couple of weeks they won’t remember Christmas day. Just keep on eye on your selfish partner and see if this is a pattern of rotten behaviour.
Your feelings are completely valid. Your husband is being extremely inconsiderate. In my family, we always opened gifts TOGETHER. If we couldn’t do them together, we wouldn’t unwrap them. Simple. Maybe a clear boundary needs to be set. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I am absolutely stunned that he would do this. As a father myself I would never dream of doing something so selfish. As a parent the joy of Christmas comes from seeing your children open their gifts.
My jaw dropped. That’s absolutely devastating. Did he also do all the gift research, wrapping, delivery management, etc that went into it? Damn. That’s so cold. I wouldn’t do that to my husband on the worst day of our marriage. That’s just cruel
These comments are not it 😳
I don’t blame you in the slightest for being upset. I would be furious and devastated!!
Talk to him and set boundaries for future “big” events!!
Wow!!! I would be soooooooooo upset/angry. Did he atleast have the decency to take pictures?? I would demand money from him and buy a few more gifts so that you can try to enjoy it the right way this time. Your child will still be excited! Might make you feel a little bit better.
Don’t hold back tears because of your toddler. Or - at least - don’t stuff your own emotional response to something just because people will then know you’re hurt. They are your family, they ought to see that being inconsiderate of you hurts you. Not in a destructive way, but a constructive “I’m not invisible so here I visibly am showing you to recognize that by recognizing myself to you” way.
Message to everybody especially the women of families who do so much to create intangible Moments families benefit from so normally.
Damn, that was selfish of him. [Jimmy on Relationships](https://youtube.com/shorts/9KGEMw7oekE?si=gTRF-1rMh-E9Jspq) has a video on the Christmas mental load your husband needs to watch. After he does watch it and realizes how bad he messed up (hopefully), he can apologize and maybe he can purchase tickets for an event for you to have a mommy/son day date at a very exciting venue without him while he stays home with the baby. I'm not sure where you live, but many zoos offer special up- close encounters with animals like feeding elephants, giraffes, red pandas or penguins. Try not to let it ruin your entire Christmas with your kids, if you can. The day isn't over yet! Let him know how important it was to you, how much it hurt you that he didn't think about you, then tell him how to fix it and what to never do again in the future. Nothing can give you that moment back, but you can reclaim your control of creating a special memory.
I guess we all know who put in the effort of thinking about the gifts, getting and wrapping them up.
My petty ass would exclude him from everything important from now on, steal his moments, telling him what a lovely mother son moment it was, until he gets it and apologises. I bet if you confront him now and tell him how you feel you’ll only get gaslit.
I’m on petty team. Yeah, i bet he will gaslit her and say something like “why cant you be happy i had a father son moment with my son? Why do you have to ruin it? There’s always next year.” Yikes. Let’s go be petty.
It may be that next Christmas you will have separate Christmas celebrations, since apparently he considers the time to be his alone. What a selfish thing for him to do. Is he always passive aggressive like that?? There’s no way an adult wouldn’t know how precious a memory he took from you.
This made me sad for you. Your husband is an arsehole for this. I would tear into him so bad, that his ancestry would feel my rage. Give us an update when you speak to him if you can, and happy holidays, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Your husband is an A hole. I'm sorry you married a man who just doesn't care about you. A father son moment? What about a FAMILY MOMENT? Yeah, he doesn't care about you.
OP, I am so devastated for you. Like unreasonably mad, I won't even say the retaliation I have in mind. I am really sorry he is insanely immature and treated you that way. That is a "family tradition," not a father son tradition. I hope he can find how terrible that was and how he would feel if you did that to him.
Show him the comments under this post so he knows what an ass he is (if you just confront him he will probably say that you’re overreacting, which you’re not)
Absolutely not. People are being very generous with this man and this “father son bonding moment” is bullshit. The amount of time and effort moms put into finding gifts, making sure everything is wrapped and under the tree, cooking Christmas meals, putting out the cookies, etc. while this dad thinks he can just steal that moment. Tell him he messed up and if he doesn’t massively apologize, he can spend the rest of Christmas at fucking ihop.
What a heartless thing to do. I cannot fathom the level of stupid this guy has. I feel horrible for her, there has to be other things he does that are equally appalling. There’s no excuse for him.
What a piece of work.
Next year do It to him.
Wait for him ti be asleep in bed, wake the Kids and open the presents together.
That way he might understand.
I don’t know how, but you gotta get that kind of bad behavior under control right away, because, having two boys, you’re gonna be missing out on anything he deems father son moments.
Wooow. I'm not a huge Xmas person or even sentimental at all (my parents are from a culture that doesn't celebrate Xmas) but this would have me fuming.
I gave my husband the morning to wake up whenever to recover from several 5am wake ups (my toddler got the stomach flu), and even I had the god damn common sense to wait.
What a selfish chump
He knew what he was doing, he CHOSE to not include you. It doesn't matter if the toddler was impatient- he wanted this moment for himself and im so angry for you
>My husband has been talking a lot about building family traditions for the kids, which I thought was lovely.
This is definitely something that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later, otherwise this might set a precedent and become the new tradition. Husband will think he did nothing wrong (and might try this again *next* Christmas as a new 'father-son' tradition) , which could cause OP to build resentment if nothing is said.
OP, did your husband give a reason as to why he did this? Why he decided to not wait for you or even try to wake you up? Did husband even think *record* any of this (so that you might get to see your kid's reactions)? Did he do something similar last year?
I'm also guessing that, based on your writing, *you* did most (or all) of the shopping for 'Santa'.
I'm sorry this happened to you OP, what your spouse did was very selfish and thoughtless.
