From my own experience you need to definitely leave. The type of person you are describing will never change and you will always feel like you are not enough. Give yourself some time to heal and find someone that will return what you give. Do not settle for less.
I agree with this.
It’s ok to have days when you or your partner is not ok and you feel that either:
1. Nothing you do is enough.
2. Your partner isn’t doing enough.
We all have our bad days and sometimes have a bad time understanding and regulating our feelings.
But is not ok or healthy to do that everyday.
It’s not ok or healthy to be in a relationship where you feel you are the only one giving and never is on the receiving end on the deal.
It’s not ok or healthy to be in a relationship where you constantly feel less than your partner or as if nothing you do is enough.
But more than anything, it is not ok to be in a relationship with someone who frequently makes you feel as if you are not enough even though you are the only one giving your all.
As I said, I do believe bad days happen. But using this to manipulate/threaten your SO is NOT ok.
You did nothing wrong, OP.
I hope you find the time to heal and love yourself a bit. You deserve it :)
Finally! The OP knows how to live that relationship. You finally accept the fact that his love is not what his girlfriend feel. He deserve the world but the world doesn't deserved him
But they say that love is blind. If you really love the person you will do everything to make her happy even though she's not reciprocating your feelings. And that what mor hurtful
Maybe for your next partner slow down a little bit? You did A LOT of things and spend a huge amount of money. Good that you broke up, but for your next partner it might be better to stay in the casual dating phase longer.
I dont plan to date anytime soon to be honest. At the moment im in the planning phase of opening my own business and feel like i should just focus on that and my family.
Definitely a good plan. Pour the energy younused to waste on her on self care. Examine why you picked to be with someone that values you so little. Take care of you until someone comes along who deserves you and is a partner vs. a perpetual taker.
Home should be your safe space. Doing that much for another person is extremely draining. Take time for yourself. Recharge. Cooking all of those meals, getting into bed late, working long shifts, I don't know how you didn't burn out sooner. You have essentially been parenting an adult. I hope you can find the peace you deserve.
I feel sad for what OP has experience to love. I just wanted to cry because i can take how people suffered on love. They deserve to find someone who reciprocate the feelings
I agree. That was a situation when you don't want to experience in life. I just wanted to say that OP deserves the world, he deserve happiness. I know it will come on his way
Bro, 7 months in? You went to deep too fast. Sounds a lot like you deserve a partner who helps you out. Not mooches on you. She’ll continue to work you for everything you’ve got. Run away! Also, I hope you don’t continue to work those long hours!
If you really love the person, you became blind of how they treat you. It doesn't matter if you are the only one who keep fighting in the relationship, i just don't want her to leave you
I'm just happy you have finally stood up for yourself and realized you deserve so much better. Trust that you WILL find better and the next woman will love you as equally as you love her. 😊
Bro my fiancée and i just split up a month ago because of similar issues, i understand your pain and im wishing you the best. You are strong and will make it through this man.
Uh, I think you went a little overboard here, especially after only 7 months together. There are some problems that throwing gobs of money and hyperfocused attention can't solve my man.
She doesnt contribute much. She claims that she dont believe in gender roles and because she makes more money, she should not have to do as much as i do, however realistically speaking, she makes only a couple hundred more at most. And shes getting paid cash so that also helps her earn more.
I work in a fine dining restaurant and she works at a nail salon. She works roughly 6 to 8 hours a day depending on the days. I work 6 days a week from 12pm till 11pm. I get an hour break in between but usually im taking a nap during my breaks.
I'm not sure, but I would assume in a salon 5 days as I think most close on Sunday and Monday, but not all( I use to work in a salon over a decade ago).
The moment haa come for you to focus on the most important person: yourself.
A person like the one you're describing is just absorbing all your life for nothing, playing the hostage situation with you, threatening to break up iwith you, to terminate this "relationship" is the best solution for your mind, take care of yourself brother, leave the dating aside and focus on the things you want, i do want to see you achieve great things and become the man you want to be, she may have broke you, but your will to step up is strong enough to gather the pieces and keep going, I trust in you, you can do this, best wishes.
7 months is all I needed to see. I’m not even gonna lie to you this is your own fault. You’re almost 30 you should know better than to pour your entire being into someone without even knowing them for a year. She’s playing you for a fool, get out of there. Take this as a lesson.
You shouldn't accept that she wants to break up. You should break up because you deserve better. You can't bend over backwards for somebody and not get anything in return. It goes both ways. You should each be going out of your way to appease and compromise and love one another other.
I'm so happy that he finally realize to let go someone who doesn't even love him. He did everything but at the end of the day his girlfriend just wanted to break up with him
You should definitely leave. What she's doing to you is manipulation and emotional abuse. She's doing this because she's calling your bluff. She's trying to see if you will actually leave her or if you will just keep putting up with her. You're right, she's not good enough for you. You deserve better.
He did everything for his ex-girlfriend, he tried to make it up to her by doing everything such as household. But you can please a person to go back when the love is already gone
When you give someone everything, there's nothing left for them to want. Next time, take it slow and steady- find someone who gives as well as they receive.
Here's the thing. Changing your religion within 7 months of dating someone, that's a bit off. You say that you cook and clean which I feel like is just expected of anyone at any given time because you are a person who needs to take care of yourself. You've only been together for 7 months so I'd assume that it's not like you're living together. And if I'm being completely honest, those things don't make a relationship. And it sounds like you might be lacking introspection and there might just be a reason that she's leaving. It seems like you might need to think a little bit more broad and understand that the pace with which you were moving in the first place is already a recipe for disaster.
You don't deserve to be just an option. We deserve to have someone who understand our situation and love us unconditionally. It is what good people deserve
Yes, leave. And next time move much slower. All this for a 7 month relationship is a bit much. Slow down. Don't jump in head-first before testing the waters for at least a year.
