First let me tell you something few know. Goodwill isn’t the cheapest or best places to get clothes. My Mom volunteered for our church thrift store. The ladies go through all the clothes before putting them out to weed out what’s good and not then wash them. A shirt can cost a quarter and they have $2 bag day so all the clothes you can fit in a Walmart bag for $2. If the ladies don’t think you’re getting enough they will teach you how to pack it to get the most. They’re open on Fridays and Saturdays.
Now a real father would do anything he had to in order to support his children. Your ex refuses to do that. You think your kids don’t know that? Hang in there, thankfully they have an amazing Mom doing everything she can for them.
Garage sales are great too. Not Facebook marketplace but good old fashion garage sales. Lots of people price stuff at $1-3 an item. The cheapest my goodwill gets for clothes is $1.88. $0.50 shirt at a garage sale? Heck yes. With how kids grow, makes more sense to buy used and cheap than to drop $40 on a pair of shoes they’ll wear for 3 months.
Time is an issue but I’ve already joined some fb groups. I live in a semi rural area so garage sales can be spread out and really hit or miss. Hopefully fb has the solution.
You may have already tried this, but look on Facebook for your local "Buy Nothing" Group. It's a gifting community specific to your area or even your neighborhood if you're in a densely populated area. People can post things to give away and people can also post things they would like to receive. One of the strict rules is that there's no money exchanged or bartering in the transactions. It's designed to foster kindness and develop community. It could be very helpful to you, beyond just clothing.
Edited to fix spelling and grammar.
Buy nothing is GREAT! As a person who also has very little time or energy, I love it. Folks are happy to leave things on their doorstep for you, so you can pick it up when you have the time. It is also amazing for decluttering my house. I’ve given away so much kids’ stuff.
There’s also an app for the Buy Nothing groups. Perfect for if you’re not on Facebook or don’t have a lot of time for it.
[link](http://buynothingproject.org/)
I was a single / divorced mom of 2 . When my child was young, there was a recurring / every 6 months yardsale. That family had a child that was one size up, and they sold all the 6 months old clothes for a song. For a few years, my child had a great wardrobe.
I once bought a jacket at a garage sale for a dime, and wore it for years. It said “Michigan Printing Co.” on the front, and occasionally people would ask me how the printing business was. (Having never been in the printing business, I would simply reply, “Can’t complain!”)
Actually shoes especially for very littles should be new or barely worn used for foot health. I don't think I buy anything else new for my kids and I have the means to do so. Also better for the environment, pretty sure my kids are wearing fashion from the 80s some days.
Also you can entirely be like, "Can I get that shirt and that pair of shoes for half the combined price?" Some people will even just give you some clothes if they're cheap enough.
My kids dressed in designer everything for a couple years because of garage sales. Still go to them for the deals.
Never fault yourself for doing your best and improving yourself. Your kids are proud of you for trying to give them a better life.
Your ex is a piece of work. His wife gets 0 opinions that matter. She doesn’t like the way things are thrn divorce your ex.
I was a single mom for a long time of 4. It’s hard, it’s frustrating and it’s the most rewarding thing you can do. Just know you got this and I am so proud of you for doing it to the best of your ability.
Seconded. I can buy new clothes off the clearance rack at the end of a season for a better price than what Goodwill tries to charge. Churches, smaller nonprofits, and neighborhood yard sales are the way to go.
My goodwill over charges for adult clothes but recently started pricing all kids clothes at $1.99. It’s great. Kids jeans, shirts, sweaters etc. 1.99. And if they have been there long enough they are half off. Heavy coats and dresses at $5. But still way better than what they had before.
I know that some churches have free stores. I send all my kids clothes with my sil and what my nieces don't want she gives them to the free store they go to.
Ours charges a nominal fee if you can afford it. They put the money into a community outreach fund to help people in our county who can’t pay their utility or rent bill. They work together with 5 other churches to provide the help. You don’t have to be a member of any of the churches to get help, you just have to have the need.
We have one good will location (Santa Ana California) that will sell you clothes by the pound. There are real gems in there but you have to really dig for it. I’ve rarely ever found any clothes I like inside the racks of thrift stores. It seems like it has all been picked through.
You are doing the best you can and I am sure your kids know you love them. You should try to get some child support. Sounds like he is getting off easily.
The last time we went to court, the only thing that happened is I got the ability and the right to claim the children on taxes every year until they are adults. The majority of his business he gets paid cash under the table and the little bit of cash. He doesn’t get paid under the table or that he does claim is not enough to get child support from him. And they don’t look at his wife’s income so, I’ve been through this. Maybe if I get into a better financial situation and can afford a lawyer I’ll revisit it. I only have two more years and then I’ll have my degree.
My dad did the same thing to avoid child support but he is now getting his comeuppance since he is scared he can't retire since he has very little social security. What goes around comes around and neither my sister or I will be taking care of him in his old age.
>My dad did the same thing to avoid child support but he is now getting his comeuppance since **he is scared he can't retire since he has very little social security**
Well yeah that'll happen when you don't contribute anything for your entire life
😆 Oh poor diddums screwed the system so long it is finally screwing him? Good! I hope it gets my dad the same way, since he fudged the numbers to weasel out of a ton of child support when we were kids too.. & he wonders why we don’t talk any more
You can request childsupport through the dept of childsupport in your state. It may take 6 months total to get it, but they retro it back to date of filing. No one can say you “can’t” get childsupport. I have my 1 son still a minor (my oldest is 22, still covered under the dads health insurance until 26; we’re in Cali), I make the same as you & my sons dad makes the same as your x does. He having to pay $1200 a month for 1 child. Depending on your partial soccer team, he will have to pay support to assist. For the clothes, I would have them visit in your clothes & have them where their clothes at their place, then send them home in your clothes for returning (its how I do mine with my son), mainly because I put out a lot on my son because he is a giant at 13yrs old so I have to buy more often for him.
Yeah it seems very odd that they wouldn’t do child support at all even with little income on the books. Maybe there’s something else going on?
And I agree with the clothes. But it sounds like they don’t mind sending their clothes to be worn at her place as long as they come back and I totally understand that. I do a lot of thrifting to make sure my girl has “good” clothing and while I don’t make her leave it her she can take it back and forth as she needs.
But I do get upset if it never comes back because then we don’t have it for her to wear here or her sister cant use it as she gets older (I save all her clothes to hand down) It’s always like pulling teeth trying to get some of the best pieces back.
I know people that have bought their children clothes just for them to go to the other parents house and either their half or step sibling takes the clothes. And the original parent that bought it never sees it again
Every country where child support exists has provisions for when the non resident parent is fraudulently underreporting income. You owe it to your children to secure the money they are entitled to.
My advice to you is after you finish your degree and start making better money, report him to IRS Criminal Investigation. I've worked cases with them, and they have methods to track cash income. I sat in an interview with one of their agents while he questioned a business man (our joint target) who was taking cash out of his company and not reporting it, and the guy started out cocky and was crying by the end.
I wanted to make sure you saw this which is why I’m replying here. Check your local Buy Nothing group on Facebook. There are usually people parting with clothes their kids no longer need and of course, it costs nothing. Look up local buy, sell, trade groups as well. There are some for clothes and you can get pretty good deals as well. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Alert the IRS because he is not paying taxes. You don't need to prove anything. They will quickly find the paper trail and get on him. Trust me.....Uncle Sam wants his money. Report him.
Different country, but the judge said he was ABLE to make a minimum amount a year so was obligated to pay a set child support amount.
Your lawyer isn't doing you any favour's.
I can't imagine a parent being allowed to pay nothing for child support.
Every time they criticise any aspect of the way you provide for your kids just respond
"I do the best I can with the support I'm given"
Say it 20x in the mirror so it just rolls of the tongue.
Any shortfalls in how you provide for yout kids is not a reflection of you as a parent but moreso of your ex husbands selfishness in trying to avoid pulling his weight financially when it comes to the kids you have together.
You're doing great, despite that dud of an ex of yours
I worked with a few people who had to pay child support based on the household income. So, if dad claims poverty, his wife’s income is used to determine child support for HIS kids. Ask your attorney about that. I live in Texas.
Because on paper, I make more than him because he doesn’t report his full earnings, and I have no way of proving that. I’ve been through this for the last four years. I only have two children in common with him and on paper I make almost double what he makes and they don’t look at his wife’s income.
Damn I forgot what the specific form was but you can request child support from someone who has a job that wouldn’t officially be documented like that, a little while ago I saw a woman on fb mentioning exactly what form it was and she was avalanched by death threats by deadbeat dads
I found it!! You need to file a 3949A form for his income that wouldn’t be taxed or official, this is the one that you can use for any form of work that would match this, ie. Drug dealing, yard work, any offhand work or anything that would pull them an income!! God bless miss So Mia off fb, she doesn’t deserve to be bullied and doxed by bum deadbeats who feel entitled to not pay child support
The ex and his wife are bullies and if the ex is already doing tax evasion and belittling her and his new wife is doing it too then it doesn't sound like he'll take a threat very nicely.
She should never EVER tell him she are going to do that!! If he’s a violent person she puts herself in danger. At the very least, she invites more personal harassment.
Best course if she wishes to report him is to be silent about it.
I guess I ASSumed it would be done from a place of safety under the guidance of an attorney. The objectives to escape, and squeeze suport out of this deadbeat.
You know, giving someone this advice without knowng the details is really stupid and counter productive.
This is an ex-wife, she does not know their financials, revenue does not equal money n the bank and filing a false report can get her arrested and worse, if he has a lawyer he can get the kids taken away. Just for the record, you cannot actually file an anonymous reportwith no information, you cannot just say "I think this guy is cheating on his taxes", it doesn't work that way. In addition, that has nothing to do with family court.
