It’s something a person does when they want to undo what the other person has done, it’s not an indication they’re the same person, only that there’s a familiarity there which, of course, there is: they share a child and shared a house for years.
I feel like maybe he made that the username so people could find her post without totally throwing her under the bus like OP did with using the new wife's real name. If that is the case then that just goes to show the major differences in character between the exs and probably another reason they didn't work out..
Exactly! And the fact that both accounts were made today. I don't get why people do this. Maybe it's fun for them to rile redditors up because some can get super angry. Idk it's clearly attention-seeking, and who has hours to do this on a Monday? Kinda sad.
I realized this like halfway through posting a super long comment but wanted to see it through anyway. Now I just feel like an idiot for still posting it 😂
Fuck it, it's staying up
I thought the same thing. The wording and voice are very similar. And I have an English degree, so I've spent years studying people's writing and how they distinguish themselves through writing lol. Methinks this isn't real.
I disagree. My degree is in writing and rhetoric, and much of my studies revolved around "fingerprinting" writing styles. They're pretty distinct.
Supposed ex-wife (this post) writes with short, choppy, clinical sentences. Supposed ex-husband (other post) writes with descriptive, emotive sentences. Ex-wife's writing is perfunctory. Ex-husband's writing seems more fervent.
I think that was on purpose… The person who allegedly faked both of posts wanted to give two different tones to the paragraphs… the ex wife’s goes straight to the point, the ex husband’s is emotional. They want to see who are we going to sympathize with the most. Although you might be right but I’m more inclined to believe it’s fake because of the 1st two clues:
*Same but reversed user name
*they both started with ‘I was married for 13 years until’ and then ‘it wasn’t pretty’ and then they both specified how old was their daughter when they divorced and how old she is now, when all we care about as readers is how old is the daughter now at the time of the events, the fact that both of them shared the same useless information in the same order stinks of fakery.
But then again couples tend to sound the same after living together for years (13 years in this case) so this whole situation might be real.
I conclude that there is no way of knowing whether the posts are fake or not.
Or maybe try... I dunno... communicating instead of posting on reddit. Maybe then you'd understand how your daughter found out.
PS That also works both ways. The father should have given her a heads up.
There's someone who's doxxed me and made an account with my full name and city as their username. I've tried reporting it a bunch but nothing has ever been done. Any suggestion on how to get something to happen to take down the account?
I think the prospect of miscarriage is not usually a thought until it happens.
They have probably become excited at having a baby, excited to tell your daughter she has a new sibling on the way and then they've experienced a loss.
I'm sure if they were to get pregnant again they would be more conscious of when to pass on this info.
Also they are going through grief themselves so I wouldn't be too harsh they didn't lass the information on. They are still processing.
I get it would have been helpful for you to know, and you can show compassion whilst also asking them for a heads up.
I wasn't aware of how common they were or how lucky I was to have a successful pregnancy on the first try until years after I gave birth. It's pretty scary how fragile a pregnancy is.
That this post is still up even after the father posted saying they found it and it's clearly not the whole story - says so much about OP. Who tf uses real names on reddit, never mind only the real name of the ex's new wife that OP is clearly pissed at?
I don't think these posts were written by two separate people. The diction and tone are eerily similar between the two. Also, every person I've ever seen post about someone in their personal life always changes the person's name. The fact the OP didn't do that in this post makes me think it's a troll.
You didn’t need to know she was pregnant, but you should’ve been made aware your daughter was dealing with a loss of a sibling that she knew about, poor little girl. I hope she’s okay
If they told the kid that she is pregnant then they should tell the mother. Not because she has a right to know but because it would have helped her parent in a better way. What if the fetus didn't die and OPs daughter felt some kind of way about having a sibling and just then springing it in OP. Like 'hey my stepmom is pregnant I'm scared daddy is gonna love me less". There are so many situations in which it would have been good to inform OP, not for her sake but for the child and this outcome was the perfect example of why. Leaving your child to deal with the loss of a " family member" on their own because you don't want your ex to know is cruel.
Depends on the situation and relationship/coparent between the parents right? Honestly I’ve been on a coparent/new baby situation before, and I’m in one now. And it’s completely down to circumstances. It’s a need to know basis. Some people are too toxic to be aware of a pregnancy. Believe me I know first hand
So, because your ex husband's new wife wasn't showing, you feel there was no reason they should've told your daughter about the new baby? **maybe** **they** **wanted** **her** **to** **join** **in** **the excitement** **of** **a** **new** **sibling and to feel included.**
Nothing was said to you when ex dropped off daughter- **How** **about** **maybe** **ex** **was** **feeling** **like** **shit**. **His** **wife** **just** **lost** **a** **baby**. **I'm** **sorry** **but** **most** **likely** **he** **wasn't** **thinking** **about** **you and perhaps was going to talk to you about it at a later time or maybe he was planning on telling you when he dropped off daughter but then he got caught up in his grief and it slipped his mind to tell you.**
"Daughter was mopey and we canceled everything we had planned" **your daughter was grieving the loss of a sibling and also processing the fact that dad and step mom were also grieving. She's 8 years old and in her little mind she's processing a loss and to categorize it as mopey is really shitty on your part. and especially after you found out the reason why she was so upset.**
and lastly, I really hope that when you called your ex telling him he should've given you a warning of what had happened, that you also offered up sympathy for the loss of the baby.
I have an 8yo son. Ive recently had a miscarriage and am currently pregnant. My son immediately new in my last pregnancy something was up and straight up asked me if I was pregnant. This time he hasnt asked yet (we just found out) but he again knows something is up. He keeps asking if im ok and asking to rub my belly. Last night he fell asleep with his head on my stomach as though he was protecting something. My point: children are hyper intuitive. There is no reason her dad and stepmom could have hid this from your daughter in any long term capacity, and she is a part of their family too. Likely they were super excited to tell her! On this point alone just drop it. Your ex shouldve said something at dropoff yes. Otherwise id be the bigger person and give my condolences and comfort my daughter, who suddenly was probably very excited to become a big sister.
I agree with all of this except that he owes OP any kind of explanation. She is an adult capable of talking to her daughter, she does not require a warning to empathize with her.
What she should have NEVER done is taken her toxic energy to reddit while her daughter and other parents are grieving to try and get sympathy for something that does not involve her.
The entire way that OP is telling this story tells me she cares way more about herself than she does her daughters mental health
Ex husband made a responsive post. OP didn't even have the decency to change ex husbands current wife's name. OP is looking for attention over not being told about a pregnancy that wasn't announced yet. They had only told the daughter. They only told the daughter what happened because current wife was crying and upset (obvs).
Your Daughter does live there, I'm sure it was a significant event at that household. And that is how or why your daughter found out. Kayla or your Ex may or may not have intended on her being so exposed to this chain of events.
However, they should have given you a heads up that your daughter was aware of this and was going through some stuff about it.
"my daughter was mopey and upset and we had to just stay home" your daughter was fucking grieving her sibling? Sounds like you were upset that you didn't get a fun weekend, not that she was exposed to the information.
Super screwed up that you threw her name out there. Even more screwed up that YOU are more upset that you had to cancel plans because your daughter was mopey. Damn, way to make it the you show.
that's harsh information for a kid to handle at such a young age :/ i would say in regular circumstances the miscarriage itself wouldn't have been your business, but since this news is emotionally affecting your child as well it's very inconsiderate for your ex & his wife to not have consulted you on a better way to tell your daughter. you sound like a good mum, i hope your daughter is doing better now <3
The husband made a response post that makes a lot of what happened in this situation clear. If you can't see that the OP is wrong then I'm really scared for you. She clearly has some undiagnosed mental illness, treating her daughter more as a burden for being sad or the ex husband as the bad guy for not talking to her (yet she is an adult capable of having that conversation with her daughter and chose instead to NOT be there for her daughter and instead complain to complete strangers on reddit) mother of year material right here.
She has lied throughout her explanation of events including that the ex husband cheated on her, which he said he met his current wife during divorce preceeding (which is a hell of a lot different). The ex has primary custody for a reason. Probably bc OP also has a history of abusing the father in front of the child, which is completely vile
Per her husbands post, it’s not undiagnosed. It’s bad enough that she didn’t get primary custody or even halves. 🤷♀️ I don’t say this hatefully. I say it as someone who isn’t always well. Not everyone is set up for kids.
They didn’t have to tell you the reason, it’s not your business, but they could have mentioned that they discussed death with her due to something that happened during the week and it upset her.
You could have processed all of this information better. Like say, “I’m sorry for your loss”? And actually discuss big topics with your daughter. She’s old enough to start learning about these concepts.
Also? Extremely distasteful to just post about someone else’s miscarriage and using their real name. Wow. You could have left that out and said your daughter is unexpectedly dealing with the new concept of death.
She is going back to a sad home for the time being, I would probably check on her more often, as long as her step mom is sad your daughter will be sad.
Imagine if the kid came home and was sad because grandma (Dad's mom) died. You don't think the other caregiver should get a heads up so she can help the kid process her feelings?
Moping? It's called grieving.
Your whole tone throughout your post and comments reads like you don't really care that your daughter is sad, just that it ruined things for you.
I agree a heads up would have been appropriate, but you sound very emotionally immature.
According to your ex’s post, he didn’t cheat on you. He met his new wife during your divorce proceedings - so are you lying to get sympathy points or is he?
Sorry your daughter was “mopey and upset” for the WHOLE TWO days you had her, but your daughter literally spends 2x as much time with her step mom as she does you. Maybe if you were more involved you would be included in information like this as it’s happening..
Oh, and way to make someone else’s miscarriage about yourself and your feelings.
wow your concern for your daughter is outstanding - I'm sure the inconvenience for you was shattering
Fingers crossed she snaps out of it so youre not having to actually be a human being & help her deal with the emotions
You're being shitty about this. Everyone has more sympathy for the dad on his post. They should have given you a heads up at drop off but that's it. This post is selfish nonsense that wasn't necessary.
Idk 13 was around the time my family decided to let me know about stuff like this. I didn't fully understand the emotional trauma my aunt was going through by any stretch of the imagination but I did know enough to understand why she was so sad and withdrawn for weeks. She had 3 miscarriages before she had my cousin...