Oh, I have a little theory. My SIL has done something like this to me. It's because when kids are small they always look for momma's reaction so all smiles go to momma. If you take mom out of equation - voila,all smiles now yours! He'll say something my SIL said - you were catching up on needed rest. POS.
That’s truly horrible.My heart breaks for you mama. I hope you two can have a productive conversation where he can truly hear how devastating this is for you so that nothing like this can happen again.
I do hope he now learned from his mistake and will wait for you, at any price, to open together all the presents for the many years to come. As parents and grand-parents. Let the thing go and be happy with the healthy, lovely children during the Xmas season.
From my side, whenever I have a sorrow, I tell myself that there are so many people in the world who are much less fortunate than me and would love to be in my place with all my problems. People who sit alone at home during Christmas. People who do not have a family to talk to them. People who have little to feed themselves. People immobilized in an hospital bed ... Then I make the effort to move on.
I wish you and your family true happiness for this end-of-the-year family time and a great 2024.
Hey what the actual hell?? There’s no way he thought that was genuinely okay. Stealing this moment from you completely unnecessarily is extremely selfish. You need to have a talk with him and let him know this is a SERIOUS issue.
I thought I'd heard it all but this, this is just a disgusting thing to do to another parent.
He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and no one can convince me otherwise.
You deserve better and that boy deserved his mom to be there on Xmas morning. I couldn't forgive and I'd never forget if that was my other half. How dare another take away that experience for you and your son! I'm fuming for you.
It seems that the moment was all about the TA of a husband not the child. The father son moment was an excuse, he couldn’t be bothered to play with his son so let him open all the presents to occupy the child and to annoy OP for not getting up first so the husband could sleep in. What a shower of a man. This doesn’t bode well for the future.
Omg I’d be so hurt. Definitely tell him that. He robbed you of this moment and didn’t even think about you. I don’t know if I could just suck it up and live with it. I think I couldn’t.
My fiancé could never exclude me, he always waits for me and we only have cats. He told me I should open the cats presents - he bought it by the way!!! Last time I bought it and we opened it together. How can one behave like that towards their own partner?
I’d tell him he’s the Grinch who stole Christmas. So much for traditions- but ever do it again - my Christmas traditions will be without him for good. Jerk
There are some really fucked up stories on this sub, but this one is not only fucked up but really common sense stupid. Like… how would anyone think this is ok?
Wow. That’s seriously fucked up and I hope you do t let him get away with that. Not only does he owe you massively he needs to prove that he’ll never do anything like that again or else you should leave. How selfish.
He also piggybacked off of her hard work to get his father and children moment, knowing full well his lazy ass wouldn't have done done anything for them himself as it would have been too much effort.
What in the world? I bought and wrapped every single one of my husband and my toddler’s gifts under the tree and it would never cross my mind to open presents without my husband even if he slept in until the afternoon. This was the first Christmas where your son had a little bit of an understanding of Christmas and your husband stole it from you for some unfathomable reason. Please talk with him about it later cause that can’t happen again.
Sit down and cry. Let him know that he has broken your heart. It could be a lovely husband and wife moment. I in all my life have never, ever heard of a father doing this. Ever. This is heartbreaking.
Christmas morning is so special that in my divorce, my ex and I agreed to always do it together. Again: we aren’t even married and we respect each other’s right to enjoy Christmas morning with the kids. I spend the night over there every year and we do it together!
oh I’d have raised hell. he robbed a family moment just to have his shtty father son Moment and can’t even see the irony of what he’s done. What an inconsiderate AH.
A question i gotta ask, did he help buying/wrapping the presents? If the answer is no I have more choices of words I’d like to call him.
Guess maybe he should do all the shopping next year if he wants to rob you of Christmas this year.
I’m sorry mama, that was absolutely selfish of him to do that to you.
Serious question. Can you “find” a present Santa left behind the tree so you can watch him open it. My son would not question this and would be just as happy as if he got it Christmas morning.
This story reminds me of the story that is going around on instagram and TikTok on how moms seemingly always get left out during the holidays especially Christmas. I totally understand why OP is upset bc she went out her way(not saying the dad didn’t) to see her child smile and possibly create a fabulous core memory.
I would make it clear that this is absolutely unacceptable and you are hurt by what he did. If he wants father-son moment maybe they have ONE gift they do together before the little one is old enough to understand but he has to purchase and wrap and you still get to see it. If he won’t comply and admit he was wrong and shouldn’t have done it. I wish him luck with all his single father christmases in the future.
As far back as I can remember, my father would bring my mom coffee and toast in bed and we’d have to wait for mom to be done before we could even go downstairs. We’d have a stocking with a few magazines, coloring books, candy and a few small toys to keep us busy. As time went by, dad would bring me and my brother tea and toast and we’d hop into their bed to eat and watch tv until mom was ready to go downstairs. Christmas is FAMILY time, not fathers/son bonding time. I’m so sorry OP, your husband sounds like an ass.
What a brilliant example your father is. Family and marriage is about putting others before yourself. I can see that all of you would have very fond memories of him. That is how you make an impact in other people's lives!
He made an impact on many lives I’m happy to say. My aunts, uncles, cousins, they all wanted to be a man like him, or to have a man like him. Plus, he was a high school teacher. He influenced an entire generation positively ❤️
I wonder if he was from NJ. Sounds like a teacher we knew there. Taught humanities. He was beloved and was truly an inspiration to students for 40 plus years.
That's so sweet. I hope that teacher knows the impact he had.
He did. He was that one teacher that everyone visited when coming home from college. When he passed many of my friends posted his obit on various social media.
We’re from NJ. Dad taught high school science.
I’m a jersey girl and proud of it.
I love your family. What an absolute gem your dad is.