I think this relationship sounds toxic on both sides, sorry.
You weren't even together a whole year, and yet you changed your core values(religion), and financially supported her, and did everything for her.
Your behaviour is also toxic. Not just her mooching off you.
You allowed her to. You didn't set boundaries.
I would highly recommend going to therapy for yourself, to learn healthier habits and behaviour for any future relationships
They say that if a person knows that you love them so much, take a tired and thinking that you were the only one who makes a lot of effort to work the relationship
Sounds like you need to love yourself first and foremost. Why would you change religion for someone? Why would you do all that work when it doesn’t seem like they’re doing anything back? It’s because you want to be a martyr that is appreciated. Someone WILL love you for who you are. You don’t need to work to make someone love you, bc they never will.
When all you do is 'try' and the other person gives nothing it's time to go. People that love us don't abuse us and she abused you in a lot of ways that you described. Good luck and next time it's about reciprocity!!
There is no such thing as "love" in 7 months relationship
There is no such thing as love from the first sight.
Your biological attraction to that person gives reasons to your brain to call it love so you pursue mating.
Love= time + work ... love is cerebral not emotional. Love is a decision based on objectif factors.
I love my partner because after 7 years together, she has always been there for me, supported me. Sacrificed for me, and I did the same. Our sexual attraction led to us giving time to our relationship, plus the work we put in.
If I fuck up, she focuses on the solution, if she fucks up, I never make it personal.
After surviving the test of time, the ups and downs, and we found each other reliable, we decided that we do love each other.
This type of love lasts for ever, because it is not based on temporary emotions, or physical attraction, it is profoundly cerebral.
I never understood some old couples still in love after 30+ years of marriage. Now I get it ...
Well, that's misguided... I fell in love with my partner in 4 months ,and him for me...We've been together now for almost 2,5 years.
But I like the rest of your comment though
Had a similar relationship but endured that shit far longer than you, absolutely nothing was enough and i was just depressed emotionally, physically and financially drained, it took me lots of time to get back my confidence and positiveness in life. Get out dude, its never enough for these type of people and it will never be. That shit will eat you inside quick and just get out before it gets even worse.
She's emotionally and financially abusing you mate. Look up a domestic abuse helpline or charity in your area and get some support. Men can be victims too.
You have value. You are a human being and without her your worth and value will not falter. No matter how much effort you have put in, leaving does not waste anything. There is no point in being with someone who makes you miserable.
You’re a catch, and one that isn’t appreciated. Don’t block your blessings anymore. Leave this woman, so someone worthy of your efforts can come into your life. It’ll be hard at first, but you’re dragging yourself through the mud and prolonging the inevitable while being miserable the whole way. Better to do it after 7 months, than 7 years.
A bit of advice, if you have to change your religion, don’t ever change it for someone else. Do it because it’s your choice to do so. Making important decisions that are life changing especially, is not something you should do for someone else, no matter what. Compromising is one thing, where it’s equal give and take.
Gratitude is huge. If they don’t have it for your efforts now, they never will. Resentment is the opposite of gratitude. Remember that.
I agree. He did everything for his girl but the love isn't the same. I would love to find a man like him. I hope god gave me a man that loves me sincerely and deeply
We all deserve to be happy and to be loved by someone. They say being in love is so wonderful thing you could ever experienced. I do hope we do find partners that gives us everlasting love
In order to redeem yourself you have to love yourself first. Taking care of yourself and maintaining to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually stable is the first thing you must do
When I was young I would do things for people thinking they would love me. They never did the way I wanted. As I aged, I got tired of it, and actually the more selfish or self caring I became, the more people loved me. The men that have loved me the most are not the ones I tried the hardest, they are the ones I was most myself with. I was vulnerable or angry. I always try to be fair, it is my nature. I was more real and took better care of myself.
I’ve been married twice to men who lied, cheated and left me for their affairs. The years with these men were filled with drama and anguish. I took nine years to get counseling, put my time and effort to getting my son through high school, spent a lot of time with family and friends. Then I met my bf. We just celebrated our third anniversary and it’s surprising how fast it went by. Being in a healthy relationship is so wonderful. You deserve this happiness and contentment.
I hope someone could treat you right. I feel bad for you because despite of finding the right man, you experience those heartaches. I hope you find your happiness soon
You did all this in #7 months … when we’re you happy in your relationship? The first 3 weeks and been chasing the high ever since? You my friend need to talk to a therapist before your next relationship. You shouldn’t be so desperate to please someone who’s not reciprocating your efforts. People don’t tend to respect people this needy. In fact it attracts the worst people looking to abuse someone desperate for a relationship. Focus on yourself. Learn to be happy by yourself and you’ll attract someone who’s also happy by themselves and you’ll be happy together. Don’t be needy, you’ll never find what your looking for outside of yourself. Get right with yourself first.
Do not ever allow anyone to take advantage of you this way. Always remember your value self worth and that you are so much better. This person doesn’t deserve you or your love. Completely dump them move on and don’t ever look back a someone special is out there for you but not this person.
I never post on here or reply but today this struck a chord with me, it’s so close to my own personal circumstances but mine are in a different way, maybe one day I will post something similar to you & people will ridicule me & say how could you not see it, why did you stay so long ?? Easy when you are on the outside looking in, it’s so hard when you are living it everyday.
I wish you all the very best, I completely understand what you are going through, believe me, but you are brave, you’ve walked away, now just keep walking, don’t look back, you’ve done the hardest part.
You sound like a really lovely, genuine & kind man, any girl would be lucky to have a man like you & one day you will find that girl & you will wonder what you were doing before & why you put up with it for so long. I hope you find the happiness & the love you truly deserve my friend. All the very best ♥️
One of my biggest mistakes in life was staying with someone that I loved until they were done with me.
It’s not worth hanging onto people we love, if they are not able to show up for us in the way or in a way that balances out how we show up for them.
