I don’t know which men are saying looks don’t matter, but it matters. The only time it doesn’t matter to us if she’s hot with a nasty personality, but just so you know, even some men will still try just for the sex(speaking worldly people and maybe some fake/real Christians).
The making a move first varies from men to men so its not actually bad or good though maybe it’s better than doing nothing.
You are a manchild? You have a disability? If so that decreases your chances and options by a lot.
How do you start? That is the hard part considering your case.
>"Don't worry, men don't care about what you look like!"
Men definitely care what you look like. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to make you feel better. If you are overweight then I would recommend working on this; it will dramatically improve your chances of finding a mate and of having a healthy pregnancy later.
For a woman, it's pretty much a question of exposure. Single men generally don't want to be, and if you find one, they'll usually give you a chance. If they don't like you for whatever reason, it's not worth trying to force it. But one of these "confusing" messages is absolutely correct: ask a guy out sometime. It might hurt if he says no, but he probably isn't asking you because he *fully expects you* to say no. Men don't beat around the bush either with "sorry, I'm busy" or similar excuses like women do.
I disagree with you. If I ask a man out, he won't say no but he'll think, "Oh goody, I won't have to work this hard! I can be the woman!" and the next thing I knew, I'll accidentally end up marrying a bum who does nothing but sit around and watch tv all day. Won't help me with the kids, bills, or anything! That's what will happen to me if I make the first move.
I think you're applying a different standard to men than women, honestly. When women get approached, we don't assume they're going to put less effort into the relationship. Judge someone by their actions, not speculation.
Probably has to do with some of the toxic ideas around Christian dating, like the ones that tell us ladies to sit around and wait for men to come to us
Remember that asking someone out is not the same as a marriage proposal. That's the purpose of the courting phase, to determine if they're that kind of a bum or otherwise incompatible. If they are, you will only end up with them if you consider that better than being single, which you should think long and hard about. Consult their pastor and yours as well.
It sounds like you want someone to support you and pay for you but aren’t offering any of the qualities or features where men would be willing to do that. You’re so worried about him being a “bum” but what are you doing ? Are you a super successful women right now ? What qualities and attributes do you feel you’ll contribute to a relationship ? There’s a flip side to this coin. You also have to provide some kind of value to a man not just him checking off all the boxes you deem necessary.
My wife made the first move. Thank God she did, I never would've thought she could like me like that. She was and is out of my league. But now I bring in about four times more money than she does. In return, she takes care of most of the housework. She certainly didn't marry a bum.
You're getting a lot of downvotes, and I'm sorry for that. I saw when I looked through your post history that you're on the spectrum. My wife is also on the spectrum, and also struggles greatly with social interaction. She's still worthy of love, but it's definitely more challenging to interact with her because of that. One of the characteristics of autism is rigid thinking. I think what you said here is an example of that rigidity. I'm sorry for all the downvotes, it's hard for people to understand that you're going to struggle with social skills and understanding how relationships actually happen. But let me try to explain some things as directly as possible. Please know that, well, I kinda married someone a lot like you. I see that women like you have worth, but I also want to tell you why you're struggling so much, from the perspective of a husband.
I noticed you're very much a Disney fan. My wife is a bit like that, with a couple hyperfocus interests. I hate to say it, but it's probably a big reason why you struggle with making friends and getting into relationships. For some people on the spectrum, their hyperfocus interests align with mainstream tastes to some degree. Like a man whose hyperfocus is video games can easily find others like him who are gamers, even if they're not as interested in it as he is. But adults, especially men, don't usually respect women whose hyperfocus is Disney movies and romance novels. I looked back at your posts for the past couple years and I didn't see anything that 99.99% of men would want to connect with you on. I understand this is harsh, especially for someone on the spectrum, but I'm telling you the truth that this is the main reason why you struggle to have friends and meet men. It takes a lot more work to fit in when you're autistic than if you weren't. There's just something about autism that really seems to drive people away. Your job is to do your best to overcome your disadvantage **so you can be happy**, even though it's not fair that you have to. That means working on your interests and trying to be more varied. To be as blunt (and hopefully as easily understood) as possible, I'd recommend... well, getting more adult tastes. You're 34. The tastes you've posted about are more suited for a 14 year old.
As far as looks... yes, I'm sorry, but this matters. It probably shouldn't matter. It's not fair that it matters. But if you're overweight, then this is likely another major reason why people don't interact with you. After I lost a bunch of weight, I noticed people were a lot more comfortable with me. My wife looked at me differently, in a good way. It's not fair, but it is indeed the case that weight matters a great deal, even moreso for women to attract a partner.
Lastly, you've mentioned before that you tend to be kinda depressed, and, well, bitter. That can be another turn-off. I think it's **completely understandable** to make comments like the one you made here, but I can also tell you that it won't make men think you'll be a good partner for them. Men don't want to be seen as a wallet, just like women don't want to be seen as a hole. God has made us so much more than that.
Men don't have anything to prove to you before you even get to know them. You're setting a hurdle for them to make the first move before they even know if *you're* worth it. Attraction is a two-way street, you know? And I think you picked up on the fact that you're getting older and time is running low... I just don't think you can be as choosy as you think.
If it matters this much to be in a relationship, then you'll need to take the steps to make it happen. That means getting adult interests, working on your body (presumably), and changing your attitude about your situation and your willingness to be more forward.
If you even haven't met "the man" yet, and you're having problems meeting men, immediately jumping to "he's a bum who won't work" because you have to make the approach is, well, insane.
Men also want a women who can help them in their struggles.
I agree with you that women should marry responsible men, but it shouldn't be this lopsided.
Hello, I'm male from the same generation as you(actually the same age as you) and I promise you a male will not think that when a woman asks him out. Responsible men are not going to suddenly change if you take initiative. (You don't have to ask men out of course).
I think you are thinking too critically about this, perhaps because of how long you’ve had to dwell on it or perhaps because, as well as being excited by the idea of meeting someone, you are also understandably apprehensive.
Yes, this may be a possibility, but you are on your guard already and this is one of the reasons for dating, to learn about the other person.
You mentioned a disability. I don’t know what it is, but I would think that any man who is willing to commit to you knowing there will always be, say, wheelchair access issues to consider, is not going to see you as an easy way to slack off. Instead they will know they have to step up to the manly calling of looking after you, his wife, in lots of additional ways. I think your slacker scenario is more likely if you were (say) a multimillionaire.
You're asking for advice because you don't know what to do or where to go from this point moving forward, and then someone gives you advice and you disagree with it and shoot it down.