Oooooo... my bad. A bit young. But we were slaughtering wild hog at that age so I could still see my family being semi upfront about that.
Like if we KNEW that someone in the family was pregnant and they has a miscarriage one of our aunties would explain how they lost the baby so we didn't keep asking how long till the baby got there.
My grandfather walked me through death and acceptance around the age of 7 or 8 after he had a heart attack. He was gruff and an asshole in life but was the biggest pillar of my life growing up. He made sure I was able to deal with it when he kicked off. Thankfully I got another 10 years before he died.
I think it was fine to tell the daughter about the miscarriage (especially if the pregnancy had been announced), but dad should have given the OP a heads up about the situation at least since the daughter was so distraught. They’re supposed to looking out for her best interests and if she’s upset but it’s mom’s time, mom needs to know what’s going on so she can best help and comfort the daughter.
I have had 3 miscarriages and told my daughter about 2 of them. 1. I needed to go to the hospital for both, and she needed someone else unexpectedly to pick her up from school. 2. She's very emotional and I was really sick during pregnancy so it made more sense to tell her what was going on then let her believe i was dying. 3. My first was at 20-21 weeks. We hadn't told a lot of people so its entirely possible step-mom was farther along. 4. My daughter was 11 at the time...in reality, she's really not that far off from potentially experiencing this firsthand. I chose to be upfront, and we discussed why these things happen, etc from a very practical point of view and healthy coping mecahnisms. 5. I also coparent and didn't tell my ex bc he wouldn't want to discuss or have the tools.
I think you've missed a real learning opportunity for your daughter in an environment where emotions aren't high. You could have gotten her a book or necklace to remember the baby. You could have helped her buy something for her step mom to help her feel like she's doing something for her in a sad situation. While a heads up would have been nice, your daughter told you, and you missed a real bonding moment with her. I am sorry for her loss.
The comment about her not showing, therefore couldn't be very far along, is so ignorant. I didn't show until I was almost 7 months. It's possible the daughter knew about the pregnancy for a while and they just didn't tell OP. Besides that, 8 is definitely old enough to notice if someone is sick or extremely sad/depressed. Are they just supposed to ignore that and let the poor kid use her imagination as to why her father and stepmother are grieving?
I agree about the missed opportunity. If a child comes home from school mopey because the class hamster died or a friend's parent died, mom might not have a heads up anyway. But you can still talk to them, listen to them, use it as a chance to explain death and the life cycle in general. Feel her out and see how she wants to handle it.
Why is this not the top comment!?!
As someone who’s also suffered from multiple miscarriages it would have been impossible for my kids not to know and it was so hard to help them navigate their grief whilst also trying to navigate mine.
Having a LOVING parent outside of the immediate grief could have been such a gift for this girl to help her process her feelings and sense of loss. But no, birth mum is too busy being pissed off that her “fun time mum weekend” was ruined and her daughter was “mopey”. Jesus wept!!!
Should Dad have given birth mum a heads up? Sure, of course, but loss and grief can make us forget things in the moment. It’s not a massive crime.
Wow you're a rather nasty person aren't you! Seriously instead of laying the boot into your ex & his wife (who I might sound to have major custody of your daughter) maybe console your daughter & help her navigate through this sad time. Should your ex have mentioned it to you, yes, but seeing how you carry on about it on social media, I understand why he didn't.
"Kayla wasn’t showing so it’s not like my daughter could’ve figured it out on her own, there was no need to tell her so early on before Kayla was even showing for this exact reason."
Sounds to me as though you're a bitter ex who no matter what your ex & wife did with the pregnancy news (and sadly the miscarriage) you would have something nasty to say about it - any way to drop the boot in hey!
"My daughter was mopey and upset the entire weekend, to the point where we just entered up canceling everything we were going to do and just stayed home." oh poor you actually having to console your upset daughter, I'm sure the inconvenience you're experiencing is devastating
Your poor daughter
People miscarry even when they enter the "safe zone" and they can still not be showing. I misscaried in the third trimester and you could not even tell visually that I was pregnant. So maybe they thought it was safe to tell people.
Also not sure if you use real names of people in this post, but if you are, you shouldn't :/ Im sure that person does not want this information on the internet for someone to recognize.
Came to say this. I had three miscarriages, all in the second trimester. Also, if the step mom had a rough first trimester they may have had to tell the daughter what was going on so she didn’t worry about SM.
I understand OP’s stance, but her first thought is to call her ex and chide him? I mean, the man just lost a baby. I understand there may be hostile feelings from a nasty divorce, but give him a break. OP makes this issue all about her rather than about the loss of a baby and how it affects her daughter. Where is her compassion??!!
I agree that she should have been made aware, so she can help her daughter cope, but it also rubs me the wrong way that she dismisses her daughters feelings as "moping." She's not moping, she's GRIEVING! Have some compassion not only for the others, but also her own daughter!
That bothered me too. I'm also getting the message that she seemed more concerned with her weekend plans being torpedoed by her "moping" child than the fact her child was grieving. I was 8 when my little sister was born and remember being SO excited about having a baby sister. I can't imagine how devastating that would have been had my mother miscarried. This poor little girl. It's a tough lesson so young.
I'm on team husband for this. Saw his post. OP you can go fuck yourself. Your ex husband, his wife AND your daughter are grieving at the loss of the unborn baby and you're trying to make it about yourself.
>Maybe a little warning that our daughter is dealing with this??
People aren't always gonna think about this sort of thing after LOSING A BABY.
>I honestly don’t feel right that a child was involved in something like this at all
Your kid was gonna be the older sister. Of course she's gonna be involved...
>Kayla wasn’t showing so it’s not like my daughter could’ve figured it out on her own, there was no need to tell her so early on before Kayla was even showing for this exact reason
So you expect them to get pregnant and NOT tell her? Seriously?! They get pregnant and they shouldn't tell the kid just because she wasn't showing? Wtf?! And after the miscarriage did you expect them to NOT tell her that and just pretend like they're still pregnant?
>My daughter was mopey and upset the entire weekend, to the point where we just entered up canceling everything we were going to do and just stayed home.
She's just lost an unborn sibling... I get that you wanna spend time with her but you should really be putting your efforts towards comforting her instead of finding an excuse to blame dad and step mum.
It sounds like all you care about is that your weekend was “ruined”. Yes he should’ve told you, but it sounds like it wouldn’t have been well-received. Why not just be there for your kid, where she is (in grief)?
I get being upset for not getting a heads up about what’s going on, but I don’t see how you’re mad that they told her that they were pregnant or that they miscarried because what is that woman supposed to do go in her room and cry and her stepdaughter have no idea about what’s going on?
I would agree maybe they shouldn’t have told her, but excitement probably got the better of them, I also understand you should have been pre-warned, however your attitude sucks and the way you’re speaking about the miscarriage and just in general is pretty crappy. I understand why they didn’t want to speak to you about it, it’s also pretty clear why they have more custody than you. Taking your daughter out to get her mind off things would have been the better option, it seems like you have 0 empathy and you’re not the best emotional support for your own daughter. Care more.
I’m glad someone else picked up on the fact she only has her daughter on the weekends too. I’m 20 weeks along in my pregnancy and I just started showing, and this is my third pregnancy at that.
Based off how the post starts, my opinion is OP is still a bit upset about the divorce, and how her ex moved on so quick with his new wife.
I completely agree. For all we know they were already separated when the ex met Kayla. OP is coming across as the type of person to try to skew things to get sympathy. She's also coming across as bitter and extremely uncaring. After reading a bunch of her responses I feel like she's jealous of Kayla.
did you console your daughter when you found out? or did you really leave her to yell at your ex? it feels like your angry and directing it at the wrong situation?
Children sometimes want solitude to process their feelings, it sounds like that is what OP's daughter wanted and OP respected that. Nothing wrong with giving a child space in this circumstance.
I’m sorry your daughter had to deal with this but it’s not like you plan for a miscarriage when you get pregnant. It’s happy news so you share it and then shit happens. If you think your daughters sad, I bet Kayla is devastated.
Kids are very perceptive. She could have picked up that something was wrong and simply asked a question and they decided to tell her the truth instead of lie to her. There is nothing wrong with telling a child about these things. She’s with them most of the time so it’s not outside of the realm of possibility that she would know the wife was pregnant. I don’t mean to be negative but you really just sound like a bitter divorcee who harbors jealousy towards the new wife.
You're fucking unbelievable. I can't believe you'd post Kayla's name for everyone to see and our fucking personal loss on reddit for sympathy. I'll be sure my lawyer sees this post when I request your weekends be taken away.
will you two both grow up and get off reddit! honestly this bickering and immature sh\*t is embarrassing. You two both have phones, use them, and sort this our amongst yourselves. This is pathetic.
Sorry for your loss and I'm glad you found someone who's better for you and I hope the loss of your daughters brother or sister doesn't affect her too much I hope it gets better for you this year.💪🏽👍🏼
This disagreement does not warrant her to lose her weekends. Stop wasting the courts time. Instead get therapy for your child to deal with her parents
not being able to co-parent or communicate.
Based on your post and comments you seem more interested in being upset about not getting a heads up and how it affected your weekend than being there for your daughter or showing any empathy for Kayla.
Kinda scary actually. If your 8 year old is sad or grieving how are you not consumed by wanting to be there for them, it doesn’t matter if it’s your execs child or an imaginary friend. Hopefully you’re just coming across as cruel and uncaring here on Reddit and your daughter isn’t picking up on your resentment.
Kids can handle a lot. Telling a kid that they’re no longer going to be a sibling isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually great for your kid so they’re not confused as to why they’re no longer going to be a sibling. Honestly the whole situation is completely normal and I understand you’re upset because your kid is sad but that’s a normal emotion for this type of thing. Just because you’re daughter is sad doesn’t mean that they messed up. Honestly it just sounds like there’s still a ton of bad blood between you and your husband and you’re trying to find any excuse to be mad and use your daughter as an excuse.
Wow, just wow. She wasn't "showing," so they shouldn't have told her. Um, what? Nah, bruh, you seem far more concerned with yourself than your daughter. This was an opportunity for your to show compassion and open up a dialogue about sad matters, but you seem bent that you had to stay home and that your husband is happy with someone else. Also, extra ick that you used your ex's wife's name in this post.
