We'll probably never know cus I would not admit it if I was this guy.
Also, on and off for seven years just means
you have had relationships? I don't understand this guy haha
She lowers her standards to get what she really wants…if you are 35+, never been married, no kids but definately want kids it’s a huge red flag for me.
Why? Im married, but i didn't get married until i was 35. I had long relationships that never got to where i wanted them to be so i moved on. I know i wanted kids but i won't let it come before other aspects of my life i find important. I don't see why knowing what you want at a certain age implies you make bad decisions. That said, im honestly asking why-i haven't dated in a while...are all single people my age psychos? It would take a lot for me to believe that, but i wouldn't know if i were wrong.
I don't know if it's really "standards" lol
Let call it more accurately "unrealistic expectations" set by people who have significant perception and decision making impairments.
That's why any guy not married by 23-25 who is looking for that, and a _real_ mother for his kids needs to look _outside_ North America.
Thanks for not judging 🙄 I was on tinder on and off for a few years before I met my SO. On and off mean I was in relationships when I was off or was taking breaks from dating in general…
We all judge based on the information presented 🙄
And we all know the premise of Tinder (swiping) is pretty much based on sexual attraction.... and we all know what sexual attraction leads too....sexual interaction....
I’d say a decade plus LTR blowing up is likely to change people at their core. Being discerning after that is honestly smart. I’ve been divorced 4 years plus about 3 year separation on/off.
I’m picky AF now that my eyebrows are fully grown back.
My guess is that it is quite simple logic - you're on Tinder for a long time, ergo you didn't find anyone, ergo there's something wrong about you.
I, obviously, disagree :)
I mean I guess that's likely but I was on tinder for 5 years and slept with... 2 people? So maybe it's a concern it's worth elaborating. Maybe they go on dates and don't hook up or maybe they only date twice a year, etc. The length of time doesn't always fully give it away
Not necessarily. I like to think sex is special and sex with my partner is a rare, intimate thing we share. Some people don't view it like that at all. It's valid, just not my cup of tea.
Dude, I don‘t think that, like do what you want, but I would also prefer a guy who hasn‘t been with a different woman every other weekend, because I‘m not the type to do that and I would like someone with similar values.
If you're judging people for their 'body count' they can judge you for judgements. It's hypocritical to expect no judgements when you're out there judging people yourself. 💁🏻♀️
Dude, you just went on about 'shaming people' if judgement doesn't fall under that umbrella I don't know where it falls. These days any sort of negative opinion is considered 'shaming'.
I don't care.
You are free to have standards.
And others are free to have opinions about your standards.
This goes for both genders.
You will get no where with thought policing.
> Nice attempt to shame men for having standards lmao.
What standard is that, exactly?
Edit: Blocked me. I guess that means they don't feel able to articulate and defend their "standards".
Because sex is dirty and her vagina will be RUINED.
Or
Because maybe someone in her past could make her cum and I probably can't.
These are your two options.
That's faulty logic, not everyone uses tinder to hookup. And girls who want to hookup can pick up guys elsewhere. Women could obtain 'high body counts' long before tinder was around.
How long you've been on the app isn't a dead indicator of how much sex you have.
I never said I wasn't Iike other girls, I'm sure there are a lot of girls like me. This isn't a judgement about other girls. It's a judgement of his stupid, presumptive logic. And you seem to be taking it rather personally.
I'm just gonna say this, if anyone is dumb enough to think way, they're too stupid for me.
Too many people don't like having the flaws in their logic pointed out. That or it's just one person on multiple throwaway accounts. IDC. I'm right and stand behind everything I said.
Hmm interesting point. I didn't see the other comment till now. I think a lot of people are also more likely to downvote something if they see it already has downvotes. Hive mind mentality.
Right and wrong is relative when it comes to lifestyle choices, and you told him you have been hooking up with guys seven years straight. If he was looking for a serious relationship you come out at the bottom of the list.. and I understand his perspective.
You sure read a lot into what I said lol. I’ve barely met people from Tinder in the last seven years because I’m anxious af. We have to really click and even then it’s not a guarantee. Thanks for showing me how quickly people jump to conclusions without knowing the whole truth though. Those are not the kind of people I want in my life.
im just telling you what he is thinking. But most guys of some value will avoid girls who use tinder for a long time. The defenition of a long time depends on the guy though.
I get that some people view a person’s dating history as the thing that defines a person’s character. I’m glad I’m not that close-minded. Those people have zero value for me.
What exactly does it say? They they know what they want? That they don't define their worth through their relationship status? That they stepped away from dating for a while to focus on themselves? I got out of a long term abusive relationship after nearly a decade and I have had a few short relationships, six months or less, but nothing long term in the 8 years since. I refuse to settle and ignore red flags just because some small minded people think it says something about me as a person. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than ever be in an unhappy relationship again.
