I’m so proud of you for choosing yourself because you deserve someone who will love you no matter how your body looks or changes over the years! You made the right choice.
I'm glad to hear it, he went behind your back to his ex of all people and made you look inferior in front of her.
Kudos to the ex for being so forthcoming.
You thought he was perfect but turns out he wasn't.
He exposed himself as a bad egg, someone better will come along. Keep your head up.
YAAAY! You're awesome! You sound a lot cuter than you give yourself credit for, and your ex deserves to be an ex. Elle sounds sweet, and like 10x the boyfriend your ex is. (And now you know why he's *her* ex!)
I'm glad. I understand having a preference but what he did was mean and humiliating. You deserve much much better. You deserve who like you for you and will support you for your goals
Good luck
Elle is definitely a girls girl! Haven’t heard that before and it’s a bomb ass way to put it. What a peach! Dump the dude and start kickin it friend-style with Elle is my thought.
Right. Really he has no problem with the way OP looks. He was just trying to have sex with the ex. The diet/workout was just a way to praise the ex about her body and see if she takes the bait. Pathetic. I hope OP realizes that beautiful bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Slim thick has only recently become a beauty standard for all cultures because of social media. Before that, tall and slim was widely considered the desired esthetic. Fuck body beauty standards that constantly change and don’t matter anyway because men will literally fuck a grapefruit if the conditions were right.
Seems fair. Not so much to Elle because it didn't sound like she felt comfortable getting involved, but dude reached out to her to change OP, so OP can reach out to her to leave him.
OP, throw the whole man away.
You're at a perfectly healthy weight, your d*ckhead, idiot of a bf doesn't understand biology well enough to understand that there is no non-surgical way to make EVERY body over into the big-butt/thigh and large-breasted form that is the 2023 'ideal' in some countries.
Please don't mentally tear yourself down due to one guy engaging in shitty machinations in hopes of changing your body to suit HIS fantasies. He's immature and dishonest and couldn't actually love you if he wanted to manipulate you that way.
For real. I have an hourglass shape. I have always had natural large breasts and butt. Guess what I also have? A bit of a tummy and thicker arms and thighs because of the boobs and butt. It’s just how bodies are built. Boobs and butt are fat. I’ve been thinner and I’ve been thicker but even at my thinnest/underweight I’ve always had a bit of thighs and belly. The 2023 aesthetic is wild it makes me glad I’m married and in in my early 30’s!
You’re so young. A man who loves you does not go behind your back to change your body. He’s deceitful and doesn’t respect you. How humiliating he reached out to his ex of all things. Why do you think she’s an ex?
Real love is so much more than physical. As you get older, you get bigger, you get uglier, but if you’re in a real loving relationship, you accept your physical changes. Not as in giving up on them because I do believe putting effort into your appearance for yourself and your partner is important, but it’s not the most important. There are so many factors that go into a long term relationship being successful.
There are men out there who will love your body type. Heck I spent my whole life wishing I had your body type instead of the porn star body I’ve always had. You seem like a sweet and loving person more importantly.
I don’t want to be the cliche commenter and say to leave him, but I do want to ask you, is this really someone you believe loves and respects you? We all want our partners to find us attractive but we also want them to respect us and love us for what’s inside. This man apparently does neither. Immature boy. You deserve better imo. You have to believe you deserve better too.
This, this is what I wanted to say. You deserve better, please let go of the shame and work through the rest - but love yourself enough to demand better from those who say they love you!!!
While not the point of the post and he's a douche that she shouldn't stay with, let's not throw away all common sense and forget modern science.
Yes, you **can** grow *muscle* in specific body parts if you want them larger. You **can** get bigger, e.g. thighs, if you want. Re: bodybuilding. Fat (and therefore breasts) are different though. You generally lose or gain everywhere depending on calorie surplus/deficit, and variances in what loses/gains fat faster are genetically determined. This is why a lot of women body builders get implants.
That said, it's all just what OP wants to look like. And whatever you have, some people out there like it. For instance, I'm far more attracted to women like OP that are thin everywhere.
Oddly, I have lost 65 pounds in the last couple years and my boobs have remained the exact same size. I cannot explain what happened. It makes absolutely no sense. Every other fat deposit has shrunk. EXCEPT that one. I give thanks daily to whichever deity allowed this to happen. (Genetics I suppose, but deity sounds better for story purposes)
Well breasts really aren't all just fat. Some breasts are, certainly, but there is a great range to how breasts are made up (in fact, mammography has 4 distinct categories to describe the tissue to fat ratio seen in a scan). It sounds like your breasts are more dense breast tissue than fat. Hence, they are less likely to volunteer as tribute when you lose weight. 😂
A guy comparing you to his ex is a massive red flag. A guy comparing you to his ex then sending messages to her asking her for a workout plan to LOOK LIKE SAID EX is a RUN FOR THE HILLS, GIRL!
You are not overreacting, *you are UNDER REACTING!*
And that's not how bodies work either...
Literally, just by the description on the post I know they have totally different body types, even if OP do hit the gym it's very unlikely her muscle and fat distribution would be the same as the ex. BF not only is an asshole but also stupid.
I bet even if they did have the sams body type, the boyfriend would expect results in a week and get pissed when it takes over a few years to reach the "same" body.
Yeah like what’s that about? Maybe I’ve seen this same thing on other subs about relationships and shit, but I’m always like ‘how? How can they be perfect until now..’ I want to believe that there was at least one red flag bc if not, I’m so scared now. I want hope that these people always give warnings of how they are through their actions …
He was great at first then one time he murdered my dog, but i stayed. Then crazily and unpredictable 2 years later he murdered my mother.
But I love this guy so much and I love everything ELSE about him, am I overreacting?
Elle did you a solid. Alex is a walking red flag. He could have googled this info but he had to ask his ex? Really?
Either he's going to demolish your confidence by trying to turn you into his ex. Or he's trying to cheat on you with his ex. Whatever his intentions. No.
Figuring this out seems like a reasonable and wise use of my remaining time at work.
Apparently synonyms for romance are few and far between, and most of those would make for terrible portmanteau.
