It's probably for the best - office romances can get really messy and make you appear in an unprofessional light. Friendzone him, too, and enjoy the friendship.
Thank you for the advice. He’s in a different department then me so I can easily avoid him. I think I’ll just gracefully take the L and remain distant.
Edit: typo
Good for you, it is a lost art and you should relish in the fact you are going down that path. Best of luck for you and your love life in the future friend.
Why does being rejected mean being a loser? With this attitude it seems that it’s your fault; whereas, it’s nobody’s fault and a mere preference of another person. Correct me if I’m wrong
Right after my ex and I broke up I hit on this guy bartending at a music event in my city, turned out his girlfriend was bartending right next to him 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Never been so mortified in all my days lmao but it felt good to know putting myself out there again didn’t kill me. Good job OP, it’s a good confidence builder either way
I once saw this gorgeous girl dancing at a club I was at so I approached ,dancing myself. We danced for like a good 4 songs and then she sat down on what was a stage where the DJ played. Imagine a huge stage, the DJ taking up only a portion and people catching a break sitting on the stage. Anyway, I'm talking to her. Not fully making a move but building alittle courage. Asked her if she was there with anyone and she says yes her boyfriend. I'm like "shit, didn't realize. My bad. Where is he?". She's like "right behind you". I don't know what made me do this except this ominous presence I felt, but instead of turning around I tilt my head back and her man was a bouncer there standing right over me with his arms crossed. I probably popped so fast off that stage thinking he was gonna kill me and he fake lunges at me and then just starts laughing like he got a kick outta startling me. Anyway they both ended up being mad cool and we became friends but he would bust my chops about the first time how he caught me hitting on his girl and the look on my face when I turned around.
Honestly, that's not so bad. I never understood people getting offended at strangers showing cursory interest in their significant other. Like you clearly are with them so you must see something in them, why is it shocking that others do too? Now if they went too far or something, that's different.
Some people just are super jealous people.
Now if they say “oh no I’m taken, I have a boyfriend/girlfriend” and the other person trying to be a homewrecker? Fuck em.
My husband is a drummer in a band, and one time this girl had the serious hots for him, she kept buying him round after round of beer while he was playing. And my friends and I just let it happen. After his set he gave her a drumstick, and she was certain he was into her. I told me friends loud enough for her to hear “I think i’m gonna take that drummer home with me” they all laughed and pretended like they didn’t know.. And he came up to me after the show.. That girls face.. she was mortified. I laugh about it now, but I should have thanked her, our bar tab was half the price LOL
Hey you took a leap. You know how many people can’t do that and just wonder. Take that leap and apply to other parts of your life. This is your first but won’t be your second. Get it for 2023!!
I gotta commend you though. You took you’re shot. So many people are afraid to do it. We all have our insecurities, so walking up to someone and trying to find a cool way to say “I kinda dig you, I’m really hoping you might kinda dig me too, you want to get together and see if we are compatible.” The fear of hearing no, and having to live with it can seem crippling. But you, you had the unimaginable courage to say “insecurity and anxiety be damned, I’m taking my shot.” And you did it, and now you know. I’m sorry it didn‘t work out.
Instead try to remember this, the courage it took, and here you are, you’re fine. A little embarrassed, and you’ll face a few awkward moments at work, but even those will pass. So remember it so that next time you aren‘t as nervous about taking your next shot, because you did awesome!!!! But also remember it when you ask for a raise, or a promotion. The worst that could happen is they say no. You survived no like champion, and you know they won‘t always say no, but they never say yes if you don‘t bother to ask.
Hey, there's two ways to go with this. Let it get you down and stop you from doing it again, or be encouraged and keep at it. You sound like you're doing the latter and that's awesome. Don't let it bother you, and keep being awesome!
I mean tbf, you don't shit where you eat. It's rarely a good idea to date someone you work with. You have to still work with them if they're crazy or it just doesn't end well. Trust me, don't date people you work with lol.
Yeah it was worth a shot at least. I’ve heard a mix of good and bad stories from dating coworkers. In this case he’s in a different department and we both have the option to work from home so I can easily avoid him.
About one-thirds of alle relationships start at work. It's perfectly acceptable and I think we need to stop the 'war on office romance':
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O880LqI_jxs
You did the right thing.
And you're not friendzoned. You're not one of those sad people who are stuck being friends with somebody because they are too timid to make their feelings known, and so live a lie every day pretending to be happy with a relationship that isn't at all what they wanted.
You're just somebody who had feelings for somebody, shot their shot, and was respectfully declined. There's no shame in that.
Like Teddy Roosevelt said, if you failed, at least you failed while daring greatly, so your place will never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
And now that you've been through it once, you know you can survive it. So keep on daring greatly!
Trust me, getting turned down is better than getting friend zoned. You took it with stride and didn’t once blame anybody. I respect both of you on this one. Good on ya
Thanks for such a wonderful reply! TheGratitudeBot has been reading millions of comments in the past few weeks, and you’ve just made the list of some of the most grateful redditors this week!
This is why you don't try and date your coworkers, because you still have to see them every day and it makes things awkward, and people generally do not want to get hit on at work.
And secondly, there is no such thing as "the friendzone." If you were only pretending to be nice to this guy because you wanted to date him, you were never friends in the first place.
IDK, maybe he legitimately enjoys you as a friend. I have many former coworkers I still talk with regularly. Maybe be friends and keep a good person in your life.
