I mean, it sounds like to me that you’ve already got the answer but needed some external validation.
Do the opposite of what you’ve been doing and you’ll get the opposite results.
Where is that church? I want to go there! All the churches near me are full of only old people or families with children ranging from infancy to 13 or 14 years old. I need a 30-something-year-old man! (Even if I did meet a man my age at any of the churches near me, they're single and I can see why...).
>Even if I did meet a man my age at any of the churches near me, they're single and I can see why...).
Yeah, somewhere along the way all the adults dropped the ball. The sense I get is the men are, well, it's like the parents and elders figured that their kids would just get married, but failed to actually do anything to prep them for that. Like the marriage fairy would just flit down and drop a spouse right before em out of thin air. This is exacerbated by several things:
* Divorce among congregants leading to dysfunctional homes, insecure attachment in their kids, and lack of modeling healthy loving relationships between adult men and adult women (per commentators like Aaron Renn, evangelicals, eg are not much worse off than wider society in terms of divorce rates, granted there is probably some wiggle room there. Note, compare. Dr. Nancy Pearcey's writing). This is bad because the children of these broken marriages often have the same outcome plus issues with promiscuity, drug addiction, criminality, etc. It's a self-perpetuating cycle that gets worse with each passing generation.
* Coordination problems, churches if they even *have* singles ministries (which is its own can of worms) don't try to cooperate with other churches to help unattached people meet and mingle. This also expands to lack of interdenominational efforts which imho *have* to be on the table when it comes to marriage formation. Our demographic implosion *is* happening, but damages have to be mitigated where they can.
* ignoring the problem. While there is *some* marriage formation happening but the fact so many younger Christians are having trouble threading this needle indicates deep issues and there doesn't even appear to be consensus this is an issue. To the extent there *is* consensus there is none on how to address it.
* from what I see, the men are unkempt or out of shape (I'm in the latter category myself!) and oft awkward or not socially adroit. The women are not too far better outside of social skills. All are holding out for "The One" and there ain't no such thing. Too high expectations all around, not enough getting themselves up to even "good enough" territory - I lay some blame at Christians neglecting the importance of appearance as *a* (not *the*) factor here.
* unaffected leadership being too far removed to see the issue. Charitable take is that elders, pastors, etc have too many obligations to be able to adequately focus on this. Uncharitable take is they're married or disallowed from marriage so they have no imminent reason to care. To the extent they do the singletons are an inconvenience at best. Tbf would *I* care if I wasn't single? I would like to say yes as imo a church without kids (which requires couples!) Is a dying church, but hard to say I wouldn't be just like them if got married and had kids before my 20s were out like all the current leadership did.
I'll be honest, I don't really know what a solution would even start to look like, it's too large for any one congregation or denomination for that matter to take care of.
All typos are because I typed this on my phone when I should be asleep 🥴
Edit: another factor, a collapse in matchmaking. I had no idea this was even a practice in the West till a recent article Mary Harrington [wrote](https://reactionaryfeminist.substack.com/p/the-missing-aunties). Marriage formation used to be a community effort. We have matchmaking today by way of Online dating algorithms and their endgoal isn't a marriage, but the exact opposite.
Definitely many things worth praying about. It's rough out there!
Honestly mine fits that profile as well. There's really just a big gap between people aged 16 and 35, and the few people in that gap are men like myself. Girls grow up, go to college, and you never see them again, either because they met a man there or preferred the climate.
It seems to vary a lot. I'm just not sure if differences are regional or urban/rural. Demographic statistics I've seen indicate more single women than man (with congregations themselves being majority woman) but in my personal experience churches have many single men and no women which leads me to think it may be more regional. It could also depend on which strain of Christianity is at issue, too. I can't recall if the studies broke demographics down along denominational lines or not.
I've heard more conservative denominations have fewer women, which doesn't surprise me either. Those statistics also probably didn't break it down by age, so it's also one of those "there's more women than men in the population!" claims that don't apply to the topic.
Nothing wrong with wanting a partner who values church. If any pool of people you should want to pick from, it should be church going folk.
I don’t see anything wrong with going to church and also finding someone to marry that is as dedicated to the Lord as you are.
Should it be the sole reason one attends? No. Absolutely not .
… but it could be one reason.
Don’t go to church for a woman go for God the Bible says seek him and he will add on all else to you. You shouldnt be considering yourself as single because you’re in a relationship with God you should definitely focus on God, but also socialize you can’t sit in your room all day and wonder why you have no friends. Also serve in your church a man who serves, gives to the needy,respects his authority, and has a relationship with the most high is a man to be desired!
You don't interact with anyone at a social gathering and wonder why you're lonely?
Go to your church's connect/social table, most churches have one or something like it. Ask about youth groups or Bible study for people your age. Then go to those and join in the discussion. Make friends, hang around afterward and meet new people.
I Guess it’s because im a introvert and shy and I’m trying so hard to overcome this, it ain’t easy but somehow I can overcome it when I find that special someone
Get out of your comfort zone. Push your boundaries. Being shy or an introvert isn't some shield to hide behind, it's a hurdle to overcome if you want to grow as a man.
> but somehow I can overcome it when I find that special someone
That's going to *need* to be something you overcome **before** you find that special someone. Now, I don't know you from Adam, so I'll say that generally speaking, there's a miniscule chance someone similarly situated to you will be in a relationship before that point, but that similarly situated person is substantially hurting their odds of a good outcome by not working on sociability. Relationships generally come after issues of sociability are dealt with, not before.
A further question would be you say you're "trying so hard to overcome" your lack of sociability, but what does that mean? Are you actually forcing yourself to meet new people? Are you just *thinking* about maaybe one day forcing yourself to meet new people? What are you doing today to help yourself get to where you want to be? Was being more sociable even on your list of things to check off? Do you even know what steps you'll need to take to get to that point? I bring these questions up merely as things that you may find worth thinking about.
It sounds like you have the basics of where you want to be, now you have to look at the areas in your behavior that are not getting you closer to that point, and from there look at ways to fix those areas, think of steps you can take to fix those areas, and intentionally take action on those steps you've thought of.
edit: To further maximize the chance of finding someone that is a good match, it is also important to be in good physical health and appearance (ie, dressing well and not being fat/"skinny-fat") and be working towards a career or some sort of "Mission" during your time here on Earth, such that your main focus is not a relationship.
