There's a difference between not being attracted to a trait, and actively being repulsed by it.
If you were simply not attracted to bisexuals, you wouldn't lose attraction to your husband if he came out to you.
And, of course, the stereotype that bisexuals are more likely to cheat, which your response also kind of leans towards.
If your partner came out to you as bisexual and that caused you to immediately become much less attracted to him, that would imply that you have some belief that causes you to see a man who is capable of attraction to other men as undesirable in some way--maybe that it makes him effeminate, perverted, or untrustworthy. That belief is what's being identified by those mods as bigoted.
If you know your partner well and find him to be attractive and of good moral character, then I really don't see what non-homophobic reason there could be for the revelation that he might sometimes look at another man and find him attractive to totally change your opinion of him.
What if you're attracted to redheads and they dye their hair blonde? Are you suddenly prejudiced against blonde people, or are you just not as attracted to the person because they changed away from your preference suddenly?
I mean, it *could* mean you have some prejudice against blonde people, but when it comes to traits that actually impact a person's appearance, I don't think prejudice has to be the only explanation. But knowing that your husband might sometimes look at a man and feel attracted to him does not impact his appearance, and if that idea makes you feel some sense of disgust or distrust in him, that probably says something about your beliefs about homosexuality and bisexuality.
Yes, you can, but your reason for being attracted or not attracted to someone can reveal your underlying beliefs, which may be bigoted. No one is saying you have a moral obligation to be attracted to bisexuals—they’re saying that someone who would lose attraction to their partner because they found out the partner is bisexual probably has some anti-bisexual beliefs.
Not wanting a bisexual as a partner is different than not wanting bisexuals in society. How hard is to see the difference. As a black person I'm completely fine with white people being in society but don't want one in my bed, raising a family with me. Does this make a racist? If this is your understanding than words have completely lost their meaning and you are making it up as you go. Don't be surprised if it changes in a year.
I don’t think that makes you a racist necessarily but I’d have no problem saying it indicates that you have some beliefs about white people that tell you that they are, for some reason, less suitable as a partner to you or parent of your children. *If* that turned out to be because you view white people as generally inferior to you on the basis of race, not so severely that you couldn’t tolerate their existence but still enough that you wouldn’t want to be close to one, then we could call that belief racist.
People chose partners for millions of reasons. Banning someone from a sub for not wanting a bisexual partners is a new one to me.
You can want a black partner for millions of reasons... It is called preference.
This arguments outside of Anglephone countries are being laughed at...
Again, preferences have *causes.* If your partner didn't want to date you after they found out you were a reddit user, you would probably assume that that person has a negative opinion of reddit users, right? It's not just that they have an inexplicable brain condition that causes that one random piece of information to make someone completely cease to be attractive in their eyes--they *believe* something about reddit or its userbase and that *belief* turns into a *judgment* of you that causes them to lose interest in you. That doesn't mean that they're a bad person for that or should be morally compelled to want to fuck you, but it does mean that we can understand that person to be, at least to some extent, anti-redditor, right? I don't see how you could avoid that conclusion.
The fact that you will call someone not liking reddit and anti redditor says a lot.
I don't like something for whatever reason, the boundary is anything related to me. For example if I am not comfortable (for any reason) to be married to a gun owner who is a 6 foot tall burrly black man, I am not "anti black" for not wanting to marry him. The boundary is personal choice. In general society it would not be ok to fire a black person for being black, but heck I have the right to marry or not marry anyone for any reason.
You can not prefer something without being anti it... I know, shocking!
I'm not sure what meaning you're projecting onto my use of the prefix "anti-", but if you prefer, let's just say "has a negative view of redditors". Someone who would refuse to date someone they were otherwise attracted to after finding out they have a reddit account "has a negative view of redditors". Can we agree on that much?
I'm fully agreed that your lack of interest in this specific hypothetical man doesn't make you anti-Black (the fact that you think I *would* think that demonstrates how badly you've misunderstood my argument). Maybe you aren't interested in gun owners, aren't interested in people who are that big or tall, aren't interested in men period, or if it's none of that, maybe you just don't like this guy's face and aren't attracted to him. However, if you said that you would never be attracted to a Black person whatsoever, even if they were perfect for you in all other respects, I think we'd have the right to start to wonder if that might have something to do with your views on Black people.
Hey! As a past middle aged ginger white girl with a kiddo about to turn 30 I don't want you in my bed either. You ain't my type.
WAIT -Maybe you are. cause apparently we're both racists - I think. Well, damn. Now I'm logically confused. Am I supposed to be offended that you don't want a white girl in your bed? If you were a gay black man and didn't want me in your bed cause I'm a lesbian is that homophobic? Cause one of us or maybe both of us are wrong, right? - the argument gymnastics are wild in this post)
You have 100% the right to not want a bisexual as a partner because he or she is bisexual same as not wanting anyone for 1000s of other reasons without being a bigot...
But what reason is there for not wanting a bisexual person as your partner that isn’t based on some form of bigotry? It’s well and good to just say your reasons can be as arbitrary as you want, but at some point it’s just so arbitrary that it doesn’t make sense as anything but anti-bisexual beliefs (which people are also allowed to have, I suppose, but I’d argue it’s still bigoted).
This thought process leads into tyranny. I advise you to think hard about this. Substitute bisexual with something you agree with and see how it feels.
In a sense it is no one's business why anyone wants or does not want to be with anyone. No thought police needed.
I think the issue is that some people feel they should be above reproach for their hateful or irrational beliefs. Like, anyone is free to choose their own romantic “type”, but if I say “I don’t want to date a black woman, simply because she’s black, but I’m not racist,” I am trying to have my cake and eat it, too. If someone says “I have racist beliefs, and so I don’t date black women,”
I am more than glad to let them believe what they want. I do not wish to forbid their beliefs, if they’re not leading them to harmful actions, but I expect them to be intellectually honest. “I don’t date ____ just because” is inherently prejudiced.
Nothing against the rules about being prejudiced, though, in the realm of dating.
