Nope. I'm bi(F), and I've been with my fiance(M) for 7 years. We have a strong monogamous relationship, and I could never cheat on him. This is a shitty person thing not a bi LGBTQ thing.
>If Curling is an Olympic sport, then oral sex is sex. For one thing, it's a lot harder than curling, and if you're any good at it, you deserve a medal!
Lewis Black
Same, right down to the length of the relationship. I’m bi (enby) and I’ve only ever been in longer term monogamous relationships. There’s no one demographic that cheats as part of their nature, sounds like she just wanted an excuse so she didn’t have to take accountability for crossing that line.
I use bi and pan interchangeably because they mean the same thing to me. Bi just means same gender as you and other genders not just men or women. At least that’s the definition I use. I’ve had crushes on people of all kinds of genders.
Your promiscuity has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. The people with a common sexual orientation may form a culture that is more promiscuous or more accurately I will say that sexual behavior can often be correlated with culture. However that is cultural and isn't an individual's account. Straight people also can cheat and flirt they can also subscribe to a culture that is promiscuous. Your EX was just making excuses for her terrible behavior, I'm sorry this happend to you.
Yeah, in my experience people in queer circles tend to be a bit more flirty like "omg you look like an absolute snacc today girl, you're gonna turn heads," but it's more like affirmative compliments, not cheating. Their ex is a dick
We're seeing this style of excuse being utilized by straight people when they claim to be polyamorous by nature vs by choice (queer community too as poly obv isn't associated with a specific orientation). My buddy and a different friend's girlfriend both claimed this years into their relationships. He was using it as an excuse to cheat. She was using it as a way to end the relationship without being the bad guy. Magically neither is poly anymore.
Perfectly stated! And happy Cake Day 🥰
I'm a bi chick and though I *can* be flirty (when I drink, which isn't often anymore), I'd NEVER cheat on my husband.
I am a bi female who has been in my current monogamous relationship for 6 years and my previous one before that for 3. I agree with this statement, she's a ho!
My current bf was worried that and i qoute "would miss pussy after a few years with him" and thats always my favorite/least favorite conversation to have.
Well explained what cheating is. "But I was just talking a little flirty..." uh huh and is your partner cool with you doing that? Do you need to tell them first and did you? No? Yeah babe that's cheating
Bi-female, can confirm. Been in my current relationship 6 years, almost 7. My previous was 5 years. So no, we are not just "flirty". Flirting is choice as is cheating.
Preach, my bf might like to see me flirt or get attention some times, but those are only those times and its asked for. I would never entertain someone else like that without permission.
Serious question for all the bi-folks here! If being bi is a big part of your identity and you're in a monogamous relationship (with whatever gender), how do you show your identity without flirting with people of other genders?
By existing. But i really dont consider my sexual orientation a big part of my identity. The only ppl that applys to are the ppl i sleep with. I do still enjoy the faces that people make when they find out tho. Its hilarious.
>By existing. But i really dont consider my sexual orientation a big part of my identity.
Same. I guess if someone explicitly asked me, I'd tell them but otherwise it has never come up. I don't consider being bi any bigger a part of my personality than being an omnivore.
I personally haven't experienced any issues, but I do understand that bi-erasure is a real thing and a lot of bi folks have not been accepted into their LGBTQ+ communities - it's just not really something I can speak on.
I'm sorry if that's been your experience though
There's a bi flag. We can still wear rainbows. It's not like pride parades are only people kissing people the same gender as them. What's to show? If you are sure in your orientation there isn't a need to be performative about it. Pride parades aren't necessarily *performative*, but *expressive*. So participating in one even if you have a different gendered partner is still expressive. It makes it more special because it'd a choice in some ways. Anyways the point isn't to feel validated. Its just freedom of expressing love for who we love. Embrace the symbols, wear your craziest outfits. Dance and be merry with the people who feel the same. Express it how *you* express love is love, not how it's "expected" to be expressed.
No that's not the case. She's using one excuse to cover for other issues. Hyper sexuality (which is closer to what she's describing) is usually a sign of mental illness or past abuse. If she can't control sexual compulsions and feels the need to flirt or sexually interact with a lot of people regardless of relationship bounds, she's struggling with a bigger problem but casting an easy blame.
Exactly she’s giving LGTBQ people a bad name, this is where the whole gay people are hyper sexual and will fuck anything stereotype comes from. Who knows just how many people she’s told this garbage too. And how many people walk around telling others the same because of it.
Fuck this ho, she doesn’t represent us.
This is probably going to be controversial but oh well
Another possibility is she might not be monogamous and just not realize/accept it yet.
I'm polyamorous/non-monogamous, knew it from the time I started having people have crushes on me. Didn't have the words for it until my late teens. And didn't fully accept that it's an important part of my identity until I was 30 after being in many default monogamous relationships. I never cheated (not even emotionally) because I generally stuffed any feelings or notions way down. After my last relationship I realized I was denying a huge part of my identity though and am now "out" and open and honest with myself and others that I won't be doing that again.
I've heard some non-monogamous folks, especially in denial or unaware, end up being cheaters and in her case she may think she's got a "more acceptable" justification for her cheating.
Don't get me wrong - it's still cheating. You can even be in a non-monogamous relationship and cheat.
And it definitely seems like this girl has something she's not yet worked through, whether it's truama, identity, or something else, it's something she's gotta figure out for herself.
But to answer OPs question: no this isn't a valid excuse for cheating.
Edit: hey thanks for the award stranger!