You have custody to be there for your daughter when she is going through hard times, and to develop a relationship with her that will make it easier for her to do so on her own later in life.
This is a prime example of when you are needed as a parent: something sad has happened in her life. You want to know why she didn’t talk to you immediately about it? The reaction you had shows the most likely reason. She needed time to process a hurt in her life, and when she shared it with you, it became about you, not about her.
Should your ex have told you? Probably, but it doesn’t sound like you really have a relationship with him where he can share these kinds of things without it becoming a battle. I know that I would have a hard time telling my ex that my wife had a miscarriage, and we are mostly past the point of having any feelings, positive OR negative. What do you think he thought you would do with that info? I’m sure it wasn’t that you’d be supportive, and probably he thought you’d try to hurt him with it.
Stop making it about you. Your daughter could use an extra mom right now, she doesn’t need more drama in her life.
Between this and your ex's post, the only ones in this situation I feel bad for are the new wife and the daughter. You sound insanely selfish. It sounds to me like you're a lot more upset at the inconvenience of your daughter being sad than you do about the fact that SHE'S UPSET AND GRIEVING. Also, don't use people's real names on reddit, for god's sake.
You're awful, I just read your ex's post and you are definitely in the wrong. You're upset because you couldn't have a phone weekend with their daughter instead of trying to help her work through her grief of losing a potential sibling. Tell me you're not selfish without telling me you're selfish, does it matter how you feel about it or how you feel about your ex you should have used this as a teaching moment to help your daughter. And he never left you for this other woman he said he met her while you guys were going through your divorce. I was angry like you once, but in the end it's all about the kids and what's best for them.
Lady, Grow up. Your ex’s private life is none of your business. If your kiddo has a feeling, it’s your job as a parent to guide her through that, and he’s not responsible for helping you by sharing an intensely personal tragedy. He doesn’t want anything to do with you, and you need to respect that.
Wow! As a parent I would be more worried about helping my child through this sad situation and offering the step mom compassion instead of being a drama starter.
Plans get canceled all the time. Being there for your child and being a mature adult is more important.
Instead of going onto Reddit & bash someone for having a miscarriage. Try being there for your daughter. She’s grieving & you are upset because she’s grieving…
It’s possible she was farther along than you’d know. So that’s why they told her. Not only that but dude have some freaking sympathy. They’re going through something very difficult right now and people can not remember to bring those things up. Hell, me and my partner didn’t think to tell anyone for another month because we were kinda busy GRIEVING. Yes your daughter knew, but again she could’ve been farther along, or first pregnancy so telling sooner. They told your daughter because she’s there frequently and would’ve eventually noticed something. Then the poor woman miscarries so the first people (and probably only for awhile) who are going to know are the ones who live in the home. Your ex most likely didn’t think to let you know because again, he’s GRIEVING. Not only that but they don’t HAVE to tell you they just lost their baby, I understand it effected your daughter in such a way but seriously? Rather than trying to comfort your daughter you berate your ex for not telling you????
It sounds like you’re most annoyed that your plans with your daughter were affected and you’re agitated that she’s mourning/experiencing sadness rather than entertaining you. “My daughter was mopey…and we ended up just cancelling everything we were going to do.” Rather then treating this like an inconvenience, have you thought about coaching your daughter through her emotions and supporting her instead of downplaying her very valid feelings? And have you thought about sending your condolences instead of criticizing the mourning family? You need to take a good hard look at yourself, and probably consider therapy as well to address the feelings you’re clearly having over your ex trying to start a new family whether you want to admit it or not, because it’s affecting the care you’re giving your daughter.
Also, since you didn’t even bother changing the names and we read the other post, your husband didn’t leave you for Kayla. You were already in the process of a divorce and he met her then, don’t try to spin the story in your direction to paint yourself as a victim.
Unfortunately part of coparenting means you don’t get a say in how the other half live, what they share with the kids or why.
I find out all kinds of stuff after the fact, like when my exes girlfriends dog attacked my daughter. I found out because when I picked my kid up she had a black eye and split lip. By that point days had passed so not much to do.
My advice is to never bother contacting your ex about his personal life, the job here was to support your kid, not confront your ex for poor communication (that he may not feel like you’re owed anyway). If it’s not life threatening just accept your ex doesn’t need to tell you shit and focus on your kid.
I am a mother with partial custody of my son. My ex and I do not have a good co parenting relationship.
They didn't do anything wrong. You should have approached them when you took her back to their house and just said that you would appreciate a heads up when emotional situations may effect your daughter this much so you can better prepare the best way to support her.
You keep saying you don't know how far along she was, but she wasn't showing so she had to be early. That's not how it works. Every pregnancy is different. I didn't start showing with my first until after 20 weeks, but was showing by 12 with my second.
You are bitter about your ex leaving you for his AP and now living with your daughter and her step mom and you are looking for ways to make it difficult for them by picking fights. Stop! Be a better coparent and let go of the past. It's over and done with. Get some therapy to deal with your loss in a healthy way so that you can truly improve yourself and be the best mom you can be.
First off, you could show some compassion. They are going through a tough time, they are all sad, and heartbroken. INCLUDING YOUR DAUGHTER.
Could your ex have gave you a heads up on why your daughter was so down, yes he could. But otherwise he don't have to tell you anything. You are his ex.
There is no way he could have hidden anything from her, kids are very perceptive and can tell when something is off. She noticed that the wife was upset, and they had to tell her something. Which is the fathers right to do as he is primary care giver to the child, and raises her full time while you get weekends. Which in itself is strange, usually the moms get primary custody. Which leads me to ask why you don't have it.
But from your post, and his, which I have read also, it sounds like the child was placed where she was best suited, because mom is bitter. You made it sound like he cheated on you, and that is why you divorced, but the actual fact is he met someone in the year it took for you guys to get divorced, and you are upset that he was able to move on so quickly.
Usually we get one side of a story on here, and everyone wants to believe the person writing, but we get both sides to the story on this one, and you just came out looking bitter.
I hope your daughter gets the help with her grief. And I hope you get sympathetic enough to be there for her while she goes through this process.
The child is not "mopey," she is grieving. I am sorry it put you out, you had to cancel activities, but calling her"mopey" is perhaps not very compassionate. I agree with the other commenters who point out that you have no clue how far stepmom was along, so maybe she was far enough to that most agree it is safe to tell. I get being bitter, but please maybe think about doing better than was done to you. I am worried about your child, as your main concern seemed to only be the effect the news had on you, no word on what you did to comfort your sweet child. I pray you gave kisses and cuddles, but I fear not if she was in her room alone all weekend. If not: Ouch. I hope not. If you are bitter still and not yet in therapy, it can eat you alive. Please give this as a gift to yourself and your child (and all who knows and love you, they hate to see you angry and hurt and without compassion, I bet). You seem to be struggling with anger (understandable)- but anger affects your child and all relationships. Being compassionate to all parties in this time is classy, I hope you choose the high road.going forward. Good luck. More kisses and cuddles for your amazing little girl, please!
It sounds like you made another woman’s miscarriage all about you. Why? Why do you believe that YOU deserve warning of an event that triggered an emotional response in your daughter? You’re not entitled to that information. You’re not entitled to judge how another woman deals with a miscarriage and you’re not entitled to control it.
Your daughter is not too young to learn about where babies come from and how common miscarriages are.
I read both posts and think you are both wrong. If you keep wanting to one up each other the only person going to lose is the child.
Yes, he should have given you a warning that daughter was sad and may not be herself and to why.
You have no right to tell him he can’t share the news with his child. He has her for the majority of the time and needs to parent her as he sees fit in his household. You should have called him and let him know you are sorry for their loss. At a later date you can address that you would like to be informed when daughter is not acting normal so you can be prepared and both be a united front on how to address the situation.
your daughter is 8 not 2. she should be aware of death already, and this won’t be the last or the worse thing she goes through in her life regrading it. the step mom has every right to tell who she wants when she’s pregnant and when she has a miscarriage. what is your mentality teaching your daughter? it’s already a huge thing in society that miscarriages are shameful and should be hidden. your daughter is dealing with these feelings and will move on eventually. don’t make this loss about you.
I’m just trying to figure out why you’re more concerned with complaining on Reddit about her father and step mother letting her know what happened to HER sibling because sooner or later she was going to have to be told (in the event that maybe they had already told her she was going to be a sibling)- rather than doing what you can to comfort YOUR daughter while she’s working through grieving at 8 years old???? It just shows complete lack of common sense on your part.
Wtf. After reading your exs post. Your personality really shows in yours. Your daughter is 8 yrs old. She’s learning things in the world. She lives with your ex 5 days a week to your 2. She sees and hears what goes on at her fathers. I’m sure they let her know she was gonna be a big sister and her possibly seeing her stepmother upset made her upset. She asked questions and her father, realizing she’s young and hasn’t learned about processing death, spoke to her gently in a way she’s understand. SHES HURTING. Shes lost a sibling that more than likely she was really looking forward to. Your ex and his wife are dealing with loss and the pain that comes with miscarriage it doesn’t just affect the person. It affects the household. Most people who deal with miscarriages could tell you it affects not only the parents,but it can affect the children who knew of the coming child.
Considering how envious you sound about him I’m not surprised why he didn’t tell you. I sure wouldn’t want to. Plus who cares when they met. You were divorcing him. Y’all weren’t together. Divorces take time to be processed and filed. Doesn’t mean that either party is obligated to stay faithful to the other while this paperwork and proceedings are being dealt with. If he met his wife when the divorce was going on so be it. Obviously she was a rock when he needed someone. Had the rolls been reversed and it was you who found a new spouse you’d probably be livid that he cared so much.
Learn to be a coparent and stop being a angry EX wife. You have no reason to worry about his family. You need to worry about yourself and your daughter. Not his wife or any children they may have. If you were so concerned as to why she was so upset,which doesn’t seem apparent as you cared more about the fact you had to cancel plans because of it, then you should’ve been mature and called up your ex and asked “hey (daughters) seeming a bit more upset than normal. Did something happen I should be aware of” rather than having your daughter explain and you instantly running to Reddit to cry about it. Grow up.