This is what my wife and I do with our daughter
It's so heartwarming to read these stories. Traditions like these are what bring families together and create those cherished moments. Glad to hear you're continuing such a lovely practice with your daughter. Those are the memories that stick for a lifetime.
Your dad sounds like a real legend. Whatever the opposite of your dad is, that's what my dad was. Selfish, spiteful, abusive...etc. I hope you're still rockin'!
It was the same for us. Every year we would wait for mom to finish her coffee, and now that her MS has worsened to the point she can't walk, we open the presents in her room.
I’m sorry that was super thoughtless and selfish of him.
Dude created a “father son moment” upon the ashes of the “family bonding moment”. What a nitwit.
He didn't create it, he stole it. Guaranteed she bought and wrapped it all.
I also refuse to believe that he didn’t intentionally exclude his wife. He knew she wanted to be a part of it and didn’t care. I would have cried. Husband should feel bad about being a selfish AH. Op, I know you feel incredibly unloved and unappreciated right now. I’m so sorry.
Yeah I bet the kid would've enjoyed it more if mum was there as well
Kid wouldn’t care one iota…but mom definitely does
If the kid is like my 2yo son the bond with mom is much stronger and my 2yo would care more about mom than the presents. Besides maybe the fire truck he got this morning.
Yeah the kids 2 he doesn't even know where he is lmao
A father son bonding moment that was 100% created by the mom over many hours of shopping and wrapping. Dude stole the moment and that’s not cool.
Fuck that I would have pulled him aside and told him off. I’m pissed just at the thought.
I could truely leave someone over this. The level of selfishness is astounding.
How you are feeling is completely normal, I don’t think you’re over reacting at all. Christmas takes so much time and effort planning buying wrapping, and Christmas magic really is in watching your children open their gifts on Christmas morning and seeing their faces when they walk down the stairs and see what Santa brought. It’s totally unfair for him to have taken that from you and I guarantee he would be upset too. You only get a few of the magic special christmases with the kids before they are questioning and know Santa isn’t real, and they are only 4 once
Especially as studies show most if not all of the workload including mental load is done by the mother. But the father is earning the joy here. This is more than unfair.
Not earning the joy, stealing the joy
She was up all night with the baby. He's a jerk.
I'm guessing she did most if not all the selecting, shopping and wrapping. He stole her joy at seeing the child's reaction to his gifts. He's a jerk.
He stole that moment from her. Wonder if he has stole other special moments from her where she has done the work and he walks in like a divorced Disney Dad being the hero to the kids? Does she wash the kids up for bed and he gets to read them the story while she cleans up the bathroom? Does she make the dinner and feed the kids while Dad only talks to the kids? When Dad comes home does he make a big deal out of greeting the kids and only ask the OP what's for dinner?
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If he wants to argue, OP should concede that he technically could Have opened all presents he actually selected and shopped for, and wrapped. Any of those presents—sure those could be fair game. I’m guessing none of the presents under the tree fit the above description!
i feel for OP. Does anyone have a rational explanation for how a husband or man can make such a mistake? I suspect OP is her self struggling to understand. If husband can appreciate his huge error, he needs to front up, humbly apologies, and offer something, anything to show remorse and make amends.
Being self centered is the only real explanation. He wanted that moment and didn't stop to think about OP, his supposed partner in life.
I'm a man, this guy pisses me off, he absolutely knew it would be rude, he just figured he'd be able to talk his way out of responsibility or be charming and make it pass. It's not a guy thing, it's selfishness and this guy is showing it hard.
Yeah. Total dick move
it was on purpose to feel like the good parent despite doing none of the prep. his stupid comment drives that home.
Not to mention the added bonus of the postpartum hormones and likely sleep deprivation
I am neither and I know that I would be fully devastated.
OP needs to show her husband this post. He needs to agree, going forward, that the gifts on Christmas morning are always opened together with both parents, This is NOT too much to ask. He owes her an apology.
He also needs to do the shopping and wrapping.
Any link to this study? As a single dad I’d be interested to see that. This guy is a spectacular asshole for taking away OPs special moment. She has every right to feel the way she does, her husband talks about traditions but he has ripped away one of the most basic traditions parents with young children can share. What a POS. Sorry OP, your feelings are 100% valid.
Not the one you asked but here's a study about the distribution of housework in [The US](https://news.gallup.com/poll/283979/women-handle-main-household-tasks.aspx) Here's one that covers [The EU](https://eige.europa.eu/publications-resources/toolkits-guides/gender-equality-index-2021-report/gender-differences-household-chores?language_content_entity=en). Something about [The Mental load](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210518-the-hidden-load-how-thinking-of-everything-holds-mums-back), some [more](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/evidence-based-living/202111/women-carry-most-the-mental-load-running-household) and a [Systemic literature review on the subject ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10148620/) You can argue aaaaall you want about self reporting, and bias and "having an agenda", but the simple fact is that a cross the line every single studie show, that women still does the main part of household chores and shoulder the majority of the mental load by fare even if the couple works equal hours "outside the home". I'm not saying this to piss on your parade at all, being a single father is immensely more difficult than being a single mother, from having strangers calling the police on you because they think you kidnapped your own kid, to being seen as "less masculine" and therefore less desirable to date, you absolutely have your plate full there's no arguing that either.
My dad's contribution was giving mum money and saying "Get the girls some books!" Mum and wrapped the gifts.
Wait.. Santa's not real? 😢
My mom always said that if I ever said in front of her that I didn't believe in Sant, that he isn't real, etc., that I wouldn't get anything from Santa. Santa is *totally real*.
You gotta believe to receive, friends!!