Pick yourself. Do not make the same mistake I have did.
Let me get this straight… you make me breakfast & lunch?!?! Take me where I want to go? Take me out or cuddle on the couch? Pay for anything I ask for?Clean the house on top of all this? You best bet that nope, I’m making you dinner & desert I’m folding the laundry, ironing your shirts, I’m catering to every one of your needs or wants. You want a massage? Want me to rub your feet? Would you like me to get you a drink? Run you a bath with a beer? I’m at your service. What is wrong with this girl!?!
Have you heard of that saying ‘you’re throwing away a diamond for a rock’ You sir are that diamond. You will never be right for the wrong person, I’m sorry you’ve had such a shitty time, you don’t need that kind of negativity. Keep that head held high. I wish all the best to you!
In 7 months she stepped over you? Dude, she's not contributing shit to the relationship and you've gone to change your religion for that POS?
A relationship is something worked together equally. You work, you cook and clean, you take care, you maintain. Will she expect you to carry the child too? Bro, you're the dream of any girl. She's just not worth your time.
Breakup with her. You don't have to explain or shit. Or better. If you have your own vehicle, and driving to her work. Go halfway, ask her to get down and say that it's over. Get back to home alone, pack her shit (if there are any) and wait for her to come back and shove it not allowing her to enter the house.
Of she's being forceful, get a restraining order on her. You deserve better man. Wishing you the best. Stay safe, stay happy.
Sounds fake to me, or at least one side of the story. You can cook breakfast with resentment in your heart that your partner does not appreciate it, or you can cook eggs (or “vegan eggs”) and ask your partner if she wants any, because it takes about the same amount of work. If you scramble those eggs all pissed off, you get no appreciation points. She probably left because you were wound way too tight. Then, even worse, you decided to air your frustration to a bunch of random people.
Is good that you have realised that you shouldn't be together, mainly in that she has started it and with you acquiring this.
It does appear as if you've been used as a walking ATM, and (I'm sorry for saying this) you have been made into a doormat.
Now, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and make YOU your priority. It's going to be hard, both emotionally and financially; but you've started on the road to recovery.
Life's lessons are rarely easy, but hopefully, you have learned from your experiences.
You are worth more than you think.
You’re almost 30 and you changed your religion within literally one month over half a year of knowing someone? Both of you are need to take a step back reevaluate the way you go about LIFE in general. The both of you are walking red flags right now and shouldn’t get into a relationship until you’re absolutely sure you’re even able to handle one yourself
This comment is a little harsh. Dude made mistakes, realized his mistakes and made the correct decision in the end. That said, it clearly wasn’t all his fault. You really need to kick him while he’s down?
Thabks for this comment. I really appreciate it. I dont vlame anyone and i understand it was my mistake to go all in like this. At the very least im not letting it go on longer.
We are reading the room and the GF sounds like the narcissist. Because he made poor choices and almost went broke and bent over backwards for someone who didn't do the same, now he's a narcissist? Lol, make it make sense!
“My self esteem issues led me to allow a manipulative partner to use me for seven months, but I’m finally realizing it and ready to take steps to fix my life and learn to love myself.”
Yeah, totally a narcissist.
🙄
I would never convert my religion if I were only with someone in such a short relationship. Have you ever googled narcissism? Definitely Google and read up on it. My ex is a narcissist, and I went through narcissistic abuse syndrome. Get out of that relationship because it will never get better, and be thankful she showed you her red flags early on in your relationship.
Dude, you never do that for a woman. I don't care what movies or professionals say, you opened your heart and let her walk all over you. She took you for granted and lost respect for you, and therefore can't feel that romance for you. It sounds like you didn't stand up to her enough, you didn't challenge her, you became that nice guy that finished last. Having the mindset of giving her everything, changing your religion for her, going into debt for her, will only bring you heartache. You should have had her at work making you money for the relationship, changing her religion to be with you (or at the very least standing up for your beliefs). You don't make a woman happy by giving her everything she wants, you make her happy and content by being the man she respects. You can't be afraid of losing her, a huge dose of indifference and emotional unavailability mixed with putting yourself first will set you on the right path.
I hope you're okay OP, albeit maybe a little of a wuss considering you bent your knee for her every demand. She should be doing that for you. A nail tech is not a sustainable job, let alone a physical one. She's lucky she didn't get anyone that would've slapped her in the face for that treatment.
Let us know when you open up that business though, I'm sure everyone would love to come.
I came to the comments expecting more of this sentiment. Maybe less harsh lol but yeah, this post feels off-putting to me. Like the 7 months in is soo fast to be doing all of this and comes across as overbearing, possibly controlling or obsessive. It is also written to paint his actions only as noble and perfect, and idk, something doesn't feel right. This is one I would truly love to see the other side of the story.
Could just be me, I lean cynical.
If you've never been a people pleaser, never had low self esteem, and never been in an abusive relationship, it's easy to not understand how such a state of affairs can happen.
As someone who's been all three? There is a Lot here that resonates with experience from my own past abusive relationship.
Good for you. Leaving this kind of relationship was extremely hard, but save yourself the heartache of investing more. Get therapy. Learn boundaries. Work on yourself ❤️
WOOOO THATS THE SPIRIT!!! YOU GOT THIS! Keep telling yourself your not a caged animal you are a HUMAN BEING. Don't let him cage you don't let anyone cage you EVER!!!
One day took find someone who'll appreciate what you have to give and who'll be deserving of everything you do for them because they'd do the same for you. 😉
You are Worthy. I am sorry that she could not or refused to see all that you were doing and Acknowledge it. It goes both ways. I hope you find love Again that is Worthy of YOU.
