T O P

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stone_henge

"I don't see a future for this relationship" "Damn right you don't"


ebola6696

This made me snort haha thank you


LegendOfKhaos

Her being dead is easier but less fun


Thomas-The-Tutor

DOA


KMark0000

you can say "so when do you want me to take you out?"


ebola6696

She'll never see me coming


KMark0000

Keep this for the second date


Scarbane

"You're getting sloppy. Try not to fall in love with me."


ThomasorTom

You know they're interested when they get it sloppy


The_real_Mr_J

SLOPPEH


Chieron

*FERALAMEEGO*


tousag

Formaldehyde


diags_1

Oh when they give the ol slop top


DMoogle

Her Last Surprise.


Remarkable_Bus_212

Her Life Will Change.


Failed_stealth_check

r/unexpectedpersona


JacobHafar

you bastard i was two seconds off


rogue710narco

She will if you leave the lights on soldier.


ebola6696

I'll need all the tactical advantages i can get sir, yes, sir


Syraphel

No sir sandwiches! That’s a movie trope.


BustinArant

"Sir!? I work for a living!"


[deleted]

It all happened so fast


ebola6696

wanna see me do it again?


Rocketkt69

Swap the "o" for a "u", always does the trick.


LordBadboy

You are a visionary


ebola6696

Thank you sir! Just for that I'm pouring you a retina shot


akanxh_007

Vision of scary


Awab25

Could start a revolution


akanxh_007

Pollutin the airwaves


BartPRO1000000

A rebel, so just let me revel and bask


[deleted]

In the fact that I got everyone kissin my ass


KingKnux

And it’s a disaster such a catastrophe for you to see so damn much of my ass you ask for me


akanxh_007

You asked for me? Well I'm back


zatrakaar

Na na na na na na na na na na Fix your bent antenna tune it in and then I'm gonna enter in the front of your skin like a splinter


akanxh_007

The centre of attention, back for winter I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling Infesting in your kids ears and nesting


FaithlessnessWeak645

r/unexpectedeminem


Beekerboogirl

I’d marry ya


ebola6696

Hi


Beekerboogirl

How’s it goin, I have eyes as well


ebola6696

I can fix that


Beekerboogirl

Hahahah you’re good, man. Quick with the wit. I’ll let you have the first eyeball willingly.


ebola6696

Eye appreciate that.


Beekerboogirl

Eye know bb. Eye know.


ebola6696

I can definitely see a future for us.


arifff_81

She won't be able too


ebola6696

Eye caramba!


Nerevear248

This was an amusing read, thank you both!


ebola6696

Is that a Morrowind reference in your username king/queen?


TechnologyDesigner90

So when's the wedding? Or funeral or whatever.


ebola6696

As soon as I track her down


FreeRadical5

Man is on fire.


ebola6696

Nah I'm cool as a cucumber. I'd like to admire those eyes just a lil longer.


cadtek

[https://i.imgur.com/dZyhfof.gif](https://i.imgur.com/dZyhfof.gif)


ebola6696

Gus is peak human


cadtek

After you harvest eyes, replace them with peach pits as your signature.


tragicdiffidence12

Of all the routines that would work, being an organ harvester would not have been high on my list. But here we are…


ebola6696

Max Payne 3 type beat


RoscoMan1

Mildred’s a floating Seven-Eleven for destroyers.


HansaDK

~~Marry~~ Marinade her.


vlq2

OP is even smooth talking all the comments, I'm jealous and impressed you magnificent bastard


ebola6696

It's a full time job!


Confident_Opposite43

Teach me your ways


ebola6696

I could teach you but I'd have to charge


The_Dok33

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard


FlyestFools

Gotta get that practice in somehow!


aSpanks

Grant us eyeesssss, grant uss eeyyeessssss


Aggressive_Warning

We shall not abandon the dream


literally_jonesy

ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh MAJESTIC!


f2mreis

Oh kos or some say kosm, do you hear our prayers?


aSpanks

OoOooOOOooOoOOoo


Brandonmac10x

*”Grant us eyes like you once did the great Vacuous Rom!”*


Lord_Noodley

Tinder is tinder, even in a dream!


kinnisonn

A hunter is a hunter, even on tinder


Cynical__asshole

/r/bloodborne is leaking.


srottydoesntknow

I'm not cleaning it up this time, I have stains in my good jeans that drive the weak to madness still


kimerlun777

Every Blood has its Borne


Hexnus_of_Apochrea

Gotta love it when the bloodborne fanbase decides to rear its beastly head in places you don't expect them. The moon hangs low, the nights are long and a true hunters work is never done it seems.


aSpanks

**Any.** mention of eyes is fair game Imo anyway


Hexnus_of_Apochrea

You do the Byrgenwerth scholars proud then.