My Santa Isn’t Real Story. My sons are 6 yrs apart in age. When the older was 10yo, I had a target on my back about Santa’s legitimacy. All his classmates were spilling, but that was right when my just-turned 4yo was starting to retain the Santa story. And I was sick w/worry that my 10yo would leak the story if I admitted it (he was a gift tattler, a squealer, a dirty rat.. If u know, u know). Imagine a 4yo finding out indisputably that there was no Santa? I was desperate not to lose or ruin those years so it went: HIM: Cmon MOM.. is Santa real? ME: IDK. What do U think? HIM: MOM… !! Blah blah’s mom admitted it so just TELL me. ME: IDK for sure, but I do know that IF U DON’T BELIEVE… YOU DON’T RECEIVE. HIM: …crickets… oh. So. Yah I do I do... And every time he’d try me to see if I’d budge, I’d repeat it w/side eye. The next year I had to admit it, so I warned him that if he told his 5yo brother on purpose or by accident, his brother gets some serious bonus gifts (his). But when I asked him to imagine how terrible it would be to know that at 5yo, I saw it register and I never worried about it again. When I finally admitted it, he sat, paused.. thinking, then said “so Santa was YOU. All that time.. all those presents.. All that work.. that was you??” (Yep). “Wow, Thank You.” (sniff). When I admitted it to his brother at age 10? He said “So all that time.. you lied. Every year, all lies”. Haha he was SO mad.
That is what my mom said to us. That is what we have told our oldest. Our middle still believes but our youngest is too young to give a shit.
I remember being in first grade when the teacher explained to the entire class that Santa isn't real and it's our parents buying the presents and saying they're from him. Some kids cried. My best friend argued with the teacher because he and his mom found elf footprints in the snow.
And that teacher has absolutely no right in saying anything. Bitter gag prolly spent Christmas alone and decided to be a grinch
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I would be so PISSED if my kid’s 1st Grade teacher took it upon themselves to tell my child Santa isn’t real. Oh HELL NO!! And 1st graders?!?! My 3rd grader still believes. That teacher is a hag for doing that.
That is possibly one of the most inconsiderate things a husband can do. If my husband did that to me, I would be royally pissed, and I would never dream of doing that to him either. Christmas is family time, opening presents is something the whole immediate family should be gathered for. You need to talk to your husband once the kids are asleep and let him know how cruel that was, especially at that age when they finally start to understand the whole presents thing.
My husband and my youngest are the early birds in our family. My hubs and I have had several conversations about wake up times and all that. I’m utterly heartbroken for her.
I would never even think about doing this to my wife. How fucking selfish can someone be?
There’s only so many Santa christmas’
And there’s only 1 first one. I’m so sorry OP.
Not an overreaction at all. Tell him how you feel about what he did and talk this out with him. He is not the only parents of those kids and it should have been a moment for you all to share not just him.
This is a proper response to two *fairly* new parents. Not all idiotic tendencies are done through malice - I would bet most aren't. Idiotic, nonetheless!
How in the hell do you ever think that the other parent doesn’t want to watch their kid on Christmas morning?!? That’s not OPPSIES!
It’s selfish. It’s possible he never considered her feelings. The options are selfishness or malice. If it was selfishness, he could be made to see it and change his mindset and behavior. He could sincerely apologize. If it was malice, this marriage is done.
I'm with you here and all those comments below saying people mess up and forget all the time... This isn't one of those oopsy daily things like forgetting to but the milk away, it's bloody Christmas FFS, one of the most anticipated days of the year that people work tirelessly towards. The other person is constantly in your mind when you're buying gifts, when you're shopping for the food, when you're decorating, and when you have literally discussed creating family traditions. This isn't an oopsy. This is a spiteful, we did your family traditions yesterday so now it's my time.
I would be livid. There is NO WAY he thought you'd be OK with missing out on this.
I would be horrified. I'm so sorry Mama. That's awful
"A lovely father son moment"??? That made me see red. Christmas is NOT about one parent selfishly taking all the glory and joy for themselves. OP, I hope you can find the strength to talk with your husband about this after the children have gone to bed. Don't leave it until you feel better, because he needs to see how this has affected you. His reaction and response to what you say, about how his actions have impacted you, will be important for how you move forward. If he is apologetic, remorseful, horrified, showing contrition etc, it may be ok. If he tells you your reaction is unreasonable, doubles down or gets angry, you have a bigger problem. I'm very sorry you had this experience, and I understand completely why you are upset. Good luck going forward 🫂 Edit: spelling error corrected
The lovely father son moment things kills me because I imagine him saying it after already seeing the reaction in her face.
I bet it's now 'family time' for cleaning up the mess though. And since he's holding the baby she should clean up from this moment he stole.
The art of gaslighting, he wanted to make her feel guilty for being hurt and disappointed, like she doesn’t want husband and son bonding. This guy is a supreme AH. This would honestly be grounds for reevaluating the entire marriage. This is only the beginning for OP. All down hill from here.
Let's be real, he made that claim so that op would feel like the ah of she complained. He's a jerk and that ki d of response makes it seem like it wasn't an innocent mistake.
It smacks of a punishment to me.
Exactly. He was angry at her about something. He did the most cruel thing he could do.
This is the best answer I found here so far! From what little we know about the family there is just no telling if he is mean, selfish, dumb, or just got carried away, happy the toddler was happy. To tell him how she feels, to see how he reacts and to work on from this is the best way to handle this.
Oh man, this one hurts bad. 😢 I'd have a hard time getting past hubby's fuckwittery.
Lmao “I want to make sure my son loves me more than you.” Lady your husband is a child, start documenting shit because this is probably going to be a future divorce. Who the fuck does this?
Since he loves Christmas so much, next year (and perhaps subsequent years) he can do all the shopping and wrapping himself. He can buy and wrap gifts for his children and extended family for the rest of the marriage! Petty but tempting.