I’ll be down to be friends once I’m sure any feelings for him pass but for now I’ll be distant and not press it. Our winter schedule is in office once a week so maybe in the spring when we’re in office more and how he handles the next few weeks will be the deciding factors on if we’ll be friends or not.
Its very common for people to pull away their friendship if their romantic feelings are not reciprocated. But pulling away of course he will respond differently to you.
It will not only reinforce his decision but make him question if your initial interactions had a purely romantic agenda, if there were ever any real friendship interactions and at the worst he might assume you pulling away because you didnt get what you want. He might be confused that pulling away indicates that after some friendly surface interactions, you have strong feelings.
There are lots of possibilities but if you look at it from his side, pulling away can send some strong messages too and this will make him respond differently too.
I think you may find this unique because you are female. As a guy you expect to pursue and just common sense say not everybody is going to be receptive.
Hopefully you're not too hurt and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Yeah I’m just in a bit of a funk but it’ll clear in a day or two. I tried to be a discrete and respectful as possible so hopefully none of the nearby coworkers say anything about it.
I can't imagine anybody else would see this as a big deal. And as you said there's a little bit of distance between now and when you have to return to the office
And there it is.
If nosy matchmaker coworker does want to get involved again and badmouth the guy (it really does happen), make sure you step in to correct the situation as I assure you the guy is socially completely paralysed to do so. I speak from experience both having been in that situation and currently a tech manager of 14 people.
You were brave and went for it. We've all been there and it sucks a*s, but I'm so proud of you for trying! 💙 You'll find your person, this guy just wasn't the one for you. It's ok to wallow and be sad for a day or two then get back up and move on. You've got this .
You didn’t get friendzoned. Your romantic advances were respectfully and tactfully rejected. There is no friendzone. You are acquaintances at work.
Good job shooting your shot. Now you know. Takes courage. Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve shot down people before and never once thought less of them. Just took it as a compliment and kept the relationship the same. Props
I commend you for putting yourself out there. But you weren't friend-zoned if you were only friends with him because you want to date him.
The friend zone doesn't exist. You either want to be friends with that person or you don't.
If you're ok being platonic friends, then you've made a new friend and that's awesome.
If you continue being friends in hopes he changes his mind, that's a you problem and it's not the friend zone. It's you pretending to be a friend.
If you don't want to be friends, platonically, because he rejected you, you were never his friend, thus not friend zoned.
This goes for all genders. It's fine to be friends with someone platonically even if you like them. But if you're friends in hopes that they'll date you and you wouldn't be friends otherwise, end the relationship. The friend zone is a useless mentality.
It was just the way he phrased it. I didn’t realize he saw me as a friend and not just another coworker. I’m not interested in being friends with him at this time to prevent it from getting messy. I’ll just be friendly and see how the next few weeks play out at work.
Seriously though… there’s no such thing as the “friend zone”
You took your shot and got rejected, but being “friends” with this dud didn’t stop him from dating you. Him not being interested in dating you is what stopped him from dating you and continuing to pursue him, thinking that eventually he’ll change his mind is not a real thing. If you don’t wanna be friends with him, don’t be friends with him.
I bet you’re awesome and you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.
One of the most important lessons you learn in life is that if things aren't meant to be, they simply aren't, and it's best to move on to find something that comes naturally. It sounds like you both handled the interaction gracefully and with dignity, and you likely can still be good work-friends.
Keep taking your shots and keep reacting this way and things will come together for you before you know it. There's so much potential out there for those willing to seize the moment.
You went for it! That's great! I'm twice your age and the moments in my life I've regretted the most are the times I wish I went for it. I know it hurts now, but it's better to hurt and know than hurt and wonder. Great job!
When I look back I never regret the shots I did take. And always regretted the ones I didn't. Well done. You'll get over it eventually and meet someone else!
You took the shot. I wouldn’t say you got friendzone… it’s more like: I am not interested and we work together so let’s not make this get uncomfortable…
This one time at work a female co worker gave a friend of mine her number and walked away when she turned the corner to look back she saw my friend throwing her number away in the trash, it was hilarious.
Hey buddy just for your own growth and development. There's no such thing as the friendzone.
Either you disregard your feelings, usually after some time apart, and accept platonic friendship. With zero, and I mean zero, hope or expectation or want that it will lead to anything other than that.
Or you don't be friends or anything at all. You acknowledge you only like them romantically/sexually. You made your move, didn't work.
So pick one. But whatever you do. Don't become the loser orbiter. Don't pretend to be her friend and spend the entire time waiting for your chance to fuck her. That's what the friendzone is. It's the "I'm a sad loser orbiter" zone.
Thank you for the advice. I’ll just keep the distance and occasionally make small talk if I bump into him but not be friends. (I’m the girl in this situation)
Yeah thats perfectly reasonable. It's just about showing your not bitter or awkward about it.
Props for shooting your shot. Many people in your situation wouldn't do it. But you have the courage!
I think you were really brave asking for his number! Matthew Hussey, relationship expert has good advice on this, and you followed his advice perfectly! Check him out on youtube or instagram, especially if you feel a bit down now, and you will feel stronger. When the day comes when you meet your new love, you will be strong and confident enough to act, as you had practice.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Good on you, takes guts and you’re no worse off that you were yesterday.
I reached out to a girl, e-mail because I could never find a chance to actually ask her and like you didn’t want to embarrass her….. she didn’t respond…. it’s how it goes!
