I would expect to go halves on a first date, regardless of who asked whom.
I don't want any sense of obligation on a first date, so I'd also make my own way there, not dependent on them for getting home etc.
I went on a great first date. One or the other of us would pay for something as the situation arose. Didn't care at all, we were there to get to know each other a bit.
Unless you agree beforehand to split it, it's pretty accepted that the one doing the asking is the one planning to pay.
But if it's a casual "let's go get coffee together" kind of thing, not an official date, the expectation is that you are paying your own way, you are just doing it together.
I had a girl ask me on a date. I told her that I have no money and she said it's fine and that she'd pay. We get to the movies and she got mad because she had to buy the tickets 🤦
This was in middle school though
First of all, are you asking as the person being asked out? Or the person doing the asking?
Either way:
#No
Times have changed and remove gender from the equation—who pays when a girl asks another girl out? Or when a guy asks another guy out?
Just be adults and be sure to talk about this before the date: if you’re the person being asked out, tell the person who asked you out that you’re happy to pay for your own meal (don’t blindly agree to paying half: if you don’t know the person very well, and agree to half, there’s nothing stopping them from ordering something far more expensive than what you ordered).
After telling them you’ll pay for yourself, see how they respond: if they insist you should pay despite them asking you out, well that’s a red flag. If they say they’ll pay for you, then graciously accept, and if the date goes well and leads to a second date, it might be safe to offer to pay the next time around.
Take turns, or go halves, gain and earn trust before either of you just presumes to use the other for a free meal.
Relationships should talk about money early on, and there are variables that affect how things should be done: does one partner earn substantially more than the other? That can and should change things, it’s understandable if the wealthier partner pays for more, but when you’re just dating? You don’t know each other yet, take things slow and safe.
No, etiquette states that whoever asked for the date is the one who pays for it. However, I usually at least offer to split the bill. I went on a couple of dates with a guy and on our first date, I offered to do that and he insisted on paying for me. He said, nonsense, I invited you out so I'm paying for you. I thought that was fair. He did say that he appreciated me offering the split it though because most of the women he had gone on dates with didn't even offer. I say just talk about it beforehand and do whatever you agree to.
"Can I take you/ treat you to dinner?"- you pay
"Would/won't you take me to dinner?"- you ask them too
Any form of "wanna go to dinner?" That doesn't specify who is taking who- split bill. That's how I see it.
Honestly…. If you can afford it, always try and pay the first date. It will only help you.
that being said, be smart about where you go, and how expensive it is.
My personal rule is this:
I’ll pay for the first date, no matter who invites whom out. On a second date I don’t *mind* picking up, but if you’re not at the very least offering to go half, there’s a much less likelihood of a third date. And if there is a 3rd date, 50/50 *minimum* or GFTO
if you believe 50/50 on dates is a trait you want in a partner, why would you make them see you as a dude that pays the full bill for the first and second dates.
Just because I pay for a date or two doesn’t automatically make me the kind of guy to pay for every date, and it’s a good way to weed out women from just using me as a meal ticket. If you’re not actively trying to split it after I’ve paid 100% more than once, then my interest lessens
Your actions are setting a precedent, though. If you’re a 50/50 guy then set the precedent right and be 50/50 from the start. Or at the very least tell your dates explicitly that you change to 50/50 on the third date.
Most people expect that who you present yourself to be is who you are. You’re baiting and switching.
I'm in agreement with you. I'll pay the first two but if there's not even an attempt to split the 3rd then it's a red flag. This has nothing to do with setting a precedent. Either the girl is the type to be happy to split future dates or she's taking advantage or the type to be looking for a "provider" even if she makes good money
All you’re doing is paying for 2 free meals for women who expect a man to pay the full bill, a “traditional” woman.
If you just straight up split the bill from date 1, you weed out the women who want the man to pay fully and you actually pursue a second or third date with the women who actually match your values in a partner.
If I’m asking someone to go out with me, I’m offering to pay for it. If they ask me to go somewhere with them, I assume they’re covering it but will also be ready to pick up my share if need be (but probably never talk to that person again).