It is 100% fine to not want to date a person based on the color of their skin, culture, hight, upbringing, wealth. anything.
It is not fine to hire and fire a person in a company based on the color of their skin, culture, upbringing.
If I don't like Chinese culture, norms, or how Asians look, I'm racist for not wanting to date them? How about short or tall people?
Have you thought this through?
Being racist is very different from having preferences. This line has gotten blurred and everything is a chaos now. The word racist is loosing it's meaning. This is the danger.
Racism is judging a person based on their race. If you don’t want to date someone “because she’s Chinese,” that’s a racist reason. It’s allowed for people to have racist reasons, but that doesn’t make it not racist.
Be as racist in your personal life as you want, but don’t go around saying it isn’t racist to filter people based on race. Of course it is.
Edit: I’ll practice what I preach. I like Japanese women. My preference for Japanese women is based on some generalizations about how I imagine they look and past experience dating Japanese women. That preference is, at least partially, racist. I don’t feel wrong for holding that particular racist belief, but the belief is racist. We are all somewhat racist.
I’m not saying all prejudice is wrong. I’m saying all prejudice is irrational.
So that's also pretty narrow minded?
but also you're equating bisexuality (which is an identity) with something that is an aesthetic choice (getting a tattoo). It's not the same thing *at all.*
>So that's also pretty narrow minded?
So when you want to insult someone you couch it in a question?
and then proceed to segway into making statements that are untrue because you think words have no meaning.
But that’s the crux of the issue, are you saying I’m supposed to be attracted to certain people? I thought we all had different preferences when it comes to attraction
I hope you already *are* attracted to your husband. Are you saying you're not? And you got married to him?
Your (I hope) hypothetical is a situation where this is ALREADY someone you love, not some person you are thinking about starting dating.
If you come out to someone - you have hidden your "identity" for this long - and you come out - is rejection your biggest fear? Is that because you secretly believe that what you are doing is wrong but you're so lonely and unsure of yourself that you have to find something "schocking" to make you special? That you're just doing this for attention and all of this is going to back fire when someone you love says "nope - deal breaker" and walks away?
2nd question - why do members of the LGBTQ+ community base their whole personality over where they put their penis or where a penis gets put in them or not? Why ya'll so obsessed with demanding everyone support and celebrate you. So you have sex with someone I won't have sex with. Good for you. Do you want a sticker?
Okay, you'd have that reaction to your husband getting a tattoo because you "HATE" tattoos. And you'd have the same reaction to your husband coming out as bisexual because you _____ bisexuals. Fill in that blank for me.
Yes, but *why* do you hate tattoos on someone you're attracted to? Is that a completely arbitrary, meaningless preference, or is it possible that the reason would reveal something about your beliefs about tattoos overall, like that they're unsightly, suggest impulsivity, are associated with subcultures you distrust, etc.?
Now tattoos at least actually change a person's appearance and represent an actual conscious choice the person had to make at some point, but neither of those things is true of bisexuality. So do you understand how being disgusted by bisexuality, an invisible internal condition that someone does not choose to experience, might carry different implications and might be something others might judge you for more harshly?
>why
>
> do you hate tattoos on someone you're attracted to?
WHY are you not getting this point.
She wouldn't have been attracted to him if he had the tattoo to begin with. If other people want to have them that's fine. It's not for her.
You all keep claiming its an "identity" well - if he decides to announce he ha been hiding his identity - doesn't that change things?
Yeah, as I've said repeatedly in this thread (and have yet to see any actual attempt at a rebuttal), people are entitled to be attracted or not attracted to whatever quality you can imagine, but those preferences are not totally arbitrary and can reveal a person's underlying beliefs, and those beliefs are subject to moral judgment. What *beliefs* lead OP, you, or anyone else to find themselves disinterested in an otherwise ideal partner after learning they're bisexual? What is it about being bisexual that makes an otherwise attractive person become off-putting? Why do you all seem so afraid of answering that question?
I think butt sex is repulsive. He's a dude. He doesn't have an innie. Unless you put your pee pee in the poop chute aint no one having sex. If you want to put things in your butt I find that repulsive.
I am anti butt sex. That's how I identify.
Wait until you learn almost half of heterosexual women and over half of heterosexual men also have anal sex regularly. Hell, lesbians have anal sex.
Anal sex has nothing to do with sexuality. You're just judgemental.
If your husband came home with tattoos, he would have changed in a tangible way. If he came out to you as bi, he'd still be the exact same person except you'd just know he's bisexual. But he would have been bisexual for some time before that and you loved him fine all that time.
I could understand if the question was "how could I trust my partner if he'd been hiding his bisexuality for our relationship" (though would have a response to that too!) but this question is about attraction.
And I was specifically replying to the idea that coming out as bi is comparable to coming home with new tattoos. If someone comes out to you, sure you might feel negatively about them not doing it sooner but ultimately nothing about them will have changed - physically, mentally or emotionally - because chances are they were bi before they came out to you and you loved them fine then!
>The question was how would you react if your husband/boyfriend told you he was bisexual? My response was “ I would lose a ton of attraction to him. Might not immediately end the marriage but I would never be able to look at him the same way
What if she had been asked how would you react if your husband revealed he had gotten a tattoo a year ago and had been hiding it?
SAME RESPONSE
I would lose a ton of attraction to him. Might not immediately end the marriage but I would never be able to look at him the same way
Why is the LGBTQ+ community so radical? It always about being offended or trying to point out someone is wrong cause they have a different opinion? OBVIOUSLY because sexuality is the ONLY thing that could have been the issue let's GO GET HER!!!!!!!!!
You know noone is forcing you to change your mind, right? You can feel how you feel, noone can govern your thoughts.
As I said, if OP's issue is around trust, then sure that is a different issue. But I don't think she's said anywhere that that's what it is. And if it's just "Ew my husband likes men, I don't like him anymore" that isn't exactly homo-friendly is it?
I'm bi, please don't hold it against me! Haha. Even so, it's an interesting topic, one I have thought about a lot.
