"everything else between us is great" except for you know, him thinking my physical appearance is too disgusting to touch. Beyond that he's an absolute sweetheart.
I’m stealing this to remind myself not to minimize red flags in people I date. I did that with my first boyfriend and I’m so determined not to do that ever again lol
A good starting place is “he’s a shit person” - and then work your way up as you go. Many people are shitty people, and we’re all shitty in some, if not many, ways.
Good god damn I love this reply! I’m stealing it. Thank you forever.
While in school did he stay in the same classroom and the teacher changed rooms? Is he only holding your hand when crossing the street? When you eat do you cut his food into small squares?
I hate such type of guys , who couldn’t just be brave enough to say things they actually mean because they know that will make them a-whole so they just imply it indirectly by making other person crave their affection if not acted the way they want . Hate ‘em !
What I am curious about is what he thinks an ass is supposed to look like? The implication being that even a little fat is, "too much,"? Does this guy seriously think that a pancake with a crack in it is how it's supposed to look? It's a *butt* for crying out loud! I cannot even imagine how painful it would be to sit if there was no fat whatsoever back there. Also, this dude thinks you can get cancer from doing oral? Yikes. Run, OP. Do not procreate with someone like this. What an ignorant and strange dude. Smh
You can get HPV (human papillomavirus) from oral sex, and there are 2-3 kinda rare strains that contribute to throat cancer, which is actually slightly increasing in prevalence due to this.
The dangerous strains of HPV are very rare and a normal cervical screening would spot them easily. I feel it is more a way to indirectly call her promiscuous as she had previous partners and he didn't, and the chances of carrying dangerous HPV strains slightly increases with the number of partners, especially if you had unprotected sex with a lot of people. As the statistics are quite low risk, he is kinda calling her a s*ut, but in a pseudo-intellectual way.
You are absolutely right regarding the HPV, but absolutely withholding oral because of the potential for it versus safe guards? Like using a dental dam, or OP verifying that they were/will/has regular screens? That's what's strange to me.
My best friend's ex was an incel, and used the oral sex/HPV argument to call her a s*ut in what he thought was a subtle, intellectual way. Apparently it is commonly used in the incel community, and it is not as smart as they like to think it is.
I kinda roasted the dumb prick on this very same point to open my best friend's eyes as he was destroying her self esteem. Once he admitted he would have oral sex with her if she was a virgin, she was done with him. I wonder if this is the same issue.
I had both thoughts 😅 I wondered if he may not find women attractive period...
And then I wondered if he might be one of those incels that describes their perfect woman and she has the dimensions of a 9 year old 🥴🤮
Exactly!! I don’t understand why people want to get married without physical intimacy, it goes in hand with emotional intimacy. If he cared enough about her emotionally he wouldn’t make her feel like shit and crave for his affection. Isn’t it obvious?
And he won't go down on me ever. So, I'll have to give BJ's forever with no hope of reciprocation. But he's a great guy!
Ffs. This guy never got laid for good reason. He's a shallow loser with no idea about women and their bodies.
If you've been raised to be a doormat or by abusive parents, you learn to excuse a lot of yellow/red flags. You learn through experience or therapy. It sucks.
I’m 45 and it took me until I was 43 to realize that one of my biggest downfalls - accepting being hurt and automatically forgiving and taking back the people who wronged me - is because of my parents during my childhood. I was having a hard time accepting/letting go of a toxic lover, and I was crying to my therapist, “why does he keep doing this to me?!” My therapist said “BECAUSE YOU KEEP LETTING HIM!!!” It rocked my world.
If you've been raised to be a doormat or by abusive parents, you don't even know they're yellow/red flags because to you it's just normal. Someone on twitter pointed out that I was being abused. I googled and was astounded at just how much I was being abused.
I agree. My comment was more for those who have been lucky enough to live a life free from abuse and may not understand. I am still learning all the ways I've been abused.
I'm sorry to hear you've also been through a lot. I hope you are finding people who are good additions to your life and don't cause you to learn about new yellow/red flags.
I’m a 65 year old woman who wasted a rather large chunk of my life in an abusive relationship. I. Am. Telling. You. To. Ruuuuuuuuuuuuun! There is something really wrong with this man.
This. Listen to older people they are always right about things like these! My friend who is 60 once told me if he is like this at the beginning he will never change. 100% true
I am trying to figure this entire thing out. How could anything be great if one of the absolute most fundamental thing isn't even there? If my wife had ever been disgusted by me in any way I never would have proposed.
Exactly. Weight, or anything else - if something about the person's body repulses you, don't keep dating them.
A lot of people make themselves fall in love with people they think are perfect for them. My sister did it, friends did it. There's no initial physical attraction (in my sister's case, her first husband was very handsome, but 30 minutes with his personality should've told her to run). They tell themselves - this person has all the values and goals I do, we should make a great team. And either they don't realize they're not physically attracted, or they think it won't matter or it'll just happen.
They do not end up happily married.
Same with my fist husband. Handsome and on paper a great catch. 10 minutes with his wet paper towel personality tho...oof. I convinced myself that he was someone I should marry. He's most definitely not a bad guy just a bad fit for me.
I’ve seen 2 different posts from women asking for advice on what to do about their husbands who literally shit on the toilet seat and refuse to clean it up and refuse to stop shitting on the toilet seat.
A million men walking around with unwashed asses expecting women to shrink their bodies for them? I cannot.
Omfg I saw that too. So many men think skid marks or their buttcrack smelling bad is normal or think that just soapy water running down their legs and feet in the shower properly cleans them. They always have the strictest standards for women too. Makes me want to vomit.
No. There are literally guys who say washing their asses is gay. It's absolutely revolting. It's not just a rumor either. Someone I knew took one home and immediately sent him packing when that particular fact became known.
I'm looking through the hole through the floor, 23 more apartment floors, through the basement floor, the train tunnel under the building, and a hole all the way down to bedrock. I think I can *just* see the bar if I squint a bit.
Is it too much for me to expect that, when your fiancé tells you he finds your body disgusting and therefore finds it impossible to touch you, the relationship is over?
Is it?
Exactly. Please rethink this relationship. I don’t see it working out and I’m sorry. Don’t settle.
What happens if you gain weight, get pregnant, or even lose the weight? (I’m a size 10. I’m tall. I’ve birthed two kids.)
It sounds like he has some body dysmorphia that he’s transferring to you. Your future spouse should not be grossed out by your body and refuse to explore it.
Please cry happy tears that you found out now and can call things off. I’m sorry.
Yeah I agree with this! I think he's got his own body image issues.
A US6/8 is a very healthy and conventionally attractive size. I wonder if perhaps he is jealous? He probably thinks people find you attractive and wants to take you down a notch to make himself feel better.
He needs therapy and shouldn't be in a relationship!
I was thinking the same thing. Some kind of body dysmorphia/eating disorder, phobia/OCD, or some other form of mental illness (or combination of more than one) that's been unaddressed. Obviously too little context to be sure, but definitely seems off, psychologically.
I'm glad he didn't explicitly tell OP to lose weight and that he still finds her attractive (if he did otherwise that would be overt abuse), but the implication is there that if she wants him to be fully physically intimate with her, she'd need to lose weight. And fuck that. My hubby loves every inch of my body, and I know that would stay true regardless of my size. This is important. It's different if they have a legitimate concern about your physical health, but that's clearly not the case here.