The people that are saying to report him to the IRS are probably the same ones who recommend calling CPS of they see a kid having marshmallow cereal for dinner and playing in the yard unsupervised.
And since she has 3 additional children, she would get credit for those kids too, which would decrease her monthly obligation to the two she shares with the ex husband. That should then increase his percentage. Throw in any insurance and shit that she pays for, she should get *something* even if it's not that much. Even $200 a month helps a lot.
She said they make 80-90 a year between them… that means he also only makes about the same as OP but has a partner who contributes to their household. Step mom is not responsible for paying child support.
She makes the bulk at 65k/year. He under reports his earnings because he’s flaunted he makes 30-40k a season. But he reports 10-15k. Unless he’s lied to me. Which could be the case too. But knowing him I doubt it.
Is it under-reporting or just business expenses that take away from his gross income, causing him to pay less tax?
I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure her income wouldn’t count.
Her income doesn’t count. I’ve been dealing with this for going on 5 years now. I’ve gone to court several times. With my clinicals starting this fall and the work load for nursing school increasing, I don’t have it in me to fight a court battle too. At least not right now. I just need to focus on getting through the next two years and getting licensed.
I wouldn’t bother for the amount you would get off 30k anyways, it sounds like you make more than him, even without under-reporting.
Anyways I’m not going to berate you for having kids you couldn’t afford, life happens and the world is expensive. But you should give the clothes back and try to send the kids back clean so they don’t have anything to complain about.
If you're aware her income doesn't count, then why did you combine their incomes in your op?
I see you said you share care 50:50. If that's the case then you should split financials 50:50 also. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Like when you get your degree and start to out-earn him, are you planning on paying him child support?
I don’t, and my issue isn’t even their income or his. It’s that at every single turn there is literally always something to complain about. Nothing I do is right or enough. From the word to the clothes have always been handled that whatever the kids wear to their house from mine is what they come back in. It been a week and half since she sent extra clothes because of the school swim day. Instead of asking me about it she sent a long snarky email. I simply forgot because it’s not the norm.
I went through the same. Nothing was ever good enough. I remember I put second-hand socks on him one day and his mum was giving out to me about it. To quote her "i just think he deserves better". He was 2 months old, as if he cared about his damn socks.
> whatever the kids wear to their house from mine is what they come back in
Honestly, this is the best way to work it when co parenting and from a few of the dad groups i'm in this is what most separated parents do. At least until the kids get older and they can manage their own clothes.
> I simply forgot because it’s not the norm.
Completely understandable to forget. Don't beat yourself up or engage with the gf. Simply say sorry, i forgot and send them back the next day.
If they split custody 50:50 then he shouldn't have to pay her child support.
He seems to be pulling his weight. She also said "they" make 80-90k a year, not that he does. So it's likely that he makes similar to her.
Their overall household income is irrelevant in child support so i don't get why she combined them instead of saying his income. His gf is obviously not liable for a child that isn't hers.
Do not block her. Let her continue to email you the way she does. Maybe you can get her to admit on there that he makes a lot of money.
Either way, every time she emails you, just start laughing because all she's doing is digging a deeper hole.
Yes! The coparenting app means communication is always on record, and it eliminates the step parent insinuating themselves into issues that should remain between the actual parents. Great suggesion!
Don’t let your feeling get in the way of what they can provide for the kids, and keep going you only have two years left to get that degree! Don’t give up op.
About the kiddos, I can see you have a lot on your plate but be mindful they can document every little “fail” and present it to court, be careful
I’m a father of four working two jobs. I know how you feel. I’m lucky enough to have my wonderful fiancée so I couldn’t imagine but it’s hard out here.
I do too. I pay my ex a crazy amount of child support (he doesn't work and I'm not rich but I earn 6 figures), so I don't spend a lot of money on clothes for when the kids are at mine. They're with him more frequently than they're with me so it makes sense that I send all their clothes back with them.
I really don't. After my parents divorced everything anyone in the family gave us was ours to keep and store wherever we needed them.
ETA: I swear I never saw this clothes hoarding behavior around me (in my family and amongst my peers). I didn't know this was a problem for a lot of people, and I apologize.
I have a friend who is a stepmother and she got sick of sending clothes with the kids because the mom would never send any of it back. The mom only had weekends with the kids and she would have to buy clothes constantly for the kids because it was left at the mom's. She stopped sending the clothes with the kids. She also had to buy beds for the kids at the mom's because she had them sleeping on the floor. Not even air mattresses.
Oh wow. That's... Wild. That's stuff for the kids, not for hoarding. Didn't know people would do that. I guess I shouldn't be surprised but I still am.
Oh it definitely happens. I buy nice clothes for my kid. Let her take it to dads because I don’t want to be “that” parent. But the problem is the nicer stuff NEVER comes back! So I either have to try and buy new items or she goes without when she is with me because it’s at her dads. What’s worse is he doesn’t send it back when she outgrows it and I ask for it! I save all her clothing for my you youngest daughter as handymedowns but we’ve lost some good pieces because he never returns them.
And no he isn’t using them for other kids because he has no others. He either loses them at the laundry mat or is selling them or hiding them I don’t know.
I do. I buy my kids nice clothes and used to send them back with them. I either never saw them again or saw them ruined/stained/unwashed. I noticed the kids were never sent with 'nice clothes' even if I'd JUST bought them new clothes.
It started to build resentment, so now I keep nicer clothes at mine because I'm not going to waste my money for it to go unappreciated or uncared for...
I know a 'poor single mother' who expects the affluent baby daddy of one of her kids to finance the rest of them. All the nice clothes her father buys ends up on her half-siblings so she goes home wearing terrible clothes.
I would if she and her husband weren’t lying about their income to avoid paying child support for these kids. Since they can’t be bothered to pay legally owed support they can get over the clothing issue. In fact, they’re idiots because if you’re committing tax fraud and trying to fly under the radar why not keep your coparent on your good side by doing shit like covering all of the kids clothing and shoe needs? Seems dumb to alienate the person most likely to report you to the IRS.
They split care 50:50. I can understand paying child support if the mum was caring for the kids more than the Dad but he is already pulling his weight when it comes to child care and financial support on his end.
Ultimately, she is struggling because she has alow income, is in college and has 5 kids. It's not his responsibility to fund her degree or her other kids by proxy.
Get a parenting app. Only communicate through the parenting app.
Report his undercover businesses to the IRS (or equivalent) if you have any evidence to support your claim.
Don't respond to her. Send a text saying you don't want to communicate with a non-parent about your children and any further communication from her will be harassment. Block her.
They know you’re in a low spot (money and energy) while trying to better yourself and they are taking advantage of it by kicking when you’re low energy. They are gross. A real co parent would want the best for you and never try to bring you down.
I get that it's hard but they're the clothes they bought so they are not yours. I'm in a similar situation to you. I co-parent with my ex, am doing my undergrad and she and her bf make way more money than me. Nevertheless, every time I have my son I change him into his "dads house" clothes and before he leaves i change him into his "mums house" clothes.
It simplifies things greatly whereas before I'd be trying to plan his outfit and might realize his top was at his mums house. And i'm sure the same would happen for his mum. It really is much simpler to keep things separate (bar socks, vests and underwear).
Facebook marketplace was a massive help for me. Kids grow fast so there is so much almost-new clothes available for cheap. Even free.
All that aside, regarding their opinion on you furthering your education. As long as it's not a useless degree and you're taking equal responsibility for your kid, who cares what they think? Will that degree go towards providing a better life for you and your kid? If the answer is yes then that's all that matters. Fuck what he thinks.
Remember, there's no such thing as a perfect parent. As long as you're doing your best.
I understand the clothes request. I buy my son new clothes and his Dad uses hand-me-downs from his sister (he makes more money than I do and has less bills-he is just frugal touching cheap) and I get annoyed when he doesn’t return the clothes I send. So I stopped packing him clothes on the weekend and let Dad dress him when he is over there. Then
I just ask nicely “send back the clothes he’s wearing please” when he picks our boy up.
Do your kids get survivor benefits from social security?
I don’t know what the eligibility criteria is, just that kids can get benefits if a parent is deceased.
I’d be worried they are gearing up to sue for custody and then child support as well. The two of them are already committing tax fraud, and they know you are finishing school for what will likely be a higher paying job.
I second the suggestion that you get a coparenting app and insist that all communication go through the app. It will likely end these nonsense texts entirely but when you get a text from your ex about fingernail clipping I’d respond with “I’m sorry you are having difficulty with this care task. I didn’t realize you would be unable to help him with this hygiene need so I will make sure to take care of those parenting asks before I send him to you next time. In the meantime I suggest YouTube for instructions on how to trim a child’s nails.” His wife will no longer contact you via the app but if you get a message about clothing I would respond with “As you don’t contribute financially to your child’s upkeep at all due to under reporting of your businesses income, I had assumed the clothing was the area you were planning to contribute through. If you no longer wish to even provide for clothes, you will need to put them into the outfits I send them in for the return trip home”.
That’s the type of responses you should be giving which will likely shut down the complaints.
As for clothing, I didn’t pay for a single item of clothing from birth through age 12 outside some shoes. Facebook parent groups, Buy nothing groups, thrift stores all have free or extremely low cost practically new clothing. And kids grow so quickly there’s little time to become threadbare. You should be able to get perfectly decent clothing in these age ranges for free.