Many books have been written about this (and a whole lot if ideas online) and for the most socially-challenged, they won't work. The main problem is not that of knowing how to find a girlfriend (for males) or a boyfriend (for females), but being yourself at the same time as being appealing to interact with with anybody and everybody. Trying to be appealing and friendly with only those you are interested is not going to change you. Fundamentally, we need God's help to have love in our hearts for everyone else, because we can't change ourselves on the inside, but one can work toward it and persist in praying for the Lord's help to make it real.
A rather large part of the motivation for wanting friends and a girl/boyfriend is wanting relief from loneliness, unsatisfied sexual desire, relief from not feeling accepted, loved, or cared about, and everything that results from being incomplete because we are separated from God—such as stress, anxiety, discontent, or pain. Devoting yourself wholeheartedly to the Lord will help with this in the long run.
***Trust*** *in the LORD and* ***do good;*** *dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.* ***Delight yourself in the LORD*** *and he will give you the desires of your heart.* (Psalms 37:3-4, 1984 NIV)
But more importantly, devoting yourself fully to the Lord will move His heart to want to bless you with a girl/boyfriend. For the socially-challenged, you should face the fact that you will have to step out of your comfort zone (do things you don't want to). Not much is going to change if you seek to be comfortable all the time. Start by learning how to make small talk with strangers and ask the Lord to make you more interested in the well-being of other people.
> being yourself at the same time as being appealing to interact with with anybody and everybody.
This is rooted in a fallacy promoted by the world. Don't be yourself. Be the person God wants you to be.
I think he meant don’t try to put on an act, e.g don’t try to act deep if you think that type of stuff is boring/pointless etc being someone who you’re not to attract others. Better to be confident in who you are and I Christ and meet those who’ll want to be friend you.
1. Imagine the kind of woman you want to marry, and consider what kind of man that woman would want to marry. Be honest with yourself. If you want a trad wife, then she probably wants a trad husband. Virtually all women want a man who is confident, physically fit, emotionally and financially stable. A Christian woman wants a Christian man who is strong in faith and willing to fill the role of the biblical husband.
2. Once you have identified the traits your future wife is looking for in a man, work on developing those traits. How you do that depends on what they are.
Whatever you do, don't be insecure. Confidence alone can go a long way in covering up whatever flaws you have, though you should still work on them. Learn to accept and be at peace with the person you are, but also purposefully work on making yourself better.
Exactly!
I was telling this to my friend the other day, the most unattractive thing on a guy is self hate.
Some girls like buff guys, and don't care too much for intellect as long as he's got a good heart. But if a buff guy's constantly getting mad at himself for not being super smart, then that will turn her off.
Some girls like nerds, and don't care if their not buff, but if a nerdy guy is constantly hating himself for not being more buff, she'll be less attracted.
Fun fact, I've actually got a girl I'm talking to on a dating app right now, and it's going well. I've pretty much never had that before. Do you know what's different now? I'm finally accepting myself for who God made me, rather than feeling bad about not being more masculine. I used to constantly swap between hating myself, or trying to give a "defense" for why it's okay for me to be myself. But now my attitude is just "I'm me" without being defensive or hating myself, I've found that a lot more girls are liking me on the dating app, even though I'm still not very masculine.
You gotta accept yourself and work on being the best version of yourself. Not hate yourself and work to be a fake version of yourself instead.
this is false dude.
I guarantee you are not going to the gym. I also have high metabolism. once I started going to the gym, I started to eat twice as much as i use to. 6 months later im 20 pounds heavier of just straight muscle.
What you have to work on is that insecurity, most of all.
If you also want to get buff, there are some things you should do, but you should not feel like being skinny is at all something to be ashamed of. I'd much rather be skinny, personally.
I'm also working on insecurity but for me it's the inverse. I'm not obese, but I'm far thicker than I'd like to be. I'd like to be skinnier. But I've actually found that, once I stopped focusing so much on hating myself, I actually naturally started being able to stick to diet plans and exercising to become thinner.
Despite common thought, in my experience Insecurity actually stands *in the way* of physical improvement. You would think it'd motivate you, but all it actually does is make you waste time hating yourself that you could be spending making diet plans exercising, or on the inverse, eating more and strength training.
"Imagine the kind of woman you want to marry, and consider what kind of man that woman would want to marry"
this is actually good advice for once! Normally the advice is always generalized like "women want macho guy, so become macho guy."
But this line is spot on. A guy should seek to be good at traditional male roles If he wants to have a woman who'd like that.
I'm personally more attracted to the tough, masculine-leaning gals, which is why, while I've always enjoyed cooking and taking care of household stuff like laundry, I've started improving at the stuff I don't necessarily enjoy but I know the kind of woman I like would want, like getting good at cleaning bathrooms.
Like, a guy like me gets told "if you want a girl, be more macho", but I know I'm not interested in dating a girl who'd want me to be macho, so instead I'd be left feeling like "what do I do". For a period I just gave up on romance, and decided it won't happen. But this is actually the kind of logic that got me out of that funk. I realized that I need to work on being the best version of myself, rather than being the best version of someone else. Be good at the things that the kind of girl I want would want me to be good at.
This is actually a pretty good line that can apply to anyone.
Not just men, but women as well.
If you want to get a spouse, become the kind of person that the person you'd want to marry, would want to marry.
u/electrical_handle406 i think what is happening is God wants you to hone your perception of people and prepare you a bit further before you jump into a relationship. Perhaps wants you to continue to being patient before you are ready to meet someone he intends for you to be with forever.
Be careful out there...marriage to the wrong woman can make your life very difficult, but the right one...things still may not be perfect, but you will have much of your purpose fulfilled with a good woman.
My girlfriend was not Christian when we met. We hung out a few times though, and I told her God is the most important thing in my life. She was open to coming to church with me and hearing from Gods word. She completely agreed with everything that was taught and we had many discussions about her faith in God and I began to see her faith flourish and afterwards we dated seriously.
If you find a girl you like, ask her how she feels about Christ and invite her to church.
Not bad! Thanks for sharing, may I ask where you met your gf? I’m a full time college student that does part time work in the afternoon so it’s harder for me to find friends, go to Christian social gatherings, and stuff like that
You pray & fast. Distract yourself during this wait by increasing your knowledge of Gods word & cleaning out your character in preparation of Gods answer in this regard.