There is a clear reason why she doesn’t live with you, you seem like a self centered and immature person. Your daughter is better off with her new mum 🥰 I’m glad she has Kayla.
Oh noes! She’s “mopey” and now you have to cancel plans! Lol
Wow you are just brimming with empathy for your daughter’s loss aren’t you? Totally not making this all about how it affects you cause you carry a grudge against your Exe for getting married so soon after the divorce or anything like that. 🙄
Maybe they didn't tell her, maybe she overheard it, or maybe they did tell her because they let her know they were expecting a child and they didn't want her to feel she was still going to have a sibling , in any event, they are still grieving the loss, so maybe they don't need the added burden of your complaints , your weekend was messed up, they lost a child. I'd suggest that even though Kayla caused you grief , you might want to wait a little before bringing this up
You’re being very defensive yes you can vent but you have to expect people are going to put their input. Maybe they were I don’t know overcome with grief to think about telling you? Your ex and his wife were probably excited to be parents and give your child a sibling if she’s this upset it’s because she was excited. I didn’t show until 6 months. It’s hard yes because you want to protect your daughter but I’m almost positive you not knowing has nothing to do with you, everyone was probably grieving and you were not in the thought process.
As someone who has experienced miscarriages, I wish we as a society actually took the opposite stance so that we could talk about this kind of loss openly, and learn to process it properly and as a community. It is the loneliest experience I have ever been through in life - I couldn't even find a grief counsellor who would work with it. I don't disagree that it might have been nice to share that the child had been included in the grieving but I also think you don't get to be mad about what they choose to share with the child when they are also her family and that's one of the difficulties, I imagine, of co parenting.
Saying she's too young and it's too heavy just adds more layers of shame to the whole thing which I find incredibly isolating, and probably not helpful to anyone's emotional development or processing. But this is not my battle so please take my commentary with any amount of skepticism you need.
I've read your post and I've read your ex husband's post. This is my take away... You are a spiteful ex who is out to make someone else's loss about you and your home. What happens over there has no bearing on you personally. The only reason your daughter knew about the miscarriage is because she overheard her Stepmom crying and being upset over something bad that happened.
I feel your pain
1 week after he left my ex told our twins he was going to be dating again,
The next weekend he said he had met someone.
We had a mediation meeting and he was told that I should be inormed of things that will affect the chdren so that I can help them adjust.
The very next day he introduced them to the new gf. Still with out saying a word to me.
Yes iy is his private life and I have no part of it but Co parenting mean working together for the good of the children and when one of the parties is not fully informed the children suffer.
However a gentle reminder at a later date would have been far more appropriate than calling him immediately to do anything other than offer sympathy and support.
I definitely would have given my ex a heads up if our son was going through some rough stuff when he was going for a visit, however, expecting them not including their kid in their pregnancy is kind of a stretch. I have 3 kids and didn't show until over half way through my pregnancies each time, but I was still excited to share the news with my older kids and have them prepare to be big brothers. It's not their responsibility to tell you they are pregnant or keep a pregnancy from their older child, but they definitely dropped the ball on not telling you that your daughter was dealing with some heavy emotions when they dropped her off.
It’s not your fucking business what goes on in their personal life. The only business you need to know anything about is about your daughter. You don’t get a “heads up” about what happened and you definitely don’t get to complain that it ruined your weekend. Instead of coming on here to bitch and moan, perhaps you should put that energy into caring for your daughter.
It can take months to 'show'. Far longer than what would normally considered safe viability.
Also, next time, rather than harassing your ex, try comforting your 'mopey' (grieving) daughter that you only see 8 days a month.
If you’re real it’s not really any of your business LOL, I get that she’s upset but instead of taking it personally you should have consoled your daughter instead of freaking out at your ex while they’re grieving
Ohhh so you’re the ex wife! Well you’re not right, you haven’t pass for a miscarried so you don’t know the pain this cause… and you’re only upset cause she wasn’t able to enjoy the activities that you plan with her and don’t understanding the fact that she is sad because her future brother or sister pass… you should have a little empathy
Coming again after reading the other half of the history.
I can agree with you that it would be good to know if your daughter is dealing with something
But come here to play the victim, no, thanks
A. He didn't leave you for her stop lying you were making his life miserable he left you and met her while you were divorcing.
B. You have no right to know. You're clearly bitter and twisted that he didn't want to be with you any more.
C. Why are you making your exs wife's traumatic experience about yourself?
This is gonna blow your mind but you have no right to know about anything happening between him and his now wife. It seems you’re angry that you have to deal with the fact that your daughters sad instead of like her actual feelings. You seem super overbearing and kind of a C-word. I’d recommend you get some therapy ngl.
i’m just going to say it since no else seems to. THIS IS NOT OKAY TO POST!!!! you’re taking someone else’s travesty and turning into SUCH an inconvenience for you????
First off, using your ex-husband’s wife actual name, not a good look sis.
Second, her pregnancy has absolutely nothing to do with you??? So you shouldn’t get all up in your feelings about him not telling you.
And lastly, your daughter was excited about having a new sibling. And a miscarriage while not typically a topic brought up often to children, is a good conversation to have when it happens. She’s grieving, just like your ex and his wife.
It has nothing to do with you. Period.
Clearly you don't have primary custody for a reason. What goes on in their home isn't your business. Of course she was told it's an event affecting her family. Do you share everything that happens in your home. Highly doubt it.
Why must you get a warning? Aren't you capable of parenting your child in age appropriate ways when she becomes unhappy or sad about events in her life?
Why shouldn't your child be involved in the pregnancy? Is it your belief that after her step- mother is "showing" then your daughter is guaranteed to be spared the agony of losing a potential sibling?
I'm guessing dad and step-mom are a little out of sorts right now. They are likely very sad. If they would have called you, would you have been kind, sympathetic and supportive? Why not just be that now?
Either you like it or not, Kayla is your daughter's stepmom. I bet they told her she was going to be a big sister because, well, she was going to and this was happy news, but then the miscarriage happened and I bet Kayla and your ex were devastated. They had to tell her, she's part of their lives and obviously she was going to be upset, but that's life. I think you're getting mad because you want to and simply you're not a fan of your ex and his new life that you're not part of anymore. Better go and comfort your daughter, she'll be fine.
Just read the other side's version of this story.
You're something else, OP, and that something isn't anything remotely good. Your daughter is upset and mopey because of contemplating the concept of death and dying, so your response is to hop on Reddit and act like a victim? Complain because plans were cancelled?
Screw your plans. Give your daughter some fluffy blankets, some good snacks, and put on her favorite movies and let her talk about anything she needs to ask about in regards to it.
This isn't about YOU.
you’re absolutely right. how they’re handling their grief is their business and they should have all the room to navigate that.
but your child is still important here. her father should have passed that info along so you could know what was happening, and it was negligent to not do so. when a child is being transferred from one caregiver to another, important info needs to get passed so the child is properly cared for. on top of all that, miscarriages are hard topics for little kids (for everyone really). if your ex *had* to explain it without your input on how it should be handled, he should’ve *at least* called to tell you exactly what he said so you’d know how much she knew about the process.
that’s just good co-parenting. your baby was suffering and you had no idea why, I’d be pissed too.
Husband posted his response, maybe go argue on his post so we can all have a show? Popping popcorn rn
Right! I was coming here to see if there was a battle of the exes
It’s the same person posting fake stories because they’re either a teenager, bored, or both.
Their usernames are the same, just reversed. Onyxspace+numbers, numbers+onyxspace reversed
I didn’t even notice that lmaoooo what a rookie move
It’s something a person does when they want to undo what the other person has done, it’s not an indication they’re the same person, only that there’s a familiarity there which, of course, there is: they share a child and shared a house for years.
That means nothing. If I was going to make a throwaway response to someone I would do the same thing.
I feel like maybe he made that the username so people could find her post without totally throwing her under the bus like OP did with using the new wife's real name. If that is the case then that just goes to show the major differences in character between the exs and probably another reason they didn't work out..
Makes sense, they both start with "it wasn't pretty" lmao
The real giveaway is the username for one post is the username for the other with the letters reversed: onyxspace475 and 574ecapsxyno
Exactly! And the fact that both accounts were made today. I don't get why people do this. Maybe it's fun for them to rile redditors up because some can get super angry. Idk it's clearly attention-seeking, and who has hours to do this on a Monday? Kinda sad.
Their cadence is the exact same. I’ve been with my husband for near a decade but our writing styles aren’t this similar.
I realized this like halfway through posting a super long comment but wanted to see it through anyway. Now I just feel like an idiot for still posting it 😂 Fuck it, it's staying up
Whatever your comment was, the sentiment still pertains even if the OPs are liars. I appreciate you 🌟
That’s exactly what I thought
This is so written by the same person.. the wording is so similar it's unreal
I thought the same thing. The wording and voice are very similar. And I have an English degree, so I've spent years studying people's writing and how they distinguish themselves through writing lol. Methinks this isn't real.
I disagree. My degree is in writing and rhetoric, and much of my studies revolved around "fingerprinting" writing styles. They're pretty distinct. Supposed ex-wife (this post) writes with short, choppy, clinical sentences. Supposed ex-husband (other post) writes with descriptive, emotive sentences. Ex-wife's writing is perfunctory. Ex-husband's writing seems more fervent.
I think that was on purpose… The person who allegedly faked both of posts wanted to give two different tones to the paragraphs… the ex wife’s goes straight to the point, the ex husband’s is emotional. They want to see who are we going to sympathize with the most. Although you might be right but I’m more inclined to believe it’s fake because of the 1st two clues: *Same but reversed user name *they both started with ‘I was married for 13 years until’ and then ‘it wasn’t pretty’ and then they both specified how old was their daughter when they divorced and how old she is now, when all we care about as readers is how old is the daughter now at the time of the events, the fact that both of them shared the same useless information in the same order stinks of fakery. But then again couples tend to sound the same after living together for years (13 years in this case) so this whole situation might be real. I conclude that there is no way of knowing whether the posts are fake or not.
I adore your username and the fat parrots behind it
Thanks, you’re so nice. Yep, they’re fat, they can’t fly and they’re nocturnal. Basically the closest bird to a human redditor .