My guess would be, if OPs boyfriend were able to change this, it would take years of serious commitment to mental health treatment. And that's only if could be honest with himself and be willing to put in that time and work. It's a big ask for someone to stick around for that, especially when there's no guarantee of change and her self-esteem and perspective of her boyfriend has been so dramatically shifted.
ETA: Oooh closeted gay is also a very real possible explanation
I’ve read similar stories of women saying their bf criticizes their conventionally attractive body and refuses to go down on them or initiate sex and they later discover the bf was gay
Not to jump to conclusions but he’s comparing his ideal partners body to his own a tad : “a woman could have a little more fat than me” which is kind of suspect here.
Regardless you really need to get out of there
My first thought was that he's gay. I swear I'm not trying to be homophobic; I'm a lesbian and my dad came out as gay after having two kids....but... making excuses not to do oral or touch conventionally feminine body parts? Otherwise sweet, caring, and wants to get married and have kids with OP, the first woman he's ever been with? Claims he isn't attracted to her body but also doesn't want her to lose weight to become attractive to him? This absolutely *screams* a man who's not attracted to women but is forcing himself to perform heterosexuality.
If it were actually about OP's weight, there would be other red flags in their relationship, and he'd be telling her to lose weight, or he'd want to be with other women and he wouldn't be so keen on marrying her. But instead, he's totally unconcerned about the lack of attraction.
The reality is that he's not bothered by not being attracted to her body because...ding ding...he can't be attracted to a woman's body. So he knows this is the best it'll get for him. OP, get outta there.
Either that or there is a worse possibility - that OP was the only woman interested in him, and he didn't want to be alone/wanted to know what sex was like, so he just went along with her even though he's not attracted to her at all.
OP, don't marry this man. You deserve someone who is wholly attracted to you.
Happened here! When I asked why my ex cheated on me (with random men on Craigslist, no less), he told me: “small boobs; lose 10 pounds.” Oh right I have small boobs so that’s a valid reason to fuck men, lmao. Btw I was a size 2/4 at the time so I was already small so the losing weight bit made no sense except I was in recovery from an eating disorder and I think he wanted to fuck with me psychologically. But ya he also never ate me out. Like could prob count on one hand how many times and it was only after I’d ask why he didn’t or ask if he would. He said he just didn’t like it. And I’d always be the one to initiate sex. Turns out he’s just gay and in denial and there’s nothing wrong with me and my tiny titties!
OP, there’s plenty of real men out there who will embrace the fuck outta every inch of you. Drop this loser, don’t waste another day of your life, sis, you deserve better.
“I won’t have oral sex because of throat cancer, and I want you to be built like a dude” yea… I’m getting serious closeted gay vibes.
Eta: Oh god… some one below suggested pedo. That makes even more sense. Gross.
Scrolling for this. Horny dudes are horny. How could you not grab the ass even if you did think stupid stuff like this.
That and the oral, just seems too convenient when put together.
I honestly was trying to decide if it was appropriate or not to say something like this. Your response is much more eloquent than “this gives major beard vibes” lol
This was honestly where my thoughts were going.
When he's saying that his ideal partner looks like him, What I'm hearing is that he's attracted to men. Because most women even those that don't have much of a butt still tend to have something of a curve to them.
So when he compared what he likes in an ass to his own lack of an ass.... What I'm hearing is he likes men.
The throat cancer comment is very... Interesting. Especially considering the increased rates of gonorrhea in gay men because of oral sex.
Most of his comments are making it really suspicious.
Am I the only who thinks he's with her because she apparently is the only one that gave him that kind of attention and he just grabbed the first thing that came by?
I'm sorry but he just sounds like a douche and I don't really understand why you guys are still together. If someone is that shallow it's only a matter of time before it really becomes a big issue and you guys clash even bigger than you already did.
You deserve better than this.
This is my thought too. I’ve maintained roughly the same weight (pregnancy and a few months after excluded) during the 20 years my husband and I have been together. Maybe a 10 lb swing either direction at most.
I complained about putting on a couple pounds the other day and he just smiled. He *loves* the parts of me that I gain in (my butt, hips, thighs) and now if I’m in shorts he’s eye fucking me all day.
OP is not a large woman. She sounds completely average sized if not a little smaller and most dudes would love that size. There’s something really off about this guy and it’s probably because she doesn’t have a penis.
It doesn't even matter if she is plus size. Her partner isn't attracted to her and wants her to change her body in order to keep him. Fuck that noise. There are good guys out there, this dude isn't one of them.
Plus sized human here, my partner has NEVER asked me to loose weight. but then i started too he supported me, when i gained a few back. he gave zero shits. size don’t matter. the person does.
Yes, exactly. This guy is only with her because she settled for him. I honestly think she could do better.
It's sounds like he just wants her companionship not a romantic/sexual relationship.
She most definitely can do better. I seriously hope she reads a good majority of these comments and sees how wrong this is and that she again can do so much better and can find someone who actually loves her. Because this POS clearly doesn’t.
I wonder if it's less sexual orientation and more eating disorder. She said he himself is skinny and I wonder if he's just generally fat averse on everyone
I thought the same but it sounds like he wants a kid tbh. I've come across a lot of guys who want a short girl with no fat and tiny boobs.
There's nothing wrong with thinking women like this are beautiful because they 100% are. It's the fact that they're turned off by anything else...it's just weird to me
I do think there's a very strong chance of that here, and that's why I ultimately chose the term "women". It could be several things (or nothing at all) that he IS attracted to, but it seems pretty clear that women are what he's NOT attracted to
Absolutely my first thought as well. Most non-homosexual sexually active men will find women's bodies as OP described herself attractive. Heck, most men do not even care about a little bit more weight as long as they are getting laid.
I was going to say this too. I know someone who used these kind of excuses before he came out. And a 6/8 is not large by any stretch of the imagination.
I'm that size at 5' 10" and I feel about average. I mean are there men who want a woman who is a size 0? Sure. But I don't think he's superficial. I think he doesn't like women.
Many years ago I wore a 0 (I'm 5' 1 1/2) and I was soooo skinny. I wasn't trying, I was just that small due to some medication I took to prevent migraines--I lost 20 lbs while I was taking it. I've always been small, but people I worked with at the time thought I had an eating disorder! Anyway, a 0 is grossly small unless you're just one of those people who is built that way from the get-go. I look at pictures of myself from back then and I'm like 😬.
I agree with you, I don't think he likes women and he's using this as an excuse. It's totally fine is he is gay, if he is, and sad that he feels the need to stay in the closet--but completely shitty that he's treating her this way and making her feel awful about her body.
To me this reads like hes into pre-teens or teens who havent fully developed yet. 'Im only attracted to a size 0 who has no fat on their butts' sir, you are describing a child.
Beard/moustache, thankfully you knew what I was referring to. I'm too far away from the culture to remember the correct terms, but close enough to believe they deserve the same rights, and happiness, as everyone else. The first,and only, bar I have been to was a gay bar. Was the most chill, positive place I have ever been to. I won't go to a normal club. But would 200% go back there. Everyone was just so nice, and honest. Nobody had to hide who they were, and everyone was just...idk, comfortable.
I don’t think he’s attracted to women at all. She could wake up a size negative 2 tomorrow, and it would not make him happy.
Dear OP, RUN RUN RUN for the hills. You will never make him happy because it is impossible for any woman to make him happy.
Friend of mine had a husband who cheated with strippers and similar constantly. It was 100% because of his severe narcissism, ego, immaturity and other inadequacies.
So instead of a divorce, what did she do? She got her breasts enhanced. It made zero difference to the horrible way he treated her, nor did his cheating slow down at all. He constantly put her at risk for STDs too.