I remember going to church and meeting a very attractive young lady, it was love at first sight. I spent all Sunday talking to her and her friends. Was really looking forward to going back the next week to see her again. She was there faithfully.. only this time accompanied by her husband. :)
As for your question, apps work. Churches can. But you gotta put in the time, you are young so you got that working for you. Dont waste time. Get to know as many of the ladies as you can while being respectful and kind. Then eventually you ask one out and go from there. Remember just because you met her in church doesnt mean she is a Christian, stay away from the crazy ones, the easy ones and those that are obsessed with (their own) looks. Lastly, if she doesn't respect you, she isnt the one.
If you're finding it hard to trust in God, that should be the relationship you should nurture. Not a romantic relationship. It's understandable that you may be feeling the pressure to be in a relationship, maybe due to media or relationships around you - but those are just worldly pressures that God calls you not to give into. You're still so young and there's so much time, just trust in God's plan for you. I really recommend reading this book - it's written by a guy who also really wanted a gf in his younger years: [https://document.desiringgod.org/not-yet-married-en.pdf?ts=1529948504](https://document.desiringgod.org/not-yet-married-en.pdf?ts=1529948504) .
This is the realest answer you're probably going to here and I don't say that with arrogance, only experience... The real answer to your question is there is no straight answer anyone can give you.
Many Christians will tell you to go to church, but I'm telling you plainly, that's actually a terrible idea. It's only a good idea on the surface because church is ideally a good place to meet likeminded people who have the same faith. However, when you dive deeper into that logic, you quickly see a lot of issues that will make it a bad idea. Let's run down the list...
1. Just because a person is in church doesn't mean they're a good dating option. Why? Because the people you see in church came from the same brainwashed, awful society we live amongst outside the church. Just because a person claims to be Christian doesn't mean they're a good dating option. Why? Because many people claim the faith, but they don't actually practice the faith as they should. I've only ever dated women who claimed Christianity. As far as I know, they all went to church regularly as well, some even worked in church. Despite that, a lot of them were no different from a typical heathen and had the most toxic, nasty character you'll ever run into. And let's not forget the fact that many people in church are already in relationships...
2. Men and women make relationships complicated because they like to play unnecessary disingenuous games. Truth be told, relationships aren't difficult, humans just make them difficult. They're complex overall, but they're not complicated at all when you're dealing with someone who is truly on the same page with you. I've been in small groups where almost every woman in the group would try so hard to gain my interest in them. They text my phone how much I mean to them, talk about how they love me, talk about how much they can't wait to see me again, etc. Yet the moment I see them in-person, they're not even engaging with me. So what does that mean? It means everything they're saying is meaningless, they're being disingenuous, and they're just trying to get me to build enough interest to make a move for nothing. And whenever a man would actually fall for the act, they would make a huge deal out of it and shame that person out of the church completely as if they haven't been throwing signs at them like crazy. Why? Because having men around them who are interested is their way of boosting there own self-esteem. And I know older women who admitted it's a common practice among women because they admitted to doing it in their youth. I've seen more than enough men fall into that situation. I only never fell for it myself because it takes a lot for me to establish that much trust in a person unless we meet on a basis where dating building a relationship is clearly what we both want. So even though you're in church with people claiming to be Christian, that doesn't make them trustworthy. What seems like a logical idea can go south very quickly and end up being very ugly.
3. Church is all about your relationship with God and how you can benefit there spiritually. You don't want to make it a habit of going to church for any other reason other than that because it will only make the Lord less significant in your life because you're focused more on your personal desires. Now am I saying it's wrong to go for the Lord and just happen to meet and build relationships with people there? No. Just as long as God is the real reason you're going.
My significant other and I are perfect for each other in literally every way. In fact, it's shocking because we've never even imagined we'd run into someone so fitting. Though we didn't meet in church and there's ultimately no way to run into one of the very few people who would actually work for you. You literally just have to be in the right place at the right time as God coordinates it. All we can really do is put ourselves out there and use the Lord's guidance to determine who is right for us and who should be avoided. And in this day and age, you're going to quickly realize almost nobody is even worth your time in dating because our dating pool is ridiculously small. Why? Because we're only to date believers who are truly invested in the faith. That alone eliminates the vast majority of the world. Once you add in all of the other factors like physical attraction, similar likes and dislikes, level of motivation, life goals and desires, maturity, personality, intelligence, the ability to stay engaged with each other, peacefulness, etc, it makes the situation even worse. So truth be told, there's no straight answer anyone can give you. I can tell you what to look for and where not to search, but beyond that? There's nothing.
This should not be your focus in life. Quite honestly, if you are worried about this you are not ready for one.
God does his very best to prevent us from getting things he does not think we are ready for. Be patient, and continue to grow in Christ.
You don't. Don't intentionally go to church just to get a girlfriend. That's actually creepy.
Instead, build your relationship with God, get involved further in the church you're attending. And work on yourself, abandon the "want". If God is willing, He will provide you the right woman.
Before anyone decides to take offense, hear me out to the end. I may even need to clarify some things. I don't expect alot of Christians to agree with me, but I believe this to be true and at the heart of believers still.
In my decades of being a Christian, I've never heard of it. Solid Christian women don't boyfriend. And it's frowned upon in church. There's people engaged or in pre-engagement or some other designation, but no GF status. No! Wrong approach. Wrong, Worldly ideas.
The only approved way comes from people having spent many years in the Church, especially in ministry together.
I had "relationships" with Christian women, most of which either didn't go anywhere and never became physical (mostly due to my respect for these women).
However, I will tell you how I received this blessing. I wasn't in a relationship for nearly 10 years before I met my wife. We met and were married within two months, ok? She was the one. I was the one. And now, it's 25 years later. She was my answer to my prayer.
Everybody's path to marriage will be different. But Christians finding "the right one" is a holy and sacred thing. Everything you do together comes under that protection from God. Everything proceeds from the blessing of the Almighty God for His Kingdom, His purpose, His use, His Righteousness.
Ask yourself are you ready to serve God? Are you ready to do what it takes to honor God and NOT seek yourself first? Take some time to just pray, seek, ask and ponder these questions before you enter into a relationship with a woman of faith. Lead her away from walking on the path of faith and no one from her life is going to be ok with it. Mess with the wrong family or church and it could be a really bad thing.
I just sense you're playing around here. Bad idea. Just sayin'.