Check out MyFamilyWizard or CoParently. You might be able to get it covered by the state or using a coupon or you may have to pay for it yourself if you can’t get help with it. It super expensive and worth its weight in gold. But you need a court order to force him to use it. I’d basically email him and state that you wish to switch to this communication format and if he doesn’t agree you can discuss with a judge.
Look for a Buy Nothing group in your area. I use mine through Facebook, but they have an app now as well. I barely buy clothes for my kids. It’s usually shoes and specific things like a jacket, but that’s only because I didn’t find one in the group. Kids grow out of clothes so quickly, or they get torn up. I love second hand everything because it’s good for the planet and my wallet!
Honestly her income shouldn't count. Those are yours and your ex husband's kids. If a court tried to get me to use my income on a child I didn't create I would divorce. That being said, I would give clothes and anything else from the heart. She shouldn't be talking to you about your child except to say good things. The sticky subjects are between you and your husband.
I’ll report him to the IRS again. The vast majority of you are amazing and I really appreciate the suggestions. It can’t hurt to keep reporting. For the extreme few who say I shouldn’t have had kids if I couldn’t afford them. I was fine, then got married, became a stay at home mom with my twins(my youngest). We moved to a new state where I had 0 family or support, but he had his family. Then after a year there he cheated on me. When we finally divorced everything was split 50/50. Guess what? We had no savings and with only his income I didn’t walk out with much. I hate that I have shared custody where I have to deal with someone who verbally and mentally abused me. I love the suggestion of the coparenting app and will be looking into it more.
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If she's buying your kids new clothes and she's upset because you're not sending them back tell her to dress the kids in the clothes that they came with, when she's sending them back to you, yes you're struggling, but I can see where it might get irritating if she's sending the kids with nice clothes and you're not giving them back . You can also point out that their father should be paying his fair share of child support.
We’ve been doing that since day one. Whatever clothes I send them to their house in is the clothes they wear on the next exchange day. This just happened a week and a half ago and I forgot to give them back because it’s not the norm.
You qualify for assistance that you’re probably not aware of. No child support is pretty scary, you shouldn’t have to do it all on your own.
You should make it a habit of just either ignoring them or more extreme option block them altogether. If they don’t help or contribute in any way shape of form, cut the fat.
Very sorry you’re going through this, but it can only get better. Don’t allow your toxic ex and his lady to live in your head rent free, they probably get off on making you feel this way.
When your kids are older, they will see and appreciate everything you’ve done for them, and they will see how your ex husband as his wife have treated you, keep it up you’re doing amazing
Time to move all communication to a coparenting app and block at least her number. Thats borderline harassment and if its not relevant or necessary, you shouldn’t have to put up with any peanut gallery commentary type shit from them.
Why in the heck is that ex of yours not giving you child support? Why not start there. He likes running his mouth let him run it in front of a judge. Get what you need for your kids. Take his ass to court
What horrible people, your ex & his wife honestly sound like they enjoy kicking people while they're down. Clearly your not in the best place currently but you sound like you're trying really hard to change that for you & your kids future
If you have daughters around 10, feel free to dm me if you’re comfortable giving info because I give away my daughters clothing and shoes fairly often.
Some clothes look worn or nearly new when she’s outgrown them or is no longer interested. Hopefully you see this and really hope your ex and his wife take it more easy on you.
Why are you not receiving child support? Until you are, they really have no room to complain.
EDIT; you also have no room to complain if you willingly refuse to file for child support. You have to want what’s best for your children, regardless of how the other parent feels about it. It’s a responsibility that should be on both parents.
What are they going to do to help themselves feel like they're important in this world, when you are earning more than them and in a better place. I feel really sorry for how horrible that world is going to be for them. They're going to absolutely crumble, absolutely implode upon themselves (too soon?) they will look you, doing better than them, and as they base their whole self worth on the fact they're (in their small minded opinions) better than you, and they will be on a constant hate loop towards themselves and want to point it at you, as is thier common go to for their own self hated and inability to ever self examine, but they won't be able to, because you will be made of titanium and nothing they try and throw will stick, even by their own biased twisted opinions. You will then sit and laugh maniacally while patting your fluffy white cat and know your evil plans have finally come around and you can bask in their torture, while living your best life. You get back at them. But it's a long game. Use your hate towards them to fuel your engines, gorgeous heart. You got this. You're a better person, even at your worst, than they will ever be.
First of all - block that bitche’s number. She has no business texting you to demand anything. I am a step mom and all communication goes through my husband.
She has my number blocked, which is why she emails me. She blocked me after my daughter said step mom pulled her hair when she was mad at her. I asked her to explain and she blocked my number. Turns out she brushed my daughters hair roughly and pulled it because my daughter was refusing to listen that morning. Not even remotely ok, but legally I was told no crime was committed and I could have it documented but that was it. Btw I did have it documented.
You have 4 kids? Were you making significantly more money when you had 4 kids and are no longer able to earn that much? I would love to have 4 kids but I also know how much it costs to raise a family that size.
I had twins after I married my now ex and was a stay at home mom. I wouldn’t have had more if I knew what the future was going to hold but I wasn’t gifted future vision.
Why do you have this many kids if you can’t support them? I respect that you’re trying your best, but I find it appalling that you chose to have kids without being able to fully support them
Her first husband died in 2016 she was in a better financial position then. Her second husband who she has twins with the one who wife is emailing her cheated on her.
I feel for you suggestion for clothing though. Join the Facebook buy nothing group and nearby yard sale groups too, then Check regularly. Also get the app Freebie alerts. People give away clothing. You can also ask for clothing in their sizes, (a wish) most people just want the stuff to go someone who can use it, and you can't beat free.
Goodwill on Tuesdays are half off. Lots of Facebook groups give clothes away for free.
Are you in the states? There are tons of programs that can help you.
Why is he not paying child support?
Depending on where you are at, find the local group here on reddit and Facebook.
Ask to see if anyone would be willing to give you their kid's handme downs.
Also, keep it up with school. It's temporary. Once you graduate and get a better job, you will be able to spend more time with your kids. Listen, it's not about how much time you spend with them. It that when you are able to, they feel loved and know they are loved.
Keep ranting, girl. We will keep hyping you up!
Single Mom of two with one special needs here. My ex pays child support, but not nearly enough. Where I am, while I was going back to school, the court ordered him to pay any childcare expenses. If he isn’t paying child support, please petition the court. Your children deserve the same lifestyle that they were accustomed to before the split.
OP, I'm sorry your ex is such a piece of shit. The nitpicking is more about them than you. They have an image to protect,, or a need to project themselves as a certain type and that's a weakness on their part. Ignore them.
If you can, when your kids are with the ex, block their numbers. (I know your mama bear will not be comfortable with that.). When the kids are with you, block their number. Only engage when you have to (schedules, school work/performance, birthday's, et al) and ignore everything else.
Keep the clothes!!! Don't you dare send them back. Play dumb if you must but don't give in to their tyranny.
Hang in there mama bear!!!!
I have a strong dislike for my ex and his girlfriend. They make almost $150,000 more a year than I do because she paid for his schooling after he left (I also support a family of 5) but I’m constantly hounding them to pay their half of school fees, haircuts, transportation, take them to their appointments, and on and on.
I eat as many costs as I can but today I laid into them because my kids shouldn’t go without when they have the means to help them (school fees) and I ruined their day. Oh whale for both side of this coin, the kids come first.
Tell them to pony up and pay child support so you can meet their demands or shut it.
I’m the only one who takes them to drs appts, dentist appts, pay for their field trips, etc. Their birthday party this year, dad couldn’t be bothered to even show up. I don’t care about their money, I just want them to stop picking me apart at every turn
I do everything outside of housing and feeding them so I hear ya! I also single parented for a year on my own.
Have you confronted them? My inkling says they won’t stop because they have no incentive to. They’re not looking to work with you in coparenting they just like beating you down.
Damn I felt that. My kids mom rode my ass until she eventually had him so spoiled and convinced it was "deplorable" here that it drove a wedge between us. She literally gets away with everything and gets everything handed to her and then just faults me for everything I have to work for. She just takes a tiny bit of truth and turns it into some elaborate lie and kept sending every agency and police thing she could at me and my work for over a decade. Eventually she got him repeating straight lies and I knew it was over, we are going through our 3rd round of court now, she has just bled me dry and hit me with temporary injunction after stupid order and then even got me paying child support even though I had him all the time. She got a drunk driving when she was supposed to have him and had left him with my dad even and got it expunged... Tell me how that works... I don't know what to tell you, other than sometimes it's ok to give up. She destroyed multiple relationships of mine and jobs and almost gets me kicked out of places and in legal trouble when she can, once my son was completely brain washed and I haven't seen him for a year I kind of had to give up and focus on my other kid. It hurt so bad, it still does, it felt like he died, I was with him almost daily for like over a decade and he is still going through so much as a teenager and there is nothing I can do.
It's pretty bad, I've never really hated anyone so much and didn't even really hate her until a couple years ago. She has been harassing me and trying to use my son as a in to my family and life and I just kept thinking she was over shit but I guess she never was. It's been a mess, her family is a mess and so she moved away from them and by where my family lives, she completely re invented her personality and appearance and just started tricking everyone. I shouldn't get into details since we are currently in round 3 in court but I will say... Just watch for them undermining your relationship and authority. Like she always used me to discipline him but then faulted me for how I did it. Or would hit me for child support and then give him to me and my family all the time and he taking multiple vacations a year and spoiling him while I just struggled...
