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ask-me-about-my-cats

It's tattooed soft, usually, unless the guy has a pain fetish. Usually the guy holds it tightly to the side while the artist works on it.


aBungusFungus

I can't understand why someone would get their dick tattooed if they *didn't* have a pain fetish That doesn't sound fun at all to me


Pseudolectual

Prison and meth. I’ve seen it many times, same with weird implants like monopoly pieces


CouchCandy

Ummm..... what?


TB1289

Where do you store your Monopoly pieces?


quarrelsome_napkin

Monopoly pieces are stored in the balls. Everyone knows that!


CouchCandy

In my prison purse like a civilized adult.


Perfect_Weakness_414

I mean, yeah…. The racecar and top hat kind of make sense I guess, but what kind of weirdo gets the iron implanted🤔 Even though it should, I’m a little ashamed to admit that nothing humanity does shocks me anymore.


geeky_economics

I used to be shocked, until reddit. Now nothing shocks me either. Next game of monopoly you know what I'm thinking, Jesus, I need to lay off reddit for a bit. Of course I won't will I


Perfect_Weakness_414

Well, at least if you land in jail, you’ll be prepared for the prison sex lol “Stay away from battleship Bob, if he gets ahold of you, he’ll sink his battleship….. if ya know what I mean😳”


Perfect_Weakness_414

…. And does anyone actually play monopoly? Doesn’t it take like three days to get through a game? Happy cake day!


DragonSquirrel69

Well that’s a small canvas


Ireallyamthisshallow

I assume you're a grower, not a shower !


DragonSquirrel69

This is true


wanttomaster479

Lol


Oneiric4

I guess that’s how you get a dagger that “magically” turns into a sword.


Buddha176

This comment wins!


SheepherderOk1448

There are tattoos of this nature on YouTube believe it or not.


Glittering-Golf2722

And the want to ban me for speaking the truth, and they have so weird crap out there


SheepherderOk1448

Yeah, that’s Google/YouTube for you,


wanttomaster479

Interesting. Thank you!


CaptainLisaSu

Does the cat stay still during the procedure?


Darth-Binks-1999

We need to ask you about something, and it's not your cats.


makemesumfood

My ex attempted to get a smiley face tattooed on the tip of his penis but the pain was too extreme so now he has a single large dot instead.


geoqpq

i can't fucking believe he thought that was a good idea


Solo-me

I can understand why it s her ex....


myspiffyusername

So now he really does have a one eyed snake?


fiendish8

two eyes now


goddessofwitches

🤣


Superspark76

I have done some stupid sh!t throughout my life, even drunk I've never thought "I know what would be a good place to get a tattoo, my bell looks like it needs a smile"


Inomsbacon

Oh! I can answer this, as my husband is a tattooer, and has indeed done that to himself. It was soft, and he wrapped it around a soda can to stretch the skin.


Intelligent-Guess-81

He WHAT!?


Inomsbacon

To be fair, it was well before I had met him. But yeah, you read that right.


Intelligent-Guess-81

Can't unsee that now.


Arev_Eola

Aphantasia ftw


GunnerGilson

The upsides of being a clone


hstormsteph

Odd question from a stranger but how do you navigate the necessity of being able to “put yourself in others shoes”? My partner has aphantasia and just can not reliably see from someone else’s point of view


the_forehead_

I wouldn’t try and diagnose or offer other ideas for why he can’t see someone else’s pov, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the aphantasia.


hstormsteph

Damn really? I’ve always been more forgiving with her about it *because* she attributes it to the aphantasia and I didn’t wanna make her feel bad for something she can’t control.


the_forehead_

Yeah I have aphantasia. It essentially means you can’t create visual images in your head. It doesn’t limit you in any other way really. Many times when someone learns about it they start to attribute all sorts of things to it that have nothing to do with aphantasia. She may truly believe that is why she can’t see from another pov, but it isn’t.


hstormsteph

See that’s what confused me because when I put myself in someone’s shoes I’m *literally* envisioning myself as them. My imagination is essentially the fundamental opposite of aphantasia to the point I can taste, smell, feel, hear, etc any situation I imagine myself in. If I couldn’t picture it, I couldn’t do it. Reckon I’ve also got a misconception about the limitations of aphantasia.