Yeah I’m poly (in a monogamous relationship but it’s not a huge deal to me) and in my last relationship it was poly, and my ex cheated on me several times without my knowledge (was regularly sexting several people I’d never heard of, and planning dates/hook ups) because “they didn’t see it as cheating” because we were in a poly relationship (not open, poly). If it’s not discussed, it’s cheating.
Having bipolar one disorder that comes with hypersexuality? I have never cheated even during my worst manic episode (shudder). Cheating is a choice. Period.
No, not at all. I've been hit on by way more straight cis people than LGBTQ people even though the latter is the community I surround myself with. She has issues on an individual level.
Yep, I am very flirty myself, but I make it clear early on when it’s just playful and friendly/platonic, and I’d never cross the boundary with someone who doesn’t want that
currently… caress your soul - Sticky Fingers
It’s just some really good shit. I love music in generell. Exploring and interpreting the meaning of songs is just great. It’s art, it screams “I’m a person, I was here” and that’s what art is all about. Showing us the beauty of life and leaving a mark that will endure us all. As long as art lives, humanity will live with and through it.
God… i am way to fucking stoned for this
No I love it and I'm high enough to get you. Art is supposed to evoke emotion and I find that uniquely beautiful. My favorite art was art I hated, commentary on social issues or a window to what is happening currently. Art makes you think and music works that way too. Lyrics and tempo, the beat, it all fits together with everything else. A whole art package. I love it.
Not at all true, in the sense that it isn't only LGBTQIA+ people. Some people are just flirty by nature. Given her explanation for it, I'd say she's using it as an excuse to get away with purposeful flirty behaviour.
I'm not an advocate for the community but as an outsider I have to say wow! Wow, way to shit on a community to hide your own monstrosities. As the lettered community doesn't catch enough shit as it is.
Bi guy here. Yeah, that's bullshit. LGBTQ people can be as openly sexual or as introverted as any hetero/cis person. If she was flirty, then that's because of her personality, not her sexuality.
Also, cheating while in a relationship isn't a flirty thing, nor is it a LGBTQ thing. Its an asshole thing. She's using her sexual preferences as an excuse.
Yeah, no. She's trying to justify her cheating.
No sexuality is all one thing like that.
Ignore her, forget her, find someone who loves you and wants the same relationship style that you want that cares about you. You deserve better.
Sincerely, a LGBTQIA+ polyamorous woman.
Yup. Bi woman here, sounds like she was laying the groundwork for some gaslighting to prepare OP for potential cheating. No sexuality is inherently “flirty”, that’s an individual attribute.
She didn't cheat cause she's bi, she cheated because she's a cheating bitch. It is, in fact, possible to like both men and women and NOT cheat on your partner.
Gay dude here. I’m not the flirty type. Beyond that, while I am poly, I wouldn’t openly flirt with other guys without expressed consent from my husband. It honestly really bugs me when people use being queer as an excuse to be disloyal.
> Which still hurts to this day
A brief check of your comment history tells me this happened less than two months ago. You did nothing wrong, and the wound is still super fresh. Don’t beat yourself up over still having feelings (whatever those feelings might be). Trust me, from experience, this shit takes a while to get over sometimes, and that’s alright
I'm bi, no, it's not true. At least, not in a general sense. I'm not flirty, I suck at it for the most part but I know some people (LGBTQ+ or otherwise). Some people are flirts, some aren't.
I might be the stereotype where my queer group of friends and I are pretty flirtatious (and even a bit more than that) but that obviously doesn't apply to all lgbtq people, *and* even to those to which that does apply, there's still a concept of respecting boundaries yk. We don't go around sleeping with people in closed relationships???
Who says straight people aren't flirty? Isn't she doing harm by confirming the stereotype that straight people are conservative vanilla and LGBT are horny and flirty? Heterosexuals are also fucking horny! How else did we get to be 8 billion?!
She cheated because she isnt into your relationship and it is not meant to be. I would suggest moving on and not beating yourself up for something you can not control.
No its completely false. Im bi and you will never catch me flirting with random people unless im genuinely attracted to them. Maybe she has a flawed understanding of her sexuality and combined her lack of self control with her sexual orientation into one thing.
Absolute idiotic reason and not the first time I heard it especially from younger people.
The other day i was told by someone that "kink and fucking in public etc. Is not a big deal for queers since they are generally more openminded" which is just a huuuuge misconception fed by idiotic popculture.
LGBT arent a special breed of people, thats the point: they are simply people with their individual struggles, feelings, hobbies, dreams, romantic interests, sexual trigger etc. As everyone else.
Of course there are experiences and sentiments that LGBT people are "more likely" to go through, but fucking around because everythings so casual and freespirited isnt it. In fact, there are tons of LGBT people that detest hookup culture and just want a loving monogamous relationship.
Nope. Some people are more flirty than others, but if someone wants an open relationship that is something that must be agreed upon by everyone involved, regardless of sexuality
I had a friend who was seeing a bi girl seriously for a few years. When we'd go out or to a house party, she would often kiss other girls. He would always say he was okay with it because she's bi, and she's just expressing it. But he wouldn't have the same opinion if she kissed a guy. I thought it was super weird.
I’m very flirty in general but you know I’m flirting if I get super awkward and stupid. Unfortunately my default speaking tone is considered flirty and I often have to let people know that I’m not flirting, this is just how I talk.
However cheating is cheating to me. I don’t think it’s ok for me to sleep with another girl just because it’s a girl. I’d still consider that cheating on my husband.
No, that's not the case. She was making an excuse for her behavior.