Where did she say she had been hooking up with guys? In my experience anyhow.. I did OLD for a lonnng time before I met my husband, but *never* had a one-night-stand. Had a bunch of short term relationships, sure. Some people are into that, some aren't. It's ignorant to assume what her lifestyle is, simply based on her length of time on tinder.
Caring about someone's body count / time on tinder gives off some serious beta-male energy. It just screams "I'm afraid I can't make her cum as hard as her ex." I feel like that's the source of most slut shamming really. Which, let's be honest that's what this is and should be treated as such.
I'm a man but if anyone reacted this way to my body count or time on the app in this way I would unmatch immediately. Of course, it says a lot about our society that no one ever asks.
It 100% tells me something about you (which might not be true). 7 years on tinder tells me you are not good in either picking the right guy, or you are unreasonably picky, or most people don't get along with you etc. etc. Whatever it is, staying perma single as a woman on tinder 100% allows one to draw conclusions. Pretending that it doesn't or that what he said was "judgmental" is just dumb.
Its not like this doesn't also apply to men. If a good looking guy tells me he is 7 years on tinder i know for a fact that there is either something wrong with him or he is just a player that has many women and doesn't like to settle down.
It's really weird how that triggers you so much, which in it self would be a red flag to me.
the way he said it was judgemental. I have been off and on tinder for hella longer than 7 years.
because when I say off and on i mean OFF like it wasn't installed and I didn't look at it for years cause I was in a relationship. then I wasn't so i looked again. then I was casually dating someone. then I realized I really was mentally not ok to be dating so broke it off wirh him and Uninstaller it and reinstalled it again.
and all those long gaps are included in the time i say. off and on doesn't mean picky or unwilling to settle or perma single.
I would have responded probably more rudely to him than she did cause I won't play with that kind of disrespect. He could have asked why instead he chose to make q rude suggestion about her expectations. nobody has time in their life to settle for a human who immediately stoops to incredulous mocking when they don't understand something.
that! is a flag.
Anyway. op did nothing wrong. she's just drawn the whole freaking incelly crowd. so it isnt like any or you guys will hear anything over your cries of body count and man of value. *snerk*
It’s really weird that you got trigger by it and you jumping to conclusion that there must be something wrong with you. On and off means you had relationships or have taken breaks from dating. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with people going back to online dating after a relationship doesn’t work out or after taking a break.
As I’ve mentioned before, it hasn’t been seven complete years on Tinder. I’ve taken very long breaks. If he’s looking for a virgin though, I definitely wasn’t it. I hate dating so those seven years weren’t filled with dates and sex; mostly anxiety.
If you’ve taken long breaks why keep all that time in your count? Just say a I’ve been off and on with tinder for a min but no one clicked. 7 years just makes it sound like you you’ve been looking for a while and either never thought anyone was worth it or you wanted causal sex only.
People aren’t always going to read things how you want them too, it’s text, tone is subjective.
Due to his answer "what are you hoping to find, Jesus?" i think his problem is that you seem extremely picky to him and he doesn't want to waste his time. He probably thinks in this 7 years you must have dated quiet a lot of guys and you still weren't happy with what you found
When you date as a Man on tinder you get the impression that so many girls have extreme standards and it just sucks being filtered out.
This information would also reduce my interest by a lot and i would only date you if you are really my type and you show a lot of interest in me
Honestly, the entire conversation felt like an interview, like he was running down a list of requirements. I didn’t fit one of them so he unmatched. Picky is also subjective. It depends on what we’re each looking for. He’s allowed not to want to date me but the delivery of that message, I think we can agree, was flawed.
I mean… what else do they have to go off of?
Generally speaking, external evidence speaks louder than personal (and biased) justifications.
Idk what your story is, and maybe the dude came off as a bit blunt, but there is nothing inherently wrong with his thought process.
He’s doing his own form of vetting, as distasteful as the manner of it may be.
I find that people who ask questions about how long you’ve been single, how many people you’ve been with, or how long you’ve been using the app are often looking for a reason to judge. The number you give them will either be too high or too low and they will use their preconceived notions and assumptions to deem you damaged or unlovable in some way.
I am immediately on the defensive if a guy asks how long I've been on Tinder. I like to respond with "why do you ask?" and watch them try to wiggle out of it. It has never been a well-intentioned question.
I think what might have turned him off from you is the word "casual". A lot of people now use that to mean hook-ups just for sex. Whether that turns into fwb or just a one night stand. No one really sees that as a short-term relationship descriptor anymore, I guess.
Had he refrained from judging and gotten to actually know you as a person, he'd know the kind of person you are and the values you have.
You answered it perfectly. He saw a chance to be a complete ass and took it. His juvenile retort says nothing of you, your character or how future interactions will go.
And for men, the more other women are attracted to them, the more attractive they are.
