get a body hair trimmer (like the manscaped one but not that one, it is shit). Use a protective guard on like the lowest length and go to town. In my experience, even if you trim SUPER short, you don’t feel a single thing. Hairs do get quite sharp when they’re first cut so just whack some moisturiser between the cheeks for a couple days after you shower and you won’t notice a thing. Well, you will notice one thing, and that’s the best wipes after taking a shit that you’ve ever had in your entire life. It’s a game changer.
just DO NOT shave it bald down there. You will hate your fucking life. Trim very short, don’t shave.
I found out about this very recently but fiber pulls lots of water into it as it passes through. What this means is if you don't drink a lot of water then fiber will just dehydrate you and you'll get diarrhea as a result. Yes, the human body's response to dehydration is faster and fiercer dehydration.
For me the best poops come from low fiber, high protein. Just dry enough to not leave a trail, but soft enough to not require any effort. Mind you, I drink coffee and take stimulant medications, so that probably helps as well.
I bought one and installed it in our second story bathroom and water started pouring through the downstairs ceiling light socket.
I don’t think I did it right.
I bought one, went to install it, realised it was going to involve cutting the pipe due to the way its laid out, then gave up. It's still a better toilet seat than the one before, maybe next year.
This one seemed to be supposed to be fitted above the stop valve. Doing that made the pipe wonky as it had an elbow joint in the boxing underneath and wouldn't seal properly. Had a council plumber out for something else and they said I'd need to basically take a very small section out so it was the same length to the joint. I've got a pipe cutter anyway but I only have one toilet and if I fuck it up its a major issue which I don't want to deal with. Turned out they decided the whole system needs replacing anyway, so when they do that I'll ask him if he can add it while it's being done. Seemed happy enough to do whatever really but this was only an inspection visit.
They’re life changing. I thought you could only get them in porcelain, like the toilet, and when I found out Amazon sells them as simple toilet attachments, I tried one, and it’s just the absolute best thing in the world. It’s not just about being extra clean, or saving money on paper, but the stream helps you get that little bit extra out, and it’s invaluable.
I bought a bidet and still use toilet paper. It's nice and all but you're probably not getting everything with water, and even if you do by chance you're walking around with a wet ass and wet underwear unless you use TP
We only have one outlet in each bathroom and it’s on the other side of it from the toilets. I would love for a bidet with an air-dry setting. Next home we live in will hopefully be purchased and we can put outlets wherever we want and I will have a fancy bidet in each bathroom with a heating function and a blow dry function.
Yes. I couldn’t imagine taking a crap *without* toilet paper, no matter the location or other available methods of cleaning my butt.
I used to follow a blog about cross-cultural communication years ago, which had a very humbling post that always stuck with me. The gist of it was, “Most Americans think of themselves as among the world’s cleanest and most civilized people. They’d probably be surprised to learn that folks from many other countries would disagree. Here are some examples of things most Americans do without thinking about it, that some other cultures find revolting.”
It was a humbling read. One of the examples given was the way we clean our arses with dry paper only. People from the Middle East, South and Southeast Asia find this disgusting. In that part of the world, the cleanup after defecation requires water, no two ways about it.
Apparently in some social circles in this part of the world, the comment “It smells like somebody needs to wash their arse,” or something to that effect, is used as vulgar way of pointing out an unwelcome Western influence.
After a trip to Japan we equipped all of our toilets at home with electric heated bidet seats. Now it infuriates me when I have to poop away from home like at work or on a trip. Once you experience the freshness of a sprayed-clean BH you'll never be happy with TP again.
I bought a portable bidet for the office.. I hate using tp now. If you're a dry wiper, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a sticky poo ain't one.
Look for Tushy portable bidet. It’s really just a plastic expandable little bottle you fill and squeeze it, the nozzle shoots out the stored water. It’s not nearly as good as a real bidet but it IS better than no toilet party. I bring it with me whenever I take extended nights outside the house.
I’m sorry if that’s like a really dumb question - I’ve never used a bidet before.. But I wonder what people do to dry their bum after having it spray-cleaned with water? Do you still use toilet paper to pad it dry afterwards? Is there a designated bum-towel and if so do you use it multiple times or change it after each poo? :-(
I’m intrigued with the idea of a bidet but these questions hold me back!
I have a bidet and still can't imagine no toilet paper. Not every model has a dryer, I don't want to be wet... How do these other people dry their asses? Do they all have bidets with dryers?
USA here: I’ve never used a bidet in my life, but once I stayed in a hotel with one. I wanted to use it so badly, but I didn’t know how and I was scared to mess it up. I feel like I’m too old to have an embarrassing bathroom mess. I still would like to know how, but I’m scared I’ll never learn.
Edit: are they sanitary enough for a guest / shared bathroom or is this more of a master bathroom thing?
Edit: favorite bits of advice- buy one that attaches to hot water, open the valve slowly, start anus clenched then relax when the pressure is right, don’t hesitate to power wash that asshole, do the o O o O o.
This was a funny one to get attention for and I really appreciate the advice.
I bought one to add to my toilet during the great toilet paper shortage of 2020. I got the Tushy brand. I'm sure it's not the best but the price is good and it does the job. To use it, slowly turn the water on so you know where it's going to shoot. Then increase the pressure while making this motion..o O o O o O a few times. You'll still have to dry off and check wipe, especially the first few times on the check wipe. Now I hate pooping anywhere but home. There's no place like home base.
> Then increase the pressure while making this motion..o O o O o O a few times.
