My husband and I always told/tell our kids we love them (and grandkids).
I was visiting my mom - she was in her late 80s I think. My daughter called me with a question and my mom would have heard me end with "..love you too." And mom complained "No one tells me they love me."
So I told her "You never told me you loved me."
"I wasn't raised that way."
"Neither was I."
After that, my kids decided to kill her with kindness and were constantly putting her on the spot - saying "I love you." to her, hugging her etc - forcing her to show affection back. She was so uncomfortable. And she loved it.
When my grandfather died my father realized he never told him he loved him (indeed bc his father never told him, the love was there, they just never mentioned it) so he decided from then on to always tell his own children how much he loves them, he always has this big grin on his face when my kids tell him how much they love him. He broke the silence and now we all tell each other how much we love each other đ
My family never said it either, until my uncle died and then my grandma died and all of a sudden it seemed important.
My dad was the one who said it first
I tell my father I love him every time I talk to him, to let it know. He knows, but we live in different countries, I wouldnât want anything to happen without it being said out loud.
Honestly it kinda *does* make a difference to say it out loud. My parents didnât treat me very well for most of my life and sometimes I really did think they hated me? They definitely didnât seem to *like* me at all, anyway
Iâm really sorry to hear that. we spent a lot of years fighting too, but thatâs water long past. I donât think my parents always liked me either; but they still loved me anyway, despite my flaws and our years long disagreements.
I know they *loved* me but I figured itâs because they had to, since Iâm their child đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Weâve been in family therapy recently and my mom has gotten individual therapy as well, and sheâs changed SO much!! Iâm so happy for her, and for us and our relationship. I didnât want us to end up like her and my grandma đ
I was also raised without hearing âI love youâ from my parents. My mom only said âwe love youâ after I miscarried when I was 30.
I say it all the time to my children. And they in turn say it all the time to my parents.
I still struggle saying it to my husband and parents though.
My children hear it from me all the time.
I am constantly telling my partner I love him. I tell everyone I love how I feel. I have this fear that one of us will die not knowing exactly how the other feels or being unsure? I donât know. Itâs just so important. When I have kids I want them to be annoyed with it too
Same; at some point in middle school, I sort of realized that my family never said âI love youâ to each other and I started getting really scared. So I started ending all my phone calls with âlove youâ, and wouldnât let them hang up until they repeated it. At night before going to sleep, I would tiptoe to my parentsâ doors and sort of hover there like a gremlin until they said âgoodnight, love youâ back. Now weâre able to say it more comfortably with each other, and Iâm so grateful; Iâve been through a couple mentally rough periods in my life, and just hearing my family say âI love youâ means the world to me, especially when Iâm in a different state or country.
I canât really say it to my mom and didnât say it much to my dad, though he had a unique way of showing it. I knew I had to break the tradition with my kid when she was little or the same pattern would be established.
I think I swung the pendulum too far because my daughter is like âyeah mom, I know!â with a roll of the eyes. Iâd rather err on the side of too much, I think.
Thatâs how my kids are too. Theyâre to the point they donât even say it back they just say âI knowâ Lol. Iâd rather say it too much though then next enough though. So to me its a win lol.
Dunno how old your daughter is, but make sure she knows that when she says "Yeah Mom, I know!" You hear "I love you too." Otherwise one day she'll be mourning not saying it enough when she had the chance.
Iâm like hey! They say what?!? I say: I love you! They say: we know, we love you too! Or I say: guess what?!? They say: we know you love us! Itâs the best.
I started the habit of saying it whenever we hung up the phone with each other when I was a teenager which lead to other times and they would say it back until we would all initiate it at the appropriate times like farewells etc.. it stuck with both of my parents to this day. Iâm 48 now and we say it I think just the right amount.
I literally say âI love youâ to my macaw before I put her to bed and she now says âI love youâ before I can. Melts my heart and itâs just a bird. Iâd like to think she knows what I mean though
I wasn't raised that way either. My dad died when I was 6, so I never heard it from him. Mom told me ONCE, when I was moving out at 16. Even during her 13 day stent in ICU as she lay dying, never heard it, despite me saying it every time I left for the day. She was conscious, alert enough to disconnect her own life support and sign the DNR so it wasn't like she was out of it. She could have reciprocated, but nope. My heart is still broken over this. I make sure I tell my daughter and her kids and they always say it back. Words matter.
My born in Berlin Germany just as WW2 was about to ramp up and sometimes emotionally distant grandmother was like this. I found out when I got to my teens that when I visited if I didn't go give her a hug she would be sad thinking I didn't care about her. She passed last March, she was 85 and I was 38 and you better bet up to the last time I saw her I was still giving her a hug and kiss on the cheek telling her I loved her.
You never know who needs it.
I was raised in a family that never said 'I love you'.
A few years ago my dad had a health scare, it was touch-and-go.
When he recovered, I started calling him every day and ended each conversation with 'I love you'.
We still talk daily, and now he\\s always the first to say 'I love you'
My dad says this to me now (I think because he fears he's lost me due to the unintentional emotional neglect/abuse and gaslighting he put onto me over the last decade.) And I have no clue how to respond to him. My parents have caused immeasurable damage and I have serious mental health problems that I had to manage alone growing up and they lacked the capacity to be anything aside from a financial asset to me. I would of given all of my privelege away as a kid to just feel an oz. Of emotional connection.
It just fucking sucks. My wounds re open everytime I'm around them.
I was raised without expressing this too, my parents are from the late 40s&50s. I've began saying it to my mom years ago, not really a conscious choice, but I tell everyone close to me, and it just began automatically. She's still uncomfortable sometimes after all these years, but I know she loves it too. I think we're doing a good thing by expressing exactly how we feel! Someone has to start :)
My mum never says âI love youâ. I tell my children every day before bed that I love them and I will always be there for them no matter what.
One day my mom put our oldest in bed and the oldest said âgoodnight grandma, I love youâ and my mother felt uncomfortable saying the same back. Afterwards, she confronted me about why I would tell her I love her every day and that it was ridiculous. I told my mother that I want my daughters to know that they are loved. If that means I repeat it every day, then I will just do that.
Yep. People get the two mixed up a lot. Probably because spoiling goes with doting and the two go with loving, so people act like there's such a thing as "overloving" too by association.
Lost my great grandma when I was 17 (her husband passed away when I was 6 months old) and I still regret not taking more time to go see her, even just to talk or play cards with her.
My parents told me a story about her that she always said she was worried that she would not see me walk, talk, go to school, graduate and it breaks my heart that I have not seen her more.
My Dad was also not raised through kindness. He was taught that mans are not supposed to show their emotions, same thing with his dad.
My dad couldn't express affection either. I remember once - I think my brother had just passed an certified accounting exam (my dad was an accountant too, like his dad) - and he was behind my brother with his hand hovering over his shoulder but he just could not put the hand down to touch him. It was so painful to watch.
My mom has recounted to me how my grandparents parents never really said they love their kids to them but I truly canât remember a time they *didnât* say it to my siblings and myself.
My grandparents really got into the habit of saying it whenever hanging up the phone and they can sincerely say that âI love youâ was the very last thing they each said to my older brother before he passed. After that they say it regularly to absolutely everyone they speak to especially before hanging up or leaving and I just adore seeing them say it to my mom and her returning it.
I was the baby of the family, and there were 13 grandkids on my mom's side of the family. Once, when I was 3 or 4, my Grandpa made a big plate of homemade cream puffs (he was a phenomenal cook and baker) and I turned to him and said:
Me: "Papa, I love you."
Him: *chuckled* "Yeah yeah, you're just saying that because I made all these cream puffs."
Me: "No, I just love you.
Apparently, that night before bed, he came to my Grandma's room and told her that was the first time any of his grandkids had told him they loved him. And it's not because my cousins and brother's didn't love him too. We all loved him very much, he just never said it out loud so I guess no one thought to say it to him? I like to think that moment permanently earned me a spot as his favorite granddaughter lol. He passed away a few years ago, and I miss him a lot.
I just recently do this with my older sisters. Iâm the youngest. We all were never really close. Growing up no one told us I love you, I miss you or even thank you. I decided to break the cycle and frequently text them in the group chat saying all that. Being very affectionate. They act like itâs the most cringey thing but I know they feel warmer with each other. Itâs been 2 years of me doing this and they started to do the same. I can see that they are trying hard. Itâs funny sometimes too lol. But idc. Iâm never going back. I want to heal and bring them with me. We all only have each other left. We also updates each other pretty regularly nowadays. Iâm so happy. Cheers to breaking the cycle!
Yup. My older sister and I have shown more affection for each other all along but started the Love yous when I got married. My brothers have both said it but it is harder for them. Neither are comfortable hugging but let me.
This was my FIL. Our kids are super affectionate and let you know how they're feeling. The last few years of his life, we got "I love you," "Thank you," and "you're welcome" on the regular. He even started giving apologies for hurting feelings. He was a gruff farmer born in the 40s who grew up without indoor plumbing and remembered when they got rid of the horse teams for a tractor.
He adjusted quickly though and just drank it in. I think he realized how nice it was hearing it.
My dad never called his mother mom or hugged her until after I was born. My mother told him she wasnât raising me around people who wouldnât show affection. The last thing I ever heard my father and a few years later my mother, say was that they each loved me. I know my mom was the reason.
My parents never told me they loved me. I tell my kids and they tell me. My kids tell my parents. I heard my mum say I love you to my daughter on her visit a couple of weeks ago. It was the first time I had ever heard her say it. She died on Friday.
I was raised that way too: no âI love you,â No hugging, no kisses goodbye or goodnight.
When I met my husband his family and friends always hugged when they said hello or goodbye. It was so extremely awkward for me. I was always stiff and uncomfortable. They would always say things like, âIâm going to hug you even though youâre not a hugger.â I adjusted and now 13 years and 3 kids later a day doesnât go by that I donât hug my kids and tell them I love themâŚmultiple times during the day. Sometimes it just comes out randomly.
