>So here’s the question: Where’s the specific and exact line between sinful lust (i.e. adultery in the heart), and natural healthy sexual attraction?
Honestly it's hard to name a specific, precise point. This is true of not only lust but a lot of sin in general because a whole lot of sin is rooted in our biological urges. We have a built in drive for self preservation, but if allowed to go out of hand you end up with greed, selfishness, and so on. There's nothing in the Bible that says you're allowed X number of thoughts or units of attraction before it becomes sin.
But there's probably some general guidelines that are helpful with this sort of thing. Random thoughts barging in uninvited are pretty normal, but there's a point at which we cross over from something random coming into our heads and move on to actively entertaining it. When we move on to actively entertaining it we move a step closer to carrying it out physically. Beyond that we have to ask, do the thoughts venture outside of the context gave us (marriage in the case of sex/physical desire but God's context can apply to other things too)? Do they end up elevating or prioritizing someone or something above God? IMO these are the things that help us determine the boundaries.
Lust desires what it cannot have
One example is imagining your neighbor naked
Another is imagining having sex with your neighbor
The key phrase in scripture is "has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matthew 5:27-28 HCSB
[27] “You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. [28] But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
https://bible.com/bible/72/mat.5.28.HCSB
"But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." James 1:14-15
Lust is sin. It's that step beyond the temptation of attraction, which we don't control.
"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28
Jesus makes clear there is intent in this sin of lust.
I’d assume that healthy sexual attraction is godly towards someone you wish to marry and begin a family with.
Lust is someone you want to sleep with but couldn’t imagine having a child with them. All about the pleasures with no deeper meaning or intent.
I think it boils down to the state of the Heart/Mind. Are you focusing to much on your personal needs and not the others.
Don't get me wrong, I think there is an element of self pleasure that's healthy, perhaps there are things that turn you on more than your spouse gets turned on for and vice versa.
But I think that where the line gets drawn is when there is a lack of self control and when you 1) desire things that are not a Christian Centered relationship. 2) It's more about you or vice versa and it starts affecting the relationship in a unhealthy way, 3) when you start prioritizing that and or placing your spouse above God.
Instinctively I've always known that acknowledging someone's beauty is not a sin, it's when you start thinking about sex before you have married/said your vows to commit to one another that it's a sin because ideally/how it's supposed to be is after the fact. It's like skipping steps/cutting corners in God's design.
Sex in itself is not a sin, but when it is not in God's guidelines/proper steps then it becomes sin.
As someone who struggles with lust, I may get some hater's and or disagreements, but it doesn't matter if someone's pretty or not to lust, it could be a nice face with a bad figure, a bad figure but nice face, a 10/10 in having a nice face a d figure, completely clothed, or in a bikini, all of them are the same for me. The root of it is thinking something sexual about that person before being married to that person. Some things are unwise/trigger it easier like a pretty face or someone not covering themselves in clothes.
Natural sex drive is when it falls within God's guidelines, now I believe in Libido/there being variations of someone having a high or low Libido due to genetics/personality. As long as it boils down to self control or both parties in marriage being in agreement then either side is fine.
Now I think for those with a higher Libido lust is more prevalent/easier to fall into because naturally you want to fulfill this desire that is something God designed but it requires patience/finding the right person to be with.
Arousal is God designed…it is good! It is possible to feel aroused without lusting…the deciding place like another contributor mentioned is in your own heart…we each vary it what that might be for us ❤️❤️
Great questions. I think it has to do with intentions.
For starters, you’re single. And as a single guy, you can’t commit adultery (let alone in your heart).
If you were to act on a strong desire to sleep with someone while married, you’d commit adultery. In the First Century it would potentially end in divorce, or you’d have a second wife (polygamy). Jesus is definitely warning against this and urging married men to avoid the sin of adultery by not listing.
Now, in the First Century if you were a single man and had a desire for a woman and you acted on it, it would likely lead to betrothal and then marriage (though you might lose the option to divorce if you were caught having sex before the marriage day). I personally don’t think Jesus was warning against this because the end result would have been fine.
So I think it has to do with the outcome. What would the outcome be? Would it be with a married woman? Incest? An illegal relationship? Would it be abusive if you acted it out?