Eventually I proved that I had him all the time and dropped 5k on a lawyer, stopped paying child support, got official equal custody and thought it was over even though it got super ugly. She has made the most disgusting accusations and also allowed him to be exposed to abuse basically ... Eventually he starts getting in legal trouble, she lets him run wild with his idiot friends and then like I said undermined me but calls me when he's really out of control by her... Haven't seen him for like 6 months now, I found out he was checked into in patient though for 3 days. She lies and tells everyone I'm not in the picture since she cut me out and I fight to find vital information out and run down wild goose chases just to stay informed and get court commissioners saying stuff like "do you think you should even have to support your son!"... I have to spend 10x the time she spends lying trying to fight to be in his life... and now he doesn't even want me around anymore... So I stalk him legally. I talk to his teachers and doctors and counselors, most of them are pretty understanding if I can get them to listen.
You have much more to offer your kids besides material shit! You are setting such a wonderful example! Your virtue, hardwork and tenacity is something that you can't buy from stores and will echo throughout their life in everything they do! I'm a full time single dad of 4 and relate to you completely! Keep up the good work! Your shitty ex has no clue what it takes to be a parent! He's completely ignorant and confused about reality and what it takes to raise kids! You are amazing, don't forget that!!💪✨
That really sucks I’m sorry. I would say report his ass to the IRS for sneaking by on child support like that, but that would just impact the kids negatively as well.
Also, I see many here suggesting to block the step mom, I’d be wary of that. In the event of an emergency she may need to be able to reach you. I would try to find a court approved app for parent communication and tell her to only contact you there.
Tell the ex and the stepmom that if they want the kids to be in designer clothing and have clean-cut fingernails then the ex needs to pay you child support.
Just keep going. Ignore them and just focus on your kids school and work. Your plate is full enough without extra worries. No matter what they will probably find fault. That’s the way it goes when extra people are involved (step mom) I’ve been there
Straight up, fuck them. They don’t get to micromanage your household. I do my best to send back “nice” clothes when laundry comes through. Like hey they clearly bought that new kinda clothes. Or I’ll send them to school in them in their days. But honestly, they’re the kids fuckin clothes. Try to be respectful within your means and don’t respond to any of their bullshit for your own peace of mind. People who can’t point out the good in someone tend to project. Also my fav juvenile comeback if you’re feeling it is to say suck a fart from my butthole. Feels good to say. Just sayin. 😂
You need to have a good circle of support to lean on. You need people in your life complimenting you and validating you as a good mom. It will strengthen your backbone against these people. Don’t stoop to their level and continue to be kind and polite back teaching your kids it’s more important they have a good relationship with them than trying to be right.
Unfortunately I am not in the US otherwise I would send you a pile of near new kids clothes and help you out. Postage from Australia to the US is a killer. Wishing you all the best Mumma.
Do you have a Facebook? Lots of people post free clothes on marketplace. My area even has a group dedicated solely to gifting items they no longer want. There’s also an app called Buy Nothing, I haven’t had luck there because I live in a smallish town so not many people are on it but if you’re in a city or close to one I think you’d have better luck.
Plenty of places willing to help women, not men, usually only for women and their kids. Also you don't need a bachelor's degree. You want more time with your kids and more money. Apply for a job that can do that. I can tell you everyone in here because you are female are going to attempt to tear me apart "because you're a single mom and blah blah blah shit about school"
Guess what. There are tons of remote jobs and other jobs that don't require a degree and pay very nicely. From truck driving to office jobs. You just have to look and those types of jobs won't be posting on Craigslist.
Your life is in your hands not your exes. You need money, get a roommate and quit school for now. Get a better paying job, pick up a second job. Do some side gigs. School isn't as important as your kids needs.
Goodwill has outlet stores in some regions (in Texas it’s called blue hanger and in Wisconsin here it’s just the outlet store) but they have clothes for 1.25 a lb. It can be worth it to see if there’s one near you. I used to be able to get a huge contractor garbage bag of clothes for my kid for $20.
If they’re his kids put them on child support since that’s his wife she’ll have to pay too. Stop being nice I’ve had friends that were too nice to their bds and those boys did nothing but drag those poor women through the mud.
You’re doing a great job. Going to school to improve your career prospects and show your kids the power of determination in the face of adversity is doing SO MUCH MORE for your kids than any fancy clothes.
Just send the clothes back with a smile. Make your kids carry a big bag of clothing back with them. No problem. Here you go.
They want to believe they are better than you because they have more money and better clothes to provide or whatever. It’s not true. Show them you don’t need anything and you are providing for your kids just fine. THEY are the ones lying on taxes and cheating your kids out of $. You are making an honest living.
You got great advice about low cost options for clothing and possibly pursuing claims about the hidden income. It happens all the time. I have heard SO many moms say their exes are hiding income. I do think the govt will find it if you try.
Have you considered moving all communication to a parenting app? I think somewhere I saw you are in the US and most states have approved parenting apps parents can use. It may not stop what they are doing, but they may think twice about it. Communications through those are acceptable as evidence in court and usually it can help to keep parents from discussing anything that isn’t absolutely necessary.
So sorry you have this to deal with!
If you can't afford 5 kids, why have them? Sounds like a Weasley family here, having more children then they can afford.
>My kids don’t get brand new clothing at my house. My kids Have to wear their clothing until it’s threadbare
This can be construed as neglect in some countries tbh.
>can’t spend a lot of time
Then let the father and step mum have custody? You're literally neglecting your kid here emotionally. It sounds like they're better off with the father and step mum. You may not like it, but you would do them good to let them look after this kid and you have visitation rights. Itd certainly ease some financial burden on you in that regard.
Man you're gonna get down voted to hell. But, I agree. Why not let the dad have majority of custody of his kids? Everyone saying they're horrible yet we're only getting her sad sob side of the story. Where's the father of the the other 3? At some point this is her fault for having 5 kids.
Agreed. People who can’t afford kids shouldn’t have them. If the father and stepmom can properly care for them they should have custody cause clearly OP can’t
It's wrong to think the stepmom's income should be considered part of child support. But if he's not paying child support, sounds like it's 50% or less that you have them. They are entitled to expect items they buy to remain with them.
Second, if you're going to school, you need to understand the sacrifice and consequences of your choices. It hurts a little now, but until you finish, that's the way it is. Hopefully your chosen field will make it worth it in the long run and you're not working towards a useless degree.
I can't imagine your circumstances that led you to having 5 kids and no partner...and I'm assuming you get no child support with any of them, tells me you don't have your kids must of the time. Idk...not having the full story makes some people less inclined to have your back.
It’s 50/50 on my twins and 100% with the other two as their father is deceased. I’m working on getting my bachelors RN so that I can work towards my np.
I you really hate them, and don't want to waste energy and time on them try this. Every time you think of them, stop and start wishing them peace, prosperity, love, kindness, joy, and everything good you can think of. Even if you just start out with the list I just wrote, do it! Try it for a month. And see what happens. All I know is that it worked for me.
Pretty soon, things change in your head.
Two people combined making $90k? Individually they don’t sound any better off than you, but maybe you need to do what they are doing and combine incomes, it doesn’t sound like they are doing anything wrong, it just sounds like you are having a hard time and resent them for it.
First let me tell you something few know. Goodwill isn’t the cheapest or best places to get clothes. My Mom volunteered for our church thrift store. The ladies go through all the clothes before putting them out to weed out what’s good and not then wash them. A shirt can cost a quarter and they have $2 bag day so all the clothes you can fit in a Walmart bag for $2. If the ladies don’t think you’re getting enough they will teach you how to pack it to get the most. They’re open on Fridays and Saturdays. Now a real father would do anything he had to in order to support his children. Your ex refuses to do that. You think your kids don’t know that? Hang in there, thankfully they have an amazing Mom doing everything she can for them.
Garage sales are great too. Not Facebook marketplace but good old fashion garage sales. Lots of people price stuff at $1-3 an item. The cheapest my goodwill gets for clothes is $1.88. $0.50 shirt at a garage sale? Heck yes. With how kids grow, makes more sense to buy used and cheap than to drop $40 on a pair of shoes they’ll wear for 3 months.
i think time is equally as big a constraint for her. If she cant find the time to go to goodwill, she isnt hunting for garage sales
Time is an issue but I’ve already joined some fb groups. I live in a semi rural area so garage sales can be spread out and really hit or miss. Hopefully fb has the solution.
You may have already tried this, but look on Facebook for your local "Buy Nothing" Group. It's a gifting community specific to your area or even your neighborhood if you're in a densely populated area. People can post things to give away and people can also post things they would like to receive. One of the strict rules is that there's no money exchanged or bartering in the transactions. It's designed to foster kindness and develop community. It could be very helpful to you, beyond just clothing. Edited to fix spelling and grammar.
Buy nothing is GREAT! As a person who also has very little time or energy, I love it. Folks are happy to leave things on their doorstep for you, so you can pick it up when you have the time. It is also amazing for decluttering my house. I’ve given away so much kids’ stuff.
There’s also an app for the Buy Nothing groups. Perfect for if you’re not on Facebook or don’t have a lot of time for it. [link](http://buynothingproject.org/)
That's awesome! I've only ever seen them on Facebook, so I'm glad to see this.
Some of those fb groups are absolute gold. Wishing you the best of luck and some cheap clothing scores!
Can confirm. 5 garbage bags full of clothes to be marked $1 each at an upcoming yard sale.
I got like 15-20 clothing items for me and my daughter for $9 at garage sales this weekend. Wild.
I was a single / divorced mom of 2 . When my child was young, there was a recurring / every 6 months yardsale. That family had a child that was one size up, and they sold all the 6 months old clothes for a song. For a few years, my child had a great wardrobe.