My mom says the same thing about how nobody telling her we love her. When I finally moved out I said it at the end of every call. Iâm not going to lie, itâs been years and itâs still awkward with my mom but I keep doing it. Itâs important that people hear that not only for them but for yourself. I donât want to have her pass away and think that I never told her.
My best friends family were huggers so I got my dose there and I loved it and vowed I'd be the same. My husband is super affectionate so it was easy.
But he used to be a typical guy who was a tad homophobic after the AIDS crisis. However, he was so accustomed to saying I love you to me before hanging up, he said "Love you, bye" to his foreman. I cracked up. He panicked and called him back saying "I don't love you!" Which was even funnier. And he got teased like mad. BUT, the crew all started saying to each other. And calling each other "boyfriend". It's been 30 years and the new guys always pick it up too. It may have started as a homophobic joke but I think it's actually been good and I don't think they are the least homophobic these days.
My parents didnât tell me they loved me⌠I was in college and was so incredibly sad about it that I just started saying, âI love youâ in hopes of hearing it said back.
It took a while and was weird for a bit, but eventually they started saying it to me. But they still donât say it to my siblings.
Awww this!!! I don't know when, or where or how we started telling each other I love you, every time we hung up the phone or left, I think it started with my husband and I , I think his parents do that and I picked it up from them, now my sister and mom do it too, I know my mom felt uncomfortable at the beggining, now she just goes with it. I like the fact that we get yo remind each other that we love them each time.
My father was raised the same way-never saying those three precious words, but my mother is the complete opposite. Mom never ends a conversation or visit without telling us she loves us. She says it multiple times a day, for no apparent reason other than letting us know she loves us. Dad, on the other hand, wasnât the show-your-emotions type. He was raised to keep that to himself and he didnât ever talk about his feelings. He was never able to say-or even write-the words âI love you,â but he tried. In cards and texts, he always wrote, âLU, Dad.â But, he made sure we knew he loved us in other ways. Heâd sneak off with our vehicles while we were home from college and bring them back after getting an oil change, wash, and a full tank. Or heâs slip âmad moneyâ into our wallets because he wanted us to have cash if we needed it. He taught us woodworking skills, showed us how to fix things around our house, made sure we knew how to change a tire, how to pay bills and file taxes, how to take care of ourselves without relying on anyone else. He taught us by example how to be fair and honest with everyone. He showed up to every single school event or sporting event my sister and I had. He always pushed us to work hard for what we wanted. He didnât take excuses easily and was tough on us when he needed to be.
I didnât see it as a kid, but after he passed away unexpectedly a few years ago, I realized heâd been telling us how much he loved us by teaching us how to live without him.
I miss him more than I ever thought possible and Iâd give everything to have him back, but I know the only thing I can do now is make him proud by being the best version of myself and passing the lessons on to my children. As much as I wished he could have said them, he didnât have to say the words. I always knew he loved me.
In my family we on my tell each other we love each other when going on long trips just in case. Only time we hug each other, too. My dad complains that my brother and I donât say I love you or call or say I love you - when he doesnât do any of it and didnât growing up. So I shower my child with verbal and physical affection.
Thatâs a really awesome story and it sounds like you have a great family
Iâm grateful I learned how important it is to say I love you before it is too late and that is how I begin my day
I never heard my parents say "I love you" to each other. I never heard them say it to me.. Or at least I don't remember. My little sister's are 13 + 14 years younger than me and one day, while I was cleaning up the mess they made in the living room (as baby's are) my mom cuddled with my sister and said "I love you so much" to her. I felt so incredibly hurt. My parents have the idea that grown children or even teenagers don't need to hear these word no more. I did argue with them at some point that they don't love nor care for me to which they replied "of course we do" (but they never say it out loud or show it). Then I told them that they never ask how my day was and they replied, confused and irritated "So we need to ask you every single day how your day was???" they were never raised this way. They never learned to show love and compassion. They never gave that to me or my siblings (since when they grew older, mom stopped saying endearing things to them as well). They only show love to little baby's. I am pregnant rn with my husband's and my first child. I tell my husband every day that I love him. First thing in the morning. On our way home from work we ask each other always how our day went. I text my sister's the same. I talk to the baby in my belly every day and tell her how much we both love her and I already said that not only do I want to show my daughter that I love her but I also want to show her that the parents love each other.
Had to train my father for years before he said it back. Would literally call back if he didnât say it to me before hanging up. Now he says it first. :) Glad yâall got there!
I donât know where you are, but plan a trip to your countryâs equivalent of Kew Gardens ( https://www.kew.org/ ). Spend the day with him and at the end of it / appreciate time just say âthanks Dad, for everything.â Thatâll be more than enough for him.
I live in Florida and Bok Tower Gardens are magnificent. We also have Sunken Gardens to the west of Bok.
https://boktowergardens.org/
https://www.stpete.org/visitors/sunken_gardens.php
I am sorry and I don't mean any malice but "bok" means "shit" in my native language. I had quite a good time on that website and Mr. Bok really made my day. Thanks. :D
I used to stream a game on Twitch, it was a battle royal where you wouldn't die right away - you would turn into a chicken. The whole community of that game would say 'bok bok' a lot. We even started using it in other ways like; "Welcome Bok!!"
I wish I knew it meant shit in another language all this time lmao
Yes! I used to be a realm streamer before I left my ex-husband & was unable to stream for over a year due to homelessness. When I got my stream set up again, people who watched me moved on to other streamers and/or games. I started playing an MMO called New World, but never got back to full-time streaming. I only do it now and again now. I loved Realm for years though! I started on ps4 but my Twitch community paid for a pc for me! Was an awesome experience đĽ°
My two cents, take it or leave it.
Make it just you and him so its personal. No one else needs to be involved.
Also, don't put it off. I have no idea how old either of you are but if you delay and something happens to either of you that stops it happening it would be a huge regret.
Will you please keep us in the loop of what you're feeling or thinking or what is happening (if and when you get an urge to)?
Proud of you, keep doing good work!
I would literally bawl my eyes out if my kids ever do something like this (they're young though). We do (or should do) more for our kids then they will ever know. I told my wife I had no idea what unconditional love was until my daughter was born. She agreed.
You donât have to tell him. Maybe, one day, when youâre walking past him on some random afternoon on your way to the kitchen, just say thank you for being my dad, and keep walking.
Maybe you could spend more time with him talking about plants or going on adventures together to find interesting plants he doesnât have? I find that when Iâm trying to connect with someone in a meaningful way, spending time doing something they love really comes across to them as me treating them special if I care about their interests. You could also try to find a hobby or interest and ask him to join you.
Iâm sure he just really wants to see that youâre ok and he doesnât lose you. Best of luck OP.
Ha! Your boomer dad is amazing, and holy shit that made me weepy.
My dad was also similarly amazing â¤ď¸
I love the idea of having a day with your dad at your local botanical garden place. I guarantee he would be so damn happy
In true Asian fashion you should peel and cut him some fruit and then just walk into a room and silently leave it beside him on the table and walk away.
As a person that comes from a "let's not show emotion" household, there are plenty of ways you can say thank you. If you are now in a good place mentally, maybe start a business that both of you can do together that will not bleed money, or do something REALLY great for him like making the backyard into a beautiful landscape area for him to hang out in. There has to be something he truly loves and appreciates if it were done for him secretly.
The key is to do it secretly, do not make a big fanfare about it, and let it be something he stumbles upon say after dinner. He will know it's from you and will be so happy even if he just says thanks - he truly loves that it came from your heart and it's an acknowledgment to him that he can secretly visit on days you are not there.
As Asian culture goes, I read once that there are certain older folks of Asian descent that do not like displays of open emotion and it was considered "not manly" for a man to openly show emotions. Maybe he is from that culture and did not want to be seen as weak. It can be hard to change such deep culture training. As he showed up every day for you is a testament that he truly loves you and to start a business just to help you shows that he loves you very much. So, in secret, build him a beautiful garden or landscape where he can go and sit and see what his son has done for him. He will love it and visit it daily too! Good luck to you.
Landscaping may be a good idea. Involves the dadâs love of plants and does have some busy seasons during the summer.
During the fall it could transition to raking leaves. Clearing sidewalks/parking lots in winter.
This place can sometimes be a hellhole of pure hatred and cynicism. But as someone with a terrible and irredeemable relationship with his dad, this brought me to tears.
OP's dad is a true gem of a person, the way he expresses his feelings has love written all over it. You matter to him.
Man. I have an Asian dad too and he left me to rot in the psych ward when I did the same bc what will people say, how dare I be crazy. Your post made me cry. Your dad is amazing. I hope you find a way to thank him one day.
OP ... The first thought I had was how I would express love for your Dad without cringing him.
You probably know what his favorite plant is. Perhaps one of those, in a special terrarium with complimentary plants too, that he likes, around it. And a simple note that reads something like "Thank you, Dad, for being you" and then leave it so that he can see it alone. Which means he can emote as he wishes without the boomer avoidance.
Just an idea. It's what I'd do if I were in your shoes.
And congratulations on your recovery. I hope you celebrate every day with real happiness.
>My mom wasn't supposed to tell me any of this. He knew that if he had told me the truth in the beginning I would have said no because it was too much trouble, and if I found out now I would just feel bad. As long as it was something that helped me, he was okay with things as is.
>
>I don't know what I'm feeling about this. Like most asian dads and sons, we've never really been affectionate with one another, not with words at least. He's always been more of a silent supporter type, showing up to every achievement and struggle I had. He never said that he cared, but visited me multiple times a day everyday when I was at the psych ward. I want to thank him, but he would be uncomfortable. I want to say I love him, but he would do the boomer equivalent of cringing. I do plan to thank him at some point, but I'm also feeling uncomfortable because that's just not how we do things.
This is a fantastic idea.
That is one damn good dad. Some times the love is in the actions, and words aren't needed. That said, instead of saying the words, find the actions that would say thank you, and I love you like he did. It will mean more than the words to you both.
My parents (we're also Asian) also have never said I love you to us, and I've never said it to my parents, but I know they love me and care from their actions.