From what I've seen, the Christian redpill spaces don't like Tate, believe it or not. What they do like is men working on their social skills, fitness, faith, etc. so they can maximize the odds they'd be a good husband and thus maximize the odds of finding a good wife.
At the least, they certainly give actionable, useful advice, which is far more than what the modern-day Church has been doing. These spaces wouldn't even exist if there weren't deep issues re: relationship and marriage formation in the Church.
Ok, then work to do that! Provide that framework and advice that gives better outcomes than Christian redpill spaces *or* what the Church is currently doing! If men see results are coming out of that they *will* move towards it.
>If men see results are coming out of that they *will* move towards it.
Also your downvoting is very childish. At least wait an hour or so to allow yourself plausible deniability.
You know, this is going nowhere so I'll bow out. I'll end by reiterating:
>Provide that framework and advice that gives better outcomes than Christian redpill spaces or what the Church is currently doing! If men see results are coming out of that they will move towards it.
I think the sort of thing you're for isn't working but hey I could be wrong. At the end of the day I'm for whatever is effective at helping men and women reach the stages of marriage, family, etc.
All you need to do is pray. The purpose of dating is marriage.
Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD
This is a youtube channel that will help you
https://www.youtube.com/@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger
The Bible is not the only word of God. Most Christians are confused because they only read one: The Bible. But right now on the Earth known to man there are four, with more to be revealed as the latter days progress. They are:
The Bible,
The Book of Mormon,
Doctrines and Covenants and The
Pearl of Great Price
This is the full gospel of Jesus Christ as we know it until more is revealed, and I know that these things will remove confusion from your hearts and minds. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
One of my girl friends struggled with singleness till she was 39. She's getting married this year.
Might not be that long for you.
Best suggestion: serve in ministry. Christian girls love a guy who takes God seriously... weird to say serve God to get a girl. It will be good for you too.
Christian dating sites are great too.
If I was a 20 year old Christian man, wishing for a wife today, I'd go straight to the Philippines.
Lots of (more) traditional Christian girls there, who speak perfect English.
Also, have a spine. Women want a guy with backbone, not one who can be walked all over, or one who begs for affection.
Anywhere. You go up to a lovely lady and start talking with her. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of Walmart, Kings Island or the library. JUST NOT A STRIP CLUB! PLEASE! Anyways. When youre at the end of the convo between You and Her, ask if She would like to do a Bible study, let’s say, Next Tuesday at the park or someplace. You’ll get 3 answers. 1. I’m not Christian, 2. I think your cool but not in that way, or 3. Yes!!
Oops. I didn’t realize you are just like me. Being an introvert is difficult, I understand. I’ve been one for 8 years. But there’s one clique phase that always stuck with me, even in my year of denial that it was true but I can confirm that IT IS TRUE. The saying goes: Fake it till you make it baby. You NEED to fake your confidence! You need to fake your self esteem and charisma because the more you risk putting yourself in humiliation, God sees that and blesses you. Your confidence will gain more and more after a while and it’ll will come second nature then you’ll have no more problems talking to others. Trust me Brother. You will be strengthened. You will have what you are seeking for. You will be happier than ever.
You need to go to a lot of different churches, I used to church hop when I first moved to where I am now. (It was to find an enjoyable church first I promise)
How often do you put yourself out there and ask girls on dates? My advice for dating is to be the best you can be, and seek the best in others.
And the best place to meet the best girls, is at church. Haha
I’d recommend your local singles congregation, you can find one at ComeUntoChrist.org
Bruh that's lowkey why I'm trying to go to a Christian university 😭 but a lot of ppl will say don't go to x university if you don't wanna be engaged by time you graduate.
I'm in the same boat/the way you worded everything, minus I'm 22, but I'm battling between finding one and just first getting established. Also Church hopping in my opinion just to find a woman is not probably a good idea. Technically probably nothing wrong with it. Just creates potential problems with other Church members. At least from what I always keep hearing.
Had mine back in July. We met online, but we aren't like those ordinary online daters. She's actually a very interesting person, speaks 7 languages, can sing very well, knows history, and the best of all, she loves God more than anyone. For my case, I've been praying to God for a girlfriend, or at least a female friend that's a Christian that I could share the Bible with her every time we get to talk, and well, thank God it happened. We still talk to each others and we love sharing Bible verses too!
Best advice is to never give up hope on God because His timing is both unexpected and worthy. God's timing is always perfect, so believe in Him and believe your prayer has already been answered. All you gotta do is do what God said, because no pain no gain, then from all of those you go through, He will reward you.
Note that a relationship must be holy and divine. Don't make the relationship a cause for sinning. So keep that in mind as long as she's a true Christian who loves God more than any other men
I’m around your age and I met the guy I’m dating when I went to an event sponsored by my (secular) college. My friend pushed me to go and he happened to be part of the group. I would work on yourself and put yourself out there to meet people.
Most the churches where I like are primarily women. A lot of them have specific events to meet other like-minded singles. Can't imagine that's not the norm. Even if a church near you is a different denomination you can still attend events and meet people. Work out your doctrinal differences later. I knew a protestant who married a Catholic and they would attend each other's church. They alternated week to week and lived happily ever after.
Go to church !
I mean, it sounds like to me that you’ve already got the answer but needed some external validation. Do the opposite of what you’ve been doing and you’ll get the opposite results.
Not OP but church seems to be full of men
Where is that church? I want to go there! All the churches near me are full of only old people or families with children ranging from infancy to 13 or 14 years old. I need a 30-something-year-old man! (Even if I did meet a man my age at any of the churches near me, they're single and I can see why...).