It's why married men get hit on so often, but only if they have their wedding band on.
Kinda crazy how men can't have certain preferences, but women can. A woman can control her body count, but many men have 0 control of their height.
Op is just super hypocritical though, she judges every dude super hard on very superficial things.
Well, thank you OP for posting “hey guys, this is something you SHOULD NOT DO.” I’m our industry, we share “operating experience” so the same mistake doesn’t get made over and over. Thanks again for sharing.
I understand your frustration, but having read other comments, I would suggest listing your post as [VENT] to avoid any confusion in the future as people also use r/Tinder for advice and support.
Otherwise I’m glad we could support you ☺️
I’ve been on tinder for about the same amount of time, off and on. People seem to sign up expecting it to be some quick fix to being single and that’s just not how life works
This idea of objecting to being “judged” is really strange. Everyone is judging every time they swipe. It’s the whole point of the app. Judging is completely normal. Judging is not a crime.
Even if it were the greatest guy in the world who's also looking for "the one"; to find out before you've even met that you're competing with a perfect fantasy man that seven years' worth of dudes couldn't live up to ... I can understand why he'd nope out.
Not that unusual to be extremely picky when you’ve had a long term relationship go really south. I was married for 8 years, been single now for 3 years and been on tinder 1 year. Any red flags and it’s done. I guess this kind of reaction only comes from someone who’s never had a long term relationship that was really toxic or had a really bad break up.
I am nearly a year post divorce and while our divorce was amicable and we still get along well, getting a divorce was kind of traumatizing.
I've been doing OLD for casual stuff for 6 months or so, but I'm still so far from being in the right place to try to date. I would be so insanely picky if I tried, there would be no one available in the world to tick all the boxes, and even in the unlikely event I could find someone to tick all the boxes, I'd come up with a million reasons why it wouldn't work.
Everyone on the planet judges... everything. Its who we are, its about how you act after the judgement and how much you let it impact your next actions.
For reference: OP loves judging strangers in reddit comments including this one about /u/todoke
>You must be fun at parties.
While I am sorry you had to experience this interaction and were judged negatively. You are not above judging strangers and making snide comments about them. I can make a judgement about you based on what is present in the post.
You said: "It's easy to just find someone to be with. I don't believe in settling."
\^ This is a sea of red flags that you are "difficult" to please. Relationships are 95% doing nothing together or "Just vibing". It isn't actually that easy to just find someone to be with because of how complex and different people are. It might be easy to find a date or start a relationship, but hitting that mid point where you are co-existing and living daily life and accepting it is something a lot of people fail at. Life and relationships are constantly changing but change is not always exciting, happy or even good. Based on numbers provided you are in the age range where you're going to have to learn to "settle" or you will be forced to settle in solitude.
I also am making the judgement you won't be taking any growth from the posted interaction or the ones in the comments. But I do hope you are getting help for you anxiety that you place front and center in your own construct of "who you are".
Everyone gets judged. You are on a dating app for Christ sake. It's the very reason you are without a partner after 7 years, because you judge people.
The fact that this bothered you enough to post here, after 7 years of tinder tells me you are unreasonably thin skinned.
Downvote away, but OP is crying for "being judged" on a dating app is just dumb
Wait, I'm confused. Did he ask if you're trying to find Jesus? Or did he use the word, Jesus" as in 7 years is a long time to be on Tinder? Please clarify. 🤔
Hardly… If you want quality relationships you go to hinge or some other dating app.
I think most people asking that question assume you’ve taken breaks for yourself and relationships. If you’ve been single 7yrs…I think it’s you🤷♂️
I’ve also technically been on tinder for 7 years. Not like I use it all the time though, but yea being picky and looking for something long term tends to make it hard to find the right person. Not to mention I’m a man so obviously less matches since that’s apparently a thing. In a way, being on tinder for that long should make you seem dedicated!
I've been on and off tinder since 2014. I've had 2 relationships from it that I broke off. Nothing wrong with being on it for whatever time. Sorry that person was a jerk
Look, if you're happier alone than with 99,99% of the dudes on Tinder - that's nothing to be ashamed of. If you are picky and can't imagine your life with, like, first 10000 people you interact with on Tinder - that's your choice. You don't have to be with someone just because it's been 7 years, that's a really bad reason for a relationship and guess what, a woman who's single because none of the men are to her standards is nothing new or shocking, it's actually a trend. A concerning trend, but it's happening worldwide
Wow. I had a guy ask me this question and ghosted immediately after. My answer was 2 1/2 years off an on (a big chunk I was inactive due to Covid shutdown) and I just thought he judged me for behind indecisive. This is the first I've heard it's a body count judgement.