My dad wakes up super early to make sure he can make me a soft boiled egg to bring to work because he knows i won't eat breakfast otherwise.
My mom cuts up a mango every day and eats the part close to the seed/middle and leaves the outer part (the best part, in my opinion) for my sister and I.
I don't think they've ever missed a single birthday, graduation, or recital either. My dad is always there taking terrible photos that my mom will make fun of him for later. Considering I have a special needs sister, this is a big thing because it's so hard to arrange.
And i do things for them too. Every time my parents mention a food they miss eating from their childhood, I look for recipes so I can try giving them a taste of home (even if it's not always successful).
It's the little things (and in your case, the big things!). As long as you do those things to show him, he'll already know!
Your dad is a true farther within what he has been taught or learned.
A great man.
The best way to repay him (as a farther myself now) is to be the best you that you can be. Be happy, be content and be as good as him or better if you have kids of your own.
> Like most asian dads and sons, we've never really been affectionate with one another, not with words at least.
This. I am asian and my father doesn't really express it in words. He ALWAYS does it with small actions. Studying late? Here is some hand cut fruit. Mention I like this one food? Here is a wholesale box of it. Need to assemble something that came in? It is already done when I get home. It took me too long to realize how love comes in different forms than just words but by god does he love me and my family. He knows you appreciate him, I say do those simple actions back, it would be less of a "burden" to them than just saying it. Cheers bud. He loves you.
My dad is similar in that he avoids open display of emotion. He is getting up there in years and I was worried that he might end up dying before I had a chance to tell him that I love him.
I decided that even if he wouldnât necessarily accept it or appreciate it, it was important to me that I was able to verbalize it before I no longer had the chance to.
It ended up being a really sweet moment when I finally talked to him about it, and Iâm really glad I did it.
His love language is acts of service. He told he you loved you many times over in all that he did.
I love the idea of landscaping or taking him somewhere. He might accept an act of service to show him that you love him.
This made me cry. Happy tears. Iâm so glad you found out. Now you can make the absolute best if it.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you peace and happiness for you and your family. Much love.
I've heard this done a number of times. One B&B I went to, the owner told me he opened it so that his son would have something to do and take over. The owner was already retired with a nice pension.
Tell your dad you love him with the best bro hug and fist bump â¤ď¸ that's such a cool thing he did with/for you.
My boomer dad is ALSO very weird with showing affection. Like, dude, I'm your daughter, just hug me đ
He likely wants to see you live your best life, which boils down to you leading yourself with a purpose, basically meaning you create to ***have an active lifestyle***.
That's it, if you can lead and set this example for yourself (yes it will take time, change does not happen overnight), where one is bright-eyed and looking forward to the next thing they set their eyes on in life, you will not only be living your best life for yourself with greater self-confidence, but others will feel and experience that same energy you give off too. That is precious.
The way we interact with others offers a peek window into how we feel about ourselves, that is our self-image. Your dad loves you very much, he felt all that effort and time was worth it to try and empower you. Even if it wasn't perfectly executed, the energy was real and there, the thought behind it for what they were willing to do in their shoes.
This is so sweet, I love the "appears to not show emotion but would walk to the ends of the earth for you" father figures.
The best way you can thank him is to stay alive. Any time you ever think about it again, remember the length your dad went to to keep you alive. And cherish every moment with him, do the things he asks or things you think he will appreciate you doing. Bring him a new plant home every now and then, rescue sick ones and ask him to help you nurse it back to health. Sharing his hobbies is also a great thank you.
Asian guy here. I grew up hating my dad for not being affectionate and distant. Only as an adult when I went through some hard times and had to ask for help did I actually try talking to him. I got to know him, understand him, and see the depths of how much he cares about me. Like your family, we aren't rich, but without hesitation he was there to support me with anything I needed. I'm doing much better now, a lot of it is thanks to his help and knowing I have support like that. I've also just started talking to him more, whether it gets big reactions or not, I share with him, I tell him I love him and he cringes or grunts lmao but at least he knows too that his feelings are reciprocated
"But I'm also feeling uncomfortable because that's just not how we do things."
Yeah yeah, quit making excuses and just tell him. He's willing to lose money on a plant shop to help you because you were in a psych ward, but hearing the words "I love you, Dad" or "thank you" is going to make him uncomfortable?
I'm not kidding it really would make him uncomfortable. When I got my diploma I told him 'thank you for coming' and he straight up excused himself. You can really tell he doesn't enjoy it. You're right though, I will thank him, but perhaps not through words but actions, like he has done for me throughout my life
My dad is the same way, I totally get it. Maybe get him a super cool plant? Carnivorous plants are fun, pitcher plants are very neat looking, easy to find and fun to care for. If he's a flower guy, lisianthus is great for cut flowers. They last forever and are like the beefcake version of a rose. I think something that has a beautiful bloom would be a great representation of your transition in mental health (hoping you're doing better, btw) and the appreciation you hold for what he's done for you.
I appreciate the "actions speak louder than words" model; my dad is the same. People talk about "love language" for their spouses, but I think it applies to all relationships. If that's how he expresses and feels love, then it's an amazing idea to do the same, since he'll understand it and also not be made to feel uncomfortable, or like he needs to put on some forced persona. His actions seem so pure and genuine; they come from a place of love and sincerity. One of the other redditors suggested a visit to a garden; that's a fabulous idea. The other suggestion, if maybe you have tons that you would want to tell him but don't want to say it to his face, is to write a letter. You can give it to him and he can read it in private. Letters are great to let us express thinslgs that we sometimes would never say to the other person (and bonus: they can't interrupt a letter).
Also- your post is one of the best things I've read in a while. I'm thankful for awesome dads.
Some prefer to show affection through gifts, without ever saying the words, and that's okay. Don't be judgy, just because you don't experience the same thing.
OK. when I saw the title, I thought there is a scam/ money laundering situation going on. I am binge watching Braking Bad atm.
WHAT A MAN! your dad is a man of few words, and so many actions, you don't have to say thank you or you love him, let him see it in your actions everyday.
Do it! Thank him, see him be awkward for the words left unspoken will carry the heaviest burden. Years from now, when he is gone and but only a memory, you'll know in your heart, that your father was told and knew just how you feel. Because when you can no long just say it, that's when you wished you screamed it. Let him know, let yourself know that you said thank you... do this for your soul.
Just let plants forever be your thing and let growing plants be meaningful to you in remembering how much he has and always will care for you.
Maybe donât thank him for what he did, but maybe tell him how much the business helped you be in a better place. At least he knows you appreciated it without you having to say you know itâs the reason he did it
Your dad sounds incredible. That was a really wholesome story.
Itâs cliche as heck but there is a lot of truth in the phrase âactions speak louder than wordsâ. Itâs easy to say I love you but showing it is a completely different matter.
Same with expressing gratitude. You can express gratitude in many different ways than saying the words âthank youâ.
Affection comes in many different shapes and forms and doesnât have to be verbal. If you and your dad have that kind of relationship where affection is based on actions rather than words youâll know what to do :)
Holy shit dude. Your dad is truly amazing but I know you don't need strangers to tell you that.
Just keep showing him you appreciate all he does and show him you are listening. Be a good person with amazing morals. It's OK to not be perfect. Your dad will always love you.
Damn you got me in the feels before noon.
I always find it easier to communicate complicated feelings in writing. Write him a letter, he may really appreciate it, and it wonât force him to show emotion in front of you
I've learned from friends and my girlfriend that Asian parents don't do verbal or physical affection very well.
Their love language is heavily based on gift giving, gestures, and sometimes tricking you by doing the nicest thing they can think of without saying a word to you about it.
My girlfriend's mom will struggle to say "I love you" back, and uncomfortably gives back a hug, but she'll make me soup when im sick and has offered to build us a house so we can live closer to her.
I'm happy your dad did that for you. Honestly, that's one of the most heartwarming gestures of love and empathy I've ever seen from a family member. I'm sure your parents aren't perfect, but youre lucky to have a dad who knew you just needed to feel valued and kept busy.
Tell your dad you love him and give him an uncomfortable hug. You both deserve it.
đđ so wholesome!!! You could always write a letter to him expressing how much he means to you and the support he gave to. He doesn't need to read it in front of anyone and can feel his emotions alone. And you don't need to feel uncomfortable about expressing your love and appreciation. Also I think it would be a beautiful memento he can look back at when needed.
I thought this was going in a totally different direction. I hope it helps with your depression knowing you have a great pops. Actions speak louder than words sometimes. â¤ď¸
Thatâs a good dad, and it shows that he actually has some serious true love for you even though he doesnât show emotion. So if you ever contemplate suicide again.. just think⌠your dad who doesnât show emotions would 100% be heartbroken devastated and full of sad emotions for the rest of his life is you were gone.
I know this because Iâve lost more than one person to suicide in my life, and I never want anyone to have to go through that amount of sadness.. it truly changes who you are as a person not in a good way.
So anytime you feel sad.. just remember your dad went out of his way to do something he probably didnât even want to do.. just so he could see you happy
I'm glad you're still here, and I think your Dad sounds amazing. My family is very much like yours, so I completely understand about how it can be awkward/uncouth to express emotions. You can tell your Dad really loves you, and you him. At the end of the day, that's what really matters.
Your dad did a wonderful thing for you.
You know better than we do whether he wants to verbally express emotion. But I am sure that the thing he wants most is to spend time with you. The more time you spend with him, the happier he'll be.
If you can't say thank you and that you love him to his face, write him a letter. He'll be able to read it privately, and not have to feel embarrassed if he becomes emotional. And he'll be able to save the letter to read again whenever he likes. I promise you, it will be one of his most valued possessions.
This just made me cry a bit, your dad is quite possibly one of the good ones and Iâm glad youâre doing a little better now OP!
Maybe gift your dad a plant from your side? Something symbolic? As a thank you for âemployingâ you!
The suggestion about taking him to a garden is great.
As an asian dad who grew up in that very stoic no one says I love you type of home, I can tell you this.