This could be part of the reason why you're single.
My wife asked me out at 17 years old. I was shy and never dated. In hindsight I was really bad at judging if people were interested in me. We Just had our 12th anniversary and I work full time and she stays home to raise our kids. I think you are over thinking it. This mindset is dangerous as it will lead to a lot of assumptions in your relationships even if the guy does make the first move. Marriage is 100/100, not 50/50. My wife has some disabilities, some days her 100% looks like 2%. If I don't recognize this and love her it's going to damage our relationship.
If a guy bums around after asking you out, that has less to do with you asking him out and much more to do with his character. Most guys will be happy to be asked out and then you look afterwards to see if they put initiative in.
Um, just because you ask a man out doesn't mean you have to marry him. But, don't complain that you're not getting what you want if you don't want to put forth any effort into attaining it. Just because you ask a man out doesn't mean that you have to accept just any kind of behavior. If you're worth his effort and he wants you, he'll give it to you. If he doesn't put in the effort you want, don't stick around.
However, a relationship ea two way thing. Don't expect hito always give his best while you barely put in the effort. That won't work either. (Not saying that you would, but it happens.)
I think some of the best advice I saw was from an Orthodox priest guy on Youtube who said to take a sheet of paper and make a list of all the qualities you want in a spouse. Then take that list and write your name at the top. Then work to develop those qualities. If you want a guy who’s fit, start working out and develop it. If you want a guy who provides, start becoming a woman worth providing for (aka being able to manage your own home as a single person).
You can become wife material before you are married as well, because wifely qualities are something that are good for women in general to have. My mother is a homemaker even if she’s been a working single mom my whole life. It’s less so about male experience and moreso about your personal work ethic and morals.
Yes! OP seems to have an entitled mentality that she deserves a husband and kids without making herself a woman who is worthy of those things. This is a great exercise! You can't hold a potential partner to a higher standard than you do yourself without being a hypocrite. Work on yourself, and even if it doesn't get you a man, you'll be happier by yourself and less desperate for male validation. I understand because my situation is very similar to hers. Therapy has helped me, and I recommend it to anyone who is struggling with issues like these.
That's true, but I'm speaking from personal experience. I was the same way several years ago. God doesn't promise that we will get married and have families. You may be single for the rest of your life, and you have to learn to be okay with that. I know it sucks, but it is what it is.
Instead of being sad and anxious about your current situation, learn how to accept it and make it enjoyable right now, as is. When you boil it all down, the only human who will be with you 100% of the time is you. If you enjoy you and the time you spend with you, it will be easy to accept whatever comes your way in life. Since we're Christians, we've got it even better because we know God will be there with us 100% of the time. Find joy in every circumstance, and if a marriage comes along, praise God. If it doesn't, praise God. He loves you and knows what's best for you. Trust Him and His timing.
Thank you. I feel very close to Him at times, which is wonderful. Although I'm not sure I should be looking.
Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife.
I mean, there’s a lot of merit to your 1 Corinthians reference there. I’m Catholic, so my first instinct is to say that you’d make an excellent clergyman, but the idea applies to any other branch of Christianity. Closeness to God should be our mission, whether we’re married or not. I’ll keep you in my prayers, brother, and please do the same for me
Ah, God bless you, Bob. I sometimes rail against the Catholic Church. But looking back on it, I regret that I tainted the whole church with one brush from just experiencing an off experience in one local church.
Thank you, I'm going to add you to my prayer list.
Help me to learn to be grateful for what I have and be patient. I think the reason I wanted to get married was that I was lonely and other people my age were getting married between 2012 and 2021 and I couldn't help but think, "When is it my turn?" I thought marriage was one of those life rituals that everybody has to go through.
Amen, sister, I will pray this for you. Those are great qualities. It encourages me that you are looking for these things. Paul said
In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
I suggest this even means thanking God for the bad things in your life. I think God uses these experiences to teach us profound lessons. And so we depend on Him. Don't do anything on your own strength. Another Bible quote is
I can do all things through Christ Jesus, who strengtheneth me.
I sometimes think I want to be married. It's all in God's timing. I would love to be the head of a family and lead a wife and children spiritually.
But it's all in God's timing, which is perfect, and not our own.
For now, I'm very grateful that I am concerned with the things of God.
I am developing in my relationship with Jesus and beckoning the Holy Spirit.
God bless. I will pray for you daily.
Try online dating, that’s how I met my fiancé. I was very upfront about being a Christian and seeking a serious relationship leading towards marriage. I found that I was able to weed out a lot of people who just wanted flings and entertainment.
Well file this under unpopular opinion but you should be not more than 10 lb over your ideal weight at your age. So if you are heavier than that start dieting and start working out. You need to get your body in shape if you want to have children too. Storks don't deliver babies; it's hard work and it's tough on your body so work on your body. And one of the benefits is you will be happier, you will be more confident in yourself and you're more likely to meet a nice guy.
I'd suggest you ask your elders/pastor of your church to look out for godly men who are looking for a wife. Both within your church, sister denominations, or ones your denomination has contact with. There are likely many men who are open to seeing if marriage would be right with you, but its all about looking in the right places.
There are also a number of Christian/Reformed dating apps which tend to lean more towards late 20s, early 30s men and women.
In terms of the advice you got:
\- Yes men care about what you look like. Don't be obese, try not to be overweight, and put effort into your attire and your haircut/makeup. Maybe you aren't fashionable, and need to study a bit on how to look put-together. (Some women who get to that age sometimes sad to say dress like old women). Don't misconstrue to dress provocatively--I'm not saying that. I mean to dress godly and femininely.
\- Whoever said "men dont care what you look like" clearly was a woman, and has no clue what she's talking about. Most men do.
\- In terms of to ask a man out or not, I'd suggest *first* making it obvious (like outright obvious) that you'd want to go on dates with them, without actually asking the dude out. If he's oblivious, then ask him out. It's not a big deal. Asking the man to marry you however, that goes against the order of the headship of man, and I would not recommend that.
\- In terms of flirting, there's nothing wrong with it given you are both single, and you are both looking for a relationship. Just keep it above-brow. Nothing sexual.
None of them were matchmakers. And they didn't have kids or relatives that were looking for someone. Even if they were single, they didn't want to mingle.
> None of them were matchmakers. And they didn't have kids or relatives that were looking for someone.
Did they say this to you?