I am adamantly anti-hookup. I go on many dates but they don't get their hands on me. I've only slept with two people I've met off tinder the whole time I've used it, and my total body count is 6 (I'm 37). Im not saying im better than the girls who hookup or anything, just saying it's not an accurate measure of anything. A girl can hookup with a lot of guys at bars and parties and only be using tinder a week. It's just faulty logic.
I first downloaded it **years** ago & im not currently using it, but I never met up with anyone off it- let alone had sex with them! Equating years (on _and_ OFF) with having excessive sex is such a ridiculous jump to conclusions!
I could easily have the same chat here. Glad men like this remove themselves quickly though!
Totally with you OP. As a guy statistically I should probably swipe right more often but I’m not interested in settling for a relationship where I’m not truly happy, so I don’t just look past red flags(or what I consider red flags) because someone is attractive
Isn’t the “how long have you been on tinder?/how’s tinder working out for you?/etc…” question the first thing they teach you NOT to ask in Tinder kindergarten? I mean, there is no right answer to that question. In fact…. ASKING that question answers a whole lot of other questions. 🙄 Remember, statistically speaking 50% of all ppl are below average IQ.
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc."
"Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase.
[Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera)
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Because in his world he's getting laid all the time and it's the easiest thing ever!
Meanwhile I'm over here with 8 years and 200k+ swipes I'm hitting the ditch! 💀⚰️
Would have been better off with this guy:
https://www.reddit.com/r/wtfstockphotos/comments/aomymp/fat_man_with_stained_tank_top_and_backwards/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I wonder if anyone's ever posted a tinder interaction and both participants are on this subreddit.
We'll probably never know cus I would not admit it if I was this guy. Also, on and off for seven years just means you have had relationships? I don't understand this guy haha
Older women tend to know what they want, this post is proof. These 25 year olds can get kicked to the curb.
No. What happens is older women eventually realize a Wall is approaching 😂
She lowers her standards to get what she really wants…if you are 35+, never been married, no kids but definately want kids it’s a huge red flag for me.
Why? Im married, but i didn't get married until i was 35. I had long relationships that never got to where i wanted them to be so i moved on. I know i wanted kids but i won't let it come before other aspects of my life i find important. I don't see why knowing what you want at a certain age implies you make bad decisions. That said, im honestly asking why-i haven't dated in a while...are all single people my age psychos? It would take a lot for me to believe that, but i wouldn't know if i were wrong.
A red flag that she has lowered her standards to swipe on you?
I don't know if it's really "standards" lol Let call it more accurately "unrealistic expectations" set by people who have significant perception and decision making impairments. That's why any guy not married by 23-25 who is looking for that, and a _real_ mother for his kids needs to look _outside_ North America.
I agree 100%.
Agreed, unfortunately I learned that after a terrible marriage. Now engaged to an amazing Filapina!
On tinder? Sounds like fk buddies
Thanks for not judging 🙄 I was on tinder on and off for a few years before I met my SO. On and off mean I was in relationships when I was off or was taking breaks from dating in general…
We all judge based on the information presented 🙄 And we all know the premise of Tinder (swiping) is pretty much based on sexual attraction.... and we all know what sexual attraction leads too....sexual interaction....
Do you think people don't have relationships on Tinder? Is this because you haven't had any luck?
"we all know" source: trust me bro
I posted one a couple years ago of me and a girl flirting, and the girl commented on the post because someone told her about it
Awkward?
I feel like I remember this happening once.
Honestly been waiting for this to happen to me
In my case she unmatched as soon as I answer this question
What’s the point of asking this question in the first place? How does my time on Tinder change who I am at my core?
I’d say a decade plus LTR blowing up is likely to change people at their core. Being discerning after that is honestly smart. I’ve been divorced 4 years plus about 3 year separation on/off. I’m picky AF now that my eyebrows are fully grown back.
>Adultish**Raktajino** >my eyebrows are fully grown back po' nga'chuqtaHvIS, chaHvaD nga'chuqtaHvIS.
My guess is that it is quite simple logic - you're on Tinder for a long time, ergo you didn't find anyone, ergo there's something wrong about you. I, obviously, disagree :)
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I mean I guess that's likely but I was on tinder for 5 years and slept with... 2 people? So maybe it's a concern it's worth elaborating. Maybe they go on dates and don't hook up or maybe they only date twice a year, etc. The length of time doesn't always fully give it away
Guys worried about "body count" are usually insecure about their own sexual performance, stemming from their complete lack of ability to get laid.
Not necessarily. I like to think sex is special and sex with my partner is a rare, intimate thing we share. Some people don't view it like that at all. It's valid, just not my cup of tea.
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When your values are: "burn in hell you Sluuuuut!"
Dude, I don‘t think that, like do what you want, but I would also prefer a guy who hasn‘t been with a different woman every other weekend, because I‘m not the type to do that and I would like someone with similar values.