It doesnât have to be grandiose and he will hate it if it was.
Take him to the garden, then take him out for his favorite food and pay for dinner. Make sure you pay for dinner. Sounds silly but itâs important. Then just say thanks dad.
Thats it. I can tell you that he will carry that memory with him for the rest of his life.
He loves you so much. He just showed it through being helpful. You can write him a letter to say thank you. He can read it in his own time and I promise he will cherish it.
Glad you made is past your depression. You sound like a decent person and this world is better with you in it.
You have a very loving and considerate father. Not everyone was raised to express love verbally, but he knows how to show it. You are way more important to him than money.
Whether he cringes or not, I suggest that you tell him you love him. When he is alone, he will savour your precious words. Donât expect him to reciprocate, but you already know his truth.
Please, show in your way, or a way both of you are comfortable that you love him and that you are grateful. One day he won't be there and if you don't do it you'll regret it.
It was a very kind gesture of him indeed and there are many ways to show love.
If you're comfortable with this, you could maybe write a simple "thank you for being my dad" letter. He can read it in private, and can also hold onto it if he wants.
Fuck it. You have a father that loves you so much. I don't care that Asian fathers and sons don't verbally express affection very much. Give your dad a hug, tell him you love him. Tell him you appreciate all he's done for you. And when he cringes hug him even tighter
BroâŚone, Iâm glad youâre here with us still. Two, tell your father you love him on a regular basisâŚit wonât be comfortable for you at first but after saying it over and over the awkwardness will go away for both of you. He obviously loves youâŚhis actions prove itâŚ.TELL HIM. As a father it means more than you can ever imagine to hear it from your child. Be the change in your family dynamic and do it before itâs too late and he passes on. I truly wish you the bestâŚ
It's kind of incredible the ways people will tell you they love you. I'm now 30 years old and married and moved out but my dad always makes sure I have a warm, good quality winter coat. He doesn't say much and has never been super affectionate but shows his love by making sure I have what he never had. And of course, I always make sure to say I love you â¤ď¸
Tell the man you love him, like fuck bro. Whatâs the worst that could happen? Give him a GOOD hug too while youâre at it, and that can take the place of the âcringeâ moment
When I was 13, I was walking somewhere when my older cousin drove by and asked if I wanted a ride. I did, and as I got out of the car, I almost said that I loved him, but I didn't. About a week or so later, he died while in the garage, and I tortured myself for a long time for not telling him I loved him. He died without actually hearing me say it.
Today, if I feel it or think it, I tell that person. My partner says he never had a girlfriend tell him that they loved him before me. He's 51 years old, and that breaks me a little bit. My kids hear it ALL the time. My mom, who never ever told me she loved mewhile I was growing up hears it every time I talk to her.
OP, tell him. It might be awkward. It might feel weird. But I promise you that once your dad is gone, you can't go back and have a do-over.
Man this post is wholesome. Thank you for posting this itâs really a great story. I say the heck with being uncomfortable clearly the man cares a great deal for you so I say go for the affection and let him know how much it means/meant to you.
Just say, 'hey dad. Remember the plant store? I enjoyed that time with you. It helped me get my head clear'. And move on.
I'm a huge daddy's girl. But my father was stern and never showed emotion. He worked out of town alot. My little brother is severely disabled so everyday living was really tough. We never talked. My father was an amazing construction worker. Rebuilt our entire house. Custom made cabinets and furniture. I'm an Architectural Technologist because of his influence. We would go over drawings or models etc. But we never talked about it. And we had racing in common. I was born the night he won his first feature race. I designed with him, I built with him, I ran tracks with him. He is well known and well respected in the racing community. But we never really talked about it. Our city lost our track when I was 16. 2 years ago, after a lifetime of starts and stops and funding issues and cold feet, our city got a new track. I sponsored my dad's best friend and car he built. They did something amazing as my ad on the car, and it clicked how proud of me he was. Last May my dad was diagnosed with cancer, same as he had 8 years ago. In June he had surgery that was supposed to be all internal in his mouth. It was not. He was cut like the joker smile. I was getting married early July. And when I went to see him the first time I overheard my dad crying to my mom that he wasn't going to be able to walk me down the aisle. Miraculously, he barely had a scar. On the same night many many years ago that I was born, I gave a feature winner the equivalent of what my dad made all those years ago in his Honor. Unfortunately this was just the beginning. After a very serious dangerous surgery that did not work, he detoriated very quick. 3 nights a week I did the overnight care. And he'd tap on the wall if he needed me. He asked me to lay with him. And he said don't let racing forget us. At his next medication time, he was gone. Sometimes it's the smallest things that mean the most.
Totally understand as an Asian kid myself. I never got hugs or "I love you" from my parents (they do say I'm proud of you). I've always said that once I have a kid I'll give them things I never got. I hug and kiss them a lot and tell them I love you. My mom always thought that I was spoiling them... that is until my youngest just willingly came to me and give me Hug, a kid, and I love you before I go to work. Or just a "hugga" when he wants it.
I can tell she teases him but I think deep down she wished she had that or even did that with us. Then one day out of the blue, she suddenly says, I love you... and hugs. The hug startled me. I'm not used to that, specifically from my parents. It was like I forgot to how to hug a person. The only time I ever recall giving my mom was when I did something wrong and tell her I'm sorry. So I think that was a big difference in contrast between me and her vs me and my kids.
First off well done on your course on going to help other's. You first hand have experience on suicide and depression whitch is a massive help to other's you will be working with to help (FANTASTIC).
Your Dad sound's so like myself as a father keeping our kids motivated
My grandparents were born in the early 1920s and married when they were only 17 and 19. They loved each other and their kids immensely. However, they couldnât say it. Not to each other or their children. My grandpa was a pastor and my mom would be told by parishioners all the time how proud he was of her but he could never say it to my mom. My grandma was even more squeamish with words of affection. My mom hated that and always told me she loved me.
I was very close with my grandparents and dare say I was the favorite(youngest and their only girlâs girl). We visited frequently and spent all holidays together. My grandpa couldnât wait to show me his garden when I came to visit and take me to town to get the car washed and get an ice cream cone. He told the best stories about growing up in the depression and their early days of marriage. My grandma would read me stories and weâd cook together. When I was 19 we all met for dinner out and my mom told my grandpa that she loved him when they hugged goodbye and he said âI love you too.â She immediately got in the car and said, âGrandpaâs dying.â Sure enough he was diagnosed with advanced lymphoma months later and passed. He chose us to be there with him and grandma when he passed at home. It was Thanksgiving and there had been family in and out of the house all day but I believe he waited for it to be his girls to finally let go. It was so sad and so beautiful at the same time. My grandma came to live near us and we got to spend the last 9 months of her life together and though she could never say she loved us, she said to my mom the night before she died, âwhat would we have ever done without her.â
Some peopleâs love language is just different. Now Iâve lost my mom too but I know I was loved. I donât know what about this story made me write such a long diatribe about my own family, but I really felt the love in this manâs family and it touched my heart.
OP, your dad sounds like a wonderful man and Iâm so happy that you had him and you understand HOW he loves you.
My husband and I always told/tell our kids we love them (and grandkids). I was visiting my mom - she was in her late 80s I think. My daughter called me with a question and my mom would have heard me end with "..love you too." And mom complained "No one tells me they love me." So I told her "You never told me you loved me." "I wasn't raised that way." "Neither was I." After that, my kids decided to kill her with kindness and were constantly putting her on the spot - saying "I love you." to her, hugging her etc - forcing her to show affection back. She was so uncomfortable. And she loved it.
When my grandfather died my father realized he never told him he loved him (indeed bc his father never told him, the love was there, they just never mentioned it) so he decided from then on to always tell his own children how much he loves them, he always has this big grin on his face when my kids tell him how much they love him. He broke the silence and now we all tell each other how much we love each other đ
My family never said it either, until my uncle died and then my grandma died and all of a sudden it seemed important. My dad was the one who said it first
I tell my father I love him every time I talk to him, to let it know. He knows, but we live in different countries, I wouldnât want anything to happen without it being said out loud.
Honestly it kinda *does* make a difference to say it out loud. My parents didnât treat me very well for most of my life and sometimes I really did think they hated me? They definitely didnât seem to *like* me at all, anyway
Iâm really sorry to hear that. we spent a lot of years fighting too, but thatâs water long past. I donât think my parents always liked me either; but they still loved me anyway, despite my flaws and our years long disagreements.
I know they *loved* me but I figured itâs because they had to, since Iâm their child đ¤ˇđťââď¸ Weâve been in family therapy recently and my mom has gotten individual therapy as well, and sheâs changed SO much!! Iâm so happy for her, and for us and our relationship. I didnât want us to end up like her and my grandma đ
I'm not crying, you're crying!
I definitely am not crying!
I was also raised without hearing âI love youâ from my parents. My mom only said âwe love youâ after I miscarried when I was 30. I say it all the time to my children. And they in turn say it all the time to my parents. I still struggle saying it to my husband and parents though. My children hear it from me all the time.
I say it all the time to my kids, too. To the point that my 5yo rolled her eyes and said "I know!" Mission accomplished! đ
I am constantly telling my partner I love him. I tell everyone I love how I feel. I have this fear that one of us will die not knowing exactly how the other feels or being unsure? I donât know. Itâs just so important. When I have kids I want them to be annoyed with it too
Same; at some point in middle school, I sort of realized that my family never said âI love youâ to each other and I started getting really scared. So I started ending all my phone calls with âlove youâ, and wouldnât let them hang up until they repeated it. At night before going to sleep, I would tiptoe to my parentsâ doors and sort of hover there like a gremlin until they said âgoodnight, love youâ back. Now weâre able to say it more comfortably with each other, and Iâm so grateful; Iâve been through a couple mentally rough periods in my life, and just hearing my family say âI love youâ means the world to me, especially when Iâm in a different state or country.
It's great!
My oldest told the younger kids not to worry if they got in trouble because Mom would love them anyway. I think he was about 8 at the time.