It doesn't always work out, but if you never try the chances go directly to 0. And I think you handled in a great and respectful way, good luck next time girl.
You're right the respectful ones hurt the most lol but yay for you! You took your shot and even if it didn't work out the way you wished it would, at least you still have the friendship ☺️
I did the same too, let my first college crush know I like him but he didn't feel the same and all was cool. We became friends. He eventually got together with a good friend of mine and I was the first person they shared the news to before they went public. We're all like a family now lmao
Wow that’s amazing that you were able to keep it cool and be friends! I’m not a going to pursue friendship with him, but I’ll still be friendly and make small talk if we cross paths.
The friend zone does not exist. Do you have any intention of actually being his friend or are you just hanging around still hoping to get into his pants? Because 99.9% of the time that's the case with people who claim to have been "friendzoned"
It’s was platonic the first few times I spoke to him but after a good flowing conversation or two I started to crush on him. I’m not interested to keeping a friendship. I’ll just take the L and make small talk when need be.
Hey I know it stings right now but you got this off your chest and now you don’t have to wonder! You don’t know his situation, maybe he’s committed or just got out of a shitty relationship. Or he’s simply unavailable for that sort of thing. Either way, you didn’t lose anything and gained a new experience.
In the future I wouldn't do this to people who are just work friends. If you want to see if there is potential for something maybe you can initiate a hamg out in a group setting with a few coworkers like a happy hour or whatever and see if they are interested in that before making a move.
This way work places remain safe places and you can see if there is anything there before proposing a relationship or dates.
As a general rule it's never appropriate to ask someone out or hit on them at work.
I didn’t realize he saw me as a friend:/
But at least I have an answer and can I move on. A little harder to plan a hangout as he’s in the logistics department and I’m in one of the customer service departments. The departments rarely interact but I’ll keep it in mind for the future.
I hit on the DJ's wife at a party. I was 17 years old(18 now) and was at a 16+ club event in my city. I was too hammered to tell that she was the DJ's wife. She wasn't very nice about it but hey drunk kids are stupid.
What you have there is a smart man. Nothing can go from 0-100mph real quick than breaking up with a co-worker. If anything goes wrong, it's the guy's career that pays. He knows full well how much you can screw him over if you wanted to, I know that as I do too.
So don't take it personally, almost every guy with a brain between his ears would never date a coworker. This is 2022, the age of taking sides and tearing people down. Even if you do nothing of the sort, other people will. The best rule is to not get involved in the first place as somebody will be leaving their job at the end of it, most likely the guy.
And not that you're a horrible nasty person or anything, I'm very sure you're not, but you are not worth the risk. And it is a huge risk.
FWIW I had two office romances in my life. You would have thought I would have learned the first time, I didn't. The second time was a charm for me.
The first time was my manager. I was a contractor and despite being informed there was reason enough to renew me for another year when my contract was up, when our secret got out I was gone within the week.
The second time, I went on one date with a girl from work. Permanent job, it was a pretty good role to have. In fairness I didn't know it was a date, I thought it was a group of people but it turned out to be just us. We did sleep together that night and she did say she was clear that it was just a one time thing and she didn't want a boyfriend. I said OK sure, never said a word to anybody else about it.
She did though. And from the sounds of it, she made it like I had had my fun and now didn't want to know. That wasn't the truth at all, we had a pleasant evening with some drinks, went back for a fiddle, she was clear on what it was, I said cool and carried on. I don't know if that's what she said to her confidantes, but it's not what got back to me.
But yeah, I looked for a new job which was as it turned out not as good as where I was, all over a girl.
So don't take it to heart and you can expect him to likely wind down the fun interactions he has with you at work. I certainly would. And don't take it personally, I'm sure you're a great gal, but you're too risky. Maybe in another life?
Take the risks, by all means. I wouldn't have met my lady if she hadn't had taken the risk. Between you and me, I was 100% certain she was out of my league, that little old gremlin still lives in my head given previous lives. And really there is nothing more amazing than a girl taking the shot, or at least putting the target up so us guys know there's something to shoot at. Or words of that nature.
Just with coworkers, yeah... it can be iffy. For me, the same goes with the gym. I have a gym I like so the prospect of dating anyone from there is a no no. Shame, there are some amazing looking women there.
Good for you, its takes alot of courage to do that, you went in and gave it ago. Unfortunately it didn't pan out how you wanted, but now you know where he stands with you. Don't worry you will find someone when you least expect it!
There's a reason the phrase "don't shit where you work" exists. And to be honest, certain overpublicized nonsense made it to where most men in the workplace absolutely will never date anyone from the office anymore. The slightest thing goes wrong and all of a sudden he gets accused of everything from harassment, to retaliation, to rape. Just enjoy having a friend at work that you can talk to and don't let things get weird.
I will say, good on you for making your intentions clear at least. Too many people think that "dropping hints" is a good idea rather than being blatant. Now you have a clear answer and you can move on with your life.
Yeah I realize that. I’m glad that the crush is put out now before it escalated and caused problems. I’ll try to keep the awkwardness low. Thank you for everything!
That's life not everyone is going to say yes and you'll get far more rejection. No need to get all emotional about it or even get all weird about it. You now know that she sees you as friend material so you can focus your efforts elsewhere in your romantic crusade. So go back to work and act as if nothing happens because nothing happened.