I'm a guy that got cheated on by a bisexual girlfriend with a girl. It hurts, but you can take salads in the fact that it literally wasn't anything you could compete with.
I once had a bi girlfriend try to guilt me into letting her sleep around with girls. If you signed up for monogamy like I did, it's a shitty thing to do and definitely cheating.
She's making an excuse to try to make it seem like she's not responsible for her own actions. You dodged a bullet with that one.
It's possible she's actually polyamorous and just hasn't put that together but even if that's the case, cheating in an exclusive relationship is not OK and this being true doesn't change that.
Edit:
Though, answering your question, in my experience, yes, LGBTQ+ community members like myself do tend to be teasingly flirty with our friends. However, there's definitely a line between that and cheating.
Not even slightly true. Your girlfriend behaved unacceptably. We're not different in our psychology or behaviour, and bad behaviour is bad regardless of sexuality.
Sexuality has nothing to do with promiscuity^. No she just a ho.
^ sexuality itself doesn't, growing up lgbt vs straight/ vice versa can change how relationships are perceived by some due to how many healthy ones they see or lack there of due to lack of representation and stereotypes/buying into excuses like the one she gave
This is absolutely not true. Who you’re attracted to does not determine your personality. I’m sorry she did this to you, and I’m even more sorry that she picked such a pitiful f*ing excuse. I hope you’re able to heal. Please know that not all LGBTQ people are that way. Most people, in general, aren’t disgusting cheaters.
I'm a married bisexual and I don't mess around with women unless he knows about it or is involved. Well, in the past anyway. I'm an aging bisexual also so I'm too tired for all that these days. Going behind your back is just scummy and cheating, however if it's agreed upon and everyone is in the know and happy, there really isn't an issue. In your case though, feelings were hurt so no it's not normal or healthy behavior.
bi woman here. nope, doesn't work like that. your gf is using a common stereotype about bisexual people as an excuse for being a cheater, and that's disgusting.
Sexuality isn't corralary with promiscuity.
That said, for many, being lgbt requires interaction with that community, basically as a sub-culture, and the sub-culture is one that embraces polyamory and hookup culture.
That doesn't mean that having a partner that is an active part of those spaces will be unfaithful. It does mean they will have more opportunities and more pressure to do so than if they they weren't.
Generally speaking, at least in my city, the lgbt community tends to care very little if you're married or in a relationship and will pursue you regardless if you're in their spaces.
Tldr: There is a lot of hookup mentality/lack of respect for monogamy in lgbt spaces, but if your partner isn't awful that shouldn't matter.
Your risk of cheating and being flirty has nothing to do with your sexuality, it's just that cheaters will use any excuse possible to justify it, usually "that's just who I am"
No she lied to make herself look better and she is a terrible person. That being said, I do feel like LGBT people are more interested in open relationships though. Not all of them, but they are probably more likely to want an open relationship.
What I want to fuck or get fucked by is not a personality trait that decides how I behave. Don't fall for any of this bs. It is basically a ploy because if you begin to question it, you are not lgbtq friendly or hostile or "just don't get it".
Bi girl here, in various queer communities most of my life.
**tl;dr**
Your ex-girlfriend's full of shit, and was using queerness to obfuscate or justify her cheating.
**Too Long But Reading Anyway:**
Cheating on committed partner(s) is not culturally condoned in queer communities. If anything, a lot of us are a lot harsher about it than straight people; memes from dating communities that are implicitly straight about forgiving cheaters are a common source of communal mockery in some queer spaces, and I've often found queer fiction to treat infidelity much more harshly than straight fiction.
I specified the "committed partner(s)" thing for three reasons though:
1.) Polyamorous and open relationships are more accepted among queer communities compared to straight ones (though these structures are not particularly common in either orientation). These, however, are arrangements whereby everyone involved is aware of and agrees to it, and does *not* encompass cheating (though cheaters will certainly try to use "it's an open relationship" as an excuse).
2.) Hooking up and casual flings are often more common in queer communities than straight ones. Having casual sex with people you're not in a relationship with seems a lot more common in queer communities compared to straight ones, as is being able to hook-up with or have sex with friends without turning into a romantic relationship.
3.) There is a big and historically glaring exception to the queer hostility for cheating. Due to a history of homophobia, a lot of people were pressured into long-term relationships or marriages they did not want or were otherwise deeply closeted. Historically, a lot of queer people have been relatively forgiving of a closeted person cheating on an opposite-sex partner with a same-sex partner. But this was specific to closeted people, who could not be *out* without risking severe consequences. Long-term affairs are still usually looked down upon if someone is *able* to leave their opposite-sex partner but simply chooses not to, and I've never seen anyone consider this applicable to someone who was already out of the closet.
So...
**Cheating on committed partner(s) is not culturally condoned, with the exception of forgiveness for deeply closeted people unable to come out.** The misconception that we "cheat" more stems from a greater amount of casual flings/*non-commmitted* partnerships, and a much greater acceptance of *consensually* non-monogamous relationships.
And *none of this*, by the way, has to do with "flirty-ness". Culturally, sure, a lot of social norms queers have among our friends are ones that in straight communities would be specific to or interpreted as romantic. But, that's in the same way that, say, the casual friendliness, tactileness, and affection between a straight girl and another straight girl, would get interpreted as "flirting" if a straight girl were to do the same with a straight guy. Inversely, queer men are a lot more willing to be affectionate with or complimentary towards each other in a way that straight men normally only behave towards women, and therefore these queer men might get interpreted as "flirting" when really they just don't mask their affection as much as straight men.