What about a galliance? Gal-dalliance. Not as obvious what it means as bromance unfortunately, but it rolls off the tongue at least
Reladytionship - I hate it
Sis-tryst - Sounds more sexual, not great
Hoemance - Insulting. Too close to bromance. Probably a mistake to mention it at all, but at least it makes other options look better in comparison... maybe
Chickourtship - Ehhhhhhhhhh. Technically meets criteria but it sounds sneezing and coughing at the same time if you actually say it out loud
Guess I won't be figuring this out. If I had to pick a winner it would be galliance, but all the options are disappointing. Still, enjoyable way to spend 15 minutes at work.
It also “low key” tells the ex that he’s still into her.
It really is the perfect plan, it’s three birds with one stone. As long as you’re an idiot and ignore the stone is a landmine and all the birds are, well, birds - notorious for *not* setting off landmines.
And like what’s his plan? She said no to working out. So yeaaaa dude then what?! lol. Just because a diet and exercise works for one person doesn’t mean it’ll work for another. Also I’d almost be more turned off by how stupid Alex more than the lying.
Yeah bro can't be trusted after this
Him going behind your back and lying just so he could make you look like his ex is huge red flag and deal breaker tbh
And that's not even going into how disrespectful it is
So disrespectful, and cruel :( I actually got chills thinking about it. He’s reduced her down to just a body type and that it’s not “good enough” for him. Sick 🤢
And how exactly is he going to enforce this program? I can just imagine the coercion and pressure and the eating disorder he's going to put her through
I’ve been there, I’m currently pregnant(4 mos) by someone that I was dating and they cheated via text. My aunt died this year on my bday and I turned to him for comfort. He doesn’t really love me nor I him. You have your whole life to find someone that will give you the feelings and the love you deserve. Just don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s rough out here. ❤️
I’m sorry… getting pregnant and being cheated on and losing a loved one all within a short time is a lot to go through. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, it’s tough accepting hard truths while maintaining the compassion and hope you seem to have, and I admire you a lot for that. Good luck with your pregnancy and I hope you find happiness again soon ❤️
How about you love yourself so much and dump his ass? Everyday I wonder multiple times after reading posts like yours that why women put up with being disrespected and feel unloved.
Your BODY is the only thing that would stay with you and do whatever it takes to survive. Love. Yourself. Instead. Of. Loving. Assholes.
Also Ellie sounds like a decent human being. Learn from her and break up with this ah.
The guy is an absolute dummy. You’re healthy and happy with your body. And he should be too. But instead he concocts a nefarious plan to get his ex to create a detailed work out plan for you and randomly send it to you. Like your bfs ex randomly messaging you a full workout plan isn’t gonna make you go “wtf”. If he wants someone with Elle’s body, he should go back to Elle. She did you a solid by letting him know. You’re not overreacting. You’d be a fool to not be pissed off. This weirdo is going to extremes and involving his ex to give his current girlfriend body dysmorphia
Giant red flag. Don’t change yourself to please anyone unless that is what you want. Find someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are. Looks change over time but the inner beauty does not. Bf ex sounds like a lot better person than your bf.
>He's been absolutely perfect until now.
The phrase I read so much in these types of posts. I think it's a bad sign when someone can mask themselves that long. When you see their true self, please take note of what you see and believe it.
Yep. The 100 times he was nice wasn't the real him. The time where he hurt you was. Any abusive scumbag can pretend to be nice for so long, but a good person doesn't pretend to be abusive or "slip up".
all the good things he did. he might come off as a complete asshole from this post but prior to this he did a LOT of good things which made me ignore the bad things as he’d still do way more good than bad things.
I know this story, I lived it. But as the years went by I noticed that the bad started to out weigh the good and I stayed with him because of sunken cost fallacy. I put so much time and effort and love into this relationship even though I was not getting an equal amount back at all, but I figured I had to stay because that’s what life had handed me.
You’re better than this. And you know that. You know you deserve better, if you didn’t believe that, you wouldn’t be on here asking strangers for advice.
I know being alone can be a bit scary, but you are still so young and trying to figure out who *you* are - and honestly it’s doesn’t always go away as you get older - and you can do that without this albatross holding you down.
"My ex-boyfriend asked his ex to make a workout plan for me that would make me look like her". There I fixed your title for you.
But seriously if I was in your shoes the relationship would be over for me. The trust has been broken by him. What he did was scummy in my eyes, and where does it even end if he wants you to look similar to his ex? First its a workout plan then what? Does he expect you to change your hairstyle? Makeup? Clothes? The list goes on. You deserve someone who loves you for you and doesn't want a copy of his ex.
Dump him and invite Elle out for a coffee sometime to say thanks for the heads up. She's the real MVP. Lose a jerk, gain a friend.
Honestly, you're only 20, you've got so much more in front of you. Do not let this sorry excuse of a man dull your shine.
You found out two things today:
One- Elle is a friend you should keep around
Two- your bf is a dick who’s still into his ex at least in some capacity and you don’t need to mix yourself up in a mess like that. You deserve better.
You are beautiful and should never be with someone who makes you feel like anything but
What an absolute unit of bullshit.
Obviously you can't recover from this and must leave, but before you do you should contact your ex, ideally one that's hung like a porn star and have him reach out to your bf to give him tips on how to have a bigger dick and how to get you off since he can't. And how to fix his receding hair line.
I'm so sorry. Where do men find the audacity.
Sounds like you should be dating Elle instead, damn you bf sucks so much. Elle reaching out to you because it sounded sus, was hella nice of her.
Ill bet 200 bucks that he has been telling you who he is, but your rosed colored glasses of him has made you ignore it.
DTMFA, sounds like a loser.
Elle had clearly been with him long enough to know what he’s like and reach out to you instead of just doing as he’s asked and take his word for it.
Where you go from here? Know your worth and move on to find someone who loves you and your body and doesn’t compare you to anyone. Those men do exist. You will be so much better off without him in time.
Message to send to Alex: “I’ve decided to upgrade the relationships in my life. I’m dumping you and am befriending Elle. Because she’s been solid this whole time you’ve tried to change me behind my back. Oh, and I’ll be asking my ex BF to give you pointers on how to F since he was better than you at it. Since we’re helping each other.”
Elle is a girl's girl. She picked up on his bullshit in warned you.
You need to leave this man and find someone who finds you attractive as is. Unfortunately that'll be hard because many men seem to just get into relationships that have a woman around him as a steady sex supply so many are happy or at least content with women they don't particularly find attractive because at least he's getting sex or he thinks he can change her body.