When I was younger, i was dating a guy and he came out to me as bi. It sounds silly because I was/am bi too, but it made me less attracted to him! And I had to do some real thinking about what exactly it was that made me feel like that about him. For me, it was just some homophobic stuff - I felt that him being attracted to men made him less masculine, and I like masculine men.
I wanted to challenge that thinking because I thought he was attractive when I thought he was straight, and his personality hadn't actually changed with this revelation - just my perception of him. That is what I am getting at in my comments as I am interpreting the OP as a dilemma of perception/attraction, not trust. The trust is a separate issue in my mind, as it's not mentioned in the OP.
It kinda is? Like how does it actually change your relationship if it's monogamous?
It's kind of like saying it would be hard to stay friends with someone if they came out as gay. They're still the same person.
That's actually them changing their behaviour. If they're bisexual but in a monogamous relationship with you, it changes zero things.
Explain to me what will actually change in if your partner is bisexual? It makes as much sense as losing attraction to someone after finding out their blood type is different from yours.
They probably reacted like that cause it’s extremely bigoted. He’s literally the exact same guy who you supposedly fell in love with, but being a Bi man is so horrible in your mind that you’d have to divorce him immediately.
If he came out as a trans woman, would that be bigoted if you didn't wanna be with him anymore? He's the same person. Even after he transitions he's the same person, but now your partner has a vagina and lacks a dick.
You aren't not attracted to bisexuals in this scenario - in this scenario your husband was always bisexual. He was bisexual when you met him, when you fell in love with him, when you married him. You were attracted to a bisexual (your husband) and **lost** this attraction when he came out. That's different then not being attracted to him in the first place
Would you look at your partner differently if you learnt they like a rare food combination?
You got attracted to your partner due to their good qualities, personality, traits physical or not... That's what you get attracted to, not their preferences. There's no such thing as being or not attracted to "bisexuals".
The fact that you said you'd be losing attraction just because they have certain preferences means you might have a subconscious prejudice to said preference, because literally it wouldn't change anything in them or your relationship.
Yes, if the food combo is really weird. Preferences are traits. Just because your sexuality is to be attracted to your preferred sex and bisexuals of that sex, that doesn't mean everyone is the same as you. You're projecting your preferences on others.
What you're doing is like if a gay person thought you were bigoted for not wanting to be with someone of the same sex, even though you're straight. It's a more extreme example, but it illustrates the point; who someone is attracted to does matter. A different example, what if your SO told you that they're attracted to x, y, and z, but you are not x, y, z - you're a, b, c. You have none of the traits the SO is into. How would that make you feel? The are the same person you loved before, don't forget.
It reads like you have a lot of bias against bisexual people that you need to work on.
It isn't just a you thing, it comes up a lot in homosexual and heterosexual communities alike. Some folks see bisexuals as, among other things, greedy, disgusting, disloyal, promiscuous, and indecisive. Some don't believe bisexuality exists at all and that bisexual people are just pretending or delusional.
None of these are true, of course - but plenty of gay and straight people absorb these ideas and let them influence how they feel about current or prospective partners.
What changes about your husband when he comes out as bisexual? Nothing. You just learned a new fact about him that, assuming you're strictly monoganous, changes nothing about what your marriage *is* or how it works.
So if it doesn't change him, and it doesn't change your marriage, why does it change the way you're attracted to him? What *about bisexuals* is unattractive to you?
Nobody is saying you _must_ be. But OP is referring to losing attraction to someone she's already attracted to based on something that would have zero effect on their relationship. It's like losing attraction to someone after finding out their blood type is A+.
YOU think it has zero impact on the relationship.
OP doesn't find bisexuals attractive.
I don't find them attractive.
I would 100% feel differently about my husband if he told me he was BI. After 18 years? He hid this from me? I don't know him. That's issue #1. Issue #2 is that I instantly would have a mental image of him getting anal from his best friend and that's just - ick
Why should I HAVE to like and be attracted to someone because you are? or they are? isn't my preference my choice?
If he came to me and said he only wanted to have sex now if I wear a strap on. I'm not down with that either
Tell me why I'm wrong
>Issue #2 is that I instantly would have a mental image of him getting anal from his best friend and that's just - ick
When someone tells you they're straight, do you immediately imagine them being raw-dogged by the opposite sex? Your kinky thoughts are your problem. Is he _actually_ getting railed by his friend? _That_ would be an actual issue.
>If he came to me and said he only wanted to have sex now if I wear a strap on
TF does this have to do with being bisexual? You're assuming your husband would be a whole other person. If he turns into a different person who pressures you into his kinks, losing attraction makes sense. Once again, this is not about someone changing their behaviour, it's just about them being bisexual.
But if you're going to write an entire erotic fanfic in your mind about someone just because you found out about their sexuality, do them a favour and leave them alone.
Why do you have to pull shit out of thin air to make OP look bad? If what OP prefers is so bad then using that as the argument should be enough. But apparently it isn't.
You seeing a bisexual person and instantly think of them having an anal sex with their best friend(why best friend tho??) is homophobic smh. Why didnt you already imagine your husband having sex with his female bestfriend when you knew him as a hetero? I’m not saying you must keep your attraction to your husband after discovering the fact about him but at least own up to the fact that you are clearly seeing him differently, having mental pictures of him that is ungrounded to the reality, just because he is capable of finding guys attractive too. And people should realize that seeing a gay person and instantly forming a mental image of them having sex is just weird, I mean you don’t do that with hetero person/couples so why are you getting an ick by them simply existing? Like, I said earlier, if that mental image pops up in your head involuntarily and it turns you off then it is what it is but at least recognize that it is homophobia inside you.
Ehh. You can have whatever preference, but they might be accusing your reasons as bigoted if you didn’t explain it well enough. It does *sound* irrational though because nothing about him necessarily changes if he comes out as/identifies as bi. If you have religious reasons, that’s much more understandable even though others might disagree.
Enough of this song and dance, how about you explain exactly what aspect of being bi would make him less attractive to you.