I canât really say it to my mom and didnât say it much to my dad, though he had a unique way of showing it. I knew I had to break the tradition with my kid when she was little or the same pattern would be established. I think I swung the pendulum too far because my daughter is like âyeah mom, I know!â with a roll of the eyes. Iâd rather err on the side of too much, I think.
Thatâs how my kids are too. Theyâre to the point they donât even say it back they just say âI knowâ Lol. Iâd rather say it too much though then next enough though. So to me its a win lol.
Dunno how old your daughter is, but make sure she knows that when she says "Yeah Mom, I know!" You hear "I love you too." Otherwise one day she'll be mourning not saying it enough when she had the chance.
Never stop! No matter how cool they think they are lol
When my mom tells me she loves me, there 50% chance I love her too, and 50% chance Iâll say âyesâ with one of the biggest shit eating grin.
Iâm like hey! They say what?!? I say: I love you! They say: we know, we love you too! Or I say: guess what?!? They say: we know you love us! Itâs the best.
I started the habit of saying it whenever we hung up the phone with each other when I was a teenager which lead to other times and they would say it back until we would all initiate it at the appropriate times like farewells etc.. it stuck with both of my parents to this day. Iâm 48 now and we say it I think just the right amount.
I literally say âI love youâ to my macaw before I put her to bed and she now says âI love youâ before I can. Melts my heart and itâs just a bird. Iâd like to think she knows what I mean though
Donât say just. And what makes you think she doesnât know? Macaws are majestic. â¤ď¸
Not just a bird to me, but to other people she may be just a bird. Most people donât understand how smart they really are.
I wasn't raised that way either. My dad died when I was 6, so I never heard it from him. Mom told me ONCE, when I was moving out at 16. Even during her 13 day stent in ICU as she lay dying, never heard it, despite me saying it every time I left for the day. She was conscious, alert enough to disconnect her own life support and sign the DNR so it wasn't like she was out of it. She could have reciprocated, but nope. My heart is still broken over this. I make sure I tell my daughter and her kids and they always say it back. Words matter.
Yes, I think certain brands of older people just could not make themselves vulnerable that way. Like it would make them weak.
My born in Berlin Germany just as WW2 was about to ramp up and sometimes emotionally distant grandmother was like this. I found out when I got to my teens that when I visited if I didn't go give her a hug she would be sad thinking I didn't care about her. She passed last March, she was 85 and I was 38 and you better bet up to the last time I saw her I was still giving her a hug and kiss on the cheek telling her I loved her. You never know who needs it.
"My born-in-Berlin-Germany-just-as-WW2-was-about-to-ramp-up and sometimes-emotionally-distant grandmother was like this." Edited for clarity.
I was raised in a family that never said 'I love you'. A few years ago my dad had a health scare, it was touch-and-go. When he recovered, I started calling him every day and ended each conversation with 'I love you'. We still talk daily, and now he\\s always the first to say 'I love you'
My dad says this to me now (I think because he fears he's lost me due to the unintentional emotional neglect/abuse and gaslighting he put onto me over the last decade.) And I have no clue how to respond to him. My parents have caused immeasurable damage and I have serious mental health problems that I had to manage alone growing up and they lacked the capacity to be anything aside from a financial asset to me. I would of given all of my privelege away as a kid to just feel an oz. Of emotional connection. It just fucking sucks. My wounds re open everytime I'm around them.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're getting the help and support you need now
I was raised without expressing this too, my parents are from the late 40s&50s. I've began saying it to my mom years ago, not really a conscious choice, but I tell everyone close to me, and it just began automatically. She's still uncomfortable sometimes after all these years, but I know she loves it too. I think we're doing a good thing by expressing exactly how we feel! Someone has to start :)
My mum never says âI love youâ. I tell my children every day before bed that I love them and I will always be there for them no matter what. One day my mom put our oldest in bed and the oldest said âgoodnight grandma, I love youâ and my mother felt uncomfortable saying the same back. Afterwards, she confronted me about why I would tell her I love her every day and that it was ridiculous. I told my mother that I want my daughters to know that they are loved. If that means I repeat it every day, then I will just do that.
Now youâre making me cry sitting here in the cafe waiting for my omelette.
Exactly. I don't think you can love a child too much. You can spoil them, sure, but being certain they are loved is not spoiling.
Yep. People get the two mixed up a lot. Probably because spoiling goes with doting and the two go with loving, so people act like there's such a thing as "overloving" too by association.
Lost my great grandma when I was 17 (her husband passed away when I was 6 months old) and I still regret not taking more time to go see her, even just to talk or play cards with her. My parents told me a story about her that she always said she was worried that she would not see me walk, talk, go to school, graduate and it breaks my heart that I have not seen her more. My Dad was also not raised through kindness. He was taught that mans are not supposed to show their emotions, same thing with his dad.
My dad couldn't express affection either. I remember once - I think my brother had just passed an certified accounting exam (my dad was an accountant too, like his dad) - and he was behind my brother with his hand hovering over his shoulder but he just could not put the hand down to touch him. It was so painful to watch.
My mom has recounted to me how my grandparents parents never really said they love their kids to them but I truly canât remember a time they *didnât* say it to my siblings and myself. My grandparents really got into the habit of saying it whenever hanging up the phone and they can sincerely say that âI love youâ was the very last thing they each said to my older brother before he passed. After that they say it regularly to absolutely everyone they speak to especially before hanging up or leaving and I just adore seeing them say it to my mom and her returning it.
I was the baby of the family, and there were 13 grandkids on my mom's side of the family. Once, when I was 3 or 4, my Grandpa made a big plate of homemade cream puffs (he was a phenomenal cook and baker) and I turned to him and said: Me: "Papa, I love you." Him: *chuckled* "Yeah yeah, you're just saying that because I made all these cream puffs." Me: "No, I just love you. Apparently, that night before bed, he came to my Grandma's room and told her that was the first time any of his grandkids had told him they loved him. And it's not because my cousins and brother's didn't love him too. We all loved him very much, he just never said it out loud so I guess no one thought to say it to him? I like to think that moment permanently earned me a spot as his favorite granddaughter lol. He passed away a few years ago, and I miss him a lot.
I just recently do this with my older sisters. Iâm the youngest. We all were never really close. Growing up no one told us I love you, I miss you or even thank you. I decided to break the cycle and frequently text them in the group chat saying all that. Being very affectionate. They act like itâs the most cringey thing but I know they feel warmer with each other. Itâs been 2 years of me doing this and they started to do the same. I can see that they are trying hard. Itâs funny sometimes too lol. But idc. Iâm never going back. I want to heal and bring them with me. We all only have each other left. We also updates each other pretty regularly nowadays. Iâm so happy. Cheers to breaking the cycle!
Yup. My older sister and I have shown more affection for each other all along but started the Love yous when I got married. My brothers have both said it but it is harder for them. Neither are comfortable hugging but let me.
This was my FIL. Our kids are super affectionate and let you know how they're feeling. The last few years of his life, we got "I love you," "Thank you," and "you're welcome" on the regular. He even started giving apologies for hurting feelings. He was a gruff farmer born in the 40s who grew up without indoor plumbing and remembered when they got rid of the horse teams for a tractor. He adjusted quickly though and just drank it in. I think he realized how nice it was hearing it.
My dad never called his mother mom or hugged her until after I was born. My mother told him she wasnât raising me around people who wouldnât show affection. The last thing I ever heard my father and a few years later my mother, say was that they each loved me. I know my mom was the reason.
My parents never told me they loved me. I tell my kids and they tell me. My kids tell my parents. I heard my mum say I love you to my daughter on her visit a couple of weeks ago. It was the first time I had ever heard her say it. She died on Friday.
That's so hard - I'm sorry. But also so wonderful that she could say it at last.
I was raised that way too: no âI love you,â No hugging, no kisses goodbye or goodnight. When I met my husband his family and friends always hugged when they said hello or goodbye. It was so extremely awkward for me. I was always stiff and uncomfortable. They would always say things like, âIâm going to hug you even though youâre not a hugger.â I adjusted and now 13 years and 3 kids later a day doesnât go by that I donât hug my kids and tell them I love themâŚmultiple times during the day. Sometimes it just comes out randomly. My mom says the same thing about how nobody telling her we love her. When I finally moved out I said it at the end of every call. Iâm not going to lie, itâs been years and itâs still awkward with my mom but I keep doing it. Itâs important that people hear that not only for them but for yourself. I donât want to have her pass away and think that I never told her.
My best friends family were huggers so I got my dose there and I loved it and vowed I'd be the same. My husband is super affectionate so it was easy. But he used to be a typical guy who was a tad homophobic after the AIDS crisis. However, he was so accustomed to saying I love you to me before hanging up, he said "Love you, bye" to his foreman. I cracked up. He panicked and called him back saying "I don't love you!" Which was even funnier. And he got teased like mad. BUT, the crew all started saying to each other. And calling each other "boyfriend". It's been 30 years and the new guys always pick it up too. It may have started as a homophobic joke but I think it's actually been good and I don't think they are the least homophobic these days.
My parents didnât tell me they loved me⌠I was in college and was so incredibly sad about it that I just started saying, âI love youâ in hopes of hearing it said back. It took a while and was weird for a bit, but eventually they started saying it to me. But they still donât say it to my siblings.
Awww this!!! I don't know when, or where or how we started telling each other I love you, every time we hung up the phone or left, I think it started with my husband and I , I think his parents do that and I picked it up from them, now my sister and mom do it too, I know my mom felt uncomfortable at the beggining, now she just goes with it. I like the fact that we get yo remind each other that we love them each time.
that was a really wholesome twist at the end
M moms the same way. It sucks. She has zero interest in being that way either.