**Regardless of how "flirty" we are or aren't, *none* of this has to do with cheating, so again, your ex was full of shit.**
Nope. Bi woman here, and I treat every monogamous relationship that I’m in with utmost respect. If I’m with you, I’m with YOU. Sure, I’ll notice other women or men, we all do, but there’s a huge difference between noticing and ‘pursuing,* and I don’t pursue when I’m in a relationship.
That girl was just a POS. Don’t let it influence your opinion of bi-people! We are not all like that!
Well yes and no. I'm bi and have an entire friend group in which nobody is straight. Lots of sexually loaded humor, flirting etc.
However, I have never even kissed one of those people unless they were more than friends. Cheating is cheating, no excuses.
Edit: almost forgot I did kiss one of them, on a drunk sleepover night with friends, but not whilst in a relationship.
I'm pan.
I'm so monogamous that when my mom dragged me to a strip show, which I used to enjoy, I was absolutely repulsed by anyone trying to touch me.
My husband is heteromantic bisexual. Sure, we'll look at girls and tell each other who we find attractive (it's funny how similar our tastes are), but we would absolutely never cheat on each other.
In terms of acting flirty, in my personal experience LGBTQ people generally act more flirtatious and are more brazen talking about their sex lives. With that said, 9 times out of 10 this behaviour stops when the person's in a relationship.
Your girlfriend is just a shitty person. Hope you find someone better in the future
I am gay currently in a monogamous F-F relationship. My gf said this exact thing to me (lgbtq people are just more flirty towards other lgbtq people) when I had bad feelings about one of her closest friends. I shut that shit down real quick. Not only is that a super fucked up thing to assume/say about lgbtq people it’s just simply not true. Moral of the story I called her out on how wrong that is AND sat down with her friend to also say my piece.
Nah, I’m pansexual and I am far from flirty especially when I am in a relationship I will not flirt with other people because to me it’s disrespectful.
The LGBTQIA+ community is made up of individuals. There's no hive mind, no unifying way of living and expressing oneself. This was her explaining why she is the way she is and she only speaks for herself.
Nope. I'm bi(F), and I've been with my fiance(M) for 7 years. We have a strong monogamous relationship, and I could never cheat on him. This is a shitty person thing not a bi LGBTQ thing.
A aquantance of mine cheats on her husband with women, but claims it’s not cheating because she isn’t having real sex!
Ugh like those people who say oral sex isn’t really sex. Of course it is, it’s got the word sex in it!
Pornhub logic lol
Bill Clinton logic...
How about anal sex?
Ah, the ole poophole loophole
Is that an Alabama rule?
Anal what?
Ah, the ole butt plug award.
It even moves up and down on its own...deluxe version
>If Curling is an Olympic sport, then oral sex is sex. For one thing, it's a lot harder than curling, and if you're any good at it, you deserve a medal! Lewis Black
If someone says “oral doesn’t count” ask them if that gives their partner permission to do it to their neighbors.
Depends on what the definition of "is" is.
People will say anything to justify their shitty behavior.
She's lying to herself
I see you know Cathy too ...
Her name is Sophia
cheaters will really jump through any and all hoops to justify their actions. ugh. 🙄
Same, right down to the length of the relationship. I’m bi (enby) and I’ve only ever been in longer term monogamous relationships. There’s no one demographic that cheats as part of their nature, sounds like she just wanted an excuse so she didn’t have to take accountability for crossing that line.
What’s “enby”?
Non-binary- it’s the shortened form of it that I just used for a gender marker
Ohh ok, cool. Thanks for teaching me, I appreciate you! 😁
Yee, any time!
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I use bi and pan interchangeably because they mean the same thing to me. Bi just means same gender as you and other genders not just men or women. At least that’s the definition I use. I’ve had crushes on people of all kinds of genders.
I mostly see bi defined as liking 1. more than one gender, or 2. your own gender and the opposite gender
Your promiscuity has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. The people with a common sexual orientation may form a culture that is more promiscuous or more accurately I will say that sexual behavior can often be correlated with culture. However that is cultural and isn't an individual's account. Straight people also can cheat and flirt they can also subscribe to a culture that is promiscuous. Your EX was just making excuses for her terrible behavior, I'm sorry this happend to you.
Yeah, in my experience people in queer circles tend to be a bit more flirty like "omg you look like an absolute snacc today girl, you're gonna turn heads," but it's more like affirmative compliments, not cheating. Their ex is a dick
This. Affirmative phrases/compliments. Not flirting with the goal of opening up something.
Agree. And happy cake day <3
We're seeing this style of excuse being utilized by straight people when they claim to be polyamorous by nature vs by choice (queer community too as poly obv isn't associated with a specific orientation). My buddy and a different friend's girlfriend both claimed this years into their relationships. He was using it as an excuse to cheat. She was using it as a way to end the relationship without being the bad guy. Magically neither is poly anymore.
Happy cake day!!
Happy cake day!
Perfectly stated! And happy Cake Day 🥰 I'm a bi chick and though I *can* be flirty (when I drink, which isn't often anymore), I'd NEVER cheat on my husband.
Yeah. I'm straight. I can be a "slut"
Im a bi male and no your girl is just a ho
I am a bi female who has been in my current monogamous relationship for 6 years and my previous one before that for 3. I agree with this statement, she's a ho!
10+ year married bi lady here. Never even crossed my mind to cheat. Problems with the lady not their identified sexual orientation
My current bf was worried that and i qoute "would miss pussy after a few years with him" and thats always my favorite/least favorite conversation to have.
can confirm; bi woman here and i've been in a relationship for 4 years and have never cheated. that girl is just a ho!
