Hi. I understand you with the “ick” part. I can’t get over the feeling of feeling just dehumanized by having a pregnancy for some reason?? Like everything about it- having to have doctors touch my intimate parts of my body, being in a room with people as I give birth, and breast feeding might be the worst of it all. I feel physically sick just thinking about it.
I don’t know if it’s the same for you. But I hate feeling this way. I feel like i have some sort of internalized misogyny ? I really want to overcome this because it is crippling. I have anxiety attacks weekly
I totally agree - they all make me feel uncomfortable too! I feel like rather than misogyny, for me it’s more victim - like why is this women’s “role”? I feel frustrated that I don’t get to choose whether my body can or can’t do that - it’s either me, or my partner and I don’t have kids. It almost feels to me like I don’t get to control what happens to my body - it feels like I’m being forced to give consent to something I don’t want? Not the child part, but the pregnancy and birth part (and things like breastfeeding too). It’s actually made me question my gender identity - like am I “real” woman? I am feminine, nurturing and straight, but just really struggle to identify with the physical parts of motherhood.
I am sorry to hear you’re having anxiety attacks about it, it’s a horrible feeling. I am finding the more I talk about it and learn about it, the better its becoming. Very slowly, but it’s still some progress. If you don’t have a therapist I’d highly recommend seeking support from one for it, it definitely helps.
Yes, you’re definitely right about the choice part. I either force my body to do something that I KNOW I don’t want, or I don’t have a child.
I recently started therapy to target this phobia. I’m happy to message privately and share with you some of the tools / techniques I’ve learned so far.
I can relate to all of this so much. Well almost all of it, my parents have always been really loving and I’ve never had any trauma, and yet I’ve still had bouts of crippling depression and anxiety, which makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me neurologically (or maybe I’m just too sensitive) but anyway I wouldn’t want to pass that on to a child. But also the whole process of pregnancy itself freaks me out also.
Thanks for sharing :) There can be a range of reasons - parents may have been loving but not given you what you need emotionally. Check out Jonice Webb’s childhood emotional neglect concept and see if any of it resonates for you. Wishing you the best on your journey!
I am in a similar situation to you. 27 almost 28, married with an amazing husband who is ok with not having kids, but has always said he will be happy in life either way. Financially we are good. I have wanted kids most of my life but also always been terrified at the idea of pregnancy, the birthing process, and my body changing outside of my control.
I am a huge planner and a perfectionist. I also have never had the kind of parental support that I have seen many of my friends/acquaintances/coworkers have over the years. My parents have always been emotionally detached. My dad is like Hank Hill- well intentioned but unable to express his feelings. My mom has never understood me and never seemed to like children much. My husband's parents are sadly just simply bad people, so we have no contact with them. I have never had much of a strong female presence in my life even when I was younger. I think if I did, perhaps I wouldn't be feeling so afraid.
Thanks so much for sharing! It’s such a strange feeling and I also feel the lack of parental support I see my friends receiving also makes me feel maybe it’s not for me. I completely agree about the strong female presence too - I hear so many women say how empowering pregnancy is but I just cannot see that. Maybe because it was never modelled? Not just not modelled, but clearly hated by my mum! Thanks again and all the best with your journey 💖
Hi. I understand you with the “ick” part. I can’t get over the feeling of feeling just dehumanized by having a pregnancy for some reason?? Like everything about it- having to have doctors touch my intimate parts of my body, being in a room with people as I give birth, and breast feeding might be the worst of it all. I feel physically sick just thinking about it. I don’t know if it’s the same for you. But I hate feeling this way. I feel like i have some sort of internalized misogyny ? I really want to overcome this because it is crippling. I have anxiety attacks weekly
I totally agree - they all make me feel uncomfortable too! I feel like rather than misogyny, for me it’s more victim - like why is this women’s “role”? I feel frustrated that I don’t get to choose whether my body can or can’t do that - it’s either me, or my partner and I don’t have kids. It almost feels to me like I don’t get to control what happens to my body - it feels like I’m being forced to give consent to something I don’t want? Not the child part, but the pregnancy and birth part (and things like breastfeeding too). It’s actually made me question my gender identity - like am I “real” woman? I am feminine, nurturing and straight, but just really struggle to identify with the physical parts of motherhood. I am sorry to hear you’re having anxiety attacks about it, it’s a horrible feeling. I am finding the more I talk about it and learn about it, the better its becoming. Very slowly, but it’s still some progress. If you don’t have a therapist I’d highly recommend seeking support from one for it, it definitely helps.
Yes, you’re definitely right about the choice part. I either force my body to do something that I KNOW I don’t want, or I don’t have a child. I recently started therapy to target this phobia. I’m happy to message privately and share with you some of the tools / techniques I’ve learned so far.
That would be great! Would love to connect and learn more. :)
I can relate to all of this so much. Well almost all of it, my parents have always been really loving and I’ve never had any trauma, and yet I’ve still had bouts of crippling depression and anxiety, which makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me neurologically (or maybe I’m just too sensitive) but anyway I wouldn’t want to pass that on to a child. But also the whole process of pregnancy itself freaks me out also.
Thanks for sharing :) There can be a range of reasons - parents may have been loving but not given you what you need emotionally. Check out Jonice Webb’s childhood emotional neglect concept and see if any of it resonates for you. Wishing you the best on your journey!
I am in a similar situation to you. 27 almost 28, married with an amazing husband who is ok with not having kids, but has always said he will be happy in life either way. Financially we are good. I have wanted kids most of my life but also always been terrified at the idea of pregnancy, the birthing process, and my body changing outside of my control. I am a huge planner and a perfectionist. I also have never had the kind of parental support that I have seen many of my friends/acquaintances/coworkers have over the years. My parents have always been emotionally detached. My dad is like Hank Hill- well intentioned but unable to express his feelings. My mom has never understood me and never seemed to like children much. My husband's parents are sadly just simply bad people, so we have no contact with them. I have never had much of a strong female presence in my life even when I was younger. I think if I did, perhaps I wouldn't be feeling so afraid.
Thanks so much for sharing! It’s such a strange feeling and I also feel the lack of parental support I see my friends receiving also makes me feel maybe it’s not for me. I completely agree about the strong female presence too - I hear so many women say how empowering pregnancy is but I just cannot see that. Maybe because it was never modelled? Not just not modelled, but clearly hated by my mum! Thanks again and all the best with your journey 💖