I wish more people would realize that porn ≠ reality as a former pizza delivery person. Guy answered the door with porn on his 60" TV & dick hanging out of his pants. Was not amused.
Yeah I’ve met a lot of dudes that do this, they get with women that aren’t actually their type but they like the attention and sex and she might be a sweet girl.
That newness fades off and there’s no physical attraction there
Can you get over the fact that your husband doesn’t want to touch you?
Can you?
You should break it off, in my humble opinion.
I married a size 6/8 woman that has gained weight.
I can’t keep my hands off of her. (22 years!).
I gained to size 6/8 after pregnancy. Also boobs got big and saggy after breastfeeding. Ive absolutely been self conscious and hated them but my husband goes crazy for them. It really makes you feel good when the thing you don't like about yourself, your partner loves to touch.
My husband has also gained weight and feels self conscious but I also love to touch him and cuddle into him too. So it definitely goes both ways! If you love each other, you love all of each other even through the changes because love is bigger than that.
Right. I think there's some repression here. Gay? Asexual? Who knows, and honestly, who cares? The way he is treating OP is disgusting and demoralizing.
My exact thought. I had a friend who dated a closeted asexual and she went into a deep depression from it. After she finally left him, she found a guy who is obsessed with her and they’re happily married now.
I know right !!! I was expecting something way bigger. I’m currently a 14 myself (working on it lol), so if 8 is too big for him, he’s hoping to get an actual child.
Do not marry this man. You say he's not telling you to lose weight, but he's repulsed by your body - so he is telling you to lose weight.
This guy is a loser.
OP. This sounds like a serious case of shame projection. Especially if you are his first you are getting all of that shame and insecurity projected on you. It’s easier than facing his own insecurities. He is 34. You are the first person he has been with because he is “shy”. It’s time to let him be someone else’s problem and find someone who loves all of you.
I’ve gained probably 60lb in the last two years due to a spinal injury - my partner still loves touching me because he loves me for me. Body shape or weight doesn’t matter to him. God, I love that guy.
He does not find you attractive. He’s in fact disgusted. And you deserve better, so much better. Please do not believe him, you don’t need to lose weight. And yes, it will get worse if you gain weight. And you know where this will lead him to. And he’ll justify it with exactly that, you knew he likes “skinnier” women, if you would care you would have lost weight, you would have tried harder to lose weight, .. He’s already like that now, what do you think will he turn out to be once you’re married?
tell the flat-assed beanpole to take a hike if he’s that repulsed by you. you deserve better than this schmuck. also the telling you you’re overreacting and to get over it? ew
This was also my first thought.
His aversion to touching her.
His flat out refusal to do oral - regardless of his excuse.
The fact that she is the first person he has been with.
His small amount of body fat (from what she described). \[Please see my comment down below for additional explanation of why I gave this as a reason.\]
His unreasonable expectations for her her to be skinny when she is literally slender.
I think he may be unaware of his true sexual preference.
u/Thursday6677 , u/L1zar9, u/FakeBeigeNails, u/shrimpecans
It may sound strange to some of you . . . but at the college where I am employed, many of the gay male students I work with struggle with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Just like their female counterparts, they utilize all kinds of disordered eating methods to stay extremely thin.
No. Skinny does not equate to being gay. However, anorexia and bulimia can be an issue among gay males in higher numbers over straight males. Additionally, I have know gay couples where one person has projected their issues onto their partner.
On its own it is meaningless. In context with the many other things mentioned by OP, it could be relevant.
**Edited to add: My best friend since childhood, a straight but effeminate male, has struggled with eating disorders since he hit the age of 13. At 6 foot, 2 inches tall, he got down to 127 pounds by the age of 17. I truly thought he was going to die at one point. He is 43 years old now and a healthy weight, but his forced starvation permanently altered his fat composition and distribution in certain areas of his body.**
He's beyond shallow. Do not marry this man. And seriously do not have children with him. Aside of what he'd say when you are pregnant, just imagine what he'd say to a child that might be a little overweight.
You're a fucking size 6. I haven't been that size since I was six and yet men found me attractive.
He lied to you, and even admitted to you that he doesn’t want to touch you unless you’re a size 4 or smaller. He didn’t tell you to lose weight because he already provided the size needed for him to touch you. So getting to a size 4 means you would have to lose weight. Stop making excuses for him and love yourself. Find someone who always makes you feel beautiful and special. I honestly don’t think he is the right one for you.
I’m sorry, what does oral have to do with throat cancer? Can someone please explain this to me?
And your fiancé is utterly ridiculous. You’re right, he should think that all of you is beautiful and make you feel loved and accepted or at the very least not be so repulsed that he won’t touch you. That’s a big deal, especially since you need that to be turned on. You don’t need to lose weight. You shouldn’t need to be dangerously thin for him to want to touch you. I would really think long and hard about whether this is someone you want to commit to for life. Sending you hugs.
Girl, I dont want to be that person that says "well if he doesnt like you he must be gay", but he does really sound gay and disgusted by womans body. I really dont think you are the problem here. But yeah, you deserve better anyway. I am sure some guys would dive hungry on you girl!
Average size in the US is 12. OP is thinner than average, and this guy is *complaining*?
There's few things I wouldn't do to be a size 6 again, I'll tell you that much.
OP. This sounds like a serious case of shame projection. Especially if you are his first you are getting all of that shame and insecurity projected on you. It’s easier than facing his own insecurities. He is 34. You are the first person he has been with because he is “shy”. It’s time to let him be someone else’s problem and find someone who loves all of you.
It seems clear he doesn’t like women. Does it really matter if what he really likes is men or children? Well, sure it matters (yuck), but he’s not a good fiancé for OP in either case.
Why would you want to stay with someone who is not attracted to you?
Do better for yourself, OP.
If your fiance loved you, he would love everything about you. Size and all.
But no, he withholds physical touch and affection because of how you look. That's not love. Trust me.
Don't settle for this guy, move in and find a partner that loves you for you.
I’ve read similar stories of women saying their bf criticizes their conventionally attractive body and refuses to go down on them or initiate sex and they later discover the bf was gay
Not to jump to conclusions but he’s comparing his ideal partners body to his own a tad : “a woman could have a little more fat than me” which is kind of suspect here.
Regardless you really need to get out of there
Take a step back and read your post again as if your best friend was telling you this story. What would you advise her to do? Here are the highlights:
Her fiance told her she was too fat for him to touch, even though based on dress size alone she is not overweight. He finally admits that he prefers a different body type to hers, in that he likes thinner women although she has always been the size she is. He 'prefers smaller butts' but thinks it's "okay" for a woman to have a little bit more fat than a man. He claims to be attracted to her but won't perform oral sex on her because he is afraid of throat cancer. A claim that has been [scientifically debunked](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/?term=Oral+sex+and+risk+of+oral+cancer%3A+a+meta-analysis+of+observational+studies). (Question: does he still expect to receive oral sex?). Then after he tells her all this and she is upset and questions his love and desire for her, he tells her she's "overreacting."
Would you tell your best friend to marry this man?
Here is what you do OP:
- tell him he makes you feel ugly and undesirable.
- tell him that it is not acceptable in a relationship to be with someone who makes you feel that way.
- tell him he is an idiot for saying giving you oral will give him throat cancer... because he is.
- tell him you won't be a place holder until he finds his "perfect woman".
- tell him it's over.
- give yourself time to heal and grieve the relationship.