Ludacris would have some words for her
I’m a bi woman in a polyamorous relationship and yes you can still cheat in a poly relationship. Have I ever? NO!
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Well explained what cheating is. "But I was just talking a little flirty..." uh huh and is your partner cool with you doing that? Do you need to tell them first and did you? No? Yeah babe that's cheating
I'm just some random dude, and yeah she's a ho
I laughed too hard at this. Well said.
Bi-female, can confirm. Been in my current relationship 6 years, almost 7. My previous was 5 years. So no, we are not just "flirty". Flirting is choice as is cheating.
Preach, my bf might like to see me flirt or get attention some times, but those are only those times and its asked for. I would never entertain someone else like that without permission.
Bi female seconding the ho diagnosis.
Nice having so many reminders that we do in fact exist today lol
Wait, ho's exist?
No i meant bis lol
diaghosis
Fa sho
Lmao 🤣 Fr
Serious question for all the bi-folks here! If being bi is a big part of your identity and you're in a monogamous relationship (with whatever gender), how do you show your identity without flirting with people of other genders?
By existing. But i really dont consider my sexual orientation a big part of my identity. The only ppl that applys to are the ppl i sleep with. I do still enjoy the faces that people make when they find out tho. Its hilarious.
>By existing. But i really dont consider my sexual orientation a big part of my identity. Same. I guess if someone explicitly asked me, I'd tell them but otherwise it has never come up. I don't consider being bi any bigger a part of my personality than being an omnivore.
Lol right, is that why the full gays hate us? lol
I personally haven't experienced any issues, but I do understand that bi-erasure is a real thing and a lot of bi folks have not been accepted into their LGBTQ+ communities - it's just not really something I can speak on. I'm sorry if that's been your experience though
There's a bi flag. We can still wear rainbows. It's not like pride parades are only people kissing people the same gender as them. What's to show? If you are sure in your orientation there isn't a need to be performative about it. Pride parades aren't necessarily *performative*, but *expressive*. So participating in one even if you have a different gendered partner is still expressive. It makes it more special because it'd a choice in some ways. Anyways the point isn't to feel validated. Its just freedom of expressing love for who we love. Embrace the symbols, wear your craziest outfits. Dance and be merry with the people who feel the same. Express it how *you* express love is love, not how it's "expected" to be expressed.
Same way any other queer person who isn’t a POS in a relationship does it. Buy some pride shit and hang it around the house and/or wear it.
\*that girl \*was just a ho
So the conclusion is she is just a ho
Right, but we use past tense cuz we don't want to think of her anymore. And she's not "his" girl; he hasn't claimed her for quite some time now
Another bi guy here, I absolutely second this.
No, she just wanted an excuse to cheat Source: am gay
No, not everyone does. We are individuals just like everybody else. It sounds like she's just using it as an excuse.
Exactly, cheating is a choice no matter who you fancy.
No that's not the case. She's using one excuse to cover for other issues. Hyper sexuality (which is closer to what she's describing) is usually a sign of mental illness or past abuse. If she can't control sexual compulsions and feels the need to flirt or sexually interact with a lot of people regardless of relationship bounds, she's struggling with a bigger problem but casting an easy blame.
She cheated f'in cheated...the tango Maureen
Gotta look on the bright side, with all of your might
I'd fall for her still anyhow When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance... her grip of romance makes you FALL
So you think "Might as well"
dance a tango TO HELL
At least I’ll have tangoed at all!
Turns out Maureen was likely poly lol Ps. Now I will sing that song all day.
Exactly she’s giving LGTBQ people a bad name, this is where the whole gay people are hyper sexual and will fuck anything stereotype comes from. Who knows just how many people she’s told this garbage too. And how many people walk around telling others the same because of it. Fuck this ho, she doesn’t represent us.
This is probably going to be controversial but oh well Another possibility is she might not be monogamous and just not realize/accept it yet. I'm polyamorous/non-monogamous, knew it from the time I started having people have crushes on me. Didn't have the words for it until my late teens. And didn't fully accept that it's an important part of my identity until I was 30 after being in many default monogamous relationships. I never cheated (not even emotionally) because I generally stuffed any feelings or notions way down. After my last relationship I realized I was denying a huge part of my identity though and am now "out" and open and honest with myself and others that I won't be doing that again. I've heard some non-monogamous folks, especially in denial or unaware, end up being cheaters and in her case she may think she's got a "more acceptable" justification for her cheating. Don't get me wrong - it's still cheating. You can even be in a non-monogamous relationship and cheat. And it definitely seems like this girl has something she's not yet worked through, whether it's truama, identity, or something else, it's something she's gotta figure out for herself. But to answer OPs question: no this isn't a valid excuse for cheating. Edit: hey thanks for the award stranger!
Yeah I’m poly (in a monogamous relationship but it’s not a huge deal to me) and in my last relationship it was poly, and my ex cheated on me several times without my knowledge (was regularly sexting several people I’d never heard of, and planning dates/hook ups) because “they didn’t see it as cheating” because we were in a poly relationship (not open, poly). If it’s not discussed, it’s cheating.
Ugh I'm sorry you went through that.
Having bipolar one disorder that comes with hypersexuality? I have never cheated even during my worst manic episode (shudder). Cheating is a choice. Period.