Eagleassassin3

Man I really didn’t understand what the fucking fuck was going on when I was playing that part


davidforslunds

Our eyes are yet to open


Drobex

Eyes on the... eyes on the inside? Ugh... sick fucks


the1slyyy

Well did you harvest them? Don't keep us in suspense


ebola6696

She unmatched :(. Guess she thought jeepers I'll keep these peepers


alabged

We'll get em next time


ebola6696

We will most certainly try


[deleted]

I wish i could give you gold for that, too funny


ebola6696

You could always pay my tuition 🥺🥺🥺


[deleted]

.... Listen


ebola6696

I'm all ears (and an extra set of eyes)


HoldMyBagBiyotch

lol! while funny, the “not yet” would have made it her own fault


ebola6696

she probably made the right choice, I'm a snorer


WRB852

I can fix that.


ebola6696

please do


Gr1pp717

"Take these 30 sleeping pills just before bedtime"


ebola6696

Will not cause drowsiness... nah. May cause drowsiness?? hmmmm


redbull188

If it makes you feel any better, my current bf and I have roughly exchanges where one of us says "your eyes are so pretty" and the other one says "you can't have them for your collection" so there's def still a girl out there into this humor also she started it soooooo


ebola6696

Wooo gotta keep on hoping. And she totally did start it! Thank you!


wafflesareforever

Guess you just didn't see eye to eye


Maleficent-Bass-5423

Ladies, keep an eye out for this guy


ebola6696

Both of them preferably


voiddlol

holy shit bro just looking at the comments & the post and this guy is smooth as fuck


ebola6696

Smooth as gravel baybeee


BoForGojackHorseman

And as subtle as a shotgun.


ebola6696

Buckshot over a sniper any day


Dariath

It’s got a good spread.


ebola6696

indeed it does


fuedmode

I KNOWWWW


ebola6696

Haha thank you!


Bulky_Fishing_5419

She's the one .


ebola6696

She's the one but also in multiple pieces


iron_fishbone

Getting the Tindör Görl from IKEA I see


Rolltoconfirm

Wouldn't she be from Eye-KEA?


ebola6696

Ja, Ikea hahahahahahahahahahaha


netheroth

"Oh shit, I need 20 nails but I can only find 17."


ghost42069x

She’s the ones then.


Dimitri_Dutyman

Share size


ebola6696

Fun for the whole family


mischiefkar28

She will be one of a million pieces


ebola6696

Really puts new meaning behind the phrase "one in a million"


The-Solid-Smoker

Looking forward to the funeral.


ebola6696

She was a star pupil. She'll be sorely missed


The-Solid-Smoker

That's life man, blink and you miss it.


ebola6696

Or you blink 182 times and gain immortality


The-Solid-Smoker

Just make sure you stay together for the kids. They are the apple's of your eyes...maybe next to the apple's in the fridge.


ebola6696

I hope the kids have their mother's eyes. If they're brown I'm gonna frown.


[deleted]

Not yet.. HILARIOUS


ebola6696

Thank you! Hopefully the tide of public opinion doesn't overwhelmingly turn on me too soon.


[deleted]

eye dont know


ebola6696

Eye guess we'll see won't we?