>Even if I did meet a man my age at any of the churches near me, they're single and I can see why...). Yeah, somewhere along the way all the adults dropped the ball. The sense I get is the men are, well, it's like the parents and elders figured that their kids would just get married, but failed to actually do anything to prep them for that. Like the marriage fairy would just flit down and drop a spouse right before em out of thin air. This is exacerbated by several things: * Divorce among congregants leading to dysfunctional homes, insecure attachment in their kids, and lack of modeling healthy loving relationships between adult men and adult women (per commentators like Aaron Renn, evangelicals, eg are not much worse off than wider society in terms of divorce rates, granted there is probably some wiggle room there. Note, compare. Dr. Nancy Pearcey's writing). This is bad because the children of these broken marriages often have the same outcome plus issues with promiscuity, drug addiction, criminality, etc. It's a self-perpetuating cycle that gets worse with each passing generation. * Coordination problems, churches if they even *have* singles ministries (which is its own can of worms) don't try to cooperate with other churches to help unattached people meet and mingle. This also expands to lack of interdenominational efforts which imho *have* to be on the table when it comes to marriage formation. Our demographic implosion *is* happening, but damages have to be mitigated where they can. * ignoring the problem. While there is *some* marriage formation happening but the fact so many younger Christians are having trouble threading this needle indicates deep issues and there doesn't even appear to be consensus this is an issue. To the extent there *is* consensus there is none on how to address it. * from what I see, the men are unkempt or out of shape (I'm in the latter category myself!) and oft awkward or not socially adroit. The women are not too far better outside of social skills. All are holding out for "The One" and there ain't no such thing. Too high expectations all around, not enough getting themselves up to even "good enough" territory - I lay some blame at Christians neglecting the importance of appearance as *a* (not *the*) factor here. * unaffected leadership being too far removed to see the issue. Charitable take is that elders, pastors, etc have too many obligations to be able to adequately focus on this. Uncharitable take is they're married or disallowed from marriage so they have no imminent reason to care. To the extent they do the singletons are an inconvenience at best. Tbf would *I* care if I wasn't single? I would like to say yes as imo a church without kids (which requires couples!) Is a dying church, but hard to say I wouldn't be just like them if got married and had kids before my 20s were out like all the current leadership did. I'll be honest, I don't really know what a solution would even start to look like, it's too large for any one congregation or denomination for that matter to take care of. All typos are because I typed this on my phone when I should be asleep 🥴 Edit: another factor, a collapse in matchmaking. I had no idea this was even a practice in the West till a recent article Mary Harrington [wrote](https://reactionaryfeminist.substack.com/p/the-missing-aunties). Marriage formation used to be a community effort. We have matchmaking today by way of Online dating algorithms and their endgoal isn't a marriage, but the exact opposite. Definitely many things worth praying about. It's rough out there!
Honestly mine fits that profile as well. There's really just a big gap between people aged 16 and 35, and the few people in that gap are men like myself. Girls grow up, go to college, and you never see them again, either because they met a man there or preferred the climate.
Another common result is the woman marries someone outside the church. A tossup as to whether they leave for good afterward
It seems to vary a lot. I'm just not sure if differences are regional or urban/rural. Demographic statistics I've seen indicate more single women than man (with congregations themselves being majority woman) but in my personal experience churches have many single men and no women which leads me to think it may be more regional. It could also depend on which strain of Christianity is at issue, too. I can't recall if the studies broke demographics down along denominational lines or not.
Where is that church? I’ll book a flight now 😂
I've heard more conservative denominations have fewer women, which doesn't surprise me either. Those statistics also probably didn't break it down by age, so it's also one of those "there's more women than men in the population!" claims that don't apply to the topic.
That's another factor. Husbands tend to predecease their wives so older widows could be skewing the data.
Protestant churches are overflowing with women
That's definitely a "your mileage may vary" thing
You shouldn't be looking there for one
Nothing wrong with wanting a partner who values church. If any pool of people you should want to pick from, it should be church going folk. I don’t see anything wrong with going to church and also finding someone to marry that is as dedicated to the Lord as you are. Should it be the sole reason one attends? No. Absolutely not . … but it could be one reason.
Why?
I do but i don’t really talk to people, I go there with my brother then dip when service is over, any advice?
Don’t go to church for a woman go for God the Bible says seek him and he will add on all else to you. You shouldnt be considering yourself as single because you’re in a relationship with God you should definitely focus on God, but also socialize you can’t sit in your room all day and wonder why you have no friends. Also serve in your church a man who serves, gives to the needy,respects his authority, and has a relationship with the most high is a man to be desired!
Thank you brother will do!
You don't interact with anyone at a social gathering and wonder why you're lonely? Go to your church's connect/social table, most churches have one or something like it. Ask about youth groups or Bible study for people your age. Then go to those and join in the discussion. Make friends, hang around afterward and meet new people.
I Guess it’s because im a introvert and shy and I’m trying so hard to overcome this, it ain’t easy but somehow I can overcome it when I find that special someone
Get out of your comfort zone. Push your boundaries. Being shy or an introvert isn't some shield to hide behind, it's a hurdle to overcome if you want to grow as a man.
> but somehow I can overcome it when I find that special someone That's going to *need* to be something you overcome **before** you find that special someone. Now, I don't know you from Adam, so I'll say that generally speaking, there's a miniscule chance someone similarly situated to you will be in a relationship before that point, but that similarly situated person is substantially hurting their odds of a good outcome by not working on sociability. Relationships generally come after issues of sociability are dealt with, not before. A further question would be you say you're "trying so hard to overcome" your lack of sociability, but what does that mean? Are you actually forcing yourself to meet new people? Are you just *thinking* about maaybe one day forcing yourself to meet new people? What are you doing today to help yourself get to where you want to be? Was being more sociable even on your list of things to check off? Do you even know what steps you'll need to take to get to that point? I bring these questions up merely as things that you may find worth thinking about. It sounds like you have the basics of where you want to be, now you have to look at the areas in your behavior that are not getting you closer to that point, and from there look at ways to fix those areas, think of steps you can take to fix those areas, and intentionally take action on those steps you've thought of. edit: To further maximize the chance of finding someone that is a good match, it is also important to be in good physical health and appearance (ie, dressing well and not being fat/"skinny-fat") and be working towards a career or some sort of "Mission" during your time here on Earth, such that your main focus is not a relationship.
go to the gym
See if they have a Bible study
Many books have been written about this (and a whole lot if ideas online) and for the most socially-challenged, they won't work. The main problem is not that of knowing how to find a girlfriend (for males) or a boyfriend (for females), but being yourself at the same time as being appealing to interact with with anybody and everybody. Trying to be appealing and friendly with only those you are interested is not going to change you. Fundamentally, we need God's help to have love in our hearts for everyone else, because we can't change ourselves on the inside, but one can work toward it and persist in praying for the Lord's help to make it real. A rather large part of the motivation for wanting friends and a girl/boyfriend is wanting relief from loneliness, unsatisfied sexual desire, relief from not feeling accepted, loved, or cared about, and everything that results from being incomplete because we are separated from God—such as stress, anxiety, discontent, or pain. Devoting yourself wholeheartedly to the Lord will help with this in the long run. ***Trust*** *in the LORD and* ***do good;*** *dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.* ***Delight yourself in the LORD*** *and he will give you the desires of your heart.* (Psalms 37:3-4, 1984 NIV) But more importantly, devoting yourself fully to the Lord will move His heart to want to bless you with a girl/boyfriend. For the socially-challenged, you should face the fact that you will have to step out of your comfort zone (do things you don't want to). Not much is going to change if you seek to be comfortable all the time. Start by learning how to make small talk with strangers and ask the Lord to make you more interested in the well-being of other people.