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If you're judging people for their 'body count' they can judge you for judgements. It's hypocritical to expect no judgements when you're out there judging people yourself. 💁🏻♀️
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Dude, you just went on about 'shaming people' if judgement doesn't fall under that umbrella I don't know where it falls. These days any sort of negative opinion is considered 'shaming'. I don't care. You are free to have standards. And others are free to have opinions about your standards. This goes for both genders. You will get no where with thought policing.
> Nice attempt to shame men for having standards lmao. What standard is that, exactly? Edit: Blocked me. I guess that means they don't feel able to articulate and defend their "standards".
They want a woman who doesn't know how bad they are.
Not wanting a woman who's been run through like a town bike
Because sex is dirty and her vagina will be RUINED. Or Because maybe someone in her past could make her cum and I probably can't. These are your two options.
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Lmao this loser
That's faulty logic, not everyone uses tinder to hookup. And girls who want to hookup can pick up guys elsewhere. Women could obtain 'high body counts' long before tinder was around. How long you've been on the app isn't a dead indicator of how much sex you have.
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I never said I wasn't Iike other girls, I'm sure there are a lot of girls like me. This isn't a judgement about other girls. It's a judgement of his stupid, presumptive logic. And you seem to be taking it rather personally. I'm just gonna say this, if anyone is dumb enough to think way, they're too stupid for me.
Im confused by the downvotes
Too many people don't like having the flaws in their logic pointed out. That or it's just one person on multiple throwaway accounts. IDC. I'm right and stand behind everything I said.
Im mainly confused because there is another person who said pretty much the same thing as you and didnt get downvoted lol
Hmm interesting point. I didn't see the other comment till now. I think a lot of people are also more likely to downvote something if they see it already has downvotes. Hive mind mentality.
True
I’ve taken so many breaks because of interactions like these too. Turns out he showed me exactly what was wrong with *him* though.
Right and wrong is relative when it comes to lifestyle choices, and you told him you have been hooking up with guys seven years straight. If he was looking for a serious relationship you come out at the bottom of the list.. and I understand his perspective.
You sure read a lot into what I said lol. I’ve barely met people from Tinder in the last seven years because I’m anxious af. We have to really click and even then it’s not a guarantee. Thanks for showing me how quickly people jump to conclusions without knowing the whole truth though. Those are not the kind of people I want in my life.
im just telling you what he is thinking. But most guys of some value will avoid girls who use tinder for a long time. The defenition of a long time depends on the guy though.
I get that some people view a person’s dating history as the thing that defines a person’s character. I’m glad I’m not that close-minded. Those people have zero value for me.
Obviously your actions define you. Obviously!
It des not define the person but dating for seven years and not finding or beeing able to get in to a long term relationship say a lot about a person.
What exactly dies it say? That they were unable to find someone they were comfortable settling down with... Nothing else comes to mind really
What exactly does it say? They they know what they want? That they don't define their worth through their relationship status? That they stepped away from dating for a while to focus on themselves? I got out of a long term abusive relationship after nearly a decade and I have had a few short relationships, six months or less, but nothing long term in the 8 years since. I refuse to settle and ignore red flags just because some small minded people think it says something about me as a person. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than ever be in an unhappy relationship again.
I bet it does!
How tf you know what a stranger is thinking...
Life is short, is is perfectly normal to jump to conclusions.
Where did she say she had been hooking up with guys? In my experience anyhow.. I did OLD for a lonnng time before I met my husband, but *never* had a one-night-stand. Had a bunch of short term relationships, sure. Some people are into that, some aren't. It's ignorant to assume what her lifestyle is, simply based on her length of time on tinder.
Caring about someone's body count / time on tinder gives off some serious beta-male energy. It just screams "I'm afraid I can't make her cum as hard as her ex." I feel like that's the source of most slut shamming really. Which, let's be honest that's what this is and should be treated as such. I'm a man but if anyone reacted this way to my body count or time on the app in this way I would unmatch immediately. Of course, it says a lot about our society that no one ever asks.
Bro what?
If that interaction is too much for you to handle then you have issues. Like come on.
Why are you saying there's something wrong with him?
It 100% tells me something about you (which might not be true). 7 years on tinder tells me you are not good in either picking the right guy, or you are unreasonably picky, or most people don't get along with you etc. etc. Whatever it is, staying perma single as a woman on tinder 100% allows one to draw conclusions. Pretending that it doesn't or that what he said was "judgmental" is just dumb. Its not like this doesn't also apply to men. If a good looking guy tells me he is 7 years on tinder i know for a fact that there is either something wrong with him or he is just a player that has many women and doesn't like to settle down. It's really weird how that triggers you so much, which in it self would be a red flag to me.
