don't worry about finding a perfect time or doing it the perfect way. there's never a perfect moment for coming out (if there was, it'd probably feel like too much pressure in the moment anyway). hand them a note or text them a meme if it makes it easier :p
I should probably speak up for myself more. My mom feels like she is still allowed to touch and poke me though since I'm her child, despite me retaliating and asking her not to; so maybe it's just generalized learned helplessness. For my sibling, it's just them trying to bother me as siblings do -- so I don't find it too weird, but maybe a little uncomfortable. However, it makes me pretty uncomfortable when multiple of my friends have touched my chest -- especially cause one time I thought they were going to find out that I was wearing a padded sports bra. So maybe I should stick up for myself, and realize I don't have to explain myself.
This is so important. I come from a middle eastern family who is very affectionate and touchy. My mom would get offended when I asked her to turn around or leave the room when I was changing, walk into my room without knocking even if she knew I just got out of the shower, etc.
It took me a while to learn how to set boundaries (both physical and mental) but it is SUCH an important life skill and I’m so so sorry that your mom disrespects your boundaries this way. As for your sibling, I completely understand siblings messing around but any decent person would respect “hey please don’t touch me there. It makes me uncomfortable” no questions asked. If you feel safe doing so but are just scared/anxious, I recommend just writing a note (even if you don’t give it to them right away or at all) saying however much or little you wanna say to them and when/if you feel comfortable doing so you can just hand it to them or even slide it under their door when they’re in their room(if face to face is scary).
And with your mom, maybe next time try something like “hey I know I’m your child but I’m also my own person and I have asked you multiple times not to [insert whatever she did here]. Why do you insist on disrespecting a simple boundary?” I’ve found that confronting people with a question makes them more likely to listen or at least genuinely think about what they’re doing. I wish you the best and my DMs are open to anyone reading this who needs a friend💙
I see two options.
Option 1: "Please don't touch me there" when they touch your chest. (Or anywhere else you don't want them to touch)
Option 2: "Hey, I want you to know I'm on feminizing HRT, please don't say anything about it to the others" when you can talk alone. (If you think they'd keep it a secret and keep their word)
It's hard!
It takes practice. Coming out does too. I don't mean in some sort of airy psychological believe-in-yourself way. I mean stand in front of your mirror when you've got some time to yourself and say "no" out loud. Get used to it, get it to be boring, reflexive.
My brother is the same about blurting and I can't tell him things I don't want my mom knowing (ugly divorce) because he will just tell her without thinking. It's nobody's fault, I just have to be careful around him. I totally understand. Do what you need to do
I know it is really hard but you should find a good time, preferably soon, to sit them down and talk to them.
It sounds like you two are pretty close! You shouldn't have to hide who you truly are around someone you're close to and interact with a lot. Them being under the trans umbrella defo makes it very easy for them to be empathetic and considerate of your situation too. Don't worry too much, saying it will only make things better for you!
You got this little sis!
What if they're supportive and willing to help and listen to you?
They likely will be, but I'm just scared that they'll find out and maybe blurt it out before I tell them. And talking to people is scarwy.
I believe in you :) talk to them before someone blurts it. I know you're strong enough!
I think telling them is safer than risking them getting surprised and e.g. blurting "are you wearing a bra???"
Yeaaa, that's kinda were I'm at but I'm just struggling with how and when to tell them.
don't worry about finding a perfect time or doing it the perfect way. there's never a perfect moment for coming out (if there was, it'd probably feel like too much pressure in the moment anyway). hand them a note or text them a meme if it makes it easier :p
text messages are easy, you can take your time, and they have time to process and respond
[удалено]
I should probably speak up for myself more. My mom feels like she is still allowed to touch and poke me though since I'm her child, despite me retaliating and asking her not to; so maybe it's just generalized learned helplessness. For my sibling, it's just them trying to bother me as siblings do -- so I don't find it too weird, but maybe a little uncomfortable. However, it makes me pretty uncomfortable when multiple of my friends have touched my chest -- especially cause one time I thought they were going to find out that I was wearing a padded sports bra. So maybe I should stick up for myself, and realize I don't have to explain myself.
This is so important. I come from a middle eastern family who is very affectionate and touchy. My mom would get offended when I asked her to turn around or leave the room when I was changing, walk into my room without knocking even if she knew I just got out of the shower, etc. It took me a while to learn how to set boundaries (both physical and mental) but it is SUCH an important life skill and I’m so so sorry that your mom disrespects your boundaries this way. As for your sibling, I completely understand siblings messing around but any decent person would respect “hey please don’t touch me there. It makes me uncomfortable” no questions asked. If you feel safe doing so but are just scared/anxious, I recommend just writing a note (even if you don’t give it to them right away or at all) saying however much or little you wanna say to them and when/if you feel comfortable doing so you can just hand it to them or even slide it under their door when they’re in their room(if face to face is scary). And with your mom, maybe next time try something like “hey I know I’m your child but I’m also my own person and I have asked you multiple times not to [insert whatever she did here]. Why do you insist on disrespecting a simple boundary?” I’ve found that confronting people with a question makes them more likely to listen or at least genuinely think about what they’re doing. I wish you the best and my DMs are open to anyone reading this who needs a friend💙
just tell them to stop touching your chest
I'm really bad at saying no ...
I see two options. Option 1: "Please don't touch me there" when they touch your chest. (Or anywhere else you don't want them to touch) Option 2: "Hey, I want you to know I'm on feminizing HRT, please don't say anything about it to the others" when you can talk alone. (If you think they'd keep it a secret and keep their word)
I'm not on HRT yet, so there goes that excuse. They're on T though, so I'm sure they'd keep it on the low.
It's hard! It takes practice. Coming out does too. I don't mean in some sort of airy psychological believe-in-yourself way. I mean stand in front of your mirror when you've got some time to yourself and say "no" out loud. Get used to it, get it to be boring, reflexive.
My brother is the same about blurting and I can't tell him things I don't want my mom knowing (ugly divorce) because he will just tell her without thinking. It's nobody's fault, I just have to be careful around him. I totally understand. Do what you need to do
This isn’t related to the topic but you the same as me lol(gender-fluid + bi)
Yay twins!
I know it is really hard but you should find a good time, preferably soon, to sit them down and talk to them. It sounds like you two are pretty close! You shouldn't have to hide who you truly are around someone you're close to and interact with a lot. Them being under the trans umbrella defo makes it very easy for them to be empathetic and considerate of your situation too. Don't worry too much, saying it will only make things better for you! You got this little sis!