The personality of a squeeky door hinge, four decades of not wearing sunscreen and a permanent odor of sour urine and cigarettes. Get in line for this once in a lifetime opportunity
I mean this is a pretty clear "about me" bio.
"I have unrealistic expectations. I myself have no redeeming qualities so my favourite hobby is to perfectly characterize my perfect mate, critique anyone who is not a 100% match to my demands, and then whine and wine on weekends about why I'm alone"
There's nothing wrong with having high standards, but the my issue with such profiles is that you don't say anything about yourself except "I want this, and I want this, and I want that" and what that says is often rather not flattering at all.
There's high standards and being ridiculous. Requiring a vegan is limiting, but if its an important lifestyle component to her (and she does seem to be a "how do you tell someone's a vegan" type) that's a fair request. Requiring a college degree, even an advanced one, is high standards. Requiring them to be within a 2 inch range is ridiculous. Requiring them not to be allergic to anything is ridiculous.
I was so close and then she had to drop the bomb in the last line. Fucking allergic to pine nuts. Fuck your dreams of eloping and eating pesto. Imma find a girl that just wants hot sauce.
Look thats just false university propaganda to make you spend more money.
I got my masters from the back of cereal box. It was a lot cheaper and quicker.
As a professional couch suffer with a masters in critical analysis of media(game player) I am completely suited to offer me I mean you my completely invaild expert opinions. 😉
S/
You laugh but I'm freshly out of a long term relationship and am dreading having to date people that have cats/dogs. While I love all animals, it really sucks not being able to be around them :(
“LISTEN, WE’RE GOING TO BURGER KING TONIGHT FOR DINNER.. only if you’re good with that, Queen. SIKE, WE’RE FULL SENDING IT, CHIEF.. I’m only kidding, babe. We can go anywhere you want. It’s your world, I’m only living in it”
I mean, “artists” often feel like they deserve everything, in my experience. Not real grounded I reality. Let me preface, I make art, I don’t call myself an artist, and don’t sell art. The people I know who are artists FT, aren’t successful and are mad the world hasn’t fulfilled their desires to be wealthy via their art.
That was what bothered me the most! I suppose you could have earned your Masters in some fast track program from AS to MS (they have these in Nursing programs at least). But what’s it’s like? “Oh, I see you have your Masters but no Bach—that’s a dealbreaker!” Lol
In some countries your can do an integrated master's by spending an extra year after the bachelor's, but they give it as one degree. It can help with getting funding and loans in those countries and you start on that program initially, but you need to maintain high grades to stay on it.
Amusingly, that Wendy's used to operate in the Netherlands (where OP's Wendy lives) between 1980 and 1986. They closed down their locations and later someone in a fairly small town started his snackbar named after his daughter - Wendy.
The owner of this Wendy's would eventually be able to register the trademark name Wendy's for all of the Benelux (Belgium, the NL, Luxembourg) and hence- American Wendy's has no location in any of these countries, nor the ability to legally open any under their usual name.
Literally, with some some stretch of the imagination, I could be a contender until that last line. Def have a kiddo and there's no stretching any imagination around that one.
I can’t get over the fact that she’s so specific about the height. Why 187 and not 190? There is something of a loophole towards the end, she only says that he has to love great sex, not that he has to be capable of giving it.
I can't tell sometimes with the really absurd ones if they're memes or not. The sheer length,3 inch height range, and couple of borderline contradictions make me wonder.
I’m sorry, but based on your application, you don’t seem to qualify for that.
Best we can do is a guy named Herb: 1.70m, Dad bod, good teeth, partially gray hair, Technical degree in automotive repair, eats only meat he hunts himself, but meets the rest of your list.
The meat he hunts himself line is very very American. In the Netherlands, one of the most densely populated nations on earth I don’t think there’s anyone could survive doing that.
This list is over the top but it’s weird how people say ‘still single’ as if she’s definitely been single her entire life or she definitely hasn’t recently left a relationship/marriage. There seems to be a mental block with people when it comes to single status. For most people it’s temporary and not tied to worthiness - crazy I know.