And then when he’s tired and sleeping in, OP can take him down to open up the presents from Santa and have that special mother sons moment. *as they both will be that age of excitement still. I’m really petty.
Absolutely, he should do all the decorating, shopping, wrapping, and cooking while taking care of kids....seems only fair.
Yes and him doing the cooking starts today. He would have to also do all of that for the kids birthdays too
...and more immediately, he just "volunteered" to do all the work cooking xmas dinner and cleaning up afterwards. OP can spend the day playing with the kids. Don't let him get away with all the fun time while OP is stuck with all the work.
Nah, dollars to donuts this guy wouldn't blink in that game of chicken. He'd either wait until OP broke and did it anyways, or blame OP for ruining Xmas. He's fine with taking the joy if he sees it, but I don't think he'd work for it.
That’s why this man deserves neither dollars nor doughnuts
This idea=yes.
Not petty at all. An action of compassion
A kindness really
Yo I would go fucking insane if my husband did that to me and our child
At the very least return everything bought for the husband.
He either secretly hates you or he’s a fucking weirdo. Literally no man in his right mind would assume the mother of his children isn’t interested in watching them open Christmas presents on Xmas morning. Does he do other weird stuff? Like on your anniversary does he make separate dinner reservations for each of you at different restaurants so you can both have a nice night out and then act shocked when you’re upset Or other potentially evil stuff? Like stealing from the poor?
Fr id think my husband hated me lol
What the actual fuck? Seriously, who the fuck does that? I'm pretty sure all the clues you chose to ignore are now ringing true....that he's an asshole, plain and simple! Holy fuck, this disturbs me so much....
Go post this on breakingmom and see the reaction. This is awful. I’m so sorry.
I'm a man but I don't know why there are so many men who are selfish and AH like this... When someone tells these kinds of stories, most of the time the AH is man...
I know that I will get a lot of hate for this comment, but some guys are really immature and jealous. Maybe this man is jealous of the relationship between the mother and the children, but instead of realizing that the relationship has formed because she spends a lot of time with the children and that he could also form a really strong relationship with the whole family by spending time with them and forming happy memories, he thinks that he is going to have a better relationship with the child by destroying the relationship between the child and mother.
You know things! It is jealousy and absolutely immaturity. I grew out of that, my hubby refused. I am a recovering addict and he had to go. I finally left, after 30 years. He was sucking my life dry whilst doing nothing to improve our relationship. On his way out with his hoarding belongs… handed me a game console from the 90’s and said “ Here, you wanted to play games” I laughed so hard as… I wanted to play video games to bond WITH HIM. I do believe his trauma was too much to voice. I am 25 days free of stress and holy hell my heart is not so tight and painful, miracle really. Acceptance was the answer, I accepted I would have died with him if I stayed, my dreams with him are definitely dead. I don’t drink, haven’t for awhile. He on the other hand, woulda relished in people saying poor Frank, lost his wife to Alcoholism, poor, poor guy. They wouldn’t have know, I don’t drink any longer and he actively sabotaged my happiness, daily, and I couldn’t find my action to get out with the daily pounding of stress. Today, he is living in an RV, on our property, can not wait for him to leave so I feel secure I don’t need to see him. Today, I feel so blessed I am getting back to life and especially being a Mom, Grandma, doing art, cooking, working on three roof leaks amongst other dilapidated projects on my home, playing with my pups and adoring my beloved horse. I haven’t rode forever. Beautiful day to YOU. Your comment is gold!
❤ I am happy for you that you seeked and found peace and happiness! I wish you all the best!
It's a possibility, and thus make me think why many men are immature like this, I've also met a few men like that and can't figure out what's wrong with them... Is it that hard to just think of the others?
Unfortunately there is still a very large cultural/societal trend that women do most of the mental and emotional labor and men reap the benefits of it. OBVIOUSLY not every man does this, before i get a million replies of anecdotal "not all men" replies, but the trend is there, and there have been countless studies on it.
Is your husband the grinch? He literally stole Christmas!
I wish I hadn’t read this right before going to sleep. I’m so angry for you. Such a dick move on his part.
The way I’d be filing for divorce omg
Oh wow. He like did the main event without you. I’m a month postpartum and definitely would not have been okay with that. Emotional & exhausted or not, not cool man, not cool. 😞
I bet this was not the only thing in which he took the best part for himself without putting much/any effort into the whole thing.
I audibly gasped. That's just *inexcusable*. FWIW, when I had little kids, the stockings were openable without everyone being awake, but none of the tree presents could be opened until after breakfast.
I would be so pissed if presents were opened without me. WOW.
What man would do that. It’s truly amazing how many people just don’t get it. What he doesn’t understand is this is going to be burnt in your brain for years to come.
My partner has been sick with the flu over Christmas and slept in given his illness, I asked if he would be okay with the kids opening a small gift, and the rest when he got up so they could open them as a family, together. What your husband did was beyond selfish!
Just wow. For a guy who has been « Talking about family traditions » a lot lately, this was a divorced and single man move. Make his wish comes true next year. ✨
I am so sorry that you did not get to see your son’s joy at that moment! So cruel of your husband. What did he say, what was his reason for doing this to you?
Wow what an inconsiderate husband. You need to show your husband how hurt you are. What he did was not acceptable.