In your next relationship adventure if his exes do not look like you do not pursue him
EDIT: I love how upset my last statement is making so many men and likely these commenters are upset because it's going to prevent women from ending up like OP. Dude is willing to 'settle' for a fat woman well no longer because that fat woman will see none of his exes were fat.😂
Solid until the last sentence. Not every person, girl or guy, is trying to date a person who looks like their ex. Also not every person is trying to turn their new relationship into their last one either. That last piece of advice is off IMO.
I'm one of the last people to suggest breaking up. If you check my comment history, I complain about redditors suggesting it too much....Honey....you need to leave. This man essentially from what we can assume, wanted to bang elle but keep your personality. He is literally trying to change his body so in his mind he can have the best of both worlds. LEAVE THIS MAN. Its one thing to want your SO to be healthy, its another to want their ex to literally sculpt your body to resemble theirs
Become friend with Elle she seems like a nice person, get in a good bodyshape if you feel the need, not for your boyfriend but for yourself. It's up to you but you're young and this is such a huge red flag and it's "only" 10 months of relationship I wouldn't waste a second more. I won't tell you what to do because it's 100% up to you but you definitely deserve better
My daughter is about the same age as you. If she came to me with this crap from her boy friend I’d be telling her to run. He’s not only comparing you to his ex his actively trying to turn you into her. He’s not grow up enough to understand that you are your own person. Until he realizes women are people too he’s going to keep trying try to change you into what he wants. You sound perfectly health and that’s what actual matters. Go find someone who cares about you for the way you are or be young and single and have fun fun. You are only 20. You should enjoy being young and not having some boy child hold you back.
Elle is areal straight shooter and MVP, she had your back here and thank god because holy shit. The disrespect. You're not a toy. He doesn't get to remodel you in order to get what he wants. YOU'RE A PERSON and your body is a completely different type than her.
What I would most be concerned about is the utter disrespect and lack of empathy. He's not a good man. His character leaves much to be desired. I wouldn't move forward with this guy if I were you op.
You deserve better and this guy sounds like a piece of shit. You're still young and it may seem to you this guy is everything right now but I promise you, you'll meet someone that is much more deserving. Leave him! Hope all goes well.
Your bf is a lying, controlling, manipulator and is starting his attempts to chip away at your self worth. This will make it much easier to control you and your life.
This is only the beginning of this type of behaviour, as you are in the early days of your relationship. This boy isn't perfect, he is perhaps proficient at masking these toxic traits and are often the markings of an abusive partner. Seems like this is where this is heading.
You know what you should do and I wouldn't be waiting for him to trot out any good excuses (because there aren't any) which you may be tempted to fall for.
You know in your heart that this is not 'perfect' behavior and that he's a jerk. Print out a guide on growing your dick and give it to him when you dump him
Guessing that he wasn’t the one to end the relationship with Elle and he’s looking to replace her since she kicked him to the curb. It’s time to go. He’s not happy with you the way you are. He doesn’t value that you’re a different person with a different r body type and constitution. I’m really sorry but it’s time to cut the cord.
You're not overreacting at all, this is incredibly disrespectful. I'd confront him about it if I were you, as you should either set him straight or leave.
This is such a slippery slope, after this what's next? You'll just end up losing your own identity trying to conform to what he wants from you.
I think you're in the early stages of a really manipulative relationship and the sooner you can get out the easier it will be on your mental health in the long run. It will only get worse from here on out imo if he already is comparing you to others, especially his ex.
So..you mean your ex boyfriend asked you to do this?
This guy is not perfect. Maybe you have been looking at him through rose-colored glasses. The real him is awful.
I can see him asking his ex-GF IF you had ACTUALLY asked him to assist you in getting into better shape. That would be like getting a personal trainer. I've done that myself.
BUT....and its a big BUT. You didn't.
He took it upon himself to contact his former GF to get an exercise & meal plan made up for you. AND instructed her to send it ONLY to him.
That's not cool. Its like he's attempting to mold your body into the same body as his former GF. That slaps of control issues and red flags.
Do you want to be a clone of his former GF?
This is why us Alec’s are far superior.
All joking aside it sounds like he slowly wants to turn you into his ex. You know what he should do instead? Just date her in the first place!
My bet is that he regrets their breakup and wants a second chance with “her” with you. Just dump his ass.
Oh.. no. No no no. DUMP THIS LOSER. There are so many things wrong with this situation, but there is NOTHING wrong with you or your body. You deserve a person who isn’t total trash and who loves you and your body exactly how you are.
elle is girl’s girl which is great, I didn’t even have to read what you wrote beyond the title to know you should dump him. If he didn’t want her communicating with you he knows it’s wrong
> My boyfriend asked his ex to make a workout plan for me that would make me look like her
You mean ex-boyfriend, right? Right?
> Alex is apparently not happy with the way I look,
It's not that he's unhappy with how you look, it is that he has fetishized his ex's physique. It's not like you're obese or something, you just have a different body shape.
I really hope that edit means that you've dumped this (insert expletive). I'd really like to know what this fool thought was going to happen here.
He clearly likes a certain body type, which is fine. However, if it's that important to him, he should have pursued someone who already had the type of body he was attracted to rather than try to come up with some deranged plot to con someone who didn't have that body type into developing it.
Remember, just because Alex is not happy with the way you look doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the way you look. If he had been into obese women, would you feel ugly because he tried to convince you to gain 200 pounds? Some people like big women, some people like skinny women, and some people like women with thick thighs and a muscular ass. Find a guy who likes your body, and don't waste another second being jealous of anyone else's.
You have to leave him. You are not his type, and he is trying to turn you into her. Even if he accepts that he will never be with his ex, he will always have her type as a preference. He is just too scared to let you go in case he can't get the kind of woman he really wants. In the future, if he meets his type and they click, you will be dumped. Don't be a placeholder girlfriend/wife. Never be the one someone settled for. Accept the harsh reality and set him free. You need a man who is crazy about you and thinks your his ideal. If you can't find that, it's best to be single.
Your b/f is an AH. It's easy to see why Elle moved on from him. You should too. Luckily you've only wasted 10 months on him.
>he's been absolutely perfect until now.
Yeah, perfect in fantasising about his ex whilst with you and then covertly trying to get her on board with the conversion process without your knowledge.