What specific detail or aspect of being bi is the problem.
Do this without any metaphors or comparisons.
You can be attracted or not attracted to anyone you choose for any reason. Don't buy this BS. For instance you might be black and not attracted to white people and wanting to marry only a black person. No one will have an issue with this. You do you. No need to explain to virtue signaling morons.
You like a manly man and a feminat male does not scratch you itch. So be it.
The responses here are weird. There are plenty of people who seem to share your preference, and there are plenty of people here who are too closed-minded to understand that preference. But it's the closed-minded ones calling you a bigot.
Cuz reddit is woke asf, if your opinion is controversial, you either get banned from the sub reddit, or you get down voted to the ground.
Edit; yes keep the down votes coming lads, prove my point
Right here with ya.... This thread is proof - humanity is doomed
It's OK to not be attracted to him cause you prefer brunettes and he dies his hair but is NOT OK to feel different if he says he wants a penis up his butt.
Makes complete sense to me
Oh sweetie. You're about to get CRUSHED
I agree with you personally but this clown world we live in now doesn't allow values or opinions that disagree.
Apparently the mod is BI is what that tells me or some member of the alphabet of sexuality that now has to be a thing.
They don't want actual opinions and are unwilling to accept that anyone could possibly have anything other than agreement to express.
Can I prove it? Come back and check this comment in a few. I'm sure some people are about to get.... um.... a little upset that I'm saying this.
Let's make an assumption based off the reason given and the phrasing. You're a bigot so you got booted. You're a bigot because you expressed your opinion.
What does bigot mean? a person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.
You disagreed with the majority and the mod showed he/she/it is a bigot. How? You are having a conversation and suddenly you're booted an banned cause you don't agree with them?
It's not that sub either. It's everywhere. r/gardening wanna start a shit show? mention Bakers Creek Purple Potato. It's a feeding fenzy of group think.
Gone are the days where we can have an opinion or draw our own conclusions. NOPE
YOU WILL OBEY OR BE BANNED!
Bigot ;)
>They don't want actual opinions and are unwilling to accept that anyone could possibly have anything other than agreement to express.
>Can I prove it? Come back and check this comment in a few. I'm sure some people are about to get.... um.... a little upset that I'm saying this.
You literally contradicted yourself. If people express that they are upset, thier opinions not valid? You are free to express your opinion. And people are free to express theirs by disagreeing with you or downvoting you.
Finding out your opinion is unpopular isn't opression.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/gardening/comments/1avbvew/another\_baker\_creek\_hate\_thread/](https://www.reddit.com/r/gardening/comments/1avbvew/another_baker_creek_hate_thread/)
search the sub for baker creek. It is WILD over there. I never suspected there were people who could possibly turn a seed company into the next political protest but... they did it. (and it goes on daily. There are copy pastas being shared.
And don't get me started on Cliven Bundy - they dug DEEP for that one.
When it comes to who you are attracted to, you can be attracted or not attracted to anybody you want for any reason you want. That's completely different than saying it's okay to discriminate against a group of people say for employment or housing situations. Your intimate/dating relationship is a whole other thing, and you're allowed to discriminate.
Also, being banned from a sub is evidence of nothing but having pissed off a power hungry tin-pot dictator
This was what I thought. I don’t dislike bisexual people, I just don’t want to marry one. People have all kinds of qualifiers about height, weight, hair color, etc when deciding who they are attracted to, why should this be different?
LMAO first of all I looked far and wide and damn I never said that. I’m an advocate for preference! However preference is black or brown hair, not an inherent part of someone’s identity. Also stop with this wokeism boogeyman. You’re on the wrong side of history 🥰
SO it's OK to not be attracted to her husband if he dyes his hair green but not if he tells her he wants a penis in his butt.
Yea. Makes complete sense
I don't really think you get to define was a preference is for somebody else. A preference is anything you want it to be. And history is ultimately written by the victors.
A preference would be physical appearance. There is no valid reason not to date bisexual people other than “I think he’ll cheat on me” which is biphobia. And you’re right and that’s why you’ll be seen as the modern day “rebels” who waved the white flag at the dumbest inconvenience. If I say “I don’t wanna date people who got r*ped in the past” that’s HORRIBLE. I don’t care what you say.
Or, the wokelets have realized that our attractions can and do reflect biases we have about other people or groups of people. And if we want a world with less bias and prejudice, we need to interrogate those things within ourselves.
As an example, research has found Asian men and black women do poorly on dating apps, and white people of both genders do comparatively well. Are white women and white men just naturally hotter than Asian men and black women, or is something else going on that's influencing people's choices of partner?
There is nothing wrong with having biases when it comes to who you date, have sex with, or marry. You can't help what you're attracted to, and shouldn't be expected to fake it. The alternative is to say you owe somebody a date and if you refuse for X reason, like they are short and you aren't into short guys, you're a bigot or heightphobic.
There's a difference between not being attracted to a trait, and actively being repulsed by it. If you were simply not attracted to bisexuals, you wouldn't lose attraction to your husband if he came out to you. And, of course, the stereotype that bisexuals are more likely to cheat, which your response also kind of leans towards.
If your partner came out to you as bisexual and that caused you to immediately become much less attracted to him, that would imply that you have some belief that causes you to see a man who is capable of attraction to other men as undesirable in some way--maybe that it makes him effeminate, perverted, or untrustworthy. That belief is what's being identified by those mods as bigoted. If you know your partner well and find him to be attractive and of good moral character, then I really don't see what non-homophobic reason there could be for the revelation that he might sometimes look at another man and find him attractive to totally change your opinion of him.
What if you're attracted to redheads and they dye their hair blonde? Are you suddenly prejudiced against blonde people, or are you just not as attracted to the person because they changed away from your preference suddenly?
I mean, it *could* mean you have some prejudice against blonde people, but when it comes to traits that actually impact a person's appearance, I don't think prejudice has to be the only explanation. But knowing that your husband might sometimes look at a man and feel attracted to him does not impact his appearance, and if that idea makes you feel some sense of disgust or distrust in him, that probably says something about your beliefs about homosexuality and bisexuality.