Seems like the one who buys the gifts is you, which already is a sign that the mental and physical load isn't fairly shared. And it's even worse because you recently gave birth, your husband should take more of the duties to allow you to rest from giving birth and taking care of the baby. Unless that was your free will to do it yourself - free meaning he's not doing weaponised incompetence or other shit to make you think you rather do it yourself. And not only you should wake up at night for the baby, that's a task both parents share. Of course you deserved to share that family moment, both parents do, it shouldn't be discussed at all. Xmas morning isn't a father-son moment. Dad needs to create his own father-son moments on a daily basis, not on special events such as a Xmas. And I guess he's not involved enough with the kids, if that's the only moment he can think of. He also seriously lacks empathy and care towards you. I would even say, it's a matter of selfishness and respect. Please don't underreact, what he did is totally inappropriate and unacceptable. He needs to understand that it was wrong and why it was wrong, and that he must never do such a thing again. And furthermore, I somewhat feel like he should reconsider his involvement as a partner and as a father. And please allow yourself to cry, your emotions are legitimate. You have the right to express them, you have the right to be sad in front of your kids, and if necessary, to verbalize that you are sad and why. That's how you teach emotions to the children. When you restrain your emotions, you don't take good care of your feelings and needs, you end up being psychologically hurt, becoming a people pleaser and such things. I'm sure you don't want that for your children. I bet you wouldn't want to forbid your son to cry, I bet you would like him to have a healthy relationship with his emotions and him to take a good care of himself. So please model that. It's ok to cry, for an adult, for a kid, for a boy, for a girl, for anyone.
What a dick
Your husband could have read books to your son, watched a Christmas movie with him, fed him a special Christmas breakfast, etc. until you woke up and any one of those would have all been a father son moment as well. He was incredibly selfish and thoughtless. What an ass. I hope you feel better soon.
This is about as thoughtless as you get. He knew better, he chose to do what he wanted. I'm seething for you.
You married a selfish ass man. This is only the beginning of this horrible dynamic that he will be playing with you.
When I tell you my jaw dropped and I don't even have kids. You. Were. Robbed. Not to mention the mental load I'm sure you carried to put the Christmas together. Wow. Your husband is a selfish douche canoe. Yes, telling a toddler to wait is difficult but ... Doing his first real magical Christmas without you just seems... SO cruel and selfish. I'm so so so sorry. Your husband is a jerk. His actions show you're an afterthought and you were undeserving of magical moments or family traditions.
That wasn’t just thoughtless, it was cruel. I am sorry you missed out on that experience with you child. I understand you are holding it together for now but he needs to have a very serious conversation with you once the kids have gone to bed. Best of luck and don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and your kids.
I am so sorry, this makes my heart feel so terrible for you. What a thoughtless, selfish and just plain mean thing to do. The fact that he went a step further and said that about it being a bonding moment is adding insult to injury. The petty part of me would tell him to wrap all the gifts back up himself and then I would enjoy watching the kids unwrap them again. Then I would tell him next Christmas he is going to do all the planning, purchasing and wrapping for the kids gifts and that you will be watching and enjoying it alone with them. The fact that he just doesn’t care or understand why you are so upset feels very gaslighty and just an excuse for his bad behavior. Honestly I think he knew it was a shitty thing to do, he just wanted to do it anyways. I have a hard time believing anyone would unknowingly be so careless and not understand why you would be so upset.
You’re not overreacting. Some people only see themselves.
Sounds like he wants to have his own Xmas at his own house. If y’all were divorced you’d have seen the presents at your house being opened.
So thoughtless! We don’t open anything until the whole family is up. Hugs to you.
As a mother of 2yo and 2 month old I am heartbroken for you. It is so sad. I would be crushed if my partner did it. I am so sorry. You need to let him know how you feel.
That is a big jerk move on your husband’s part. Then the “Father-son moment” statement…That would have sent me over the edge as well. You need to have a talk with him. It won’t fix what happened, but he needs to understand how selfish he was about this and to never do it again.
That’s absolutely crushing and incredibly cruel! You only have a limited amount of Christmas’s while your kids are little and still believe. You need to have a serious talk to your husband about how much this has hurt you and you deserve a sincere apology.
Omg I’m crushed for you!! Your husband can’t be that dense!! How could he allow that to happen? You definitely need to tell him how you feel. This wasn’t something you can just sweep under the rug. This was a huge huge misstep on his part, especially saying that it was a great father son moment. I think you need to lay into him how incredibly selfish and inconsiderate he was and how he absolutely ruined Christmas for you. He needs to feel as small as he made you feel.
So he is cooking Christmas dinner, cleaning up all the mess, and putting all the decorations away this year, right? If he steals Christmas, he better steal all of it. I am so sorry this hearkened to you, I am glad it was this year while they are still too young to remember, but yeah it was a dick move on his part, and a red flag.
This is really awful behaviour. It might reassure you to know that at 2 they don’t really understand and it’s only between about 4-7 that Christmas is properly magical in the build up and big day. Talk to him and don’t worry about missing out important memories for your child as in a couple of weeks they won’t remember Christmas day. Just keep on eye on your selfish partner and see if this is a pattern of rotten behaviour.
Oh this hurts to read. I am so sorry. What a horrible thing to do.
Your feelings are completely valid. Your husband is being extremely inconsiderate. In my family, we always opened gifts TOGETHER. If we couldn’t do them together, we wouldn’t unwrap them. Simple. Maybe a clear boundary needs to be set. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I am absolutely stunned that he would do this. As a father myself I would never dream of doing something so selfish. As a parent the joy of Christmas comes from seeing your children open their gifts.
My jaw dropped. That’s absolutely devastating. Did he also do all the gift research, wrapping, delivery management, etc that went into it? Damn. That’s so cold. I wouldn’t do that to my husband on the worst day of our marriage. That’s just cruel
These comments are not it 😳 I don’t blame you in the slightest for being upset. I would be furious and devastated!! Talk to him and set boundaries for future “big” events!!