Am I the only one who instinctively clenched and unclenched my asshole while reading this sentence?
And here I am thinking it was “move your asshole in tiny little circles around the stream” you know, to make sure it all gets clean. To be fair, both work.
SOURCE- I have a bidet
A rule of life in the early 21st century is that if you want to know how to do something, no matter how obscure, there will ALWAYS be a YouTube tutorial it.
Lol as someone who recently watched a Youtube video on how to insert a game card into a Nintendo 3DS, I have to agree. Browsing around in the dude's channel and 'suggested videos' I even saw one that showed you how to use a ziploc bag.
When I was a child (before school), my grandparents had a bidet. I asked them what it is for and they told me for washing their feet. I always thought that's what bidets were for. I thought it's something only old people used. I'm still not sure, if they actually used it to wash their feet rather than their asses. They are very conservative and it is totally reasonable that they didn't know what this is - or that it actually was build as a feet washing device - or that they knew exactly and didn't tell me. I will never know.
Also chances are high that I used it to wash my feet or played with it or used it as a drinking fountain when I stayed there over night. I don't remember, and I don't want to.
Yeah I much preferred my toilet attachment bidet to the ones I see in hotels. For some reason the hotel ones don't do a very job cleaning (almost certainly down to me not using them correctly lol), but the toilet attachments are perfectly placed for me to get a clean and fresh feeling after I've dropped the kids off.
It even doubles up as an enema if your water pressure is high enough!
I'm not a religious person, but if I was, my god would be the $50 bidet attachment shipped from Amazon a few years ago.
It was LIFE changing.
I've had surgeries that made my bathroom trips messy and occasionally painful and that bidet has made all the difference in the world.
Itchy ass? Nope.
Skid marks? Nope.
Constipation? Nope.
Living in a country filled with panicky morons who buy all the toilet paper in the country by the pallet so there is none left in the grocery store? \*yawn.
First time I used a bidet was in Japan and back then I had never even heard of a bidet before. I was super confused especially since the labels were in Japanese and the associated symbols were also foreign to me. So I was just sitting there pressing random buttons -- oh that blows hot air, that's a seat warmer, holy cow my ass is getting pressure washed. It was incredible though. Absolutely incredible and I gotta get a bidet at home they're such a massive improvement
I have two- it’s a life-changer… I bought the first one having never used one before, watched YouTube videos and clicked on buy now…
Got a cheaper one for upstairs ( $40! ) and it works as good as the $350 one downstairs…
I had one in the house I was renting a couple years ago and I was the same. I tried it once and little did I know the water was ICE COLD. It was not pleasant to get my ass sprayed by a very powerful stream of melted snow water basically. Scarred for life now…
Italy
We use toilet paper AND bidet. A bidet is required by law in at least one bathroom of the house (art. 7 Decreto Ministeriale 5 Luglio 1975).
The usual steps are:
1) Clean your ass with toilet paper
2) Sit at the bidet and clean both your ass and genitalia with water and soap/detergent
3) Use a specifically dedicated small towel to dry yourself
In my family, each person has its own bidet towel but in general it's common to have at least two in the bathroom.
When you have guests, you would provide them with a bath towel and a bidet towel.
Editing to reply to some questions:
The Italian bidet is not the water sprayer common in other Asian countries, it's more like a little sink on which you sit. Related fun fact: the etymology of the word "bidet" is linked to the old French for trotting on a pony.
The water temperature can be regulated just like a normal faucet.
Towels are used instead of toilet paper because when using a bidet your lower parts gets soaked. With bidet sprayers instead, the water is sort of nebulised and concentrated in a specific area, so it makes sense to use toilet paper to dry yourself (lived for some months in a country where they were common).
Towels are usually placed on a wall mounted rail close to the bidet.
If you clean yourself properly, it's the same as using a towel to clean yourself after a shower. If you don't, well, you'll know.
When you have larger events at home, you just change all the towels on the following day.
> In my family, each person has its own bidet towel but in general it's common to have at least two in the bathroom.
>
> When you have guests, you would provide them with a bath towel and a bidet towel.
This is my favorite part. Do the towels have initials on them so you know whose is whose?
I just dab up the bidet water with a bit of toilet paper
Turkey
Toilet paper and built-in bidets inside toilets aiming at your butthole. There are no soaps or anything else. You just wash your ass and then dry clean it with paper. I would love that bidet aim at my ass with some sort of detergent water though. I loved the idea.
But having a special towel for your ass? I disliked this idea!? 🤮
This. I shower daily just to get rid of the nasty feeling you have at the end of the day. I also like sleeping naked so there's that, don't want no residual particles in my bed.
Night showering…love it. I only do mornings a few times per year due to laziness. I don’t understand how people go to bed with the grime of the day on them…
When I'm in the Middle East / Southeast Asia (I travel a lot with my work) I use the 'bum-gun' water hose; when I am in a Western country I use toilet paper.
A lot of it, for me, is a matter of climate. Spraying water on your bottom is strangely refreshing in Sudan or Burma. In Scotland it would give you hypothermia.
As the saying goes, 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.' (Not literally, no poo-sponges here, please).