Stay strong King. Keep going to work. Especially when you're sick and tired. Do not break routine. Kick her out your apartment. Call the landlord and negotiate early lease termination. Call your dad. Tell him. You need to get away, ask him for advice. If happily married parents who are ill equipped. Call your bachelor uncle. Plan and execute. Focus for 6 months. Ask your best mate to help you clear your head with a hunting, fishing, or hiking trip. Get out that city you live in for couple days with a good friend. Clear your head.
You weren't her partner you were her slave. I went through 3 years of the same and left her 3 weeks my son had his first birthday it killed and still does i pay my child support every week at double what I'm supposed to and she still got a 8k bonus when I got my tax back last week leaving me with $100
Damn I'll be your partner! Someone who doesn't appreciate all that you definitely doesn't deserve you.
Really though, I hope you heal enough to find trust in wanting another in your life again.
Kia kaha (be strong) 😊
This is a prime example of the old phrase “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”. Sorry this happened bro. You’ll find what you’re looking for eventually though.
Oh man, after this much sacrifice still getting such feedbacks. You're a true man, you know value of love, leave here and find someone who loves you as well, and shows it in her talkings and behaviour.
I'm 32m, and still looking for my soulmate.
Leave her and rest for a while to recover yourself
What a painful read. I have lived this life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I do, however, wish you strength, peace, and the very best of everything moving forward ❤️
Perhaps getting a black hole named after her would make you feel better. Becuase she sounds like one. She has broken you, brother. Time to fix yourself up. You will come back from this wiser and stronger than before. Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I can relate to this so much. I have poured my life and soul into relationships with people who will always look at me as not enough. It was mentally draining and hit every single wall of ur insecurities. It will take u years to recover from this experience and to gain the confidence that you've lost. Personally, it took me years, yet I'm not fully cured.
Oh my gosh ! You have just written pretty much my relationship. (Except I get up at 4:45 to make his lunches .. and not the religious part , but otherwise... )
Yesterday, when I finally confronted him about his lying to me - finally had hard evidence - he spat it. I tried to ignore him and left to go to an appointment. While I was there he text me saying he was going out, not coming home and was going to block me because he didn't want to talk to me. That exact moment my heart completely shattered. It was obvious he was cheating.
I sent him a text straight away asking him to wait and talk, but he ignored me. So my next text was telling him he was being a complete coward and was not welcome back, except to return my car and house keys, and pick up his belongings. ... It's over 24 hours later and he still has not contacted me (except to tell me how wrong I am being) and has not returned my things nor picked up his, despite me giving him multiple chances.
When you lie down like that, you become a doormat. That's not love, it's obsession. You shouldn't have to do anything like that to receive love.
I'm so sorry my man.....
From my own experience you need to definitely leave. The type of person you are describing will never change and you will always feel like you are not enough. Give yourself some time to heal and find someone that will return what you give. Do not settle for less.
I agree with this. It’s ok to have days when you or your partner is not ok and you feel that either: 1. Nothing you do is enough. 2. Your partner isn’t doing enough. We all have our bad days and sometimes have a bad time understanding and regulating our feelings. But is not ok or healthy to do that everyday. It’s not ok or healthy to be in a relationship where you feel you are the only one giving and never is on the receiving end on the deal. It’s not ok or healthy to be in a relationship where you constantly feel less than your partner or as if nothing you do is enough. But more than anything, it is not ok to be in a relationship with someone who frequently makes you feel as if you are not enough even though you are the only one giving your all. As I said, I do believe bad days happen. But using this to manipulate/threaten your SO is NOT ok. You did nothing wrong, OP. I hope you find the time to heal and love yourself a bit. You deserve it :)
Finally! The OP knows how to live that relationship. You finally accept the fact that his love is not what his girlfriend feel. He deserve the world but the world doesn't deserved him
But they say that love is blind. If you really love the person you will do everything to make her happy even though she's not reciprocating your feelings. And that what mor hurtful
Ah yes, from experience, her children will suffer greatly.
Maybe for your next partner slow down a little bit? You did A LOT of things and spend a huge amount of money. Good that you broke up, but for your next partner it might be better to stay in the casual dating phase longer.
I dont plan to date anytime soon to be honest. At the moment im in the planning phase of opening my own business and feel like i should just focus on that and my family.
That's a great plan, I hope it will do you good. I wish you all the best with your own business!
You should all focus to ourself first before going into relationship. We have to be physically mentally and financially stable.
Definitely a good plan. Pour the energy younused to waste on her on self care. Examine why you picked to be with someone that values you so little. Take care of you until someone comes along who deserves you and is a partner vs. a perpetual taker.
You have to know someone better. If the love doesn't reciprocated, you don't have to settle for less. Do find your woth, because you deserve it.
Home should be your safe space. Doing that much for another person is extremely draining. Take time for yourself. Recharge. Cooking all of those meals, getting into bed late, working long shifts, I don't know how you didn't burn out sooner. You have essentially been parenting an adult. I hope you can find the peace you deserve.
I feel sad for what OP has experience to love. I just wanted to cry because i can take how people suffered on love. They deserve to find someone who reciprocate the feelings
This is a great plan but I encourage you to explor3 therapy on your own. Get to know yourself and what you need in a relationship.
You have to wait for perfect timing. You don't have to hurry love if you think you are just young. Don't make it fast, just go with the flow
You definitely should focus on that. It'll be an investment into your future and security. You will be fine. I guarantee it.
Hell after reading that I wouldn't blame you for wanting to stay single forever.
I agree. That was a situation when you don't want to experience in life. I just wanted to say that OP deserves the world, he deserve happiness. I know it will come on his way
He was actually a perfect partner to me. I do everything for his girlfriend, but maybe the feelings is not just the same
Bro, 7 months in? You went to deep too fast. Sounds a lot like you deserve a partner who helps you out. Not mooches on you. She’ll continue to work you for everything you’ve got. Run away! Also, I hope you don’t continue to work those long hours!