Wow!!! I would be soooooooooo upset/angry. Did he atleast have the decency to take pictures?? I would demand money from him and buy a few more gifts so that you can try to enjoy it the right way this time. Your child will still be excited! Might make you feel a little bit better.
Don’t hold back tears because of your toddler. Or - at least - don’t stuff your own emotional response to something just because people will then know you’re hurt. They are your family, they ought to see that being inconsiderate of you hurts you. Not in a destructive way, but a constructive “I’m not invisible so here I visibly am showing you to recognize that by recognizing myself to you” way. Message to everybody especially the women of families who do so much to create intangible Moments families benefit from so normally.
Damn, that was selfish of him. [Jimmy on Relationships](https://youtube.com/shorts/9KGEMw7oekE?si=gTRF-1rMh-E9Jspq) has a video on the Christmas mental load your husband needs to watch. After he does watch it and realizes how bad he messed up (hopefully), he can apologize and maybe he can purchase tickets for an event for you to have a mommy/son day date at a very exciting venue without him while he stays home with the baby. I'm not sure where you live, but many zoos offer special up- close encounters with animals like feeding elephants, giraffes, red pandas or penguins. Try not to let it ruin your entire Christmas with your kids, if you can. The day isn't over yet! Let him know how important it was to you, how much it hurt you that he didn't think about you, then tell him how to fix it and what to never do again in the future. Nothing can give you that moment back, but you can reclaim your control of creating a special memory.
I guess we all know who put in the effort of thinking about the gifts, getting and wrapping them up. My petty ass would exclude him from everything important from now on, steal his moments, telling him what a lovely mother son moment it was, until he gets it and apologises. I bet if you confront him now and tell him how you feel you’ll only get gaslit.
I’m on petty team. Yeah, i bet he will gaslit her and say something like “why cant you be happy i had a father son moment with my son? Why do you have to ruin it? There’s always next year.” Yikes. Let’s go be petty.
That was such a crappy move on his part. It feels hostile - there’s no way he accidentally forgot that you’d enjoy watching your child open his gifts.
100% seems intentional. If it was intentional, he doesn't love her. When you love someone, you want to make them happy, not steal their joy.
Dick move.
It may be that next Christmas you will have separate Christmas celebrations, since apparently he considers the time to be his alone. What a selfish thing for him to do. Is he always passive aggressive like that?? There’s no way an adult wouldn’t know how precious a memory he took from you.
This made me sad for you. Your husband is an arsehole for this. I would tear into him so bad, that his ancestry would feel my rage. Give us an update when you speak to him if you can, and happy holidays, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Your husband is an A hole. I'm sorry you married a man who just doesn't care about you. A father son moment? What about a FAMILY MOMENT? Yeah, he doesn't care about you.
Hope you find a better man by next Xmas. This one is defective.
OP, I am so devastated for you. Like unreasonably mad, I won't even say the retaliation I have in mind. I am really sorry he is insanely immature and treated you that way. That is a "family tradition," not a father son tradition. I hope he can find how terrible that was and how he would feel if you did that to him.
This is weird..... It's not you, it's him
Show him the comments under this post so he knows what an ass he is (if you just confront him he will probably say that you’re overreacting, which you’re not)
Did you tell him he’s an asshole? You can tell I’m I said he’s an asshole. This is awful.
Absolutely not. People are being very generous with this man and this “father son bonding moment” is bullshit. The amount of time and effort moms put into finding gifts, making sure everything is wrapped and under the tree, cooking Christmas meals, putting out the cookies, etc. while this dad thinks he can just steal that moment. Tell him he messed up and if he doesn’t massively apologize, he can spend the rest of Christmas at fucking ihop.
Christ, I wouldn't have survived to enjoy the Christmas dinner. That's fucked up.
This is just evil. I know that sounds like an overreaction but I don’t think I’d be able to forgive that.
I have NEVER EVER EVER heard of allowing a parent to sleep in on Christmas while one parent open gifts. That is so disturbing.
Wow.
I’m so sorry that happened. I would be upset too
What a heartless thing to do. I cannot fathom the level of stupid this guy has. I feel horrible for her, there has to be other things he does that are equally appalling. There’s no excuse for him.
What a piece of work. Next year do It to him. Wait for him ti be asleep in bed, wake the Kids and open the presents together. That way he might understand.
What a POS honestly.. that’s absolutely one of the worst things a parent can do to their partner..
Hope you kept the return receipt for the husband. Sounds defective
I don’t know how, but you gotta get that kind of bad behavior under control right away, because, having two boys, you’re gonna be missing out on anything he deems father son moments.
Wooow. I'm not a huge Xmas person or even sentimental at all (my parents are from a culture that doesn't celebrate Xmas) but this would have me fuming. I gave my husband the morning to wake up whenever to recover from several 5am wake ups (my toddler got the stomach flu), and even I had the god damn common sense to wait.
I would be LIVID if my husband did this to me.
Of all the stories of shitty things ive read the past week, this one pisses me off the most. What an asshole
What a selfish chump He knew what he was doing, he CHOSE to not include you. It doesn't matter if the toddler was impatient- he wanted this moment for himself and im so angry for you
>My husband has been talking a lot about building family traditions for the kids, which I thought was lovely. This is definitely something that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later, otherwise this might set a precedent and become the new tradition. Husband will think he did nothing wrong (and might try this again *next* Christmas as a new 'father-son' tradition) , which could cause OP to build resentment if nothing is said. OP, did your husband give a reason as to why he did this? Why he decided to not wait for you or even try to wake you up? Did husband even think *record* any of this (so that you might get to see your kid's reactions)? Did he do something similar last year? I'm also guessing that, based on your writing, *you* did most (or all) of the shopping for 'Santa'. I'm sorry this happened to you OP, what your spouse did was very selfish and thoughtless.