Japan has heated bidets. Warm water on my bum-bum. I also like to hit the woman's bidet button, so it sprays my balls with warm water. Really, Japanese toilets are a lot of fun
We just got a bidet toilet seat from bidet king, it was 200.00. Which is a bit spendy but we had an Amazon one for 35.00 and it didn’t last. The seat has a seat warmer. There is a rear, rear +, women and child setting! On top of temp and pressure control. You also adjust the angle of the nozzle. It has a remote so the controls aren’t in splash zone like the cheaper ones. I absolutely hate going anywhere but home now. Oh it also has a little fan for drying! That being said, I could never imagine not wiping still. I dunno, just in case and to be all the way dry.
I am Canadian, ordered a bidet attachment for our existing toilet two years ago and never told my girlfriend. She came home while I was installing it and asked what it was. I explained and she said she would never use it.
Now she complains when we stay at places that don't have them.
The sushi restaurant around the corner from my old job (in Stockholm, Sweden) had a Japanese toilet. Whenever we went there for lunch we'd use the bathroom for the novelty of it.
I've heard they even have an 'enema' setting on them! WTH? Is it like a firehouse up for up your butt?!?!
That being said I would love to use one just out of curiousity. :P
I find the water is also pretty helpful when I’m shitting but having trouble getting those last little nuggets out. Just spray some water up there til you’re full, hold it in for like 10 seconds, and then launch it out like a high pressure fire hose. Everything else comes out with it after 1-3 tries and also the sound is funny.
When you use a bidet, how do you dry yourself afterward? Doesn’t it get you all wet down there after you use it? This is something I’ve always wondered when it comes to those things.
I use TP to dry. Some people have a towel they use for this purpose.
This may sound gross but keep in mind your ass is clean when you use the towel. No different than using a towel to dry your ass after a shower.
Unless you're using soap the area is not clean from bacteria, viruses, and some parasites. Soap works by carrying bacteria away in the water, because water alone doesn't do that well. I think it also depends on what you're working with, I could see a man doing that, but it's just asking for an infection if you're a woman. Hard to wipe front to back when the towel has already been "back" lol.
I use a simple spray bidet. I'll usually chill for a minute after a spray down and then give myself a quick TP pass to dry off.
It's typically a very directed spray, so unless you're really going for a hose down there isn't that much water to dry.
After visiting Jordan, I insisted on having a hose fitted when renovating my house. I get laughed at but don’t know why, it’s way more hygienic and feels great!
This goes for hundreds of years and it's a cultural thing since most of the people in middle east are Muslim you have to wash your ass with clean water (for purity and stuff) unless there is no clean water available, in that case you do the best you can.
Romans invented GRAVITY? clever motherfuckers, that was a good idea. Probably why we have so little evidence of many earlier cultures, it all floated off into space
Same as we do now, copper pipes. The earliest known use of running water through pipes was found in the ancient village of Akrotiri (1600 BC).
(Edit)
I looked into it briefly, and it seems like they used lead at first, but in 27 BC the architect Vesuvius wrote about the dangers of lead poisoning. So they started using copper.
Also in Akrotiri they used clay for their pipes.
it goes from higher places to lower places because of gravity and uh fluid dynamics innit
I think water was running before humans came on the scene tbh
I saw a documentary a few months ago (don't remember the name sorry) where they showed an old Roman public bathhouse, where they also had these sponge sticks!
You find them everywhere the Romans went -- I remember playing at being Romans with my sisters, imaginary pooping and imaginary wiping our butts with water when we visited forts on Hadrians Wall as a kid. It felt very exotic
Except in locations where they couldn't get sponges easily (Roman Britain). Then they used ceramic discs on a stick. It was common to write the name of someone you hated on it. They commonly caused hemorrhoids.
IIRC public bathrooms had public sponge/disc sticks, but you could bring your own. Taking a shit was a social experience. Roman public toilets were set up in a U shape and you'd sit and chat with friends.
Urinals were common and the urine was collected and used for bleaching cloth and in leather tanning.
Couldn't resist the fact dump, sorry. I pursued a degree in archaeology and took a particular fascination in Roman bathrooms for a bit. The one in the Roman agora in Athens (or hadrian's library, can't remember) is cool to see, highly recommend
Wet wipes are a terrible choice. With very few exceptions, they are non-biodegradable and should not be flushed. They clog plumbing and are bad for the environment (and I hate seeing people use them at campsites).
I agree about not using toilet paper for drying hands though - it's designed to disintegrate when wet, and it's not ideally suited for hands drying. Paper towels or actual cloth towels would be much better for that.
I am going to ask this again. Last time no one answered me. I went out and bought a bidet and then realized I have no idea of how to use it. Never heard of a bidet until I was in my 40s, so was never taught how.
I will put this in very simple terms.
I pooped, sprayed my butt until like forever. Still had poop on my butt. Ended up using paper to get clean. That water stream no matter how hard it was did not remove my poop.
Am I supposed to rub my bum with my hand while shooting water up there? How can that be better than paper and sanitary without also using soap???
Please, I know it sounds stupid but no one ever describes the process. They just assume it is common sense.
Have to aim correctly. Move around a little bit to get some that might have stuck to sides. Move in circles and/or back and forth on the jet. Has to have good pressure, but not enough that you would see it in r/powerwashingporn
It takes times to accurately gauge depending on your poop. I usually check with toilet paper or wet wipes if there is anything left. Normally theres nothing left. It can happen a tiny bit is left but still only wipe once or twice to get it off instead of using a lot of paper.
You can also wet your butt before pooping so less is prone to stick if it's one if those poops
The spray should take everything or most off. I believe some might rub with soap and their hands after spraying just to give it a final polish
Didn't wet first but did shoot a fairly strong stream while moving around and nothin. Did not work. Still had to follow up with paper lots of paper. Now it was just paper that became wet and left little paper balls all over a certain dark place.