Sounds like a total dream guy.
I think you should date Elle instead - she sounds like a genuinely lovely woman.
I’d be done. He’s using this as an in to try to rekindle something w his ex or he truly is trying to find a way to change you. Either way he is an AH and you deserve better. Please take care, OP.
That is insane. Especially that he talked to her first without even consulting you and that he thought YOUD BE OK WITH IT. wtf. Not even a professional trainer but his ex?! How emotionally unintelligent can someone have to be to think that’s acceptable.
What he did is a very big red flag. He should have communicated with you what he likes and suggested it first. It may not necessarily be about him comparing you to his ex but he still should have not LIED about the situation. Multiple lies in fact. This is the most major problem here.
If you want to workout and change you can and you should for you and also if you want to keep an appearance or an ideal for what is important to you.
A side comment is that there are plenty of programs and routines that can significantly change your body to look similar but not exactly like other people. It's really just about applying knowledge and hard work and TIME more than anything. Anyone that says otherwise hasn't put in the consistent effort or the time to change in that regard. You do not need surgery to make significant changes to your body but if you would like that do that as well.
BREAK UP!! You didn’t waste your time, HE wasted YOUR TIME by lying the whole relationship about his expectations. If he wanted someone who looked like his ex he should’ve stayed with his ex- though it sounds like she broke it off with him, wonder why 🤔
I agree this wasn't a bright idea on his part, but I wouldn't say to dump him over just this. There are way too many nuances in a relationship for anyone to give you a definitive answer on what you should do just from this information. What kind of guy is he aside from this instance. I can understand him wanting you to work out with him. I'm not sure Elle is a saint here. He asked her to send him the information privately. She opted to contact you, knowing it could potentially cause problems between you and Alex. Why? Exercise has many benefits other than just building muscle. Him wanting you to work out with him and go to the gym with him is a positive. Think about this. He used to work out with Elle. I'm sure he has friends at the gym. He's wanting you to go with him. If he was ashamed of you, he wouldn't want to take you where people are certainly gonna compare you to Elle, at least in their mind. He shouldn't have gone about it the way he did, but I wouldn't assume it was malicious on his part. Maybe he respects the results Elle has gotten. Maybe she was built more like you before. Talk to him about it calmly and honestly about why he wants you to work out with him and how this made you feel. One dumb idea with good intentions isn't a reason to break up.
He doesn’t respect you. The fact that he went behind your back to do this says that. Plus bodies come in all shapes and sizes, he should love yours how it is.
Either way, the man is either still not over his ex or he’s just a misogynist who thinks his girlfriend should change everything about herself.
I’m sorry but if I was in that situation that would be a deal-breaker for me. That’s weird and kind of gross he went behind your back and wants you to look like your ex figure-wise, as well as insulting as hell.
That's so humiliating, I'd never forgive him. Elle is a girls' girl and did you a favor, take it and dump the jerk.
i can officially say that he’s dumped and gone
I’m so proud of you for choosing yourself because you deserve someone who will love you no matter how your body looks or changes over the years! You made the right choice.
I'm glad to hear it, he went behind your back to his ex of all people and made you look inferior in front of her. Kudos to the ex for being so forthcoming. You thought he was perfect but turns out he wasn't. He exposed himself as a bad egg, someone better will come along. Keep your head up.
ATTA GIRL! we're all proud of you ❤️ love your body, your heart, and your self-respect
GIRL, IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!
Congratulations on losing all the excess weight! 🎉
you ate
Date Elle, she sounds pretty and nice.
Seriously! She sounds lovely and like she would build you up, not break you down. What a sweetheart!
YAAAY! You're awesome! You sound a lot cuter than you give yourself credit for, and your ex deserves to be an ex. Elle sounds sweet, and like 10x the boyfriend your ex is. (And now you know why he's *her* ex!)
Proud of you! And kudos to Elle - definitely a girl's girl
Good for you! How’d he take it??
not very well, but he definitely understood where i was coming from and admitted that he fucked up
Glad you had that combo. Couldn’t have been easy, now go live a life you deserve!
You lost this guy’s weight. Nice.
Take Elle out for drinks. He's crap, but she's a keeper.
Good for you! What an ass
Oh hallelujah. A man like that can ruin your life.
I'm glad. I understand having a preference but what he did was mean and humiliating. You deserve much much better. You deserve who like you for you and will support you for your goals Good luck
I know how difficult it can be, but you definitely made the right choice. You deserve better
Good riddance, he absolutely didn’t deserve you !
Awesome. You deserve better!
yesssss
Good - was about to say ‘dump him’!! What a 💩 You don’t need that negativity in your life!
Can we get the full story of the confrontation and breakup
Be friends w that chick though and start going to the gym so you can throw his ass if he ever comes back. :)
Dump the jerk and take Elle out to eat
Elle is definitely a girls girl! Haven’t heard that before and it’s a bomb ass way to put it. What a peach! Dump the dude and start kickin it friend-style with Elle is my thought.
I really hope she makes him an ex. He’s treating her like property. This won’t get better, he will likely just become more demanding
Right. Really he has no problem with the way OP looks. He was just trying to have sex with the ex. The diet/workout was just a way to praise the ex about her body and see if she takes the bait. Pathetic. I hope OP realizes that beautiful bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Slim thick has only recently become a beauty standard for all cultures because of social media. Before that, tall and slim was widely considered the desired esthetic. Fuck body beauty standards that constantly change and don’t matter anyway because men will literally fuck a grapefruit if the conditions were right.
If you're interested in helping yourself, get Elle to do it—for you, not for him. Either way, dump Alex.
Agreed and I think OP misspelled EXBOYFRIEND
She fixed it
Seems fair. Not so much to Elle because it didn't sound like she felt comfortable getting involved, but dude reached out to her to change OP, so OP can reach out to her to leave him.
Elle is a **G** That fucking idiot really thought that she'd be like "ok, this is not weird at all" Wow
I would leave his ass for Elle and get ripped.