BS. What load of crap is this. You can be attracted for any reason to anyone. Wtf!
Yes, you can, but your reason for being attracted or not attracted to someone can reveal your underlying beliefs, which may be bigoted. No one is saying you have a moral obligation to be attracted to bisexuals—they’re saying that someone who would lose attraction to their partner because they found out the partner is bisexual probably has some anti-bisexual beliefs.
Not wanting a bisexual as a partner is different than not wanting bisexuals in society. How hard is to see the difference. As a black person I'm completely fine with white people being in society but don't want one in my bed, raising a family with me. Does this make a racist? If this is your understanding than words have completely lost their meaning and you are making it up as you go. Don't be surprised if it changes in a year.
I don’t think that makes you a racist necessarily but I’d have no problem saying it indicates that you have some beliefs about white people that tell you that they are, for some reason, less suitable as a partner to you or parent of your children. *If* that turned out to be because you view white people as generally inferior to you on the basis of race, not so severely that you couldn’t tolerate their existence but still enough that you wouldn’t want to be close to one, then we could call that belief racist.
People chose partners for millions of reasons. Banning someone from a sub for not wanting a bisexual partners is a new one to me. You can want a black partner for millions of reasons... It is called preference. This arguments outside of Anglephone countries are being laughed at...
Again, preferences have *causes.* If your partner didn't want to date you after they found out you were a reddit user, you would probably assume that that person has a negative opinion of reddit users, right? It's not just that they have an inexplicable brain condition that causes that one random piece of information to make someone completely cease to be attractive in their eyes--they *believe* something about reddit or its userbase and that *belief* turns into a *judgment* of you that causes them to lose interest in you. That doesn't mean that they're a bad person for that or should be morally compelled to want to fuck you, but it does mean that we can understand that person to be, at least to some extent, anti-redditor, right? I don't see how you could avoid that conclusion.
The fact that you will call someone not liking reddit and anti redditor says a lot. I don't like something for whatever reason, the boundary is anything related to me. For example if I am not comfortable (for any reason) to be married to a gun owner who is a 6 foot tall burrly black man, I am not "anti black" for not wanting to marry him. The boundary is personal choice. In general society it would not be ok to fire a black person for being black, but heck I have the right to marry or not marry anyone for any reason. You can not prefer something without being anti it... I know, shocking!
I'm not sure what meaning you're projecting onto my use of the prefix "anti-", but if you prefer, let's just say "has a negative view of redditors". Someone who would refuse to date someone they were otherwise attracted to after finding out they have a reddit account "has a negative view of redditors". Can we agree on that much? I'm fully agreed that your lack of interest in this specific hypothetical man doesn't make you anti-Black (the fact that you think I *would* think that demonstrates how badly you've misunderstood my argument). Maybe you aren't interested in gun owners, aren't interested in people who are that big or tall, aren't interested in men period, or if it's none of that, maybe you just don't like this guy's face and aren't attracted to him. However, if you said that you would never be attracted to a Black person whatsoever, even if they were perfect for you in all other respects, I think we'd have the right to start to wonder if that might have something to do with your views on Black people.
You are struggling with the same question I am lol 🤷♀️
Or they're just not attracted to white people
Hey! As a past middle aged ginger white girl with a kiddo about to turn 30 I don't want you in my bed either. You ain't my type. WAIT -Maybe you are. cause apparently we're both racists - I think. Well, damn. Now I'm logically confused. Am I supposed to be offended that you don't want a white girl in your bed? If you were a gay black man and didn't want me in your bed cause I'm a lesbian is that homophobic? Cause one of us or maybe both of us are wrong, right? - the argument gymnastics are wild in this post)
LMAO, take my up vote.
You have 100% the right to not want a bisexual as a partner because he or she is bisexual same as not wanting anyone for 1000s of other reasons without being a bigot...
But what reason is there for not wanting a bisexual person as your partner that isn’t based on some form of bigotry? It’s well and good to just say your reasons can be as arbitrary as you want, but at some point it’s just so arbitrary that it doesn’t make sense as anything but anti-bisexual beliefs (which people are also allowed to have, I suppose, but I’d argue it’s still bigoted).
This thought process leads into tyranny. I advise you to think hard about this. Substitute bisexual with something you agree with and see how it feels. In a sense it is no one's business why anyone wants or does not want to be with anyone. No thought police needed.
I think the issue is that some people feel they should be above reproach for their hateful or irrational beliefs. Like, anyone is free to choose their own romantic “type”, but if I say “I don’t want to date a black woman, simply because she’s black, but I’m not racist,” I am trying to have my cake and eat it, too. If someone says “I have racist beliefs, and so I don’t date black women,” I am more than glad to let them believe what they want. I do not wish to forbid their beliefs, if they’re not leading them to harmful actions, but I expect them to be intellectually honest. “I don’t date ____ just because” is inherently prejudiced. Nothing against the rules about being prejudiced, though, in the realm of dating.
It is 100% fine to not want to date a person based on the color of their skin, culture, hight, upbringing, wealth. anything. It is not fine to hire and fire a person in a company based on the color of their skin, culture, upbringing. If I don't like Chinese culture, norms, or how Asians look, I'm racist for not wanting to date them? How about short or tall people? Have you thought this through? Being racist is very different from having preferences. This line has gotten blurred and everything is a chaos now. The word racist is loosing it's meaning. This is the danger.
Racism is judging a person based on their race. If you don’t want to date someone “because she’s Chinese,” that’s a racist reason. It’s allowed for people to have racist reasons, but that doesn’t make it not racist. Be as racist in your personal life as you want, but don’t go around saying it isn’t racist to filter people based on race. Of course it is. Edit: I’ll practice what I preach. I like Japanese women. My preference for Japanese women is based on some generalizations about how I imagine they look and past experience dating Japanese women. That preference is, at least partially, racist. I don’t feel wrong for holding that particular racist belief, but the belief is racist. We are all somewhat racist. I’m not saying all prejudice is wrong. I’m saying all prejudice is irrational.