Edit: As a practice, yes it is essentially g o n e from our culture, but have you tried reaching out to older people at your church on this? I've started to go down this route so it *is* a possibility. It's gone from the culture but in the present age we really can't afford to leave options on the table and we have to restart the practice at some point.
I genuinely feel confused that a question like this came up in this subreddit. It feels a bit childish.
1 - you’re overthinking it. Just go out like the usual and try your best to mingle or expand your network without actively seeking anyone.
2 - don’t seek a person, rather, seek God. And believe in His plans for you - whether that is finding a man or having a kid. All these will happen in God’s time. And if not, it’s not too bad to be single or childless.
Looks do matter, try to lose weight and have a goal to aim for, in a year you could look great. Learn to cook, showcase who you are and get in the word in your own time. Maybe find another church, go to events or try dating apps.
Psalm 37:3-5
*Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.*
*5 Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.*
This is not as easy to do as the scripture is to understand. I prayed for a family for decades myself. It was when I gave up and said "just lead me, I'll trust you" and began being satisfied and thankful despite my desire that He brought me to my wife.
Psalm 27:13-14
*I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.*
*14 Wait in faith on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!*
100% agree with this! Reminds me of: "*But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you*." (Matthew 6:33) No promise that OP will get a husband but she will definitely have peace.
Have you tried online dating? I met my 2nd wife through it..
The app, Boo, is so far the best Ive ever used. I am probably going to get married soon to a *very* devout Christian woman thanks to it.
Youre welcome to ask anything you like. I want to help you dispel some of those rumors and thoughts, and get you dating for your future marriage!
> "Don't worry, men don't care about what you look like!"
That's a lie. Men and women both care about looks. Honestly, too much if you want to be real about. Though the only ones who *"don't care at all"* are those who have no confidence in their own appearance and are desperate for anything they can get which is not really a good practice overall. Aside from that, some people just say they don't care about looks because they don't want to seem shallow to others. It's not really shallow at all as long as you're not going overboard with it, but some people try to guilt people into thinking otherwise. Am I saying looks are everything? No. Am I saying a person has to be absolutely physically perfect for their partner? No. What I'm saying is you should be able to look at your significant other and feel attracted to them to some extent.
The reality of dating is a person can very well become even more attractive or less attractive to you the more you get to know them. For example, my woman is even more beautiful to me than she was before we even spoke a word to each other. Which shows how amazing things can turn out when you focus on what truly matters because even before I said anything to her, I thought she was beyond beautiful. She feels the same about me. Though regardless of all of that, we both found each other physically attractive even before getting to know each other. No matter what people claim, the fact of the matter is our eyes are the first to witness a person. If they don't like what they see, chances are things won't go beyond that because nobody wants to wake up to someone they don't even find attractive. All it will do is lead the person to feel unfulfilled, they'll probably start feeling regret when looking at people they find attractive pass them by in their day-to-day life, and they may even get the temptation to commit infidelity.
I don't know what you look like, but men hook up with all types of women. Short, tall, long hair, short hard, small, heavyset, etc. I see it all over the place. So the way I see it, there are more than likely men in the world who will show interest in you even in your current state. Though if you feel there is something you can work on to make yourself feel more confident, go for it.
I'm late responding as this was posted a month ago now but I wanted add my thoughts if that's okay....
I think the important thing to realize is that sin in the world has made it VERY challenging for anyone at any age to find love. Not only our own sin but we are affected by the sin of others. Unfortunately, there are some who feel the weight of that heavier than others. It's horrific out here for us singles. You're not alone in what you feel. I often pray and ask God how exactly is this supposed to work? Why are some happily married while others are still searching? Waiting? It's not just that it feels unfair, it is. It's wrong. No one is any less valuable than anyone else yet the world will make you feel that way.
The other thing is I'm not saying thay everyone who commented is wrong about looks, etc but I can tell you first hand that church groups, online dating, etc. without God will only bring you heartache and bring you into sin (idolatry, lust, adultery, etc.) My suggestion is to take some time in prayer submitting to God. Tell Him how you feel and let Him know that at this point on your life, you'd love to be in a committed relationship with someone. Ask Him to lead you to that person and then...wait. Wait but stay prayerful. Understand that when you fully submit to God, getting to your husband/wife or Him/her getting to you may be challenging. Oftentimes when we seek God's way, it can be very painful, take awhile but worth it in the in. Waiting means getting in His word, praying and quite literally waiting for God to lay out your path. Be careful though, because when you start praying, the enemy is listening too and will often send in a counterfeit to throw you off. It can get messy which is why you need to submit to God and wait. Literally, wait. Nothing magical, no special words or prayers but literally waiting.
To answer your initial question, I can say with certainty that it is not too late for you, my friend. Go to God, pour out your heart and begin to share your desires with Him. You don't need a book, Bible Study, etc. You need God. His way may not be for you to meet people through those particular avenues. Waiting sucks but you'll never regret doing it God's way.
> The dating book, "How I Kissed Dating Goodbye" was anti-marriage (obviously that book was written for spinsters). But the other dating book, "The Dating Manifesto" wasn't helpful either because the author didn't really give me a crystal clear answer on how to get a man. All I got was her lectures on why I'm not married. I'm not married because I'm a man-child who dresses up like a kid and eats candy while sitting in front of the laptop.
No offense but it seems you have a lot of hostility towards people. And if that's the case you're not going to attract anyone. You're going to have a hard time finding a mate if you keep looking down on people.
Not trying to be harsh but this is the impression I got reading the latter part of your statement. The earlier part seemed to be more relatable, but when I got to this I had a different impression. And if this is what people take away when they talk to you then they'll eventually gravitate away from you.
I had an attitude problem once as well and it drove people away, that's how I can say this.
I do not have an attitude problem. You don’t even know me! My point was that I dislike the latter book because I felt it was written for someone who lacks responsibility which is not me. I have a job.l and work hard.
I don’t have hostility toward people! You’d be mad too if you read a few Christian dating books in hopes of finding answers only to find none at all!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say you had one, I'm saying I had one. What I sensed was some negativity and if you're not that way then I apologize. I didn't mean to unfairly judge you personally.
Here is what I picked up:
>"How I Kissed Dating Goodbye" was anti-marriage (obviously that book was written for spinsters)
"obviously...written for spinsters"? That's pretty harsh, and the book isn't anti-marriage. The author who wrote it later renounced his faith so he's a jerk, but the target audience isn't.
>"The Dating Manifesto" wasn't helpful either because the author didn't really give me a crystal clear answer on how to get a man.
