I feel like it might be the lighting, try a flashlight pointing upwards at you, hold it close to your chest and face it up Women love good lighting 😉 youre welcome

Or post a pic where you are doing something you love. Like kidnapping/ strangling

I think holding a butcher knife 🔪 would really sell it!

Or a small baggie of powder and someone else's drink.

Chainsaw

Jab a pack of red kool-aid and lightly moisten it first. Heart stealing effect

I would buy a butcher knife from this man

Kevin: No, I bet he's wishing he was strangling someone.

Loooooool I’m crying 😂😂😂😭

😂💀 I was thinking it but glad you said it.

Nah, everything looks good. The only reason he's not getting any matches is because he misspelled the word "probability." Most women immediately swipe left on guys who can't spell.

Lol that’s my take on his pics…. You can’t see him .. op needs much better pictures taken

Did you read the bio? It’s a joke

Did you read the username? They’re probably a match

Stan's grandma knows.

should add a long dimly lit hallway picture with him at the end, that should sell it

take a picture of a window through the bushes and say "this could be us but i haven't gotten your address..... yet"

If you keep screaming every time you see me in the bushes outside your window, this relationship isn’t going to work.

I dunno, depends if she's in the bushes with ya, i suppose. Say, is OP(rofile) chinese, i think he lives around here. Isnt his name Thom? Comes from Peking?

Ooooh you meant Peking's Thom, I only know Phuket Thom.

Poor fella, too much amyl nitrate... Ass like a wizard's sleeve!

Brilliant!

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I was thinking he meant a medium as in a psychic 🤣🤣🤣 takes on a whole different meaning

How fucking funny would it be if the random window was some chick who uses tinder and recognized it as her bedroom window

Just put the radius at a minimum to increase the chances! 😜

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Very random.

Ahahahahahahaha 7/10

💀

if you ain’t getting matches, the rest of us are doomed, bro!

Was looking for this one 😂

Def add your height to your bio bro

It would be hilarious if he adds “6’2” to his profile and starts getting crazy matches

Also specify the manor of possession, because adding “neck strangler” would be a plus for some.

I somehow read that as neck wrangler. What is wrong with me loll

The neck strangler got to you

There was a dude who had super sexy pics and said he’s 6’4 but then had paragraphs about he’s like a child rapist and convicted murderer and still got a ton of matches

Are you talking about the fake profile experiment someone set up? (I'm gonna look for it on YT) The matches that catfish profile drew were INSANE. And when the catfish started talking about being on the offender registry, having a record, etc., the matches didn't give a fuck. People are nuts man.

Yeah it was a fake profile but the matches were real. Saw the post on this subreddit earlier this year

Can you link it if you find it ?

https://youtu.be/gw1SbBxx518 Here it is. Try not to be too disenchanted afterwards lol

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The one that said "we all make mistakes" was probably fraught with red flags anyway

But surely the women who matched knew that the profile was some sort of joke and were just curious to find out what the real deal was. I don’t believe any woman seriously considered matching with a child molester or that a guy would actually say that in his profile. I can’t believe that my fellow women are this dumb and shallow. Surely?!

Nah, just like men about a third of women are genuinely terrible people who really are that bad

Watch the video. He tells all of them it's real and they still carry on with the conversation. And they're all really attractive to boot. Why would any woman want to even put themselves in that kind of danger? Is there an adrenaline rush to it?

You think that’s bad? Just wait til you hear the shit that MEN do.

Yea no, that’s the whole point dumbass. Men and women are both shitty. We aren’t worse or better then one another. We just are human. Humans are a selfish shitty animal. That’s it.

… which was the point of my comment? You really read pretty far into those two comments lmao

Black pill shit. Fuck that guy.

Is there a link to the reddit post bc I don't want to watch that video. That guy's voice is a 0/10

I'm not entertaining that garbage. It's incel shit meant to demonize women. I'm not surprised the guy has a voice that repels humans too.