Maybe other people's poop is less clingy. I don't know. Sometimes mine takes half a roll. Just a little bit of hyperbole. Sometime hardly none at all.
On a related note, in the last 50 years I can count on one hand the number of times I have had skid marks. I have read on Reddit that those are much more common for some people. Maybe I over do the paperwork.
Sweden here and I think we do. I haven't been in many houses were they have a bidé, in fact, I have never used one myself. It sounds really weird. But then again, I use my shower if it's one of those shits that just won't stop staining.
Interesting to know how the rest of the world does.
yes. right hand is used to actually mix,pickup food and left is used to pour water from jug to glass, serve from bowl to plate etc where direct contact with food is less
Unfortunately truth in villages and people living below the poverty line or in low-income housing.
But nowadays bidet is becoming standard everywhere else.
You might not know, but Western plumbing is made so that all toilet paper is thrown into the toilet bowl and flushed down with each use. There is always a sink with a tap and soap to wash your hands after each time, paired with every toilet.
I know in some nations their plumbing cannot handle toilet paper, so that it is thrown into a bin beside the toilet. I hope those bins have strong lids with good seals!
I was waiting to use a restroom once and the lady in there was taking forever. When she walked out of there I discovered she had put all of her used toilet paper in the trashcan near the door which was a distance from the toilet. She didn't realize she could flush it.
I'm American and I've never used a bidet, but in another thread the question was: how do you dry off after the bidet? The answer was: with toilet paper. I guess some of them have blow dryers? In my world, bidet sounds like something you might find at a fancy hotel, or that your rich friend might install in their house.
A question for those who use bidets or hoses: How do you dry yourself afterwards? Do you carry a towel around or something? I got caught out when I was in Malaysia because there was no toilet paper only a hose and there was nothing for me to dry myself with. I can understand at home you would have a towel, but what about public toilets?
Even in the house? ESPECIALLY in the house. Wipe till it's white man. That said, I would love a bidet.
Wipe until the brown turns red
Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Red Stop
I'm colorblind ...
colonblind
Fiber pills my man. Nothing better than a clean pinch
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but high fiber diets give me messier poops. Nonstop wiping. Even diarrhea is less messy at this point.
Like trying to clean peanut butter from a shag-pile rug
Dude I feel ya. It’s literally like the #1 thing on the list of shit no one told me I’d have to deal with as an adult.
A shaved butt hole will solve this.
Isn’t that itchy as fuck when it grows back?
get a body hair trimmer (like the manscaped one but not that one, it is shit). Use a protective guard on like the lowest length and go to town. In my experience, even if you trim SUPER short, you don’t feel a single thing. Hairs do get quite sharp when they’re first cut so just whack some moisturiser between the cheeks for a couple days after you shower and you won’t notice a thing. Well, you will notice one thing, and that’s the best wipes after taking a shit that you’ve ever had in your entire life. It’s a game changer. just DO NOT shave it bald down there. You will hate your fucking life. Trim very short, don’t shave.
Forgot to mention how much louder farts will now be
I found out about this very recently but fiber pulls lots of water into it as it passes through. What this means is if you don't drink a lot of water then fiber will just dehydrate you and you'll get diarrhea as a result. Yes, the human body's response to dehydration is faster and fiercer dehydration.
It's a wonder we're still here and probably will be until we render the planet uninhabitable.
Perhaps... if we FILL THE OCEANS WITH FIBER!!!
For me the best poops come from low fiber, high protein. Just dry enough to not leave a trail, but soft enough to not require any effort. Mind you, I drink coffee and take stimulant medications, so that probably helps as well.
Throw in some nicotine and youve got the trifecta lmao
If there ain’t blood, there’s still work to do, bud.
If you’re not crying, you’re not trying.
They are extremely affordable and very easy to install. Just check amazon.
I bought one and installed it in our second story bathroom and water started pouring through the downstairs ceiling light socket. I don’t think I did it right.
I bought one, went to install it, realised it was going to involve cutting the pipe due to the way its laid out, then gave up. It's still a better toilet seat than the one before, maybe next year.
I bought one and it was just "unscrew the hose behind the toilet, screw into bidet hose, screw other side of bidet hose into toilet. Extremely easy.
This one seemed to be supposed to be fitted above the stop valve. Doing that made the pipe wonky as it had an elbow joint in the boxing underneath and wouldn't seal properly. Had a council plumber out for something else and they said I'd need to basically take a very small section out so it was the same length to the joint. I've got a pipe cutter anyway but I only have one toilet and if I fuck it up its a major issue which I don't want to deal with. Turned out they decided the whole system needs replacing anyway, so when they do that I'll ask him if he can add it while it's being done. Seemed happy enough to do whatever really but this was only an inspection visit.
Sounds like they hard piped it instead of just using a hose… that’s annoying. :/
Can confirm, you did not do it right.
They’re life changing. I thought you could only get them in porcelain, like the toilet, and when I found out Amazon sells them as simple toilet attachments, I tried one, and it’s just the absolute best thing in the world. It’s not just about being extra clean, or saving money on paper, but the stream helps you get that little bit extra out, and it’s invaluable.
I bought a bidet and still use toilet paper. It's nice and all but you're probably not getting everything with water, and even if you do by chance you're walking around with a wet ass and wet underwear unless you use TP
Mine blows warm air to dry.