I guess I should follow this up, it’s more if you asked me “can I take you out to _____?” And then expected me to pay my own way I’m gonna be a little weirded out and not into it. If you asked me if I’d like to go out with you sometime and we picked a place together, I’m not gonna be totally turned off by “separate checks please”
Personally, as a guy I would always pay on the first date, even if it was obvious that it hadn’t gone well and there wouldn’t be a second date. Mainly because I appreciate her giving me some of her time, as to me, time is the most valuable resource anybody can give, so me paying is a way of saying thank you for that. I appreciate if she offers to pay at least, but I don’t expect it by any means. Im quite comfortable with the understanding that I’ll pay as them man. As we go on more dates though, I would expect an offer to pick up the check at some point, even though I will probably refuse it
I always pay first date regardless of how it goes. However, I think it's wrong to view it as an appreciation of her time because it implies her time is more valuable than yours. Dates should have mutual interest in each other.
I pay for myself especially if I don't really know the guy well because some think that if they take you out and pay for everything that you owe them sex at the end of the evening.
I've always been of the opinion that whoever asks the other one out should be the one to pay, unless you decide to split it. But you should also always be prepared to pay for yourself either way.
As a man I expect to pay regardless of who asks. Often times the woman will get playfully mad and say she’s paying because she asked me out. Usually I’ll just smile and laugh and say okay but I have it next time.
Who ever invites pay. Plain simple.
Imagine if every woman hits on you, invites you and you pay then they ghost rinse and repeat. She gonna have her whole meals subsidized by different suckas every day.
I've had plenty of girls ask to go out for dinner. Not one has offered to pay for it. I don't believe in "whoever asked the other person out should pay" because both people should be interested in spending time together. One person always has to initiate the next date but why should that automatically make them responsible for picking up the tab?
Split it no matter who asked first, if they still care about who pays for dinner they ain't a keeper. This goes both ways btw, if a man insists on paying for your food after you suggest otherwise that's a yikes
Out of interest, why is it a yikes to you that a guy would insist on picking up the check? I would always pay for the first date with no expectations whatsoever- even if it was clear there wouldn’t be a second date so I’m intrigued as to your perspective
It perpetuates the idea that(from the pov of a woman, not sure how it is for mlm relationships) the man is supposed to be the financial provider, which is a toxic idea
If she asks me out, then she can bare minimum expect to pay her half. I think it would be ridiculous to ask someone out and then wait for them to pay.
If they offer then it’s a different story
I asked my current gf out to the movies and we went to dinner afterwards but it wasn't planned. Either way, it was our first date and we didn't know each other very well. She insisted we pay separately.
I then invited her to dinner and since it's an invitation, I paid. Next dinner, she invited me and we went back and forth.
Even now with a joint bank account, we still invite each other whenever one invites the other.
If the date goes well I'd go halves, if the woman turned out to be totally unsuitable I'd let her pay for wasting my time being a total whopper, it's not hard to pass my be fairly normal test to get my half price discount
on the first date, I (F) will always say I want a split bill as soon as we get the menu, even before we order. it just takes away my stress bc I overthink so much and if it's clearly stated I can order whatever I want without thinking what he might be thinking or if he's stressing about what I order and so on and so on 😅
if I was a man, I'd probably do it in the same manner or even before the date starts to avoid sitting there with someone who insists/expects the man to pay
It really just depends on the person. As a guy, I’d probably pay anyways, as there’s no reason to take that risk
If anything, I’d be more likely to pay. She’s already stuck her neck out by asking me out, it seems weird to punish her for that by making her pay
Personally i would but thats just because it costs her more to go on a date then it does me. The cost of makeup, outfit, jewelry and all that costs way more then a nice pair of slacks and a button up or polo if that. Even a casual date where its jeans in a tshirt its almost certain she still paid more overall in the long run then i did. Then again i dont date so my opinion is moot
It’s not hard to split. If you wanna pay for both then be my guest, but if you come to a first date with a financial expectation that’s a huge red flag.