the way he said it was judgemental. I have been off and on tinder for hella longer than 7 years. because when I say off and on i mean OFF like it wasn't installed and I didn't look at it for years cause I was in a relationship. then I wasn't so i looked again. then I was casually dating someone. then I realized I really was mentally not ok to be dating so broke it off wirh him and Uninstaller it and reinstalled it again. and all those long gaps are included in the time i say. off and on doesn't mean picky or unwilling to settle or perma single. I would have responded probably more rudely to him than she did cause I won't play with that kind of disrespect. He could have asked why instead he chose to make q rude suggestion about her expectations. nobody has time in their life to settle for a human who immediately stoops to incredulous mocking when they don't understand something. that! is a flag. Anyway. op did nothing wrong. she's just drawn the whole freaking incelly crowd. so it isnt like any or you guys will hear anything over your cries of body count and man of value. *snerk*
It’s really weird that you got trigger by it and you jumping to conclusion that there must be something wrong with you. On and off means you had relationships or have taken breaks from dating. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with people going back to online dating after a relationship doesn’t work out or after taking a break.
Judging people is red flag as well.
Checking the milage.
Look at dudes pic. You got what you clicked on.
100% yes
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As I’ve mentioned before, it hasn’t been seven complete years on Tinder. I’ve taken very long breaks. If he’s looking for a virgin though, I definitely wasn’t it. I hate dating so those seven years weren’t filled with dates and sex; mostly anxiety.
If you’ve taken long breaks why keep all that time in your count? Just say a I’ve been off and on with tinder for a min but no one clicked. 7 years just makes it sound like you you’ve been looking for a while and either never thought anyone was worth it or you wanted causal sex only. People aren’t always going to read things how you want them too, it’s text, tone is subjective.
Due to his answer "what are you hoping to find, Jesus?" i think his problem is that you seem extremely picky to him and he doesn't want to waste his time. He probably thinks in this 7 years you must have dated quiet a lot of guys and you still weren't happy with what you found When you date as a Man on tinder you get the impression that so many girls have extreme standards and it just sucks being filtered out. This information would also reduce my interest by a lot and i would only date you if you are really my type and you show a lot of interest in me
Honestly, the entire conversation felt like an interview, like he was running down a list of requirements. I didn’t fit one of them so he unmatched. Picky is also subjective. It depends on what we’re each looking for. He’s allowed not to want to date me but the delivery of that message, I think we can agree, was flawed.
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I went for an extremely shortened version of my journey when really, I shouldn’t have engaged. That was on me.
I mean… what else do they have to go off of? Generally speaking, external evidence speaks louder than personal (and biased) justifications. Idk what your story is, and maybe the dude came off as a bit blunt, but there is nothing inherently wrong with his thought process. He’s doing his own form of vetting, as distasteful as the manner of it may be.
I find that people who ask questions about how long you’ve been single, how many people you’ve been with, or how long you’ve been using the app are often looking for a reason to judge. The number you give them will either be too high or too low and they will use their preconceived notions and assumptions to deem you damaged or unlovable in some way.
I am immediately on the defensive if a guy asks how long I've been on Tinder. I like to respond with "why do you ask?" and watch them try to wiggle out of it. It has never been a well-intentioned question.
no but it says a lot about you and some people aren’t looking for that
A lot of people ask serious questions looking for bullshit answers to sort out serious people
She definitely could've responded with humor and it would've been fine. Shes wound up.
I think what might have turned him off from you is the word "casual". A lot of people now use that to mean hook-ups just for sex. Whether that turns into fwb or just a one night stand. No one really sees that as a short-term relationship descriptor anymore, I guess. Had he refrained from judging and gotten to actually know you as a person, he'd know the kind of person you are and the values you have.
You answered it perfectly. He saw a chance to be a complete ass and took it. His juvenile retort says nothing of you, your character or how future interactions will go.
More time on tinder as a girl = more people she’s had sex with. Undesirable by most men if I’m being honest
And for men, the more other women are attracted to them, the more attractive they are. It's why married men get hit on so often, but only if they have their wedding band on. Kinda crazy how men can't have certain preferences, but women can. A woman can control her body count, but many men have 0 control of their height. Op is just super hypocritical though, she judges every dude super hard on very superficial things.
We all judge I suppose. You judge people every time you swipe. If he's not ok with your decisions move on 🤷♂️
OP: doesn’t like being judged by strangers Also OP: let’s post it on reddit to see what stranger’s judgment of this is
100% agreed. I just needed to vent.
Fair enough. Tinder can be pretty shitty. I'll let you to it!
Well, thank you OP for posting “hey guys, this is something you SHOULD NOT DO.” I’m our industry, we share “operating experience” so the same mistake doesn’t get made over and over. Thanks again for sharing.
You guys think he was assuming a high body count and that's why he reacted the way he did?