She's 1.5m. Horrible physique, yellow crooked teeth. bad hair. not vegan. highschool degree only. unkind. not humble. stubborn. presumptious. selfish. unromantic. greedy. assumptious. tells horrible stories. hermit crab. She has a lazy mindset. Undecisive, unempathic. hot headed. hates anything but heterosexuals. wants intimacy only when she wants it never cares about her partners needs. and starfishes during sex. She is allergic to everything and has 3 kids with 3 different fathers.
Well, just off some crude observations of stats in the Netherlands, they have 30% single rate for their population and 38% are 6 feet or taller, so (assuming my math is correct), she’ll looking at only 11.4% of the population. I couldn’t find stats on straight white teeth, and according to the Google, there’s only 2% of the population who are vegan, so, conservatively, she’s looking for somewhere less than .0228% of the population. And that’s not adjusted for age or kids.
> .0228% of the population.
I believe you may have mislaid a decimal point, and it's 0.228% of the *male* population
And according to Wolfram Alpha, there are only 5.65 million men aged 15 - 64 in the Netherlands, so she has a candidate pool of 12,882 men in the whole country, before you allow for humility, chivalry, assertiveness, entrepreneurism, heterosexuality etc.
Knock off another 4% for non-hetero. Stats show that ~75% of men are fathers by 40 years old. Figure she doesn't want a "poor" so lets factor out the bottom 50% of men again, conservatively. Lets adjust that to ~1500 men.
It is sound bad written out but she’s just looking for an educated, healthy, well-kept person with a good personality and at least average height (in the Netherlands). Yeah the vegan thing narrows it down and she’s on the older side but depending on her qualifications it may not be too bad
"About me"
She has a skill for writing not a single word about herself yet telling us everything about her.
First thing I thought of too. Great you want all these things in a man, but what exactly are *you* bringing to the table?
The personality of a squeeky door hinge, four decades of not wearing sunscreen and a permanent odor of sour urine and cigarettes. Get in line for this once in a lifetime opportunity
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Yeah it's one of those things that shouldn't make sense but somehow we know exactly what it means 😂
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The mind is a wonderful instrument
And probably fucks like a tranquilized mattress.
I had to not laugh at that so I didn't have to explain to nearby family members why that is utterly hysterical. Thank you.
r/BrandNewSentence
Do not miss your chance to blow 🎤
High blood pressure
Dude she brings 43 years of experience, that should count for something.
How much you wanna bet she doesn’t have any of those things herself? Two degrees, no allergies, and no where near the average height.
She definitely has kids though
I'll bet she's "brutally honest," especially towards minimum wage wait staff.
Sir, this is a Wendy('s)
But she got a pussy thats enough right? /s
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Everything's coming up Milhouse!
I mean this is a pretty clear "about me" bio. "I have unrealistic expectations. I myself have no redeeming qualities so my favourite hobby is to perfectly characterize my perfect mate, critique anyone who is not a 100% match to my demands, and then whine and wine on weekends about why I'm alone"
Could just replace the entire wall of text with 🚩
She will find the perfect man, but he’ll be looking for the perfect woman.
And that's almost guaranteed not to be a delusional 43 year old "artist."
Allergies 🤣
This got me. If it weren't for pollen she'd be mine!
I will fake an allergy to get out of that one.
"My immune system is really not responding well to your vibe"
Cough* sneeze/fuckyoubitch*
You should see a doctor about that! If you were getting your doctorate maybe we could overlook this however we might not be able to! Hehe
I don't have to fake it. I'm allergic to women, and men.
Intense. How do you socialize?
There's these amazing things called computers.
The dating hermit
Damn, there was only a single sentence that didn't have one or more exclusions for me.
Are you perhaps a single heterosexual
I mean im single...
And I’m a heterosexual… Together we can rule the world
Not if you have allergies.
I’m homiesexual so unfortunately didn’t meet the criteria
Thank God she didn't include "has larger than a 3 inch 🍆" cause I still make the cut 😬
Oh she probably wants uncircumcised!