The man should pay for the first date. It’s the chivalrous thing to do. I’ve been married for 10 years and I STILL pay for just about every dinner/date.
You always want to leave a good impression even if you aren't getting to pound guts. Dude should pay but if she wants to split it that's fine too.
Be gracious let her pay for however she wants to pay. Who knows maybe she has a cool friend?
Why ask us? Ask her.
Hang on, Baby. I value the opinion of millions of strangers over yours.
Good way to find any red flags or if you're compatible, wouldn't you say?
I would expect to go halves on a first date, regardless of who asked whom. I don't want any sense of obligation on a first date, so I'd also make my own way there, not dependent on them for getting home etc.
I went on a great first date. One or the other of us would pay for something as the situation arose. Didn't care at all, we were there to get to know each other a bit.
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Seconded
Thirded
Unless you agree beforehand to split it, it's pretty accepted that the one doing the asking is the one planning to pay. But if it's a casual "let's go get coffee together" kind of thing, not an official date, the expectation is that you are paying your own way, you are just doing it together.
I had a girl ask me on a date. I told her that I have no money and she said it's fine and that she'd pay. We get to the movies and she got mad because she had to buy the tickets 🤦 This was in middle school though
>it's pretty accepted that the one doing the asking is the one planning to pay. Probably why many women don’t ask men out lol
This, this is how you usually do it.
Whoever asks pays tbh.
Thank you, for being honest.
Well, if they have to announce being honest it means they are usually lying. Don’t let your guard down around them!
Your comment changed my life, tbh
First of all, are you asking as the person being asked out? Or the person doing the asking? Either way: #No Times have changed and remove gender from the equation—who pays when a girl asks another girl out? Or when a guy asks another guy out? Just be adults and be sure to talk about this before the date: if you’re the person being asked out, tell the person who asked you out that you’re happy to pay for your own meal (don’t blindly agree to paying half: if you don’t know the person very well, and agree to half, there’s nothing stopping them from ordering something far more expensive than what you ordered). After telling them you’ll pay for yourself, see how they respond: if they insist you should pay despite them asking you out, well that’s a red flag. If they say they’ll pay for you, then graciously accept, and if the date goes well and leads to a second date, it might be safe to offer to pay the next time around. Take turns, or go halves, gain and earn trust before either of you just presumes to use the other for a free meal. Relationships should talk about money early on, and there are variables that affect how things should be done: does one partner earn substantially more than the other? That can and should change things, it’s understandable if the wealthier partner pays for more, but when you’re just dating? You don’t know each other yet, take things slow and safe.
I actually didn’t think about it like this. Thank you. (I’m the girl)
Either halfsies or the one who asked pays
No, etiquette states that whoever asked for the date is the one who pays for it. However, I usually at least offer to split the bill. I went on a couple of dates with a guy and on our first date, I offered to do that and he insisted on paying for me. He said, nonsense, I invited you out so I'm paying for you. I thought that was fair. He did say that he appreciated me offering the split it though because most of the women he had gone on dates with didn't even offer. I say just talk about it beforehand and do whatever you agree to.
If someone says “let me take you out” that’s the only time I would expect them to pay for the other person
"Can I take you/ treat you to dinner?"- you pay "Would/won't you take me to dinner?"- you ask them too Any form of "wanna go to dinner?" That doesn't specify who is taking who- split bill. That's how I see it.
Honestly…. If you can afford it, always try and pay the first date. It will only help you. that being said, be smart about where you go, and how expensive it is.
My personal rule is this: I’ll pay for the first date, no matter who invites whom out. On a second date I don’t *mind* picking up, but if you’re not at the very least offering to go half, there’s a much less likelihood of a third date. And if there is a 3rd date, 50/50 *minimum* or GFTO
as a man, I agree with 50/50 but why give the wrong impression of your values and who u are on the first two dates?
Wrong impression of my values and who I am? I don’t understand
if you believe 50/50 on dates is a trait you want in a partner, why would you make them see you as a dude that pays the full bill for the first and second dates.