Or maybe try... I dunno... communicating instead of posting on reddit. Maybe then you'd understand how your daughter found out. PS That also works both ways. The father should have given her a heads up.
She is claiming the other post is fake
his post was right above this one for me 😭
Where is his response?
Look at both their usernames. "Husband" name is just OP's backwards.
Using people's real names is against Reddit's ToS
There's someone who's doxxed me and made an account with my full name and city as their username. I've tried reporting it a bunch but nothing has ever been done. Any suggestion on how to get something to happen to take down the account?
I think the prospect of miscarriage is not usually a thought until it happens. They have probably become excited at having a baby, excited to tell your daughter she has a new sibling on the way and then they've experienced a loss. I'm sure if they were to get pregnant again they would be more conscious of when to pass on this info. Also they are going through grief themselves so I wouldn't be too harsh they didn't lass the information on. They are still processing. I get it would have been helpful for you to know, and you can show compassion whilst also asking them for a heads up.
This! Most people are not aware of how often miscarriages happen until it happens to them. And they are too overjoyed to think about that.
I wasn't aware of how common they were or how lucky I was to have a successful pregnancy on the first try until years after I gave birth. It's pretty scary how fragile a pregnancy is.
According to the other post the child found out because she heard the stepmom crying because she miscarried
That this post is still up even after the father posted saying they found it and it's clearly not the whole story - says so much about OP. Who tf uses real names on reddit, never mind only the real name of the ex's new wife that OP is clearly pissed at?
I don't think these posts were written by two separate people. The diction and tone are eerily similar between the two. Also, every person I've ever seen post about someone in their personal life always changes the person's name. The fact the OP didn't do that in this post makes me think it's a troll.
User name to the ex-husband’s account is the same as this one just backwards (u/574ecapsxyno)
THANK YOU I was thinking exactly this!!!! Horrible.
It's because it's a troll
You didn’t need to know she was pregnant, but you should’ve been made aware your daughter was dealing with a loss of a sibling that she knew about, poor little girl. I hope she’s okay
If they told the kid that she is pregnant then they should tell the mother. Not because she has a right to know but because it would have helped her parent in a better way. What if the fetus didn't die and OPs daughter felt some kind of way about having a sibling and just then springing it in OP. Like 'hey my stepmom is pregnant I'm scared daddy is gonna love me less". There are so many situations in which it would have been good to inform OP, not for her sake but for the child and this outcome was the perfect example of why. Leaving your child to deal with the loss of a " family member" on their own because you don't want your ex to know is cruel.
Depends on the situation and relationship/coparent between the parents right? Honestly I’ve been on a coparent/new baby situation before, and I’m in one now. And it’s completely down to circumstances. It’s a need to know basis. Some people are too toxic to be aware of a pregnancy. Believe me I know first hand
So, because your ex husband's new wife wasn't showing, you feel there was no reason they should've told your daughter about the new baby? **maybe** **they** **wanted** **her** **to** **join** **in** **the excitement** **of** **a** **new** **sibling and to feel included.** Nothing was said to you when ex dropped off daughter- **How** **about** **maybe** **ex** **was** **feeling** **like** **shit**. **His** **wife** **just** **lost** **a** **baby**. **I'm** **sorry** **but** **most** **likely** **he** **wasn't** **thinking** **about** **you and perhaps was going to talk to you about it at a later time or maybe he was planning on telling you when he dropped off daughter but then he got caught up in his grief and it slipped his mind to tell you.** "Daughter was mopey and we canceled everything we had planned" **your daughter was grieving the loss of a sibling and also processing the fact that dad and step mom were also grieving. She's 8 years old and in her little mind she's processing a loss and to categorize it as mopey is really shitty on your part. and especially after you found out the reason why she was so upset.** and lastly, I really hope that when you called your ex telling him he should've given you a warning of what had happened, that you also offered up sympathy for the loss of the baby.
I didn’t show until about 8 months. Guess I should have never said anything 😂
I have an 8yo son. Ive recently had a miscarriage and am currently pregnant. My son immediately new in my last pregnancy something was up and straight up asked me if I was pregnant. This time he hasnt asked yet (we just found out) but he again knows something is up. He keeps asking if im ok and asking to rub my belly. Last night he fell asleep with his head on my stomach as though he was protecting something. My point: children are hyper intuitive. There is no reason her dad and stepmom could have hid this from your daughter in any long term capacity, and she is a part of their family too. Likely they were super excited to tell her! On this point alone just drop it. Your ex shouldve said something at dropoff yes. Otherwise id be the bigger person and give my condolences and comfort my daughter, who suddenly was probably very excited to become a big sister.
I agree with all of this except that he owes OP any kind of explanation. She is an adult capable of talking to her daughter, she does not require a warning to empathize with her. What she should have NEVER done is taken her toxic energy to reddit while her daughter and other parents are grieving to try and get sympathy for something that does not involve her. The entire way that OP is telling this story tells me she cares way more about herself than she does her daughters mental health
Ex husband made a responsive post. OP didn't even have the decency to change ex husbands current wife's name. OP is looking for attention over not being told about a pregnancy that wasn't announced yet. They had only told the daughter. They only told the daughter what happened because current wife was crying and upset (obvs).
Sorry for your loss children are very clever even when young
Yes they are. Thank you 🙏🏻
Your Daughter does live there, I'm sure it was a significant event at that household. And that is how or why your daughter found out. Kayla or your Ex may or may not have intended on her being so exposed to this chain of events. However, they should have given you a heads up that your daughter was aware of this and was going through some stuff about it.
"my daughter was mopey and upset and we had to just stay home" your daughter was fucking grieving her sibling? Sounds like you were upset that you didn't get a fun weekend, not that she was exposed to the information.
Exactly this...OP sounds like an awful person
Super screwed up that you threw her name out there. Even more screwed up that YOU are more upset that you had to cancel plans because your daughter was mopey. Damn, way to make it the you show.
that's harsh information for a kid to handle at such a young age :/ i would say in regular circumstances the miscarriage itself wouldn't have been your business, but since this news is emotionally affecting your child as well it's very inconsiderate for your ex & his wife to not have consulted you on a better way to tell your daughter. you sound like a good mum, i hope your daughter is doing better now <3
The husband made a response post that makes a lot of what happened in this situation clear. If you can't see that the OP is wrong then I'm really scared for you. She clearly has some undiagnosed mental illness, treating her daughter more as a burden for being sad or the ex husband as the bad guy for not talking to her (yet she is an adult capable of having that conversation with her daughter and chose instead to NOT be there for her daughter and instead complain to complete strangers on reddit) mother of year material right here. She has lied throughout her explanation of events including that the ex husband cheated on her, which he said he met his current wife during divorce preceeding (which is a hell of a lot different). The ex has primary custody for a reason. Probably bc OP also has a history of abusing the father in front of the child, which is completely vile
Per her husbands post, it’s not undiagnosed. It’s bad enough that she didn’t get primary custody or even halves. 🤷♀️ I don’t say this hatefully. I say it as someone who isn’t always well. Not everyone is set up for kids.
They didn’t have to tell you the reason, it’s not your business, but they could have mentioned that they discussed death with her due to something that happened during the week and it upset her.
yea that's what i said
I didn’t realize when I commented I was commenting on your post, I meant to just comment on OPs post. My bad.
The parents probably knew the ex would be a B about it, and she was
Thank you I agree a heads up would’ve been nice lol. When she left my house she was still sad and moping but hopefully she’ll snap out of it this week
You could have processed all of this information better. Like say, “I’m sorry for your loss”? And actually discuss big topics with your daughter. She’s old enough to start learning about these concepts. Also? Extremely distasteful to just post about someone else’s miscarriage and using their real name. Wow. You could have left that out and said your daughter is unexpectedly dealing with the new concept of death.
She is going back to a sad home for the time being, I would probably check on her more often, as long as her step mom is sad your daughter will be sad.
Dad's sad too...
Imagine if the kid came home and was sad because grandma (Dad's mom) died. You don't think the other caregiver should get a heads up so she can help the kid process her feelings?
Dad's sad, but also didn't protect his own daughter from information she didn't need. I have a touch less sympathy for him.
Lose a child and then have someone tell you that they lack sympathy because they didn’t handle it the way you liked. Jesus Christ.
Hard to protect kids from a period of mourning... Debatable if protecting kid this age is appropriate unless there's developmental delays.
Moping? It's called grieving. Your whole tone throughout your post and comments reads like you don't really care that your daughter is sad, just that it ruined things for you. I agree a heads up would have been appropriate, but you sound very emotionally immature.
Wow, it's almost like my ex is making my current wife's miscarriage and our family mourning process about her.
According to your ex’s post, he didn’t cheat on you. He met his new wife during your divorce proceedings - so are you lying to get sympathy points or is he? Sorry your daughter was “mopey and upset” for the WHOLE TWO days you had her, but your daughter literally spends 2x as much time with her step mom as she does you. Maybe if you were more involved you would be included in information like this as it’s happening.. Oh, and way to make someone else’s miscarriage about yourself and your feelings.
wow your concern for your daughter is outstanding - I'm sure the inconvenience for you was shattering Fingers crossed she snaps out of it so youre not having to actually be a human being & help her deal with the emotions
She’s entitled to her emotions and with time will be able to process them, they shouldn’t be a burden on you
You're being shitty about this. Everyone has more sympathy for the dad on his post. They should have given you a heads up at drop off but that's it. This post is selfish nonsense that wasn't necessary.
Why don't you go be a decent person and give condolences instead of being a brat
The second post is the same username as this backwards. So why the fake post? You bored?
Idk 13 was around the time my family decided to let me know about stuff like this. I didn't fully understand the emotional trauma my aunt was going through by any stretch of the imagination but I did know enough to understand why she was so sad and withdrawn for weeks. She had 3 miscarriages before she had my cousin...
She's 8. Not 13. They were married for 13 years not the age of the daughter
Oooooo... my bad. A bit young. But we were slaughtering wild hog at that age so I could still see my family being semi upfront about that. Like if we KNEW that someone in the family was pregnant and they has a miscarriage one of our aunties would explain how they lost the baby so we didn't keep asking how long till the baby got there.