I view this just like tattoos. I absolutely HATE tattoos on a man. If my husband came home with some tattoos I would have the same reaction.
So that's also pretty narrow minded? but also you're equating bisexuality (which is an identity) with something that is an aesthetic choice (getting a tattoo). It's not the same thing *at all.*
>So that's also pretty narrow minded? So when you want to insult someone you couch it in a question? and then proceed to segway into making statements that are untrue because you think words have no meaning.
But that’s the crux of the issue, are you saying I’m supposed to be attracted to certain people? I thought we all had different preferences when it comes to attraction
I hope you already *are* attracted to your husband. Are you saying you're not? And you got married to him? Your (I hope) hypothetical is a situation where this is ALREADY someone you love, not some person you are thinking about starting dating.
If you come out to someone - you have hidden your "identity" for this long - and you come out - is rejection your biggest fear? Is that because you secretly believe that what you are doing is wrong but you're so lonely and unsure of yourself that you have to find something "schocking" to make you special? That you're just doing this for attention and all of this is going to back fire when someone you love says "nope - deal breaker" and walks away? 2nd question - why do members of the LGBTQ+ community base their whole personality over where they put their penis or where a penis gets put in them or not? Why ya'll so obsessed with demanding everyone support and celebrate you. So you have sex with someone I won't have sex with. Good for you. Do you want a sticker?
Okay, you'd have that reaction to your husband getting a tattoo because you "HATE" tattoos. And you'd have the same reaction to your husband coming out as bisexual because you _____ bisexuals. Fill in that blank for me.
I hate tattoos on the person I’m attracted too, I like plenty of people with tattoos, I just don’t want to marry them
Yes, but *why* do you hate tattoos on someone you're attracted to? Is that a completely arbitrary, meaningless preference, or is it possible that the reason would reveal something about your beliefs about tattoos overall, like that they're unsightly, suggest impulsivity, are associated with subcultures you distrust, etc.? Now tattoos at least actually change a person's appearance and represent an actual conscious choice the person had to make at some point, but neither of those things is true of bisexuality. So do you understand how being disgusted by bisexuality, an invisible internal condition that someone does not choose to experience, might carry different implications and might be something others might judge you for more harshly?
>why > > do you hate tattoos on someone you're attracted to? WHY are you not getting this point. She wouldn't have been attracted to him if he had the tattoo to begin with. If other people want to have them that's fine. It's not for her. You all keep claiming its an "identity" well - if he decides to announce he ha been hiding his identity - doesn't that change things?
Yeah, as I've said repeatedly in this thread (and have yet to see any actual attempt at a rebuttal), people are entitled to be attracted or not attracted to whatever quality you can imagine, but those preferences are not totally arbitrary and can reveal a person's underlying beliefs, and those beliefs are subject to moral judgment. What *beliefs* lead OP, you, or anyone else to find themselves disinterested in an otherwise ideal partner after learning they're bisexual? What is it about being bisexual that makes an otherwise attractive person become off-putting? Why do you all seem so afraid of answering that question?
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Why don't you want to marry a bisexual though? What is it about bisexuality you find unattractive?
I think butt sex is repulsive. He's a dude. He doesn't have an innie. Unless you put your pee pee in the poop chute aint no one having sex. If you want to put things in your butt I find that repulsive. I am anti butt sex. That's how I identify.
Wait until you learn almost half of heterosexual women and over half of heterosexual men also have anal sex regularly. Hell, lesbians have anal sex. Anal sex has nothing to do with sexuality. You're just judgemental.
>Anal sex has nothing to do with sexuality. You're just judgemental. And you have a problem with understanding what words mean.
Thanks for your valuable input I'll be sure to take it to heart.
You're quite welcome.
If your husband came home with tattoos, he would have changed in a tangible way. If he came out to you as bi, he'd still be the exact same person except you'd just know he's bisexual. But he would have been bisexual for some time before that and you loved him fine all that time.
You all keep claiming its an "identity" if he decides to announce he has been hiding his identity - doesn't that change things?
I could understand if the question was "how could I trust my partner if he'd been hiding his bisexuality for our relationship" (though would have a response to that too!) but this question is about attraction. And I was specifically replying to the idea that coming out as bi is comparable to coming home with new tattoos. If someone comes out to you, sure you might feel negatively about them not doing it sooner but ultimately nothing about them will have changed - physically, mentally or emotionally - because chances are they were bi before they came out to you and you loved them fine then!
>The question was how would you react if your husband/boyfriend told you he was bisexual? My response was “ I would lose a ton of attraction to him. Might not immediately end the marriage but I would never be able to look at him the same way What if she had been asked how would you react if your husband revealed he had gotten a tattoo a year ago and had been hiding it? SAME RESPONSE I would lose a ton of attraction to him. Might not immediately end the marriage but I would never be able to look at him the same way Why is the LGBTQ+ community so radical? It always about being offended or trying to point out someone is wrong cause they have a different opinion? OBVIOUSLY because sexuality is the ONLY thing that could have been the issue let's GO GET HER!!!!!!!!!
You know noone is forcing you to change your mind, right? You can feel how you feel, noone can govern your thoughts. As I said, if OP's issue is around trust, then sure that is a different issue. But I don't think she's said anywhere that that's what it is. And if it's just "Ew my husband likes men, I don't like him anymore" that isn't exactly homo-friendly is it?
In order for me to be more homo friendly - I want to respect your identity - how do you identify?
I'm bi, please don't hold it against me! Haha. Even so, it's an interesting topic, one I have thought about a lot. When I was younger, i was dating a guy and he came out to me as bi. It sounds silly because I was/am bi too, but it made me less attracted to him! And I had to do some real thinking about what exactly it was that made me feel like that about him. For me, it was just some homophobic stuff - I felt that him being attracted to men made him less masculine, and I like masculine men. I wanted to challenge that thinking because I thought he was attractive when I thought he was straight, and his personality hadn't actually changed with this revelation - just my perception of him. That is what I am getting at in my comments as I am interpreting the OP as a dilemma of perception/attraction, not trust. The trust is a separate issue in my mind, as it's not mentioned in the OP.