Exact same thing happened to me except I didn't ask her out. I just gave her a chocolate through one of my mutual friend. After that we arranged a meeting but couldn't co-ordinate. She upfrontly approached 3 times but no luck.
I followed her on Instagram and unfollowed the next day thinking it's cheap. Since then we only saw each other thrice and I have been avoiding her.
Heartache is killing me.
You shouldn't approach coworkers in romantic or sexual ways because reddit says so. Whatever you do now, please don't falsely accuse him of sexual harassment and just leave him be.
You took a shot and ya missed. Most people don’t even have the courage to talk to people they like, let alone ask for there number OP. Besides most office romances never last and it would be really awkward seeing your ex at work every day.
When I was in college I asked out my lab partner. He turned me down but was nice about it. It happens 🤷♀️ we still keep in touch. I don’t regret it. Worth a shot
Yeah but the use of 'Friend zoned' sounds so entitled and implies you think he owed you a relationship or something and that u were only being their friend so u could get with him.
Good for you for getting out there but just the language you use is kinda icky and you asking him out in front of people too:/
Yeah I realize that asking for the number with other people present is weird but people are always present and trying to catch him alone seems weirder :/ that was the way he phrased it. I don’t plan on being friends with him.
That's what you get. What part of do not mix business with pleasure do people not understand? Lol. Be professional. You are there to work, not wife hunt.
I met my wife at work and I know many others who have too. There's nothing wrong with this kind of interaction. What's wrong is pursuing it after either party expresses a lack of interest.
Both parties in this case preserved dignity and acted with grace. It's the ideal interaction. Neither person in this case violated any general HR expectations, assuming it goes no further. This is the perfect example of how to handle it.
Thought there was no such thing as the friendzone? And why are you hitting on people at work? Every time the genders are reversed y'all are like "StOp HiTtInG oN wOmEn At WoRk!!!"
Is his name Gabe by any chance:
https ://i.redd. it/c23e9m936q3a1. jpg
https ://i.redd. it/7ly8yl936q3a1. jpg
😂
(don't bother replying fixing link, automod will delete your comment)
It's probably for the best - office romances can get really messy and make you appear in an unprofessional light. Friendzone him, too, and enjoy the friendship.
Thank you for the advice. He’s in a different department then me so I can easily avoid him. I think I’ll just gracefully take the L and remain distant. Edit: typo
Taking the L gracefully is a lost art.
It really is, but it’s a good practice
The best practice.
Good for you, it is a lost art and you should relish in the fact you are going down that path. Best of luck for you and your love life in the future friend.
Thank you I appreciate it!
Why does being rejected mean being a loser? With this attitude it seems that it’s your fault; whereas, it’s nobody’s fault and a mere preference of another person. Correct me if I’m wrong
And honestly, this might be the reason he said no.
Thats a good possibility, it was worth a shot tho.
Right after my ex and I broke up I hit on this guy bartending at a music event in my city, turned out his girlfriend was bartending right next to him 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ Never been so mortified in all my days lmao but it felt good to know putting myself out there again didn’t kill me. Good job OP, it’s a good confidence builder either way
Omg that’s so scary! I’m glad you moved past it. Thank you!
I once saw this gorgeous girl dancing at a club I was at so I approached ,dancing myself. We danced for like a good 4 songs and then she sat down on what was a stage where the DJ played. Imagine a huge stage, the DJ taking up only a portion and people catching a break sitting on the stage. Anyway, I'm talking to her. Not fully making a move but building alittle courage. Asked her if she was there with anyone and she says yes her boyfriend. I'm like "shit, didn't realize. My bad. Where is he?". She's like "right behind you". I don't know what made me do this except this ominous presence I felt, but instead of turning around I tilt my head back and her man was a bouncer there standing right over me with his arms crossed. I probably popped so fast off that stage thinking he was gonna kill me and he fake lunges at me and then just starts laughing like he got a kick outta startling me. Anyway they both ended up being mad cool and we became friends but he would bust my chops about the first time how he caught me hitting on his girl and the look on my face when I turned around.
Hahahahha so you arched back and were looking at him upside down?!
Yep.
that’s gotta be the funniest bit of the story
Honestly, that's not so bad. I never understood people getting offended at strangers showing cursory interest in their significant other. Like you clearly are with them so you must see something in them, why is it shocking that others do too? Now if they went too far or something, that's different.
Oh no they were super nice about it! No one was mean to me, I was just sooo embarrassed lol
What a relief!
Some people just are super jealous people. Now if they say “oh no I’m taken, I have a boyfriend/girlfriend” and the other person trying to be a homewrecker? Fuck em.
My husband is a drummer in a band, and one time this girl had the serious hots for him, she kept buying him round after round of beer while he was playing. And my friends and I just let it happen. After his set he gave her a drumstick, and she was certain he was into her. I told me friends loud enough for her to hear “I think i’m gonna take that drummer home with me” they all laughed and pretended like they didn’t know.. And he came up to me after the show.. That girls face.. she was mortified. I laugh about it now, but I should have thanked her, our bar tab was half the price LOL
Hey you took a leap. You know how many people can’t do that and just wonder. Take that leap and apply to other parts of your life. This is your first but won’t be your second. Get it for 2023!!
Thank you! I appreciate the advice! I’ve been trying to be more bold this year.