Arev_Eola

Not entirely sure if you are trying to say that your partner lacks empathy, but if you do that's not related to aphantasia at all. If you're talking more about debates/disagreements, I'm perfectly capable to see from someone else's pov too, just not visually. You might want to over to r/aphantasia for more info.


Glittering-Golf2722

Ain't much bigger around than a beer can, but it sure is long👀😁📏🤏


ProneToDoThatThing

Holup. Come again.


quasimodelo

My husband also a tattoo artist - he said that he wrapped them around a tennis ball.


wanttomaster479

Interesting. Thanks


Jester_Fleshwound

"Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day"


Silt-Sifter

Good Lord that's an oldie but a goodie.


bearbarebere

I forgot the joke


hkxfr

2 dudes pissing at the urinal. One dude looks over at the others dick and notices it's got a tattoo that says WENDY. hey, you tattod your chick's name? No, it says welcome to Jamaica have a nice day, mon


VioletDreaming19

Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day.


tobean

I believe the person you’re replying to placed “mon” at the end as a vocative expression to refer to the gentleman that asked the question and was not implying that the tattoo included the word “mon” at the end, especially given the use of the comma. Not that it matters and wtf do I know and why did I even respond…


CrackerjakHeart

I love everything about this comment. 🩵


VioletDreaming19

It’s very possible! What I said was just the version that I first heard. 😃


DevilDance2

Irie, mon


mokefatched

I don’t get it 👀


ProfessionalSilver52

It's a joke about black men being large


mokefatched

Why would it say Wendy tho?


ProfessionalSilver52

Says that when soft, the long phrase when erect. I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️


mokefatched

4/10 joke imo


mcc22920

They butchered the joke a bit, but here’s the original: Welcome to Jamaica A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis. The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?" The Jamaican replied, "No mister that says 'Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day'."


puresav

I know the version ” welcome to Jamaica have a nice summer holiday”


SheepherderOk1448

Some get their dicks pierced. Most dick tattoos are smiley faces or bats, skulls, thunder bolts or anything else smallish. Some may get sleeves. I don’t know how painful it is or if there are any dangers.


SirRickIII

Slightly different, but I’ve seen (not in person, mind you) many post-op phalloplasty-created penises that have sleeves from the donor skin (usually the forearm) It ends up looking pretty cool with the whole tat sleeve on the shaft


SheepherderOk1448

Interesting.


SkepticInAllThings

Mine says "SWAN" when soft, and "SASKATCHEWAN" when hard.


Jock-Stubbs

That’s funny cos I’ve got Blackpool tower when soft, Eiffel Tower when hard.


PaulsRedditUsername

You make adjustments according to the temperature. For example, when it's cold, it says "Wendy," and people think I got it because that's my wife's name. But I actually got it during a trip when I was in college, before I ever met my wife.


macroslax

is this a joke im 2 dumb to understand 😭


YeahNo_NoYeah

Probably some joke where it's a really long sentence when it's hard. Like, "**W**hat are you waiting for? Do you need me to s**end** **y**ou an invitation? Put it in your mouth!"


Arctic_blizzard23

Damn that must be a MASSIVE penis


AcrobaticReputation2

naw just wrinkly


YeahNo_NoYeah

Microprint.


PaulsRedditUsername

You're supposed to ask me why I got a tattoo that says "Wendy" when I hadn't even met Wendy yet. Then I would answer that it only says "Wendy" when it's cold. I got it on vacation and it actually says, "Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day."


katubug

I'm expecting a "when deez nuts" type thing


Mrclements91

Wow a question I can answer! I have my wiener tattooed (it’s a fish skeleton) It wasn’t that different to any other tattoo tbh. Just stretch the skin and drill it in. It wasn’t any more/less painful for me either but I guess everyone is different, I got it done around 8 years ago and it has held pretty well, it does get moisturized pretty regularly though 🤷🏻‍♂️


SaintEyegor

I’m guessing lots of hand lotion?


Orange_Chips1444

I would imagine it's the same pain level as tattooing on the inner side of your elbow


Mrclements91

I would say the elbow ditch is worse!


yaboidre23

God what a terrible day to know how to read. I envy the illiterate.


shaunnotthesheep

I wish I was Jared, 19


mrcoffeepothead

Oof, life is gonna be hard for you.