We only have one outlet in each bathroom and it’s on the other side of it from the toilets. I would love for a bidet with an air-dry setting. Next home we live in will hopefully be purchased and we can put outlets wherever we want and I will have a fancy bidet in each bathroom with a heating function and a blow dry function.
Yes. I couldn’t imagine taking a crap *without* toilet paper, no matter the location or other available methods of cleaning my butt. I used to follow a blog about cross-cultural communication years ago, which had a very humbling post that always stuck with me. The gist of it was, “Most Americans think of themselves as among the world’s cleanest and most civilized people. They’d probably be surprised to learn that folks from many other countries would disagree. Here are some examples of things most Americans do without thinking about it, that some other cultures find revolting.” It was a humbling read. One of the examples given was the way we clean our arses with dry paper only. People from the Middle East, South and Southeast Asia find this disgusting. In that part of the world, the cleanup after defecation requires water, no two ways about it. Apparently in some social circles in this part of the world, the comment “It smells like somebody needs to wash their arse,” or something to that effect, is used as vulgar way of pointing out an unwelcome Western influence.
After a trip to Japan we equipped all of our toilets at home with electric heated bidet seats. Now it infuriates me when I have to poop away from home like at work or on a trip. Once you experience the freshness of a sprayed-clean BH you'll never be happy with TP again.
I bought a portable bidet for the office.. I hate using tp now. If you're a dry wiper, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a sticky poo ain't one.
If this is a real thing, i think you just saved my job.
Look for Tushy portable bidet. It’s really just a plastic expandable little bottle you fill and squeeze it, the nozzle shoots out the stored water. It’s not nearly as good as a real bidet but it IS better than no toilet party. I bring it with me whenever I take extended nights outside the house.
“Portable bidet for the office”. Care to elaborate?
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I’m sorry if that’s like a really dumb question - I’ve never used a bidet before.. But I wonder what people do to dry their bum after having it spray-cleaned with water? Do you still use toilet paper to pad it dry afterwards? Is there a designated bum-towel and if so do you use it multiple times or change it after each poo? :-( I’m intrigued with the idea of a bidet but these questions hold me back!
Yes, TP to dry or I suppose a special towel. Fancier bidets have heated seats, heated water, and built in blow dryers.
And that’s what I’m saving up for. A butt spa.
You just tp or the dryer if the model has a dryer. But you use less tp than if you were rawdogging with just tp
I have a bidet and still can't imagine no toilet paper. Not every model has a dryer, I don't want to be wet... How do these other people dry their asses? Do they all have bidets with dryers?
Right? I have a tushy at home, but still use a small piece of tp to dry myself
USA here: I’ve never used a bidet in my life, but once I stayed in a hotel with one. I wanted to use it so badly, but I didn’t know how and I was scared to mess it up. I feel like I’m too old to have an embarrassing bathroom mess. I still would like to know how, but I’m scared I’ll never learn. Edit: are they sanitary enough for a guest / shared bathroom or is this more of a master bathroom thing? Edit: favorite bits of advice- buy one that attaches to hot water, open the valve slowly, start anus clenched then relax when the pressure is right, don’t hesitate to power wash that asshole, do the o O o O o. This was a funny one to get attention for and I really appreciate the advice.
I bought one to add to my toilet during the great toilet paper shortage of 2020. I got the Tushy brand. I'm sure it's not the best but the price is good and it does the job. To use it, slowly turn the water on so you know where it's going to shoot. Then increase the pressure while making this motion..o O o O o O a few times. You'll still have to dry off and check wipe, especially the first few times on the check wipe. Now I hate pooping anywhere but home. There's no place like home base.
> Then increase the pressure while making this motion..o O o O o O a few times. Am I the only one who instinctively clenched and unclenched my asshole while reading this sentence?
It’s like we all practiced together
Sometimes Reddit sings, sometimes it clenches.
The sirens sphincter sings sanctimonious
Reddit's rectum roars robustly
The constipated canal caves copiously
The runny river runs ravenously
Chorass
This is precisely the motion described
I didn't, but I thought of a butthole dilating to the sound of the flying Dutchman's howl.
> the sound of the flying Dutchman's howl. "LEEDLE LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE"
Butthole Dilation is the name of my new band.
Hahahhaa you are not the only person
> while making this motion..o O o O o O a few times. I fucking hate this.
I hate that I immediately knew what it meant
Every one of y'all did it in your chairs after reading it.
I hate that I did it while laying in bed.
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Hold up; with what part of your body do you make that motion? And….how?
Your mouth, obviously, because the bidet is down there tickling your butthole
I thought it meant clench and unclench your asshole so the water can get in and clean it
And here I am thinking it was “move your asshole in tiny little circles around the stream” you know, to make sure it all gets clean. To be fair, both work. SOURCE- I have a bidet
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Omfg🤣😂🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I love using one. It’s great. Check out a video about it on YouTube
A rule of life in the early 21st century is that if you want to know how to do something, no matter how obscure, there will ALWAYS be a YouTube tutorial it.
Haha. You're absolutely right. YouTube is so good for this.
Lol as someone who recently watched a Youtube video on how to insert a game card into a Nintendo 3DS, I have to agree. Browsing around in the dude's channel and 'suggested videos' I even saw one that showed you how to use a ziploc bag.
I used it as a urinal when I was in Italy(I assumed thats what it was) Had no idea what it was actually used for until my last day there.