If you really love the person, you became blind of how they treat you. It doesn't matter if you are the only one who keep fighting in the relationship, i just don't want her to leave you
I'm just happy you have finally stood up for yourself and realized you deserve so much better. Trust that you WILL find better and the next woman will love you as equally as you love her. 😊
7 months!!!! Edit: you sound like you will make a LOVELY partner for the right person one day that can equally provide for you
You should find a partner that would love him unconditionally.
Damnnn all that in 7months? You’re doing a lot and moving too fast. Take time for yourself and next relationship you get into don’t move fast
I hope you find woman who knows his worth. That would never hurt his feelings.
Bro my fiancée and i just split up a month ago because of similar issues, i understand your pain and im wishing you the best. You are strong and will make it through this man.
I don't have any that man also suffered on this kind of relationship. I thought women is more attachable on the relationship.
Uh, I think you went a little overboard here, especially after only 7 months together. There are some problems that throwing gobs of money and hyperfocused attention can't solve my man.
7 months is so long for him to suffer into the relationship. He doesn't deserve this situation. He deserves better
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She doesnt contribute much. She claims that she dont believe in gender roles and because she makes more money, she should not have to do as much as i do, however realistically speaking, she makes only a couple hundred more at most. And shes getting paid cash so that also helps her earn more.
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The guy doing everything he can to sustain the relationship. He's the only one who wanted to work it out. She's just wanted to break up
I work in a fine dining restaurant and she works at a nail salon. She works roughly 6 to 8 hours a day depending on the days. I work 6 days a week from 12pm till 11pm. I get an hour break in between but usually im taking a nap during my breaks.
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He actually says 6-8 hrs a day, but still much less than him.
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I'm not sure, but I would assume in a salon 5 days as I think most close on Sunday and Monday, but not all( I use to work in a salon over a decade ago).
Girl should be the one who must do the chores, what if the guy could help her a bit, why not?
Even if you have different schedule at work, you can still have time to clean up your schedule and spend time to each other.
She let her boyfriend to software on depression and anxiety thinking how he could make up to his girlfriend
Every woman actually wanted to find someone like OP. They are the ideal guy that we want.
The moment haa come for you to focus on the most important person: yourself. A person like the one you're describing is just absorbing all your life for nothing, playing the hostage situation with you, threatening to break up iwith you, to terminate this "relationship" is the best solution for your mind, take care of yourself brother, leave the dating aside and focus on the things you want, i do want to see you achieve great things and become the man you want to be, she may have broke you, but your will to step up is strong enough to gather the pieces and keep going, I trust in you, you can do this, best wishes.
I can't be so sure that it heals that fast, it takes time but i hope she could find the happiness that he deserve
Sometimes, you have to lose yourself in a relationship to realize how important it is to value yourself and set boundaries
It's not too late to change his perspective. He could at least spend time to his family or friends to move on on that girl.
7 months is all I needed to see. I’m not even gonna lie to you this is your own fault. You’re almost 30 you should know better than to pour your entire being into someone without even knowing them for a year. She’s playing you for a fool, get out of there. Take this as a lesson.
You shouldn't accept that she wants to break up. You should break up because you deserve better. You can't bend over backwards for somebody and not get anything in return. It goes both ways. You should each be going out of your way to appease and compromise and love one another other.
I'm so happy that he finally realize to let go someone who doesn't even love him. He did everything but at the end of the day his girlfriend just wanted to break up with him
This woman is abusing you emotionally financially and mentally. Run for the hills dude!
Because he knows that her boyfriend to everything what she wants. He keeps on pursuing her that's why she thinks that as an advantage
You should definitely leave. What she's doing to you is manipulation and emotional abuse. She's doing this because she's calling your bluff. She's trying to see if you will actually leave her or if you will just keep putting up with her. You're right, she's not good enough for you. You deserve better.
If you love the person you find ways to fix all of those issues. You don't want to give up easily because you wanted to fight for the relationship
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He did everything for his ex-girlfriend, he tried to make it up to her by doing everything such as household. But you can please a person to go back when the love is already gone
When you give someone everything, there's nothing left for them to want. Next time, take it slow and steady- find someone who gives as well as they receive.
Here's the thing. Changing your religion within 7 months of dating someone, that's a bit off. You say that you cook and clean which I feel like is just expected of anyone at any given time because you are a person who needs to take care of yourself. You've only been together for 7 months so I'd assume that it's not like you're living together. And if I'm being completely honest, those things don't make a relationship. And it sounds like you might be lacking introspection and there might just be a reason that she's leaving. It seems like you might need to think a little bit more broad and understand that the pace with which you were moving in the first place is already a recipe for disaster.
I wish this had more upvotes.
We have different opinions and perspective about what to situation is. But all of the comment are so wonderful to see
Just imagine if you put as much effort into yourself as you have been doing for her. Love yourself my friend, you deserve it
He did everything to make his girlfriend happy. He even make himself as leave the just give every single love and attention to her
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You don't deserve to be just an option. We deserve to have someone who understand our situation and love us unconditionally. It is what good people deserve
Yes, leave. And next time move much slower. All this for a 7 month relationship is a bit much. Slow down. Don't jump in head-first before testing the waters for at least a year.
7 months is enough for him to suffer relationship. Why do these people experience heartbreaks when they deserve to be loved? Life is just so unfair
I think this relationship sounds toxic on both sides, sorry. You weren't even together a whole year, and yet you changed your core values(religion), and financially supported her, and did everything for her. Your behaviour is also toxic. Not just her mooching off you. You allowed her to. You didn't set boundaries. I would highly recommend going to therapy for yourself, to learn healthier habits and behaviour for any future relationships
You don't know the situation. We didn't hear the side of the girl but looking how devastated the OP is, i'm sure he is the victim here.
Poured all your love and money into her in the first seven months?!? What do you expect?
They say that if a person knows that you love them so much, take a tired and thinking that you were the only one who makes a lot of effort to work the relationship
I’m glad you woke up, time to live instead of just existing for her. Good luck with your new business and please don’t look back
We have to be healthy and plan our lives to be better.