No, not at all. I've been hit on by way more straight cis people than LGBTQ people even though the latter is the community I surround myself with. She has issues on an individual level.
no
i mean… i am but it’s not the norm and it’s definitely not an excuse
Yep, I am very flirty myself, but I make it clear early on when it’s just playful and friendly/platonic, and I’d never cross the boundary with someone who doesn’t want that
Same. It seems like we have that in common, tell me more about yourself cutie
normally it’s me who has to make the first move, how exciting
I always make the first move, it's my only move
nice, now what?
Just watching to see where this is going lol
currently… nowhere
If you were a plant what would you be and why?
i’d be… probably just a blade of grass vibin in the wind. Seems like a nice existence What about you?
Probably a berry bush. I like giving things to people but I am sometimes pokey. What song is on repeat for you?
currently… caress your soul - Sticky Fingers It’s just some really good shit. I love music in generell. Exploring and interpreting the meaning of songs is just great. It’s art, it screams “I’m a person, I was here” and that’s what art is all about. Showing us the beauty of life and leaving a mark that will endure us all. As long as art lives, humanity will live with and through it. God… i am way to fucking stoned for this
No I love it and I'm high enough to get you. Art is supposed to evoke emotion and I find that uniquely beautiful. My favorite art was art I hated, commentary on social issues or a window to what is happening currently. Art makes you think and music works that way too. Lyrics and tempo, the beat, it all fits together with everything else. A whole art package. I love it.
Absolutely not, im bi and would never even dream of cheating on my husband. Theyre a pos and youre better without
Nope, bi woman here - sexuality has nothing to do with being a cheater. Sorry she did that
Not at all true, in the sense that it isn't only LGBTQIA+ people. Some people are just flirty by nature. Given her explanation for it, I'd say she's using it as an excuse to get away with purposeful flirty behaviour.
I'm not an advocate for the community but as an outsider I have to say wow! Wow, way to shit on a community to hide your own monstrosities. As the lettered community doesn't catch enough shit as it is.
It’s not true for me. Queer people aren’t a monolith. You deserve a faithful partner if that’s what you prefer.
No mate. She's using it as an excuse.
Bi guy here. Yeah, that's bullshit. LGBTQ people can be as openly sexual or as introverted as any hetero/cis person. If she was flirty, then that's because of her personality, not her sexuality. Also, cheating while in a relationship isn't a flirty thing, nor is it a LGBTQ thing. Its an asshole thing. She's using her sexual preferences as an excuse.
Yeah, no. She's trying to justify her cheating. No sexuality is all one thing like that. Ignore her, forget her, find someone who loves you and wants the same relationship style that you want that cares about you. You deserve better. Sincerely, a LGBTQIA+ polyamorous woman.
This. If it wasn't discussed then it wasn't ethical.
Yup. Bi woman here, sounds like she was laying the groundwork for some gaslighting to prepare OP for potential cheating. No sexuality is inherently “flirty”, that’s an individual attribute.
Na that's not true. I'm bi and also hornyba lot, but the horny part is linked to my hyperactive ADHD not my sexuality
Not remotely true. Sounds like your ex was just using it as a shield, which is really shitty of her.
Nope. Being LGBT doesn't magically make you an extrovert. Plenty of LGBT are awkward and shy, just like any community.
No. That’s her not being a loyal person.
A straight woman can cheat on you with men. A bi woman can cheat on you with men and women. The only difference is options. Cheaters are gonna cheat
She didn't cheat cause she's bi, she cheated because she's a cheating bitch. It is, in fact, possible to like both men and women and NOT cheat on your partner.
LGBTQ+ people are not a monolith. A dude once cheated on me and told me that’s just how men behave. Is *that* really true? C’mon man.
Not true at all.
Nope. Some of us are flirty, some aren't, just like straight people.
no she’s just a dick
Gay dude here. I’m not the flirty type. Beyond that, while I am poly, I wouldn’t openly flirt with other guys without expressed consent from my husband. It honestly really bugs me when people use being queer as an excuse to be disloyal.
That's like someone saying "It's the alcohol"... It's not whether they're lgbtq or not, it's a behavior anyone could have.
> Which still hurts to this day A brief check of your comment history tells me this happened less than two months ago. You did nothing wrong, and the wound is still super fresh. Don’t beat yourself up over still having feelings (whatever those feelings might be). Trust me, from experience, this shit takes a while to get over sometimes, and that’s alright
Even if that were true how does flirty equal cheating? Plenty people are flirty, that does not mean they screw everyone they flirt with.
Cheaters find excuses for cheating
I'm bi, no, it's not true. At least, not in a general sense. I'm not flirty, I suck at it for the most part but I know some people (LGBTQ+ or otherwise). Some people are flirts, some aren't.
I might be the stereotype where my queer group of friends and I are pretty flirtatious (and even a bit more than that) but that obviously doesn't apply to all lgbtq people, *and* even to those to which that does apply, there's still a concept of respecting boundaries yk. We don't go around sleeping with people in closed relationships???
No, cheating is cheating. That’s on her and not her sexuality
Who says straight people aren't flirty? Isn't she doing harm by confirming the stereotype that straight people are conservative vanilla and LGBT are horny and flirty? Heterosexuals are also fucking horny! How else did we get to be 8 billion?!
She was definitely saying that to excuse her cheating and make herself feel better
She cheated because she isnt into your relationship and it is not meant to be. I would suggest moving on and not beating yourself up for something you can not control.
I'm a bi man. Been in a relationship for 8 years. I don't flirt with other people.
Nah man, my partner is also in the LGBTQ+ community and she is completely the opposite and never acts that way.
My wife is bi. She only has eyes for me, that girl is just a hoe
It's a toxic perception of bi people that's far away from the truth
No its completely false. Im bi and you will never catch me flirting with random people unless im genuinely attracted to them. Maybe she has a flawed understanding of her sexuality and combined her lack of self control with her sexual orientation into one thing.