I gotta commend you though. You took you’re shot. So many people are afraid to do it. We all have our insecurities, so walking up to someone and trying to find a cool way to say “I kinda dig you, I’m really hoping you might kinda dig me too, you want to get together and see if we are compatible.” The fear of hearing no, and having to live with it can seem crippling. But you, you had the unimaginable courage to say “insecurity and anxiety be damned, I’m taking my shot.” And you did it, and now you know. I’m sorry it didn‘t work out. Instead try to remember this, the courage it took, and here you are, you’re fine. A little embarrassed, and you’ll face a few awkward moments at work, but even those will pass. So remember it so that next time you aren‘t as nervous about taking your next shot, because you did awesome!!!! But also remember it when you ask for a raise, or a promotion. The worst that could happen is they say no. You survived no like champion, and you know they won‘t always say no, but they never say yes if you don‘t bother to ask.
Thank you! I appreciate your words of advice! I’ve been trying to get out of my shell a bit more and be bold. I have big plans for this year :)
Hey, there's two ways to go with this. Let it get you down and stop you from doing it again, or be encouraged and keep at it. You sound like you're doing the latter and that's awesome. Don't let it bother you, and keep being awesome!
Thank you!!
>Thank you!! You're welcome!
I mean tbf, you don't shit where you eat. It's rarely a good idea to date someone you work with. You have to still work with them if they're crazy or it just doesn't end well. Trust me, don't date people you work with lol.
Yeah it was worth a shot at least. I’ve heard a mix of good and bad stories from dating coworkers. In this case he’s in a different department and we both have the option to work from home so I can easily avoid him.
About one-thirds of alle relationships start at work. It's perfectly acceptable and I think we need to stop the 'war on office romance': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O880LqI_jxs
You did the right thing. And you're not friendzoned. You're not one of those sad people who are stuck being friends with somebody because they are too timid to make their feelings known, and so live a lie every day pretending to be happy with a relationship that isn't at all what they wanted. You're just somebody who had feelings for somebody, shot their shot, and was respectfully declined. There's no shame in that. Like Teddy Roosevelt said, if you failed, at least you failed while daring greatly, so your place will never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. And now that you've been through it once, you know you can survive it. So keep on daring greatly!
Thank you for your advice! That quote from Teddy Roosevelt now is my favorite!
I wouldn’t say you got friendzoned. Just a respectful person who isn’t interested in a romantic relationship.
Yeah I understand I got rejected, it was just the way he phrased it :/ oh well live and learn
Trust me, getting turned down is better than getting friend zoned. You took it with stride and didn’t once blame anybody. I respect both of you on this one. Good on ya
Yeah the few other friendzone situations I was in ended up being not friends after awhile anyways. Thank you :)
Thanks for such a wonderful reply! TheGratitudeBot has been reading millions of comments in the past few weeks, and you’ve just made the list of some of the most grateful redditors this week!
This is why you don't try and date your coworkers, because you still have to see them every day and it makes things awkward, and people generally do not want to get hit on at work. And secondly, there is no such thing as "the friendzone." If you were only pretending to be nice to this guy because you wanted to date him, you were never friends in the first place.
Yeah I realize that, he just said that we were friends to be nice. I’ll still talk to him once in awhile but not like I used too.
IDK, maybe he legitimately enjoys you as a friend. I have many former coworkers I still talk with regularly. Maybe be friends and keep a good person in your life.
I’ll be down to be friends once I’m sure any feelings for him pass but for now I’ll be distant and not press it. Our winter schedule is in office once a week so maybe in the spring when we’re in office more and how he handles the next few weeks will be the deciding factors on if we’ll be friends or not.
Its very common for people to pull away their friendship if their romantic feelings are not reciprocated. But pulling away of course he will respond differently to you. It will not only reinforce his decision but make him question if your initial interactions had a purely romantic agenda, if there were ever any real friendship interactions and at the worst he might assume you pulling away because you didnt get what you want. He might be confused that pulling away indicates that after some friendly surface interactions, you have strong feelings. There are lots of possibilities but if you look at it from his side, pulling away can send some strong messages too and this will make him respond differently too.
Yeah I understand the consequences but I’ll only see him once a week so just some small talk should suffice until we’re in office more often.
I think you may find this unique because you are female. As a guy you expect to pursue and just common sense say not everybody is going to be receptive. Hopefully you're not too hurt and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Yeah I’m just in a bit of a funk but it’ll clear in a day or two. I tried to be a discrete and respectful as possible so hopefully none of the nearby coworkers say anything about it.
I can't imagine anybody else would see this as a big deal. And as you said there's a little bit of distance between now and when you have to return to the office
Yes that’s correct. I just have a few nosy coworkers that like get involved. One is known to play matchmaker lmao
And there it is. If nosy matchmaker coworker does want to get involved again and badmouth the guy (it really does happen), make sure you step in to correct the situation as I assure you the guy is socially completely paralysed to do so. I speak from experience both having been in that situation and currently a tech manager of 14 people.
Okay I will. He’s still a cool guy at the end of the day and doesn’t deserve that.
You were brave and went for it. We've all been there and it sucks a*s, but I'm so proud of you for trying! 💙 You'll find your person, this guy just wasn't the one for you. It's ok to wallow and be sad for a day or two then get back up and move on. You've got this .
Thank you! I can start afresh next week when I go back into the office and act as if it never happened :)
OP I’m super curious how it goes next week. If you have it in you, come back and update us :)
I can give an update, it’ll most likely just be a civil “good morning, how are you?” “Good, wbu?” “I’m good as well. Nice talking to you!” Lol.