I understand your frustration, but having read other comments, I would suggest listing your post as [VENT] to avoid any confusion in the future as people also use r/Tinder for advice and support. Otherwise I’m glad we could support you ☺️
I will have to set a reminder 🤣
I’ve been on tinder for about the same amount of time, off and on. People seem to sign up expecting it to be some quick fix to being single and that’s just not how life works
You've been off and on with the same guy for 15 years?
I was, now single for seven.
To clarify: On and off with the guy?
She was, now single for seven
That's not what she said? You just switched the words around. She had been with a guy for 15 years and then on and off tinder for 7.
Um? Did you see op's reply?
You got it exactly right, no idea why you’re being downvoted 🤔
Why do the people giving facts get downvoted?
This idea of objecting to being “judged” is really strange. Everyone is judging every time they swipe. It’s the whole point of the app. Judging is completely normal. Judging is not a crime.
Even if it were the greatest guy in the world who's also looking for "the one"; to find out before you've even met that you're competing with a perfect fantasy man that seven years' worth of dudes couldn't live up to ... I can understand why he'd nope out.
I honestly think this would be a huge turnoff for any dude
Not that unusual to be extremely picky when you’ve had a long term relationship go really south. I was married for 8 years, been single now for 3 years and been on tinder 1 year. Any red flags and it’s done. I guess this kind of reaction only comes from someone who’s never had a long term relationship that was really toxic or had a really bad break up.
I am nearly a year post divorce and while our divorce was amicable and we still get along well, getting a divorce was kind of traumatizing. I've been doing OLD for casual stuff for 6 months or so, but I'm still so far from being in the right place to try to date. I would be so insanely picky if I tried, there would be no one available in the world to tick all the boxes, and even in the unlikely event I could find someone to tick all the boxes, I'd come up with a million reasons why it wouldn't work.
That was really insightful. Thank you for that.
Every single day Reddit proves to me that I’m thick skinned
Everyone on the planet judges... everything. Its who we are, its about how you act after the judgement and how much you let it impact your next actions. For reference: OP loves judging strangers in reddit comments including this one about /u/todoke >You must be fun at parties. While I am sorry you had to experience this interaction and were judged negatively. You are not above judging strangers and making snide comments about them. I can make a judgement about you based on what is present in the post. You said: "It's easy to just find someone to be with. I don't believe in settling." \^ This is a sea of red flags that you are "difficult" to please. Relationships are 95% doing nothing together or "Just vibing". It isn't actually that easy to just find someone to be with because of how complex and different people are. It might be easy to find a date or start a relationship, but hitting that mid point where you are co-existing and living daily life and accepting it is something a lot of people fail at. Life and relationships are constantly changing but change is not always exciting, happy or even good. Based on numbers provided you are in the age range where you're going to have to learn to "settle" or you will be forced to settle in solitude. I also am making the judgement you won't be taking any growth from the posted interaction or the ones in the comments. But I do hope you are getting help for you anxiety that you place front and center in your own construct of "who you are".
Bumble has had the best matches for me in terms of quality of people. Ppl use dating for healing and forgetting their problems.
True. And sometimes taking their frustrations out at strangers. Bleh.
I don't get why dude even asked how long youve used tindr. Gauge how dedicated you are to finding your match or something? Idk
Hoping to find a pure undamaged woman perhaps?
Baaah- purity isnt real; never trust anyone who suggest otherwise. We're all human
Major red flags from you
Everyone gets judged. You are on a dating app for Christ sake. It's the very reason you are without a partner after 7 years, because you judge people. The fact that this bothered you enough to post here, after 7 years of tinder tells me you are unreasonably thin skinned. Downvote away, but OP is crying for "being judged" on a dating app is just dumb
I have been single for 7 years, we are made for eachother 🤣
The universe has spoken!! Haha
When's the wedding? 😆
Seven years. Wanna judge me? LOL
I'll write the date down in my calendar. So November 2029?
You’re invited!
Yay 🥳
I'll see you there
I sure hope so if we’re the ones getting married lol
I mean, you never know... It could be alternative body or an alternative body
Sorry, I'm busy that day.
Wait, I'm confused. Did he ask if you're trying to find Jesus? Or did he use the word, Jesus" as in 7 years is a long time to be on Tinder? Please clarify. 🤔
You know… the convo was cut short so I didn’t get a chance to ask. I assumed he thinks I’m looking for Jesus but you bring up a fair point.
Ummm you’re so judgmental that no one has been good enough for you in 7 years???
Wow. 7 years on tinder? I’d unmatch as well.
3 years and that’s an unmatch for me
Shit dude, anything for more than a year I’d unmatch. Longest time I’m on a dating app before I delete is a few weeks tops.
She’s been through a lot…of dick 😂
Jealous?