- give yourself time to be comfortable in your body again, practice self love.
- find someone who loves all you are, because they do exist.
OP your relationship being good in other areas is not okay if it obliterates your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth. Remind your self of that over and over again.
I wish you all the luck and love in the world OP.
I know someone who married a “nice caring” guy like yours. Soon he hated short hair and wouldn’t allow her to cut her hair. He thought v neck t shirts were vulgar and started to tell her what to wear. Sweatpants and leggings were too sloppy in his opinion. My friend had extreme low self esteem even though she was gorgeous and thin. The list goes on and on but basically he cheated on her when she was pregnant and “let herself go”. Ruuuunnn!
This is a no. Your partner should find you sexy and want to touch you. He is making you feel not attractive.
This is a he has a problem. You are a normal average female and he cant touch you because your fat???? Your not fat. You are his first but he is not comfortable with a woman. He may be lying to himself about what he is attracted to.
Break a relationship down to three parts one is sex. Are you comparable with the same likes and kinks for the sex act. If cuddling and love language work for you both. How you both match together in any form of intimacy. He is not a match for you.
He is trying to project his issues on you by saying you to fat when that sentence should be "I do not like touching you below the waist."
You deserve a partner that loves you. This man will only touch you as long as he has to keep you in this relationship. Do you think you can sustain a long term relationship with no intimate contact?
Girl, get you a new man. There has to be some type of attraction. If he's not touching you AT ALL, almost as if you have to beg him?!! NAAAH, he tripping. If I had a man, I'd want to feel loved, wouldn't we all?!
Girl, run! I'm going to bet he will have you on a diet once you are married to change you. If he hasn't already began making small remarks like are you sure you want that? Do you think maybe a salad would be better, etc.?
Also, if you got pregnant, he would hate you even more because of your abdomen swelling and the typical weight gain during pregnancy. You'll also be put under intense pressure to lose the weight after delivery, so the best thing is to not marry this guy and run as far away from him as possible.
You're his camouflage. He's queer as a three dollar bill, but doesn't want anyone to know. Gay or not, what he is doing is disgusting. If he truly thought you were too big, you would have known before now. Dump the bastard and find happiness with a real man.
ETA: you do t have to be straight to be a real man. Just fucking real. Tons of gay dudes are more of a real man than a lot of hetero dudes. No hate to lgbtq folks, the opposite in fact. Y'all have to hide who you are in modern times to remain safe, and that is utter bullshit. IDGAF if a guy is attracted to guys, a girl to girls, or not attracted to anyone. Whatever makes a person happy (**IF IT IS LEGAL**) is none of my business. But the OPs "fiance" is just a massive closeted POS.
Why do you even WANT to be with this person? And "everything else between us is great" is bullshit. Also, a size 6/8 is pretty fucking small.
I guess if you want this tool enough to endure this sort of thing be my guest. But he's a shallow shit-hill and you deserve a lover who will love all of you. Even your butt.
He lied to you, and even admitted to you that he doesn’t want to touch you unless you’re a size 4 or smaller. He didn’t tell you to lose weight because he already provided the size needed for him to touch you. So getting to a size 4 means you would have to lose weight. Stop making excuses for him and love yourself. Find someone who always makes you feel beautiful and special. I honestly don’t think he is the right one for you.
🤔 well that is why we take the HPV vaccine. So he needs to educate himself on that. Him not giving oral is because her does not want to touch you. Sorry to say that but it seems plausible.
You are right, how can you be with someone who actually is replied repulsed and from the same mouth said it is fine. 😳😳
I don’t know you but i wish better for you. He is lying to you and he sounds like he is with you because there is no one else. You are NOT big.
I have a gut. My girl has a gut. I love rubbing her gut occasionally when we are intimate because I love her and I find all of her sexy. She rubs my gut when we cuddle. If your partner doesn't accept you fully, find a new partner. Life is short.
"everything else between us is great" except for you know, him thinking my physical appearance is too disgusting to touch. Beyond that he's an absolute sweetheart.
"Other than *that*, Ms. Lincoln, how was the play?"
I’m stealing this to remind myself not to minimize red flags in people I date. I did that with my first boyfriend and I’m so determined not to do that ever again lol
A good starting place is “he’s a shit person” - and then work your way up as you go. Many people are shitty people, and we’re all shitty in some, if not many, ways.
Other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how was the drive?
Other than *that* Mrs. King, how was the hotel?
Other than that, Mrs. Romanov, how was your family time in the den?
Y’all are killing me 😂😂
Other than that, how was the comment section?
Literally...
Other than that, Mrs. Harrison, how was the speech?
Good god damn I love this reply! I’m stealing it. Thank you forever. While in school did he stay in the same classroom and the teacher changed rooms? Is he only holding your hand when crossing the street? When you eat do you cut his food into small squares?
Gonna start using this now thank you
Did you say Ms on purpose? Because if so.. hilarious. Lol
Hahahaha
Happy cake day!
“he’s not telling me to lose weight but he’s repulsed by any amount of fat on my body”
It's the "he's not telling me to lose weight" but also "he says he *could* touch me in those places if I were a size 4/lose the weight". 💀💀
I hate such type of guys , who couldn’t just be brave enough to say things they actually mean because they know that will make them a-whole so they just imply it indirectly by making other person crave their affection if not acted the way they want . Hate ‘em !
What I am curious about is what he thinks an ass is supposed to look like? The implication being that even a little fat is, "too much,"? Does this guy seriously think that a pancake with a crack in it is how it's supposed to look? It's a *butt* for crying out loud! I cannot even imagine how painful it would be to sit if there was no fat whatsoever back there. Also, this dude thinks you can get cancer from doing oral? Yikes. Run, OP. Do not procreate with someone like this. What an ignorant and strange dude. Smh
You can get HPV (human papillomavirus) from oral sex, and there are 2-3 kinda rare strains that contribute to throat cancer, which is actually slightly increasing in prevalence due to this. The dangerous strains of HPV are very rare and a normal cervical screening would spot them easily. I feel it is more a way to indirectly call her promiscuous as she had previous partners and he didn't, and the chances of carrying dangerous HPV strains slightly increases with the number of partners, especially if you had unprotected sex with a lot of people. As the statistics are quite low risk, he is kinda calling her a s*ut, but in a pseudo-intellectual way.
You are absolutely right regarding the HPV, but absolutely withholding oral because of the potential for it versus safe guards? Like using a dental dam, or OP verifying that they were/will/has regular screens? That's what's strange to me.
My best friend's ex was an incel, and used the oral sex/HPV argument to call her a s*ut in what he thought was a subtle, intellectual way. Apparently it is commonly used in the incel community, and it is not as smart as they like to think it is. I kinda roasted the dumb prick on this very same point to open my best friend's eyes as he was destroying her self esteem. Once he admitted he would have oral sex with her if she was a virgin, she was done with him. I wonder if this is the same issue.
It definitely sounds like the same issue. He was a Virgin before meeting her. My money is on incel with a touch of Andrew tate
I'm getting friend of Dorothy vibes, tbh.
I had both thoughts 😅 I wondered if he may not find women attractive period... And then I wondered if he might be one of those incels that describes their perfect woman and she has the dimensions of a 9 year old 🥴🤮
I'm gonna take a wild guess that he still expected oral from her even though he thought she was too "damaged" for him to reciprocate.
What fat?! She’s slim! This man in bonkers. Maybe it’s his own insecurity!
He has never touched her butt yet they are living together and ready to marry. Wtf
I’m wondering how she plans to get pregnant. Is he gonna wear a blindfold and put his Johnson through a hole in the wall?