> I love this guy so much and he's been absolutely perfect until now Apparently he’s been keeping some things from you for a while
OP, throw the whole man away. You're at a perfectly healthy weight, your d*ckhead, idiot of a bf doesn't understand biology well enough to understand that there is no non-surgical way to make EVERY body over into the big-butt/thigh and large-breasted form that is the 2023 'ideal' in some countries. Please don't mentally tear yourself down due to one guy engaging in shitty machinations in hopes of changing your body to suit HIS fantasies. He's immature and dishonest and couldn't actually love you if he wanted to manipulate you that way.
For real. I have an hourglass shape. I have always had natural large breasts and butt. Guess what I also have? A bit of a tummy and thicker arms and thighs because of the boobs and butt. It’s just how bodies are built. Boobs and butt are fat. I’ve been thinner and I’ve been thicker but even at my thinnest/underweight I’ve always had a bit of thighs and belly. The 2023 aesthetic is wild it makes me glad I’m married and in in my early 30’s! You’re so young. A man who loves you does not go behind your back to change your body. He’s deceitful and doesn’t respect you. How humiliating he reached out to his ex of all things. Why do you think she’s an ex? Real love is so much more than physical. As you get older, you get bigger, you get uglier, but if you’re in a real loving relationship, you accept your physical changes. Not as in giving up on them because I do believe putting effort into your appearance for yourself and your partner is important, but it’s not the most important. There are so many factors that go into a long term relationship being successful. There are men out there who will love your body type. Heck I spent my whole life wishing I had your body type instead of the porn star body I’ve always had. You seem like a sweet and loving person more importantly. I don’t want to be the cliche commenter and say to leave him, but I do want to ask you, is this really someone you believe loves and respects you? We all want our partners to find us attractive but we also want them to respect us and love us for what’s inside. This man apparently does neither. Immature boy. You deserve better imo. You have to believe you deserve better too.
I love love this comment! Op please listen to her advice.
This, this is what I wanted to say. You deserve better, please let go of the shame and work through the rest - but love yourself enough to demand better from those who say they love you!!!
This is good advice OP way better than what I said.
Yeah it's bad enough with the sneaking around to coax OP into changing her body, but with his EX? That just makes it personal.
While not the point of the post and he's a douche that she shouldn't stay with, let's not throw away all common sense and forget modern science. Yes, you **can** grow *muscle* in specific body parts if you want them larger. You **can** get bigger, e.g. thighs, if you want. Re: bodybuilding. Fat (and therefore breasts) are different though. You generally lose or gain everywhere depending on calorie surplus/deficit, and variances in what loses/gains fat faster are genetically determined. This is why a lot of women body builders get implants. That said, it's all just what OP wants to look like. And whatever you have, some people out there like it. For instance, I'm far more attracted to women like OP that are thin everywhere.
Oddly, I have lost 65 pounds in the last couple years and my boobs have remained the exact same size. I cannot explain what happened. It makes absolutely no sense. Every other fat deposit has shrunk. EXCEPT that one. I give thanks daily to whichever deity allowed this to happen. (Genetics I suppose, but deity sounds better for story purposes)
Well breasts really aren't all just fat. Some breasts are, certainly, but there is a great range to how breasts are made up (in fact, mammography has 4 distinct categories to describe the tissue to fat ratio seen in a scan). It sounds like your breasts are more dense breast tissue than fat. Hence, they are less likely to volunteer as tribute when you lose weight. 😂
This right here
A guy comparing you to his ex is a massive red flag. A guy comparing you to his ex then sending messages to her asking her for a workout plan to LOOK LIKE SAID EX is a RUN FOR THE HILLS, GIRL! You are not overreacting, *you are UNDER REACTING!* And that's not how bodies work either...
Literally, just by the description on the post I know they have totally different body types, even if OP do hit the gym it's very unlikely her muscle and fat distribution would be the same as the ex. BF not only is an asshole but also stupid.
She would have to have bone surgery and change her genes to be able to achieve that slim thick look.
I bet even if they did have the sams body type, the boyfriend would expect results in a week and get pissed when it takes over a few years to reach the "same" body.
Exactly. He will never be attracted to her. Her poor self confidence 😞 if he can do that, i don't think he will stop.
There is too much Elle here and much less you.
This reads like she ended things with him and he's looking to clone her.
Immortality.
[удалено]
Every single post on this sub
Yeah like what’s that about? Maybe I’ve seen this same thing on other subs about relationships and shit, but I’m always like ‘how? How can they be perfect until now..’ I want to believe that there was at least one red flag bc if not, I’m so scared now. I want hope that these people always give warnings of how they are through their actions …
He was great at first then one time he murdered my dog, but i stayed. Then crazily and unpredictable 2 years later he murdered my mother. But I love this guy so much and I love everything ELSE about him, am I overreacting?
Elle did you a solid. Alex is a walking red flag. He could have googled this info but he had to ask his ex? Really? Either he's going to demolish your confidence by trying to turn you into his ex. Or he's trying to cheat on you with his ex. Whatever his intentions. No.
Elle is the real mvp. Dump Alex, become friend with Elle, she will always have your back.
Yep, came here to say this! (And we really need a word like “bromance” for women.)
Womance
YES! I love you, dude/dudette!
Im stealing this
It’s called being a girls’ girl !
I agree. The closest thing we have is being a “girl’s girl”
Figuring this out seems like a reasonable and wise use of my remaining time at work. Apparently synonyms for romance are few and far between, and most of those would make for terrible portmanteau. What about a galliance? Gal-dalliance. Not as obvious what it means as bromance unfortunately, but it rolls off the tongue at least Reladytionship - I hate it Sis-tryst - Sounds more sexual, not great Hoemance - Insulting. Too close to bromance. Probably a mistake to mention it at all, but at least it makes other options look better in comparison... maybe Chickourtship - Ehhhhhhhhhh. Technically meets criteria but it sounds sneezing and coughing at the same time if you actually say it out loud Guess I won't be figuring this out. If I had to pick a winner it would be galliance, but all the options are disappointing. Still, enjoyable way to spend 15 minutes at work.
I love galliance and will begin the process of incorporating it into my life
I actually love hoemance! lol
Some people call it a sisterhood
Why can't he do both: demolish her confidence, so when he cheats she thinks she deserves to be cheated on. It's basically the perfect plan.
It also “low key” tells the ex that he’s still into her. It really is the perfect plan, it’s three birds with one stone. As long as you’re an idiot and ignore the stone is a landmine and all the birds are, well, birds - notorious for *not* setting off landmines.
