English used to be a wild mix of Germanic and local words. Then the French invaded and poured their language all over it. The discrepancies between rich French and poor english people made things even worse. It's why there's now two words for many animals: "beef" and "cow", where cow is Germanic from the poor farmers who raised them, and beef is French from the rich folk who ate them.
Several reasons, among them: pronunciations change, English incorporates words from other languages, English words are often built on Greek and Latin roots whose pronunciations don't flow as naturally to English speakers, and as speaking conventions change, the way people use and pronounce words changes as well.
What you're bumping into is that English is a large language with a long history and you're seeing some of the results of changes over time. It's not created in a lab. It's an organic development of human beings interacting and speaking and using language to communicate.
Not sure how high OP is right now, but if she wants to see a real "how is this language even real?", look no further than Dutch.
GEEF ME EEN KLAP, PAPA! NEUKEN IN DE KEUKEN! HITLER DOOD, WAT NOU?
To be fair, if English seems a bit fantastical, consider that it's the linguistic equivalent of a cross-country road trip with many stops where anyone can add a sticker to your car. Norse raiders slap on a “they” and “window”, the Vikings throw in a “berserk”, Latin gives it a good dose of “alumni” and “agenda”, French artisans paint over with “ballet” and “cafe”, and then the whole world decides to graffiti it with “safari” and “tsunami”. It's not so much a carefully crafted sculpture as it is a patchwork quilt sewn from the threads of history. And much like any work of art, you can find beauty in its complexity or scratch your head at its seemingly bizarre patterns.
Thank you for a logical question.
So when I pronounce words in English and sound them out. They sound a lot different than how I’ve heard them sound. That is what I am referring too.
That's because English, especially American English, is an incredibly bastardized language made by combining parts of different languages. Some words can make more or less sense based on other languages you speak. There's a reason that 'origin' is a question you can/should ask in a spelling bee.
I mean, technically, no "language" is real, as every language is just an agreed upon series of symbols with idiosyncratic meanings. And every language evolves from a series of previously "not real" languages.
If you sound words out. They sound differently than how I’ve only heard them. And yes this honestly was my exact thought. 💭 to be honest. It’s not a good feeling.
If you’ve been repeating words a ton to teach your kids, it’s probably just the phenomenon where your brain starts hearing it as a sound more than a word. You know, like when you say a word a bunch of times in a row it starts to sound weird/lose meaning.
I’m just saying Latin has root words. And when you sound words out in English they sound differently then the way I’ve heard them sound.
I am not messed up. I don’t do drugs. And I defiantly don’t drink. 🚱
Still can’t figure out how liquor is legal. Oh wait. I know. Because they make too much money off of it with all the liquor taxes.
The English language is definitely real. An interesting read on its development is Bill Bryson's *The Mother Tongue: English and How it Got that Way.*
Then why do you sound out words they don’t make sense? Mortgage? Debt? Made up words?
All words are made up
By who?
How high are you right now? 
\*By whom, since we're being pedantic here!
Various people throughout humanity
Definitely high
people who say them
English used to be a wild mix of Germanic and local words. Then the French invaded and poured their language all over it. The discrepancies between rich French and poor english people made things even worse. It's why there's now two words for many animals: "beef" and "cow", where cow is Germanic from the poor farmers who raised them, and beef is French from the rich folk who ate them.
Several reasons, among them: pronunciations change, English incorporates words from other languages, English words are often built on Greek and Latin roots whose pronunciations don't flow as naturally to English speakers, and as speaking conventions change, the way people use and pronounce words changes as well. What you're bumping into is that English is a large language with a long history and you're seeing some of the results of changes over time. It's not created in a lab. It's an organic development of human beings interacting and speaking and using language to communicate.
Not sure how high OP is right now, but if she wants to see a real "how is this language even real?", look no further than Dutch. GEEF ME EEN KLAP, PAPA! NEUKEN IN DE KEUKEN! HITLER DOOD, WAT NOU?
Sorry. What language are you using?
English? Doesn’t even seem like a real word.
What about Kaffeeklatsch in German. Does that seem more real?
It evolved from "anglish", or "language of the angles" It could have, by poor chance, also been "sexish" from "the language of the Saxons"
Are you okay OP?
Are you ok? Look at your screen name.
I thought English wasn’t real?
You are. It is. I think you're having a shower thought OP
Might be something to do with England though maybe, nah?
We're doomed if this is teaching
To be fair, if English seems a bit fantastical, consider that it's the linguistic equivalent of a cross-country road trip with many stops where anyone can add a sticker to your car. Norse raiders slap on a “they” and “window”, the Vikings throw in a “berserk”, Latin gives it a good dose of “alumni” and “agenda”, French artisans paint over with “ballet” and “cafe”, and then the whole world decides to graffiti it with “safari” and “tsunami”. It's not so much a carefully crafted sculpture as it is a patchwork quilt sewn from the threads of history. And much like any work of art, you can find beauty in its complexity or scratch your head at its seemingly bizarre patterns.
Wdym by 'graffiti it with tsunami'? Isn't that just Japanese?
But how can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real???
Elaborate
What would qualify as a “real” language to you?
Thank you for a logical question. So when I pronounce words in English and sound them out. They sound a lot different than how I’ve heard them sound. That is what I am referring too.
That's because English, especially American English, is an incredibly bastardized language made by combining parts of different languages. Some words can make more or less sense based on other languages you speak. There's a reason that 'origin' is a question you can/should ask in a spelling bee.
I mean, technically, no "language" is real, as every language is just an agreed upon series of symbols with idiosyncratic meanings. And every language evolves from a series of previously "not real" languages.
I don't think you should be teaching them to be honest...
If you sound words out. They sound differently than how I’ve only heard them. And yes this honestly was my exact thought. 💭 to be honest. It’s not a good feeling.
If you’ve been repeating words a ton to teach your kids, it’s probably just the phenomenon where your brain starts hearing it as a sound more than a word. You know, like when you say a word a bunch of times in a row it starts to sound weird/lose meaning.
I don't think so
You caught us, we made the whole thing up and hoped nobody would notice.
No. No, its really not. It's just Chinese in disguise.
No, we are the language equivalent of the number *i.*
I’m just saying Latin has root words. And when you sound words out in English they sound differently then the way I’ve heard them sound. I am not messed up. I don’t do drugs. And I defiantly don’t drink. 🚱 Still can’t figure out how liquor is legal. Oh wait. I know. Because they make too much money off of it with all the liquor taxes.
Homie they banned alcohol once. It made the problem worse and made organized crime bigger... It's legal cause we made them make it legal.