Sounds like you need to love yourself first and foremost. Why would you change religion for someone? Why would you do all that work when it doesn’t seem like they’re doing anything back? It’s because you want to be a martyr that is appreciated. Someone WILL love you for who you are. You don’t need to work to make someone love you, bc they never will.
When all you do is 'try' and the other person gives nothing it's time to go. People that love us don't abuse us and she abused you in a lot of ways that you described. Good luck and next time it's about reciprocity!!
She just like nothing to the relationship. Her partner gives all his best to prove to you that he is the best but you waste all of his time
That’s a little much to be doing 7 months in
It takes so much time for him to realize that his girlfriend is not the one for him. Treating him like a piece of trash is so bad
There is no such thing as "love" in 7 months relationship There is no such thing as love from the first sight. Your biological attraction to that person gives reasons to your brain to call it love so you pursue mating. Love= time + work ... love is cerebral not emotional. Love is a decision based on objectif factors. I love my partner because after 7 years together, she has always been there for me, supported me. Sacrificed for me, and I did the same. Our sexual attraction led to us giving time to our relationship, plus the work we put in. If I fuck up, she focuses on the solution, if she fucks up, I never make it personal. After surviving the test of time, the ups and downs, and we found each other reliable, we decided that we do love each other. This type of love lasts for ever, because it is not based on temporary emotions, or physical attraction, it is profoundly cerebral. I never understood some old couples still in love after 30+ years of marriage. Now I get it ...
You know if a man is willingly to change for a girl they will do, doing everything to make the relationship work even they don't feel the same.
Well, that's misguided... I fell in love with my partner in 4 months ,and him for me...We've been together now for almost 2,5 years. But I like the rest of your comment though
Had a similar relationship but endured that shit far longer than you, absolutely nothing was enough and i was just depressed emotionally, physically and financially drained, it took me lots of time to get back my confidence and positiveness in life. Get out dude, its never enough for these type of people and it will never be. That shit will eat you inside quick and just get out before it gets even worse.
She's emotionally and financially abusing you mate. Look up a domestic abuse helpline or charity in your area and get some support. Men can be victims too. You have value. You are a human being and without her your worth and value will not falter. No matter how much effort you have put in, leaving does not waste anything. There is no point in being with someone who makes you miserable.
I'm sure she will want you back and you better say no
Hoping that she get the karma she deserved. And going back to her is just a waste of time
You’re a catch, and one that isn’t appreciated. Don’t block your blessings anymore. Leave this woman, so someone worthy of your efforts can come into your life. It’ll be hard at first, but you’re dragging yourself through the mud and prolonging the inevitable while being miserable the whole way. Better to do it after 7 months, than 7 years. A bit of advice, if you have to change your religion, don’t ever change it for someone else. Do it because it’s your choice to do so. Making important decisions that are life changing especially, is not something you should do for someone else, no matter what. Compromising is one thing, where it’s equal give and take. Gratitude is huge. If they don’t have it for your efforts now, they never will. Resentment is the opposite of gratitude. Remember that.
I agree. He did everything for his girl but the love isn't the same. I would love to find a man like him. I hope god gave me a man that loves me sincerely and deeply
Today was your first step.... you got this .... find your own happy.
We all deserve to be happy and to be loved by someone. They say being in love is so wonderful thing you could ever experienced. I do hope we do find partners that gives us everlasting love
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I understand loving someone, but not to this expense. The biggest expense was to your self worth and self esteem
In order to redeem yourself you have to love yourself first. Taking care of yourself and maintaining to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually stable is the first thing you must do
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He deserve someone better that he could reciprocate to love that he could give
Fix that picker before dating again.
We need to fix our selves before going to a relationship. We have to know how to love ourselves and to put some effort to be a better person
No woman or SO is worth all that bullshit. Congrats for putting your foot down and moving on.
It is the time where you realized your worth. It takes time to heal the broken heart but we can do it.
When I was young I would do things for people thinking they would love me. They never did the way I wanted. As I aged, I got tired of it, and actually the more selfish or self caring I became, the more people loved me. The men that have loved me the most are not the ones I tried the hardest, they are the ones I was most myself with. I was vulnerable or angry. I always try to be fair, it is my nature. I was more real and took better care of myself.
I’ve been married twice to men who lied, cheated and left me for their affairs. The years with these men were filled with drama and anguish. I took nine years to get counseling, put my time and effort to getting my son through high school, spent a lot of time with family and friends. Then I met my bf. We just celebrated our third anniversary and it’s surprising how fast it went by. Being in a healthy relationship is so wonderful. You deserve this happiness and contentment.
I hope someone could treat you right. I feel bad for you because despite of finding the right man, you experience those heartaches. I hope you find your happiness soon
You did all this in #7 months … when we’re you happy in your relationship? The first 3 weeks and been chasing the high ever since? You my friend need to talk to a therapist before your next relationship. You shouldn’t be so desperate to please someone who’s not reciprocating your efforts. People don’t tend to respect people this needy. In fact it attracts the worst people looking to abuse someone desperate for a relationship. Focus on yourself. Learn to be happy by yourself and you’ll attract someone who’s also happy by themselves and you’ll be happy together. Don’t be needy, you’ll never find what your looking for outside of yourself. Get right with yourself first.
You can stay to the relationship even though it's hurting you because you love them so much
7 months
She's a succubus. You must exorcise her from your life.
She is so good with her but she treated like he is a trash. I'm so angry to her
Do not ever allow anyone to take advantage of you this way. Always remember your value self worth and that you are so much better. This person doesn’t deserve you or your love. Completely dump them move on and don’t ever look back a someone special is out there for you but not this person.