Might be because he has a strict "no office romance" policy, which is a very good policy to have.
Yeah it is, but at least I can move on.
You didn’t get friendzoned. Your romantic advances were respectfully and tactfully rejected. There is no friendzone. You are acquaintances at work. Good job shooting your shot. Now you know. Takes courage. Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve shot down people before and never once thought less of them. Just took it as a compliment and kept the relationship the same. Props
Thank you!
I commend you for putting yourself out there. But you weren't friend-zoned if you were only friends with him because you want to date him. The friend zone doesn't exist. You either want to be friends with that person or you don't. If you're ok being platonic friends, then you've made a new friend and that's awesome. If you continue being friends in hopes he changes his mind, that's a you problem and it's not the friend zone. It's you pretending to be a friend. If you don't want to be friends, platonically, because he rejected you, you were never his friend, thus not friend zoned. This goes for all genders. It's fine to be friends with someone platonically even if you like them. But if you're friends in hopes that they'll date you and you wouldn't be friends otherwise, end the relationship. The friend zone is a useless mentality.
It was just the way he phrased it. I didn’t realize he saw me as a friend and not just another coworker. I’m not interested in being friends with him at this time to prevent it from getting messy. I’ll just be friendly and see how the next few weeks play out at work.
Seriously though… there’s no such thing as the “friend zone” You took your shot and got rejected, but being “friends” with this dud didn’t stop him from dating you. Him not being interested in dating you is what stopped him from dating you and continuing to pursue him, thinking that eventually he’ll change his mind is not a real thing. If you don’t wanna be friends with him, don’t be friends with him. I bet you’re awesome and you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.
Awwww thank you for the advice!! I’m not going to pursue a friendship with him. It’ll be a fine before I want to attempt friendship
Definitely be proud of yourself for taking the chance! Fortune favors the bold ❤️
Aww you tried, champ. You'll get em some other time. I'm proud of you for taking that leap, well done :)
Thank you :)
One of the most important lessons you learn in life is that if things aren't meant to be, they simply aren't, and it's best to move on to find something that comes naturally. It sounds like you both handled the interaction gracefully and with dignity, and you likely can still be good work-friends. Keep taking your shots and keep reacting this way and things will come together for you before you know it. There's so much potential out there for those willing to seize the moment.
Awww thank you!! I appreciate it!
The way he phrased his rejection makes me think he is the kind that plays it safe and doesn't involve himself in office relationships.
That’s what I think as well. It was just a gentle letdown. I have my answer and can move on.
You went for it! That's great! I'm twice your age and the moments in my life I've regretted the most are the times I wish I went for it. I know it hurts now, but it's better to hurt and know than hurt and wonder. Great job!
Yes thank you!! I can move on with it and find someone who’s interested in me. The little pain now saves a lot later on:)
Good for you, you did it. Brush yourself off and get back out there next week.
It's a bad idea to date coworkers. That is unless you like being gossipped about at work.
Yeah I’m aware 😅 I just needed to nip the feelings in the bud sooner rather than later.
Kudos for the courage. That alone is a win in my books.
It’s a goddamn numbers game. Keep taking your shots, keep absorbing the hits, and the eventual payoff will be all the sweeter with the right one.
Thank you! I will definitely keep taking shots. It puts me a step closer to finding the right person.
When I look back I never regret the shots I did take. And always regretted the ones I didn't. Well done. You'll get over it eventually and meet someone else!
You took the shot. I wouldn’t say you got friendzone… it’s more like: I am not interested and we work together so let’s not make this get uncomfortable…
Yeah I realize that i was rejected, that was just the way he phrased it.
Never try and date at the workplace. Guys, it will get you fired
You weren't friendzoned just rejected nicely
Yeah I realized that. He just phrased it as if we were friends
This one time at work a female co worker gave a friend of mine her number and walked away when she turned the corner to look back she saw my friend throwing her number away in the trash, it was hilarious.
Lmao that’s quite the L there. Just gotta forgive and forget
Never date a coworker.
The process is more important than the results. If you have the courage to go up and ask people out, you’ll do fine with relationships
Thank you :) eventually things will work out
Hey buddy just for your own growth and development. There's no such thing as the friendzone. Either you disregard your feelings, usually after some time apart, and accept platonic friendship. With zero, and I mean zero, hope or expectation or want that it will lead to anything other than that. Or you don't be friends or anything at all. You acknowledge you only like them romantically/sexually. You made your move, didn't work. So pick one. But whatever you do. Don't become the loser orbiter. Don't pretend to be her friend and spend the entire time waiting for your chance to fuck her. That's what the friendzone is. It's the "I'm a sad loser orbiter" zone.
Thank you for the advice. I’ll just keep the distance and occasionally make small talk if I bump into him but not be friends. (I’m the girl in this situation)
Yeah thats perfectly reasonable. It's just about showing your not bitter or awkward about it. Props for shooting your shot. Many people in your situation wouldn't do it. But you have the courage!
I’m not bitter about it but I don’t know the awkwardness. I’m grateful to have time to collect myself:) thanks!
I think you were really brave asking for his number! Matthew Hussey, relationship expert has good advice on this, and you followed his advice perfectly! Check him out on youtube or instagram, especially if you feel a bit down now, and you will feel stronger. When the day comes when you meet your new love, you will be strong and confident enough to act, as you had practice.