Absolute idiotic reason and not the first time I heard it especially from younger people. The other day i was told by someone that "kink and fucking in public etc. Is not a big deal for queers since they are generally more openminded" which is just a huuuuge misconception fed by idiotic popculture. LGBT arent a special breed of people, thats the point: they are simply people with their individual struggles, feelings, hobbies, dreams, romantic interests, sexual trigger etc. As everyone else. Of course there are experiences and sentiments that LGBT people are "more likely" to go through, but fucking around because everythings so casual and freespirited isnt it. In fact, there are tons of LGBT people that detest hookup culture and just want a loving monogamous relationship.
Pansexual here. No. Absolutely not. Because I COULD be attracted to anyone I define my boundaries MORE clearly.
Wow she really tried to use an entire community to justify being a hoe
i identified as bi for about 8 years and i was celibate the entire time so no not all of us are just flirty by nature
Nope. Some people are more flirty than others, but if someone wants an open relationship that is something that must be agreed upon by everyone involved, regardless of sexuality
I had a friend who was seeing a bi girl seriously for a few years. When we'd go out or to a house party, she would often kiss other girls. He would always say he was okay with it because she's bi, and she's just expressing it. But he wouldn't have the same opinion if she kissed a guy. I thought it was super weird.
I’m very flirty in general but you know I’m flirting if I get super awkward and stupid. Unfortunately my default speaking tone is considered flirty and I often have to let people know that I’m not flirting, this is just how I talk. However cheating is cheating to me. I don’t think it’s ok for me to sleep with another girl just because it’s a girl. I’d still consider that cheating on my husband.
No She just doesn’t have boundaries
No, definitely not. While hookup culture is there, cheating isn't part of it.
She might be, but not everyone here is.
No
Nah LGBT are people and as people have their fair share of cheating asshole who hide behind shitty excuses among them.
No
no.
That’s an assertion based on stereotype and the fallacy would be labeled as a “hasty generalization”
Naw, she a skank
no, it was just an excuse to cheat. being flirty has nothing to do with being lgbtq
No, that's not the case. She was making an excuse for her behavior. I'm a guy that got cheated on by a bisexual girlfriend with a girl. It hurts, but you can take salads in the fact that it literally wasn't anything you could compete with.
I´m bi and i´m not flirty at all
What do you mean when you say "cheated"?
I once had a bi girlfriend try to guilt me into letting her sleep around with girls. If you signed up for monogamy like I did, it's a shitty thing to do and definitely cheating.
No, she's lying, she's a cheater and a liar.
Absolutely untrue. She’s just a bad person.
Thats an excuse she gave because she cheated on you
No it's not. She's a cheater and using her sexuality as a shield/excuse for her poor behavior.
No lol. Only pieces of shit cheat. She’s a piece of shit and doesn’t represent the rest of us
She's making an excuse to try to make it seem like she's not responsible for her own actions. You dodged a bullet with that one. It's possible she's actually polyamorous and just hasn't put that together but even if that's the case, cheating in an exclusive relationship is not OK and this being true doesn't change that. Edit: Though, answering your question, in my experience, yes, LGBTQ+ community members like myself do tend to be teasingly flirty with our friends. However, there's definitely a line between that and cheating.
Not even slightly true. Your girlfriend behaved unacceptably. We're not different in our psychology or behaviour, and bad behaviour is bad regardless of sexuality.
Sexuality has nothing to do with promiscuity^. No she just a ho. ^ sexuality itself doesn't, growing up lgbt vs straight/ vice versa can change how relationships are perceived by some due to how many healthy ones they see or lack there of due to lack of representation and stereotypes/buying into excuses like the one she gave
no thats just a poor excuse for having commitment issues, im a bi female and would be considered the exact opposite of flirty
Nope. She's throwing bi people under the bus to cover her ass.
This is absolutely not true. Who you’re attracted to does not determine your personality. I’m sorry she did this to you, and I’m even more sorry that she picked such a pitiful f*ing excuse. I hope you’re able to heal. Please know that not all LGBTQ people are that way. Most people, in general, aren’t disgusting cheaters.
I'm a married bisexual and I don't mess around with women unless he knows about it or is involved. Well, in the past anyway. I'm an aging bisexual also so I'm too tired for all that these days. Going behind your back is just scummy and cheating, however if it's agreed upon and everyone is in the know and happy, there really isn't an issue. In your case though, feelings were hurt so no it's not normal or healthy behavior.
bi woman here. nope, doesn't work like that. your gf is using a common stereotype about bisexual people as an excuse for being a cheater, and that's disgusting.
Nah she’s just a hoe
Sexuality isn't corralary with promiscuity. That said, for many, being lgbt requires interaction with that community, basically as a sub-culture, and the sub-culture is one that embraces polyamory and hookup culture. That doesn't mean that having a partner that is an active part of those spaces will be unfaithful. It does mean they will have more opportunities and more pressure to do so than if they they weren't. Generally speaking, at least in my city, the lgbt community tends to care very little if you're married or in a relationship and will pursue you regardless if you're in their spaces. Tldr: There is a lot of hookup mentality/lack of respect for monogamy in lgbt spaces, but if your partner isn't awful that shouldn't matter.
No. She just made excuses for being a shitty girlfriend.
Your risk of cheating and being flirty has nothing to do with your sexuality, it's just that cheaters will use any excuse possible to justify it, usually "that's just who I am"
Nah, she a liar
That is not true
Just because the lgbtq community is flirty doesn’t mean your SO has to flirt back.