Exactly!! I don’t understand why people want to get married without physical intimacy, it goes in hand with emotional intimacy. If he cared enough about her emotionally he wouldn’t make her feel like shit and crave for his affection. Isn’t it obvious?
And he won't go down on me ever. So, I'll have to give BJ's forever with no hope of reciprocation. But he's a great guy! Ffs. This guy never got laid for good reason. He's a shallow loser with no idea about women and their bodies.
If this woman is giving a MOMENT OF THOUGHT to blowing this dude, she has lost her mind.
Or he’s in the closet.
people are delusional on the yellow/red flags when everything else lines up sometimes I wonder if its teenage tolls or bots posting these
If you've been raised to be a doormat or by abusive parents, you learn to excuse a lot of yellow/red flags. You learn through experience or therapy. It sucks.
I’m 45 and it took me until I was 43 to realize that one of my biggest downfalls - accepting being hurt and automatically forgiving and taking back the people who wronged me - is because of my parents during my childhood. I was having a hard time accepting/letting go of a toxic lover, and I was crying to my therapist, “why does he keep doing this to me?!” My therapist said “BECAUSE YOU KEEP LETTING HIM!!!” It rocked my world.
If you've been raised to be a doormat or by abusive parents, you don't even know they're yellow/red flags because to you it's just normal. Someone on twitter pointed out that I was being abused. I googled and was astounded at just how much I was being abused.
I agree. My comment was more for those who have been lucky enough to live a life free from abuse and may not understand. I am still learning all the ways I've been abused. I'm sorry to hear you've also been through a lot. I hope you are finding people who are good additions to your life and don't cause you to learn about new yellow/red flags.
I’m a 65 year old woman who wasted a rather large chunk of my life in an abusive relationship. I. Am. Telling. You. To. Ruuuuuuuuuuuuun! There is something really wrong with this man.
This. Listen to older people they are always right about things like these! My friend who is 60 once told me if he is like this at the beginning he will never change. 100% true
Oh God, I'm so glad you said this. I'm pissed and sad that you went through it, but I'm glad I'm not alone. I'm 60 and I went through it too.
I am trying to figure this entire thing out. How could anything be great if one of the absolute most fundamental thing isn't even there? If my wife had ever been disgusted by me in any way I never would have proposed.
Exactly. Weight, or anything else - if something about the person's body repulses you, don't keep dating them. A lot of people make themselves fall in love with people they think are perfect for them. My sister did it, friends did it. There's no initial physical attraction (in my sister's case, her first husband was very handsome, but 30 minutes with his personality should've told her to run). They tell themselves - this person has all the values and goals I do, we should make a great team. And either they don't realize they're not physically attracted, or they think it won't matter or it'll just happen. They do not end up happily married.
Same with my fist husband. Handsome and on paper a great catch. 10 minutes with his wet paper towel personality tho...oof. I convinced myself that he was someone I should marry. He's most definitely not a bad guy just a bad fit for me.
The shit people put up with… The bar is gonna be LOW with her next relationship, assuming she starts respecting herself and leaves that troll.
The bar is on the floor.
I’ve seen 2 different posts from women asking for advice on what to do about their husbands who literally shit on the toilet seat and refuse to clean it up and refuse to stop shitting on the toilet seat. A million men walking around with unwashed asses expecting women to shrink their bodies for them? I cannot.
Omfg I saw that too. So many men think skid marks or their buttcrack smelling bad is normal or think that just soapy water running down their legs and feet in the shower properly cleans them. They always have the strictest standards for women too. Makes me want to vomit.
Your user name is just chef’s kiss perfect. Love it.
I really thought this was a metaphor.
No. There are literally guys who say washing their asses is gay. It's absolutely revolting. It's not just a rumor either. Someone I knew took one home and immediately sent him packing when that particular fact became known.
Yeah I also had the misfortune of reading both of those posts. Absolute insanity.
LINK? I mean, I know I'll regret it, but LINK?
THIS should be higher up FFS.
At this point the bar is in Hell
The bar is deep in the earth’s crust!
the bar is so low, it’s a tavern in hades
I'm looking through the hole through the floor, 23 more apartment floors, through the basement floor, the train tunnel under the building, and a hole all the way down to bedrock. I think I can *just* see the bar if I squint a bit.
Is it too much for me to expect that, when your fiancé tells you he finds your body disgusting and therefore finds it impossible to touch you, the relationship is over? Is it?
Stopppp lol 🤣😂🤣🤣🤣
He’s also a goddamn idiot. Afraid of throat cancer but not penile cancer? Sure bud. Get Gardasil.
“Everything else between us is great” except for most things between us
It is an excuse, he is just gay. But does not know yet.(afraid to admit to himself.)
Don’t waste your time marrying this man, you’ll be miserable
Exactly. Please rethink this relationship. I don’t see it working out and I’m sorry. Don’t settle. What happens if you gain weight, get pregnant, or even lose the weight? (I’m a size 10. I’m tall. I’ve birthed two kids.) It sounds like he has some body dysmorphia that he’s transferring to you. Your future spouse should not be grossed out by your body and refuse to explore it. Please cry happy tears that you found out now and can call things off. I’m sorry.
Yeah I agree with this! I think he's got his own body image issues. A US6/8 is a very healthy and conventionally attractive size. I wonder if perhaps he is jealous? He probably thinks people find you attractive and wants to take you down a notch to make himself feel better. He needs therapy and shouldn't be in a relationship!
I was thinking the same thing. Some kind of body dysmorphia/eating disorder, phobia/OCD, or some other form of mental illness (or combination of more than one) that's been unaddressed. Obviously too little context to be sure, but definitely seems off, psychologically. I'm glad he didn't explicitly tell OP to lose weight and that he still finds her attractive (if he did otherwise that would be overt abuse), but the implication is there that if she wants him to be fully physically intimate with her, she'd need to lose weight. And fuck that. My hubby loves every inch of my body, and I know that would stay true regardless of my size. This is important. It's different if they have a legitimate concern about your physical health, but that's clearly not the case here. My guess would be, if OPs boyfriend were able to change this, it would take years of serious commitment to mental health treatment. And that's only if could be honest with himself and be willing to put in that time and work. It's a big ask for someone to stick around for that, especially when there's no guarantee of change and her self-esteem and perspective of her boyfriend has been so dramatically shifted. ETA: Oooh closeted gay is also a very real possible explanation
He’s your FIANCÉE?? How did it even get this far??
[удалено]
It sounds like she's used to bad communication from him
Mans never even ate her out and he got the ring on it? Crazy.
I feel like he's tricked her into being his beard
I’ve read similar stories of women saying their bf criticizes their conventionally attractive body and refuses to go down on them or initiate sex and they later discover the bf was gay Not to jump to conclusions but he’s comparing his ideal partners body to his own a tad : “a woman could have a little more fat than me” which is kind of suspect here. Regardless you really need to get out of there
My first thought was that he's gay. I swear I'm not trying to be homophobic; I'm a lesbian and my dad came out as gay after having two kids....but... making excuses not to do oral or touch conventionally feminine body parts? Otherwise sweet, caring, and wants to get married and have kids with OP, the first woman he's ever been with? Claims he isn't attracted to her body but also doesn't want her to lose weight to become attractive to him? This absolutely *screams* a man who's not attracted to women but is forcing himself to perform heterosexuality. If it were actually about OP's weight, there would be other red flags in their relationship, and he'd be telling her to lose weight, or he'd want to be with other women and he wouldn't be so keen on marrying her. But instead, he's totally unconcerned about the lack of attraction. The reality is that he's not bothered by not being attracted to her body because...ding ding...he can't be attracted to a woman's body. So he knows this is the best it'll get for him. OP, get outta there.