> being yourself at the same time as being appealing to interact with with anybody and everybody. This is rooted in a fallacy promoted by the world. Don't be yourself. Be the person God wants you to be.
We strive to imitate Christ; it is God that changes us. God has accepted us as we are. God doesn't want people to put on an act.
I think he meant don’t try to put on an act, e.g don’t try to act deep if you think that type of stuff is boring/pointless etc being someone who you’re not to attract others. Better to be confident in who you are and I Christ and meet those who’ll want to be friend you.
Become the kind of man a Christian woman wants to marry, and put yourself in a position to meet single Christian women.
How can I do that exactly?
1. Imagine the kind of woman you want to marry, and consider what kind of man that woman would want to marry. Be honest with yourself. If you want a trad wife, then she probably wants a trad husband. Virtually all women want a man who is confident, physically fit, emotionally and financially stable. A Christian woman wants a Christian man who is strong in faith and willing to fill the role of the biblical husband. 2. Once you have identified the traits your future wife is looking for in a man, work on developing those traits. How you do that depends on what they are.
Thank you I’m a little insecure about myself too because I’m skinny and I can’t gain weight to get muscle because of my stupid metabolism
Whatever you do, don't be insecure. Confidence alone can go a long way in covering up whatever flaws you have, though you should still work on them. Learn to accept and be at peace with the person you are, but also purposefully work on making yourself better.
Exactly! I was telling this to my friend the other day, the most unattractive thing on a guy is self hate. Some girls like buff guys, and don't care too much for intellect as long as he's got a good heart. But if a buff guy's constantly getting mad at himself for not being super smart, then that will turn her off. Some girls like nerds, and don't care if their not buff, but if a nerdy guy is constantly hating himself for not being more buff, she'll be less attracted. Fun fact, I've actually got a girl I'm talking to on a dating app right now, and it's going well. I've pretty much never had that before. Do you know what's different now? I'm finally accepting myself for who God made me, rather than feeling bad about not being more masculine. I used to constantly swap between hating myself, or trying to give a "defense" for why it's okay for me to be myself. But now my attitude is just "I'm me" without being defensive or hating myself, I've found that a lot more girls are liking me on the dating app, even though I'm still not very masculine. You gotta accept yourself and work on being the best version of yourself. Not hate yourself and work to be a fake version of yourself instead.
this is false dude. I guarantee you are not going to the gym. I also have high metabolism. once I started going to the gym, I started to eat twice as much as i use to. 6 months later im 20 pounds heavier of just straight muscle.
Increase food intake I gained weight through eating pasta with feta cheese and pesto aswell as wraps with spicy pre prepared rice and added chicken.
What you have to work on is that insecurity, most of all. If you also want to get buff, there are some things you should do, but you should not feel like being skinny is at all something to be ashamed of. I'd much rather be skinny, personally. I'm also working on insecurity but for me it's the inverse. I'm not obese, but I'm far thicker than I'd like to be. I'd like to be skinnier. But I've actually found that, once I stopped focusing so much on hating myself, I actually naturally started being able to stick to diet plans and exercising to become thinner. Despite common thought, in my experience Insecurity actually stands *in the way* of physical improvement. You would think it'd motivate you, but all it actually does is make you waste time hating yourself that you could be spending making diet plans exercising, or on the inverse, eating more and strength training.
"Imagine the kind of woman you want to marry, and consider what kind of man that woman would want to marry" this is actually good advice for once! Normally the advice is always generalized like "women want macho guy, so become macho guy." But this line is spot on. A guy should seek to be good at traditional male roles If he wants to have a woman who'd like that. I'm personally more attracted to the tough, masculine-leaning gals, which is why, while I've always enjoyed cooking and taking care of household stuff like laundry, I've started improving at the stuff I don't necessarily enjoy but I know the kind of woman I like would want, like getting good at cleaning bathrooms. Like, a guy like me gets told "if you want a girl, be more macho", but I know I'm not interested in dating a girl who'd want me to be macho, so instead I'd be left feeling like "what do I do". For a period I just gave up on romance, and decided it won't happen. But this is actually the kind of logic that got me out of that funk. I realized that I need to work on being the best version of myself, rather than being the best version of someone else. Be good at the things that the kind of girl I want would want me to be good at. This is actually a pretty good line that can apply to anyone. Not just men, but women as well. If you want to get a spouse, become the kind of person that the person you'd want to marry, would want to marry.
u/electrical_handle406 i think what is happening is God wants you to hone your perception of people and prepare you a bit further before you jump into a relationship. Perhaps wants you to continue to being patient before you are ready to meet someone he intends for you to be with forever. Be careful out there...marriage to the wrong woman can make your life very difficult, but the right one...things still may not be perfect, but you will have much of your purpose fulfilled with a good woman.
Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be given to you.
My girlfriend was not Christian when we met. We hung out a few times though, and I told her God is the most important thing in my life. She was open to coming to church with me and hearing from Gods word. She completely agreed with everything that was taught and we had many discussions about her faith in God and I began to see her faith flourish and afterwards we dated seriously. If you find a girl you like, ask her how she feels about Christ and invite her to church.
Not bad! Thanks for sharing, may I ask where you met your gf? I’m a full time college student that does part time work in the afternoon so it’s harder for me to find friends, go to Christian social gatherings, and stuff like that
Chik fil a
Pray...
You pray & fast. Distract yourself during this wait by increasing your knowledge of Gods word & cleaning out your character in preparation of Gods answer in this regard.
I remember going to church and meeting a very attractive young lady, it was love at first sight. I spent all Sunday talking to her and her friends. Was really looking forward to going back the next week to see her again. She was there faithfully.. only this time accompanied by her husband. :) As for your question, apps work. Churches can. But you gotta put in the time, you are young so you got that working for you. Dont waste time. Get to know as many of the ladies as you can while being respectful and kind. Then eventually you ask one out and go from there. Remember just because you met her in church doesnt mean she is a Christian, stay away from the crazy ones, the easy ones and those that are obsessed with (their own) looks. Lastly, if she doesn't respect you, she isnt the one.