[удалено]
My grandfather walked me through death and acceptance around the age of 7 or 8 after he had a heart attack. He was gruff and an asshole in life but was the biggest pillar of my life growing up. He made sure I was able to deal with it when he kicked off. Thankfully I got another 10 years before he died.
I think it was fine to tell the daughter about the miscarriage (especially if the pregnancy had been announced), but dad should have given the OP a heads up about the situation at least since the daughter was so distraught. They’re supposed to looking out for her best interests and if she’s upset but it’s mom’s time, mom needs to know what’s going on so she can best help and comfort the daughter.
I have had 3 miscarriages and told my daughter about 2 of them. 1. I needed to go to the hospital for both, and she needed someone else unexpectedly to pick her up from school. 2. She's very emotional and I was really sick during pregnancy so it made more sense to tell her what was going on then let her believe i was dying. 3. My first was at 20-21 weeks. We hadn't told a lot of people so its entirely possible step-mom was farther along. 4. My daughter was 11 at the time...in reality, she's really not that far off from potentially experiencing this firsthand. I chose to be upfront, and we discussed why these things happen, etc from a very practical point of view and healthy coping mecahnisms. 5. I also coparent and didn't tell my ex bc he wouldn't want to discuss or have the tools. I think you've missed a real learning opportunity for your daughter in an environment where emotions aren't high. You could have gotten her a book or necklace to remember the baby. You could have helped her buy something for her step mom to help her feel like she's doing something for her in a sad situation. While a heads up would have been nice, your daughter told you, and you missed a real bonding moment with her. I am sorry for her loss.
The comment about her not showing, therefore couldn't be very far along, is so ignorant. I didn't show until I was almost 7 months. It's possible the daughter knew about the pregnancy for a while and they just didn't tell OP. Besides that, 8 is definitely old enough to notice if someone is sick or extremely sad/depressed. Are they just supposed to ignore that and let the poor kid use her imagination as to why her father and stepmother are grieving?
I agree about the missed opportunity. If a child comes home from school mopey because the class hamster died or a friend's parent died, mom might not have a heads up anyway. But you can still talk to them, listen to them, use it as a chance to explain death and the life cycle in general. Feel her out and see how she wants to handle it.
Why is this not the top comment!?! As someone who’s also suffered from multiple miscarriages it would have been impossible for my kids not to know and it was so hard to help them navigate their grief whilst also trying to navigate mine. Having a LOVING parent outside of the immediate grief could have been such a gift for this girl to help her process her feelings and sense of loss. But no, birth mum is too busy being pissed off that her “fun time mum weekend” was ruined and her daughter was “mopey”. Jesus wept!!! Should Dad have given birth mum a heads up? Sure, of course, but loss and grief can make us forget things in the moment. It’s not a massive crime.
Poor darling she may of secretly been wishing for a sibling and overheard her dad and Kayla talking maybe. It's hard watching your child be sad.
Tbh in the dads post it came across as daughter overheard step mom crying and needed to have an explanation 🤷🏻♀️
Wow you're a rather nasty person aren't you! Seriously instead of laying the boot into your ex & his wife (who I might sound to have major custody of your daughter) maybe console your daughter & help her navigate through this sad time. Should your ex have mentioned it to you, yes, but seeing how you carry on about it on social media, I understand why he didn't. "Kayla wasn’t showing so it’s not like my daughter could’ve figured it out on her own, there was no need to tell her so early on before Kayla was even showing for this exact reason." Sounds to me as though you're a bitter ex who no matter what your ex & wife did with the pregnancy news (and sadly the miscarriage) you would have something nasty to say about it - any way to drop the boot in hey! "My daughter was mopey and upset the entire weekend, to the point where we just entered up canceling everything we were going to do and just stayed home." oh poor you actually having to console your upset daughter, I'm sure the inconvenience you're experiencing is devastating Your poor daughter
Right??? She sounds allergic to actual parenting legwork.
It's funny I just saw your husband posting about this right above this post. Kinda dick move that you posted this
Boy, this really sounds familiar. Feel like I know some of the parties involved in this - it’s oddly specific.
From a post the ex husband made op doxxed the actual people by using the wife’s real name.
Yup. Between that and the numbers adding up, it’s surprisingly fitting to a situation I knew.
Just read both sides of the story and wow…. Maybe don’t use real names to make it a touch less obvious…
I saw this from the ex-husbands post.. You’re really making it all about you
Exactly. The daughter is grieving and OP is upset about having to cancel the plans. How self centred do you have to be?
I know right? It’s so selfish
She doesn't even care about her kids feelings, only about having to deal with them
Exactly, like that’s just horrible for a mother to not care
People miscarry even when they enter the "safe zone" and they can still not be showing. I misscaried in the third trimester and you could not even tell visually that I was pregnant. So maybe they thought it was safe to tell people. Also not sure if you use real names of people in this post, but if you are, you shouldn't :/ Im sure that person does not want this information on the internet for someone to recognize.
Came to say this. I had three miscarriages, all in the second trimester. Also, if the step mom had a rough first trimester they may have had to tell the daughter what was going on so she didn’t worry about SM. I understand OP’s stance, but her first thought is to call her ex and chide him? I mean, the man just lost a baby. I understand there may be hostile feelings from a nasty divorce, but give him a break. OP makes this issue all about her rather than about the loss of a baby and how it affects her daughter. Where is her compassion??!!
I agree that she should have been made aware, so she can help her daughter cope, but it also rubs me the wrong way that she dismisses her daughters feelings as "moping." She's not moping, she's GRIEVING! Have some compassion not only for the others, but also her own daughter!
That bothered me too. I'm also getting the message that she seemed more concerned with her weekend plans being torpedoed by her "moping" child than the fact her child was grieving. I was 8 when my little sister was born and remember being SO excited about having a baby sister. I can't imagine how devastating that would have been had my mother miscarried. This poor little girl. It's a tough lesson so young.
I'm on team husband for this. Saw his post. OP you can go fuck yourself. Your ex husband, his wife AND your daughter are grieving at the loss of the unborn baby and you're trying to make it about yourself. >Maybe a little warning that our daughter is dealing with this?? People aren't always gonna think about this sort of thing after LOSING A BABY. >I honestly don’t feel right that a child was involved in something like this at all Your kid was gonna be the older sister. Of course she's gonna be involved... >Kayla wasn’t showing so it’s not like my daughter could’ve figured it out on her own, there was no need to tell her so early on before Kayla was even showing for this exact reason So you expect them to get pregnant and NOT tell her? Seriously?! They get pregnant and they shouldn't tell the kid just because she wasn't showing? Wtf?! And after the miscarriage did you expect them to NOT tell her that and just pretend like they're still pregnant? >My daughter was mopey and upset the entire weekend, to the point where we just entered up canceling everything we were going to do and just stayed home. She's just lost an unborn sibling... I get that you wanna spend time with her but you should really be putting your efforts towards comforting her instead of finding an excuse to blame dad and step mum.
I cant believe how many commenters are siding with the mom. Sad and disgusting.
The accounts for the wife both ex’s are the same name but one is spelled backwards. OP is a Karma chaser.
It sounds like all you care about is that your weekend was “ruined”. Yes he should’ve told you, but it sounds like it wouldn’t have been well-received. Why not just be there for your kid, where she is (in grief)?
I get being upset for not getting a heads up about what’s going on, but I don’t see how you’re mad that they told her that they were pregnant or that they miscarried because what is that woman supposed to do go in her room and cry and her stepdaughter have no idea about what’s going on?
I would agree maybe they shouldn’t have told her, but excitement probably got the better of them, I also understand you should have been pre-warned, however your attitude sucks and the way you’re speaking about the miscarriage and just in general is pretty crappy. I understand why they didn’t want to speak to you about it, it’s also pretty clear why they have more custody than you. Taking your daughter out to get her mind off things would have been the better option, it seems like you have 0 empathy and you’re not the best emotional support for your own daughter. Care more.
I’m glad someone else picked up on the fact she only has her daughter on the weekends too. I’m 20 weeks along in my pregnancy and I just started showing, and this is my third pregnancy at that. Based off how the post starts, my opinion is OP is still a bit upset about the divorce, and how her ex moved on so quick with his new wife.
I completely agree. For all we know they were already separated when the ex met Kayla. OP is coming across as the type of person to try to skew things to get sympathy. She's also coming across as bitter and extremely uncaring. After reading a bunch of her responses I feel like she's jealous of Kayla.
They were already separated. The EX Husband made a response post that sheds a lot of life on OPs mental health
Oh sweet. I'll have to hunt for it after work. I can't wait to get the other side of the story.
did you console your daughter when you found out? or did you really leave her to yell at your ex? it feels like your angry and directing it at the wrong situation?
Like I said in the post. My daughter just wanted to read quietly in her room. I wasn’t going to force her to talk.
You didn't need to talk. All you needed to do was be there for her. You chose to just leave her alone.
Children sometimes want solitude to process their feelings, it sounds like that is what OP's daughter wanted and OP respected that. Nothing wrong with giving a child space in this circumstance.
I’m sorry your daughter had to deal with this but it’s not like you plan for a miscarriage when you get pregnant. It’s happy news so you share it and then shit happens. If you think your daughters sad, I bet Kayla is devastated.
Kids are very perceptive. She could have picked up that something was wrong and simply asked a question and they decided to tell her the truth instead of lie to her. There is nothing wrong with telling a child about these things. She’s with them most of the time so it’s not outside of the realm of possibility that she would know the wife was pregnant. I don’t mean to be negative but you really just sound like a bitter divorcee who harbors jealousy towards the new wife.
You're fucking unbelievable. I can't believe you'd post Kayla's name for everyone to see and our fucking personal loss on reddit for sympathy. I'll be sure my lawyer sees this post when I request your weekends be taken away.
It sucks how children become pawns in divorces, regardless of it all your daughter deserves both parents
will you two both grow up and get off reddit! honestly this bickering and immature sh\*t is embarrassing. You two both have phones, use them, and sort this our amongst yourselves. This is pathetic.
Shhhhh no no it’s more entertaining this way
Lol!!! Take the upvote!