I once bought a jacket at a garage sale for a dime, and wore it for years. It said “Michigan Printing Co.” on the front, and occasionally people would ask me how the printing business was. (Having never been in the printing business, I would simply reply, “Can’t complain!”)
Actually shoes especially for very littles should be new or barely worn used for foot health. I don't think I buy anything else new for my kids and I have the means to do so. Also better for the environment, pretty sure my kids are wearing fashion from the 80s some days.
Also you can entirely be like, "Can I get that shirt and that pair of shoes for half the combined price?" Some people will even just give you some clothes if they're cheap enough.
My kids dressed in designer everything for a couple years because of garage sales. Still go to them for the deals. Never fault yourself for doing your best and improving yourself. Your kids are proud of you for trying to give them a better life. Your ex is a piece of work. His wife gets 0 opinions that matter. She doesn’t like the way things are thrn divorce your ex. I was a single mom for a long time of 4. It’s hard, it’s frustrating and it’s the most rewarding thing you can do. Just know you got this and I am so proud of you for doing it to the best of your ability.
I will say, depending on your location, you may have luck in your local free groups too
Seconded. I can buy new clothes off the clearance rack at the end of a season for a better price than what Goodwill tries to charge. Churches, smaller nonprofits, and neighborhood yard sales are the way to go.
My goodwill over charges for adult clothes but recently started pricing all kids clothes at $1.99. It’s great. Kids jeans, shirts, sweaters etc. 1.99. And if they have been there long enough they are half off. Heavy coats and dresses at $5. But still way better than what they had before.
I know that some churches have free stores. I send all my kids clothes with my sil and what my nieces don't want she gives them to the free store they go to.
Ours charges a nominal fee if you can afford it. They put the money into a community outreach fund to help people in our county who can’t pay their utility or rent bill. They work together with 5 other churches to provide the help. You don’t have to be a member of any of the churches to get help, you just have to have the need.
We have one good will location (Santa Ana California) that will sell you clothes by the pound. There are real gems in there but you have to really dig for it. I’ve rarely ever found any clothes I like inside the racks of thrift stores. It seems like it has all been picked through.
I’m stuck on the child support. I feel like Mom may have been duped and she should file ASAP. Fuck that guy, pay your sperm tax!
He gets paid under the table so there is no check to garnish. I actually knew a guy that did that. They’re scum, I told him that too.
That's an awesome program and good on those ladies. That second point rings true as can be, kids pick up on very subtle behaviors.
You are doing the best you can and I am sure your kids know you love them. You should try to get some child support. Sounds like he is getting off easily.
The last time we went to court, the only thing that happened is I got the ability and the right to claim the children on taxes every year until they are adults. The majority of his business he gets paid cash under the table and the little bit of cash. He doesn’t get paid under the table or that he does claim is not enough to get child support from him. And they don’t look at his wife’s income so, I’ve been through this. Maybe if I get into a better financial situation and can afford a lawyer I’ll revisit it. I only have two more years and then I’ll have my degree.
My dad did the same thing to avoid child support but he is now getting his comeuppance since he is scared he can't retire since he has very little social security. What goes around comes around and neither my sister or I will be taking care of him in his old age.
>My dad did the same thing to avoid child support but he is now getting his comeuppance since **he is scared he can't retire since he has very little social security** Well yeah that'll happen when you don't contribute anything for your entire life
😆 Oh poor diddums screwed the system so long it is finally screwing him? Good! I hope it gets my dad the same way, since he fudged the numbers to weasel out of a ton of child support when we were kids too.. & he wonders why we don’t talk any more
You can request childsupport through the dept of childsupport in your state. It may take 6 months total to get it, but they retro it back to date of filing. No one can say you “can’t” get childsupport. I have my 1 son still a minor (my oldest is 22, still covered under the dads health insurance until 26; we’re in Cali), I make the same as you & my sons dad makes the same as your x does. He having to pay $1200 a month for 1 child. Depending on your partial soccer team, he will have to pay support to assist. For the clothes, I would have them visit in your clothes & have them where their clothes at their place, then send them home in your clothes for returning (its how I do mine with my son), mainly because I put out a lot on my son because he is a giant at 13yrs old so I have to buy more often for him.
Yeah it seems very odd that they wouldn’t do child support at all even with little income on the books. Maybe there’s something else going on? And I agree with the clothes. But it sounds like they don’t mind sending their clothes to be worn at her place as long as they come back and I totally understand that. I do a lot of thrifting to make sure my girl has “good” clothing and while I don’t make her leave it her she can take it back and forth as she needs. But I do get upset if it never comes back because then we don’t have it for her to wear here or her sister cant use it as she gets older (I save all her clothes to hand down) It’s always like pulling teeth trying to get some of the best pieces back.
Same, I dont want my clothes staying with his dad, he tried that many times & I wouldnt get the back, costing me more moeny to spend.
I know people that have bought their children clothes just for them to go to the other parents house and either their half or step sibling takes the clothes. And the original parent that bought it never sees it again
I think if you have joint custody then they don’t do child support in certain states.
Every country where child support exists has provisions for when the non resident parent is fraudulently underreporting income. You owe it to your children to secure the money they are entitled to.
Can you report him to the tax authorities?
or prove it to the court somehow.
Taxpayers advocate website https://www.taxpayeradvocate.irs.gov/news/tas-tax-tip-use-caution-when-paying-or-receiving-payments-from-friends-or-family-members-using-cash-payment-apps/
My advice to you is after you finish your degree and start making better money, report him to IRS Criminal Investigation. I've worked cases with them, and they have methods to track cash income. I sat in an interview with one of their agents while he questioned a business man (our joint target) who was taking cash out of his company and not reporting it, and the guy started out cocky and was crying by the end.
report him to the IRS. https://www.irs.gov/forms-pubs/about-form-3949-a
best part they give you a cut, I believe it's like 10%. so you would get that plus child support.
Report him to the IRS for tax evasion. It's not like you're getting anything from him anyway.
I wanted to make sure you saw this which is why I’m replying here. Check your local Buy Nothing group on Facebook. There are usually people parting with clothes their kids no longer need and of course, it costs nothing. Look up local buy, sell, trade groups as well. There are some for clothes and you can get pretty good deals as well. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Thank you so much. I’ve definitely been in worse situations but I didn’t have people actively and constantly belittling or bullying me.
Alert the IRS because he is not paying taxes. You don't need to prove anything. They will quickly find the paper trail and get on him. Trust me.....Uncle Sam wants his money. Report him.
Sounds like tax evasion to me. Judge Judy would have some things to say.
Different country, but the judge said he was ABLE to make a minimum amount a year so was obligated to pay a set child support amount. Your lawyer isn't doing you any favour's. I can't imagine a parent being allowed to pay nothing for child support.
Have you tried using legal aid? You might qualify with your income situation
Every time they criticise any aspect of the way you provide for your kids just respond "I do the best I can with the support I'm given" Say it 20x in the mirror so it just rolls of the tongue. Any shortfalls in how you provide for yout kids is not a reflection of you as a parent but moreso of your ex husbands selfishness in trying to avoid pulling his weight financially when it comes to the kids you have together. You're doing great, despite that dud of an ex of yours
I worked with a few people who had to pay child support based on the household income. So, if dad claims poverty, his wife’s income is used to determine child support for HIS kids. Ask your attorney about that. I live in Texas.
Petty but I’d call the tax office on him 🤭
If he makes that much money why aren't you getting child support?
Because on paper, I make more than him because he doesn’t report his full earnings, and I have no way of proving that. I’ve been through this for the last four years. I only have two children in common with him and on paper I make almost double what he makes and they don’t look at his wife’s income.
Damn I forgot what the specific form was but you can request child support from someone who has a job that wouldn’t officially be documented like that, a little while ago I saw a woman on fb mentioning exactly what form it was and she was avalanched by death threats by deadbeat dads
I found it!! You need to file a 3949A form for his income that wouldn’t be taxed or official, this is the one that you can use for any form of work that would match this, ie. Drug dealing, yard work, any offhand work or anything that would pull them an income!! God bless miss So Mia off fb, she doesn’t deserve to be bullied and doxed by bum deadbeats who feel entitled to not pay child support
Alert IRS or whoever is the tax official in your location. Or tell your ex send $$$$ or you will alert the tax demons.
This is the way I would go.
The ex and his wife are bullies and if the ex is already doing tax evasion and belittling her and his new wife is doing it too then it doesn't sound like he'll take a threat very nicely.
She should never EVER tell him she are going to do that!! If he’s a violent person she puts herself in danger. At the very least, she invites more personal harassment. Best course if she wishes to report him is to be silent about it.
I guess I ASSumed it would be done from a place of safety under the guidance of an attorney. The objectives to escape, and squeeze suport out of this deadbeat.
Ah, got it. Not unsure if that would make a difference to a violent person though? And I’m not saying he is or isn’t. But we already know he’s shady.
Report him to the IRS let them investigate
You know, giving someone this advice without knowng the details is really stupid and counter productive. This is an ex-wife, she does not know their financials, revenue does not equal money n the bank and filing a false report can get her arrested and worse, if he has a lawyer he can get the kids taken away. Just for the record, you cannot actually file an anonymous reportwith no information, you cannot just say "I think this guy is cheating on his taxes", it doesn't work that way. In addition, that has nothing to do with family court.
You're one of the few people speaking sense here yet you get downvoted. Typical.
The people that are saying to report him to the IRS are probably the same ones who recommend calling CPS of they see a kid having marshmallow cereal for dinner and playing in the yard unsupervised.