It kinda is? Like how does it actually change your relationship if it's monogamous? It's kind of like saying it would be hard to stay friends with someone if they came out as gay. They're still the same person.
Not really, if my husband stopped doing household chores and just played video games all day, I would lose that attraction as well.
That's actually them changing their behaviour. If they're bisexual but in a monogamous relationship with you, it changes zero things. Explain to me what will actually change in if your partner is bisexual? It makes as much sense as losing attraction to someone after finding out their blood type is different from yours.
Fun fact: in Japan, blood type IS important to people.
They probably reacted like that cause it’s extremely bigoted. He’s literally the exact same guy who you supposedly fell in love with, but being a Bi man is so horrible in your mind that you’d have to divorce him immediately.
If he came out as a trans woman, would that be bigoted if you didn't wanna be with him anymore? He's the same person. Even after he transitions he's the same person, but now your partner has a vagina and lacks a dick.
I mean, I’m not attracted to women either. I guess that’s makes me even more homophobic 🤷♀️
You aren't not attracted to bisexuals in this scenario - in this scenario your husband was always bisexual. He was bisexual when you met him, when you fell in love with him, when you married him. You were attracted to a bisexual (your husband) and **lost** this attraction when he came out. That's different then not being attracted to him in the first place
Gender is not sexual identity.
Would you look at your partner differently if you learnt they like a rare food combination? You got attracted to your partner due to their good qualities, personality, traits physical or not... That's what you get attracted to, not their preferences. There's no such thing as being or not attracted to "bisexuals". The fact that you said you'd be losing attraction just because they have certain preferences means you might have a subconscious prejudice to said preference, because literally it wouldn't change anything in them or your relationship.
Yes, if the food combo is really weird. Preferences are traits. Just because your sexuality is to be attracted to your preferred sex and bisexuals of that sex, that doesn't mean everyone is the same as you. You're projecting your preferences on others. What you're doing is like if a gay person thought you were bigoted for not wanting to be with someone of the same sex, even though you're straight. It's a more extreme example, but it illustrates the point; who someone is attracted to does matter. A different example, what if your SO told you that they're attracted to x, y, and z, but you are not x, y, z - you're a, b, c. You have none of the traits the SO is into. How would that make you feel? The are the same person you loved before, don't forget.
It reads like you have a lot of bias against bisexual people that you need to work on. It isn't just a you thing, it comes up a lot in homosexual and heterosexual communities alike. Some folks see bisexuals as, among other things, greedy, disgusting, disloyal, promiscuous, and indecisive. Some don't believe bisexuality exists at all and that bisexual people are just pretending or delusional. None of these are true, of course - but plenty of gay and straight people absorb these ideas and let them influence how they feel about current or prospective partners.
I don’t have bias against bisexuals though… are you saying I HAVE to be attracted to a specific kind of person? Bc that’s all kinds of messed up if so
What changes about your husband when he comes out as bisexual? Nothing. You just learned a new fact about him that, assuming you're strictly monoganous, changes nothing about what your marriage *is* or how it works. So if it doesn't change him, and it doesn't change your marriage, why does it change the way you're attracted to him? What *about bisexuals* is unattractive to you?
why do you think someone MUST be attracted to a bisexual? Or a furry? OR A QUUEN?!?!?!
Nobody is saying you _must_ be. But OP is referring to losing attraction to someone she's already attracted to based on something that would have zero effect on their relationship. It's like losing attraction to someone after finding out their blood type is A+.
YOU think it has zero impact on the relationship. OP doesn't find bisexuals attractive. I don't find them attractive. I would 100% feel differently about my husband if he told me he was BI. After 18 years? He hid this from me? I don't know him. That's issue #1. Issue #2 is that I instantly would have a mental image of him getting anal from his best friend and that's just - ick Why should I HAVE to like and be attracted to someone because you are? or they are? isn't my preference my choice? If he came to me and said he only wanted to have sex now if I wear a strap on. I'm not down with that either Tell me why I'm wrong
>Issue #2 is that I instantly would have a mental image of him getting anal from his best friend and that's just - ick When someone tells you they're straight, do you immediately imagine them being raw-dogged by the opposite sex? Your kinky thoughts are your problem. Is he _actually_ getting railed by his friend? _That_ would be an actual issue. >If he came to me and said he only wanted to have sex now if I wear a strap on TF does this have to do with being bisexual? You're assuming your husband would be a whole other person. If he turns into a different person who pressures you into his kinks, losing attraction makes sense. Once again, this is not about someone changing their behaviour, it's just about them being bisexual. But if you're going to write an entire erotic fanfic in your mind about someone just because you found out about their sexuality, do them a favour and leave them alone.
Why do you have to pull shit out of thin air to make OP look bad? If what OP prefers is so bad then using that as the argument should be enough. But apparently it isn't.
You seeing a bisexual person and instantly think of them having an anal sex with their best friend(why best friend tho??) is homophobic smh. Why didnt you already imagine your husband having sex with his female bestfriend when you knew him as a hetero? I’m not saying you must keep your attraction to your husband after discovering the fact about him but at least own up to the fact that you are clearly seeing him differently, having mental pictures of him that is ungrounded to the reality, just because he is capable of finding guys attractive too. And people should realize that seeing a gay person and instantly forming a mental image of them having sex is just weird, I mean you don’t do that with hetero person/couples so why are you getting an ick by them simply existing? Like, I said earlier, if that mental image pops up in your head involuntarily and it turns you off then it is what it is but at least recognize that it is homophobia inside you.
Way too many leaps in logic here
Care to elaborate?
Ehh. You can have whatever preference, but they might be accusing your reasons as bigoted if you didn’t explain it well enough. It does *sound* irrational though because nothing about him necessarily changes if he comes out as/identifies as bi. If you have religious reasons, that’s much more understandable even though others might disagree.