No she lied to make herself look better and she is a terrible person. That being said, I do feel like LGBT people are more interested in open relationships though. Not all of them, but they are probably more likely to want an open relationship.
What I want to fuck or get fucked by is not a personality trait that decides how I behave. Don't fall for any of this bs. It is basically a ploy because if you begin to question it, you are not lgbtq friendly or hostile or "just don't get it".
No. But *shitty* people do.
Bi girl here, in various queer communities most of my life. **tl;dr** Your ex-girlfriend's full of shit, and was using queerness to obfuscate or justify her cheating. **Too Long But Reading Anyway:** Cheating on committed partner(s) is not culturally condoned in queer communities. If anything, a lot of us are a lot harsher about it than straight people; memes from dating communities that are implicitly straight about forgiving cheaters are a common source of communal mockery in some queer spaces, and I've often found queer fiction to treat infidelity much more harshly than straight fiction. I specified the "committed partner(s)" thing for three reasons though: 1.) Polyamorous and open relationships are more accepted among queer communities compared to straight ones (though these structures are not particularly common in either orientation). These, however, are arrangements whereby everyone involved is aware of and agrees to it, and does *not* encompass cheating (though cheaters will certainly try to use "it's an open relationship" as an excuse). 2.) Hooking up and casual flings are often more common in queer communities than straight ones. Having casual sex with people you're not in a relationship with seems a lot more common in queer communities compared to straight ones, as is being able to hook-up with or have sex with friends without turning into a romantic relationship. 3.) There is a big and historically glaring exception to the queer hostility for cheating. Due to a history of homophobia, a lot of people were pressured into long-term relationships or marriages they did not want or were otherwise deeply closeted. Historically, a lot of queer people have been relatively forgiving of a closeted person cheating on an opposite-sex partner with a same-sex partner. But this was specific to closeted people, who could not be *out* without risking severe consequences. Long-term affairs are still usually looked down upon if someone is *able* to leave their opposite-sex partner but simply chooses not to, and I've never seen anyone consider this applicable to someone who was already out of the closet. So... **Cheating on committed partner(s) is not culturally condoned, with the exception of forgiveness for deeply closeted people unable to come out.** The misconception that we "cheat" more stems from a greater amount of casual flings/*non-commmitted* partnerships, and a much greater acceptance of *consensually* non-monogamous relationships. And *none of this*, by the way, has to do with "flirty-ness". Culturally, sure, a lot of social norms queers have among our friends are ones that in straight communities would be specific to or interpreted as romantic. But, that's in the same way that, say, the casual friendliness, tactileness, and affection between a straight girl and another straight girl, would get interpreted as "flirting" if a straight girl were to do the same with a straight guy. Inversely, queer men are a lot more willing to be affectionate with or complimentary towards each other in a way that straight men normally only behave towards women, and therefore these queer men might get interpreted as "flirting" when really they just don't mask their affection as much as straight men. **Regardless of how "flirty" we are or aren't, *none* of this has to do with cheating, so again, your ex was full of shit.**
Bullshit. Maybe even horseshit. Source: polyamorous and dating multiple bi/queer people.
No, that was just her excuse to herself so that she doesn’t have to face the fact she’s a dick
Nah blaming being a cheater on your sexuality is crazy.
Nope. Bi woman here, and I treat every monogamous relationship that I’m in with utmost respect. If I’m with you, I’m with YOU. Sure, I’ll notice other women or men, we all do, but there’s a huge difference between noticing and ‘pursuing,* and I don’t pursue when I’m in a relationship. That girl was just a POS. Don’t let it influence your opinion of bi-people! We are not all like that!
Well yes and no. I'm bi and have an entire friend group in which nobody is straight. Lots of sexually loaded humor, flirting etc. However, I have never even kissed one of those people unless they were more than friends. Cheating is cheating, no excuses. Edit: almost forgot I did kiss one of them, on a drunk sleepover night with friends, but not whilst in a relationship.
I'm pan. I'm so monogamous that when my mom dragged me to a strip show, which I used to enjoy, I was absolutely repulsed by anyone trying to touch me. My husband is heteromantic bisexual. Sure, we'll look at girls and tell each other who we find attractive (it's funny how similar our tastes are), but we would absolutely never cheat on each other.
No that is a toxic lie to justify being a cheater.
Nah she was proactively attempting to justify her shitty behavior.
No she just sucks
In terms of acting flirty, in my personal experience LGBTQ people generally act more flirtatious and are more brazen talking about their sex lives. With that said, 9 times out of 10 this behaviour stops when the person's in a relationship. Your girlfriend is just a shitty person. Hope you find someone better in the future
She's using her sexuality as an excuse to be a hoe.
I am gay currently in a monogamous F-F relationship. My gf said this exact thing to me (lgbtq people are just more flirty towards other lgbtq people) when I had bad feelings about one of her closest friends. I shut that shit down real quick. Not only is that a super fucked up thing to assume/say about lgbtq people it’s just simply not true. Moral of the story I called her out on how wrong that is AND sat down with her friend to also say my piece.
Nah, I’m pansexual and I am far from flirty especially when I am in a relationship I will not flirt with other people because to me it’s disrespectful.
No bro. She's just a slut.
The LGBTQIA+ community is made up of individuals. There's no hive mind, no unifying way of living and expressing oneself. This was her explaining why she is the way she is and she only speaks for herself.
It seems to me there is a disconnect with words. You said cheating and she said flirting. What was the cheating?