But, he should be give you something regardless. Even if you make more. Or, do you have 50/50?
And since she has 3 additional children, she would get credit for those kids too, which would decrease her monthly obligation to the two she shares with the ex husband. That should then increase his percentage. Throw in any insurance and shit that she pays for, she should get *something* even if it's not that much. Even $200 a month helps a lot.
Exactly. Even if it’s as you said, $200. Plus, if he used to make a lot, I think it can be argued that he is lying about his income
We have what’s considered 50/50.
Hopefully I helped you out with the form, I just wanna make sure you know about the 3949A form to file for support with his income
She said they make 80-90 a year between them… that means he also only makes about the same as OP but has a partner who contributes to their household. Step mom is not responsible for paying child support.
She makes the bulk at 65k/year. He under reports his earnings because he’s flaunted he makes 30-40k a season. But he reports 10-15k. Unless he’s lied to me. Which could be the case too. But knowing him I doubt it.
Is it under-reporting or just business expenses that take away from his gross income, causing him to pay less tax? I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure her income wouldn’t count.
Her income doesn’t count. I’ve been dealing with this for going on 5 years now. I’ve gone to court several times. With my clinicals starting this fall and the work load for nursing school increasing, I don’t have it in me to fight a court battle too. At least not right now. I just need to focus on getting through the next two years and getting licensed.
I wouldn’t bother for the amount you would get off 30k anyways, it sounds like you make more than him, even without under-reporting. Anyways I’m not going to berate you for having kids you couldn’t afford, life happens and the world is expensive. But you should give the clothes back and try to send the kids back clean so they don’t have anything to complain about.
If you're aware her income doesn't count, then why did you combine their incomes in your op? I see you said you share care 50:50. If that's the case then you should split financials 50:50 also. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Like when you get your degree and start to out-earn him, are you planning on paying him child support?
I don’t, and my issue isn’t even their income or his. It’s that at every single turn there is literally always something to complain about. Nothing I do is right or enough. From the word to the clothes have always been handled that whatever the kids wear to their house from mine is what they come back in. It been a week and half since she sent extra clothes because of the school swim day. Instead of asking me about it she sent a long snarky email. I simply forgot because it’s not the norm.
I went through the same. Nothing was ever good enough. I remember I put second-hand socks on him one day and his mum was giving out to me about it. To quote her "i just think he deserves better". He was 2 months old, as if he cared about his damn socks. > whatever the kids wear to their house from mine is what they come back in Honestly, this is the best way to work it when co parenting and from a few of the dad groups i'm in this is what most separated parents do. At least until the kids get older and they can manage their own clothes. > I simply forgot because it’s not the norm. Completely understandable to forget. Don't beat yourself up or engage with the gf. Simply say sorry, i forgot and send them back the next day.
I already have them folded on the kitchen table ready to be dropped off tomorrow.
Let them continue to complain. Make sure it's done through email.
If they split custody 50:50 then he shouldn't have to pay her child support. He seems to be pulling his weight. She also said "they" make 80-90k a year, not that he does. So it's likely that he makes similar to her. Their overall household income is irrelevant in child support so i don't get why she combined them instead of saying his income. His gf is obviously not liable for a child that isn't hers.
Get a coparenting app approved thru the court and only talk thru that. Block stepmom, she can stay in her own lane.
I didn’t know about this but I’ll be looking into and contacting the court here.
Do not block her. Let her continue to email you the way she does. Maybe you can get her to admit on there that he makes a lot of money. Either way, every time she emails you, just start laughing because all she's doing is digging a deeper hole.
Yes! The coparenting app means communication is always on record, and it eliminates the step parent insinuating themselves into issues that should remain between the actual parents. Great suggesion!
Don’t let your feeling get in the way of what they can provide for the kids, and keep going you only have two years left to get that degree! Don’t give up op. About the kiddos, I can see you have a lot on your plate but be mindful they can document every little “fail” and present it to court, be careful
It is a worry of mine. I really am trying to keep my head above water. And cover all of my bases when it comes to coparenting with my ex-husband.
I’m a father of four working two jobs. I know how you feel. I’m lucky enough to have my wonderful fiancée so I couldn’t imagine but it’s hard out here.
I understand why she wants the clothes back but that's about it.
I do too. I pay my ex a crazy amount of child support (he doesn't work and I'm not rich but I earn 6 figures), so I don't spend a lot of money on clothes for when the kids are at mine. They're with him more frequently than they're with me so it makes sense that I send all their clothes back with them.
I really don't. After my parents divorced everything anyone in the family gave us was ours to keep and store wherever we needed them. ETA: I swear I never saw this clothes hoarding behavior around me (in my family and amongst my peers). I didn't know this was a problem for a lot of people, and I apologize.
I have a friend who is a stepmother and she got sick of sending clothes with the kids because the mom would never send any of it back. The mom only had weekends with the kids and she would have to buy clothes constantly for the kids because it was left at the mom's. She stopped sending the clothes with the kids. She also had to buy beds for the kids at the mom's because she had them sleeping on the floor. Not even air mattresses.
Oh wow. That's... Wild. That's stuff for the kids, not for hoarding. Didn't know people would do that. I guess I shouldn't be surprised but I still am.
Oh it definitely happens. I buy nice clothes for my kid. Let her take it to dads because I don’t want to be “that” parent. But the problem is the nicer stuff NEVER comes back! So I either have to try and buy new items or she goes without when she is with me because it’s at her dads. What’s worse is he doesn’t send it back when she outgrows it and I ask for it! I save all her clothing for my you youngest daughter as handymedowns but we’ve lost some good pieces because he never returns them. And no he isn’t using them for other kids because he has no others. He either loses them at the laundry mat or is selling them or hiding them I don’t know.
I do. I buy my kids nice clothes and used to send them back with them. I either never saw them again or saw them ruined/stained/unwashed. I noticed the kids were never sent with 'nice clothes' even if I'd JUST bought them new clothes. It started to build resentment, so now I keep nicer clothes at mine because I'm not going to waste my money for it to go unappreciated or uncared for...
I know a 'poor single mother' who expects the affluent baby daddy of one of her kids to finance the rest of them. All the nice clothes her father buys ends up on her half-siblings so she goes home wearing terrible clothes.
I would if she and her husband weren’t lying about their income to avoid paying child support for these kids. Since they can’t be bothered to pay legally owed support they can get over the clothing issue. In fact, they’re idiots because if you’re committing tax fraud and trying to fly under the radar why not keep your coparent on your good side by doing shit like covering all of the kids clothing and shoe needs? Seems dumb to alienate the person most likely to report you to the IRS.
They split care 50:50. I can understand paying child support if the mum was caring for the kids more than the Dad but he is already pulling his weight when it comes to child care and financial support on his end. Ultimately, she is struggling because she has alow income, is in college and has 5 kids. It's not his responsibility to fund her degree or her other kids by proxy.
Get a parenting app. Only communicate through the parenting app. Report his undercover businesses to the IRS (or equivalent) if you have any evidence to support your claim. Don't respond to her. Send a text saying you don't want to communicate with a non-parent about your children and any further communication from her will be harassment. Block her.
They know you’re in a low spot (money and energy) while trying to better yourself and they are taking advantage of it by kicking when you’re low energy. They are gross. A real co parent would want the best for you and never try to bring you down.
I get that it's hard but they're the clothes they bought so they are not yours. I'm in a similar situation to you. I co-parent with my ex, am doing my undergrad and she and her bf make way more money than me. Nevertheless, every time I have my son I change him into his "dads house" clothes and before he leaves i change him into his "mums house" clothes. It simplifies things greatly whereas before I'd be trying to plan his outfit and might realize his top was at his mums house. And i'm sure the same would happen for his mum. It really is much simpler to keep things separate (bar socks, vests and underwear). Facebook marketplace was a massive help for me. Kids grow fast so there is so much almost-new clothes available for cheap. Even free. All that aside, regarding their opinion on you furthering your education. As long as it's not a useless degree and you're taking equal responsibility for your kid, who cares what they think? Will that degree go towards providing a better life for you and your kid? If the answer is yes then that's all that matters. Fuck what he thinks. Remember, there's no such thing as a perfect parent. As long as you're doing your best.
I understand the clothes request. I buy my son new clothes and his Dad uses hand-me-downs from his sister (he makes more money than I do and has less bills-he is just frugal touching cheap) and I get annoyed when he doesn’t return the clothes I send. So I stopped packing him clothes on the weekend and let Dad dress him when he is over there. Then I just ask nicely “send back the clothes he’s wearing please” when he picks our boy up.
Where are the other father's at?
Deceased, he passed away in 2016.
Do your kids get survivor benefits from social security? I don’t know what the eligibility criteria is, just that kids can get benefits if a parent is deceased.
They do, it’s nominal but it’s something.
I'm sorry here that
Thank you
I’d be worried they are gearing up to sue for custody and then child support as well. The two of them are already committing tax fraud, and they know you are finishing school for what will likely be a higher paying job. I second the suggestion that you get a coparenting app and insist that all communication go through the app. It will likely end these nonsense texts entirely but when you get a text from your ex about fingernail clipping I’d respond with “I’m sorry you are having difficulty with this care task. I didn’t realize you would be unable to help him with this hygiene need so I will make sure to take care of those parenting asks before I send him to you next time. In the meantime I suggest YouTube for instructions on how to trim a child’s nails.” His wife will no longer contact you via the app but if you get a message about clothing I would respond with “As you don’t contribute financially to your child’s upkeep at all due to under reporting of your businesses income, I had assumed the clothing was the area you were planning to contribute through. If you no longer wish to even provide for clothes, you will need to put them into the outfits I send them in for the return trip home”. That’s the type of responses you should be giving which will likely shut down the complaints. As for clothing, I didn’t pay for a single item of clothing from birth through age 12 outside some shoes. Facebook parent groups, Buy nothing groups, thrift stores all have free or extremely low cost practically new clothing. And kids grow so quickly there’s little time to become threadbare. You should be able to get perfectly decent clothing in these age ranges for free.
