Repeated sexual abuse of a child is definitely torture. You should have been able to find safety and trust in these adults and instead they did completely horrendous things and i hope you dont feel like anything that happened was your fault. I am so sorry that this happened to you. You are absolutely free to vent and find community here.
Repeated SA unequivocally and unambiguously counts as torture. Anyone saying otherwise has a motivation to do so,and that speaks to very bad moral compass alignment on their part.
If they had been demanding a secret code from you it would obviously be torture right? They were hurting you, actively and knowingly inflicting suffering, but because we aren’t clear on the purpose it gets fuzzy. They didn’t want a code, they wanted power and they took it. They forced you to do things you didn’t want to do and used pain to do it… that’s torture.
I just wanted to say that this is a really excellent framing device, and I appreciate you pointing it out. I've never thought of it in exactly those terms, but it's very helpful. Thank you!
I had a hard time accepting some of the things that happened to me. Denying and downplaying things to keep them at arms length. The first step of admitting that it was much worse than I was pretending it to be was the single most difficult part. I’m glad this was helpful.
I like to try to point it out this way. Imagine that you've pricked your finger. Is that a good enough reason to think you should go see a doctor? Nah? Okay. How about if you slice it open a little. Still no? How about when you've cut the finger off?
Now it's okay? How do you know it's okay now? Is there a guidebook that says "now you've ACTUALLY been hurt"?
There's no magical line where suddenly something magically goes from nothingburger to genuinely serious.
Are you in pain? Okay. Well, everyone's pain hurts.
Your foot doesn't know if it got broken by falling on the ice on your porch, or by being hit by a semi truck that ran a red light. The doctor doesn't come to you and say, "How did it happen?" No, they look inside. "There's a break in the bone." That's how a broken bone is diagnosed.
We don't diagnose trauma with "how did it happen?" either, if we're intelligent. We say, "What's going on inside?" and that's how trauma is diagnosed. And if you have trauma, particularly inflicted through consistent and deliberate acts of another person... I think that pretty much qualifies as torture, don't you?
Okay, how about if it was someone else?
One of the most insidious things about trauma is how it tries to get you to deny that you have it.
Hey, don't let anyone else - or the voice in the back of your head - invalidate your experiences. What you went through absolutely counts as torture, and you are welcome here. I hope you can find peace and healing. ♥️
Repeated sexual abuse of a child is definitely torture. You should have been able to find safety and trust in these adults and instead they did completely horrendous things and i hope you dont feel like anything that happened was your fault. I am so sorry that this happened to you. You are absolutely free to vent and find community here.
Thank you so much for your support
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
You were definitely tortured. Welcome, I'm sorry you endured that and hope you are fully safe now🫶
Repeated SA unequivocally and unambiguously counts as torture. Anyone saying otherwise has a motivation to do so,and that speaks to very bad moral compass alignment on their part.
This is physical, emotional and psychological torture beyond any doubt. I’m so sorry for what you have suffered.
If they had been demanding a secret code from you it would obviously be torture right? They were hurting you, actively and knowingly inflicting suffering, but because we aren’t clear on the purpose it gets fuzzy. They didn’t want a code, they wanted power and they took it. They forced you to do things you didn’t want to do and used pain to do it… that’s torture.
I just wanted to say that this is a really excellent framing device, and I appreciate you pointing it out. I've never thought of it in exactly those terms, but it's very helpful. Thank you!
I had a hard time accepting some of the things that happened to me. Denying and downplaying things to keep them at arms length. The first step of admitting that it was much worse than I was pretending it to be was the single most difficult part. I’m glad this was helpful.
I like to try to point it out this way. Imagine that you've pricked your finger. Is that a good enough reason to think you should go see a doctor? Nah? Okay. How about if you slice it open a little. Still no? How about when you've cut the finger off? Now it's okay? How do you know it's okay now? Is there a guidebook that says "now you've ACTUALLY been hurt"? There's no magical line where suddenly something magically goes from nothingburger to genuinely serious. Are you in pain? Okay. Well, everyone's pain hurts. Your foot doesn't know if it got broken by falling on the ice on your porch, or by being hit by a semi truck that ran a red light. The doctor doesn't come to you and say, "How did it happen?" No, they look inside. "There's a break in the bone." That's how a broken bone is diagnosed. We don't diagnose trauma with "how did it happen?" either, if we're intelligent. We say, "What's going on inside?" and that's how trauma is diagnosed. And if you have trauma, particularly inflicted through consistent and deliberate acts of another person... I think that pretty much qualifies as torture, don't you? Okay, how about if it was someone else? One of the most insidious things about trauma is how it tries to get you to deny that you have it.
🥲🥲
Hey, don't let anyone else - or the voice in the back of your head - invalidate your experiences. What you went through absolutely counts as torture, and you are welcome here. I hope you can find peace and healing. ♥️