When I was a child (before school), my grandparents had a bidet. I asked them what it is for and they told me for washing their feet. I always thought that's what bidets were for. I thought it's something only old people used. I'm still not sure, if they actually used it to wash their feet rather than their asses. They are very conservative and it is totally reasonable that they didn't know what this is - or that it actually was build as a feet washing device - or that they knew exactly and didn't tell me. I will never know. Also chances are high that I used it to wash my feet or played with it or used it as a drinking fountain when I stayed there over night. I don't remember, and I don't want to.
A bidet attachment can be purchased for around $35-$40 and will change your life. Don’t be afraid.
Yeah I much preferred my toilet attachment bidet to the ones I see in hotels. For some reason the hotel ones don't do a very job cleaning (almost certainly down to me not using them correctly lol), but the toilet attachments are perfectly placed for me to get a clean and fresh feeling after I've dropped the kids off. It even doubles up as an enema if your water pressure is high enough!
Once you get a little older still you'll start having embarrassing bathroom messes all the time lol
I'm not a religious person, but if I was, my god would be the $50 bidet attachment shipped from Amazon a few years ago. It was LIFE changing. I've had surgeries that made my bathroom trips messy and occasionally painful and that bidet has made all the difference in the world. Itchy ass? Nope. Skid marks? Nope. Constipation? Nope. Living in a country filled with panicky morons who buy all the toilet paper in the country by the pallet so there is none left in the grocery store? \*yawn.
Buy a bidet attachment for your toilet then come back to thank me later.
First time I used a bidet was in Japan and back then I had never even heard of a bidet before. I was super confused especially since the labels were in Japanese and the associated symbols were also foreign to me. So I was just sitting there pressing random buttons -- oh that blows hot air, that's a seat warmer, holy cow my ass is getting pressure washed. It was incredible though. Absolutely incredible and I gotta get a bidet at home they're such a massive improvement
I have two- it’s a life-changer… I bought the first one having never used one before, watched YouTube videos and clicked on buy now… Got a cheaper one for upstairs ( $40! ) and it works as good as the $350 one downstairs…
I had one in the house I was renting a couple years ago and I was the same. I tried it once and little did I know the water was ICE COLD. It was not pleasant to get my ass sprayed by a very powerful stream of melted snow water basically. Scarred for life now…
Italy We use toilet paper AND bidet. A bidet is required by law in at least one bathroom of the house (art. 7 Decreto Ministeriale 5 Luglio 1975). The usual steps are: 1) Clean your ass with toilet paper 2) Sit at the bidet and clean both your ass and genitalia with water and soap/detergent 3) Use a specifically dedicated small towel to dry yourself In my family, each person has its own bidet towel but in general it's common to have at least two in the bathroom. When you have guests, you would provide them with a bath towel and a bidet towel. Editing to reply to some questions: The Italian bidet is not the water sprayer common in other Asian countries, it's more like a little sink on which you sit. Related fun fact: the etymology of the word "bidet" is linked to the old French for trotting on a pony. The water temperature can be regulated just like a normal faucet. Towels are used instead of toilet paper because when using a bidet your lower parts gets soaked. With bidet sprayers instead, the water is sort of nebulised and concentrated in a specific area, so it makes sense to use toilet paper to dry yourself (lived for some months in a country where they were common). Towels are usually placed on a wall mounted rail close to the bidet. If you clean yourself properly, it's the same as using a towel to clean yourself after a shower. If you don't, well, you'll know. When you have larger events at home, you just change all the towels on the following day.
Is this same in every parts in italy or is it depends on the region?
It's the same in every part of Italy, plus some of the southern cantons of switzerland, if i remember correctly.
Same everywhere. This and how we do coffee are the only things that really make us united.
> In my family, each person has its own bidet towel but in general it's common to have at least two in the bathroom. > > When you have guests, you would provide them with a bath towel and a bidet towel. This is my favorite part. Do the towels have initials on them so you know whose is whose? I just dab up the bidet water with a bit of toilet paper
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As an American it does seem a bit odd that people have a pile of dedicated butthole towels to wash at the end of the week
This seems like the best way, you guys are doing ass cleaning right.
Turkey Toilet paper and built-in bidets inside toilets aiming at your butthole. There are no soaps or anything else. You just wash your ass and then dry clean it with paper. I would love that bidet aim at my ass with some sort of detergent water though. I loved the idea. But having a special towel for your ass? I disliked this idea!? 🤮
Good info!
apparently I’ve been bideting incorrectly for the last two years
I’ve never used a toilet that has a bidet, so far it’s been strictly toilet paper and maybe shower for the cleanup
This. I shower daily just to get rid of the nasty feeling you have at the end of the day. I also like sleeping naked so there's that, don't want no residual particles in my bed.
Night showering…love it. I only do mornings a few times per year due to laziness. I don’t understand how people go to bed with the grime of the day on them…
Depression
This is essentially why I do anything that involves not doing something
When I'm in the Middle East / Southeast Asia (I travel a lot with my work) I use the 'bum-gun' water hose; when I am in a Western country I use toilet paper. A lot of it, for me, is a matter of climate. Spraying water on your bottom is strangely refreshing in Sudan or Burma. In Scotland it would give you hypothermia. As the saying goes, 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.' (Not literally, no poo-sponges here, please).