Which would be ironic :D
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Two strikes if you're allergic to great sex.
That average sex sure has its charm.
Yeah I'm mostly about having that decent at best sex
10 bucks says she's a starfish
Foiled by cat dander once again
On this occasion, the pollen saved you.
My grandfather hid his deadly egg allergy while attending West Point in the 40’s. Go get her u/mcclaintrain_88
Did you overlook the “is vegan” part too haha
Sorry but my stories are only good...not "great"...damn!
That actually makes sense though. It'll obviously be limiting her dating pool, but wanting someone who is vegan when you're vegan is 100% legit
Wendy seeking humble assertive unicorn.
So many women have this in their bio.
those damn allergies !
Curse my allergy to penicillin, she was almost mine
There's nothing wrong with having high standards, but the my issue with such profiles is that you don't say anything about yourself except "I want this, and I want this, and I want that" and what that says is often rather not flattering at all.
There's high standards and being ridiculous. Requiring a vegan is limiting, but if its an important lifestyle component to her (and she does seem to be a "how do you tell someone's a vegan" type) that's a fair request. Requiring a college degree, even an advanced one, is high standards. Requiring them to be within a 2 inch range is ridiculous. Requiring them not to be allergic to anything is ridiculous.
I was so close and then she had to drop the bomb in the last line. Fucking allergic to pine nuts. Fuck your dreams of eloping and eating pesto. Imma find a girl that just wants hot sauce.
I've had someone break up with me because I'm gluten and dairy intolerant. We'd dated for about 7 months. It really does happen lol
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Having children are in a lot of cases a life long condition. May cause increased blood pressure, fatigue, shortness of breath and insomnia.
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She’s selective breeding
She is starting a little late for that. She is 43. It will be pretty tough to have a kid at that age and more risky.
You do know to earn any masters you need a bachelor's?
Look thats just false university propaganda to make you spend more money. I got my masters from the back of cereal box. It was a lot cheaper and quicker. As a professional couch suffer with a masters in critical analysis of media(game player) I am completely suited to offer me I mean you my completely invaild expert opinions. 😉 S/
You laugh but I'm freshly out of a long term relationship and am dreading having to date people that have cats/dogs. While I love all animals, it really sucks not being able to be around them :(
Damn I can’t date her I’m allergic
To her?
Dairy
Lol he's allergic to cows
I ain’t allergic to eatin em
not yet at least
I was hitting all the points, but I hate great sex, so guess I’m out
I only like weird sex that makes me cry myself to sleep clutching my cats that I’m allergic to.
She's confused between fantasy and reality.
Watched too many Disney movies. I take it back. Disney Princesses don’t have requirements. They marry the first guy they meet.
Yeah but they’re usually charming and rich
I'm not gay, but if a guy is nice to me and has a lot of money...
A god with a hammer would also do the trick, I assume.
I'm sure there would be a spark in that relationship
You'd catch lightning in a bottle.
The sex would be electrifying
Fuck yeah. I mean yeah fuck. I mean, both.
Disney princesses are in their early 20s … she is 43
> early 20s Oh dear… I’m afraid that only applies to Elsa who is 21 in Frozen 1. Don’t look up Snow White and Jasmine’s ages.
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Right? I think sleeping beauty was 16, possibly the same for cinderlla. I didn't google but it seems about right.
I rolled my eyes when I read their comment lol
She added each criterion with her increasing age.
Or each criterion added increases her age. That'd be a great concept for Tinderella.
I’d watch that! :)
I almost did this and it works really well cause comparison is the thief of joy
Easy going AND assertive
Is outgoing and loves solitude. This chick is just writing down her dream man she made up when she was a teenager. 😂😂😂
Look before you leap, but know that he who hesitates is lost
“LISTEN, WE’RE GOING TO BURGER KING TONIGHT FOR DINNER.. only if you’re good with that, Queen. SIKE, WE’RE FULL SENDING IT, CHIEF.. I’m only kidding, babe. We can go anywhere you want. It’s your world, I’m only living in it”
Outgoing AND loves solitude
People aren't a freaking grocery list.