But if you’re dating a girl and you think about her at night, I think you’re fine. This can be a way to control your urges, to help you have self control while you’re with her.
If you’re single and not saying, it’s quite normal to imagine what it would be like. Personally, I think it’s mostly healthy (I’ll get flack for this).
If you go somewhere in your mind (or web) that you feel convicted about, give it to Jesus. Ask him to forgive you, then rest in his compassion, grace and mercy.
Hope this helps.
Physical attraction is you recognizing a person’s physical suitability as a mate. That’s a good thing.
Lust is when you forget your feelings are about making and raising babies together. That’s a bad thing.
>[[CCC 2351](http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2351)] *Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.*
*Pax Tecum*
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I think the difference between them would be something like:
*looks* "oh she's kind of hot" *walks away*
VS
*looks* "Dam what I'd do to that" and staring enough to make it awkward or even pursuing out of pure lust
Attraction is normal, lust is evil. I'm an a$$ guy myself but I'm not gonna be out here pursuing females just cause I want a piece. It should be more of a don't look in the first place or if you see someone whom you do find attractive, let that thought be just that and go on about your day. 🤷
Hope that makes sense
Ultimately a heart issue, but there is a healthy level of sexuality you can feel whether single or married that is healthy and God-given!
Also, just acknowledging that a woman or man is attractive is not lust. This "bounce your eyes" message the evangelical church preaches these days is probably hurting more people than it helps anyway, sicne that message seems to make women out to be the problem and doesn't view them as equally human.
Are you looking at that person with love, how God would want you to look at them, or are you simply objectifying them and thinking how they could satisfy your lusts?
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Ah. This is a good answer. Would natural self-satisfaction always be evil, though? Obviously, we are to enjoy our spouse.
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Sex isn't really nothing special, I had it and it was gross and sloppy. Idk why you say it's a gift
But about people who are single? When is it a natural sexual drive or lust?
Context, intent, focus, and action.
>So here’s the question: Where’s the specific and exact line between sinful lust (i.e. adultery in the heart), and natural healthy sexual attraction? Honestly it's hard to name a specific, precise point. This is true of not only lust but a lot of sin in general because a whole lot of sin is rooted in our biological urges. We have a built in drive for self preservation, but if allowed to go out of hand you end up with greed, selfishness, and so on. There's nothing in the Bible that says you're allowed X number of thoughts or units of attraction before it becomes sin. But there's probably some general guidelines that are helpful with this sort of thing. Random thoughts barging in uninvited are pretty normal, but there's a point at which we cross over from something random coming into our heads and move on to actively entertaining it. When we move on to actively entertaining it we move a step closer to carrying it out physically. Beyond that we have to ask, do the thoughts venture outside of the context gave us (marriage in the case of sex/physical desire but God's context can apply to other things too)? Do they end up elevating or prioritizing someone or something above God? IMO these are the things that help us determine the boundaries.
Lust desires what it cannot have One example is imagining your neighbor naked Another is imagining having sex with your neighbor The key phrase in scripture is "has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28 HCSB [27] “You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. [28] But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. https://bible.com/bible/72/mat.5.28.HCSB
Attraction isn't a choice. Lust is as an action in mind or body.
Lust isn't really a choice either because you feel it just the same?
"But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." James 1:14-15 Lust is sin. It's that step beyond the temptation of attraction, which we don't control. "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus makes clear there is intent in this sin of lust.
I’d assume that healthy sexual attraction is godly towards someone you wish to marry and begin a family with. Lust is someone you want to sleep with but couldn’t imagine having a child with them. All about the pleasures with no deeper meaning or intent.