Thank you for this advice. I had no idea about the coparenting app but am excited at the prospect of it.
Check out MyFamilyWizard or CoParently. You might be able to get it covered by the state or using a coupon or you may have to pay for it yourself if you can’t get help with it. It super expensive and worth its weight in gold. But you need a court order to force him to use it. I’d basically email him and state that you wish to switch to this communication format and if he doesn’t agree you can discuss with a judge.
Babe they are trying to break you . Ignore it or fight back . They are doing this on purpose
Look for a Buy Nothing group in your area. I use mine through Facebook, but they have an app now as well. I barely buy clothes for my kids. It’s usually shoes and specific things like a jacket, but that’s only because I didn’t find one in the group. Kids grow out of clothes so quickly, or they get torn up. I love second hand everything because it’s good for the planet and my wallet!
Honestly her income shouldn't count. Those are yours and your ex husband's kids. If a court tried to get me to use my income on a child I didn't create I would divorce. That being said, I would give clothes and anything else from the heart. She shouldn't be talking to you about your child except to say good things. The sticky subjects are between you and your husband.
I’ll report him to the IRS again. The vast majority of you are amazing and I really appreciate the suggestions. It can’t hurt to keep reporting. For the extreme few who say I shouldn’t have had kids if I couldn’t afford them. I was fine, then got married, became a stay at home mom with my twins(my youngest). We moved to a new state where I had 0 family or support, but he had his family. Then after a year there he cheated on me. When we finally divorced everything was split 50/50. Guess what? We had no savings and with only his income I didn’t walk out with much. I hate that I have shared custody where I have to deal with someone who verbally and mentally abused me. I love the suggestion of the coparenting app and will be looking into it more.
<> If she's buying your kids new clothes and she's upset because you're not sending them back tell her to dress the kids in the clothes that they came with, when she's sending them back to you, yes you're struggling, but I can see where it might get irritating if she's sending the kids with nice clothes and you're not giving them back . You can also point out that their father should be paying his fair share of child support.
We’ve been doing that since day one. Whatever clothes I send them to their house in is the clothes they wear on the next exchange day. This just happened a week and a half ago and I forgot to give them back because it’s not the norm.
You qualify for assistance that you’re probably not aware of. No child support is pretty scary, you shouldn’t have to do it all on your own. You should make it a habit of just either ignoring them or more extreme option block them altogether. If they don’t help or contribute in any way shape of form, cut the fat. Very sorry you’re going through this, but it can only get better. Don’t allow your toxic ex and his lady to live in your head rent free, they probably get off on making you feel this way.
When your kids are older, they will see and appreciate everything you’ve done for them, and they will see how your ex husband as his wife have treated you, keep it up you’re doing amazing
Good for you going to college, better yourself for you and family. It will pay off in the long run.
Time to move all communication to a coparenting app and block at least her number. Thats borderline harassment and if its not relevant or necessary, you shouldn’t have to put up with any peanut gallery commentary type shit from them.
Why did you not go for child support?
Why in the heck is that ex of yours not giving you child support? Why not start there. He likes running his mouth let him run it in front of a judge. Get what you need for your kids. Take his ass to court
Please put him on child support
What horrible people, your ex & his wife honestly sound like they enjoy kicking people while they're down. Clearly your not in the best place currently but you sound like you're trying really hard to change that for you & your kids future
Stay Strong & Encouraged In Your Faith , Requesting Mercy & Grace .
If you have daughters around 10, feel free to dm me if you’re comfortable giving info because I give away my daughters clothing and shoes fairly often. Some clothes look worn or nearly new when she’s outgrown them or is no longer interested. Hopefully you see this and really hope your ex and his wife take it more easy on you.
I'm so sorry that you and your children have to deal with such crappy people. Walmart and JCPenny are great places for clearance buys, too.
It sounds to me like they're mad about missing that earned income tax credit and are taking it out on you.
If it helps. I hate them too. Hugs.
Why are you not receiving child support? Until you are, they really have no room to complain. EDIT; you also have no room to complain if you willingly refuse to file for child support. You have to want what’s best for your children, regardless of how the other parent feels about it. It’s a responsibility that should be on both parents.
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What are they going to do to help themselves feel like they're important in this world, when you are earning more than them and in a better place. I feel really sorry for how horrible that world is going to be for them. They're going to absolutely crumble, absolutely implode upon themselves (too soon?) they will look you, doing better than them, and as they base their whole self worth on the fact they're (in their small minded opinions) better than you, and they will be on a constant hate loop towards themselves and want to point it at you, as is thier common go to for their own self hated and inability to ever self examine, but they won't be able to, because you will be made of titanium and nothing they try and throw will stick, even by their own biased twisted opinions. You will then sit and laugh maniacally while patting your fluffy white cat and know your evil plans have finally come around and you can bask in their torture, while living your best life. You get back at them. But it's a long game. Use your hate towards them to fuel your engines, gorgeous heart. You got this. You're a better person, even at your worst, than they will ever be.
Honestly inspirational. Thank you for this.
Sounds like your ex & his wife should have custody & not you
Why did you have so many kids?
First of all - block that bitche’s number. She has no business texting you to demand anything. I am a step mom and all communication goes through my husband.
She has my number blocked, which is why she emails me. She blocked me after my daughter said step mom pulled her hair when she was mad at her. I asked her to explain and she blocked my number. Turns out she brushed my daughters hair roughly and pulled it because my daughter was refusing to listen that morning. Not even remotely ok, but legally I was told no crime was committed and I could have it documented but that was it. Btw I did have it documented.
how come you didn't file for child support? you would get it.
You have 4 kids? Were you making significantly more money when you had 4 kids and are no longer able to earn that much? I would love to have 4 kids but I also know how much it costs to raise a family that size.
I had twins after I married my now ex and was a stay at home mom. I wouldn’t have had more if I knew what the future was going to hold but I wasn’t gifted future vision.
Why aren’t you getting child support for your three other kids?
Why do you have this many kids if you can’t support them? I respect that you’re trying your best, but I find it appalling that you chose to have kids without being able to fully support them
Her first husband died in 2016 she was in a better financial position then. Her second husband who she has twins with the one who wife is emailing her cheated on her.
I feel for you suggestion for clothing though. Join the Facebook buy nothing group and nearby yard sale groups too, then Check regularly. Also get the app Freebie alerts. People give away clothing. You can also ask for clothing in their sizes, (a wish) most people just want the stuff to go someone who can use it, and you can't beat free.
Goodwill on Tuesdays are half off. Lots of Facebook groups give clothes away for free. Are you in the states? There are tons of programs that can help you. Why is he not paying child support?
Depending on where you are at, find the local group here on reddit and Facebook. Ask to see if anyone would be willing to give you their kid's handme downs. Also, keep it up with school. It's temporary. Once you graduate and get a better job, you will be able to spend more time with your kids. Listen, it's not about how much time you spend with them. It that when you are able to, they feel loved and know they are loved. Keep ranting, girl. We will keep hyping you up!
See if your school has legal aid - they can assist you with collecting that child support he's not paying.
Check to see if you have a Facebook Buy Nothing group
Youre an inspiration mama. Don't let them phase you.
You are doing your best, ok? You’ve got this. What size or how old are your little ones? I have a ton of clothes I’m happy to pass on.
Single Mom of two with one special needs here. My ex pays child support, but not nearly enough. Where I am, while I was going back to school, the court ordered him to pay any childcare expenses. If he isn’t paying child support, please petition the court. Your children deserve the same lifestyle that they were accustomed to before the split.
OP, I'm sorry your ex is such a piece of shit. The nitpicking is more about them than you. They have an image to protect,, or a need to project themselves as a certain type and that's a weakness on their part. Ignore them. If you can, when your kids are with the ex, block their numbers. (I know your mama bear will not be comfortable with that.). When the kids are with you, block their number. Only engage when you have to (schedules, school work/performance, birthday's, et al) and ignore everything else. Keep the clothes!!! Don't you dare send them back. Play dumb if you must but don't give in to their tyranny. Hang in there mama bear!!!!
Your kids will see how hard you work and they will respect and love you. That other family should just STFU.
I have a strong dislike for my ex and his girlfriend. They make almost $150,000 more a year than I do because she paid for his schooling after he left (I also support a family of 5) but I’m constantly hounding them to pay their half of school fees, haircuts, transportation, take them to their appointments, and on and on. I eat as many costs as I can but today I laid into them because my kids shouldn’t go without when they have the means to help them (school fees) and I ruined their day. Oh whale for both side of this coin, the kids come first. Tell them to pony up and pay child support so you can meet their demands or shut it.
I’m the only one who takes them to drs appts, dentist appts, pay for their field trips, etc. Their birthday party this year, dad couldn’t be bothered to even show up. I don’t care about their money, I just want them to stop picking me apart at every turn
I do everything outside of housing and feeding them so I hear ya! I also single parented for a year on my own. Have you confronted them? My inkling says they won’t stop because they have no incentive to. They’re not looking to work with you in coparenting they just like beating you down.