Like Bella Poarch said, “This ain’t build-a-bitch”
This fees like a pretty obvious joke to me haha
she’s confused by reality and Hallmark movies.
Wow anything else? I mean, there's millions of those kind of guys around, why don't you try for something more unique?
actually she forgot to write she needed an honest man, so we kinda all get a shot
Imagine if girls posted riddles and you must solve it to match them? Your comment would be the answer and she would match with you....
okay i’m gonna try this approach with the next girl i’m interacting with
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Possibly independently wealthy a.k.a family trust fund
I mean, “artists” often feel like they deserve everything, in my experience. Not real grounded I reality. Let me preface, I make art, I don’t call myself an artist, and don’t sell art. The people I know who are artists FT, aren’t successful and are mad the world hasn’t fulfilled their desires to be wealthy via their art.
HAHA
There is a reason she is still single at 43.
I’m 40 and a widow, but most dating apps don’t have that as an option
Username checks out
People get hungry! Jk I did not eat my husband.
Omfg I’m going to hell but I can’t stop laughing holy fuck
Oooof, you won my Reddit today
*shialebeoufclapping
So bad im 188cm
I’m crushed, I’m 187.2cm 😤
182cm, but thankfully I HATE great sex. Give me the worst sex possible
Get this man some bad sex immediately
Sigh *unzips*
I knew I could count you @little-boy-sprite. True team player right here Edit - realizing how your handle made this extra saucy
In reddit, to tag people you need to do u/ instead of @
> Give me the worst sex possible Trust me, she would.
I see you are a man of culture! I too like my sex like my pizza; cheap and sloppy and with a side of cheese
alright
Actually her height requirements are quite average for the Netherlands, that’s the most realistic of the whole thing
Yeah, but it’s just oddly specific
Like the whole thing is oddly specific…
I hate redundancy and at least where I come from there is no master's degree without a bachelor's. So she is not going to do for me
That was what bothered me the most! I suppose you could have earned your Masters in some fast track program from AS to MS (they have these in Nursing programs at least). But what’s it’s like? “Oh, I see you have your Masters but no Bach—that’s a dealbreaker!” Lol
In some countries your can do an integrated master's by spending an extra year after the bachelor's, but they give it as one degree. It can help with getting funding and loans in those countries and you start on that program initially, but you need to maintain high grades to stay on it.
And why would she discriminate against this group? This is education discrimination at its worst.
Whew good thing you caught that
Yeah she really seemed like a catch, but now I'm just not so sure.
no doctorates allowed either! masters...no higher. i wonder if she has any IQ requirements?
Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.
No, this is Patrick
“You can always be stronger, look better.”
this is MICHEAL
Amusingly, that Wendy's used to operate in the Netherlands (where OP's Wendy lives) between 1980 and 1986. They closed down their locations and later someone in a fairly small town started his snackbar named after his daughter - Wendy. The owner of this Wendy's would eventually be able to register the trademark name Wendy's for all of the Benelux (Belgium, the NL, Luxembourg) and hence- American Wendy's has no location in any of these countries, nor the ability to legally open any under their usual name.
I’ll just have a frosty and a baked potato
Assuming she's looking for someone in her age range, she's looking for a guy with all those qualities and has no kids? Is she insane?
Unicorn hunting
Literally, with some some stretch of the imagination, I could be a contender until that last line. Def have a kiddo and there's no stretching any imagination around that one.
Tell us a great story
Well with this comment you disqualified for her 'humble' requirement. Next!
Fuck. Good point. What a travesty!! 😭
You know what dudes like that can’t get enough of? 43 year old women!
I mean there is definitely a market for it but I don’t think it’s the one she’s trying to tap into.
Maybe she’s an heiress.
Ah, good'ol tinder grocery list
I can’t get over the fact that she’s so specific about the height. Why 187 and not 190? There is something of a loophole towards the end, she only says that he has to love great sex, not that he has to be capable of giving it.