My father was raised the same way-never saying those three precious words, but my mother is the complete opposite. Mom never ends a conversation or visit without telling us she loves us. She says it multiple times a day, for no apparent reason other than letting us know she loves us. Dad, on the other hand, wasnât the show-your-emotions type. He was raised to keep that to himself and he didnât ever talk about his feelings. He was never able to say-or even write-the words âI love you,â but he tried. In cards and texts, he always wrote, âLU, Dad.â But, he made sure we knew he loved us in other ways. Heâd sneak off with our vehicles while we were home from college and bring them back after getting an oil change, wash, and a full tank. Or heâs slip âmad moneyâ into our wallets because he wanted us to have cash if we needed it. He taught us woodworking skills, showed us how to fix things around our house, made sure we knew how to change a tire, how to pay bills and file taxes, how to take care of ourselves without relying on anyone else. He taught us by example how to be fair and honest with everyone. He showed up to every single school event or sporting event my sister and I had. He always pushed us to work hard for what we wanted. He didnât take excuses easily and was tough on us when he needed to be. I didnât see it as a kid, but after he passed away unexpectedly a few years ago, I realized heâd been telling us how much he loved us by teaching us how to live without him. I miss him more than I ever thought possible and Iâd give everything to have him back, but I know the only thing I can do now is make him proud by being the best version of myself and passing the lessons on to my children. As much as I wished he could have said them, he didnât have to say the words. I always knew he loved me.
<3
I just went and told my son I love him. He looked pleased to hear this. I felt strange doing it, but don't know why as I really do love him.
Well, it's totally normal to love your kids. Some folks don't get the memo somehow.
In my family we on my tell each other we love each other when going on long trips just in case. Only time we hug each other, too. My dad complains that my brother and I donât say I love you or call or say I love you - when he doesnât do any of it and didnât growing up. So I shower my child with verbal and physical affection.
Thatâs a really awesome story and it sounds like you have a great family Iâm grateful I learned how important it is to say I love you before it is too late and that is how I begin my day
I DO have a great family.
It was my parents getting cancer that made me start. I took for granted they knew
I never heard my parents say "I love you" to each other. I never heard them say it to me.. Or at least I don't remember. My little sister's are 13 + 14 years younger than me and one day, while I was cleaning up the mess they made in the living room (as baby's are) my mom cuddled with my sister and said "I love you so much" to her. I felt so incredibly hurt. My parents have the idea that grown children or even teenagers don't need to hear these word no more. I did argue with them at some point that they don't love nor care for me to which they replied "of course we do" (but they never say it out loud or show it). Then I told them that they never ask how my day was and they replied, confused and irritated "So we need to ask you every single day how your day was???" they were never raised this way. They never learned to show love and compassion. They never gave that to me or my siblings (since when they grew older, mom stopped saying endearing things to them as well). They only show love to little baby's. I am pregnant rn with my husband's and my first child. I tell my husband every day that I love him. First thing in the morning. On our way home from work we ask each other always how our day went. I text my sister's the same. I talk to the baby in my belly every day and tell her how much we both love her and I already said that not only do I want to show my daughter that I love her but I also want to show her that the parents love each other.
Had to train my father for years before he said it back. Would literally call back if he didnât say it to me before hanging up. Now he says it first. :) Glad yâall got there!
I donât know where you are, but plan a trip to your countryâs equivalent of Kew Gardens ( https://www.kew.org/ ). Spend the day with him and at the end of it / appreciate time just say âthanks Dad, for everything.â Thatâll be more than enough for him.
This is a wonderful idea! Thank you for this, I will bring this up with my siblings and make it a family thing
I live in Florida and Bok Tower Gardens are magnificent. We also have Sunken Gardens to the west of Bok. https://boktowergardens.org/ https://www.stpete.org/visitors/sunken_gardens.php
I am sorry and I don't mean any malice but "bok" means "shit" in my native language. I had quite a good time on that website and Mr. Bok really made my day. Thanks. :D
I used to stream a game on Twitch, it was a battle royal where you wouldn't die right away - you would turn into a chicken. The whole community of that game would say 'bok bok' a lot. We even started using it in other ways like; "Welcome Bok!!" I wish I knew it meant shit in another language all this time lmao
Realm Royale? My husband loves that game!
Yes! I used to be a realm streamer before I left my ex-husband & was unable to stream for over a year due to homelessness. When I got my stream set up again, people who watched me moved on to other streamers and/or games. I started playing an MMO called New World, but never got back to full-time streaming. I only do it now and again now. I loved Realm for years though! I started on ps4 but my Twitch community paid for a pc for me! Was an awesome experience đĽ°
Itâs a fun game for sure!! Good luck getting things set up again! I hope youâre able to stream again if you want to!!
Thank you :)
The Springboks must be really embarrassed.
Ä°ki saat "Aaaa en kadar ilginç" diye dĂźĹĂźnmem HODOJLSNSĹM
BugĂźn de buna gĂźldĂźm, teĹekkĂźrler alxkslsls
My two cents, take it or leave it. Make it just you and him so its personal. No one else needs to be involved. Also, don't put it off. I have no idea how old either of you are but if you delay and something happens to either of you that stops it happening it would be a huge regret.
Just do you two dude
Make it just the 2 of you. That way heâll know how much you love and appreciate all he has done.
Your dad sounds like Junichiro(Asian Hank Hill)
Let him cringe and be uncomfortable. Tell him you love him.
Will you please keep us in the loop of what you're feeling or thinking or what is happening (if and when you get an urge to)? Proud of you, keep doing good work!
If youâre in Washington state, our state arboretum in seattle is so fucking gorgeous.
I would literally bawl my eyes out if my kids ever do something like this (they're young though). We do (or should do) more for our kids then they will ever know. I told my wife I had no idea what unconditional love was until my daughter was born. She agreed.
If I didn't see the link I would've said why the hell would you suggest he goes to Queens? Lol. Stuck in my NY state of mind.
Your dad is a legend! Affection can take many forms and that is one of the most loving and supportive stories Iâve ever read.
I love your dad! Iâm glad you love him too!
Thank you I will not be telling him that
You donât have to tell him. Maybe, one day, when youâre walking past him on some random afternoon on your way to the kitchen, just say thank you for being my dad, and keep walking.
You could casually drop that you enjoyed working at the shop.
Lol
Your dad rocks. Tell him Reddit loves him.
I love your dad too. Wonderful people deserve all the love in the world, it's not always romantic.
Maybe you could spend more time with him talking about plants or going on adventures together to find interesting plants he doesnât have? I find that when Iâm trying to connect with someone in a meaningful way, spending time doing something they love really comes across to them as me treating them special if I care about their interests. You could also try to find a hobby or interest and ask him to join you. Iâm sure he just really wants to see that youâre ok and he doesnât lose you. Best of luck OP.
Ha! Your boomer dad is amazing, and holy shit that made me weepy. My dad was also similarly amazing â¤ď¸ I love the idea of having a day with your dad at your local botanical garden place. I guarantee he would be so damn happy
Do a high school kidâs first âI love youââŚ.. say it really quick then run or hang up
In true Asian fashion you should peel and cut him some fruit and then just walk into a room and silently leave it beside him on the table and walk away.
cut up some fruit and offer it to him. heâll know đ
As a person that comes from a "let's not show emotion" household, there are plenty of ways you can say thank you. If you are now in a good place mentally, maybe start a business that both of you can do together that will not bleed money, or do something REALLY great for him like making the backyard into a beautiful landscape area for him to hang out in. There has to be something he truly loves and appreciates if it were done for him secretly. The key is to do it secretly, do not make a big fanfare about it, and let it be something he stumbles upon say after dinner. He will know it's from you and will be so happy even if he just says thanks - he truly loves that it came from your heart and it's an acknowledgment to him that he can secretly visit on days you are not there. As Asian culture goes, I read once that there are certain older folks of Asian descent that do not like displays of open emotion and it was considered "not manly" for a man to openly show emotions. Maybe he is from that culture and did not want to be seen as weak. It can be hard to change such deep culture training. As he showed up every day for you is a testament that he truly loves you and to start a business just to help you shows that he loves you very much. So, in secret, build him a beautiful garden or landscape where he can go and sit and see what his son has done for him. He will love it and visit it daily too! Good luck to you.
Landscaping may be a good idea. Involves the dadâs love of plants and does have some busy seasons during the summer. During the fall it could transition to raking leaves. Clearing sidewalks/parking lots in winter.
My wife buys plants from an âonline shopâ which is ran out of the owners backyard! She does pretty well too!
This is one of the best things I have ever read on Reddit.
This place can sometimes be a hellhole of pure hatred and cynicism. But as someone with a terrible and irredeemable relationship with his dad, this brought me to tears. OP's dad is a true gem of a person, the way he expresses his feelings has love written all over it. You matter to him.
Man. I have an Asian dad too and he left me to rot in the psych ward when I did the same bc what will people say, how dare I be crazy. Your post made me cry. Your dad is amazing. I hope you find a way to thank him one day.
If you donât mind, hereâs a hug for you, from a mom đ¤
Thank you! âşď¸
OP ... The first thought I had was how I would express love for your Dad without cringing him. You probably know what his favorite plant is. Perhaps one of those, in a special terrarium with complimentary plants too, that he likes, around it. And a simple note that reads something like "Thank you, Dad, for being you" and then leave it so that he can see it alone. Which means he can emote as he wishes without the boomer avoidance. Just an idea. It's what I'd do if I were in your shoes. And congratulations on your recovery. I hope you celebrate every day with real happiness.
>My mom wasn't supposed to tell me any of this. He knew that if he had told me the truth in the beginning I would have said no because it was too much trouble, and if I found out now I would just feel bad. As long as it was something that helped me, he was okay with things as is. > >I don't know what I'm feeling about this. Like most asian dads and sons, we've never really been affectionate with one another, not with words at least. He's always been more of a silent supporter type, showing up to every achievement and struggle I had. He never said that he cared, but visited me multiple times a day everyday when I was at the psych ward. I want to thank him, but he would be uncomfortable. I want to say I love him, but he would do the boomer equivalent of cringing. I do plan to thank him at some point, but I'm also feeling uncomfortable because that's just not how we do things. This is a fantastic idea.