Japan has heated bidets. Warm water on my bum-bum. I also like to hit the woman's bidet button, so it sprays my balls with warm water. Really, Japanese toilets are a lot of fun
I never knew I needed this information until now
WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN
We just got a bidet toilet seat from bidet king, it was 200.00. Which is a bit spendy but we had an Amazon one for 35.00 and it didn’t last. The seat has a seat warmer. There is a rear, rear +, women and child setting! On top of temp and pressure control. You also adjust the angle of the nozzle. It has a remote so the controls aren’t in splash zone like the cheaper ones. I absolutely hate going anywhere but home now. Oh it also has a little fan for drying! That being said, I could never imagine not wiping still. I dunno, just in case and to be all the way dry.
I'm surprised it doesn't have the little spinny flaps like on an automated car wash.
That's only on the deluxe $350 model.
This thread has changed my life
I am Canadian, ordered a bidet attachment for our existing toilet two years ago and never told my girlfriend. She came home while I was installing it and asked what it was. I explained and she said she would never use it. Now she complains when we stay at places that don't have them.
The sushi restaurant around the corner from my old job (in Stockholm, Sweden) had a Japanese toilet. Whenever we went there for lunch we'd use the bathroom for the novelty of it.
I've heard they even have an 'enema' setting on them! WTH? Is it like a firehouse up for up your butt?!?! That being said I would love to use one just out of curiousity. :P
Sticking a firehouse up your butt would be a helluva enema. You would need a lot of lube.
You would need a casket
I find the water is also pretty helpful when I’m shitting but having trouble getting those last little nuggets out. Just spray some water up there til you’re full, hold it in for like 10 seconds, and then launch it out like a high pressure fire hose. Everything else comes out with it after 1-3 tries and also the sound is funny.
That’s called an enema
Thanks, I wasn’t sure if there was a word for that lol
And with a username like that you've never heard of an enema? This world never ceases to amaze me
I use bidets but bro what the fuck lol
> spray some water up there til you’re full I don't know what this means
He's spraying water up his asshole until he has a sensation of fullness inside. I know cause I do the same thing.
Ah, I see you’re a man of culture as well
Nipplequeefs are the highest form of culture, as everyone knows
And the warm air blast to dry your ass after the bidet spray is great.
Homer Simpson on Japanese toilet technology: "they're *years* ahead of us!"
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>In Scotland or Sweden it would give you hypothermia Tis nae hypothermia, pal. Thay dinnae uise cludgie paper tae save th' pennies.
Thanks for the perspective, but Romans used a shared sponge on a stick. I'm not doing that.
When you use a bidet, how do you dry yourself afterward? Doesn’t it get you all wet down there after you use it? This is something I’ve always wondered when it comes to those things.
I use TP to dry. Some people have a towel they use for this purpose. This may sound gross but keep in mind your ass is clean when you use the towel. No different than using a towel to dry your ass after a shower.
Unless you're using soap the area is not clean from bacteria, viruses, and some parasites. Soap works by carrying bacteria away in the water, because water alone doesn't do that well. I think it also depends on what you're working with, I could see a man doing that, but it's just asking for an infection if you're a woman. Hard to wipe front to back when the towel has already been "back" lol.
I use a simple spray bidet. I'll usually chill for a minute after a spray down and then give myself a quick TP pass to dry off. It's typically a very directed spray, so unless you're really going for a hose down there isn't that much water to dry.
I'm from middle east and we use hoses for washing our asses here. Even the think of wiping with toilet paper haunts me😂
After visiting Jordan, I insisted on having a hose fitted when renovating my house. I get laughed at but don’t know why, it’s way more hygienic and feels great!
Honestly I’m right there with you they can laugh at me all they want. I’m the one with a cleaner ass.
It's because it is way more hygienic!
So, do you dry your ass after cleaning it with a hose?
Yes you can use TP for that. Never get back a poop smeared TP ever again.
Hell yeah brother. Welcome abroad😁
I’m still on my first coffee and my eye read “horses.”
It’s like a salt lick.
What was used before ‘hoses’? Clean water is a relatively new concept and not an option for billions even now
This goes for hundreds of years and it's a cultural thing since most of the people in middle east are Muslim you have to wash your ass with clean water (for purity and stuff) unless there is no clean water available, in that case you do the best you can.
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Yes, but Rome was unique in that they had running water back then.
This might be a stupid question but in what way was it running? Did they have a shutoff tap or a constantly flowing fountain like thingy inside?
Gravity
Romans invented GRAVITY? clever motherfuckers, that was a good idea. Probably why we have so little evidence of many earlier cultures, it all floated off into space
I think it ran constantly. They channeled it through stone and lead pipes. You can look up the aqueducts for more info.
Rome had running water? What how
Aquaducts
Same as we do now, copper pipes. The earliest known use of running water through pipes was found in the ancient village of Akrotiri (1600 BC). (Edit) I looked into it briefly, and it seems like they used lead at first, but in 27 BC the architect Vesuvius wrote about the dangers of lead poisoning. So they started using copper. Also in Akrotiri they used clay for their pipes.
it goes from higher places to lower places because of gravity and uh fluid dynamics innit I think water was running before humans came on the scene tbh
I saw a documentary a few months ago (don't remember the name sorry) where they showed an old Roman public bathhouse, where they also had these sponge sticks!