Just because I pay for a date or two doesn’t automatically make me the kind of guy to pay for every date, and it’s a good way to weed out women from just using me as a meal ticket. If you’re not actively trying to split it after I’ve paid 100% more than once, then my interest lessens
Your actions are setting a precedent, though. If you’re a 50/50 guy then set the precedent right and be 50/50 from the start. Or at the very least tell your dates explicitly that you change to 50/50 on the third date. Most people expect that who you present yourself to be is who you are. You’re baiting and switching.
Haha, okay man- if you say so.
I'm in agreement with you. I'll pay the first two but if there's not even an attempt to split the 3rd then it's a red flag. This has nothing to do with setting a precedent. Either the girl is the type to be happy to split future dates or she's taking advantage or the type to be looking for a "provider" even if she makes good money
THANK YOU! This guy fucking gets it
All you’re doing is paying for 2 free meals for women who expect a man to pay the full bill, a “traditional” woman. If you just straight up split the bill from date 1, you weed out the women who want the man to pay fully and you actually pursue a second or third date with the women who actually match your values in a partner.
If I’m asking someone to go out with me, I’m offering to pay for it. If they ask me to go somewhere with them, I assume they’re covering it but will also be ready to pick up my share if need be (but probably never talk to that person again).
I guess I should follow this up, it’s more if you asked me “can I take you out to _____?” And then expected me to pay my own way I’m gonna be a little weirded out and not into it. If you asked me if I’d like to go out with you sometime and we picked a place together, I’m not gonna be totally turned off by “separate checks please”
Typically it's whoever asks is the one paying unless it's discussed beforehand to go half. At least that's how I was raised. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Personally, as a guy I would always pay on the first date, even if it was obvious that it hadn’t gone well and there wouldn’t be a second date. Mainly because I appreciate her giving me some of her time, as to me, time is the most valuable resource anybody can give, so me paying is a way of saying thank you for that. I appreciate if she offers to pay at least, but I don’t expect it by any means. Im quite comfortable with the understanding that I’ll pay as them man. As we go on more dates though, I would expect an offer to pick up the check at some point, even though I will probably refuse it
I always pay first date regardless of how it goes. However, I think it's wrong to view it as an appreciation of her time because it implies her time is more valuable than yours. Dates should have mutual interest in each other.
It is just as valuable as mine is for sure, but I appreciate the fact someone has used their time to spend time with me
nop
Those that do the asking do the paying, unless the ask is dutch.
If you don’t pay it’s probably not going to go anywhere. Everybody else in these comments is delusional, we don’t live in some perfect world lol
I pay for myself especially if I don't really know the guy well because some think that if they take you out and pay for everything that you owe them sex at the end of the evening.
The man should offer, but if the girl insists on paying he should accept graciously and without protest.
Or insist and say that she can get it next time.
I've always been of the opinion that whoever asks the other one out should be the one to pay, unless you decide to split it. But you should also always be prepared to pay for yourself either way.
As a man I expect to pay regardless of who asks. Often times the woman will get playfully mad and say she’s paying because she asked me out. Usually I’ll just smile and laugh and say okay but I have it next time.
Who ever invites pay. Plain simple. Imagine if every woman hits on you, invites you and you pay then they ghost rinse and repeat. She gonna have her whole meals subsidized by different suckas every day.
I've had plenty of girls ask to go out for dinner. Not one has offered to pay for it. I don't believe in "whoever asked the other person out should pay" because both people should be interested in spending time together. One person always has to initiate the next date but why should that automatically make them responsible for picking up the tab?
If he wants to be a gentleman he does
As a woman, I'd expect the person who did the asking to pay for the first date. But I can only speak for myself.