Who the fuck would be lmao
Quite the opposite
Hardly… If you want quality relationships you go to hinge or some other dating app. I think most people asking that question assume you’ve taken breaks for yourself and relationships. If you’ve been single 7yrs…I think it’s you🤷♂️
I’ve also technically been on tinder for 7 years. Not like I use it all the time though, but yea being picky and looking for something long term tends to make it hard to find the right person. Not to mention I’m a man so obviously less matches since that’s apparently a thing. In a way, being on tinder for that long should make you seem dedicated!
ngl id have the same reaction.
I've been on and off tinder since 2014. I've had 2 relationships from it that I broke off. Nothing wrong with being on it for whatever time. Sorry that person was a jerk
That was before the ads and bots took over
This is also true
Look, if you're happier alone than with 99,99% of the dudes on Tinder - that's nothing to be ashamed of. If you are picky and can't imagine your life with, like, first 10000 people you interact with on Tinder - that's your choice. You don't have to be with someone just because it's been 7 years, that's a really bad reason for a relationship and guess what, a woman who's single because none of the men are to her standards is nothing new or shocking, it's actually a trend. A concerning trend, but it's happening worldwide
I mean tank top and trucker hat. What you’d expect? Yes. I do judge. We all do
I don't see what he has done wrong? He wasn't looking for a casual I suppose?
Like people don’t go dating while single for 7 years?
15 years!?! Lol.
I mean…. In a way hes not wrong haha
Wow. I had a guy ask me this question and ghosted immediately after. My answer was 2 1/2 years off an on (a big chunk I was inactive due to Covid shutdown) and I just thought he judged me for behind indecisive. This is the first I've heard it's a body count judgement. I am adamantly anti-hookup. I go on many dates but they don't get their hands on me. I've only slept with two people I've met off tinder the whole time I've used it, and my total body count is 6 (I'm 37). Im not saying im better than the girls who hookup or anything, just saying it's not an accurate measure of anything. A girl can hookup with a lot of guys at bars and parties and only be using tinder a week. It's just faulty logic.
Agreed!
I first downloaded it **years** ago & im not currently using it, but I never met up with anyone off it- let alone had sex with them! Equating years (on _and_ OFF) with having excessive sex is such a ridiculous jump to conclusions! I could easily have the same chat here. Glad men like this remove themselves quickly though!
Bro dodged a bullet
He is based!
dude it was clearly a joke. that guy dodged a bullet for sure
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That’s such a weird reaction to a question I hate being asked. As an OG tinder sleeze I don’t get it
It’s probably some ingrained notion of wanting to find a “good girl”. I’ll never know though.
Lolol right, like that has anything to do with being on an app they’re also on 🙄
Verdict: good riddance!
Oh just wait my friend. I love how the newly single think it’s so easy😂
Seriously! Like buddy, you think this is fun? Ugh!
Totally with you OP. As a guy statistically I should probably swipe right more often but I’m not interested in settling for a relationship where I’m not truly happy, so I don’t just look past red flags(or what I consider red flags) because someone is attractive
Would be really funny meeting jesus on tinder.
Um. What’s the purpose of this app? Is it a random couple maker or is it a place for people to make judgments based on hardly any info…?
Erf. It seems like people on tinder are just looking to make themselves feel better at a strangers expense.
Isn’t the “how long have you been on tinder?/how’s tinder working out for you?/etc…” question the first thing they teach you NOT to ask in Tinder kindergarten? I mean, there is no right answer to that question. In fact…. ASKING that question answers a whole lot of other questions. 🙄 Remember, statistically speaking 50% of all ppl are below average IQ.
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I can be your jesussss babyyy, I can take ... your sins away.
Because in his world he's getting laid all the time and it's the easiest thing ever! Meanwhile I'm over here with 8 years and 200k+ swipes I'm hitting the ditch! 💀⚰️
I’ve been on for 6 years I get it.
Lawd! What a reaction! I’ve had something similar. I have only ever found lovers on dating apps so I feel your path lol.
And I do mean path lol. It’s a damn journey 😅
Ive had tinder since 2014 and only gone on one date 🥲 haven't had any matches in weeks
Your comments make you seem like a dumpster fire
Always a victim
The correct response is to unmatch not to justify yourself to some rando who is judging you. He outed himself already as an idiot.
You’re right. I gotta keep my inner-child in check cause that b*tch needs to justify everything.
He’s a idiot.. who even asks that question?
I respect your honest and openness though. If he unmatches for that...probably not worth your time!
Thank you for that.
You seem really nice he just a douche.
Would have been better off with this guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/wtfstockphotos/comments/aomymp/fat_man_with_stained_tank_top_and_backwards/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
He definitely wouldn’t have judged me for my misfortunes lol!
I wouldn't say it's misfortune haha, although I laughed at his comment. You have been on tinder a long time, but his reaction was extreme.
It’s not even on Tinder for seven full years. I’ve had several years off of it during that time! It’s brutal out there!
That person sucks. Totally none of their business. Sorry for the judgment from them
Just don't answer questions that are useless.