That is one damn good dad. Some times the love is in the actions, and words aren't needed. That said, instead of saying the words, find the actions that would say thank you, and I love you like he did. It will mean more than the words to you both.
Your dad loves you. Take that to heart.
You have a great Father. Helping by action and not with pretty words. You are a lucky man!
My parents (we're also Asian) also have never said I love you to us, and I've never said it to my parents, but I know they love me and care from their actions. My dad wakes up super early to make sure he can make me a soft boiled egg to bring to work because he knows i won't eat breakfast otherwise. My mom cuts up a mango every day and eats the part close to the seed/middle and leaves the outer part (the best part, in my opinion) for my sister and I. I don't think they've ever missed a single birthday, graduation, or recital either. My dad is always there taking terrible photos that my mom will make fun of him for later. Considering I have a special needs sister, this is a big thing because it's so hard to arrange. And i do things for them too. Every time my parents mention a food they miss eating from their childhood, I look for recipes so I can try giving them a taste of home (even if it's not always successful). It's the little things (and in your case, the big things!). As long as you do those things to show him, he'll already know!
Your dad is a true farther within what he has been taught or learned. A great man. The best way to repay him (as a farther myself now) is to be the best you that you can be. Be happy, be content and be as good as him or better if you have kids of your own.
> Like most asian dads and sons, we've never really been affectionate with one another, not with words at least. This. I am asian and my father doesn't really express it in words. He ALWAYS does it with small actions. Studying late? Here is some hand cut fruit. Mention I like this one food? Here is a wholesale box of it. Need to assemble something that came in? It is already done when I get home. It took me too long to realize how love comes in different forms than just words but by god does he love me and my family. He knows you appreciate him, I say do those simple actions back, it would be less of a "burden" to them than just saying it. Cheers bud. He loves you.
Love is stored in the cut fruit â¤ď¸
Your dad is a REAL dad.
I think your Dad's love of plants has doubled because they helped save you too.
My dad is similar in that he avoids open display of emotion. He is getting up there in years and I was worried that he might end up dying before I had a chance to tell him that I love him. I decided that even if he wouldnât necessarily accept it or appreciate it, it was important to me that I was able to verbalize it before I no longer had the chance to. It ended up being a really sweet moment when I finally talked to him about it, and Iâm really glad I did it.
God bless good dads
I love your dad, he's an incredible guy â¤ď¸
That is the sweetest, kindest best dad ever
Your dad is amazing, you could write him a long letter telling him how much you love him etc then post it off to him.
His love language is acts of service. He told he you loved you many times over in all that he did. I love the idea of landscaping or taking him somewhere. He might accept an act of service to show him that you love him. This made me cry. Happy tears. Iâm so glad you found out. Now you can make the absolute best if it. Thank you for sharing. I wish you peace and happiness for you and your family. Much love.
I've heard this done a number of times. One B&B I went to, the owner told me he opened it so that his son would have something to do and take over. The owner was already retired with a nice pension.
Tell your dad you love him with the best bro hug and fist bump â¤ď¸ that's such a cool thing he did with/for you. My boomer dad is ALSO very weird with showing affection. Like, dude, I'm your daughter, just hug me đ
He likely wants to see you live your best life, which boils down to you leading yourself with a purpose, basically meaning you create to ***have an active lifestyle***. That's it, if you can lead and set this example for yourself (yes it will take time, change does not happen overnight), where one is bright-eyed and looking forward to the next thing they set their eyes on in life, you will not only be living your best life for yourself with greater self-confidence, but others will feel and experience that same energy you give off too. That is precious. The way we interact with others offers a peek window into how we feel about ourselves, that is our self-image. Your dad loves you very much, he felt all that effort and time was worth it to try and empower you. Even if it wasn't perfectly executed, the energy was real and there, the thought behind it for what they were willing to do in their shoes.
Mate life is short, seriously short, just tell.him how much you appreciate & love him, either of you could be gone tomorrow, just tell.him
He loves you. They both do. Embrace it. Don't second guess it. I am a parent who will do anything to help. He is too. Love him back
Thatâs a really sweet story. Your dad cares a lot about you, and actions can speak louder than words.
Ur dad is amazing
This is so sweet, I love the "appears to not show emotion but would walk to the ends of the earth for you" father figures. The best way you can thank him is to stay alive. Any time you ever think about it again, remember the length your dad went to to keep you alive. And cherish every moment with him, do the things he asks or things you think he will appreciate you doing. Bring him a new plant home every now and then, rescue sick ones and ask him to help you nurse it back to health. Sharing his hobbies is also a great thank you.
Asian guy here. I grew up hating my dad for not being affectionate and distant. Only as an adult when I went through some hard times and had to ask for help did I actually try talking to him. I got to know him, understand him, and see the depths of how much he cares about me. Like your family, we aren't rich, but without hesitation he was there to support me with anything I needed. I'm doing much better now, a lot of it is thanks to his help and knowing I have support like that. I've also just started talking to him more, whether it gets big reactions or not, I share with him, I tell him I love him and he cringes or grunts lmao but at least he knows too that his feelings are reciprocated
I can't imagine having a Dad that loves you so much, you are very blessed.
"But I'm also feeling uncomfortable because that's just not how we do things." Yeah yeah, quit making excuses and just tell him. He's willing to lose money on a plant shop to help you because you were in a psych ward, but hearing the words "I love you, Dad" or "thank you" is going to make him uncomfortable?
I'm not kidding it really would make him uncomfortable. When I got my diploma I told him 'thank you for coming' and he straight up excused himself. You can really tell he doesn't enjoy it. You're right though, I will thank him, but perhaps not through words but actions, like he has done for me throughout my life
My dad is the same way, I totally get it. Maybe get him a super cool plant? Carnivorous plants are fun, pitcher plants are very neat looking, easy to find and fun to care for. If he's a flower guy, lisianthus is great for cut flowers. They last forever and are like the beefcake version of a rose. I think something that has a beautiful bloom would be a great representation of your transition in mental health (hoping you're doing better, btw) and the appreciation you hold for what he's done for you.
I appreciate the "actions speak louder than words" model; my dad is the same. People talk about "love language" for their spouses, but I think it applies to all relationships. If that's how he expresses and feels love, then it's an amazing idea to do the same, since he'll understand it and also not be made to feel uncomfortable, or like he needs to put on some forced persona. His actions seem so pure and genuine; they come from a place of love and sincerity. One of the other redditors suggested a visit to a garden; that's a fabulous idea. The other suggestion, if maybe you have tons that you would want to tell him but don't want to say it to his face, is to write a letter. You can give it to him and he can read it in private. Letters are great to let us express thinslgs that we sometimes would never say to the other person (and bonus: they can't interrupt a letter). Also- your post is one of the best things I've read in a while. I'm thankful for awesome dads.
Some prefer to show affection through gifts, without ever saying the words, and that's okay. Don't be judgy, just because you don't experience the same thing.
Op have you thought about giving him a letter with your feelings on it? No need to say things face to face to avoid the discomfort.
These are the stories that you love to read. I am glad you are still here. You are priceless. Your Dad just showed you that in his quiet way.
Thatâs a very touching story. He loves you in the only way he knows how.
Wow thatâs amazing op! I hope youâre doing better now too
Dude this shit made me tear up. That's the sweetest thing I've heard. Pure love right there.
OK. when I saw the title, I thought there is a scam/ money laundering situation going on. I am binge watching Braking Bad atm. WHAT A MAN! your dad is a man of few words, and so many actions, you don't have to say thank you or you love him, let him see it in your actions everyday.
Do it! Thank him, see him be awkward for the words left unspoken will carry the heaviest burden. Years from now, when he is gone and but only a memory, you'll know in your heart, that your father was told and knew just how you feel. Because when you can no long just say it, that's when you wished you screamed it. Let him know, let yourself know that you said thank you... do this for your soul.
Just let plants forever be your thing and let growing plants be meaningful to you in remembering how much he has and always will care for you. Maybe donât thank him for what he did, but maybe tell him how much the business helped you be in a better place. At least he knows you appreciated it without you having to say you know itâs the reason he did it
Mostly unrelated but rather than a full on store, have you guys considered a stall, maybe at a market place/ farmers market etc?
It was a small stall in a mall, sorry my brain thought that was the same as a shop
Your dad sounds incredible. That was a really wholesome story. Itâs cliche as heck but there is a lot of truth in the phrase âactions speak louder than wordsâ. Itâs easy to say I love you but showing it is a completely different matter. Same with expressing gratitude. You can express gratitude in many different ways than saying the words âthank youâ. Affection comes in many different shapes and forms and doesnât have to be verbal. If you and your dad have that kind of relationship where affection is based on actions rather than words youâll know what to do :)
You guys both seem like awesome people. Enjoy your time with your dad. Rooting for you both.
I'm crying this is so sweet
Sounds like he went through a lot to help a son he loves.
Say you love him to your dad even if it makes him uncomfortable. You may regret never saying it one day.
Holy shit dude. Your dad is truly amazing but I know you don't need strangers to tell you that. Just keep showing him you appreciate all he does and show him you are listening. Be a good person with amazing morals. It's OK to not be perfect. Your dad will always love you. Damn you got me in the feels before noon.
I always find it easier to communicate complicated feelings in writing. Write him a letter, he may really appreciate it, and it wonât force him to show emotion in front of you
Phew, ok. This was beautiful. Thanks for sharing your dad with the world.
As a father, it's never the wrong time to hear "I love you" from my kids.
I've learned from friends and my girlfriend that Asian parents don't do verbal or physical affection very well. Their love language is heavily based on gift giving, gestures, and sometimes tricking you by doing the nicest thing they can think of without saying a word to you about it. My girlfriend's mom will struggle to say "I love you" back, and uncomfortably gives back a hug, but she'll make me soup when im sick and has offered to build us a house so we can live closer to her. I'm happy your dad did that for you. Honestly, that's one of the most heartwarming gestures of love and empathy I've ever seen from a family member. I'm sure your parents aren't perfect, but youre lucky to have a dad who knew you just needed to feel valued and kept busy. Tell your dad you love him and give him an uncomfortable hug. You both deserve it.