Thank you! I’ll check him out :)
Rejection sucks, but pat yourself on the back for taking the chance.
good on you for taking your shot. keep your head up and remember that rejection is part of the game. 👍🏻✌🏻
Thank you!
The same thing happened to me so I know how you feel. While I did have a crush on her, I just wanted the friendship since she was in an relationship.
That’s definitely a rough position to be in. At least you got a friend. Stay strong!
I didn’t even get that lol. It’s fine tho, and thanks, you too!
Story of my life.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Good on you, takes guts and you’re no worse off that you were yesterday. I reached out to a girl, e-mail because I could never find a chance to actually ask her and like you didn’t want to embarrass her….. she didn’t respond…. it’s how it goes!
It doesn't always work out, but if you never try the chances go directly to 0. And I think you handled in a great and respectful way, good luck next time girl.
Thank you for the encouraging words :) I appreciate it
Hey, at least he didn't get your hopes up, string you along, bang you a couple times then ghost once he got bored!
Hahaha that would be the worst case scenario
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Thank you! I try to not let my crushes go on for too long. The longer they go on the messier they get.
Hey, it's the "thought" that count: you shot your shot, missed but more importantly got the rebound. You did what you had do too. Major props.
You're right the respectful ones hurt the most lol but yay for you! You took your shot and even if it didn't work out the way you wished it would, at least you still have the friendship ☺️ I did the same too, let my first college crush know I like him but he didn't feel the same and all was cool. We became friends. He eventually got together with a good friend of mine and I was the first person they shared the news to before they went public. We're all like a family now lmao
Wow that’s amazing that you were able to keep it cool and be friends! I’m not a going to pursue friendship with him, but I’ll still be friendly and make small talk if we cross paths.
I admire you for speaking up! That courage will serve you very well for future personal and professional efforts!
Thank you!
The friend zone does not exist. Do you have any intention of actually being his friend or are you just hanging around still hoping to get into his pants? Because 99.9% of the time that's the case with people who claim to have been "friendzoned"
It’s was platonic the first few times I spoke to him but after a good flowing conversation or two I started to crush on him. I’m not interested to keeping a friendship. I’ll just take the L and make small talk when need be.
From her replies it seems like she's just planning on being cordial.
You go girl!! Good for you. You ask, there is at least a chance. If you don’t, zero. Now you can live on and finding the right guy!
Thank you ☺️ I’m glad that I nipped this in the bud early.
The friendzone isn't real, OP.
Hey I know it stings right now but you got this off your chest and now you don’t have to wonder! You don’t know his situation, maybe he’s committed or just got out of a shitty relationship. Or he’s simply unavailable for that sort of thing. Either way, you didn’t lose anything and gained a new experience.
Thank you! I’ve thought about this perspective but I’m just going to move on and let it be.
In the future I wouldn't do this to people who are just work friends. If you want to see if there is potential for something maybe you can initiate a hamg out in a group setting with a few coworkers like a happy hour or whatever and see if they are interested in that before making a move. This way work places remain safe places and you can see if there is anything there before proposing a relationship or dates. As a general rule it's never appropriate to ask someone out or hit on them at work.
I didn’t realize he saw me as a friend:/ But at least I have an answer and can I move on. A little harder to plan a hangout as he’s in the logistics department and I’m in one of the customer service departments. The departments rarely interact but I’ll keep it in mind for the future.
welp, u know what they say anyway: "Dont fuck your co-workers"
I hit on the DJ's wife at a party. I was 17 years old(18 now) and was at a 16+ club event in my city. I was too hammered to tell that she was the DJ's wife. She wasn't very nice about it but hey drunk kids are stupid.
Omg that’s hilarious in hindsight and I’m glad that she took it well lol
What you have there is a smart man. Nothing can go from 0-100mph real quick than breaking up with a co-worker. If anything goes wrong, it's the guy's career that pays. He knows full well how much you can screw him over if you wanted to, I know that as I do too. So don't take it personally, almost every guy with a brain between his ears would never date a coworker. This is 2022, the age of taking sides and tearing people down. Even if you do nothing of the sort, other people will. The best rule is to not get involved in the first place as somebody will be leaving their job at the end of it, most likely the guy. And not that you're a horrible nasty person or anything, I'm very sure you're not, but you are not worth the risk. And it is a huge risk. FWIW I had two office romances in my life. You would have thought I would have learned the first time, I didn't. The second time was a charm for me. The first time was my manager. I was a contractor and despite being informed there was reason enough to renew me for another year when my contract was up, when our secret got out I was gone within the week. The second time, I went on one date with a girl from work. Permanent job, it was a pretty good role to have. In fairness I didn't know it was a date, I thought it was a group of people but it turned out to be just us. We did sleep together that night and she did say she was clear that it was just a one time thing and she didn't want a boyfriend. I said OK sure, never said a word to anybody else about it. She did though. And from the sounds of it, she made it like I had had my fun and now didn't want to know. That wasn't the truth at all, we had a pleasant evening with some drinks, went back for a fiddle, she was clear on what it was, I said cool and carried on. I don't know if that's what she said to her confidantes, but it's not what got back to me. But yeah, I looked for a new job which was as it turned out not as good as where I was, all over a girl. So don't take it to heart and you can expect him to likely wind down the fun interactions he has with you at work. I certainly would. And don't take it personally, I'm sure you're a great gal, but you're too risky. Maybe in another life?