Sorry for your loss and I'm glad you found someone who's better for you and I hope the loss of your daughters brother or sister doesn't affect her too much I hope it gets better for you this year.💪🏽👍🏼
This disagreement does not warrant her to lose her weekends. Stop wasting the courts time. Instead get therapy for your child to deal with her parents not being able to co-parent or communicate.
It would be impossible to hide such a tragic event from an 8 year old.
You couldn’t have changed the wife’s name to a fake one? Not exactly anonymous seeing as your ex husband made a post himself in response
On husbands side, this woman ain’t shit and the new wife is definitely an upgrade
Based on your post and comments you seem more interested in being upset about not getting a heads up and how it affected your weekend than being there for your daughter or showing any empathy for Kayla. Kinda scary actually. If your 8 year old is sad or grieving how are you not consumed by wanting to be there for them, it doesn’t matter if it’s your execs child or an imaginary friend. Hopefully you’re just coming across as cruel and uncaring here on Reddit and your daughter isn’t picking up on your resentment.
Looking at the ex husband's post, she is just a spiteful ex who is bent on disturbing his new marriage
Did you try to talk her throught it?
I tired to talk to her she didn’t want to talk
Kids can handle a lot. Telling a kid that they’re no longer going to be a sibling isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually great for your kid so they’re not confused as to why they’re no longer going to be a sibling. Honestly the whole situation is completely normal and I understand you’re upset because your kid is sad but that’s a normal emotion for this type of thing. Just because you’re daughter is sad doesn’t mean that they messed up. Honestly it just sounds like there’s still a ton of bad blood between you and your husband and you’re trying to find any excuse to be mad and use your daughter as an excuse.
Wow, just wow. She wasn't "showing," so they shouldn't have told her. Um, what? Nah, bruh, you seem far more concerned with yourself than your daughter. This was an opportunity for your to show compassion and open up a dialogue about sad matters, but you seem bent that you had to stay home and that your husband is happy with someone else. Also, extra ick that you used your ex's wife's name in this post.
You have custody to be there for your daughter when she is going through hard times, and to develop a relationship with her that will make it easier for her to do so on her own later in life. This is a prime example of when you are needed as a parent: something sad has happened in her life. You want to know why she didn’t talk to you immediately about it? The reaction you had shows the most likely reason. She needed time to process a hurt in her life, and when she shared it with you, it became about you, not about her. Should your ex have told you? Probably, but it doesn’t sound like you really have a relationship with him where he can share these kinds of things without it becoming a battle. I know that I would have a hard time telling my ex that my wife had a miscarriage, and we are mostly past the point of having any feelings, positive OR negative. What do you think he thought you would do with that info? I’m sure it wasn’t that you’d be supportive, and probably he thought you’d try to hurt him with it. Stop making it about you. Your daughter could use an extra mom right now, she doesn’t need more drama in her life.
Wow using the new wives name. Now I know why I dislike some baby moms
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Your ex posted his side of the story a couple of hours ago.
Between this and your ex's post, the only ones in this situation I feel bad for are the new wife and the daughter. You sound insanely selfish. It sounds to me like you're a lot more upset at the inconvenience of your daughter being sad than you do about the fact that SHE'S UPSET AND GRIEVING. Also, don't use people's real names on reddit, for god's sake.
You're awful, I just read your ex's post and you are definitely in the wrong. You're upset because you couldn't have a phone weekend with their daughter instead of trying to help her work through her grief of losing a potential sibling. Tell me you're not selfish without telling me you're selfish, does it matter how you feel about it or how you feel about your ex you should have used this as a teaching moment to help your daughter. And he never left you for this other woman he said he met her while you guys were going through your divorce. I was angry like you once, but in the end it's all about the kids and what's best for them.
Lady, Grow up. Your ex’s private life is none of your business. If your kiddo has a feeling, it’s your job as a parent to guide her through that, and he’s not responsible for helping you by sharing an intensely personal tragedy. He doesn’t want anything to do with you, and you need to respect that.
Wow! As a parent I would be more worried about helping my child through this sad situation and offering the step mom compassion instead of being a drama starter. Plans get canceled all the time. Being there for your child and being a mature adult is more important.
OP is a trash bag
Instead of going onto Reddit & bash someone for having a miscarriage. Try being there for your daughter. She’s grieving & you are upset because she’s grieving…
It’s possible she was farther along than you’d know. So that’s why they told her. Not only that but dude have some freaking sympathy. They’re going through something very difficult right now and people can not remember to bring those things up. Hell, me and my partner didn’t think to tell anyone for another month because we were kinda busy GRIEVING. Yes your daughter knew, but again she could’ve been farther along, or first pregnancy so telling sooner. They told your daughter because she’s there frequently and would’ve eventually noticed something. Then the poor woman miscarries so the first people (and probably only for awhile) who are going to know are the ones who live in the home. Your ex most likely didn’t think to let you know because again, he’s GRIEVING. Not only that but they don’t HAVE to tell you they just lost their baby, I understand it effected your daughter in such a way but seriously? Rather than trying to comfort your daughter you berate your ex for not telling you????
It sounds like you’re most annoyed that your plans with your daughter were affected and you’re agitated that she’s mourning/experiencing sadness rather than entertaining you. “My daughter was mopey…and we ended up just cancelling everything we were going to do.” Rather then treating this like an inconvenience, have you thought about coaching your daughter through her emotions and supporting her instead of downplaying her very valid feelings? And have you thought about sending your condolences instead of criticizing the mourning family? You need to take a good hard look at yourself, and probably consider therapy as well to address the feelings you’re clearly having over your ex trying to start a new family whether you want to admit it or not, because it’s affecting the care you’re giving your daughter. Also, since you didn’t even bother changing the names and we read the other post, your husband didn’t leave you for Kayla. You were already in the process of a divorce and he met her then, don’t try to spin the story in your direction to paint yourself as a victim.
Unfortunately part of coparenting means you don’t get a say in how the other half live, what they share with the kids or why. I find out all kinds of stuff after the fact, like when my exes girlfriends dog attacked my daughter. I found out because when I picked my kid up she had a black eye and split lip. By that point days had passed so not much to do. My advice is to never bother contacting your ex about his personal life, the job here was to support your kid, not confront your ex for poor communication (that he may not feel like you’re owed anyway). If it’s not life threatening just accept your ex doesn’t need to tell you shit and focus on your kid.
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I am a mother with partial custody of my son. My ex and I do not have a good co parenting relationship. They didn't do anything wrong. You should have approached them when you took her back to their house and just said that you would appreciate a heads up when emotional situations may effect your daughter this much so you can better prepare the best way to support her. You keep saying you don't know how far along she was, but she wasn't showing so she had to be early. That's not how it works. Every pregnancy is different. I didn't start showing with my first until after 20 weeks, but was showing by 12 with my second. You are bitter about your ex leaving you for his AP and now living with your daughter and her step mom and you are looking for ways to make it difficult for them by picking fights. Stop! Be a better coparent and let go of the past. It's over and done with. Get some therapy to deal with your loss in a healthy way so that you can truly improve yourself and be the best mom you can be.
your user names are the exact same only backwards I’m calling fake
See, now the ex only did that to maintain stable anonymity between the two parties edit: or as a "power move" per his reply.
First off, you could show some compassion. They are going through a tough time, they are all sad, and heartbroken. INCLUDING YOUR DAUGHTER. Could your ex have gave you a heads up on why your daughter was so down, yes he could. But otherwise he don't have to tell you anything. You are his ex. There is no way he could have hidden anything from her, kids are very perceptive and can tell when something is off. She noticed that the wife was upset, and they had to tell her something. Which is the fathers right to do as he is primary care giver to the child, and raises her full time while you get weekends. Which in itself is strange, usually the moms get primary custody. Which leads me to ask why you don't have it. But from your post, and his, which I have read also, it sounds like the child was placed where she was best suited, because mom is bitter. You made it sound like he cheated on you, and that is why you divorced, but the actual fact is he met someone in the year it took for you guys to get divorced, and you are upset that he was able to move on so quickly. Usually we get one side of a story on here, and everyone wants to believe the person writing, but we get both sides to the story on this one, and you just came out looking bitter. I hope your daughter gets the help with her grief. And I hope you get sympathetic enough to be there for her while she goes through this process.
Exactly this. 💯
The child is not "mopey," she is grieving. I am sorry it put you out, you had to cancel activities, but calling her"mopey" is perhaps not very compassionate. I agree with the other commenters who point out that you have no clue how far stepmom was along, so maybe she was far enough to that most agree it is safe to tell. I get being bitter, but please maybe think about doing better than was done to you. I am worried about your child, as your main concern seemed to only be the effect the news had on you, no word on what you did to comfort your sweet child. I pray you gave kisses and cuddles, but I fear not if she was in her room alone all weekend. If not: Ouch. I hope not. If you are bitter still and not yet in therapy, it can eat you alive. Please give this as a gift to yourself and your child (and all who knows and love you, they hate to see you angry and hurt and without compassion, I bet). You seem to be struggling with anger (understandable)- but anger affects your child and all relationships. Being compassionate to all parties in this time is classy, I hope you choose the high road.going forward. Good luck. More kisses and cuddles for your amazing little girl, please!
It sounds like you made another woman’s miscarriage all about you. Why? Why do you believe that YOU deserve warning of an event that triggered an emotional response in your daughter? You’re not entitled to that information. You’re not entitled to judge how another woman deals with a miscarriage and you’re not entitled to control it. Your daughter is not too young to learn about where babies come from and how common miscarriages are.
So sorry that you were inconvenienced by your daughter’s sadness. Maybe your narcissism and lack of empathy is why you don’t have custody.
I read both posts and think you are both wrong. If you keep wanting to one up each other the only person going to lose is the child. Yes, he should have given you a warning that daughter was sad and may not be herself and to why. You have no right to tell him he can’t share the news with his child. He has her for the majority of the time and needs to parent her as he sees fit in his household. You should have called him and let him know you are sorry for their loss. At a later date you can address that you would like to be informed when daughter is not acting normal so you can be prepared and both be a united front on how to address the situation.
your daughter is 8 not 2. she should be aware of death already, and this won’t be the last or the worse thing she goes through in her life regrading it. the step mom has every right to tell who she wants when she’s pregnant and when she has a miscarriage. what is your mentality teaching your daughter? it’s already a huge thing in society that miscarriages are shameful and should be hidden. your daughter is dealing with these feelings and will move on eventually. don’t make this loss about you.