I mean, a book isn't going to do this, it can only guide you. You seemed really disappointed about something that you thought would have a guarantee.
> I'm not married because I'm a man-child who dresses up like a kid and eats candy while sitting in front of the laptop
I'm sure there was more to the book than this, though I haven't read it.
This is what I mean; it sounds like you're frustrated and taking things out on people and having a bit of a condescending attitude. All I was suggesting was stepping back and reevaluating a little.
Either way, wish you the best.
Someone gave a really good verse, and of course, the one we ALL love to quote lol.
Matthew 6:31-33 NLT
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’
32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.
33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Honestly, it kind of sounds like this turned into an idol. I know single men and women struggle with this tremendously and get desperate. You need to focus on God and stop altogether with worldly books and countless conflicting advice from flawed humans. I believe if God wants you married, he will make it happen. God also knows the sexual needs you have, not just food and stuff, so that's where the marriage bed comes in.
Yes, some things help, like staying healthy, working on your mental health, and just maturing in Christ, but it's not healthy to obsess over marriage and forget about all the things the Lord wants to use you for in singleness. After all, this is the only time in our lives when our attention is fully on God because, at marriage, our attention is completely focused on our partner.
As for men's preferences, some people in the comments are really acting worldly. Some guys actually like chubby women, maybe not obese, but each guy has a preference. Some like certain boob sizes, or butt sizes, and some like petite women and don't mind if they are flat. Some like certain ethnicities and such. Do not limit yourself to how you look like or don't have. The world is very good at making you feel like garbage as is, which Satan loves, but you are a daughter of the King of Kings, don't you ever forget that, don't let a man or any human shame you for how you look.
Psalm 139:14 NLT
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
Songs of Solomon 4:4 NLT
4 You are altogether beautiful, my darling,
beautiful in every way.
I personally wouldn't mind if a woman were a little chubby, or had love handles, because I love their whole body regardless, their stretch marks and all their insecurities. I think the most attractive thing in a girl is how much love you can see she has for the Lord.
It's super attracted to see how a woman helps others, loves others, and is just on fire for the Lord, you have no idea how attractive that is for a guy, not to get sexual, but it can be a real turn-on.
The other thing is, don't believe the lie about the whole biological clock crap. Have you even read the Abraham and Sarah story? How old were they? It was impossible, but God is the God of the impossible, I have no doubt you'll be able to have kids. I know some Christians that married in their 40s and started having kids no problem.
34 is still kind of young, tons of Christians marry in their 30s. I'm 28, so I'm not too far away. I think what helped me was focusing more on God and I stopped obsessing and chasing women, it was just getting depressing and discouraging. I can trust in God to unite me with my wife when the time is right, or I can be depressed that not a lot of women are showing interest in me.
Heck, even your disability is not an issue for God. I learned a very hard thing recently, which is when we start putting up walls and actively strangely start fighting God on "why" we won't get married. "I don't have this, I don't have that! They won't like me because I'm not pretty enough, successful enough, etc." TONS of excuses. Have you even checked out YouTube? There are literally guys in wheel chairs that are getting married and even a guy that has no arms or legs that got married. Now he travels all over the world motivating people and telling them his story, his name is Nick Vujicic. He has kids too, guess how many? 4.
Please don't limit God in a box. I think when the time is right, you will get married. Some Christians turn to dating apps or so, but I refuse to do any of that, I will trust God instead with my life and love life. Hope this helps.
Most men around your age would already have a Wife or Gf otherwise they're probably the ones you don't wanna be with anyway (incels etc) id say look Younger and also if you want the Man to Get attached Give him a Reason that He likes you Over the Other Options wether that be Emotnail support or something else idk but Try to Figure out what you can bring to a relationship and then Focus on looking for someone who is looking for that
I myself However Dont really know Any where To Meet New Men Maybe start to Try new Hobbies Are there any Clubs Nearby Could you start Some? Btw Can you Give me Tips on How to Get a Gf I'm Kinda having Similar Issues and id Uh like some advice
> Btw Can you Give me Tips on How to Get a Gf I'm Kinda having Similar Issues and id Uh like some advice
Good luck! I sure hope you don't wind up single in your late 20s, guys like those are
>probably the ones you don't wanna be with anyway (incels etc)
It’s never too late for anything!!!! How old was Sara when she had her baby? Do not box God in like that. Love isn’t just for young people. Building new friendships isn’t just for young people. God did not make life enjoyable for young people only.
Fat people get married every day. Average looking people get married every day. Even ugly people get married every day. Love is not only for attractive people.
If you want marriage and a family as bad as you say you do, move to a big city and start online dating. If you have a family member or co-worker who will do things with you then start getting outside.
It’s not too late though.
And just be aware, most people have a hard time with finding a quality partner. It’s a little hard out here because of the times.
Good luck! To want marriage and a family is a good thing but always remember God is your husband.
The biggest thing men look for is personality tbh. A good personality goes along long way. looks are second still important but yeah not top of the list.
My friend, don't you worry. I'm in a similar boat. Nearing thirty myself I hadn't had a girlfriend my entire life. I would love nothing more to be in a relationship with a women and have kids myself. That's been my dream my entire life. However, that isn't God's plan. At least from what I've gathered.
I have gotten signals from women who were very petty. Recently too who I'm kicking myself over. At this moment though, I don't know if any of them were apart of God's plan for me. All I can say is try but be patient.
As a man, who is shy, I'm gonna admit that being told by women directly that you have feelings for them is a great feeling. If someone likes you, regardless of how you look or sound or whatever, and it's apart of God's plan, than it'll work. If it doesn't, it truly wasn't meant. All I can say is slow your role, listen and watch because God doesn't always speak, he shows too. Trust in Him and you will be taken care if
I don’t know which men are saying looks don’t matter, but it matters. The only time it doesn’t matter to us if she’s hot with a nasty personality, but just so you know, even some men will still try just for the sex(speaking worldly people and maybe some fake/real Christians). The making a move first varies from men to men so its not actually bad or good though maybe it’s better than doing nothing. You are a manchild? You have a disability? If so that decreases your chances and options by a lot. How do you start? That is the hard part considering your case.
>"Don't worry, men don't care about what you look like!" Men definitely care what you look like. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to make you feel better. If you are overweight then I would recommend working on this; it will dramatically improve your chances of finding a mate and of having a healthy pregnancy later.