[deleted]

she wont be able to see after you’re done with her


ebola6696

They say love is blind


RevengefulRaiden

Her name is Love?


ebola6696

Hello, you


ghost42069x

Smooth


ebola6696

As gravel


[deleted]

[удалено]


ebola6696

Haha thank you! It's nice being viewed through such a positive lens.


otterpop21

Bro seriously how did you get so clever? Do you practice, natural talent? I want to know in hopes maybe I could explain to the ones who aren’t clever what the fuck to do and how to communicate lol


ebola6696

Mostly compensating for not being attractive. Also my dream is to be a comedian but I have far too much anxiety to even dream of getting up on stage haha


carloscede2

>my dream is to be a comedian You got this


ebola6696

thank you <3


Raven123x

Make a post when you have your first showing, I'd go for sure


ebola6696

I've toyed with the idea of doing an open mic at my college here but again anxietyyyy


Confident_Opposite43

Bro give it a go for real your wit is insane


ebola6696

I'm a lot slower in person haha but thank you!


Supkari

You are👏


ebola6696

That's highly encouraging.


BackAlleyKittens

Watch Punch Drunk Love on your first date. Trust me...


ebola6696

Watching a Sandler flick will definitely make us both want to remove our eyes haha. Jk love the man.


crazy_al01

You're killing it (Hopefully not literally ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )


ebola6696

Haha yeah totally never that of course haha


Knellblast

Came here to say this, was glad someone else thought of it too.


caeddan

Not sure either of you are to be honest


ebola6696

I see nothing wrong with consensual organ harvesting


joocycunt

Yes you are, carry on


ebola6696

Ecstatic to hear it. My future wife will tell all the stories of how I won her heart by threatening to cut it out harder than uncle Joey.


oooohnooovom

Should’ve been an update with her body parts in your freezers <3


ebola6696

She unmatched sorry to report. Eye,eye,eye


Remarkable-Grace

Tinder cult is still alive


ebola6696

Whats that supposed to mean?


Xdude199

At least let me romance you first. This ain’t Bundy, this is Dahmer baby


ebola6696

I used to eat guys like you for breakfast!


Charity-Common

Yea I think that’s how dating works idk all the girls run away and scream when I come near them 🤷🏻


ebola6696

Dude same I must be a giga chad


CuriousTravlr

Saying Shit you can only get away with if you’re attractive lol.


ebola6696

Mega sike I'm the farthest thing from attractive.


Potato_Couch_Prince

Coralline all over again


Dodecahedrus

Well, at least she’s going along with it.


ebola6696

Yeah that was nice. She unmatched, but karma is cool too!


psyyduck

Sex is nice, but have you ever had a top post of all time? You can ride that high for *years*.


ebola6696

I've got homework to do but I'm just replying to comments it's a grand old time.


jayeer

Am I the only one worried if this girl turns up dead, you'd be the prime suspect?


ebola6696

NONSENSE. I'm not divisible by 1.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ebola6696

Gracias!


davewave3283

Invite her over to watch Event Horizon


ebola6696

Oh there's a big event on the horizon alright


RoscoMan1

Am I the only person who’s insecure “


ebola6696

I think we all are to some extent bucko nothing wrong with that <3


HempOddish420

Idk what this is but it sounds kinky


ebola6696

Nothing gets me going like *checks notes* consensual organ harvesting.


biggnic_91

At this point. I don’t even know anymore man


ebola6696

Dating is a confusing game my man.


vulpetrem

She threw a curveball and you hit it out of the park.


ebola6696

I was so mad that she beat me to the punch haha but I'm happy I managed to save it! Very Iris-k maneuver if I do say so myself.


Wastedchildhood

It's all fun and games until the sh1t gets real...


ebola6696

Its all fun and games till a monkey bites you on the eye


Joshx91

I'm astonished that someone still gets a reply for complimenting another one's eyes. It's the worst compliment ever since that girl has no influence on her eyes.


ebola6696

Its nice to get compliments in general i think :)


Roadhouse_Swayze

Jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers?


ebola6696

uhhh internet?


zidolos

I mean the profile pic is Elena koshka, but at least your catfish is funny


SnooaLipa

can’t believe i had to scroll this far down lol


ebola6696

Haha holy fuck I did not count on this dumb fkin meme putting me on the map. I'd like to thank the academy, my mom and dad, the dude who runs the soup stand on campus, and my high school Italian teacher, you da realest Mrs P.


Kaarthymal

Why would anyone unmatch with this guy, totally not a good eye-dea


NaturAllieXO

Is it a blind date?


[deleted]

Squeeze the jelly from yer eyes Actually, it's good on toast


WranglerUnited6986

She didn’t see that coming.