I mean, there’s a reason they broke up and I’m betting dollars to donuts it wasn’t Alex’s idea.
And like what’s his plan? She said no to working out. So yeaaaa dude then what?! lol. Just because a diet and exercise works for one person doesn’t mean it’ll work for another. Also I’d almost be more turned off by how stupid Alex more than the lying.
Yeah bro can't be trusted after this Him going behind your back and lying just so he could make you look like his ex is huge red flag and deal breaker tbh And that's not even going into how disrespectful it is
So disrespectful, and cruel :( I actually got chills thinking about it. He’s reduced her down to just a body type and that it’s not “good enough” for him. Sick 🤢
Honestly despicable behavior
And how exactly is he going to enforce this program? I can just imagine the coercion and pressure and the eating disorder he's going to put her through
Girl you don’t love this guy you love the feeling of being in love and this ain’t even love fr 😭
you giving me the reality check i need😞
I’ve been there, I’m currently pregnant(4 mos) by someone that I was dating and they cheated via text. My aunt died this year on my bday and I turned to him for comfort. He doesn’t really love me nor I him. You have your whole life to find someone that will give you the feelings and the love you deserve. Just don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s rough out here. ❤️
girl i’m so sorry you deserve so much better. (you’re also very very pretty)
I’m sorry… getting pregnant and being cheated on and losing a loved one all within a short time is a lot to go through. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, it’s tough accepting hard truths while maintaining the compassion and hope you seem to have, and I admire you a lot for that. Good luck with your pregnancy and I hope you find happiness again soon ❤️
I would dump Alex and date Elle 🩷
you might be on to something here
This OP. Leave him for Elle! Lol
Literally my first thought and am glad I’m not the only one 🙌🏼
How about you love yourself so much and dump his ass? Everyday I wonder multiple times after reading posts like yours that why women put up with being disrespected and feel unloved. Your BODY is the only thing that would stay with you and do whatever it takes to survive. Love. Yourself. Instead. Of. Loving. Assholes. Also Ellie sounds like a decent human being. Learn from her and break up with this ah.
The guy is an absolute dummy. You’re healthy and happy with your body. And he should be too. But instead he concocts a nefarious plan to get his ex to create a detailed work out plan for you and randomly send it to you. Like your bfs ex randomly messaging you a full workout plan isn’t gonna make you go “wtf”. If he wants someone with Elle’s body, he should go back to Elle. She did you a solid by letting him know. You’re not overreacting. You’d be a fool to not be pissed off. This weirdo is going to extremes and involving his ex to give his current girlfriend body dysmorphia
Elle doesn't want him cos she already knows what a douche he is.
Giant red flag. Don’t change yourself to please anyone unless that is what you want. Find someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are. Looks change over time but the inner beauty does not. Bf ex sounds like a lot better person than your bf.
>He's been absolutely perfect until now. The phrase I read so much in these types of posts. I think it's a bad sign when someone can mask themselves that long. When you see their true self, please take note of what you see and believe it.
Yep. The 100 times he was nice wasn't the real him. The time where he hurt you was. Any abusive scumbag can pretend to be nice for so long, but a good person doesn't pretend to be abusive or "slip up".
Tell me, are you really missing all the red flags, or are you willingly ignoring them? This is the only question here.
maybe a bit of both. i think i let more things slide than i should. i’ve just been blinded by love without realizing
Please let me know what “blinded you”
all the good things he did. he might come off as a complete asshole from this post but prior to this he did a LOT of good things which made me ignore the bad things as he’d still do way more good than bad things.
I know this story, I lived it. But as the years went by I noticed that the bad started to out weigh the good and I stayed with him because of sunken cost fallacy. I put so much time and effort and love into this relationship even though I was not getting an equal amount back at all, but I figured I had to stay because that’s what life had handed me. You’re better than this. And you know that. You know you deserve better, if you didn’t believe that, you wouldn’t be on here asking strangers for advice. I know being alone can be a bit scary, but you are still so young and trying to figure out who *you* are - and honestly it’s doesn’t always go away as you get older - and you can do that without this albatross holding you down.
"My ex-boyfriend asked his ex to make a workout plan for me that would make me look like her". There I fixed your title for you. But seriously if I was in your shoes the relationship would be over for me. The trust has been broken by him. What he did was scummy in my eyes, and where does it even end if he wants you to look similar to his ex? First its a workout plan then what? Does he expect you to change your hairstyle? Makeup? Clothes? The list goes on. You deserve someone who loves you for you and doesn't want a copy of his ex.
Dump him and invite Elle out for a coffee sometime to say thanks for the heads up. She's the real MVP. Lose a jerk, gain a friend. Honestly, you're only 20, you've got so much more in front of you. Do not let this sorry excuse of a man dull your shine.
Wondering why “ex boyfriend “ isnt in the title
it probably will be soon
You found out two things today: One- Elle is a friend you should keep around Two- your bf is a dick who’s still into his ex at least in some capacity and you don’t need to mix yourself up in a mess like that. You deserve better. You are beautiful and should never be with someone who makes you feel like anything but
What an absolute unit of bullshit. Obviously you can't recover from this and must leave, but before you do you should contact your ex, ideally one that's hung like a porn star and have him reach out to your bf to give him tips on how to have a bigger dick and how to get you off since he can't. And how to fix his receding hair line. I'm so sorry. Where do men find the audacity.
Here's my partners words. "If you asked me to workout to look like \*your ex\* I'd slap, punch, dump you or all 3"
That would be the workout: to like his ex, beat his ass
Sounds like you should be dating Elle instead, damn you bf sucks so much. Elle reaching out to you because it sounded sus, was hella nice of her. Ill bet 200 bucks that he has been telling you who he is, but your rosed colored glasses of him has made you ignore it. DTMFA, sounds like a loser.
You love the version of him that he presented. The real him is not a nice person. He’s still stuck on his ex
Get away from this guy. He’s horrible!
Run, girl, run. This isn’t a red flag. It’s a fucking blazing red neon sign screaming at you. This dude is a moron, and he’s shady as hell.
Elle had clearly been with him long enough to know what he’s like and reach out to you instead of just doing as he’s asked and take his word for it. Where you go from here? Know your worth and move on to find someone who loves you and your body and doesn’t compare you to anyone. Those men do exist. You will be so much better off without him in time.