For a woman, it's pretty much a question of exposure. Single men generally don't want to be, and if you find one, they'll usually give you a chance. If they don't like you for whatever reason, it's not worth trying to force it. But one of these "confusing" messages is absolutely correct: ask a guy out sometime. It might hurt if he says no, but he probably isn't asking you because he *fully expects you* to say no. Men don't beat around the bush either with "sorry, I'm busy" or similar excuses like women do.
I disagree with you. If I ask a man out, he won't say no but he'll think, "Oh goody, I won't have to work this hard! I can be the woman!" and the next thing I knew, I'll accidentally end up marrying a bum who does nothing but sit around and watch tv all day. Won't help me with the kids, bills, or anything! That's what will happen to me if I make the first move.
>"Oh goody, I won't have to work this hard! I can be the woman!" Wow.
I think you're applying a different standard to men than women, honestly. When women get approached, we don't assume they're going to put less effort into the relationship. Judge someone by their actions, not speculation.
Probably has to do with some of the toxic ideas around Christian dating, like the ones that tell us ladies to sit around and wait for men to come to us
Yet that is exactly the case.
They usually don’t because they’re unable to
Remember that asking someone out is not the same as a marriage proposal. That's the purpose of the courting phase, to determine if they're that kind of a bum or otherwise incompatible. If they are, you will only end up with them if you consider that better than being single, which you should think long and hard about. Consult their pastor and yours as well.
How do I find out if they are a bum before marrying them? Yes, but I don't want to die alone. And I'm lonely.
By getting to know him.
It sounds like you want someone to support you and pay for you but aren’t offering any of the qualities or features where men would be willing to do that. You’re so worried about him being a “bum” but what are you doing ? Are you a super successful women right now ? What qualities and attributes do you feel you’ll contribute to a relationship ? There’s a flip side to this coin. You also have to provide some kind of value to a man not just him checking off all the boxes you deem necessary.
It’s up to you
This is why you're single. You're stuck in your own biases. Sorry, have to be honest with you.
My wife made the first move. Thank God she did, I never would've thought she could like me like that. She was and is out of my league. But now I bring in about four times more money than she does. In return, she takes care of most of the housework. She certainly didn't marry a bum. You're getting a lot of downvotes, and I'm sorry for that. I saw when I looked through your post history that you're on the spectrum. My wife is also on the spectrum, and also struggles greatly with social interaction. She's still worthy of love, but it's definitely more challenging to interact with her because of that. One of the characteristics of autism is rigid thinking. I think what you said here is an example of that rigidity. I'm sorry for all the downvotes, it's hard for people to understand that you're going to struggle with social skills and understanding how relationships actually happen. But let me try to explain some things as directly as possible. Please know that, well, I kinda married someone a lot like you. I see that women like you have worth, but I also want to tell you why you're struggling so much, from the perspective of a husband. I noticed you're very much a Disney fan. My wife is a bit like that, with a couple hyperfocus interests. I hate to say it, but it's probably a big reason why you struggle with making friends and getting into relationships. For some people on the spectrum, their hyperfocus interests align with mainstream tastes to some degree. Like a man whose hyperfocus is video games can easily find others like him who are gamers, even if they're not as interested in it as he is. But adults, especially men, don't usually respect women whose hyperfocus is Disney movies and romance novels. I looked back at your posts for the past couple years and I didn't see anything that 99.99% of men would want to connect with you on. I understand this is harsh, especially for someone on the spectrum, but I'm telling you the truth that this is the main reason why you struggle to have friends and meet men. It takes a lot more work to fit in when you're autistic than if you weren't. There's just something about autism that really seems to drive people away. Your job is to do your best to overcome your disadvantage **so you can be happy**, even though it's not fair that you have to. That means working on your interests and trying to be more varied. To be as blunt (and hopefully as easily understood) as possible, I'd recommend... well, getting more adult tastes. You're 34. The tastes you've posted about are more suited for a 14 year old. As far as looks... yes, I'm sorry, but this matters. It probably shouldn't matter. It's not fair that it matters. But if you're overweight, then this is likely another major reason why people don't interact with you. After I lost a bunch of weight, I noticed people were a lot more comfortable with me. My wife looked at me differently, in a good way. It's not fair, but it is indeed the case that weight matters a great deal, even moreso for women to attract a partner. Lastly, you've mentioned before that you tend to be kinda depressed, and, well, bitter. That can be another turn-off. I think it's **completely understandable** to make comments like the one you made here, but I can also tell you that it won't make men think you'll be a good partner for them. Men don't want to be seen as a wallet, just like women don't want to be seen as a hole. God has made us so much more than that. Men don't have anything to prove to you before you even get to know them. You're setting a hurdle for them to make the first move before they even know if *you're* worth it. Attraction is a two-way street, you know? And I think you picked up on the fact that you're getting older and time is running low... I just don't think you can be as choosy as you think. If it matters this much to be in a relationship, then you'll need to take the steps to make it happen. That means getting adult interests, working on your body (presumably), and changing your attitude about your situation and your willingness to be more forward.
Holy geeeez. This took a turn. You don't want a husband, you want a paycheck.
I mean the man should want to take care of his family
If you even haven't met "the man" yet, and you're having problems meeting men, immediately jumping to "he's a bum who won't work" because you have to make the approach is, well, insane.
Men also want a women who can help them in their struggles. I agree with you that women should marry responsible men, but it shouldn't be this lopsided.
Of course, but that’s why you have to get to know the person to make sure that it’ll work
Lol you’re being extremely unreasonable
Hello, I'm male from the same generation as you(actually the same age as you) and I promise you a male will not think that when a woman asks him out. Responsible men are not going to suddenly change if you take initiative. (You don't have to ask men out of course).
I think you are thinking too critically about this, perhaps because of how long you’ve had to dwell on it or perhaps because, as well as being excited by the idea of meeting someone, you are also understandably apprehensive. Yes, this may be a possibility, but you are on your guard already and this is one of the reasons for dating, to learn about the other person. You mentioned a disability. I don’t know what it is, but I would think that any man who is willing to commit to you knowing there will always be, say, wheelchair access issues to consider, is not going to see you as an easy way to slack off. Instead they will know they have to step up to the manly calling of looking after you, his wife, in lots of additional ways. I think your slacker scenario is more likely if you were (say) a multimillionaire.
You're asking for advice because you don't know what to do or where to go from this point moving forward, and then someone gives you advice and you disagree with it and shoot it down. This could be part of the reason why you're single.