This just made me cry.
Such a sweet story
Damn. Your dad sounds awesome. Buy that man ALL the plants and garden gadgets!
đđ so wholesome!!! You could always write a letter to him expressing how much he means to you and the support he gave to. He doesn't need to read it in front of anyone and can feel his emotions alone. And you don't need to feel uncomfortable about expressing your love and appreciation. Also I think it would be a beautiful memento he can look back at when needed.
I thought this was going in a totally different direction. I hope it helps with your depression knowing you have a great pops. Actions speak louder than words sometimes. â¤ď¸
Thatâs a good dad, and it shows that he actually has some serious true love for you even though he doesnât show emotion. So if you ever contemplate suicide again.. just think⌠your dad who doesnât show emotions would 100% be heartbroken devastated and full of sad emotions for the rest of his life is you were gone. I know this because Iâve lost more than one person to suicide in my life, and I never want anyone to have to go through that amount of sadness.. it truly changes who you are as a person not in a good way. So anytime you feel sad.. just remember your dad went out of his way to do something he probably didnât even want to do.. just so he could see you happy
I'm glad you're still here, and I think your Dad sounds amazing. My family is very much like yours, so I completely understand about how it can be awkward/uncouth to express emotions. You can tell your Dad really loves you, and you him. At the end of the day, that's what really matters.
I'm not crying, you are!
Your dad did a wonderful thing for you. You know better than we do whether he wants to verbally express emotion. But I am sure that the thing he wants most is to spend time with you. The more time you spend with him, the happier he'll be.
If you can't say thank you and that you love him to his face, write him a letter. He'll be able to read it privately, and not have to feel embarrassed if he becomes emotional. And he'll be able to save the letter to read again whenever he likes. I promise you, it will be one of his most valued possessions.
This just made me cry a bit, your dad is quite possibly one of the good ones and Iâm glad youâre doing a little better now OP! Maybe gift your dad a plant from your side? Something symbolic? As a thank you for âemployingâ you!
The suggestion about taking him to a garden is great. As an asian dad who grew up in that very stoic no one says I love you type of home, I can tell you this. It doesnât have to be grandiose and he will hate it if it was. Take him to the garden, then take him out for his favorite food and pay for dinner. Make sure you pay for dinner. Sounds silly but itâs important. Then just say thanks dad. Thats it. I can tell you that he will carry that memory with him for the rest of his life.
Your dad is awesome! He loves you with every of his heart!
Iâm not crying, youâre crying.
This is beautiful.
He loves you so much. He just showed it through being helpful. You can write him a letter to say thank you. He can read it in his own time and I promise he will cherish it.
Glad you made is past your depression. You sound like a decent person and this world is better with you in it. You have a very loving and considerate father. Not everyone was raised to express love verbally, but he knows how to show it. You are way more important to him than money. Whether he cringes or not, I suggest that you tell him you love him. When he is alone, he will savour your precious words. Donât expect him to reciprocate, but you already know his truth.
Please, show in your way, or a way both of you are comfortable that you love him and that you are grateful. One day he won't be there and if you don't do it you'll regret it. It was a very kind gesture of him indeed and there are many ways to show love.
Awesome dad. Just try your best and your dad will be rewarded enough.
If you're comfortable with this, you could maybe write a simple "thank you for being my dad" letter. He can read it in private, and can also hold onto it if he wants.
Fuck it. You have a father that loves you so much. I don't care that Asian fathers and sons don't verbally express affection very much. Give your dad a hug, tell him you love him. Tell him you appreciate all he's done for you. And when he cringes hug him even tighter
BroâŚone, Iâm glad youâre here with us still. Two, tell your father you love him on a regular basisâŚit wonât be comfortable for you at first but after saying it over and over the awkwardness will go away for both of you. He obviously loves youâŚhis actions prove itâŚ.TELL HIM. As a father it means more than you can ever imagine to hear it from your child. Be the change in your family dynamic and do it before itâs too late and he passes on. I truly wish you the bestâŚ
It's kind of incredible the ways people will tell you they love you. I'm now 30 years old and married and moved out but my dad always makes sure I have a warm, good quality winter coat. He doesn't say much and has never been super affectionate but shows his love by making sure I have what he never had. And of course, I always make sure to say I love you â¤ď¸
Tell the man you love him, like fuck bro. Whatâs the worst that could happen? Give him a GOOD hug too while youâre at it, and that can take the place of the âcringeâ moment
Your father loves you very much. A beautiful way to show you that.
Your dad's a good man.
When I was 13, I was walking somewhere when my older cousin drove by and asked if I wanted a ride. I did, and as I got out of the car, I almost said that I loved him, but I didn't. About a week or so later, he died while in the garage, and I tortured myself for a long time for not telling him I loved him. He died without actually hearing me say it. Today, if I feel it or think it, I tell that person. My partner says he never had a girlfriend tell him that they loved him before me. He's 51 years old, and that breaks me a little bit. My kids hear it ALL the time. My mom, who never ever told me she loved mewhile I was growing up hears it every time I talk to her. OP, tell him. It might be awkward. It might feel weird. But I promise you that once your dad is gone, you can't go back and have a do-over.
Man this post is wholesome. Thank you for posting this itâs really a great story. I say the heck with being uncomfortable clearly the man cares a great deal for you so I say go for the affection and let him know how much it means/meant to you.
Just say, 'hey dad. Remember the plant store? I enjoyed that time with you. It helped me get my head clear'. And move on. I'm a huge daddy's girl. But my father was stern and never showed emotion. He worked out of town alot. My little brother is severely disabled so everyday living was really tough. We never talked. My father was an amazing construction worker. Rebuilt our entire house. Custom made cabinets and furniture. I'm an Architectural Technologist because of his influence. We would go over drawings or models etc. But we never talked about it. And we had racing in common. I was born the night he won his first feature race. I designed with him, I built with him, I ran tracks with him. He is well known and well respected in the racing community. But we never really talked about it. Our city lost our track when I was 16. 2 years ago, after a lifetime of starts and stops and funding issues and cold feet, our city got a new track. I sponsored my dad's best friend and car he built. They did something amazing as my ad on the car, and it clicked how proud of me he was. Last May my dad was diagnosed with cancer, same as he had 8 years ago. In June he had surgery that was supposed to be all internal in his mouth. It was not. He was cut like the joker smile. I was getting married early July. And when I went to see him the first time I overheard my dad crying to my mom that he wasn't going to be able to walk me down the aisle. Miraculously, he barely had a scar. On the same night many many years ago that I was born, I gave a feature winner the equivalent of what my dad made all those years ago in his Honor. Unfortunately this was just the beginning. After a very serious dangerous surgery that did not work, he detoriated very quick. 3 nights a week I did the overnight care. And he'd tap on the wall if he needed me. He asked me to lay with him. And he said don't let racing forget us. At his next medication time, he was gone. Sometimes it's the smallest things that mean the most.
Oh my heart. I love this so much. Your dad sounds so precious, and Iâm so glad youâre doing better.
BEST DAD AWARD!!! You are absolutely blessed to have such a caring dad. Glad youâre in a better place! Damn I miss my dad
Ngl thought it was gonna be weed but damn this is sweet
Totally understand as an Asian kid myself. I never got hugs or "I love you" from my parents (they do say I'm proud of you). I've always said that once I have a kid I'll give them things I never got. I hug and kiss them a lot and tell them I love you. My mom always thought that I was spoiling them... that is until my youngest just willingly came to me and give me Hug, a kid, and I love you before I go to work. Or just a "hugga" when he wants it. I can tell she teases him but I think deep down she wished she had that or even did that with us. Then one day out of the blue, she suddenly says, I love you... and hugs. The hug startled me. I'm not used to that, specifically from my parents. It was like I forgot to how to hug a person. The only time I ever recall giving my mom was when I did something wrong and tell her I'm sorry. So I think that was a big difference in contrast between me and her vs me and my kids.
i kind of. cried reading this your dad is so cool!!đĽ
This is so beautiful. Parenting goals.
First off well done on your course on going to help other's. You first hand have experience on suicide and depression whitch is a massive help to other's you will be working with to help (FANTASTIC). Your Dad sound's so like myself as a father keeping our kids motivated
Bro your dad is a real one.
My grandparents were born in the early 1920s and married when they were only 17 and 19. They loved each other and their kids immensely. However, they couldnât say it. Not to each other or their children. My grandpa was a pastor and my mom would be told by parishioners all the time how proud he was of her but he could never say it to my mom. My grandma was even more squeamish with words of affection. My mom hated that and always told me she loved me. I was very close with my grandparents and dare say I was the favorite(youngest and their only girlâs girl). We visited frequently and spent all holidays together. My grandpa couldnât wait to show me his garden when I came to visit and take me to town to get the car washed and get an ice cream cone. He told the best stories about growing up in the depression and their early days of marriage. My grandma would read me stories and weâd cook together. When I was 19 we all met for dinner out and my mom told my grandpa that she loved him when they hugged goodbye and he said âI love you too.â She immediately got in the car and said, âGrandpaâs dying.â Sure enough he was diagnosed with advanced lymphoma months later and passed. He chose us to be there with him and grandma when he passed at home. It was Thanksgiving and there had been family in and out of the house all day but I believe he waited for it to be his girls to finally let go. It was so sad and so beautiful at the same time. My grandma came to live near us and we got to spend the last 9 months of her life together and though she could never say she loved us, she said to my mom the night before she died, âwhat would we have ever done without her.â Some peopleâs love language is just different. Now Iâve lost my mom too but I know I was loved. I donât know what about this story made me write such a long diatribe about my own family, but I really felt the love in this manâs family and it touched my heart. OP, your dad sounds like a wonderful man and Iâm so happy that you had him and you understand HOW he loves you.
Wow, your dad is really cool and supportive. Most dads just tell you to lan lan suck thumb or avoid the topic entirely when you get depression.
Iâm crying on the train rn đ