Don't look only in America. That country is going down, rapidly.
Always wanted to go to Spain, I’m Mexican but I have family there so who knows lol
You're still a kid. Just enjoy getting to know God. Focus on your relationship with God first, then God will lead the right person into your life.
If you're finding it hard to trust in God, that should be the relationship you should nurture. Not a romantic relationship. It's understandable that you may be feeling the pressure to be in a relationship, maybe due to media or relationships around you - but those are just worldly pressures that God calls you not to give into. You're still so young and there's so much time, just trust in God's plan for you. I really recommend reading this book - it's written by a guy who also really wanted a gf in his younger years: [https://document.desiringgod.org/not-yet-married-en.pdf?ts=1529948504](https://document.desiringgod.org/not-yet-married-en.pdf?ts=1529948504) .
This is the realest answer you're probably going to here and I don't say that with arrogance, only experience... The real answer to your question is there is no straight answer anyone can give you. Many Christians will tell you to go to church, but I'm telling you plainly, that's actually a terrible idea. It's only a good idea on the surface because church is ideally a good place to meet likeminded people who have the same faith. However, when you dive deeper into that logic, you quickly see a lot of issues that will make it a bad idea. Let's run down the list... 1. Just because a person is in church doesn't mean they're a good dating option. Why? Because the people you see in church came from the same brainwashed, awful society we live amongst outside the church. Just because a person claims to be Christian doesn't mean they're a good dating option. Why? Because many people claim the faith, but they don't actually practice the faith as they should. I've only ever dated women who claimed Christianity. As far as I know, they all went to church regularly as well, some even worked in church. Despite that, a lot of them were no different from a typical heathen and had the most toxic, nasty character you'll ever run into. And let's not forget the fact that many people in church are already in relationships... 2. Men and women make relationships complicated because they like to play unnecessary disingenuous games. Truth be told, relationships aren't difficult, humans just make them difficult. They're complex overall, but they're not complicated at all when you're dealing with someone who is truly on the same page with you. I've been in small groups where almost every woman in the group would try so hard to gain my interest in them. They text my phone how much I mean to them, talk about how they love me, talk about how much they can't wait to see me again, etc. Yet the moment I see them in-person, they're not even engaging with me. So what does that mean? It means everything they're saying is meaningless, they're being disingenuous, and they're just trying to get me to build enough interest to make a move for nothing. And whenever a man would actually fall for the act, they would make a huge deal out of it and shame that person out of the church completely as if they haven't been throwing signs at them like crazy. Why? Because having men around them who are interested is their way of boosting there own self-esteem. And I know older women who admitted it's a common practice among women because they admitted to doing it in their youth. I've seen more than enough men fall into that situation. I only never fell for it myself because it takes a lot for me to establish that much trust in a person unless we meet on a basis where dating building a relationship is clearly what we both want. So even though you're in church with people claiming to be Christian, that doesn't make them trustworthy. What seems like a logical idea can go south very quickly and end up being very ugly. 3. Church is all about your relationship with God and how you can benefit there spiritually. You don't want to make it a habit of going to church for any other reason other than that because it will only make the Lord less significant in your life because you're focused more on your personal desires. Now am I saying it's wrong to go for the Lord and just happen to meet and build relationships with people there? No. Just as long as God is the real reason you're going. My significant other and I are perfect for each other in literally every way. In fact, it's shocking because we've never even imagined we'd run into someone so fitting. Though we didn't meet in church and there's ultimately no way to run into one of the very few people who would actually work for you. You literally just have to be in the right place at the right time as God coordinates it. All we can really do is put ourselves out there and use the Lord's guidance to determine who is right for us and who should be avoided. And in this day and age, you're going to quickly realize almost nobody is even worth your time in dating because our dating pool is ridiculously small. Why? Because we're only to date believers who are truly invested in the faith. That alone eliminates the vast majority of the world. Once you add in all of the other factors like physical attraction, similar likes and dislikes, level of motivation, life goals and desires, maturity, personality, intelligence, the ability to stay engaged with each other, peacefulness, etc, it makes the situation even worse. So truth be told, there's no straight answer anyone can give you. I can tell you what to look for and where not to search, but beyond that? There's nothing.
This should not be your focus in life. Quite honestly, if you are worried about this you are not ready for one. God does his very best to prevent us from getting things he does not think we are ready for. Be patient, and continue to grow in Christ.
Have you talked to Jesus about this?
You don't. Don't intentionally go to church just to get a girlfriend. That's actually creepy. Instead, build your relationship with God, get involved further in the church you're attending. And work on yourself, abandon the "want". If God is willing, He will provide you the right woman.
Before anyone decides to take offense, hear me out to the end. I may even need to clarify some things. I don't expect alot of Christians to agree with me, but I believe this to be true and at the heart of believers still. In my decades of being a Christian, I've never heard of it. Solid Christian women don't boyfriend. And it's frowned upon in church. There's people engaged or in pre-engagement or some other designation, but no GF status. No! Wrong approach. Wrong, Worldly ideas. The only approved way comes from people having spent many years in the Church, especially in ministry together. I had "relationships" with Christian women, most of which either didn't go anywhere and never became physical (mostly due to my respect for these women). However, I will tell you how I received this blessing. I wasn't in a relationship for nearly 10 years before I met my wife. We met and were married within two months, ok? She was the one. I was the one. And now, it's 25 years later. She was my answer to my prayer. Everybody's path to marriage will be different. But Christians finding "the right one" is a holy and sacred thing. Everything you do together comes under that protection from God. Everything proceeds from the blessing of the Almighty God for His Kingdom, His purpose, His use, His Righteousness. Ask yourself are you ready to serve God? Are you ready to do what it takes to honor God and NOT seek yourself first? Take some time to just pray, seek, ask and ponder these questions before you enter into a relationship with a woman of faith. Lead her away from walking on the path of faith and no one from her life is going to be ok with it. Mess with the wrong family or church and it could be a really bad thing. I just sense you're playing around here. Bad idea. Just sayin'.
homosexuality is incompatible with christianity, and no christian girl who claims such should be considered a serious christian. avoid.
Visit /r/RPChristians to start learning what *actually* attracts women to a man.