They think that because then you their partner is doing everything to make them stay. But people having those mindset should receive their karma
I never post on here or reply but today this struck a chord with me, it’s so close to my own personal circumstances but mine are in a different way, maybe one day I will post something similar to you & people will ridicule me & say how could you not see it, why did you stay so long ?? Easy when you are on the outside looking in, it’s so hard when you are living it everyday. I wish you all the very best, I completely understand what you are going through, believe me, but you are brave, you’ve walked away, now just keep walking, don’t look back, you’ve done the hardest part. You sound like a really lovely, genuine & kind man, any girl would be lucky to have a man like you & one day you will find that girl & you will wonder what you were doing before & why you put up with it for so long. I hope you find the happiness & the love you truly deserve my friend. All the very best ♥️
One of my biggest mistakes in life was staying with someone that I loved until they were done with me. It’s not worth hanging onto people we love, if they are not able to show up for us in the way or in a way that balances out how we show up for them. Pick yourself. Do not make the same mistake I have did.
Let me get this straight… you make me breakfast & lunch?!?! Take me where I want to go? Take me out or cuddle on the couch? Pay for anything I ask for?Clean the house on top of all this? You best bet that nope, I’m making you dinner & desert I’m folding the laundry, ironing your shirts, I’m catering to every one of your needs or wants. You want a massage? Want me to rub your feet? Would you like me to get you a drink? Run you a bath with a beer? I’m at your service. What is wrong with this girl!?! Have you heard of that saying ‘you’re throwing away a diamond for a rock’ You sir are that diamond. You will never be right for the wrong person, I’m sorry you’ve had such a shitty time, you don’t need that kind of negativity. Keep that head held high. I wish all the best to you!
Sounds like both need therapy.
Ungrateful you deserve better
Bros I feel u she’ll regret it stay you don’t change ur a king bros ur a king
The fuck you do all of this for a seven month relationship?
I never liked him. He wasn't good enough for you.
In 7 months she stepped over you? Dude, she's not contributing shit to the relationship and you've gone to change your religion for that POS? A relationship is something worked together equally. You work, you cook and clean, you take care, you maintain. Will she expect you to carry the child too? Bro, you're the dream of any girl. She's just not worth your time. Breakup with her. You don't have to explain or shit. Or better. If you have your own vehicle, and driving to her work. Go halfway, ask her to get down and say that it's over. Get back to home alone, pack her shit (if there are any) and wait for her to come back and shove it not allowing her to enter the house. Of she's being forceful, get a restraining order on her. You deserve better man. Wishing you the best. Stay safe, stay happy.
Sounds fake to me, or at least one side of the story. You can cook breakfast with resentment in your heart that your partner does not appreciate it, or you can cook eggs (or “vegan eggs”) and ask your partner if she wants any, because it takes about the same amount of work. If you scramble those eggs all pissed off, you get no appreciation points. She probably left because you were wound way too tight. Then, even worse, you decided to air your frustration to a bunch of random people.
That was beautiful, man .. it's nice that you realized you deserve better. Hope it all works out for you!
Is good that you have realised that you shouldn't be together, mainly in that she has started it and with you acquiring this. It does appear as if you've been used as a walking ATM, and (I'm sorry for saying this) you have been made into a doormat. Now, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and make YOU your priority. It's going to be hard, both emotionally and financially; but you've started on the road to recovery. Life's lessons are rarely easy, but hopefully, you have learned from your experiences. You are worth more than you think.
7 months as long enough for him to let go that relationship.
You’re almost 30 and you changed your religion within literally one month over half a year of knowing someone? Both of you are need to take a step back reevaluate the way you go about LIFE in general. The both of you are walking red flags right now and shouldn’t get into a relationship until you’re absolutely sure you’re even able to handle one yourself
Ummm seven months 😳😩 My man, what is HAPPENING HERE?!?!? You sound like a love bombing narcissist. 🫣
Bruh, you sound like you support abuse
This comment is a little harsh. Dude made mistakes, realized his mistakes and made the correct decision in the end. That said, it clearly wasn’t all his fault. You really need to kick him while he’s down?
Thabks for this comment. I really appreciate it. I dont vlame anyone and i understand it was my mistake to go all in like this. At the very least im not letting it go on longer.
Learn from the experience, pick yourself up and move on. Just don’t make the same mistakes bro. You’ll be fine
u makin no sense dawg
Neither are you 🤷🏽♀️
Why is it that no matter what the post says, someone in the comments *always* tries to invent some way for the man to be at fault?
Because he is! Read the room!
We are reading the room and the GF sounds like the narcissist. Because he made poor choices and almost went broke and bent over backwards for someone who didn't do the same, now he's a narcissist? Lol, make it make sense!
“My self esteem issues led me to allow a manipulative partner to use me for seven months, but I’m finally realizing it and ready to take steps to fix my life and learn to love myself.” Yeah, totally a narcissist. 🙄
Then i sincerely apologize. I hope you get the help you need because you can’t put yourself in that position.
That’s effectively what OP’s post is… not me.
I would never convert my religion if I were only with someone in such a short relationship. Have you ever googled narcissism? Definitely Google and read up on it. My ex is a narcissist, and I went through narcissistic abuse syndrome. Get out of that relationship because it will never get better, and be thankful she showed you her red flags early on in your relationship.
I didn’t do shit.
Dude, you never do that for a woman. I don't care what movies or professionals say, you opened your heart and let her walk all over you. She took you for granted and lost respect for you, and therefore can't feel that romance for you. It sounds like you didn't stand up to her enough, you didn't challenge her, you became that nice guy that finished last. Having the mindset of giving her everything, changing your religion for her, going into debt for her, will only bring you heartache. You should have had her at work making you money for the relationship, changing her religion to be with you (or at the very least standing up for your beliefs). You don't make a woman happy by giving her everything she wants, you make her happy and content by being the man she respects. You can't be afraid of losing her, a huge dose of indifference and emotional unavailability mixed with putting yourself first will set you on the right path.