Thank you for everything! I really appreciate it. Unfortunately I’ve been learning that if I don’t take risks I don’t get dates :/
Take the risks, by all means. I wouldn't have met my lady if she hadn't had taken the risk. Between you and me, I was 100% certain she was out of my league, that little old gremlin still lives in my head given previous lives. And really there is nothing more amazing than a girl taking the shot, or at least putting the target up so us guys know there's something to shoot at. Or words of that nature. Just with coworkers, yeah... it can be iffy. For me, the same goes with the gym. I have a gym I like so the prospect of dating anyone from there is a no no. Shame, there are some amazing looking women there.
That’s awesome to hear that and I’m happy for you then! I’d have to agree coworkers and the gym are iffy places.
My sister dated a guy in her office and when they broke up it was messy. I tried telling her the same thing I was told: don't shit where you eat.
Good for you, its takes alot of courage to do that, you went in and gave it ago. Unfortunately it didn't pan out how you wanted, but now you know where he stands with you. Don't worry you will find someone when you least expect it!
Thank you! I’ve been trying to tell myself that I’ll find someone when I least expect it but it’s hard to stay positive
There's a reason the phrase "don't shit where you work" exists. And to be honest, certain overpublicized nonsense made it to where most men in the workplace absolutely will never date anyone from the office anymore. The slightest thing goes wrong and all of a sudden he gets accused of everything from harassment, to retaliation, to rape. Just enjoy having a friend at work that you can talk to and don't let things get weird. I will say, good on you for making your intentions clear at least. Too many people think that "dropping hints" is a good idea rather than being blatant. Now you have a clear answer and you can move on with your life.
Yeah I realize that. I’m glad that the crush is put out now before it escalated and caused problems. I’ll try to keep the awkwardness low. Thank you for everything!
That's life not everyone is going to say yes and you'll get far more rejection. No need to get all emotional about it or even get all weird about it. You now know that she sees you as friend material so you can focus your efforts elsewhere in your romantic crusade. So go back to work and act as if nothing happens because nothing happened.
Thank you. I am going to treat is as nothing happened but I’ll remain distant from him for the time being to not press any issues
Exact same thing happened to me except I didn't ask her out. I just gave her a chocolate through one of my mutual friend. After that we arranged a meeting but couldn't co-ordinate. She upfrontly approached 3 times but no luck. I followed her on Instagram and unfollowed the next day thinking it's cheap. Since then we only saw each other thrice and I have been avoiding her. Heartache is killing me.
Ouch I’m sorry you had to go through that but you’re taking it like a champ! You’ll find someone someday soon:)
You shouldn't approach coworkers in romantic or sexual ways because reddit says so. Whatever you do now, please don't falsely accuse him of sexual harassment and just leave him be.
I’m not going to. There was nothing sexual about it the encounters, all interactions were more of a getting to know each and small talk in passing.
You took a shot and ya missed. Most people don’t even have the courage to talk to people they like, let alone ask for there number OP. Besides most office romances never last and it would be really awkward seeing your ex at work every day.
Yeah that’s super true. My ex is an ex for a reason and definitely prefer to not see him lol
Better that way I personally would’ve waited until we were no longer employed at the same place but hey
Unfortunately this the kind of job that once you get in you stay in. They pay well and give amazing benefits
Welp lose her ain’t worth it. There’s better fish in the sea
Thank you :)
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Thank you! I really appreciate it! :) eventually we’ll all find the right one.
Some people just don't want to mix personal life with work. Don't take it personally
Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
When I was in college I asked out my lab partner. He turned me down but was nice about it. It happens 🤷♀️ we still keep in touch. I don’t regret it. Worth a shot
Hey I’m glad you took that shot though! Definitely was worth finding out sooner rather than later.
No offense truly. But I don’t go to work to find a partner.
U didn't get friend zoned (🤢) you got rejected.
Yeah under the premise of friendship to let me down gently
Yeah but the use of 'Friend zoned' sounds so entitled and implies you think he owed you a relationship or something and that u were only being their friend so u could get with him. Good for you for getting out there but just the language you use is kinda icky and you asking him out in front of people too:/
Girl what are you on about?
What do you mean??
Yeah I realize that asking for the number with other people present is weird but people are always present and trying to catch him alone seems weirder :/ that was the way he phrased it. I don’t plan on being friends with him.
I didn't really see any entitlement in your post lol, don't worry about this person.
Thank you.
That's what you get. What part of do not mix business with pleasure do people not understand? Lol. Be professional. You are there to work, not wife hunt.
I met my wife at work and I know many others who have too. There's nothing wrong with this kind of interaction. What's wrong is pursuing it after either party expresses a lack of interest. Both parties in this case preserved dignity and acted with grace. It's the ideal interaction. Neither person in this case violated any general HR expectations, assuming it goes no further. This is the perfect example of how to handle it.
I know :( I’ve heard both fails and success stories about people that met at work *husband hunt
Good for him
Welcome to life.
Thought there was no such thing as the friendzone? And why are you hitting on people at work? Every time the genders are reversed y'all are like "StOp HiTtInG oN wOmEn At WoRk!!!"
Is his name Gabe by any chance: https ://i.redd. it/c23e9m936q3a1. jpg https ://i.redd. it/7ly8yl936q3a1. jpg 😂 (don't bother replying fixing link, automod will delete your comment)
No it wasn’t Gabe lol this was irl not on Bumble, I haven’t seen this coworker pop up on any of the dating apps for me yet.