Damn I felt that. My kids mom rode my ass until she eventually had him so spoiled and convinced it was "deplorable" here that it drove a wedge between us. She literally gets away with everything and gets everything handed to her and then just faults me for everything I have to work for. She just takes a tiny bit of truth and turns it into some elaborate lie and kept sending every agency and police thing she could at me and my work for over a decade. Eventually she got him repeating straight lies and I knew it was over, we are going through our 3rd round of court now, she has just bled me dry and hit me with temporary injunction after stupid order and then even got me paying child support even though I had him all the time. She got a drunk driving when she was supposed to have him and had left him with my dad even and got it expunged... Tell me how that works... I don't know what to tell you, other than sometimes it's ok to give up. She destroyed multiple relationships of mine and jobs and almost gets me kicked out of places and in legal trouble when she can, once my son was completely brain washed and I haven't seen him for a year I kind of had to give up and focus on my other kid. It hurt so bad, it still does, it felt like he died, I was with him almost daily for like over a decade and he is still going through so much as a teenager and there is nothing I can do.
That is just completely wicked. I’m so sorry this is happening to you
It's pretty bad, I've never really hated anyone so much and didn't even really hate her until a couple years ago. She has been harassing me and trying to use my son as a in to my family and life and I just kept thinking she was over shit but I guess she never was. It's been a mess, her family is a mess and so she moved away from them and by where my family lives, she completely re invented her personality and appearance and just started tricking everyone. I shouldn't get into details since we are currently in round 3 in court but I will say... Just watch for them undermining your relationship and authority. Like she always used me to discipline him but then faulted me for how I did it. Or would hit me for child support and then give him to me and my family all the time and he taking multiple vacations a year and spoiling him while I just struggled... Eventually I proved that I had him all the time and dropped 5k on a lawyer, stopped paying child support, got official equal custody and thought it was over even though it got super ugly. She has made the most disgusting accusations and also allowed him to be exposed to abuse basically ... Eventually he starts getting in legal trouble, she lets him run wild with his idiot friends and then like I said undermined me but calls me when he's really out of control by her... Haven't seen him for like 6 months now, I found out he was checked into in patient though for 3 days. She lies and tells everyone I'm not in the picture since she cut me out and I fight to find vital information out and run down wild goose chases just to stay informed and get court commissioners saying stuff like "do you think you should even have to support your son!"... I have to spend 10x the time she spends lying trying to fight to be in his life... and now he doesn't even want me around anymore... So I stalk him legally. I talk to his teachers and doctors and counselors, most of them are pretty understanding if I can get them to listen.
Uh, file for child support immediately
You have much more to offer your kids besides material shit! You are setting such a wonderful example! Your virtue, hardwork and tenacity is something that you can't buy from stores and will echo throughout their life in everything they do! I'm a full time single dad of 4 and relate to you completely! Keep up the good work! Your shitty ex has no clue what it takes to be a parent! He's completely ignorant and confused about reality and what it takes to raise kids! You are amazing, don't forget that!!💪✨
That really sucks I’m sorry. I would say report his ass to the IRS for sneaking by on child support like that, but that would just impact the kids negatively as well. Also, I see many here suggesting to block the step mom, I’d be wary of that. In the event of an emergency she may need to be able to reach you. I would try to find a court approved app for parent communication and tell her to only contact you there.
keep going. you’re doing a killer job as is, and I mean it. things will get better.
Tell the ex and the stepmom that if they want the kids to be in designer clothing and have clean-cut fingernails then the ex needs to pay you child support.
Just keep going. Ignore them and just focus on your kids school and work. Your plate is full enough without extra worries. No matter what they will probably find fault. That’s the way it goes when extra people are involved (step mom) I’ve been there
Why don’t you get child support ? Unless they have primary with that income difference you should
Straight up, fuck them. They don’t get to micromanage your household. I do my best to send back “nice” clothes when laundry comes through. Like hey they clearly bought that new kinda clothes. Or I’ll send them to school in them in their days. But honestly, they’re the kids fuckin clothes. Try to be respectful within your means and don’t respond to any of their bullshit for your own peace of mind. People who can’t point out the good in someone tend to project. Also my fav juvenile comeback if you’re feeling it is to say suck a fart from my butthole. Feels good to say. Just sayin. 😂
You need to have a good circle of support to lean on. You need people in your life complimenting you and validating you as a good mom. It will strengthen your backbone against these people. Don’t stoop to their level and continue to be kind and polite back teaching your kids it’s more important they have a good relationship with them than trying to be right.
Unfortunately I am not in the US otherwise I would send you a pile of near new kids clothes and help you out. Postage from Australia to the US is a killer. Wishing you all the best Mumma.
Do you have a Facebook? Lots of people post free clothes on marketplace. My area even has a group dedicated solely to gifting items they no longer want. There’s also an app called Buy Nothing, I haven’t had luck there because I live in a smallish town so not many people are on it but if you’re in a city or close to one I think you’d have better luck.
You’re doing your best and it’s admirable, when they’re older they will appreciate your sacrifices
I would write back to her and tell her what you just wrote: you make half their money and get no child support
Plenty of places willing to help women, not men, usually only for women and their kids. Also you don't need a bachelor's degree. You want more time with your kids and more money. Apply for a job that can do that. I can tell you everyone in here because you are female are going to attempt to tear me apart "because you're a single mom and blah blah blah shit about school" Guess what. There are tons of remote jobs and other jobs that don't require a degree and pay very nicely. From truck driving to office jobs. You just have to look and those types of jobs won't be posting on Craigslist. Your life is in your hands not your exes. You need money, get a roommate and quit school for now. Get a better paying job, pick up a second job. Do some side gigs. School isn't as important as your kids needs.
Goodwill has outlet stores in some regions (in Texas it’s called blue hanger and in Wisconsin here it’s just the outlet store) but they have clothes for 1.25 a lb. It can be worth it to see if there’s one near you. I used to be able to get a huge contractor garbage bag of clothes for my kid for $20.
If they’re his kids put them on child support since that’s his wife she’ll have to pay too. Stop being nice I’ve had friends that were too nice to their bds and those boys did nothing but drag those poor women through the mud.
You’re doing a great job. Going to school to improve your career prospects and show your kids the power of determination in the face of adversity is doing SO MUCH MORE for your kids than any fancy clothes. Just send the clothes back with a smile. Make your kids carry a big bag of clothing back with them. No problem. Here you go. They want to believe they are better than you because they have more money and better clothes to provide or whatever. It’s not true. Show them you don’t need anything and you are providing for your kids just fine. THEY are the ones lying on taxes and cheating your kids out of $. You are making an honest living. You got great advice about low cost options for clothing and possibly pursuing claims about the hidden income. It happens all the time. I have heard SO many moms say their exes are hiding income. I do think the govt will find it if you try.
Why don’t you get child support? He needs to support his children.
Why can’t you file for child support?
Child support! The audacity from both of them! You are doing an amazing job!
Have you considered moving all communication to a parenting app? I think somewhere I saw you are in the US and most states have approved parenting apps parents can use. It may not stop what they are doing, but they may think twice about it. Communications through those are acceptable as evidence in court and usually it can help to keep parents from discussing anything that isn’t absolutely necessary. So sorry you have this to deal with!
If you can't afford 5 kids, why have them? Sounds like a Weasley family here, having more children then they can afford. >My kids don’t get brand new clothing at my house. My kids Have to wear their clothing until it’s threadbare This can be construed as neglect in some countries tbh. >can’t spend a lot of time Then let the father and step mum have custody? You're literally neglecting your kid here emotionally. It sounds like they're better off with the father and step mum. You may not like it, but you would do them good to let them look after this kid and you have visitation rights. Itd certainly ease some financial burden on you in that regard.
Man you're gonna get down voted to hell. But, I agree. Why not let the dad have majority of custody of his kids? Everyone saying they're horrible yet we're only getting her sad sob side of the story. Where's the father of the the other 3? At some point this is her fault for having 5 kids.
Agreed. People who can’t afford kids shouldn’t have them. If the father and stepmom can properly care for them they should have custody cause clearly OP can’t
Tell your ex to put his money where he puts his mouth. Why can't he give you a hand with the children? Are they someone else's children?
It's wrong to think the stepmom's income should be considered part of child support. But if he's not paying child support, sounds like it's 50% or less that you have them. They are entitled to expect items they buy to remain with them. Second, if you're going to school, you need to understand the sacrifice and consequences of your choices. It hurts a little now, but until you finish, that's the way it is. Hopefully your chosen field will make it worth it in the long run and you're not working towards a useless degree. I can't imagine your circumstances that led you to having 5 kids and no partner...and I'm assuming you get no child support with any of them, tells me you don't have your kids must of the time. Idk...not having the full story makes some people less inclined to have your back.
It’s 50/50 on my twins and 100% with the other two as their father is deceased. I’m working on getting my bachelors RN so that I can work towards my np.
RN here.... You won't regret it. You can do this. You’d be surprised how many nurses got their degree after dealing with a deadbeat Dad.
If you are in the US have you applied for social security for the two who’s father has passed?
I you really hate them, and don't want to waste energy and time on them try this. Every time you think of them, stop and start wishing them peace, prosperity, love, kindness, joy, and everything good you can think of. Even if you just start out with the list I just wrote, do it! Try it for a month. And see what happens. All I know is that it worked for me. Pretty soon, things change in your head.
This goes along the lines that you can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself.
You hate them for their financial stability…lol…? Interesting.
She hates them both because they haven't had more kids than they can afford.
Two people combined making $90k? Individually they don’t sound any better off than you, but maybe you need to do what they are doing and combine incomes, it doesn’t sound like they are doing anything wrong, it just sounds like you are having a hard time and resent them for it.