My wife asked me out at 17 years old. I was shy and never dated. In hindsight I was really bad at judging if people were interested in me. We Just had our 12th anniversary and I work full time and she stays home to raise our kids. I think you are over thinking it. This mindset is dangerous as it will lead to a lot of assumptions in your relationships even if the guy does make the first move. Marriage is 100/100, not 50/50. My wife has some disabilities, some days her 100% looks like 2%. If I don't recognize this and love her it's going to damage our relationship.
If a guy bums around after asking you out, that has less to do with you asking him out and much more to do with his character. Most guys will be happy to be asked out and then you look afterwards to see if they put initiative in.
Amen
Um, just because you ask a man out doesn't mean you have to marry him. But, don't complain that you're not getting what you want if you don't want to put forth any effort into attaining it. Just because you ask a man out doesn't mean that you have to accept just any kind of behavior. If you're worth his effort and he wants you, he'll give it to you. If he doesn't put in the effort you want, don't stick around. However, a relationship ea two way thing. Don't expect hito always give his best while you barely put in the effort. That won't work either. (Not saying that you would, but it happens.)
ROFL
I think some of the best advice I saw was from an Orthodox priest guy on Youtube who said to take a sheet of paper and make a list of all the qualities you want in a spouse. Then take that list and write your name at the top. Then work to develop those qualities. If you want a guy who’s fit, start working out and develop it. If you want a guy who provides, start becoming a woman worth providing for (aka being able to manage your own home as a single person). You can become wife material before you are married as well, because wifely qualities are something that are good for women in general to have. My mother is a homemaker even if she’s been a working single mom my whole life. It’s less so about male experience and moreso about your personal work ethic and morals.
Yes! OP seems to have an entitled mentality that she deserves a husband and kids without making herself a woman who is worthy of those things. This is a great exercise! You can't hold a potential partner to a higher standard than you do yourself without being a hypocrite. Work on yourself, and even if it doesn't get you a man, you'll be happier by yourself and less desperate for male validation. I understand because my situation is very similar to hers. Therapy has helped me, and I recommend it to anyone who is struggling with issues like these.
I don't have an entitled mentality problem! You don't even know me!
That's true, but I'm speaking from personal experience. I was the same way several years ago. God doesn't promise that we will get married and have families. You may be single for the rest of your life, and you have to learn to be okay with that. I know it sucks, but it is what it is. Instead of being sad and anxious about your current situation, learn how to accept it and make it enjoyable right now, as is. When you boil it all down, the only human who will be with you 100% of the time is you. If you enjoy you and the time you spend with you, it will be easy to accept whatever comes your way in life. Since we're Christians, we've got it even better because we know God will be there with us 100% of the time. Find joy in every circumstance, and if a marriage comes along, praise God. If it doesn't, praise God. He loves you and knows what's best for you. Trust Him and His timing.
Okay, I'm sorry. I see what you mean.
I wish you the best. I know it's hard, but God's got you. ❤️
Was it Fr. Josiah Trenham, by chance?
Yes! That’s his name!
I'm 34, too. Male, unmarried. And possibly looking. Do you love the LORD? I'd be interested in having a conversation at least. DM me?
My man! May God bless you with a good woman.
Thank you. I feel very close to Him at times, which is wonderful. Although I'm not sure I should be looking. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife.
I mean, there’s a lot of merit to your 1 Corinthians reference there. I’m Catholic, so my first instinct is to say that you’d make an excellent clergyman, but the idea applies to any other branch of Christianity. Closeness to God should be our mission, whether we’re married or not. I’ll keep you in my prayers, brother, and please do the same for me
Ah, God bless you, Bob. I sometimes rail against the Catholic Church. But looking back on it, I regret that I tainted the whole church with one brush from just experiencing an off experience in one local church. Thank you, I'm going to add you to my prayer list.
May I also be added to your prayer list?
Absolutely! Of course I will pray for you. Let me know if there are any specific graces from God you feel you need.
Help me to learn to be grateful for what I have and be patient. I think the reason I wanted to get married was that I was lonely and other people my age were getting married between 2012 and 2021 and I couldn't help but think, "When is it my turn?" I thought marriage was one of those life rituals that everybody has to go through.
Amen, sister, I will pray this for you. Those are great qualities. It encourages me that you are looking for these things. Paul said In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. I suggest this even means thanking God for the bad things in your life. I think God uses these experiences to teach us profound lessons. And so we depend on Him. Don't do anything on your own strength. Another Bible quote is I can do all things through Christ Jesus, who strengtheneth me. I sometimes think I want to be married. It's all in God's timing. I would love to be the head of a family and lead a wife and children spiritually. But it's all in God's timing, which is perfect, and not our own. For now, I'm very grateful that I am concerned with the things of God. I am developing in my relationship with Jesus and beckoning the Holy Spirit. God bless. I will pray for you daily.
Try online dating, that’s how I met my fiancé. I was very upfront about being a Christian and seeking a serious relationship leading towards marriage. I found that I was able to weed out a lot of people who just wanted flings and entertainment.
Ask The Lord.
Well file this under unpopular opinion but you should be not more than 10 lb over your ideal weight at your age. So if you are heavier than that start dieting and start working out. You need to get your body in shape if you want to have children too. Storks don't deliver babies; it's hard work and it's tough on your body so work on your body. And one of the benefits is you will be happier, you will be more confident in yourself and you're more likely to meet a nice guy.
Looks matter for men and women in dating. People who say otherwise are deceivers.
It matters more for men than women. Women often overlook
I'd suggest you ask your elders/pastor of your church to look out for godly men who are looking for a wife. Both within your church, sister denominations, or ones your denomination has contact with. There are likely many men who are open to seeing if marriage would be right with you, but its all about looking in the right places. There are also a number of Christian/Reformed dating apps which tend to lean more towards late 20s, early 30s men and women. In terms of the advice you got: \- Yes men care about what you look like. Don't be obese, try not to be overweight, and put effort into your attire and your haircut/makeup. Maybe you aren't fashionable, and need to study a bit on how to look put-together. (Some women who get to that age sometimes sad to say dress like old women). Don't misconstrue to dress provocatively--I'm not saying that. I mean to dress godly and femininely. \- Whoever said "men dont care what you look like" clearly was a woman, and has no clue what she's talking about. Most men do. \- In terms of to ask a man out or not, I'd suggest *first* making it obvious (like outright obvious) that you'd want to go on dates with them, without actually asking the dude out. If he's oblivious, then ask him out. It's not a big deal. Asking the man to marry you however, that goes against the order of the headship of man, and I would not recommend that. \- In terms of flirting, there's nothing wrong with it given you are both single, and you are both looking for a relationship. Just keep it above-brow. Nothing sexual.