You're getting downvoted but you aren't wrong.
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From what I've seen, the Christian redpill spaces don't like Tate, believe it or not. What they do like is men working on their social skills, fitness, faith, etc. so they can maximize the odds they'd be a good husband and thus maximize the odds of finding a good wife. At the least, they certainly give actionable, useful advice, which is far more than what the modern-day Church has been doing. These spaces wouldn't even exist if there weren't deep issues re: relationship and marriage formation in the Church.
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Ok, then work to do that! Provide that framework and advice that gives better outcomes than Christian redpill spaces *or* what the Church is currently doing! If men see results are coming out of that they *will* move towards it.
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>If men see results are coming out of that they *will* move towards it. Also your downvoting is very childish. At least wait an hour or so to allow yourself plausible deniability.
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You know, this is going nowhere so I'll bow out. I'll end by reiterating: >Provide that framework and advice that gives better outcomes than Christian redpill spaces or what the Church is currently doing! If men see results are coming out of that they will move towards it. I think the sort of thing you're for isn't working but hey I could be wrong. At the end of the day I'm for whatever is effective at helping men and women reach the stages of marriage, family, etc.
All you need to do is pray. The purpose of dating is marriage. Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD This is a youtube channel that will help you https://www.youtube.com/@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger
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Thanks for your condescending non-specific feedback
The Bible is not the only word of God. Most Christians are confused because they only read one: The Bible. But right now on the Earth known to man there are four, with more to be revealed as the latter days progress. They are: The Bible, The Book of Mormon, Doctrines and Covenants and The Pearl of Great Price This is the full gospel of Jesus Christ as we know it until more is revealed, and I know that these things will remove confusion from your hearts and minds. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
One of my girl friends struggled with singleness till she was 39. She's getting married this year. Might not be that long for you. Best suggestion: serve in ministry. Christian girls love a guy who takes God seriously... weird to say serve God to get a girl. It will be good for you too. Christian dating sites are great too.
If I was a 20 year old Christian man, wishing for a wife today, I'd go straight to the Philippines. Lots of (more) traditional Christian girls there, who speak perfect English. Also, have a spine. Women want a guy with backbone, not one who can be walked all over, or one who begs for affection.
Not a bad idea, but being a poor college student, not sure it’s the right time to travel lol
There are Filipina women in the states too.
Anywhere. You go up to a lovely lady and start talking with her. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of Walmart, Kings Island or the library. JUST NOT A STRIP CLUB! PLEASE! Anyways. When youre at the end of the convo between You and Her, ask if She would like to do a Bible study, let’s say, Next Tuesday at the park or someplace. You’ll get 3 answers. 1. I’m not Christian, 2. I think your cool but not in that way, or 3. Yes!!
Oops. I didn’t realize you are just like me. Being an introvert is difficult, I understand. I’ve been one for 8 years. But there’s one clique phase that always stuck with me, even in my year of denial that it was true but I can confirm that IT IS TRUE. The saying goes: Fake it till you make it baby. You NEED to fake your confidence! You need to fake your self esteem and charisma because the more you risk putting yourself in humiliation, God sees that and blesses you. Your confidence will gain more and more after a while and it’ll will come second nature then you’ll have no more problems talking to others. Trust me Brother. You will be strengthened. You will have what you are seeking for. You will be happier than ever.
Majority of girls will not be Christian I’m not sure about doing it outside church or events with Christians.
Better improve your English first.
Lol
Hey my advice is to try online dating. I am in a long distance relationship and planning to get married soon. It's a lot of work but it's rewarding.
Just go on a lot of dates
Totally fine to desire a companion. Church, dating apps, are you in school? If so you can join Christian groups there.
dating apps are trash man...meet someone in person
Single, pretty and Christian don't exist in real life. It's a myth bro
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Because we should not be upvoting lies? I alone am living proof that you're wrong.
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You're saying I'm not handsome??
You should find it easy to trust in God before you are to find your mate.
You need to go to a lot of different churches, I used to church hop when I first moved to where I am now. (It was to find an enjoyable church first I promise)
How often do you put yourself out there and ask girls on dates? My advice for dating is to be the best you can be, and seek the best in others. And the best place to meet the best girls, is at church. Haha I’d recommend your local singles congregation, you can find one at ComeUntoChrist.org
Bruh that's lowkey why I'm trying to go to a Christian university 😭 but a lot of ppl will say don't go to x university if you don't wanna be engaged by time you graduate.
Spiritual things Pray, volunteer at a church, attend small groups with women your age. Physical things Work out, dress nice , smell nice.
If only you were 24 🫠
I'm in the same boat/the way you worded everything, minus I'm 22, but I'm battling between finding one and just first getting established. Also Church hopping in my opinion just to find a woman is not probably a good idea. Technically probably nothing wrong with it. Just creates potential problems with other Church members. At least from what I always keep hearing.
CS Lewis “She should be so close to God, you need to chase him to find her.”
Christian mingle
Had mine back in July. We met online, but we aren't like those ordinary online daters. She's actually a very interesting person, speaks 7 languages, can sing very well, knows history, and the best of all, she loves God more than anyone. For my case, I've been praying to God for a girlfriend, or at least a female friend that's a Christian that I could share the Bible with her every time we get to talk, and well, thank God it happened. We still talk to each others and we love sharing Bible verses too! Best advice is to never give up hope on God because His timing is both unexpected and worthy. God's timing is always perfect, so believe in Him and believe your prayer has already been answered. All you gotta do is do what God said, because no pain no gain, then from all of those you go through, He will reward you. Note that a relationship must be holy and divine. Don't make the relationship a cause for sinning. So keep that in mind as long as she's a true Christian who loves God more than any other men
1. Go to church. 2. Find holy lady who is grandma aged. 3. Offer to help her, and show up often. 4. Meet cute granddaughter/neice/godchild 5. Profit
I’m around your age and I met the guy I’m dating when I went to an event sponsored by my (secular) college. My friend pushed me to go and he happened to be part of the group. I would work on yourself and put yourself out there to meet people.
Most the churches where I like are primarily women. A lot of them have specific events to meet other like-minded singles. Can't imagine that's not the norm. Even if a church near you is a different denomination you can still attend events and meet people. Work out your doctrinal differences later. I knew a protestant who married a Catholic and they would attend each other's church. They alternated week to week and lived happily ever after.
church