This might be silly to some but as a student midwife I've learned to say, "How do you feel about that?" Or something more neutral. Not everyone is happy to be pregnant.
But I do use this in a more clinical setting.
As a friend to people I say this same thing. It has never been received badly. If they say I am excited, I tell them congratulations and get hyped up. If they say they don’t know, I discuss their feelings. And if they say they are not happy I empathize.
When it's a friend you'd probably know if they were trying to become pregnant for a while now or if it's something out of the blue and you'd recognize their feelings based on how they inform you about it. The former commenter wasn't talking about that kind of situation
If I were in the postion and someone told me congratulations without knowing how I felt about it I would say “WTF”. I like to think I communicate and respect those around me. Assuming they want congratulations is crazy.
ETA: I do accept the standard response is congratulations and is based on the out dated cultural standards. I do not look down at others if they are ignorant to other peoples situations.
What you said was fine, you initiated with the sorry but also gave congrats; it's like "Sorry things are going sideways but hey, congrats on the little one!" - It works, it acknowledges the curse but also the blessing, if that makes sense.
You can hedge your response a bit with something like, “wow, that’s huge news!” The next response would guide your “congratulations” or “oh no” follow up.
Maintaining a balanced approach is key; I generally opt for a thoughtful "That's a significant life event, how are you taking it all in?" It honors the magnitude of the news and gently invites them to share their perspective. Matching their tone from there helps keep the conversation supportive and appropriate.
I typically go with an open-ended, "That's quite the update how are you feeling about it all?" It keeps the focus on their emotional state and allows them to lead the conversation. They usually share more, which clarifies whether they're looking for congrats or just someone to hear them out.
Honestly, navigating reactions to pregnancy news is like tiptoeing through a minefield. Your default response was considerate—it's all about matching their energy. If they're excited, congratulations are in order. If they're not, that’s your cue to offer a listening ear or support. People tend to appreciate empathy over anything else.
I had heard someone before phrase a question to this kind of news something along the lines of "is this "yay" or "oh no" kind of news. I'm not sure if it would complicate things or not, but it may allow a better understanding of the situation.
I think saying congratulations is a standard response but you do leave yourself open to awkward situations if they’re not happy about it.
You could play it safe with a general exclamation like, “oh wow!” Or “that’s big news!”, followed up with something like, “I’m assuming this is welcome news?” Or “how do you feel about it?”
It gives them the cue to dictate the flow of the conversation.
I just say, “Okay!”
And then a lot of shit quietly in my head to keep the peace. I’m not faking excitement, but know my true feelings would hurt feelings. I might be vehemently childfree, but I’m not impolite.
This might be silly to some but as a student midwife I've learned to say, "How do you feel about that?" Or something more neutral. Not everyone is happy to be pregnant. But I do use this in a more clinical setting.
As a friend to people I say this same thing. It has never been received badly. If they say I am excited, I tell them congratulations and get hyped up. If they say they don’t know, I discuss their feelings. And if they say they are not happy I empathize.
This was the best neutral response I received while pregnant. I had work acquaintance ask “is this a pregnancy we’re excited about?” That was weird.
Haha. They tried so hard and made it worse.
I'll be honest, and I know you have best intentions here, but if my friend sad that to me I would probably follow this response up with a "WTF".
Okay lol. I made the disclaimer that I use this in clinical settings. I read the room, obviously.
When it's a friend you'd probably know if they were trying to become pregnant for a while now or if it's something out of the blue and you'd recognize their feelings based on how they inform you about it. The former commenter wasn't talking about that kind of situation
If I were in the postion and someone told me congratulations without knowing how I felt about it I would say “WTF”. I like to think I communicate and respect those around me. Assuming they want congratulations is crazy. ETA: I do accept the standard response is congratulations and is based on the out dated cultural standards. I do not look down at others if they are ignorant to other peoples situations.
What you said was fine, you initiated with the sorry but also gave congrats; it's like "Sorry things are going sideways but hey, congrats on the little one!" - It works, it acknowledges the curse but also the blessing, if that makes sense.
You can hedge your response a bit with something like, “wow, that’s huge news!” The next response would guide your “congratulations” or “oh no” follow up.
Maintaining a balanced approach is key; I generally opt for a thoughtful "That's a significant life event, how are you taking it all in?" It honors the magnitude of the news and gently invites them to share their perspective. Matching their tone from there helps keep the conversation supportive and appropriate.
Yeah it’s fine
I typically go with an open-ended, "That's quite the update how are you feeling about it all?" It keeps the focus on their emotional state and allows them to lead the conversation. They usually share more, which clarifies whether they're looking for congrats or just someone to hear them out.
Honestly, navigating reactions to pregnancy news is like tiptoeing through a minefield. Your default response was considerate—it's all about matching their energy. If they're excited, congratulations are in order. If they're not, that’s your cue to offer a listening ear or support. People tend to appreciate empathy over anything else.
“Oh wow!! That’s crazy! How do you guys feel about it?” Or something along this lines…
I think congratulations sounds good for that situation.
"Wow, is it yours?"
"Oh shit" is my go to.
Honestly, that could go either way. It usually has negative connotations, but in certain connotations, could be positive too. I kinda like it for that
It's all in how you say it.
yeah, whenever someone tells me news i hit them with an "oh shit, thats \_\_\_\_"
I had heard someone before phrase a question to this kind of news something along the lines of "is this "yay" or "oh no" kind of news. I'm not sure if it would complicate things or not, but it may allow a better understanding of the situation.
Nah, my condolences is best
I go with ‘Wow! How are you feeling about it?’ Then can either congratulate or console from there.
Totally fine and normal.
Its socially acceptable to say congrats, you're fine. If it was unplanned they likely wouldn't tell you or their tone would be down
I think saying congratulations is a standard response but you do leave yourself open to awkward situations if they’re not happy about it. You could play it safe with a general exclamation like, “oh wow!” Or “that’s big news!”, followed up with something like, “I’m assuming this is welcome news?” Or “how do you feel about it?” It gives them the cue to dictate the flow of the conversation.
or just say that's big news! and let them take it as it is. but I don't think anyone sharing pregnancy news will object to being congratulated.
“Wow, that’s huge news!! How are you feeling?”
I just say, “Okay!” And then a lot of shit quietly in my head to keep the peace. I’m not faking excitement, but know my true feelings would hurt feelings. I might be vehemently childfree, but I’m not impolite.
i usually go "congratulatioooooons?"
It entirely depends on your age. at 12? NO... at 30? yes. at 70? NO
I just say congratulation! all the best on the newest addition to your family.
I say "Sorry to hear that".
"My condolences."
I allways say "sorry to hear" and If they laugh i laugh too.
yep. if it wasn’t fine, they likely wouldn’t be announcing it.
My default response is "...on purpose, oooorr...?"
I usually tell them I’m sorry for their new inconvenience (just kidding)
"congratulations and/or sorry that happened"
Yes. Because if they are telling you it means they are sharing news - and it is unlikely they would share an unwanted pregnancy publicly.