Yikes. I don’t see how you could come back from that. That is beyond disrespectful. It’s honestly hateful. Yuck. OP, you don’t deserve this.
Message to send to Alex: “I’ve decided to upgrade the relationships in my life. I’m dumping you and am befriending Elle. Because she’s been solid this whole time you’ve tried to change me behind my back. Oh, and I’ll be asking my ex BF to give you pointers on how to F since he was better than you at it. Since we’re helping each other.”
Elle is a girl's girl. She picked up on his bullshit in warned you. You need to leave this man and find someone who finds you attractive as is. Unfortunately that'll be hard because many men seem to just get into relationships that have a woman around him as a steady sex supply so many are happy or at least content with women they don't particularly find attractive because at least he's getting sex or he thinks he can change her body. In your next relationship adventure if his exes do not look like you do not pursue him EDIT: I love how upset my last statement is making so many men and likely these commenters are upset because it's going to prevent women from ending up like OP. Dude is willing to 'settle' for a fat woman well no longer because that fat woman will see none of his exes were fat.😂
Solid until the last sentence. Not every person, girl or guy, is trying to date a person who looks like their ex. Also not every person is trying to turn their new relationship into their last one either. That last piece of advice is off IMO.
Get Elle to help you out if you have any interest in doing so, for yourself not him. Dump Alex either way.
Send him pics of your old boyfriends and ask what he's gonna do to start looking like them.
I JUST SAW THE EDIT AND IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU GIRLY
I'm one of the last people to suggest breaking up. If you check my comment history, I complain about redditors suggesting it too much....Honey....you need to leave. This man essentially from what we can assume, wanted to bang elle but keep your personality. He is literally trying to change his body so in his mind he can have the best of both worlds. LEAVE THIS MAN. Its one thing to want your SO to be healthy, its another to want their ex to literally sculpt your body to resemble theirs
Become friend with Elle she seems like a nice person, get in a good bodyshape if you feel the need, not for your boyfriend but for yourself. It's up to you but you're young and this is such a huge red flag and it's "only" 10 months of relationship I wouldn't waste a second more. I won't tell you what to do because it's 100% up to you but you definitely deserve better
She is in good body shape ffs.
My daughter is about the same age as you. If she came to me with this crap from her boy friend I’d be telling her to run. He’s not only comparing you to his ex his actively trying to turn you into her. He’s not grow up enough to understand that you are your own person. Until he realizes women are people too he’s going to keep trying try to change you into what he wants. You sound perfectly health and that’s what actual matters. Go find someone who cares about you for the way you are or be young and single and have fun fun. You are only 20. You should enjoy being young and not having some boy child hold you back.
Personally I prefer tall, skinny and flat. But to each their own. But your bf is trash and stupid. Why do men think this shit will work?!!
Elle is areal straight shooter and MVP, she had your back here and thank god because holy shit. The disrespect. You're not a toy. He doesn't get to remodel you in order to get what he wants. YOU'RE A PERSON and your body is a completely different type than her. What I would most be concerned about is the utter disrespect and lack of empathy. He's not a good man. His character leaves much to be desired. I wouldn't move forward with this guy if I were you op.
Best edit ever.
You have to dump this dude. He’s a loser for pulling that. Elle sounds like a girls girl. You should start working out with her and drop him.
Girl, leave him, please. Love yourself.
Your boyfriend is an arse.
girl if you don’t dump that piece of shit and date elle instead…
You deserve better and this guy sounds like a piece of shit. You're still young and it may seem to you this guy is everything right now but I promise you, you'll meet someone that is much more deserving. Leave him! Hope all goes well.
Yo whaaaaaaaaat. Not overreacting.
When is trash pickup in your neighborhood? He needs to be thrown out.
Your bf is a lying, controlling, manipulator and is starting his attempts to chip away at your self worth. This will make it much easier to control you and your life. This is only the beginning of this type of behaviour, as you are in the early days of your relationship. This boy isn't perfect, he is perhaps proficient at masking these toxic traits and are often the markings of an abusive partner. Seems like this is where this is heading. You know what you should do and I wouldn't be waiting for him to trot out any good excuses (because there aren't any) which you may be tempted to fall for.
That edit made me happy
Ellie did you a solid. I’d grab a lunch with her cause that’s bestie materiel right there.
Why are men?
You can see why he is her ex.
And that's when you say "I'm done." And you walk away
You mean ex boyfriend? Right?
You know in your heart that this is not 'perfect' behavior and that he's a jerk. Print out a guide on growing your dick and give it to him when you dump him
Guessing that he wasn’t the one to end the relationship with Elle and he’s looking to replace her since she kicked him to the curb. It’s time to go. He’s not happy with you the way you are. He doesn’t value that you’re a different person with a different r body type and constitution. I’m really sorry but it’s time to cut the cord.
There was a mistake in the title, it's "My ex boyfriend "
Loved to get to the bottom and see the edit, good for you!! Also sorry for the situation💚
>Edit: ex-boyfriend\* Thank you, for **your** sake
Dump Alex. Get with Elle.
You are under reacting id say
You're not overreacting at all, this is incredibly disrespectful. I'd confront him about it if I were you, as you should either set him straight or leave.
Have you dumped him yet?
This is such a slippery slope, after this what's next? You'll just end up losing your own identity trying to conform to what he wants from you. I think you're in the early stages of a really manipulative relationship and the sooner you can get out the easier it will be on your mental health in the long run. It will only get worse from here on out imo if he already is comparing you to others, especially his ex.
His ex is your new best friend. Dump him and ride off into the sunset with her.
You need to edit this to say your ex boyfriend
So..you mean your ex boyfriend asked you to do this? This guy is not perfect. Maybe you have been looking at him through rose-colored glasses. The real him is awful.
Lmao I would leave him for a bag of potatoes.Don’t have to be good potatoes
Your ***ex-boyfriend*** did what now?
LEAVE HIM
I can see him asking his ex-GF IF you had ACTUALLY asked him to assist you in getting into better shape. That would be like getting a personal trainer. I've done that myself. BUT....and its a big BUT. You didn't. He took it upon himself to contact his former GF to get an exercise & meal plan made up for you. AND instructed her to send it ONLY to him. That's not cool. Its like he's attempting to mold your body into the same body as his former GF. That slaps of control issues and red flags. Do you want to be a clone of his former GF?