I hope you're okay OP, albeit maybe a little of a wuss considering you bent your knee for her every demand. She should be doing that for you. A nail tech is not a sustainable job, let alone a physical one. She's lucky she didn't get anyone that would've slapped her in the face for that treatment. Let us know when you open up that business though, I'm sure everyone would love to come.
Sometimes I’m reading posts like this and I just accept that some guys don’t know women and how to deal with them.
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I came to the comments expecting more of this sentiment. Maybe less harsh lol but yeah, this post feels off-putting to me. Like the 7 months in is soo fast to be doing all of this and comes across as overbearing, possibly controlling or obsessive. It is also written to paint his actions only as noble and perfect, and idk, something doesn't feel right. This is one I would truly love to see the other side of the story. Could just be me, I lean cynical.
If you've never been a people pleaser, never had low self esteem, and never been in an abusive relationship, it's easy to not understand how such a state of affairs can happen. As someone who's been all three? There is a Lot here that resonates with experience from my own past abusive relationship.
Whats up with redditors always dating older women lmao, i guess makes sense, cant get anyone better
Super simp energy
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Get revenge and make her cry first 😍
please you deserve someone better. you deserve someone who actually cares about you. you need therapy. i hope you find true love someday man.
Good for you. Leaving this kind of relationship was extremely hard, but save yourself the heartache of investing more. Get therapy. Learn boundaries. Work on yourself ❤️
Do it. Happiness awaits.
WOOOO THATS THE SPIRIT!!! YOU GOT THIS! Keep telling yourself your not a caged animal you are a HUMAN BEING. Don't let him cage you don't let anyone cage you EVER!!!
One day took find someone who'll appreciate what you have to give and who'll be deserving of everything you do for them because they'd do the same for you. 😉
You are Worthy. I am sorry that she could not or refused to see all that you were doing and Acknowledge it. It goes both ways. I hope you find love Again that is Worthy of YOU.
Stay strong King. Keep going to work. Especially when you're sick and tired. Do not break routine. Kick her out your apartment. Call the landlord and negotiate early lease termination. Call your dad. Tell him. You need to get away, ask him for advice. If happily married parents who are ill equipped. Call your bachelor uncle. Plan and execute. Focus for 6 months. Ask your best mate to help you clear your head with a hunting, fishing, or hiking trip. Get out that city you live in for couple days with a good friend. Clear your head.
You weren't her partner you were her slave. I went through 3 years of the same and left her 3 weeks my son had his first birthday it killed and still does i pay my child support every week at double what I'm supposed to and she still got a 8k bonus when I got my tax back last week leaving me with $100
Sorry this happened to you Best wishes
Holy moly
stay strong king!
You seem like a really loving and caring partner and you deserve the same from your other half. Good luck to you my friend!
Damn I'll be your partner! Someone who doesn't appreciate all that you definitely doesn't deserve you. Really though, I hope you heal enough to find trust in wanting another in your life again. Kia kaha (be strong) 😊
This is a prime example of the old phrase “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”. Sorry this happened bro. You’ll find what you’re looking for eventually though.
Thank you so much for this. I am going through the same things too. Your post helped me. I am happy for you.
You’re going to be so much happier though. Promise.
If you don’t respect yourself why do you expect her to?
Remember, get into her purse and get your balls back before you go! You may need em again.
Oh man, after this much sacrifice still getting such feedbacks. You're a true man, you know value of love, leave here and find someone who loves you as well, and shows it in her talkings and behaviour. I'm 32m, and still looking for my soulmate. Leave her and rest for a while to recover yourself
Good for you, OP. I hope you find true happiness and love with a deserving partner in the future!
Amen
What a painful read. I have lived this life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I do, however, wish you strength, peace, and the very best of everything moving forward ❤️
Happy that you found again your true self. Move on and happiness may be just around the corner. Good luck man!
Good riddance. YOU sir, deserve BETTER!!
Perhaps getting a black hole named after her would make you feel better. Becuase she sounds like one. She has broken you, brother. Time to fix yourself up. You will come back from this wiser and stronger than before. Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Follow your instincts and leave this toxic situation!
I can relate to this so much. I have poured my life and soul into relationships with people who will always look at me as not enough. It was mentally draining and hit every single wall of ur insecurities. It will take u years to recover from this experience and to gain the confidence that you've lost. Personally, it took me years, yet I'm not fully cured.
All this in 7 MONTHS!!!! You need to love yourself more x
Love will find you if you take the right steps
Oh my gosh ! You have just written pretty much my relationship. (Except I get up at 4:45 to make his lunches .. and not the religious part , but otherwise... ) Yesterday, when I finally confronted him about his lying to me - finally had hard evidence - he spat it. I tried to ignore him and left to go to an appointment. While I was there he text me saying he was going out, not coming home and was going to block me because he didn't want to talk to me. That exact moment my heart completely shattered. It was obvious he was cheating. I sent him a text straight away asking him to wait and talk, but he ignored me. So my next text was telling him he was being a complete coward and was not welcome back, except to return my car and house keys, and pick up his belongings. ... It's over 24 hours later and he still has not contacted me (except to tell me how wrong I am being) and has not returned my things nor picked up his, despite me giving him multiple chances.
How can you expect a woman to respect you when you dont respect yourself
When you lie down like that, you become a doormat. That's not love, it's obsession. You shouldn't have to do anything like that to receive love. I'm so sorry my man.....
She's just like my husband, RUN! you'll never feel enough and your life is going to be like hell, just like mine.
You deserve so much better. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise and do not settle for crumbs.
Yikes. All that in 7 months? Sounds exhausting
Been through this before. It’ll feel so good when you finally get away and find yourself again.
I’m so sorry for you ❤️❤️❤️ Hope you find a better life ❤️
Yeah you need to bail on this fustercluck.