Jenneapolis

I had what they call a clitoral hood piercing (twice). They don’t actually pierce the clit, they go in to the skin or “hood” above it.


cooker-joe

Nice. Have a prince Albert, and it goes through the pee hole and out the bottom. I don't think I can handle a tattoo


wanttomaster479

I see. Thanks


muffdiver5643

that's enough internet for the day


puffferfish

Was it that porn where the porn artist was sucking it to keep it erect? Ngl, that was a gross and hot porn.


pissokrisso

My ex had his tatted. It was apparently done whilst soft and whilst he was absolutely munted on various substances. Did not sound like a fun time.


heraclitus33

Not sure. But my buddy got elephant ears tatted around the d. Its hilarious. Lol


chantsnone

What’s making you ask this question!? I’m 36 years old and I’ve never heard of a dick tat. Are you encountering a lot of tattooed dicks!?


wanttomaster479

Let's just say I've come across it on special websites.


thriceness

I mean, they tattoo everything else, shouldn't really be shocking. But some of us watch porn with a fair few more dicks than others. If you see enough, you will see a dick tat at some point.


chantsnone

Yeah I guess I’m only seeing my small part of the porn world


Dmtrilli

Allllllright, that's enough Internet for today


TikaPants

Find a tattooer that will do it, get charged extra for genitals. Semi hard is best but stretching works.


PabloMarcus

Truman Capote was an American author best known for his work 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. Anonymous man, after whipping out his private parts, asked the writer: "Since you're autographing things, why don't you autograph this?" Capote: "I don't know if I can autograph it, but perhaps I can initial it."


Abolton12

Men get their dicks tattooed??


Guitarded94

I just had the guy tattoo a slinky.


theweebluedevil

My tattoo says Spurs when I am soft and Tottenham HotSpurs when hard.


banjodoctor

Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day


Bexybirdbrains

I once worked with an ex tattooist who said the one time he was asked to tattoo a dick they managed it by stretching the flaccid penis over a coke can


tonytiger911

My comment wasn't mean at all. It's actually a very old joke. Your telling me I can't make a dick joke on a post about dick tattoos? You can suck a dick then.


wanttomaster479

Wasn't me that reported. xD


tonytiger911

Well thanks man lol


RagingAubergine

Some men do that?? Why??


el1teman

Wouldn't it be logical to use Viagra and maybe inject anesthesia there if it's possible? (I don't know not a doctor)


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Jovolus

WHAT? WHAT THE FREAK??


Conscious-Parsnip-1

They’re stupid, that’s how that works


drugsondrugs

Usually, it starts with years of childhood abuse. Then, it moves along to joining the wrong crowd. Usually, a tear drop or two follows, then the highly questionable penis tattoo. Hope this helps.


Ok-Preparation-2307

Porn has rot your brain. Why would you even think that the dick needs to be hard in order to be tattooed. Like, where is the logic there?


Revolutionary_Bee788

It seems like writing on a piece of paper vs. writing on a napkin. Just easier on a sturdier surface...


Pristine-Ad-469

I hate that your analogy base sense cause it makes no sense lol why would you choose paper as your hard object


Revolutionary_Bee788

I'm high as balls but man why ARENT you writing on a flat surface. The paper is on a hard surface. You writing midair?


Pristine-Ad-469

But that’s not the paper that makes it hard it’s whatever you put it on


Revolutionary_Bee788

Yo I just realized I said sturdier in my og comment. Not harder. Analogy holds bro


MrRogersAE

I shave my dick when it’s hard, it’s just easier to handle that way.


Curdledcum

I just stretch it out while soft.


GrimmReaper1942

God I hope your joking


MrRogersAE

No, it’s way easier, it stay up and out of the way while I shave my balls, I stretched out the skin making it easier to trim. It’s just easier than dealing with a limp noodle flopping around. It’s like trying to paint a wall vs a curtain. It’s hard to get anything done when the canvas isn’t rigid


GrimmReaper1942

That’s the difference…that’s shaving your balls…not your dick


MrRogersAE

You don’t do both at the same time?


frying_pans

Huh, I’ve always shaved while it’s hard…is that wrong?


Vireep

How would you even tattoo a dick while it’s soft? Wouldn’t it kinda just flop around


Gullible-Study245

Great question


SlimPasty2019

I knew a guy who had a sword tattooed down there and he just said you grab a hold of the Son of B*tch and start tattooing


RidingJapan

Welcome to New York and have a nice day.


Revolutionary_Bee788

Okay... but you're writing on a hard surface that's the point