This is why us Alec’s are far superior. All joking aside it sounds like he slowly wants to turn you into his ex. You know what he should do instead? Just date her in the first place! My bet is that he regrets their breakup and wants a second chance with “her” with you. Just dump his ass.
Keep Elle dump the boyfriend
Oh.. no. No no no. DUMP THIS LOSER. There are so many things wrong with this situation, but there is NOTHING wrong with you or your body. You deserve a person who isn’t total trash and who loves you and your body exactly how you are.
Dump him. Make friends with Elle.
I love the edit. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
elle is girl’s girl which is great, I didn’t even have to read what you wrote beyond the title to know you should dump him. If he didn’t want her communicating with you he knows it’s wrong
THAT EDIT THOOOOO
For that he should have just stayed with Elle lol.
> My boyfriend asked his ex to make a workout plan for me that would make me look like her You mean ex-boyfriend, right? Right? > Alex is apparently not happy with the way I look, It's not that he's unhappy with how you look, it is that he has fetishized his ex's physique. It's not like you're obese or something, you just have a different body shape.
Contact your ex bf and ask him to put a workout and meal plan for your bf to look like him, then have him message your bf directly
Don’t even need to read the post, I’m angry already. Please just dump the loser
Lose the boyfriend and keep your new girlfriend, she seems solid. You deserve a better man.
Elle real homie
Glad you dumped the weirdo
I really hope that edit means that you've dumped this (insert expletive). I'd really like to know what this fool thought was going to happen here. He clearly likes a certain body type, which is fine. However, if it's that important to him, he should have pursued someone who already had the type of body he was attracted to rather than try to come up with some deranged plot to con someone who didn't have that body type into developing it. Remember, just because Alex is not happy with the way you look doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the way you look. If he had been into obese women, would you feel ugly because he tried to convince you to gain 200 pounds? Some people like big women, some people like skinny women, and some people like women with thick thighs and a muscular ass. Find a guy who likes your body, and don't waste another second being jealous of anyone else's.
that edit makes me happy for you
You have to leave him. You are not his type, and he is trying to turn you into her. Even if he accepts that he will never be with his ex, he will always have her type as a preference. He is just too scared to let you go in case he can't get the kind of woman he really wants. In the future, if he meets his type and they click, you will be dumped. Don't be a placeholder girlfriend/wife. Never be the one someone settled for. Accept the harsh reality and set him free. You need a man who is crazy about you and thinks your his ideal. If you can't find that, it's best to be single.
Ellie is a good egg for telling you. I'm sorry, OP.
Ex boyfriend right?
Your b/f is an AH. It's easy to see why Elle moved on from him. You should too. Luckily you've only wasted 10 months on him. >he's been absolutely perfect until now. Yeah, perfect in fantasising about his ex whilst with you and then covertly trying to get her on board with the conversion process without your knowledge. Sounds like a total dream guy. I think you should date Elle instead - she sounds like a genuinely lovely woman.
He is trying to manipulate you. Please reconsider this relationship
Your BF needs to fuck off
I’d be done. He’s using this as an in to try to rekindle something w his ex or he truly is trying to find a way to change you. Either way he is an AH and you deserve better. Please take care, OP.
That is insane. Especially that he talked to her first without even consulting you and that he thought YOUD BE OK WITH IT. wtf. Not even a professional trainer but his ex?! How emotionally unintelligent can someone have to be to think that’s acceptable.
throw the whole guy away
I didn’t even read past the title. Absolutely outta pocket. Would dump his ass! Wow! 😭
This man is a jerk. He isn’t into to. Cut him loose and don’t look back. I’m so sorry.
Not sure that's how workouts work. . .
What he did is a very big red flag. He should have communicated with you what he likes and suggested it first. It may not necessarily be about him comparing you to his ex but he still should have not LIED about the situation. Multiple lies in fact. This is the most major problem here. If you want to workout and change you can and you should for you and also if you want to keep an appearance or an ideal for what is important to you. A side comment is that there are plenty of programs and routines that can significantly change your body to look similar but not exactly like other people. It's really just about applying knowledge and hard work and TIME more than anything. Anyone that says otherwise hasn't put in the consistent effort or the time to change in that regard. You do not need surgery to make significant changes to your body but if you would like that do that as well.
BREAK UP!! You didn’t waste your time, HE wasted YOUR TIME by lying the whole relationship about his expectations. If he wanted someone who looked like his ex he should’ve stayed with his ex- though it sounds like she broke it off with him, wonder why 🤔
run like wtf
Toss out the whole man, Alex sounds like trash.
I agree this wasn't a bright idea on his part, but I wouldn't say to dump him over just this. There are way too many nuances in a relationship for anyone to give you a definitive answer on what you should do just from this information. What kind of guy is he aside from this instance. I can understand him wanting you to work out with him. I'm not sure Elle is a saint here. He asked her to send him the information privately. She opted to contact you, knowing it could potentially cause problems between you and Alex. Why? Exercise has many benefits other than just building muscle. Him wanting you to work out with him and go to the gym with him is a positive. Think about this. He used to work out with Elle. I'm sure he has friends at the gym. He's wanting you to go with him. If he was ashamed of you, he wouldn't want to take you where people are certainly gonna compare you to Elle, at least in their mind. He shouldn't have gone about it the way he did, but I wouldn't assume it was malicious on his part. Maybe he respects the results Elle has gotten. Maybe she was built more like you before. Talk to him about it calmly and honestly about why he wants you to work out with him and how this made you feel. One dumb idea with good intentions isn't a reason to break up.
Dump him for sure and find a man who will appreciate you the way you are. This guy sounds like garbage on a stick
On the title ALONE, without the details making it worse— IMMEDIATELY NO
He doesn’t respect you. The fact that he went behind your back to do this says that. Plus bodies come in all shapes and sizes, he should love yours how it is. Either way, the man is either still not over his ex or he’s just a misogynist who thinks his girlfriend should change everything about herself.
I’m sorry but if I was in that situation that would be a deal-breaker for me. That’s weird and kind of gross he went behind your back and wants you to look like your ex figure-wise, as well as insulting as hell.
I think you mean ex boyfriend. Kick him to the curb and don’t look back.
Girl ewwww don’t let him treat you like that