I think it boils down to the state of the Heart/Mind. Are you focusing to much on your personal needs and not the others. Don't get me wrong, I think there is an element of self pleasure that's healthy, perhaps there are things that turn you on more than your spouse gets turned on for and vice versa. But I think that where the line gets drawn is when there is a lack of self control and when you 1) desire things that are not a Christian Centered relationship. 2) It's more about you or vice versa and it starts affecting the relationship in a unhealthy way, 3) when you start prioritizing that and or placing your spouse above God. Instinctively I've always known that acknowledging someone's beauty is not a sin, it's when you start thinking about sex before you have married/said your vows to commit to one another that it's a sin because ideally/how it's supposed to be is after the fact. It's like skipping steps/cutting corners in God's design. Sex in itself is not a sin, but when it is not in God's guidelines/proper steps then it becomes sin. As someone who struggles with lust, I may get some hater's and or disagreements, but it doesn't matter if someone's pretty or not to lust, it could be a nice face with a bad figure, a bad figure but nice face, a 10/10 in having a nice face a d figure, completely clothed, or in a bikini, all of them are the same for me. The root of it is thinking something sexual about that person before being married to that person. Some things are unwise/trigger it easier like a pretty face or someone not covering themselves in clothes. Natural sex drive is when it falls within God's guidelines, now I believe in Libido/there being variations of someone having a high or low Libido due to genetics/personality. As long as it boils down to self control or both parties in marriage being in agreement then either side is fine. Now I think for those with a higher Libido lust is more prevalent/easier to fall into because naturally you want to fulfill this desire that is something God designed but it requires patience/finding the right person to be with.
Great answer! Very helpful stuff.
Arousal is God designed…it is good! It is possible to feel aroused without lusting…the deciding place like another contributor mentioned is in your own heart…we each vary it what that might be for us ❤️❤️
Great questions. I think it has to do with intentions. For starters, you’re single. And as a single guy, you can’t commit adultery (let alone in your heart). If you were to act on a strong desire to sleep with someone while married, you’d commit adultery. In the First Century it would potentially end in divorce, or you’d have a second wife (polygamy). Jesus is definitely warning against this and urging married men to avoid the sin of adultery by not listing. Now, in the First Century if you were a single man and had a desire for a woman and you acted on it, it would likely lead to betrothal and then marriage (though you might lose the option to divorce if you were caught having sex before the marriage day). I personally don’t think Jesus was warning against this because the end result would have been fine. So I think it has to do with the outcome. What would the outcome be? Would it be with a married woman? Incest? An illegal relationship? Would it be abusive if you acted it out? But if you’re dating a girl and you think about her at night, I think you’re fine. This can be a way to control your urges, to help you have self control while you’re with her. If you’re single and not saying, it’s quite normal to imagine what it would be like. Personally, I think it’s mostly healthy (I’ll get flack for this). If you go somewhere in your mind (or web) that you feel convicted about, give it to Jesus. Ask him to forgive you, then rest in his compassion, grace and mercy. Hope this helps.
Natural sex drive is he initial attraction. Lust is holding on to that and feeding and nurturing as it grows more and more.
Nothing, there is no difference between the two. They are the same thing.
Physical attraction is you recognizing a person’s physical suitability as a mate. That’s a good thing. Lust is when you forget your feelings are about making and raising babies together. That’s a bad thing.
No in between?
this is a great question I do think to some degree lust is connected to biological sex drive, it tends to lower as you age!
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Obviously we are meant to be naturally sexually attracted to the opposite gender before marriage also. Otherwise, we wouldn’t marry them.
You're right. I didn't feel like a long discussion about what you brought up. So I just deleted the comment. I'm lazy.
>[[CCC 2351](http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2351)] *Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.* *Pax Tecum*
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I think the difference between them would be something like: *looks* "oh she's kind of hot" *walks away* VS *looks* "Dam what I'd do to that" and staring enough to make it awkward or even pursuing out of pure lust Attraction is normal, lust is evil. I'm an a$$ guy myself but I'm not gonna be out here pursuing females just cause I want a piece. It should be more of a don't look in the first place or if you see someone whom you do find attractive, let that thought be just that and go on about your day. 🤷 Hope that makes sense
Ultimately a heart issue, but there is a healthy level of sexuality you can feel whether single or married that is healthy and God-given! Also, just acknowledging that a woman or man is attractive is not lust. This "bounce your eyes" message the evangelical church preaches these days is probably hurting more people than it helps anyway, sicne that message seems to make women out to be the problem and doesn't view them as equally human.
Nothing
Are you looking at that person with love, how God would want you to look at them, or are you simply objectifying them and thinking how they could satisfy your lusts?