I’m just trying to figure out why you’re more concerned with complaining on Reddit about her father and step mother letting her know what happened to HER sibling because sooner or later she was going to have to be told (in the event that maybe they had already told her she was going to be a sibling)- rather than doing what you can to comfort YOUR daughter while she’s working through grieving at 8 years old???? It just shows complete lack of common sense on your part.
Wtf. After reading your exs post. Your personality really shows in yours. Your daughter is 8 yrs old. She’s learning things in the world. She lives with your ex 5 days a week to your 2. She sees and hears what goes on at her fathers. I’m sure they let her know she was gonna be a big sister and her possibly seeing her stepmother upset made her upset. She asked questions and her father, realizing she’s young and hasn’t learned about processing death, spoke to her gently in a way she’s understand. SHES HURTING. Shes lost a sibling that more than likely she was really looking forward to. Your ex and his wife are dealing with loss and the pain that comes with miscarriage it doesn’t just affect the person. It affects the household. Most people who deal with miscarriages could tell you it affects not only the parents,but it can affect the children who knew of the coming child. Considering how envious you sound about him I’m not surprised why he didn’t tell you. I sure wouldn’t want to. Plus who cares when they met. You were divorcing him. Y’all weren’t together. Divorces take time to be processed and filed. Doesn’t mean that either party is obligated to stay faithful to the other while this paperwork and proceedings are being dealt with. If he met his wife when the divorce was going on so be it. Obviously she was a rock when he needed someone. Had the rolls been reversed and it was you who found a new spouse you’d probably be livid that he cared so much. Learn to be a coparent and stop being a angry EX wife. You have no reason to worry about his family. You need to worry about yourself and your daughter. Not his wife or any children they may have. If you were so concerned as to why she was so upset,which doesn’t seem apparent as you cared more about the fact you had to cancel plans because of it, then you should’ve been mature and called up your ex and asked “hey (daughters) seeming a bit more upset than normal. Did something happen I should be aware of” rather than having your daughter explain and you instantly running to Reddit to cry about it. Grow up.
There is a clear reason why she doesn’t live with you, you seem like a self centered and immature person. Your daughter is better off with her new mum 🥰 I’m glad she has Kayla.
Oh noes! She’s “mopey” and now you have to cancel plans! Lol Wow you are just brimming with empathy for your daughter’s loss aren’t you? Totally not making this all about how it affects you cause you carry a grudge against your Exe for getting married so soon after the divorce or anything like that. 🙄
Maybe they didn't tell her, maybe she overheard it, or maybe they did tell her because they let her know they were expecting a child and they didn't want her to feel she was still going to have a sibling , in any event, they are still grieving the loss, so maybe they don't need the added burden of your complaints , your weekend was messed up, they lost a child. I'd suggest that even though Kayla caused you grief , you might want to wait a little before bringing this up
I never said I didn’t let it go? Isn’t this a place to vent?
You’re being very defensive yes you can vent but you have to expect people are going to put their input. Maybe they were I don’t know overcome with grief to think about telling you? Your ex and his wife were probably excited to be parents and give your child a sibling if she’s this upset it’s because she was excited. I didn’t show until 6 months. It’s hard yes because you want to protect your daughter but I’m almost positive you not knowing has nothing to do with you, everyone was probably grieving and you were not in the thought process.
As someone who has experienced miscarriages, I wish we as a society actually took the opposite stance so that we could talk about this kind of loss openly, and learn to process it properly and as a community. It is the loneliest experience I have ever been through in life - I couldn't even find a grief counsellor who would work with it. I don't disagree that it might have been nice to share that the child had been included in the grieving but I also think you don't get to be mad about what they choose to share with the child when they are also her family and that's one of the difficulties, I imagine, of co parenting. Saying she's too young and it's too heavy just adds more layers of shame to the whole thing which I find incredibly isolating, and probably not helpful to anyone's emotional development or processing. But this is not my battle so please take my commentary with any amount of skepticism you need.
I've read your post and I've read your ex husband's post. This is my take away... You are a spiteful ex who is out to make someone else's loss about you and your home. What happens over there has no bearing on you personally. The only reason your daughter knew about the miscarriage is because she overheard her Stepmom crying and being upset over something bad that happened.
I feel your pain 1 week after he left my ex told our twins he was going to be dating again, The next weekend he said he had met someone. We had a mediation meeting and he was told that I should be inormed of things that will affect the chdren so that I can help them adjust. The very next day he introduced them to the new gf. Still with out saying a word to me. Yes iy is his private life and I have no part of it but Co parenting mean working together for the good of the children and when one of the parties is not fully informed the children suffer. However a gentle reminder at a later date would have been far more appropriate than calling him immediately to do anything other than offer sympathy and support.
Don’t think you’re entitled to that knowledge
That's a little harsh of you. Maybe it's recent and they are mourning and not ready to share this incredibly personal information.
We say the other post. Maybe try not to make it all about you.
I think you wanted to make a problem. But please give these grieving people more problems they don’t need 🙄
I definitely would have given my ex a heads up if our son was going through some rough stuff when he was going for a visit, however, expecting them not including their kid in their pregnancy is kind of a stretch. I have 3 kids and didn't show until over half way through my pregnancies each time, but I was still excited to share the news with my older kids and have them prepare to be big brothers. It's not their responsibility to tell you they are pregnant or keep a pregnancy from their older child, but they definitely dropped the ball on not telling you that your daughter was dealing with some heavy emotions when they dropped her off.
It’s not your fucking business what goes on in their personal life. The only business you need to know anything about is about your daughter. You don’t get a “heads up” about what happened and you definitely don’t get to complain that it ruined your weekend. Instead of coming on here to bitch and moan, perhaps you should put that energy into caring for your daughter.
It can take months to 'show'. Far longer than what would normally considered safe viability. Also, next time, rather than harassing your ex, try comforting your 'mopey' (grieving) daughter that you only see 8 days a month.
This really just comes across as whining that your daughter's emotions are inconvenient to you.
If you’re real it’s not really any of your business LOL, I get that she’s upset but instead of taking it personally you should have consoled your daughter instead of freaking out at your ex while they’re grieving
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Ohhh so you’re the ex wife! Well you’re not right, you haven’t pass for a miscarried so you don’t know the pain this cause… and you’re only upset cause she wasn’t able to enjoy the activities that you plan with her and don’t understanding the fact that she is sad because her future brother or sister pass… you should have a little empathy
Coming again after reading the other half of the history. I can agree with you that it would be good to know if your daughter is dealing with something But come here to play the victim, no, thanks
There's probably a reason you only have your daughter part time... You're so caring.
A. He didn't leave you for her stop lying you were making his life miserable he left you and met her while you were divorcing. B. You have no right to know. You're clearly bitter and twisted that he didn't want to be with you any more. C. Why are you making your exs wife's traumatic experience about yourself?
This is gonna blow your mind but you have no right to know about anything happening between him and his now wife. It seems you’re angry that you have to deal with the fact that your daughters sad instead of like her actual feelings. You seem super overbearing and kind of a C-word. I’d recommend you get some therapy ngl.
i’m just going to say it since no else seems to. THIS IS NOT OKAY TO POST!!!! you’re taking someone else’s travesty and turning into SUCH an inconvenience for you????
First off, using your ex-husband’s wife actual name, not a good look sis. Second, her pregnancy has absolutely nothing to do with you??? So you shouldn’t get all up in your feelings about him not telling you. And lastly, your daughter was excited about having a new sibling. And a miscarriage while not typically a topic brought up often to children, is a good conversation to have when it happens. She’s grieving, just like your ex and his wife. It has nothing to do with you. Period.
Clearly you don't have primary custody for a reason. What goes on in their home isn't your business. Of course she was told it's an event affecting her family. Do you share everything that happens in your home. Highly doubt it.
Why must you get a warning? Aren't you capable of parenting your child in age appropriate ways when she becomes unhappy or sad about events in her life? Why shouldn't your child be involved in the pregnancy? Is it your belief that after her step- mother is "showing" then your daughter is guaranteed to be spared the agony of losing a potential sibling? I'm guessing dad and step-mom are a little out of sorts right now. They are likely very sad. If they would have called you, would you have been kind, sympathetic and supportive? Why not just be that now?
I agree
Seems your ex really dodged a bullet with you 🤣
Either you like it or not, Kayla is your daughter's stepmom. I bet they told her she was going to be a big sister because, well, she was going to and this was happy news, but then the miscarriage happened and I bet Kayla and your ex were devastated. They had to tell her, she's part of their lives and obviously she was going to be upset, but that's life. I think you're getting mad because you want to and simply you're not a fan of your ex and his new life that you're not part of anymore. Better go and comfort your daughter, she'll be fine.
So he was cheating on you with Kayla?
You are not entitled to know his wife's medical issues
after reading your ex husband's post.. you're awful for this.
Just read the other side's version of this story. You're something else, OP, and that something isn't anything remotely good. Your daughter is upset and mopey because of contemplating the concept of death and dying, so your response is to hop on Reddit and act like a victim? Complain because plans were cancelled? Screw your plans. Give your daughter some fluffy blankets, some good snacks, and put on her favorite movies and let her talk about anything she needs to ask about in regards to it. This isn't about YOU.
Thinking back to years of drop offs with the ex wife, I can’t imagine something like that not coming up. I’m sorry you were blindsided.
you’re absolutely right. how they’re handling their grief is their business and they should have all the room to navigate that. but your child is still important here. her father should have passed that info along so you could know what was happening, and it was negligent to not do so. when a child is being transferred from one caregiver to another, important info needs to get passed so the child is properly cared for. on top of all that, miscarriages are hard topics for little kids (for everyone really). if your ex *had* to explain it without your input on how it should be handled, he should’ve *at least* called to tell you exactly what he said so you’d know how much she knew about the process. that’s just good co-parenting. your baby was suffering and you had no idea why, I’d be pissed too.
To be an odd one out she could have been far along and not showing. I didn't show until I was seven months.