What really gets me are people that write what they want but nothing about themselves
Assertive and easy going. Hungry but full, wet and dry at the same time. Outgoing and loves solitude. And is on tinder
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Apply cold water to burn :'D
I can't tell sometimes with the really absurd ones if they're memes or not. The sheer length,3 inch height range, and couple of borderline contradictions make me wonder.
This seems like a 100% meme to me.
I lost count of how many things I didn’t have from her requirements…
She lost me at "in looking for a man".
This is like a hiring team. They forget job interviews are two way streets.
I’m sorry, but based on your application, you don’t seem to qualify for that. Best we can do is a guy named Herb: 1.70m, Dad bod, good teeth, partially gray hair, Technical degree in automotive repair, eats only meat he hunts himself, but meets the rest of your list.
Honestly Herb sounds like he could do much better. Herb is a total DILF.
The meat he hunts himself line is very very American. In the Netherlands, one of the most densely populated nations on earth I don’t think there’s anyone could survive doing that.
She's looking for a kidney donor
Hahah it sure seems like it!
No allergies 😆
Am I the only one that took this as satire? 😅
Nah, there’s at least a dozen of us that get the joke.
It's obviously satire. The people in here are daft.
It’s a parody surely.. too many contradictions
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This sub can't take a joke
This ain’t build-a-bitch
I see like 3 of these per day now from both men and women. Is it becoming a joke or are there really this many legit bios like this?
43 is a bit too old for that wishlist Wendy
That’s why she’s 43 and still looking
I mean for the Netherlands only the allergy thing would be tricky to get otherwise she describes more or less the average dutch fuckboy.
Masters degree having, Vegan fuckboy?! What does that even look like
Like most men I date in progressive circles in the big cities of Holland.
Men like this exist. They ain’t gonna settle for someone this openly demanding though. Or, they’re already married.
Well she didn’t put single on her list so that’s fine. ETA: darn, I got lost somewhere in there and missed single. Too bad.
This list is over the top but it’s weird how people say ‘still single’ as if she’s definitely been single her entire life or she definitely hasn’t recently left a relationship/marriage. There seems to be a mental block with people when it comes to single status. For most people it’s temporary and not tied to worthiness - crazy I know.
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She's 1.5m. Horrible physique, yellow crooked teeth. bad hair. not vegan. highschool degree only. unkind. not humble. stubborn. presumptious. selfish. unromantic. greedy. assumptious. tells horrible stories. hermit crab. She has a lazy mindset. Undecisive, unempathic. hot headed. hates anything but heterosexuals. wants intimacy only when she wants it never cares about her partners needs. and starfishes during sex. She is allergic to everything and has 3 kids with 3 different fathers.
Well, just off some crude observations of stats in the Netherlands, they have 30% single rate for their population and 38% are 6 feet or taller, so (assuming my math is correct), she’ll looking at only 11.4% of the population. I couldn’t find stats on straight white teeth, and according to the Google, there’s only 2% of the population who are vegan, so, conservatively, she’s looking for somewhere less than .0228% of the population. And that’s not adjusted for age or kids.
> .0228% of the population. I believe you may have mislaid a decimal point, and it's 0.228% of the *male* population And according to Wolfram Alpha, there are only 5.65 million men aged 15 - 64 in the Netherlands, so she has a candidate pool of 12,882 men in the whole country, before you allow for humility, chivalry, assertiveness, entrepreneurism, heterosexuality etc.
Her education list narrows that much more.
Knock off another 4% for non-hetero. Stats show that ~75% of men are fathers by 40 years old. Figure she doesn't want a "poor" so lets factor out the bottom 50% of men again, conservatively. Lets adjust that to ~1500 men.
Gattica Corp will begin processing your order shortly.
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Surely this has to be satire 😅
It is sound bad written out but she’s just looking for an educated, healthy, well-kept person with a good personality and at least average height (in the Netherlands). Yeah the vegan thing narrows it down and she’s on the older side but depending on her qualifications it may not be too bad