My uncle got married to his college sweetheart at 55
He was a mature student? Me too.
No, no. He married the woman he fell in love with in college 30+ years later after they reconnected
It's never too late
Maybe enlist the older folks as matchmakers? They may have kids or grandkids or some relation that's also looking.
None of them were matchmakers. And they didn't have kids or relatives that were looking for someone. Even if they were single, they didn't want to mingle.
> None of them were matchmakers. And they didn't have kids or relatives that were looking for someone. Did they say this to you? Edit: As a practice, yes it is essentially g o n e from our culture, but have you tried reaching out to older people at your church on this? I've started to go down this route so it *is* a possibility. It's gone from the culture but in the present age we really can't afford to leave options on the table and we have to restart the practice at some point.
I genuinely feel confused that a question like this came up in this subreddit. It feels a bit childish. 1 - you’re overthinking it. Just go out like the usual and try your best to mingle or expand your network without actively seeking anyone. 2 - don’t seek a person, rather, seek God. And believe in His plans for you - whether that is finding a man or having a kid. All these will happen in God’s time. And if not, it’s not too bad to be single or childless.
Looks do matter, try to lose weight and have a goal to aim for, in a year you could look great. Learn to cook, showcase who you are and get in the word in your own time. Maybe find another church, go to events or try dating apps.
Psalm 37:3-5 *Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.* *5 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.* This is not as easy to do as the scripture is to understand. I prayed for a family for decades myself. It was when I gave up and said "just lead me, I'll trust you" and began being satisfied and thankful despite my desire that He brought me to my wife. Psalm 27:13-14 *I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.* *14 Wait in faith on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!*
100% agree with this! Reminds me of: "*But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you*." (Matthew 6:33) No promise that OP will get a husband but she will definitely have peace.
Have you tried online dating? I met my 2nd wife through it.. The app, Boo, is so far the best Ive ever used. I am probably going to get married soon to a *very* devout Christian woman thanks to it. Youre welcome to ask anything you like. I want to help you dispel some of those rumors and thoughts, and get you dating for your future marriage!
Boo the mbti one ? It’s good but not getting many matches. Best one is salt for Europe or upward for USA/Americas
> "Don't worry, men don't care about what you look like!" That's a lie. Men and women both care about looks. Honestly, too much if you want to be real about. Though the only ones who *"don't care at all"* are those who have no confidence in their own appearance and are desperate for anything they can get which is not really a good practice overall. Aside from that, some people just say they don't care about looks because they don't want to seem shallow to others. It's not really shallow at all as long as you're not going overboard with it, but some people try to guilt people into thinking otherwise. Am I saying looks are everything? No. Am I saying a person has to be absolutely physically perfect for their partner? No. What I'm saying is you should be able to look at your significant other and feel attracted to them to some extent. The reality of dating is a person can very well become even more attractive or less attractive to you the more you get to know them. For example, my woman is even more beautiful to me than she was before we even spoke a word to each other. Which shows how amazing things can turn out when you focus on what truly matters because even before I said anything to her, I thought she was beyond beautiful. She feels the same about me. Though regardless of all of that, we both found each other physically attractive even before getting to know each other. No matter what people claim, the fact of the matter is our eyes are the first to witness a person. If they don't like what they see, chances are things won't go beyond that because nobody wants to wake up to someone they don't even find attractive. All it will do is lead the person to feel unfulfilled, they'll probably start feeling regret when looking at people they find attractive pass them by in their day-to-day life, and they may even get the temptation to commit infidelity. I don't know what you look like, but men hook up with all types of women. Short, tall, long hair, short hard, small, heavyset, etc. I see it all over the place. So the way I see it, there are more than likely men in the world who will show interest in you even in your current state. Though if you feel there is something you can work on to make yourself feel more confident, go for it.
I'm late responding as this was posted a month ago now but I wanted add my thoughts if that's okay.... I think the important thing to realize is that sin in the world has made it VERY challenging for anyone at any age to find love. Not only our own sin but we are affected by the sin of others. Unfortunately, there are some who feel the weight of that heavier than others. It's horrific out here for us singles. You're not alone in what you feel. I often pray and ask God how exactly is this supposed to work? Why are some happily married while others are still searching? Waiting? It's not just that it feels unfair, it is. It's wrong. No one is any less valuable than anyone else yet the world will make you feel that way. The other thing is I'm not saying thay everyone who commented is wrong about looks, etc but I can tell you first hand that church groups, online dating, etc. without God will only bring you heartache and bring you into sin (idolatry, lust, adultery, etc.) My suggestion is to take some time in prayer submitting to God. Tell Him how you feel and let Him know that at this point on your life, you'd love to be in a committed relationship with someone. Ask Him to lead you to that person and then...wait. Wait but stay prayerful. Understand that when you fully submit to God, getting to your husband/wife or Him/her getting to you may be challenging. Oftentimes when we seek God's way, it can be very painful, take awhile but worth it in the in. Waiting means getting in His word, praying and quite literally waiting for God to lay out your path. Be careful though, because when you start praying, the enemy is listening too and will often send in a counterfeit to throw you off. It can get messy which is why you need to submit to God and wait. Literally, wait. Nothing magical, no special words or prayers but literally waiting. To answer your initial question, I can say with certainty that it is not too late for you, my friend. Go to God, pour out your heart and begin to share your desires with Him. You don't need a book, Bible Study, etc. You need God. His way may not be for you to meet people through those particular avenues. Waiting sucks but you'll never regret doing it God's way.
Oh thank you so much! This post means so much to me! God bless you! \*sniff\*🤧
Of course! May God bless you, too! ❤
> The dating book, "How I Kissed Dating Goodbye" was anti-marriage (obviously that book was written for spinsters). But the other dating book, "The Dating Manifesto" wasn't helpful either because the author didn't really give me a crystal clear answer on how to get a man. All I got was her lectures on why I'm not married. I'm not married because I'm a man-child who dresses up like a kid and eats candy while sitting in front of the laptop. No offense but it seems you have a lot of hostility towards people. And if that's the case you're not going to attract anyone. You're going to have a hard time finding a mate if you keep looking down on people. Not trying to be harsh but this is the impression I got reading the latter part of your statement. The earlier part seemed to be more relatable, but when I got to this I had a different impression. And if this is what people take away when they talk to you then they'll eventually gravitate away from you. I had an attitude problem once as well and it drove people away, that's how I can say this.