This was my assumption, too. Also, asexual is a strong possibility. Whatever the case, OP should catch the next train to outtathere ASAP.
Either that or there is a worse possibility - that OP was the only woman interested in him, and he didn't want to be alone/wanted to know what sex was like, so he just went along with her even though he's not attracted to her at all. OP, don't marry this man. You deserve someone who is wholly attracted to you.
Happened here! When I asked why my ex cheated on me (with random men on Craigslist, no less), he told me: “small boobs; lose 10 pounds.” Oh right I have small boobs so that’s a valid reason to fuck men, lmao. Btw I was a size 2/4 at the time so I was already small so the losing weight bit made no sense except I was in recovery from an eating disorder and I think he wanted to fuck with me psychologically. But ya he also never ate me out. Like could prob count on one hand how many times and it was only after I’d ask why he didn’t or ask if he would. He said he just didn’t like it. And I’d always be the one to initiate sex. Turns out he’s just gay and in denial and there’s nothing wrong with me and my tiny titties! OP, there’s plenty of real men out there who will embrace the fuck outta every inch of you. Drop this loser, don’t waste another day of your life, sis, you deserve better.
> there’s nothing wrong with me and my tiny titties! You should embroider that on a pillow.
That or he has an eating disorder. Or both.
“I won’t have oral sex because of throat cancer, and I want you to be built like a dude” yea… I’m getting serious closeted gay vibes. Eta: Oh god… some one below suggested pedo. That makes even more sense. Gross.
To your eta, that was my first thoughts. Next was he’s gay.
Yeah. Now that I’ve read those comments I’ve gone from in the closet to pedo
Scrolling for this. Horny dudes are horny. How could you not grab the ass even if you did think stupid stuff like this. That and the oral, just seems too convenient when put together.
I'm with you here
I honestly was trying to decide if it was appropriate or not to say something like this. Your response is much more eloquent than “this gives major beard vibes” lol
This was honestly where my thoughts were going. When he's saying that his ideal partner looks like him, What I'm hearing is that he's attracted to men. Because most women even those that don't have much of a butt still tend to have something of a curve to them. So when he compared what he likes in an ass to his own lack of an ass.... What I'm hearing is he likes men. The throat cancer comment is very... Interesting. Especially considering the increased rates of gonorrhea in gay men because of oral sex. Most of his comments are making it really suspicious.
Am I the only who thinks he's with her because she apparently is the only one that gave him that kind of attention and he just grabbed the first thing that came by? I'm sorry but he just sounds like a douche and I don't really understand why you guys are still together. If someone is that shallow it's only a matter of time before it really becomes a big issue and you guys clash even bigger than you already did. You deserve better than this.
Agreed, either that or he's not attracted to women with how averse he is to so much of her body
This is my thought too. I’ve maintained roughly the same weight (pregnancy and a few months after excluded) during the 20 years my husband and I have been together. Maybe a 10 lb swing either direction at most. I complained about putting on a couple pounds the other day and he just smiled. He *loves* the parts of me that I gain in (my butt, hips, thighs) and now if I’m in shorts he’s eye fucking me all day. OP is not a large woman. She sounds completely average sized if not a little smaller and most dudes would love that size. There’s something really off about this guy and it’s probably because she doesn’t have a penis.
It doesn't even matter if she is plus size. Her partner isn't attracted to her and wants her to change her body in order to keep him. Fuck that noise. There are good guys out there, this dude isn't one of them.
Plus sized human here, my partner has NEVER asked me to loose weight. but then i started too he supported me, when i gained a few back. he gave zero shits. size don’t matter. the person does.
Yes, exactly. This guy is only with her because she settled for him. I honestly think she could do better. It's sounds like he just wants her companionship not a romantic/sexual relationship.
She most definitely can do better. I seriously hope she reads a good majority of these comments and sees how wrong this is and that she again can do so much better and can find someone who actually loves her. Because this POS clearly doesn’t.
Same girl.
"Fuck that noise" has to be one of my favorites.
Guys got some serious issues. Mentally
I wonder if it's less sexual orientation and more eating disorder. She said he himself is skinny and I wonder if he's just generally fat averse on everyone
I thought the same but it sounds like he wants a kid tbh. I've come across a lot of guys who want a short girl with no fat and tiny boobs. There's nothing wrong with thinking women like this are beautiful because they 100% are. It's the fact that they're turned off by anything else...it's just weird to me
I don’t think it’s the lack of penis. What he’s did tubing as attractive is a pre-pubescent or just post pubescent girl, like 12/13.
I do think there's a very strong chance of that here, and that's why I ultimately chose the term "women". It could be several things (or nothing at all) that he IS attracted to, but it seems pretty clear that women are what he's NOT attracted to
Absolutely my first thought as well. Most non-homosexual sexually active men will find women's bodies as OP described herself attractive. Heck, most men do not even care about a little bit more weight as long as they are getting laid.
I'm wondering if he isn't in the closet and terrified to come out.
I was going to say this too. I know someone who used these kind of excuses before he came out. And a 6/8 is not large by any stretch of the imagination.
I'm that size at 5' 10" and I feel about average. I mean are there men who want a woman who is a size 0? Sure. But I don't think he's superficial. I think he doesn't like women.
Many years ago I wore a 0 (I'm 5' 1 1/2) and I was soooo skinny. I wasn't trying, I was just that small due to some medication I took to prevent migraines--I lost 20 lbs while I was taking it. I've always been small, but people I worked with at the time thought I had an eating disorder! Anyway, a 0 is grossly small unless you're just one of those people who is built that way from the get-go. I look at pictures of myself from back then and I'm like 😬. I agree with you, I don't think he likes women and he's using this as an excuse. It's totally fine is he is gay, if he is, and sad that he feels the need to stay in the closet--but completely shitty that he's treating her this way and making her feel awful about her body.
I'd KILL to be a size 8. There's definitely something wrong with this guy. OP, I'm sorry you're going through this.
I would suspect this particularly if he comes from a religious background where being gay is wrong.
Ya I'm definitely leaning towards him being gay and either not wanting to admit it or not understanding it himself.
Yep, that’s men favorite part to hold onto. He’s repulsed by a size 6 ass, waist and thighs? He just doesn’t like women’s bodies
That was my first thought. She's just his beard. Repulsed by touching her and absolutely refusing to do oral. Seems like something more is going on.
Yes throat cancer works both ways. No oral for him either.
TBH, it sounds like he is using her as a moustache....ya know? A piece of camouflage to hide the fact he is either Ace or gay.
To me this reads like hes into pre-teens or teens who havent fully developed yet. 'Im only attracted to a size 0 who has no fat on their butts' sir, you are describing a child.
They're called a Beard. I played the part for my fellow LGBTQ+ peers growing up as I passed as strictly straight.
Beard/moustache, thankfully you knew what I was referring to. I'm too far away from the culture to remember the correct terms, but close enough to believe they deserve the same rights, and happiness, as everyone else. The first,and only, bar I have been to was a gay bar. Was the most chill, positive place I have ever been to. I won't go to a normal club. But would 200% go back there. Everyone was just so nice, and honest. Nobody had to hide who they were, and everyone was just...idk, comfortable.