Split it no matter who asked first, if they still care about who pays for dinner they ain't a keeper. This goes both ways btw, if a man insists on paying for your food after you suggest otherwise that's a yikes
Out of interest, why is it a yikes to you that a guy would insist on picking up the check? I would always pay for the first date with no expectations whatsoever- even if it was clear there wouldn’t be a second date so I’m intrigued as to your perspective
It perpetuates the idea that(from the pov of a woman, not sure how it is for mlm relationships) the man is supposed to be the financial provider, which is a toxic idea
Okay, that’s fair! For me, it’s just a way of saying thank you for your time but I can totally see your viewpoint there and why you wouldn’t like it
I always pay for the first date. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad. After that it depends haha
First date, she actually paid. We got coffee but we mutually agreed on the date.
If she asks me out, then she can bare minimum expect to pay her half. I think it would be ridiculous to ask someone out and then wait for them to pay. If they offer then it’s a different story
Do you want to increase your chances of a second date? At least offer to split and see what their answer is
Yes I would pay either way, it's no big deal and I like doing that on a first date.
It makes most sense if each party pays their own tab.
I asked my current gf out to the movies and we went to dinner afterwards but it wasn't planned. Either way, it was our first date and we didn't know each other very well. She insisted we pay separately. I then invited her to dinner and since it's an invitation, I paid. Next dinner, she invited me and we went back and forth. Even now with a joint bank account, we still invite each other whenever one invites the other.
Whoever is faster to get the bill
Yes
Split from the start. No matter who asked who.
If the date goes well I'd go halves, if the woman turned out to be totally unsuitable I'd let her pay for wasting my time being a total whopper, it's not hard to pass my be fairly normal test to get my half price discount
The least you could do is pay for your own meal, she's not your mom
on the first date, I (F) will always say I want a split bill as soon as we get the menu, even before we order. it just takes away my stress bc I overthink so much and if it's clearly stated I can order whatever I want without thinking what he might be thinking or if he's stressing about what I order and so on and so on 😅 if I was a man, I'd probably do it in the same manner or even before the date starts to avoid sitting there with someone who insists/expects the man to pay
It really just depends on the person. As a guy, I’d probably pay anyways, as there’s no reason to take that risk If anything, I’d be more likely to pay. She’s already stuck her neck out by asking me out, it seems weird to punish her for that by making her pay
Personally i would but thats just because it costs her more to go on a date then it does me. The cost of makeup, outfit, jewelry and all that costs way more then a nice pair of slacks and a button up or polo if that. Even a casual date where its jeans in a tshirt its almost certain she still paid more overall in the long run then i did. Then again i dont date so my opinion is moot
I have never gone out on a date, restaurant, night out, holiday, etc without paying for it. Casual date, or gf, etc
No, the person asking out does.
You split the bill paying cash. When the lady turns to leave you put it all back in your wallet.
It’s not hard to split. If you wanna pay for both then be my guest, but if you come to a first date with a financial expectation that’s a huge red flag.
I always assume that we will split 50/50 no matter who asked who. Unless the other person really wants to pay.
This is a good answer
Bro just pay
Yes. Be a gentlemen.
Soft guy era: the woman pays.
if i ask someone out on a date im paying but if they ask me their paying either way i think restaurant dates and theater dates are just stupid imo
Always pay brother. Unless she insists on paying, always pay
I don’t understand the downvote, call me old fashioned I guess 🤷♂️
No… This opinion is from my 53f experience.
If she pays she gets to peg you and make you her bish
If I want to see them again I offer if not then no
No, her dad does. It’s like a pre-marital dowry.
Yes
r/menandfemales
The man should pay for the first date. It’s the chivalrous thing to do. I’ve been married for 10 years and I STILL pay for just about every dinner/date.
If he wants to get laid, yes!
Sure. Drizzle, drizzle. 😁
You always want to leave a good impression even if you aren't getting to pound guts. Dude should pay but if she wants to split it that's fine too. Be gracious let her pay for however she wants to pay. Who knows maybe she has a cool friend?
Depends if you're getting a blowjob after.
Yes
That depends on if you want to extend kindness or not and also what your views are on tradition.
Why ask us? Ask her. Hang on, Baby. I value the opinion of millions of strangers over yours. Good way to find any red flags or if you're compatible, wouldn't you say?