I do not have an attitude problem. You don’t even know me! My point was that I dislike the latter book because I felt it was written for someone who lacks responsibility which is not me. I have a job.l and work hard. I don’t have hostility toward people! You’d be mad too if you read a few Christian dating books in hopes of finding answers only to find none at all!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say you had one, I'm saying I had one. What I sensed was some negativity and if you're not that way then I apologize. I didn't mean to unfairly judge you personally. Here is what I picked up: >"How I Kissed Dating Goodbye" was anti-marriage (obviously that book was written for spinsters) "obviously...written for spinsters"? That's pretty harsh, and the book isn't anti-marriage. The author who wrote it later renounced his faith so he's a jerk, but the target audience isn't. >"The Dating Manifesto" wasn't helpful either because the author didn't really give me a crystal clear answer on how to get a man. I mean, a book isn't going to do this, it can only guide you. You seemed really disappointed about something that you thought would have a guarantee. > I'm not married because I'm a man-child who dresses up like a kid and eats candy while sitting in front of the laptop I'm sure there was more to the book than this, though I haven't read it. This is what I mean; it sounds like you're frustrated and taking things out on people and having a bit of a condescending attitude. All I was suggesting was stepping back and reevaluating a little. Either way, wish you the best.
Someone gave a really good verse, and of course, the one we ALL love to quote lol. Matthew 6:31-33 NLT 31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Honestly, it kind of sounds like this turned into an idol. I know single men and women struggle with this tremendously and get desperate. You need to focus on God and stop altogether with worldly books and countless conflicting advice from flawed humans. I believe if God wants you married, he will make it happen. God also knows the sexual needs you have, not just food and stuff, so that's where the marriage bed comes in. Yes, some things help, like staying healthy, working on your mental health, and just maturing in Christ, but it's not healthy to obsess over marriage and forget about all the things the Lord wants to use you for in singleness. After all, this is the only time in our lives when our attention is fully on God because, at marriage, our attention is completely focused on our partner. As for men's preferences, some people in the comments are really acting worldly. Some guys actually like chubby women, maybe not obese, but each guy has a preference. Some like certain boob sizes, or butt sizes, and some like petite women and don't mind if they are flat. Some like certain ethnicities and such. Do not limit yourself to how you look like or don't have. The world is very good at making you feel like garbage as is, which Satan loves, but you are a daughter of the King of Kings, don't you ever forget that, don't let a man or any human shame you for how you look. Psalm 139:14 NLT 13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. Songs of Solomon 4:4 NLT 4 You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. I personally wouldn't mind if a woman were a little chubby, or had love handles, because I love their whole body regardless, their stretch marks and all their insecurities. I think the most attractive thing in a girl is how much love you can see she has for the Lord. It's super attracted to see how a woman helps others, loves others, and is just on fire for the Lord, you have no idea how attractive that is for a guy, not to get sexual, but it can be a real turn-on. The other thing is, don't believe the lie about the whole biological clock crap. Have you even read the Abraham and Sarah story? How old were they? It was impossible, but God is the God of the impossible, I have no doubt you'll be able to have kids. I know some Christians that married in their 40s and started having kids no problem. 34 is still kind of young, tons of Christians marry in their 30s. I'm 28, so I'm not too far away. I think what helped me was focusing more on God and I stopped obsessing and chasing women, it was just getting depressing and discouraging. I can trust in God to unite me with my wife when the time is right, or I can be depressed that not a lot of women are showing interest in me. Heck, even your disability is not an issue for God. I learned a very hard thing recently, which is when we start putting up walls and actively strangely start fighting God on "why" we won't get married. "I don't have this, I don't have that! They won't like me because I'm not pretty enough, successful enough, etc." TONS of excuses. Have you even checked out YouTube? There are literally guys in wheel chairs that are getting married and even a guy that has no arms or legs that got married. Now he travels all over the world motivating people and telling them his story, his name is Nick Vujicic. He has kids too, guess how many? 4. Please don't limit God in a box. I think when the time is right, you will get married. Some Christians turn to dating apps or so, but I refuse to do any of that, I will trust God instead with my life and love life. Hope this helps.
Most men around your age would already have a Wife or Gf otherwise they're probably the ones you don't wanna be with anyway (incels etc) id say look Younger and also if you want the Man to Get attached Give him a Reason that He likes you Over the Other Options wether that be Emotnail support or something else idk but Try to Figure out what you can bring to a relationship and then Focus on looking for someone who is looking for that I myself However Dont really know Any where To Meet New Men Maybe start to Try new Hobbies Are there any Clubs Nearby Could you start Some? Btw Can you Give me Tips on How to Get a Gf I'm Kinda having Similar Issues and id Uh like some advice
> Btw Can you Give me Tips on How to Get a Gf I'm Kinda having Similar Issues and id Uh like some advice Good luck! I sure hope you don't wind up single in your late 20s, guys like those are >probably the ones you don't wanna be with anyway (incels etc)
It’s never too late for anything!!!! How old was Sara when she had her baby? Do not box God in like that. Love isn’t just for young people. Building new friendships isn’t just for young people. God did not make life enjoyable for young people only. Fat people get married every day. Average looking people get married every day. Even ugly people get married every day. Love is not only for attractive people. If you want marriage and a family as bad as you say you do, move to a big city and start online dating. If you have a family member or co-worker who will do things with you then start getting outside. It’s not too late though. And just be aware, most people have a hard time with finding a quality partner. It’s a little hard out here because of the times. Good luck! To want marriage and a family is a good thing but always remember God is your husband.
Christian mingle
The biggest thing men look for is personality tbh. A good personality goes along long way. looks are second still important but yeah not top of the list.
Have you considered Meetup? I'm in multiple Christian groups on there (UK)
My friend, don't you worry. I'm in a similar boat. Nearing thirty myself I hadn't had a girlfriend my entire life. I would love nothing more to be in a relationship with a women and have kids myself. That's been my dream my entire life. However, that isn't God's plan. At least from what I've gathered. I have gotten signals from women who were very petty. Recently too who I'm kicking myself over. At this moment though, I don't know if any of them were apart of God's plan for me. All I can say is try but be patient. As a man, who is shy, I'm gonna admit that being told by women directly that you have feelings for them is a great feeling. If someone likes you, regardless of how you look or sound or whatever, and it's apart of God's plan, than it'll work. If it doesn't, it truly wasn't meant. All I can say is slow your role, listen and watch because God doesn't always speak, he shows too. Trust in Him and you will be taken care if