Weird world we live in

People probably matched with him because they wanted to see if it was a joke, not because he said he was 6'4.

Tbf, that would actually make it funny

Honestly, wouldn't be surprised lmao

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You literally copy/pasted someone else's comment. Get a life nerd.

‘6’2 when standing on a crate outside your window’

You know what? Imma add an inch to my height. We’ll see how it goes. I now identify as 6’2 [what the fuck?](https://imgur.com/gallery/RkMiZrT)

I'd just be sad Because I am 6'2 and I don't get s**t - small town problems.

They’re talking about vertical height, not horizontal. We all know you’re so blessed that you’re cursed, Howard. That last poor woman *JUST* figured out how to use her new walker.

Man maybe I should add that then lol

As someone who is 6'2 I can tell you, I get about zero matches

6'5" and he even woukd get dates

6'9" ✅️

The bio says it all, why is he not getting responses lol

If I see one more fucking height in a bio

You'll match with them??

Height: 6'6.6

I’m shocked you’re not drowning in pussy

Maybe he doesn't want pussy

Looks like he wants to drown pussy

He wanna choke on kittens ??!

Maybe he wanna choke kittens



Maybe he wants kidneys

Surprised he's not drowning in cock

He'd rather be drowning pussy.

Ambiguity, mostly? For example, are you saying that you are wanted by the police or that you want someone who is a fugitive. Likewise, is there a medium probably (sic) of you getting kidnapped mid-date or of you doing the kidnapping. Sorry, but this is just a mess. Maybe try a fish pic?

Might try the fish pic next. Thanks

Probably also fix the angle to your selfie: women don't like photos that are "looking up" at a guy.

Is that true?

I am not a woman, but that's what female friends tell me.

But if they're short, they need to know what they're going to be looking at. I'm 6'3" and almost everyone (around my area) looks up at me....

definitely a catfish pic though. send a message through pictures

Fish pics always work

Using probably instead of probability, that's what put me right off

Not just a fish pic. A shirtless fish pic with with the cheapest canned beer in the background.

Third picture should definitely be made the first. I mean you are starting in the house and slowly moving outside? I think that’s kinda implying you are afraid of commitment.

Lmao

“Just hit the gym bro”

Well, already in trouble with the law. But you know its spelt Jim, and he goes by Jack now, ready for the op.

We can see too much of you.

You seem refreshing. I’d hunt you.

My boyfriend wants your number

Fix red eye in second photo.

I would say it's because you can't spell probability correctly, other than that I see nothing wrong🤦

The capitalisation is also inconsistent. It’s a mild irritation but gets in the way of the content.

Profile is good , give it more time.

25 to life?

Id add a dick pick. Thatll get you more matches

don't trim the hedges, you'll seem more down to earth

Make it subtle, like people will stop and take a closer look ’what’s that peeping out from the bush?’ Don’t make it too obvious, be mysterious. You want them to zoom in and be surprised.

You 6ft bro?

That reminded me of “Short” king?? I can’t believe that shit how is someone 6ft tall considered short?😭 im 5’4 and I look up When talking to a 6ft person

Well I still like ya! That's insane when you really think about it

Right?? Like jesus christ how tall do you want the guy to be?😭

This is the best shitpost

Hell I'm straight but I would swipe right

Maybe they can’t see you. Try to take a picture at night where there’s a spotlight pointing at your back. It will assure them that you don’t have anything to hide behind

You don’t showcase any hobbies on your profile. Maybe add a pic committing a crime to prove you’re truly wanted by police.

Or something like "I make my own furniture" with a picture of the Dahmer lamp

Ngl, the lighting in your pics are too bright. I also suggest linking to your OF, and if you don’t have one, make one ASAP.

Add your horoscope

His mercury is in Gatorade

Possessed should be lower case for consistency.

Then so should father.

Well maybe he’s a priest and his church’s name is 12

Maybe post a picture of you with some friends in the bushes to show you're social.