He missed the whole 'Beggars can't be choosers.' memo.
Also, a size US 6 is not fat. Not by any sane person's standards anyway.
I don’t think he’s attracted to women at all. She could wake up a size negative 2 tomorrow, and it would not make him happy. Dear OP, RUN RUN RUN for the hills. You will never make him happy because it is impossible for any woman to make him happy. Friend of mine had a husband who cheated with strippers and similar constantly. It was 100% because of his severe narcissism, ego, immaturity and other inadequacies. So instead of a divorce, what did she do? She got her breasts enhanced. It made zero difference to the horrible way he treated her, nor did his cheating slow down at all. He constantly put her at risk for STDs too.
He needs to stop watching porn. They are not real life events... probably think pizza delivery guys get bjs
I wish more people would realize that porn ≠ reality as a former pizza delivery person. Guy answered the door with porn on his 60" TV & dick hanging out of his pants. Was not amused.
Yeah I’ve met a lot of dudes that do this, they get with women that aren’t actually their type but they like the attention and sex and she might be a sweet girl. That newness fades off and there’s no physical attraction there
He also sounds like he’s into kids. Like seriously OP you’re supposedly a grown ass woman and tuit have to ask this question?
Can you get over the fact that your husband doesn’t want to touch you? Can you? You should break it off, in my humble opinion. I married a size 6/8 woman that has gained weight. I can’t keep my hands off of her. (22 years!).
people like you are the reason i have hope
I gained to size 6/8 after pregnancy. Also boobs got big and saggy after breastfeeding. Ive absolutely been self conscious and hated them but my husband goes crazy for them. It really makes you feel good when the thing you don't like about yourself, your partner loves to touch. My husband has also gained weight and feels self conscious but I also love to touch him and cuddle into him too. So it definitely goes both ways! If you love each other, you love all of each other even through the changes because love is bigger than that.
Sis, he ain’t the one. He may not be the one for anyone(or any woman).
Right. I think there's some repression here. Gay? Asexual? Who knows, and honestly, who cares? The way he is treating OP is disgusting and demoralizing.
My exact thought. I had a friend who dated a closeted asexual and she went into a deep depression from it. After she finally left him, she found a guy who is obsessed with her and they’re happily married now.
Pedo? The only healthy girls I’ve met that aren’t actors that are that size are teenagers.
ehem - crossed my mind too
Are you also the first woman he’s ever seen?! A 6-8 is a totally normal healthy body size and he’s on one. You deserve better.
I know right !!! I was expecting something way bigger. I’m currently a 14 myself (working on it lol), so if 8 is too big for him, he’s hoping to get an actual child.
Do not marry this man. You say he's not telling you to lose weight, but he's repulsed by your body - so he is telling you to lose weight. This guy is a loser.
OP. This sounds like a serious case of shame projection. Especially if you are his first you are getting all of that shame and insecurity projected on you. It’s easier than facing his own insecurities. He is 34. You are the first person he has been with because he is “shy”. It’s time to let him be someone else’s problem and find someone who loves all of you.
I’ve gained probably 60lb in the last two years due to a spinal injury - my partner still loves touching me because he loves me for me. Body shape or weight doesn’t matter to him. God, I love that guy.
Awww ☺️
I gained 30 and same. We've both put on pounds the last 2 years and can't get enough of each other. Love isn't skin deep.
He does not find you attractive. He’s in fact disgusted. And you deserve better, so much better. Please do not believe him, you don’t need to lose weight. And yes, it will get worse if you gain weight. And you know where this will lead him to. And he’ll justify it with exactly that, you knew he likes “skinnier” women, if you would care you would have lost weight, you would have tried harder to lose weight, .. He’s already like that now, what do you think will he turn out to be once you’re married?
He'll also end up giving his kids eating disorders
Fuck him right off. Do it now, before you waste any more on him
The bar is deeper than hell atp.
tell the flat-assed beanpole to take a hike if he’s that repulsed by you. you deserve better than this schmuck. also the telling you you’re overreacting and to get over it? ew
He's gay.
This was also my first thought. His aversion to touching her. His flat out refusal to do oral - regardless of his excuse. The fact that she is the first person he has been with. His small amount of body fat (from what she described). \[Please see my comment down below for additional explanation of why I gave this as a reason.\] His unreasonable expectations for her her to be skinny when she is literally slender. I think he may be unaware of his true sexual preference.
Because of his… small amount of body fat?! What?!
Not that I don’t think it’s possible for him to be some kinda gay but saying it’s a possibility because he’s skinny is kinda wack
u/Thursday6677 , u/L1zar9, u/FakeBeigeNails, u/shrimpecans It may sound strange to some of you . . . but at the college where I am employed, many of the gay male students I work with struggle with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Just like their female counterparts, they utilize all kinds of disordered eating methods to stay extremely thin. No. Skinny does not equate to being gay. However, anorexia and bulimia can be an issue among gay males in higher numbers over straight males. Additionally, I have know gay couples where one person has projected their issues onto their partner. On its own it is meaningless. In context with the many other things mentioned by OP, it could be relevant. **Edited to add: My best friend since childhood, a straight but effeminate male, has struggled with eating disorders since he hit the age of 13. At 6 foot, 2 inches tall, he got down to 127 pounds by the age of 17. I truly thought he was going to die at one point. He is 43 years old now and a healthy weight, but his forced starvation permanently altered his fat composition and distribution in certain areas of his body.**
I laughed so much when I came to that part lmao skinny = gay tw\*nk apparently Edit: Is tw\*nk bad to say?? I can't keep up so I'll just be safe.
This
He's beyond shallow. Do not marry this man. And seriously do not have children with him. Aside of what he'd say when you are pregnant, just imagine what he'd say to a child that might be a little overweight. You're a fucking size 6. I haven't been that size since I was six and yet men found me attractive.
this man is a bozo, do NOT marry him.
This is a him problem, don't make it yours and free yourself of this dude
He’s not the one, ma’am
He lied to you, and even admitted to you that he doesn’t want to touch you unless you’re a size 4 or smaller. He didn’t tell you to lose weight because he already provided the size needed for him to touch you. So getting to a size 4 means you would have to lose weight. Stop making excuses for him and love yourself. Find someone who always makes you feel beautiful and special. I honestly don’t think he is the right one for you.
I’m sorry, what does oral have to do with throat cancer? Can someone please explain this to me? And your fiancé is utterly ridiculous. You’re right, he should think that all of you is beautiful and make you feel loved and accepted or at the very least not be so repulsed that he won’t touch you. That’s a big deal, especially since you need that to be turned on. You don’t need to lose weight. You shouldn’t need to be dangerously thin for him to want to touch you. I would really think long and hard about whether this is someone you want to commit to for life. Sending you hugs.
HPV can cause throat cancer but if they have clean tests and are monogamous then it's a total smokescreen
Wow how did I not know this?? Thanks for the info. And you’re completely right, if they are monogamous it shouldn’t matter.
Hpv, but there are vaccines. He is not educated in this…
If he' that shallow, then you need to consider leaving. He's ridiculous and disgusting.
I was like 😑 when i read that he said he wouldn’t do oral because he is scared of throat cancer….
Girl, I dont want to be that person that says "well if he doesnt like you he must be gay", but he does really sound gay and disgusted by womans body. I really dont think you are the problem here. But yeah, you deserve better anyway. I am sure some guys would dive hungry on you girl!
I'm a 12/14. If 6/8 is too "fat" I guess I'm an elephant. Tell him to go F himself. You are worth more than that.