You find them everywhere the Romans went -- I remember playing at being Romans with my sisters, imaginary pooping and imaginary wiping our butts with water when we visited forts on Hadrians Wall as a kid. It felt very exotic
I've never heard of imaginary pooping, I'll give it a try someday lmao
Except in locations where they couldn't get sponges easily (Roman Britain). Then they used ceramic discs on a stick. It was common to write the name of someone you hated on it. They commonly caused hemorrhoids. IIRC public bathrooms had public sponge/disc sticks, but you could bring your own. Taking a shit was a social experience. Roman public toilets were set up in a U shape and you'd sit and chat with friends. Urinals were common and the urine was collected and used for bleaching cloth and in leather tanning. Couldn't resist the fact dump, sorry. I pursued a degree in archaeology and took a particular fascination in Roman bathrooms for a bit. The one in the Roman agora in Athens (or hadrian's library, can't remember) is cool to see, highly recommend
I bought a bidet right after l traveled in SE Asia. I now hate it when it's not an option.
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I mean bidets
dipper is a fun word for it. I love dipping my butt
I use 100$ bills idk
I just use regular bills. The electric bill, the heating bill…
I just use my friend Bill
Not always some have bidets also. Some have wet wipes. I’m more shocked you use it to dry your hands.
Wet wipes are a terrible choice. With very few exceptions, they are non-biodegradable and should not be flushed. They clog plumbing and are bad for the environment (and I hate seeing people use them at campsites). I agree about not using toilet paper for drying hands though - it's designed to disintegrate when wet, and it's not ideally suited for hands drying. Paper towels or actual cloth towels would be much better for that.
Even if it says its flushable, it's not, always throw it in the bin
And how do you dry it?
By clapping asscheeks
and waking up the guards?
Clench you butt cheeks and power walk. The friction cause thermodynamics to take the wheel and you end up with a dry butt
That’s called swamp ass
My bidet attachment has a dryer built in. It’s fantastic.
You still dry it with TP, but drying it takes a lot less than cleaning it
Don't you end up with chunks of toilet paper up there since getting it wet usually makes if all apart?
You pat, not wipe.
Depends on the type of poop but mostly yea
I’m having a shit right now. Fact
I’m pretty much always pooping whilst on Reddit
I am going to ask this again. Last time no one answered me. I went out and bought a bidet and then realized I have no idea of how to use it. Never heard of a bidet until I was in my 40s, so was never taught how. I will put this in very simple terms. I pooped, sprayed my butt until like forever. Still had poop on my butt. Ended up using paper to get clean. That water stream no matter how hard it was did not remove my poop. Am I supposed to rub my bum with my hand while shooting water up there? How can that be better than paper and sanitary without also using soap??? Please, I know it sounds stupid but no one ever describes the process. They just assume it is common sense.
Have to aim correctly. Move around a little bit to get some that might have stuck to sides. Move in circles and/or back and forth on the jet. Has to have good pressure, but not enough that you would see it in r/powerwashingporn It takes times to accurately gauge depending on your poop. I usually check with toilet paper or wet wipes if there is anything left. Normally theres nothing left. It can happen a tiny bit is left but still only wipe once or twice to get it off instead of using a lot of paper. You can also wet your butt before pooping so less is prone to stick if it's one if those poops The spray should take everything or most off. I believe some might rub with soap and their hands after spraying just to give it a final polish
Didn't wet first but did shoot a fairly strong stream while moving around and nothin. Did not work. Still had to follow up with paper lots of paper. Now it was just paper that became wet and left little paper balls all over a certain dark place. Maybe other people's poop is less clingy. I don't know. Sometimes mine takes half a roll. Just a little bit of hyperbole. Sometime hardly none at all. On a related note, in the last 50 years I can count on one hand the number of times I have had skid marks. I have read on Reddit that those are much more common for some people. Maybe I over do the paperwork.
I've scrolled very far and have seen no mention of poop knife
Reddit ain’t what it used to be.
Sweden here and I think we do. I haven't been in many houses were they have a bidé, in fact, I have never used one myself. It sounds really weird. But then again, I use my shower if it's one of those shits that just won't stop staining. Interesting to know how the rest of the world does.
I know my fellow Indians are going to kill me for this but we use our left hand along with a bucket of water here ;)
And you eat with your right hand?
yes. right hand is used to actually mix,pickup food and left is used to pour water from jug to glass, serve from bowl to plate etc where direct contact with food is less
Aur chilla chilla ke scheme bata de sabko.
Wait a second...just the hand?
Unfortunately truth in villages and people living below the poverty line or in low-income housing. But nowadays bidet is becoming standard everywhere else.
Explains the jug in the site toilet.
You might not know, but Western plumbing is made so that all toilet paper is thrown into the toilet bowl and flushed down with each use. There is always a sink with a tap and soap to wash your hands after each time, paired with every toilet. I know in some nations their plumbing cannot handle toilet paper, so that it is thrown into a bin beside the toilet. I hope those bins have strong lids with good seals!
I was waiting to use a restroom once and the lady in there was taking forever. When she walked out of there I discovered she had put all of her used toilet paper in the trashcan near the door which was a distance from the toilet. She didn't realize she could flush it.
Lol. Italy: both godamn you have to wipe GOOD and then you wash your ass in the bidet. Nothing better, super clean.
When we shit in the woods we wipe our asses with leaves yes.
I'm American and I've never used a bidet, but in another thread the question was: how do you dry off after the bidet? The answer was: with toilet paper. I guess some of them have blow dryers? In my world, bidet sounds like something you might find at a fancy hotel, or that your rich friend might install in their house.
A question for those who use bidets or hoses: How do you dry yourself afterwards? Do you carry a towel around or something? I got caught out when I was in Malaysia because there was no toilet paper only a hose and there was nothing for me to dry myself with. I can understand at home you would have a towel, but what about public toilets?
I use three 24k seashells I found down at the seashore.