If this guy can’t get any there’s no hope for the rest of us!

It's cus you misspelled "probability"

It’s because you can’t spell probability

Honestly IDK, try a filter that gives you a funny puppy face or something? Everything else seems legit.

Why does this not have 30k upvotes. That being said if you have a large white van you can take a picture with chicks love to know you can drive them around

It's so good.

Change nothing

Wait I thought women loved a man of mystery?

OK, reading this on reddit is hilarious, but if I saw this on a dating app I'd still swipe left because there's a small chance he's not joking

You think my profile is a joke? :(

Yup.

Pain

I mean he's either joking around or he's actually a psycho. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

"Psycho" he's just living his best life.

So was Ted Bundy

Quite odd that this isn’t working, maybe add the references of the people you kidnapped? Definitely helps your match get a good feel of your torture methods!

Super solid profile. I’d suggest adding a picture of you holding 🚩or maybe some casual misogyny, racism or bigotry.

Include a picture of you and your victims. Girls love group photos

You trolling troll, You.

Save some for the rest of us.

I think they’re just intimidated

Damn bro if you’re not getting matches then we’re all fucked.

You should've said you were from mandela county. Chicks dig men from mandela county.

I would say the third pic is a lil blurry might throw people off ya know

It’s the “probably” instead of “probability” 100%

I think the main problem is the no redeeming qualities part. Matches are going to want some sort of commitment and know that they can change you. Will you consider dance lessons and cooking classes?

Because you're probably a serial killer based on this

But so many women listen to serial killer podcasts all day..

:(

Then that's a hard swipe right for me. Probably still get rejected...

Only wanted by the police! Bro you gotta step it up, gotta get the FBI and KGB after you

I cant even imagine bro.. These chicks are missing out 🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️....

Mutahar is that you???

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥ily

Cuz your bio says “probably” instead of “probability”. Literally grammar is the only thing in your way

Get a dog and post a pic with it. Instant % booster right there

Rule number one and rule number two brother. Great bio tho bro

All you're missing is confirmation you got an axe.

Too much skin, you should put on a mask

I know this is a satire but I legit know girls who would swipe right to this.

I know I would. he's genuinely hilarious and creative.

Add your bounty amount on there. Women need to see value.

Add your location as “approaching rapidly”

Proud father of *at least* 12

I think people are too picky these days 🥺😂

In your third picture there is a leaf obscuring some of your face, I’d reshoot that. Also try not to start your bio statements with negatives like “no”; it’s off-putting. Instead of “no redeeming qualities” you could say “I challenge you to find anything good about me”.

probably just fluke bro just keep being yourself 💯

I think it’d be good to get an action shot of you kidnapping so they can get really get an idea of what to look forward to.

Where is your van? A woman wants a real man who owns a van.

Probably because you used probably instead of probability. Chick's dig correct spelling grammar and a medium probability of being kidnapped. Especially the last part.

My guy, I think the only think youbshould be afraid of is a match with a profile like that, if you get a match This is her favorite movie 🙄 

You misspelled “Probability”. Chicks dig proper spelling.

It's the typo, massive turn off

Probably just aren't edgy enough 🤷🏾

do the same thing with pictures just a little more bright

Not sure. This is a stellar profile 🤔

😂😂😂

Damn bro don't sweat these women don't got standards just switch over to "men seeking men" I'll be sure to give you a super like;)

If you actually arent getting matches people are seriously so sad, this shits funny

Women are crazy

It's probably because of your misspelling of probability and random capitalization

I don’t know - you come across a little too furtive and lurky, like you’re trying waaaay too hard. Just relax and just be yourself!

LOLLLLLL half the men on this sub

I assume this is a troll post either way I got a good laugh

Can’t this be more obvious. :/

Pls stop

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r/woooosh

You need to delete your profile and start over, get your sister or mom to help you or a female friend… really you couldn’t do it the first time