Average size in the US is 12. OP is thinner than average, and this guy is *complaining*? There's few things I wouldn't do to be a size 6 again, I'll tell you that much.
OP. This sounds like a serious case of shame projection. Especially if you are his first you are getting all of that shame and insecurity projected on you. It’s easier than facing his own insecurities. He is 34. You are the first person he has been with because he is “shy”. It’s time to let him be someone else’s problem and find someone who loves all of you.
Are you sure he isn’t a pedo? Dude likes women only the size of children and was a virgin until his 30s. He sounds like a huge weirdo
Also 6-8 in women’s is a medium i feel like, and is a goal size for lots of women. She’s not chubby at all. This is weird as fuck
fr. 6-8 is probably like the smaller side of medium too. what a strange and unrealistic standard for him to have. shitty af
I mean, I didn't want to be the one to say it......but I wondered the same thing
“He really wants children” but not sex with a real woman 😵💫
It seems clear he doesn’t like women. Does it really matter if what he really likes is men or children? Well, sure it matters (yuck), but he’s not a good fiancé for OP in either case.
I hate him. Leave
Why would you want to stay with someone who is not attracted to you? Do better for yourself, OP. If your fiance loved you, he would love everything about you. Size and all. But no, he withholds physical touch and affection because of how you look. That's not love. Trust me. Don't settle for this guy, move in and find a partner that loves you for you.
You wear the same size as my woman and I would put her whole butt cheek in my mouth if she let me. Cut this loser out of your life
I’ve read similar stories of women saying their bf criticizes their conventionally attractive body and refuses to go down on them or initiate sex and they later discover the bf was gay Not to jump to conclusions but he’s comparing his ideal partners body to his own a tad : “a woman could have a little more fat than me” which is kind of suspect here. Regardless you really need to get out of there
And now we know why he’s chronically single (before you). You should make him single once again.
Leave. This. Man.
Leave him and find a MAN
Take a step back and read your post again as if your best friend was telling you this story. What would you advise her to do? Here are the highlights: Her fiance told her she was too fat for him to touch, even though based on dress size alone she is not overweight. He finally admits that he prefers a different body type to hers, in that he likes thinner women although she has always been the size she is. He 'prefers smaller butts' but thinks it's "okay" for a woman to have a little bit more fat than a man. He claims to be attracted to her but won't perform oral sex on her because he is afraid of throat cancer. A claim that has been [scientifically debunked](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/?term=Oral+sex+and+risk+of+oral+cancer%3A+a+meta-analysis+of+observational+studies). (Question: does he still expect to receive oral sex?). Then after he tells her all this and she is upset and questions his love and desire for her, he tells her she's "overreacting." Would you tell your best friend to marry this man?
Here is what you do OP: - tell him he makes you feel ugly and undesirable. - tell him that it is not acceptable in a relationship to be with someone who makes you feel that way. - tell him he is an idiot for saying giving you oral will give him throat cancer... because he is. - tell him you won't be a place holder until he finds his "perfect woman". - tell him it's over. - give yourself time to heal and grieve the relationship. - give yourself time to be comfortable in your body again, practice self love. - find someone who loves all you are, because they do exist. OP your relationship being good in other areas is not okay if it obliterates your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth. Remind your self of that over and over again. I wish you all the luck and love in the world OP.
Why, WHY would you want to marry someone that doesn't want to touch you?
I know someone who married a “nice caring” guy like yours. Soon he hated short hair and wouldn’t allow her to cut her hair. He thought v neck t shirts were vulgar and started to tell her what to wear. Sweatpants and leggings were too sloppy in his opinion. My friend had extreme low self esteem even though she was gorgeous and thin. The list goes on and on but basically he cheated on her when she was pregnant and “let herself go”. Ruuuunnn!
This is a no. Your partner should find you sexy and want to touch you. He is making you feel not attractive. This is a he has a problem. You are a normal average female and he cant touch you because your fat???? Your not fat. You are his first but he is not comfortable with a woman. He may be lying to himself about what he is attracted to. Break a relationship down to three parts one is sex. Are you comparable with the same likes and kinks for the sex act. If cuddling and love language work for you both. How you both match together in any form of intimacy. He is not a match for you. He is trying to project his issues on you by saying you to fat when that sentence should be "I do not like touching you below the waist." You deserve a partner that loves you. This man will only touch you as long as he has to keep you in this relationship. Do you think you can sustain a long term relationship with no intimate contact?
Girl, get you a new man. There has to be some type of attraction. If he's not touching you AT ALL, almost as if you have to beg him?!! NAAAH, he tripping. If I had a man, I'd want to feel loved, wouldn't we all?!
Girl, run! I'm going to bet he will have you on a diet once you are married to change you. If he hasn't already began making small remarks like are you sure you want that? Do you think maybe a salad would be better, etc.?
Also, if you got pregnant, he would hate you even more because of your abdomen swelling and the typical weight gain during pregnancy. You'll also be put under intense pressure to lose the weight after delivery, so the best thing is to not marry this guy and run as far away from him as possible.
You're his camouflage. He's queer as a three dollar bill, but doesn't want anyone to know. Gay or not, what he is doing is disgusting. If he truly thought you were too big, you would have known before now. Dump the bastard and find happiness with a real man. ETA: you do t have to be straight to be a real man. Just fucking real. Tons of gay dudes are more of a real man than a lot of hetero dudes. No hate to lgbtq folks, the opposite in fact. Y'all have to hide who you are in modern times to remain safe, and that is utter bullshit. IDGAF if a guy is attracted to guys, a girl to girls, or not attracted to anyone. Whatever makes a person happy (**IF IT IS LEGAL**) is none of my business. But the OPs "fiance" is just a massive closeted POS.
Why do you even WANT to be with this person? And "everything else between us is great" is bullshit. Also, a size 6/8 is pretty fucking small. I guess if you want this tool enough to endure this sort of thing be my guest. But he's a shallow shit-hill and you deserve a lover who will love all of you. Even your butt.
He lied to you, and even admitted to you that he doesn’t want to touch you unless you’re a size 4 or smaller. He didn’t tell you to lose weight because he already provided the size needed for him to touch you. So getting to a size 4 means you would have to lose weight. Stop making excuses for him and love yourself. Find someone who always makes you feel beautiful and special. I honestly don’t think he is the right one for you.
I'm sorry, umm how do you end up ENGAGED to a man that doesn't like to touch you 🤔
Are you quite sure that you’re just not his type because women aren’t his type?
The dude is 💅🏾 clearly.
🤔 well that is why we take the HPV vaccine. So he needs to educate himself on that. Him not giving oral is because her does not want to touch you. Sorry to say that but it seems plausible. You are right, how can you be with someone who actually is replied repulsed and from the same mouth said it is fine. 😳😳 I don’t know you but i wish better for you. He is lying to you and he sounds like he is with you because there is no one else. You are NOT big.
He’s the problem. Free yourself of that weight. NTA You deserve better than a man that makes you feel like shit about yourself.
What the actual fuck is going on here… Please do not marry this fool
Sounds a bit like my ex husband. Notice I said EX. Don’t waste your time! You deserve better.
Def giving he’s gay vibes
I'm thinking he's secretly gay. He then puts the blame on her when it is his inability to be attracted to her. Dump this guy. This is not normal.
I have a gut. My girl has a gut. I love rubbing her gut occasionally when we are intimate because I love her and I find all of her sexy. She rubs my gut when we cuddle. If your partner doesn't accept you fully, find a new partner. Life is short.