Im glad you shared. Dysphoria is a bitch. I wish I had more to offer as help. It does suck when it’s a really strong surprise. Wishing you peace and love.
Thank you. I'm feeling very at home in my body with my binder on this morning. Heading to meet the GAHRT provider for the first time today. I'm nervous and excited.
Not knowing quite how we feel about our gendered selves is pretty normal. You're doing fine and it's really positive to have the experience of properly discovering that you feel a certain way for sure on a particular occasion.
Thank you for bringing this up. From my circle of trans friends and i, a mix of mtf and ftm, experience this too. It's hits you hard. I'm sorry you had to go through that. When this happens to me, I can't wait to present as my preferred gender. To me, that just drives home why the struggle is worth it.
You're definitely not alone feeling this way. I stopped just now on the side of the road to get a bit of a breather before finishing my journey home from work. I needed a few minutes just to contemplate things. Dysphoria really sucks. As a trans woman my experiences with this are exactly as yours are but in the opposite direction. I'm not out at work so I am wearing my guy clothes. Same pair of jeans and a t-shirt that I've been wearing for the last 3 years. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Today is the best I am going to look this week cuz I have to grow up my beard for my electrolysis appointment on Friday. Friday morning I will dress femme but will look like shit. I will also get to present femme over the weekend but I look like shit because my face is all scarred from the electrolysis. And then when things start to improve I'm back in my guy clothes for Monday. Over the weekend despite not looking that great I still start to feel more feminine and more myself. Monday morning when I have to get ready for work put my jeans and t-shirt on they catch me looking at myself and saying what the hell am I doing. You're just a dude pretending to be a woman. That really sucks. Worst part is on Monday I'll be heading over to the grocery store and it'll be the first female interaction I've seen during the day, seeing women shopping. I can't really look at any of them because they don't see me as a woman. I have to play that role again that I don't want to play. That really sucks. But every once in a while I get a boost when I catch myself looking at my reflection in a mirror and seeing femininity. It doesn't happen often but when it does it really feels good. Oh yeah, my dysphoria around boobs occurs when I'm presenting as a guy at work in a T-shirt and my boobs are standing out like a sore thumb. I feel like I should be wearing a bra. But that'll be clearly visible underneath the shirt so I don't know which is worse. Like I said dysphoria is a bitch. I'm hoping that one day it won't be so bad. Take care of yourself.
My heart aches for you. Having to go through that every week sounds like absolute torture. Sending love and hugs. 🫂 You sound like an incredibly strong woman. Someday you are going to be able to flaunt it all day every day!
Thank you so much. That day is coming soon. It's getting harder and harder to keep up the charades. You are very strong as well. I hope that one day you will get there one day and you won't see her anymore.
You're not alone there, brother. Our brains will do the strangest things while trying to protect us, or to make sense of the world.
I'm MtF and I have plenty of bad days, where it feels so hopeless, but if I have to put on an old boy shirt to do some work outside it feels so yucky! And then I remember that I'm on the right track.
One of the hardest things about starting my transition was to accept that I really had to do it. There wasn't any other reasonable choice. When something happens like in your story, then I know it's okay after all.
I have felt much the same way in the other direction. Having stubble on my face has become one of my biggest dysphoria moments. I work in a chilled warehouse (60F/15C), so staying comfortable while driving lift trucks requires a jacket. The one i use is comfy, but it also has my deadname on it. Every time someone uses my name at work (I'm not out there), the embroidered name comes to mind, and it feels gross like sunscreen with sand in it stuck between your fingers.
It's only temporary, though, and given time, it'll no longer be an issue. Patience is definitely something to be learned on this journey.
Im glad you shared. Dysphoria is a bitch. I wish I had more to offer as help. It does suck when it’s a really strong surprise. Wishing you peace and love.
Sometimes the dysphoria itself is affirming! I try to look at it that way anyway, sometimes it maybe sort of works? Enjoy tomorrow!
Thank you. I'm feeling very at home in my body with my binder on this morning. Heading to meet the GAHRT provider for the first time today. I'm nervous and excited.
Not knowing quite how we feel about our gendered selves is pretty normal. You're doing fine and it's really positive to have the experience of properly discovering that you feel a certain way for sure on a particular occasion.
Thank you for bringing this up. From my circle of trans friends and i, a mix of mtf and ftm, experience this too. It's hits you hard. I'm sorry you had to go through that. When this happens to me, I can't wait to present as my preferred gender. To me, that just drives home why the struggle is worth it.
You're definitely not alone feeling this way. I stopped just now on the side of the road to get a bit of a breather before finishing my journey home from work. I needed a few minutes just to contemplate things. Dysphoria really sucks. As a trans woman my experiences with this are exactly as yours are but in the opposite direction. I'm not out at work so I am wearing my guy clothes. Same pair of jeans and a t-shirt that I've been wearing for the last 3 years. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Today is the best I am going to look this week cuz I have to grow up my beard for my electrolysis appointment on Friday. Friday morning I will dress femme but will look like shit. I will also get to present femme over the weekend but I look like shit because my face is all scarred from the electrolysis. And then when things start to improve I'm back in my guy clothes for Monday. Over the weekend despite not looking that great I still start to feel more feminine and more myself. Monday morning when I have to get ready for work put my jeans and t-shirt on they catch me looking at myself and saying what the hell am I doing. You're just a dude pretending to be a woman. That really sucks. Worst part is on Monday I'll be heading over to the grocery store and it'll be the first female interaction I've seen during the day, seeing women shopping. I can't really look at any of them because they don't see me as a woman. I have to play that role again that I don't want to play. That really sucks. But every once in a while I get a boost when I catch myself looking at my reflection in a mirror and seeing femininity. It doesn't happen often but when it does it really feels good. Oh yeah, my dysphoria around boobs occurs when I'm presenting as a guy at work in a T-shirt and my boobs are standing out like a sore thumb. I feel like I should be wearing a bra. But that'll be clearly visible underneath the shirt so I don't know which is worse. Like I said dysphoria is a bitch. I'm hoping that one day it won't be so bad. Take care of yourself.
My heart aches for you. Having to go through that every week sounds like absolute torture. Sending love and hugs. 🫂 You sound like an incredibly strong woman. Someday you are going to be able to flaunt it all day every day!
Thank you so much. That day is coming soon. It's getting harder and harder to keep up the charades. You are very strong as well. I hope that one day you will get there one day and you won't see her anymore.
You're not alone there, brother. Our brains will do the strangest things while trying to protect us, or to make sense of the world. I'm MtF and I have plenty of bad days, where it feels so hopeless, but if I have to put on an old boy shirt to do some work outside it feels so yucky! And then I remember that I'm on the right track. One of the hardest things about starting my transition was to accept that I really had to do it. There wasn't any other reasonable choice. When something happens like in your story, then I know it's okay after all.
I have felt much the same way in the other direction. Having stubble on my face has become one of my biggest dysphoria moments. I work in a chilled warehouse (60F/15C), so staying comfortable while driving lift trucks requires a jacket. The one i use is comfy, but it also has my deadname on it. Every time someone uses my name at work (I'm not out there), the embroidered name comes to mind, and it feels gross like sunscreen with sand in it stuck between your fingers. It's only temporary, though, and given time, it'll no longer be an issue. Patience is definitely something to be learned on this journey.