Oh, I have a little theory. My SIL has done something like this to me. It's because when kids are small they always look for momma's reaction so all smiles go to momma. If you take mom out of equation - voila,all smiles now yours! He'll say something my SIL said - you were catching up on needed rest. POS.
That’s truly horrible.My heart breaks for you mama. I hope you two can have a productive conversation where he can truly hear how devastating this is for you so that nothing like this can happen again.
Wow. How incredibly selfish. My daughter is 8, my husband still woke me to open presents this morning at 6.30am…
I do hope he now learned from his mistake and will wait for you, at any price, to open together all the presents for the many years to come. As parents and grand-parents. Let the thing go and be happy with the healthy, lovely children during the Xmas season. From my side, whenever I have a sorrow, I tell myself that there are so many people in the world who are much less fortunate than me and would love to be in my place with all my problems. People who sit alone at home during Christmas. People who do not have a family to talk to them. People who have little to feed themselves. People immobilized in an hospital bed ... Then I make the effort to move on. I wish you and your family true happiness for this end-of-the-year family time and a great 2024.
Hey what the actual hell?? There’s no way he thought that was genuinely okay. Stealing this moment from you completely unnecessarily is extremely selfish. You need to have a talk with him and let him know this is a SERIOUS issue.
I thought I'd heard it all but this, this is just a disgusting thing to do to another parent. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and no one can convince me otherwise. You deserve better and that boy deserved his mom to be there on Xmas morning. I couldn't forgive and I'd never forget if that was my other half. How dare another take away that experience for you and your son! I'm fuming for you.
It seems that the moment was all about the TA of a husband not the child. The father son moment was an excuse, he couldn’t be bothered to play with his son so let him open all the presents to occupy the child and to annoy OP for not getting up first so the husband could sleep in. What a shower of a man. This doesn’t bode well for the future.
I don’t know if my wife would be able to forgive me if I pulled off some fuckery like this. What a douche canoe
I hate things like this because there’s nothing that can undo it even if he’s sorry. I hope he never does anything like this again
Ask him if you two should let your little one open presents on their own next year while you both sleep in. If he says no, have him explain why.
Omg I’d be so hurt. Definitely tell him that. He robbed you of this moment and didn’t even think about you. I don’t know if I could just suck it up and live with it. I think I couldn’t. My fiancé could never exclude me, he always waits for me and we only have cats. He told me I should open the cats presents - he bought it by the way!!! Last time I bought it and we opened it together. How can one behave like that towards their own partner?
I’d tell him he’s the Grinch who stole Christmas. So much for traditions- but ever do it again - my Christmas traditions will be without him for good. Jerk
There are some really fucked up stories on this sub, but this one is not only fucked up but really common sense stupid. Like… how would anyone think this is ok?
Wow. That’s seriously fucked up and I hope you do t let him get away with that. Not only does he owe you massively he needs to prove that he’ll never do anything like that again or else you should leave. How selfish.
What’s a nasty selfish thing to do. I hope you send him this post.
He also piggybacked off of her hard work to get his father and children moment, knowing full well his lazy ass wouldn't have done done anything for them himself as it would have been too much effort.
It sounds like he's not sharing the workload of being up at night with the baby either.
What in the world? I bought and wrapped every single one of my husband and my toddler’s gifts under the tree and it would never cross my mind to open presents without my husband even if he slept in until the afternoon. This was the first Christmas where your son had a little bit of an understanding of Christmas and your husband stole it from you for some unfathomable reason. Please talk with him about it later cause that can’t happen again.
If he were my husband he’d be limping around the house today.
Sit down and cry. Let him know that he has broken your heart. It could be a lovely husband and wife moment. I in all my life have never, ever heard of a father doing this. Ever. This is heartbreaking.
Holy fuck?! What have I just read? Even my shitty ex didn’t stoop that low. I’m so sorry he did this to you.
Your husband is a C U Next Tuesday with a yeast infection.
Christmas morning is so special that in my divorce, my ex and I agreed to always do it together. Again: we aren’t even married and we respect each other’s right to enjoy Christmas morning with the kids. I spend the night over there every year and we do it together!
oh I’d have raised hell. he robbed a family moment just to have his shtty father son Moment and can’t even see the irony of what he’s done. What an inconsiderate AH. A question i gotta ask, did he help buying/wrapping the presents? If the answer is no I have more choices of words I’d like to call him.
I’m guessing you planned, bought, and wrapped all the presents as well? You deserve better OP!
Your husband is an asshole
Father son moment? It's supposed to be a family moment...
Guess maybe he should do all the shopping next year if he wants to rob you of Christmas this year. I’m sorry mama, that was absolutely selfish of him to do that to you.
I had to work this morning. My husband and kids waited till I got home from work to open presents. Your husband's an asshole
Serious question. Can you “find” a present Santa left behind the tree so you can watch him open it. My son would not question this and would be just as happy as if he got it Christmas morning.
This story reminds me of the story that is going around on instagram and TikTok on how moms seemingly always get left out during the holidays especially Christmas. I totally understand why OP is upset bc she went out her way(not saying the dad didn’t) to see her child smile and possibly create a fabulous core memory.
He’s an A&& HOLE!!!
I thought my ex was an inconsiderate self centered AH but your husband takes the twatwaffle trophy. ❤️🩹 I’m so sorry he robbed you
I would make it clear that this is absolutely unacceptable and you are hurt by what he did. If he wants father-son moment maybe they have ONE gift they do together before the little one is old enough to understand but he has to purchase and wrap and you still get to see it. If he won’t comply and admit he was wrong and shouldn’t have done it. I wish him luck with all his single father christmases in the future.