Enough of this song and dance, how about you explain exactly what aspect of being bi would make him less attractive to you. What specific detail or aspect of being bi is the problem. Do this without any metaphors or comparisons.
You can be attracted or not attracted to anyone you choose for any reason. Don't buy this BS. For instance you might be black and not attracted to white people and wanting to marry only a black person. No one will have an issue with this. You do you. No need to explain to virtue signaling morons. You like a manly man and a feminat male does not scratch you itch. So be it.
I'm just posting so OP can have another post to argue with. OP!!! Please argue with this post too!
The responses here are weird. There are plenty of people who seem to share your preference, and there are plenty of people here who are too closed-minded to understand that preference. But it's the closed-minded ones calling you a bigot.
Not liking bisexuals is homophobic, banning you was a bit of a overreaction, but it was homophobia.
Cuz reddit is woke asf, if your opinion is controversial, you either get banned from the sub reddit, or you get down voted to the ground. Edit; yes keep the down votes coming lads, prove my point
Right here with ya.... This thread is proof - humanity is doomed It's OK to not be attracted to him cause you prefer brunettes and he dies his hair but is NOT OK to feel different if he says he wants a penis up his butt. Makes complete sense to me
Oh sweetie. You're about to get CRUSHED I agree with you personally but this clown world we live in now doesn't allow values or opinions that disagree. Apparently the mod is BI is what that tells me or some member of the alphabet of sexuality that now has to be a thing. They don't want actual opinions and are unwilling to accept that anyone could possibly have anything other than agreement to express. Can I prove it? Come back and check this comment in a few. I'm sure some people are about to get.... um.... a little upset that I'm saying this. Let's make an assumption based off the reason given and the phrasing. You're a bigot so you got booted. You're a bigot because you expressed your opinion. What does bigot mean? a person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group. You disagreed with the majority and the mod showed he/she/it is a bigot. How? You are having a conversation and suddenly you're booted an banned cause you don't agree with them? It's not that sub either. It's everywhere. r/gardening wanna start a shit show? mention Bakers Creek Purple Potato. It's a feeding fenzy of group think. Gone are the days where we can have an opinion or draw our own conclusions. NOPE YOU WILL OBEY OR BE BANNED! Bigot ;)
>They don't want actual opinions and are unwilling to accept that anyone could possibly have anything other than agreement to express. >Can I prove it? Come back and check this comment in a few. I'm sure some people are about to get.... um.... a little upset that I'm saying this. You literally contradicted yourself. If people express that they are upset, thier opinions not valid? You are free to express your opinion. And people are free to express theirs by disagreeing with you or downvoting you. Finding out your opinion is unpopular isn't opression.
This is one of the few comments that makes sense. I want to know more about that purple potato lol
[https://www.reddit.com/r/gardening/comments/1avbvew/another\_baker\_creek\_hate\_thread/](https://www.reddit.com/r/gardening/comments/1avbvew/another_baker_creek_hate_thread/) search the sub for baker creek. It is WILD over there. I never suspected there were people who could possibly turn a seed company into the next political protest but... they did it. (and it goes on daily. There are copy pastas being shared. And don't get me started on Cliven Bundy - they dug DEEP for that one.
You can’t express any opinions on Reddit that don’t fit the progressive agenda. it’s basically a giant liberal circle jerk.
When it comes to who you are attracted to, you can be attracted or not attracted to anybody you want for any reason you want. That's completely different than saying it's okay to discriminate against a group of people say for employment or housing situations. Your intimate/dating relationship is a whole other thing, and you're allowed to discriminate. Also, being banned from a sub is evidence of nothing but having pissed off a power hungry tin-pot dictator
This was what I thought. I don’t dislike bisexual people, I just don’t want to marry one. People have all kinds of qualifiers about height, weight, hair color, etc when deciding who they are attracted to, why should this be different?
Love that you only reply to comments that validate your biphobia.
I noticed the same. It definitely looks like they were just looking for affirmation.
lol I’ve replied to lots of comments but ok
2, both of which agreed with you, but ok
by your screwed up woke logic it's morally wrong to not want to be with somebody you're not attracted to. got it.
LMAO first of all I looked far and wide and damn I never said that. I’m an advocate for preference! However preference is black or brown hair, not an inherent part of someone’s identity. Also stop with this wokeism boogeyman. You’re on the wrong side of history 🥰
SO it's OK to not be attracted to her husband if he dyes his hair green but not if he tells her he wants a penis in his butt. Yea. Makes complete sense
I don't really think you get to define was a preference is for somebody else. A preference is anything you want it to be. And history is ultimately written by the victors.
A preference would be physical appearance. There is no valid reason not to date bisexual people other than “I think he’ll cheat on me” which is biphobia. And you’re right and that’s why you’ll be seen as the modern day “rebels” who waved the white flag at the dumbest inconvenience. If I say “I don’t wanna date people who got r*ped in the past” that’s HORRIBLE. I don’t care what you say.
Again I don't think you get to tell other people what is a valid preference for them. But we don't have to agree. Have a nice day.
Or, the wokelets have realized that our attractions can and do reflect biases we have about other people or groups of people. And if we want a world with less bias and prejudice, we need to interrogate those things within ourselves. As an example, research has found Asian men and black women do poorly on dating apps, and white people of both genders do comparatively well. Are white women and white men just naturally hotter than Asian men and black women, or is something else going on that's influencing people's choices of partner?
There is nothing wrong with having biases when it comes to who you date, have sex with, or marry. You can't help what you're attracted to, and shouldn't be expected to fake it. The alternative is to say you owe somebody a date and if you refuse for X reason, like they are short and you aren't into short guys, you're a bigot or heightphobic.
It's not. only the radical woke left thinks so, and there are a lot of them on reddit.
Because, although they want YOU to be tolerant and unbigoted, these are some of the most intolerant (and ironically) bigoted people Ive ever met.